#im not worthy tbh
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Alright … *gets the gun*
Percy Jackson, get behind me
(Ive always prayed for a book that may address Percy’s trauma and self esteem issues but it just occurred to me that I may suffer while reading it. Like Percy is definitely suffering)
#im incensed#knowing what this boy has been through makes me want to bang my head into the nearest flat surface#WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT GOOD WNOUGH FOR-#as a girl#some part of me gets it goodness knows no boy is gonna be worthy of my friends#BUT NOT THIS BOY#I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT HE’S SACRIFICED#RICK WHEN I CATCH YOU RICKY#pjo#wrath of the triple goddess#wottg#percabeth#will I read it? i dont have the time tbh but I will be looking for news all around#this better have a resolution jfc#i cant stand percy constantly putting himself down this has to be addressed#percy jackson
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unpopular opinion but i want to see more romance books/fanfiction from the guys pov
#🔪 - mello talks too much#ppl might think this is a bit weird#but i think it’s so much more blush and giggle worthy seeing what the guy is thinking about#i want to see what the guy is thinking about as he falls in love#much more giggling into my pillow worthy#sigh#anyways im reading midnight sun (twilight from edwards POV) and he is a STALKERRRRRSHDGSGSG#like crazy and obsessive#but tbh im highkey into that
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Haven't done a lot of art recently due to personal reasons but I was somewhat impressed with this from my illustration class ^_^ Did in about 2 hours, of my girl, Perci.
#tai talks#coffee break#tbh if i had more time to work on it it probably could have been poster worthy#colored pencils are so difficult to use whadda hell. i only had 3 colors to use with this so im pretty impressed w it#i havent done scientific illustration for traditional in SOOO long i definitely need more practice#snakes#turning off rbs because im not like. super proud of this LMFAO its just to show my fraaands who are online ^_^
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Just had my first psychiatrist appointment in like two years! Not to brag, but I improved on mental illness so much that I was upgraded from Bipolar 2 to Bipolar 1! 😎
#when she asked me questions and said 'that seems more like bipolar 1 than 2' i immediately got so excited#to make this fucking joke on tumblr#when my mom asks how my appointment went im going to make it to her too and shes going to hate it#im trying to collect all of the diagnosises and meds#ive tried so many meds in the past im excited to add a new one to my repertoire#i dont even know what this one is for. i think its cuz my bipolar leans heavily towards the depression#and so far that depression has been untreatable. so i think thats what this is for#my caffeine intake was heavily judged whivh i did not appreciate. but its a judgement worthy amount of caffeine tbh#also i had onboarding for my new job at mcdonalds literally immediately after my psyh appointment#and it was strange. i did the normal things. paperwork etc#but at the end i asked if colored hair was okay and she said she encourages self expression#but then she whispered and said some people are furries and thsts okay but if i am i cant wear the claws or tail at work#just for food safety reasons. and she brought me out to a separate building thats their dry storage#and she said sometimes theres pine snakes in there so just be loud as you go in#and she said she doesnt mind if you smoke weed on the clock. just do it in your car or dry storage and use body spray to cover the smell#ive missed working fast food. im going to change my mind after like two shifts but its fine#anyway i hope you appreciated my mental health joke :) i made myself laugh hysterically with that one
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Love that there was two very obvious supermarket employees in uniform and then me in a giant oversized inuyasha shirt, anime dog boy featured on front AND back + dumb sun glasses + green trackie pants and yet a little old man was like yeah, she's the one I will go and ask for help from
#i'd say this is my least trust worthy person looking outfit but what would i know#and yes i did help him find his museli bars 😇#i might know that shop better than the employees tbh im there all the time 💀
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⟢ highlight of the hour: see you in my 19th life [12/12] ⟣
past lives
#see you in my 19th life#korean drama#shin hye sun#ahn bo hyun#mygif#mmkfav#19thhoth#ahhh this drama's done#cant believe it's finished#there's just something thats bittersweet about a drama ending#premise was interesting and refreshing#good casting great cinematography nice music#i lowkey wanna see what happens to our characters :((#i wanna see what happens to our couple :((#this drama should have been 16 eps instead!!#the final ep was so heartwarming#like there were so many hoth-worthy moments tbh#also im reminded that these hoth posts are lowkey so tiring to make askdjfd#also can we get an abh sageuk pls?? PLS??
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Um I got an interesting suprise in my lush box...
