#im not even returning it like I planned to
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forking terrifying but also compelling
CAN U IMAGINE THIS AS GOJO
like a cult of sukuna worshippers coz he's like held up as some sort of demon god or smthg who has followers bc he became such from a human. and technically he WILL protect u but only at the cost of ur life and eternal servitude which. a yike. and so they get ahold of the PR or smthg (theyre led by kenjaku who's using them for Their own ends) and trap Gojo.
and then kenjaku's son (a young man raised by his gramps Away from All That) who's mourning the death of his gramps and searching for purpose and hope happens across gojo injured and bleeding discarded after they finished with him bc his wings are a Symbol but also store like 99% of his power. he only managed to escape after months of meticulous planning
and so yuuji takes him home and nurses him back to health and wow thosere some weird scars. and gojos super hostile and suspicious at first but also cant really leave bc he has v little strength
but yuujis used to cantankerous behaviors and the dread of a man abt to die and unsure what to do with how he feels abt it. and so he just takes care and takes care and takes care of gojo even cleaning up his messes and doing demeaning tasks
and NOBODY'S ever done anything like this for Gojo just helped him just bc he's a person and not a god who could save them or fight for them (or a heavenly soldier or smthg im still figuring it out)
and so obviosuly he ends up slowly falling in love with Yuuji and Yuuji with him in return. and their sweet domestic life is rudewly interrupted by Plots of the heavenly AND demonly kind. (rude)
and kenjaku is defeated and sukuna's cult ripped apart (bloodily) and gojo refuses to return 'home'
after yuuji dies (which gojo mourns hugely) he actually recieves a blessing from the Heavens for his good deeds or smthg which the gods are SUPER mad abt but like. lol they dont get to decide.
so yuuji becomes a god. and he's like the god of persistent kindnesses or smthg bc i want him to be ok? and u know they live happily ever after
BONUS!
gojo becomes even more whimsical and capricious and actually answers his followers' prayers something bc he has TIME for that now instead of constantly being blood soaked and used and fighting fighting fighting and he blooms into this silly sweet guy that dotes on his husband and is a little um. eccentric? crazy?
(SHH u idiot u cant say crap like that shut up they protect the village shut up! and u know what itadori-sama makes the best freaking jams so if u insult his husband he won't share any with u which is ur loss bc they are literally Divine made from fruits his husband gifted him from the Heavenly Realms so srsly. just. shut up. i want jam.)
Fake Angel by Kevan Goy
#i use a lot of like religious imagery in this but im thinking more of like the chinese setting or japanese setting or even greek setting#of like lots of little gods and their servants and then followers n stuff like that#a lot of them are inherently selfish or capricious etc etc#i dunno man im like flying by the seat of my pants here#this was all in the tags at first but it got too long why does that always happen?#whatever. its a good idea#or at least i had fun so#enjoy if u wish#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#itadori yuuji#another fanfic idea#haha#plot bunny#*looks at the ever growing fluffly* *looks at the camera with a look of slowly dawning dread in the depths of my lifeless eyes*#theres more#IM NOT COMPLAINING#DO U HEAR ME MUSES#IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS#(it might be mildly inconvenient at times and a lil sad bc i know i wont get to most of these but like. i love my fluffle.)#DISREGARD MUSES THANK YOU FOR YOUR BENEVOLENCE
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I desperately need you to give me some jealous nikolai lanstov I'm not even jokinh
my love mine all mine
lowkey continuation of bad luck and im with you; can be read standalone though!
pairing: nikolai lantsov x fem reader
summary: after your return to ravka, nikolai's resolve is tested at a ball.
a/n: i have saved this ask since september because i knew one day i would get around to it. i love nikolai lantsov and i dont write jealous fics often so here we go!! this is technically a continuation of bad luck and im with you but you can read it separately. i keep going back to these two for some reason lmao?? idk. theyre childhood friends to lovers with so much strife in between and that's so special to me lmao. but yah enjoy i MISSED WRITING FOR HIM<3
wc: 2.8k
warning(s): nikolai is a lil jealous obviously! small bit of angst, mostly fluff, lil steamy at the end.
Nikolai feels his lip curling, feels his hand tighten on his glass.
This is a party. A ball, more specifically, but a celebration nonetheless. He should be smiling, mingling, talking up some baron or duke in the name of Ravka’s economy. He is a prince, after all—a bastard, second son of a prince that plans to take the throne at that—and he’s just returned from years at sea. It is in his best interest to do what he does best and talk as much as possible. If anything, he should be arm in arm with the Sun Summoner to boost both their positions.
But all he can do is stare at you.
You’re the embodiment of grace. Your practiced smile looks wholly genuine no matter how long you have to keep it up. Your laugh seems to make others smile without even realizing, ringing out clear like church bells. It’s a sound Nikolai knows he would worship to the end of his days, at least.
You stand in the midst of noblemen and Nikolai only recognizes one—Artem Aslanov, a son of nobles that the two of you spent much of your youth with. He wonders if you remember each other as well. He certainly seems to, the way he stands just a bit too close to you, the way he’s absolutely eager for your attention. Nikolai holds back a scoff.
The others are likely from various other Ravkan settlements, though one has to be Kaelish, with his almost offensively ginger hair.
Not that any of it matters, though. Not one of them can tear their eyes away from you as you talk, magnetic with both your words and inherent charm, and they drink up every bit of your presence.
Something stirs inside Nikolai at the sight. Logically, he knows he has little to worry about—he knows this is your duty as much as it is his, and you care little for any man’s affections but his.
But Saints, his heart does not want to listen to silly things such as logic. In this moment, Nikolai is reminded of the truth at its barest—you’re a noblewoman of good breeding, quite extravagant wealth, and considerable beauty. Your years at sea have caused you to develop a quick wit and sharp tongue, and it only serves to make you more appealing.
Your flashy return to Ravka has made you perhaps the most desirable lady at court, and Nikolai is forced to realize he no longer has you all to himself anymore.
Nikolai has planned to come back and take the Lantsov throne for years now, but he can’t help but long for those days again. Teaching you all the ins and outs of the Volkvolny, how to do every sailor’s knot he knows, showing you the misty mountains of the Wandering Isle and the rolling fields of Novyi Zem and the wonderful world outside of Ravka’s courtly constraints.
