#im rewatching the show after years from the first time i watch it

[niallsecretlove]

BOYFRIENDS

[chewwytwee]

okay i just watched alien for the first time and like... idk it wasnt really my kinda horror movie :/. I can def see why its super iconic like the music was amazing and the directing was SUPER good, but like as a horror movie itssss ehhhhh, the alien looks kinda goofy and all the scenes with it except for the last few maybe are shot really poorly. It's a great movie and an okay horror 7/10

[stars444hearts]

big reputation || 2

caitlin clark x actress! reader masterlist - prev - next warnings: none

caitlin_clark22

Liked by kate_martin03, yn_ln, and 820,508 others

caitlin_clark22 by the grace of whatever’s up there 🙏🙏🙏 Tagged: kate_martin03

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kate_martin03 caption’s tuff →caitlin_clark22 enough. 

user1 WAIT IS IT A NOD TO Y/N’S TWEET →user2 its def not they don’t even know each other →user3 NO Y/N LIKED THE POST

—

Y/n smiled as she read through Caitlin’s comments. After the eye-opening conversation she had with Kate last night, Y/n had become more open to the idea. 

She also thought the caption was cute. 

Y/n groaned as her stomach grumbled. She placed her phone on her bed, stood up, cracked her spine, and walked into her kitchen. 

Y/n decided to make something easy, then sit on her couch and binge-watch crappy reality tv. This was her first week off in months and she would spend it rotting in her living room like every normal 21-year-old. 

Y/n couldn’t tell you the number of below-deck episodes she had binge-watched, but by the time she finished, the sun was down and the crickets were chirping. She begrudgingly stalked back to her bedroom, changing into her pajamas and throwing herself down on her bed. 

She picked up her phone, only to drop it a second later in shock. 

[yn_ln]  Caitlin Clark                            4h ago sent you a message

—

Caitlin, on the other hand, was freaking out. She had never even spoken to Y/n before, but Kate had convinced her to DM her. 

Caitlin probably typed and retyped her DM 50 times before settling on a ‘hey !’

Caitlin groaned and shoved her phone down after finally hitting send. She couldn’t help but picking up her phone every ten seconds to see if Y/n had opened or responded to her DM. 

After 10 minutes, Caitlin had eventually given up hope of a response and sighed, turning off her phone and putting her head in her hands. 

Caitlin buisied herself by ordering doordash and sitting on her couch, rewatching film her coaches gave her to look over. She lost track of time and found herself mindlessly picking at her fingers, only coming to when she realized it was past midnight. ]

She groaned as she stood up from the couch, attempting to rub the sleep from her eyes. Caitlin walked into her bedroom as she sat on her bed. She picked up her phone and almost threw it when she saw her most recent notification. 

[caitlin_clark22] Yn Ln                            20m ago sent you a message

— 

Caitlin  hey !

Y/n hey yourself sorry for leaving you on delivered i was binge-watching below deck

Caitlin which one?

Y/n mediterranean, duh

Caitlin good. That's the best one Yn liked this message

Y/n so, i’m assuming kate told  you to dm me?

Caitlin well, to be honest, i had kinda been wanting to ever since i met you on facetime with kate. 

Y/n brother that was 6 months ago 💀

Caitlin LEAVE ME ALONE, OK i'm just a girl

Y/n SO REAL whenever people tell me im doing  something wrong i get so annoyed  like im just a girl that curb shouldn’t have been there 😠

Caitlin LMFAOO Anyways, yeah, kate finally bullied me into texting my celebrity crush who she just  happens to be best friends with

Y/n 🤨🤨 is that all i am to you?? a pretty face?

Caitlin NO NO I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT I SWEAR

Y/n LMFAOO im just fucking with you anyways, going back to that… celebrity crush, you say? 🤨😏

Caitlin 😶 moving on…

Y/n no, no i wanna know

Caitlin umm… basically i’ve just been really obsessed with your show lately and kate told me i should shoot my shot but im now realizing maybe i should save that for the court

Y/n LMFAOO nah, kate was right she showed you my tweet, right?

Caitlin yeah, why?

Y/n because i wasn’t kidding. 

[spif-lol]

Reasons why the simpsons hit and run stream is jerma's best stream

it's ELEVEN HOURS LONG

you get to witness his slow descent into madness as he insists on playing the whole game in one sitting

I can watch it when i replay the game, would recommend makes it way more enjoyable

he spends too much time doing really bad impressions trying to copy voice lines for the game and yelling "HIRE ME IM AVAILABLE"

He decides to confess half an hour in that he knows nothing about the simpsons and has only seen like one or two episodes

this is ten minutes after he references a specific episode, and then proceeds to get told off for 'spoiling' an episode of the simpsons (from like 1995) by chat

Chat also somehow manages to convince him that ten year old boy Bart Simpson's famous catchphrase from everyone's favourite family animated tv show is 'eat ass'

In general it switches between him refusing to believe things people tell him about the game despite being true and falling for obvious lies

he starts the game going 'lol wouldnt it be funny if you could run over simpsons characters' and then jokingly drives towards civillians thinking they'll jump out of the way. they go flying. he is so confused

the dissonance between early and later parts of the stream are palpable. It turns from a cheerful and lighthearted exploration of a funny simpsons game that he refuses to take seriously or accept that it could genuinely make him angry, and transforms into a desperate race against time, his computer and his own hubris as he seeks simply to finish the game so he can sleep. This stream destroys him.

the way the stream highlights are named on his youtube is hilarious. "Jerma will not get angry at the simpson's hit and run" -> "Jerma might get a bit angry at the simpson's hit and run" -> "d'oh"

it's extremely funny how many time he's convinced he's in the last level of the game, only to be wrong. the first time he thinks that is in the first section and hour of the stream

easily his most rewatchable stream (this is gonna cover a lot of dot points)

the amount of tragic irony and foreshadowing in this stream is almost cinematic.

at the very start of the game he complains about the music being too loud and monologues about sounds and over stimulation of game music bothers him, which of course will be very funny in the finale

he also comments a few time at the start about how annoying homer's random voice lines are, and says 'oh god he's gonna repeat that a thousand times before the end of this game'. he's right, and it nearly drives him crazy by the final mission

speaking of the final mission(s), the second time he has to transport the toxic sludge from power plant to the school he like pauses the game and very seriously addresses chat like 'alright tell me right now are the next three levels also me driving the nuclear waste to the school that cant be possible right'. and then just accepting in defeat that that is in fact how this incredibly stupid and difficult children's game finishes

when he first races against the malibu stacy car and gets destroyed he gets mad and says he wishes he could drive that car. then when he gets to drive it in later levels he quickly decides its his favourite and maintains that until the end of the game

on rewatch... you hear him audibly crack open a can that chat demands he prove to them is soft drink and not alcohol like A WHOLE HOUR before The Incident and it's a little like watching a disaster movie where you see the characters laughing and having fun little knowing how they are being hastened towards their own doom... like chat keeps bugging him about it, he keeps making excuses, he keeps sipping the drink. they bring attention to it so much and you listen to it just knowing the pain that is yet to come. dramatic irony at its finest and most heartache inducing

15. ohmyfucking gaaaawd no! no... god... ICANDOITINAJUMP! ..... BART. WHERE IS HE??? BAAART!!!! AAAUUGH

16. actually fr there's a lot of memorable jerma lines in this stream, rewatching it is like watching a jerma funny moment compilation

17. the final couple of levels where he is getting steadily more overwhelmed to the point of ferality, and then he says he has an idea and goes to the sound menu and turns everything off. voice lines. music. sound effects. and then we watch him play the level in complete silence. and it actually helps him focus its really funny

18. the whole tragic sequence where he is in the FINAL LEVEL. he has played it so many times and just missed it by a few seconds. he is tired. he is hungry. he just wants to get off stream and eat a BURGER. he is focussing as hard as he can. he is almost there. he runs over too many things and the police are after him. but its okay. he's doing it! he's gonna make it!!! he gets to the school with time to spare and is sucked up into the end of the game beam. it's over. except then the police get sucked into the beam as well. he gets arrested in the beam. which teleports him and the car out of the beam. WHICH MEANS THE TIMER RUNS OUT AND HE LOSES. so he has to do it all over again. it's actually so so so funny and also something i think i personally wouldn't survive if i was in jerma's position in that moment

