#and I lose my new doctor and my ability to get new glasses this year

[vitiateoriginator]

I'm losing my medical insurance at the end of the month :)

[macgyvermedical]

Hello Ross!

Came across your post reblogged by @msbarrows. Sorry if you've been asked this before, but what are some good steps to take now before the new regime comes into effect in January?/RFK Jr brain worm antivaxxer BS.

Thank you in advance.

I know just about every post on the subject says this, but- get your vaccines up to date. Buy yourself a nice TDaP from the CVS for Christmas. The Department of Health and Human Services (of which RFK Jr will have control) oversees the CDC and the FDA. While it would be unlikely he would go for an all-out ban on vaccines, he could make vaccines a hell of a lot more optional and refuse to approve new ones. Considering another goal of the administration is to repeal the ACA, that would mean childhood vaccinations would no longer be covered by private insurance (I was a child prior to the ACA and my mom paid $750 to get (fully insured) me vaccinated (about $1,638 in today's dollars). Meaning people will likely not be able to afford vaccines even if they wanted them. And a combination of expense + lack of mandate would mean a drastic reduction in the number of people who get vaccinated. While vaccines are less effective without community (herd) immunity, they are still great at keeping you from dying. So get them while they're available and covered.

Get your records. Download or request as many of your own medical records (and those of your children!) as you can. You can get most of your records through MyChart or other online portals. If you received medical care before electronic charting, you'll have to directly contact your hospital or clinic's records department to see if they can send you copies. Save them in hard copies in a binder or at least on a flash drive or disc you have the ability to read from a computer. This makes your medical care portable if you have to see a new doctor without a lot of time to plan.

If you're on more than one medication, have a "medication reconciliation" appointment with your doctor. Learn what meds you are on and know what each of them do. Call your pharmacy and learn how much they cost without insurance. Ask your doctor if there are any cheaper alternatives that treat the same things. In the case of an ACA repeal and loss of drug coverage, you're going to want to know so you can make an informed decision about which drugs you buy.

Get your mental health straightened out as much as possible. RFK Jr. has said things against antidepressants and other psych medications. While again, he's probably not going to ban them (Think of the lost productivity! Think of the pharmaceutical companies losing revenue!) he may make it hella difficult for new antidepressant meds to be approved.

Get on long-term birth control of you can get pregnant and don't want to be. The copper IUD is the longest lasting form of birth control and can prevent pregnancy for more than 10 years, but hormonal IUDs can last 7 or more. Each has their own side effects and benefits. You can always get it removed later if you change your mind, but getting access to birth control might become difficult.

Have any semi-elective procedures done ASAP. At least get them scheduled. If the ACA is repealed you may not qualify for health insurance and you really don't want to have to pay for a surgery out of pocket. Plus, if the FDA becomes less reliable, you're going to want any tools or implants used in that surgery to still be safe.

Get new glasses. If you have vision insurance, get a new pair of glasses (not contacts) now with your most up-to-date prescription.

Get any dental work you've been putting off done if you currently have dental insurance. Get a cleaning and any preventative care done you need too.

[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: heard of hearing and/or partially blind Steve + his parents realizing. Maybe they come home & see how their house has changed to be more accessible for Steve? Or something like that.

HONESTLY THIS ONE HURTED. But as usual, you provide the quality shit!!!! Poor Steve, but also if it ain't hurt/comfort, then did I even write it? Everyone loves Steve. Except his parents. His parents suck. But everyone else? Angels. Hope you love it darling!!! - Mickala ❤️

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Concussions were a bitch.

Multiple concussions in a three year period were a bitch.

But the worst part was when he noticed he couldn’t hear out of his left ear. Robin had been talking to him at work on his left side, whispering about some customer that was walking down every single aisle as if they didn’t know what movies were out, and he didn’t even notice until she switched sides halfway through a sentence.

He pretended it was fine, that he’d heard her the whole time, but then she asked him a question he couldn’t answer. She walked to his left side and said something, and when he shook his head, she bit her lip, fighting back tears.

“It’s okay, Robs. I can still hear out of the other one,” Steve said to comfort her, but also to comfort himself.

If he lost it in one ear, he could lose it in the other, and then what?

She tried to convince him to get a hearing aid, but he didn’t think he needed one.

“Your parents sent you money for medical expenses, use it for this!”

But he couldn’t.

And then he started getting blurry vision in both eyes. The left was rapidly growing worse, and Dustin noticed.

“Dude, you’re squinting. Do you have a migraine? You could’ve had Eddie drive me.”

“Nah, just tired. Trying to focus.”

Part of that was true. The squinting helped him focus a little, but he knew he had to do something about it.

So he sat down with Robin and came up with a plan.

He hated every fucking second of it.

“You get a scan first, we need to know if this is gonna keep getting worse or what permanent damage is there. You get glasses-“

“I might not need-“

“You get glasses. Then you get fitted for a hearing aid.”

“Yes ma’am,” Steve rolled his eyes.

But looking back, he was grateful Robin made him do it.

The doctors had been amazed he was able to talk with the damage done.

“Will I lose my ability to talk?” He asked, realizing that not being able to hear, see, and talk was too much for him to deal with.

“I think we can work through some physical therapy type exercises to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m glad you came in now and not a few years from now.”

Robin never said ‘I told you so,’ probably sensing that Steve wasn’t coping well with the news.

They told him he would most likely lose all hearing over the years, and his vision would progressively get worse, though it would most likely plateau and he wouldn’t lose it completely.

They said he needed to do vocal exercises every day, brain exercises as often as possible, and to come back the moment he recognized any change in his speech.

So he lived with the anxiety of not being able to communicate with anyone he loved every second of every day.

Dustin, Will, Mike, and Max had done research for weeks, finding things they could do to help him live in his house alone. Sure, they were there often, almost enough to be considered roommates, but that wouldn’t always be the case.

They would all grow up and leave.

Max had lost her own vision after Vecna, only able to see light and sometimes movement, but never any detail.

The day he got his glasses, she threatened him with murder if he didn’t wear them.

“The more you strain your eyes, the worse they’ll get. Wear the glasses. I’m sure you look just as cute as always.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that, but he didn’t want to piss Max off, so he wore them all day every day.

Dustin had found a way to wire the doorbell to the lights in the whole house, so if it rang, and somehow Steve couldn’t hear, he’d see the lights flash three times from any room he was in.

He’d done something similar with the walkie, so Steve would know if someone was trying to communicate with him.

Will figured out a light system for the phone, where it flashed with green while it rang and red if he missed a call that went to their voicemail.

It only worked if he was in the kitchen, living room, or his bedroom and paying attention, but the thought behind it made him want to cry.

He got debilitating migraines frequently, which left him bedbound, unable to even get up to use the bathroom on his own sometimes.

They figured out a signal for his walkie that he could push the button in a sort of Morse code to make sure someone knew he needed help.

If he couldn’t get to his walkie for some reason, Dustin programmed buttons on all the phones: *1 called Robin, *2 called Eddie, and *3 called Dustin.

All of his meds were moved to the drawer by his bed, with a reminder note in every room of his house, just in case he forgot.

Which was apparently another thing he had to worry about: his memory.

The doctors seemed to think he would be okay if he stayed active and healthy otherwise, and definitely needed to avoid another concussion, but they did say he could notice some issues as he got older.

Mike looked up what vitamins he needed to help boost his memory and vision, and increased his iron intake to hopefully stave off some of the migraines before they even started. He put the instructions with his medication reminders all over the house.

But what surprised him most was what happened when his parents came home early on a random Thursday morning.

He was dealing with a bit of a migraine hangover, the day before being a blur of calling for help, reaching for his meds, and Eddie arriving to make sure he stayed hydrated and made it to the bathroom as needed.

Eddie was still here, in fact.

So when he heard them banging around downstairs, his eyes flew open and he looked at a still sleeping, very shirtless Eddie next to him in his bed.

Nothing happened obviously. Eddie just ran hot.

But his parents had already been questioning him a lot about not having a girlfriend in a while and hanging out with “queers” like those two things alone could make him gay.

And if they saw Eddie like this, they would make assumptions.

Assumptions that would get him kicked out of the house that everyone just worked so hard to make accessible for him.

So he got up as quickly, but quietly as he could, ignoring the buzz in his ear where his hearing aid was loose from sleeping in it. He wasn’t technically supposed to, but he didn’t like anyone touching his head on migraine days so it stayed in.

Eddie didn’t budge, and he hoped he stayed that way while he tried to keep his parents busy.

Then the lights flashed and he heard the distant high pitched ring of the doorbell.

“What the hell?” His father asked as Steve ran down the stairs.

“Steven?” His mother asked as he flew past them and made it to the front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled excitedly as Steve glared at him.

“Dustin, not now.”

“Why? I saw Eddie’s van, so I figured-“

“Who is at the door, Steven?”

Steve closed his eyes and heard Dustin mumble ‘shit’, before he turned around to face his parents.

His glasses were dirty, but he could see that the looks on their faces were not impressed.

“Since when do you wear glasses?” His mom asked.

“Is that a hearing aid?” His dad added.

“Dustin, I’ll call you later.”

“Answer the questions.”

“I started wearing glasses and the hearing aid after a few concussions that caused a lot of damage.”

“What’s going on with the lights? Do they always flicker like that?”

Steve hadn’t really expected them to care much about him, but it still hurt a little how quickly they became concerned about the house instead of him.

“They’re a visual aid so if I’m not wearing my hearing aid or my hearing gets worse, I’ll know when the doorbell rings.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Yeah, it is,” Eddie said from the stairs, luckily not shirtless.

“Who the hell are you?” Steve’s dad didn’t waste time with pleasantries, he never did unless someone had something to offer him.

“I’m Eddie. Steve’s friend.”

“His friend?” Steve’s mom was hesitant to be obvious about what she meant, but everyone could understand where she was going with the questioning.

“Yeah, or would you prefer if we were boyfriends?”

Steve couldn’t help the snort he let out.

Eddie wasn’t the type to hide himself away, but he wouldn’t purposely make Steve’s life harder.

“Is there a reason you’re here?”

“I was taking care of him yesterday. It got late so I stayed.”

“Take care of him?” His mother turned back towards him. “Are you sick?”

“I get migraines.”

“We all get migraines, Steven,” his father said as he crossed his arms.

“But we all don’t get the kind that leave us crying and throwing up for hours on end because we can’t even see straight, do we, Richard?” Eddie asked as he walked closer to them.

“I don’t know who you think you are-“

“I told you, I’m Eddie. And as far as I’m concerned, I, and quite a few other people in town, are quite good at taking care of Steve. Unlike his parents.”

