#im not alone its not october or november im not alone im not alone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chikkou · 10 months ago

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ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

#dark lord saltine #ik this is a massive overshare but fuck it #lifes been fucking hard lol #i have legit been saying ''everything happens so much'' since this all kicked off lmao #its sort of the family motto at this point

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shadooper · 1 year ago

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Hey guys, things are going really bad.

Here's my life update:

So as many of you know my Mom moved down to Florida with her very serious long term boyfriend. He bought the house down here so they could go to Disney together. I had to come with since I cant live alone and couldn't really make money to rent with someone.

Fast forward a bit and my mom loses her job and is suffering from a very long menopause. So things get a bit more stressful. She has no health insurance either. My mom's bf also seems to be less happy about life in general.

In October/November, while my partner was visiting from the UK, my mom's bf decides to break up with her. He establishes he won't kick her out and still wants to be friends, but this wrecks my mom. Her whole idea of what her life would be is destroyed.

She slips into a horrible depression, especially since she soon finds out he got a new gf so quickly after. Just a few weeks ago now she had to visit facility after a very very bad breakdown. Luckily she got some much needed medication. Her ex promises to help and sits down with me and sperately with mom and very genuinely tells us how he's on our side.

Just a few days ago he does something insane. He brings over his new gf, 3 days after my mom left the hospital btw, with no notice. He wanted them to meet to help mom move on or something??? Either way its going as well as it can until mom needs to get her meds from the bedroom that she is still sharing with her ex. The girl goes off on mom for trying to get between them (this apprently was lead up to by us making "a lot of noise on purpose", we were doing the DISHES).

My mom is crying as her ex and this girl procees to have INTERCOURSE in the bed my mom sleeps in and on her blankets while me and my mom are in the house with no way to leave cuz he owns the car and moms shoes are in the room.

After all this mom is furious of course but her ex still doesn't understand "what happened".

We need to get put of this house but we have three cats , mom has bad credit, and no money and I'm disabled. I'm terrified and betrayed by someone I thought I trusted. I dont know what to do.

I might need to ask yall for help with this by starting a fundraiser or something im not sure.

So if anyone is looking for room mates on the east coast let me know please.

(I'm sorry for such a large stressful dump.)

#personal #this is for mutuals and friends

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eziojensenthe3rd · 2 months ago

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Midnight Gaming: Saturday Morning Residental Malevolence

So hey, been a while. So I had some family emergencies I had to deal with involving my father. He's had to go to the hospital on three occasions, the first cause of kidney and liver failure, 2nd cause they discharged him early due to catching covid where he then fell and broke his arm due to low-iron related fainting and the 3rd cause he was out of sorts and unwell due to his liver being damaged enough to require a transplant in the future, hopefully soon.

This resulted in me needed to stay at his house and mind his dog for over a month. Right now tho im back at my own home now and im gonna write this post as a wee catchup. No news here but I am gonna talk about 2 games I played in the past month, both past midnight so it fits. I played Resident Evil 2 (2019) past midnight on the 31st of october and 1st of november respectfully and I played Toonstruck past midnight on the 5th of November. Lets talk about them.

Survival Horror is becoming something of a genre associated with indie gaming these days with games like Crow Country, Alisa and Conscript. Part of this could be pushback towards the prevalence of mascot horror games, AAA gaming slowly deciding to make stuff for that genre with Capcom and even Konami doing some stuff but nostalgia also plays a role in it, with many of the newer titles taking serious inspiration from older franchises along with remakes from well known franchises such as Silent Hill and of course, Resident Evil.

Although being a well-known driver behind the Survival Horror genre, the Resident Evil series, does owe a lot of mechanics to its older contemporaries, namely Alone in the dark for its use of static camera framing and tank controls and Sweet Home for its item management and residence of notable malevolence. Regardless, the first game on Playstation one did help propel the Survival Horror genre into mainstream and necessitated a sequel in the eyes of Capcom. This process eventually led a full do-over mid-production, redesigning the game in its entirely and leaving the abandoned version to be known as Resident Evil 1.5.

Eventually Resident Evil 2 came out and it became a hit, seeing incredible sales and renown and helping push the franchise foward. Some time later, the original Resident Evil from PS1 gets a full, from the ground up, remake exclusivly for Nintendo's Gamecube Console, which ended up being highly regarded as one the best remakes to be made. The design and graphics being highly polished to represent the atmosphere of the game, the sound and music heightening the tension as you move through the updated Spencer Mansion. The remake was respectful of what moments it preserved and new additions they added, leading to a version of the original that is an improvement in every way possible.