19. okay we have to talk about The Incident. bc i already alluded to it and bc like, i couldn't not talk about it. as stated above Jerma cracks open a can so you can hear it and chat immediately accuses him of being an alcoholic. he adamantly insists that it is a soft drink not a beer but they refuse to believe him unless he proves it by showing camera. he's playing on a modded ps2 pc port or whatever of the simpsons so it's a complicated setup and he explains that it would be too hard and also he's shirtless so they will just have to believe without seeing. chat continues to harass him while he goes on to play the game, specifically most of the lisa level. he laughs it off but eventually caves, gets up and get a blanket to cover himself and then alt tabs, holds his can up to the camera and says 'alright you satisfied? that might have just fucked up the game'. so then he tries to tab back into the game and it. crashes. hard. so hard that the game won't actually turn back on. so jerma's cursing and fiddling with the controls and saying its over. then it finally reboots and the game works and he's so relieved and it loads and he realises that he has lost SO MUCH PROGRESS. he's back at the start of the lisa section. this is truly the turning point of the game where it goes from being a fun experience to a nightmare gauntlet

20. on a related note: jerma waiting with bated breath *sound of simpsons game booting back up after refusing to for far too long* jerma: yeeeAAAAAH

21. im watching it right now as i replay, which is why im thinking about it obv. so i will almost certainly have more to add to this

[momoliee]

Here Is Why You Should Read Priest’s Modern Danmeis :

As much as i love priest’s period novels, i absolutely adore her more recent, modern novels even more. You can tell that her writing style has completely changed as she grew and gained more experience, giving an edge to her work. I definitely believe her modern books NEED to be as popular as her wuxia ones cause COME ON?

(i’ve written in depth reviews on my page for each title i mention)

First, my absolute all time favorite, one of my top 3, Mo Du :

I’ve read this series a total of two times so far, and I’m about to read it a third time cause it’s just that good. And here’s the thing, i almost NEVER reread or rewatch stuff ok.

Fei Du is one of the most complex characters that i’ve encountered in my reading experience, with the worst type of mental trauma that i could come across. His relationship with Luo Wenzhou is one of the most enjoyable and perhaps, priest’s best written romance. Theyre both equally flirtatious, equally bold, their back and forth bickering is full of sexual tension and their progression from enemies to lovers is IMPECCABLE.

And the plot? PHENOMENAL. The BEST mystery and thriller detective series that I’ve ever encountered, with each book having it’s own individual mystery, and no two mysteries are similar. From child trafficking to serial killers to drug dens and even terrorism….you name it. Each arc is well crafted, and by the end, you’ll truly be able to sigh in satisfaction. For priest to be able ro make you enjoy both the romance and the plot equally…shes a genius. a 27/10.

Trigger warnings: this book discusses heavy topics such as pedophilia, rape, drug abuse, suicide, self harm, and a lot of similar topics

Next: Can Ci Pin:

Her most underrated work and i cant even begin to understand why. I mean yes it takes place in outer space in a futuristic society where people live for around 200 years across the span of 8 galaxies (not there are no aliens, but there are concepts such as ais and robots) but like….you’ve all read sha po lang with its steampunk theme and you all KNOW just how good priest is at world building. Dare i say, priest is the best danmei author when it comes to world building.

Yes, this is perhaps her slowest and longest piece of work and i get why so many would get bored after the second book. But here’s the thing, ccp has one of the most complicated worlds and plot. the plot is actually one of the most confusing and heavy plots that i’ve encountered. so in order for the story not to fall apart, it was very necessary for priest to spend the first two novels and half world building as well as slowly laying out a proper foundation for the plot. That way, when she starts speeding up the pace, you are basically a pro who doesn’t need to backtrack, reread or double check anything. By the time i was done with the third novel, i felt like i knew everything about space politics, wars between galaxies, Ai and microchips, and everything in between. And that’s saying something cause im an IDIOT when it comes books and shows politics ok.

In this series, priest has seriously invested into every single side character, even those who’ve been dead since before the series even started. With extensive backstories, each and every single character grows on you as much as the main pair if not more, and you fall in love with the found family priest created as well as all the characters who are only talked about in flashbacks and past tense. Another favorite part about this series.

Now the main characters and the romance….chefs kiss. Lu Bixing has one of the BEST character arcs that i’ve come across. He starts off as this bright sunshine boy, goes through hell, becomes this depressed cynical man then finds his way back to his old self again all in the span of the novel itself. Being able to go through the pain with him then watch him heal, makes you very attached to this baby. Li Jingheng my all time cold prince biggest crush ok i love him. Their romance was SOO entertaining cause EVERYONE was rooting for them and everyone played matchmaker and wingman with them it was HILARIOUS. The comedy was top notch, the second hand embarrassment was real, but it made the reading experience feel much more organic idk i just enjoyed myself so much and laughed so hard. 20/10

Trigger warnings: human trafficking and experimentation, self harm and suicide

Third : Lie Huo Jiao Chou

Xuan Ji’s wings of flame are the highlight of the series ok. Almost every single scene has him whipping his wings out just to show off and his boyfriend eats it up everytime ok.

I absolutely love the amnesiac plot line where two past lovers meet again and yet are unable to recognize each other. Yet, slowly, as they spend more and more time together and one of them starts regaining his memories, the pining and longing begins. And oh does Xuan Ji YEARNS in the most beautiful way possible. And once they BOTH regain their memories in full, the angst is just the cherry on top. Being unable to resist each other yet still trying to pull away, the tension, trying to hold back…delicious.

The plot is so easy to keep up with and enjoy too. Both the story taking place 3,000 years ago and the one in present time are equally entertaining, where we see scenes of war and tomb raiding and investigations and a little bit of magic too. The visuals are fantastic, and the contrast between the two parallel settings is new and refreshing as a concept. 8/10

Trigger warning: main characters experience severe child abuse and neglect

Fourth : Guardian

Guardian is the most popular out of priest’s modern novels so i dont feel the need to say much.

Guardian discusses heavy topics such as death and what’s beyond. With an element of mystery where an investigation team search after where dead souls are being stolen to or why some souls are being sucked out of living people, the premises has an element of horror and goth that gives it this edge. Coolest ghost story around.

The main cast is also a hilarious bunch, and you sort of grow attached to the entire office especially a fat black talking cat. 7/10

Trigger warning: death and murder

I hope this is enough to convince you all to check out more and more of pipi’s work. Yes, sha po lang, lord 7, faraway wanderers and fuyao sect are amazing…but if you haven’t read priest’s modern work then yall are missing out ok. that’s it for now xxx

[sardonic-the-writer]

rant about Gabriel to me I need to understand him

im going to format this like you've never seen the show, just in case you haven't, so if you have just bare with me

gabriel is a bit of an enigma. for the first two and a half episodes he shows up in, he's not even known as gabriel. he's on screen as 'the trickster' and is masquerading as one. (tricksters in spn canon are powerful demigod creatures of myth that can alter reality how they want, normally using their powers to play deadly pranks on malicious humans in ironic ways. i.e mauling someone who tests products on animals via a sewer alligator)

the reason he's doing this as a self proclaimed "witness protection" method is because he's in hiding, pretending to be a trickster to hide from his family; which is heaven since he's the archangel gabriel. surprise surprise. this is revealed in the episode 'changing channels', (season four) which is i believe the best ranked episode on the entire show by the audience and one of my favorites. 'mystery spot' (season three) is another one he stars in (as rhe trickster, not gabriel. we still dont know that), and i think it's the second highest ranked. and 'tall tales' (season two) is the first one he shows up in which is also very highly ranked.

