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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years

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hello this isnt abt batfam or batman but i saw your age and was wondering how do i survive till 23? i am 18 now and 5 more years is very hard to survive please help

Interesting question. I turn 24 in ten days, and sometimes even I’m not sure. I guess I’ll talk about how I personally stayed alive this long before I try to give advice.

The very first thing I would say is that I am religious, and that worldview makes a difference. I don’t mean that in a “everything happens for a reason” kind of way, and as a matter of fact, I very much dislike that line of thinking. It does a lot of damage, and I’m aware that it rightly puts a lot of people off from religion in general.

I hold two beliefs that I think are helpful in terms of survival. First, I believe that humans are by nature bad. Counterintuitive in this conversation? Stick with me. Every day, but especially at my lowest moments, I hate the things that I am. In a metaphorical sense, my mind whispers to me that I am selfish, that I am cowardly, that I think bad things and I am capable of worse. I’m hateful, I’m terrifying, and I am absolutely broken. At my core, there is something fundamentally wrong, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix it.

I am disgusting. I’m several thousand evil things in a trench-coat pretending to be anything but myself, and I’m not fooling anyone.

Well, yeah. Yeah, I’m all those things and more: manipulative, lying, self-obsessed, angry, unforgiving, and judgmental. I could, of course, go on.

Here’s the thing-- everybody is. I am no better and no worse than any other person in the universe, and though I am ever abhorrent thing, I am. I have the same dignity, the same worth, and the same life as any human anywhere. The dark things are part and parcel of my humanity, but although I am not good, I do good.

I will never be perfect because that just isn’t possible, but I can be kind. I can be loving, I can be strong, and I can be wise.

Shit, doesn’t that set me free?

There’s a lot more to this conversation, and the rest goes, in brief, like this: at the bottom of the darkness that is every soul, we have one great fear-- if I am truly evil, no one will ever love me. Good news on that front, there is a God who does. If that’s something you want to talk about, hey hit me up. I’ll evangelize on my own time.

Back to it. My second belief is a kind of understanding about the passage of time, and it’s sort of hard to boil down into a few sentences, but I’ll try my best. I believe in a grand struggle between good and evil. I know the beginning of that struggle. I know the end of that struggle: that good will win. I am a part of the middle.

I see my role in the universe as extraordinary small but absolutely necessary. I have a two-fold purpose-- love God, love humans. I interpret both as a call to help others in any way I can, and I think in the way my life has worked out so far, that’s really the most important thing keeping me alive.

I see all of this through the frame of my religion, but I would argue that everything I’ve said so far is applicable outside of that frame, because a lot of folks get to the same place from a fully secular point of view. I cannot be perfect. I should care about and fight for other people. That’s really all we’re working from here.

A few years back, when people asked me this question-- how do you stay alive?-- I used to answer “spite,” and that’s not untrue. I am a very angry person, and the grand majority of that anger is directed at what I perceive as unjust acts. I have a deep-seated hatred of establishments (including the established church), and you’d be shocked at how much of a motivator that can be.

I grew up in an environment that was very intentional in teaching me to identify injustice. Though I have radically departed from many of the teachings of my childhood, the part about fighting for others was something I learned at day one, and that bit has stuck around. For the most part, I grew up in an environment where everyone was on the same page about it.

And theeeeeeen I went to undergrad. Hello, Texas A&M. I hit campus as an 18 year old fully incapacitated by anxiety. I was the kind of person who didn’t-- in fact couldn’t-- speak in front of others. I had always lived my life in a way that minimized myself, because if I never spoke, if I never disagreed, if I never drew attention, I would never make anyone angry. I knew from experience that angry people hurt me, and I was afraid of pain.

Then I experienced the absolute shenaniganry of conservative Texans. The culture shock sent me to space and back, and on the return trip I decided that I couldn’t be quiet anymore.

I learned to speak my freshman year so that I could scream FUCK YOU. It was incredibly painful, and I can’t tell you exactly how I managed it other than I was angry, and I didn’t want to lose.

I fought a similar battle on my homefront against parents that didn’t know how to deal with a daughter that disagreed, or even worse, a daughter that wasn’t okay. I wasn’t a perfect child anymore. I knew I had anxiety, I knew I was depressed, and we all knew who I blamed for that. They hadn’t been the perfect parents they thought they were.

I found myself growing, little by little, into a person that could write and argue and hold her ground. That’s personal growth for sure, but it didn’t necessarily help my mental health. As a matter of fact, my health declined all through undergrad, and in my third and final year, I cracked.

I was desperate. I was isolated. I was flooded by fear and despair, and I was falling apart. I don’t remember huge chunks of undergrad because I was so depressed that the memories didn’t stick, but I do remember my tipping point.

It was something small. The ceiling fan in my bedroom was broken. The lighting chain worked fine, but if anyone pulled the fan chain, the whole thing would stop working. I mixed up which chain was which, pulled the wrong cord, and broke it for the fourth time.

For some reason, that was it. I lay down on my floor and cried for an hour, and while I did, my mind went to, as the kids say, a dark place. Finally, I called my mom and begged for psychiatric medication, something I had always been afraid to ask for. At the time, my parents believed that antidepressants were overprescribed, and they mocked parents that let their children take them.

At around the same time, I was deciding what to do with my life. I was about to graduate, and I had always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Instead, everyone in my life pushed me towards law school. I didn’t know what to do, but I began fantasizing, not about going to law school exactly, but about being the kind of person that could go to law school.

I knew that law school would be entail public speaking and constant conflict and the kind of work that would be hard for a person who sometimes couldn’t leave her bed. I wanted to be someone who could do all of that, but I didn’t believe I was.

Enter Donald Trump. Post-November 2016, I struggled to understand how something like that could happen, and I watched everyone else deal with it too. I began confused, moved to distraught, then returned to what I always am: angry.

January 2017 was the inauguration and shortly afterwards, the “Muslim ban.” I read the news on my bedroom floor, and there was one specific part that stuck out to me. There were pictures of lawyers flooding the airports. There was a court case headed for SCOTUS.

I suddenly realized that one group-- one very select group-- was doing what I was powerless to accomplish. I hated establishments, and there was one group that could challenge and change them. Some people could fight in the way I wanted to, and those people were lawyers.

