#every fucking day for 3 and a half months my feet hurt so bad after work

[miss--river]

people arent meant to be on their feet for 8+ hours a day

[ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds]

Too Late I'm Dead

After rushing out from a Jigsaw survivors meeting, you meet another survivor who isn't exactly intent on attending group therapy. A companionship blossoms, and then a friendship. And then, something else.

Rating: Explicit, NSFW 🔞 Fandom: Saw Pairing: Amanda Young x AFAB!Reader Word count: 5.1K Content warnings: Gore, mentions of self-harm (both in the Jigsaw trap context and the more typical context), trauma, PTSD, angst, discussions of disability (since a lot of Jigsaw traps are disabling), Saw is its own warning, smoking, alcohol consumption, flirting, kissing, making out, biting, vaginal fingering, friends to lovers, as is Saw tradition gay shit goes down in the bathroom, reader is AFAB but gender neutral AO3 link: Here

Author's Note: And here’s Blood Fest Week 3, with the keywords “twisted” and “fixation” and the prompts “traps” and “rage”!! “Traps”, of course, got me thinking about Saw. And since I’m down terribly bad for Amanda and have seen appallingly few fics for her…. well, why not? Underrated characters are kind of my signature anyway. Hope y’all enjoy! <3

“Hi everyone. My name is Brandon and…. I’m a Jigsaw survivor.”

A subdued chorus of Hi Brandons echoed around the small church room. You barely even bothered to mouth the words. The gesture felt about as empty as the tipped over plastic water bottle you’d discarded by your chair some time ago. There was coffee at the sad makeshift snack table too, as well as a box of pastries that looked a few days past their prime, but you figured you didn’t need the caffeine to make you any more jittery than you already were. Your leg was bouncing enough as it was.

“It’s been about a year since uh. Well.” Brandon smiled nervously and made a vague, fluttery gesture with his hands. “Well. You know.”

A quiet, obligatory response from the other people – a murmur, a nod of heads. You stared at your bouncing knee.

“I’ve made great progress with my recovery. My knees have healed really well. I can fully walk on them again, even run if I’m careful. My dog Rex doesn’t really like it when I’m careful though.” He laughed fondly. A couple others offered the obligatory chuckle. “They hurt if I get too eager with stairs. Or if it’s too humid. But it’s going really well. I’m really, really proud of the progress I’ve made.” He nodded, as if assuring himself.

He’d had to break both his knees in order to get out of his trap. Was in a wheelchair for months and only recently started moving around without it. Or so you’d been told.

You weren’t sure you’d be able to break your own knees.

“Somedays, though.” Brandon looked away from the loose circle you all formed. Blinked rapidly. “Somedays, it feels like I haven’t made any progress. Somedays it’s hard. Really hard. And it feels like I didn’t survive that trap. Or if I did, some part of me got left behind.”

Everyone else was nodding, some with sad, understanding smiles on their faces. Your own pulse thundered in your ears like a distant, approaching storm.

“It’s really hard to have hope on those days, but…. what else can I do?” He shrugged, a helpless smile on his face. “Give up? Wallow around in my own misery? I can’t live like that. No one can live like that. Not forever. You just have to choose. You have to make a choice, just like the choices we made to be here. You have to choose to live. You have to choose hope. Or else you just can’t survive.”

You shot to your feet, heartbeat pounding in your ears, chair scraping back. Every face in the room turned to look at you. The church felt too small. Your ribs felt too tight. You felt too…. seen.

Who was he to judge you for wallowing in what you’d fucking gone through?

You spun around and bee-lined for the exit.

The cool city air against your face was a relief as you barged through the church’s double doors. But you stopped in your tracks as you spotted someone else already there. A woman was sitting on the church stairs. She twisted around, eyebrows raised and half-hidden by the choppy, irregular bangs across her forehead.

“Uh. Hey,” you said, somewhat awkwardly.

She paused, as if uncertain. Of what? You weren’t sure. “Hey,” she eventually said back. Then, after another pause, she twisted further around, a frown crossing her features. “Is the meeting over?”

“No. I just needed some air.” Fuck, you needed something to calm yourself. You dug around in your jacket pockets until you found a lighter and a cigarette. “Um. Do you mind if I…?”

She stared at the cigarette in your hand with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher, but eventually shook her head no. You internally shrugged and lit up. The first drag uncoiled the tension that had built up in your muscles, and you breathed the smoke out on a relieved sigh.

The woman glanced between you and the church doors. “Having fun in there?”

Did she know? The place didn’t exactly advertise, but it wasn’t exactly a secret either. You scanned her face. She looked vaguely familiar, but you couldn’t quite place her. Had you seen her in the meetings before? “Oh, yeah, lots. You know. Fun therapy shit.” Supposedly, anyway. It was supposed to be some sort of Alcoholics Anonymous shit, but instead it was for the few survivors of an active fucking serial killer. Jigsaws Anonymous or whatever the fuck.

“Must be going well if you’re out here,” she said dryly, resting her chin on a propped-up fist.

You shrugged, taking another drag. “Well…” Did you really want to tell her about how Brandon’s words had hit just a little too close to home? How they’d made you feel too small, as if the sticks you’d used to prop up your fragile post-trap reconstruction of the world had suddenly snapped, and the weight of it all was now bearing down on you? She was a stranger waiting outside the church. She could’ve been some Jesus freak for all you knew.

Not that she really looked like one. Not with the sheer red shirt over a black bra and fishnet undershirt, or the combat boots, or the sheer exhaustion around her eyes.

She looked less like a Jesus freak and more like you did on the days you could bear to look in the mirror.

So you just shrugged again. “It can be a lot,” you said. “What about you? What’re you doing out here?” You hesitated. “There’re still seats open if you wanted to…”

“No thanks. I’m good.” She offered you a close-lipped smile. “I’ve heard enough of the sob-stories.”

Yeah. You could understand that.

She didn’t look like she was going anywhere, and you didn’t exactly have plans of your own. So you gestured to the stairs next to her. “Mind if I sit?”

“Be my guest.”

You sat to her right so the wind wouldn’t blow cigarette smoke into her face. The smooth grey stone steps were wide enough that it didn’t feel quite so awkward sitting in silence together. Even though you could feel her analyzing you as you took another puff.

You blew the smoke away and smirked dryly at the cigarette. “Think Jigsaw’s gonna put me in another deathtrap for smoking?” You ignored the tightening in your chest as you said the words. Ignored the tremor of unease. Surely it wouldn’t be enough. Surely lightning wouldn’t strike twice.

“He wouldn’t do that.” She said it with such simple certainty, as if it was an inarguable fact. Even still, you found yourself stubbing the cig out and searching for a trash can to toss it into. You didn’t want to just flick it into the grass. Maybe Jigsaw would get you for littering. Maybe he was really passionate about saving the planet.

Who needed to be God-fearing with the possibility of Jigsaw watching your every move?

You shook the thought off. Introduced yourself to the woman. You smiled awkwardly. “Um. I’d offer you my hand but my, uh–” Personal hell “–Trap involved a hand thing so. I’m not a big fan of handshakes these days.” It had taken a long time for the nerves to repair themselves in your hand. A long time and a shitton of agony and medication and physical therapy. You still hadn’t totally gotten rid of the tremor. Fine motorskills were still harder than before.

Before. That.

But the woman just gave a rueful, understanding sort-of smile. Funny how people smiled so much in the presence of trauma and pain. “Amanda. I still have trouble going to the dentist sometimes.”

Shit, that’s where you knew her from, wasn’t it? You’d heard of her, read about her before, seen a clip of her punching a journalist square in the nose when she tried to follow her. All the photos you’d seen had been such shit quality that you hadn’t recognized her immediately.

Amanda Young. The person who killed a man and rummaged around his guts to free herself from the machine hooked into her jaws. The first person to walk away from a Jigsaw trap. The first survivor. In a weird, fucked up way, it was almost like meeting a celebrity. A celebrity for the most depressingly specific thing possible.

You weren’t sure whether it would make things weird to bring that up. So you just nodded. “So. What’re you doing here then? Are you waiting for someone?”

“Mm no, not really.” Amanda scraped at the chipped black polish on her nails. “I just like to come here sometimes.”

You stared at her. Something about her reminded you of a deer, twitchy and ready to bolt at the slightest sign of danger. Or maybe not a deer. Deer looked like they’d snap in half if the wind blew too hard. Amanda…. did not. She was twitchy, but for some reason you got the feeling that she was just as likely to start kicking as she was to start running

Permanently caught between fight or flight.

You went with freeze, yourself. Or wallow, as Brandon had put it. Anger and embarrassment burned against your ribs.

“Hell of a place to visit.” You weren’t sure if you meant it as a light-hearted joke or a deadpan remark. The words came out somewhere in between.

“You’re one to talk.” She finally turned to you. It was the first time she’d actually met your eyes, you realized. “You actually believe all this bullshit?” she asked, gesturing to the church.

“Not really,” you admitted. “My therapist wanted me to go. Said it would help me to be around others who understand what I went through. That it would help me get closure or something. I didn’t want to. But he insisted.” You shrugged. He’d pestered you about it until you finally gave in a few weeks ago. He thought it would be good for you. Would help you heal. Really, it just made you want to fling yourself out of one of the church’s fancy stained-glass windows.

Amanda gave a derisive snort. You almost took offense until she said, “Half of the time these therapists don’t even know what they’re talking about. It’s a bunch of bullshit, too.” She propped her cheek on her fist again, giving you a side-long grimace. “People don’t change until they have to. Or until they’re forced to. A bunch of psychoanalyzing isn’t going to do anything.”

You…. strongly disagreed. But the slim scar peeking out from her sleeve kept you from saying that. “Bad experience with a therapist?” you asked, flicking your gaze away.

“It never really worked for me.”

“What did?” you asked cautiously.

She paused. Thought about it. Stared at you with an intensity that had you wondering what the hell was going on inside her head. Until eventually, “Jigsaw.”

You blinked. Stared. Tried to figure out how to respond to that.

She thought…. Jigsaw helped?

You didn’t want to judge. Fuck, that was exactly why you’d stormed out of the church. You were self-aware enough to realize that. Different things worked for different people, and different people responded to trauma in different ways, but….

The church doors squealed open. You both shot to your feet and turned around. Your fellow Jigsaw Anonymous members were leaving, the meeting over, spilling out from the doors with all the speed and excitement of molasses being poured out from a jar. You stepped to the side to let them come down the stairs. Amanda did the same, arm brushing yours, and you wrestled the urge to jerk away. You weren’t sure of the last time you’d actually touched someone, or the last time someone had touched you, aside from the gentle but coldly professional hands of doctors and emergency personnel. It was as startlingly foreign as it was familiar.

Amanda seemed completely unaware of your clashing emotions as her gaze locked onto something. You followed her stare to Brandon slowly making his way down the steps. A man with sandy-blond hair and a cane was with him, chatting, the both of them completely oblivious to either of you.

Did she know them? She was staring at them with such an undecipherable intensity and it was the only explanation you could think of. You glanced at the two men again, then back at Amanda. No… she wasn’t staring at them. She was staring at the blond man specifically.

It really wasn’t any of your business, but you couldn’t help but ask, “Do you two know each other?”

“Sorta,” was as much of a response as you got.

Once Brandon and the man reached the bottom of the ramp and went separate ways, Amanda turned back to you. It was just the two of you on the stairs now. And it was a little embarrassing how flustered you were just by her proximity. For fuck’s sake, you didn’t even know her.

Maybe your therapist was right. You did need to get out and be around people more. So you could remember how to fucking act normal again.

“Well.” Amanda bumped her arm against yours again. This time deliberately. You were pretty sure the facial expression you made was not a normal one. “See you round.”

Then she shoved her hands into the pockets of her cargo pants, hopped down the steps, and just. Walked away. You stared after her for longer than necessary.

She was impossible to get a read on. Weirdly confrontational, weirdly evasive, and weirdly magnetic anyway.

You kind of hoped you’d see her again.

She didn’t appear for the next few meetings you obligatorily dragged yourself to. It wasn’t until about a month later that you found her sitting out on the steps again. When you, again, had rushed out to clear your head when the room got too small.

“Hey stranger,” she said, tone somewhere close to teasing. It made you smile. Just a little.

“Hey,” you replied, approaching the stairs. And again, you gestured to the space beside her. “Mind if I join you?”

“Be my guest.”

And so you developed a bit of a routine. She appeared on the steps about once a month, for a reason she never shared and that you never really minded. You would sit on the stairs with her, and the two of you would shoot the breeze. It was a comfortable, casual companionship born from a common factor and convenience. It was never anything very deep. Neither of you were there for therapy, not really. You kept it light, casual. That was the point, wasn’t it?

At least until one day when Amanda was standing by the stairs before the meeting had even started. You didn’t bother to hide your surprise as you approached her and exchanged your usual heys.

“You coming in today?” you asked.

“No. I thought we could head somewhere else.” She tilted her head at you. There was a playfulness to her expression, her smile. A playfulness that made you both a little bit cautious and a little bit excited. “Somewhere a little more fun. Unless you want to stay here. For therapy.” She pointedly lifted her eyebrows at you as she said therapy.

You glanced at the church doors behind her. Really, talking to her about anything but the fact that you were both Jigsaw survivors had done a lot more for you than going to these stupid fucking meetings had.

“Only if you promise not to put me in a death game for smoking,” you joked. Or tried to, at least. It really wasn’t that funny. You winced at yourself. But Amanda, to her credit, just linked her arm through yours. You almost preened at the friendly touch.

“Deal,” she said.

She ended up taking you to a bar. A gay bar, more specifically. You were a bit surprised she’d clocked you so easily but never said a word – but then again, neither had you about her. So you supposed you couldn’t be too surprised.

From there, your casual companionship escalated into something much more like a genuine friendship. You got to know each other properly. You talked about your personal lives and hobbies and interests. You even talked a little bit about Jigsaw, and everything after that. You told her how you’d been struggling with insomnia and how you’d lost your job when you stopped showing up. Because of, y’know, being stuck in a deathtrap. And being too terrified to set foot outside your door for a while after. You told her about the new job you’d gotten and struggled to adjust to. And you told her about your hands.

Nails through the palms Jesus-style. Because according to the hoarse voice on the tape that now haunted your nightmares – “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop”. She’d winced as you told her the story one evening. You’d winced as you’d recollected it. The pain shooting through your fingertips, up your arms, into your very fucking bones. The squelch of blood and muscle, the way you hadn’t been able to stop from screaming or the tears from spilling as you twisted and ripped your hands free of the metal spikes.

It was a miracle they didn’t introduced any infections into your bloodstream, the doctors had told you. A miracle.

You told Amanda how your hands still shook, were still a bit weak. How some days they were worse and some days they were better. And how fine motor skills had become hard now, whereas before you’d taken them for granted. God, had you taken them for granted. You’d been able to write your name, use a knife and fork, all that shit, so damn easily.

It had taken a lot of getting used to.

Amanda has just listened and nodded her head. Understanding. Not offering the grating sympathy people so often flung your way, all the while looking uncomfortably unsure of what to do with your presence and your hands and your experience and your trauma. But Amanda understood. Because of course she did. She knew what you’d been through and where you were coming from.

And she’d even smiled a bit mischievously, glancing down at your hands on the bar counter, and said, “Well, if you ever need help with anything, I’m pretty good with my hands. I could always lend a finger or two.”

Maybe it was the little smirk on her face, the glint in her eye when she said it. Maybe it was the loneliness and then the sudden friendship. Or maybe you’d just been a little too buzzed, but her words had remained lodged in your mind as you tried to go to sleep that night.

Amanda had shared things about herself, too, in the time you’d spent together. It had taken a little longer for her to open up – she was a bit slower, a bit more cautious. She seemed a lot more eager to listen than to do the talking. And you couldn’t fault her for that. But eventually, you learned that she worked as a mechanic, knew a lot about fixing and building machines and shit like that. She had a pet guinea pig that she’d acquired entirely by accident. His name was Pigeon. Her favorite color was red, her favorite bands were Nine Inch Nails and Hole, and her favorite movie was The Princess Bride. Her dad was a piece of shit she hadn’t seen in over a decade, and her relationship with her mom was strained at best. She was an only child.

You’d also learned more about her Jigsaw trap. How she’d become a drug addict in prison, how she’d woken up in a Jigsaw trap for it. How the little puppet with swirls on its cheeks had rolled out of the darkness on a tricycle and told her that she’d survived. And how she’d ended up in a trap a second time, a hellish prison of a house with several other people, most of whom had died.

The news had nearly brought your drink back into your throat. Lighting did strike twice after all. He did pick the same victims more than once.

God, maybe you really did need to quit smoking.

Amanda had placed her hand on your arm. Touch gentle but grounding all the same. And she’d assured you that that wouldn’t happen to you, Jigsaw wouldn’t choose you again. He had no reason to. She said it so confidently, and you so desperately wanted to believe her. That you wouldn’t be taken a second time. Or that she wouldn’t be taken a third. Not that she seemed too concerned about it.

That was the strange thing about her. When she told you about what had happened, she stared down at the counter. Her hands shook a little bit. The memory terrified her.

And yet…. she had this fixation on the idea that Jigsaw had helped her. The trap had gotten her off drugs. It had put her on a completely different path in life. Rather than dying from a drug overdose, she’d gotten clean. He saved me, she’d said, eyes wide and earnest and afraid.

You’d fought against the urge to argue that, to say No, he didn’t save you, he almost killed you. The idea of Jigsaw possibly helping – all while you struggled to sleep and were plagued by nightmares as you did, while you struggled to make your handwriting legible, while you fought the urge to bolt back home as soon as the sun started lowering in the sky? The idea felt like swallowing glass.

Had Jigsaw ever made anyone do that?

But you didn’t say any of that to her. People dealt with trauma in different ways. You supposed this was just her way of dealing with it. And it wasn’t really hurting anyone, so who were you to judge?

It certainly didn’t stop you from going to the bar with her regularly. It didn’t stop you from laughing with her, from getting close to her both emotionally and physically till the edge of your seats were almost touching and your arms were practically interlinked.

It didn’t stop the spark of warmth in your chest when she offered a genuine smile. Or the electric feeling that shot through your veins when she traced her fingers over your knuckles one night, after the conversation had lulled and your drinks had gone lukewarm.

“I wanna try something,” she said, voice soft enough that you would’ve missed it had you not been sitting so close your thighs were pressed together.

Eye contact right now would’ve been like staring into the sun. So instead, you stared at her hand on top of yours. Her knuckles were scratched up as if she’d gotten into a fight. “Sure,” you said slowly. “What did you have in mind?”

Amanda turned to you. You cautiously met her gaze. Christ, it really was like looking at the sun. Warm and beautiful but intense. Burningly intense.

Confusion turned to shock as Amanda hooked two fingers into the neck of your shirt and tugged you closer till her lips were hitting yours. You must’ve made a noise of surprise, because she drew away almost immediately. It was all you could do not to chase her and ask why did you stop? A small crease appeared between her eyebrows and she opened her mouth. And God for a second you thought she was going to apologize, when in fact she really didn’t need to because holy shit.

“Oh thank fuck,” you blurted. “You were flirting with me.”

Concern turned to surprise. Then Amanda laughed, the sound pure relief. “Yeah, I was. Did it take you that long to figure it out?” she teased.

“Uh.” Your face warmed. “Maybe.”

She grinned, then grabbed you by the shirt and kissed you again. Gentle but insistent. Her other hand curled around your nape. You didn’t know what the hell to do with your own hands until one curled around her back and the other ended up braced against the bar counter.

The bar counter. Right. You were very much in public. Sure, it was a queer bar, but it was still public.

So you reluctantly pulled away. Amanda looked confused for a moment before you said, “Hey, maybe we should… do this somewhere else?”

She blinked at you. Then, wordlessly, she wrapped a hand around your wrist and pulled you off your seat. She dragged you past the other patrons and tables – it was a quieter night, so you didn’t have to fight through a sea of people – and pushed through one of the bathroom doors, yanking you in with her and locking the door behind you.

“There,” she said. There was a look to her eyes, a look that made your heart stumble and your entire body go warm. “We’re somewhere else.”

This time when she kissed you, you let her fully take the lead. You slid your arms around her and melted into the kiss, sighing against her. It just made her more eager. She prodded at your lips with her tongue, slipped inside with a sweet little moan that had your heart racing. Sent your head spinning. You backed up till you hit a wall, dragging Amanda with because fuck you weren’t breaking this kiss. Not as she was getting to know you with her teeth and her tongue. She tasted like alcohol and peaches, smelled of loam and sweat and faintly of men’s store-brand bodywash. It was heady, intoxicating. Addicting.

Her hands slipped under your shirt. You shuddered at the exposure to the overly air-conditioned bathroom. Shuddered harder at her warm touch roving across your skin, the slight drag of fingernails over your stomach. Amanda broke the kiss with a wet smack as your muscles tensed underneath her.

“You’re so cute,” she teased. She dragged her fingernails over your skin again with just a little more pressure. You arced into her touch. Fuck. Fuck.

You wished you could come up with some kind of response. Something to convey just how much you were aching for her, both emotionally and physically. How badly and how deeply these emotions were running through you. But words were currently beyond your grasp.

Amanda leaned in and nibbled at your neck as her fingers slid past your waistband and teased the edge of your underwear. You clamped your teeth down on your bottom lip. Heat swirled through your veins, in your stomach, at the base of your spine. You moved your hips a little, just a little, to urge her on. Nails dug into the soft flesh there. A whimper escaped.

“Mandyyyyyyy.”

“Yeahhhhhhh?” She was all mischief and smugness as she looked back up at you. It just made you more desperate.

“Mandy. Please?” You gave her your best pleading look.

“You’re so impatient.” She said the words lightly, playfully. But she must’ve been impatient too, because she was pushing your underwear down. When her fingers brushed against your clit, you gasped and dropped your head back against the wall. Fuck, God, yes, right there –

“You sure you only just figured out I was flirting with you? You seem pretty fucking wet already.” She punctuated her words with a slide of her fingers against you. Because yeah, you were fucking wet. It would’ve been a little humiliating if you weren’t so achingly desperate for her touch.

“Yeah, well.” You drew in an unsteady breath as she circled your clit. A teasing touch that wasn’t quite enough. Fuck, it was impossible to form a coherent thought. “You’re just…. really fucking hot.”

It was hardly eloquent. But her breath puffed against your neck in a laugh. And you figured it would do for now.

She kissed the hollow of your throat, firmly rubbed her thumb against your clit. You practically bucked against her. Her other hand hooked under one of your thighs and lifted, and you threw your leg around her waist. Let out a moan at how it changed the sensation. “Yeah, like that,” Amanda breathed. “Just like that.” She said it as if you were touching her, as if she wasn’t the one doing all the work, wasn’t the one making you writhe and whimper and leak over her precise fingers.

Christ, you hadn’t felt this good in a while.

The pace was languorous, exploratory, testing what made you shiver and dig your nails into her shoulders and gasp for breath. As if she was intent on taking you apart and finding out exactly what got you going – a machine to figure out and put back together. Slowly, slowly, but in a way you savored, you felt the tension inside of you building up and coiling tight like a spring. You were quivering. Your clothes clung to your sweat-sheened skin. The music spilling into the bathroom from the bar wasn’t quite enough to cover the ragged breathing and wet, rhythmic noises, and it just made the whole thing feel even dirtier. Especially with how Amanda was panting against you, as if she was getting off just from you getting off and fuck it made you clench.

When she picked up the pace, you weren’t able to stop the gasps and moans that spilled out of you, the way you panted and pleaded her name. The sound of her fingers squelching against you had you burning. And when your release hit you cried out, clenching, shaking, clinging to Amanda’s shoulders and digging your nails in as you rode out the high. She didn’t stop, didn’t relieve the pressure against your clit. White hot pleasure burned through your body till tears pricked at your eyes. Distantly, she said something. Soft, sweet words that didn’t quite reach your ears as they rang from the intensity of your orgasm.

She only stopped when you went limp against her. Only pulled away from the mess you’d made – that she’d made too, really – to wrap her arms around your hips and kiss you, deep and slow, as if trying to commit you to memory. You lazily brushed your tongue against hers. Your muscles felt like taffy, worn out in the best way.

“You were right,” you said when you parted. “You really are good with your hands.”

Amanda grinned so widely and genuinely that you couldn’t stop yourself from capturing her lips again. Fuck. You might’ve been a little bit in love. Or maybe that was the post-sex endorphins talking. You weren’t sure. You didn’t particularly care either way.

“I think I owe you an orgasm,” you said.

Amanda brushed her nose against yours. For the first time since you’d met her, she actually seemed truly, fully relaxed. As if she’d properly lowered her guard just now, just in this moment, just for you. “Maybe next date.” The words sent a flutter through your chest. Next date. There’d be a next date. “But first,” she said, moving away to grab some paper towels, “we gotta get you cleaned up.”

[kaybreezy3000]

The Anti Hero's Pitfall of Arrogance

Five Hargreeves / Female OC

What happens when you disarm an exceptionally arrogant person, one that is a self-absorbed, teleporting, teenaged superhero?

The answer is not great things.

Get ready for a taste of Five like you've never had before...

(Chapters 5, 6, and 7 post to complete this story)

- This AU starts off when the Hargreeves are 16 and but is based off the show. It's going to give you a look inside Five's mind at that time of his life and not all of it is good, but I promise it's not all bad. I always make sure to give our boy his day to shine.

Warnings and Tags: sexually explicit content, flashbacks, teen bad behavior, survival horror, bad decisions, regret, POV Five, aggression issues, suffering, humor and angst and fluff, redemption, sweet Five and mean Five in same story, Dolores is a factor, hurt Number Five, Five makes fun and dirty check lists in this one, Young Five is really something, Plot twists and many tags left off to avoid spoiling the story.

Link to Chapters 1 and 2.

Link to Chapters 3 and 4

Chapter Five: Snowman

Phoebe Leroux = Undeniably Extraordinary.

When we were sixteen, I never even asked her last name before I enthusiastically felt her up and then aggressively stuck my dick down her throat.

Five Hargreeves = World’s biggest asshole.

My ax slams down through the log, the pieces fling to the side, falling in the pile at my feet.

Thanks to Phoebe, I still have both my feet, and I also have my life.

It has only been three months since the day she found me, and it’s already falling below zero at night and it’s not much better during the day. It went from a world so hot you could hardly breathe, to so cold I feel like I’m going to freeze my nuts off every time I’m out here.

With temperatures consistently this low, we are rapidly depleting our indoor supply of firewood. There’s plenty here thanks to our location and the home’s prior occupant and their neurotic preparations, but if we are going to keep our fire lit, one of us needs to come out and get more wood several times a day.

