#im really just living for the potential of the three of them working together and forming their own little family

[theslaughtersfavlesbian]

I'm absolutely not okay about vi and jinx bonding again. vi including jinx in her plans, the softness in jinx's eyes coming back when she looks at vi. despite everything that's happened to them, everything they've done and said to each other, they are still sisters and deep down nothing can change that. they'll always love each other.

also the fact that their bond allows jinx and caitlyn to see new sides of each other; caitlyn gets to see vi's little sister that she cares so deeply about instead of the deranged teenager that kidnapped her and killed her mom, and jinx gets to see that caitlyn DOES care, isn't always the evil enforcer she believed her to be (despite acab and the fact that cait is really classist, but thats a whole other post). jinx saved caitlyn and caitlyn let vi save jinx. they've come to a level of understanding and respect due to their love for vi

the relationships in the show are so insanely complex and beautiful and I'm so fucking unwell

[bonefall]

I’m rereading Po3 and despite its flaws I really enjoyed the introduction to the three. Jaykit isn’t mentioned to be blind in the first few chapters and instead they chose to show how much MORE capable he is compared to his littermates; until at the end of chapter 3, he brings up his blindness on his own. It makes forcing him to be a medicine cat SO much more frustrating because it really feels like they’re setting him up to be a warrior and choose his own fate (note i haven’t finished the reread this is just my first impression)

I like how you seem to take that path in BB regardless! It makes his arc so much more enjoyable

His arc in canon is super frustrating because he's such an independent character who clearly wants to make his own decisions in life, but then he just gets shoved into the medcat den. I LIKE that he ultimately goes there and that he enjoys it; but it was still really fucked up that they stripped away his autonomy in the process.

Re: they are not real, they are writing choices. Taking away the choices a disabled character can make over their own life, forcing them into a celibate nun role, and then going "awwwww dont worry see? he likes it! This was the best thing for him :)" was fucked up.

And imo it didn't have to be that way! You wouldn't have to go the FULL route I did with big changes, he could just be more involved in the descision to stop being a warrior apprentice and it would be fine. Minor change that would make a world of difference.

I do also have to interject to say though... blindness should really not be an extremely severe impairment for a ThunderClan cat.

I'm dead serious.

Whiskers are built-in sensors that tell you the exact position of everything within several inches of your head, ears swerve to pick up sound, and the jacobson's organ provides a sense of smell so keen that I have an entire Clanmew expansion draft because I needed to make WORDS describing the power of this sense that humans do not have. I cannot stress enough how delicate their other senses are, felines do not rely on their sight like primates do

ThunderClan lives in a mixed-oak woodland, where sight is already often obscured by foliage, objects are close together (for whiskers to feel), and nearly every movement makes noise against the leaf litter. RiverClan and (moor-running) WindClan cats would have a harder time with this disability than Thunder or Shadow.

Cat sight SUCKS to begin with. It sucks BADDD. They don't have color vision, they're significantly nearsighted, and they can't track up-and-down movements well. WC doesn't write realistic cats (more like small fuzzy people really) and I also work with more humanesque eyesight, but the only thing Jay should really lose is an ability to rapidly track a small animal swerving fast. Blind cats are often still excellent hunters in spite of that!

So it's an extra big waste that they railroaded him into a position he didn't choose, saying he couldn't be a warrior. This is the perfect disability to write, if you want to explore how ableism can impact the characters in this society who ARE legitimately still capable of nearly full independence, but still need to find accommodations for what they can't do.

In the same arc they're doing the dumb Cinder Reincarnation Plotline, no less!! Where SHE is also feeling like she has no choice over her "destiny," and gets a conflict over a potentially disabling injury

"Oh nooo if cinderpaw breaks her leg she wont be a warrior!"

"What the f-- Im Jaypaw and im reporting live from the scene where a Category 1 Idiot Moment is taking place. Woman breaks leg, suddenly everyone believes she is a horse, more at 11."

One of these days I should really make "herb guides" just covering how various sensory disabilities impact the lives of Clan cats and some tips for writing them as warriors, especially between Clans. Stuff you wouldn't usually consider, like how much noise deaf cats tend to make, how RiverClan would get a ton of sinus infections and lose their sense of smell, being blind in Sky vs Thunder, etc.

[that-starry-freak]

Okay, wow, uhm-

This is my rant about Eclipse x Solar x Nexus i keep saying ill do. Sooo- yeah. If you don't like it, just scroll. Or block me i don't give a shit- im just ranting about what I like *shrug* (btw this is 95% for/about my tol au, so-)

Cw i do mention abuse a few times, because of Solar's Moon, dark sun, etc.

God i love these three so much. There's just so much potential, both angst and fluff (and a bit of smut but that stays in my head that is NOT going on my blog)

Like Solar and Nexus are both such needs and idiots. They both stay up late working, and insist the other one goes to bed (Eclipse ends up having to drag them both to bed).

They love working on projects together. People arnt usually allowed int he workshop when their working together, because if they have each other they don't need anyone else to help or anything- but they let Eclipse in once, and he got to see how they danced around each other and worked together perfectly.

They're all nerds who love science and mechanics tbh, but they all like it in different ways. Solar likes the hard work, the mindlessly fixing things. He liked the manual labour, the more mechanics of it. Nexus loved the science. He loves asking questions and learning knew things. He loves questioning things and people. He likes building and creating and testing out code. Eclipse likes the results. He doesn't particularly enjoy coding and building, it makes him frustrated, but he loves the results. He likes having a job well done. And getting to enjoy whatever the product is, whether its a computer or a basic machine.

Eclipse and Nexus can also understand each other. They can understand the expectation of who you're supposed to be. To be a remake of someone dead, but not really being them. Yet everyone expects you too. They've spent long nights sharing a smoke and ranting about how unfair it is. About how they weren't v1 Eclipse, or Moon. That they were themselves, and it wasn't fair people pressured them into being their predecessors.

Solar and Eclipse can understand what its like to be an eclipse. To come into this world with Moons hating you. To be called vile, to have a Moon laugh in your face. They may not have always liked each other, but they understand each other, its one of the reasons they became close.

Nexus can also help them both heal from their trauma of Moons. Plus, he isn't really Moon. Sure, he is a moon, coming from he dame basic code. But he isn't an old Moon. He's kinder, he doesn't blow up as easily. Its reassuring to them both, being treated so kindly to someone who pretty much abused them both (Eclipse didn't deserve how Old moon treated him when he came into this world.)

Eclipse and Nexus also know what its like to be left behind. Eclispe knows what its like to be left behind by Moon, to be a piece of code that he doesn't care about. Nexus knows what its like to hurt people and lose them. Yes, its different, but that doesn't mean they can't empathize with each others pain, because it is similar in a way.

solar and Nexus can understand each other's pain of losing someone you care about deeply. Of blaming yourself for their death. Of course. They dealt with it much differently, but still-

Eclipse and Solar both knowing what its like to die, comforting each other, reassuring them that they're still here. That they're alive. That they're them.

Enough about what they have in common tho-

like oh my goddd. I have so many thoughts bro-

Eclipse smells like cigarettes and leather and faintly of the vanilla candles Puppet lights in their apartment. Solar smells like grease and oil and sometimes chemicals when he cleans himself off (and then is forced to take an actual shower by Eclipse because cleaning yourself with harsh chemicals every time cant be good for your casing). Nexus smells like lavender (because thats the scent of the detegerant Sun always washes their clothes with) and faintly of bleach (consequences of living in the same house as Sun) and grease a lot after he's been working. The other twos smells are comforting to all three of them, reminding them that they're safe and content. Nexus eccpecially loves wearing Solar's clothes, and loves being in his arms, reminding him that he's alive. Thats he's right here. That everything is going to be okay.

And oh my god don't get me started on the forbidden love. The fact that Eclipse and Solar can't be in the same dimension till Eclispe gets a new dimensional signal. Solar and Nexus both crushing on Eclipse, but Nexus is the only one that can actually see them both, having to pass messages between the two. Of course they do eventually get to see each other again, but for so long they won't be able to. Its just.. sad

And AUGH im always going to be insane over rmy true loves kiss idea. The idea of Solar kissing Nexus out of desperation, because nothing he says can get through to him and ohmygod he's panicking- and somehow the virus he has just disappearing. The kiss curing Nexus, and bringing him back to his senses. And oh my god, the chaos and angst that follows. Nexus sobbing becuase of what he's done, feeling so guilty. The family not wanting to accept him back, Moon being the worst one-

Solar and Eclipse being the first ones to accept him. Later being Sun, Earth, and then Lunar. Maybe one day Moon, but thats a day far in the future.

And auggh, Solar and Moon's friendship. Moon hating his boyfriends but midly tolerating them for Solar's sake. Solar aclimating him to Eclipses, and he starts tolerating him a bit more. Hearing him say so many good things about Nexus makes him hate him more, though, insecure about Nexus being back in the family. Afraid of being replace.

Sleaking of being replaced, Nexus feeling like he's replaceable. That he's disposable. That one wrong move and he'll be thrown out again. Solar reassuring him that even if he is hell go with him. That he refuses to let Nexus be completley abandoned and manipulated again.

