#im not going to talk about how this means queer relationships are accepted in the encanto

[leighsartworks216]

Watching Encanto (for the third time this week) and i just noticed

There's two guys dancing right here. It goes by pretty quick, but sure enough there they are

[pastadoughie]

Just to be clear you don't hate everyone who likes mushrooms and frogs, right? I like mushrooms because they're living representations of entropy and decay and some are so similar to humans that eating them can cause diseases related to cannibalism, and I like frogs because they're fucked up slime dwellers. Is that bad in your eyes?

i dont think that liking frogs or mushrooms makes you bad no, infact i dont think that thinking any plant or animal makes you a bad person, i just dont personally like frogs i find them gross

i do however have issue with the people who are like, weird about me *not* likeing those things, like, thats a fucking massive red flag in so many fucking ways

a) im uncomfortable that people even assume these things about me and moreover that theyre upset when their assumptions are proven wrong. my opinion shouldnt mean ANYTHING to you! you dont know me! and its really uncomfortable going on the internet to post your cat art and then all of a sudden find people acting overly familiar with you when you dont know them and have never interacted with them! i am not some large internet figure and its not ok to treat me that way! you should not be forming any kind of parasocial relationship with a 16yr old cat artist! thats weird and fucked up on so many levels!

b) the idea that i as a queer person "have to" have certain opinions and act a certain way (on things that are just, entirely harmless and meaningless) for some of you to like me is REALLY concerning. like if you genuinely think less of me because i dont like frogs when im a queer person then that makes me really concerned about all the other shit you expect me to do.

i have had alot of experience with people who do fit into those gay stereotypes of loving mushrooms and frogs and a CONCERNINGLY LARGE AMMOUNT OF THEM are like, a year away from falling into just full blown violent transphobia, the willingness to gatekeep what queer people are allowed to do and the idea that they HAVE to like certain things is like, it just makes it very clear that even if you arent a transphobe (or atleast dont THINK of yourself as one) your willingness to gatekeep these things makes you REALLY REALLY suseptible to BECOMEING one.

back when i used to be a lesbian and was in alot of these supposedly queer accepting and friendly spaces i found this out the hard way, when i started questioning my gender, and starting to not conform as much i had so many people who i thought were my friends talking about how i wasnt "allowed" to call myself enby AND a lesbian, and that im just someone trying to force myself into lesbian spaces, that i wasnt "allowed" to use he/him pronouns, because that makes other trans people LOOK bad, as soon as i stopped directly fitting into their veiws of a "respectible" queer person i realized that no. this isnt what a queer accepting space looks like.

and so thats why, i am extremely cautious around anybody who fits into that stereotype. its not *about* frogs, its not *about* mushrooms. its about how people who make these distinctions about what is an ok and not ok way to be queer will immediately turn on me the seccond i dont fit into that. and im not comfortable having those kinds of people around me

[romanarose]

The Bikeriders as a metaphor for bisexuality

Now I ain't saying this was intentional because I'm pretty sure it's not but this is how I read the struggle between Johnny and Kathy for Benny just feels like Benny's internal struggle between homosexuality and heteosexuality, how neither of it fits him so he was always walking that line.

For the record Im speaking in terms of binary gender because this is just a simple movie theory. I am well aware of other genders but this is just how I see it.

Spoilers below

Kathy tried to get him to leave, he wouln't do it. It's like he wouldn't let go of that same/sex attraction, the queerness, the subversive side of him.

Johnny never tried to get him to leave Kathy for him, but his pull comes in the two times he tried to get Benny to take over the club. Benny refused, because that full commitment to the club, the lifestyle, would be rejecting the other side of him.

He didn't want to choose. he wanted to just be himself. I think his happiness came in accepting that.

Benny didnt give up riding because Kathy made him. He gave it up because Johnny was dead and that broke him. He was ready to settle down. Benny didn't choose "being straight", I think in his crying, his finally crying he and Kathy new what Johnny was to him and I think Benny accepted who he was. Then he was happy with Kathy, because he did love her. I think she was wrong that he didn't miss it. I think he did. But I think he misses it in a sense that we as people will always long for the past.

Another way I see it is that yes, he's happy. Yes he has a good life. But Maybe he was always going to end up with Kathy as the "settling down". Johnny didn't equal settling down. I think a lot of times, especially back then, homosexuality was viewed as a phase, like the trope of college girls going through a "gay phase" or concepts of homoerotic military men secluded from women. That its something you do for a while then you "grow out of it." But thats not how it really works. I stand by that Benny loves Kathy and is happy at the end.

He smiles, which is rare for his character. He's smiling when Kathy isn't looking, so he's not performing for anyone.

But I think when you look at it in the context of the time, she was the option if he wanted to settle down. That, as bisexual people, maybe you have some crazy times in college but then you find someone in a heterosexual relationship and settle and try to put that behind you. It doesn't mean he's not happy, as bisexual people in straightpassing relationships are happy. It just means, when the motercycle sounds echo for him, he still thinks about the past. the what if.

And thats just a human thing to do.

I saw The Bikeriders on Saturday and then twice, yes twice today (sunday). I was bawling at the end the last two times when the bisexual metaphore theory came to me. I read Benny as bi right away.

Johnny is said to have gotten his inspiration from Marlon Brando. Bando has talked about being bisexual. Another famous name and face of Brando's era was James Dean. Although Dean was more a car guy in the end, he was deffinetly into motercycles. Dean's sexuality is speculated but many close friends say he was bisexual.

I think it would be almost impossible not to have homoerotic subtext with this sort of thing if the movie was true to inspirations of the era. I don't know how you can watch it and think benny and Johnny dont want each other.

Personally, I don't think Johnny was bi, I think he was gay. I think because of how little emphasis on his wife there was, how she never quite seemed to get him, not in the way Benny got him, I think he was gay. I think he married and had kids because thats what you did.

Anyway all this to say I fucking love this movie. At first watch I wasn't a fan of Austin butlers performance but now I get it. Wow. I get it

I know its not anyone intention making the movie for it to be a metaphore for bisexuality but I can just see it see clearly.