I have a very distinct memory of looking into the bathroom mirror of my third-year apartment and thinking, “I will be miserable for the rest of my life, no matter what I do or what career I pick. I might as well be a miserable lawyer.”

So I took my antidepressants and I went to law school. I’m not going to rehash everything that happened there in this particular post, because in this topic, I don’t think it matters. The relevant part is that I went, and I had my reason why.

Sure as hell can tell you that law school wasn’t good for my health. The last three years have been, in terms of sheer stress and despair, the worst of my life. I picked up a self-harm habit, endured consistent humiliation, cycled through six different antidepressants, had horrible relationships, and developed a psychotic disorder. Don’t get me wrong, there were good things too. I met people that are important me, and beyond that, I grew.

I know that 18 year old me would be absolutely flabbergasted by the woman I am now, cracks and flaws included. I wouldn’t say I’m healthy or okay, but I am more healthy and more okay. I’m coming out of this mess with the institutional power I wanted, and now I get to decide what to do with it.

I was wrong three years ago when I looked in that bathroom mirror. I know now that I won’t be miserable for the rest of my life. I’m going to be happy someday, and to the parts of me that say otherwise: fuck you. I’ve learned to say it now.

I graduated law school this week, and this month, I’ve felt better than I ever have before. I’m singing again, I dropped two medications, and suddenly, everything is so, so funny. I’ve been laughing so hard my face hurts the day after.

This is a huge turning point in my life, so I’ve been meditating on my past. I’ve come to the conclusion that in most of the ways that matter, I won. My family has been forced to accept what I am. I became the person I wanted to be, even though I thought I wasn’t capable of that.

I know for sure that there will be times in my life where I hit rock bottom again, and that’s not gonna be fun. It’s likely that with my mental health issues, I will always have to work harder than my peers to get the same results. That’s unfair.

I also know that high points exist, and I will have them. I am having them, and I will again.

I guess in recap, I know that I have deep flaws and ugly parts, but I am at peace with that. I know that I must help others, and in pursuit of that goal, I became a person I like more than the girl I used to be.

You have exactly the same potential. I want you to know that whatever you are now, that’s not your forever. Circumstances change, and you will change too. We’re human, you and I, and that’s an exciting thing to be.

Your worth comes from your humanity itself, both evil and good, not the things you do or the fights you win. You never have to compare yourself to others because you are exactly the same as everybody else-- no better, but certainly no worse. You’re a person. That’s enough.

I’m telling you all those things, and as advice, I’ll say this: get angry and fight. Fight for others. You can help them, and you should. Fight for yourself. You are worthy of respect, and everyone else should give it to you. Fight yourself. Any part of you that preaches despair is wrong.

Find the thing that makes you angry and use it. Things are fucked up! There’s a lot to be angry about. I put it this way to my classmates, now my attorney peers: you get one hill to die on. What’s your hill? Go and defend it.

Here’s an interesting thing, anon. Your hill can be yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re right. Five years is a lot, and all the years beyond that are more. Take your antidepressants and go.

#anyway here's a fucking autobiography I guess #let's see what to tag what to tag #religion #christianity #suicide #suicidal thoughts #suicidal ideation #asks #personal i guess #wait I thought of more #self harm #american politics #if the read more on this post doesn't work again I'm rioting #been having that glitch lately

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constablegoo · 4 years

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@astralglam filed a report .

mint: does your muse view themself as virtuous & moral? what do these words mean to them?

OHOHO. hey hi ily. this is, of course, one of odo’s deepest ongoing battles, and the moment he stops questioning it is the moment he becomes a founder.

the founders grant themselves god status. GOD! status. they just reach out and pluck it. Within their range of power, the founders become unquestionably Just and Virtuous and Moral, their Word becomes Law, it becomes “the way things are” and “fact” and they create their own reality stemming from thousands of years of intense xenophobia. they’re above it all. gods don’t make mistakes, right? sure, maybe changelings were hunted and feared ages ago but they still fear it, and that drive for Order and Control over the galaxy is now encoded into their genes and they place a companion structure into the genes of every other species they control, subjugating them to the founders’ own cozy position as Gods, or-- ‘gods’. the founder (i rly don’t like saying “female” founder so she’s THE Founder. she speaks for the link.) makes it quite clear on many occasions that the founders are not here to negotiate. they fully intend to control EVERYTHING at any cost. it is absolutely chilling when she cuts garak down with: “they’re dead. you’re dead. cardassia is dead.” and draws the line between the dominion and everyone else miles deep into the sand.

that same genetic coding is one of the first semi-concrete things odo comes to understand about himself and, horribly, he’s landed into conditions under the occupation that very easily could have taken advantage of a less meticulous or stubborn changeling. no, odo says initially (and incorrectly), i am not bajoran** and i am not cardassian and i stand apart from either side of this conflict and so i am bound to PURE Virtue and Morality because of it. he can’t be bribed or bought or won over, and he won’t allow for anything less than a kind of incorruptibility. this effectively wins him allies (and enemies) on both sides, however -- that’s just not how the universe works. the truth of it is that no matter how much he tells himself he is not a part of their regime, his working with the cardassians makes him a collaborator in that he has then recognized their authority and ultimately upheld their legitimacy, even if he never agreed with the cause, even if he was also on some level a casualty of it. at some point when he moves past ‘contract’ investigation and begins to work permanently, he falls into the trap of thinking Order is the same thing as Justice... huge yikes. in that moment he becomes a true and apathetic villain, but he’s subsequently haunted by the resulting execution of innocents. it shakes something up in him. years pass and he still wonders, what other mistakes has he made? what other less direct consequences of his ‘neutral’ arbitration exist? he (and everyone around him) has to live without really knowing, and it’s a constant reminder to him of the power he holds and it informs his understanding of what Real (and imperfect) Justice Means.

**sidenote but later in s7 he introduces himself as ‘from bajor’ and AAAAAA. its good. very good. yeah, you’re bajoran, odo. he gets it now.