And god, all three of them have such communication, trust, and attachment issues-

Solar feels like he has to be useful to be loved. That he has to prove himself. That he could also be thrown out of the family because he's not from this dimension. He's afraid of being a burden. He's afraid that if he complains he'll be seen as a nuisance. That he doesn't deserve help or to get anything, that he barely deserves the celestial family as it is even if he does so much for them.

Nexus also feels like he has to be useful. That if he isn't, what is he for? What was his purpose if he can't help? He compares himself to Moon a lot, feeling like he has to match up to his standards, even if they're impossible. Moon has years and years of experience on him- he also struggles to talk about his own feelings. He bottled them up so much because he felt like they were stupid that he just doesn't know how to talk about them. The only time he can is in the middle of the night, and is usually with Eclipse. Solar will try to comfort him and almost baby him when he tries to rant to him, Eclipse will just complain and rant right back though, and he prefers it.

Eclipse didn't really ever have any healthy relationships. He's used to pushing people away and bottling all his feelings up. To lashing out at people. Yes, this version is much calmer, but he still has the memories of the ones before him. Hes still used to that being what Eclipses in this dimension did. He doesn't know how to talk to people. Earth helped him open up though, and Solar and Nexus helped him more. He's a lot calmer now, and it helps that they both enjoy listening to him rant. Solar will listen to him and gives advice, while Nexus will just complain with him in the middle of the night. He loves both, though it depends on the situation for what he wants to do.

Their relationship isn't perfect, though. Nexus will still sometimes yell and freak Solar out, and he has to frantically apologize while Eclipse calms him down. Eclispe sometimes will push them away, and will sometimes use their insecurities and trauma against them when hes frustrated eith them. Solar refuses to talk about his own issues, and it worried the other two to no end. Nexus sometimes will hit himself or bite himself to the point of denting his casing when he's frustrated or having a breakdown, not wanting to lash out at anyone, and this worries the other two so much but there's nothing they can really do to stop it, just comforting Nexus the best they can and restraining him when they see him doing it. Eclipse will be rude to Nexus, treating him like Moon, and they'll get into fights about it that they both always regret later.

The hallucinations Nexus suffers from also doesn't end. He still sees Solar telling him he isn't proud of him. He sometimes gets vivid hallucinations that Solar is still dead.

They also all suffer from horrific nightmares

Solar dreaming that he's still in his original dimension. That he's still being abused by his Moon. That he still has no one to love him. He has nightmares that he's still dead, that Nexus never got better. He has nightmares that he ends up like Eclipse, that he hurts people. He has nightmares that the family shuns him and kicks him out. He has nightmares that old moon shows up at his dimension again and he can't stop him this time, and he hurts him and everyone he loves.

Nexus dreaming of Solar still dead. Nexus having nightmares that he actually killed his family. He has nightmares that he's still under Dark Sun's control. He has nightmares that he never was saved from space. He has nightmares of Eclipse betraying and killing him, never having truly gone good. He has nightmares that the family kicks him out for not living up to their expectation, for not being good as moon.

Eclipse dreaming of Moon. Nightmares of Bloodmoon torturing him, of Moon hurting him, of Lunar killing him again. Nightmares of him betraying everyone, even though that's the last thing he wants to do. Nightmare of Earth hating him, of Solar an Nexus hating him.

They often have to comfort each other from these night terrors, holding them close as cooing to the and rocking them.

Solar panics and sobs when he wakes up from one, but refuses to talk about it. He shuts down once when calms down, and often gets up in the middle of the night after to mindlessly do work to get his mind off of it.

Nexus wakes up screaming and crying and often hallucinating. He ususally has to be restrained so he doesn't accidentally hurthimself. He always feels bad about it after, and just wants to cuddle and feel loved, reminding himself that his partners are here and they're real.

Eclipse wakes up in a cold sweat, quiet. Hell just sit there for awhile, before getting up to take a cold shower to clear his mind.

they all overwork themselves, Solar and Nexus eccpecially-

solar because he needs to feel useful. Also because working helps him not think, it helps him "relax", even if it stresses him out more.

Nexus because he'll get so caught up in what he's doing. He'll start working at like noon and he'll zone out and suddenly its midnight and Eclipse and Solar are coming down to drag him away from his lab. Or Sun, sometimes sun has to come after him.

They're just so sad and gay and such a polycule i love them <3

Im so normal about them, clearly (im sorry this is too long im not going to go through this and edit rn- there probaly really a lot of grammar errors and typing errors and spelling errors but im tired soo-)

[maryberry]

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros thoughts and things

‼️spoiler free‼️

WOW...Literally breezed through this book, I couldn't put it down. I thought it was a great continuation of the story and characters. I did think it was a bit slow at times, and could have been about 100 pages shorter but all in all, so pleased with this book.

I give it an 8/10

‼️‼️‼️‼️SPOILERS NOW LOOK AWAY‼️‼️‼️‼️

Okay here we go ...

I really loved Violet and Xaden in this book, which is amazing because I was scared of if I would get annoyed or anything from how much I liked them in the 1st book. I really love how this book showed just how intimate their relationship is. I loved how even when they weren't "together" we got some really beautiful scenes of them just being so comfortable in eachothers presence. Like them laying in the bed at Samara. With that being said, I think there was a lot of time spent on the same argument over and over, which started to feel like it was dragging on a bit long. They started the same conversation about Xaden keeping secrets like 10 times and got interrupted like 8 of those times lol. Other than that, love their relationship.

I really like that Violet started to get more of a grip on her power and was able to control it more. I loved seeing her get more confident.

I have a theory that she can maybe speak to the dead? Idk we only had that one incident while she was being interrogated and Liam showed up. But idk, that whole thing felt very specific and fishy for it to just be a hallucination. So maybe it's Andarna channeling? I'm not sure 🤷‍♀️ I also have this thought though, it's more out there, that Tarins previous rider was Violet and maybe Brennan and Miras, biological father? Because that could explain why he died for Brennan and maybe why Violet had a second signet if she does.

I really didn't guess Andarnas history and I'm excited to learn more about this 7th type of dragon. Cause like, were they wiped out? Did they leave? Why only leave one hatchling? So many questions.

XADEN wtf are you doing, my sweet, sweet child. First of all, I guessed that he's an intrinsic(however it's spelled) after reading the first one. But I thought Tarin knew, which he did not.

Obviously, it's not good that Xaden is now turning into a Venin but I think that plot line has potential to be super interesting. We really got to see that xaden would damn the rest of the world to save Violet, and this could open up a door for her to do the same. I would LOVE to see Violet go a little dark and to some extreme lengths to save him.

I definitely feel like I want to know more about the dragons and how their hierarchy and bonds with eachother work. I want to know more about Tarin and Sgyaels bond and if it's similar to the human emotion of love or if it's about power? Loved the scene of Violet and Tarin thinking something happened to X and S and Violet was overcome with protectivness and stuff(you know what other stuff 🥵🥵)

Loved that we got more bonding of Violet and her squad. I feel like I actually care about them now where as at the end of book one, I didn't really that much. Also, love Sawyer and Jesenia, I hope she helps him heel and they live happily ever after lol.

Brennan was a bit underwhelming for me. As of rn I wouldn't mind if he died lol.

Overall Im so excited for book three. I'm sure I'll think of more things to add but I'd love to hear everybody else's thoughts!!

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Lets goooooooo!!!! I’m back with oh so many emojis and oh so much gratitude to you for writing for them! It genuinely brings me a lot of joy and I really appreciate it!

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️(im so loving this current era - like even when they’re talking logistics and eddie’s being hard on himself there’s still just so much love and happiness in the air!)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(that last chapter was fabulous! Here comes covid and potentially a buckley parents visit? Very curious what that looks like in this world)

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸(on the edge of my seat!!! This story is everything to meeeee!!)

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮(baby bobby i’m sending you love!)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟(cant wait for maddie and eddie and chris to be there so they can all live through hell together 💖)

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑(i love the name! And im so so excited to read this one!)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼(the angst from these snippests is really getting to me!)

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐(MAY!!!!!)

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮(MY BELOVED CRANBERRY IS BACK YAY!!!!!)

I so love all your work (in case I haven’t been clear about that :p) but one thing I’m currently so impressed by is that you have three separate wips where buddie is established and yet the stories all feel so distinct from each other - they all stand alone and feel in character and aren’t repetitive! It’s so impressive and you’re such a talented author!!!

Thank you so much for this! Lots of love from your biggest fan!!!

AHH THANK YOU! That makes me so very happy to hear. I am so glad they all feel distinct and not repetitive to you! YOU ARE SO KIND!!!!

51 for ⚡️ (AH THANKS! I am really just trying to get them to a place where I'd be happy to leave them, you know?):

---

Eddie laughs. “Watch out, Los Angeles.” 

“It’s okay if we don’t get it,” Buck says pragmatically. “We don’t have to get it.”

“There will be other places,” Eddie agrees. 

“But I could see us in this one,” Buck says. “I didn’t feel that anywhere else.”

“Same here,” Eddie says. “I have a gut feeling about it.”

“Hmm, a gut feeling,” Buck teases. “Like the universe?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

Definitely the universe. 

☆☆☆

On their last shift before the wedding, Eddie knows he’s not exactly tuned into work. It’s not like he’s doing a bad job, but it would be fair to say his head is a little bit in the clouds. Maybe more than a little bit. 

