#im scared im going to ruin my own life

[life1tself]

i think the most frustrating thing is that i know whats wrong with me exactly and sometimes i am very aware of what im doing but for some reason i dont know how to stop it. i know the justifications for pushing people away (for example) are correct but it doesnt mean that i automatically can stop it. i feel like im just watching myself do things without control sometimes

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[sovaharbor]

my dad totally has a stomach bug and just got a call from his doctor he needs to take antibiotics for a couple days to see if that finally nips it in the bud for him because apparently this has been Ongoing for a bit and i'm being really not normal about this, thanks

[bare1ythere]

help trying to prepare visas and other practical stuff for an exchange term with the deadline so close is the most stressful thing I've done in a long time

[vitiateoriginator]

I'm losing my medical insurance at the end of the month :)

[stupiddog678]

i dont have anyone to comfort me anymore

[gotta-winwin]

OT13 Reaction -- the aha moment

or...how they realize they're in love with you

seungcheol doesn't get that aha moment, falling in love isn't something that happens within seconds for him. it's like he's slowly drifting into love, not even realizing you've become the focal point of his entire existence. when it finally hits him, it's a quiet, simple moment. he's watching you make him breakfast in the morning, admiring you quietly from the kitchen counter. he zones out for a moment, blinking suddenly and realizing damn. that's my woman. and he knows he's ruined for life.

it's kind of silly, how jeonghan realizes he's in love with you. he's just returned home from a busy day at work, entering the house to find it empty. searching the place top to bottom, he's about to call you when - BOO - you jump out from one of the closets and scares the soul out of him. he's clutching his chest, watching as you collapse onto the ground in a fit of giggles. he can't help but laugh along, realizing through the chaos that he's found his soulmate, and he'd be damned not to admit he's in love with you.

joshua's a simple man by nature. he's easily happy in life, only needing his members, his job, his lifestyle, and of course, you. it doesn't take long into your relationship before he realizes he's in love, as the two of you take a stroll along the Han River after a long day. he's watching the setting sun reflect against your figure, taking his phone out to snap a few pictures. it's when he notices his camera roll is full of pictures of you does he think well, that's it. i'm in love.

upon meeting his family, jun notices how much work you've put into it. you're doing your best to speak his town's dialect, communicating with his parents in a language that made them most comfortable. his heart swells when he sees you amidst his childhood home, trading stories and eating with the people who raised him. it's when he notes that you look so perfect here that he realizes you just fit. he's in love.

as if everything else is with soonyoung, his aha moment is full of fireworks and pizzazz. having just finished the most record breaking performance of his life, he finds himself with one thought only: i want to go home. usually, it's because he's tired. but now, ever since you stumbled into his life, he finds himself wanting, needing, to go home so he can hold you and recite everything that happened today. he's practically thrumming with energy to rush home, and everyone around him sees what is so painfully obvious. he's so in love.

wonwoo's always credited himself to be a loner. not a lot of people can fit with his quiet personality, so when you offer the idea of "parallel play" he's a little confused. his heart warms when you explain that you don't mind doing separate things as long as you're in the same area, understanding that he needs more time to himself than others might. it's when you tell him you love him enough to compromise does he think im so in love with this girl right now.

woozi's used to writing songs dedicated to his fans and members. he sits down for another writing session, brainstorming ideas and the thought of you pops into his mind. he shrugs, thinking it might be nice to mix it up a bit, sitting down to write something about you. it's when he reads his own words back does he realize he's irrevocably screwed and so in love with you. thought about settling down, buying her a house and saying screw the music. yeah, he's in love.

having always been a realist, minghao doesn't necessary believe in true love, or love at first sight. he understands there's going to be someone out there for him, but he's skeptical that that someone is going to be perfect. all his beliefs go out the window the moment he sees you - it's like you're surrounded by a golden glow - and he realizes maybe love at first sight can be real.

seokmin loves and gives as easy as breathing. he's always been a generous guy, and it's when you sit him down and kindly remind him to leave some for himself does he stare at you and realize ok i've found the one. you've become that steadiness in his life that used to be just his members, and you love and give to him like it's as simple as breathing too.

having always been the resident cook, mingyu's eyeing your food creation like it's some kind of poison or drug. he had insisted you didn't need to cook for him, he's always been the cook and doesn't mind it, but you were stubborn and he relented. it's when the first bite blows him away does he realize he kinda misses having someone cook for him too. if you're this good at cooking i might just have to marry you, he says, ignoring how you blush, going back for another bite.

seungkwan's always been the entertainer. he doesn't mind it, he enjoys the fact it's his job to make everyone laugh. but when times get tough and he's in no mood to be the entertainer, you're right there to support him. it's when he gets home to you after a particularly rough day and you welcome him in with open arms, murmuring how he's done well and doesn't need to do more. it's when he realizes he can just be seungkwan - not seungkwan the entertainer, but just seungkwan - and he loves you for that.

vernon never really thought about finding the one. he always just assumed that they would find him. and that's exactly what happens, when you bump into each other at the movie theatre - both there alone just cause. it's when you're enthusiastically going band for band with vernon about movies that he's forced with the realization that shit. maybe i have found the one.

chan's always known he was in love with you. he doesn't like to admit it cause he thinks it makes him sound sappy, but he truly never questioned his love for you. it was a simple thing in his mind - this person makes me so fucking happy - i must be in love. and how could it not be simple for him? he's staring at you quipping about some joke to his friends and he's thinking i love you. he's watching you just wake up from a nap and he's thinking i love you. he sees a text from you on his phone mid-dance practice. i love you. he's always been in love with you because he loves everything to do with you.

[little-forest-goblin]

Soft touches, silent roads

Warnings: Smut MDNI 18+

Contains: oral (f and m receiving), p in v, dirty talk, light choking (very brief) praise, mostly soft dom five (There is a little roughness), face fucking, cum eating, creampie (i hate the word too), car sex, bad writing, grammatical errors

Synopsis: You and five were at graces birthday party. You and him haven’t seen each other in a long time so there is a lot of unspoken things between you and him especially the unspoken love and desire between you and him that was never addressed properly. (The events of the fourth season never occurred)

The birthday party was all out which was really sweet of Diego and Lila. The kids were having so much fun which was even sweeter. Lila’s family was very kind too. It was odd seeing the family after a long while. Especially poor Klaus who was a raging germaphobe and extremely sober. which the sober part isn’t a bad thing but the germaphobic tendencies is a little bit odd. No matter you’re just glad he is getting himself mostly together. Luther was what he called “A professional dancer” which obviously was not true but you know what…good for him. There was Allison worried and scared that everybody hated her. Viktor was kinda off to the side since he didn’t really want anything to do with any of us which you guess kinda makes sense after the shit we’ve been through. you cant blame him completely for not wanting anything to do with us but its nice to know he cares still to show up. Ben was sulking about just getting out of jail and about his “Business”. You really just hope he will get his shit together. Then lo and behold there was five. The one man you were nervous to talk to. The one that made your heart race and your face flush. You haven’t spoken to him in a long time. Life caught up to you, you were healing from trauma and getting your own shit together. That being said he was always on your mind no matter how hard you tried to push him or the thoughts away. It was always a haunting thought in the back of your mind. A space just for him that was rent free. You looked over to him and to your surprise you caught him looking at you. His own eyes went a little wide with nervousness and looked away sipping his beer and looked back into the ball-pit where luther tried to scare him and ben. You felt your face flush and you looked away.

After a ruined back and a piñata issue it was time for everyone to go home. Sadly your car was being the biggest asshole of the day cause it decided to break down the day before. You had to take a uber which was scary at this time of night. You walked out the doors and leaned against the wall of the building. You went onto your phone to look for an uber when five came out he saw you and came on over “Hey” you looked to him your face flushing as you saw those piercing green eyes “H-hey” he chuckled and leaned against the wall his arms crossed “What are you doing? Aren’t you gonna head home?” you sighed and shut pff your phone putting it in your pocket “My car broke down yesterday. The hunk of junk had to be a paid actor cause that was to perfectly timed.” he smiled “So what gives?” you sighed “Im getting an uber. It may not be the safest but i need to go home somehow.” he nodded. it was silent for a minute as he looked at you his eyes traveling down then up at your face again trying to stay calm but if you looked close you’d notice he swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. “You can ride with me” you look at him wide eyed “Wait what?” he looked at your eyes “Yeah you can ride with me. I don’t want you getting hurt or worse.” you bit your lip nervously “no no its okay i-“ five cut you off before you could say anything else “No i insist come on” he took your hand and gently led you to his car almost seeming eager. Your hand in his, skin against skin sent electricity through you and a shiver down your spine. You almost wanted to kick yourself cause it was such a simple touch. How the hell are you getting so worked up over such a simple god damn touch! is…is he getting worked up too? Is he feeling the same? You let him lead you to his car. He opens the passenger side for you “After you, princess” he smiled you chuckled and got into the car “My, what a gentleman!” he laughed and closed the door and got into the driver seat.