This came out during pride month for a reason

[karmathehalflander]

Why both Eddie and Venom are autistic and how the movies are actually a metaphor for neurodivergence

Includes some of my personal headcanons and concepts that I’ve been thinking about and need to share.

BE WARNED!!! This post is a bit long (and also a cringy, rambling, nonsensical mess) full thing under cut.

Some quick notes before we begin: when I have one of their names at the beginning of a section it means anything in that section only applies to one of them. (Idk, I couldn’t figure out how to organize this, you’ll see what I mean)

I don’t know much comic lore, all of this is based off of the movies. Though the movies are a different universe so I don’t think it will matter too much.

Also I use He/They/It pronouns for Venom.

In the end, Im just one guy with a hyper fixation please take everything I say with a grain of salt and feel free to add on or correct me about stuff. Especially if I say anything stereotypical or offensive about nurodivergance/autism a lot of this is based on some personal experience and I absolutely make mistakes and generalizations.

Alright enough of my yapping let’s get to it.

Overall big picture stuff

Applies to Both of them

the whole concept of them being “losers” together is kind of autistic coded. Autistic people are often viewed as incompetent or childish or useless. And I like to think they are connecting over that shared experience.

Noise sensitivity!!! Both of them have noise sensitivity! I probably don’t need to elaborate that much but that one scene in their apartment was some of the best overstimulation representation I’ve ever seen overstimulation guitar scene

Venom

Venom comes across as unfeeling because they don’t emote in a “normal” way.

They’re very blunt and literal.

Venom sometimes has a slightly higher-pitched voice when excited or angry. Which I’m going to attribute to him masking. He wants to appear tougher and scarier. This is important to its species and Venom, who is already perceived as weak by their peers, intentionally deepens his voice a bit to blend in. (This is definitely a headcanon but I love this concept so I don’t care that the real reason is that the voice modifier they use does silly things)

This is also why I think it’s so concerned about Eddie and him “looking bad” Looking weak was dangerous and they trained themself to hide “weakness”

It’s always “How does Venom affect people” and never “What does Venom need and how do other people’s actions affect them”

Venom prefers to express its thoughts and feelings through mental connection with its host and then have that person relay the information to whomever they are “speaking” to. Nonverbal communication!

Venom not understanding humans (social interaction, conventions, etc.) is kind of autistic coded.

Eddie

Edie kind of disregards a lot of social conventions. Still hangs out with his ex-fiancé AND her boyfriend. He also doesn’t seem to mind talking to Venom out loud.

Eddies is just kind of anxious in general.

Eddie struggles to find full time employment.

On that vein, he also struggles to maintain relationships.

Eddie's sense of justice. Eddie has a strong sense of justice and morals that often don’t align with generally accepted values and he follows this view of justice and morality to an absurd degree and it often gets him in trouble. Aka, the entire plot of the first movie is because Eddie has autism.

He wears the same clothes all the time.

Specific moments that I think about

Venom

Venom chewing on the tire swing (they both have oral stims btw)

Sand between his toes. Idk I just thought it was cute and chose to believe they like the sensation.

Say it with me. Tater tots are a safe food!!!

Venom rocks back and forth a lot.

This is a stretch but when Venom is like “look at all these weirdos, my kind of people” it’s a metaphor for him being queer but I’d argue it also kind of fits with neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people often connect with “weirdos” (other neurodivergent people)

Likes organization “Pile of bodies, pile of heads”

Eddie

I’ve been told Eddie chews on his necklace at the beginning of the movie but I can’t find the clip and can’t do a rewatch right now so take that with a grain of salt… (I chose to believe this happened though. Also his bracelets are stim heaven)

When he says “Oh, I have a parasite” to Mrs. Chen he had no clue what to say here. He just said the first thing that came to mind and panicked instead of explaining.

Also the way he says things funny. Ex: “✨It’s a treeeee✨��� supa, supa, fhasstt” “Heee…. has. one. up. hi’s. Ass toooooo” “ET. Phone home. Aliens? 😃” I chose to believe they are vocal stims (I also attempted to find a compilation but I couldn’t find any. Maybe I’ll make one sometime)

Eddie also makes sound effects a lot.

Eddie writes notes on pen and paper instead of digitally.

He apologizes an excessive amount. Like he says “I’m sorry” to people actively trying to kill him. Which is so real.

“I just bit that guys head off” “I, uhhh, yea I’ve been there it’s not fun” 😕

Eddie also rocks back and forth. Which can be seen in this scene

Quick segment into why I think Venom was rejected by other Klyntar (it’s because he has autism)

Venom doesn’t adapt as quickly or as efficiently as other Klyntar. It doesn’t handle change well.

All of the normal Klyntar weaknesses are turned up to 1000 with them. Instead of just certain frequencies, the range that hurts him is larger and is also affected by loud noises. As shown by: “Venom” car alarm scene

instead of just fire, heat also bothers it. Also doesn’t adapt to light well. (Just a headcanon)

Can’t create weapons out of their body like other Klyntar. struggles with “simple” skills.

Much more emotional than other Klyntar and develop attachments (also purely a headcanon)

Just overall didn’t fit well into their society.

Just headcanons

Venom and Eddie are so compatible because their brains work the same way.

“I wish I could just mentally project my thoughts and feelings directly into your brain. Oh wait, we can do that!”

Venom also has temperature sensitivities. He gets hot.

Venom likes to stim to low key music, mainly jazz and lo-fi. Does the one song on repeat for three hours to wring all the happy chemicals out of it like a dish rag thing.

Venom also absolutely loves cheesy pop music (unrelated to anything here but I’m right and I needed to include it)

Venom functions as a weighted blanket for Eddie when he’s anxious. Maybe even hides under his shirt and stuff and becomes an extra weight.

Eddie stims with his jewelry.