In his defense, there’s obviously a lot going on. He’s only got his vows half written. They’re waiting to hear back about the house. Different family members are flying in on different days. Chris is unhappy with his haircut. His parents are flying in, but are of course not willing to stay anyway near each other, so he’s got all his family’s different travel plans on the brain. He has about a hundred emails in his inbox from the venue - a restaurant in a beautiful old, stone building who are also catering - and the tailors. Most of which, Buck answers. Thank god. It’s just a lot. A lot of noise. 

Not that Eddie is complaining. He’s over the moon. Life has never been this smooth or good for him, really. If there’s a bit of noise as a result, he’s welcoming it. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s welcoming it and focusing on work very well. 

At this particular moment, Eddie is trying to check fluid levels in the engine, and finding it rather hard to focus. He’s checked and rechecked three times, and keeps losing track of the numbers before he manages to write them down. He feels like his brain has atrophied. He’s finally managing to scribble the correct numbers on the sheet on the clipboard - really, is he the right person for the clipboard chore? - when he hears Buck calling him from the edge of the mezzanine.

Eddie shifts his body to a better position to look up at him. 

“What’s up?” He calls back. 

“Gianna’s calling,” Buck points at his phone. 

Gianna’s calling! About their house! Their maybe house?

Eddie tears away from the engine so quickly he nearly stumbles. He jogs to the stairs and takes them two at a time as Buck answers the call. 

“Hi, Gianna,” Eddie hears him say. “Yeah, I’m good. How are you?”

Eddie hurries to Buck’s side once he reaches the top of the stairs, resting a hand between his shoulder blades. 

“That’s… Wait, really?” Buck asks. 

---

30 for 🚨 (eeee thanks!!!! Excited to share my plans!)

---

Yeah, that would be insane. That would be torture. 

“She’s going to be so mad at you for not telling her,” Buck teases. 

Eddie makes a little sound of complaint. 

“You’ll be right there in trouble with me.” He warns. 

Buck guffaws. 

“No way. Not me. I’m not precious to them like you.”

“Precious?” 

“You heard me.”

“You’re crazy.”

Buck really hopes it doesn’t end up causing social conflict for Eddie. He really wants to avoid that. Eddie is having a hard enough time with everything, with Chris gone, to also be in a bad spot with one of his closest friends. He hopes they can simply keep it under wraps for another week, then politely come clean after Buck gets his shield. 

In his brain, it should be straightforward. 

Reality? Never quite so simple. 

iii.

They make it until the shift before Buck’s official probationary graduation. Really, so close. So tantalizingly close. Eddie feels like an idiot for not being able to hold it together better. 

The problem lies with Eddie. With Eddie’s emotional confusion lately. Maybe confusion isn’t the right word. Emotional scatterbrain? That. That feels better.

---

75 for 🩸(THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

---

He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel bad about it. The scent of his blood filled the air. Eddie couldn’t even feel that hungry for it, either. The twinge of want was there, but the desire to avoid death was stronger. 

The man screamed in agony, and presumably toppled forward. Presumably, because Eddie’s not sure what else would have caused his rifle to go off. Either way, an ear-splitting crack of the gun discharging filled the air. 

Eddie thought for a moment he must have accidentally shot himself in the head, because the screaming stopped. What an easy end to all of it that would have been. But after a moment of shock, his wailing started again. He shot himself, but not fatally. But he could still be holding the weapon. 

Eddie had to be careful. He couldn’t die there, after besting the asshole. After proving himself something more than a mindless monster. More than helpless prey. 

He crept as quietly as possible out from his hiding spot and craned his neck to see the man. He lay moaning in a sort of fetal position, shin snared by the animal trap, mangled and bloody. His right arm was more or less blown off. Something about the sight of it brought Eddie right back to Afghanistan. He’d seen so many limbs that ended up just like his. Three bullet wounds of his own over there, and it was a wonder none of his ended up the way. 

The important part, the crucial part, was that the rifle lay discarded, several feet away from the vampire hunter. In his state, the man couldn’t reach it before Eddie. 

Which meant Eddie was the hunter now. 

Or maybe not a hunter. Maybe that was the wrong word. Maybe Eddie was more like some sick scavenger bird. Picking at what was already practically a corpse.

He walked out, into view. Heard the man give a little moan. He bent down in front of the gun, removed the magazine and tossed it in one direction, then chucked the gun down the hill in the other. It rolled into the creek, lost. Good. When someone eventually found his body, the gun would be identifying. Registered to him. Better it be gone. 

��Please,” the man moaned.”Don’t kill me.”

The muscles in Eddie’s face had twitched with revulsion. 

“You would have killed me,” Eddie reminded him. “Came all the way back here to do it.”

“I’m a man,” he sobbed in response. “I’m a human. I’m a father.”

If Eddie hadn’t been resolved to let him die before then, that did it.

“So am I.” 

After that, he did what he had to. He knew he needed energy for what he had to do next, so he drank. Not everything. Not enough to drain him. Though maybe that would have been kinder. Eddie took only what he needed.He took his money and chucked his wallet into the stream, same as the gun. He stole his car keys. He wiped his blood from his mouth. He left the man dying on the forest floor, covered in dirt.

Later, he would change the plates on the car. Later, he would do all he could to separate himself from this crime. And when he heard about it in the news later, there were no suspects. 

He feels bad about it sometimes. In small, quiet pockets. 

He shouldn’t. 

The guy would have killed Eddie first. He wanted to kill Eddie first.

Kim did kill Eddie first.

She killed Eddie first. She lured him. She trapped him. She hunted him. She stopped his heart. She left him for dead. She infected him. She stole over six months of time from him and his son. 

She did it first.

So Eddie shouldn’t feel bad about this, either.

---

24 for 🔮 (I am putting them THROUGH it):

---

A still, tense air to it. Something that makes Buck want to turn around and walk the other way. 

Instead, he follows Bobby and his family inside the house. 

The first thing he notices is the burnt kitchen. Singed wallpaper and damaged appliances. All the tell tale signs of a small kitchen fire. One that hasn’t had a chance to be properly cleaned and repaired yet. 

Is that what happened? Is that how Timothy Nash died? Buck has responded to a lot of small blazes like this in the seven years he’s been a firefighter. Not one of them has ever been fatal. It’s possible, but it seems unlikely. 

Bobby walks purposefully towards a plainly decorated bedroom and closes himself inside. Buck follows him, ending up on the same side of the door as Bobby’s private grief. He watches as Bobby throws himself onto the bed, curls into a ball, and stares at the wall. Outside the bedroom, Buck can hear the muffled sounds of Bobby’s mother and brother having what sounds like a rather serious discussion. Bobby’s face twitches as his brother raises his voice, but otherwise, he seems to ignore it. 

Buck looks around the room. There’s a pair of ice skates in the open closet. Hockey trading cards on a bookshelf. A discarded walkman on the floor. Buck checks what Bobby was listening to last. Who Can It Be Now? By Men at Work. 

Hmm.

---

33 for 🧟 (some of that here for you!)

---

“Like the radio!” Chris exclaims. 

Maddie scrunches her eyebrows. “The radio?”

“Maddie on the radio!” Chris insists. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Maddie tells him.

Eddie chuckles. “I’ve been teaching Chris Morse Code. Something to pass the time as we travel, you know?”

Wow, what a really fun dad…

“Sure,” Maddie offers. 

“Some radio stations are still picking up transmissions. People putting out messages. Trying to reach people, spread info,” Eddie explains. 

Maddie nods. She’s heard a few of those. Never knew what they were saying though. 

“We came into range for one recently that uses the name Maddie.” Eddie says. 

Maddie raises her eyebrows. “Like the broadcaster?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “The message. It’s just one phrase on loop.”

Maddie feels a little cold. 

“What phrase?”

“Maddie, I am alive,” Chris recites. “Sun. Books.”

The wind could not be more swiftly knocked out of Maddie if someone broke the rest of her ribs. 

“What?” She asks, barely a squeak.

---

36 for 👑 (Thanks! Islands in the Stream!):

--

The Buckley’s Beverly Hills mansion is very square. Very white and square and modern. Everything feels neat and sleek. It feels very Beverly Hills. Very new money. But, somehow, not very Maddie. Though, maybe he doesn’t know her well enough to say. 

A valet parks Chim’s car for him. He wonders if they notice the LAFD bag in the back stuffed with the clothes he’ll need to swiftly return to reality. 

When he walks into the elaborately decorated party, complete with waitstaff passing out trays of drinks and food, Chim feels like he’s in a strange fairy tale. Like he’s the thriving entrepreneur he once dreamed of being, invited to a party to network and schmooze. Like he’s the kind of son his father would have wanted. Would being at a party like this make him proud? The whole thing makes Chim feel a little dirty. A little out of place. In fact, a not insignificant part of his body is urging him to turn and walk the other way. 

But then he sees Maddie.

He sees Maddie, and he remembers why he came. Why he needs to be here. 

Maddie is standing across the wide, open foyer of her parents’ home, wearing a loose, knee length champagne colored dress that twinkles a little when she moves. She’s talking to someone. The man from the Christmas card. Her little brother. The one that was in Peru. They each have a half-full flute in hand. 

“Champagne?” A passing server asks Chim.They must see him eyeing Maddie and her brother and assume he wants what they have.

“No, thank you,” Chim mumbles. 

They keep walking.