Mirror odo is really the ultimate example of an odo having taken those instincts to extremes in an environment that rewarded him for them -- there is no guilt there, and even a sadistic kind of pleasure in it. i’d argue that gaia!odo is another, less extreme example of an odo who’s been alone too long and lost sight of things when he single-mindedly (and against kira’s wishes) chooses her (one person) over 8000. like holy shit? NOT ok? uhhuhhhhfff. anyway. very fortunately, neither of these are OUR odo, but act as great foils to reflect on the worst (bastard cop) qualities or potential qualities of our goo pushed to highly visible extremes, which star trek just loves to do all the time.

but regular/prime odo isnt exactly a rule-follower, either. throughout his life, he frequently takes things into his own hands, uses his abilities to his advantage, spies, wiretaps, eavesdrops, and yes, harasses [quark] sometimes -- he develops his own set of values and personal rules and follows them; even starfleet comes in wary of him and how he operates and hes on thin ice. but because of possibly his most redeeming quality, odo is able to adapt those self-ordained values toward something increasingly honest: for how rigid he can be in personality, he is HIGHLY influenced by the world around him, listens hard to what his friends and allies have to say and adapts that feedback; this allows him to evolve and grow and take important matters to heart. he becomes more flexible and better able to hold onto what’s really most important after locking into a decision, because above all else, he is passionately committed to doing the Right Thing. he PLEADS with himself in things past, “your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions.” by his tendency to push back against what is laid down as ‘law’ (something he becomes more and more aware of and effective at doing) as not always being good or right, or necessarily even creating Order (the thing he’s driven genetically to want), he prepares himself to challenge the most deadly voice of authority -- that of his own people.

so... yes and no. odo’s role and persona as ‘your average security chief’ might dictate that he be virtuous and moral, but he so obviously can’t fit the same exact mold as others in his position -- he has these insane abilities and this mind-consuming nature and it requires he tread with extra care, but he also has a potential for more adaptive, more nuanced morality. he has to build up his own definitions to the words, constantly examine and tease and test them, or else he risks straying too far from what he really wants to achieve -- harmony, honest justice. he has to accept that he’s a part of the system he operates in (not, in fact, alone or isolated! something he actually wants), and know that he is not exempt from making the wrong choice, just like anybody else.

carnation: what is your muse’s relationship with their gender? how do they express or not express this relationship?

ODO AND GENDER!!! i love odo and gender. let’s take this one step at a time. he starts out as an amorphous glob -- he has no gender. there’s no basis for assignment, no culture of difference, and all the goos are goo. odo takes on the shape of the first living thing he sees / the thing he sees most frequently: dr mora. he adopts an image of masculinity from mora and he adopts the hair. that’s about it, and it’s pretty much arbitrary. (maybe the hair is simple enough for his skills, too?) the next people odo meets are also these very masculine, military, cardassian leaders, so again -- this is all he knows! this is neutrality. i imagine it takes him some time to work out what the differences in gender are, and sex, and orientation, romantic vs sexual stuff, all of that. it’s all got cultural baggage he knows nothing about and does not experience, and he’s also dealing with multiple, clashing cultures to boot. since he doesnt have any strong inherent leaning, he simply opts out. he/him becomes his default because thats where he started, thats what he’s been able to successfully present and how people know him, and, terrifyingly, under cardassian rule, it probably offered a bit of safety, too, which was obviously something he needed at the time.

way way way way way down the line in season seven, odo asks kira to (paraphrasing) look at me. what do you see? [i see you.] but this is NOT me, this is only a shape ive assumed in order to fit in. she says, yes, i know that. but this is who you have chosen to be. “a man. a good and honest man.” (i knowww shes not really talking abt gender here BUT) its hard as a trans person not to read the metaphor. he’s chosen to express SOMETHING. he’s chosen something other than what he was given (neutrality) and although he doesnt personally buy into what ‘masculinity’ “should be” (ie the ferengi, smh) / would certainly not argue he doesnt feel non-binary, this is how he has presented all his life, its how hes been treated, and it is what he has chosen to adhere to. there’s a choice in that, kira’s right, and now it reflects something about him.

parallel this, i’ll mention the “female” founder again bc of course there is no discernable reason for her to have a gender -- other than to appeal (im not talking sexually here although there’s,, obviously weird shit happening with the link... yike) to odo in the sense that until that point odo has lived with “gendered” individuals and, i think importantly, kira is with them when they first meet. i think its safe to say the founder saw her, figured she was a friend/ally to odo or at least familiar to him, and took her general representation to appeal as a friend/ally.

otherwise... why, honestly? the founder’s got NO love of humanoids lmao why would she bother.

anyway i’d like to see odo experiment a bit. because when hes safe, he can!! aside from his own doubts and insecurities about shapeshifting, at some point he really has no reason not to, at least a little bit. really, it should just be another thing to practice, much like becoming a convincing rock or a leaf, its just that there are other significances in the cultures around him. i’d just like to see him loosen up a little. have fun. grow ur hair out a bit, odo, why are u still looking like ur terrible dad.

#astralglam #geez ok anyone who reads these are gods #thanks for letting me let some frogs out of my brain #like a lot of frogs #⌀ EVERY SIXTEEN HOURS I TURN INTO A LIQUID! [ about. ]#⌀ YOU HAVE NO SECRETS FROM ME. [ asks. ]#long post /#long as hell post /#sorry hopefully everyones asleep i dont wanna do readmore bc im a nuisance asjdfa

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mamusings · 4 years

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Having let the 15 x 18 percolate I started to watch again s23 and ep 1-6 of 15. Basically everything available. I'd gotten tired of feeling toyed with and feeling gaslit when trying to get confirmation from reviews for what I felt I was seeing. Ita very rarely in the dialogue but just in the eye lines and symbolically sometimes in the parallel plots.

Anyway: season 14 is a joy really. The beothere have grown up. I had been dishing the endless desperate loop of I d die for you wearing thin. Sam is basically cooked. A leader in the best sense (using his intelligence and his empathy). Dean accepts it even tho it's a bit new to him not being the boss. (The dialogue on chief)

We get that recognition more explicitly here that I found in my reviews of the early seasons that these are 2 very different men but now they have a degree of comfort and space in that that eluded them. They allow each other to be.

Which brings me to my predictions. Sam may be cooked but Dean isnt. Hes still not worked out who he is and how to have what he wants (cas basically).