You and him have been driving for some time. At some point during the night drive home it began to rain. You looked to him his hands gripping the steering wheel. it was almost white knuckled how hard he was holding it. You swallowed as your eyes traveled over the veins in his hands. they were prominent and an indicator of what hid under his suit. you looked to his face his eyes slightly squinted to look out the glass windshield past the rain and slight fogging. his lips and nose those piercing green eyes and hair that made your insides flutter. You always were weak when it came to this man. he glanced to you and back to the road. “Whats with that look for?” you blushed lightly and looked back out the window “nothing.” the rain started to come down harder and tension built until the glass fogged up to much and the rain poured a little to hard. “Fuck it” he pulled into an empty lot and parked the car. you looked at him confused “woah hey wha-“ he unbuckled and turned to you “Don’t say it isn’t nothing. I don’t want it to be nothing. I know it isn’t nothing.” you looked him in his eyes. his eyes looked a little desperate almost pleading. You wanted to say it you knew it wasn’t nothing but something in you still wanted to deny from fear of scaring him away “Five i-its nothing i’m being honest” he shook his head “Don’t say that…it isn’t. Me and you have always beat around the bush. When i’m with you i cant help it but to beat around the bush cause i’m afraid to lose you. I don’t want to scare you away but god damn it y/n i cant do it any longer. Y/n i love you. You are in my mind no matter how much i try to push it away. I cant pretend that i don’t love you cause i do. Y/n i love you and i was too afraid to say it but now i’m not. i’ve gotten my shit together for the most part and me beating around the bush is not something i wanna do anymore.” you looked at him incredulously. He just professed his love to you. after so long of lingering stares and touches that lasted a little too long all coming to a sorta close. you swallowed “Five i have also loved you…i’ve loved you even as i kept distance for 6 years i was in love with you as we danced at the wedding at the end of the world i was in love with you as we saved the world in the 60’s and i have loved you before. I was also too afraid to say it.” he looked at you with eyes that held love and adoration. His face came closer to yours both of you so close his breath fanned across your face you swallowed and kept eye contact with him. he looked from your lips to your eyes “Y/n?” you kept your eyes locked with his “Yeah?” “can i kiss you?” you felt your breath hitch “God yes” he didn’t need to be told twice. His lips were on yours kissing desperately. his hands came to either side of your face holding you close. your hands came around his neck one along his back and one traveled into his hair giving a slight tug making him groan. He lightly bit at your bottom lip and tugged gently. you whimpered softly and he growled at that lovely sound you made. his hands went from either side of your face and at the top of your arms feeling the skin under your sleeves. his lips traveled from your lips to your jaw and to your neck. his kissed almost reverently until he started to nibble and suck to create a dark purple love bite. you let out shuddering breath and you licked your bottom lip wetting it a little “f-five…fuck” he detached his lips looking up at you with a hint of concern “You okay? does it feel okay?” you nodded “Feels good…so good…” his eyes darkened and growled softly “Such a good girl made just for me” he kissed and sucked your skin. after some time “I need you now baby please. Let me have you” he looked up at you with a hint of pleading but there was room for you to say no and back away but thats not happening “Yes”

you and him had got into the back seat. he swallowed as he gently pulled your shirt over your head. he let out a breath ans he was speechless for a minute. you got a little worried and self conscious thinking maybe he was changing his mind. your hands where going to go around your body to cover but his hands where quick but gentle to pull your hands away “no…no, don’t cover…you’re gorgeous i wanna see you, love” you felt relief flood through your body. you let him guide your hands away from your body. his hands pulled you closer and held you to him and kissed the side of your neck as he undid your bra letting your tits loose from the prison you call a bra. he growled a little “Fuck look at you. perfect pretty girl. can i touch them baby?” you nodded and he shook his head his hand traveled to the back of your neck pulling you closer “Ah ah baby i gotta hear you say it okay? use your words for me, hm?” you swallowed nervousness and excitement coursing through you “Y-yes…please touch me” he hummed in appreciation “Good girl” his hands came away the back of your neck and to your tits squeezing and kneading softly feeling there shape. he leaned down and kissed the top of one of your breasts and bit down and sucked pulling the skin in to make a love bite, marking you as his own. You moaned and blushed deeply. he soon pulled off and let go of your tits his hand traveling around your neck “Lie back in the seat for me baby. i gotta have a taste of you” you nodded. your cunt was soaked through your panties you could feel it the wet patch there was probably noticeable. He traveled down kissing down the valley of your breasts to your stomach all the way to the waistband. His fingers curled around the waistband looking up at you for permission. you nodded and he wasted no time pulling it down revealing the pretty black pair you on. his chuckle was mixed with a light growl “Oh baby did you wear these just for me?” you and him both knew that this was not planned before hand so no but god damn it were you gonna entertain it “Y-yeah…wore them just for you” he hummed in appreciation and kissed your clothed clit making you jump a little “Knew you would. You’re such a good girl. always so sweet” you blushed and let out a shuddered breath. his fingers curled around the bottom of your panties and pulled them down off your legs and let them join the pile on the floor. he wet his bottom lip as he stared “O-oh baby…this is what you’ve hidden from me for far to long?” he kissed you clit reverently sending a shock of pleasure before he started to really get to it. his tongue licking at your slit and up to your clit. his lips wrapped around your clit and focused his tongue and attention there. you moaned and shivered. your hand traveling into his hair looking down at him only causing you to get more worked up. “o-oh fuck five god damn it” your head fell back as you panted. he chuckled sending another shock of electricity “That good baby?” you nodded. your thighs shook and threatened to close around his head. before they could his hands wrapped around them. keeping them opened “Ah ah baby keep them nice and open for me, good girl” he devoured you like you where the most delicious meal and you felt that cord within you tighten and threaten to snap. your moans came out louder and he knew you where close. his thumb came to your clit and rubbed gentle circles while his tongue focused on your slit. you felt your orgasm crash down on you and he licked away your cum with eagerness “mmm sweet tasting girl. perfect for me” he came up for air panting. his chin had your slick down it. he wiped away at it and leaned down to kiss you. his tongue and your taste together was divine. you moaned softly. you felt his hard cock through his pants. you pulled back “let me help you…please?” your hand traveled to palm him and he let out a stuttering breath “Only if you really want to baby.” you looked him in his eyes “i want too…please let me” he smiled and kissed you one more time and sat up and let you move to in front of him in the backseat.

you and him had moved the front seat chairs up so you and him could have room. He let out a shuddering breath as you unbuckled him from his cloth prison. once his boxers were pulled down and away his cock was up against his stomach your eyes widened a little in surprise cause he was bigger then you expected. i guess what the world didn’t give him in height gave in length. he chuckled “surprised?” you nodded a little more eagerly then you wanted it to be “Yeah… i am actually. im not say i was expecting it to be small i just thought you’d be average or something” he chuckled and his hand came to your head pulling your hair back into a makeshift ponytail “Doll, im hurt! uou had no faith in me?” five feigned hurt with a mock pout. you chuckled “im sorry, baby. Let me make it up to you” your lips went to his head. he groaned “Fuuuck, doll.” your tongue flattened and you took more of him. his hand was in your hair helping you bob your head. he groaned and his head rolled back “just like that baby mhm so good your taking me so good” you whined and looked up at him. he looked down at you and his cock twitched “Fuck baby you cant look at me like that i’ll blow my load to fast” you giggled a little till he pushed your head down more and groaned. he face fucked you bobbing your head for you. “Fuck just like that doll flatten that pretty fucking tongue!” he growled his eyes dark and his pupils blown wide. “Thats it take it like the good sweet girl you are. Good girl” he moaned and his head fell back against the seat. his balls tightened he came down your throat. you went wide eyed swallowing it down. he pulled out panting. he looked down at you his hands untangling from your hair and tucked your hair behind your ear and away from your face “You okay baby?” you nodded wiping away tears “Yeah i’m okay.” he smiled and helped you onto his lap and kissed you softly. “I was a little rough baby i’m sorry” his thumbs gently swiped away any remaining tears.