Chim doesn’t quite know what to do. He doesn’t want to interrupt Maddie’s conversation. But he also doesn’t have any other reason to be here or anyone else to talk to. He feels a bit like a creep, standing there, staring at her. He must look entirely pathetic. 

After a moment, her brother notices.

---

18 for 🔼:

---

 “Well, uh… Alright then. I guess let me know if you need help building stuff?” 

They end up showering. Not the long shower she’d hoped for, but something quick and efficient. If Eddie comes over - and Buck doubts he will - he doesn’t want him to arrive in the middle of that. Actually, the thought sort of horrifies and embarrasses him. Though he can’t say why. 

And, as it turns out, not even five minutes after they’re done and dressed, there’s a knock on the door. Buck is genuinely floored by this.

“Guess that’s a no on needing help,” Ali mumbles as Buck heads downstairs to answer the door.

When he opens it to see Eddie standing before him, his first thought is that Eddie sort of looks like shit. This is not the sort of thought he’s used to having. He’s used to feeling a strange sort of jealousy he doesn’t quite comprehend regarding the opposite thought. But here Eddie stands. He’s unshaven. There are dark circles under his eyes, which look a little puffy. There are indents in his bottom lip from where he’s been anxiously chewing on it. 

“Eddie? Uh, are you okay?”

---

21 for 💐 (YEAH MAY!):

---

“I guess not,” May mumbles eventually.

She’s staring very hard at her mug of tea. 

“Hey, another question,” April says, stepping closer to her. She smells like eucalyptus. That’s fucking annoying. May likes the way eucalyptus smells. Cool and earthy.

“Sure,” May replies, voice suddenly an octave higher than she’d like it to be.

“Are you done your paper for Professor Kellerman yet?”

Ugh. And there it is. Reality check. Right, because April is a bit of a shark. May gets a ninety? April will get a ninety-one? May finishes a day early? April has been done for a week. Fucking typical she’s bringing this up, right after implying that May needed help at the paint night social.

“No,” May says. “I’ve got a few hundred words left. Some closing arguments.”

---

33 for 🦮 (SHE'S BACK!)

---

She is more hyper than ever. Pacing more than she usually does, like she had that first night in Buck’s apartment, when everything was unfamiliar. She’s blowing him off on his commands sometimes. It’s not like her at all not to listen. One time he caught her rifling through the trash. 

The dog is bored. Buck is bored. Chris is bored. And they’re all getting a little bit of cabin fever. 

There’s a lot Buck cannot fix about this situation. And, hell, a lot he can’t even complain about. Really, he and Chris are so, so lucky. They’re safe, housed, fed, and not really exposed to any illness. Buck doesn’t want to feel miserable, considering. But some days he does. Even if he loves Christopher and Cranberry immensely.

“We’ve got to do something,” Buck announces one day in early May. 

“Something?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “We’re all bored. And getting a little frustrated with each other, right?”

Chris sighs. “Yeah. Sorry, Buck.”

“Don’t be sorry, bud. You’re not the only one. And it’s not your fault.”

Chris looks from where he’s seated at the kitchen table to where Cranberry is lying on the floor. 

“Sorry, Cranberry.”

Cranberry had picked up one of Christopher’s socks from the floor earlier that morning and he’d sort of lost it. Yelled at her. Then cried because he felt horrible for yelling at her.

[night-dark-woods]

Hello Tis the book anon, are u bready for the final shape in less than a week (holy shit 5 days???)

GOD. im very very excited for the new enemy types (i wasn't playing the last time we got a new faction in forsaken! i started tail end of worthy) i think a lot of the design is VERY cool and im very concerned abt the potential of unstop husks. nightmare fuel.

i think prismatic is gonna be fun- ive seen ppl worried abt it breaking the game or whatever BUT i think bungie is in general pretty good with balance (for the casual player) and when it isnt balanced idk i think its usually unbalanced in a super fun way. i am do NOT have the minmaxer's spirit though so i am sure i will not be utilizing it's full potential "correctly" but ill be having fun and thats what im there for.

story-wise... eh? i think they ARE going to land the story they are telling. i just dont *like* the story they are telling. it feels very marvel to me (derogatory) and i dislike immensely the literalization of the concept of the final shape. (oooh they've been ~finalized~ okay why dont we just have a thanos snap situation. what is this *doing* that is different from that).

not to sound like a broken record but i think seth dickinson was putting down something MUCH more interesting when they wrote BoS and unveiling than. this. its very NEAT, it makes sense with the story beats they've been working on, but i think it... flattens the delightfully complicated metaphysics of destiny in a way that pisses me off. i dont think the final shape is meant to be literal. i think the final shape is a way of being like the sword logic is. i think the witness is a neat little deus ex and i think they will tell the story of the witness as they see it Just Fine, but i dont have to like it.

like, i dont have an easily articulatable alternative but im ALWAYS rotating in my mind that the two (three?) beings that escaped the flower game are the vex and the worm gods (& ahamkara?). and i DONT think unveiling is written by the witness. i WILL die on that fucking hill. swagless graycale megamind "no bitches" mcu villain did NOT write that insidious tempting little love letter.

anyway. some relevant lore excerpts connected by red string but no real arguments in my head:

They're majestic, I said. They have no purpose except to subsume all other purposes. There is nothing at the center of them except the will to go on existing, to alter the game to suit their existence. They spare not one sliver of their totality for any other work. They are the end. (The Final Shape; Unveiling)

&

SHAPES AND GLIDERS. I dreamt of existence as a game of cellular automata. In this metaphor, there were only two things: shapes in the game world and the rules of the game world. The rules were the rules of Life and Death. I understood that the sword was the desire to escape existence as a shape in the game and to become the rule that made the shapes. This rule said only "live" or "die"—it had no other outputs. It could not keep secrets. Against it was the desire to become a shape so complex that it could within itself play other games. (Tyrannocide I)

like! the final shape is a shape of THOUGHT. a philosophy of existence *made* real in the way that the vex and the hive effect the worlds around them and exert that philosophy through force of will, bc the metaphysics of the destiny universe allows and operates based on that leveraging of will over the physical world. the philosophical and the real are DEEPLY entwined in a way thats REALLY REALLY INTERESTING and i think its BORING if the final shape the darkness/the witness (bc i do think bungie is conflating them! but imo the traveller is not the gardener and the witness is not the winnower. i will die on this hill) is seeking is to. make everyone into a cube. i joked abt the final shape being a square but i didnt mean it! hello? can anyone hear me? is this thing on?

anyway. tantrum over. i think its fun that cayde and crow are getting to be a little faggy together. i think they should kiss about it.

im excited for the new content release format (episodes?), bc i think a LOT of the issues with the narrative are due to the seasonal model.

i think sjur is finally coming back theres NO way they would bring her up this much and not bring her back. i think in a Nine-themed season. downside is it will inevitably result in what my dear friend jackie and i have been referring to as "hashtag monogamy win" where sjur and mara get back together as a mirror to o14 and then mara tells petra shes always thought of her as a sister or worse a daughter. but if thats the price i have to pay for sjur. thats okay. the writers room is wrong so frequently i just do whatever i want. its like being a comics fan at this point.

also clearly SOMEONE knows what they are doing bc that radio message at the end of last season was. the most in-character thing since probably marasenna lmfao!!! so i tentatively have hope about the writing of it, and regardless am PERFECTLY capable of living blissfully in jackie & my mind palace version of whatever they give us, bc what we are cooking is beautiful and true and divinely inspired. and im very certain seth would approve.

[kolyyanas]

my last situationship was yet another instance of being betrayed by a pink haired girl who said she cared about me and then abandoned me so if anyone needs me ill be bashing my head in with a rock

sighs. im gonna just rant under the cut about it bc im sad and drunk lmao

so the last relationship/situationship (i'm reluctant to call it an actual relationship because both of the other people involved insist that we were never actually together and we never put a label on anything, which is...sort of true) happened between march and july of this year.

i had gotten back into a book series that i really enjoyed when i was in high school and started writing fic for it. one of my mutuals on twitter who i'd been friends with for a long time was also a fan of this series and we started talking a lot, both about fic and just about our lives. eventually i realized i had feelings for him and told him, and he said that he had an irl girlfriend but he was polyamorous and felt the potential for something with me involved.

i ended up meeting a bunch of his friends (who are all wonderful people and we still hang out and talk over discord) and his gf. thinking back i don't think she liked me from the start, but i really wanted this whole situation to work so i overlooked a lot of the red flags. i started to like her too, and eventually all three of us would talk regularly about our days at work and school (as i was still in classes at the time), about writing, about their d&d campaign and the theater stuff i was doing, just about anything.

we started flirting shortly afterward, but neither of them would flirt with me where anyone else would see or hear it. i was kind of the friend group's best kept secret. and i was so desperate for someone who wanted me that i was willing to put up with that, with the two of them getting to be together and open and proud, while i stayed silent whenever the two of them would flirt in public.

i didn't want to be left out--it was by no means a choice. it was actually the thing that made me relapse in both my eating disorder and self harm for the first time in three years. literally, every day i would be an afterthought to them and my only response was "how can i change so they want me? how can i be better?"

eventually we started sexting and being more intimate (idk that feels like a weird way to talk about just sending nudes and getting off over the phone) and at first, it felt really good. at first, it felt like both of them really liked me, and wanted me, including for sexual reasons but not only for my body, and that made me kind of brush over the issues with it.