So is Dean in love with Cas. Absolutely, i think this has been shown in subtext much more clearly than is Cas in love with Dean (I mean romantically/sexually). With Cas we see loyalty, devotion and affection. For an angel what does love mean? I was never quite sure. Does he want an actual relationship with Dean?

Dean's easier hes clearly incredibly attracted excited fascinated by cas in the initial phase. Then you get the affection, the liking, protectiveness. High point purgatory. Also devotedness.

In later seasons we get heartbroken widower and the co-parents/husbands. Plus their fights start to look more like a bickering couple that anything else.

So I am absolutely convinced that Dean is in love with cas.

But how aware is Dean of how he feels? I think hes so scared if being rejected by cas he can barely admit this to himself. Its telling Michael doesnt know how Dean feels about Cas. Theres lots of gay couples in the background by s23 early e15. I'd say it's an indicator Dean knows hed like to be with cas. Theres been no on screen hook ups for Dean (although there are references). But what we get now is acknowledging that a large part of Dean's flirting is social behaviour rather than sexual intent. It's nice, its charming but he doesnt mean it. (Pamela). So at some level Dean knows he wants to be together with Cas. He knows what he has with Cas. (Telling John he has a family - ok that goes wider than Cas but in my view early spn is Dean trying to grown beyond his father having the white picket fence and the girl always felt like something Dean felt he should want rather than something he really did want. The relationship with lisa is framed with lots of doing the chores and proper manly chores at that)

But I do think Dean knows how he feels. We are back to him having dialogue with Sam (Jess even comes up) with that typical early destiel trope of shots of Dean where I think the implication is that Dean is thinking about the same subject matter in relation to cas.

Sam knows but I think the malak box incident re Dean shows us that Sam knows when not to push Dean. He offers opportunities to open up but he doesnt push his brother. Like I said they get each other better now. It's not like when john dies and sam is pushing and pushing for a conversation. Now as cas and Dean's relationship falls apart we get a lot of pained reaction shots from sam. Just like we sometimes get the oh just kiss already smirk in earlier seasons. Sam doesn't understand why this relationship doesnt progress but he respects both cas and dean and doesnt meddle. I think when dean comes our Sam will be pivotal support.

What's interesting is that e15 as far as I have seen it seems to mirror early spn. Dean is mirroring his father. Obsessed with revenge at all costs. Neglecting love and relationships. The brothers are regressing into their old.relationship patterns under stress of mary dying with Dean taking up his rage filled leadership.role again. But the wierd thing is the endless we dont have a choice. Its tfw they have choice, they are all about choice. In fact Cas is choice embodied. He shouldn't have choice but he does. And over the seasons since the soul consumption he has grown remarkably in handling choices. To the extent that at the end of s14 he no longer refers to Dean's choice making on Jack. That's happened before with Kelly but then it was more ambiguous cos it got Cas dead. Then it was faith, he believes I Jack. With the malak box and Jack its ethics. Cas has grown up. Right through s14 its striking how wise he is, how he draws on experience and knowledge to counsel those around him.

I think there is a sharing of power, of burden, to come. The narrative of we shoulder all this so everyone.else can live the cute life we cant will be transformed. Basically buffy final season.

Cas professing his love for Dean. And by preparing what he wants is something he cant have I think is a totally non ambiguous profession of romantic and sexual love. He has friendship with Dean, he has family. What cas thinks he cant have is more that that. So without the fear of rejection Dean's wall can come down. I'm not sure how aware he is of what he feels because Dean can ne a dumbass, but he definitely feels it. Sam knows and will help once Dean opens up. That will take a while because Dean doesnt open up easily.

And finally a comment on the crying which oddly isnt in many of the fan vids. I think jensen is a great actor when it comes to emotional crying scenes. But we should appreciate that so far we have had weeping - tear tracks slowly with big exposition or dealing with grief wiping at his eyes. Or the meltdown, high octane crying very distressed generally life or death shit with Sam and a lot of emotion. We have never seen Dean crying into his hands like that. Curled up, despairing. I think that's another indicator that Dean absolutely knows how he feels about cas.

One final thing. Cas will be back, we wont have Dean at the end of spn with6the person he loves. Either in this world.or another its gonna happen.

Another thing I suspect is that we see with jack that while cas is the great reliable advice parent he cant bond as quickly emotionally as Dean. Its Dean who, when hes minded has the talent of emotional connection in a way cas and sam dont. The fishing expedition shows us that. Dean has the most trou ped connection to Jack, hes hated him wanted him dead. But hes also the one who gets the sunlit upland of fishing. Same as cas is the one who loves unconditionally when Mary is killed. He hugs jack. So when dean is ready to love cas publicly i think it wont be a huge thing of awkward shuffling feet. It'll be Dean doing what hes good at, loving people, but doing it with cas.

Ok I've only watched til episode 6. Gonna avoid spoilers from noe on and cross my fingers. Cant wait to watch it all.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas

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k-astrology · 7 years

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Chart Description: Taemin (Shinee)

With his sun, moon and mercury all in cancer (stellium) it makes him more emotionally then the typical cancers. He communicates with his emotions, his decisions are emotionally driven and he craves emotion. He has a fear of being abandoned and/or rejected. Because of this insecurity he tends to be possessive or clingy (fully aware) but wishes he wasn’t because he also doesn’t want to smother others. Because of his empathetic nature and how receptive he is, he sometimes has a hard time placing a ‘position’ or a solid identity. Defining himself is a challenge, and is why people with cancer (especially stellium) are often misunderstood, are moody and becoming secretive is very common for them. Cancers do have a desire to establish themselves and look outwards to figure out how too - It’s clear that Taemin has established himself and found himself, but this is a general thing for Cancers’. He is very intuitive when he communicates and can easily connect emotionally with others. He has a very good memory and is the type of person to remember small details people have told him about themselves, or even conversations from months ago. In love he seeks for someone who can help him be stable and someone who is loving and as sacrificing as himself. He wants for love to be larger then life and passionate - The type you’d see in movies. With so much emotion it seeps through his art. He is a visual person who likes to not only verbally express his passion but visualize it as well. Cancers are often seen as overly sensitive and soft signs, which is true, but don’t be fooled. Cancers can be very tough. They hold a lot of themselves back because of how they’d rather hurt silently then hurt others (some cancers, while others can be selfish and take everyone down with them in the fall) Despite his emotions with a venus in Gemini the idea of love is better then the real deal. He is very flirtatious and has a lot of charm. He is attracted to intelligence and substance, rather then looks and material. He desires lighthearted love that makes him feel like he isnt ‘trapped’. Despite him being hard to pin down, it is possible if his attention is caught and kept. With virgo mars his instincts are critical. He tends to overanalyze and overthink things, and tends to question his abilities. He isnt quick to anger and actually passive towards conflicts. With his jupiter in Libra he tries to treat people with equality and is a very fair person. He is mentally adventurous, ready and willing to learn, into “mind expansion”, and less attached to his values than others because he is generally quite impartial and open-minded. He is able to see many sides to an argument. With his Leo in Chiron, placements are often awkward and feel they lack talent or skill. By taking time to learn their gifts they can truly make a huge impact on the world. (Which he has done and is still doing tbh)