After he let you calm down and get together holding you closely you laid on the backseat. you and him had let the backseats down. you looked up at him as he shrugged off his suit and vest undoing his tie and throwing it to the pile. he sat back a little looking at your naked splayed out body. his hand pumped his cock a few times “Fuck sweetheart your gorgeous.” he crawled over you lining his cock with your waiting entrance. you swallowed. “Five…can you hold me while we do this? i wanna be close to you” he looked up at you and smiled. his arms went around your body. one around your waist the other around your shoulders. he kissed your neck and slowly pushed in “f-fuck baby your tight” he pushed all the way in. your breath seemed to stop for a minute your lips parted in a silent moan. he stayed still letting you get used to him “Its okay baby just breathe” thats when you remember to breath breathing in then out letting your body relax. once fully relaxed he started to move in then out slow and sweet thrusts wanting to savor you and the feel of your walls squeezing his cock. soft moans and shudders of breath came from both of you. “God i love you y/n its been to long of us dragging this out. I should’ve told you before” you shook your head you arms around him and his back “Its not just your fault- ah -i..i should’ve said something too” you and him moaned as the pace picked up a little but stayed mostly slow and sweet. your hearts beat in sync with each other just as it is should. your pants filled the car and his groans filled your ears. the windows of the car fogged up and the soft patter of the rain against the car gave a soft atmosphere. “Fuck baby i wish i could stay buried inside you forever” he let you go a little but stayed close his pace not stopping. he lifted on of your legs to his shoulder to get a deeper angel. the head of his cock kissing your g-spot perfectly causing your moans to come out louder. he felt your walls start to tighten around him indicating how close you where his thrusts went faster “Its okay baby i got you i got you cum for me…cum with me, fuck your such a good girl cum with me” his moans came out louder with yours. his hands found yours and held them intertwining you and his fingers. the cord within your stomach snapped and as soon as he felt your walls tighten his cock twitched and he came with you his cum pouring inside you filling you up. He groaned and slowed his pace going slow to fuck you through it but not to overstimulate you. you and him panted, a thin layer of sweat glistening on your bodies. he looked down at you and smiled softly moving some of the hair from your face that stuck to you away “You okay baby?” you nodded “yeah…yeah I’m okay…are you?” he smiled and chuckled “More then okay.” you looked up at him admiring him for all he was. he noticed your look and leaned down and kissed you softly and you happily kissed back. he pulled out of you causing you both to whimper a little. he pulled off looking at you “Come on lets get redressed. If you wanna we can come to my place and we can get cleaned up and relax the rest of the night” you smiled “i like that idea”

So both of you got redressed after he found some wet wipes to clean you up a little. you helped each other get redressed and soon drove home where you and him took a proper shower (Might’ve had a little round two in there) and relaxed for the rest of night laid in bed in one of his sweaters and watched a cheesy rom-com while cuddling under the sheets till you fall asleep.

———————————————————————

Hey there guys! i hope you like it! its my first time writing a smut. I was nervous writing this sorry for any grammatical errors or if it seemed rushed (i hope it doesn’t). I love you and stay safe y’all ❤️ 😘

[sugarushwriting]

bad idea, right? frat boy sunghoon #4

“when I look at you, my brain goes, "ah", can't hear my thoughts”

parts: one two three

pure smut towards the end

not proofread. please like, comment, reblog. pls do not repost or translate as your own.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

“you cheated!”

“i didn’t cheat, you cheated, you cheater!”

“you’re the cheater, cheater!”

you and sunghoon stared eye to eye, not one of you backing down.

“it’s just a game—,” jake began but was interrupted by sunghoon.

“not just a game! this is life or death!”

you all were literally playing monopoly.

“now you see why i told you having a game night with them two was a bad idea?” sunoo sighed, pouting and puffing his cheeks.

“we knew sunghoon was competitive, didn’t expect this from her.” jake scoffed.

“i’m gonna go make some food.” jay said, annoyed and over the bickering between you and sunghoon. “let me know when one of them backs down.”

“it won’t be me!” you and sunghoon yelled at the same time.

“peach give up already. you cheated and it’s ok. but you’re not getting my properties.”

“not gonna do it hoon. im playing fair and square unlike you.” you crossed your arms with a pout.

“pouting isn’t gonna do anything for you peach.”

you rolled your eyes, uncrossing your arms. “you either admit to cheating or no sex for you for a month!”

sunghoon scoffed, “oh please, you’d probably fold before me.”

“you’re wrapped around my finger, hoon. don’t try me.”

sunghoon narrowed his eyes, “watch it peach.”

you smiled and decided to tease him. waving your hands, “ooh i am so scared hoon.” you clasped your hands together then chuckled.

jake and sunoo remained tight lipped at you two bickering.

plus they knew sunghoon. he didn’t mind to be teased, but only to a certain extent. they could see the way his ears began to get red that they should probably try to calm you both down.

“um, why don’t we watch a movie instead?” sunoo offered cheerfully.

jake agreed with a loud uncomfortable chuckle. “yeah, let’s watch like bolt, or maybe despicable me? something light and fun!”

“stand down peach.” sunghoon said.

his tone was anything but fun and light. he was serious. and you were turned on by his deep, threatening voice.

a week. it’s only been a week with sunghoon, since he first took you to bed and he’s already completely ruined you.

you think about sex with him at nearly all hours of the day, finding it hard to even focus on your school work or readings.

minnie, your roommate was more than proud of you for bagging the one and only park sunghoon. you’re close friends were even giddy with joy.

heeseung, jay, and jake weren’t that surprised. jake heard you both that day when you both came back from the ice rink.

of course he told the other two. then sunoo found out and he was disgusted and told sunghoon not to steal his friend from him.

you smirked, “and if i don’t stand down?” you bit your lip. “what you gonna do about it, hoon?” you poked his cheek.

you were definitely playing with fire now.

jake and sunoo quietly and quickly backed out of the living room and to the kitchen with jay.

behind sunghoons dark eyes were thoughts of taking his belt to your ass. or overstimulating you to the point you’re in tears begging him to stop.

but he had a better plan. with a smile he said, “you’ll see peach.”

jays voice interrupted you both, “i made food, come eat you cheaters!”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

sunghoon’s plan? no sex. he took your threat to heart.

after eating with the boys, you thought sunghoon would ravish you upstairs. but nope.

he took you to your dorm, said goodnight with a kiss to the forehead.

you told minnie and she laughed. you were being punished.

the next day, sunghoon barely touched you. your skin felt hot with need of being touched.

“please hoon, im sorry.” you pouted but he chuckled, kissing your cheek and that’s it.

you even tried to seduce him in the locker room at the rink! nothing.

by the end of the week, you were frustrated in so many ways. your books and fingers and toys were no help.

sunghoon on the other hand didn’t even please himself as he was waiting to release it all on you in due time.

“minnie,” you groaned, “what do i do?”

“wear something hot.” she smirked. you looked at her confused.

“huh?”

“well, sunghoon is the possessive and jealous type. specifically over certain girls he’s taken a big interest in, like you. pretty sure everyone knows that.”

“what do you mean?”

“you haven’t noticed how sunghoon literally looks like he wants to bite the head off every guy who even glances your way?”

you shrugged, “it barely been two weeks and we aren’t exclusive.”