at the same time, they still refused to publically acknowledge that i played any part in any kind of relationship with them. at best it was frustrating and lonely, and at worst i felt used and betrayed. it honestly felt like they only kept me around for when they wanted to flirt or get off with someone else, and i wasn't afforded any of the other aspects of a relationship at all, even while they both told me that there was a chance for all three of us to be together.

shit hit the fan when i went to visit them at the end of june. i got back from university in the middle of the month, was home for about a week, and then flew to visit them, and things were weird right off the bat. gf seemed weirdly and suddenly distant toward me even though things had been completely normal up until i got off the plane, and this continued for the next four to five days of me being there. my mutual was really caring towards both of us, and tried to include me in a lot of stuff, but i think i went literally all of those six nights falling off of our shared mattress while the two of them cuddled. i remember three distinct nights where i had full-blown panic attacks and neither of them noticed (or if they did notice they didn't do anything or acknowledge it at all.)

at one point we stayed over at a friend's house for a d&d session and in the morning we planned to go to a pride parade in a bigger city nearby. during this sleepover a lot of us were drinking and even though i had been trying not to drink as much, i ended up getting wasted and breaking down over gf not liking me and treating me like i wasn't there for the entire trip up to that point.

my mutual reassured me and told me that she didn't hate me, her behavior was just because she has bpd and she cant control it. which was a shitty excuse and one that i didn't really buy. it was literally the only reasoning either of them offered for the way that i was treated and i hated knowing that they were lying to me (even if it wasn't on purpose) about why things were so weird.

that night i ended up sleeping on the couch, alone, and neither of them bothered to ask if i wanted to go to bed upstairs with them. neither of them even really talked to me after having that conversation mentioned above. i ended up drinking enough to black out and when i woke up i was still on the couch, still alone, and still had a jug of malibu in front of me, so i was like "fuck it" and got drunk again at 8 in the morning before the pride event. this was also the day that i started using harder drugs again.

not a single person in our friend group noticed i was high. all of them knew about my history with drugs, and not a single one of them figured out i was on something that wasn't alcohol. for the entire day. I'm pretty sure they still don't know.

the pride parade was in a pretty big city and the group mostly tried to stick together, but mutual and gf ended up separating from the group pretty quickly and often left me specifically behind with no warning. they wouldn't answer their phones when i texted or called and eventually i resigned myself to hanging out with our other friends, which was actually pretty fun (and i was off my ass, which made everything better tbh.) when the event ended, we spent around three hours looking for mutual's car because none of us could remember where we had parked. he ended up having a panic attack and gf stayed behind to calm him down while me and our other two friends who had ridden together walked around ten blocks (in total space-wise) trying to find his car. eventually we found it and went back to our friend's place where we had been staying.

we kind of got into a fight at that point because they asked if i was okay with doing something else with the group and i told them that i didn't really care, and it wasn't like i or my opinion was important to them, if the way they had been treating me was any indication. this led to a very roundabout discussion that threw around a lot of buzzwords and shit about bpd, and "boundaries," and "we never put a label on anything," etc. basically all bullshit.

gf proceeds to tell me that she was actually never into me, and only acted like she was because she thought it would make mutual happy. mutual says that he does still have feelings for me but his gf is his first priority and he's not willing to split his attention between both of us if the two of us arent also together. so basically i get broken up with by two different people for two different reasons at the same time. while i am over 2000 miles away from home and they are the only people i know anywhere close to there. they both insist we can stay friends and all that and im like sure, okay, whatever, we're all good. and we have stayed friends. we arent as close as we were before, but we still talk and text and send memes and shit.

the fucked up bit is that ive started to doubt things about myself because they're similar to things about gf. both of us have bpd (hers was treated carefully while mine was dismissed) we have a lot of the same interests, kin a lot of the same characters, etc. i catch myself wondering what made her lovable and me disposable. honestly it might have something to do with the fact that im visibly trans and she's not, even though all three of us identify under some kind of non-cis label. i feel like i can't dye my hair now, even though I've been planning to do it for months, because it would just be another thing that im "copying" about her.

tldr i am never trusting someone who says they have feelings for me again, and i am REALLY not trusting people who are poly and already partnered when they say that they like me. this three month situationship genuinely fucked up my perception of love and what is okay in relationships so much and i am still trying to pick up the pieces .

[swordsmans]

I neeeeeeed to know about "luffy slips into an alternate timeline/dimension where he "died" instead of sabo and meets an older ace/sabo" I live for stuff like this please

sorry this took me so long! i. didn't realize you had sent an ask rip (that stupid sanji post has annihilated my activity page im in hell)

omg this one is actually one that i'm least likely to actually write because it has the potential to be Long (as you can see with the giant outline), but i wanted to kind of play around with the idea of luffy-less world in the post-timeskip era, because i really like time travel/redo fics where everyone is better/stronger but i think it would be NEAT if the straw hats had to fix things that might have happened if luffy died as a kid. think "doomed timeline" (if that means anything to you). even though the premise is technically ASL i am a straw hat bitch through and through so it's actually more of straw hat fic than the original idea.

here's a copy/paste under the cut (you will see that i write a lot of notes to myself in these things)

takes place post-timeskip era

sabo has no connection to the revolutionary war; he and ace set out as pirates together. because of this, they are not associated with whitebeard (therefore no marineford); instead, they are associated with shanks somehow (maybe; not subordinates tho)

they're no longer two captains one ship, two captains (allied) on two ships (SEE ALT 2)

straw hats have all experienced some form of "bad" ending that leaves them jaded, cynical, or (for some) borderline evil

luffy = strength, joy, freedom optimism; most arcs involve rescues, but i dont think any of the straw hats are "weak" enough to die during their initial crises without luffy, otherwise they wouldnt be straw hats--just win at a massive cost and the next three years would be significantly harder

zoro - frees himself from the courtyard and continues being the demon of the east blue but--

nami - gets the money to free her village, arlong refuses to free cocoyashi; nami seeks out the demon of the east blue in order to take out arlong (in exchange for the money she earned and that arlong has stashed). fight is brutal but they kill arlong; nojiko dies, nami ends up traveling with zoro afterwards bc she has no reason to stay behind with nojiko gone.

they become a well-known, ruthless, and efficient bounty hunting duo on the grand line (bc it earns money and zoro wouldnt make it out of the east blue without her); both are jaded as FUCK bc zoro's dream is stagnant and nami is still wrestling with the guilt of failing her family years later, they're also bloodthirsty because money + power fills the void

usopp - kaya dies in the initial plot to kill her, usopp is blamed and flees the village; gets picked up by the buggy pirates (please this could be so funny please but remember this is supposed to be sad but think of how funny this could be though circus sharpshooter usopp he and buggy would be. so funny in the same room together)

sanji - stays at the baratie until the vinsmokes have a use for him. "wedding"/WCI goes through(?) and/or sanji is a member of the big mom pirates; pudding refuses to kill sanji, big mom is going to kill her but sanji bargains for her life; germa mods are awakened; in order to protect zeff+etc, pretends to be emotionless like his brothers, ends up working as a germa agent instead of staying on WCI because now pudding is as much of a liability as zeff or smth (pudding tho??? pls be nice to her but figure smth out). sanji war crimes

chopper/brook/jinbei remain stagnant

franky - whore do not forget this man was a gang leader who did actual violence; franky family is bigger and badder than ever, babyy

robin - can't stay with crocodile (boring bland unoriginal) put her somewhere she can experience problems; maybe she leaves, ends up on water 7, encounters franky; joins franky family(?) for protection but since she's no longer under a warlord's protection she's fair game for marines/bounty hunters; continues to work as an assassin tho and doesn't stay around much to protect the franky family from the people after her

franky family could potentially work as an alt strawhats "maybe i dont want to die actually" environment for robin; franky helps robin stabilize a little but since they're both kind of Messed Up it's less of a "we're fine actually" and more like "we're fucked up but at least we're fucked up together". they run a Criminal Organization together. they are a gang. robin is an assassin. no one is happy go lucky here even if they have found measure of """"""peace""""""

luffy encounters ace/sabo, it's emotional (obvs; this is self-indulgent)

however his brothers are both fundamentally fine, they are thriving and alive--there's nothing here to fix. you know who isn't fine? his crew.

convinces ace/sabo that they need to find them--whether it's to convince them to join their crew or just to make sure they're okay (whats the motivation here besides luffy wanting them to be happy because they're his family? does he need one? does it even matter?)

ALT 1 are luffy's crew here or did luffy enter the doomed timeline alone. if so--everyone? or just a few

interesting interactions: doomed/real zoro (consider the implications of a zoro who has stagnated/given up on his dream; this guy's got issues but our guy has no self-preservation however maybe they both have no self preservation. interesting convo about worth or value of life without drive)

doomed/real nami (LOTS of grief here babes, but maybe an interesting convo here about strength vs vulnerability)

doomed/real sanji (ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god can you imagine. can you imagine how much that would mess him up to see himself become Sanji Vinsmoke)

luffy has fundamentally changed all of their lives for the better but the straw hats are all strong as individuals (physically and emotionally) even before they join the straw hats. that's the point

even if the "doomed" straw hats encounter/join luffy would their lives fundamentally change for the better or are the experiences they accumulate as straw hats what changes them--it's not just luffy going "ur mine now you're happy" it's the development they go through during events/by interacting with each other; maybe some choose to stay where they are but have a shift in perspective of some kind

at least try with asl here

is sabo still kind of unstable? is ace still depressed? how does luffy's absence change them?