Venom likes to sit in the freezer. Sometimes they visit Mrs. Chen's walk in just to chill (lol)

Purely my opinion but I think Venom also has some light sensitivity for a bit because it’s not used to being in such a bright environment. He gets used to it eventually but every once in awhile he finds the city lights overstimulating.

They are both very tactile. Touching things. Love a good texture.

Venom is super particular about food for someone who eats out the garbage but certain textures and flavors drive them crazy.

Venom hates vegetables. (Except for celery because it likes the crunchy and stringyness of it)

How all of this makes for a great metaphor!

Feeling like an alien in the world is probably the most relatable thing for a lot of nurodivergent people. Like there’s a manual for being human you don’t have. And just the concept of a literal alien showing up and struggling to navigate in a world not made for it is so relatable!

The way they both immediately connect to each other because they have the same weird brain stuff and weren’t accepted by their respective societies is so adorable and wholesome.

“We’re not so different, you and I” This line lives rent-free in my mind at all times. It’s my favorite quote. I think it perfectly encapsulates their relationship and why it’s special. They have autism and are bonding because the other is the first person who truly understands them! (Cries, screams, throws up)

In conclusion

They are in love and have autism. And they cling to each other because they are the first people to truly understand each other. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Also I listened to UFO by Smith and Thell on loop while writing this. It’s very autistic symbrock coded so give it a listen if you’re a fan of inde-pop.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

i really want a fic of eddie realising him and buck have been falling in love the entire time.

I keep seeing posts (and even had someone tell me) that it’d be unrealistic for Eddie to be in love with Buck and not realise. Like not even think of him as an option. 

But that’s such a real queer person thing- i’ve lived that experience. I’m a women and despite all the times I admired other women it took forever for it to click for me.

I mean I grew up with accepting parents and kind friends and even queer people on tv. I remember looking at girls as much as I looked at boys. And yet I still had the reoccurring thought “I could be gay, I mean i’m not- but I could be. But most people aren’t gay and i’m most people”. (gay being used here in my head to mean “not straight”) AND YET despite it all I didn’t realise i was Bi until I was much older.

And even then, I’d had at least two long term crushes without realising they were crushes before it clicked. 

(I kid you not- it took a drag queen talking to me like i was a toddler for it to click, but that’s a whole other story SO-) 

Whether or not Eddie already knows he’s gay (or demi or whatever) doesn’t really make a difference, cause it’s that same sort of heteronormative internalising that causes these feeling to not be understood. 

Especially for Eddies character who’s had this messy norm with Shannon for so long, a stable thing to grasp (even when their relationship was a mess) and then her death and him chasing to find that weak grasp to SOMETHING again- something that can be another excuse to not go looking for himself. 

Like he’s internalised this behaviour of, “if i’m in a relationship, I don’t have to look deep and figure out why it’s not working” and never quite realising that maybe the reason it’s not working is cause he’s trying to replace something that was never really real.

(Speaking of, Eddie and Shannon are the epitome of loml by taylor swift. I mean- “we were just kids babe” “from one kiss to getting married” “something counterfeits dead” “what a valiant roar, what a bland goodbye” “i’m combing through the band of lies- “i’ll never leave” never mind”) 

babe you are speaking to the POSTER CHILD of raised in a religious household and convinced themselves they weren’t queer until it was staring them in the face

the biggest issue is that most (again i said most before yall try to jump down my throat) of the people who are against buddie are either straight people who don’t understand the nuances of queerness, or queer people who didn’t grow up in environments of oppression and have never felt the need to hide themselves

i used to tell my parents i had crushes on girls only to later realize that it was because i just had a genuine platonic connection with them (two of whom are my best friends and are also queer women) and i used to get confused about what the difference between attraction and admiration was— something a LOT of queer people go through without realizing.

comphet is literally such a widespread phenomenon that people truly don’t realize just how common it is— like even queer people don’t realize they probably know several “straight” people who are still lying to themselves bc sexuality isn’t black and white— it exists on a spectrum. I’m not saying that to invalidate anyone’s straightness, im just saying i know multiple men who are my dads age (60s +) who only recently came to the realization that they were gay.

it’s genuinely so disappointing to see some of the people in this fandom pushing homophobic talking points from history just to disprove a character’s implied queerness bc they view that character’s queerness as a threat to their ship.

anyway, i agree eddie and shannon’s relationship is soooooo unconscious lavender marriage coded to me and there are SO MANY beautiful TS lyrics that apply to that… another song that i really feel like captures Eddie’s pov of the relationship is Home by One Direction… especially these lyrics:

[incorrectwwfquotes]

i have some very specific thoughts on shawn&diesels relationship that i don’t talk about but i probabyly will eventually. anyway Im curious How Do U Perceive Them. like what do they even have going on man

would LOVE to hear your thoughts even if it's just in dms because i feel like you're one of the only people on this app who has a genuine good understanding of their relationship

not lovers but more than friends. something so queer it's too queer for even the gays. seen as queerbaiting by the gays but too queer to be straight. obsession and love beyond average human comprehension. something special only between them. a true bond of trust at its fundamentals. diesel is probably the only sexual partner shawn has ever felt like he could truly give his all to. because above everything else diesel will always protect him and keep him safe, even if they were to "break up" whatever that means for them. there's no "i like you, we should date" no confession of love, just a mutual affection between them. they kind of just fall into something more than platonic naturally and never address it. their touch is always bordering on romantic yet never quite more than intimate platonic touch. nothing about them is straight forward. they probably don't even know what they are. they might throw a few "that's my boyfriend" jokes here and there but they wouldn't actually call each other boyfriends. or partners or even spouses. they're just them, and they don't care to figure it out or label it because they're happy. they don't label their genders or their sexualities of their relationship. they just know they're queer and the love they have is queer.

the sex is freaky tho. bdsm and leather and pvc and chains and collars and leashes and sadomasochism. not safe not sane but it is consensual. i also think they switch but i think this fandom isn't ready to accept shawn isn't 100% subbottom never mind that diesel could do anything other than domtop but alas.