Taking over the ships of slavers and clashing blades with drüskelle and watching a thousand sunrises and sunsets together, unbound by anything but tangled up in every part of each other.
It was almost laughable. You were worried of Nikolai charming others upon your return, and yet here he was, unable to look away from you for even the slightest second because he was jealous of some noble son.
“Your Highness, are you alright?”
Nikolai turns back to the conversation he is meant to be paying attention to, already offering a smile that he hopes will make up for his utter lack of focus. Of course, he doesn’t really care what this Kerch merchant thinks of him, and Nikolai’s word will probably mean little to his parents at the moment. They’re still quite angry at him for all his Sturmhondish escapades. This man, whose name he has already forgotten, doesn’t seem to know he’s wasting his time.
“Of course I am,” he says, and he pats him on the shoulder. He means to say more, but then he catches a glance of Artem pulling you to the side, his hand lingering on your waist much too close for comfort. He’s surprised he doesn’t break his glass with how his fingers clench around it even tighter.
“Then I would be honored for you to consider my—”
“I apologize, Jansen.” Nikolai ignores the look on his face at both his interruption and being called the wrong name as he drops his hand. “It’s been wonderful chatting with you, but I’m afraid I must take my leave.”
Nikolai departs before he can get another word out. He’s sure he’ll get an earful later for his ‘disrespect’ but again, he really could not care less.
He expects to have to weave his way through the crowd, but a path parts for him wherever he moves. Benefits to being a Lantsov prince rather than another privateer on the sea, he supposes. He feels a number of eyes on him as he walks, but he’s focused on one thing and one thing only.
Artem seems to be as well, seeing as he doesn’t even look up while he continues talking to you. Nikolai doesn’t blame him for being enraptured, but he does wonder what he thinks that boorish smile will do to you.
Nikolai exclaims your name as he comes up next to you, sliding his arm around your waist like he’s done a thousand times before and claiming his place at your side. “I’ve been looking for you, milaya. You’ve been awfully popular tonight.”
Your gleaming gaze turns to him and Nikolai feels like he can melt. It doesn’t matter how many times you look at him—not even Alina can muster up something to rival your brightness.
“Nikolai!”
Again, the way you say his name makes him weak at the knees. The poshness of your Ravkan faded while you were at sea around common sailors and vagrants, and though he can tell you’re trying your best to hide it in the name of courtly etiquette, it still bleeds through. He adores your accent, how it shows the woman you’ve become rather than the girl you ran away from.
“I’ve been looking for you,” you counter as you lean into him. You’ve applied some fanciful perfume, and it’s intoxicating. He has to stop himself from inhaling deeply—he has little shame when it comes to you, but he’s got to have some poise. “You’re the belle of the ball, Mister Prince.”
“And you’re the apple of everyone’s eye, lapushka,” he says. “Especially mine.”
Your heartbeat has been steadily increasing ever since he slotted himself at your side, and he can feel it speed even more with his words. It makes Nikolai smile without even fully realizing it.
He feels Artem’s gaze on him all the while, and Nikolai chooses to ignore it until now. He looks up, making sure his eyes widen cartoonishly and his smile deepens with the same caliber. “Aslanov! I’m so sorry, I didn’t even notice you!”
“Your Highness,” he says, polite but terse as he bows his head. “It’s good to see you—it has truly been too long.”
“Oh, no need for titles,” Nikolai admonishes. “We’re all friends here, are we not?”
He puts particular emphasis on that word, and Artem shifts ever so slightly under Nikolai’s gaze. So he makes him nervous—good.
“We are,” he agrees, and he looks back at you. “We were merely catching up—it has been years since I last had the good fortune to be in your presence.��� Artem smiles at you once again, far more genuine than anything he’s given Nikolai. “Of course, I look forward to hearing about everything you learned at university.”
“I’ve certainly learned a lot,” you say. Very tongue-in-cheek—you don’t even try to hide it.
Of course. The cover story for Nikolai’s being away from court was his apprenticeships, culminating in his studies at the University of Ketterdam—it would be a shame of the highest order for your parents to admit you ran away to avoid the marriage they’d planned for you, and even more so to admit it had gotten their daughter kidnapped by slavers, so they simply said you joined him there.
Advancing your studies for a better view, they’d spouted. We want our heir to be well-educated on all matters of the world. Nikolai knows you learned more on the seas by his side than you would have in a classroom staring at endless amounts of books. He only regrets he can’t shout how amazing you’ve been for the past few years from the rooftops.
“Perhaps we could discuss it privately some time.” Nikolai will give it to him; his smile is a bit more charming this time. He still wants to punch it off him. “You know, my family has only refined our winemaking over the years—we’d have a wonderful time with a bottle of our finest red—”
“Unfortunately, it will have to wait,” Nikolai cuts in before you can respond. He can’t help it—he’s raring to have you to himself, and he doesn’t know how much more he can take of Artem’s flirting. “My parents are eager to speak to you, darling. We’ll see you around, Aslanov.”
He pulls you away, once again feeling Artem’s eyes on the two of you. He purposefully pulls you closer against him—your warmth against him does wonders to quell the spike of jealousy in his chest.
“You really are impossible,” you say wryly, but you make no move to part from his side as he leads you through the crowd.
“I’m just making sure he understands the situation,” Nikolai says innocently.
“We were just talking,” you say. “You know, it has been years.”
“You were,” he agrees. “But our friend here was very interested in trying to be more. Couldn’t you tell?”
You laugh and you place your hand on his chest. “Nikolai Lantsov, are you jealous?”
“He was talking about his family’s vineyard.” He smiles back at you in turn. He can’t help the bit of bravado that trickles in. “For me to be jealous, I’d have to think he had a chance.”
“Saints, you are!” you exclaim. You stop, halting him in turn, and you grin at him with a twinkle in your eye. Again, he smiles subconsciously just at the sight of it. “Nikolai, I cannot believe you!”
“How?” he asks, cocking his head boyishly. “Have you caught a glimpse of yourself tonight?”