ALT 2 consider that they drift apart without luffy to hold them together; luffy makes an effort to reunite them?

[inevitablestars]

for the character thingy, lily 👀

LILYYYYY big thoughts here!! zar i am so glad you asked

this ask game

starting with how i feel about her. i feel things so many things i love her so deeply so very deeply and i end up going insane about her a lot. there's just so much potential for tragedy without even taking into account the actual tragic fate of canon and that makes me insane. also just sibling. she's a younger sibling and not enough people explore her and petunia so i will take it upon myself to do just that !!!

people i ship lily with: (in no particular order and with more detail than necessary)

dorcas - dorlily will always be tragic to me idc if they are happy eventually it's always tragic

regulus - if i think too much about regulily i might explode :/ they are just like tragic again but also perfect in every way that makes no sense at all they don't intentionally fall in love ever it just happens by accident and then one day they're in love and no one saw it coming and just !!! also the younger sibling with a strained relationship with the older sibling thing .... why are more people not insane about that more people should be losing their minds with me

james - a classic! teenage love that's sweet and they just work. like james loves the way he loves and lily deserves that kind of love!! not as insane about these two but like they're always going to be good

mary - slowly have been falling out with marylily but i do still like them. even more fun if its unrequited on either end but great still as friends to lovers or just being sweet! when its requited there isn't as much angst which is usually what draws me to ships even more but like still fun

pandora - also not top of the list but still good! they're insane together and bring out the worst in each other (positive) and just very fun!

non romantic otp.... this is hard it really depends on the situation... bc like remus is right there and they deserve to be best friends and have an unspoken language together and be someone the other confides in. but then there is also platonic regulily which also drives me insane. and then lily and sirius are best friends you cannot tell me otherwise and the deserve that! like also back to siblings sirius and lily finding each other and helping to heal part of them with loving each other for the sibling that cant or won't and it's :( i love them

unpopular opinion on lily.... obvious answer is regulily but im not gonna talk about ships in this but im gonna go with idk if its unpopular but i feel like i dont see it that often but i feel like lily is kind of a bitch (again, positive) like if you take canon yeah she's a mom and thats the only trait she gets which is stupid. she's not soft at all unless you are one of her people and then she will adore you forever and ever and treat you like a princess but to anyone else especially anyone that is rude to her or her people she can and will kill them

one thing i wish would have happened to lily in canon - okay like i was just saying she should have more of a personality, but that aside and just considering a canon setting... she should have been the one to pick the secret keeper. like yeah all of them would have been in consideration including sirius and peter but lily would have been better at picking like clearly no one was thinking who are lily's friends that would be able to do this it was always just oh james! his best friend (also lily's bff but i digress) and then oh no not james' best friend let's go with his other friend! like cmon lily would have been smarter than to pick one of the three people closest to them that everyone knows is close to them :/ also she should have lived that would have been cool of her to also survive a killing curse

i um. i rambled quite a bit so i apologize for that... idk what happened :/

[hangarsliquides]

saw ranking i binged them all again

one > six > two > four > five > three > spiral > jigsaw > 3d

saw 1 at the top. the forerunner. the patient zero, james wan played god and saw was his Light. i had to pay my respects to it and also Adam Stanheight is in it, one of the best characters period. living breathing memorable quote machine. the most cohesive one, one of the better law enforcement plots, the ending... i don't have to talk about it, we all know how iconic it is. i'll just say leigh whannell's scream still sends chills up my spine.

saw 6 had the best spectacle, best traps, great cinematography, also amanda's in it. the last bang for the franchise before the next three movies after it didn't reach anywhere near its caliber, let alone like... saw 5's caliber. the ending is iconic. i'm disappointed that william didn't survive and it would have been interesting for him to be the only main game subject to live ( i'm indirectly declaring saw 3d non-canon). but rodrick heffley did kill a man so atleast i can walk away with this tidbit of information to share to unknowing fools who never saw this franchise. the scene with THE HOFFMANATOR and the voice descrambler was the most fucking stressed i felt during a movie since i saw rob zombie's halloween 2 i was fucking Sick. even though I knew what was going to happen. bravo greutert

saw 2 was a better follow-up than some ppl give it credit for even though it's also the one where the participants get a little stupider. addison's trap was such a perfect example of this, but can i be mad at it? no. because the first time i saw it i guffawed so loudly. im pretty sure my friends are scared of my sick sense of humor. anyways this is the only film where we get to see john kramer in action where he's not in a flashback or immobilized state, and he's a glorious cunt to watch. my deeply self-delusional serial killer blorbo. donnie wahlberg is so fun to watch. he's so angry. all the nerve gas house participants are also pretty fun to watch even though they're all blank slates with one max personality trait i love them. obi tate i will never forget you and your 5 minutes of screentime... love you honey...

saw 4 is funnier than people give it credit for. a lot of this series is, actually. legendary transitions. eric matthews befriends a little rat friend. introduces THE HOFFMANATOR properly. rigg's addiction to going through doors. every bizarre twist in the last fifteen minutes. an entire potential arc from the last movie getting cut short abruptly by strahm shooting one of the worst characters in the franchise to death. i would pick this for a movie night with the boys

saw 5 has also plenty of funny moments. the fatal five's game becomes a really mean comedy with how they simply refuse to work together as a team. even though it was glaringly obvious from the tapes that they were supposed to. mallick's actor overplays his part and its magnificent. more THE HOFFMANATOR action. strahm performs a tracheotomy on himself to escape a trap and he sounds funny for the rest of the film.

saw 3 was carried by bahar soomekh and especially shawnee smith Period. jeff completely drags it down. otherwise it'll be higher. justice for amanda young and allison kerry. i think i would have connected with saw 4 more in a genuine way if kerry was being tested.

spiral, similarly to saw 3, has chris rock dragging down everything. he feels like a pretty stiff actor. luckily he's more bearable to watch than jeff or bobby. that said, having the bousmaniac back at the helm brought back some of the extremely bizarre editing choices that fuel this series' trademark humor. the shaking camera shot that looks like it was made by a rookie in sony vegas pro... chef's kiss mwah.

jigsaw is legitimately bad. weak cast of characters which these movies always have but this cast is weaker than usual. i don't remember anything about halloran and logan except corrupt cop and ex military jiggy apprentice respectively. i dont remember what kind of personality eleanor has. i don't tgink i was paying attention to this half the time except for the barn game which also wasn't super good

saw 3d... the opening trap (misogynistic implications aside), the horsepower trap and THE HOFFMANATOR were the only Really good moments. the new gibson guy is one of the best actors which i mean that he's one of the worst actors. bizarre lines, even more bizarre delivery. the bobby plotline is the worst main game bar none and the only one in the series i would genuinely call torture porn. i can take away some element of humor from jeff being slow ass motherfucker but not this. the traps aren't intriguing enough. the trap involving a woman having to not make a peep at all is so Subtle. and joyce did NOT deserve that. i still don't know how to feel about gordon being an accomplice... i don't know how to make it make sense for his character and his development...

[roseguided]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

✧ NAME: zandie ! but, my friends call me zan a lot of the time. ( fun fact: i was going to be named alexandria and just called zandie as a nickname. but, my parents went with zandie. its from a old black n white western movie. )

✧ PRONOUNS: she/her

✧  SEXUALITY: mostly bisexual. as time goes on, i think i lean more toward wanting to be with women. but, i do still find men very attractive. love me a good dilf & a specific type of my age guys lmao

✧  TAKEN OR SINGLE: single !

– THREE FACTS.

✧ i have two corgi's ! the oldest is woodie, he's 3 years old. he's more auburn, kinda tanned colored. he's got his own little personality that's so interesting to see sometimes. we got him after our family dog died suddenly, so he holds a special spot for us. the second one is dena, named after my 91 yr old grandmother. she's 1, about to turn 2, and more tri-colored: mostly black, the white chest/feet, and some tan on her eyebrows and nose ! she's a little love bug who wants to give her sister (me) kisses all the time. she makes me v happy, like woodie. they are my 'siblings', but also my kids lmao.

✧ when i was born i was 3 months early. so, a premature baby. i was so small that i weighed a pound and 2 oz. so small that when i was born my mom asked why there was a cat in the operating room and my aunt said 'that's not a cat, baby, that's zandie.' i stayed in the hospital for over a month and a half before i was able to come home.

✧ i live in a small, deep south town. i am, what the internat calls, the ya'll people. lmao. i always wonder if, to internet friends i talk to, my accent is noticable or thick in any shape or form.

– EXPERIENCE.

✧   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): aboooout nine years. i started out on facebook as jane volturi, then it was a site called quotev, and then tumblr ever since.

✧   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: facebook, quotev, kik, twitter, tumblr.

✧   BEST EXPERIENCE: meeting some of my good/best friends through tumblr rp. i love all of you so v much.

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

✧   FEMALE OR MALE: i def have a pref for female muses. my muse list is 99% female muses w some male oc's and the rare male canon muse thrown in. sometimes i wanna write more men, but i really have to connect to the character to be able to do that.