As for his rising, ill be describing what the chart analysis gave me (Since I don’t know his birth hime)

People with Libra rising are often very popular. They come across as very charming, polite and attract people easily. They thrive better with someone by their side, which is why they are often always in relationships or inseparable with their BFF. They simply don’t know what to do with themselves without a significant other. Because of their fare nature, they always try to solve conflicts or help as much as they can without really picking a side to avoid conflict. They do have a side to them that tends to start trouble and pretend they did no such thing. Just like Leo, they want for others to have a good impression of them and want to appear well put together (x)

Aspects: Opposition Sun - Uranus His identity rides on his sense of personal freedom. It can be quite a challenge to get him to do what he don't want to do, simply because he see any attempts by others to push him in a certain direction as threatening his sense of freedom. He can have a lot of nervous energy and defensiveness. He works best when he can manage his own schedule, and he can work in spurts. When he is hit with creative inspiration, he is capable of tremendous effort.

Trine Sun - Pluto He enjoys and embraces growth, especially of the psychological kind. He loves a good mystery, and he is good at solving them. He isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, and he is usually quick to help others--not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

Square Venus - Mars He has a real awkwardness with his social skills (not always visible to others). He wants to be involved with someone (romantically) but timing is often off and/or it's difficult to find a relationship that mirrors your strong desires and expectations. He is highly creative and generally and is driven to express that creativity - His passion is channeled into his creative output.

Square Moon - Jupiter He is sometimes indifferent to others, to those who surround him: he is, without thinking, negligent and indecisive. He may "feed" inner restlessness with excesses in gambling, shopping, or other comforts, and his honesty is sometimes a bit elastic.

Source: Me, x and x

#Taemin #shinee #shinee taemin #lee taemin #Chart Description #astrology #zodiac #kpop astrology #K-Astrology

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dunamanticarchivist · 6 years

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The Munchkin Nein - Jester Jay

I’ve been sitting on this one for-fucking-ever (like half a year a full year). Everytime I try doing this I somehow end up not procrastinating on the thing I was trying to to avoid by doing this. Idk its weird, but now I have somewhat a free moment and am looking to finally polish off this piece on cleric abilities - specifically one leetle blue tiefling. Will do Caduceus in another post since despite similarities, Laura and Taliesin play very differently. For those unfamiliar with this series, it is one where I ramble on the M9′s abilities, hoping to inform about the mechanics and let Critters indulge in the metagaming pigeon and optimize combat and damage numbers. You can find the rest of the series (now very outdated) here

Ok clerics have so many spells I can’t cover them all, especially now they are level 8 and have access to Lvl 1-4 cleric spells. So I’ll mostly go over the ones she uses and maybe explore some I think are pretty cool. But first, an overview.

Jester has the mechanics of a hybrid melee/caster character due to her above-average stats across the board. Her AC stands at a respectable 18, 2nd highest of the group by default (beat out by Caleb’s 19 if he has Mage Armor and casts Shield). Sadly her HP is relatively low at 67, 3rd last (though Nott, Cad, Jester and Beau) all fall within 65-69 (nice) HP.

Next her WIS mod is maxed at +5 and her STR and DEX are at +3 and +4 respectively. Which is somewhat a shame she is limited to simple weapons, since a finesse weapon such as a shortsword/scimitar or rapier would be a straight up mechanical improvement in both to hit chances and the actual damage (although her handaxe is +1, evening it out but a +1 finesse weapon would be better yadda yadda whatifs and maybes)

Aiding her in melee damage is her Trickery Domain Divine Strike that adds 1d8 poison damage once per turn on hit in melee. Sadly many things are also resistant to poison, such as the demon they faced in C2E55.

Ok first things up: Spell slots and spells prepped. Clerics recover their spell slots on a long rest and at Level 8 have the following: 4 L1s, 3 L2s, 3L3s, 2 L4s. 12 spells, seems adequate right? NOPE as the last fight in c2e55 proves. You never have enough spells to keep your squishy party alive.

Next, clerics theoretically know a lot of spells. Like 70 over spells they could know how to cast. However, at the start of the adventuring day, their god gives them X number to work with. For Jester at Level 8, this is 13 and increases by 1 every level in cleric. Additionally, she has 8 spells that don’t have to be prepared every day (as listed in the Trickery subclass spells). So a large part of cleric (and druid and wizards who have this spell prep mechanic) is choosing the “right” spells for the day. As we know, CR is not exactly combat optimized, so suffice to say not all the following spells will be available in any given scenario. But still, here are some of the options.

Her much beloved and iconic spiritual weapon the lollipop is a level 2 spell that is cast on a bonus action (good for action economy). It does 1d8 + 5 damage on a hit and 2d8 + 5 instead if she uses her Lvl 4 spell slots (with +d8 every 2 level spell slot increase). And best of all, it is NOT a concentration spell, so she is then free to whirl it about in all directions whilst opening other cans of whoop-ass.

Like Spirit Guardians, a 3rd level AoE 15ft radius centered on self of 3d8 radiant damage. Enemies can make a WIS save to halve the damage, but are still subject to halved speed while in the area regardless if they make the save or not. Casting at higher levels scales the damage by 1d8. This however, is concentration, so she cannot maintain other spell effects such as Blink and Pass without a Trace.