gabriel has a habit of faking his death a lot to escape responsibility, which he does in the episode 'hammer of the gods' (season five [?] i think) after being "stabbed" by lucifer so he doesn't have to really stick around and watch his family (lucifer and michael) fight. but we don't know that it was a fake out for nearly eight seasons. (there is an instance where he shows up again in season nine but that was a fake out and not the real him). in 'hammer of the gods' we also find out that gabriel really had gone all in with his so called witness protection while pretending to be a trickster; so much so that most of the mythological world/pretty much anyone but cas sam and dean knows him as the actual god of tricksters, loki, and not by his true name. later on when he comes back in season thirteen we find out that's because the real loki offered to share the same face with gabriel back when he first came to earth wayyyyyyy long ago to help him out. and when we meet loki later when gabriels trying to kill him for selling him off to one of the princes of hell asmodeus (i'll get into that) it's basically just the actor richard speight jr playing two roles at once. if that makes any sense. one of my favorite episodes, although i think that's just because i hadn't really seen gabriel in months and was over excited. i'll have to see if the hype holds up on my rewatch

but okay, for some backstory on the whole being sold thing, after gabriel faked his death in 'hammer of the gods', he ran off to some island to get in contact with loki and his kids (think fenrir. spn uses real mythological names and bloodlines as side plots sometimes) to go dark again. loki pretends to entertain the idea and let's gabriel play poker with hookers for a few days (gabe has also stared in a porno before and enjoys eating candy even though angels never get hungry. he's fun that way) before betraying him and basically selling him off as a slave to a prince of hell, who locks him away for hundered (thousands maybe?) of years, constantly draining his archangel grace just enough to not leave gabe powerless, but also enough to torture him horribly. it's awful, and all explained in the episode 'unfinished buisness' (season thirteen) which is all about him enacting revenge on loki and the tricksters kids. but the takeaway is that the first time we see gabe after season five, he's a completely different person. almost like a scared animal. if the animal has had its mouth sewn shut by a demon, that is.

anyways, sam and dean and cas help revert him back to his usual self, and he runs away from his problems for a few episodes, before finally confronting them and dying for real this time at the hands of an alertnate world version of his brother michael a few episodes later. the later seasons writing was so fucked up in my opinion, and the way gabriel died was done so wrong, but i think that's because im biased. frowns

my explination of him does no justice. he's a smug, silly, tricky, multi layered, funny son of a bitch that has fuck ass smile where his eyes crinkled at the corner and i. oughhh. i love him. urgh. yeah

[aimethyst]

Happy birthday Aslan!! 💛

(rant about how much i love ash below the cut)

so this earlier this year i rewatched banana fish because i was going to go on a trip to NY in may (basically i wanted to renew my love for banana fish prior to the trip). I wasnt able to finish watching before i went on the trip but my passion for banana fish and new york was reignited. Honestly when i saw the skyline of NY for the first time i got pretty emotional and misty-eyed because it reminded me of the BF opening. Anyways i came back from NY and finished my banana fish rewatch, but this time i cried at almost every episode. I think it was because i understood more of the imagery and scenes watching it a second time, unlike how i first watched it knowing nothing about the show.

Ash's story makes me fall in love with his character every time i think about it. I love ash so much and im so glad i got to draw him more this summer. I originally drew something for asheiji the first time i watched banana fish (with my tears too!) but i never finished it because i could not draw ash for the life of me. But after drawing him twice during this summer and rereading the manga i got a pretty good idea of how his hair worked. So i drew Ash after my rewatch and cried on the paper (;ᵕ;). Also during my trip to NY i wore an Ash inspired outfit to the day i went to the NYPL (and i left a letter there). Ash means the world to me now and I'm pretty sure he's my favorite character of all time. He's truly an angel.

also i baked the cake from scratch :)

the cake is lemon flavored with reduced raspberry puree 

[goddessxdivine]

a lot of people watched the bear and felt that it was lacking especially in terms of plot and I can understand that but I think s3 wasn’t that bad really. I think a lot of people had different expectations of what would happen this season, especially considering how much more fame that show has received. But imo the bear was never really the type of show that’s packing as much plot as they can into a season. I remember watching the s1 finale and feeling a bit let down (and I watched the show when it premiered so I had to live on a prayer that it’d get renewed and then had to wait the entire year before s2 lol). however, this is a show that I think you need to rewatch the season more than once. maybe im just a little slow lol but I’m always able to learn a bit more after a rewatch or two….or three.

I am not a fan of clairecarmy at all and my main goal for this season was to not have them shoved down my throat (especially in present time) so to me a win is a win fr lmao

back to rewatches. on the first watch, in ep1 we saw the scene where carmy makes the meal that syd told Marcus was the best thing she’s ever eaten. this is something I saw people mention but what is also important is that carmy had been experimenting with that recipe for a while. he never felt that he got it right. on my rewatch, I noticed that he made two (or three. I can’t recall off the top of my head) dishes the same way with the fennel thingie. but he felt the need to change it for one plate. he told the waiter that one of the dishes went to a table with a fennel allergy so he subbed blood orange. that was syd’s dish, her favorite dish that carmy made. now, does syd have a fennel allergy? most likely not since they were experimenting with fennel for a recipe in s2.

to me, this is just a testament to how well syd and carmy understand each other even when they didn't know each other personally. carmy is a terrible communicator (scientifically proven atp) but syd isn't always the greatest communicator either, at times shes avoidant (the best word that comes to mind). at the end of the day, they both respect each other and hold each other to certain standards that only they know even if they've yet to explore that themselves

in terms of plot between sydcarmy, there are things that I liked. for example, to me s3’s:

"I left you alone"

"so, don't let it happen again"

"it's never going to happen again"

and s2’s:

"you could do this without me"

"I couldn't do this without you. I wouldn't even want to do it without you"

are similar. they are both instances where carmy makes a profession to syd because he feels he has something to prove to her. platonic sydcarmy is nonexistent imo. syd is family (ex: syd saying she doesn’t know a lawyer. nat and carm saying “Pete”). who did carmy invite to go to the ever funeral despite having no place inviting anyone 😭 syd. he knew she hadn’t eaten there and this would be her last chance. richie being there? made sense. but he could’ve invited fak or anyone from the restaurant. but he invited syd.

some people said they saw something between luca and syd and tbh that was just will poulter and Ayo Edebiri being good actors lol tbh Ayo has chemistry with everyone it seems

tl;dr

the bear s3 was good and is overly judged. there definitely could’ve been improvements but it was good nonetheless. sydcarmy are forever 🤭

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[supermaks]

Top 10 essential Verstappen races list please!

I habe been watching since I was a literal infant but I kinda took a break from 2014 until 2018 so I missed a lot of teenage Max lore. Now I treated myself to some f1tv for Christmas and want to rewatch a couple old races!!!

Malaysia 2015 Baby boys first points on his 2nd ever f1 start. Drags that lil toro rosso to q3 and then beats both red bulls. Also very funny to listen to the sky commentary because they dont take him seriously at all but he keeps doing things with that car he shouldnt be able to do so they have to keep talking about him and they're so annoyed about itnklfdjgkfdj

Singapore, 2015 classic max race. car d1es at the start. somehow makes it back on track 1 lap down, waits for his main character moment. gets it on lap 13. breezes past the field. gets told to swap positions. literally yells 'NO' and does not do it. U thought brazil 2022 was shocking, well. Educate yourself

USA, 2015 first of all there was a whole hurricane happening bro like a literal hurricane everything about thsi race is like .. what is going on. Hello. Is that Elton John???? Mind you, its Max's rookie season. Austin with wet conditions is the race track equivalent of a fucking minefield I think like half the grid retired. And still, u will witness that lil boy bring the fight to Merc and Ferrari. He actually fought Lewis and Seb Vettel for a podium. In a toro rosso. yeah

Spain, 2016 anime protagonist race. lil babby makes the jump to the big sister team amid much mockery and controversy, and wins on his debut. I can't say this enough. Max has made a career out of owning up to bitches. Every single time. Mercs take each other out, Danny ric gets inexplicably put on a 3 stopper ((lmfao)), and Max holds off fucking RAIKKONEN on DRS!!!! for like a billion years. Not a wheel out of place. And not even his defining moment of the year. For that, u gotta go with--

Brazil, 2016 He became MOTHER age 19 in Interlagos. Nothing else to say. if ur a verstappie u gotta watch Brazil 2016 like twice a year for ur troubles

China, 2017 just a super underrated race imo. Imma go on a tangent for a bit sorry but one of most insane aspects of Max's move to f1 is that he did so with 1 year of experience in f3. Like f3 had been the strongest engine he'd driven up to that point. f3 cars are fast but they're not f1 fast. So Max was supposed to be like a lil squid in a bowl of sharks. To anybody else it wouldve been extremely intimidating and scary to make that jump and its likely they would've sacrificed speed just because they didn't have that confidence in the car yet. And there'd be nothing wrong with that, thats just normal. Well Max never did normal. Seb put it perfectly and Im pretty sure he's not the first driver to comment on this, but Max goes for moves that nobody in their right mind would even dream of attempting. Shit that takes a special type of instinct, but more than that, a complete lack of fear. And with that comes the other side of the sword, which is the recklessness. Max was a reckless driver. A lot of drivers can be reckless, especially if the car doesn't allow them to just cruise to podiums, but Max was a child. This race is so important in his curriculum because it solidifies that his recklessness is not foolishness, but necessity. Bro passed 9 cars in one lap and held off danny ric with older tires. This after a disaster quali where he finished second to last because of an engine problem. To come back from that and get a podium the way he did, its a character drive. It showed who he was and Max was the future

Mexico, 2017 here. Yeah

Austria, 2018 quali is a must watch for this one. Listening to Max educate his engineers on 'discipline' for even DARING to ask him to pass danny ric prolly makes that move to Renault less confusing. Like u cant fight that. That is not a mf who will ever let u win a world title. But he didnt show it just during quali. This race is important because u can compare it some of his most dominant 2022 victories, in a car that would literally spit out its own tires and explode if Max idk farted or something.