[our-alterous-experience]

so i just recently discovered alterous attraction and it felt right to me. i have so far identified as panromantic demisexual, and i was just curious how you thought that fit in with my current orientation.

i know its totally individualized, i am just curious to hear someone else's thoughts on the matter, since i cant talk to the people in my life abt it right now.

Well!!!! Depends on how you feel. As you said, it’s individualized so I can throw out some interpretations !!

So I came out as pansexual as a child and always thought I was ace. I flirted with calling it panromantic but never committed. Because I’m aromantic, bc i’m aplatonic, I find it fitting to call myself panalterous. Bc while I am still aspec what’s more important than my romance or sex take or whatever is how i feel alterously. That being said, you don’t need a direct “name” to fit in conjunction with all the other labels and identity. While some people are Romantics and others feel they are that way about Platonic ideals; the same applies to being alterous. I think sunfriend is my favorite alterous term I ever heard but that’s more hyper specific terminology than helpful thing.

For me, I’m also trans, i’m also queer, i’m also aspec, im also arospec.

I don’t think it’s productive all the time to go hello im Vexerin from genderfluid butch transmasc transsexual neopronouner pansexual aplatonic aspec aceflux aromantic alterous land.

Because honestly! It’s much easier to say Hello, I’m Vexerin, I’m panalterous, I’m 20, I’m aromantic and aplatonic. (Within, the context of someone asking me what the fuck i am for the first time at least)

Which is not to say I dislike any of the identities I identify with, it has given me so much freedom to accept these many facets and factors of my life. But for strangers and people who don’t really Know everything about you or even your sexualities, I would recommend just verbalizing “the hits”. The pieces that impact you the most/ are most relevant. For me that’s a lot of my A-spec identities. For me it’s important that I tell a new online friend I’m aplatonic. Is it important for you to tell someone you’re alterous? Are you itching to tell someone?

When I first started introducing myself as alterous in new spaces there was eventually questions and sit downs and I explained my experience and point of view. With new people I was explaining myself for the first time. It was remarkable I got to set expectations in my own way in my own relationships. So the default wasn’t automatically the society standard. I mean it was but it was changed, and that changed me. I will have this conversation over and over again. Like the classic saying, you never stop coming out.

So my perspective is, what do you want to introduce yourself with? Do you want to mention you’re alterous? I think it’s okay to, I think it’s also okay not to. Or it could be something you don’t mention when first talking about your sexuality but you make sure to mention it the second time. or maybe you only mention it when it becomes relevant, you feel alterous or you remember an alterous moment and you bring it up.

There are many different ways to try to go about this. Which one is the best for you? Or rather, which would you want to try out first?

[quietwingsinthesky]

Dear sir, I must use your inbox as a confession booth once again, because you're the only person I've seen express negative feelings about that stupid ass firefighter show, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but… I am so tired of those bland white boys in that stupid firefighter show… I'm happy for the fans that got that character confirmed gay, but it's… it's like the blandness/lack of anything compelling of d/estiel, but somehow more bland, because they're not even in a monster hunting show. I don't even see the love interest(s) to the confirmed gay character, just that guy getting the "2013 pure cinnamon roll" treatment that castiel got. I've tried blacklisting several combinations, but half the posts I see aren't tagged at all 💀

Okay I think that's all, thank you for letting me complain in your inbox <3

IM SO TIRED OF SEEING THOSE BORING FIREFIGHTERS GET THEM OFF MY DASH I DONT CARE ABOUT THEM. good for gay people or whatever but i dont CARE. GET THEM AWAY FROM ME. just because gay representation in boring procedural tv shows is a good sign for the overall climate of queer acceptance doesn’t mean im obligated to like the fuckers. GO AWAY. I ONLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO EAT EACH OTHER. ARE THE FIREFIGHTERS HAVING GAY CANNIBALISTIC FANTASIES ABOUT EACH OTHER? NO? THEN I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!!!! EVERY GAY COUPLE ON TV THAT DOESN’T TRY TO MURDER EACH OTHER IS ANOTHER SETBACK FOR GAY RIGHTS.

alsjfkgjskdj but yeah god it is impossible to blacklist that freaking show, ain’t it. annoying as hell. i’ve mostly gotten it off my dash, and i only have like one mutual i think who likes it? and she’s allowed. i forgive her because i know she has good taste in other things. this insanity will pass for her <3

(also the destiel comparison is apt because. you know how people used to talk about the “roaming yaoi fandom” that just latches onto whatever two men are most popular at the time, forces them into the cookie cutter mold of a romantic relationship, and ships them to death? now, i don’t know about the validity of that theory on a wider scale, but it sure does feel like a lot of people who wanted destiel to be that cookie-cutter romantic relationship are happily jumping to the gay firefighters because they’re easier to fit to the mold. and presumably carry less baggage than all the stuff that supernatural does. which is hilariously honest to me about why some people cared about destiel in the first place.)

[dnpbeats]

Just going a little more into the whole thing about understanding young dnp differently now that we have the whole story, something else I have been thinking about so much is queer rights movements and legislation in the uk. Im a good decade younger than them, when gay marriage was legalised I was 12. I was old enough to understand what it was, but i didnt really have any sort of understanding of how it affected me bc i hadnt even started to figure out who i was yet. To me it feels like so long ago, i feel like ive always had it, which is an immense privelage. But dan and phil were not only already in their mid twenties and in a 5 year strong relationship, they already had an active career on youtube. Watching ditl in london, that was the year gay marriage was legalised in the uk. That was who they already were as people and as creators. I cant imagine what it would have been like when the bill passed. They were still so closeted, but that was also such a big win for them and the whole community. I wonder if at the time it still seemed like such a far fetched thing anyway, bc i cant imagine they were even close to wanting to come out yet. Idk if they thought at that point they ever would. And then i think about the fact that they had been in a committed relationship for 5 years at that point. I cant imagine what it would be like to be with my self-proclaimed 'soulmate' and know that you can not legally recognize your relationship. To not know if you ever would. Which then makes sense as to why its not necessarily a priority for them now. Idk, its like you said. Its strange and a little sad to know now who they were then, but in the end it all worked out. They made it to the other side and i could not be happier for them.