She has 2 nuke spells: Guiding Bolt and Inflict Wounds. Both are single target level 1 spells, and casting with higher level slots give better damage. Guiding bolt starts with 4d6 radiant damage and has a comfortable range of 120 ft while Inflict Wounds does a horrendous 3d10 necrotic, but requires melee range. Inflict Wounds scale better with level +1d10 vs +1d6, but Guiding Bolt (if hit) gives advantage to the next attack from the party. Due to initiative order fuckery and flanking stuff the advantage may be redundant sometimes, but I believe the best combo is Nott (the best detective agency) using the advantage for sneak attack in the absence of other sneak attack conditions. For inflict Wounds, if Jester has her duplicate in melee she can cast it from the duplicate.

This presents an interesting conundrum for Invoke Duplicity, one of her Channel Divinity options (2 uses per short rest). Invoke Duplicity is a concentration action (bad), but can be cast 120 ft out. I think it isnt optimal to invoke duplicity to Inflict Wounds from a distance since it takes 2 full turns to do so + a bonus action to move the duplicate if when the enemy repositions. Instead, the duplicate can be used to double team an enemy in melee range, giving advantage to any attack rolls. 1. Inflict Wounds is an attack roll. 2. Spiritual Weapon is an attack roll. So perhaps Invoke Duplicity at 30 ft out as a first turn distraction as well as Spiritual Weapon, then move in for the kill. The positioning of both will be key, since she can only move one of them with her bonus action (30 and 20 ft respectively)

I forget how Matt rules with regard to distracting with duplicates (i.e will intelligent enemies attack the duplicate instead?) A parallel situation occurs with the Mirror Image spell. Not concentration (excellent) and is automatically prepared (also very good). When an enemy rolls to attack her if she has cast it, she rolls a d20 and above certain numbers (based on the number of duplicates remaining) the enemy attacks the duplicate. For Mirror Image, the duplicates are destroyed on hit (AC 14 for Jester’s dupes). But I believe Invoke Duplicity ones cannot be destroyed. Either cases could take the heat off Jester (which she has been on the receiving end of TOO MANY times).

Control Water I think I’ll go update Fjordy after all this; its more his spell than Jester’s now they are out of the water.

She also has a lot of other utility spells that can be clutch outside of healing and hurting (ok I have yet to mention her heals but that seems fitting we’ll get to that in a bit). Polymorph and Banishment can take enemies out of the fight temporarily (both concentration), with polymorph being easier to break if anyone accidentally hits them too hard. But polymorph can also be used on allies to turn them into a bag of hitpoints and melee prowess (generally speaking). But maybe not the most appropriate use (Polymorph Nugget/Sprinkle into the BBEG XD)

Dimension Door helps reposition Jester as well as an ally in melee range completely, enough to flee a fight or make a huge chase or get help. Dispel Magic is to nullify some of the magic thrown at the party and can be extremely useful, especially if enemies are limited in their spellcasting.

And finally when she runs out of leveled spells to throw, she has cantrips. Toll the Dead is an above average damage cantrip (2d12 necrotic at her level unless enemies are at full health, then 2d8) WIS save. Sacred Flame is 2d8 radiant damage and enemies dont get cover bonuses to their DEX save for this. Sadly Matt seems to be very good at saving versus these, and saves mean no damage at all. But still, they are useful when she casts bonus action spells such as Healing Word, Spiritual Weapon and Sanctuary

And finally the healing stuff. Cure Wounds and Healing Word. They are a parallel to the Inflict Wounds and Guiding Bolt conundrum. Cure Wounds heals for 1d8 + 5 (average of 9.5 HP) at level 1, while Healing Word heals for 1d4 + 5 (7.5 HP). Cure Wounds needs touch, Healing Word has 60ft range. Cure Wounds scales better with level (1d8 vs 1d4). Honestly in D&D 5e, thats not much healing. And the variance can screw you over. So prioritizing damage dealing is a pretty good strategy. In fact, with the presence of Caduceus, Jester has a comparative advantage in dealing damage (her opportunity costs of attacking are actually lower than Caduceus’, situationally).

However, as we see, Revivify is a very, very good tool to keep in one’s back pocket since you never know when an ally might accidentally blow up another. That part of healing, yeah no its a quintessential cleric role that Laura has played completely true to. And everyone needs to thank her for it.

All in all, the hybrid nature of Jester as a Trickery Cleric has some growing pains, but I think she is a very very dangerous character (Matt acknowledges the value of clerics and is rather fond of focusing them). If she went full beast mode her damage output could probably match Beau’s, so really no one should hold her back with silly things like healing and worrying about her squishy friends. Dr Clay will be with you in a moment (after you’ve gone unconscious that is)

If anyone wants to debate the risk/return profiles of various spells, attacks, damage rolls and dice gods, feel free to drop me an ask!

Edit: her racial features are as follows for completeness sake: Cold resistance, Hellish Rebuke once per day, reaction when taking damage. 3d10 cold damage with DEX save for half damage. DC 12. Darkness once per day. Thaumaturgy as cantrip. Darkvision 60ft

#critical role #the munchkin nein #d&d #jester lavorre #cleric #the mighty nein #this is my way of coping with the stress of my emotional investment #cr spoilers i guess

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superblyjovialtheorist-blog · 6 years

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1) I'm looking to buy a car soon after I pass my driving test in 2 weeks. I'm 20, I'll be turning 21 in November. I seen that the insurance price for a 17-20 year old is around 2400 and the price for a 21-24 year old is around 2000. If I were to get insurance 2 months before my 21st birthday, would I be able to pay 2 monthly rates of the 17-20 year old price and then convert onto the 21-24 year old price? Or am I stuck with the 20 year old price for one year? 2) If I were to set the voluntary excess to a higher amount to get a lower premium, would I be able to change the voluntary excess when I renew my car insurance? Or is it possible to change it every month if I chose to pay monthly? Thanks.""

Cheapest car insurance I can get? (10 points)?