USA, 2018 ok I'm biased but max has never come to the US and not served. Idk why its kind of funny but every time he steps foot in here he stunts and gets super wet and looks amazing. He's also absurdly good in US circuits for no reason. Like Max says, u gotta know how to defend not just attack. Prolly one of the most impressive defensive performances from him here, against none other than sir hammer herself. Lew had fresher tires and a championship winning merc and still couldnt crack lil bro with his renault engine, cap and a dream. Also they literally installed a whole new curb on the track specifically to make drivers stick to track limits and called it the verstopper and that. literal tears in my eyes yk look at this shit

Look at her . anyway

Enjoy thjs humble selection of our fav boy genius/fbi most wanted best hits. Next up

✨😤 Part 2 😤✨ Part 3 🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨

[henrenologist]

so because i rewatched s3/4 recently, when Hen is struggling with having to give Nia back to her mother, she says "we were supposed to have her for 2 months it's been a year" so i think it's not that they weren't told that Nia would go back to her biological mother, but they got attached to her (obviously 🥺) and maybe because she stayed with them for so long they assumed her mother wouldn't want her back or couldn't have her back? tbh it's still a bit.. that whole thing with Hen Refusing to give the child back. and picking a fight with Karen about it. always annoys me. it's the Angst and Drama show tho, so it's like of course there's gonna be Angst and Drama lmao

for one thing, yeah the bond she'd formed with nia made her irrational and angry when the time came to give her back, especially after she and karen had built themselves up with the expectation that they'd become a permanent placement for nia (although im not entirely sure where they got that idea from, beside the length of time they'd had her; the foster agency in 911verse is a nightmare at communication, evidently).

i think the extent of her frustrations can also be explained by hen's issues with loyalty. she's loyal to a fault. sorry im gonna use this ask as an excuse for meta posting:

eva. she didnt get closure when eva was arrested. so even after building a life with karen, hen still felt indebted to her ("i feel like i owe it to her," she says, ostensibly because eva "didn't fight us when we wanted to adopt denny" [ignoring the canon discrepancy regarding the circumstances of denny's adoption] but there's a deeper commitment there to eva). she wants to see the best in eva, and after having committed herself to helping eva for so long, i think that explains why she was still loyal to eva--one of the factors that contributed to her cheating.

chim. "You get to forgive and move on--I get to hold a grudge until I die." so we're all aware of how loyal hen is to chim, but it's important to note when that loyalty got in the way of their relationship. toward the end of s6, hen's frustration with maddie and doubts about chim's proposal was, imo, a little forced on the writers (in being shoehorned conflict) but not baseless. her loyalty is to chim first and foremost, and that loyalty twisted into an unfounded frustration with maddie for perceived "wrongs"--especially as hen was watching chim squirm over the issue of proposing himself.

s7 drunk driver. hen was angry with the rest of the team when they didn't lay down their unconditional trust in her judgement of the drunk driver. logically, hen might recognize that as professionals, it's right for them to have (1) a healthy amount of skepticism and (2) base their judgement on what they have seen for themselves. they hadn't seen and smelled what hen had, but understood that emotions were running high, and thus approached hen's situation with sympathy and measured trust in her assessment. but hen is upset regardless. she says, feeling that they dont have her back, "if the roles were reversed, I'd find a way to have your backs, and I wouldn't have to lie to do it." she's projecting her sense of loyalty onto the team, frustrated that they're not as apparently unconditionally devoted.

so. nia. hen developed an unconditional love for nia in that time that, naturally, translated to undying loyalty. but as demonstrated, her degree of loyalty can translate into misguided skepticism--and harm, at worst.

and hen's listening to nia "damn near crying her eyes out" over it all. nia's cries are haunting her. she's misguided trying to fight the source of nia's pain (and her own pain). she's seeing this whole situation as a threat to nia's well-being and identifying points of harm where there aren't necessarily any.

she's gravely concerned over what nia's mother did to lose custody in the first place, mistrustful of the positive judgement that deidra's giving them, mistrustful of the agency's assurances that nia will be cared for, and wanting to see the proof for herself that evangeline can care for nia.

it's only after seeing evangeline for herself, with assurances from karen on her capacity to care for nia, that hen can let go of her frustrations with evangeline, deidra, and karen. (just like how after talking to maddie she let go of her hesitancy around chim proposing. just like how seeing the team show up for her with the cruise ship disaster let her stop questioning their loyalty)

i'm not personally annoyed or frustrated with hen in the nia situation. i can't imagine never knowing the fate of your once-daughter and i'm not surprised hen wants to see the proof for herself. i think her desire to fight for nia was an expression of grief more than anything. her loyalty, maternity, and grief are all activated as opposed to the logic we usually see hen depend on.

it's like the call where hen continued cpr on a mother for 12 minutes. her devotion inhibits her from letting go. which was a lucky thing for that mother, but it's not always such a blessing for the people in hen's life.

[joelletwo]

wrestling with the 4devas bitchslap again to convince myself its fine if graveyard wins the best ep tourney: it's not the other bloggers who are wrong, it's me

not a complete response to but definitely in conversation with and asking some of the same questions again as @reductionisms's 4devas essay, which tries to square gintoki's "life doesn't need to be fun, i just need you to live" being a series-sanctioned message he's given to villains as an arc-concluding moral continuously up until 4devas with it here being an incorrect worldview that needs to be (physically) corrected by shinpachi, the straightman tonal signpost of gintama

a conflict i have been perplexed by ever since i got to this line on my first watch a year or two ago, since i've seen this line before! all over fandom! as part of the general "dont [bottom text] kill yourself" motivational messaging of gintama that i love!

and, briefly, when i hit 4devas i was also in the middle of being really frustrated by the new arc pattern i was seeing crop up: i loved the villains-turned sympathetic-turned someone worth saving by gintoki tune of the first half of gintama, but it fell massively flat for me in Yoshiwara in Flames, where i was never convinced to be on housen's side but had to watch him get a heartwarming redemptive death at the side of the woman he abused anyways.

then shortly after i had the same exact experience in Red Spider with jiraia, and i thought, if this is what gintama is gonna do with its shitty dudes from now on im gonna quit the fucking show. and then shortly after that i met jirochou and saw him cut down otose the woman he loved (under a raining sky!!! the fucking sky motifs!!! the signpost im about to watch a dude be shittily violent to women and be expected to feel sorry for him about it) and saw too much red to really take in the rest of the arc level-headedly or care about anything in it lol.

so it was written off in my mind as the 'otose almost gets fridged' arc until i rewatched it this week. then i had to remember, oh yeah, there's a ton of political maneuvering fakeouts in this arc that i never actually squared back with how the plot presented itself prior to the reveals, so i'd still been thinking about the "fakeout" plot. then i read the manga version with all the "truths" in mind from the start, and finally i felt like i could understand what this arc is doing a little better.