Even with Fee’s special warming powers, heating the one room cabin all night is something she’s not capable of. The second she’s asleep, she can’t control the temperature of anything other than herself and the things she’s touching. Unless we want to wake up in a room that feels like an icebox, we need a fire going in our stone hearth.

I slam the heavy ax back down again, splitting my last piece of wood, then I look back towards the house. The sun fell below the horizon over a half hour ago, but it was never sunny during the day and hasn’t been for two weeks. I had hardly noticed it was getting dark, but now I see that the ghostly shadows from the last hazy light are stretching across the yard, out from the equally haunted looking ruined forest to the west.

I’m sure Phoebe is wondering what in the hell is taking me so long. We have plenty of branches and larger dry pieces of wood already cut up. All I needed to do was go get them and that should have taken less than five minutes. I saw her peeping out the window, checking on me a few times, but I pretended that I didn’t see her.

Deliberately delaying going in, I slowly start stacking the wood in the drum of the wheelbarrow. I hate making her do everything, so I came out, but it’s also because I needed to clear my head. Unfortunately, even this cold fucking air isn’t helping set me straight.

Nothing is lately.

Once I go in, it’s going to be another one of those long nights, and the colder it gets, the closer we need to be and the harder this is.

Cart loaded; I stare blankly at the ground. I still can’t bring myself to go in. I am engulfed in a cloud of white vapor as I release another frazzled sigh. Arms dangling sulkily at my sides, I begin to aimlessly pace the open area of our yard.

After tossing a few rotten branches out into the brush pile, I wander over to the greenhouse and start inspecting a window I repaired over a month ago.

Fee finding his place, which is an entire survivalist’s estate that was featured on one of those dooms’ day preppers TV shows, once again proves how sheltered I was growing up, and how little I know about what regular people do in their free time. I never would have found this place without her and that’s because I never would have watched reality TV shows even if dad would have let us watch TV. Fee only saw the show once, but that was enough for her to remember it.

I glance up, looking back at the cabin again. I can see the glow of the oil lamp on our small kitchen table inside. She left it going for me. It’s like a signal, telling me I should get my skinny ass inside and stop being so stupid.

Still dawdling, I make my way around the glass grow-house, testing window frames that I already know will hold up just fine in the vicious winter winds since they already withstood the massive shockwaves that tore through this area five years ago.

When Fee found me, I was in Nowheresville Pennsylvania, but I was almost in bum-fuck West Virginia, which is where we are now at our posh hillbilly haven. This cabin was strategically built into the side of a rock cliff, and it is fully intact thanks to its fortified construction and because of its shielded location in the Alleghanian Mountains. The vast store of supplies that were stored underground are plentiful and unspoiled. There’s even a freshwater spring on property that tests in a much safer drinking range than anything I have had in the last five years. This is also where Fee found the off-road jeep that she used to recuse me.

This place is a huge blessing, but so is she. With Fee by my side, my life would be a million times easier no matter where I was.

During my first days here, I learned so many things about her, one being that she hadn’t been in this area very long which made her and I crossing paths even more of a miracle. The other thing I discovered, though I should have already known, is that she is inherently kind and compassionate and extremely sharp. She can take any problem and find a viable solution, continually surprising me with how fast and cleverly she can think outside the small box of numbers and figures my mind is used to operating in.

Staggering into the cabin that first night, I was completely at her mercy. I was still too weak to get up without her help and she pretty much had to carry me again.

She did everything for me. I never had to ask.

One of the nicest things she did (and there were many) was she washed my appallingly soiled and pathetically boney body. I hadn’t properly washed for weeks, so she had her work cut out for her. She cleaned and rewrapped my injured foot while I was knocked out from her glorious pain meds, but the rest happened the next morning after I woke up, after she made sure I ate my fill of breakfast first. She did it all in such a way to let me keep what was left of my dignity. Inch by inch, limb by limb, and other areas too, she kept me mostly covered as she bathed me with warm, soapy wash clothes.

With as close to death as I had been, it felt like I had died and went to heaven having that done to me.

She rinsed me and helped me dress in comfortable, fresh clothing. She ensured I ate again and even carefully cleaned and reclothed Dolores, always making sure she was by me, but never saying anything about my intense emotional and deep physical connection to her.

Fee could plainly see that I was broken and not just on the outside. She never pushed me to talk, or in any other way. She just took care of me.

It wasn’t until almost a week later that I lamely attempted to explain Dolores to her by revealing that I found her just two days after burying my family. If it wasn’t bad enough that I cried in front of Fee several times already, when I talked about those first days, I cried again. She still never showed any signs of judgment about my mind falling apart so fast, or my need to cling to something outside of me to pretend that I wasn’t alone.

Fee was so sweet about it all, and I still don’t know how to grasp that or everything I am feeling about her.

She always makes it her priority to take care of me. Even letting me be the one to come out here in the bitter cold took some convincing. I insisted that I had to take a leak, otherwise I knew she would have stuffed her feet in her boots and came out without even needing layer upon layer to keep her warm like I do.

Fee coddles me, but she has her reasons. One being that, since she found me, I am the weak link in this relationship.

That has to change.

Straightening my back, I walk back over to the loaded wheelbarrow. Digging the heels of my boots into the frozen ground, I thrust the handles down, forcing the weight onto the front tire so I can get it moving forward.

“Fuck,” I groan because it feels like every muscle in my body is being put to the test just to keep the stupid thing level. “I fucking hate wheelbarrows, they don’t make any fucking sense!” I shout out to no one because I’m nuts. At least I’m getting stronger again, but I have a long way to go in the brain department and physically.

It took three days after nearly dying before I could walk normally on my own. Phoebe would stay with me most of the time if I was awake, keeping me company by reading to me until I dozed off again. It was as if she knew my mind was badly troubled by things I couldn’t articulate and she was trying her best to help me run from my demons even for just a little while.

Sadly, I couldn't escape the horrors I had been through no matter how much I enjoyed listening to the soothing rhythm of her voice.

On day two, when I was doing so much better, and I was awake most of the day. We talked more and more, but mostly I listened. I had little to tell her other than where I’d been since coming here, which wasn’t very far compared to her.

I learned that after our first fateful encounter, Fee went on to do many things, including getting her citizenship. Life wasn’t easy for her or what many would call conventional, but like she said the day I met her, she is extremely resourceful, and like now, she got things done no matter what and she survived.

Phoebe traveled the world, often with hardly a dime to her name. She had many jobs related to performing and music, and many that didn’t. She is the kind that radiates happiness, and people naturally gravitate to that, so there were plenty of interesting friends made along the way and even some people that sound like they were more than friends, though she didn't elaborate on those relationships. I had nothing similar to share, so I just listened, imagining her free spiritedly drifting through her life.

During our many talks, Fee has always been forthcoming, but she always keeps her stories positive in nature and I think it’s for my benefit. She doesn’t want to make me think of more bad things. But even with my lack of understanding people, I can tell that her inability to settle any one place very long wasn’t simply because she didn’t want to. It was out of necessity.  

She virtually had nothing, and she never told anyone about what she could do. Only her mother had known. Putting herself out there like that in the public eye could have changed everything for her when it came to money worries, but it also would have meant living a life under constant scrutiny and expectations. She’d seen with my family what kind of exploitation could happen if suddenly the world knew you had superpowers.

Fee was scared to tell anyone the truth and that prevented anyone from ever really knowing her.

She wanted a normal life, but sadly it seems you can’t escape the isolation of being born this way. Looking back, I realize that is in part why she felt it was so important to tell me about 'others' with powers; she had hoped telling me meant she wouldn't have to be alone. She was searching for someone that would understand and that she could trust.

It makes me sick thinking about that and how badly I messed that up.

The night the world ended, Phoebe was alone because she often was. She was backcountry camping along the Colorado River. Her campsite was in an open box canyon so there was nothing out there to crush her. She was laying there, contemplating her next moves in life, but she was also stargazing. To her horror, she saw what looked like our moon breaking apart. Then even more shocking, fire started raining down from the sky in all directions.

She told me how terrified she was and how that feeling didn’t get any better in the days after that. She survived because thanks to her powers, she can’t burn. She didn’t even know that till then, and that’s because in those first few hours after the initial blast, fire was taking everything that hadn’t already been destroyed. That part she said very little about and I can only imagine why. I arrived the next day and things and people were still burning but not like I am sure they were the day before.

The moon being blown apart makes no sense scientifically, but I believe her that's what happened. There’s no way our government agencies would have missed an enormous asteroid or a comet big enough to do that. That means something unnatural happened and I can’t help thinking my family was involved in some way. It’s just too coincidental that my home was blown to hell the day before, and that Luther was holding on to that eyeball.

After telling Phoebe my thoughts on that, it became our mutual goal to get back and do anything we can to try and save them, and all of humanity. It’s a lofty goal, but we both see no other way.

Now more than ever, I need to figure out a way to travel back, because I am certain that there is something I can do about what happened. Now I don’t need to just pull myself back through the unknowns of time, I need to bring her along for the ride too. There’s no way I’d leave her. She is my friend and my teacher, showing me how to survive in this place far better than I was before.

In what feels even more important, Fee shows me every day what it means to be loved.

Like she was that night I met her in that damp and dirty warehouse, Phoebe is all brightness and tenderness in this world of murky nothingness. Just watching her as we go about our days together makes my heart feel so heavy. Sometimes she leaves me speechless by simply smiling at me in that pretty way of hers while she's doing the most mundane tasks.

Anytime she shows me affection, it’s always innocently, but…

Yeah.

Yup, coming outside didn’t help. It’s just prolonging the inevitable.

I can’t hide out here forever and I am shivering so hard now my damn teeth are clattering together.

Getting on with it, I unload part of the wood by the door, then heave the sling full of the rest up on my shoulder before teetering up the steps with it. I am sure that by now Fee is done getting ready for bed, meaning she’s in bed.

Our bed…

Fuck, fuck, triple times a million fucks.

Dolores knows where my mind is at, and as always, she understands, but she also thinks I am being ridiculous. She loves Fee and has since day one. When we are out scavenging, Phoebe always makes a point to find little treasures to bring back for Dolores.

They are big time buddies now.

Fee decorates Dolores like she’s the queen of the apocalypse, dressing her in expensive pieces of jewelry and excessively feminine tops with sparkles and sequins. Basically, anything goes if it makes no sense in the conditions we are living in, and it’s the exact opposite of what either of us wear daily. I didn’t even realize Dolores liked all that stuff until Fee started doing that with her. Then I saw how happy it makes them both.

Fee treats Dolores like she’s real. But not since the first days, when I was still very sick, have I talked to or touched Dolores so openly when Fee was around. I know that a part of her doing this kind of thing is to try to make me feel like it’s okay if I want to do it too. But things have drastically changed for Dolores and I since Fee found us, and my normal mode of conduct with her has been strictly kept for when Fee is not around, which isn’t very often. I haven’t slept with Dolores in my arms since that first fevered night.

I love her but doing that with her, or doing much of anything else that I feel the urge to do feels very wrong now.

I do speak with Dolores all the time, but we keep our conversations private. Dolores knows I’m having a hard time navigating this bizarre situation, but she’s adamant that I open myself up to Fee. Like so many things, I don’t know how or if I should. I don’t want to ruin what we have.

Phoebe hasn’t let on that she has any feelings for me in other way than the friendly kind of way, and I can’t blame her. Back when she was head over heels for me, which for her was a long time ago, I wasn’t anything anyone else would look twice at. Here, even as the only man on Earth, I am clearly not a catch. She already gave me a chance even though she shouldn’t have, and I epically blew it, and now I’m even more of a mess than I was at sixteen. In a normal situation, a beautiful, mature woman like Fee would want nothing to do with a lanky, immature fuck-up like me.

I’d be laughing if this ironic twist of fate weren’t so fucking heart wrenching. My heart hurts when I think about how much I care about Fee.

I am completely crushing on the girl who once crushed on me and got her heart stomped on for it.

“Fuck,” I mumble when I realize my frozen fingers won’t tighten around the doorknob enough to turn it. “Fuck you, you fucking-"

It finally clicks open, and I ram my head into it to push the door wide. With my giant load of wood, I stumble from the weight of it, then unsteadily kick the door closed behind me and loudly tromp over to the fireplace letting my sack tumble to the floor.

When I look across the small room, I can see that Fee is trying not to laugh over my graceless performance.

“Sorry,” I sheepishly offer, along with a lopsided grin. If my face wasn’t already bright red from the blistering cold, it would be now.

Sitting up straighter with her back against her pile of pillows, Fee lowers her book. “We weren’t trying to go to sleep yet, there’s no need to apologize for crashing through like the abominable snowman. Do you need some help with all that?”

By ‘we’ weren’t sleeping yet, Fee is referring to Dolores, who is sitting, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket on the chair next to my side of the bed, just like she is every night.

Yes. I sleep between two beautiful women, and I can’t touch either one the way I want.

Awesome.

Now Dolores is trying not to giggle at me.

I shake my head at her and covey my thoughts on that silently. I’m glad you’re entertained by my blue balls, sweetheart. 

After biting my glove to pull it off my numb hand, I spit it on the floor, then awkwardly clear my throat as I look back at Fee. “Ah, no. I’m good. Thank you though.”

The 'ahh' I stammered on just came out several octaves higher than normal because why not look like more of a moron?

Shucking my other glove off, I put my shaking hands down by the flames, bringing some immediate feeling back to them, then I busy myself with throwing more logs on, restacking the rest next to the wall and cleaning up the big mess I just made.

When I am done with all that and I’m over by the door again, kicking off my boots and peeling off my layers, I notice that Fee set her book on the side table and is staring at me with a cute but very devious look.

“We were getting a little worried in here. I thought maybe you accidently got too close when you were pissing on your favorite clothesline pole and that you accidentally froze your dick to it.”

Another thing I learned very quickly about Fee is that she’s got a wonderfully crude sense of humor.

My cheeks stretch and my lips pull to the side again. “No, I didn’t freeze my dick to a metal pole, but I did almost freeze.”

Freed of my layers, and only in fleece sleep pants and a sweatshirt, instead of blinking there, I sprint over to the bed, vaulting over the footboard with childlike enthusiasm.

The bed springs springing back, give Fee a good bounce and I knew this would make her laugh. That was part of the point of it, but it’s also because I am so flippin cold. Hiding outside was to avoid going to bed with her, but the reality is, this is exactly where I want to be.

I want it way too much, hence a major part of my problem.

Once I have crawled up next to her, I waste no time shuffling my body under the mound of blankets. When my freezing foot locks down over hers, she jolts from the chilly assault, but she doesn’t pull away because she never does. Within seconds, my entire body is warming back up. Currents of heat brush up my leg from our point of contact, spreading through my entire body as I melt into the mattress with a sigh of relief.

“Yowza! You are so cold! Why didn’t you just let me go out there? You could have pissed in that lovely chamber pot, or did your business and just came back in. You were out there for almost an hour, what the heck were you thinking?”

Unenthusiastically, I look over at the pot she’s referring to. I have used the pot. It was in my first days here when I didn’t want to make her carry me outside.

Looking at her overly sourly, I say, “I hate that thing and I won’t use it.”

She chuckles at that. “You hate a lot of things, one of them being cold, but you just willingly went out in it and stayed out when you didn’t need to. You are such a stubborn asshat. Sometimes I think you do things like this just to drive me nuts. It’s like your secret superpower that no one else ever was lucky enough to be privy to.” She sneaks a hand under the blankets and lightly prods my side, to provoke me further.

I want to ‘provoke’ her right back, but instead I frown at her.

She merely raises a brow, brining it on even more. “You know, Five, you could have just whacked-off in here?”

A puff of air rushes out of my chest and I think my face just lit on fire, but I stick my head further out of the blankets anyway, defiantly jutting my chin at her.

“My family was privy to my assholery, and I wasn’t whacking off. I was chopping wood and you know it.”

I seriously can’t think of anything better to retaliate with, and that’s probably because I have whacked off plenty of times while wandering around outside with her on my mind, and talking about jerking it right now isn’t helping me get my shit together or think with even the tiniest bit of intelligence.

Her body quakes with laughter as I narrow my eyes at her. “Yeah. Playing with your wood, like I said," she beautifully chackles.

Fully rolling over in her direction, I do my best pouty face. She gives me one right back.

“Miss, Leroux, you are awful.” I have to bite the inside of my cheek to hold in my smile.

There’s scratching around under the blankets, and I can feel Fee fishing around until she finds my hand closest to her where it’s tucked under my tightly crossed arms. Her warm fingers wrap around mine as she offers a much less naughty look.

My stomach flutters from her touch and my heart rate kicks up accordingly.

“I am sorry. I’m just messing with you because you make it so darn easy. You know I love you, Five. I wouldn’t want to be here with any other asshat than you, and that’s only partly because you’re the special teleporting kind that is going to get us out of this apocalyptic shit hole.”

I can’t help my truly contented smile from hearing her say that she loves me. I know it’s not in that way, but I love that she says it, and how she’s looking at me right now, and that she’s touching me for reasons other than to warm me up, but it’s doing that too despite her intentions.

Phoebe’s strawberry blonde hair is tied back in her nightly braid, but the wavey pieces framing her face are just begging for me to tuck them back behind her ears. Just the memory of brushing her hair back so I could see her better while she pleasured me, how soft everything about her feels, how those pink lips felt against my own, and on my…

Fuck me, I need to go back outside.

I could lay here all night and stare at her while fighting boners, but I force myself to roll on my back again and she does the same about a minute later.

I feel her wiggle closer, causing our hips to touch as we both gaze up at the ceiling, watching the fire light dance on the beams.

“Someday we’ll leave this place,” I breathe. Getting us out of this is the most important thing. Her unintentionally reminding me of that important point has my fucked-up mind on my most recent equations and time dilation sequences rather than on her lips and my dick, and that’s a very good thing. “I’ll figure it out. I promise, I will.”

“I know you will because you are this planet's one and only, time traveling mastermind. Number Five Hargreeves, you are our only hope.” She softly laughs at me as she pulls her hand away from mine but not before sneaking in a quick tickle.

Man, do I want to tickle her, but I’m scared I won’t be able to stop there.

“Okay, that’s it,” I say squirming a little as her nails dig in between my ribs. “You’ve been allotted your making fun of Five time slot for the day. It’s time to be quiet. Keep those tiny magical heater feet of yours on me and go to bed, mean girl.” I say it with disgruntled authority, but I can’t help the full smile I am wearing.  

“You like it when I tease you.”

I do, but my response is nothing more than a dismissive huff that makes her let out another girly little giggle.

I peek her direction just in time to see her eyes shutting. She’s still smiling that curious smile of hers that I can only conclude means that she is happy and that makes me happy. What I want doesn’t matter when it comes to more than this.

I carefully move my arm out from under the bedding, taking Dolores’s hand in mine.

“Just tell her. It will be okay. Everything is okay now that we have her,” she whispers.

My tired eyes close and the fuzzy black and white stars start dancing behind my lids, but those lips and that smile will forever be imprinted in my mind and not even sleep lets me forget them. Soon, images and of the feel of her will fill my dreams, they always do.

------Sleepy, happy Five....

----------

The thing about winter in the Apocalypse is it’s even more unbearable to be outside than normal. We hardly ever go out lately, but that wasn’t stopping me this morning when I woke pre-dawn, determined to complete a very important mission.

Christmas is only a few days away and I have nothing for Fee. We are almost always together when scavenging and that’s for safety and practicality reasons, but today I snuck out early while she was still sleeping.

Months ago, while out foraging with her, I found a guitar in a case in the remains of someone’s bedroom. I didn’t even think to tell her about it or take it because I was so used to being solely focused on finding and bringing back only what I needed to survive. Looking back on that now, and the fact that I know Fee loves to play and is very good at it, I can’t believe I didn’t even consider taking it for her. It’s the perfect gift.

I wrote a note, stating that I’d be gone for an hour or so. I was hoping that she wouldn’t even wake up until I was back.

That was three hours ago now.

Even before I got down to the valley floor and started making my way through the deep snow to the closest town, the storm clouds were ominously moving in from the east and the freezing winds were cutting through the mask protecting my face. Being I’m on the western side of the range, I had no way of knowing how bad things were going to get, but even that is not a great excuse for putting myself in this situation.

The snow is falling fast, and the gusts are blowing it in such a way that I can hardly see a few feet in front of me at times. I think I’m on the right path, maybe?

Stopping, I clomp my snowshoes around in a circle formation as I recheck where I am. North, South, East, West, it all looks the same right now. Blinking won’t even get me back since I can’t orient myself.

“Shit.”

Fee is going to be livid.

Checking my compass and readjusting the strap on the case I have slung on my back, I start trudging uphill again, moving East. I’m going approximately the right direction. I’m sure I will see a landmark of some kind soon.

Not for over another hour do I know for certain I’m getting close. By then, I am too exhausted to pull off a jump.

By the time I am heading up the twisting inclined path that is the road into what is now Fee and my property, I have been gone a total of six and half hours.

Fee has the door of the cabin open even before I can make it to the snow buried steps.

Raising my stiff arm, I push my ski goggles up with my frozen mitten. Phoebe crashes into me, flinging her arms around me even though I am covered in ice and snow.

“Fee, I’m so-"

My snow blindness begins to clear after a few slow blinks.

Oh, shit. She’s crying.

“I thought you were gone! I looked everywhere. There weren’t even any tracks!” she hysterically sobs.

She’s holding me so tight that I can feel her shaking and I know it’s not from the cold.

“I’d never leave you,” I say, holding her right back, but it’s more like I’m pathetically slumped around her smaller frame.

Fuck, I feel like such a bastard.

With her tears streaking down her cheeks and the snow sprinkling her hair in downy white, she lets me go, but only enough to start towing me inside, loudly slamming the door behind us as I tiredly slouch into the closest kitchen chair.

I can hardly move, and I know I’m in deep shit.

Fee wipes at her eyes, as she kneels in front of me. Still sniffling, she immediately starts unstrapping my boots out of my snowshoes. She looks back up at me once my boots are thrown off, but she doesn’t release my sore feet from her hot hands. I wiggle my toes to give her confirmation that I didn’t turn them into two blocks of ice with my ill-timed expedition.

“What were you thinking? You could have died out there.” She releases my feet, and her hands come up to rub her temples.

I don’t know what to say. I feel so bad. She looks so hurt and that’s not at all what I wanted.

“I am sorry, I wanted to-"

I stop, taking a deeply defeated breath as my shame sets in even more. Dropping my head, I reach back and pull the frozen strap off my shoulder, bringing the hard black guitar case around in front of her.

Fee looks confused, meaning she’s so upset that she hadn’t even noticed it yet.

She takes it and I slowly lean back as I watch her unlatch the two clasps holding it closed. Her eyes run over the polished black acoustic guitar inside. All its strings are still intact, but even if they aren’t good, there are several other packages of new ones inside the case along with a few other things someone like her would know how to use.

“I wanted to get you a present. Merry early Christmas, Fee.”

Now, after seeing how anguished she is, this hardly seems like a good explanation for what I did, but it’s all I have.

Her brows pull down as her lips push out in a quivering pout.

Shit, she’s crying again.

Before I know it, Phoebe sets my gift aside, pushes up from the floor and starts draping herself around me again, only this time she’s got me pinned to the chair with her bottom in my lap, her spread legs dangled at my sides, and her magical warm lips pressing into mine.

I have wanted this for so long, but I can’t even begin to comprehend what is happening right now.

Worried that I’m going to scare her off, I very gradually turn my face up to get a better angle to kiss her back.

Her hips subtly rub up against mine in response and even through my sub-zero snow gear, I can feel it in all the right, or maybe wrong ways.

“Mmmmm- mmmfff!”

I am not even close to being able to hold that embarrassingly high-pitched moan in as she pushes herself closer and her hands move inside my hood, her hot fingers forcing their way under the heavy scarf still wrapped around neck.

Not sure what to do, I very hesitantly bring my hands up on her waist, slowly moving back down her curves until they are wrapped behind her, gently holding her bottom.

Despite my best efforts to contain myself, my tongue has a mind of its own and it darts out in my increasingly excited state, but she doesn't seem to mind. Fee letting me kiss her like this feels so good that my damn head feels like it could roll right off my shoulders. If not for her fingers splayed out on the back of my skull as they lightly tug at my hair, I'm sure it would. Phoebe clearly has me secured where she wants me.

Fuck… She wants me.

Maybe?

Yes.

Obviously.

I think…

“Fff-fff-e-Fee?”

“Hmm?” she hums back, still not stopping with her kisses. Now they are moving from my lips to my jaw, and-

My legs both spontaneously tense and my hands inside my mittens clench as I try to latch on to her ass even tighter.

“Ahh-ya-you- Ahhhh.” My words fail to land in a way that’s coherent as her mouth moves to what she can get of my neck.

Holy fuck, this feels amazing and it’s getting so hot in here or maybe it’s just me. Fuck. It’s both. I wish I wasn’t wearing all this crap.

My little goddess of fire and ice works me over a little more before she graces me with her stunning blue eyes gazing into my own much less alluring and very droopy ones.

Her plump pink lips spread in a coy looking smile as she speaks. “Thank you for the gift.”

“You like it?”

She nods a yes as she bites her lower lip with her upper teeth.

“Am I out of the doghouse then?” I question, even though I feel pretty certain I am.

Fee softly laughs at my question and maybe even at my attempt at a funny expression, which consists of me trying to conjure up some major puppy dog eyes for her. “You were never in it. I was just so scared I’d lost you.”

“I am so sorry. I never met to scare you. I would never leave you, Fee.” I pause and my words come out shaking as I say them but it’s only because of how much I mean them. “I’m hopelessly in love with you, Phoebe. You are everything to me.”

Suddenly her face looks so sad again and I desperately want to take back what I just said.

My eyes frantically search hers, but I don’t know what I’m seeing in them.

“I wanted to give you something special. You have done so much for me,” I further explain, because I don’t know what to say or do.

Her normally sure voice cracks just a little. “All I want is you, Five. You are my special, I thought you knew that by now.”

“You want me?”

“Yes. I love you. I want to be there for you, and with you in every way if you are ready for it. I thought you understood that.”

Oh.

My eyes dart around as my brain tries to figure out what I have been missing all these months. Dolores is sitting on the tiny sofa next to the fireplace and the moment I lay eyes on her, she rolls her eyes at me, giving me one of her ‘I told you so looks.’

Before I can come up with an answer to that, Fee kisses me again and as soon as she does, my mind can do nothing but think of her lips and how they feel moving with my own.

