#im redoing this thing just for myself
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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why are they so hard to draw
#i started sketching this instead of sleeping so im miserable at work today 👍#im a professional adult#ahsoka in particular is so difficult#the pain she is giving me...#i dont have a good reference of the angle so its killing me#will redo her face for the 4th time when i get home🫡#might have to fall back on the art class method of posing for my own reference photos.. which will haunt me#literally the biggest thing thats stopped me from drawing for 4 years was having to show those pics and drawings in front of class#i wasnt even an art major/minor i shouldnt have to suffer like that 😭#i type into my silly little keyboard everyday making silly little software all day#anyhoo here is a preview of some girls being girls#this is just the super sketchy phase so hopefully it looks better on another pass#im mostly posting this now so i force myself to finish it 🫡#私の#barrissoka#ahsoka tano#barriss offee#my wips#star wars
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Saw a post of someone saying pink is married to every color and it was a bunch of images of the color pink and how nicely it looks and compliments all the other colors and maybe that's why I have so many F/Os maybe I'm just the color pink
#In a different turn of other news.#I tgink I'm about to revamp my whole blog.#I know I literally just made the other one but I think im going to finally just use this blog and not have any.#additional selfsgip blogs.#Someone brought it to my attention yesterday of “Kane you can have several hyperfixations/special interests at once.”#and I dont know why that put a spin on my little world view a bit but it did. It's. It's fine if I post about othrer things on my blog.#I dont need to. do whatever this is. all my friends have several interests that I hear about why am I being such a goober over it.#I know I said that making th other blog was probably just a stepping stone to me putting everything here but I-#-didnt think it was going to happen so soon honestly. Thought I still had a while in me.#Which isnt a BAD tging. Probably good that im finally more properly coming around.#In other words: Kane's little rodeo of blogs is coming to a cease.#And I might like. Go a little crazy and redo my pinned on here and add some like silly dividers or sometging.#Touch up my carrd a bit.#Im having a bit of a moment over here and it might be playing a role in me wanting to do the equivalent of-#-suddenly rearanging my entire room and redoing it all. paint the walls or change the curtains or-#-get new bedsheets and make it the same color as the pillows and just. flip it all upside down. house flipper but for myself.#I just had a short moment of considering changing the tags I use for my F/Os and getting proper shiptags but.#Then I realized I would have to go through and retag everything so we are sticking with the system of it being their name and a-#-corresponding colored heart emoji(s).#self ship#selfship#selfshipping#self shipping
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winter time hifudo..
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#doppo kannonzaka#hifumi izanami#ITS A VIDEO BECAUSE THE GIF MADE THEM SOOO CRUNCHY I GAVE UP. couldnt even see 2 things animated in gif form.#so sorry if u saw me post 3 gifs and delete them earlier today i decided i hate the art thumbs up emoji.#maybe ill redo it one day its a cute idea im just a hater to myself.#'whys doppo drinking it like a cat?' OHHHH YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE WOULDNT? whateverrrr
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ah, i got plenny of time
(this isnt finished)
(cons tomorrow)
#honestly this would be finished if i hadnt been so Me about it#i spent like. a stupid amount of time not letting myself just. do the circle skirt#but i did it in the end and you know what? im happy about it. so THERE past me#sewing#flora reinhold cosplay#the hems the main thing really left now#and the wig styling but honestly i dont think this is a recognisable enough costume to worry about doing much to it#ive got a list of things im gonna redo at some point in the future. but itll be wearable#sorry about 0 updates simply. i was working
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this is b4 theh confused their love or smth
#GUESS WHOS HEAD HURTS AGAIN#it rlly hruts im going back 2 sleep srry#this looks like actual shit so if i ever redo it thats y#bc ot looks cute in my head @ least but my head hrits so uhdbbfn HHhbnn#i think i drew bart 2 small im gonna punt myself#ok slep now#konbart#kart#dc#puppee art#i actually am so mad @ how i drew bart :/#i just have a hard time drawing character interactions in general bc then i have 2 actaully be acurate & hhh#me; says ill make a comic also me; complains that i cant draw characeter enxy 2 each other#ruhrh im wow im feel so sick ok bye no more pls me pls stop skjgkbkkkkkk#dxpect 1 more thing i think its silly 2 think of them loke this ty#what???????#dont look @ my anotomy btw ice been so unhappy w/my art l8ly its been looking so belhhhh ewwwieee#yk ok stop me pls
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I, lowkey, wanna try to make lil' comics about Cult of the Lamb. The thing is, I always start making comics, but never finish them (except for 2 that were like, one shots). And, I don't know, kinda scared of making the first step for, probably, stupid reasons.
Imma try to sleep on it, it is 4am here, after all. Making the post in hope of not forgetting.