(way) tldr (4.4k words. sorry): do i love this arc? eh. do i still hate it? eh. but it's doing stuff!

first, i was able to see an echo in all the "actually i was planning to betray you the whole time" "actually i was working to help you the whole time" plot beats of what sorachi does with the larger edo/universe story further into the back half of the manga. if i ever sound like i didnt enjoy or wasnt convinced by the execution of these "reveals," it's because i didnt and wasnt, lol. but it's fun that he had fun with them i guess.

the arc starts with pirako ingratiating herself into yorozuya, then having a classic "bump into you and pretend to be injured to extort you" encounter w her dad's gang. to resolve this without escalating into violence, gintoki... does it back to them, which is really funny. but thus the tone is set for the arc of: DISHONEST APPROACHES TO CONFLICT.

pirako isnt honest about her overall intentions the, like, seven different times that she "admits her real ones." kada plays at peacekeeper in the devas while being the ultimate person scheming to get the upper hand over everyone else in the end. (she's also secretly harusame, evil amanto outsider who acts as a unifying force for the kabukicho fighting itself to band together against and expel: sorachi's favorite move! the problem was never internal, it's the shadowy REAL antagonists who infiltrated us)

jirochou and otose are ultimately doing a pantomime of conflict to try to keep temperatures down and escalations from breaking out, so no one they care about has to get hurt. gintoki doesn't know this until the end, but he follows in their footsteps after his encounter with them in the graveyard: he plays at having given up to the rest of yorozuya so they'll leave and escape the coming kabukicho war, the same thing otose was trying with him. it fails both times. i'm really not sure why gintoki and otose thought it would work, honestly. they should know their kids are stubborn as hell.

but gintoki is in a bind because of the things he needs to protect, and all of his actions are primarily in service of that, to the detriment of how he'd prefer to act if he were less restricted. he is unsurprised and unoffended to hear saigou is only willing to warn them, not help them, because her son is in danger if she acts directly. all four devas are, seemingly, being mutually restrained this way, holding back even when blatantly manipulated to do so. the other constant of this arc: everyone is dishonest, and no one wants to risk losing what they have.

gintoki understands that! of course! he's had to make that calculus before, after all :)

and this arc is just one big cliff scene echo: the entire graveyard scene pushing gintoki to emotional regression because he thinks he's losing another parent figure, one he's just seen the Gintoki Figure of the arc cut down, no less (takasugi stolen valor when he goes berserk against him and only ends up uselessly bleeding out on the ground about it, honestly). otose goes into this willingly so gintoki can live. he accepts this decision because he values protecting her values (her kids living on) and is briefly broken by it (the story says, before giving him shinpachi to "put him back on track"). prior to the bitchslap, after saying he just wants them to live, even if it has to be without him, he says:

i dont have a good understanding of when we start getting reveals of gintoki's backstory versus foreshadowing because i went into gintama already knowing most of it, but definitely by the recent red spider where we get our first real look at (or really, first listen to) shouyou. but here we actually get some of what gintoki felt about it, which he keeps closely guarded even when the whole truth comes out: he's done his best to survive having lost, but it was so unbearable he can't face losing again.

(also, honorable mention backstory echo, the person calling him a brother sets his home on fire to drive him and his parent figure out of town. as i liveblogged: this one would really hurt gintoki if gintoki cared about anything oboro ever did!)

but with the shinpachi story-rerouting, they get the good end, keep everyone (otose, yorozuya, all of kabukicho, even pirako and her dad - everyone but kada) safe without having to sacrifice a single thing, even keep gintoki hopeful for this outcome. so, as goose points out, we are left to understand that there could have been a good end on the cliff, that something is different here than there, and, skipping a lot of math, that that is the people around gintoki.

which i do find really funny to imagine as a slam on takasugi and katsura. sorry you kids suck too much, your teacher dies bc u were cringefail. but lets look at it.

everyone is dishonest, no one wants to risk what they have: gintoki rallies himself to keep fighting but is determined to do it alone. kagura and shinpachi fight him on this; they can't leave because they don't want to lose their home, they can't let him fight alone because they don't want to lose him. they're just as restricted by what they have to keep safe, but their only option is to act where everyone else's is inaction. shinpachi says:

if i may skip over the bitchslap itself for now, gintoki does consent to let his allies fight with him after it. yorozuya stands alone against saigou, who's heavily demoralized but resigned, strongarmed into fighting them by the threat to her son. but on seeing their resolve to keep protecting their own precious home and family she says:

and, to skip straight to my thought, i think this is what turns the tides back in their favor. there are more twists and turns to the fight. pirako equates what binds saigou, which she herself equates to what binds the yorozuya, to what binds her:

(with an intentional distinction that she's willing to actively destroy the others', as opposed to their purely self defensive fighting, which is echoed at some point in her distinguishing gintoki from jirochou in the same way, that jirochou not only lives to protect like gintoki but is willing to destroy in the process. i don't find that part as interesting, but it's more fuel to the power of having something to protect as a driving force as an arc theme.)

so now all three stand on the same ground, absolutely unwilling to give up what they hold dear, but all their cards are on the table. they aren't dealing in 12 dimensions of tricksy defensive pre-emptive moves anymore. they know it wouldnt work, anyways, since they all know their drives to protect are the same and no one will be talked into backing down. now they can directly duke it out and let the winner be determined that way, on strength of will. even before the actual circumstances change, the fight somehow feels freer seeing how inevitable it is. and with everything out in the open, yorozuya can now protect each other and saigou's son, taking out one side of the conflict.

(and with everything out in the open, the ultimate 4devas villain can become the single person who continues to betray the others, kada, whose further machinations - with everything out in the open! - saigou (and later yorozuya) can choose to protect pirako from. everyone wins! because everything was out in the open! do you see where i'm going)

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the arc is rerailed to the better outcome. so is the correction justified?

what does the correction accomplish outside of its moment? most convincingly to me of goose's presented options, i also think it's done as a thematic shift, a, okay, just live was a strategy that worked before but now doesn't suffice, so we need something more.

as to why this is needed now and not earlier or later...tldr bad planning <3 but like.

we have, prior to this, a consistent thrust of arcs where gintoki teaches people to lose. as well, while we meet the harusame and we visit space and we get the barest glimpses of takasugi's weird shadowy background moves there, largely we're dealing with kabukicho characters and kabukicho stories. we see or only hear about the shogun for short comedic moments only. we've largely dropped the series intro focus on things like the shinsengumi or hasegawa acting as foreign diplomats. it's a local series, a hometown series, a kabukicho and not even an edo at large series, a personal story about gintoki making personal connections with his personal experience as a flawed person with a flawed approach to life that has let him, chronic slacker, get by on the bare minimum.

at this moment, chapter 300, we have a slow trickle of gintoki backstory starting to come out to us. we've recently expanded the story focus to include yoshiwara, which gets a callout in this arc by kada to keep it relevant. we have an arc of sorachi testing out plot beats that he'll use again for the endgame, in all the political maneuvering and alliancing and betraying and shadowy outsider space governmenting, where he's also doing a lot of echoing of that backstory that only becomes clear later. so it's possible he's thinking about shifting gears and setting up for the eventual endgame, which means getting out of the episodic cycle so things can stick.

and after this arc, to my opinion and memory, we stop getting the classic gintama flavor sympathizable'd antagonists. a lot of the bigger arcs don't even have clear Big Shot antagonists anymore, being more about the shouyoucore theme of characters fighting against themselves, or if there is one they're always explicitly part of the Shadow Government now, a unified and more daunting force than someone they can win over with an inspiring gintoki interaction.

so 4devas does act as a turning point at least in some way. and it's not possible to say this definitively, since all gintama arcs are ultimately never going to be about gintoki or his friends Actually losing something instead of beating the odds, but it does feel like theres a different flavor to, say, dekobokko with its direct look at how chars lives could be different and better and they will still choose to keep struggling as themselves. and Kintama arc definitely doesn't feel like an early days arc, like it can only resolve the way it does with a gintoki who is now able to face his past and the possibility of losing again and again and again (now with, natch, his faith that yorozuya will by his side when he does).

why now, after 300 chapters of letting it sit ignored in the back of his brain working out perfectly fine except when it doesn't (the very reminder of shouyou in a fight making him go Demon Mode, which is like regular gintoki but worse at fighting, bc he is so unprepared to think about shouyou)? well i personally am in big favor of the "take a decade off" strategy for facing problems. it worked for me too. realistically watsonianly its nice to let things percolate in the brain and do some of the processing behind the scenes until its less immediately painful. and he's made many bonds over these 300 chapters, shown in this arc when the whole town rallies behind him, that are there to support him when he needs it now and weren't there before.

realistically doylistly eh. bad planning.