OK I know car insurance can depend on a bunch of diff factors. If I leave something out that may mean major money let me know and I'll do a quick edit. *I'm 17 *Senior in hs *A-B+ average *Had my DL for 3 months *Never been in a wreck *Never received a ticket *Took drivers ed *I have a part time job Again if there's something else I should mention just let me know. My insurance right now is $1000 every six months. It ends this month though, and I'm looking for a new insurance.""

About how much will insurance increase if you lightly rear end a car but you just got your license at 16?

Someone i know has Geico insurance and turned sixteen in August. He got his license a few months ago and really lightly rear ended a car today. I mean you cant even tell its hit unless you analyze the back. So about how much do you think the insurance will go up?

How much is the average car insurance per month?

Ok so im 18 years old, i still live with my parents and im looking to get a car. SO how much would insurance be per month? I plan to get the car in my name so i am wondering if i can get the insurance in my name or will i go under my parents insurance? My parents don't have a car at the moment so if i get my own car under my name can i get insurance in my name even though im still living with them?""

No Insurance!?

No Insurance!? How much do you think a tooth will cost to be pulled?

How much does liability car insurance cost for a 17 year old girl?

I know that the full insurance may be roughly 140-160 a month for me, but I was told by a friend that his insurance is only 80 bucks a months because he only got the liability insurance in which his insurance only covers the other car, but not any damage done to his own in the case of an accident. Keep in mind, he's male, and he is also 21. I'm looking to buy either a: 2000 sunfire 2000 cavalier 1995 jimmy 1998 chevy tracker 1993 bmw 325l ....and the idea is that I would get it with the liable insurance to save some money. How much may this cost me a month? I have no history of any driving infractions or accidents.""

Which cars are the cheapest insurance wise? (england)?

I wanna get a car as soon as i'm 18, so i obviously want something which will have cheap insurance. Nothing embarrasing mind.""

Auto insurance ???

who do auto insurance companies answer to? Auto insurance is a state requirement, but if an Auto insurance company makes a mistake of some sort who are they responsible to? everyone answers to someone...""

Cheap car insurance for newly leased cars?

I am looking to start my own insurance with out my parents, I already consulted and figured out that I am about to lease a 2010 Honda Civic DX coupe. I am looking for the most reasonably cheap plan, any advice?""

Does the Year of your Car affect Insurance Prices?

Does the Make of Your Car Affect How Much you are Charged for Insurance? Does the Year of Your Car Affect How Much you are Charged for Insurance? Does Having 2Doors Always Rise How Much you are Charged for Insurance? No Baby Answers.

How much is motorcycle insurance for a 150cc moped?

I've heard some people say $100 a YEAR. And some $250 a MONTH. Big difference. Who is more correct? And I'm just wanting a rough guess. Not an exact quote. So please no ...show more

""Where can I find affordable health insurance in the Neosho, MO. area?""

Where can I find affordable health insurance in the Neosho, MO. area?""

health insurance quotes calculator

Homeowners Insurance: What is replacement value for my home?

I'm getting new homeowners policy. What is per square foot to re-build my home in Southern California? Middle-class neighborhood, nothing fancy. Built in 1968.""

Where can I get affordable car insurance?

I am a female driver who has had a full licence for over 20 years, but I do not have any No Claims and I have 9 points on my licence. The points are for no insurance and having a defective tyre, nothing which reflects badly on my driving. Does anyone know of an insurance company that will not use this to increase the cost to an unaffordable amount.""

Have Democrats forgotten that Candidate Obama opposed forcing people to buy health insurance?

http://www.campaignforliberty.com/blog.php?view=27950 As Obama said in the January 31st primary debate: Senator Clinton. . . believes that we have to force people who don't have health insurance to buy it. Otherwise, there will be a lot of people who don't get it. I don't see those folks. And I think that it is important for us to recognize that if, in fact, you are going to mandate the purchase of insurance and it's not affordable, then there's going to have to be some enforcement mechanism that the government uses. And they may charge people who already don't have health care fines, or have to take it out of their paychecks. And that, I don't think, is helping those without health insurance. That is a genuine difference.""

I need cheaper car insurance.?

Alright, so right now, I have progressive car insurance and I pay about $190 a month. I'm 19, 20 in August. Have had my license for one year. no tickets, no accidents. old cheap car. I just want PLPD insurance that isn't so expensive. I've been told I'm paying too much. I've tried getting quotes from many insurance companies online. The insurace I have now is the cheapest I can find. I have my own policy.I 'm all on my own. Does anyone know where I could get cheaper insurance?""

Who'd rather have health insurance than Free National Health Care

Despite the imperfections in the system (and there are plenty) I'll keep what I have rather than Micheal Moore's fictitious nirvana of government run health care.

What would be the cheapest insurance for a 1992 camaro?

Question about car insurance on L PLATES in england?

Hi there,i was wondering if you could please help me here i am due to take my theary test soon but befour i do i was going to get a car and drive round on L PLATES with my lessons aswell so i can get extra experiance,i was just wondering if i am to do this il get the car inshored forwhat it costs me to insure say its 700 a year when i have passed my best i will wanna take the L PLATES off,will i have to pay more for my insurance after this or can i just take them off and drive as normal when i have passed my test?because if i got insured on LPLATES it is cheaper then a first pasts driver thas why i was confused.if you could please let me know because i really could do with the estra experiance....and also i was told that who ever i drive round with on LPLATES has to be insured on my car for them to be able to instruct me is this true? thanks for your time and help many thanks, Andrew.""

In New York: Best health insurance on the cheap?

This information is for my stepdaughter and her family. After long term unemployment her husband recently went back to work as a trucker. He might bring home around $500 per week. They presently have no health insurance, although she said a New York State program would cover her two younger children. This leaves her and husband uninsured because his new job has no health coverage. Somehow she found a company willing to insure them for around $200+ a month. What this insurance covers I do not know. (By the premiums, I don't think much) The problem is they don't have much more than the $200+ to pay per month. Can someone tell me how to find(in New York) legitimate insurance companies with affordable cost? Also how can I educate myself on health insurance, the details, so that I can advise them correctly? They're in their late 30s and in reasonably in good health. Any an all advice greatly appreciated Tony""

How much will my insurance pay out ?