Fee’s hands make fast work of unzipping my outer coat but when they dig inside and she finds that I am basically like a human Russian Doll, because I have layer upon layer of clothing on, she bursts out laughing even as I am trying to entice her into another round of tongue war.

“Five, I think you need to remove some of this, or you are going to spontaneously combust.”

“Too late, I think I am already on fire, Amore mio.” I boldly lift my hips, while pulling her up against the bulge in my pants that I am not even sure she knows is there because of the sheer amount of thermal insulation between us. Fee actually looks a little nervous as she glances over my shoulder, looking out the window at the storm for a second or two before locking eyes with me again. “Was that okay?” I worriedly ask.

“Yes.”

I don’t think a one-word answer could ever give me more relief, but then again, I just finally declared my love for her and she isn’t running for the hills, and I also just realized she loves me more than as a friend, so I’m pretty much on cloud nine thousand nine hundred and ninety zillion.

"Amore mio, posso portarti al nostro letto?" I question as I glance over at our bed.    (My love, can I take you to our bed?)

“Five, you must be confused. You know I don’t speak your and Dolores’s secret love language.”

True. Fee doesn’t speak Italian, that’s one of the reasons I use it when speaking to Dolores. That way this firey little redhead can’t understand what we are talking about.

I don’t speak French fluently, but Fee does, so for her, I’ll give it a whirl.

“Mon amour, puis-je vous livrer à notre lit?” I nervously bite my lip as I wait for her reply. (My love, may I deliver you to our bed?)

Fee’s beautiful blue eyes wrinkle at the corners. “Oui.”

Not wanting to let her go yet, I summon all my strength as I start to stand but lifting her up with me turns out way easier than I thought because she’s so light, and the moment she realizes what I’m doing, she locks her legs around my waist.

My heart is fucking racing from adrenalin as carry her across the small room and drop her down on the bed.

“Are you sure?”

“Sì, il mio cuore,” she whispers as she looks back up at me with a wicked smirk.   (Yes, my heart.)

That was a big wonderful yes, and to my surprise, it was in perfect Italian, meaning Phoebe has been bull shitting me for months saying she doesn’t understand a word I say to Dolores. As my mind is reeling, thinking of all the little things she’s no doubt been picking up on, her hands fall on the hem of her sweater, pulling it up over her head, before tossing it over one of the bed posts.

I stop breathing and I think my heart stops all together.

There are those perfect breasts I wanted to see so badly when my hands were on them five years ago.

Not thinking, with only my outer coat off and my snow pants unzipped and pulled part way down, I stumble over them in my haste to get closer to her again.

Fee laughs when I crash land on the bed but try to play it off like I meant to do it.

“Oh my God, Five. I love having you around, you are such a sexy klutz.”

Eyes fixed on her, I anxiously yank my pants off and start working on my two extra layers of sweaters. “Baby, I’m here for whatever you need, even if it’s your daily dose of comic relief. Just don’t tell anyone that I let you get away with all your cute teasing shit or I'll be forced to punish you.”

She laughs again. “Har-har, Mr. Scary. There’s no one to tell other than Dolores and she already knows you’re a big closet softy and she thinks your hilarious too.”

Having pulled my head out of my last heavy layer, I hesitate, trying to decide if I should take of my cotton long sleeve.

Fuck it.  Fee has seen the good, the bad and the ugly and she still loves me for some reason. Right now, I am pretty sure my hair is sticking straight up, and she looks like she could care less about how stupid I look.

“Hey,” I sternly admonish, “Dolores doesn’t pick on me. That’s your thing and yours alone, and it's high time you get fucked with.” I hit her back with the most menacing look I can.

Laying splayed out waiting for me in all her bare breasted glory, Fee merely shrugs as if she is not at all intimated and she knows that’s not true about Dolores. The damn thing of it is, my fucked-up brain is instantly wondering what kinds of things Dolores tells her about me when I’m not around, because that was lie. Dolores fucks with me all the time.

Thinking of Dolores again, I spontaneously blink over to her, quickly facing her body that way so she’s a part of this too. She’s been waiting for it, so there’s no way I’m going to deny my lovely loyal lady.

When I blink back, I land on top of Fee with my elbows supporting the weight from my upper half, but my lower half is flush with hers, pressing into the space between her legs with intent. I immediately start kissing her again and she lets me, but she also seems to be unable to stop laughing, so I halt my attack.

“What was that all about?” she breathlessly asks as she looks up at me with her beautiful smile and her rosy cheeks illuminating the rest of her beauty to a starling degree.

Pulling together all the confidence I can, I quirk a brow at her as I move my hand closer to her cheek, letting my fingers tenderly brush against it. “Dolores likes to watch. Didn’t she tell you that?”

“Watch what?” she pushes back sounding so innocent but the look in her eyes is anything but.

“You want to see?”

“Yes,” she taunts as if she thinks she can call my bluff.

Wrong.

My body is so revved-up from pent up horniness, and this siren of a woman lying under me just asked for it, and she knows me in ways no one else ever will, so I figure why not. I have little to no shame left.

With no warning, I drop my face down against her neck, as I drive my cock down between her legs.

“Oh, fuck me, I love your legs!” I groan out with my nose pressed up just under her ear as my hand at her side moves to grip her thigh and I rut into her.

Fee lets out a sound of shock over me saying that and doing this, but when it turns into a whimper and her head fall to the side to give me more access, I increase my efforts both with the rock of my hips and my mouth. To answer back to that, she rips one of my hands off the bed, forcing my hot palm down over her breast. That lets me know for sure that she’s more than okay with me showering her with the kinds of affections Dolores is used to, and that in playing out my perversions, I’m actually doing something right.

Letting myself go, I begin kissing her sweet smelling skin any way that I see fit, soft, hard, nips, and licks, it all feels so good, so I grind myself into her harder, my core muscles flexing and my hips moving as if I am fucking her even though I am not inside her and I have never fucked anything other than my hand, her mouth, and too many inanimate objects to count, including hundreds of cushions and pillows, but also sometimes my Dolores.

Phoebe is so soft and responsive, and I know Dolores is seeing all this and loving it, and that is messing with me, but because I’m clearly a warped little bastard, it’s turning me on even more.

Again, with no warning, I stop dry humping Fee, quickly sitting up off her so I can latch on to the tops of her leggings, but I stop short of pulling them down, looking up at her hopefully.

“I want to make you feel good too, will you please show me how?” I ask.

Fee’s wide eyes move from mine, downwards, stopping on my crotch area where my pants are sticking out in a very notable way. 

She giggles at the sweet tent I'm proudly sporting, then says, “You were already doing a pretty nice job of things, but I can teach you if you want. First, you need to take those sweatpants off before you hurt yourself.” 

I glance down at my hard-on, then back at her with a big smirk on my face. “I am very skilled when it comes to sexual rubbing with my clothes on, but I can see your point. You first though."

I purse my lips as I narrow my eyes at her. She responds by lifting her hips so I can pull her leggings off.

Oh fuck. She's wearing red panties!

She had a similar pair on the night I met her. 

Both her brows lift as her grin spreads the more I stare. “Five, sweetie... Take your pants off right now or I'll make you."

“Oh, really,” I cockily taunt back, but I lose all my bravado when she drops her hand between her legs and slowly starts rubbing her fingers over the lacey fabric that is creating a ‘v’ over her mysterious lady parts.

“Yes, really. Now take them off,” Fee orders.

Eyes trained on her hand, I quickly kick them off, then come back to her, on my knees with my hard shaft in hand, at the ready.

“What do I do?”

Her hand slides up and under her panties, pushing them down as her knees come up so she can get them off. The red lace goes flying over my head and boy do I love those red panties, but holy shit do I love them more on the floor.

“First, what you do is, you touch me, like this.” Fee slips her index finger between her folds, pressing the tip down as she slides it up and down, slowly but firmly.

Wetting my lips with my tongue, I flip my head to the side, anxiously flicking my hair out of my eyes as my hand reflexively works my cock.

“Five, it’s unbelievably hot watching you do that while I touch myself but even as good of a student as I know you are, the best way to learn is hands on, not just to observe.”

I need no other invitation. Coming down over her again, the sensation of flesh on flesh has every nerve ending in my body supercharged. As I carefully mold myself to one of her legs, Fee reaches out, taking my shaking hand, placing it where hers had just been and already I am a changed man.

Fuck...

Chapter Six: Ain't No Place for a Hero to Call Home

Holding the woman that you love while you sleep is akin to transcending into a supernatural place where you are lighter than air and all your worries just float away. Waking up next to your lover is even better.

I know that me saying that is a lot like that whimsical crap dad warned me with the day I took off and ended up in here, but just like that crazy sliding along ice then descending blindly as an acorn bullshit that I should have listened to, this is also so fucking true.

I am certain that the magical reactions of a woman’s body to different forms of touch will never cease to amaze me. In my opinion, females are much more complex than men, both mentally and sexually, but despite that, I am absolutely going to ace the art of getting my girl off. I probably never will figure out her beautiful mind, but this, finding ways to make her all mine, over and over again, I will master this glorious deed.

“Am I doing it right, Professor Honey Bunny?”

I purposefully hum my silly words against the nap of Fee’s neck, nuzzling my nose up into her hairline as I breathe in her flowery scent and rub my slicked cock up and down between her ass cheeks.

First lesson when it comes to real women, and it’s one that I managed to figure out without Fee outright telling me, is that they love it when you whisper or speak softly anywhere near their ear.

The second lesson is that they also love it when you are boldly willing to let go of shame and fall all over them with your adoring and sometimes perverted affections. Nothing proves your love than letting your defenses down and not being scared that they see who you really are, which for me is a total perv and a major dork.

When Phoebe doesn’t answer my question with anything other than a muted sighing sound, I find that’s not good enough for my continued educational purposes, so I up my game, sliding my fingers faster between her legs.

“How about this?” I try again.

Fee reacts to that change of pace quick enough, her bottom pushing back against me, pressing my erection even tighter between us as her head falls back against my shoulder while she moans so perfectly wantonly.

Getting a much better reaction, I can’t resist my excitement or sinking my teeth into the soft curve of her neck, applying just enough pressure to make her mouth fall open as she releases a quick and very feminine sounding rush of air with the hint of the letter ‘F’ in it.

Whether she meant that as my name or fuck, doesn’t matter, both are good with me.

My mouth goes back to applying much gentler kisses. Eventually, I move my licks and kisses to her ear again where I then drag my tongue along the shell of it before I let my breath cascade down, tickling the moist trail I just left on her skin.

Her body shivers and wriggles against me.

“I’ll take that as a, yes?” I smart back, not at all trying to hide how proud I am.

Lesson three when it comes to real women is knowing that you have the power to make them writhe is a huge turn on. Thanks to Fee’s guidance, I am now capable of driving her crazy, but as my clever girl already knew, that’s a win for both parties.

My lady love lets out the prettiest little laugh when I nip her again. “Yes, Five,” she giggles. “What you are doing feels so unbelievably good. Congratulations, you can consider yourself graduated with honors when it comes to finger fucking and ass humping.”

I know Fee’s teasing me for being so arrogant and because I am literally fucking her butt cheeks, but she does so lightly, while also tenderly running her hand over the top of mine as it fervently works her.

Wanting to mess with her more, I force myself to speak as seriously as possible as I add, “That’s good you are enjoying my latest break of dawn boner on your ass attack, but I’m trying for doctoral level mastery in all subjects ‘getting off.’ So ready yourself, little firecracker, because I am going to be doing major research and it’s starting with documenting all the ways I can hump you and make you cum at the same time.”

Fee’s body starts jiggling again as she starts laughing at me in her delightfully breathless way. I knew she’d get a kick out of more of my jackass commentary, and that’s the point of it. Adding to her already losing it over my usual absurdity, I start passionately rutting my dick up on her like a mindless wild animal.

“See,” I exclaim, “You better hang on, honey. It’s going to get very bumpy.”

“You mean, humpy,” she corrects, still laughing at me.

I love making Fee laugh, she is the joy in my life I never had before.

Since our Christmas weekend together a month and half ago, Fee has taught me plenty about what makes women feel good, and I have been one hell of an eager student for her. I can blame my fervor for all things sex related on my younger age all I want, but Fee is well aware that it’s not just that.

The escapism of her body and the sheer bliss of shutting out all else while in the act of searching for my release is entirely addicting for me. During my first years alone here, it’s the only thing I had that took me away from my suffering. It became a near daily reward system for surviving this hell. Now I still cling to it, but not so much for the same reasons.

Fee is my everything.

She makes me so unbelievably happy every day in the simplest of ways that have nothing to do with sex. That said, feeling my cock slip and slide on Phoebe is otherworldly. So much better than dry humping pillows and harder objects that chaff and dry out much faster when my pre-cum and spit fail me. I tend to prolong my sexual exploits for as long as I possibly can and playing with Fee and her seemingly infinite ability to stay wet for me is fucking great.

I dig my fingers into her slender waist, searching for more leverage as my hips frantically pump my cock against her. Through the sweaty fringe of my hair, I can see Dolores in her chair next to us. Her cheeks are flushed so beautifully from lasciviously watching me take Fee like this. As thrilled as she looks by my valiant efforts to entertain her, I can’t help but notice that she also looks slightly pissed.

Five Hargreeves-Brainless insensitive jerk.

I am sorry. I meant no offense, sweetheart. I like the fact that you are hard and that we have our own special way of doing this. Your smooth, wonderfully cool breasts are still high up there on my list of favorite places to fuck. I’ll prove it to you later if our little red head is down to watch, but right now, I’m a-

“Oh, fuck!” I moan, my forehead pressing against Fee’s neck.

I am about to come already, and thinking about going full freak mode with Dolores while Fee watches, and maybe if I am lucky even joins the fun by playing with herself, isn’t helping reign it in.

Easing back a little, I force myself to push down the growing tension in my belly and the tightening waves of pleasure threatening to burst from my loins. Then I shove my whole hand down lower, pressing Fee’s pubic mound against my palm to keep applying proper fiction while my index finger begins dipping inside her tight entrance.

“Ahh -hha, ya-ye..ssss,” Fee whines so endearingly.

I risk glancing at Dolores again and she offers me one of her warm smiles.

‘That’s it, Five. Just focus on Fee a little longer. I’m not mad that you enjoy this. Don’t worry about me. You know I only want what’s best for you and this is.’

As always, Dolores' encouragement over Fee and I is never ending, and I love her so much for it. I love them both so much, and I know I’m nuts for entertaining all this madness still, but I can’t help it. I still hear Dolores even though now I am not alone anymore. Amazingly, Fee is just as understanding as her, because she lets me get away with this crazy shit too.

Listening to Dolores, I let go of Fee’s hip to further disengage myself. Instead, I latch onto one of her warm breasts, probably too roughly, but she doesn’t complain, so I don’t stop aggressively groping her.

“Baby, I want to fuck these sweet tits of yours so bad. I am going to make a mess of you when I paint your beautiful chest with my sticky seed.”

Fee’s laughter bursts out of her. “Five, you are so freaking cute. I love it when you try to talk dirty.”

“Cute?” I grunt in shock. “I am not cute, and I am not trying, honey. I am dirty.”

Finding a jerking rhythm, of hard, then soft, hard than soft, I show my girls just how I like it, and that I am not ‘cute.’ Knowing that Fee is plenty ready for it, I finally let two fingers plunge all the way inside her, angling them up the way she taught me so I am hitting her right where she can’t help but cry out.

“Yes, Five! Y-e-e-e-s-s-s-”

One of many other lessons about sex I’ve learned is that the build to the finish is over ninety percent the fun of it, so taking it slow at first and upping the level of intensity as you go is key to being a good lover.

Thank you, Fee.

My smile fortifies my words, as I keep up my pace inside her and up my filth factor. “I know just how wet it gets you two lovely ladies when I talk about blowing my load on you, and I love how open-minded you both are of my objectionable behaviors, but it looks like you’re going to have to wait for that titty fucking another time. I am very close, and Dolores is right, you need to come first. Is this going to be enough to get you there or do you want me to fuck you with my mouth too?”

“Fiv-ive-yo-you are fucking mee-ee just fine as you are, don’t you thhhh-ink?” Fee stammers as I slam against her.

“I could do better, honey. I know I can.”

I’d stop humping Fee and dive pussy deep like I said, but I honestly want to be next her, wrapped around her, because this feels like I am actually fucking her, or as close as I can get to it.

Fuck, do I want to stick my dick inside her and make her come with it. With me. I think about it all the time.

It’s not so much that this isn't enough, because it is. It’s just that we can’t do that. We can do everything but that.

Fee had plenty of medical supplies, personal care items, and medicine and other valuable things with her when she arrived here, but no birth control methods of any kind. She didn’t need it.

Since our being together like this, neither of us have found anything in our scavenging that looks like it’s still any good or worth the risk of trying it. Thanks to the nature of condoms being extremely thin latex, they unfortunately did not survive the intense heat of the near atomic blasts. And the birth control pills and other options that we’ve found are always melted in their packaging or destroyed from exposure and moisture.

Like so many things, birth control in the apocalypse is a problem.

Talk of having a child together is something we have only done in terms of getting back to the real world first. Once the world isn’t going to end and we are safe from the dangers of our current situation, then I want nothing more than to someday have a family with Phoebe if we can. Here, the risks are something I refuse to entertain. I can’t lose Fee. Just the thought of something bad happening to her because of complications from a pregnancy makes me sick.

This, what we have, is more than I ever dreamed possible.

“Fee, I love you so much. Come on, fuuu-ccckkk,” I anxiously groan, because I’m almost there again.

I feel her squirming as she searches for anything to ground her. Her small feet eventually end up locked around my own, helping to anchor us both. My fingers keep getting the tell tail sign that her climax is coming because her body keeps tensing around them as her breaths hitch for longer and longer periods.

Letting go again, I pull back enough to take my reddened cock in hand, directing it between her legs to re-wet it. The sensation makes my head feel dizzy.

“Oh fuck, yes, Five ! That’s it, leave it there. Baby, fuck me,” she moans.

Yup, I love the sound of that, but I don’t understand what she wants. I can’t fuck her like this. Not really.

Still positioned with my hips pressed up behind her and my length in my hand that’s wedged up against her delicious wet cunt, Fee begins to tighten her thighs around me.

I pull in a very unsteady breath as I loudly and frantically pant her name. “Fee?!”

My voice sounds so young, so unsure with its higher-than-normal pitch, but it's only because I am totally freaking out.

“Five, it’s ok. Do it like this. We will be super careful.” With my chin resting on her shoulder, I watch as Fee reaches out and grabs her shirt off the table next to her side of the bed. She tightens on me even more, her slender thighs working hard to encase me between them where my cock is now lying as motionless as my hand.

“I don’t-"

I don’t know what to say…

Fee reaches down, dragging my hand away from her heat.

“Fee?” I question again as my tacky fingers fall against her hip.

“It’s okay. This will feel just as good to me as your fingers. Just do it. Pretend you are fucking me, please, do it. I want to feel you like this so bad.”

I want it too.

Fuck.

As if her words are a knife to my throat, I instantly react, pulling back just enough to not slip all the way out of this confined love trap she made in the cavass between her legs, shoving back into her warmth.

And yeah. The feel of her desire wetting me as I slide, her swollen folds encasing me while her thighs tremble from her effort to keep them tightly clenched, it’s…

“Fuck,” I grunt as I thrust faster, making her have to cling to my hands on her hips where I now have them both locked, keeping us latched together.

That’s it.

This is too fucking great.

I can’t think of an objection no matter how hard I try.

It’s not like Fee hasn’t let me run my cock over her sex before, but I have only done it very cautiously from the front for fear of getting even the tiniest amount of my semen inside her.

This… It’s so close, so dangerous, but it’s so damn incredible. I could just slip inside her. I know I could. I can see it in my mind. I know the head of my cock is pushing out between her legs, covered in her love for me, and soon I won’t be able to contain my explosive desire for her as it streams out on the bedding. I’m going to pretend it is filling Fee, and I am very good at pretending.

Thinking about doing that, my body flames with fresh sparks of ecstasy, and I let loose, fucking her as fast as I can.

The increased friction is enough for Fee to dig her short fingernails across the tops of my hands, causing them to sting. Thankfully, even though I’m on another planet doing this, I feel it when her body begins to shudder in that familiar way that makes me so fucking proud every time it happens.

“Ohhh-fff, this feels so fucking-” I growl out as deeply as I can just below her ear as she gives herself over to her orgasm. “Fee, this feels so fucking-” I can’t even finish. I bite down viciously on my lower lip as I rail her, my pelvis absolutely thwacking against her round rosy ass, making the most wonderful kind of sound from our hot and sweaty skin-to-skin contact. “Ffff-"

My back arches and my eyes slam shut as my hips shunt in a very non rhythmic pattern. I am only partly aware of the sensation of Fee releasing my cock from her clamped together legs so she can jerk me through the last currents of utterly mind-blowing fuck tingles that are violently ripping through me.

Once I have some of my brain back at my disposal, I very groggily open my eyes. “That was…fuck .”

Fee laughs as she wipes me clean with her shirt. “Yes. Yes, it was. Another job well done, mon amour. You are the best student ever, but I am not at all surprised by that.”     (My love-in French)