“I’ve looked at myself in the reflection of every glass,” you say dryly. “After all the time spent in sea-faring clothes, it’s very strange to be back in gowns.”
“Then you should know how absolutely stunning you are,” he says. “Breathtaking, showstopping, the very image of perfection…” Nikolai runs his finger over the embroidery on one of your off-the-shoulder sleeves. The rest of his hand lingers on your bare skin, and he longs to remove the barrier his gloves have created.
“And yet it still doesn’t beat how you look in a privateer’s garb,” Nikolai says.
He places his hand over yours and brings it up from his chest. He entangles your fingers and uses the grasp to pull you even closer to him, your chests nearly touching. The warmth of your body tempts him to go even further, but he holds back.
“Really?” you ask. “This gown cost more vlachkas than anyone deserves, took the labor of a small army to create, and weighs as much as you do, and you like me more in that dingy jacket with pants that smell like gunpowder?”
“Oh, yes,” Nikolai nods. “They don’t just smell like gunpowder—they make your rear look very appealing.”
You laugh louder than you should and it draws eyes in your direction. You don’t pay them any mind, gaze still locked on Nikolai, as you hit him on the chest.
“You still have the mind of a sailor, I see,” you drawl. “But I must admit I also miss it. The simplicity, if anything.”
“Just because I didn’t keep a king’s mantle on deck doesn’t mean I wasn’t outfitted in the same gaudy way,” Nikolai says. “A Lantsov must always be prepared, you know.”
“Well, I used to hate that blue frock of yours, especially when we first reunited,” you muse. You extract your hand and trail your fingers down his current coat—he shivers at your touch even through the material. “Now I think I prefer it over anything else in your wardrobe.”
He frowns. “You hated my coat?”
“I hated a lot of things at the time,” you say wryly. Your hand finds its way back to his and you intertwine them together again. “Besides, it’s grown on me.”
Nikolai chuckles, and the two of you fall silent when you shift and rest your head on his shoulder. You’ve managed to find your way to the edge of the ballroom, and it gives you a little more privacy. You stand together, watching as everyone mingles, half bearing a fake smile and the other half lying through their teeth. He didn’t think the Ravkan court would like to think they had more in common with his lying, cheating, stealing crew than they thought.
“So,” Nikolai says, finally breaking the silence, “is being back everything you’ve imagined?”
You huff. “Hardly. Everything is so… restrained.”
He hums in acknowledgement. “Speaking of restrained, have your parents gotten over their fit yet?”
Your laugh is sharper this time. “Once again, hardly. You’d think I murdered the queen the way they’re treating me.”
Nikolai expected that, to be honest. He insisted on being by your side in the initial reunion and they didn’t dare act out of turn in front of royalty, but you said the moment you returned to your palace apartment with them, they yelled at you loud enough to be heard in Novyi Zem.
“They should be thankful,” Nikolai scoffs. “It’s like they don’t even care what nearly happened to you because of their haste to marry you off.”
“I don’t even like to think about it,” you murmur. He feels you shiver and he pulls you even closer to him. “But I was right—they want me to be who I was before I left. They’re even convinced that they can get me to agree to the marriage they’ve got planned.”
His frown deepens. “Saints, must I sweep you off your feet in front of all of Ravka to get everyone to realize you’re a taken woman? I am a very good shot, but I’ve only got so many bullets—”
“Nikolai,” you interrupt with a laugh, raising your head to look him in the eye. He’s glad to see the lightness has returned. Your near fate isn’t a subject either of you like to talk about. “You don’t need to worry, and you certainly don’t need to worry about that.” You cup his cheek with your hand and he leans into your touch. “If one thing has stayed the same through all of this, it’s that you’re the only one out there for me. After all the pomp and circumstance you have to perform with Alina is over, you can tell them yourself.”
“Good,” Nikolai says with a slight smile. “Because I don’t think I can stand to hear Aslanov talk about the grapes his family’s been growing for another second.”
You laugh again, and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. Nikolai beats you to it as he covers your hand with his own, using his other to draw you even closer. Practically every part of you is touching as he kisses you like a starving man, with your lips against his and your perfume invading his senses and your soft moan that’s muffled against his mouth. After a night spent away from your side and having to watch other men compete fruitlessly for your affections, he might as well be.
When you finally pull away, lipstick a mess and pupils dilated and expression nothing less than adoration, it takes everything Nikolai has in him not to take your face in his hands and do it all over again. He wants to mess up your hair, your makeup, kiss your lips until they’re swollen and ravish, worship your body until you can think of nothing but him, say nothing but his name.
“Nikolai,” you gasp, interrupting his sinful thoughts, “do you want to get out of here for a bit?”
Whatever restraint he previously had dissolves with your words as he kisses you again, harder this time. You’re water when he’s dying, a lifeboat when he’s drowning, the very air he needs to breathe. Everything has come to a head after such a boring, strength-testing night, and all Nikolai wants is you.
He brings you even closer with the arm he has around your waist, already starting to pull you along as he heads towards the doorways. He’s sure to stick to the walls, not wanting to draw more attention than necessary when even the flushed warmth of your heated skin through his jacket is enough to drive him crazy.
Nikolai doesn’t know how he ever spent seven years away from you. He could barely handle half a ball.
“More than anything,” he breathes.
#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lantsov x you#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lantsov fic#nikolai lantsov fluff#nikolai lantsov angst#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone fic#grishaverse x reader#sadie writes
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Hihihi I hope im not bothering
I was wondering if you could do smth like where we kiss the jofoes on the cheek out of no where, and can you pleasee include esidisi and wamuu? please and thank you! (if you want to do this ofc!)
It’s absolutely no bother, thank you for requesting this! I should do more x readers lol. ❤️
These HCs are all assuming that the reader is already in a close relationship with them.
Surprise kiss headcannons for jojo villains x reader 🤍
Dio
When you suddenly kiss Dio on the cheek, he freezes for a second, processing the gesture. Then, a slow, smug grin spreads across his face. “How bold of you,” he’d say, leaning closer, almost daring you to do it again.
Internally, he feels a surge of pride and satisfaction. Your affection confirms his charm and superiority in his mind.
He might “reward” you with a kiss of his own- on his terms.
