#im so tired and in tears man
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my partner got into a car accident, and we need your help, please.
I know I make posts a lot, but this time, jesus christ, do I need your help now more than ever. My partner, @carltonsandwichbanks, got into a car accident last night. Thankfully, he is okay with minor injuries and a clean bill of health. As it stands, we do not know the status of the other driver's well-being, but the cars are completely and utterly wrecked.
However... we still need help, as my partner faces criminal charges over this (unsure of who the guilty party was at this point and will not know until cam footage is released). We are saving towards court and lawyer fees, medical costs, and the biggest costs of all, the car - if it can be salvaged at all and if the lender allows us to do so. We desperately need this car/a car, and my partner is a safe driver who takes care of himself and us both when on the road. He's been responsible, as this was his first vehicle that he obtained ever (and worked hard to make happen).
All that being said... I am selling majority of my characters on toyhou.se in order to start saving, and accepting donations on his behalf. if you would be so, so kind as to even grant us a reblog, we'd be eternally grateful.
thank you all so much for the endless support. once we have concrete numbers for everything, i will put together a proper gofundme to donate to. below are all the relevant links.
toyhouse bulletin with info and links
folder with characters for sale
paidpale link
vinedmoe link
cashedapp: $SalemV
gofundme link pending
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can't trust the words behind the fangs 🐍🎭 a doodle with my take on his mask :3c
#sampo koski#sampo#honkai star rail#hsr fanart#hsr#hsr sampo#eats him like a starved man#the snake fangs and the poison drips ugh pls i love idsgjfdhkjdg#its unfinished in so many places but idc anymore TAKE HE#WOE SAMPO UPON YE IM TIRED#he's probably going to have like a full face mask but the half mask is nice#like u can still see his mouth but you cant trust what he says#and then his eyes are covered in that forever laugh giggle eye expression#the poison drips and gems from his fangs and tears#laughing? crying? who knows!#im kissing and punching him violently#schedules this at 2am eodfhkjdhjdhgkfh
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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pavitr!!! but comic lore! tw for blood
so in the comics, pavitr fights off the "symbiote" in his universe.
after reading them, i was wondering a 'what if' scenario.
what if it won?
he was just being silly goofy dont worry
(you should worry)
#I LOVE BREAKING JOVIAL CHARACTERS#I LOVE ANGSTING THEM#pavitr prabhakar#pavitr my beloved#atsv pavitr#pavitr#spiderman india#across the spiderverse#digital art#my art#burger king table graffiti#not hastsune miku approved#pavitr: pleas no more angst im so tires i just wanat ot see my gf and family please#me: STHUT UP BICH THIS IS HOW I EXRPRESS MYSELF *bashes him in the head while my tears are everywhere*#symbiote#symbiote spider man
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he was tired in season 2. he had no idea what was coming oh god.
#literally tearing down walls he was TIRED#IM TIRED MAN IM TIRED#he had no idea what was coming#he hadnt even made the deal yet. and hes so young god hes 26 dude! (well maybe he was 27)#goddamnit#bec speaks#dean winchester
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linktober 2023, day 29 - aquatic
yona <3 she was one of my favorite new characters in totk. she's just adorable!!
#the legend of zelda#loz#tears of the kingdom#totk#yona#yawwwwnnn i was so busy splatfest-ing today im tired#i hope yona's fellow ray big man wins...#<- edit: YAYYY!!!#art tag
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Today i am in a wee bit of pain. If i watched skizzs 3l pov today and made weird bad takes about him on tumblr dot com would yall forgive me
#i havent watched skizzs 3l perspective because letting me blorboify skizz is a bad idea like in general#but#girls can only think about skizz telling bigb that he’ll only kill people who deserve it for so long before they need to—#bite him and tear him apart violently for information#he said thaf and then killed JIMMY. and CLEO. WHAT HAPPENED BROOOO#like thats so. teehee. toohoo#where did things go wrong for you pal#he’s a case study to me. He’s a commentary on society somehow. trust me (DONT)#this applies to ll!skizz too by the way but that’s a whole other thing i fucking love you team best#(thinks about skizz) what does community even mean to us dawg. Like as humans#bree barks so fucking loud#im nervous about my skizz muts man I love my skizz muts. Please ignore me using your blorbo for my nefarious purposes#i just have thoughts. quite a few. tired of not sharing them and pretending im normal about skizz i need to start biting
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i want top neuvillette who's still femme and a crybaby my god is that so hard