oh wow yeah!! im about the same age as you I think, and yes it was much the same for me in the sense that I was aware of same-sex marriage legislation being passed but I had no real grasp on like, what that actually meant for people lol. this got me curious so I went back and tried to see if they ever even talked about same-sex marriage being legalized in the UK. from what I can see they didn't tweet about it at all, and im assuming they didn't make any other statements about it? then in 2015 when it was legalized in the US, they did both tweet, but quite impersonally (I mean I get why im not saying they should've been making grand statements or anything like that). like even setting their relationship aside for a moment, I can imagine it was incredibly difficult for them as two closeted gay men to navigate how to address things like this publicly—obviously when it came to the UK they didn't even address it at all. but im sure it was a huge deal for them to see it legalized just in the sense of what it represents. but even with this landmark that represented lgbtq+ ppl being more generally accepted, they were still closeted, so there was only so much they could say. like I would love to know their thoughts that they couldnt express in 2013/2014/2015 on what it meant to them! but also how it affected them that they couldnt share their thoughts

but then yeah I do wonder how it was for them in the context of their relationship. bc like before it wasn't even a possibility that they could get married. and then they did have the option, but actually not really because they were still closeted, so even if they wanted to they still technically couldnt without outing themselves. but obviously just knowing you now have the option when you couldnt before meant a lot to them im sure

[knifearo]

Hi! i've recently been coming to terms with the fact im very likely aroace, with aromanticism being the Main One on my mind since i've been struggling a bit with accepting that its possible i may never Be in a traditional relationship, mostly due to the fact that so much of what people set up as milestones to reach in life revolve around romantic love.

I just wanted to say i've really appreciated your blog, its been really nice see your posts and its just been helping a lot in trying to navigate all this :) aromanticism feels like its not talked about anywhere near as much as it should be (feels like it'd help not only aroace ppl but like. everyone), and if i'd known that so many people felt this same way sooner i think it would've brought some relief.

it's been especially tough lately i think with not being a teenager anymore, meaning all my friends around me are finding romantic partners and i guess its tough not to feel like the 'second choice' (some of this stemming from anxiety rather than actually how they treat me), and navigating how i feel around all that (also realising that at this point im not just a late bloomer lol). its been a real help finding spaces online that have people talking about their variety of aspec experiences, and its nice to know there's others like me :)

hello, my dear anon <2

first of all: i'm so glad to provide a space for you that's helpful and comforting. community is so important, especially in experiences that can feel so isolating; no matter how you're feeling, at any point, there will always be people here to support you and listen to you and stand by your side. the aspec community is so important to me and i'm so happy to hear that it's been good to you :)

second of all: coming to terms with being aromantic can be difficult, for sure. the fact that so many of us use the words "coming to terms" is significant to begin with; it was very much the same for me, where it felt like a grieving process for a life that i never really wanted but was Told that i should have. it's difficult to work through the knowledge that the entire course of your life, as people set it up for you, is going to be changed away from what you were told would make you happy. this obviously isn't the same for everybody—i have a lot of people in my notes talking about how aromanticism was a wholly positive, freeing discovery for them—but. y'know. it's not like that for everybody, especially not at first. breaking out of amatonormativity is no easy task. just to express that i felt the same things right alongside you <3

especially with the fear of losing everyone around you to relationships... i mean, i think this is where community comes in again. there's a beautiful world out there where people are more aware of the intricacies of non-romantic relationships and the harms of amatonormativity and in that beautiful world we'll all be secure in knowing that our relationships with people will be important no matter the nature of them, but in the meantime, the security of being friends with other aspec people who are aware of all of this can be really comforting. you'll find the people who will stay by you no matter what, eventually, but forming those relationships with people who already understand is really nice. just like any queer relationships, i think. obviously there are cis people who will be cool but oh, the beauty and comfort and joy of t4t relationships in any form... aspec4aspec (a4a? do we have a general term for that? ace4ace aro4aro etc.) relationships are very important to me. helps to deal with that irrational anxiety, too. :)

one thing about being aromantic is that you will look around at the world and realize how innately helpful and revolutionary aromanticism would be if more people knew about it... again. a beautiful world someday. what we do for now is keep talking about it and keep sharing aro joy and keep developing our own important non-romantic relationships and promoting relationship anarchy and establishing our own lives and personhood on our own terms. so happy to have you here as aroace if that's the term you do land on <2 adore you, treasure you, etc., and i hope you have a wonderful wonderful day. feel free to check in anytime about anything! the ask box is always always open. xoxo

[angy-grrr]

okay I’m annoying yk that and I know that.

I love to see what non bkdk shippers think will happen with the manga, bc this way I can learn and see things outside of my special interest for the chapters. And I was reading some interpretations of Ochako being weird in 425.

Some people are right here expecting izuku to go and support her. Some people saw him being this sad, yet only could think about him worrying about Ochako’s feelings over her fight, not Izuku’s fight. they think this will lead to a beautiful confession, in which she cries how she couldn’t save himiko, that izuku noticed, and that he’ll call her his hero and they’ll kiss. And I can’t help but feel like this is bc he is the boy. Because he is the boy in that ship, he is the one that supports, not gets supported. When I was reading those little scenarios, I thought they would explain deku would cry with her about his own fight and bond over it, or something like that. But no… they believe deku’s strange reactions come from being worried over Ochako only. and it’s so sad, to see how gender expectations are being pushed like that in something as simple as a “what I want to happen in the manga” scenario. It’s sad how people think this is how it should work, when actually that would make me even sadder -as I said, for the most part I didn’t care about that ship, I accepted it as inevitable, but this isn’t fair. Romance irl is not perfect, but in a story for this to be a resolution when the character who hasn’t talked about his feeling keeps not talking about them and just supports her before confessing…

Even hetero relationships should have some balance, right?