==You press a quick kiss to Dio’s cheek, and for a moment, he seems frozen, caught off guard. Then, his lips shift into a devilish smirk as he turns his head slightly toward you. “How bold of you,” he purrs, leaning closer. “Do it again, if you wish.” The glint in his eyes is both a challenge and a promise.==
Kars
Kars would raise an eyebrow, intrigued by your sudden act of affection. He’d smirk softly, finding your boldness amusing. “What brought that on?” he’d ask, his tone teasing but warm.
He appreciates the gesture but analyzes it deeply, wondering if it was impulsive or deliberate.
He might give you a light touch on the cheek in return, showing his own subtle affection.
==When your lips brush Kars’ cheek, he raises an eyebrow, his expression calm yet intrigued. “Hmm,” he murmurs, tilting his head to examine you. “And what inspired such affection?” His voice is laced with curiosity, but there’s a flicker of amusement in his sharp gaze. He smirks faintly, reaching out to hold your chin gently.==
Wamuu
Wamuu would blink in surprise, definitely not expecting it. He’d touch his cheek where you kissed him, then nod earnestly. “Thank you,” he’d say, his tone sincere.
He finds it heartwarming and sees it as a sign of your trust and respect, which he deeply values.
He’d be more attentive to you afterward, showing his gratitude in his own way, maybe by protecting you even more fiercely.
==You kiss Wamuu’s cheek, and his eyes widen in surprise. He touches the spot gently, as if to confirm it, then looks down at you with a warm, genuine smile. “Thank you for the gesture,” he says sincerely, his voice deep and kind. Though he’s flustered, he seems pleased, his smile lingering for a while.==
Esidisi
He would pause and look at you a moment before chuckling warmly. “Hm, you really are quite sentimental,” he’d say, his voice fond. He’d gently pat your head or shoulder in return.
Deep down, he also feels a pang of sentimentality as he treasures meaningful connections.
He’d bring up the kiss later in conversation, teasing you about it with a grin.
==Your sudden kiss makes Esidisi pause, his usual demeanor momentarily extinguished by pure surprise. Then, a laugh escapes him. “Full of surprises, aren’t you?” he says, looking down at you. He pats your head affectionately, enjoying the moment but already planning to mention it later.==
Enrico Pucci
Pucci would flinch slightly at the unexpected touch but quickly compose himself. “Ah, is everything alright?” he’d say, his voice calm but tinged with slight awkwardness.
He’d try to rationalize your actions, but deep down, he’d feel a rare warmth and appreciation.
He might subtly return the gesture later, maybe by brushing a hand against yours or giving you a reassuring pat.
==You kiss Pucci on the cheek, and though he flinches slightly, he quickly composes himself. “...Thank you,” he says softly, his tone carefully measured. His hand brushes against the spot briefly as he looks at you with a mix of curiosity and restraint. Deep down, the gesture warms something within him he didn’t realize was there.==
Kira
Kira would freeze, his composed demeanor momentarily cracking. “That’s… unexpected,” he’d murmur, adjusting his tie to cover his flustered reaction.
So long as the kiss was in private, he’ll relax almost immediately, not wanting to appear thrown off. To him, such affection feels rare and precious, and he appreciates it more than he lets on.
He’d likely avoid the subject but secretly cherish the memory, glancing at you with slightly softer eyes.
==You lean in and kiss Kira’s cheek, and for a moment, he freezes entirely. “That’s…,” he mutters, not finishing the thought and instead adjusting his tie to steady himself. His expression remains calm, but the faint pink tint to his cheeks betrays his flustered reaction. Later, he catches himself touching the spot absentmindedly, a small, almost unnoticeable smile on his lips.==
Diavolo
Diavolo would stiffen, his eyes narrowing slightly as he processed the unexpected gesture. He wouldn’t push you away, but he’d be caught off guard. “What are you doing?” he’d ask, his tone low and measured.
While he’d feel a flicker of vulnerability, he’d quickly rationalize it as your attempt to please him.
He’d keep a closer eye on you afterward, both intrigued and wary of your boldness.
==The moment your lips graze his cheek, Diavolo stiffens, his body tense as his eyes dart to you. “What are you doing?” he asks, his tone quiet but sharp. His gaze lingers on you, calculating. Though his guard remains up, there’s a flicker of something softer beneath the surface. He secretly appreciates the show of affection and it eases his anxiety a bit to know you likely won’t betray or expose him someday.==
Doppio
Doppio would blink in surprise, his brows lifting slightly, but he wouldn’t pull away. Instead, a small, warm smile would creep onto his face as he tilted his head to look at you. “What was that for?”.
He’d feel a sense of appreciation, cherishing the moment and trying hard not to overthink it. While he’s often focused on pleasing others (especially Diavolo), this unexpected affection from you makes him feel seen as an individual.
Doppio would treasure the gesture, he’d likely become even more attached to you, seeking more of your affection in subtle ways.
==The second you kiss Doppio’s cheek, his face turns slightly red, and he stares at you with almost panicked eyes. “What was that for?” he stammers, bringing a hand up to touch his face. As he fidgets nervously, you can tell he’s absolutely overthinking it, replaying the moment in his head.==
Funny Valentine
Valentine would raise an eyebrow but smile faintly. “That was a rather bold move,” he’d say, his tone amused but composed.
He sees the gesture as an affirmation of your loyalty and trust in him, which feeds his ego.
He’d return the favor at a moment of his choosing, likely in a more grand or calculated manner, such as kissing your hand or making more time for you in his schedule that day.