“Ti amo così tanto, prometto che non mi lascerai mai...” I whisper back, shutting my eyes again as I nuzzle my face against her neck. Soon I am falling into one of my many early morning naps while spooning the woman I love. We never even left our bed to start the day, but I'm right where I want to be.   (I love you so much, promise you will never leave me-in Italian),

~~~~~~~~~~

On the couch behind me, I hear the slow rhythmic strum of another cord. I love it when Fee plays like this. Between the soothing sounds of the guitar and the sound of the early spring rain softly pattering our metal roof, I feel so unbelievably relaxed and content.

I know I am not supposed to be happy living life in the apocalypse, but with Fee, I am. I am more settled and happier than I have ever been. I can easily pretend that we are in our own little world by choice, not because we are the only ones left, and I often find that I do and can’t help it. I am just that happy. I am in love with the perfect girl, and she is in love with me too.

I smile as I peek behind me. Phoebe senses me looking and looks up. She smiles back at me as she strums and plucks the strings, effortlessly making a song that is as beautiful as she is.

“My red-headed one, I want to be your everything…” I begin to sing as I fish around in the soapy water looking for another fork that I know is in there. “Fill your plate with me, lick and lap all you want, baby. I am all yours… I want to be consumed by your love…”

My impromptu attempt at serenading my lady love, and calling her by the literal and very fitting definition of her last name, is met with the breathy sound of Fee trying not to laugh at my very stupid lyrics.

I drop my cleaned dish in the drying rack and pick up another, using my cloth to scrub off the remnants of the shockingly satisfying wild mushrooms and rice that we made for dinner. There’s still no major growth outside of any kind, but that’s not stopping my crafty girl from finding all kinds of interesting and safe to eat fungus, or from attempting to start some seeds in the uncontaminated soil inside our green house. Maybe, if we are very lucky, by the time the longer warmer days fully set in, we will have fresh vegetables every now and then.

We love to fight over which will be better, the tomatoes or the cucumbers. Like the immature fool I am, I tell Fee she only thinks the cucumbers are going to better because they remind her of my amazing dick. She tells me I am amazing, but not just because my male parts are very nice. Fee always finds ways to tease me and feed my relentless ego. Finding that delicate balance to keep me in check is just one of her many talents.

Talking stupid and naughty always gets my lady smiling, so I am always going to do it. There is no shortage of love between us or laughs. Food on the other hand is, and always will be an issue for us. Even with the stores of dry things like rice and beans, and vacuum sealed seeds for potential future plantings that were left here, we still worry.

Thinking of food…

I loudly clear my throat, letting Fee know she’s in for another good line. “I want to be your breakfast in bed. I’ll be your food. I’ll run your bubble bath, make you laugh…  Tu me fais voir la vie en rose,” I croon, adding that last bit as French as I can, but even if it's wrong, I make sure to use my best sexy voice I can produce.  ('You make me see life in pink'-meaning, with you, I see life as perfect or through rose colored glasses- a similar line from the song Vie en Rosa.)

“Oh my God!” she sputters. “That’s it, Hargreeves. You are killing me over here. I’m not so sure about this ‘you being my food’ thing that you’re going on about, but in case you weren't already aware of it, you are one hell of a very sexy muse. Come here and let me teach you something new, you big goof.”

More than ready to please my girl, I excitedly pull the plug on the wash basin and aimlessly chuck my rag before bounding over to her. Crashing in next to her on our tiny loveseat, I look over at her with a big stupid smile as I try to suggestively wiggle one eyebrow at her. It’s a total sexy fail, and I know it, but that’s the point. Fee thinks I am irresistibly sexy when I am silly and that's because I am not normally a silly person.

It's all for her.

Another lesson with women, they like it if you are smart, but they don’t need to be reminded of it, especially if it’s in the arrogant, ass-hole-ish way I used to lay on thick for pretty much everyone.

“Teach away, baby. Like I said, I am all yours,” I push when she merely eyes me with that pretty smirk of hers.

When Fee doesn’t put the guitar away, that should have been the first sign she wasn’t planning on teaching me something new in the form of pleasuring her. But it wasn’t because I am a total boner.

Taking my hand in hers, she shifts my arms so that the black body of the instrument is in my lap, not hers. Placing my left hand on the neck, she positions my fingers around it so the pads of each are pressing down on different strings.

“There,” she says, “You are going to learn to play.”

“I am?”

“Yes.” It takes her a second to stop laughing at how baffled I am. “If you can sing, which you can, albeit somewhat more humorously than sincerely, then you can play and sing. They always complement each other nicely and it's fun. You just need to learn a few basic cords and then you can really get my panties wet with your mad skills.”

“I think I am good with having you as my own personal music box, sweet peaches.” I try to hand the guitar back but she pushes it away, shaking her head.

“Nope, you need a healthy hobby other than running all your big fancy numbers, and trying to find all the ways you can fuck me without fucking me.”

“Those are healthy hobbies.," I said defensively. "You said having a big libido was a good thing for a guy my age.”

Fee ignores that valid point as she stuffs a pillow down behind my back, then she pushes herself up so she can snake her body in behind mine. With her chin resting on my shoulder, she wraps her left hand around mine so she can maneuver my fingers how she wants them.

“There, keep that amount of pressure on those positions and bring your right hand down over the strings like this, Mr. Peaches.”

Her other hand lovingly brushes against my side before it finds my free hand, placing it how she means, with my palm flush against the body of the guitar. “Use the side of your thumb for now, and if you find that you like a pick better later, go for it. Anything goes, it’s all personal preference.”

Moving my hand for me, my thumb lightly jumps over the strings, one by one. I am shocked that a sound rings out that is not awful.

Fee kisses my neck from behind which increases my smile. “You know, I only call you peaches because they are my favorite canned food, and they are orange and sweet and they remind me of you. And I really like what you’re doing back there, ginger,” I say, leaning my head back so she is forced to press her lips on me again.

“I know you do,” she purrs, “but I am not orange. That ‘G’ major wasn’t bad, but your nicknames are. With your long, very clever fingers, you’ll be plucking those strings like a real wild West Virginia mountain man in no time.”

“I’d rather pluck your strings,’ I hum right back.

I can feel Fee’s mouth spread as her warm breath dances over my skin, sending wonderful shivers up my spine.

Maybe thinking I am cold, maybe not, within seconds of her focusing her energy on it, the hearth is filled with flames, working their way through the brush and other smaller pieces of kindling I put in there earlier. She didn’t even have to touch it to ignite it, and that is not the only thing she’s setting on fire.

Having her pressed in behind me like this… Yeah. It’s giving me ideas, but then again, so is her hand gently rubbing my thigh.

“Pay attention,” Fee scolds as she fights with my left hand to get it over the strings again.

Once they are placed differently, she guides my right hand again, only this time down, up, down, down, and up, in a different pattern, skipping the lowest sounding string every time. Again, it doesn’t sound bad. It sounds like music.

“That’s a ‘C’ chord. Not the easiest stretch for some but it’s looking easy enough for a very handsome drink of water like yourself. These fingers of yours, Hargeeves-damn. They are so long and useful,” she teases.

“I am slim and long limbed, but I am not attractive or tall, so saying that colloquial expression doesn’t really apply to me,” I correct.

"Wrong. You are very attractive and compared to me, you are tall,” she laughs.

“Only part true," I laugh back.

I am at least two inches taller than my little woman and I love it. I reverse the positions of our right hands. Gently stroking her hand, the strings under her fingers ring out again, but this time, I am pretty sure not in the way they should.

“Speaking of size, and my long, brilliant fingers, things are getting substantially lengthier in my pants the more you press that hot body of yours on me like that. I think we should do music lessons later. Right now, I think you should keep kissing my neck like that, while I teach you how to give me a reach around whack off.”

“Oh, you think so, do you?”

“Uh-huh,” I softly murmur, placing her hand on my leg again, moving it towards my sizable problem just so she’s fully aware that I’m not completely joking. Once her hand is on me, she gets it, and I know she's going to give in to my audacious request.

I can’t help but let my head flop back and my mouth drop open. My lids automatically close as I relish the feel of her touching me even if it’s just over my pants. “Maybe when you're done taking care of me, I can get on my knees, sit you back, and return the favor?” My words come out so incredibly strained already.

“I would love for you to do that, but first you are going to learn two more chords. Then you will be able to play something satisfying right away.”

"This is already pretty damn satisfying," I argue.

To that remark I get nothing, but her hand does keep moving up and down as I shift myself so she can get at my restrained shaft a little better. Being a musician who can do two very different things with her hands at the same time, she fiddles my clenched fingers on the neck of the guitar in a new way even while stroking me. “Try that one,” she commands, with her mouth tickling the back of my ear.

Right hand shaking, I bring it down over the strings again, making a pleasant sound that is a little deeper sounding.

“Good. That’s an A major.” Fee slides her right hand up my torso, bringing it back down inside the waistband of my pants.

“Fuck Fee. This feels so good,” I breathe when I feel the flesh of her warm hand directly on me.

“I know, baby, and you are doing so good. Just one more, I promise,” she says as she holds the head of my cock in her hand, her thumb rubbing back and forth on the underside, causing me to helplessly whimper. I hardly notice my left hand being repositioned as she spreads my pearly seed round and round my swollen tip. “Again, but try to only hit the four bottom strings,” she says, letting her words vibrate along my upper spine. I strum the strings with an even more unsteady hand. “That’s a D chord. We will save the B and several other nice ones for our next lesson. I am proud of you, Five.”

My hips shunt as Fee brings her hand down over my length again. “You are?” I ask in a fresh moan as she runs her hand further south, tenderly fondling my balls.

“I always am,” Phoebe claims, then kisses the back of my neck so torturously slow, in pace with how she’s handling my cock.

My jaw clenches and I force myself to relax. “Honey. You are driving me crazy.”

“I know. Payback's a bitch, isn’t it?”

Dropping my right hand, I push it inside my already stretched sweatpants, clamping my fingers around hers, forcing her to grip me tighter.

“Harder,” I demand as I show her what I mean, working her hand over me at a much more brutal pace. “This isn’t going to take long,” I warn. Like I usually do, my hips start fucking back up into her hand, increasing the feel that I am actually fucking her. “I love you so much, Fee. You are so good to me. Thank you,” I breathe, releasing her so she can get to it on her own. I reach next to me, grasping her right leg, my knuckles going white as my fingers dig into her calf.

“Rrrhhhaa, Ffffffff,” I groan through clenched teeth as my cock slides up and down in her hand at the pace that makes my brain completely turn off.

Fee’s lips caress my skin, moving along the back side of my shoulder over the fabric of my cotton shirt and back up again. “Five, you are one very horny young man, and I wouldn’t want you any other way because you are young, and you have every right to be horny. I love you too,” she says, letting her words softly vibrate my spine again. “Now, be a good boy and set that beautiful present you gave me down before you accidentally drop it. I am about to get really good for you, baby.”   

Holy fuck. I have no idea what chords I just learned, but I know that I will never forget my first guitar lesson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bent over with my elbows on my knees, I rock back and forth, my heart racing as my fingers yank at my shaggy hair.

"Mother fucker of all fuckers!"

“Five, take a break,” Fee declares over my tenth outburst in the last half hour.

Opening my tightly clamped eyes, I wearily drag them across the yard in her direction. She is lying under the jeep, trying to see if there’s anything she can do about the cracked coil on the left rear tire. She thinks it happened the night she saved me, but since then we haven’t found a part to fix it. That’s not really the biggest problem though, because the thing won’t start anyway. Sitting all winter didn’t help, but Fee is almost certain that's because of a faulty starter, and we have nothing to fix that either.

With my lack of mechanical know-how, I can do little to help her diagnose all our many vehicle problems. Instead of getting greasy with her, most of the last two days of it finally not blowing like mad while the angry sky also dumped torrents of rain on us, I have been sitting outside with her, plunked down in my rusty old chair, swearing up a whole different kind of shit storm.

I can’t come up with anything that even remotely solves the issue of overcoming the indirect curvature of time and the rapid acceleration of energy needed to traverse it. Going forward when it comes to time travel was child’s play compared to going back. It’s all new, never done before math and concepts, and even with all that I know about it and having actually jumped years forward at a time, I am stumped.

“I can’t fucking figure this out,” I yell as I throw my latest scribble filled notebook down on the grass.

Hearing me really flipping out, Fee pushes herself out from under the vehicle and comes my way, stopping with her oily hands on her hips as she squints at me.

After a moment of silence, she reaches for her hat that’s hanging on the arm of my chair, plunking it down on her head so the sun isn't in her eyes. “You know, I can’t figure this shit out either, but you don’t hear me swearing every two minutes. Getting mad is never helpful. Why don’t you take a break?”

I don’t answer. My eyes dart away from her judgmental looking gaze.

She sighs loudly while bonking my foot with one of her sandals, and that makes me feel like I have to look back. When our eyes meet again, Fee gives me one of her sympathetic looks. “You will figure it out, Five.”

“Yeah, you don’t know that!” I bark back.

Clearly not liking that, she throws her hands up, shaking her head at me. “Maybe you just need something else to go on. We could go back to the city. You said the library there wasn’t a total loss. I am sure we can find texts in the ruins that will have some ideas you can use to expand your theories. I know you’ve been stuck on this for months. I am sorry. I know it’s driving you crazy but please don’t take it out on me.”

“We’ve talked about this, Fee. We can’t go. It’s so dangerous back there. And now, with the river flooding out all the roads around here, and the jeep not working, we can’t make it anywhere unless it’s on foot.”

“We can’t right now, but we can make the trip at some point. I know we can make it together just fine. You are acting like walking is a problem, but if I recall, that’s how you were getting around for five years before I found you.” She grins. “Has staying here in our luxurious mountain abode made you scared of getting your hands dirty or opposed to a few blisters on your cute feet? I thought we were saving the role of pampered princess for Dolores. Shall I start finding pretty little charms to decorate you with too? You know, you would look nice in sequins,” she says with a small laugh at the end.

“Real Nice,” I snap. “Why do you always have to act like you have all the answers? When it comes to this, you clearly don't know what the hell you are talking about. I have been in New York, you haven't! You think that your opinion is the only one that matters. It's like you enjoy making me feel like a little kid!

Fee instantly looks taken aback by my outburst, but she quickly schools her features to hide it. “Five… I was just joking. You know, trying to make you laugh and realize this isn't a big deal. I obviously know you aren't scared of hard work or walking. I never mean to make you feel like a child." She pushes her lips out, looking confused. "I am sorry, I didn't know you felt that I did." She pauses again, looking somewhere over my head with a blankness in her eyes before they come back to mine again. "Five, I don't understand. I am just trying to help.”

“Well, it's not funny and you can’t help with this. So just back off and do your thing and I will do mine!”

Her hands slap against her thighs as she pulls a frown at me. “No , I can’t. You are right. I am sorry that math and time travel really aren’t my thing, but I do my best with what I can help with, even if sometimes that’s putting up with your big boy tantrums.”

I cock my head, glaring at her as my shoulders rise with a tick like twitch that makes my growing anger and inability to control it blatantly obvious, which only pisses me off even more because I'm just proving her right; I am being a baby about this.

Leaving here is a very bad idea and every time Fee mentions it or questions how far I am getting with my calculations, my defenses trigger on a level that I am having a harder and harder hiding.

I feel like she’s trying to set me off on purpose, so I yell, “Fee. Just stop patronizing me, okay!”

“I am not doing that! I am just trying to make you realize that getting mad isn't going to help you.” She swallows several times trying to calm herself back down. Her eyes fall on the ground at my feet as she tosses her wrench back over by her other tools. “You know…” She pauses and my narrowed eyes come back to take on her fresh, icy blue glare. “I probably shouldn't say this, but sometimes I wonder if you are confusing the importance of what we have here with the reality that nothing is more important than getting back. There’s no reason we can’t go back to the city. You lived there on your own for five years and you survived. It clearly wasn’t as bad as the burning hot death hole you accidentally strolled into. You’ve got me with you now either way. Like I said, we will both be fine. If there's a chance that going will help you find the answers you need, then it's worth it. You know that we can't stay here forever.”

My eyes go wide as I jump out of my chair and get in her face. “I fucking know that, and I know you saved me! I know you are taking care of me, Fee! Do you always have to remind me of that!”

“That's not fair and you know it, and that’s not what I was saying. Why are you being so defensive? I am just pointing out that it’s okay to go and we should if it will help you figure out your math.”

“Phoebe, I know just how important getting back to save the entire fucking world is. Forgive me if I want to keep you safe and not have to bury another person that I love all because of massive amounts of stupid equations that I can’t figure out because I am stupid.”

“You are not stupid, and I am fine, Five. In case you forgot, I got along just fine without you, so with you I’m hardly in any more danger of death than I was before, and I came to this lovely area all the way from Utah so, yeah… Being mad at me for pointing that out, or not, going to New York from here is nothing. Like I said, we will be fine.”

“You just can’t stop, can you?" I furiously spit back. "I am well aware of how good you are at everything and how I nearly died next to a gigantic crater made by the fucking moon because I am an idiot!”

“Urgg! Five why are you being such a shit? I am not saying that!”

“It's because I am an asshole, remember?”

Fee’s expression softens into something that looks almost pained as her lips slowly part and her eyes crinkle at the corners. “Five, you are being an asshole right now, but I know it’s just because you are frustrated, and you are scared. I wouldn’t do something that could mean that I'd lose you either. Us leaving here together won’t risk that. We just need to watch the water levels and wait a little longer and we will be fine. I know we can find a route into the city and avoid the flooding. It may take a week or whatever for the latest storm damage to run its course but…”

She reaches out to take my hand, but like the baby I am being, a flash of electrical blue static surrounds me as I blink myself a few yards away where I reappear and instantly begin to pace with my head down rather than acknowledge what I just did or what she just said.

I hear her aggravated little huff, but I refuse to turn back and look at her.

“Fine. Whatever. You obviously need some space. I am going for a walk,” she mumbles as she marches away.

Hours later, Fee is not back.

I know that I was being awful, and I know I hurt her. I feel horrible about that and not being smart enough to solve the math needed to make this work. She is right as always. I am scared and I irrationally took my anger out on her. I am just mad that I can’t do this. It’s like when I was young and never good enough no matter how hard I tried.

Fee wasn't wrong that taking a break, or even going to the city to look for texts with ideas I can use, would be a smart plan of action, but no, I wouldn't listen. I yelled at her and blamed her for my own shortcomings rather than owning up to the real reason I am upset and digging my feet in.

I am putting being here with her, where I know we are safe, ahead of everyone else, and it’s selfish. As much as Fee loves me, I know being here alone like we are is not what she wants when she knows there’s a chance we can do something to prevent this. It’s not really what I want either, but I have never had this kind of thing with someone, and I am terrified of losing it.

That all lies on me, and I am being a total fuck head about it, and to her.

No wonder she didn’t come back yet.

I was such an epic asshole again and I hardly have me being an emotionally stunted teenager brought up in a house of equally confused kids as an excuse.

Walking down the gravel road to go after her, I have to constantly jump and dart around deep washouts. The rains that came in the last two weeks have been so bad that we are lucky there is any road left. Even so, taking the jeep anywhere or the bike isn’t looking promising even if we can get the damn things started.

When I get close to reaching where the small mountain stream runs alongside the road, I can already hear it, meaning it’s not a small creek anymore. When I get even further down the road, I am surprised to see it is still raging even though it hasn’t rained in over forty-eight hours.

When I get to the end of the line, which shouldn’t be, because it’s actually still about another mile and half before the road levels out and splits to the north and south along the range, I find there’s no road left as far as my eyes can see. The river swept it away.

Days ago, when Fee and I walked down here together, the road was just a little flooded on one side where the banks had spilled over.

Huge trees and branches sweep past me in the viciously churning water, moving so fast that when they slam up against other broken debris and rocks hidden under the muddy water, they make powerful cracking and tearing sounds.

There’s no way Fee went past here but I didn’t pass her so that must mean that she came back another way and I missed her somehow when I went in the house. Since it’s definitely not as sunny or warm over here, I figure that maybe she's wandering around on the other side of the bluff like she likes to do in the afternoon.

Looking up, I see the sun’s rays illuminating just the tops of the remaining trees that still stand tall, like smooth gray, wind torn monuments to what once was part of a vast wooded range formed over 480 million years old. A chill runs up my arms from the breeze blowing through the pass.

Spinning around, looking at the river again, something brightly colored catches my eye.

I walk over and bend down.

It’s a tiny bouquet of early spring purple wildflowers mixed with a few budded shoots from some kind of tree.

Fee loves finding things like this and bringing them back so she can show me and then proudly display them in the colorful glass vase I found for her that sits on our mantel.

“Fee!”

My shout is swallowed by the much louder sound of the water.

My heart sinks when I think about how she wouldn’t have dropped those by accident or just left them like this.

She has to still be near here.

Full-on panicking, I sprint around, searching the area, calling for her, over and over.

She doesn’t answer.

Nothing looks the same as it did a few days ago and I have no idea which way she would have gone. There isn’t really anywhere obvious to go. One side of the road is butted up to a relatively steep rocky cliff and the other is flooded.

Working my way back up along the winding water’s edge I see something.

Back where I just was, where the road had been, I can see that the soil there is darker colored and freshly disturbed compared to the rest of the embankment around it. It’s like it very recently washed out, eroded by the rushing water, causing it to abruptly collapse and disappear like the rest of the road in front of it already has.

Holding my breath, I come as close to the edge as I can without potentially making my weight cause it to collapse again.

“No, no, no! Fee!” I scream when I see Phoebe’s baseball cap down below, stuck a little way out on a half-submerged branch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I searched everywhere for Fee. Up and down the river, over and over. Through the woods, miles and miles around our cabin and I found nothing.

Not another trace of her.

Every day I refused to give up hope that she was out there, somewhere. Maybe she was mad at me still and just not ready to come back yet.

All I wanted was for her to come home.

It wasn’t until almost two weeks later, when the river had become nothing more than a lazy stream again that I found her.

She wasn't far from where she disappeared.

A clump of her long red hair was wrapped around a branch laying on the ground, and at first, I just thought she must have got it stuck on there and she had to have cut it off or something. When I tried to pick up the snarl covered wood, I realized it was stuck down because it was attached to something buried under it. Then, as sickness filled my gut, just a few feet away, partly hidden in a tangle of grass, I saw a familiar rainbowy strappy sandal with a foot in it. It was partly encased in the gray clay. Those two parts of her were the only things of color on the dead landscape.

Seeing that... Finally knowing... My heart broke and so did I.

I couldn't see the rest of her body, but from what I could tell, she was there, only twisted in a sick and unnatural way based on where her head was compared to her feet. My beautiful girl was stuck into the dried mud so hard that it took me hours with my bare hands to get her out, but there was no way I could pull myself away from her to go back for a shovel. Even if I did go get something better to break the ground, I would have been too terrified to use it. She was so hurt already; I couldn't risk hurting her even more.

I wanted to die right there with her.

It felt like I did.

It didn’t matter that she was decomposing, or that her body was brutally ruined by the wrath of the river, once I had her free, I held her to me, begging her to forgive me.

As crazed as I was, my fractured mind wouldn’t give me the solace of letting her answer my pleas. Her voice is one I could not conjure but that didn't stop me from trying.

I tried to blink with her to get her back but the first time I landed with her, just up the dried embankment, her body tore apart, and I knew I couldn't go further with her that way.

Like a mindless zombie, covered in dirt and the pungent smell of human decay, I eventually made it back to the cabin. I don't remember that walk or the walk back to her. Near dark, I pulled my wagon up the mountain pass, loaded with Fee's small, battered body in a blanket on top of it. As I wheeled her along, all my mind could do was think about getting her somewhere safe.

Once I finally had her to our home, I couldn’t bury her.

I couldn’t think.

My mind at that point was more gone than it had ever been. I was mad with rage one minute then sobbing endlessly the next.

Days later, with no other choice but to give her dignity, I finally buried Phoebe under an old, dead black ash tree that she had always said would have been so beautiful if it were alive still.

Unable to leave her, I stayed at our cabin for two more months. I hardly ate. I hardly slept more than a few hours at a time, but when I did, it was clinging to her pillow, pretending that the faint traces of her scent meant that she was still with me.

When I left, it was only because I had finally pulled myself together enough to face the horrible world again and because it was the only way I could save her.

That thought alone is what held me together.

Like the day I lost her, I was stuck. Stuck inside myself, stuck with my calculations, and stuck blaming myself for something that I knew deep down Phoebe would tell me was wrong for me to be doing.

She would have said it was an accident. Fee never wanted me to suffer. She always said that none of this was my fault.

But it was.

I know that she went for that walk because of how unfair I was being to her.

She was upset by my behavior, and she had reason to be.

I know the only reason Fee went down to the river’s edge that day was because she was checking to see how bad it was. She wanted to help me and leaving to go back to the city seemed like the best option in her mind.

But, even getting to the city and my library, I remained stuck, unable to perfect the math that I needed to get back. I was trapped there another thirty-eight years, alone except for Dolores. After that, Dolores did all she could do to comfort me, just like she always did. We eventually picked up our old routine, but the reality was, neither of us could ever move on from losing Fee.

Even in my time with The Commission after The Handler came to pluck me out of my hell, I suffered for my sins, just in new ways.

I don’t think I could ever hate myself so much as I did that day I found Phoebe’s body, but as it turns out, almost a lifetime later, I did thanks to my years of killing innocent people all in the name of maintaining the generally accepted timeline for a corrupt space time continuum organization ran by a bunch of creepy manipulative self-serving fucks.

As long as it has been, no matter how many years pass, and how unredeemable I become, I still love my Fee.

For her and for everyone else, I will figure out this mess I've made.

I promised her I would, and I won't stop until I do or until I have no choice in the matter.

No matter what, every single day, I never give up hope that I will someday be deserving of seeing her smiling face again.

Someday...

Chapter Seven: Epilogue (Oblivion Park)

Klaus puts both his hands out in front of him, wiggling his fingers as he concentrates. "Alakazam, ghosties!"

And...nothing.

Our newly alive again ghost whispering brother looks very perplexed at his inability to use his powers, as do all of us.

After the recently resurrected, much less ape-like looking Luther finishes angrily grabbing me by my collar, yelling at me about Sloane being missing from our group, I am forced to tell him I have no idea where she is. He clearly thinks this is my fault and he does not look pleased when I add that she may not even be in this new utopian version of the world our dad and Allison must have created with that little coup they pulled back in the hotel hell that miraculously had been right here a few minutes ago but isn't now.

Everyone is having their own usual meltdowns, babbling on like always about themselves. Then, after zero discussion, other than that we have no powers, and deciding that we are pretty much shit out of luck with what to do about that, they all just start to wander off.

Again, taking another look at my suddenly reappeared severed arm, I shake my head in disbelief. It's nice to have that back, and not have blood all over my brand-new suit, and not be dying but...

Looking up at Lila’s excited expression and Diego’s equally eager look, then the bronze statue of dad’s head, I can’t help my frown.

They are all leaving. After everything.

We almost just got kugelblitzed. Reginald nearly just killed us. He sucked our powers from us like we are nothing more than batteries that he always planned to drain, then he just threw us away, and this is what we do about it? We abandon each other? Have we learned nothing?

Really?

Cursing, Ben disappears the same way Luther just left without so much as a goodbye.

Viktor clearly feels the same way I do about this, and despite him trying to stop them, he is losing his fight to keep us all together, but I shouldn’t really be upset or surprised by that or any of this.