“Steve’s a grown man-“

“Yeah, now. But where were you when he wasn’t and got the concussions that caused this?”

Steve could feel his head pulsing, and he knew his migraine would be back at full force if he didn’t rest.

He took his hearing aid out for a bit of relief, the volume of his father and Eddie arguing going down considerably.

He massaged his neck the best he could, knowing that the release of some tension would at least keep the pain at bay until this could be over.

Then, he saw the phone start flashing green.

“What is going on with the phone?”

His mother directed the question at him, but Eddie stopped berating his father long enough to answer her.

“It’s so Steve knows it’s ringing if he happens to have his hearing aid out like he does now. In case no one is here with him and someone needs to reach him.”

“That explains not answering our calls.”

“I think that could just be that you don’t call at all.”

Eddie moved closer to Steve.

“Go upstairs, Stevie,” he said quietly into his right ear. “I can handle them.”

Steve was too tired, too frustrated, too borderline on a migraine to fight.

He walked upstairs, ignoring his father’s protests, his mother’s pleas, and Eddie standing in front of them both raising his voice to be heard.

Everything felt blurry as he removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes when he made it up the stairs.

His room was dark still, the blackout curtains still drawn closed, lights off, like Eddie had suspected it might be a bad day again.

His pills were on the table, a cup of water next to them. He set his glasses down and took them, trusting that Eddie followed the instructions perfectly.

He always did.

He always took such good care of him.

He came at the drop of a hat, even if Robin was already here. He brought Steve’s favorite soda, insisted it helped with migraines even though it probably didn’t. He massaged the spot on Steve’s neck that always held the most tension, pulled him close until he fell asleep on the couch or in the bed, always on his chest.

He’d been learning and teaching everyone sign language too.

Steve had started learning immediately, and so did Robin, but Eddie had insisted on it too, and started teaching the kids. He’d been showing Max one sign at a time, putting her fingers and hands into the movement so she knew how to do it.

And Steve didn’t think he could love Eddie more.

But he figured if Eddie was interested in him, he would have made a move already.

He could very distantly hear Eddie’s voice saying something, but he wasn’t sure what. With his hearing aid out, he usually couldn’t hear anything downstairs from his room.

He closed his eyes, settling under the blankets so he could try to do what Eddie wanted him to.

He drifted in and out, tired, but not quite enough to fall asleep all the way.

At some point, Eddie had made it back to the room and got in bed, his hand running through Steve’s hair gently.

“Eds?”

“It’s alright, Stevie. Your parents are gone. They won’t be back again for a while.”

“Mkay.”

He let himself drift again, safe with Eddie there.

[countrymusiclover]

13 - We’re in Trouble

Princess Red Thief

Part 14

Tag list - just ask to be added @mystrey101 @melvia-ito @kmc1989 @tallrock35

A nurse rolled me back in a wheelchair into the available room we had for our doctor appointment. The nurse left me and Rumple alone for a few minutes where he offered me a hand helping me to stand and climb up onto the exam table. "I think the wheelchair wasn't necessary, dear."

"Forgive me for being concerned for your health. We have no idea how the curse is affecting the baby in your belly." He responded to me rubbing his thumb over my palm while still holding my hand.

I sent him a glare. "Or you're just concerned since I broke into Regina's office and jumped out of the building in a land without magic."

"This world is still dangerous just like back in our land."

"And you doubt my ability without magic to not get hurt. That's what you are saying." I pointed out.

He shakes his head. "I didn't mean it like that, Eve. You are very capable of protecting yourself."

"Am I now? Then why be so concerned for me." I asked him waving my finger in his face just to prove a point to the dark one. "I'll have you know that I was trained by the greatest thief in the land. Robin Hood, that's how I got into your castle to steal your dagger in the first place."

Rumple moved his hand from mine, cradling my cheek in it. "I only wish that you and the baby are alright because I lost my first wife and child years ago. It broke me and I don't wish to lose the new woman that I love."

I smiled leaning into his palm. "I know you mean well. Just doubt, count me out so soon. I'm stronger than most think a princess would be."

Someone knocked on the door where we turned our attention towards it. The door opened and I saw a shorter man with glasses on his face come in. "Good morning, Ms. Royal. I'll be checking on your baby today."

"Doc. Is it really you?" I couldn't stop myself from showing pure joy at seeing the smaller dwarf standing in front of me. Sneezy worked at a convent store and Grumpy owned a boat. The rest of the dwarfs I had yet to really see in 28 years.

He gives me a somewhat confused look. "Of course I'm a doctor. Otherwise I wouldn't be working here."

"That's not what I meant - uh never mind." I started to say something until Rumple nudged my shoulder silently telling me to drop it.

Doc sat down his clipboard, having me lay down on the table. He rubbed a cold dye on my stomach and put the device over it before we could see a blurry image of something appear on the screen. "It appears that everything is going fine. But I do have to ask, were you aware that there's twins?"

"Twins - I - I thought it was just one baby." I lifted my head up trying to get a better view of the screen now.

Doc shakes his head, scribbling a note down on the chart. "We'll regardless Ms. Royal. I think you will be a good mother and I'd suggest that you take it easy with some bed rest for these last few weeks."

"We'll do our best." Rumple responds watching him leave the room hearing something in my bag going off like crazy. He hands me my backpack once I had set upright on the edge of the bed. "What's buzzing in there?"

Taking the bag from his hands I reached inside finding the radio that Henry had given me. "It's Henry. Henry come in. It's Everly."

"Everly! Emma is trying to leave Storybrooke. August tried to get her to believe but now he's turning back into a wooden boy."

Glancing over at Rumple I knew I needed to go help him otherwise the curse would never be broken. "Okay, okay, uh I'll be there as fast as I can."

"What does that kid think she will do to her?" Rumple asked helping me off the table and we made our way into the hospital hallway thankful that no one was there so we could have a normal conversation.

Sliding my backpack on my right shoulder I answered him back. "I'll find out. But in the meantime you should probably go and get the egg inside the safe place. Just in case we need whatever is inside of it."

"I'll do my best. Just be safe, princess." He nodded in agreement before I went down a different hallway knowing that Snow's apartment wasn't very far from here. If this was like what happened to Snow and Charming then we had a major problem.

The next time I rubbed the sleep from my eyes I lifted my head up from the pillow seeing that Rumple wasn't there after what we had done a few hours ago. Climbing out of the bed I shrugged my discarded tunic on the floor and draped the blanket over the rest of my body walking into the large main room. "Rumple, Rumple!"

"No need to shout dear. Come here I wish to show you something." His voice led me to find him standing in front of the large mirror he kept in the corner, back in his leather clothing.

Crossing the room I laid my head on his shoulder curiously in my tone. "What is it you want to show me?" He snapped his fingers and the image in the mirror changed to the middle of the woods with the dwarfs and Charming gathered around a coffin.

The dwarves remove the lid of the coffin. Prince Charming kisses Snow White. A pulse of magic spreads throughout the land and to my relief she gasped opening her eyes. "You.You found me."

"Did you ever doubt I would?" Charming asked her with a huge grin on his face.

Snow sat up in the coffin with his help smiling at her Prince. "Truthfully, the glass coffin gave me pause."

"Well, you never have to worry. I will always find you." Charming held her face in his hands before they shared a kiss together and the image in the mirror disappeared showing mine and Rumple reflection.

Rumple turned to face me, taking one of my hands in his own. "Looks like things are falling right into place for my plan to work."

"What was the magical egg for?" I questioned him knowing he had put it inside Maleficent for some unknown reason that he hadn't told me about yet.

He replied changing the subject when my stomach grumbles. "It's a fail safe for a rainy day. Now let's get some food." He walked off going to magically make food for us leaving me to let my thoughts wonder. Someday the need for the magical egg would be revealed to me.

Running up the stairs I busted into the apartment since the door wasn't locked for me to see Henry and Emma hugging until he noticed me standing there. "Everly! Tell her she can't leave."

"Henry, what's wrong?" I asked him when he was standing in front of me almost bawling in tears.

Emma gave me a confused expression. "Henry, you've got to stop including other people into this curse thing."

"But it's the truth." He fought her.

Emma sighed, covering her face with her hand. "Eve, I'm sorry to get you involved in this. I'm leaving town and he isn't handling it well."

"Who gave you the turnover dessert then?" I asked, peeking over her shoulder and seeing the dessert sitting on a plate.

Emma answered. "Regina gave it to me."

Henry sniffed it, gasping. "Apple! You can't eat that. It's poison."

"What?" Emma asked.

Henry explains to her. "Don't you see? The deal… It was all a trick to get you to eat that, to get rid of the saviour."

"Henry, come on. Why would she do that when I just told her I was going to go?" His birth mother wasn't understanding anything he was saying.

Henry snapped at her. "Because as long as you're alive, you're a threat to the curse."

"He's telling the truth. That apple is the same one that put your mother under a sleeping curse until your father woke her up with a kiss."

Emma still disagrees. "Henry, you've got to stop thinking like this. Especially when you think about what you're doing to Eve's mental state."

Henry moved closer to the turnover to block it from her grasp while I just closely watched their confrontation. "But it's the truth! And you leaving isn't going to change that."

Emma stepped forward to eat the turnover until he grabbed it from her hands. "I'll prove it to you."

"Henry No!" I drew out a dagger I had hidden inside my boot from my old thriving gear. Moving towards him I held the blade tip towards him.

Emma gasped but I sent her a warning look. "Whoa Eve - Henry… What are you doing?"

"Henry, I don't want to hurt you. But I will if you try and eat that. You don't know if you'll wake up in this land like the Charming's did." I explained to him slowly stepping towards the kid.

He takes a few steps backwards not sitting it down but rather focusing his attention on his mother. "I'm sorry it had to come to this. You may not believe in the curse… Or in me. But I believe in you."

He took a bite of the turnover before I saw his body beginning to collapse. "See? You want to have some ice cream with that? And then we can go back to talking about…"

"Henry! No, no - ahh!" I managed to catch his body in my arms even with my big pregnant belly getting in the way. Holding him against my chest I felt tears fall down my face till a sharp pain shot through my stomach and I felt some water come out between my legs.

Emma bent down concerned for Henry and could see some worry in my eyes. "Henry! Eve, what's wrong?"