My beloved BMW 318i 1992, went up in smoke over the weekend and am just wondering how much the insurance company would pay out, so I can plan ahead what car I could afford to pay. Also how long does a claim take to come through ????""

Best school to prepare for my life and accident/health insurance licensing exam?

I need to start my 52 hour training to get licensed in California for life, accident and health. Which is the best school to prepare me for the exam? There are so many online, however I want one with a high pass rate.""

Car reg not bringing up my car on insurance companys?

hi iv been looking at buying a 1.4 clio 3 door but when iv been online to get a quote for the insurance when i put the registration in it brings up a 1.2 clio 5 door... what does this mean is it normal that they sometimes get that wrong or could the registration plates have been swapped it just seems a bit weird so would like some opinions, thanks :-)""

""What insurance companies will insure a Lamborghini gallardo, bently, Mclaren, or any other expensive cars?""

I do not own any... my freind has a mclaren, but im curious which companies like that insure cars like that

Whats the best way to sell life insurance without being a sleazy salesman?

Is insurance cheaper on a car with a warranty?

I'm looking for my first car, and i was just wondering about insurance It's either between a 2007 tiburon that has a 10 year drivetrain warranty, and like a 5 year basic warranty A dodge charger (warranty would be gone) or maybe a mustang (I know insurance will be high on that) I was looking into the charger, because well, its the coolest of the three and also insurance would be cheaper than the mustang because it has 4 doors. If the warranty affects the insurance, that may be a deciding factor""

Car Insurance for a 16 year old?

I Plan on trying to get these three type of cars Toyota Corolla SR5 1983 Nissan 240sx 1989 Mazda Rx-7 1991 You might notice two of these cars are sports cars but they're 20 years old so I just thought the insurance might be cheaper but anyway, Would you guys like estiamte how much insurance would be if I had bought any three of these cars. Also if anybody has any of these cars how much do you pay for insurance for that car and how old are you?""

How will i know which insurance group my car belongs to in UK?

is there a website to find car insurance group?

Cheapest car insurance?

2001 ford mustang, 2005 chevy cobalt, 2003 chevy impala, 2000 chevy blazer, and a 2002 chevy camaro. Put them in order from most expensive to least expensive based on insurance and gas. I am an almost 16 year old guy, if that helps! thanks!""

How Much Will My Car Insurance Payment Increase After An Accident?

I got into my first car accident today that was my fault I am 17 years old and I have full coverage on Geico insurance I was wondering on around how much will my payment increase after the accident? There was no damage on my car but the other persons car had a large dent on the right side of his front bumper.

What is the cheapest auto insurance?

Refund on car insurance?

Basically i got my car insurance on the 21st may. And i payed the amount in full. I asked, when the documents ill be arriving and they sed with 5working days. But nothing came. I went on holiday on 5th june and i didnt come back until 15th july. And i find that my postbox is damaged and all my post went back to the royal mail. But i still didnt recieved anything from the car imsurance and because it was a renewal quote, i thought probably they dont need anything of me, coz they have already got my detail from last year and thats why i didnt recieve anything. And this was my first time i paid in full. So i thought they only need my signature when im paying monthly. Anyways i went through my spam mails outa curiosity and i find one email from car insurance that says that my car insurance is cancelled. I called them up, but they arent willing to reinstate a cancelled policy. Now im confused, whether i can get my money bac for the rest of the year or not. And if so, how much will they deduct etc. Ive not had any accidents or motor convictions for the past 3years of driving. And i cant find the cancellation policy on there website and i dnt have any paper work that explains it either. I know i can call up. BUt im curious, whether anyone knows about the idea behind this and how it works. Thanks x""

""My car insurance company sent me forms to fill out, after an accident. Do I need to do it?""

The police report states that I am not at fault. The passenger in my was badly hurt. My insurer wants me/my passenger to fill out a medical release/history form. I see no benefit in doing so. If the other driver does not have insurance, and we are not yet sure that they do, my insurer would pay my claim/my passengers claim under my uninsured coverage. If they have my passenger's medical history, they could try to find reasons to limit how much to pay out. They also want me to fill out a Report of Traffic Accident form. I have given a statement to the police, who said I'm not at fault. The other driver was cited, and I have also given an oral/recorded statement to my insurer. I don't' see the need to fill out an accident form. It just seems that my insurer is trying to cover their on *** in case my uninsured coverage kicks in. What if I don't fill these form out?""

Gap insurance and warranty on car that was totaled?

I am not sure who is right on this one.... We bought a car in 12/11. We purchased gap insurance and an extended warranty at that time through the dealer. We decided to refinance the car through the credit union were we are members. The gap insurance was 1/2 the price we purchased at the dealer. The dealer and bank said that we should receive a refund. In the process of all of this the car was totaled by my 18 year old daughter in March. 1. We recieved a check made out to us from the dealer for the gap insurance.(pro-rated 4 months) 2. The dealer turned in the paperwork for us for the refund on the warranty and the warranty company sent it to the previous lein holder that we left. The initial bank in turn said it was our money and reissued a check made out to us. Any thoughts appreciated. Is it really our money?

How long does it usually take for insurance to approve surgery?

Im about to have chest surgery to remove cartilige due to horrible pains, and i was just wondering how long does it usually tai for insurance to approve surgery?""

UK: Converting standard car to kit car to reduce insurance?

I'm 19 and I drove a Jaguar S-type in the US. I've moved back to the UK and my insurance premiums are looking around 7000 (roughly 4x of what it was in the US). What I'm thinking is what if I buy an s-type, and replace the engine with a small 1.6L engine (I don't care about speed, just luxury) and change the car to a 'kit car' status, will that lower my insurance to a more affordable rate? Thanks for any advice.""

Different car insurance quote from same provider?

Hi, i went on a comparison site called Q4 insure and had a cheap car insurance quote from a company called ecar which i was very pleased with. i checked the benefits etc and i was quite happy. I went to their website to go direct and to see and make sure that there wasn't any mistakes or extra details i needed to give and the quote came back 800 more! does anyone have any idea why this is?? i done everything exactly the same and was very honest with my answers.""

health insurance quotes calculator

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/wondering-whether-pay-my-car-insurance-monthly-annually-daniel-jones/"

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