“that doesn’t matter.” minnie said and got up to walk to her closet. she pulled out a miniskirt and threw it to you. “you’re wearing that to the party tonight your hookup will so happen to be at. you will loosely flirt for fun, and he will lose his damn mind and finally have his way with you.”

you smiled at minnie’s plan. you weren’t the type to go this far, but you thought what would one of your favorite book characters do?

you pulled on the pink miniskirt, barely 2 inches past your ass covered in panties. you wore it with a white babytee that so happened to have the hockeys team logo on the front and sunghoon’s number on the back. you paired it with your favorite sneakers to wear out.

you bought it not too long ago, ready to flaunt it when or if sunghoon ever had asked you to be his.

walking up the steps to the frat party, your heart was beating harshly in your chest from both nerves and excitement.

walking in, some eyes immediately turned to you, eyeing your legs in that tiny skirt and sunghoon’s number on the back of your tee.

with a smile, you sauntered into the kitchen, greeting the familiar faces, all their jaws dropping.

sunghoon nowhere to be found, but you knew he was probably stalking you from the shadows.

“well don’t you look hot as fuck.” jake said.

you chuckled, “thank you jake.”

all the others boys agreed. sunoo, jungwon, and ni-ki were in straight shock—especially sunoo. but he smiled deeply knowing why you were probably dressed like that.

sunghoon was watching from afar, sipping on his drink. eyes narrowed on you, and you only as his teammates talked and joked around.

it wasn’t until one of his teammates clearly said your name and pointed towards you that his eyes left you.

“she’s clearly sunghoon’s being dressed in his number.”

“if so, why is she flirting with—,”

sunghoon tuned them out seeing you now flirting with another man.

first you come dressed in a sorry excuse of a skirt, but now you’re flirting with another guy while wearing his jersey number?

sunghoon said nothing as he stalked towards you, seeing nothing but red. he was possessive and jealous, seething at the thought of any other guy touching you. looking at you. smelling you.

you were his peach.

as you laughed at the guys joke—who’s name you already forgotten—a hand wrapped tightly around your elbow pulling you back into a chest.

a deep voice huskily whispered in your ear, “playing with fire, peach.”

your whole body shivered.

in a flash, sunghoon pulled you out of that party house, walking in silence to his personal home.

unlocking the door, you both entered quietly, taking off your shoes. you went to walk to the living room but his deep voices stopped you cold in your tracks.

“how are you gonna wear my jersey number and flirt with other men?” sunghoon spat.

you quickly spun around to face him, ready to mouth off but you noticed his belt was already off, he was staring at you with hunger.

“my room. now.”

“sunghoon—,”

“now peach. don’t test me.”

you nodded and quickly ran up the steps to sunghoon’s room immediately sitting on the bed on your knees, your barely covered behind resting on your feet.

sunghoon stalked into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. his belt was still in his hand, the top 3 buttons of his shirt left unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up his forearms.

“such a skank dressing in a skirt like that.”

you frowned. “i wore it for you.”

“and i love you in it. but not for everyone else to see.” he frowned himself. “flaunting that sexy ass of yours in that skirt for every other man to see. easy access for them to bend you over and have their way with you.”

“hoon—,”

“take the skirt off.” he said and you got off the bed carefully, quickly undressing from the skirt. you kicked it off your feet.

“bathroom.”

you looked at him confused. “are you deaf? i said bathroom. be a good peach and listen.”

you walked to the bathroom, sunghoon behind you. you were thrown off when he turned the cold water to the shower on. he nodded his head for you to go in.

“what? sunghoon—,”

he tsked, patience running thin. “in. the. shower.”

when you went to finish undressing he shook his head, telling you to get in with your clothes. instead of fighting, you got under the cold shower, yelping when the water hit you.

sunghoon watched as you became drenched. he had you count to 20 with him. after 20 he turned the water off and instructed you to get out.

doing so, he manhandled your wet body, to bend over the vanity in the bathroom.

“count to five with me, peach.”

scrunching your eyes in confusion, you ended up yelling from the pain of his belt coming down on your bottom half.

so much in pain, you forgot to say, ‘one.’

“peach, if you forget to count aloud, we start over.”

tears welled your eyes as the impact of his belt on your wet skin caused pain but also pleasure.

you both knew, if you wanted to stop, if it became too much, you would yell out red.

after finishing the spanks, he rubbed you soothingly, as the marks from the belt were soon to begin to form.

your white tee was soaked and see through. this only made sunghoon happy.

he kissed your cheek, “back to the bed, baby.”

you scooted to the bedroom, wincing once you sat down.

sunghoon came to his room, throwing the belt to the side as he hovered his dry body over your wet one.

using two fingers, he took one of your nipples and tugged hard, another pained mixed with pleasure moan falling from your lips.

“love you in this shirt peach. love you wearing my number. when did you get this?”

you answered him. “i—i wanted to surprise you.”

“what a wonderful surprise.” he smiled, but then bit his lip. “i’ll buy you another.”

sunghoon ripped the flimsy material off your body, throwing it over his shoulder, leaving you in your matching underwear set.

running his hands up and down your body gave you nothing but chills. his fingers gripped the top of the underwear and pulled it down your legs, and as well removed your bra.

now you were completely naked in front of sunghoon while he remained fully clothed.

he pushed you to lean back on his bed, opening your legs by your knees.

you felt so exposed, but turned on by the way he looked at you with a predatory look in his eye.

“i’ll show you, who you belong to. i’ll show you why you were wearing my jersey number.” sunghoon said with a smirk that clearly showed some sinister undertones.

“hoon—,”

“do you remember your word?”

you nodded, “it’s red.” you softly replied.

sunghoon smiled and his palm came down on your inner thigh, and a loud yelp left your mouth before a moan followed.

he literally was about to leave you marked up. more so than ever before.

another slap on his palm came down to your other inner thigh, before he flipped you over and his palms met your ass.

“fuck sunghoon, i’m sorry!” you choked out.

he was being possessive. you realized, apologizing would help—yep. and letting him know you belonged to him.

“not good enough peach.” sunghoon spat and another hit to your backside came.

“shit, sunghoon, i’m so so sorry hoon! i’m yours and only yours. i promise.” you gathered the sheets in your fists tightly. “i—i just missed you so much, and wanted your attention.” tears made their way down your cheeks, wetting your eyelashes.

sunghoon turned you around again so you were lying flat on your back. he kissed each of your cheeks, before tenderly soothing your cheek and using his thumb to wipe away the tear.

sunghoon smiled at how cute and clingy you were being. it was hard for him too, but the way he was, he loved when you were bratty and loved that he got to put you in your place.

“please hoon, fuck me please, i’ve missed you.”

park sunghoon has completely ruined you.

“what my baby wants, my baby gets.” he sighed and leaned down to kiss your lips softly.

his lips left marks down your chin, your neck, chest, ghosting over where you needed him most.

he took both your thighs to rest them over his shoulder, kissing each, before his tongue licked your glistening cunt.

“all wet for me from your punishment, mhm? my peach likes spankings?”

you couldnt answer as sunghoon dived right in, attaching his lips to you clit, his fingers playing with your folds, teasing your hole.

he ate you out good, your belly tightening at the sensation of your orgasm approaching. you’ve learned your lesson to also not mute any noises, as sunghoon loved to hear how he made you feel.

in no time, your orgasm quickly approached, coming on sunghoon’s tongue. your chest heaved up and down, catching your breath. for some reason, this orgasm was a bit more intense then others.

while you tried to catch your breath, sunghoon quickly got rid of all his clothes, grabbing a condom from the table next to the bed.

he quickly got on top of you, kissing you once again so softly, you barely recognized his lips.

his nose touched yours, looked deeply in your eyes as you stared back at him. “you’re mine peach. what may have started out as a bad idea for you turned out to be a great idea for me.”

you nodded, unable to speak. “yours, hoon.”

you wrapped your arms around his neck, with one more kiss as he eased into you. “so perfect for me. mine, and mine only. so glad i ruined you for anyone else.”

he bottomed out, his tongue finding yours and his hips snapped back as the hard thrusts began. soft moans left your mouth between his lips, as he grunted and sighed into your mouth with pleasure.

sunghoon was never vocal, but he always made sure you let you know how much he enjoyed being buried deep into you.

you thought you would just have to make sunghoon’s possessive side come out more.

sunghoon intertwined his right hand with your left. with his free hand, he positioned your legs around his waist so he could position himself to reach deeper as possible into you.

you looked down seeing the bulge, a smile on sunghoon’s face as he looked down where your eyes met.

“see how good i fill you up? see how good you take me? all of me?” sunghoon pulled out to where only the tip of him stayed, he sat upright, your legs still wrapped around him. he pushed back in quickly, you both watching the bulge of his dick in your stomach.