"He's under a sleeping curse - urgh! And my babies are coming. Get us to the hospital right now." I told her I was feeling my chest tightening in fear. I needed to tell Rumple but there didn't appear to be enough time.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[bookpersonmaryjon]

Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

13. Do you share your writing online? (Drop a link!) Do you have projects you’ve kept just for yourself?

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

1.ooof okay so I have A Lot of current projects, but the one that I've been working on the most over the last week is probably the tma chatfic (working title, I'll have to come up with something better at some point).

it's, well, a chatfic, which you can probably guess from the title, but more specifically: (spoiler warning for the magnus archives here!!!) basically, all the avatars have a groupchat and Annabelle Cane adds Jon at some point after he gets promoted, because they all think he's Aware of serving an eldritch fear entity and are Surprised when he is clueless as to what the hell they're all talking about

i've been writing on it for over at least... two years i think? and a few days ago edited the bits i wrote separately to fit into the bit that's more story-like, at which point i discovered that i'm at 95 pages??? somehow??? so yea there's progress, despite there being literally no plot besides Jon Finds Out About The Entities And Has A Few Breakdowns.

what i love about it: Everyone Is Queer (because i was figuring out my gender at the time and thought i was just being supportive to trans/nb people and not relating that stuff to myself) and There Is No Angst (okay that's a lie, there's a bit angst, but mostly it's really entertaining and not angsty) and I have so much fun writing the characters???

pretty sure a lot of the characters are OOC but I don't really care, it's far too funny to have the avatars bully Jon for having a crush on Martin (yes this fic is also jonmartin with jon getting over his denial Very Quickly during what constitutes as s1)

honorable mentions here to the other fics i'm working on right now: the doctor who bodyswap au we all needed after potd where they Actually Bodyswap, the doctor who fic where some evil scientist tries to use regeneration energy for their own gain (it is as angsty as it sounds, yes), the tua fanfic where klaus refuses to let luther lock up viktor in that creepy basement in s1 (with added nb klaus and trans viktor because yes!), the sandman fanfic where dream loses the ability to speak after being locked up in a glass bowl for centuries (called 'cat got your tongue' because I Am Hilarious), and the ouat fanfic that's purely self-indulgent because i have a I Could Fix Her mentality when it comes to Regina (not just because of that but it's definitely part of it...)

4. mhhhh let's see!

There’s something going wrong in her mind, something is wrong with this whole regeneration, of course it is, forced regenerations aren't ever simple, but this is more than that, because she just let the Master leave with Yaz, with her TARDIS, and that’s not what the Doctor does, that’s not-

Is that still who she is? Is she still the Doctor now?

Yaz didn’t notice. The Master didn’t say anything, didn’t even gloat, didn’t even- And she’s not acting like the Doctor should, so what-?

She curls around herself, feeling unmoored when it’s different than before, the Master’s body – hers now – new and ill-fitting like putting on a glove that’s too small, or maybe it’s too big, or possibly both, somehow.

this is from my doctor who bodyswap fic, and i really liked this bit, because thirteen is questioning her own sense of self, after gallifrey, after techteun, after getting swapped into a body that isn't hers, and i just think that's a really neat concept to explore

actually, have some more of that fic, cause there are several lines i really like:

“Wait wait wait, can’t we talk about this?” she yelps, ducking behind machinery and twisting out of the way of more shots.

“The Cyberium is destroyed. You have destroyed the Cyberium. You will be deleted.”

They’re advancing on her, and she doesn’t have her sonic on her, it’s in her coat pocket, stupid Doctor, stupid Master, means she’s defenceless, means-

Except, she reaches into her pockets out of instinct, and there’s something in there.

“I don’t-” The words get stuck in her throat because they’re so untrue, doesn’t she want to do this, and it’s different now, this is a step she’s not been prepared to take, is she really going to do this?

“Stand down. You will be deleted.”

Yeah, right.

Them or her. Them or Earth.

The decision, in the end, is far too easy.

And then the Doctor stares at the tiny Cybermen, the Master’s TCE still raised, and something in her mind is spinning wildly out of reach, something has changed and she doesn’t quite know what it is, or if it can be reversed.

thirteen making master decisions instead of doctor decisions! love to see her make Bad choices

“I see you had time to change.”

The words spark memory, and the Doctor raises a brow at him, lifts her arms in a mockery of presenting the new clothes, and replies: “I always dress for the occasion.”

Is that amusement in his eyes or is she imagining it?

She lets her arms drop, crosses them over her chest again, considers him. It’s strange to stare at her own face and have it look back, except those eyes aren't hers, those eyes have always been his, she’d know them anywhere.

what's more 'master' than changing your outfit for the Drama of it?

yeah, I don't know where this story is going, but the second i've finished it i'll upload it! ^-^

EDIT: just found the Actual scene i wanted to share but got distracted from looking for, this is from my other dw fanfic where someone wants to take regeneration energy

All his attention is on the Doctor, beautifully bathed in gold, brimming with light and life, the force of a nuclear explosion coiling inside her, infecting her surroundings, leaking into the air and causing everything in her path to self-destruct.

i adore writing thirteen as incredibly destructive force of nature ^-^

that's all, carry on!

6. good question... I have a lot of fun writing the thirteenth doctor, but honestly? it's Klaus Hargreeves from the umbrella academy. i just can't seem to stop writing Klaus, especially nonbinary he/they Klaus who figures out their powers and chills with Benny while his siblings are ignoring the both of them. (this probably says Something about me but I Do Not See)

(honorable mention to my ouat self-insert which i Cannot write anymore because i started writing her before i figured out that i am not, in fact, cis, and now i'm having trouble identifying with the person that used to be me)

8. mhhh... in terms of Queer things yes, i read and write both of those things.

i do think i Write far more angst than i Read angst.

also, this question depends entirely on whether it's meant as reading books or reading fanfiction, because obviously i read the sort of fanfictions that i also write, and i guess yeah, i do also read the books that are sort of close to the sort of fanfiction vibes i like to read / write

13. yes i do! mostly just fanfictions, nothing 'original' just yet (i am working on it though!).

the ao3 link to my published fics is here, and there's also a German self-insert ouat fanfic on a German fanfic site, but uhhh that's sort of Very Unfinished and was started when i was still in school sooo... (i am planning on rewriting it at some point, and will try to finish it as well...).

as to the rest: there are... several projects that i've kept to myself, yes. i've taken my three (?) finished harry potter fics off the internet for now because i don't feel comfortable having them up with the way jk is behaving, and i won't post any of the ones i'm still writing on (i'm mostly just writing on them because if i have an idea i need it Out).

i also have A LOT of fanfics that are simply not finished yet, and because i know that i will not be able to stick to a posting/writing schedule i'd rather finish them before posting them, they'll stay on my laptop for now.

I am also working on a superhero book, but I've had to change a few of the original ideas i had because they don't really fit with the rest of the vibe of the book anymore, so i don't know when that's gonna be finished, if at all...

25. tough question... I have a lot of fun writing something with a twist, like, I as the writer am aware of a piece of information about the story/character I am writing that the reader is Not aware of but i am layering little hints into the story, and at some point i have a Reveal of the thing. i wasn't aware that this was something i did for a bit, until someone (you, dimitri, very specifically you) pointed it out in one of my fics and i realized that i Liked doing things like that actually, so yea!

also uhh i guess i really like how i can sort of work through some of my problems by projecting them onto characters? it helps sometimes...

i also enjoy writing something, and then having an idea, and suddenly the story is going in a wildly different direction as before, and i didn't anticipate it but i actually like this new direction, so i just roll with it. it's nice that writing is... alive, in a way.

wow, i wrote far more than i expected. thank you for asking these questions @rearranging-deck-chairs I had a lot of fun answering!

[tiredspacedragon]

I had a quick look in the notes before voting, and I'm kinda surprised by what I saw. Because a lot of people seem to be forgetting a key factor in this matchup: These are all the same person. Which means, as the Doctor gets older, each one of these incarnations remembers being the others, so the younger ones are at a massive disadvantage.

Especially Eccleston. Like don't get me wrong, this is tumblr, we all love Nine here. And yeah, hes angry and bitter and one of the most physically fit out of this bunch. But he is also freshly traumatized, and trying really hard to be Less Violent, Actually. And, this is kinda hugely important, all of the others know all of his tricks. Nine was only 900 years old, he's a baby compared to most of the rest. If it came to a straight grapple, then he has good odds, but he is losing the mental game.

Now Ten is capable of great and twisted violence, and is also spunky and a little unpredictable. However, he also goes down in one punch. Like canonically, it happens more than once. He can take falling from a spaceship, through a glass window, and onto a hard marble floor, but the man has a glass jaw and basically everyone here has a mean punch. So he's out.

Eleven is being criminally underestimated in the notes. Like I get that it's currently trendy to hate on him, but come on. Reducing him to a baby-faced twink is a huge mistake. Eleven was a vicious, cold-blooded, survivor of a bastard, who lived longer than everyone else here put together. He used that baby face as a weapon, underestimating him plays straight into his hands, and Nine and Ten absolutely would underestimate him. He might be hampered by the others though, because again, they'd remember being him and would consider him a high-priority target.

Twelve is an angry chihuahua of a man, and he has a solid hook on him, but he is also physically the oldest here and definitely has a far worse bark than bite. I don't see him winning, but I do see him being a persistent nuisance to all the others, chasing after them, snarling and biting at their heels and just not staying down. He did shoot a guy in the face that one time, but I don't think a fight with his other selves could push him to that level of desperation. In the end, he's sass, not brass.

I don't know much about Thirteen yet, but from what I do know, she's a little deranged and would absolutely fight dirty. I believe she's physically the smallest here, so that could hurt her, but eh... Like I said, fighting dirty. Can solve a lot of problems, that.

Fourteen has no chance. Like actually none, I am sorry. He might not go down as easily as Ten, might stay standing for a while, actually. But he is not going to fight. Absolute heap of a man. Actually, paradoxically, he might not lose, either? Like the others would just look at him and go "Y'know what, I'll leave him alone, he very clearly does not want to be here." Fifteen would probably get him a blanket, sit him down on the sidelines, and periodically go check to see he was alright. So maybe I'm wrong, maybe he actually would win if all the others took each other down.

But I think my bet goes to Fifteen. Yeah he's brand new, so we know basically nothing about him. But he is also the oldest by far, is the only one here with the ability to accurately judge all the others' capabilities, and has one key advantage none of the others do: Mental Health. Fifteen's defining trait so far seems to be that he is Doing Okay, Actually. Fifteen has had therapy. He has had rest and recovery time. He is refreshed. That might take some of the edge off him, but like. It certainly wouldn't make him stupider. And does that edge ever really go away? And would it really matter that much in a straight up brawl? Like plus, have you seen Ncuti Gatwa? This is not your classic skinny Doctor, the man is sculpted. So yeah, we'll see how he turns out, but right now my money's on the new guy.

okay if you were to pit every modern-era Doctor against each other in a fight. no holds barred. they can fight as dirty as they like. physically or mentally. just full on duking it out. who do you think would win. this is not a "who is your favorite" poll it's a "who would beat the shit out of the others most effectively" poll

[deepestcollectivekitty]

How Often Should I See My Eye Doctor?