Looks aside though what the fuck am I gonna do with a dried banana chunk 😭 am I supposed to let it float in my bath? Am I supposed to compost it? Is it a snack?? 🍌
The picture on the order sheet is a square little bubble bar and ofc I get a vagina one 😭😭
#banana crimes#finally a post truly worthy of the tag#im suprised by this box tbh it was another inventors box (so one we didnt vote on) and while i usually hate the citrus boxes (marc for the#fucking love of god pick different scent families 😭 all he likes is citrus and musk#when there was a lush memes instagram thing we would all rag on him like citrus for [season]? groundbreaking. every season sgdgdggdgd#im gonna have to take a pic of Sprout with her banana costume. banana hat. and banana ornament with this sucker sgsgsgsgsggd#idk if im gonna use it but it's... interesting AGGSGSGSGS#marquilla#lush box#lush subscription box
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do you ever plan to open a shop to sell prints/stickers? i'd love to buy something from you!!!
WHAAATTT THAT'S CRAZY NICE :) THANK YOU FOR SAYING SOMETHING SO COOL... but probably not, at least not for yeaarsss, very sorry! thank you again though for the ask
#asks#chat#plus tbh im not sure what id be able to sell ... i dont deam any of my art Print Worthy and idk what qualifies as sticker worthy#ig i could do charms. love drawing shitty little guys
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the thing is. shri'iia has to be super fucking terrible in early act 1. it's very important for her to make super terrible decisions and just be a general cunt so it makes her fall from grace feel even more heavy for. bc otherwise it'll feel like whatever to me... personally. but it does not feel good for me, the witness the player the person controlling this whole shebang to watch arabella get bitten by the snake then die because it just makes sense for shri'iia's character at that moment to not intervene 😭. any instance where zevlor is asking help with the tiefling refugees she's like i'm out 🏃♀️. she doesn't care about the tieflings. or the druids. all she cares about is getting her cure and if they can't do anything for her then she won't do anything for them.
but i hate to see it personally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#like the only reason that whole goblin-tiefling-druid conflict gets resolved is bc of the sole fact that minthara has forsaken lolth#and shri'iia hears about it from the spiders and her oath compels to punish lolth's traitors so by doing that it makes her 'defend' the#tieflings which she had no plans to. originally. also she kills priestess gut for trying to kill her. so the whole camp is now after their#ass. but im like GOD 😭 you're not even durge and you're the fucking worst rn!!!!#if minty wasnt there then shri'iia would have never bothered with it tbh#like jaime had his threatening to throw a baby with a trebuchet moment but shri'iia WILL actually do it btw.#so when she breaks her oath bc lolth deems her not good enough it's even more humiliating for her#bc you did all of this shit you did all of these horrible things thats expected of you by ur goddess#but then she decides you're not good enough and you're not worthy anymore.. so what then huh.#what then...!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#how is it that i just realized theyre in the same position in this life#jeong guwon is a high level super poweful amazing demon#and do dohee is born to a looked down upon family#she may be a ceo now#but wolsim was a highly regarded courtesan#but thats still not worthy of marrying a noble#idk where im going with this tbh.#but here we are#my demon#honey rambles
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okruchlodu:
Geralt whispered ❛ People who claim that they’re evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜
Yennefer’s eyes burnt with a violet light and her face radiated with fierce, provocative beauty as she turned to cast her eyes upon the witcher bathing near her; the obsidian star pendant perfectly aligned between the delicate peaks of her collarbones glowed in the firelight as she stirred, setting her comb aside and tossing a careless disarray of wavy, luxuriant locks off her near-bare shoulders as she moved so that she might sit near the witcher next to the tub.
❝ you think, too much Geralt. ❞ give the world too many chances, too- went unuttered. To her, it mattered not at all what people claimed to be or not be— they were to her what she decided them to be; but Geralt… Geralt had his own ways of thinking. ❝ not everything is worth a place in this head of yours. ❞ asserted the sorceress in her habitual haughty, sharp manner, white silks of her robe rustling as she idly reached for a sponge, dipping it into the bowl set near her upon the vanity, flowing with oils and a mixture of her own perfume that soon filled the air with its sweet, tart scent as the soreceress moved. She neither questioned nor magically delved into his mind to discover what had given birth to such a statement at such late an hour after a long, (to say the least) and brutal day for the both of them; she only softly ran the sponge over the swell of his chest, fingertips skating over a scar that imposed itself near his left shoulder, caressing his skin.
His cat like eyes watch her from his relaxed position in the tub in this dimly candle lit room, taking in her every movement as she got up and moved to sit next to the tub.
“Perhaps” he admits although it was rare for people to accuse him of thinking too much, a lot of people probably considered him some dumb mindless monster that only killed for coin, they didn’t particularly know him though.
A soft hum escapes his lips at the smell of her perfume on the air and the feeling of the sponge running slowly along his chest and her fingers against his shoulder, leaning his head back to look at her his eyes meet hers. “Join me?”