EDIT:

someone brought up bkdk lmao. They explained how the confession from ochako could get answered: happy ending is izuku loving her back, bad ending is him saying he likes katsuki, and medium ending him liking mei. I can’t even lmao.

another person argued deli just has shown a brotherly bond with him (weird) and that he only thought of him at that dinner with the Im too blessed, and the last time he followed him was in season 1. people need to learn how to read, and connect the dots, literally. No matter how you see their relationship in canon as platonic or romantic (or queer platonic), it’s clear their bond is strong and that Izuku depends on katsuki as much as katsuki depends on izuku on emotional levels -izuku losing control over and over and over again with him, AFO explaining he is the closest to midoriya, katsuki going towards him no matter how injured he is, looking for each other and the time stops, etc.

this is just canon. There’s no arguing about it. Idk why intimate bonds between two male characters means they are like brothers. Is it bc if they are not related, there’s no way to not see it as gay?/gen but also /s

[pokemenlovingmen]

YAAAY TRANSMASC ACE MAN BLOG!! (IM THAT TOO!!!)

Speaking of ace(sex repulsed ace) how about an x reader with arven were the reader comes out as ace?(trans+gay reader ofc, he/they/it btw! :D)

Btwwww before anyone claims this,,,,, I’ll be,,,,,,, “🐾🦴 dog bone anon” :3

Hi dog bone anon!! With all the ace transmascs I’ve been getting in my inbox it’s pretty clear I’ve found my target audience—and they’re all just like me fr fr.

I’d love to write this coming out story with our favorite sandwich man! I love writing about the queer experience, at least the experience I can say I’m familiar with. Ace acceptance rules :)

A Bit of News — Coming out as ace to Arven

🥪 — Okay point and laugh, give him the olympic medal for jumping to conclusions, when you said you had something “important you wanted to talk privately about” he automatically assumed the worst.

🥪 — Unbeknownst to you, he might actually be even more nervous than you when you sit down to talk. He doesn’t do well with sudden news.

“So, Arv… uh, I don’t know how else to say this. But I talked it through with some friends, and you’re my boyfriend, so you deserve to know. I’m… asexual. Y’know…? I really hope it’s not too disappointing to hear… I mean, I don’t want this to change anything about our relationship, but if it’s something that makes it harder to stay together because you’re not comfortable with it or it’s too restricting for you, I understand.”

🥪 — He blinks. You stare at him, biting your lip nervously.

🥪 — Oh, wait… that’s all?

🥪 — He lets out a massive sigh of relief and smiles at you.

“Oh, that’s it? Phew! Sorry, I kinda got nervous there that something really bad had happened. That’s a load off my mind.”

“So, wait, you’re… not upset about the asexual thing?”

“Huh? Why would I be upset about it?”

“Well, it kinda interferes with a big part of a lot of relationships and all…”

“S/O? Do you really think we’d be here, having this conversation, if I was just in it to get you in my bed? There’s probably hundreds of guys out there I could look at and go ‘oh man, he’s so hot’, but there’s only one of you. And I’m not saying I don’t find you hot or anything—but ehh, that’s besides the point—it’s just that there are a billion other things that I like about you past your body. And that’s a billion other reasons to stay with you.”

“Arv, Arceus, you’re too good to me… so you really don’t mind?”

“Definitely not. It’s gonna take way more than that to get rid of me!”

🥪 — After your talk, though (and the deep kiss and wonderful cuddle session that followed), he’s probably got some questions. I imagine he’d be the type to repress his own sexuality for a long time to begin with, so be doesn’t exactly know much about the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. He wants to know more, both to be involved more in the queer community, and also to establish and respect a comfort zone for you!

🥪 — He’s always very polite when he does have questions to ask and always reminds you that you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. But it’s a lot easier to talk about your sexuality, the way you express it, how you figured it out, how it makes certain things feel, when you have Arven there being so genuinely curious and wanting to learn about these things.

🥪 — You can also tell when he did research because he’ll be confirming some really silly facts about the community with you the next morning (i.e., asking you if you really like cake to confirm the memes he saw online. He sorta conducts himself like a confused grandpa trying to be supportive but not really knowing what to do, and you tell him so. He hates you for saying that. >:| ).

🥪 — So speaking of the classic asexual “I’d rather have cake” meme, you find him baking you cakes with alarming frequency because he thinks he’s being funny.

🥪 — Overall, this really doesn’t alter your relationship with Arven much. You’re still his handsome and perfect boyfriend, which he’ll make known anytime you like. He already loved you so much and like he said, hearing you are ace changes none of that.

“Anyone who would only want you for your body is insane anyway, S/O. Really, only your body? I’m mad at anyone who would think like that and they’re just hypothetical people, like, you’d have to be the dumbest person in the world to get with someone as perfect as you and think your body is the only thing that’s worthwhile. Even if I was disappointed about you being ace, there’s literally hundreds of other things about you to love that mean way more than sex ever could.”

“You’re getting worked up about this.”

“I just—I love you, okay?? And I’m getting upset thinking there’s anyone that would treat you like that!”

“Yeah, you really showed those hypothetical people what for. You tell ‘em, Arven.”