Good night people
#cabi leodrann#saw a post about Tumblr being an intimate journal in a group chat for someone#imma try this too lol#cult of the lamb#i just wish my brain and body wasn't that much of a road block#i want to do stuff so badly#but i can't keep up#hell i have to redo my school year because i burned myself out and now im kust sitting on my ass frustrated because i can do jackshit#i haven't even been consistent with drawing regularly even tho its the one thing i love and can do#so yeah stuff#rent
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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can everyone stop giving me work so i can write fic on the clock again
#please. all i’m going to think about til i finish is this fic#i got kinda stuck bc whenever i write smut if i put too much action in a row and not enough emotion i feel like it’s Bad#and i think maybe i need to redo the Choreography#i was hoping to be done this week but i’m just so sleepy and going so slow lol#it will probably be the only femslash feb thing from me. and i probably won’t do the big bang#so many lofty plans falling to my sleepiness#and i’m getting antsy taking so long to start the other fics i planned bc i don’t want them to like get put on the back burner#and take another year and a half lol#what does it matter if it takes a long time. idk!!!#me @ myself stop worrying so much and just write it ahdhdjsk#anyway. back to the point which is smut is so hard to write 😭😭 i don’t want it to be just a list of actions but sometimes im like#how many different ways is there really to say things.#i need a text post tag#i just want to work on this during the DAY and then go home and take a nap ahdjdksk
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scab... in my nose.......... nhhhgg....
#i got a nerve cauterized and it HURTY/ theres a huge fucking scab now and i wanna pick it so bad but i cant#im not gonna shut up abt it though. i keep getting nosebleeds and humidifier didnt work so my doc was like ok boys lets weld that thing shu#there wasnt actually a welding iron or anything. they just stuck some sort of weird looking stick up my nose and it took like 20 min#so to distract myself ive just been redoing my blog. also updated my pin for fun butgod im so close to snapping. i wanna PICK ITTTTT#yapping
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hate teacher.
so angry.
he told me my 6 months worth of work has to be scrapped and entirely redone in 2 weeks. thats literally impossible. i am the tiniest inconvenience away from having an entire meeting with him to read him a 5 page essay on how he has been of no help this entire semester and last and how he has done nothing but inconvenience me all year.
hes seen the work many times before but only brought up the issue now. 2 weeks before a progress report. He told me the thing hes been having me work on for an entire month cant be part of my progress report because its not specific enough.
IF THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN AND HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE I WAS 6 MONTHS IN.
he blatantly holds favoritism as every other student (they all happen to be cis men) get all the help in the world yet i get no help at all and when he tells me i have to scrap all my work he doesnt even point me in the right direction just says redo it you have 2 weeks.
this is a group project but every other group is doing one project with all people working together yet mine is doing one project each person meaning i cant even get assistance. two of the people in my group HAVE NOT SPOKEN A WORD TO ME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.
he is also needlessly rude. instead of just politely saying there might be an issue he feels the need to make me feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I am half convinced this man finds joy in publicly humiliating and shaming me in any way possible. You are a grown ass man what the actual fuck. You are in your god damn 50s.
#loser speaks#vent#i am two seconds away from yelling at him in front of everyone#i am going to continue with what ive been working on till the progress report than fix after and if he doesnt let me im kicking his ass#it is litterally impossible to redo it in the time i have#i can legit use half the stuff i have even after redoing but only if he lets me keep going with what i have till the report#i am almost baffled this man even has his job because every issue ive asked help on hes clueless#like more dumb than me. did not know how to help and i had to figure out myself#HOW DO YOU HAVE YOUR JOB IF YOUR DUMBER THAN YOUR STUDENTS#also he just. cannot get his thoughts across#every time he talks its like random nonsence with no meaning#none of his words MEAN anything#like. is it so hard to answer a simple question with a straightforward response?#typing this out tho has made me realize this man is an idiot and a giant baby so i actually dont care anymore#honestly im better than him and am going to do so much greater things than he ever did so im just gonna ignore him#get through the year and ill never have to see him again 👍
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todays concepts to grapple with are “accept Done over Perfect” and also “change is an inevitable constant”, both are very good sentiments that will better my life when i accept them, but it also means not restarting my crochet project and to stop staring at my face so hard in the mirror, and ima be real both of those r suck
#i wanna redo a pannel on my purse. but thatd be a few hours of work undone and redone#but also id like if it were Perfect. but also i dont wanna redo all that. but also i wanna finish this so i can move on to other shit#idk i cant tell if its something ill forget abt eventually or if its an issue that ill look at every time i use the purse#im. hgggnnn.#the mirror thing is bc of the dermotilomania and also my face is changing bc lack of teeths#isnt a huge deal. but also sometimes i look at the mirror like. Who Are You#i mean. rapidly dropping 50 pounds and losing half your teeth and anxiety making your face the ultimate stim toy. its like. yeah of course.#of course i feel weird. it ties in with being sick. so much shit has changed my body and i havent processed it rlly#thats why im leaning so hard into making clothes and dying my hair. reclaiming what i can control etc etc#i try not to worry abt how i look. i try to just focus on gaining weight and keeping my illnesses managed#but sometimes i look in the mirror like. oh. this isnt who i was#but change is inevitable and i will learn to love this new me too :)#i made myself feel better just by talkimg this out yay#im gonna get super high and crochet YIPPEE!!