Signs You Might Need An Eye Exam

Other problems, such as age-related macular degeneration, where the central part of the back of the eye quits working and you lose vision straight in front of you, cataracts, which cloud your vision, and glaucoma, in which fluid develops inside the eye, can all be spotted by routine eye tests.

Sparrow says that age most noticeably influence on our eyes in between the ages of 40 and 60. This is when a number of us discover it harder to check out and start to suffer from eyestrain. Age lowers our ability to focus and, without help, our eyes feel exhausted and gritty and we get tension headaches.

Even if we wear glasses, it is essential to take care of our eyes if we utilize computer screens for prolonged amount of times. The image on a screen makes us change our focus more frequently and tires our eyes which likewise feel dry due to the fact that we forget to blink when we continue reading a screen.

The majority of us do not have eye tests every 2 years, but there is some proof that it is beneficial to do so. A standard based on an evidence evaluation by Canadian optometrists recommended two-yearly tests, increasing to yearly over the age of 65. Some people are eligible free of charge tests, but even if you have to pay, it is most likely to be worth it to prevent gritty eyes and headaches.

How Often Should I Have Eye Exams?

You understand you need to see your dental professional twice a year for a dental checkup and cleanings but how typically should you visit your eye doctor. Performing as your eyes into the world around you, actually, it is very important to make certain that your vision is constantly up to par and working appropriately.

It is recommended that you get an eye exam each to three years, depending on your age, danger aspects, and whether or not you presently wear restorative lenses like glasses or contacts. Your body is constantly changing and whether you like it or not, it is continuously aging.

In addition, if you wear glasses or contacts your prescription will alter every year approximately depending upon the strength of your eyes. And whenever your prescription changes, you require to enter to have your eyes taken a look at in order to get a brand-new prescription. You will become dust! No not actually, but if you don't get an eye test as frequently as recommended your prescription will likely go bad if you wear corrective lenses, or there's a possibility that your optometrist would have been able to catch an eye illness earlier on.

"Much of our clients with ocular conditions such as diabetic retinopathy, glaucoma, and macular degeneration must be analyzed more often than once each year," Dr. Plant states. African Americans and Hispanics have a higher danger of developing glaucoma and should think about an eye test every two to 4 years if they're under the age of 40.

How Often Should You Get Your Eyes Checked?

There are many indications to look for that suggest an eye test is needed "If vision is blurred or the eyes experience stress or frequent headaches, an eye test is needed. If the eyes are red, dry, scratchy, or flashes and floaters have developed, an eye examination requires to be performed," Dr. Plant said.

"A detailed eye examination consisting of dilation may take one to two hours depending upon the quantity of screening needed for the individual patient," Dr. Plant says. Having your eyes dilated can create some confusion about if it is safe to drive home following your thorough eye exam.

"The majority of people feel comfortable driving after a dilated eye examination. Some do not. If you have never had your eyes dilated, it is best to bring a driver". Pregnant females can experience fluid shifts in the cornea that result in blurred vision or concerns with their contact lenses.

How Often Do You Need Eye Exams?

"It is absolutely safe to have an eye examination during pregnancy," Dr. Plant states. "Many ladies experience vision changes during pregnancy due to hormone fluctuations and therefore require a thorough eye evaluation." Diabetic females need to receive an eye exam prior to they become pregnant and then once again throughout their very first trimester.

How often should you get an eye exam? Eye tests aren't simply for fixing vision issues.

[thementalhealthdisaster]

List of ways my life is fucked:

- Friend A has been having a medical problem that causes him to loose the ability to control his muscles since April, still untreated

- Friend A was in hospital since September (got out yesterday) and they gaslit him and didn't accommodate his Deafness and very likely have misdiagnosed him

- I lose my glasses

- I try to go on T and the doctor says I need a diagnosis and won't do informed consent. I find out later that he does... He just mustn't have believed me.

- Friend B had his boyfriend make him choose between him and his close friend. Causing them to break up.

- Said close friend self harmed in our home and triggered me so bad I started self harming at least once a week.

- Friend B's ex became increasingly abusive and same with his close friend

- Said ex, who was my friend too, starts belittling me and begins hanging out with a toxic ex friend who specifically hates me.

- We find out that we're going to be homeless in 26 days on my birthday.

- We had been househunting since March

- We become homeless in July

- Still homeless

- I get new glasses paid for but they're the wrong prescription and I don't go back to get them fixed

- I try to get an autism diagnosis and the doctor tells me he can't tell either way and don't even use the full time. $100 out of pocket I'll never get back.

- Friend B commits suicide in September

- He had attempted in the past and once I had to call the ambulance while I was suicidal

- Between him, his close friend badly self harming, and Friend A's condition, we get used to calling an ambulance

- I had several aborted suicide attempts and never had therapists treat them seriously.

-Last therapist misgendered me and told me I should try to get a job.

- At Friend B's funeral, his ex and the close friend he'd broken things off with got to speak

- So many people that hurt him were there and they deadnamed him at the funeral

- In September, I move into my old room at my parents with Friend C sleeping on the floor.

- My little sister has a friend who is suicidal in an abusive household and I have to tell them I can't help because thinking about it meant I was having a panic attack all day.

- Friend C and I try to organise moving states to be away from everything and closer to his family. But it takes months.

- My mum's brother goes missing and I learn he definitely has some sort of psychosis

- Which means I'm more genetically at risk than I thought (in terms of how this is still affecting me now that he's found)

- Being at my parent's becomes so unbearable I frequently struggle not to attempt or self harm

- And that's just this fucking year. That's just one fucking messed up year. And I was doing shit BEFORE all this. Fuck.

[bookwermthings]

My Jack Harkness Playlist

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the post where I explain my Jack Harkness playlist and how my (currently) 73 songs relate to him and his life!

This will be a long post. Spoilers for Torchwood, and for the audio Mighty and Despair. You have been warned.

Also the songs are mostly in chronological order of his life events.

Also sorry for the inconsistency between lengths of descriptions for each song. I was determined to finish it all in one night, but I got tired and started using less effort to explain. Took me over two hours to make in the end. If you have any questions, I’d love to elaborate on my feelings for any of the songs!!

So, here we go!

1. Jack’s Love Theme

(this is such a beautiful theme) Ever since a young age, Jack has expressed love deeply, loved everyone with his whole heart. Until his heart gets broken by his guilt at the loss of Gray and he keeps everyone at a little more of a distance, and further down the road after that, keeps everyone at a distance because he is immortal. For Jack, love and life are the two constants

2. No Roses by The Builders and The Butchers

For this, I have @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe to thank! This is an amazing song for Jack’s childhood, losing Gray, and in general his relationship with Gray and I love it a lot.

3. American Healthcare (Glitzy) by Penelope Scott

The lyrics to this give me the feeling of being stressed and traumatized but joking about it because it’s the only thing you can do. Wanting to help people and keep people alive but realizing that everything is corrupted. This brings to mind Jack in the Time Agency years to me.

4. You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate

This is a very simple song that I believe showcases Jack’s tendency and ability to charm anyone he meets.

5. YES MOM by Tessa Violet

This is a song that encapsulates Jack’s vibe in the Time Agency. He loves himself (or at least pretends he does). He can be his own hype man. If not doing terrible, he’s at least doing well compared to later.

6. Weak by AJR

Jack being a lot like John in these days, drinking, partying, drugs, the whole lot. Sure, it’s bad for him, but he doesn’t care. Not enough to do anything about it.

7. I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper by Sarah Brightman, Hot Gossip

I included this one because John Hart had to claim it was their song, and I fell in love with it. It’s a good song to reference John and Jack’s relationship, along with this next one.

8. Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer

The John vibes! The Jack and John vibes! Their relationship can be encapsulated in these lyrics, really, the whole song would have to be quoted if I started quoting it. I love it!!!

9. The Funeral by YUNGBLUD

Jack is not taking care of himself, not at all, as shown by the beginning of the song. He’s not eating right, not sleeping right, has no clean clothes. He hates himself, he loves himself, he tells himself it’s alright that he dreams about the day he dies. This is Jack after the Time Agency. He believes that if he dies, no one would come to his funeral, so he is doing everything he can to distract him from that fact, doing con after con. Until Rose and the Doctor show up.

10. Build a Bitch by Bella Poarch

Kind of out of order but a good song. I love the message, and Jack would definitely have this kind of attitude if someone criticized him.

11. Michelle by the Beatles

A soft, old fashioned love song. Jack in a heartbeat.

12. Die For A Night by YUNGBLUD

Thoughts Jack had before he met Rose and the Doctor, that would become very ironic as he later came to see. 

13. Victorious by Panic! At The Disco

A happy day. The day that everybody lived. Encapsulating a feeling of unhealthy happiness that would eventually become something new with his newfound Friends.

14. I Think I’m In Love by Kat Dahlia

The moment he falls in love with the Doctor and with Rose are both so early on, and they hit him so hard, he doesn’t want to admit. But he does. He’s happy.

15. CASTLE OF GLASS by Linkin Park

Feeling insignificant next to how amazing his partners are sometimes, but realizing how much better they all make each other. Realizing who he is is alright. A song about holding each other up, showing each other how to be whole again.

16. Talk To Me by Cavetown

Feeling like he can be himself, Rose and the Doctor reassuring him about all his faults, being there for him. Being able to talk to each other. Nothing is easy, it will never be, that’s alright, let it out, talk to me.

17. Two Birds by Regina Spektor

Jack and The Doctor. Two birds on a wire. The Doctor says there is nothing he won’t understand, says he won’t let go of Jack and then he FUCKING LIES. He leaves him, and doesn’t come back. This song is feels. This event is feels. Uergh.

18. Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartland

Jack, left on the Game Station, and down on the planet below after the first few deaths, wondering what he did to deserve this, and wondering why he is like this. Thinking through every word he ever said, everything he ever did. Why did the Doctor leave? Mistakes on loop inside his head.

19. Alien Boy by Oliver Tree

He feels like an alien among the human beings in the 1800s.Sure he was a time agent, but he’d never had to be among a different time period for this *long*.

20. Wishful Drinking by Tessa Violet

Wishful thinking while he’s drinking. Dying repeatedly, drinking himself to death, thinking about how he could drown? None of it’s a problem if he doesn’t get caught. He’s sprialing.

21. Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

A slideshow of death. He gets knocked down, and he gets back up again.

22. Captain Jack - Short Mix by Captain Jack

He gets “conscripted” by Torchwood. This song is happy and sad. At least he’s found a way to get to the Doctor again - wait. It’s also just a really catchy song. I found it when watching video edits.

23. WWIII by grandson

Being in World War I and World War II he just feels so, so tired of death.

24. Which Side Are You On? by Pete Seeger

It’s an old song. It feels like a Jack song. Idk why, though, sorry. And I felt like he could really use a union with how he was treated.

25. Being Alive (from “Company”) by John Barrowman

A soft, slow song about being alive, about being hurt, about living. Celebrating being alive, because he’s starting to live again.

26. Cat’s In The Cradle by Harry Chapin

Having Melissa/Alice. Fearing she would grow up just like him, but loving her all the same. The pain as she grew older and he couldn’t see her anymore. Hoping she was better off without him.

27. Ur Gonna Wish U Believed Me by Cavetown

Jack after Alex kills the whole team on New Year’s. The 21st Century is when everything changes. You’re going to wish you believed me.

28. The Trick by AJR

He lies. He omits truths. To everyone. His trick is he can be anything he pretends to be. But one day he’ll run out of lies, one day he’ll run out of things he’s proud of. One day he’ll have to face the truth, that he’s screwed.

29. We’ve Got A Score To Settle by The Dear Hunter

A Torchwood badass song, once Jack is the leader of Torchwood, he’s hurting but he’s getting better. They’re doing something together, and he’s going to make a change. Torchwood has had so much blood on their hands, and so has he, and he’s going to do everything he can to fix it.

30. Girls/ Girls/ Boys by Panic! At The Disco

Something to spice things up. To me, in this playlist, this is about pride, and its origins and how Jack celebrates it after living through so much of the time where you could be hurt, killed, arrested for being gay. I should write a fic about that, really.

31. Riptide by grandson

He’s done bad things to good people, been caught up in it and these feelings for too long. He’s had to make so many hard decisions that no one else has had to make and sometimes they come back to bite him in the ass.

32. Torchwood Theme

This is where the show starts in the timeline of this playlist. So I put this theme here.

33. Tissues by YUNGBLUD

He knows he’s falling in love with Ianto. He knows this will end in tragedy no matter what happens but he also knows they both want, Need, to be loved. He can’t keep holding his breath on this forever.

34. Carried Away by Passion Pit

Just being so happy, being with his family slowly growing closer together. Getting lost in the feeling. 

35. Bike Dream by Rostam

Another Ianto love song. There is a Jack he does see and a Jack he doesn’t see, but Jack loves him so, so much. There is a side of Jack he might never get to meet. Not Yet. Not until after he comes back from the Year That Never Was.

36. Who We Are by Imagine Dragons

Another badass Torchwood team song. This is who they are. 

37. Voodoo Child by Rogue Traders

This is the Master’s song that he plays, it haunts me, and it might haunt Jack, as everything about that year does.

38. Gagging Order by Radiohead

A feeble protest against what the Master has been drilling into him form the very beginning - “I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not your property, no matter what you say”. He feels like he’s just a body after so long of hopelessness, of death.

39. All Time Low by Sam Tsui

Thinking of Ianto, during his year away. Maybe Ianto dies in front of him. He’s at an all time low. He can’t fix his pride, he can’t fix anything.

40. Amsterdam by Coldplay

Everything is terrible, everything is painful, but you know what? Time is on his side. 

41. 50 Ways To Say Goodbye by Train

A good fun, upbeat song, about all the different ways one can die. Possibly also how Ianto feels about Jack leaving for months right after coming back to life and kissing him.

42. Twenty Twelve by Matt Maeson

Wanting to stay with Ianto forever, adjust to adjusting forever. Wanting to open his heart to him, but knowing how hurt Ianto feels. Knowing he can’t leave anymore, now that he realizes what is here for him. He can act like his act is together, but in the end, Ianto sees through it, and will patch him together.

43. Tightrope by Michelle Williams

A Jack/Ianto love song about wanting to follow Ianto anywhere, knowing he can’t. Knowing it’s dangerous, never knowing when it will end, but it comes with a breathtaking view.

44. Yesterday Was Hard On All of Us by Fink

About the episode Meat. That day was hard on all of them, so stressful, and bringing back traumatic memories for Jack. Probably bringing back cannibal memories for the rest of them, too.

45. Walking The Wire by Imagine Dragons

Honestly, pretty similar to Tightrope, but I like it. More emphasis on the danger, and dealing with everything as they get to it.

46. Wanted by Hunter Hayes

He wants to make them feel wanted. <3

47. Two by Sleeping At Last

Giving up everything, not taking care of himself, to protect everyone else around him. Everyone he loves. Two.

48. Undisclosed Desires by Muse

A careful, loving, sexy song for Ianto Jones and Jack.

49. The Ballad of Ianto Jones 

I love this one so much, and it breaks my heart.

50. This Is Gonna Hurt by Sixx:A.M.

He always knew it was going to end but as the 456 say those dreadful words he realizes how short it really was. This is way too soon, and ironically, there is nothing he can do. This is gonna hurt.

51. All The Angels by My Chemical Romance

Blaming himself song.

52. Take It All Back by Judah & The Lion

“I’d take it all back, take it all back, take it all back, just to have you” I laugh sob every time this song comes on…

53. What I’ve Done by Linkin Park

54. The Unforgiven by Metallica

55. Wrong side of Heaven

All three of these (53,54,55) are about Jack blaming himself for everyone’s deaths. Tosh, Owen, Ianto, Steven. I couldn’t just pick one song, sorry. He spends a long time feeling guilty.

56. You Or Your Memory by The Mountain Goats

Starting to grieve in a more healthy way.

57. Used To Haunt by The Mountain Goats

All his old friends are always welcome in the hallways they used to haunt now, whether the memories or painful or not, he’s just glad to remember them.

58. Jack, You’re Dead! by Joe Jackson

When he doesn’t respond, when he doesn’t even initiate flirting anymore, he feels more dead than if he was, and he doesn’t care. But also this is a really fun song!!

59. Don’t Feel Like Feeling Sad Today by YUNGBLUD

Deciding that today, even if he is sad today, he is not going to sit in it. He is going to start living.

60. Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park

Breaking the bad habits he has built up in all the years since Ianto’s death. It’s hard, it is oh so hard, but he needs to. No more drinking just for the sake of it, no more dying just for the sake of it. He is breaking the habit tonight.

61. A Thousand Years by John Barrowman

Loving people and remembering them for a thousand years or more. It’s hard, but he wouldn’t want to forget.

62. What’s My Age Again? by blink-182

Honestly it’s about the mood of the song, and the name. He forgets his age, really does it matter? He should act his age, but really does it matter? He should live, and love, and do what makes him happy.

63. 42 by Coldplay

This was originally the 42nd song… anyway, this for me references him living on the planet he lives on in Mighty and Despair, trying to find a way through the veil. Those who are dead are not dead, they’re just living in his head. There must be something more.

64. Wild Sage by The Mountain Goats

A soft nice song about the first while when Carla and Persis are there.

65. Good King Wenceslas by The Oxford Trinity Choir

Christmases with Carla and Persis. A good reminder that life can be good.(for those not in the know, Carla and Persis are from Mighty and Despair, a Lives of Captain Jack audio)

66. You Are Enough by Sleeping At Last

Feeling like he is enough, those simple words can do so much. Helping Carla and Persis to see that they are enough, too.

67. Don’t Go by YUNGBLUD

Realizing that Persis is going to grow old, is growing old, not wanting her to go, not wanting her to leave him, almost not being able to handle how close they’re all getting.

68. Woke Up New by The Mountain Goats

The first time in decades, in thousands and thousands of years in a way, that he had woken up alone. It hurt, it fucking hurt, and he didn’t know what to do. Just… read all the lyrics to this. Please. IT FITS THIS SO WELL I’M GOING TO CRY. “What do I do without you”

69. You Are A Memory by Message To Bears

A slow, soft song about the fact that everyone he has ever lost is eventually nothing but a memory, and even that might fade.

70. MEMORIES by YUNGBLUD

Wanting to let go of the painful memories. Knowing every time he falls asleep he will wake up alone. “Cause when I said forever, I meant forever.”

71.  Yellow by Jodie Whittaker

Appreciation for mortal beings. Made of skin and bone, but they are so beautiful.

72. Welcome To The Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch

Jack Harkness is not happy yet, but he is way less sad.HIs life is a constant cycle of loving, losing, and learning to love again.

Being loud and proud about not being ashamed, not being afraid, not being ok. About everything that he is and is going to be.

73. Way Less Sad by AJR

[bavonlea]

I feel like this depends a lot on context bcuz if you're in a developed country and have enough money/health insurance to afford glasses and access to regular eye exams, having bad eyesight doesn't affect your life very much because you are able to access those resources. However if you're not able to get diagnosed or not able to get glasses or not able to go to a doctor regularly when your prescription changes it can absolutely be devastating to ur qol even if u have fully correctable vision.

As someone who did not have access to those things for a long time even though I am able to see in 20/20 if I get the right glasses, I absolutely could not just forget about glasses or live my life exactly like a person who doesn't need them. Even now, if I lose or break my glasses, I don't get a chance to get new ones until my insurance approves them which can take months, or I somehow save up over 100 dollars (because yes, even on the cheap online stores, my prescription strength + shipping means I need to spend that much). My eyesight is bad enough that I can't see the floor clearly without glasses and my depth perception is shot, meaning even walking around my house would be impacted. I wouldn't be able to get to work or do my job or cook food for myself because I cant see detail from more than 5 or 6 inches away. I'm absolutely not saying that I would be as affected as say, someone being unable to use their wheelchair. But I think you're downplaying how much having bad eyesight can affect people. I don't think it's the same as having perfect eyesight because you do still have to rely on an object that can be lost or damaged and takes time and money to acquire.

I think NEEDING glasses can absolutely be disabling, and as someone who is constantly aware that losing this piece of plastic and glass would mean potentially losing my job, needing to find someone to rely on for food and transportation for what could be months, and generally make life miserable, it feels like a slap in the face to tell me I have exactly the same life as someone with 20/20 vision just because I can see well if I put the glasses on.

I'm aware that most other disabilities have a much larger impact on people's lives, especially in places that have easy access to glasses and optometrists. But just because there are people who do have the ability to go to the eye doctor a couple times a year and then spend the rest of their lives not worrying about how their poor eyesight will affect them, it doesn't make the underlying condition any less disabling for the rest of us.

going to just... dissect the whole "glasses make me disabled" thing as someone who is moderately disabled and mildly visually impaired because it annoys me to death. I know this is going to be controversial but if you have vision that is fully corrected by glasses then you are not disabled by your vision nor are you visually impaired.