[solittles]

mota rewatch with subtitles in my native language (swedish), something i have never done before . spoilers™ below

sometimes the translation of the lines are soooo incredibly good like wahhhh

sometimes i cringe because ???! not that swedish is embarrassing, but it's vulnerable to me. i struggle with expressing myself in general, and especially in swedish because how personal it is to use that language.

so this rewatch made me feel soooo many more things than this show usually does. because swedish. i love these boys sm and they came so much closer than they usually do because of subtitles in my mother tongue

every of bucky's gay lines to buck? in swedish? screams into a pillow i love them so much

also fun to think of the swedish equivalent to all the references to places in the us the characters refer to

but ok lets leave the language part behind

bucky's way to change between his personal self (that is partially a performance though) and his leader role. when he starts barking orders 👉👈🥺🫣 im on my knees and so is buck . he can be a good dom and he'll ask buck if he can knock him up because with buck by his side he wouldnt mind having kids. anyway

goes insane about curtbuckybuck btw. it's like buck knows bucky loves him and wants him, he's too repressed to accept his queerness, so bucky finds curt. the two of them love each other, but curt isn't buck, though he's the best bucky can find. and buck and curt respect and care for each other, despite both of them know that bucky is with curt because he can't have buck (though, if he could he would have them both). and buck knows he can't give bucky what he wants, so he has to keep curt alive for bucky's sake, even though it means he partially loses bucky to someone else. but that's how it has to be, he can't. be queer.

and that's another reason why episode two where the buckies work together to make sure curt doesn't get shot down is so good

ALSO the relationship between pilot and co-pilot. pilot and bombardier. trusting another man with your ship. homoeroticism much!!!!

the superstition is. insane actually, i'm obsessed with it.

100% that buck and bucky are raised religious but lose their faith individually from each other and when they arrive in the uk during the war, superstition is all they have left.

everyone says it but bucky's waist.... he's. a unit!!!!! while buck is just an itty bitty ken doll

done with my buckies thoughts, over to ROSIE

my beloved!!!! i wanma write about his grief losing nash so bad. too bad i can't write i hate it here

him humming the chant when theyre the only ones left. darling boyyy!!!!

im also Obsessed with the entire arc he has in episode 6 at the flak house. rejecting he's not ok, trying to find meaning in their stay at the house, solidifying his role as a pilot and a leader after the talk with the doctor. being responsible for the rhythm of the whole band.....

then when he's going to get back into the plane, he's scared!!! he actually is!! he's feeling something, he's not fine! and that's such a huge step for him!!! and then he finds the beat, he gets back into the drum solo a week after he had to stop and he just goes!!!!

rosie's arc in ep 4-6 is Insanely good. that's my fav character right there!!!!!!

the chant starts playing and the cut over to bucky in the stalag... come On one of the best scene transitions. obsessed

bucky seeing his boys, his and buck's kids!!!! crank!!! murph!!!!

only to be reunited with his husband, the mother to his kids!!!!! HE SMILES SO WIDELY HES SO RELIEVED HIS OTHER HALF MADE IT . THAT BUCK'S ALIVE WAHHHH

sorry guys but. this show. i hold it in my hands

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, so it seems that everyone is coming out to you so I though why not.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m Pansexual or Bi or something else entirely and honestly it’s kinda confusing (I’m female btw). I mean I don’t rly care abt gender but I find myself attracted to females ALOT more. So yeah idk. Maybe gender does make a difference. But then I don’t like the label Bisexual because it implies that you are attracted to males and females only and not people outside of that.

And also when it comes to coming out to people I kinda feel stuck. What do I say? All of my friends know (they’re also queer) but we never really came out to each other we all just kinda were like “hey! that girl looks good” and went along being gay af. But bc we all just knew abt each other we never really talked abt sexualities and stuff.

And on top of that I’m fairly sure my parents wouldn’t be supportive and no one I know irl can relate to that bc all of my friends parents are accepting.

I feel like I’m complaining over nothing. Im sorry ��😫. But still love yah and hope you have a nice day 🫶

Hi! <3

I actually can relate to this first part SO much (as far as pan versus bi). When you say you don't care about gender, that sounds like pan to me. But then you say you have a preference, so is that still pan? I've wondered that for myself.

Here's what I have realized: Firstly, YOU are the person who decides who you are, so whatever label feels best (or none at all) is totally fine, even if it doesn't match someone else's definition. However, for me, I think it helped to think of sexual attraction as different than romantic attraction.

For example, perhaps you can find yourself sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender. BUT, romantically, you prefer girls? To me, that would still be pan, but perhaps you are homoromantic (meaning you only enjoy romantic relationships with the same gender).

Or it could be that you could possibly see yourself both sexually attracted to someone regardless of gender and having a romantic relationship with someone regardless of gender- you just are more likely to want those things with girls. That's okay, too, and could still be considered pan! It's okay to have preferences!

To make this more simplistic, if we stick to a gender binary (which we shouldn't, obviously, but let's do it for a second for simplicity's sake)- a traditionally bisexual person is rarely attracted to boys and girls at a 50/50 split. Maybe they like girls 70 percent of the time and boys 30 percent of the time. That doesn't make them any less bisexual. So, the same holds true with pan. Maybe you mostly see yourself with girls, but also think boys are pretty cool, and nonbinary people are sometimes attractive, and agender people can sometimes be cute, etc, etc.

All of this to say, pick whatever label feels good to you (or none at all! I also frequently just say to people that I'm queer.)

As far as coming out, I think some people are under the impression that it has to be a big thing. It only has to be a big thing if you want it to be. It seems like your friends already know that you're not straight. If that's all you want to say, you don't owe them any more of an explanation or a label.

BUT if you want to come out, go ahead! Sounds like they'll be supportive, so remind yourself that they are safe for you and bring it up in a more intentional way. "Hey, I have a crush on this girl, what do you think?" or "Hey, so you know I'm not straight, right? It's cool that we all are so accepting of that stuff." I think you'll find your friends will be receptive, since they're not straight, either.

As far as your parents, that's trickier. It sounds like you still live with them, so coming out to possibly unaccepting people who have control over you can be sticky. If it were me, I would first do a bit of testing. Mention queerness in a hypothetical way or in a "I know someone who..." way. See how they react. If they react positively, you could start dropping hints. If they react negatively, consider the pros and cons to telling them. Is it worth it to come out because you would be sharing your authentic self? If yes, have a plan if things go poorly. Have a support system to talk to and to go to. If you find that it's not worth it, there's no shame in that, either.

But it's important to know you are NOT complaining over nothing. This is tough stuff and it's hard to navigate.

I'm here to talk if you need me! <3

[nams2]

Two exclusionists in the qpr tag this week and "qprs are amatonormative" discourse seems to be stepping up again. So fuck it. Im going to stop being acceptable queerplatonic aro and talk about what its actually like.