So after that, people were expecting Resident Evil 2 to also get the same treatment but unfortunately it didnt happen for a long while, might be because of Resident Evil 4 completly dominating sales and causing the series and genre as a whole to divert into more action oriented, quick time heavy schlock. For a long while, survival horror was somewhat abandoned by the AAA space as it was seen by many a gaming executive as a financial dead end, with many claiming that people didnt want survival horror games anymore, that the genre was effectivly dead.

Indie gaming however doesnt really concern itself with sales or focus groups. Its not bound to the decisions of executives and publishers whose understanding of video games is ignorant "at best". Eventually new horror titles start to pop up and become well recieved, leading to many of those publishers to change their minds and finally decide to greenlit some horror projects. And with the success of Resident Evil 7 being praised as a return to form for the franchise, the Resident Evil 2 Remake project is finally approved with an announcement from Yoshiaki Hirabayashi saying the words "We do it!"

So with Resident Evil 2make, I started with Leon for the A scenario and then Claire B the following night. Leon A was simple enough, finding the medals, fighting Birken 1 and making it through the car park. I say simple but in fairness it was more tense than simple, mainly do to how the threats in the game work. The main zombies here are often critiqued as being bullet sponges, soaking up entire magazines of ammo and still moving onwards. Thing is I understand the reason for this and how it helps support the horror in this game.

See, zombies are pretty well known these days, they come in hoards, they bite to infect and convert, you need to shoot them in the head. Thing is the deal with horror is that what you dont know is what you end up fearing the most and with zombies, there isnt really anything you don't already know by now. Its why most zombie media tends to focus on other humans being the most dangerous or they just make infection instantaneous and the zombies into runners, its trying to change and redesign the monsters to try and make them scary again. 2makes method of making them tough sumbitches does help with making zombies scary again because it adds back that uncertainty along with supporting one of the features often seen in Survival Horror games, item conservation. You could try to take out that zombie in the hallway but how many bullets will it take? What if you need those bullets later? What if you run past the zombie? What if it catches you? What if you do take it out, is it actually dead? or merely incapacitated but ready to come back later when you return? What if you got lucky and explode the zombies head, guaranteeing its demise? What if you miss and waste a bullet? These kinda help form the tension for a lot of these encounters as well support the narrative of the game, that for an american town like Raccoon City, having access to small scale firearms BARELY helps when dealing with a zombie outbreak such as this, with many of them able to resist several gunshots to the head while their prey only needing to be bitten once to be doomed. Getting stronger weapons like the shotgun and grenade launcher does help with them being more effective, but their ammo is also more scarce, making the decision to use them another one you have to contend with.

The lickers being a tough enemy that is also blind, leading to situations where you can try to sneak past to avoid a fight? Definatly a good change but that pales in comparison to the one change that this remake is most well known for: Mr X.

What was a reoccurring boss from the originals B scenario, is now an ongoing threat for a good chunk of the game, leading to situations where you need to get past several zombies while the big lad stomps towards you in pursuit. He does not die, you cannot defeat him in a way that matters, you need to run to lose him and when you do, you need to try and do whatever you need to progress while making sure to avoid him as he stomps around trying to find you. Anytime Im trying to go somewhere to grab something and I see that bastard come around a corner, the hairs on my neck stand as I turn to retreat and try to come up with an alternative route.

Eventually I make it through the rest of Leon A and reach the end, leaving Claire B for tomorrow. I've heard somethings about 2makes handling of the B scenario, namely how it wasnt that much different from their A scenario. The only difference being you have Mr X much earlier and you use a unique handgun for that character that uses stronger ammo, some puzzles are slightly different. Otherwise it plays very much the same with the same bosses and thats... dissapointing. Maybe they had plans to make the B scenario more different, maybe have areas locked behind the club and heart keys be exclusive to either scenario instead of just the character. I dont know but I still made it to the end. That section where you play as Sherry hiding from Chief Irons... jesus christ that was horrifying. Despite some criticisms, Resident Evil 2 Remake is definatly fantastic, theres a lot in here thats done well more then there done poorly. Alot of the mechanic's help create the tensions needed in this survival horror game. I'll need to see about playing the bonus modes later at some point in the future but for now, its an easy recommend and a good time to move on to our second game.

Toonstruck is the 1996 point and click fmv game about Christopher Llyod being isekaied into a cartoon world, tasked with finding items to build a machine to help stop a villain from corrupting everything into a edgy mess.

So full confession, I suck at point and click games, i've always had an issue of trying everything I could do but always missing that one thing I needed to do in order to progress. Honestly I just end up giving up or using a walkthrough and thats what I've done while playing this game, having a walkthrough to lead me to where I needed to go so I dont end up stuck.

So you know walking through town, talking to various toons, head into a barn and oh dear the cartoon cow needs her butter machine fixed and theres elmer the old horse and..NO FLUX YOU CANT USE THAT WORD....yeah this is definatly game from the 90s where that word was.... anyways..