“so full, so big, hoon.” you moaned reaching your free hand up so it grabbed sunghoon’s other free one. now both of your hands were intertwined with his as he fucked you ruthlessly.

“ride me, peach.” sunghoon stopped his thrusts, and without hesitation changed positions with you now on top, your hands not letting go.

you began to bounce up and down, the best of your ability with your ass throbbing from earlier spankings.

sunghoon reached between the two of you, rubbing circles on your clit to get you to reach your orgasm, which you were close to.

“you’re gonna come for me, peach.” sunghoon’s pace did not falter as he fucked up into you, taking over.

you leaned down to cover his body with yours, the positioning of your bodies rubbing each other just right. your clit getting pressure from his pelvis.

it also felt weird. differently weird, but in a good way. more intense.

“sunghoon—ah,” you moaned, “something doesn’t—,”

“it’s okay peach, let go.” sunghoon kissed your lips once, then used his free hand to grab you by the back of your neck, attaching his lips to yours harshly, biting and sucking on your lips as his thrusts became faster and sloppier.

your vision became blurry, eyes rolling, body tingling.

in no time you were coming hard. but it was so wet. dripping out of you, pushing sunghoon’s dick out.

“fuck peach, yeah, squirt all over me.”

squirt!!??!!?

you screamed when sunghoon bullied his way back into your cunt, soon coming himself, holding himself in, as he spurt into the condom.

as you both came down, he kissed you softly and harshly, alternating between the two. you were too tired to even try to keep up.

you were sure you blacked out for a second. when you awoke, you were on your back, body sweaty and unable to move. you moved your head to see sunghoon coming out of the bathroom dressed in boxers.

he smiled when he saw you awake, and came to kiss your forehead. “are you okay?” he asked softly and timidly.

you weakly nodded as you felt your throat was too dry.

“i ran a bath for you, i’ll let you soak while i get you some food.”

“what happened?” you croaked out, your hand reaching up to wipe sweat from your forehead.

sunghoon chuckled, rubbing soothing circles on your thigh. “you passed out after coming, peach.”

you sighed both embarrassed and relieved. with a laugh you said, “wonder how you’ll top that, hoon.”

“don’t try me peach.” he pinched your thigh.

you smiled realizing the best way to get the best fuck of your life from sunghoon was to be bratty.

you sat up and looked down, seeing your body marked with sunghoon’s hand prints, bite marks, nails, and hickies.

you really did belong to him. and now everyone else would know too.

[menlove]

one thing that adds to credibility of Paul being closeted imo, is that often he is thought of as having this internalised homophobia, if not homophobia itself, because he always mentions how un-gay he is whenever some gay subject comes up in interviews

but like, there are so many things that disprove him being homophobic, it's not even funny. going to Paris alone with gay men? Paul did that two times (three if we count John lol) and that Peter Brown story is incrediblyy suspect. what homophobic man, scared of gay, sits on the bed of his male employee and his male fling that casually late at night in his hotel room and chats them up?

most likely reason, combined with his incredibly suspect lyrics, is that he is so defensive about his sexuality because he has something to hide

THATS WHAT IIIIIM SAYING!!!! like he is so comfortable w gay people and gay culture which on its own isn't suspect but it Is when people insist he's homophobic as a Reason He's Repressed Not Closeted. and once again I must remind everyone that john nearly beat a man to death for calling him gay and was still undeniably queer.

it's just like. imagine for a moment. with me. everyone hold my hand. not claiming this is true but walk w me along this path to get to current paul that isn't "he's just repressed and stupid and doesn't even know he's bi" but is instead MY speculative timeline (somehow this turned into a mini fic or something god help me but I'M SO SERIOUS IM SO SERIOUS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE TO ME WALK WITH ME HOLD MY HAND)

you are born in the 1940s. you are raised by a strict man who was physically abusive & in a culture that hates gay people. you grow up watching people get killed for being queer and being bullied over your feminine features that people think make you queer. you hit puberty and Shit Gets Harder because you start finding other men hot. elvis, for one! when you're 15 you start seeing a boy around that you think is hot and it turns out he's in a band and you fall in love with his looks and his voice and then him. and he's just as insane about you. you start doing increasingly sexual things together. eventually, you're having a full blown sexual affair. while writing love songs together and growing up together. and then he gets his girlfriend pregnant. and marries her. and you lose him, a little bit. he goes off and has an affair with your gay manager & when he gets home he ruins your birthday party by nearly beating a man to death for bringing it up. you wonder what he'd do if anyone found out about the two of you too.

and then the insane happens and you end up The Most Famous Band In The World. the ENTIRE world is watching your every move. the entire world loves you. they wouldn't love you if they knew. you get a girlfriend and it's convenient because she's always gone and you're always alone. but you still have him. and other girls. through everything, you have each other. even when he says something stupid and the world wants all of your heads on a platter and he starts to fall into a depression, you still have each other. even if now you Know how bad it could be if they ever found out. and then your manager, your father figure, an openly gay man, dies. and it's not a suicide, but a lot of people think it is, and sometimes you wonder, and fuck it's terrifying, isn't it? the reality of your life, the reality of loving Him, the reality of being queer. what if that winds up being You? you start to lose Him a little bit more as you throw yourself into your work and push everyone way too hard. you propose to your girlfriend. and then you do lose Him. to a woman. which was sort of unthinkable because he was already married and never cared about her, just you. never cared about any women, just you. but he cares about Her. and you fucking lose your mind. lose yourself in drugs. blow up your engagement. propose to another girl and many more "jokingly". your one girlfriend says you had to try again or you would have gone "raving queer" and killed yourself. the whole time you're losing Him more and more. suddenly he's looking at Her like he used to look at you. you're no longer his world and what the fuck do you have? a bunch of girls you don't care about and a drug problem? and then you meet a woman who, according to you, is more woman than anyone else. she's a mother already, a family ready made when you've always wanted one. she's smart and she's funny and she's quick and you let yourself cling to her because you don't have Him and he has Her so you've got to have someone, don't you? and she winds up pregnant and that's great, that's wonderful, you're no longer in danger of dying alone and queer and sad. you've lost Him by now completely, even though you have about a month where things feel a little less awful again and you perform together one last time. you marry her and you ASK people, flat out, if they expected you to be a 26 year old unmarried queer. you fight the night before you're married for some unknown reason, so badly she almost leaves you. and then He marries Her, and everything is fine. and then it all falls apart completely. you at least had Him as your friend, your writing partner, the other half of you legally. and then he asks for a divorce. and the world ends. you don't have the band, you don't have Him, you don't have anything. you stay in bed all day, drinking, miserable. like a breakup, not just of the band.

eventually, your wife pulls you out of it. you survive. you start writing again. you write to him. you put two beetles fucking on the cover of your second album and he thinks a song you wrote about your wife's ex is about him (and maybe it is, a little) and he shoots right back. and you keep that up for a decade. writing to each other. seeing each other only in the news and in snatched moments together where nothing is the same as it was. you plead with him through your music: why do you hurt me so bad? call me, pretty baby. I'm waking up screaming over you. I can't tell you how I feel. you try and make things like they were, even a little, showing up to his house with your guitar like you're 15 again, but he sends you away. in all that time, he's basically gone to conversion therapy. he's with someone who makes disparaging remarks about his sexuality. for you, you've let yourself embrace being a bit campy, but you still can't bring yourself to be open about any of it. not with anyone but your wife.

and then you start talking again. you make up. things seem hopeful. it seems like he might still love you and he writes you a song about starting over with you. and then he's murdered. and it's senseless. it's so so senseless. and it's unfair. you lock yourself away for days listening to that song he wrote you. the media tears you apart for grieving wrong. they wish you died instead. they think you're cold. you never loved him, not like he loved you. you write a song, with tear marks on the page, telling him how much you DID love him. all the things you'd say to him if he were there with you. you write more songs about that, all centered around that theme. some of them you say are about him. others you don't. once, you say if anyone catches on you can just deny it. but he wrote you love songs too, apparently, for you, and you eventually record them with your old band

and the thing is, You are one of his widows. his name follows yours every time it leaves someone's mouth. he's all anyone ever talks about with you. he's all you want to talk about too. his legacy is your legacy. he's no longer here to tell people about his sexuality, he's no longer here to consent to everything that you were being told. he's not here. and how can you even begin to mention Your Own sexuality without bringing him up? you owe him more than outing him in death. you owe Her more than that too, because you were already cruel to her and so was the world. she's grieving just like you, you can't do that. your wife dies, and now you're her legacy too and you being queer would seem like a betrayal to her. your best friend dies, and now he's your legacy too. you aren't just you- you're Him, you're 1/2 of the living members of the most famous band to ever exist, you're Her, you're your dead wife

so when someone asks you about him. when someone asks you about being gay or calls him the love of your life. What Exactly Are You Supposed To Say?