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the series as a result is rerailed to a writing space where things can start changing (leave the episodic, as you guys say, sazae-san format). it's useful in the future. so is the correction justified in terms of what comes before it? was the correction needed?

thinking about the bitchslap leads to thinking about the cliff scene leads to (sorry kagura and katsura, you guys arent really relevant here) pitting shinpachi and takasugi against each other in how they act with something on the line they can't bear to give up.

i don’t need the lesson of 4devas to apply logistically to the cliff scene. once they were set up on that chessboard, frozen in their assigned places as a backstory, it’s not like takasugi could’ve power of friendship’d his way out of being physically retrained if he decided he wanted to. it’s set up as a forced choice, it has to play out as a forced choice.

but we see that even before it’s asked of him, takasugi is willing, prepared, unbothered to give up his own life for shouyou’s. this is, goose lays out in the sequel, the cardinal sin in gintama - a teacher shouldn’t outlive their student. it would have been especially egregious to shouyou, whose whole desired life’s purpose is to raise students who can outlive him and outgrow him, take his lessons and go out into the world and do their own thing with them. takasugi doesn’t expect to do this and doesn’t seem to see a point in the possibility if shouyou isn’t back with them.

though we can also think of shouyou as a little too quickly willing to give up on the cliff - sorry, gintoki, the suicidal guy has thought about it for .02 seconds and decided the best outcome is for you to kill him even though he could get out of this no problem. maybe its no wonder gintoki gave up too. can we ask katsura what he would’ve done?

and is takasugi different from shinpachi there? he rejects the mentor’s attempt to exchange his own life for his. he’s not willing to consider a life without him.

but shinpachi is convinced no one is going to die. because they’ll be there together. incredibly naive - shinpachi and kagura, restricted to one option by what they need to protect like everyone is in 4devas, have acting as that one option because they are still free in a way gintoki and the other adults aren't. they’ve never actually experienced the impossible choice that forces you to give up, so they can act as if there isn’t one - what else would they do? why would they think to give up?

but gintoki is defined by having lived the impossible choice. its built into the foundation of him as a character and leaks out everywhere. he couldn’t have relied on his friends on the cliff because they were quite forcibly removed from the picture as an option, not by his or their choice. its written as an inevitability, logistics we find out later be damned.

if we refocus to 4devas, we can look at the Gintoki Figure for a different angle. jirochou, after he and gintoki resolve the arc conflict by being able to team up because they - say it with me - put everything out in the open, tells gintoki about his impetus for abandoning his family and coming back to his wayward life in kabukicho, the death of otose's husband.

it's, um, another now really obvious parallel to gintoki, lol. characters talk about how jirochou does everything he does in this arc to try to atone for his failure to both otose and tatsugorou, and i guess thats true bc he was written that way but he has an odd way of showing it, but anyways he resolves that, despite his guilt over this, all he can do now is keep living and keep protecting what they loved together. he's come to the usual gintama message all on his own, reinforcing that this is the correct way to live in this series. he had his own unavoidably shitty situation, and he came to terms with it.

so then where did jirochou go wrong, in the narrative's eyes (other than abandoning one woman and their child to deal drugs in the town of his other woman while ignoring her)? was there a point he could've changed how their trio's story played out? but he loved and trusted tatsugorou, and he was happy to step aside and let him be the one by their otose's side. i doubt he would have been happy stealing her away even if it were possible.

but if we look at the resolution tool of 4devas... he never put everything out in the open!!! everyone knows he loved otose, but in more of an open secret way. in classic romance plot, he never confessed for second male lead rejection closure. indeed, in the closest we ever get to a main character having a romantic plot in gintama, the very ending of the arc flirts with him doing just that now that he's made a little progress with the arc message, with the entire cast of the arc expecting him to (and interrupting before he can).

but if he had when they were young. if he had been honest with his friends. could it have opened up other options that weren't available on his own, that they didnt know to offer? i have a preferred one lol. but u can get creative with all sorts of life paths that avoid tatsugorou dying that way or, at the least, jirochou feeling chained to a shameful life (living in a town he doesn't go out in to protect a woman he doesnt talk to and feeling like he doesnt deserve the family he abandoned for this) because of it.

and then if we take this and rewind back to the cliff... we get to grind my favorite ax, "shouyou shouldve told literally anyone literally anything about his deal." if gintoki knew more about shouyou, they could've faced his horrors together, the whole time. he couldve known that shouyou was being literal calling himself a demon and not internalized his own identity as one for life just because shouyou bonded with him over it. i truly genuinely think the logical conclusion of all of gintama's big messages are that shouyou and gintoki should have been more open with each other.

but i don't think sorachi thinks that. and, you know, by 4devas rules, the unriskable precious things he was protecting by staying silent were his students' humanity, and secondarily his own fragilely newly hopeful heart that literally couldnt stand another 10 millionth round of rejection (killed himself and then went on a 12 year rampage over it. girl i would too).

and takasugi really isn't dishonest about what's going on in his head when he tells us he expects to die for shouyou. that's as cards on the table as i could ask. gintoki is, a little bit, by omission. he does what i'd want him to here - tells takasugi try just not dying - but doesn't give him a reason to, and doesn't tell him he has no plans of letting anyone die for shouyou.

so what goes wrong on the cliff - shouyou is happy, gintoki is happy, oboro's even kind of happy, katsura is irrelevant - is that takasugi is blindsided (whoops) by their silent agreement that betrays the one he thought he and gintoki had. and then ruins everyone's party about it and spends the next ten years doing so for good measure.

which is also, basically, what shinpachi is going through that prompts the bitchslap, too. he thought they were a team, that they had each others backs, not that gintoki is a one-way protector of them. he is blindsided by gintoki lying to and tricking them and hiding things from them. he is hurt by gintoki feeling hopeless all by himself when he could share that with them and be encouraged by their endless child optimism.

and would it need to have changed anything on the cliff? in the moment after the bitchslap, what contributes to gintoki changing his mindset is tama telling him, we trust that you're capable bc youve always shown us that, can you trust us this time? when, later in the arc, gintoki seems to regress by sending kagura and shinpachi away, he asks them to trust that he's still trusting them, relying on them to help shoulder his burden, and in return they know he's staying alive, not self sacrificing. maybe it would've helped just to feel on the same team and not shut out, to be able to trust gintoki like gintoki was trusting shouyou?

so. two paralleled instances of gintoki making a bad situation worse by keeping to himself and being too self sufficient. that feels clear cut that feels fine im okay with that as a takeaway. do i think its exactly what sorachi had in mind while writing this, as opposed to just a good series 'hey lean on your friends' moment to read cool and tug at the heartstrings? eh lol. i think theres definitely room to read takasugi into this arc (i still need to refind the takagin 4devas post...) but its not so baked in that i think he was a PRIORITY in the plotting.

but is the shinpachi SCOLDING necessary is the scolding justified... and yes its in response to life doesnt need to be fun i just want you to live. still a confusing framing i can't immediately square. but/and more immediately its directly responding. to gintoki opening up to them about his insecurities!!

which, as said, he doesnt do!! he doesnt talk about his failures! its basically like, here and to hijikata that one time and otherwise even when we know all the facts about what happened we still never hear gintoki himself talk about it. (so he really DOESNT learn the lesson here either. he stays dissociated and triggered every time utsuro comes up. he tries to solve the altana baby problem on his own. he doesnt talk to his new friends OR his old friends. bwah. gintoki. silver soul.)

so this is like. its just in the wrong order!! its just in a baffling order lol. if you want gintoki to share his burden do you need to punch him when he shares it. does it also need to sound like you're blaming him for not being capable of upholding his promise to protect anyone when thats the insecurity thats got him all discombobulated this arc in the first place (a whole set of notes i took on this that i didnt find a place for in this post)?? its so weeeeiiiiiirddd lol i dont liiikeee itttttt. theres plenty of things shinpachi can validly punch gintoki for but this is such a weird one.

so i guess. having a clearer understanding of this arc do i hate it less? YES honestly. i hate fakeout plots generally they irritate me but everything... more or less makes sense by gintama standards now that i have the whole plot in mind.

do i hate jirochou less SORT OF? i enjoy him. in his individual relationships. i like his shitty dad deal i love shitty dads. i like him pining for otose who genuinely likes him but also brings up her husband every sentence she says to him just to keep him down. i like his parallels with gintoki that they both explicitly acknowledge and find macho comfort in. hes still not theeeeeeeee most well-developed gintama antagonist but you know? i at least think otose and pirako would want to be around him after this.

do i feel like i have a clearer understanding of the bitchslap moment. NOT CONVINCED I DO. i feel like its going to be one of those things that slips in and out of my understanding like sand in cupped hands. i have a tentative understanding of it that i dont think sorachi actually had in mind. so i dont think ive solved it lol.

will i be cursed to think about 4devas forever? god i hope not. am i okay with it beating farewell shins in the polls. god i fucking hope it does. in the horrible timeline where i have to see 305 make it all the way and then lose i guess id rather it be to this one than to hijigin. consider this poll propaganda?