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im restarting my animal crossing new horizons island after not playing it for several months ....
#i think it would be good#i just get upset ....#i also really wanna redo my character in the game >_<#im sure !!! things will go well im NERVOUS WAHHHH#<- im always nervous what else is NEW#anyway i think it would just help me think of silly selfship things too ......#also restarting sounded so fun and i thought of it a lot of the time.....#and one of my fav youtubers restarts his like all the time so T_T#IM STALLING BECAUSE IM NERVOUS HESDJFDGDFHDFH#i should think that i get to create myself !!!#AND USE ASHLEY AS MY NAME SDHFJGDDFH#so good things !!!#anyway ill stop nervous rambling ....#ashley talks
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Got distracted and I ended up working on my drawing But then I realized a major mistake on it when I thought I was done with the star veil (yes, again. I changed up the stars at the tips of it, this veil is kicking my ass) and I was erasing stuff already so when I realized I'm like: FUCK-- undo undo undo undo und o un do u n d o. And now I gotta... move All those new lil designs at the tip, Again, so I'm like: Okay... alright... I'll do that Later. I'll write now cuz god Forbid I do anything in that design, it's all mistakes!
#aria rants#that star veil has trapped ME in a time loop of perpetually fixing the thing cuz im never done with it like#this is the messiest drawing ive ever done simply by the Amount of mistakes i have on it and the entire process of it like#past aria wasnt lying about the notes she put for me when i was lazy to do the star veil DAYS AGO but she was only thinking#that: haha future me is gonna bead All those lines >:D well lil did she know is that future her aint gonna bead those lines#anymore but the veil is STILL KICKING MY ASS HARDER THAN WHEN I TRIED TO BEAD IT ALL#also the designs at the tip were supposed to just be stars. but then sirius' heart happened and i was like: i need to put morse code on it#and normally id rely on the circle ruler but i alrdy used circles for the Inner beads. i needed a different kind of circle for the tips#and then i managed to somehow??? freehand a perfectly shaped egg so ive just been duplicating layer and moving#that egg cuz aint no way i can redraw that again. the first was a fluke i didnt know was possible. and i also didnt wanna#redraw the lil dash beads i made via the ruler so ive just been keeping two layers with just one tiny drawing each#of an egg and a slanted rectangle and ngl duplicating and moving those things take up way More of my concentration#than when im just doing the lines over and over again cuz i had to keep track of which layer has which and minimize it#by merging the morse code line ive finished (like once im done for the morse code ''you'' id merge that all tgt)#so i can keep myself from exploding out of incredible confusion on which layer is which but Now i gotta redo ALL THAT#i gotta redo the other ''i love you'' morse code at the right end cuz i Forgot. to leave. a space. at the end.#like the left end has a space (star) before the egg for the first dot of ''i'' but i forgot to do that for the right end.......#theres no space (star) after the rectangle for the last part of ''u''....... i need to move All that-- maaaaaaaaaaannnn#writing it is. ill do writing for now. writing is the best. at least then i dont gotta MOVE EVERYTHING once i made a mistake--
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fucked up the substrate I spent an hour making so I have to redo it....... going to the work bathroom to put my head between my knees and start screaming
#the only reason i fucked it up is bc i cant just fucking drop this and bc im ruminating im not paying enough ATTENTION!!!!!!#i dont even care abt the substrate like its fine i have time to redo it. just angry at myself for allowing this shit to distract me#it doesnt even fucking matter anyway girls will upset themselves over things which are immutable facts they have no control over#and that will never ever change for the rest of their lives. sad! get over it#everything just fucking sucks. well back to the lab i guess! gotta pep myself up for another meeting in an hour and a half ugh#its fine really like what can i even do. such is life im not gonna kms over it. sighs so loud and hard ok bye#.diaries
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i can feel like a renewal wave coming for my characters and their lore/world right now. like i can feel it building in me
#i made like a lore document thats super long that has all my oc info on it#but um. that was 3 or 4 years ago. and i havent read it since#plus ive been thinking abt changing a lot with my main ocs also#soooooo. ummm. i think things are going to change big time soon#i just gotta be careful bc this renewal wave also feels like its gonna apply to me and myself too.#bc im also re-arranging/redoing my bedroom#and i dont wanna redo too much and lose too much familiarity at once#like being too eager and then feeling like im gonna puke bc nothing feels safe#BUT WE GOT THISSSS WE GOT THIISSS#ow.txt#anyways sorry i havent been very active lately classes r killing me
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