#/lh#my tastes. masc bottoms femme tops#to be fair my dynamic with them is neuv gets pregnant but neuv also tops. so generally speaking. solid switches. but wrio bottoms#he's the king of the underworld after all.#i do think its hilarious tho if you look at the trends across wrlt vs nvwr interpretations#the tops always gets broadened...... masculinized.... aged#and the bottom becomes this waifish wet noodle..........#like ive seen bottom wrio with a baby face. paired with a neuv who's somehow broader than him#and alternatively ive seen the. meatiest. manliest middle-aged man wriothesley with a neuvillette who's back is perpetually arched#and im like the dimorphism is crazy /j this isnt just a strictly wrlt thing tho this is real across. every ship. that has ever existed lol#tho on a more serious note i have a big squick when it comes to bottom wrio interps where an emphasis on their dynamic is........#the fact that he's younger. or that they first met when he was a minor. im like weird thing to emphasize but ok.#disclaimer tho when i say crybaby hes not a Childish Man mind you. hes Sensitive and Awkward but he's still got that weird ancient stalenes#his voice just wobbles sometimes. he often sound like hes at the verge of tears even if his face is perfectly flat#hes autistic like that#and the sole reason why wrio doesnt top That Much is because hes fuckin tired man. eepy. hes like my god neuv if you still wanna go at it#ur gonna have to take the reins. baby im tired.#something something freakish dragon strength and stamina#personally. my hcs are as such. neuvillette is very lean. almost uncannily long if i exaggerate it for funsies. hes slenderman coded. skinn#but you find no texture underneath his skin. you can't feel bones or muscles shift when he moves when you touch him#there's this exceptional discomfort when you see him lift something that looks much heavier than he should be able to manage#almost like his long fingers might impale it. like you are balancing something soft and fleshy on a nail. it doesn't feel secure#like if wriothesley held you. his arms would feel warm and solid. thick and supportive. whereas neuv's feels like it might dig into you#i could yap all day.
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#aaaaaand i reached my breaking point of the night#im sick i have a cold im tired im so done with this disrespect and nothing ever going anywhere no matter how hard he tries#im tired im actually gonna cry im just. give this man FUCKING SOMETHING#if this is another wembley all in without kip sabian i will break something i swear to fucking god#sorry this is an extremely sore spot this week and this just triggered the tears really hard im so done right now#kip sabian#wrestling#my beloved#kip in a box
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ok i’m still On Break do not take this post as a sign that i’m like. Actively Tumblring again yet because i’m still not, 4 the most part, but i have had my ear to the ground for special interest things, of fuckign course, of course, bcuz i’m me, and i. just. i am .i’m so fucking sorry to all the new SM2099 comic fans who are only just now realizing just now how dire the straits are, here, LMAO. it has been this way for Years. earnestly and from the bottom of my heart i love spider-man 2099 so much and also nobody on the goddamn planet Cares About Him At All or can even fucking write him half-decently unless every single celestial bodie in the fucking milky way galaxy comes into perfect fucking syzygy, i think, i think, i think. why did u think we (me) had a psychotic episode after that fuckin movie dropped. fucksake. lord above. because it’s all always “ohhh being yourSELF and telling your OWN story your OWN way” until you Look A Certain Way and ARE A Certain Way and Have Symptoms That Look Frightening and Don’t Move Around Like ‘Normal’ People Should Move, fuckin’ freaky-ass creature beast-thing, and so on and so on and so on, Christ all-fuckin’-mighty. gets tiring. but. anywaygs.
it is far easier to be destructive, than constructive. so. ahem. sorry. refocusing. it seems quite simply that just yet another goddamn story missed the point that 90s future spider-man is a story about very plainly and simply loving each other as people. it’s a story about a severely depressed, miserable, cynical little man who finds new reasons to live in every kind person he meets, and there is an open earnesty to that, if nothing else, that no movie can take away 30 years later. anybody can decide to try and be a better person than the one they were yesterday, and that is goddamn important. to portray anything otherwise was an unfathomably cruel decision, on sony’s part, and as soon as we got trailer evidence that they were leaning into his more “intimidating” features back in ~dec. 2021, i.. pretty much Knew it was what they were gonna be doing with him. why wouldn’t they? i mean. who actually even cares about this obscure nobody, right? c-listers are the tried-and-true adaptational chameleons, anyways; they sure suckered in dumbasses like me, who still took blind hope in hook line and sinker, thinking he’d be important to the film, or at the very least portrayed sympathetically to his 30 years of established comic history as a character who is consciously aware that he is an adult survivor of fucking child abuse. but. c’est la fucking vie, i guess.