[hongtiddiez]

last twilight ep 5 thoughts feelings etc.

eyy actually watched this earlier and rewatching it, so things should be a little less feral and unhinged. actually took notes my first watch through as well (wtf am i doing)

once again i love how stories are our constant companions in this show. i love how they keep playing with the parallels between worlds, it's one of my absolute favorite things in storytelling.

i love the fact that day is now 'invisible' in the world of badminton but he can still experience all of the joy of the game by supporting his friends. badminton was such a big part of his life and he doesn't have to leave it all behind, he just experiences it a little differently now.

film is so fucking pretty even covered in 'sweat.' i do love the show let her be 'sweaty' and disheveled instead of having perfect hair and make up after what was clearly a hard game. GIVE ME SWEATY WOMEN. (god im so gay)

so i said it last week but the only time we've ever seen mhok be violent is when he's been protecting the people close to him. (his garage bro, porjai x 2, etc) and we see him ready to do it again when august confronts day. there is no doubt in my mind that mhok was fully prepared to bury that bitch for even daring to make day the slightest bit afraid.

and god how scary does that have to be? you can't see, you're already nervous to be here, and suddenly someone is shouting at you - and maybe you don't recognize them at first because you haven't heard their voice in over a year but all you know is they're coming closer and they're so angry. i can't imagine anything scarier than that.

ahh, a broken picture frame representing a broken bond, an absolute classic metaphor. an oldie but a goodie.

once again i love that we see day's rage. anger really is such a big part of coming to terms with being disabled. i got some bad news a few weeks ago about my own disease and i've spent the last few weeks so angry and frustrated and then just sad. it's such a complex journey and the show is doing an absolutely brilliant job of showing that.

i do owe day's family a small smidgen of an apology since day is the one that asked it to be kept a secret, HOWEVER, i do think that conversation should have been revisited after a fucking year. how long were they just going to let him live in isolation? like cool for respecting his agency, not cool for letting him waste away in a tomb of his own making.

FINALLY WE GET MHOK OPENING UP.

so here's the thing with mhok. i love him. no - the real thing is i see so much of myself in him. my friends and family constantly get frustrated with me because i will never tell them when something is wrong or when i'm shouldering a lot of emotions about something. when i got the bad news about my disease i hid in my office and cried at my desk and then cleaned myself up and pretended nothing happened. fuck, i feel like i understand mhok on such a deep level.

not to get too into it but my own habits stem from neglect in my formative years, and i have to wonder if mhok's behavior maybe stems from his isolation in prison? oftentimes people with these behavior patterns will self isolate, either deal with or bury their emotions, and then emerge back into their friend group as if nothing happened. (am i talking about myself again? shhh.) mhok didn't really have a choice - sure you can write letters, have visitors, but a large part of his day was probably handling his grief in solitude. he's probably gotten so good at "handling it" and pushing everything down and dealing with everything in silence that he doesn't know how to handle it any other way now.

to make things worse, it happened over a year ago. he probably feels like he should be "over it" and not make it a big deal. maybe i'm projecting just a smidge (just a lot) but i do think it's something interesting to keep in mind. either way, him finally talking about rung to day is fucking MASSIVE, both for their relationship and mhok's emotional wellbeing.

august is fucking king of mixed signals and i don't super like that he looked for mhok's permission to lead day through the court. why the fuck are you looking at mhok when you could just ask day? if you look closely, as mhok is letting go day curls his fingers around the hand that mhok uses to remove his hand from his arm.

i do love we see mhok pushing day a little more out of his comfort zone as he did in earlier episodes.

porjai is so fucking pretty. is there anything more attractive than a woman in shorts and an oversized band tee? no. no there is not.

and again we see how much time and effort mhok has put into being day's caretaker - and his friend. he did research and learned methods that would make dining out easier for day. i love him so much! i don't know how day could still be thinking about august after that adorable little date.

UGH OKAY SO. HERE'S WHERE WE GET INTO MY BIG FEELINGS.

in my opinion, the theme of this episode has been "being late." here's why.

the boys were very nearly, or were, late to gee's badminton game

you could consider mhok 'late' to tell day about rung

day thinks he's too late to confess to august

mhok realizes he's come into day's life too late to receive his affection

and then we have august's literal late arrival (i still dont know what fucking game this jackass is playing)

this also ties in to a little trend i've been noticing in regards to mhok that oftentimes he's too late in life.

he was too late to save rung, and learned of her death late

he was too late to receive the mechanic job as it had 'already been given to someone else'

he was a late arrival to the interview to become day's caretaker

and again, he's entered day's life too late to receive his affection (or so he thinks)

i genuinely don't know if this is intentional, but i think it's something interesting to draw connections to.

anyway, again, i dont know what the fuck august's deal is but i can tell you if i was day i'd be getting over my feelings for him real fucking quick. i don't super like that august shows up, hears about day's feelings, and asks mhok to keep his being there a secret - but i do understand it and i do understand mhok's side of things. i don't think he does it out of his own selfishness, i think rather he realizes august likely doesn't return day's affection and letting him think august didn't show up is possibly the kinder of the two scenarios. (my only hope is we don't see august return and try to woo day or something later with this knowledge)

i do love that mhok stayed. he was concerned and it might seem a little overbearing but day was clearly nervous for this outing and all in all it's good that he stayed. and then he made sure to salvage the evening for day and take him out on a proper date. maybe it's not the date day wanted but it looks like he had a great time (perhaps even a better time) spending a day with someone he could relax and be himself around.

flowers have so many different meanings across cultures and tbh i'm far to tired to dig into the thai meaning of hydrangeas (if there are any) but i do think hydrangeas are neat. this is prob common knowledge but the color of hydrangea petals is determined by the ph balance in the soil they're grown in. (blue hydrangeas grow in soil with a ph balance of 5.2-5.5, far more in the base range than red hydrangeas that grow in a ph balance of 6.0-6.2, and once the soil reaches acidic levels it tends to produce pink flowers) i guess maybe if you wanted you could draw a connection to how malleable mhok is becoming and how his environment is changing him.

scientifically, sunflowers are also an interesting flower because they are often used to heal damaged and irradiated soil. they're so fucking resilient and help heal the world around them. i think there's a lot of connections we can make there with both mhok and day, regardless of flower symbolism and going purely on science.

anyway sorry to be a science nerd.

that's all ive really got for this episode, i say, as if i have not written you all a novel. this show continues to make me feel so much and tickle my brain in such a delightful way. between this and moonlight chicken p'aof has definitely made me a fan for life.

tag loves: @benkaaoi | @callipigio | @lookwhatihave (once again pls always feel free to lmk if you want to be added or removed)

[yamatologistt]

im like, what, 10 years late to the whole walking dead game thing but i was way too young back then to understand the game. i hope people still enjoy it, its a really good game (and sad) but im only up to season 3 right now (i only really liked s1 and s2) but im not finished so i cant really make decisions rn

i just want to talk about ben rn and evaluate him cause im rewatching it and now that hes my favourite i notice more things about him now. (i literally look at him everytime hes in frame even if its just showing the back of his head oml)

but anyway i see a lot of ben hate and sure i get it but i dont at the same time ben is so silly how can u hate him