✧  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i love all of it ! fluff and angst happen a lot more. smut not as much, but im open to it ! on discord, through memes. whatever we want to do.

✧   PLOTS OR MEMES: i'm def better with memes ! memes=starters if someone decides to continue it. but, i also like plots. i'm just not always the best plotting.

✧   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: ever since changing my formatting replies tend to be longer and sometimes muses have a lot to say. i usually got for medium to longer replies just to give people smth to work with and to get the muses thoughts or action down.

✧   BEST TIME TO WRITE: nighttime !

✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i have a few i am pretty similar too ! it's hard to name all of them. but, i also like writing muses who aren't like me in any way as well.

TAGGED BY: nobody <3

TAGGING: anyone who wants to steal x

[sparatus]

For the character headcanons, gimme Avi and Macen pls?

my BOYS

send me a character

Avitus

Sexuality Headcanon: gay, not xeno

Gender Headcanon: cis, hasn't really considered it beyond generally being comfortable with his assigned-at-birth gender

A ship I have with said character: barrix obviously, do i even have to say it. also you motherfucker you got me into AviTis, plus ngl the more i dabble in it for exdiff and rabbitverse the more avitus/saren and avi/nihnih are appealing, the three coyotes are just very shippable together tbh they're already besties and what's a little on-off dating between friends

A BROTP I have with said character: saren & avitus & nihlus, obvi, it's important to my soul for the coyotes to have a grand old time being best buds and maybe a platonic polypile. for fun. also i do enjoy the potential he and ryder have as friends, and if we dance over to bad end. avitus & quentius man i really fucking love their big bad + dragon dynamic over there

A NOTP I have with said character: mmmm it's not a definite notp as much as i just can't get into him and ryder, setting aside my own hc that he's not xeno in the slightest he's a lot older and been through a lot of shit ryder can't even imagine, they're just in very different places in their lives and i just don't think it'll work. also it's been a few years but i remember once somebody asked me on my mea blog about shipping him with the head of the roekaar and?? no?? are you all insane. no to avi/kaetus too just nobody can make ships with him that aren't garbo except us really

A random headcanon: he has dyslexia. like, when he's joking about how he can't read so he can't possibly do paperwork, it's not entirely a joke, he does have trouble making the words go correctly. he assumed this would be an issue in spectre training, because he'd caught shit from his superiors in the army about it, but saren, being autistic and also having shit eyesight from albinism to begin with, was just like "yeah cheers m8 me too let's get you a screen reader and some decent dictation software" and it was fine. fucker still didn't accept spelling mistakes tho

General Opinion over said character: [squeezes him like teddy bear] i love this garbage creature so much im so glad rabbitverse lets me play with him more im sorry for what i did to your mommy dude (i am not it's good character growth)

Macen

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual!! he's equal opportunity in how appealing to every turian ever he is

Gender Headcanon: cis, he's considered it before but generally decided he's fine with his agab

A ship I have with said character: barrix, do i have to mention it, also ngl i kinda sometimes wonder about maybe a bit of macen/nihlus, i think maybe in a verse where avi got more into saren and grew past his old crush mace might click with nihnih instead

A BROTP I have with said character: on a similar note to above part of why i think he and nihnih could work as a ship is i feel like they'd get along really well as friends!! they're both (somehow) the calmer more reasonable one to their respective chaos goblins, i feel like when the whole gang gets together he and nihlus cheerfully discuss what's going on while saren and avi roll around trying to bite each other (and then, y'know, mace and saren catch up while nih takes a turn scuffling and mace patches saren up). in general i also just love the four of them as best bros okay. also in exdiff he ends up under valis's command and the two of them get along really well

A NOTP I have with said character: i haven't really seen any ships with him other than barrix which tbh is probably for the best this fandom doesn't deserve him

A random headcanon: he actually wanted to be a spectre when he grew up as a kid, or at least, the glamorous space hollywood version of them that goes on cool adventures all the time. baby macen read a lot of books and watched a lot of adventure vids and wanted to be a cool storybook hero. as he got older, he gradually accepted he wasn't cut out for that kind of career, but his curiosity and thirst for adventure never left

General Opinion over said character: :plsplspls: babyboy, baby. i love him your honor

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

tagged by @ragnarokhound <3

name: kai (yes im a trans man named kai, its a good name, okay?)

pronouns: he/they

where do you call home: eh the general answer is west of england, midlands and up. theres a sentimental answer but its a pretty small area so im not gonna potentially dox myself in a tag game dhdjsjs

favourite animal: walrus all the way, baby! although my url is actually unrelated to my love of walruses. theyre just the best animals, theyre big old chunky boys with two big front teeth that can grow to over 3ft in length. when on land, they huddle together in cuddle piles. AND mama walruses can use their flippers to pick up their babies and cuddle them to their chest; tell me thats not the cutest thing youve heard today.

cereal of choice: im not really a cereal person or like a breakfast person at all, but if im having it, golden nuggets or nothin'

visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner: ...all of them? idk, it depends on what im learning. auditory probably less so than the others just because my auditory processing isnt just trash, its trash the binmen wont take.

first pet: my parents had four cats before they had me and my brother so i guess them? they were thomas, alfred, cally and misty. my uncle, who incidentally doesnt believe in seatbelts, named alfred.

favourite scent:

no but seriously i have a very strong scent of smell which is part of why im such a picky eater like im yet to meet a food that smelt bad and tasted good, but i just,,,, dont have a favourite scent?

my brother gave me a lynx body spray of his he didnt want pretty soon after i came out the third time, as trans this time, and its definitely a he got the spirit moment so i guess that.

do you believe in astrology: nah, its not my thing really. all the more to you if its yours as long as you dont try to ascribe my behaviour to me being a taurus, thats the mental illness or the autism or the adhd or the neurological disorder thats pushing my eyes out of my skull very slowly.

how many playlists on spotify/apple music: 28 which is more than i thought i had. right now, theres only like 3 im cycling through named dead reckoning, the old swan, and dutch angle / danish pastry.

sharpies or highlighters: yeah so like, we could never afford sharpies in my house so its highlighters my default. sharpies are like mega expensive in the uk and by mega expensive, i mean unaffordable for a child of a working class single parent.

songs that make you cry: hmm. thats kinda difficult because whether i cry depends almost entirely on my mood. if i had to name some, i guess id go with:

a little fall of rain, turning and empty chairs at empty tables from the london cast recording of les mis (its vital to specify this, okay?); george blagdens secret? recording of drink with me; breathe from in the heights; flowers, doubt comes in, promises, gone im gone, and we raise our cups from hadestown (are you sensing a theme yet?); unruly heart from the prom; here i go again specifically from the rock of ages musical (and NOT the tom cruise movie, i saw this musical live and i cried); i know where ive been by queen latifah, and also from pretty much any hairspray cast recording; if i met myself again, ugly in this ugly world and hes my boy from everybodys talking about jaime and i have sobbed at all three of these songs.

and finally: grandmas song, deep into the ground, he could be a star and once we were kids from billy elliot, and yes i cry at most of act 2, i was raised working class in a working class area that was once revered for its industry and has since been forgotten and left to drown in poverty, how am i meant to not cry at it?

songs that make you happy: hmm again. throw the entirety of the first mamma mia soundtrack onto the list. then welcome to paradise & coming clean by green day (when i was a very depressed teenager, listening to green day always made me feel better, both about the world and about myself); the irony of choking of a lifesaver by all time low because its moms favourite song of theirs and weve gone to see them live five times together; merry christmas maggie thatcher from billy elliot because fuck that bitch; legend of coco chanel from everybodys talking about jaime; sexy from the mean girls musical; do it for your lover by manel navarro; strangers & i dont want to talk about me by stereo jane (the strangers music video is so fucking bisexual yall); king of my heart by sub-radio; ghost ship of cannibal rats by billy talent; carpe diem by joker out; who the hell is edgar by teya and salena; let me entertain you by robbie williams because i sang it in karaoke as a 7 year old who did not know the words and then proceeded to get obsessed with robbie fucking williams for a while; slipping away by materia; and 68 guns by the alarm which is a funny little one because it reminds me of my dad but i still enjoy the song and ive made a conscious choice not to limit my music taste just because some asshole whos not even a good hobby ghost hunter likes it too, you know?

do you write/draw/create: all three! granted i havent done much of the first two in a while, but on my defense, losing 7-8 months worth of your memories kind of fucks you up and its oddly time consuming. also developing fainting attacks and spending a week in hospital while they fail to figure out whats wrong with you other than weirdly low blood pressure does not help. but i do have a drawing planned out to do and while i went a little too much detail on one small detail (i will justify it as soon as i actually finish it), im going to finish it. i also do origami pretty often as well as baking, and i am currently building a wooden replica of the titanic AND LISTEN, i started before the titan submersible stuff happened and i havent touched it yet because it just feels weird to, you know? also, i didnt even want to do the titanic, but like, good luck finding any starter kits that arent a) titanic and b) upwards of a £100. i would love to do a ss malolo or a mts stockholm but that aint happening and while i might be able to find an ss normandy or ss united states, im not gonna be able to afford. its titanic or bust which sucks.

tagging but no pressure: @bottlesandbarricades @vaellusvitutus @rad-roach

[phoebehalliwell]

What would be your ideal cast for the next generation in 2023?