#talking tag#atsv#spider-man 2099#i predicted All Of This and i am SO TIRED OF BEING RIGHT THAT I WANT TO THROW MYSELF IN2 THE SUN ABT IT :))))#i WANTED to be wrong. /CHRIST/ i wanted to be wrong so goddamn bad#articulation isnt at its peak rn. how do i even- /bridge/ the breadth of this gap. wwoof man like. just.#i just. did yall think i started writing the dissection fic with extreme violation + dehumanization themes Just Outta Nowhere?? y/k???#y’KNOW. haha. i am Intimately Aware firsthand with how years of it without reprieve shapes a brain over time. and. writing helps.#hhahaha. lord. id just go back 2 how i was Raised if i wanted 2 Constantly Hear so many ppl talkin abt how much they want evry Like-Me dead#(not-- not. not Like That. not in the nasty-ass too-online Way or whatever disgusting Assumptions that could Imply. im just a basket case.)#chroist.#not even . not even getting into the whole ‘also comic sm2099 is canonically staunchly anti-cop yet movieboy is weirdly fashy’ Thing.#i already Have a migraine im NOT getting into that right now#(holding back tears) wwelp looks like these next Seven Years Of Terrible Public Perception r gonna b long and suck so bad :))#ok goodbye again now im going back to frolicking morosely in the Fields . be safe drink some water be kind to urself and others. mwah.
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how it feels to randomly get rly overwhelmed and frustrated and bitchy and feel like youre going insane
#like its so dumb i shouldnt be this upset its not just rhe stupid drawing everything is literally wrong . i need everythinf 2 stop 4ever#i want to eat something savory but i cant bc rly what i want is a spambowl but i cant fucking make spambowl bc everybody in the house will#lose their shit that i didnt offer to make any for them <- uncharitable. at most lamp would make a joke abt it. but i also just dont want to#cook. but nobody else can make spam bowls#well lamp can but they prefer when i make them. but we have 4 pieces of leftover spam i need to use up bc theyre jusr in a ziploc#and thats enough for A spambowl. but iii dont feel like it#it wouldnt even be that like. actually no incouldnt thered be too much rice#we only have boil in a bag rn. and 1 bag is for 2#so if i want spambowl id Have to share w lamp which i dont mind its easy 2 like. yk. 2 spambowl is what i usually make so i can do it pretty#easy. but im like om the verge of tears for no reason so i cant be in the kitchen#'for no reason' well my periods coming up inliterally got rhe notif for it. thats the reason#i need to get back on t i need to get a job i need to graduate. slamming my head into the wall#i feel like now its been too long since i worked and nobody will hire me . man#but i also like. idk i. id probably be better if i had a job bc id have to be but i feel like i cant keeo anything stable#i cant even keep my fucking sleep schedule steady i get it fixed for a week and then i fuck it up#im so tired i wish things were easy. whateber man . i think maybe i just need to sleep
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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Need to cement myself as the Darryl Wilson mutual otherwise it'll all have been for nothing
#thinking about him so. bad tonight#Yeah im the king of Darryl Wilson ( has drawn him once and refuses to post my analysis/theories)#Matt Arnold made a character that hits all my weak spots. the perfect man#I LOVE A GENTLE BRUTE. I LOVE A KIND BEAST. I LOVE A POWERFUL AGGRESSIVE LOVER HUGGER DEFENDER#Big thing for me where the Wilson's are like. all defenders. the tanks. built to last. doused in blood for their friends in thick and thin#also hes catholic and boy am i afraid of religion but also boy am i so down to analyze the fuck outta it#I will always. be in tears over the Omega Daddies confrontation scene/battle where Darryl is fucking. bolting#and carrying paeden and anybody he can grab. or when he catches Grant midair in Four Knights#“BEAR HUG! SALMON!” oh my im fuckinf sick to my stomach#Also Hands being a massive part of him. handshakes hand trauma being very hands on and crafty and touch oriented.#i need to bite a chunk out of his shoulder like a wild animal MATT ARNOLD YOU WILL PAY#also he keeps making out with married men as a married man and thats king behavior. wrestle with that internalized guilt big guy!#anyway im tired as hell and this melatonin kicking in. nobody die while im gone ok love you byeeee
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Nintendo, apparently: lol idk all the shiekah stuff from botw just randomly disappeared into thin air one day because fuck you and fuck zelda lore, we're dumping it all out the window, all you zelda lore enjoyers can go have a very nice go die
#seriously what the fuck#literally an interview with one of the developers came out today#and they deadass said the guardians and towers and divine beasts#just fucking inexplicably disappeared#im heated man im so tired#remember when nintendo used to actually give a shit about zelda lore?#dont get me wrong i love the open world format from a gameplay perspective#but its ruined the story of totk#botw is better but not by much#jesus christo man#this is why im writing a fix it fic#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom
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it's a "what if i just quit" kinda day lads
#i could. at this point. and just not renew my lease...#that would mean moving back in with the parents and a mad scramble to find a new gif but. man.#so VERY VERY TIRED OF 'guy with Unreliable Memory Disease gets mad at me because he remembers interactions wrong'#as in: tells me to set up X and then yells at me that he ACTUALLY told me to set up Y until im in tears#at least im working from home??#I don't think this is intentional gaslighting but IT FEELS LIKE INTENTIONAL GASLIGHTING
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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