==When you kiss Valentine’s cheek, he blinks, his expression softening into a faint smile. “Is there something you need my dear?,” he says, his tone measured and amused. He adjusts his gloves, a thoughtful look crossing his face as he regards you. Though composed, you can tell he enjoyed it, his gaze lingering on you a bit longer than usual.==
#jojo's bizarre adventure#diavolo#dio#dio brando#doppio#enrico pucci#funny valentine#kars#kira#kira yoshikage#jjba x reader#jjba headcanons#wamuu#wamuu x reader#esidisi#esidisi x reader#kars x reader#yoshikage kira x reader#dio x reader#dio headcannons#dio brando x reader#pucci x reader#vinegar doppio x reader#diavolo x reader#kira yoshikage x reader#kars jjba
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Peachy🧡✨🍑 pt. 2
an: here she is y'all. i was NOT expecting all the excitement from part one so thank you for that!🥹 that was so exciting to see!! im not used to writing any kind of smut, so please forgive any bumps in the road if you find any🥺 i’m trying over here!🫣🤪 anyways, i hope you like it!!
warnings: smut, fingering (r! receiving)👀, billie being a total flirt cause duh
It had been about a week since you last saw Billie, but for some reason you felt like no time had passed. Because for you at least, you'd subconsciously spent every day with her since that night. Her little flirts and nicknames had been ringing in your mind, making you blush and your heart skip a beat even just thinking about it. In fact, you couldn't even look at a peach without your breath catching. And don't even mention what happend at night when you were alone with your thoughts...
Tonight your friends were all getting together again but this time at Billie's place. You guys all rotated around apartments so it wasn't one person's responsibility to host everyone. You were already in the area so you decided to head over a little early, wanting to return the favor of Billie helping you clean up the other night, hoping you can help set things up tonight.
You gave yourself one last glance in the car's mirror before reaching to open the car door. You stopped yourself remembering your mini perfume in your purse. You spritzed some vanilla and peach scented perfume, your signature scent, onto your pulse points, and a few extra sprays on your neck before tossing the bottle back into your purse and getting out of the car.
You weren't deliberately planning for something to happen tonight... but if something did you wouldn't be mad, your little friendly crush was growing to be not so friendly anymore.
Within seconds of you ringing the doorbell, the door flew open revealing Billie. She had a surprised but sultry smile on her face.
"Hi peach," she said. “You’re here early! D’ya miss me that much?” Her words sent a shiver down your spine and a flush to your face.
You giggled trying to brush it off. “Stop Billie. I wanted to return the favor from the other night and help you get everything ready for tonight!” You said sweetly.
So sweetly it made Billie’s heart start to melt. It was quite obvious to everyone Billie had some kind of feelings for you. And for a while Billie just thought it was her normal kind of crush on a hot girl. But recently she felt the shift too. It was something more and moments like this made it hard for her to keep up the charm.
Well, not that hard.
“God you really are an angel aren’t ya?” She said with a smirk, finally letting you into her apartment. You just giggled and continued down the hallway towards her kitchen, leaving Billie standing in the cloud of sweet peachy perfume you left in the air. Billie inhaled your sweet perfume as she shut the door and leaned back on it for a second before composing herself and making her way to the kitchen.
After a little while, the rest of your friends started to arrive, tearing the two of you apart. But Billie kept her eye on you subtly all night. She just couldn’t get over it.. The way your hair just fell perfectly over your shoulders, and the sweet freckles dotting your nose, and how the sound of your giggle could win grammys in Billie’s opinion, and that god damn sweet peach perfume that was now stuck on every surface in her apartment infiltrating her space like you were infiltrating her mind. And the sweet little looks you gave Billie right back across the room, made more than just her heart throb.
As the night grew on and conversations grew tired, someone suggested putting on a movie. More as background noise but everyone gathered around and snuggled up in their chosen spots.
Naturally Billie patted the spot next to her when you made your way over. But being the flirt she is, Billie pulled you down onto her lap (not that you were complaining), wrapping her arms around your middle as you got comfy.
“You cozy, peach?” You blushed at the nickname. You had just started to get used to the spontaneous “baby” or “mama” but having a nickname all to yourself was kind of driving you wild.
You just nodded, not trusting your voice right now. Billie hummed in satisfaction, smiling before pressing a soft kiss right below your ear making you breath hitch.
As the movie began, Billie pulled you in closer to her, your hands brushing against each other on your tummy.
The movie being a rom-com, provided the perfect backdrop for you and Billie. As the movie went on, and tensions rose, so did the tension between you and Billie. Billie's hand slowly moved under the blanket, her fingers gently brushing against your thigh. The touch was subtle, almost imperceptible to anyone else, but it sent a jolt of electricity through your body. You bit her lip, trying to suppress a gasp, as Billie's fingers began to explore, slowly inching upwards.
Billie's touch was deliberate and teasing, making your breath catch in your throat. She knew your friends were just inches away, oblivious to the intimate game unfolding beneath the blanket. The contrast between the innocent movie and your hidden passion was exhilarating. Billie's fingers traced lazy circles on your inner thigh, her touch feather-light and teasing. Your heart raced, and your body tingled with anticipation.
"Can you stay quiet for me peachy?” Billie whispered, her breath hot against your ear. "Mm-hmm." you nodded, unable to properly speak.
“Is this okay?” Billie whispered, even the flirty little minx she was, of course made sure you were okay first. You smiled softly before nodding again, letting her continue.
Her nose nuzzled into your jaw before she pressed a few kisses there. “You always smell so good peachy,” she purred making you let out a breathy, quiet moan. Billie's fingers continued their ascent, slipping under the hem of your shorts, finding the soft lace of your panties.
With expert precision, Billie hooked her fingers into the fabric, slowly pulling it aside, exposing your folds. Your breath hitched as you felt the cool air on her sensitive skin, your body already responding to Billie's touch. Billie's fingers traced the outline of your pussy, teasing the edges, making you squirm under the blanket.
"You're so wet already, for me peach," Billie whispered, her voice dripping with desire. "I love how responsive you are mama." Your cheeks flushed with pleasure and embarrassment, knowing your friends were mere feet away, unaware of the erotic scene playing out beside them. And forget about the fact that of all the ways you thought about hooking up with Billie, this surprisingly was not one of them… not that you minded either way.
Billie's middle finger dipped into your slick heat, eliciting a soft moan that you quickly stifled with a hand over your mouth.
Billie's finger moved in slow circles, massaging your clit, her thumb pressing gently on the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your body trembled, eyes fluttering shut as you tried to focus on the movie, but Billie's touch was too distracting, too pleasurable. You could feel your juices flowing, coating Billie's finger as she worked her magic.