I am so god damn sick of us being shoved in the corner by the rest of the aro community. Like, first of all, every single time I've looked into aro media, its exclusively representing the nonpartnering experience. If the concept of qprs or anything similar comes up (it so rarely does) its literally just so the aro character can turn to the screen and go "its ok, Im not interested in that!"

But it's ok, theres plenty of characters that could be *interpreted* as a qpr! Its always fucking up to interpretation. Not even aro authors just use the word queerplatonic, no. It always has to be some vauge wishy washy "up to interpretation" shit so everyone else can happily ignore it.

And then the aro community has the fucking gall to act like nonpartnering rep is somehow hard to find? And specifically blame partnering aros for it? Fuck right off.

Oh but dont worry, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Because then you get into the real aros and theyre just as bad. Most aro positivity or affrimation shit specifically and intentionally focuses on living alone or not looking for relationships, as if this is a universal experience among aros. Ive literally seen a recurring trend of other aros saying its *toxic* to want to live with someone, because why aren't you happy living in perpetual isolation? Real aros are happy with it. If your not happy with it, you must be sick.

And oh boy, the fucking casualness of the more overt exclusionism.

I mean, how many times have I seen the "love loses" slogan posted? Its such a common affirmation in the aro community and there is simply no way to see it as anything other than a giant middle finger to us. And it isnt just this one phrase. Thats just one example I can think of off the top of my head.

Almost as much as the overt exclusionists who keep raiding our tags, along with the other tag raiders who come in to tell us "Im very pro qpr, but I think the exclusionists are right. I just wish you wouldn't have them or talk about them, because I think theyre very amatonormative". Theyre not pro qpr. Like seriously, if your another partnering aro, dont listen to these people. Their goal is to push us out of the community, it has always been to push us out.

Honestly there is so much more that I could bring up. Like how we're frequently asked to add disclaimers on our posts reassuring aros that they dont need to have partners (as if 90% of anything about aromantisism isnt already telling them that) even though I never see the opposite disclaimer.

But its ok, for some reason the aro community is also convinced we're more acceptable to the allos! How. I have never once in my life seen an allo say anything indicating that. In fact, aphobes always double down on us, because they see us as potential converts.

Like, really, the allo queer scene has a similar problem. To them, the idea of things like platonic marriage come up as a joke, something that indicates that your a gay person in denial. But thats a whole other post. Dont let it fool you, allos have routinely been less hostile to me in this respect that other aros.

Honestly, the more I'm exposed to aro tumblr, the more I see it as just as much of an enemy as everyone else.

[lesbianspeedy]

Connor has called Ollie solely "dad" since Quiver why is he calling him "Ollie" now 😭😭😭

This is mean but I laughed out loud when Connor said Tim was the first person he talked about when he was figuring out being ace years ago. Lol. Lmao even. Tumblr really gaslit that poor writer into thinking Connor and Tim had an actual friendship with all their clamoring about him being with the wrong Bat huh. "Where were you?" GEE I didn't know you had to give daily updates to that one kid you teamed up a few times and had some friendly banter with. I love queer solidarity and the whole thing about us finding each other before we even know we're queer but. NO Connor would not have talks about his sexuality with Tim. Cmooooon you're telling me the first person he'd talk to about being ace wouldn't be Kyle "you can tell me if you're gay, Connor" Rayner?

At least that "this is just another thing me and Ollie don't have in common" anxiety is something already established. Like, that's basically the same thing he says to Roy when Roy takes him to that strip club even if it's an issue by Winick (do you ever stop to think about how unintentionally well laid out Connor being ace is and lose your mind a little bit?)

I'm just. Really sad about how Ollie and Connor's relationship is being presented to this new generation of readers. It's like we regressed to the time Ollie was dead, ya know? And I don't like Connor solely for his relationship with his dad, I want him to be a character on his own. But I can't help but being saddened by how he is losing his relationship with everyone that matters. For better or for worse, at least the new GA series is gonna have him interacting with his family (but what about Kyle, Eddie, Jansen and Moonday, ya know?)

The thing is that the story is good and I like its message. It just... Could be with any other character

im tempted to post this without an "answer" because its really well laid out and deserves to be a post on it's own. but i just rlly like ur points and want to interact with them so.

i think there were a few times between quiver and now where he interchangebly used dad and ollie but i get what you're saying, referring to him like hes estranged still was odd.

i totally agree, the idea of queer solidarity is important and should be shown, but i think this was a weird choice to go with. i think the most intimate (from my memory, i havent reread connor's run in a while) question connor ever asked tim was whether batman was his dad (at that time the answer was still no, as jack hadn't been killed yet). and that was only asked because connor was still his charmingly-awful-at-secret-identities-self. the part of their limited friendship that was interesting was the dynamic of new-sidekick-legacy meets new-main-legacy (for lack of a better descriptor), both struggling to uphold what they thought was expected of them. they never got to really advance from that stage of knowing each other to being at a place where they are friends out of costume, let alone discuss their SEXUALITIES.

i agree that the not being in common thing was a nice nod to past character complexities, though it felt slightly like it was the writer genuinely believing that to be true, and not just a rehash of connor's complicated feelings.

i know, its a weird stage we're at now, the resistence to fully accepting the connor that came from the end of his green arrow run, not just the beginning of it. by the end he had come to peace with being green arrow, and not being his father but that being okay. and that's not to say this is all the current writers fault (though williamson has done absolutely no favours with his writing), as winick and krul absolutely demolished any character connor had for their angst and whatever. (remember when connor aggressively yelled at mia for complaining about being stalked by zatanna without being told? or when after being turned into plastic and losing his memories he then decided he hated buddhism and oliver?). (not to mention the seperation from eddie jansen moonday kyle and. despite all of this complaining. tim cass and steph. winick set this precident and i will never forgive him)

i agree, it had good framework, and it couldve been a much more cohesive story if they. had just not used this friendship.