Visual impairment

let's begin with the definition of visual impairment according to several universities

"Vision impairment means that a person’s eyesight cannot be corrected to a “normal” level." - University of Pittsburgh Department of Opthamology

"‘Visual impairment’ (VI) is a term used to describe a loss of sight that cannot be corrected using lenses." - University of Oxford

the US EEOC also answers the question of whether all people who wear glasses are disabled:

"No, not everyone who wears glasses is an individual with a disability under the ADA. When deciding if an individual with a vision impairment who uses (or used, in the case of a past impairment) “ordinary eyeglasses or contact lenses” is an individual with an “actual” or “record of” a disability, the ADA directs that their impairment should be assessed as it is corrected by the lenses." - US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

visual impairment exists as a category for people with uncorrectable vision loss or other vision related conditions. most definitions of visual impairment also include eye movement disorders (e.g nystagmus) and other eye conditions that are not correctable but do not necessarily cause traditional vision loss. these are exceptions, but again, are not correctable with glasses.

if your vision is correctable with glasses it is not visual impairment. period. full stop.

Disability

there are two different ways you can look at disability and fully corrected vision fits neither:

the social model

the social model of disability looks at disability as it is caused by society's lack of access. let's start with a fact: 81% of adults wear some sort of corrective eyewear! that is the vast majority of people. people who wear glasses are just simply not facing structural barriers in the world because the world is built for people who wear glasses by people who wear glasses.

and, no, being bullied in the playground is not a form of structural disadvantage. children bully each other for any and every reason.

"but I can't drive without my glasses!"

I can't walk in hot concrete without shoes. that doesn't make shoes a disability aid nor does it make needing shoes a disability. plenty of things require something else to allow you to do something, that doesn't make needing those things a disability. not all forms of support for an action are disability aids.

the medical model

the medical model looks at disability through the lens of impairment. wearing glasses with fully corrected vision is not an impairment.

people often point to hearing aids and say "well deaf/hard of hearing people are disabled despite hearing aids!" and it makes it clear you have never worn hearing aids. disability aids do not correct they accommodate. glasses mean you get to see at 20/20 vision. hearing aids are imperfect accommodations. wheelchairs are imperfect accommodations. feeding tubes are imperfect accommodations. the list goes on.

glasses mean you get to live your life exactly how someone who doesn't wear glasses would. someone wearing hearing aids does not get that. a wheelchair user does not get that. etc. because those disability aids are something you have to live your life around. they define your day to day routine. the day to day routine with glasses is 1. wake up in the morning 2. put them on 3. take them off at night 4. possibly clean them somewhere in there. you get to forget about glasses. I do not get to forget about my hearing aids or FM system or crutches or wheelchair because they are ever present in my life.

* just a note: this post is not referring to people who wear glasses and don't have fully correctable vision

** OP wears glasses with a high prescription, his vision is just not fully correctable

[ragingbookdragon]

Question do you write for readers with hearing loss? Because i am quickly losing my hearing at a young age and I'm in desperate need of a comfort fic.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about that. I tried to make a good fic for you. I know losing your hearing is definitely scary, but know there are many options to help you keep living a fulfilling life, like learning sign language, implants, or vibration sensation/therapy. And also know that there are always people willing to help you. -Thorne

**********************************************************************

It wasn’t immediate, the act of loosing their hearing. It had been subtle, a growth. A tingle in their throat that seemed to be a cold that just wouldn’t go away, traveling up their sinuses and to their ears. The popping and lack of that started to suppress ability. Their family was worried, they knew that. Knew it in the worried looks during the doctor’s office or in the way their family watched them strain to hear even a normal speaking voice. All signs pointed for total loss, they knew that too. And they were scared—who wouldn’t be when something that’s been relied on for life suddenly disappears? What was this going to mean for their vigilante career? What was this going to mean for their life? For the rest of it?

***

They’d stopped going patrolling when the hearing loss reached fifty percent in both ears. Their father had explained it as best he could that without the hearing, they could possibly get hurt. It’d stung, more than they’d wanted to admit, but at the same time, they understood. Instead, they hung around the Batcave and helped Alfred when they could, fixing suits and weapons, doing things that they still believed made them useful.

Someone tapped their shoulder and they turned, seeing Dick smiling at them. “Hey kiddo.”

They could still read lips, but it’d taken hours of practice to do so; thankfully, their siblings spoke a bit slower and more pronounced for them to understand. “Hello,” they replied, unsure if they were being loud or soft.

“We’ve got something to show you,” he said. “Or dad does.”

They let Dick lead them over to where Bruce was standing with Tim, the two talking back and forth, a headset between them that looked awfully familiar to their mask. Bruce looked up as they came over. “Hey sweetheart.” He held the device out to them. “I want you to put this on.”

It was going to cover their eyes, the main way they could still ‘hear’. “I won’t be able to see you?” they murmured, a bit hurt and he merely shook his head.

“It’s okay. Trust me.”

With furrowed brows and doubt, they took the mask and slipped it on over their head. “What now?” they asked when all they could see was their family.

Suddenly the mask vibrated, and a blue marker ticked in the corner of their mask with the warning, Multiple persons detected behind. They recoiled, spinning around to see Dick and Damian standing there.

“What…what is this?” they asked.

Someone took the mask off, or at least pushed it up so they could see; Bruce held up their gauntlet from their suit. “We’ve spent the last few months integrating an echo-locating AI into your suit.” He tapped the mask. “The AI is new, but so far it’s primary designation is to be your ears.”

They blinked, pushing the mask down again. “Hello?”

The bright blue words illuminated in the corner. Hello Mx. Wayne. I am Echo-locating Intelligent Operational Transformer. Or as your family has dubbed me, “ELIOT”.

They blinked. “Eliot.”

Yes Mx. Wayne. How can I assist you?

Their eyes found their father’s. “How is this supposed to help me?”

“Eliot will watch and listen to things that you can’t see and hear and will relay it to you in your mask.”

They blinked. “So…I can still be a vigilante even if I’m deaf?”

Correct. Eliot sent. I will be your eyes and ears when you are in the field.

“But what about when I’m not in the field. What about when I’m here? Or out as a civilian?”

Mr. Wayne has thought of that solution too.

Bruce pulled up the mask and handed them an inconspicuous pair of black framed glasses with clear lenses. “Here. Put these on.”

They did, mouth forming an ‘oh’ as the world turned a cool tone.

Hello again, Mx. Wayne. I will be here to assist you when you are a civilian. As of now, your siblings are standing behind you.

They looked back and sure enough, all their brothers and sisters were there. Tears flooded their vision and they sniffed, looking down at their feet. “I didn’t know you were doing this for me.”

Bruce took their chin, lifting their head. “I know it’s been hard this past year losing your hearing and I know you’ve been scared and feeling broken. But let me tell you that you’re not.” He smiled. “You’re working so hard to learn ASL and bolster your sight and other senses.”

He held up the mask then nodded to the glasses. “Eliot is going to help out, but never forget that it’s you who’s gotten this far, sweetheart.”

Teary eyed, they threw themselves at their father, squeezing him tightly, and before their siblings even joined in the hug, Eliot said, Your siblings are converging to include themselves in this share of human affection.

[thatjayjustice]

Your Life Has Value Beyond Measure: Disability and Poverty In the United States

This is a story about why it’s so important to get medical help, even if you can’t afford it. It is so hard to break the habit of ignoring our own pain because poverty won’t let us get help. Because we have to.

The number one killer in the US isn’t heart disease. It’s capitalism.

I have been permanently disabled and chronically ill since I was a child. I live with severe chronic pain and debilitating damage in my entire body. I am also on SSDI, which means that I am not allowed to earn more than $15k a year or I lose my disability insurance. This makes medical care unaffordable.

The combination of extreme, constant pain & the knowledge that healthcare is unattainable, leads to not getting help until it is too late. It is a trap that has taken countless lives. People who deserved to live but were told that healthcare was only for the privileged. Not us.

Because I couldn’t afford treatment, I didn’t try after the first huge medical bill. I ignored headaches, vision & hearing loss, & periodic paralysis. I crowdfunded a wheelchair. I tried my best to survive. And then I fell in love with someone who forced me to get an eye exam.

I moved in with my girlfriend. She immediately noticed how massive the fonts on my pc are & asked if I had ever considered glasses. I hadn’t, because that involved going to the doctor and that was for rich people. She would not take no for an answer. So off to the doctor I went.

The first doctor I saw was alarmed at the amount of nerve damage in my eyes and referred me to a colleague. The second doctor I saw was very alarmed at the massive amount of swelling in my eyes and brain, as well as nerve damage & asked how quickly I could get to a top neuro-ophthalmologist he knew.

I knew this would be expensive, but I was now being told that there was a very high risk for stroke, blindness, and/or death, so away we went. We were at the hospital for over 24 consecutive hours. My eyes were dilated twice because the dilation wore off before they could finish all the tests. So many tests.

The neurology team discovered that I had over 4x the amount of pressure on my brain that a person is supposed to have, & they did their best to relieve it. The cause is still unknown. I have been prescribed medication to treat the condition, but the optic nerve damage is permanent. My eyesight will not improve.

The doctors say that if I had not gotten treatment when I did, I could have died. Without ongoing treatment, I am still at risk of dying. I have to be extremely diligent with my new medication to prevent this. Medicare refused to cover it so I had to pay out of pocket. 1 month of the generic version of the prescribed medicine costs $260. That is over 1/3 of my SSDI check.

I have several more medical follow-up apps & neurological procedures and all of this is mandatory for my survival but costs more money than I am legally allowed to earn. The US Government’s mandate to permanently tie disability status to income limits is killing disabled people.

Millions of people are living with the uncertainty of inadequate healthcare coupled with inescapable mandated poverty. Medical care shouldn’t be a privilege. It should be free. Instead, it’s denied to those who need it most & gatekept behind a paywall thousands of dollars high.

All of this is why I avoided treatment for over 20 years until it was clear that I had no choice. Regardless of your ability to pay, you deserve to live. Poverty is not a moral failing. Your life has value beyond measure. If you are in pain, please get help before it’s too late. Medium article for this post: https://jayjustice.medium.com/your-life-has-value-beyond If this post helped you and/or you'd like to support my work: jayjustice.net gofundme.com/justice-on-wheels http://www.patreon.com/ThatJayJustice http://www.ko-fi.com/thatjayjustice https://www.venmo.com/ThatJayJustice https://cash.me/$ThatJayJustice

[ghostbustermelanieking]

i'd like to hear some headcanons for your "georgie can see dead people" au! :0

oh thank you so much!! this is probably going to be a little messy, since i haven't actually started the fic, but!! here is something!! :) (also i am so sorry for all the sixth sense references. the actual fic will undoubtedly be worse.)