“You’re doing so good baby love,” she whispered in your ear, pressing another kiss to your neck. “Being such a good girl.. bein’ such a peach.” Her words sent you into overdrive, biting down on your lip so hard you were sure you would draw blood.
As the movie's dialogue filled the room, Billie's finger slid deeper, curling upwards, searching for your sweet spot. Your breath quickened, your body tensing as you fought to keep your moans silent. Billie's thumb continued to rub circles on your clit, her touch firm and relentless. Your hips bucked involuntarily, your body betraying your attempts at control. You turned your head slightly to look at Billie who until you turned your head, looked totally un-phased while watching the movie. As if she wasn’t ravishing her complete dream girl under the blanket.
"Let go f’me, angel," Billie whispered, her voice a soft command. "I want to feel you come around my fingers." Her words were like a spell, pushing you over the edge. It was so good you heard a ringing in your ears.. wait no. You actually were hearing a ringing.
You and Billie looked away from each other towards the sound of the ringing.
Of fucking course it was your phone.
You hit decline, if it was that important they’d call back. You sheepishly apologized and giggled at your phone being so loud right in the middle of the movie. You turned your ringer off with a sigh and settled back into Billie’s lap.
She pinched your clit, sending a jolt through you, you kinda forgot her hand was still in your pants. Giggling, you snuggled back into her and her arms tightened back around you as she started to rub slow circles on you clit, building you back up.
Until your fucking phone rang again.
Well it didn’t ring, but the screen lit up with your siblings contact across the screen again. With a huff you situated your shorts and got up to leave the room to take the call. Billie followed quickly behind, watching you stumble like a baby deer a little bit. She stifled a laugh as you picked up the phone.
“Hello?” You answered with a bite in your voice. Billie came up behind you, snaking her arms back around your waist. She nuzzled her nose on your jaw before kissing the area.
“This better be fucking important,” You groaned into the phone.
🧡✨🍑🫧
an: and with that i would like to formally introduce you to evil gracie hehehe🫣🥰 do you wanna part 3???👀
#billie eilish#wlw#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish x reader#fanfiction#billie eilish x fem!reader#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish fic#billie eilish smut#billie x reader#smut
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im also tired because I only got 4 hours of sleep today but who's fault was THAT (I....I have no idea. idk why I said that. it's just my body clock trying to keep a daytime schedule and being used to waking up at noon like I've been doing). but I can't sleep yet or else I'll wake up at 8 and this whole cycle will begin again. but at least I only have four more shifts to get through
#we're powering through!!!!!#I'm actually really enjoying walking all my stuff over#new place all clean and pretty hehe#bringing all my items over and slowly emptying out my old place. very satisfying#I'm calculating the number of trips I have left#maybe 8-10 for my pots and pans and food#but I think we can do that when my parents come with a car#and I need more boxes so I'll have to unpack some stuff over there and bring those boxes back#I should do that on one of the free days I have next week...#this heavy-duty moving cart is great. I should have bought one years ago. I'veinjured myself so often moving things#that are heavy in that dinky little shopping cart#this is a sturdy like long low moving cart with fabric reinforced sided and bottom#im not even returning it like I planned to#cor.txt
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I love them! So much!
#detroit become human#kara ax400#luther tr400#i love them so much and have something planned for luther in the hes a 10 but series#i may have spent a lot more time on this than i planned (aka two! doodles!)#but you know what 100% worth it i love them and i love him supporting womens wrongs and and#i got so emotional the first time i saw his status updated to family im like crying over this family#also kara having the ability to not only die in almost all her chapters but also kill in almost all her chapters#like girl please i love you and i love that you are willing to be rational and not let luther kill a guy returning a glove#but also you are unhinged and i love you there is no downside to kara i love her#also she gets to not only be a blonde menace but she rocks brown and black and white hair??#truly a lady who can do anything is2g#this suggestion added a year to my life cause it was technically the first one received#even though its the second i drew - i got it first
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midoyuzu is canon to me because of you
thank you anon..... im doing my part.... still havent recovered from the dream live interaction they had so heres doodles from last year of that. i cant believe they did that
on a separate note ive been kinda having mixed feelings regarding enst as a whole and while i dont think ill stop like. making/interacting w fanwork and such ill most likely step back a bit as well. even if it isnt new the racist shit that happyele's pulling really does suck ass, the fact im also really fond of akatsuki myself aside im sure its doubly worse for lots of other fans
#asks#anonymous#im still going to go thru w that mdyz week but depending on things go itll be around march or june!! rn though i have finals to prep/work o#for the next week or two so :'] its been hell of a month (it is the 2nd week of the year)#duck scribbles#doodles#midoyuzu#considering how long theyve apparently planned this out i doubt that they'd roll it back or something but until this is dealt w im def#avoiding offi stuff. well not like i was rly following the official accounts in the first place anyways lol ill learn from my friends first#and foremost if anything happens 👍 dont give those assholes the time of day even if valk is finally returning after over a year. screw you#and regardless of if this makes me fall in or out of enst its kind of clear how much these guys have already etched themselves in my very#soul. lol. valk and mdyz especially so#plus ive been kinda into/getting back in a bunch of other stuff as of late anyhow. so maybe a break from enst in general would do me good#thank u to lilac of pigeonedlilac for sending me the video and tl forever also btw. i lost my mind that morning they were rly cute#im going to go back to toiling over art history now#dont become an art/design major guys its torture
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THE TERROR (2018) S01E03 "The Ladder"
There'll be nothing. You hear? Nothing lives there. Nothing grows. You'll eat your shoes again. You'll eat worse.