The game has an all star cast of voice actors that you'd recongise if you were a purveyor of saturday morning cartoons from dan castlenetta, tress macneille, jim cummings, dom deluise to name a few along with tim curry voicing the main villian, because of course you do. The main person you go through this toon nightmare with being known Drew Blanc as played by Christopher Lloyd. Honestly Lloyd does a great job at managing to be a straight man to the cartoon nonsense surrounding him as well being quite toony himself with his facial expressions. The man comes off stressed from the strange scenario he's in, often backing down when threatened and tries to be polite to defuse the situation. Of course he's also accompanied by the purple shape known as Flux Widly who often plays with Drew's personality, often being abrasive and snarking at the odd characters they come across.

Of course talking about toonstruck there is one matter to talk about and its to do with the fact that the game was cut down from its intially planned length with the 1st act revolving around the three toon lands and the 2nd taking place in nefarious's castle until the end. The game ends with a cliffhanger with hopes that they could add the rest of the planned content in its sequel, though you can already tell where this heading. The game bombed on release despite receiving good reviews from critics, this was released on oct 31 around the same time Command and Conquer Red Alert released on dos, round the same year that had Duke Nukem 3d, Quake, Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen, Tomb Raider and Crash Bandicoot were released. A point and click game based off of cartoons didnt attract much interest depsite the star-studded voice cast.

The sequel gets dumped and for years Toonstruck sorta became a cult classic with folks hoping for a sequel or even a remaster. Given how games like Po'ed and Killing Time got a remaster from Nightdive, it'd be a surprise to not see them produce a remaster for this game. Only time will tell.

So thats that. I'm gonna try and get back into writing these semi-regulary but I do wanna ask one thing. Before I tried to see about creating an RSS feed to act as a third host for Midnight Gaming along with Tumblr and Pillowfort. Honestly though I'm unsure how I can really host an RSS feed as it seems likes its more for people who have their own website like on Neocities. I'm unsure if I can do that with just a Carrd page. Thing is, I do have Newgrounds and I could potentially post on that accounts blog. Would anyone be interested in that though? Maybe let me know if you're down for that.

For now, thank you all for reading, feel free to leave feedback and game suggestions. Talk with you another time.

#midnight gaming #gaming #resident evil #resident evil 2 #toonstruck #point and click #survival horror #cartoon

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predoom · 5 months ago

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ohoneohone

Friday, November 11th, 2005 12:35 pm i won't tell a soul if you dont want me to. hearts between our knees sticking to summer sheets. Saturday, November 5th, 2005 4:59 pm keep me fast the way he runs his mouth its a wonder that i havent caught a flight home just for a second alone the way he runs my mouth makes me hate you just as much as him thank god i spend most of the daylight dreaming in wine colored beads the sun never caught me right when i was little i splash water on my face in sinks in green rooms like pinching yourself or trying to wash the miles off down a dark hotel hallway the finger prints in pink and blue like skin and veins i try to jump from the doorway to the bed so i dont leave footprints so i dont disturb the carpet like sand you want shyer eyes you want bigger "im sorry"s and regrets for things that i.Yo.u. did you want survivors in the wreckage you want flashlights in the cave you want second chances for second chances i loved everything about you that hurts your scars, your flaws, your not so subtle attempts at wit and irony that always fell a bit short and felt forced your insincerity, your imitation that you passed off as exploration your morning smile 3 year stand (off) her breathing is shallow she shakes whenever i get near- i guess its an occupational hazard its okay we dont have to talk. youre just a body. heaven sent and percoset. even though we're fading fast.... im sorry "pretty"- you were just a canary in a coal mine. Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 7:57 pm there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how im not even too sure what goes on, especially in my own head. one second its one way and the next its another. i have a funny way of showing i care. but i do. i have to say it- halloween wasn't the same this year with out you. i i had the best time ever in southern california. but it wasn't really halloween with out you. and new years won't either. my calls go out today but they'renot picked up. i get what i get. i got some friends who are wearing their egos on their sleeves. its ok. i'll play dumb. you are a shadow of who you once were. "can we start agains" ive had my share. for the past month my mood has been however our phone calls ended. it felt like i was dying inside when i hung up the phone on you. but i have to make a point. you can only act like dirt for so long before you become it. but theres nobody like me and you. i feel like veins and ligatures when you aren't around. and breathing in isnt the same when you're not breathing out. percoset revolutionary. "look mom, no breathing". fucking fading. fucked up, but not cool fucked up. maybe we rip the map in half and someday we meet up in the middle. by accident or just because. everything and everyone ends up faced down on the floor in the end.

you are my wonderwall. Wednesday, October 26th, 2005 6:51 pm my mom said 'make sure you go to sleep smiling tonight baby cause you'll wake up feeling better" i just re-read everything you wrote over the past two months.