1. So the basic premise of this AU is that the end result of Georgie's encounter with the End is that, instead of losing her ability to feel fear, she gains the ability to see the dead. Everything goes the same otherwise: the protest, Alex, the dead woman, Georgie waking up days later at home, the months of strangeness and unfeeling. The difference is that when Georgie wakes up, she can see the dead woman, too. Never too close—only in corners, behind doors, in the window. And never always, but only in the moments that feel crucial. The moments where she's searching for something of herself. Her mother hugs her and she sees the dead woman over her mother's shoulder. 

Georgie sees Alex, too, sometimes. Closer and more head on; she is always looking back. But she never speaks, and neither does the dead woman from the room. It isn't until she begins to see other ghosts that she realizes they can talk, if they want to. If they choose. 

(Six months later is when Georgie figures out how to lock the dead woman out. She stops seeing Alex shortly after, except on occasion. Sometimes she'll see a flash of those familiar eyes in the mirror, over her shoulder, and they always seem to be apologetic. But Alex still never says anything. Georgie gets good at pretending that this doesn't hurt nearly as much as losing her.)

2. Jon is the first one that Georgie almost tells. Almost. They're honest with each other in a way that Georgie usually isn't, when they first meet, and she almost thinks he'd believe her. They talk about ghost stories all the time. 

She mostly thinks about it when she sees Jon's ghosts. It isn't often but she sees them. He'll talk about what little he remembers of his parents, or pull out some old, faded pictures, and she'll see the faces reflected in the kitchen, the bathroom mirror, Jon's bedroom. He never talks about the apparition of a strange teenager that appears, once, when they both wake up sweaty from frantic nightmares and he refuses to explain, and Georgie doesn't press. He doesn't tell her about Mr. Spider and she doesn't tell him about the ghosts. Much as they love each other, they do still have secrets. 

Georgie goes to his grandmother's funeral years later, even though they're barely talking at this point, and almost tells him then. Seeing him stand mostly alone at the grave, looking monumentally alone, and then a flicker of his grandmother behind him—she almost does. But still she doesn't. She's never told anyone before, and she and Jon aren't really in touch, so she just hugs him and tells him she's so sorry, and doesn't meet the eyes of the woman watching behind the fresh grave. 

3. Melanie is another person Georgie almost tells. They still meet through their connections—Ghost Hunt UK, What the Ghost, and Georgie's power is (probably unsurprisingly) very useful for the paranormal podcast business. (All her episodes aren't pulled from real life, from her own experiences—that would be irresponsible, and there's more clout in retelling familiar stories. But sometimes when Georgie runs out of episode ideas, she'll visit a spooky place, write down what she sees, do a deep dive on the history, and fill in the gaps by attributing her sightings to "unnamed" witnesses.) She's met a lot of people in the ghost hunting business, but Melanie stands out, because they hit it off so immediately. Start hanging out outside of work drinks, at parties or pubs or research stints. Melanie starts inviting Georgie to consult on the show, or to collaborate, and Georgie uses what she sees to point Melanie and her team towards real sightings. Why not? Might as well have the horrible power be useful for something. Haley Joel Osment solved his problem by helping people, and this isn't the same at all (and that's a movie, anyways), but it is something. 

So she and Melanie become fast friends, faster than Georgie is used to, and Georgie genuinely thinks about telling her. She trusts her, and she doesn't think Melanie would laugh, or call her a liar. (Melanie's got stories about not being believed, too; it's common in the paranormal business.) She thinks Melanie might be the right person, maybe. Just maybe. 

(She doesn't end up doing it. She's still a coward when it comes to that. But it isn't because she isn't tempted.)

(The idea to tell Melanie comes before she starts seeing Melanie's father. But that fact doesn't help her decision, either. In quiet moments with Melanie, Georgie starts seeing the man in Melanie's framed photos in the shadows, looking at Melanie with sad eyes, calling her little moth. But Melanie can still barely talk about her dad, and the accident, and it feels even more wrong after he starts showing up, to tell her. Georgie worries Melanie might think she's making fun, or making something up to make her feel better, and she doesn't see this going well.

Instead she says, sometimes, I know your dad loved you a lot. Melanie says, Yeah, I know, too. Georgie says, And I bet he misses you, even though it isn't a bet; she knows. But she can't tell Melanie, and that's as far as it can go.) 

4. The most significant time Georgie wants to tell Melanie, but doesn't, is the one she'll end up regretting the most in the end. When Melanie gets out of the hospital, first, and then when she comes back from India; when Georgie is basically the only friend Melanie has left from her old life, and therefore is probably the person Melanie goes to the most. The person Melanie confides in. 

So Georgie is there to see it all. She'll be sitting across from Melanie in a pub, or beside her on the couch; she'll brush Melanie's hand with hers, or their knees will knock together, and Georgie will see flashes of blood, violence. Hear screaming. She'll see haunted faces out of the corner of her eyes: soldiers, doctors. Muzzles of guns. Once, a stained hand gripping Melanie around the leg. 

She'll regret it, later, but Georgie doesn't say anything; she doesn't know what to say. She's never seen anything like this, even with over a decade of seeing ghosts. How is she supposed to explain it? She doesn't really know what it means. Melanie talks about war ghosts, and Georgie listens, and she rationalizes that Melanie will have to be okay. (She was okay, when it was her, and if—if this is something serious, something worse, than… then Georgie will be there. Melanie will have someone who understands.) 

5. One night in February of 2018, Jon shows up back in Georgie's life, looking shell-shocked on her doorstep. He stands in the hall looking mildly terrified, when Georgie opens the door, and behind him stands a dead woman, looking desperate and furious all at once. 

"Georgie," Jon says weakly. "I-I know it's been a while, but…" 

"Jon! Christ, what happened to you? Are you all right?" Georgie says, trying to take in Jon and the dead woman all at once. (She is new—Jon must have had someone else close to him die.) She focuses on Jon, puts a hand on his shoulder. "Are you hurt?"

"I… I'm fine." Jon's hands twist in front of him. "I… didn't know where else to go."

Georgie swallows hard and says, "Are you in trouble?" The dead woman is looking right at her. Georgie keeps looking at Jon. 

"I… yes." Jon chews on his lower lip. "If… I know it's a lot to ask, b-but I… could I… possibly stay here for a little while?"

Georgie swallows hard. She has a dozen questions—what's happened, why he needs somewhere to stay, why he looks like this—he looks like he's been through emotional turmoil, through hell—and worse, why a dead woman has followed him here. But she doesn't know how to ask these questions. And she can't just turn him away. Jon helped her heal during one of the worst periods of her life, even if he doesn't know it. And she can do the same. 

"Yeah," Georgie says, and leans forward to pull Jon into a hug—tentative at first, and then stronger, when Jon latches on like he needs it. "Y-yeah, Jon, of course."

Jon rambles out a frantic thank you, layered in with apologies and copious promises to pay rent, but it becomes harder to listen. Right over Jon's shoulder, the dead woman is staring right at her, her mouth hanging open. She's got long hair and glasses, and she looks exhausted, and it isn't immediately obvious how she has died, which is unusual. And she's looking right at Georgie. She says, suddenly, "Can you—can you see me?"

It isn't the first time a ghost has spoken to her, but it's a rare enough occasion to be shocking. Her throat is thick with surprise, and she can't say anything in front of Jon, so she just sort of imperceptibly nods. Holds the dead woman's gaze for a moment. 

"Fuck," says the dead woman. "Thank—thank god, thank Christ, I…" She pauses and looks at Jon, then back at Georgie, still numbly hugging Jon there in the hall. "My name is Sasha," she says, and Georgie thinks of the scene in The Sixth Sense where the sick little girl under the blanket asks for help. "Can you… can you help me?"

(send me an au and i'll give you 5+ headcanons)

[jamiebluewind]

I really empathize with this, and not in the ways you'd probably think.

When I was a kid and teen, gay people made me feel uncomfortable, so I said a lot of dumb stuff. Didn't discover trans was a thing until my mid 20s and didn't find out about nonbinary until I was 30. Other kids thought that I was weird, so I never really had close friends, much less friends or family that accepted me. I was sick a lot. At one point, a doctor told me I should make plans for my funeral because I was losing any ability to use my left side and communicate.

I was in my mid 20s when I got diagnosed with severe hemiplegic migraines and got on meds that helped. Later, I was approved for disability.

I came out as bi in my late 20s and discovered I was gender fluid at 30 (it took another year to find the word).

In my late 20s and early 30s, I would find the people that would become my closest friends. They were on sites like Dragon Cave, Sims 3 forum, and Tumblr. When I broke my radius and ulna (forearm bones), it was them that checked on me and even flew down (while my family only insulted or ignored me). I realized that the people that ACTUALLY cared about me lived a few states away (actually near each other), so a year (and a lot of panic attacks and bullying from my family) later, I moved to be close to them.

I had a panic attack a few months after moving. I was in my best friend's kitchen (the one from Dragon Cave). That's where her parents found out what I had been through (she hadn't told them anything because it wasn't hers to tell) and decided then and there that they would be my family (now they're Mom and Dad). I was sent to a good psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADHD, generalized anxiety, major depressive disorder, a panic attack disorder, and PTSD (recently also tested for autism) and put me on meds that would help. I also tried several therapists and a few programs, my new family supporting me the whole way. I also discovered I was nearsited and had a double astigmatism and floppy eyelid syndrome, so I got glasses (I also sleep with my eyes taped now so they dont get irritated anymore!). Meanwhile, my birth family stopped talking to me (which turned out to be a good thing) because I came out (my new family was nothing but supportive).

My best friend (from Sims 3 forum) got married and had a family. Her boys became my nephews and she introduced me as her sibling.

I got my own place with other my best friend (from Dragon Cave/daughter of mom) and it's honestly been great. I got approved for aide services too, so I get the help I need now.

In my mid 30s, a migraine abortive was FINALLY invented that worked on me (before that I only had maintenance meds so a lot of days laid up in bed), helping me to have more independence and less sick days. Then, I found out one of my friends from Tumblr was in a bad home situation. I told Mom and bestie and together we all got her out and moved her here. She's happy now and lives with mom and dad while she goes to college (there's a running joke that mom adopting more kids is just a thing now). She spends weekends at my house doing homework, practicing ASL, and playing/cursing at video games (she's currently beside me muttering Italian curses at Elden Ring XD). Honestly I can't imagine not having her here now.