Thinking and trying to understand what just happened and what this means, it dawns on me that we might have actually done it this time.

Well, maybe we didn’t, but Reginald or Allison did. Either way, they never would have reset the world on a course that was going to simply end again in a few days.

That means the apocalypse is over. We are safe. Lila is right. We can start to live our life as we want for once.

I spin around, my suit jacket swinging open from the momentum. It’s just me and Viktor left with our dad’s monument between us.

My eyes widen with realization. “Fee,” I whisper under my breath.

Twisting on my heel, I start picking up pace as I head toward the large stone arch leading out of the circular garden.

“Five! Where are you going?” Viktor shouts, interrupting my racing thoughts and my attempt at a hasty departure.

The heels of my dress shoes grind on the loose stone path as I turn back. “I am going to find Fee.”

“Who?”

“Phoebe Leroux.” Just saying her name out loud makes my heart feel so tight. It always aches when I think about her, but I’ll never stop.

"Who is Phoebe Leroux?"

My brows furrow as my mind goes back to her, remembering.

“Fee is a woman that I have been in love with for nearly forty-five years,” I quietly admit, “and she is someone that I wronged very, very badly.” I pause as I think about the extremely heavy truth of that.

Seeing Viktor looking at me like he has no clue what the hell I am talking about, I find myself laughing even though I shouldn't be. It's like a madness erupting in me that I can control. They know nothing about Fee. Not even The Commission let on that they knew she was with me in the apocalypse even though I am sure they knew. All of this is madness but it's finally over. We are finally free of all of it.

I stride back, meeting Viktor halfway in the shadowy garden. Running my hand back through my hair, I shake my head, trying to think of a way to explain all this.

“I met Fee only once, back when we were sixteen, and I epically fouled up that first brief encounter. Then, as fate would have it, because she had powers like we do, she survived when the ‘moon’ thing went down.”

I try to smile at Viktor when I air quote the moon thing, and that’s because I know full well that he still feels awful about that. My small overture gets him to return one of his very awkward looking grins.

Placing my hands back in my pockets, I continue explaining. “Phoebe was there alone in the apocalypse too, and she found me and saved me when I was about to die because I’m a never-ending arrogant asshole. That bright moment on my list of many happened five years into that hell. Her saving me is what ultimately got us all to this point, so I guess, in a way, she’s the one that saved everyone. She is the bravest, most caring person I have ever met, and I love her.”

“You mean you weren’t alone all those years?” Viktor looks utterly confused and even more floored by my explanation. “I mean, other than Dolores? I know you were with her and all that, and she is very real to you but…” he tries to clarify. “I am sorry, that’s not coming out right at all,” he apologizes, his pale cheeks flaming.

I smile at my brother’s embarrassment over my lifelong romantic relationship with a mannequin. I can’t exactly blame him for still being weirded out about that. “Don’t apologize, you have no reason to, and yes,” I say with another laugh. “I was with my loving Dolores for the entirety of my time in the apocalypse, but there was a short time when we weren’t alone. For eight months, seventeen days, ten hours, thirty-six minutes and give or take forty-nine seconds we were madly in love with a very special, very real woman.”

“Where’d she go?”

My somewhat manic smile evaporates as I think about what happened.

“We had a stupid fight about me being stupid. Fee went for a walk to give me space to calm down and get my shit together.” I have to stop to swallow the lump in my throat. “I messed up and I let her down. She didn’t deserve that from me, not after everything.” The lump comes back, but I speak through it, my voice cracking just a little. “There had been storms for weeks, and…” I look down at my shoes. “She drowned,” I simply say because I’m unable to say more.

“Oh no, Five! That’s-”

“That was a long time ago,” I quickly add, cutting him off, trying to let Viktor know he doesn’t need to say anything. I don’t want him to.

This is why I never told any of them. One, because everyone, including myself, were too wrapped up in their own things and jumping through time and fucking everything up, but it's also because I didn’t want them to know. If they did, it would just be one more thing I have to explain about my dark life that is too hard for me to talk about.

Something feels different now though. I want Viktor to know. Memories of Fee playing her guitar and me telling her about my siblings fill my mind with warm loving nights cuddling next to her by the fire, me talking with her for hours, back when I was happy.

The Handler was right. We all want happy.

A small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth when I remember telling Fee of how my sister may not have had powers like us, but she was a very kind and passionate and proficient musician that I knew she’d get along with famously because they were actually very similar in many ways.

Avoiding that same person I had long ago told Fee about and their wide eyed, very concerned gaze they are giving me, I look around again, checking out what I can see of the city skyline peeking out over the tall, groomed hedges. Slowly I count in my head the days since when the apocalypse should have ended all this.

Fee would have caught a flight this morning out of Salt Lake City. Based on the time, she is supposed to be performing at a location not that far from here.

“I have to go,” I say as I start walking away.

“What are you going to do, Five?” Viktor asks.

“I need to deliver a long overdue apology.”

“But if the apocalypse didn’t happen and you guys never met again, how’s she-”

“It doesn’t matter if she remembers what we had,” I say, interrupting him. “I still owe her an apology.” Viktor just stares at me with his big brown eyes looking so lost, so I find myself saying, “I just need to see her again. It’s been so long and I…”

I can’t even begin to say how I feel, so I don’t.

Viktor stuffs his hands in his pockets the same way I have mine. “Well, if you want company, I would be happy to come with you for emotional support,” he offers.

“You mean like my wingman?” I correct him with a knowing smile.

Viktor isn’t like the rest of them, ready to leave everyone behind and never look back. He has never been that person. As his older brother, this time around my instinct to take care of him is stronger than my desire to figure out how to save the world and that's because it is figured out. No more apocalypse, that's all that matters. All this has me thinking that doing what my girl taught me, showing a little more heart, and by doing so, letting him be my ‘wingman’ isn’t a horrible idea.

Viktor nervously laughs. “Yeah, I guess I mean like that. This woman sounds pretty special, maybe you can hope for more than just a chance to say you’re sorry. If she forgave you for whatever happened between you two when you were sixteen, and she fell for you once before, then maybe she will again. You are only a few years younger than you were. You're technically legal, so maybe that wouldn’t be too…” He nervously laughs again, and I can’t help but join him.

I am physically eighteen instead of fifty-eight thanks to accidentally fucking up a decimal placement in my math so yeah… At least I'm legal as he so nicely just reminded me, then again, Fee is five years younger, so...

“Yeah, maybe…” I agree with a smirk, thinking about what Phoebe would have to say about all that and my nerdy, even more boyish appearance than what she had to deal with the first time. Looking back over at my brother, I nod. “Well Viktor, I think I’ll take you up on that offer, if you’re willing to be my emotional support sibling, I’ll take it. Clearly, I can use all the help I can get.”

Viktor nods back, probably unable to come up with words to express his shock over my rare show of maturity and willingness to admit so openly that I need someone.

As my brother and I silently start walking out of the garden the same why the rest of our family vanished, we begin to take note of all the strange new buildings that weren't there before, especially the fact that nearly half of them appear to be owned by none other than Sir Reginal Hargreeves, the alien ass lord who is responsible for stripping us of our powers and for us being here.

Moving down the sidewalk heading towards the busy downtown, I know I should be more concerned about all that, but my old broken heart in my new young body races as I let myself think about Fee and all the possibilities a woman like that can bring to a broken man’s life if she’s willing.

She saved me once before, so maybe, just maybe, she will open her beautiful heart to an old crazy wretch like me and do it all over again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Link from a special request scene extension from the point he found her.

Thanks to all who read this one. ❤️

Master Post List to all my Five Centric Stories and Art

Link to visit me on AO3

Link to my other posts on Tumblr

[how-very-salty]

id love to see veronica talking care of a sick jd ❤️❤️

as you wish <3

hot soup

link to ao3

Veronica Sawyer x JD (pure au)

__________________

The world around him was melting and shaking like jelly in a hot oven. JD squeezed his eyes shut with a groan: it hurt to look at the light, but he didn't have the strength to get up and turn it off. Nor to take the blanket out of the box: even though October had been surprisingly warm, he'd been shivering with cold all day. His head felt empty and sticky, he felt an unpleasant buzzing in his ears, and every joint in his body ached with pain. Fucking flu! 

He hadn't been this sick since he was a kid. The last time had been when he was nine, shortly after his mother had died. He'd been sick for almost a month then - and he'd recovered for months. It made him realize that his father didn't care about him: even in that state, he had to cook for himself and take his sweat-soaked pajamas to the laundry every morning, bending over and coughing. 

As he struggled to get back on his feet, JD promised himself he would never get sick again. He'd kept that promise for eight years, only to fall apart after his first fight with Veronica. What a bad time... 

If they hadn't had a fight, she would definitely come to visit him, and then he wouldn't have to be sick alone again. He could try to put down his metal shell for a while and let someone else take care of him. Or rather not someone but Veronica: she was the only one he could show his weakness to. At least he thought he could... But they'd had their fight, and now he'd never know for sure. Because JD had said so much crap that she would probably never look at him again. 

Why is he such a jerk when it comes to her?

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, imagining Veronica coming into the room and sitting on the mattress next to him. Her cool fingers gently brushed the damp strands away from his face. She tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned over him. Soft lips pressed against his forehead for a moment and Ronnie gasped softly, feeling how hot his skin was.

"Why didn't you call me, you idiot?"

JD's brow furrowed in confusion: sure, he'd fucked up, but shouldn't she sound more gentle, at least in his own fantasies? 

"Because you're mad at me. Aren't you?" he exhaled hoarsely, half coughing. The thoughts in his head were jumbled, fading into a thick, heavy fog. 

"Sure, I'm still mad," Veronica gently wiped away the salty trace that stretched from the corner of his eye to his temple, "but that doesn't mean you can disappear for three days and expect me not to care! We can work things out after you're healed, okay?"

JD opened his watery eyes and focused on her face... So he hadn't imagined her? Veronica was really here, coming to him after all he'd said to her? 

"I don't want to fight! I just want you here," he blurted out carelessly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry, please."

JD reached for her hand and squeezed in his own. Veronica's eyebrows were raised sadly.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard," she looked up at him guiltily, "It was just something in my head, you know?"

"No," her expression darkened, and JD, suppressing the urge to punch himself, hastily clarified, "I mean, you have nothing to apologize for! I really need to trust you more. And not just in words... You're the only one I can trust."

He stopped awkwardly. Didn't that sound too corny? 

"That openness of yours is why it hits me so hard when you suddenly shut down," she chuckled sheepishly, ruffling his sweat-soaked curls. "But still, let's put this conversation aside and take care of you first, okay?" 

"No need," JD said curtly. "Everything's fine. it's not the first time," he closed his eyes and cursed mentally. He's doing it again. Now she'd leave him and he'd be alone because he'd decided to play cool. But he wanted her to come, didn't he? 

"JD," Veronica sighed reproachfully as she rose from the mattress, "there's no shame in asking for help! Nor in accepting it."

"I know," he forced himself to say, "I'm just not used to it, okay? I... I need your help! Don't go..."

"Dummy," her soft lips touched his forehead again, "I'm not going anywhere. How could I leave you like this?

"Then where are you going?" 

"I thought I could find something to make soup. My mom always makes it when I'm sick," she trailed off awkwardly and gave him a quick look, "um... when was the last time you ate?"

"I think it's been two or three days," JD admitted reluctantly, and Veronica put her hands over her mouth. "Don't be so dramatic. I'm not really hungry."

"There you go again," she sighed, and left the room without another word. 

A short time later, the front door on the first floor slammed. Did he say something wrong again? 

The soft sound of footsteps woke him from his restless slumber. JD opened his eyes and stared at Veronica. She was standing over him with a stern expression on her face, holding a bowl of steaming soup. 

"Are you going to pour it on me?" he muttered, staring at her in fake horror.

"Sorry, I had to go to the store," Ronnie snorted and sat down on the bed next to him. "You don't have any food in the fridge, just beer..."

"What's beer to you, isn't food? You know, there's a German proverb: 'Beer is liquid bread'," he chuckled hoarsely, finally waking up. "You shouldn't, honey, I'm really not hungry. But I'm glad you're back."

"I don't care, you need to eat and you will eat," Veronica scooped up the soup with a spoon. "Open your mouth, here comes the plane..."

JD rolled his eyes, sat up on the pillows and opened his mouth obediently. Sometimes it was easier to do what Ronnie wanted than to argue with her - she was so damn stubborn! 

Most of the time she was right. As soon as the soup was in his mouth, his stomach rumbled with hunger. 

Okay, okay, you were right," he sighed, reaching for the spoon, "you can say your famous..."

"Nah, cranky sick people are hand-fed," she showed him her tongue and took another spoonful of soup. "And yes, I told you so!"

When the plate was empty, Veronica set it on the floor and climbed into bed with him. She shoved her icy feet underneath him, as she always did, making him wince from the cold. 

"You might catch it," JD tried to pull away, but she just shrugged it off, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him. 

"Who cares? I miss you so much," she murmured, snuggling into his shoulder. 

"I care! I miss you too, but..."

"Tsk, tsk! I'm the nursing expert here, and I can authoritatively say that you are in dire need of a hug," Ronnie snorted, giving him a sly look from under her lashes. "If I get sick, you'll come to me too, won't you?

"Sure," JD couldn't resist anymore, so he gave in and hugged her; it felt much warmer. "And I'll feed you with a spoon, too, like a little girl.... "

"I don't mind," she giggled softly, lifting herself up and kissing him on the cheek. "You can tell a story, too."

"I can't remember a single one," he licked his dry lips, hesitantly trying to change the subject. They would have to talk about this fight anyway. Right now, he could at least hope that she would have mercy on him. "Look, about the birthday..." 

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Veronica interrupted him hastily. "I was wrong to keep pushing... I should have stopped when you asked me to, and then we wouldn't have had this fight!"

"Maybe, but that doesn't excuse me. I acted like a real asshole anyway," JD looked away guiltily. "I shouldn't have talked to you like that, and I was clearly wrong to say that you were prying and clingy. And I definitely shouldn't have said that you..."

"That I'm training you like a dog to raise your voice on command? Yeah, you went a little overboard there," Veronica's voice was fake funny, and it made him feel like the scum of the earth.  

"I'm sorry," JD swallowed and stammered, trying to explain himself, "I don't know how I could even think of that! I don't think so, I just..."

He shut up, wishing he hadn't brought it up: the mood in the room had changed for the worse. He hoped they wouldn't get into another fight...

"You do that all the time when someone tries to get under your defenses! You get angry and then you attack," Ronnie looked up at him wearily, "only I thought I was allowed to..." 

"You are allowed," he protested heatedly, "you really are! But I'm just used to not needing other people. To need someone is a sign of weakness. And it always, absolutely always ends badly."

"But I need you," she frowned, leaning on her elbows, "and I admit it. Does that make me weak?"

"No, but..." he didn't have time to finish, coughing and turning away hastily.

"It doesn't work like that, JD!" she waited until the coughing was over, cupping his face in her palms and gently turning him toward her. "You can't always just give. Relationships are also about taking and letting someone take care of you." 

"I'll try, but," his lips curled grimly, "it won't change that quickly, darling. I didn't have anyone to teach me that, I didn't have anyone to care about me at all until you came along..."

"Shit," her eyes widened in realization, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking! I... I seem to be pushing you again, yeah?"

"It's okay, love," JD pulled her gently toward him. "You're saying all the right things, but... We both just need time and a little patience." 

Veronica nodded curtly and suddenly hugged him tightly, pressing her face into his chest.

"My birthday is Wednesday, next week," he whispered softly, burying his nose in her soft hair. It smelled of cherries, as always, but now it was lighter and cleaner, and his heart suddenly beat faster, whether from love or the rising fever.  "I don't want to celebrate, but I'd like you to spend this day with me. And, Ronnie, can you... can you stay with me tonight? I usually get worse at night." 

"Sure," Veronica lifted her head and pressed her lips to his in a quick kiss. "Of course I'll stay! Do you want anything?" 

"How about some more soup? I think I'm still hungry."

[evverest]

this post talks about suicidal ideation, severe anxiety, panic attacks, and generally bad stuff. don't read it if you're having a bad day, thanks, love u.

before today, i'd only had three panic attacks about this job. none happened while on the clock. one before i started the job, one immediately after a shift, one immediately before a shift. unpleasant, but i persevered.

the lack of panic attacks, however, requires a lot of discipline from a brain and body already exhausted by the effort from simply working the job.

it requires enough sleep, for a start. i've never been good at going to sleep, not even as a little kid. i could never shut my brain off. now with an early and long shift the following morning to dread and despair over, it's an even tougher feat. i go to bed ridiculously early, self soothe with every trick i know, put a youtube video on, and for the most part succeed, however unpleasant, with an hour or two margin for error. get up early, but hopefully not sleep deprived because everything unravels on no sleep. force down a breakfast (while nauseous), however small. take my meds. get myself to walk out the door and drive to work (still nauseous). fight with myself to not just keep driving. make it inside, make it through the day. rest after my shift so i have the energy to do it all again, nauseous the whole evening because i'm anxious about the next day.

discipline. just working a job at all is exhausting when you haven't done it in years. this job requires exertion. it hurts my back and my feet and my brain and my hands. but i don't need to just work, i need to manage the anxiety, an off and on the clock job.

what happens when i fuck up this discipline terrifies me on a level i cannot really wrap my head around. i couldn't sleep last night. got hit at like 7 pm with a bout of severe anxiety about today's shift. got nauseous. couldn't shake it. went to bed, put a youtube video on. couldn't shake it. tried reading, tried knitting, tried just closing my eyes. ended up more anxious. wandered to the living room shaking like a leaf so boy could help soothe me, fell asleep around midnight. slept in small fits, only ever half asleep, until 3. then i was awake, and starting to panic. i never do well on no sleep. far, far too nauseous to eat. can't take meds without food. if i go to work like this, i have a panic attack on the clock, almost assuredly, and that's game over. so i call out. which feels bad. only a month in to this job. doing it due to anxiety, which i have worked so very hard every waking moment to keep a lid on. thoughts spiral, start to feel like a failure, like i'm losing my grip, starting the inevitable descent. start to truly panic, so i take ativan, hoping it will calm me and put me to sleep. it does not. i barely even feel it. read a book till boy wakes up, immediately offer to go get him coffee to distract myself and not give him time to notice the state i'm in. start hyperventilating in the coffee shop. kinda ironic, having a panic attack in a coffee shop even though i called out of my shift at a coffee shop. drive home lightheaded with blurry vision, like a moron. arrive home, have a panic attack so bad even my legs start to go numb. it lasts ages. makes boy late for work.

and this is apparently what life just is for me. this is what i need to do to live with agoraphobia. keep it under wraps so tight it can't spiral. don't fuck up.

i know what happens if i get so exhausted i fuck up. what happens when i can't force food down my throat through nausea and what happens when even the ativan doesn't put me to sleep and what happens when the panic attack hits while i'm one of two people working in a busy store and what happens when i cannot get myself to walk out the door anymore.

i know what happens. it's happened before. and truly, i love my life. my person, my cat, my home, my family, my passions, my games, my neighborhood, my walks, my dreams of what my future could look like.

but without a job, all of that turns sour. i become a financial burden to the people i love most, at constant risk of homelessness and anything i've ever thought to want out of life is dead in the water.

and this is where my bpd takes over. it already did a part in making everything feel so huge and intense in the first place. but now it rears it's ugly fucking head to say "well, you fucked it up irrevocably and you have no other option, so you need to kill yourself". not even a desire anymore, just a necessity. it feels cruel, even to me, and i am no stranger to being cruel to myself.

i've got people telling me i can in fact do this. i've been telling myself i can do this, even got a tattoo to remind myself. but the feeling that i cannot gets more overpowering the longer i go on. the panic attacks are incredibly convincing arguments to that point. the more i have, the less i see a path to continue. i am exhausting myself. all the while knowing that historically, eventually, i give up.

i've only got so much fight in me. i am fucking tired. and two ativans in, i still cannot fucking sleep.

[ochalife]

Exactly a year and a half ago, I broke off a 5 year relationship. I thought that the breakup was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and move on from about that relationship, but then turns out I was very wrong because the aftermath of everything was the most difficult part of it all.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been together since I was in grade 11 and we went to the same school for college but broke up before the summer after my 2nd year, so obviously that was one of the things I dreaded after the breakup because that meant I would have to deal with the possibility of seeing him on campus everyday. Which I did see him a lot, even crossing paths with him as early as 6:30am in the school parking.

How the relationship ended is a deep lore, because everything isn’t how I thought it was and the missing pieces only came together almost a year after the breakup. We broke up on good terms by the way, no other girl (that I knew of at the time), we just had to come to the fact that the relationship just wasn’t working anymore and we were too tired and drained to keep on trying.

Anyway, in short, he got together with the girl I was suspicious about 6 months after the breakup. The girl was someone who was very close to him even when we were still together, who tried to befriend me even though I had a bad feeling about her, so I repeatedly kept telling my ex to stay away from her because I had a gut feeling she was into him but he couldn’t be bothered to push her away even if I asked.

Seeing them together hurt me for the longest time, even more than the breakup or coming to the realization that the relationship itself was super shitty and I wasn’t treated that well in the first place. I felt incredibly betrayed because I never thought that someone who I shared 5 years of my life with could be ever do that to me. Also embarrassed because literally everyone knew what was up with the 3 of us even when we were still together so their whole relationship had my name tied to it even if I didn’t want to. It was painful, I cried so many times over it and I was bitter because I couldn’t believe it.

We went no contact the day after the breakup and very thankfully, no one broke it. I blocked him on every social media earlier this year for the sake of my peace, so I don’t have a clue what goes on in his life. Honestly, he’s dead to me, like buried 6 feet below the ground dead, so I don’t really care what he does with his life anymore.

Yesterday, I went out with a friend who was still mutuals with him on Instagram and caved in to the curiosity of taking a peek at his posts. He posts his new girl on there a lot as my friend had said and when I looked at his highlights of her, they seem go out together on so much dates too. They look happy and for a second there, I even thought that they were cute together.

Which kind of caught me off guard. Never in a million years would I wish my ex and his new girl well because of what they did to me, the betrayal and hurt that they caused me for the longest time, but here I am, genuinely wishing that they’re happy with each other. I wasn’t hurt when I looked at their photos together, not even a sliver of bitterness or ache in my chest. Nothing.

Nothing. Turns out nothing instead of anything or something is an entire blessing in itself too.

Only means: I’ve moved on, for real. Something I never thought I’d be able to do. It took longer than I wanted, but here I am anyway, a year and a half later. When I realized it today, I felt like crying because who would’ve fucking thought.

Turns out there was no reason to be bitter about someone else’s life if you’re happy with yours. Ever since the breakup, I’ve found peace and healed by surrounding myself with people who love me and by loving and taking care of myself too. I haven’t been in a relationship since that last one, which is okay because I recently realized that I may be on the aroace spectrum so I’m not really interested with intimate connection anymore.

I love my life. My family and friends love me and they always seek my presence so they ask me to hang out all the time. I’m able to spend my time the way I want and I never, ever feel lonely even if I’m alone most of the time. My energy is reserved for myself and the people that actually matter to me and I never have to worry about or consider someone else when it comes to anything. I picked up writing as a hobby again since I never wrote after getting into that relationship, so that’s a win.

So turns out it’s true that time heals. Life is insane, I’m so serious. I never expected my life to turn out this way because I was so sure that the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with was him, so my future was set in stone from the start. But then life had other, better plans. I wouldn’t have life any other way :)

[sniper-rifle-coffee]

So had a tough day Saturday me & the family had a funeral for our grandmother and grandfather, long story not short, my oldest brother broke that night I had to take control of him & my younger brother, so oldest blacked out making me regret leaving my kids then told me every day he thinks about his dad walking out then as he became older he felt that he had to become the father of the family an we see that in him I look up to him but after him all this I still need to be there for him he was in so much pain he then talks alone to our little brother at some point they were on the ground hugging crying screaming that was bad because as soon as I went to split them up our little brother bolts to the highway yelling screaming I chased him down an get him back to the car after calming him down oh lord it was so fucked that night traumatized both of us I'm pretty sure our little brother won't be going to anymore family events because of what my older brother said an did there's so much my older brother broke me talked about my kids made me feel worthless even though he said he feels like a bum lower then me since I'm a father he then started to yell in my face I have to keep all the family members together every year or two I have to contact all our family even though he was doing that telling everyone there that we have to meet least a 1 or 2 year for now on, the thing about my family we only meet when death occurs its rare for us to come together ever it's just were not social that much so we meet near never,

I get why my brother wants us all to come back to being a family there's not many of us left he then also started to say he's now the oldest one in the family on our moms side this all seems so fucked up didn't help that my older brother did nothing for our oldest brother that's why I had to deal with them seem I'm always the one that needs to keep pushing on but I'm fucken tired lately I stay up nights in a row the longest I've gone without sleep was nearly 3 days keeping busy cleaning my place my roommates parents place even cutting there grass just to keep busy just getting fucked up after work high asf drunk I'm so tired but can't sleep I have so much going on since this funeral, bills family friends roommates fighting daily so im popping pills painkiller for my body hurting my fucker feet I still need to see my doc for that & a bloody fucken refill been near a month trying to get my 15mg so nearly a month having only 2mg of my Anti psychotic my mom thinks I can't sleep because I've pretty much been off my meds I need 17mg I'm missing 15mg so smoking weed is a high risk but I've been risking it need it helps me slow down, plus bills an debt collectors keep emailing me and calling me every day I just started to pay for my child support a wonderful 310$ each month now that'll be great for rent tight asf they took this amount when I was doing windows and doors that was a great paying job, the job I do now is like half a cheque compared to windows so my CS is little high weird timing so my son is also going to have a new brother or sister she told me that she's with child from a guy she put in jail he's out an guess they're having a child that's pretty awesome but little fucked up this guy man should have stayed in jail he hit her an yelled at my boy fuck him but eh as long he don't fuck up ill be chill don't like him one bit,

ah anyways so I got my bills paid for living here but my phone bill is fucked for my ex I have her on my plan she don't pay for this bill even though she gets heavy charges going to the USA using data roam my last bill mine 240$ hers 350$ to 400$ because going to the usa so much it hits the bill fucken hard I paid 410$ few days ago the remainder is 600$ an due on the 24th so I have to message her again to help pay the bill or get cut off I can't afford for her to up fuck the phone bill just to fuck some guy in the usa thank fuck the night we fight I told her I don't trust her & that she's paying for the fucken suv I got her she's got a really good paying easy family job in IT she could easily pay for some of the phone bill but won't so seems if no pay by Saturday she's off it I just pray I can get her off it.

Still hurting missing my kids I had to leave I couldn't live with her an her dad any longer in the ghetto bug Infested Projects with her lies an doing things behind my back it even shows soon after i left she just went right to the other guy..