hmm that's difficult mainly bc i really don't watch that many teen drama so i don't have a solid list of actors in the appropriate age range lmao but i love a challenge nonetheless so here we go!!

for wyatt i would kind of love to cast something of an already famous person to kind of really hit home the idea of Legacy tm but the issue is bc wyatt is so big in narrative he kind of just. gets less plot. so that actually might not work. so tbh really i think the move would lowkey be casting a nepo baby. honestly i would love wyatt russell (same name besties?!?!?) but he is just a shade old. if you've only seen him in falcon and the winter soldiers i am begging you to expand and see his cali babe range.... he's in black mirror, 22 jump street, ingrid goes west, lodge 49... babes. like. beyond that, charlie hall who was in sex lives of college girls as that like. really manic guy whitney went out with. and then third option but also on the older side would be alex roe who played the male lead on the tv siren that i think like. only five people watched (excluding myself: four). i think he could swing the necessary earnest energy.

chris honestly should probably be The Star kind of hte one who brings the most draw to the show ideally someone who already has something of a fanbase in a gifset before i've used thomas doherty before who checks two boxes in that he already has an established fan base coming from both the descendant's franchise & also the gossip girl reboot and of course he is also devastatingly handsome in a very cliche way and we already know can play a slut. so that's actually three boxes. another option which i thnk would Slay but again he's a little older would be logan lerman <3 like. y'all see it rite? wild card would be tommy martinez.

for melinda i think a couple solid options would be sarah catherine hook from first kill, sarah desjardins from. well im gonna say yellowjackets but i know her from riverdale lmao. or kaitlyn dever from booksmart also potentially kaylee bryant from legacies or brenna damico from descendants

rest of the next gen under the cut ❤️

for the twins tamora & kat, ideally, they are played by twins. but i do not know a lot of famous acting twins those would have to be found. however, some actors i really like would be liv hewson from santa clarita diet (gone too soon, rip). i think louisa harland from derry girls could be really fun. katherine langford from. well. best known for 13rw but fuck that show. wild card would be storm reid from a wrinkle in time.

henry jr i will be honest i have no idea what he looks like in my head other than he has dark hair. so i'm just gonna spit out some options. archie renaux from shadow and bone. gavin leatherwood from sabrina maybe. mekki leeper from slocg. anirudh pisharody from 9-1-1. booboo steward from (twilight) julie and the phantoms. asher angel from shazam.

pj functionally serves as the leader of the cupitches so i would love to again see her as someone with a good amount of draw honestly i would love to see danielle rose russell as her like those scenes in legacies where she plays lizzie disguised as hope is the exact vibe we're going for. other excellent options imo would be madelyn cline or sabrina carpenter

parker and pj together kind of carry the emotional brunt of the cupitches mainly because peyton is so young it's just easier to defer to her sisters til she's old enough to properly shoulder the burden of a solo narrative. so w both pj and parker the actress needs to slay the solid exterior // cracks slip through; for pj that's the super cool capable princess form parker that's the badass unflinching warrior, both of them are hiding A Lot. so really, any of the pj castings could work for parker imo and vice versa. but some parker specific ones would be savannah lee may from julie and the phantoms, i love that she's kind of got like this baby faced nice energy but can play just like the mean girl. i would love that dichotomy w parker of someone who does not look violent always packing a knife you know? other than that: emma myers from wednesday, odessa azion, or emily alyn lind from gossip girl (tho between you and me eal is my personal fancast for penn)

for peyton she really is the baby of the family so again it would ideally probably be someone new to the scene bc they're so young but i think good existing options would be trinity likins who plays jellybean on riverdale or shay rudolph from the babysitters club.

and then as other casts for the eventual bianca mimi keene from sex education or amita suman from shadow and bone. for melinda's roommate ale mariselo zumbado from genera+ion possibly, ale's character is mexican so i would really love a mexican actress to be cast. google is not aiding me in this hunt. melinda's (new) whitelighter effie freya mavor from skins can defo do the scottish accent, i also think gracie dzienny from first kill & slocg could bring that necessarily wackadoodle energy. over with kat's plotline viola could be played by bola koleosho. more characters to come who ideally would also fit here but no spoilers yet !!

[ardenssolis]

I posted 1,495 times in 2022

896 posts created (60%)

599 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tenkoseiensei

@caemthe

@oldestking

@bigdhashira

@006461

I tagged 1,495 of my posts in 2022

#answered - 649 posts

#;;inbox - 640 posts

#;v: chaldea days - 515 posts

#;;f.go - 358 posts

#;mini - 259 posts

#;v: ??? - 233 posts

#;ooc jabber - 212 posts

#tenkoseiensei - 180 posts

#;;fgo - 161 posts

#;v: summoned forth - 155 posts

Longest Tag: 87 characters

#the king of kings is fond of a certain ancient blockhead but you didn't hear it from me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !

NAME: Shi

PRONOUNS:  she / her / they / them 

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: IMs usually! Discord is fine too especially for plotting and general chitchat since that IM box is tiny as hell. But it tends to definitely be easier to catch me on here since for some reason, my discord doesn’t always alert me to people talking and left messages kfjsdfhdsfs. Me checking discord to see someone talked to me hours ago -- me sweating wondering if they think I ignored them while I was posting on tumblr. 

NAME OF MUSE(S): Ozymandias

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): Like...over 15 years? I have, quite literally, seen and experienced everything at this point. That’s why my rules probably sound so strict because I am just a tired woman who feels like I aged to 80 sometimes. I don’t play when it comes to my boundaries anymore like when I was younger and allowed things I shouldn’t have allowed for the sake of keeping the peace and being liked. I have been so much happier putting my foot down.

BEST EXPERIENCE: Meeting really great people and continuing to meet great people! Idk I’ve met so many who have inspired me to keep writing and just enjoying this little hobby of mine. Even now I just finger gun at all those individuals and really great mutuals that make my time here on tumblr A+.

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Getting me excited for stuff and then ghosting me. Then coming to me, getting me excited again, ghosting me again -- rinse repeat like that’s a normal way to communicate with someone. Like I’m not here for that. I’ll softblock or hardblock you in a heartbeat and move on.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: I like all three honestly, but angst??? Emotional stuff? GAWD DO I EAT THAT UP. Especially for Ozy because he’s just -gestures at him- Sometimes I want him to really feel things which can be difficult. But the fact it’s difficult is what makes me love it even more.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I don’t mind both since we can basic plot something like oh how they’d meet? Are they friends? Do they hate one another?? That kind of stuff can make interaction so much easier. But memes are certainly the best way to come at me and continue things from there since I don’t do starters. 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Long replies! But short is nice when your brain is tired and after staring at a computer for eight hours and working HR, my brain is often very tired during the weekdays. So a nice balance of both!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Normally in the evening. My writing just feels like it flows better for some reason.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Not even REMOTELY jkfhdskfdkfsd

tagged by: @chaieos​​​ (ilu Lis)

tagging: anyone! take it and talk about yourself! (also tag me I wanna read)

16 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

Crossover ships and OC x Canon ships save lives.

17 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

#3

@tenkoseiensei​ said (inbox):

sa vc teehee

     HE DOES NOT PERCEIVE. 

18 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

#2

If you’re a lot younger than Ozy, chances are he will:

a.) Adopt you as his child

b.) Adopt you as his younger sibling

These are just the rules I don’t make them.

18 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[Glowing beans. D.o not r.eblog.]

19 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cookinguptales]

hi! hope you're doing well! could i please get a tarot reading? a potential focus point may be that i would like to know a little more abt where my love life will go (im polyam and im dating 2 lesbians and a pansexual, though theyre not all dating each other) and how we'll all do living together!

thank you in advance!! this is cool of you to do and is inspiring me to get back into my own tarot decks/reading!

(Wheel of Fortune, Nine of Wands, The Chariot)

Hmm. Well. The good news is that all three of these cards are cards of encouragement. The bad news is that they all very much have a vibe of "this, too, shall pass."

The Wheel of Fortune serves as a reminder that nothing in life is permanent. If you are in a bad situation, it will not last forever, but if you're in a good one, that is also impermanent. So you should hold tight to the good times and weather the bad ones. Appreciate every good moment and know that the bad ones will pass. It calls to you to have courage and flexibility; you should roll with the punches, in other words.

Which unfortunately implies that there will be punches.

The Nine of Wands is another one of those cards that's like -- okay, everything is super hard now, but you will eventually get to the finish line. It's not good yet, but with hard work and courage, it will be. You've worked hard to get this far and just hold on a little longer. Adversity won't last forever, and this is a winnable fight.

Finally, The Chariot is a card that tells you to deal with your problems head-on with courage and willpower. You'll have challenges, but you can overcome them if you believe in yourself and force your way through.

Putting them all together, it really kind of seems like your road ahead may be somewhat rocky, but not so bad that you can't succeed. I think this spread is telling you to be philosophical about your setbacks and struggles and realize that they will not last forever. If you make good decisions, try hard, and take on your problems with strength, courage, and overall resilience, you'll get through the bad parts.

I guess that can be said for any relationship, really, but. Well. I do get the impression that things might be hard at first. Whether things eventually clearing up means that you'll work it out with everyone or simply find something that suits you better, I don't know. I just know that you should keep your head up and remember that this, too, shall pass.