I wouldn't say shit either

[briz-z]

Reverse falls

okay, so the brainrot has gotten to me and i literally cannot stop thinking about reverse falls. so here's my take on it. (or at least the pines) (also, im using their actual names)

Stanley:

everything stays the same up until he's kicked out of his house

see, my thought is that along with becoming a master con-man, he also ends up joining a circus

this is the big change

he begins to look for new ways to make the circus more enticing for people, and in doing so makes a crap ton of money

in fact, he makes so much, he is welcomed back into his family

like he becomes rich

but back to the circus business, he hears about gravity falls and all of it's anomalies

he decides to set up shop there, bringing people from all over to see the weirdos and wackos of gravity falls

in gravity falls, he ends up meeting his brother again

their strained relationship doesn't get much better (and i honestly don't expect it to...)

when he meets dipper and mabel for the first time, it is like light has been let back into his life

he really cares for them, but doesn't show it

he is especially close to mabel (like in the show) (they relate to each other)

i think he would be ever so slightly scared of ford and dipper

i think he would still be a very lonely person, but caring nonetheless

stanford:

i think that reverse ford would be a possessive, narcissistic person

filbrick pines put a lot of pressure on ford to be "perfect"

this seriously messed him up

when he lost his potential scholorship, he felt like his whole life was ruined

he decided that he would be better than everyone else

and he succedded in that

he was crazy smart and got the grant to study analmoies like in the show

when he gets to gravity falls, though, that's when it changes

when he finds bill, instead of being mauniplated, he's the one to manipulate bill

he becomes obessed with power and control

when stan comes into town, ford is pissed

but he sees how stan and his circus act could benefit him

so he basically becomes a mastermind in control

the circus brings about new people to perform experiments and what not on

mabel:

unlike the show, i think the kids would have gone to gravity falls since they were kids

this change happens because stan is let back into the family and ford never got sucked into the portal

anyway, mabel and dipper become performers for stan's circus, at least during the summer

they are known as the "physic twins"

mabel seems like a happy go lucky person, like in the show, but in reality she is not

i think that she would be a deeply sad person (if that makes any sense)

see, unlike her brother, she isn't as "special" and because of this often feels worthless

this lets her bond with stan, like, a lot

but anyway, because of her "job" i don't think she would have a lot of time to make friends or have crushes

even when she does have downtime, she has to worry about her image and how people see her

after all, they are the "physic twins"

unlike dipper, i don't she would involve herself in the supernatural much

she really just wants to be a normal kid, but because of her family, she can't

dipper:

i think that reverse dipper would be ford's apperentice

see, since birth dipper (or, i guess, mason) has been a genius

like crazy smart genius

so, when his parents hear about a certain great uncle who can help nurture this intelligence, they send dipper and mabel to gravity falls asap

here, dipper meets his crazy great uncle ford and immeditally loves it

both on stage and doing research, dipper is crazy enthusiastic

he loves what he does, both research and being one half of the "physic twins"

he ends up making his own deal with bill, following in his great uncles footsteps

he spends his free time with ford, learning and gaining knowledge

on stage, he has an uncanny ability to charm people into doing what he wants

he cares for his sister, but rarely has any time for her (i think that if mabel ever tried to leave, dipper would go crazy)

he has very (one-sided) co-dependant relationships with his family (yes, this includes stan)

Okay, that's all for now 😮‍💨 sorry if there are any spelling errors or anything like that. i might make a part 2 with gideon and paz and bill… idk yet.

[tra1nchi]

THIS HAS BEEN GOJNG TROGUH MY MIND SMMMM

Imagine readers collage proffersor he hated reader so much!!! Apparently reader has ruined his life, calling him slurs, making fun of him oh he hated reader so much!! After readers collage course the proffersor shows up at readers house with a knife planning to kill him!!

Ends up proffersor being tied up watching in despair as reader rides him, degrades him

CAN U WRITE SOMETHING SIMILAIR TO THATTTTT??? Σ(´□｀;)

(Maybe some knife play going on if it isn't too much??(;´∀｀))

- anon 💞

Your wish is my command 💞!!! MINORS DNI!! Dom/bttm male reader,, knife play,,threatening him!! Older professor!! Degradation,, dub con

He hates your guts!! You were the annoying student in the back of his class!! You always made hi class hell,,making fun of him for being openly gay!! Calling him slurs from the back of the class,,how cruel!!

Even after a few years after you graduated,,he never forgot about it!! And after seeing a particularly homophobic post on one of your social medias,,he got sick and tired of you!!

Preparing himself in dark clothing,,shakily picking up a knife,,was he really going to commit something so heinous over your opinion?? He was,,even if he was scared shirtless but as he got into his car,,he soothed himself as he thought about how you treated him!!!

Sneaking into your home,,expecting you to be asleep but he only found you sat at your desk,,wide awake doing work!!! He froze up!! How does he expect himself to kill you while you were awake??

You noticed him and he knew he was screwed,, you were way more muscly then you were before!! You mustve got stronger over the few years he hasn't seen you!!

"wait please! Im sorry!" He whines after you managed to tackle him,,ripping the knife our of his hands with aggression!! Hitting him over the head to out him in a daze as you move to tie him tightly up in a chair!!

The knife layed right against the skin of his neck!! >□< he was trembling so bad as you sat down on his lap,, tracing the blade of the knife down his soft neck!! He didn't even realise you had undressed him in his daze!!

"Do it already!!" He whines out but only gasps as he feels your hips go down onto his cock,, your dick half hard as you begin to move your hip up and down!! He thought you hated gay people!!

"I'm not..a..skank!" His moans were desp as his hips move up into your hole after hearing your mean words,, you were being so mean but for some reason it turned him on so hard!!! >□<

"Fuck! I'm gonna cum!" Drool ran down his chin as he closed his eyes,,feeling the cold of the blade slightly pierce his skin from your erratic movements of your hips!! His cock realising his warm cum up inside of you!! Tears pathetically running down his cheeks!!

Flinching at the feeling of your own cum landing on his face,,looking up at you tearfully,,his body shook at the sight of your smirk,,shivering softly as his eyes roll back,,the tip of the blade tapping against his skin!!

[knoxic]

A kiss may ruin a human life.

Oscar Wilde

-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

wc: 2,1k

warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,

i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!

a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!

no use of y/n!

He was distant. 

He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that could damn well be said to a stranger.

You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...

Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think Hotch could be rude even if he wanted to, at least not with someone he was close to, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?

It started off just as every other day started, a new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.

The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night. 

He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but twice like that was terrifying.

Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.

Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to pass out, he would lie down and hope that the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. 

It never happened.

He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep, and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind. If you were moving it meant you were still alive, and the rustling of the sheets downed out the agonizing sound of your breath.

Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gunshots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.

He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, close enough from his child to hear if he called but far enough to not hear his steady breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.

Now three days into the case, he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness. Thankfully, yet not what he wanted, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.

He held himself from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let a couple minutes pass by, anxiously so, before he got up to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back. It took more time than he'd like but finally he was drifting off, quicker than expected.

"Emily..." you whimpered.

"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "he's probably just going through something. I heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack was having some troubles in school, it might be that, right?"

"Yeah, but I feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confusing feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "I feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and rarely looks me in the eye when we talk."

Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.

"Listen, you know I love you and support anything you do, but..." oh God "You should talk to him, not me."

"I came to you exactly because I don't want to talk to him, even if I tried I don't think he would answer." You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage. 

"There's only one way to find out, honey."

After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.

Did you really just open a random door? Fuck! 

In your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out from it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Without realizing, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.

It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired, and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.

Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.

Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He searched for his phone to check the time, see how long it took you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.