- to start, when we first met ben in the woods, he’d already been through some stuff, like he saw his classmate off herself and turn into a walker, his camp got raided and he was left with 1 friend and his teacher (who both still die btw) so most of what he had left before the apocalypse was gone

- when lee is rationing out the food, if he gives ben food first, kenny comes and tells lee that there’s kids that need food too, and ben literally is like ‘sorry i didnt want any trouble’ like cmon, and he’s literally a kid too he deserves the food as much as anyone else

- on the train he is interested in the controls and being up there, so we can see that he generally enjoyed it. but once lee gets the engine going, kenny comes and ben immediately has to go babysit katjaa clem and duck (he is also visibly upset) AND THEN later on lee asks how ben was doing and he says ‘im watching the girls and not working on a mega cool train’ (let him on the train immediately 😠😠)

- ok, so maybe he did sneak supplies to the bandits and i think this is just me being biased but i feel like him giving the supplies held off the bandits a little. i mean think about it, they moved on from the st john’s farm and started taking from the motel, right? im not sure how the bandits asked ben (if they made it clear then i forgot) but if he refused wouldnt the bandits come attack even earlier? i mean they needed the supplies right, and if ben didnt give them anything to begin with they would have raided the motel anyway. i mean they knew where they were even before the st john incident. idk its just a thought

- i think it was cool how ben managed to confess to lee that he was the one who slipped the bandits supplies. like you can tell ben is a good guy cause the guilt was almost literally eating him from the inside. and even though ben isnt one of the bravest people, he still confessed knowing that lee’s reaction wouldnt be pretty. (also his stance when leaning on the train railing was so silly to me)

- after they meet christa and omid, ben tells lee that his biggest fear was to be eaten by the walkers. i mean he literally said that if he got bitten he would off himself 😢😢

- also ben was always referred to as a child but he was never treated like one, everyone excpected him to be brave and strong but in reality he was just some scrawny highschool student who was scared and couldnt live up to his impossible standards. man, i really just wanna give ben a big hug

- if you tell ben to “kill anything that gets in” he responds with “you know you’re talking to me, right?” poor ben

- even though his biggest fear is getting eaten by walkers, you still have the option to leave him behind, and let him go at the bell tower. i mean how could u do this to him hes already gone through enough

- lastly, the part where ben tells off kenny is literally iconic, that scene singlehandedly made ben one of my favourite characters of all time, i was like everyone else, i didnt care about ben because i thought he was a bad guy since i never really payed attention to him. but i swear when he was telling kenny off it felt like i was being told off too. i mean his point was valid too, kenny had his family to say goodbye to, and ben (and literally everyone else) never got to see their family, (or they saw them as walkers, lee and clem,, :( )

- i know the last point was meant to be the last one but cmon its ben i could type this for ages longer but yeah. he had the literal best character development in the game. at first he was some stupid kid who was always messing up and before he died he was an amazing character who deserved literally everything. omg i cried so hard when he died cause when he fell i was like, oh i think its ok the fall wasnt too far and he said he only hurt his leg, but bro once we saw what really happened my heart sank bro it was so sad i really hoped nothing bad happened to him ☹️☹️ but i think kenny did the right thing cause like we said, his worst fear was the walkers getting to him. gosh i feel like i watched his death for the first time ages ago and i still cant stop thinking about him man

anyways, i would literally do anything to give ben a massive hug, he did his best and he was literally so funny too :((

(thanks if u read this far btw, i just wanted to rant about this man i love him so much and i will defend him with my life) 😠‼️

[thealogie]

hi! can you pitch true detective season 1 for those of us (maybe just me and my partner lol) that started watching the latest season, got interested in the lore, tried s1 and got severe whiplash from what felt like very edgelord, male gaze-y vibes? the lead actors are good but the first ep failed to hook us bc of aforementioned vibes. is it worth another shot/are we misreading it? i trust your taste and opinions (watched and loved mash bc of your posts), thank you in advance if you answer :)

First of all good to know that the latest season is good. It looks intriguing to me and I’ve heard mixed-to-positive things about it, so I’ll have to give it a try. I trust a fellow mash-enjoyer

Second, I can’t promise you’ll love it but I would say definitely give it another shot because I had the EXACT same reaction as you the first time I tried to get into it and then years later it clicked for me that I had been misreading it and I loved it. First time I watched every time Rust said one of his angsty fake deep college freshman lines I was like “white man im going to KILL you?” and Marty is just an insufferable misogynist. I kind of tuned out after the first couple of episodes and just saw bits and pieces as my friends watched it. And then years later I rewatched the first few episodes (and watched the whole thing for the first time) it really clicked for me from the get go that the show is very very aware of how terrible they are and that the show has a deep sense of humor about both of their special brands of bullshit.

it’s really a story that’s self-aware about the toxic masculinity. Rust, like, does believe some of the shit he says but then you see it’s not the narrative being like “ooooh dont you love our edge lord guy.” It’s like…this man is clinically depressed and traumatized and has built up some insane life philosophy to protect himself. Marty sucks in much more straightforward “masculinity can kill you” ways. And they both cling on to the idea that maybe if they solve this one case that’ll be their salvation. It’s also the story about the friends (or boyfriends) we make along the way.

Anyway it’s been many years since I watched so stay tuned for more nuanced and informed views. These are just my memories of the show. I remember there’s a point at which it fully clicks that the show is more than it seems at first but I don’t quite remember where the is yet

[konohamaru-sensei]

To me, Kimi ni todoke is a perfect story

What can I say now that I have finished season 3? The season 3 we didn't even know we would be getting? Well, I used to tell friends that I am happy with whatever comes, but now im greedy and I want it all. I am very Kazehaya about new KnT seasons, I guess.

Anyway, I have been browsing the tag a little to find gifs and reactions and such, and I already see discussions (not much tbh but still) about how this and that in the story should be different and while the anime did skip things (Rip to "you are mine now" Nakamura-san would have sounded SO GOOD!), people are satisfiedI think. I am, at least, very happy.

But to me, Kimi ni todoke is perfect. and not perfect in this way that i have small problems but overall I'm happy. No, I find it perfect perfect. Every storyline every character development from beginning to end is perfect. I guess people complaining about Ayane or whatever, even if its not here on tumblr that much, just show me that I can't interact with fans of this fandom either.

See, ever since I found KnT in 2009 when I was just 17 (about the age of the characters in the story funnily enough) I have always rewatched it when I was doing poor mentally. I must have seen it 12-15 times over the years, I've probably watched it twice after my fathers death alone. These characters mean the world to me, all of them. I love all of them.

But the girls! At different times of my life I could always connect to another one of them. So much so that while I like Chizu best and think she resembles me the most (in fact, I think she is the anime character that is closest to me in personality), I find a part of me in all of them.

When I found the story I had just lost my friendgroup (because an ex lied about me, it happens) and I had to go back to being alone, so I emphasised with Sawako (and her distancing herself from her friends always makes me cry, without fail, always).

When I moved out to study in 2011 and was mentally so low in 2012 and dated guys because I thought otherwise they wouldnt be my friends, I reread Ayanes okinawa arc over and over and over again.

And of course I have my friends call me by a different name than my given name because my given name is boring lol Kurumi and me.

And ah, Chizu, it would be too long to explain. Too personal. Nobody would care. I had a best friend once that I lost because I was scared of our friendship ending. I love Chizuru because we are the same, and I'm jealous of her because she is better than me. I don't have time or space to express my feelings. Level up to Nisi friendship level 6 to hear tragic backstory.

Also, I can't talk about this show without mentioning how much the voice actors mean to me. Long before I knew any seiyuu-names I knew Kazehayas-voice. In fact, I hated oikawa in hq SPECIFICALLY because he has kazehayas voice and isnt nice! You gotta be nice with that voice man! Their voices are tattooed onto my soul and when I hear them in other places I always think of KnT first.

I love them so very much that when I watched the Tokyo E ncounter episode with Nakamura Yuuchi (Ryu) and Sanpei Yuuko (Chizuru) when they are playing Halo and he is teasing her for having bad aim, I started crying - like sobbing. It was so weird I have you know but I just sat there and I couldn't get it together.

Anyway, Kimi ni todoke is perfect to me. Everything about it means the world to me. I have to physically restrain myself to not rewatch the season again.

Please netflix, finish it, please. You may cut some things. I will forgive you if you cut some things, but give me the end.