#the terror#theterroredit#the terror amc#amc the terror#tvedit#tvgifs#sir john franklin#francis crozier#silna the terror#lady silence#cornelius hickey#james fitzjames#henry goodsir#william gibson#fitzier#mine#gif:terror#im giffing these while watching this show only for the second time and theres so much stuff i forgot/noticing only now#i really loved the moment where francis and sir john have that talk in this ep (about sending a rescue party)#and james was listening behind the door. possibly hearing all the arguments francis made that were very reasonable#so he might have finally more understand him despite saying nothing after that conversation. with either francis or sir john#and then francis returned to his ship with the plan of leading the rescue party himself. telling blanky that 'erebus has a spare captain'#i just really liked that. francis knowing what james can be capable of even without sir john. and by the episode well..#its a necessity to step up#yeah im glad i finally gave this show a chance#tw blood#tw gore
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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the more i think abt goldica the more i like it
#mine#like yes i get it theyre boring straight people booo but hear me out .#the fact chica is goldens main motivation for joining the animatronics triggering his whole arc?#the fact chia is the beakon of what golden wants? a good person who will love hil wothout asking anything in return?#and their first meeting perfectly encamsulates that? when golden is feeling miserable and as lonely as ever and she comes in out of nowhere#and does a nice act for him without getting anything in return?#and he follows her wherever she leads after that because he truly believes no one else would love him like that?#and the way he loves her strange quirks that have pushed people away bc his loyalty to her is unshakable?#and it just adds to her being different from all the people who have claimed to love him but ended up using him?#and how she sees golden not sjowing up for practice as a betrayal because she trusted him and at the end of the day#it was chica who created the band and hisbloyalty to her should also be to the band? so him flaking on the band is flaking on her?#and the way neither of them want to show their weak moments? the way they never speak of what haunts them? and that is effectively what#makes their relationship fall apart? even thougj they lobe wach othee deeply? because they simoly cant be vulnerable and honest?#because they dont want to be weak in front of the othee?#can anyone hear me#im going insane#ive been planning an analyisis of goldica but i havent gotten around to rewatching the series to make it#and its driving me crazy i think#fnafhs
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anyway, i’m leaving for my upstate eclipse trip on friday morning. gonna be about 8-10 hours in the car all by myself. i desperately need entertainment to occupy me during it. can i PLEASE get some music recommendations so i can check it out during the drive
#preferably entire albums !!#but im planning on making a whole playlist so i guess individual songs are fine too BUT PLEASE ALBUMS#just to fill up more time if nothing else 😭😭#literally please drop any recommendation whatsoever i need fucking 10 hours#nvm the return trip which will be another 8-10 hours#You understand my desperation .#im even thinking of maybe audio books but like idk i really cant do them and i cant guarantee i can pay attention while driving#but if i get truly desperate i might turn to that#brot posts#not only is it 8-10 hours alone in the car but its also fucking upstate ny#aka just nothing but the same mountains ovwr and over again#the same fucking road for hundreds of miles#so its not even just the time thats mind numbing. its also the lack of change of scenery#staring at the same damn thing for 10 hours#SO PLEASE GIVE ME RECSSSS
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my grandma passed late last night. she was 94 and ready to go. the family is in chaos and my mom is demanding that i drop everything and show up to "help" with everything, despite being across the country. i am stressed..
#i know this seems selfish#but i don't actually get any paid time off work at all#and also have stuff planned which mom says they will work around but 'only Jesus knows'#is the funeral in washington or ohio? 'only jesus knows'#but both of those places are a decently long flight for me#what am i supposed to be helping with????#i can't take weeks off to help clean an apartment.#nobody is communicating anything to me other than my mom demanding i return#when is the funeral?? 'only Jesus knows'#like... other than that im not sure what there is to help with#my dad vs. his siblings already had a messy legal battle over the inheritance like SIX YEARS AGO before my grandma even passed.
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I hate when I tell someone I miss them and try my best to reach out and they don't do anything about it. there's several people who were part of my life for a very short time who I really liked and enjoyed being around and doing things with. but those people leave so fast. and they never take me with them. they move on and don't keep me in their lives. to me they feel like "the right people" but i'm not their person, so they don't care or try. they make excuses about being busy. I tell them many times to let me know when they have time for me. let them know i'm here whenever they need someone to talk to or hang out with. let them know I want them in my life still and again. but they just say "thanks" and usually dont even agree to reach out to me. i'll try several times and give up. them years pass and I think about then again and reach out and it's the same thing. they reply a few times but make no effort to bring me into their life again or try to stay in mine.
these people always have partners so maybe that's why. maybe they think i'm being too "clingy" and they can't have a best friend and a partner living together at the same time. or don't have time for me and think I ask for too much. they can't figure out how to have a best friend and a partner. they don't understand how my aroace queer platonic weird ass works. i'm the only weirdo that doesn't have close friends or a partner and try to make them my best/closest friends. but they only want to prioritize their partners in their busy lives (or sometimes other best friends if they had friends before me) but this is just a guess. because its true everyone prioritizes their partners first before friends. and i'm not allowed to have a platonic partner if they already have a romantic partner. because society it weird and built against me.
it sucks so much because they're always people I feel super comfortable with. which is EXTREMELY RARE for me. they feel safe like a home i belong in???? we get along great. have stuff in common we do together. work well together. have similar future wants/goals. fit togther well in different ways. have a deep understanding (or it feels like we understand each other). they accept me for me and don't make me feel bad or uncomfortable things most people do. they help me out with things and are there for me when able.
and the best part is, they were always excited to see/talk to me. they'd reach out first. they'd invite me. they'd tell me they had fun and liked doing things with me and want to do it again and tell me about their excitement to hang out and stuff. it didn't feel one-sided like 99% of my relationships with other people. they'd make sure I was in their lives or choose/include me in whatever activity we shared together. I didn't have to do all the work and it felt comfortable and natural.