In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even that noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.

It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know that every soap and perfume you used smelled mostly the same.

It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you. 

He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.

"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.

Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the open door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, idiot.

You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of having your mind tell you how uncomfortable Aaron must be that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you. You must be so pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here–

"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him. 

"Uh–yeah, sorry to wake you up." Wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.

The sound of his body turning and his voice right beside your ear made you shiver. 

"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?" It's now or never.

"Have you–you've been avoiding me." You could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?

"No I haven't." That came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.

"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you'll never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If I did something to upset you, please tell me. Because, I can profile you but I cannot read your mind yet, and I can't apologize if I don't know what I did wrong." 

"I-" God, you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." He spoke in a weirdly soft voice.

"That–that doesn't make me feel better..."

"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." Well, if you were talking then he should too, "It's you."

A couple seconds passed, they felt like minutes.

Your heart dropped, "What?" It couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseous.

"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headboard, making a calm down gesture with his hands, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.

"Not you, I meant... Fuck, it's complicated."

Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, end what made you anxious for once, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with him.

Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him. The memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley–

"Then tell me, unless you have something else to do at 2am. I think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." Your voice was steady, no longer panicked and embarrassed like someone who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a person who took down serial killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.

[abra-ka-dammit]

Here I am again to beg for help paying for my (remaining) cats. Just when I thought I managed to get out relatively-cheap and easy with Zeppelin's quickly solved crystal scare the other week, Zelda cat started having severe difficulty breathing the night before last.

Her lungs look pretty wack on xray and ultrasound, with things that could indicate stuff like cat asthma or long term chronic airway disease, and theres a little air around one lung and under the skin of her chest somehow(???), but she's not presenting in a way that matches up to anything well enough for the doctors to know what's going on. Simply put, while I managed to squeeze the ER visit and 12 hour ICU stay into what had been cleared off my carecredit along with a little overflow on my near-maxed credit card, i cannot afford anything else. I managed to convince my mom* to loan me the $1653 and change in order to bring home a buster kennel and oxygen condenser along with antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds: basically, I'm home-treating her for the Recover-From-able potential issues this could be. If this treatment plan ends without getting her back to a state where she can breathe "room air" again, the other things it could be are all things that would be irreversible, require serious surgery, or would otherwise ruin her further quality of life, so... you know. Let's hope this works, or once more euthanasia will be added to the bill.

Any help is greatly appreciated, especially since I'm inevitably going to need to go in for a follow up appointment whether this (seems to me like it) works or not, and unfortunately this all happened literally right before rent hit and I don't get paid again until friday of next week (9/13) so i have. no idea how im doing that yet.

*Part of the money my parents paid is refundable upon return of the kennel and oxygen machine but my father has already sent me long guilt trippy texts about how i'm ungrateful (apparently sobbing and thanking them as i continue to live in poverty to avoid further burdening them about my own human needs doesnt count) and essentially need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and afford my own cats (as though this freak timing, the ever worsening economy, or whether better jobs actually hire me is somehow totes under my control) so, yknow. yay for bonus stress

[loviingpedri]

Did You Know I Loved You?

prompt: pedri never forgot you

warnings: cursing, grammar issues. all pictures used are not owned by me. not proofread.

word count: 1735

angst, some fluff

dedicated to all my pedri girlies <3

pedri and you were inseparable. from the day you walked into his parents' restaurant, the air suddenly changed. the town seemed to sparkle in tenerife when you two were exploring the island.

"let's play football," pedri slowly kicked the ball to you.

"it's so hot outside though," you groaned at the thought of kicking a ball in the burning sun.

"pleaseee, i wanna practice just for a little bit." you knew you couldn't say no to him. the decision ended up leaving you playing with him until the moon smiled at the duo.

little did you know, the moon never smiled and the sun never glistened after that day.

———————————————————————

“so what? you’re just gonna leave?” you shouted at pedri in disbelief.

“i can do what i want. you can’t control my decisions for the rest of my life,” he sighed and sat down to control his thoughts. “you knew this was gonna happen. i need to grow my career. i wanted to be in a work environment which i enjoyed. just don’t be so self-centered right now.”

“im self-centered? i didn’t even get a warning you would leave to this big city. you knew for weeks. fer knew for weeks. you said i was your family pedro, and family doesn’t hide things from each other.” the yelling echoed through the house. it was a situation that would never be fixed.

“i cant just tell my best friend that i’m leaving in 2 weeks. it would ruin everything. if you knew, you would’ve changed my mind and i wouldn’t be successful for anything.”

“pedro gonzalez, think for one fucking second. you kept a secret that could’ve changed everything. the moments we had together could’ve been more important than anything. i just needed one warning and this wouldn’t be happening. i don’t give a shit that you want to continue your passion. all i always wanted was for us to be happy.” it took everything in your power to not leave the house after you completely lashed out on him.

you knew deep down you didn’t want him to go because he was your first love. he was your first kiss, first friend, and first person to even talk to you in tenerife. you didn’t know who he was gonna see. you sure did not want him to talk to rich girls blinged out with their designer bags. you were scared shitless of how life would be without him. he was the only person who knew everything about you and what you should do in anxious situations.

then, the tears came. would he visit you? would he ever speak to you? would he write or text you? would you ever see him again? will there be time for the two of you to be together again.

“why are you crying? come on, its not that big of a deal.” he huffed loudly, shaking his head in stress that this was not the way this was suppose to happen.

“pedri, you are leaving to the city. i dont even know if i’ll ever get into contact with you anymore. you’ll have new friends, new people to worry about, and probably gonna knock someone up while you’re at it. can’t you just let me process this for one second.” and that’s when you made a mistake. doubting pedri was never a good idea. especially about the people he loved. especially when it came from the person who he loves the most.

pedri got up and looked at you for one last time. unexpectedly, he walked out the door without a word. you sat there in tears, debating to chase him or just let him go. the sobs fully came out.

———————————————————————

2 years had passed since he left. everyday, he thought about you. “what would y/n do? what would y/n say?” he questioned his decisions by following your mindset everyday. he begged his brother to tell how you were doing. never a word budged from fer since the huge fallout spread throughout the city.

tenerife was never the same. since both lost communication, it felt like the island itself was hopeless.

you, continued to push yourself through school. showing everyone that you would do well without him was your motivation. you’ve worked so hard to prove yourself to people that you had a job offer in barcelona.

of course, you accepted the job. people were upset that their beautiful youngin was finally moving on in life. moving into your modern apartment was like a fever dream. you’ve had your doubts, but it was definitely worth it. everyday, there would be news of pedri. pedri, barcelona’s best midfielder. pedri, one of the best young players in the world. pedri, the guy who gets every spanish girl all over him. hell, a video of him was going viral for taking a girl’s number and putting it into his pocket. obviously, it was implied that he would never have a single thought about you. fuck, it was stupid to even try to reach out for him.

after sitting in your living room while trying to find something to entertain yourself that wasn’t pedri related, you decided to go out for once. there seemed so much to do in the city instead of being lazy at home. walking for ages in the wind, you finally found a small cafe to rest. ordering your latte and sitting down, your thoughts were interrupted by a boy.

“excuse me, are you y/n?” said a boy that was not too much younger than you.

“yes i am,” you nodded your head slowly before taking a slow sip. it was a little awkward considering he looked at you in shock.

“i’m sorry. i’m pablo gavi. or known as gavi. you’re the person on pedri’s lock screen. he always talks about you during practice. holy shit, i never thought i would meet you. are you visiting him?”

what the fuck just happened. pedri still remembers me? why am i his lock screen? why does he talk about me? what does he say? for a moment, you sat there trying to understand what he said. gavi, confused on why you’re frozen in time, waved his hand in front of your face to make sure you’re okay.

“oh no, i’m not visiting. pedri and i don’t really talk anymore,” you shook your head and forced a little smile. only to ease the tension of gavi’s then saddened look.

“that’s weird. he talks about you like you’re his girlfriend or something. i thought you were doing long distance,” he shrugged his shoulders. “maybe you should visit camp nou. i think he’ll be happy to see you.”

quickly, you rejected his offer. “oh no, we exactly didn’t end off our friendship in the best terms. i think it’s better if we just don’t see each other again.”