you know what's another fucked thing she pays 400 for fucken rent I pay 1750 three ways maybe 2 ways soon fuck me man then pay for water an hydro internet foods house hold things so like I said too roommates been fighting an I'm the guy in the middle listening to both sides seems I'm the one that keeps them from losing it fully on each other one mate been sick missing lots of work not cleaning after him self & get real messy when his gf comes visiting even though all he does is game on pc every day n night so me an other mate talked he said if he misses rent or borrows off me again he wants him out I get it but I said we got to give him a chance even though there had been a few chances already fuck hate being the nice good guy for people I'm so tired left an right just trying my best to keep peace an people happy I did my best for my kids the girls probably maybe miss me or hates me for not getting to say bye or why,

I finally just met my son while back for the first time had a great day getting to know him an play in a park together ate some food had Ice cream that was a great day at the forks,

but I was there for my girl 9years an didn't even get two years for my daughter I hate my ex why would she do it leave me in the dark I known we were drifting apart but I wanted to be there for the kids so badly I feel so useless & cowardly I just couldn't live with her for months I wouldn't hold her I'd sleep far in the corner against the wall most nights to hold my daughter as she slept in the middle of the bed my heart hurts not feeling hers anymore I'm crying again I keep missing out on so much I only get updates from my mom about how my daughter's are doing I'm in so much fucken pain feel lost an stuck suffering daily guess it's what I deserve I could have stayed but I knew what was happening an I mentally couldn't do it any longer if I stayed I would have had psychosis again it would have been some time but it was going to happen living like that small rooms I've learned what triggered my last one her an her family with a mix of alot of alcohol an weed. Last few days non stop thinking life is really fucking me it's so hard I sometimes get to vent to my mate helps but I still feel so alone my freinds don't get or feel what I deal with or gone through I feel so depressed and Defeated my only fix is weed alcohol an painkillers lately that's all I do keep busy fix clean move shit work I'm tired same thing daily work coffee music I go out now again just to try an social hang out with friends but ever night is rough sleep maybe few hours then repeat over an over shit just keeps building up I need a real break I'm hoping this weekend to finally chill out I wanna keep venting but this is alot an probably enough bitching it's me I shouldn't do this but I feel breaking writing things out I stopped writing on my notes since the ward guy in there I let him use my phone & he fucked with my notes this is my last place to escape vent talk just to feel a little better.

I just need a break soon it's killing me slowly living like this. Fucken trauma keeps creeping in my mind since the family get together for our grandparents.

[blackvail22]

9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

[i-cant-sing]

Promise: Yandere Godfather Hawks x Todoroki reader

This is a side story takes place in the YRHR series, after part 1, when the reader returns home, blind.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

"Y/n... Come on, wake up. Its 9 already." You heard him say, feeling the bed dip as he sat on it, gently touching the back of your shoulder. "Aren't you hungry? Mom's making your favourite."

When you gave no response, Shotou pulled the covers away from your face, his brows furrowing at the bandages around your eyes that had loosened up. You had did that, clawing at the meticulously tight knot Natsuo had done; you didn't like how it settled on your eyes.

"You're awake, right?" The only answer he got was you turning your cheek further away from him when he tried to caress it. Shotou didn't like your silence and he missed it when you used to ramble about almost anything to him. He missed when you were happy.

The door bell rang.

Shotou looked at his watch confused. Wasn't Natsuo supposed to come around at 11? He could hear Enji walking to the main door, and after a few seconds of silence, he heard footsteps coming towards your room. But then he heard some scuffling, and people talking- he recognised Enji's and Dabi's voices, his brother's getting louder by the second.

"I'll check who's there. Stay."

Stay? You would've rolled your eyes if, you know, you still had them.

A few more minutes passed and you could hear Dabi arguing with someone, and you think that Shotou is trying to calm him down. Deciding to take advantage of the situation, you got up from the bed. For the past whole month, Shotou would come to wake you up everyday, carrying you in his arms to the bathroom, never letting you walk on your own, claiming "you'll get hurt".

Idiot.

Taking one small step at a time, you stretched your arms out trying to reach the wall. Once you felt the cold, smooth surface, you used it to guide you towards the door.

No matter what you did, or how many times you told them to back off, that you can do this on your own, they wouldn't let you. Hell, you were pretty sure that if they could, they would breathe for you too. As if trying to instil in your mind that you're helpless without them, incapable of making your own decisions.

I'll show them how fucking capable I am.

After stubbing your toe only once, you finally reached the door, your hand gripping the metal knob. You placed your ear on the door, trying to figure out who and where everyone is standing. The corridor seemed empty and you think everyone is downstairs.

Opening the door, you used another wall to guide you towards the stairs. You hoped Shotou doesn't see you; he'd throw a hissy fit at you attempting to walk down the stairs.

As you took one careful step at a time, you heard the commotion grow louder. You could hear Dabi yelling profanities at the other person, certainly not Enji because Rei or Fuyumi would've stepped in by now to stop him. You used to stop him too, but ever since what happened, you don't really care anymore.

"Why the fuck are you even here?! She doesn't fucking want to see you!"

"Dabi-!"

"And who is gonna stop me? You? I'd be happy to knock you down on your ass- its about goddamn time!"

"Hawks!"

Hawks?

Hawks.

Hawks!

You almost stumbled down the last few steps, but you needed to know- was he, was he really here?

"K-Keigo?"

You heard his wings flap before you felt him, the wind gushed at your body strongly, making you lose your balance. But muscular arms wrapped around you before you could fall, and the winged hero lifted you up and spun you around, making you burst into laughter.

Rei was the first one to cry.

You laughed.

Not a bitter, sarcastic one.

A genuinely happy laugh.

And she missed her baby's laugh so much.

Dabi's eyes widened slightly. His heart clenching up a bit as he realised how he missed that beaming look on your face. He realised how fucking naive you were, how you were his little sister that he needed to protect.

Shotou felt envy. Why- why didn't you laugh like that with him? Why didn't you laugh for him? Was he... not a good brother?

Fuyumi actually rushed out of the kitchen when she heard you, her hands coming up to her mouth to suppress the sob that was building up. Too long. It had been too long since you were happy.

Natsuo smiled. He smiled as he saw you chortle when the hero's feathers tickled your cheek. He wished you would smile more often.

Enji's breath hitched as he saw you chuckle into Hawk's shoulder. It was so natural, so lively, so radiant. He had been dying to hear that sweet sound again.

Your heart was beating fast and your stomach was doing somersaults as you felt the air rushing through your hair and cooling on to your neck, the soft feathers brushing across your skin.

He really was here.

But so were they.

And you could feel their eyes on you.

Keigo frowned when he saw you curl yourself into him, as if trying to bury yourself into his chest. When he looked around, he saw them glaring and that's when he puffed out his wings before curling them around you; shielding you.

"I'll be spending time with my goddaughter. Do not disturb us." And with that, Hawks flew you up to your room, locking the door before they could sat anything. He could hear Dabi arguing, but he trusted Enji to handle him.

He set you on your bed, chuckling as you didn't let go of his collar.

"Its okay, dove. I'm here, now- ow!" You cut him off by punching his arm.

"Where were you?!"

"In your heart- ow! Stop hitting me!" He caught your wrists.

"You said you were gonna visit me at home! Its been a whole month-"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry but believe me, I really was busy!" Sighing, he continued. "The hero commission sent me to Europe for a mission and things got a bit messy, so I got caught up."

Yanking your hands out of his grip, you scowled. "Would it have killed you to call?"

"I mean I wouldn't say kill, but I probably could've lost a limb or two-" He started laughing when when you began getting up to walk to the door.

Keigo wrapped his arms around you, smiling cheekily"Y/n- I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. Come back-"

"No, let go! I don't have time for your bullshit" He continued laughing, easily picking you up and dropping you back on your bed.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Come on, now. Stop being mad." You heard him shuffling. "Besides, I've got something for you!"

He dropped something in your lap. You picked an item, your hands feeling around it, trying to figure out what the rectangular shaped box was.

"Whats this?"

"Oh, here. Let me help you." He lifted the lid of the box and you were immediately hit by a familiar smell.

"Chocolate?"

He hummed in confirmation"Your favourite ones too! They were always sold out! Luckily, I was able to use my charm on the owner."

"Charm? Oh, you mean where you pull that ugly smirk and do that half lidded look with your eyes, and you think that you look hot but you actually just look creepy?"

"Yeah- hey!"

And then the next 3 hours were spent like that, Hawks telling you about Europe and the bad guys he caught, you telling him about the way your family had been treating you.

"They don't let me do anything, they don't give me any privacy! Its like- its like they want me to be a doll!" You gave an exasperated sigh. "They- they act like they are being so generous. Like it was somehow my fault that my eyes got fried!"

"Oh come on. They can't be that bad-"

"They are! So much worse than before. Look, I'm a grown up- I need my space too! You know what Shotou said when I asked him to get me a walking stick? He said I don't need one since he can carry me everywhere. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get carried to the toilet every single day? Do you?!"

"Well, no-"

"And then Fuyumi cuts up my food and spoon feeds me herself! I know I'm blind but its not like I'm gonna stuff the food up my nose or something!"

The hero snickered at that.

"And then Enji reads me these novels or the newspaper and he skips over the parts he thinks I'm too "young" or "immature" to understand! They even monitor what I listen to! Fuyumi or Shotou would be quick to change the channel if something above pg 10 comes on!" You ran a hand through your hair frustratedly. "I asked Enji to get me a Braille and the first few time he pretended like he didn't hear me, before finally saying that I don't need one!"

"Don't worry, I'll sneak in a Braille for dummies the next time I visit."

"Hey-! Wait... what do you mean "next time"?"

"Oh come on! I promise I'll come earlier next time. Maybe in like 2 weeks-"

"No."

"What-"

"No. I want to leave this place today. You promised."

"Y/n-"Keigo reached to place a hand on your shoulder but you pushed him off.

"You. Promised. You said you'll get me out of here when I leave the hospital" You inhaled deeply. "Well, guess what, Hawks? Its been a whole month."

"I know but you're not well enough-"

"I AM! If anything, staying here is harming me more!" Your tone was getting angrier. "You said- you said you would take me away from them."

"I can't do it right now. The hero commission needs me-"

"I need you! Or am I just not worth your time?"

"Please, dove- try to understand. How will I take care of you if I'm out at the agency?"He tried to pet your head but you smacked his hand away, snarling at him.

"You're a liar. A big fucking liar! Was this the plan all along? To give me hope that you'll save me, only to fucking crush it?!" The hero managed to dodge the box of chocolates you threw at him. "I don't need fucking chocolate or your stupid presents. I need to get out of this goddamn house!"

The hero began walking towards the door. "You're not thinking rationally- I'll- I'll leave." But before the hero could manage to take another step, you were leaping towards him, but since you couldn't see, you only managed to fall near his feet. When he grabbed your shoulders to help you up, you were quick to latch onto him, wrapping your arms around his torso tightly.

"No- no! Don't go. Please, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. Please, don't be mad. I swear I'll behave, just don't leave me here!" Your hold onto him was becoming painfully tight.

Keigo felt like someone was breaking his heart piece by piece as he looked at you. The way your body shook from your pitiful sobs, the way you held onto his jacket as if your life depended on it- he was forced to remember how vulnerable you looked the night he brought you back to the this house. The same night when you begged and begged him to fly you away, that you'll do anything as long as he didn't dropped you back at the Todoroki estate.

"Y/n- darling, love, listen to me. I promised you that I'll keep you save, didn't I? I promise I'll come back soon-"

"YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE! CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DONE TO ME! SHE BURNED MY FUCKING EYES HAWKS! I'M FUCKING BLIND! DO I NEED TO LOSE A LIMB FOR YOU TO GET ME OUT OF HERE?! DO I HAVE TO SUFFER FROM ANOTHER "ACCIDENT"?!"

Hawks knew that bitch Rei did this on purpose, he knew and it killed him that he couldn't save you from her. He wanted to tell you that he believed you, and he was preparing a place for you. But the hero knows your siblings were eavesdropping, right on the other side of the door.

He had to be careful and play the fool if he wanted to get you out of this hell hole.

"Y/n please-"

You shook your head repeatedly, pulling him closer to you as you shrieked at him. "No. NO! I wont let you go! I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE WITHOUT ME! Keigo, I'm begging you! Take me with you, please! I'll die! I'll die! I'LL FUCKING DIE, KEIGO! PLEASE!"

Your loud screams had your siblings bursting through the door, obviously using a spare key. "Y/n, whats wrong-" You jumped away when they touched your shoulder, giving Hawks chance to slip away.

You instantly reached out for him, flailing your arms around to get a hold of him again. But the hero was already out the door and your siblings quickly pulled you back into their arms, shushing you, trying to calm you down.

But you were inconsolable. Thrashing around in Shotou's arms, you kept begging for Hawks to come back. "HAWKS COME BACK! LET ME GO! HAWKS, PLEASE! I'LL DIE! I'LL DIE! I'LL DIE!" It pained them to see you like this, so hysterical; Shotou and Fuyumi whispered sweet nothings but you payed them no mind. Natsuo knew you were going to hyperventilate soon, but he was more worried about you bursting a vessel in your head.

Thinking fast, he quickly brought up a tranquilliser- and the moment the sharp smell of the alcohol swab hit your nose, you were wrestling harder to get out Shotou's and Fuyumi's arms.

"Y/n, please calm down-"

"FUCK YOU! LET ME GO! KEIGO! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! COME BACK- STOP! STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP!" You screamed louder than before when you felt her cold hands gripping your arm, holding it still so that your brother could administer the dose.

As the drug began taking effect, your thrashing slowed down before you finally slumped into Shotou's arms. The tranquilliser numbed the headache that was forming, and you felt Fuyumi use a tissue to wipe the snot and the spit off your face.

"I'll die... I'll die... And you won't be there. And I'll die..."

Hawks was in a trance like state as he watched Shotou tuck you under the covers. He wanted to use his sharp feathers to slice off that cold bitch's hand that brushed the hair out of your face, before pressing a kiss to your forehead. Your daunting screams rang through his ears; his chest felt like some was shoving a knife through it slowly as he played back the image of you trying to wring yourself free from their arms, one hand still reaching out for him. It took everything in him not to grab it and pull you away from those monsters, but he had to remind himself of the bigger picture.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice the pyromaniac standing next to him until he spoke.

"This is all your fault."

Hawks looked at Dabi. His fault?

"You shouldn't have come here."

"She's my goddaughter-"

"Shut the fuck up." Dabi narrowed his eyes at the hero. "She's like this because you gave her false hope. Hope, that one day she'll get away from us. You and I both know that's not gonna happen." He sighed before continuing. "You call yourself a hero, but in reality, you're no better than us."

As Hawks turned to leave, not willing to let the villian get on his nerves, Dabi spoke again.

"Dont bother coming back. She won't forgive you. She'll never forget this betrayal."

Hurtful as they were, he knew the words he said were true.

Hawks was almost out the gates when he saw Enji sitting in the garden, looking at the koi pond. He should've left, should've flown away but there was something in Enji's eyes that had the winged hero walking towards him. He recognised the emotion as soon as he got close.

Sorrow.

Or was it guilt?

Perhaps a mixture of both.

"Endeavour, are you... alright?"

The number 1 hero looked away from the fish and blinked at him.

"Hawks? What are you still doing here?"

The blonde chuckled nervously. "I was just on my way out." He gazed at him. "Are you okay? You seem to be in deep thought."

Enji only stared at him. Taking his silence as the answer, Hawks turned to leave.

"Why did you come here today, Keigo?"

Keigo.

He suppressed the urge to shudder the way his name rolled off his tongue.

"She's my goddaughter too. Why? Do you think it was a bad decision to come?"

"No." Enji sighed. "I just- she hadn't laughed like that in a long time."

Hawks stood beside him. "She's still traumatised from the kitchen accident. Its understable-"

"No. She hadn't laughed like that for a long time, even before this happened." Enji's eyes moved towards the night sky. The stars were twinkling extra bright tonight. How he wished you could see it. "Before she lost her sight, she used to look out the window, her eyes searching sky." He gulped. "She was looking for you, Keigo. You- you made her happy, you make her laugh. I don't."

Hawks placed his hand on Enji's shoulder. "That's not true, Enji. You do make her happy. She loves you. She feels safe with you. She sees you as her protector."

"She does?"

He nodded. "Of course. If you want things to return to normal, you need to treat her normally too. Just- just talk to her. Sort out the issues and wash away whatever fears she has." Hawks wanted Enji to listen to you, to really listen to you and protect you from Rei. He could only hope that Enji understood what he meant.

Hawks was right, Enji realised. Whatever delusions you have of Rei wanting to hurt you on purpose, of being the "bad person", they can all be cleared up if he just talked to you. Ever since the incident, the family avoided talking to you about Rei or the events that had occurred that day.

If he just talked to you, things will return to normal. You'll become happy again.

"Thank you, Keigo."

Hawks only smiled in return. "I'll be leaving now."

"Okay. When will you visit again?"

"I'll be gone for longer now. The hero commission is sending me on another mission again."

"Oh. Safe travels, then."

As Hawks flew away, he began thinking about the house.

The house where he was going to take you to soon. He just needs to add a few finishing touches before he sets his plan in motion. The plan to rescue you, and eventually Enji, from those sadist that call themselves your family.

He will not let his dove get hurt again.

He'll save you this time.

He promises.

Thoughts?

Idk how this turned out, angst wasn't the plan initially. Guess I'll write godfather Hawks fluff for another day.

Anyways, now that this is done, I'll start working on RE 8 fic now.

[biggest-stupidhead]

Hi! I love your Levi imagines, and I saw that your requests were open, so here goes: Can you write a Levi x female!reader story where his s/o is pregnant and goes into labor when Hange is off on a research expedition, so Levi has to deliver the baby with only his squad for assistance? Bonus points if someone on Levi Squad faints in the process!

Heyyyy anon, this idea is so precious and I will definitely do a lil imagine for this scenario! <3

Summary: You go into labor without your designated delivery nurse. 

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: childbirth, nothing too graphic. 

__

In the early months of your pregnancy, you and Levi had both been ecstatic. But once the last two or so months had creeped up on you, the two of you began to get anxious. Hange had originally agreed to deliver the baby, seeing that she was the only person that Levi trusted to go near you besides himself. You felt ready to pop as you sat out in the courtyard with Mikasa, she was watching you like a hawk, grey eyes alert and tracking every muscle twitch. It had been strange, as soon as you began to suspect that you were pregnant, Mikasa had began clinging to you. It was as if she sensed the change, eventually you gave up on trying to figure out how she had known, and chalked it up to her Ackerman DNA. 

Eren and Jean were running around, Connie desperately trying to keep up with them as they passed a deflated ball back and forth, obviously keeping it out of Connie’s grasp. You smiled fondly as Sasha leapt into the air and snatched the ancient ball from them, passing it to Connie, who ran in the opposite direction. Armin and Annie were laying on a blanket looking up at the sky, Annie’s hand was pointing at a cloud, you could see her lips moving, followed by Armin’s soft laugh. 

You hadn’t wanted kids. Not really, that hole had been filled by these fools, but once you all had overcome the issues in Marley, those feelings began to ebb away. Especially once you and Levi began seeing each other. He had been reluctant, but Hange had stayed consistent in pushing him to pursue you. Low and behold two years later, you were married with a bundle of joy on the way. You had felt nauseous all morning, crampy, and sore in your lower abdomen. It wasn’t until the afternoon, about two hours prior that you had felt the first contraction. They were closer now and you weren’t really able to hide them anymore. So Mikasa noticed when you flinched for the second time in twenty minutes. She turned and placed a firm hand to your shoulder. 

“What’s wrong? Where does it hurt?” She asked, those coal grey eyes scanning your face for an answer. 

“I...have been having contractions.” You admitted guiltily as you rubbed your swollen stomach to ease yourself. 

“Uh oh...” Mikasa’s expression dropped, skin paling as the realization struck her. Hange had left only days prior, for an important meeting alongside Erwin and the other high up military personnel. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine. It isn’t quite time yet, just maybe help me get back inside?” You were beginning to sweat as the contractions began to become more intense. She nodded and helped you to your feet, the others all noticed the movement and followed like little ducks. You only managed to stumble into the parlor and fall onto one of the sofas there, the teens all towering over you. 

“What do you need?” Annie was standing at your side, the back of her hand pressed to your forehead. 

“I’ll go get Levi!” Jean offered before taking off and up the stairs, sprinting up them two at a time. 

“I’ll go get snacks!” Sasha sprinted towards the kitchen, Connie chasing after her. Armin was standing frozen as he watched Mikasa and Annie both take your hands. Eren was just as bad as Armin, those jade green eyes wide and focused on the space between your legs. 

“Uhhhh (Y/n)....I think that-” Eren’s face was beet red as he stumbled over his words. 

“Your water broke!” Armin informed you as you tried to meet their eyes over your stomach. 

“No, I could have sworn that my contractions were-” 

“What in god’s name is-” Levi froze, Jean panting alongside him as they all stared at the fluid dripping down your legs, soiling the couch and your cotton dress. 

“(Y/n)...” Levi’s face was pale and his eyes were wide as he rushed to close the space between you. You eagerly gripped his hand as another contraction he let out a shaky breath along with you as the contraction ended. 

“What are we supposed to do?” Eren said numbly as he stared at Mikasa who was propping your up. 

“We...need to get her a better bed or, something.” Mikasa spoke slowly, Annie nodded in agreement, her icy eyes scanning the room. 

“Move those chairs, then go get a mattress from one of the rooms down the hall.” Annie ordered, Eren and Armin darted off to complete the mattress task, while Jean began shoving the chairs out of the way. Connie and Sasha returned, with rags and towels along with an apple shoved in Sasha’s mouth. In mere minutes the room had been transformed into a makeshift delivery room, basins of clean water and mountains of towels. Mikasa and Levi helped you down onto the stripped mattress, Mikasa settled behind you, allowing you to recline back into her. You were shocked by how calming it was to just feel her heartbeat. Levi started by your side, his hand gripping yours. That was until Annie cleared her throat and looked down at your knees. 

“Someone...needs to check...” Annie trailed off as everyone shared uneasy glances. Connie shook his head violently, Jean looked green along the gills, Sasha crunched on the apple. Armin swallowed loudly. 

“I can...coach someone but I don’t think that I’m comfortable actually...” He flushed as he spoke and you let out a low groan. 

“Look I don’t give a shit who does it, but someone needs to see how dilated I am.” Your breathing was deep and somewhat controlled as the room once more fell silent. 

“I’ll do it.” Levi said finally as he placed a kiss to your knuckles before shuffling to the end of the mattress. Armin joined Levi, but his eyes were glued to the ceiling. 

“O-Okay you need to take your fingers and line them up at the erm...you know.” Armin’s cheeks were so red. Annie huffed, unamused as she joined them at the foot of the mattress. 

“Sit down, you’re making me nervous.” You said breathily to Jean, Eren, and Connie who all quickly came to rest on the floor near your head. You grimaced at the feeling of Levi’s fingers against you. 

“Uh...what am I looking for?” Levi’s voice was unusually high as he clutched your calf nervously. 

“Four fingers!” You groaned, leaning back into Mikasa as you felt yet another contraction. 

“That’s two in five minutes, it’s nearly time.” Armin informed, eyes still on the stone ceiling. 

“Four? Then...it is time.” Levi said breathlessly as he lifted his head to meet your eyes. 

“Great okay, start your breathing like Hange taught you (Y/n).” Mikasa spoke surprisingly calmly as she rubbed your shoulders. You began to pant, shutting your eyes tightly as the lower half of your body felt like it was being torn in two. You let out another moan, you vaguely noticed that Connie and Sasha had both gotten up and were rummaging through the bookshelf. 

“-It says in this book that...the baby’s tail should fall off in no more than three days?” 

“Are baby’s born with tails?”

“No...at least my siblings weren’t..” 

You let out a bark of laughter at the pair as they debated the contents of the book. 

“Shut the fuck up you two and get those towels ready.” Eren ordered, his face pale and voice high with panic. 

“Yeah what he said.” Jean agreed, his hand covering his eyes as he held your free hand tightly. 

“Okay but this book says-” 

“For the love of god just-” Eren made it half way through his sentence before you let out a low groan as you pushed for the first time. Armin nodded in approval, Annie as holding your dress up as Levi narrowed his eyes in concentration. 

“That’s it, take your time.” Annie encouraged as she reached into her boot for her dagger. You felt your baby slide down, and into the birth canal. 

“I...can see the head!” Levi announced as he held his hands out for the baby as you prepared for another good push. 

“Good, only a few more (Y/n)!” Armin assured you as he blindly reached out and braced himself on Levi’s shoulder. You moaned, throwing your head back into Mikasa’s shoulder as Eren dabbed your neck with a damp towel. 

“So close, you can do it.” Mikasa encouraged as you let out a choked sob, your pelvis felt as if it was about to rip in half as you felt the head crowning. 

“Okay Levi, you need to guide the head out, twist so that the shoulders can come out.” Annie informed calmly as she watched Levi gently rotate the baby’s head, allowing the baby to slip free. He let out a shaky gasp as he held the newborn in his hands while Annie sliced the umbilical cord. Armin finally looked as Connie wrapped the baby in a fresh towel. 

“I’ll clean-” He pushed the towel aside and beamed at you and Levi. 

“-her. I’ll clean her up.” He said as he and Sasha rushed to the nearest basin to wash the baby. Mikasa rubbed your arms as Armin began guiding Levi on the steps to delivering the placenta. 

No more than five minutes later, you had your baby girl against your chest. Her head was amazingly full of black silky hair. Her eyes were shut, but you had a feeling that when they opened that they would be a charcoal grey. Levi shuffled up next to you, pressing a kiss you your temple, his lip trembling as he looked down at your daughter. 

“You did it.” You said breathlessly as you smiled up at Levi. 

“No...you did it.” He said as he gently placed his hand over your daughter’s back, which was rising and falling steadily. Mikasa shifted as she tried to worm away from you, Levi gladly taking her place. 

“What will you call her?” Eren asked as he wrapped an arm over Mikasa’s shoulders. You swallowed thickly and looked back up at Levi who was still busy staring at your baby. 

“Kuchel.” You said without hesitation, Levi seemed startled when he heard the name, and then his eyebrows furrowed as he fought to keep his face free of emotion. 

“Yeah, that’s-” His voice cracked and he buried his face in the crook of your neck. 

“-that’s perfect.” he finished his sentence and the kids all mumbled their agreements as they watched you push your dress aside to feed your baby, who was cooing and gripping at the seams of your dress. 

“Kuchel.” You hummed as Levi stroked her back, her eyes cracked open for the first time, and you choked back a sob at the sight. 

Her eyes were not grey, but a familiar (e/c), she had your eyes. 

“Oh-” Jean choked back his own sob, biting his knuckles as he turned on his heel and buried his own face in Sasha’s shoulder as he cried. 

“Jeanboy” Connie said teasingly, despite the thick emotion in his own voice. 

“Let’s get out of here everybody.” Annie advised as she watched Levi thread his finger through his daughter’s as she began to suckle on your breast. 

“Congratulations.” they all murmured as they took their leave. You relaxed back into Levi, finally able to be alone for the first time with your little family. 

__

Lol I loved this, I used to want to be a labor and delivery nurse. But that was before I realized that Chem is NOT my friend. Anyway, sorry I couldn’t squeeze in someone fainting, but if you care I think that Jean would be most likely to. Only because he’s an only child and doesn’t know what child birth is like. 

But seeing as how much they have been through in the canon universe I doubt that childbirth would be the most disturbing sight lol. Hope that you enjoy this! Requests are still open so send me stuff :) 

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone���s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

[sleepwalkersqueen]

(Ignore this post, it’s just fucking... headcanon fluff.)

- Let’s just imagine... what it’d be like, if Enji had been a wholesome dad!

[Calculating 16 years back in the canon: Enji was 30, Toya was 9, Keigo was 7 (Rumi was 11) ]

- Enji saved Keigo from an abusive home, but when the HPSC notices Keigo’s bloody potential and wants to buy him... Enji just - adopts Keigo.

- Rei was angry about his sudden desicion: Because they already had huge responsibility with their other children! - But then she saw the tiny malnourished child who just escaped the abuse, without a home or anyone to turn to- and her heart just snapped. 

- Tiny Keigo knew he wasn’t wanted, so he made himself smaller and bowed to her. - But Rei just fell to her knees and hugged him really, really close.

- Toya next to them was like: “Yeah... actually, I wanted a dog - but a bird’s fine too.”

- The whole family went shopping to buy a bunch of wing-fitted kid-clothes. Kei’s just happy to have clothes and’s still too shy to ask for anything specific so fucking Toya ends up deciding what he tries on. Fuyumi next to them is like: “Tou, That’s just black. There’s no color- Wait- I think thats a mini-skirt, what the- What do you want with the lipstick!?” - Enji has to bring half of the clothes back.

- Enji starts to read guidebooks about therapheutic parenting for Keigo, but ends up overwhelming all of his kids with love and attenttion. He talks with Keigo that its okay to cry when he feels like it, but Keigo still just swallows everything down and is scared to make noise.