but it was always short lived. either they moved away, our shared activity ended, school ended, or they simply stopped talking to me one day and basically disappear. I don't know why they suddenly stop trying. but it's so hard for me. how cam things go so well and then just. nothing. they don't ignore other people. like their partners 😒 everyone is so obsessed with habing a partner. i'm never important enough for anyone. they could make my life so much better just by including me in theirs amd trying to be part of mine. but they just won't anymore. and I can't keep trying. I can't make them. but I miss them so much and want what we had back again because it's so rare in my life it's only happened like 2 or 3 times ever in my entire life. no matter how many times I reach out, it's the same every time and the more years that pass the less likely they'll ever come back. I don't know what to do besides give up 😭
#WHY ARE PEOPLE SO HARD!!!!!!!#even the “right” people are not right!!!!!!#what the hell i dont get it#lee rambles#lee rambles about feeling very alone and isolated in this lonely world and suddenly missing 2 specific people who wont make plans#I TRIED. THEY KEEP SAYING THEYRE BUSY BUT WONT REACH OUT AND TELL ME WHEN THEY ARENT DESPITE ASKING THEM TO MULTIPLE TIMES#i hate it here#why cant i be more likeable and idk wantable?????#why cant people i like like me enough back to keep me in their lives#if someone truly likes you and wants you in their life then they will try right? not just forget you're there and never make time#or never reach out????? RIGHT?!#because ive reached out to people i want in my life at least 10 different times and tried so hard#theyve reached out first since parting 0 times. SO ??????????#ive tried like 300 other people since the most recent one and no one matched the same energy and vibe even close#some types of peiple are so rare i doubt ill find a replacement#unfortunately im easily replaceable so they dont have that same issue and dont need to try to keep me around. but im here always waiting#like some pathetic abandoned dog waiting for their owner to return but they never do. why am i like this. i hate it.#why cant i ge likable and vibe with more people. why am i difficult and annoying
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#riddlebat#edward nashton#fanart#digital illustration#a lovely friend helped me out with the light placement#this is kinda part of an au i have in mind#in it bruce shoots someone in a moment of desperation while also chasing after ed#who decides to help him get away with it since he recently also killed someone for the first time#in ed's apartment bruce reviews the footage from his contact lenses#and ed decides that what bruce is doing could be enough atonement for his father's sins if he steers him right#bruce on the other hand feels like he can never return to alfred or gordon#and thinks that ed is the only one who can relate and understand him#and so they carry out ed's plan#i do have like some pages planned out of this but im unsure if i could actually make a coherent story out of this#or even actually finish it lol#i might try it out i got nothing going on#you are allowed to steal any of the vague aus i put in these tags btw#and thank you for reading¡¡ have a nice day¡¡
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Rewriting/editing Feathers is in interesting experience because as I go along, I realize stuff that should've been given more weight than it got in the original.
Right now, I'm dealing with the aftermath of the fall of Mount Justice, and in the original, Morgan is rightfully completely pissed, but the moment he pushes back and lets her in on some of his struggles, she folds. And then the next day they're just.. good?
Morgan should've had serious problems with trusting him after that. She should feel incredibly betrayed. She should be grappling with the fact that she's been falling with him, and then realizing that she doesn't truly know him.
In the new version, they don't resolve their talk that night. It ends in a very uncertain place. Dick asks if she still wants him as her mentor and she answers truthfully that she doesn't know. She has no idea how she can trust him again.
And that's it.
Neither of them know where they stand now. The mood is greatly altered, but I know once they've worked through this, all of the domestic and cute moments will feel that much sweeter.
I've added some stuff with Morgan going to the Hall of Justice to give her statement on what happened that night to Dinah, and Dick is unsure if she's planning to expose him. And Dinah finds out that he's out here working with a concussion and she forces him to go home and rest. So Morgan and Dick are essentially both put on house arrest, giving them ample opportunity to work through this. It'll take some time, but they'll get there.
Basically, I'm really enjoying adding some emotional depth that was lacking before. I feel like I was bad at calculating the long-term consequences to their actions when I first wrote the story. I simply didn't think far enough.
This moment of Nightwing's secrets being uncovered by Morgan should've been one of the biggest crises the two of them go through, but it just wasn't given the proper weight in the original version.
#idk if anyone here is even reading the new version lol but i promise its good#or i guess I think its good. I do sometimes wonder if return-readers hate it lol. Because ive been changing a lot of things#not the structure of the story or the plotpoints. Ive just been rewriting a lot of stuff and altered emotions or actions a little bit#I feel like i have more emotional intelligence now than i did at 18 so Im better at figuring out an appropriate emotional response#also im upping the intensity on the romance a bit. theyre both aware of their feelings a little earlier#there are a few more charged moments#the Kiss (tm) will obviously still play out the way it does in the original#but im planning a few close calls leading up to it. its more fun if theyre a little more actively aware of whats going on
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i have this fic in my brain with like. two parts. possibly three. and that's 1) ted teaches trent, of all people, how to make his famous biscuits. this implies a few things:
a) trent is now the biscuit successor. ted's always handing out biscuits. trent finds himself doing the same thing. (this would be the hypothetical third part, if you'll forgive my nonlinearity--trent, and the community, and biscuits.)
b) i like to think trent would enjoy making it bc Autism. idk about yall but i love following a list of precise instructions with little treats along the way with the end result of a thing i can not only hold in my hands but eat??? anyway trent gaining a new hobby for his spare time (that his daughter LOVES to "assist" with lol) and maybe he even starts experimenting himself--the biscuits are never going to be exactly like ted's, but they have something special of their own, too. (and it's still made with love :))
c) ted and trent baking together and the cute (but ultimately bittersweet) shenanigans that ensue.
2) rebecca is missing biscuits with the boss and girl talk, now that ted's gone, when trent hesitantly ducks in with a pink box.
3) again, as beforementioned, trent inadvertently getting roped into making these regularly. first it's one off thing--cheering colin up or it's mentioned that he used to make them for someone ELSE'S kid's birthday and trent knows from experience that's not to be missed, and then it's just. becoming a thing. he is regularly making biscuits now. he is ted's biscuit man successor.
#of course there's all sorts of other things i can do with this#the bittersweet nature of ted leaving and people filling in holes he left. if ted ever comes back seeing how things have changed--#ways trent's changed his process/recipe in ted's absence and how he's had to build around the hole ted left and now has his own way of#doing things (trent crimm independent huh!) and being ''replaced'' but also in this hypothetical return scenario which wasn't even the plan#for the original fic but i can't help but think of bc im a sucker--also just. yes trent was your 'successor' but that doesn't mean#there's no room for you. and now they're that baking couple lkjfgh biscuit husbands if you will#that's a whole other optional sequel fic i think. anyway im just spinning this idea in my brain#ted lasso#trent crimm#rebecca welton#ANYWAY regardless of a potential tedependent fix it sequel#i just think like#trent finding hobbies he enjoys something that is connected to ted but he genuinely makes his own#trent and building those community bonds and a support system...#idk its not perfect but i enjoy it#gertspeak
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