So... yeah. I empathize with Bodh on multiple levels. Also, I know what it's like to be safe and happy and loved now. It's a hell of a thing.

A letter to my younger self (with a blocked nose so breathing is hard)

[mercy-burning]

Losing You Twice / Prologue: Silence

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: On New Year’s Day, Y/N attempts a new chapter of her life but finds it may be harder than she thought... Category: Angst Content Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, implied masturbation (female) Word Count: 1,343

SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

NOTE: AHHHH the prologue is finally out!! I’m so excited to start sharing this story with you guys, I adore this album with my whole heart and I just knew I had to use it as inspiration for a fic. I hope you all enjoy reading it!!

***

“I know that I should let go, should be letting you go. Can’t postpone it, not anymore, when I know what I already know: What I need is silence. All I need is time and space and silence. Cut communication ‘cause I’m trying to learn that I can lose you and survive it.” —FLETCHER, Silence

JANUARY 1st

Even though the snow outside was falling rather heavily, Y/N left the window open, a bitter chill drafting through her bedroom and settling into every nook and cranny, which included the closet where she was currently sitting on the floor, a glass of wine in hand and pictures laid neatly across the wood.

As her eyes grazed over every scrap of paper, mostly polaroid photos and little hand-written notes he'd left her over the years, the constant ticking of the clock back in her bedroom wouldn't stop.

Realistically it was probably the wine, enhancing her ability to focus on nothing else except the most menial, annoying little things. But she was thoroughly (and maybe a little drunkenly) convinced it was actually Time itself, taunting her— every constant click of the clock screaming at her as if to say, "You! Fucked! Up! He! Hates! You! Now! You're! Pathetic!"

The happy memories scattered about in front of her certainly didn't help. His face kept staring back at her, each lovesick gaze spewing even harsher words than the clock. Just by seeing his face glinting back at her under the harsh white light of the closet, all she could hear in her head above the noise was that one single sentence that's haunted her since Christmas.

"You don't actually give a shit about me, Y/N, you only ever care about yourself, and it's been that way ever since I met you!"

No matter how greatly she professed to him that that wasn't true, he walked out on her all the same, not giving her a chance to explain further. Though, he always took the time to listen to her, so his words coupled with the slamming of the door landed her with the impression that maybe she'd only said it in her head.

After all, she was half drunk on tequila at the time, the other half of her mind swimming with sadness and regret.

Maybe she hadn't fought for him to stay like she thought... Or maybe at this point he was simply done trying to make it work, done with hearing her half-assed promises to get better at communicating, and done with her...

It bothered her immensely that she didn't know.

And when he wouldn't even pick up the phone to answer when she wanted to ask, when she texted him and each one went promptly ignored, she felt like the answer was finally clear.

Now it was New Year's Day, just about ten minutes past midnight after Y/N opened the window, poured herself a glass of wine, and started sorting through everything in the closet. She'd went in with the intention of starting anew, like practically everyone did during the New Year. Though the longer she sat there, sipping the wine and staring back at pictures and notes that only reminded her of the one good thing she'd ever known and inadvertently thrown away, the experience was less cleansing and more daunting.

Everything was loud.

The click of the clock, and the howling of the wind outside as it blew snowflakes around in a near-blizzard, and the constant screaming of every word she wished she'd said before he left...

It was all too much.

So Y/N downed the rest of her wine, threw all the pictures and notes back in their box, and shoved it deep in the back where the memories couldn't hurt her anymore, at least in theory.

But as she crawled into bed, the clock now sitting in the kitchen with no batteries, she was reminded that there was one form of memory that she couldn't shove in a closet and hide away.

She drifted off, the sharp chill from the winter wind still lingering on her skin even after the window had been shut and she'd bundled herself up under the covers.

Even in dreams, it transported her to the night before Christmas, when she walked with him across town, looking at all the lights and finding themselves underneath a large tree. He took her gloved hand and placed it firmly on his chest as she looked up at him, snowflakes sticking to her eyelashes. She admired how pretty he was surrounded by white snow and colorful lights, his cheeks and nose painted a soft pink from the cold.

"I love you, Y/N," he said with every intention of hearing her say it back.

But for some reason, she didn't. Instead, she leaned up and kissed him, hard, nearly knocking him to the ground. And even though she was happy and warm, it was the first time she thought she'd ever felt him not kiss her back with the same fervor.

That should have been her first clue that things were going to decline, but she was so caught up in the feel of his lips against hers, no matter how distant they were, that she couldn't really bring herself to care. After all, it was Christmas Eve, and nothing bad could ever happen to their relationship during the happiest time of the year...

But this was a dream, and now Y/N knew better. She stood there, watching the scene unfold in front of her, screaming for herself to say it back, to yell, "I love you too, Spencer!"

But again, this was a dream— No matter how loudly Y/N yelled at her former self, nothing would change what happened in the past.

She woke up the next morning, cold and alone, and surrounded in silence. Not even the soft clicking of the clock was there to keep her company.

But that's what she wanted in the first place, and if she was ever going to get through this—to move on with her life without him at her side—then she was going to have to get used to it.

And so her phone sat nicely on her bedside table as she grabbed a random selection of clothes and headed to the shower. Maybe the water would wash away some more of the major remnants of his being from her body. Maybe she finally wouldn't be able to feel the ghost of his hands roaming her skin and tangling in her hair...

It worked for almost the whole day, and then she laid back in bed that night, her hand dipped beneath her underwear and eyes closed tightly. She hadn't meant for him to creep into her mind, but it made sense that it would have happened eventually— When your relationship with someone was built almost solely on sex, it seemed inevitable.

No one else had made her feel the way he did... He took such care and precision with her body, drew out every possible second of pleasure until she was out of her mind, and in turn she showered him with praise and loud shouts of his name. Spencer... Spencer!

"Spencer!"

She opened her eyes, hand retreating from her body as quickly as possible as she tried to blink away his image. Her breathing steadied, though a long, exhausted sigh fell from her lips almost as easily as his name.

It obviously wasn't going to be easy, but damn it if she didn't want to give up already and find him the way she always did after a fight.

This wasn't just a fight, though. And as she laid in bed, her thumb hovering over his name in her phone, something stirred in her chest that signaled a bad idea. Not that bad ideas ever stopped her before... But now?

It didn't feel right.

Nothing about any of this felt right. And she didn't know what to do about it other than shutting the phone off and tossing it to the side, snapping her eyes shut and huffing like a child while she tried not to cry.

Plain and simple, heartbreak was brutal. Especially when you were the one to blame.

And that sentiment was the sharp twist of the knife in Y/N's gut, plaguing her as she willed herself to fall asleep.

“It’s like a crutch, see if you’re up. 4am but I like a rush, so I’ll go into your bed, my safety net. Cheaper than a therapy vent, yeah, I know...”

***

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I’m tagging my permanent taglist in this prologue only, so if you want to be notified when I post more from this series, send me a message or leave me a comment, and I’ll add you! Thank you :)

[ashacadence]

Part of the difficulties I have with just design in general being “okay how can I make this character mine and not accidentally or unintentionally look like someone else’s” but it’s just a forever spiral of ‘everything has been done more or less.’ It’s gunna look like something to someone at some point. Nothing can be done other than just having your own style and differences/nuances to go “ya that’s mine.” Plus just always nice to see people coming together with similar ideas and talking to one another and gushing over similar interests. But as far as design I try to picture them by face first then down. From how do they smile to their personality or vibe I want to portray. From there it’s about body then potential abilities/skills/career whathaveyou then build up a mini background then expand. Sometimes a world is created around them or they are just another addition to something I’ve already made. Sometimes I get a head of myself and think of too many things at once and I need to do better at writing them down rather than keeping it in my head and eventually losing it. XD the hazards of memory.

It would have to be Vivienne. I love vivienne. She’s that nice brain rot I can fall back on and indulge in different alternate universes while main bigger main stories and hers are taking a back burner. It’s just nice to have a very freestyle and adaptive character to bounce around with.

My most difficult character to draw or write would maybe have to be Alraeon. He’s got a vocab list and the brains that I don’t have and imagined him having.

Art or talking to friends to splurge ideas with or listen and also media usually to like movies or games usually help light a fire in me to do stuff.

Dr. Lancet, he is a doctor that runs his own clinic in the lower ends of the city with affordable services for those in need and living in poverty. I created him maybe two or three years ago. He was actually an adopt and his design was a bit different. He has a glass like faceplate and slightly different structure and color placement but still same palette.

6. Lancet usually goes thru difficult decisions as a medic/nurse and doctor all in one from how to save a person’s life from human to alien to running his own business and even having interpersonal relations with some unsavory patients that test his patience too. He’s got his own baggage and sins but he is rather blunt with a soft heart at least even if he tries to hide it under a reserved mask. Hard to express without a face but words and hand gestures do get his points across. But he will face difficult things unflinchingly and just soldier through them like a chore.

7. Either his face or his legs. He sounds like a horse coming down some hallways with the way his feet are shaped. Lol

8. I want him perceived as not only as a caring individual who does good work but someone who has some demons that he can’t face alone. For all the help he does he tries to mask a lot of his pain and self hatred. He’s not a very sharing guy.

9. Well 8 kind of answered that but I would say his lack of openness and maybe a bit of a control freak about his business and the way some operations are done since he was programmed to do things a certain way. He is capable of learning a new method by research or on the fly from someone too. He may argue with the latter throughout on effectiveness but if it works it works then it’s just added to his options list.

10. What would be your oc’s favorite ice cream?

-dr. Lancet can’t eat ice cream but if he did he’d probably like vanilla.

I tag: @squigglysquidd @wafflesrock16 @dexianylilia @cold-neon-ocean @generation1point5 @relay314

Anyone else is more than welcome to partake if I haven’t tagged you.

Thought I’d try a little something but also just answer or reblog and/or store and such. Thought I’d start a oc questionnaire and world building train.

What are some difficulties you had/have when coming up with designs and lore for your character vs now that you find yourself may or may not be struggling on? Could be personality to design traits/style to progression in story. Anything.

Favorite junk food oc of yours you like to indulge in. Why?

Least favorite/most difficult?

What gets your creativity juices bubbling?

Introduce an oc. How and when were they created?

If said oc above was given a difficult situation how do they handle it?

What’s the most notable feature about your oc?

How would you like your oc to be perceived?

What’s a flaw of theirs?

And finally…just tag people. And come up with a random number ten question.

That’s the skeleton above.