- Rei and Enji made sure Keigo’d eat and sleep enough, helped him preening his wings and constantly reasurred him that his accidental lil chirps are nothing to be ashamed of.

- But in the first month, instead of playing with his new siblings, Keigo constantly helps with hard work in the house and gardens without getting asked and doesn’t stop until they tell him to. Toya asks him about it at night. Keigo admits that he loves this place more than anything and is horrified of being tossed out again, so he tries to be worth their money.

- Toya punches him (softly, with love) in the face and tells him that he’s part of the family, even if he’d burn down down their house.

- Keigo feels like a stone falling from his chest, but the fear just doesn’t go away. One day he helps Enji do the dishes and he breaks a plate. And his whole world just cracks with that plate. He’s starts trembling and is like- “You can hit me and all, but please don’t toss me out!”

- Toya heared that and he’s like :O And Enji’s like >:O

- And then Toya stares at his father, grabs a plate and smashes it to the floor so it breaks. He grabs Keigo’s hand and screams: “If you wanna punish Kei, you gotta punish me too!”.

- Enji just hugs both of them, holds them really close: “Kei, we won’t ever toss you out, we love you and you’re a Todoroki now. That was just an accident. And Tou- I’d never hurt one of you!” - Touya’s like: “I know, I just wanted to smash a plate”

- After that Enji takes a day off and they all just play in the gardens. And one moment, Keigo just stops and looks at them laughing about a really bad joke he just made and he thinks: “Woa, I’ve a family now!” And he’s so happy, he starts crying. It’s the first time he cried since a long time, and it’s because of joy.

- Enji isn’t the no. 2 hero, since he spends more time with Rei and his kids. So he moves between 2nd and 4th place in the rankings, but he really doesn’t care. 

- He is still a kinda-dick to the public, but he actually talks about his family, when you ask him about them. (”Yes, my family is way better than yours. Are you blind?” *Pulls a picture out of his wallet* “Just look at my amazing sons and this pure-hearted angle of a daughter. Now out of the way, my wife said I should grab milk on my way home.”) And when he comes home can’t but smile when he sees Rei and his kids. He is really proud of them.

- Enji helps Natsuo with his homework and he makes soba with Fuyumi, plays referee for a sparring-match between Keigo and Touya. But neither of them accepts their limits or defeat, escalateing their fight until it get’s so heated, that Enji has to put a end to it, because he can’t see his kids hurting each other like this. So he let’s them fight him instead, forcing them to team up, and even though he just fakes defeat, he sees their potential.

- The kids are super scared sometimes that he doesn’t make it home after a huge fight, but Enji always returns to read the bed-time story before giving good-night-hugs, So they don’t have nightmares.

- Shoto is born and he’s allowed to sleep in his parents bed. So the other siblings want the same and they fall asleep in a puppy-family-pile. Enji sleeps half on the floor that night.

- Natsuo sees in a TV documentary that male baby-chickens get often killed instandly after they hatch... And so he freaks out, cries and hugs Keigo, like wanting to protect him. - They need the whole night to reassure him, that Keigo is in fact, not a chicken.

- One day the kids should help move some boxes up the staircase to Enji’s study. - And Keigo’s is like: “We can do that later, right guys? Let’s go see what’s inside first, play with it and then try if we can make it look like we never opened it. That’ll be fun!”; And Toya’s like: “Fucking finally” - Inside were reports about unsolved crime cases in the city. Toya and Keigo talk about it the whole month. They decide that they wanna become heroes together. 

- Enji “trains” with Fuyumi, Natsuo, Toya and Keigo - But it’s actually just goofing around and playing villan-attack. (So they know what to do if someone tries to harm them, but he always watches so noone gets hurt.) Toya and Keigo are the only ones to take the play seriously, since they want to become heros for real.

- Enji tells Toya that there’s no need for him to become a hero, if he isn’t fitted for using his quirk. Toya thinks about this, but works out extremly reffined techniques where he uses his fire more defined to avoid burns.

- Toya and Keigo constantly fight about who’s the strongest. (But they are careful not to seriously hurt each other and instandly stop when the other is down. They also teamed up, when a guy in Natsu’s class stalked and tried to bully him. There isn’t much stronger in this world than their big-bro-insticts.)

- Natsuo always cares for their injuries and then Rei gives the two household chores as punishemt.... - And then they fight about who should do the dirtier work.

- Later they met Rumi hanging around in the dangerous parts of the playground and started a fight about a last soda-can. Rumi just obliterated both of them. (since she is 3/6 years older.)

- Toya and Keigo go to UA and both win the sportsfestival first place in their year. They sparr and work-out together with Rumi. They go to different agencies during their internship and try to out-do each other in solved cases.

- They were supposed to babysit Shoto once. The kitched burned.

- Toya becomes a top ranked hero and the todorokis have a big family dinner twice a week. They always cook together and everything is chaotic but in the good way. 

- Toya pierces Keigos ears, because Keigo lost a bet. They start a big fight about it on the stage of the Hero-billboard-charts, live on TV. (- But they do team ups on every big mission to keep their backs safe. They’d litterally die giving the other cover.)

- Enji always tries to get team-ups with Toya, but Toya always dodges. (Because it’s kinda fucking embrassing to work with your dad, who has your baby-pictures in his wallet.)

- They are super fucking happy and nothing will ever change that.

EDIT: If anyone feels like writing this into a fic or something... I’d kiss ya feet and read the crap outta that!

EDIT 2: Like, really man. I need that fluff.

[jarofstyles]

ex! harry turning up at y/ns doorstep in the middle of the night telling her that he can’t stop thinking about what they had and even though shes like 🤔😐✋🏻 at first she invites him inside to talk more in depth and he goes „bloody idiot i was..was gon' marry yeh, were gon' be the mum of my babies..wanted everything w' yeh, still do.“ and it basically ends in some passionate intense love making<33

YES YES YES

_______

She bolted.

Harry cursed to himself for pressing down hard at her, knowing that she had been a bit skittish since their breakup. He knew that he would have to handle her with caution but in that moment, his mind slipped back into owning her. She had been his first so long, and even after so many months apart it was his instinct. He wanted her.

He was a stubborn son of a bitch, that was for sure. And while he had at first been a bit hesitant about his want to after her, he knew that it would be foolish of him to not. The connection they had was further proven in those moments he had her backed against that counter, and he knew that no one else would ever be able to make him feel the way she did.

So? Harry swallowed his pride. He decided to say fuck it, and arrived at her place, hands in his pockets as he looked down at his feet. The ride up to her flat and walk down the hallway was so familiar yet felt so raw. He hadn’t been here in so long, a hallway that used to watch their kisses and fumbling with keys and frisky hands up dressed or in pants was how solemn and a bit nerve wracking. He hadn’t ever wanted to let her go and it was his fault for sure. Not being able to delegate his work with his love was his downfall but if anything, the time apart had shown him how incredibly important it was to have someone like Y/N behind him. Her support meant everything.

She meant everything.

His knuckles tapped against the door, stomach turning with nerves. She could very well tell him to fuck off, spit at him, yell. He wasn’t necessarily sure what to expect. The only inkling he had to go off of was knowing she was just as miserable without him, and her body still reacted to touches the way she used to. He had that going for him.

When she opened the door, her heart fell to her stomach. It had been 3 days since the incident, her skin still tingling with the ghost of his touch. She had come home and sobbed. Sobbed and cried and gotten sick because the touch reminded her of everything she lost, all the strides she had thought she made to her over him.. ruined. All by one night. He had too much control over her.

Despite the nerves being raw, she took in his looks. His bags under his eyes, looking a bit pale and the lack of sleep. He had cried. She knew that look anywhere. Stress riddled his body and he almost looked like he was trying to make himself look smaller and less intimidating- which was hard for a 6 foot something tattooed man.

“H-Harry?” She whispered, unsure what to do with this. “What are you doing here?” Her arms crossed against her body protectively, which broke his heart. She shouldn’t have to feel scared of him. He should be making her feel safe and relaxed and open, like he used to.

“We need to talk, Y/N. Actually, I need to say some things and it would be better if I came inside. May I?”

Dumbfounded at the idea of him actually being here, she nodded, letting him in. It hadn’t changed too much. The vanilla suede candle still burned and scented the air. The couch still had a slight dip, the same pet dish for the cat was sat half empty. But their photos were gone,’making his stomach turn.

Fuck. This used to be home. It still felt like it for a bit. But she had erased bits of him that made it shared.

She led him to the living room, sitting on the couch across from him. The middle cushion gave space, making her feel a bit better. Harry was such a complicated thing for her. The source of so, so much joy in her life… but also so much pain. He had broken her heart and left her in pieces and he hadn’t attempted to work things out with her at all. So why now?

“What is it you have to say?” Her tone came off quiet and a bit cold. As if she was annoyed and bored. But it wasn’t the case. Her heart was pounding just as hard as his, clueless as to why he was here. Why he was bothering months too late.

“Don’t…. Lovely…” he swallowed sadly. “I hurt you so badly.” His face fell as he realized this wasn’t her. His girl didnt shy away, she didn’t go cold. She was warm and sweet to him, she was open and receptive and she never looked at him like that. Why he managed to notice so late… he didn’t know.

“Yeah. You did. You hurt me so fucking badly that I thought my heart was breaking. I always thought that maybe you’d come back and tell me what a mistake you’d made. Instead, you up and left. Packed your shit like a complete and utter coward while i was at work.” Her steely expression was laced with hints of pain that he could see through. The words made him flinch. It was true. He was a coward.

“Y/N, I-“

“Shut up.” She snapped, watching his face fall into shock. It really wasn’t the old her. She had been a bit bitter since then. It wasn’t fully his doing, but he was a large contributor. “I had to come home to an empty apartment. No letter. Ni note. No you; and no more of your stuff. The records were gone. You took our fucking records.” Her voice broke. “All your clothing. Not only did my heart feel empty, but the house? And then our fucking cat.” She seethed, standing up. “Our fucking cat meowed for days. Days, Harry. Looking for you. And you never came back. Sat at the god damn door every night at 7, waiting for you to come inside.” Her cold personal broke, the emotion sweeping her face.

His stomach hurt. He didn’t realize it would be this bad. As little as she had even said, he knew he would have to make it up until the end of time. Her hurt was audible and he could even feel it dripping into his own bloodstream.

“Sweetheart…” he stood up, approaching with caution. She didn’t back away, but she didn’t step towards him. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” His voice broke. “I thought… I was so terrible t’ya, and then y’said you never wanted to see me again…. I thought I was doing what y’wanted.” He whispered pathetically. “I shouldn’t have… I should have fought harder. But we were so miserable, Y/N. I was wrecking you.” His excuse sounded poor even to his own ears, heart dropping as her lip wobbled.

“I just wanted you. I wanted you to talk to Me. To be with me. I didn’t want you to leave. You fucking idiot!” Her voice broke as the tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t push him away when he grabbed her and tugged her into his arms. Pulling her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly as he felt her start to sob. His own tears were quietly burning in his eyes. Seeing the result of his idiocy in person hurt.

“I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry. I thought you’d be happier without me… knew I was being an idiot and wasn’t giving you the right attention. But I thought you’d want to find me when y’wanted me again…” his logic was flawed yet again, and he realized how dumb he sounded when he said it out loud. “The plan was always us. Was Gonna marry ya. Y’were gonna be the mumma to my babies, was gonna be with you forever. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He whispered sadly, lips speaking against her hair.

“It’s still all I want. Y/N, angel love…. Please. Know I’ve been so stupid but I can’t do another day without you. I know I hurt you so badly… I’ll never forgive myself f’that. But I’ll spend every single day trying to make it up to you. I want you. I’ve missed you so much it hurts. Please… give me a chance to do what I should have done.” He pleaded, pulling her back to hold her face in his rough palms.

The sincerity dripping through his voice, the tears that had escaped his eyes and the trembling of his hands holding her cheeks let her see that he meant it. He meant it and he wanted to try. Maybe she was the idiot for believing him. But with a love she felt for him, so strongly remaining after all this time apart…. She only had one answer.

“Okay.”

[lush-lavenders]

❀Bet {4}❀

JJ Maybank x Reader

Summary: The bad boy realizes how stupid he was and tries to get the good girl back. Will the good girl listen, or is she forever stained by his wrongdoing?

Request: N/A

Author’s Note: It’s finally here! I’m so sorry this took so long and some of you have been waiting months! But I wanted to get it out today for all of you! And thank you so much for over 100 followers! This series is what brought a lot of you in, so I hope I’m doing you justice with this last part! I’m thinking about making a prompt list to help me get back into writing more, so if you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, Fluff, 

Part 1 ♥ Part 2  ♥ Part 3 ♥

!I don’t own this gif!

JJ laughed in your face. “You’re a real fucking idiot, you know?”

You took a step back from him, shaking your head. 

He wasn’t real. This wasn’t real.

He came closer as you tried to move away. “Why would I like you? Why would anyone like you?”

He wasn’t real. This wasn’t real.

“You should have quit while you were ahead. If you could consider anything you did being ‘ahead.’”

He wasn’t real! This wasn’t real!

----

“Y/N, please. You have to get up at some point.” Kelly’s voice drifted through the door as you closed your eyes for the tenth time within a minute.

You didn’t trust yourself to speak properly as you tried desperately to wipe any memory of your dreams. Nightmares, more like it.

Your door creaked open and you simply turned so that your back was facing it.

“Y/N…” You mom walked in slowly, sitting down on your bed softly right behind you. “Please talk to me, sweetie.”

It had maybe been a week since you had been to the boneyard. It had been a week since you saw your friends. Since you saw him. It had been a week since you entered your room and decided to not come out.

You threw off your blanket abruptly and turned to your mom. “What is there to talk about?” You didn’t mean to snap, but you couldn’t hold back. Not anymore. “He never wanted to date me. It was all some stupid joke so he could get paid.”

No tears could leave your eyes anymore. You were just so sick and tired of crying.

Without letting her say a word, you turned your back back on you mom and laid down.

You could hear her sigh, as if what she wanted to say wasn’t what she should say. “That can’t be true, Y/N/N.” But she said it anyway.

How could your own mother be defending the boy that broke her daughter’s heart?

You let out a scoff, and that was it. Anything else said or asked fell on deaf ears.

----

Di yanked your arm, pulling you out the front. “You’re up and dressed, you’re not turning back on me now.”

“You sat on me until I agreed to get up…” You muttered in a grumbly manner. If it was up to you, you’d spend your dying breath lying in bed.

She rolled her eyes and glanced back at you as she unlocked her car. “That’s because I know what’s good for you. Moping around like Tom Holland will come and make you feel better if you wait long enough is not good for you.” She brought you around to the passengers side of the car and forced you in like a mother forces her child into a car seat.

You were going to grumble some half-baked comeback, but your mind couldn’t even think of how to start a response. You were just going to go along with everything Di said until you could go back to your bed.

“Where are we going?” You asked after Di pulled away from your house.

“You’ll see.” The smile that creeped onto her face was hard to miss.

You groaned, complying in a slow manner - you took your time putting your seatbelt on. When Di pulled up to the boneyard, you took even longer to get out of the car.

“I don’t want to be here…” You whispered, eyeing the place like a monster was going to creep out and attack you.

Di rolled her eyes as she got out. “You don’t want to be anywhere but your bed.”

“Di.” You gave her a look.

She sighed and lightly pulled your arm. “Look, Y/N, I know. But you this is the only place we could think of coming.”

“I-” You started before pausing. “We?”

The smile reappeared on Di’s face. “Yes, we.”

Just then, the chatter of two girls came closer to you. You could just barely grasp what it was about.

“That’s not very reasonable.”

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea.”

“But you’re the one who agreed with it.”

“So did you.”

“I can’t believe we’re doing this for him…”

“Kie, Sarah? What are you two doing here?” It was a stupid question, as the boneyard was free for anyone to go to.

They both smiled, completely discarding their previous conversation.

“Di said you could use some girl time.” Sarah answered, lifting up an eight-pack of beer.

Kie nodded, lifting up a cooler. “And what better way to enjoy ourselves than a little picnic?”

The smile that was slowly creeping around her lips vanished completely at that one word. 

The three girls exchanged looks, having a mini conversation within their eyes before any of them tried to diffuse you.

“Come on, Y/N/N. Let’s drink and have some fun for once.” Di says as Kie starts handing everyone beers, starting with you.

----

“This isn’t going to work.” JJ muttered as John B peeked out the van’s back door. 

John B rolled his eyes and looked towards his friend. “When did you turn all lovey-dovey?”

“I could ask you the same.” JJ shot back, deflecting the question.

“But you didn’t,” Pope entered, turning around to look at JJ from the front seat. “So spill.”

With a sigh, JJ slumped back against the van’s sliding door. “I don’t know, man. I didn’t even know who she was until Gavin…” Trailing off, he shuddered. “I’m such a fuck up…”

“No doubt about that one…” Pope muttered, only to be hit by John B. “Okay, sorry.”

John B pushes JJ to the side so he can open the sliding door. “Look, dude, you gotta confront her and tell her the truth.” He hopped out of the van.

JJ groaned as Pope followed John B out, hitting JJ on the shoulder. “She’s not going to listen to me.”

“Yeah, she won’t if you sit on your ass all day moping around.” John B said, banging on the side of the van.

JJ groaned again and practically fell out of the van.

----

Sand collected in your shoes as you and the girls walked down the boneyard, full up on food.

Sarah stopped at one point and looked towards the horizon. “It’s getting late…”

There was something in her voice like she was expecting something. Like something hasn’t happened that was supposed to. And that made you nervous.

“Well, I really did have a good time, but I should get going… Di?”

You looked towards your best friend, who’s face seemed to resemble that of how Sarah’s voice sounded.

“Di?” You asked again.

She gave you a sheepish smile. “Let’s just wait a moment more.”

A moment more? Did they plan something else?

You opened your mouth to ask Kie something when you heard a boy’s voice.

“We’re already late, dude. I wouldn’t be surprised if they left.”

It took you a moment to connect the voice to a face. John B. AKA, J’s best friend. If John B was here, JJ couldn’t be far behind.

You turn you back towards where the voice came from, looking directly at your friends. “I have to go. Now.” 

You just had the first decent day in a little while - you couldn’t have that ruined.

No one made an attempt to leave. To usher you away. They all just gave you apologetic smiles, looking at a presence that stumbled behind you.

The urge to just walk away was almost too strong. But you pushed past it to turn around.

The boy before you didn’t look the greatest. The blonde hair that could never get messy was completely unkempt. The blue eyes that were always shining were dull and looked like they couldn’t shed a tear, even if in desperate need to. 

You stumbled back. You couldn’t decide if it was because he was standing in front of you, or because he looked so different.

“Y/N…” His voice was quiet, as if afraid of breaking something if he raised it. “Can we please talk?” There was something shaking within his being that transferred through his voice.

You shook your head. And shook your head. And shook your head. 

You couldn’t do this. Not here, not now.

“Red, please.”

He took a step towards you and you immediately stumbled back again, tripping over your own feet.

He moved to help you up, but someone you couldn’t see stopped him.

You scrambled to your feet, moving backwards. “No…” You shake your head, trying to string together your words. “No. You don’t… You don’t get to do that…”

He tried to reach out to you.

“No!” You snapped, balling your fists and biting the inside of your cheek to bite back tears. “I woke every morning wondering what you saw in me. Wondering why suddenly, one day, the guy every girl at school wanted asked me out. Gave me the time of day. I couldn’t sleep some nights because all I could think about was you, JJ!”

You didn’t know if it was your blurry vision, but it almost looked like he was breaking as much as you were.

“You’re a real jerk, thinking you can toy with someone’s feelings like that, JJ Maybank. A jerk I would do anything to go back in time to stop myself from falling in love with.”

When you felt a sob suffocating you, you turned your back on JJ. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you this way. That’s why jerks did this right? Hurt people? To see them upset?

Everyone, not just JJ, seemed stunned by the mention of love. You couldn’t blame them. If you had been told you’d fall in love with the bad boy only for him to break your heart, you wouldn’t believe it either.

But the mention of love seemed to make him more determined. “You have to let me explain…”

“No, I don’t,” you couldn’t stop your voice from shaking. “I don’t.”

You couldn’t turn to even give him a look or say goodbye to anyone as you started to walk away.

You didn’t care if Di was following you or not. You’d walk home if you had to. They had to have orchestrated this on purpose.

----

You hadn’t talked to anyone since then. You had your mom drive you to school and home everyday. As much as you could, you made sure to either be alone or away from the participants that made your heart hurt more.

They seemed to get the hint after a day or two, leaving you alone. For the most part.

Every now and then, you could catch a glimpse of Di and Kie looking your way in the hallways or in class.

At lunch, you either sat alone or went off to the library. When you were in the cafeteria, you noticed that Di seemed to replace an empty seat.

It had now been two weeks. Maybe three. You couldn’t tell anymore. Every day just blended in at this point.

At your locker, on the Monday of the third week, you opened it to find a note fall out on the floor. Looking around, you couldn’t tell if anyone stood out in the crowded hallway.

You stooped down and picked it up, looking around once more before you read it.

“I’ll use you as a warning sign.”

With furrowed eyebrows, you looked around once again. This had to be in the wrong locker.

You sighed and shook your head, placing the note in your book and walking off to your next class.

The next day, when you went to your locker at the end of school, another note slipped out to your feet.

“That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind.”

This note left you even more confused than the last.

The next day, you got two notes in one day.

“And I’ll use you as a focal point.”

“So I don’t lose sight of what I want.”

A feeling started in your stomach after reading Wednesday’s notes. The lines felt familiar, and you felt like you knew who they were coming from.

Again, the next day, there were two notes.

“And I’ve moved further than I thought I could.”

“But I missed you more than I thought I would.”

The last note had hit you hard. Harder than you thought a note could.

You knew who was giving you these notes. You knew who, but you couldn’t figure out why. You knew who, but you couldn’t bring yourself to throw them away.

On Friday, you walked to school. You were going to have to walk home too.

You went through the whole school day like normal. Each time you stopped at your locker, which was almost after every period for some reason, there was never a note.

You wouldn’t admit there was a sinking feeling replacing the other feeling in your stomach.

When the bell rang to signal the end of eighth period, a glimmer of hope tapped you on the shoulder. Asked to be seen. Heard. But you ignored it.

Once at your locker, you froze for a moment. You didn’t know why. If there was another note, then there was another note. If there wasn’t one, why should it matter?

You opened it slower than you wanted, messes up on the combination three times.

There was a moment's pause before you flung the piece of metal open. Nothing came out. There was just no note today.

Why should you even care? It was just the lyrics to a song, written on a post-it note. Of all the kinds of paper he could have used, he chose post-it notes. That has to mean he doesn’t care.

Why do you even care? It was him who was the jerk, only dating you for a quick buck. Of all the kinds of ways he could have gotten money, he chose to break a girl’s heart. That has to mean he doesn’t care.

You put away the books you don’t need and grab the ones you have to take home. It was going to be another long weekend, and you knew you couldn’t do it without some distraction.

You closed your locker, only to jump at the sudden appearance of someone behind it.

“I’m really really really sorry, Y/N, but not being able to talk to you has been killing me!” Di did look upset - her usual complete peppy personality was obviously crooked. Like something was tipping it off to the side.

She spoke again before you could start anything. “I know we shouldn’t have gone behind your back like that. We - I thought it would be a good idea and it was the total opposite.”

You sighed a little and shook your head, throwing your backpack on. “I just wasn’t ready to face him like that...”

“I know, and I should’ve known then too.”

“Promise me one thing, Di.”

Di nods. “I’ll promise you almost anything.”

You couldn’t help but smile a little bit, as you knew what she couldn’t promise you. “Promise me you’ll stop intervening with my love life. That’s something that should be just my business.”

She looked to be thinking it over for a second before nodding again. “I can promise you that.”

You smiled as she hooked her arm in yours, dragging you outside to her car like she used to. 

As soon as you got to the parking lot, feet away from Di’s car. You froze. 

There was a path laid out right in front of you. A path of ripped up pieces of paper. Each piece of paper had something written on, but you’d have to stoop down to see it all. 

The back of Di’s car had a giant piece of paper taped to it. It was the note you didn’t receive today.

“I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

Right in front of me.”

“Before you say anything,” Di started to whisper as she walked off to the side. “This was already put into place before I made that promise.”

She was completely out of your line of sight, but you didn’t care. You were too caught up in the boy that was walking into your sight, right next to the note.

You didn’t know what to say. Seems like JJ didn’t know either.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you said, “Who picked out the song?” 

Lame first question to ask him after everything that’s happened.

He was a little caught off guard you spoke first. “Kie…”

“She has good taste…” You trailed off, biting your cheek harder as your vision threatened to block off JJ’s image.

He simply nodded, as there isn’t much else you could say about that.

“So you were the one leaving the notes in my locker…” It wasn’t a question, as after the third note you knew who it was.

He nodded. “I didn’t want to get you upset again…”

“JJ-”

“Y/N, look,” he took a step away from the car. “Please just let me explain my side. Then you can yell at me as much as you want. But I just need to tell you my truth.”

You shut your mouth and nodded. You might have been a little bit of a bitch for the past couple weeks to him, but you had good reasoning. Nonetheless, you thought he still deserved to explain everything to you. You deserved it.

He took another step, this time towards you. You didn’t move away.

“This kid named Gavin came up to our lunch table a couple months ago, wanting one of us to do his dirty work. None of us were going to do it. Even me. But I took it. That was the day I came up to you at the kegger.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “I never thought any of this bullshit was gonna happen. On our first date, I was going to tell you everything. I really was.”

He paused again, so you asked a question. “Why didn’t you then?” Your voice was quieter than it had been minutes prior.

He took a second step towards you. You didn’t move away.

“It was like when I took the stupid bet. I looked at you, and it felt like John B was going to shoot me in the gut with a paintball gun if I ever ruined that glint in your eyes when you just smile.”

You couldn’t look at him, so you tried to read as many of the notes on the ground as you could. “You’ve done worse than that…”

JJ sighed. There was more in that sigh than just, “oh well,” or anything like that. It was shaky. “I know… I’ve been beating myself up everyday about it…”

“As much as I hate admitting this, I was scared. Scared of this way you made me feel. That’s why I kept pushing back telling you the truth. Because I was afraid, if I did, you would leave.”

This is when you decided to look at him again. But not just look at him. Really look at him. And he looked how he did at the boneyard, yet somehow worse. There was a sense of vulnerability in the way he stood and the way he looked at you and the way he talked to you.

He was opening up.

You took a step towards him as he began to speak again.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect you to ever want to talk to me again. But I needed to tell you this. Because I…” He couldn’t find the right words. “Fuck it,” he muttered his breath. “Because I love you. I fucking love you, even when I didn’t mean to.”

You froze in your spot.

JJ loved you.

And that look on his face told you he couldn’t be lying. He really loved you.

A new wave started to wet your ankles - guilt. You had yelled and screamed at him. You had used loving him as a grievance while he used loving you as a defense.

There was still validation behind your acts, but your heart doesn’t always care about that.

You took another step, forgetting to keep in mind the shakiness of your legs. The notes cluttered around your feet didn’t help either - you almost tripped. And you kept note of the way JJ flinched, as if going to catch you.

“Talk some sense to me…” You whispered, mustering a small sad smile as you felt your cheeks grow wet.

He chuckled weakly, but it was a weakness that was slowly getting stronger. “I’ll do more than talk some sense to you…”

You laugh was something caught between a laugh and a sob. “Just not in front of everyone.”

That comment brought attention to the crowd of teenagers that had found itself in the parking lot.

“Ignore us!” Di called out from beside Kie.

“Just kiss already!” Sarah called out from John B’s side, who was next to Kie. Pope was behind her.

You blushed a little and JJ set his hand on your chin, making you look at him. “I can’t say no to that bet, Red.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes. “The next time you bet something, I’m going to make sure you lose.”

“Well, I’ll just have to consider the win to be you.”

He leaned down and captured your lips before you could interject.

This kiss was explosive. There were no fireworks. It was comforting. Soft. Like a warm fire gracing your lips. It was a kiss you had missed.