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nothin good or final but for the sake of sharing my ??????? process
#a lot of fucking up and adjusting sliders like a video game lol#im tryna get that like. heavy eyed italy-levant-india vibe?#cause they say nigella is one of the hottest lyctors and theres a lotta people from those demographics with that aesthetic that#are immediate swoon worthy#i imagine nigella and anastasia very similarly tbh#nigella more sleepy heavy messy and anastasia more.... like...#round and pointy? sinultaneously?#like broad flat features in contrast with a degree of delicate points?#nigella more balanced n blocky#tlt scratches#ink scratches
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not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything
#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh#dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol#im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so#i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today#bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao#ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome#stupid girl as always#anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry#if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this#well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid#got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3#truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao#what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao#and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao#truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc#all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry#and that's because im stupid#🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/
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when will aup sidestories return from war and stop leaving me bitter about how the main story ended
#lumensis' characterization & death + the revelation of ludgers desire were extremely anticlimactic#700+ chapters of building up only to have the resolution forcefully/hastily crammed into. what. 2 and 1/2 chapters?#and am i supposed to care for his relationship with his mom when it didnt come up in 99% of the novel?#tbh it had *many* opportunities to come up but the author wanted to keep ludgers desire as mysterious as possible#and so it lost its chance to have any emotional buildup#well other than the implications of regrets which were frankly a bit oversaturated in the novel#(again. what happened to the 'show dont tell' principles)#honestly even occasional flashbacks to ludgers mom teaching him about all kinds of myths and lores when its relevant#would have helped in this aspect plus showcased his growth and development over time even when its off screen#(doesnt make his vast knowledge look like it conveniently came out of nowhere)#while also greatly enhancing the world building of his game breaking 'real magic'#anyway i think ludgers reconciliation w his mother would have been more impactful if ludgers past life came up more often#hell it would have done wonder in exploring his depth if we are going with framing his past lifestyle as a flaw#the thing about ludger as a character is that his past (in both worlds) is much more interesting than his present#bc its the only way we can see how he mentally changed in comparison as his changes are nearly non existent in the present timeline#(a part of the reasons why ludgercaseys relationship over time is an appealing topic is that it showcases both of their changes)#(reading about a protagonist who has no mental changes over the course of the story is no different than watching... a nature documentary)#im still v salty about how we never get to see arpas and bettys reconciliation btw#so do emotional closures between ludger and other characters#those are literally the meat of the story that would be worthy of their own arc#sayren why the hell did you rush through them and put them off screen#in the end instead of proving that he has finally learnt his lessons by confronting his emotions ludger chose to run away from it yet again#even if we are to assume that is whats gonna happen post epilogue why is his change accomplished by a goddamn last minute timeskip#(that is also lowkey a failed suicide attempt in disguise)#instead of what could have been... idk... a banger novel named aup#good christ#rant
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ohhhh thinking about the parallels between odin/maya and frost/marlow/valerie rn
#the way it all comes down to the need to be in control#like theres more nuance to it than that and there are multiple factors in each dynamic but maya and valerie were both isolated#and their respective toxic relationships w their families were allowed to fester and break them bc of that isolation#man. always imagined that valerie was closer to cheri but maybe she should connect more with maya#maya and cheri are sorta aware of the situation? but they dont know just how bad it is and unfortunately theres not a lot they can do#without marlow denying them access to valerie at all the way he did to felicity and aisling#i think maya would try to talk to him gently without oversharing but he’d probably be quick to shut it down#and even if he did know mayas backstory hed be like ‘’wtf im not like that guy at all!! that guy got aggressive with his kid i dont do that’#which is also what he does with frost. ‘’no ofc im not like my mom. my mom didnt give a fuck about me. i care so much about valerie!!’’#tfw you try so hard not to be like your abuser that you end up being toxic in the opposite way#echoed voice#tbh very curious to know how marlow will be recieved#assuming he’ll either be hated or all his worse actions will be shrugged off as ‘’oh its ok hes dad of the year anyways’’#maybe both w no inbetween whatsoever#personally i like him. hes my personal little trainwreck. he fascinates me. i want to put him in a tube and study him#he needs therapy sooo bad but unfortunately hes way too proud for it#also in his own way sakura does want marlow to stop self isolating w valerie#like hes not as clear about it as like cheri would be. i think hes mostly motivated by their rivalry. he wants marlow to better himself#and be a more worthy rival for him basically which is why hes constantly rubbing souvenirs in his face#sakura likes valerie but i think he kinda like. disregards her compared to her brother. he hasnt really picked up on whats going on based on#their interactions. but hmmmm…: perhaps now that hes staying in serenade for an extended amount of time….?
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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