“i insist. i’ll give you my number and i’ll text you all the details.” he took his arm giving you his phone. you bowed your head in defeat and put your phone number in.

unfortunately, everyone’s eyes had been on you and gavi.

———————————————————————

the next morning, your phone was blown up in notifications. your best friend constantly texting you on how you’re viral on twitter. paparazzi snapped pictures of your interaction with gavi.

“fuck.” you mumbled before groaning in defeat. you knew you had faced defeat in keeping a low-profile.

gavi, you knew, was for sure fucked. if pedri had seen the pictures, he was definitely getting beat up.

during practice, gavi kept his best to avoid his best friend. when pedri came up to him, he quickly turned pale.

“what’s wrong with you? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” pedri patted him on his back with a small laugh. gavi sighed in relief. he’s glad to have all his teeth and no black eye before the game.

“yeah, i’m fine.” and that’s when everything wasn’t. balde came up to him, rubbing his head and patting him.

“so, who’s the new girl? it’s all over the internet and not a word from you.” fuck you balde was the first thought that came to gavi’s head. gavi’s head was pounding. he didnt know what to say, how to react, or what to do.

“wow gavi. what other secrets are you keeping from us. let me see the picture balde.” pedri laughed even harder from the thought of gavi even approaching a girl. at that moment, gavi had to remind himself that he wasn’t 9 anymore. he couldn’t just simply run and cry his way out of this. luckily, balde only showed pedri the picture from the window. when you were facing towards him and could only see him offering his phone. gavi’s blood started to circulate again and his heart rate slowed.

“i cant really see her face, but she looks so familiar to me.” well no shit jackass. that was the girl you’ve been in love with since second grade. in fact, she’s sitting on the side waiting for you.

———————————————————————

your heart was about to jump out in any second. you sat there for two hours for them to be finished with training. each time pedri walked towards your direction, your nerves would start running around. luckily, he didnt see you a single time.

gavi texted you from the locker room that he was coming towards your direction. you never expected this to be happening. you were debating to run away, but your feet forced you to stay. you knew your mind was fighting to hate him, yet your heart convinced you to see him. even if it was the last time. finally, you heard footsteps coming.

pedri was wiping the sweat off his face. he came to a full stop. he thought he was hallucinating. he thought it was a dream. he stared at you for which felt like minutes. admiring your facial features, you sat there frozen. it was harder to read his facial expressions now. did he want you to leave? did he want you there? why isn’t he saying anything?

what felt like years, he started walking towards you. again, your nerves were still jumping. eventually, he made his way in front of you. suddenly, he smiled.

“holy shit you’re beautiful.” the state of confusion turned into love with one simple kiss. your lips connecting made the world happier. the air cleared. the atmosphere was different.

it felt peaceful.

———————————————————————

author’s note: hi everyone! i’m so glad you enjoyed my first story let’s be tourists. this is my second time i’m writing on tumblr, so im still getting use to it. i will be taking requests once i figure out how to set it up. please let me know if you have any suggestions on what i could improve on. thank you for all of the support !!! <3

[zluty-spendlik]

WAKFU REDESIGN AND REWRITE SERIES – PART 1

Evangelyne

Evangelyne used to be my favorite character growing up, which kind of sucks since she’s one of the flattest characters considering how much screentime she has.

Even when I was a little kid and watched this show I found it annoying how she was constantly drooled over by the guys and these days its pretty obvious she’s a very stereotypical not-like-the-other-girls girl, created solely to be Percedal’s (the literal incarnation of the expected target audience) love interest.

SHE EVEN HAS THE WHOLE „I let my hair down and now am so much prettier“ ARC HAPPEN FRICKING TWICE IN THE SPAN OF. WHAT- 5 EPISODES???

Evangelyne is a misogynistic character on so many levels, the only Eva-centric episodes we get are either ones she needs saving in (like Vampyro or the pirate one), or when she has a love arc with Percedal (the whole Rubilaxia shtick, or the tree of Life episode).

Honestly the only bearable scenes where she shows up are those where she interacts with Amalia and even those get twisted into weird sexist tropes: Evangelyne critisizing Amalia for buying too much clothes, or overall cringing at Amalia’s „too girly“ behaviour.

Even when they have a touching conversation after freeing Amalia’s father from the Tree of Life, Amalia immediatelly brings up Percedal and fails the Bechdel test.

I won’t even touch the Cleophée (or Cleome in english) trainwreck  the writers pulled in season 2 or the whole pregnant-damsel-in-distress thing she had going on in season 3- I didn’t watch season 3 and 4 mostly because I got so mad after the misogyny happening in the first episode and I didnt want to ruin my already fragile excitement over the series.

But don’t get me wrong – Even tho Wakfu has a lot of potential for growth, I still love the series dearly, and would love to give the characters justice. It is important to note that I am not a professional writer and Im mostly doing this for my own indulgence, so please feel free to throw constructive critisism towards me.

Character rewrite

We don’t know much about Evangelyne’s backstory, or rather her story before she meets Amalia – And in my head as a kid, I always assumed she was an orphaned kid basically living on the street with Cleophée, until someone (presumably Armand, since he has a long-term crush on her and Amalia hated her at first) took pity on her and took her to the palace (once I figure out Cleophées design Ill explain what happens with her).

Fast forward a couple years, Eva is officially Amalia’s bodyguard, yadayadayada.

Important thing is, that this shapes Evangelyne’s personality and self-perception –

I have divided my potential Eva Arc into 3.5 Categories:

Self-protection and perservation

Eva knows how dangerous the world can be (streets) and how serious her job is, but she’s only seventeen. She takes her job way too seriously, in the sense that she doesnt trust anybody they meet (which is especially shown when they meet the Tofu gang). She doesn’t want anyone but Amalia close and deep down, she’s scared of other people.

She is horrible at teamwork, which only frustrates her and everyone around her. She fails to see the affection Amalia has for her, because her entire self is just a bodyguard.

She doesn’t know who she is without that.

Depression

Dally’s sacrifce absolutely traumatizes Eva, both in the canon and my version. It doesnt need to be seen as romantic tho (we’ll get to that). On top of that AMALIA BRIEFLY DIES AND COMES BACK. Can you HEAR Evangelyne’s entire purpose crumbling down?

In her head, two people just died because of her.

Besides, Percedal sacrifices himself because he cares for her. Not as a „coworker“ or a teammate, but as a friend and Evangelyne cannot fathom that sort of service and relationship.

And even though she failed, her friends are there to support her.  Eva learns compassion.

Self-destruction

However, she now feels she has to „make up“ for her lack of compassion and her failings as a bodyguard. Long story short, she completely flips to the other extreme, basically throwing herself in any sort of danger to protect her friends  (hence when she hears Dally, she immediatelly goes to Rubilaxia). In the show this is less extreme but portrayed as her real and true personality: more reckless and adventureous – but i think the writers just wanted Eva to finally have something in common with Dally (which, btw, uncool), but I’d like this to be portrayed as a bad thing.

Eva fails to see that she’s hurting herself and fails to recognize herself as a person rather than basically a human shield. This arc climaxes in the Cleophée episode and Eva learns that compassion is not transactional, or something to be earned.

Her true self

Evangelyne's final form! We dont know much about Eva's hobbies other than her job and fighting skills, HOWEVER Dally mentions Eva taught him tracking at one point and tbh Evangelyne being a ranger or just studying nature fits her pretty well imo! She is also canonically artistic (as confirmed by the journal she keeps).

I take issue with Evangelyne always being seen as the “mom of the group”. Yes, she's smart and responsible and caring, but that's her job, she's an older sister, less of a mother figure and more of an equal to the others in the gang.

Design

In s1, Id like her to wear a lot of armour with chainmail directly on her skin (haha get it because trust issues), and with a mostly green colour palette, cause, Sadida kingdom yk.

In her s2 look, she throws away most of her armour and self perservation instincts and since her personality completely flips, so does her colour palette - red! The first aid kit is gone and she wears an ascot now (a torn bit from Dally's cape lol).

And finally, i made her a furry I gave her some gadget shoes from Cleophée, helping her move faster, I put some of the armour back and made her hair longer. Her colour palette now consists not only green, but also the "Yugo blue", which i plan on incorporating in everyone's final design :D

AND FINALLY, AN ART DUMP