Who would have thought the good girl, so caught up in her practical ways, could make the bad boy, who sleeps around and doesn’t listen to anyone, fall in love with her?

---- ----

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[sopxhiea]

Lush

Alfie Solomons X Reader

Summary: As more time passes, the wild girl realizes that she’s wrapped some ropes around herself and it’s only with Alfie’s help that she’s able to get out of her own trap.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5  | Part 6

“Behave.”

“Are you flirting or starting a fight?”

It’s teatime first, supper second.

The guests come and go, a couple muffled shouts here and there while the sun changes its position. The weather’s mostly cloudy, it rains every now and then but not enough to take notice. The coats slowly get thicker, the colors dim as the days morph into nights and the next thing you know, the whole month is behind you.

It’s the weekend, the date is somewhere between the many things you’d piled up in the back of your mind but it’s hard to reach out for it. A month has passed, you realize and a little smile finds your lips that doesn’t go unnoticed by the girls around but you catch yourself before silly thoughts enter your mind and wipe the smile off your face.

It’s not the time to dream.

The girls are walking slowly, backs straight and eyes soft as the madam gives them notes of how to correct their posture. They don’t have a book on their head like they’d made you do but the stifled laughter and the stolen glances are all there. There isn’t much to do around, not since you’d been given immunity of doing certain things after that visit.

Things have changed, you think, while watching the sky get darker with each passing minute. It’ll be a quiet night in with the other girls, a lot of laughter and scary stories are expected. You suppose you’ll join them but something in you seems a bit distant from it all. With a shake of your head, you stand up to help some of the other girls with meal preparations.

It’s all because of him.

You don’t get attached, you tell yourself while walking towards the back of the kitchen. The jar of jam is heavy in your hands as you walk back, murmuring to yourself about how stupid this all was. The plans were still in motion and they worked like a charm but there was something deep in your mind that kept you from being as rational as you used to be.

It feels like a fog, something sweet you’re walking inside of. Things feel lighter most of the time, especially when he’s around. You still have the upper hand, you suppose that’s something you’ll never lose but he’s been working the ground to get you to feel this way and you find it silly that it’s working so well.

It’s not love.

You repeat to yourself while cutting up some vegetables. The girls are used to your state now, mumbling and talking to yourself in a harsh tone while you work. He’s getting into your head and it’s easy to let go but you remind yourself that you’ve played the game longer than he has. You know the ropes better and they’re all keeping him tied down anyway.

It’s the weekend, you repeat to yourself and a brilliant idea comes to mind.

It’s been a while since you’ve snuck out. No one from the boarding house has the heart to do it but you, although the visits are less often than they had been. You figure you’re more tired than usual since you have more things to take care of in the house, but it’s all an excuse.

Sometimes, in the very dark of the night when you’re not quite yourself, you find yourself thinking about him. It’s not the way that you think about men: they’re mostly useless souls who want a pretty lady to smile at them and you pity them, you still do but it’s no surprise that he’s proven to be the exact opposite of every man you’ve met.

You blame yourself.

You’re not keen on losing the game and you’re still willing to bet good money on yourself but he’s smart, sharper than anyone you’ve played with and it catches you off-guard. The recovery is quick, you’re on your feet in no time but the more time passes, the more you realize the real danger beneath it all.

It’s not love, you mutter while putting on the dress.

Annabelle doesn’t care as much anymore, not after Alfie’s threats thrown her way. She keeps quiet as she watches you walk out of the house with nothing but a silk slip and a large coat on. She knows where you’re going but her lips are sealed shut, she’s fearful.

You come to realize that that’s the experience with Alfie. Men are so afraid that the amount calling you decreases each week. Some of them call you ‘his girl’ now which only makes you scowl. If anything, you’re the one who has your claws dug into him. The girls mostly want to fuck him, you find out after being spoken to in the back of a club by women who were trembling with the thought of a gangster between their sheets.

Lisa is giddy next to you while you walk into the club, excited to see the lad she fancies. You suppose they’ll get married, too. Like the rest of your friends who are either pregnant or about to tie the knot. You flinch at the thought, although you know Annabelle wants nothing more than to send you off.

Poor woman, never getting anything she wants.

Another thing that’s changed is how quickly time passes, the thought crosses your mind long after you’ve made into the club and a gentleman has your hand in his as you dance. It’s easy, second nature almost, as you sway your hips and his eyes widen at the things he starts imagining. They all think with their dicks anyway-

Not him.

You shake your head again, dancing to the loud music and taking the thought in your hand, tossing it in a forgotten box and locking it. There are so many of those thoughts that the gentleman’s face starts to look like his. His beard is trimmed like it usually is when he comes to see you and you can smell his scent when the thought arrives.

It’s the booze.

You don’t realize that the reason why you’re able to smell Alfie’s is because he’s standing next to the front door of the club with Ollie on his side. He’s there on business, the owner has not been paying up but he thinks your pretty little self doesn’t need to know about it as he watches you dance.

The club is packed due to it being the weekend and it reminds him of the first time he’d met you in the boarding school and the way you’d made ladies’ eyes widen with your moves. They were all bothered with being proper and he knew, for a fact, that you didn’t care for that.

Two months later and your ropes around him were tight as ever.

Only this time, you had your own ropes to worry about.

Lisa was sitting on one of the booths with someone he’d seen before but the lad dancing with you was not familiar. It didn’t matter, he’d pound them into the ground either way. He didn’t care for the way the lad’s eyes roamed all over your body, he was sure that was his privilege.

Your head was bobbing rapidly, mouthing the words to the song he’d never heard before. He knew he was an old bloke next to you but you didn’t seem to mind and neither did he. Your dress flowed around your ankles while he watched, breath caught in his throat for a split second and Ollie marveled at the sight of his big bad boss going desperate because of a pretty lady barely half his size.

Ollie figured it was curiosity or even better, love.

You had a smile on while moving to the rhythm, the lad seemed to enjoy your slightly drunk phase just as much. You started turning in circles after a bit and when you stopped to hold onto the said lad, he was gone and replaced by a very good looking familiar man.

You figured it was the booze playing games.

Surely the Alfie standing in front of you was a product of your imagination. He seemed too real to be an imaginary character but you figured the booze just had to be that good. A low smile found your lips and he almost mirrored the act but held himself. He was a little hurt. 

“Where’s my lad?” you spoke, not sure if Alfie was actually standing in front of you or you were just imagining it. You had imagined him fucking you into a mattress last week so anything was possible.

He chuckled and glared at you, it made you realize that he was in fact standing in front of you but that didn’t change the act. He was still the man you knew. Ollie watched the strange interaction, it made him snort every time when his boss would try to deal with you and it would only backfire.

“There was a fuckin’ lad ‘ere, yeah, there was..” he spoke, hand tugging at his beard and you realized you were standing close to where Lisa was within the booths.

  Alfie kept speaking, eyes not leaving yours and he saw the booze on your features. It made you relaxed and slightly silly but he settled that he liked that a lot. “...didn’t know he was fuckin’ yours, pet.” he spoke, the pet name making you giggle because it was just absurd coming from a man with blood on his hands, it only made you feel less contained.

You nodded, not making eye contact with him while you looked around. You had to crane your neck to meet his eye anyway and it just seemed like a bother in your slightly drunk stage. You spoke in a low voice in the noisy room but he’d heard, it was easy for him to pick up on your voice in a room full of people since he heard you in his dreams every damn night.

“He was my partner..” you said, hand on your arm while you stood before him. His eyebrows furrowed and you continued, this time looking at him as you spoke. “..dancing and all. You know, things you never do?” you said, a low smile on your lips as he looked at you.

You were still as dangerous, didn’t matter if you were slightly intoxicated.

“I’m gonna go ba-” you started speaking, finger pointing in the direction of the moving crowd but Alfie cut you off. He didn’t want to see you drunkenly dancing with some strange bloke and frankly, he had missed you.

“Ya’ stay here, yeah, fuckin’ stay where ya’ are...” he spoke, eyes looking over to the bar at the end of his sentence. He was standing close to you while his face hovered above yours and you licked your lips at the warmth that seeped off of the man and he forgot all he was going to say.

You lifted your eyebrows, knowing how easy it was for him to get riled up, especially because you still hadn’t slept with him. You’d kissed him and made out on several occasions and it only made him come back a little more desperately.

“I’m gonna go talk to the fuckin’ owner, lass, ya’ stay-” he started speaking but your drunk courage made you cut him off with glistening eyes.

“Here, I know.” you said, not breaking eye contact. 

He had been getting more demanding than usual lately and while other women liked having a possessive man, the whole thing just pissed you off and he knew it, you knew that he did from the way his lips twitched. He had heard other lads talking about you, even more appealing now that you were some sort of forbidden fruit due to being called ‘Alfie’s girl’ and it made his blood boil.

But he wouldn’t tell you that.

You stayed where you were when he went to the back part of the bar and disappeared but it soon proved to be a bad idea, leaving you on your own. You were still slightly drunk and it didn’t help that the song was so catchy. Your limbs started moving before you knew it and you were smiling as you moved.

Unbeknownst to you, Alfie had taken care of the issue and was staring at your silly form. He was surely enjoying the little show but he didn’t like that it was in public, he liked it better you were alone and performing for him as you’d done a couple times before. He still reveled in the dreams he had about the way your body moved, it was pure sin to him.

Before you knew it, he was gently dragging you away again, the broad shoulders you knew so well. It was strange, you thought. He was such a strange man but you weren’t any better, he made an excellent companion. His company was calming and rather enjoyable, even though sometimes you’d see the blood on his sleeve.

He dragged you all the way towards the entrance and told Ollie to go fetch your coat. The lad was quick on his feet and you were annoyed, too restless in your state and you forgot about Lisa. Alfie’s face inched impossibly closer to yours when you were waiting for Ollie and you felt his breath against your face, fingers gently caressing your jaw and his voice contradicted the act as he spoke with a stern glare.

“Behave.” his voice was harsh, not cold but you knew there would be trouble if you didn’t do as he asked.

The game was fun and all but he was still a gangster and the one who had a gun out of the two of you, so you listened.

You nodded almost too gently and he didn’t spare a glance before disappearing behind the bar again. Thanking Ollie for the coat, you started putting it on but the loud sound stopped you, along with everyone else in the club.

You were sure you were just imagining things. 

There were shots inside the club, somewhere along the back and your blood froze at the sound. Ollie ushered you outside, aware that his boss would make him pay if you were to see anything. The dancing stopped, most of the people scurrying away from the club. You saw Lisa in the arms of her man and didn’t think to stop her. Annabelle would scold her but you’d make sure you got all the blame.

One more gunshot and it was over.

Your eyes curiously glossed over Ollie’s but he kept his lips shut as he looked into the club to see where his boss had been. It was supposed to be an easy job, in and out but the owner had been resisting and that was not smart when doing business with Alfie.

You stood outside with Ollie for a while before Alfie emerged but the sight was unfamiliar this time. There was blood all over his once white shirt, you didn’t know if it was his or someone else’s. His hair was disheveled, thick crimson color on the outside of his coat and the edge of the hat he was holding in his hand. You took the sight in and the angry eyes that were directed at you.

You didn’t ask.

This was him, it was bound to show up sometime and he had done his very best to protect you from seeing him like this. As fucked up as it was, it didn’t bother you. You knew his line of work long before you’d got to meet the gentleman covered in blood and figured that some people just had to deal with dirty business and he happened to be one of them.

“I hope that’s not yours.” you spoke with a chuckle while looking at the blood on his shirt, surprising both men as they looked at you.

It didn’t seem to bother you at all.

“Nah.” he said after a while, Ollie long gone to get the car. He just stared at your puzzled form, trying to figure out why you hadn’t been scared or hysterical like most people were when they saw the state he was in.

But you just stared at him, not at the blood but at his slightly wounded face.

You spoke before he could muster up the energy to tell you that this was where the night would end.

“You need some patching up.” you spoke, finger pointing at your eyebrow to show that his was severely damaged.

Then, he just watched.

He watched as you told Ollie to bring out the car and drive you and Alfie to the bakery. You bossed his assistant around for a bit before the lad disappeared. He watched you walk closer to him and gently touch his left cheek where there were no bruises. He reveled in the way your eyes traveled across his face to examine the damage and he didn’t say a word.

He watched you as you pushed him into his own car and took the front seat next to Ollie as he drove you and Alfie to the bakery.

------

Things took a turn, Alfie concluded.

It wasn’t necessarily a left turn as he realized he very much liked the state he was in, your face inches away from his as you dabbed some alcohol into his eyebrow. He watched your eyes come in and out of focus and felt his pants tighten when you purposefully licked your lips.

He didn’t think he’d be here but he wasn’t complaining in the slightest.

He had stood there, wounded and a little tired on the doorstep of his office as you made him a comfortable place on his sofa and helped him into the office. He had not made a sound while watching you work, curious as to why you had learned to patch someone up this quickly.

He hissed slightly when you touched his arm where there was a knife wound. It wasn’t too bad, just needed some time to heal. You cut his shirt, not bothering to get it off of him since that was for later. You figured this was a better waste of your time than dancing with some drunk lad in the club.

Since you knew this lad well.

You chuckled at his hiss, no kindness offered to his expense while you patched him up. The whole thing would be traumatic for anyone to go through and Alfie had been a sight when he’d first appeared but you seemed nonchalant about it all and it only made him worried.

“Stay still for a damn second.” you whispered under your breath when he started moving again and the words made him furrow his eyebrows. You rarely swore and he figured it was best not to ask about it from a rational point of view.

But Alfie was not a rational man.

“The fuck is wrong?” he said, voice gruff as he looked at you. Your hands moved faster than an average person doing this job, like the nurses he’d seen in France.

“Your face and you might be losing an arm so...” you spoke, not looking at him as he tried to put the pieces together. “...a lot is wrong.” you said, a mere whisper from your lips.

He didn’t ask, figured there was a time and place for that.

“Luv, don’t ya’ fuckin’ need to be home by now, eh?” he started speaking, mumbling under his breath as he trailed off. You didn’t spare him a glance, too bothered by the fact that this was not something you could foresee.

The game had gone accordingly until now but this was not usual nor something you’d done with another man before. Certainly not a gangster.

There was dancing, sneaky remarks and flirty smiles but you’d never patched someone up before. You’d kiss him, sure, you’d straddle him but clean him up after he’d killed a couple men had never been on the list. 

“I don’t have a...curfew since you scared Annabelle off from doing anything to me.” you spoke, words harsh but your voice was sweet as you spoke to him. 

He was a confused man as he looked at you, he needed you to elaborate. He had shot men for not being clear enough and he found his frustration rising as he watched you tend to his wound. He wasn’t sure of what you meant.

He thought you were mad at him but then you spoke again.

“Besides, I never really listened to her.” you said, giggling at the end of the sentence while you dabbed his wound with some more alcohol, you were smiling at him as you’d said it.

He could never figure you out.

Your hands were quick to put his jacket back on when you were done, a little whiff of exhaustion left your lips and Alfie realized it was later than you usually came home. There were no rings under your eyes but a visible annoyance that came from being exhausted.

He looked at your small form, dress slightly covered in the blood his shirt was drenched in. You didn’t look fazed, just a bit tired from the way you stood. His eyes roamed over your body, feeling a bit guilty since he had been the one to drag you here but he also knew that this would be happening sooner or later, it just happened to be sooner than he’d expected.

You took a good look at his body, now bandaged and all content in the little cushion filled place you’d made on the sofa. He smiled at you, sheepish almost but you found it all too alluring anyway. This was not planned and it did make you frustrated but after all, it was exciting to be useful to him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the one protecting me, sir?” you asked, the way the last part rolled out of your tongue sounding like pure sin to him. He blinked first, and then his hand tried to grab yours but you shifted and moved so you were no longer as close to his sitting body while you stood before him.

He just chuckled. His voice was not as gruff as it had been but all power and manly as usual. “Lass...” he spoke, the tone of his voice cutting through the tense air like a knife. “Are you flirting or starting a fight?”

It could be both, really. He always had to guess with you.

You gave him a small smile, the first genuine one since you’d seen the blood and it made his chest all warm but he didn’t ponder on it. He’d be having too many bruises to count in the morning when the sun would come up and he figured he didn’t want you to see him that way. Although it was entirely too late for that, you had already seen the worst of it.

He just looked human to you.

He was a big scary boss, one many feared and for good reason but he just seemed like a man as you looked at him. He wasn’t badly injured but there was a glint of vulnerability in his eyes, one he would deny having but you held onto it. Maybe this little outing could benefit you after all. 

“It’s a shame you have to ask, Mr. Solomons.” you spoke, voice lower than usual while you talked to him.

He knew this was a two sided coin and so far, he had been getting the wrong side.

He watched as you sat down next to him on the sofa, his body slowly coming out of the shock while the pain hit him. He took it better than most, you thought, he was clearly in control while the waves of pain hit him repeatedly but you chose not to dwell on it and instead, talked about what you really wanted from him.

“How ‘bout we make a deal?” your words were airy, voice too soft for him to comprehend and it took him a minute. Your face was already inches away from his and you wouldn’t kiss him, no, you’d toy with the wounded man but you would leave him alone at the end.

He searched your eyes for something, for anything, while your hands caressed his cheeks. Your touch was feathery, almost made him slip but he took control at the right moments so he wasn’t losing the game. He was already weakened when seeing you work and had no intentions of losing yet another round.

“Go on.” he said, simple against your lips as they hovered above his, not touching but almost there. He gulped and you threw him a smirk at the reaction, men were always like this.

You pulled back and sat in front of him on your knees so he didn’t have to look up from where he was standing. It would’ve looked like a love confession, you thought, if anyone were to see it but it was a proposition being made. All business as you spoke and he listened.

“You take me home tonight..” you spoke and a glint of hope appeared in his eyes, even though you were quick to shut it off. “...no funny business, as I imagine your state would make it difficult.”

your voice was soft as you spoke this time and he chuckled lowly at the words, hand at his beard in usual manner.

“It ain’t a problem, luv.” he said, watching the ways your eyes shifted at the words. You leaned closer so you were inches away from his face and spoke. This was what it all boiled down to.

“You take me home every night, Mr. Solomons. Out of that school.” you spoke, eyes looking at his and not wavering in the slightest because you knew he offered death or a deal.

The itch to be out of the school was getting to you and what better person than the bloke who ruled Camden to do that?

You knew the power he had and not just the money either. People were scared of him so it was useful to wear his name like an armor in the streets. It would be easy for you, a place for yourself in the city and protection. 

But there was a catch.

“And you, yeah, what are ya’ thinkin’ of givin’ me for my fuckin’ generosity?” he asked, he knew you’d be wanting a place of your own and that was easy business but he needed something out of it, something to keep him on his toes.

There was the itch to get out of the school since you knew, for a fact, that if you didn’t leave soon, they’d have you married off to some guy. Alfie was much better than that, handsome and wealthy too and since people had been calling you ‘his girl’ for a while, you figured it was only natural to exploit the title.

You wouldn’t have sex with him to close the bet, no, this would be much more fun than that. You’d keep playing the game but you needed to give him a benefit somehow, to show that his help would count for something.

Although he didn’t really care for that, it was all worth it if he got to see you.

“What do you want me to do?” you spoke, face closer to his now that he was playing the game.

You thought maybe you could work for him, he knew the opportunity was on the table but he didn’t need someone else to work for him. But then, he didn’t really care if it meant that he got to see you everyday, he reveled in the idea of seeing you around each time he would look around the bakery. 

He didn’t want the boys to see you, no, he would rather have you around his office and you stared at him as he calculated it all. It was easy to see the wires work in his head, gears turning as he looked at you from head to toe. He knew you painted and that you caught on fast and that was all he would need anyway.

He smiled, lip hurting since it had been cut but that didn’t stop him. His hand grabbed your chin, caressing the soft skin of your face gently as he spoke to you as if he were cooing.

“Ya’ know what you’re fuckin’ askin’ me?” he spoke, eyebrows furrowed in the slightest. He thought, for the first time, that you’d bitten off more than you could chew.

But he sometimes forgot who he was playing with.

You nodded, no hesitation in your eyes as you looked at the man before you. The game was still going on but this didn’t count, not when you were inches away from his lips and he’d dreamed of kissing you the past week, to be close to you the way he was.

You pulled back.

There was pure danger in your eyes, the kind of orbs Alfie swore were trouble when you stood. There was no toying at that moment, only the truth while you looked at him. Sure, you were capable of ruining a man of his wrath almost too easily but if he were to offer you a way out, the ropes would change and the whole game would shift.

But to whose benefit, that he didn’t know.

Your words were airy as you spoke, determined regardless while you talked to his sitting form.

“Make your decision, Mr. Solomons. But make it quick.” you said, not fucking around anymore because this man seemed like an out ticket and you’d do your best to keep him. “You know where to find me.”

He watched you leave before glancing back at his now cleaned wounds you’d so graciously taken care of. He thought of your touch and the determination in your voice when asking him for a way out, since you knew he was your one ticket if you wanted a life without a boring bloke you’d call your husband.

He shouted for Ollie and told him to fire Abel from doing his accounts.

-----

Tagging: @clairecrive  @parkbearum @sourirez  @vetseras @mollybegger-blog @babylooneytoonz @peakascum @fuseburner @r-rose08 @innerpaperexpertcloud @caffinated-tree @cathartichaoss  @ihavefandomsssss @thatchickwiththecamera @sugarcoated-lame @alainabooks143​

a/n: This is a bit late but I just finished all my midterms and i’ll be more active on here!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and do let me know what you thought <3 There will be another one coming out soon!!

Happy valentines day!! Sending you all my love and endless hugs <3

[wandaswifeyforlifey]

First Day ~Part 1~

Ship: MJ x Reader

Word count: 1.3k

Summary: You couldn’t be more grateful to be taken in by the avengers, but living the dream has to come to an end at some point, right?

A/n: I am so sorry to the person who requested this! I know you sent me a message but Tumblr isn’t letting me see them at the moment so I will have to tag you in it as soon as I can access them This is part one of three so stay tuned!

Every time you thought about it, the more grateful you became. It was probably the best case of right place, right time. You had been raised in the Red Room so violence was all you knew. It never occurred to you that love was what someone was supposed to receive until you were given the mission to kill the former assassin, Natasha Romanov.

You knew exactly what you were there to do. You had played out 1000 different possibilities of how this could go down in your head, just like how the Black Widows were trained. Pacing the area cautiously, you awaited her prey. Romanov would be completely unsuspecting, which was always the best way to kill someone. Off-guard. The keys jangled in the lock of the apartment door as you hid, preparing yourself. The door creaked open slowly with Natasha waiting just outside the door frame. Fuck. She knows I'm here. How does she know I'm here? You thought to yourself. She strode in, slammed the door behind her with her foot and pointed her gun directly at your face. Romanov's eyes seemed to soften when she saw you, clearly taking note of your age. Being 14 could easily put someone off of killing you but it also gets their defences down.

You swung, hitting Nat in the temple with the barrel of your gun and she was dazed just enough for you to kick your opponent in the back of the knees so she toppled to the floor.

“Let me guess, you’re here to kill me? Trust me, it’s been attempted multiple times and it never ends well. Do yourself a favour and get out while you have the chance.” Natasha panted, still lying on the floor. You took that as an opportunity to stamp on her stomach but she dodged it by rolling onto her side.

“I came here to do a job and I’m not going to leave until it is complete.” You replied

With that being said, the outcome wasn’t looking too good. Nat swung her leg under your feet, leaving you in the position she had just been in. Natasha then pinned your arms down and sat on top of your stomach.

“You and I both know that I don’t want to hurt you but if you keep acting like this I might just have to.”

“Fine by me.”

“Ok. If you’re going to play like that I have a last resort. I’m sorry.”

She pulled out a syringe from her pocket and jabbed it into your arm. The world slowly faded into a cold black.

You regained consciousness inside a circular room with completely glass walls and a heavy-looking door. You turned around to see Romanov and a man you didn’t recognise talking just quiet enough so that you could only hear faint mumbles. It must have been pretty important because they both had stern looks on their faces and the man walked off in a hurry. She turned to look at you and her expression softened for a second.

“Who was that?” you asked, frowning.

“No one you need to know about. Look, Y/n, you need to realise what kind of situation you’re in here.”

“I do realise what situation I’m in: one I can get out of.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose, looking exhausted.

“Look, I’m going to offer you a deal and I suggest you take me up on it because we both know you are at a disadvantage here. S.H.I.E.L.D has taken note of your abilities and enhancements and is willing to let go of all your charges if you use said abilities to help them. To put it simply, you don’t get arrested as long as you join the Avengers.”

Or at least that's the story you tell. Whether it's true or not, you and Nat both seem to agree on it.

You had been living at the Avengers compound for about 3 months and it had undoubtedly been a rocky beginning. You started cold and distant and never really spoke to anyone unless you had to. The others would bring food to your room because you barely left it, Steve doing it the most. After a few weeks of him doing it, you both would slowly get into longer conversations, getting to the point where Steve would eat his dinner in your bedroom with the both of you just chatting until he brought the plates back down.

Once you warmed up to Steve, he managed to get you to eat with everyone and come out more. To your surprise, Peter seemed to click with you. He soon became your other half with you both spending every second with each other. For the first time, you felt wanted. You had a family.

After almost 5 months of staying with them, Tony began to think about your education and you having a proper childhood. He had noticed you and Peter becoming close and decided to call a team meeting for it.

“Ok, so now we are all here,” he began to say, “I think we need to discuss Y/n’s education.”

“What?” you replied.

“Yeah, what?” Steve chimed in.

“Just hear me out. So we know you were raised in the Red Room but you never had a proper education. And I know that probably sounds pretty bad, but I thought maybe you could go to Peter’s school?”

“Are you kidding me that would be amazing!” Peter said excitedly.

Whereas, you were sitting there gaping. You turned to Steve hoping he could defend you but he just turned to you with a slightly sympathetic look. It was obvious he agreed with Tony. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. What? Do they think I’m stupid or something? Fuck this, I’m going to my room.

After storming off to your room Peter came in to talk to you. You heard that the team had agreed with Tony and he could easily get you into any school he liked.

“Hey, Y/n.”

“Hey, Pete. Can you believe that? I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if you were there.”

“I know it sounds bad but it’s normal. You’ve said to me countless times that you wish you had a normal life and this is just another step closer to that. When we go in it’ll just be us against the world!” He said with his usual charming grin. You knew you couldn’t disagree with him and you definitely couldn’t help but smile back.

“Fine you idiot, but promise me you will never say something as cheezy as that ever again?” you laughed

“Ok, I promise,” he replied as he hugged you.

That night you had another talk with Tony and agreed to go. He said you would be able to go in on the Monday coming and you weren’t sure whether what you felt in your stomach was nervousness or excitement.

The next few days seemed to fly by and you asked endless questions to Peter about what it was like. He always seemed happy to answer them though, which was one of the reasons you were friends with him. He was patient, kind, sweet and innocent. Peter honestly helped you adapt to life with the Avengers and you knew you would forever be grateful for him.

But, soon Monday morning came and you were reminded of your promises.

Tagged:

@ladey