i miss my friends.

there is life after this. i promise myself. Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 10:51 pm everything they say about us is true im watching scary movies like every afternoon. i got some new slipper and pants. i look ridiculous. dreamboat. the inside of my head is always changing. even right this second. when i go back over all the details it makes me so glad im not in that town anymore. all of a sudden we're always in the crosshairs. it kinda feels normal now. we used to goof around about killing ourselves off. but sometimes it wasn't a joke. i can't sleep when the bus isn't moving. went to the fender offices today, they are gonna make me some basses. pretty exciting. the only thing ive ever learned is that its pretty easy to say "i love you" its alot harder to mean it. my friends are dropping like flies. everyone looks good when they are the one with their fingers on the keyboards. history is written by the conquerer. we're headlining an amphitheater tommorrow. thats retarded. fistfightking. makeoutqueen. past midnights. get amazed.

Current Music: 2sweet Sunday, October 23rd, 2005 9:42 am you see that kid... its not me, its you. blow out the candles on caring. encounters yesterday: went to paul walls jewelry shop. pretty insane. then when we played jared leto came over and watched. radio shows are wack. encounters today: the gold medal gymnast from the 2004 olympics is coming to hang out with me. pretty insane. why would you ever want to meet a boy like me. i am boring. you make it easier to make the decisions that i do. i turned off the switch that cares. i watch lots of movies and take lots of naps. cause i am a baby. i am gonna be in the academy video for black mamba. i can't tell you how excited that makes me. Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 11:48 pm ill be on time for that, i cant think of a line that rhymes with that blue looks better than jealousy. im awake but not up. you know what i mean. blew the speakers out like a candle. drowned out my sorrows in a wet dream. i miss you but only in flashing moments. new stuff over at buzznet. people been asking about the prices. honestly we charge what it costs us to make. alot of the stuff lately has been cut and sew or requires hand stitching which is expensive. so we try to keep the stuff really limited, so that it stays special. the bags sold out in a day. we won't be making anymore of that particular bag. but we will be making more limited bags and other items. Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 4:48 pm i, peter lewis kingston wentz, solemnly swear... im trying to figure it out. my head moves way faster than my mouth. i went to a party at chris from nsnyc's house for a party. it was about as good/bad as you would think. except dirty was there. so factor that one in. always up or down, never down and out.

the new nightmare of you record is fantastic. it makes me think of winters at home. love it or leave me. Sunday, October 16th, 2005 12:45 pm baby, im just bad news i don't know if it feels real been watching halloween movies lately to get me in the mood taking lots of naps its easier this way she wont ever love you the way she loves me youre not pretty enough and you dont make her heart beat been hiding messages in morse code and anagrams banging my wrist against the edge of the keyboard until it turns black and blue we're all settling all the time panic! at the disco makes me want to start this all over again coversations with you make me want it to never have begun at all nick plan and william beckett are on the list in one form or another always if you dont have your friends than you dont got shit and my friends are gold halloween is gonna be the best this year i think ive never been in california on halloween- it once was, but it hasnt been for a really long time spent most of the morning on the phone with my mommy cause she can always slow my breathing down you can get used to anything after a while even this, pete pretty boys for secret girls later skater Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 12:02 pm ill make you shake so hard you might not make it through the night new york city is fucking insane. get me. bruisa. fall makes me remember and want love.

okay okay cause i should:

1. you say crazy shit in your sleep, like about us living in old milwaukee. 2. right this second "wonderwall" sometimes star wars. 3. i dunno cherry coke flavored. 4. sugar tail, freckles in your eyes, basement windows, braces 5. new years on the windowsill. 6. uh kind of in a weird way the retriever head on the beagle body. just the nicest dog ever. 7. that one bane lyric, im pretty sure its a question. but mostly lately- what happened to my best friend?

nick york city. the clan party last night was rightious. im kinda going other places. feeling it. quit sleeping on it cause im the life. from the back of my legs to the back of my neck- im so glad there are people out there who won't let me fall off the face of the planet.

young.

panic at the disco at the knitting factory in new york tonight- 5pm. Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 12:57 am you remind me of this one movie. it makes me smile. but not with my mouth and way too many teeth. but with my eyes. trouble loves me. but you do way more. im dreaming on highway lines and phone hang-ups. just happy to be me. for one second.

i got a sweet vest and some teddy bear shoes. im good for cuddling. youre gonna have to trust me on that one.

#ohoneohone #itiswhatitwas #content and formatting unchanged from original #pw #blogs #archive

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thec0untry · 7 months ago

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Its like

I completely emptied my life out a few times in the past few years

People possessions passions. New places new jobs new everything

And i never want to do that again

And now it's been a long time since i last did that

And I knew when this time in the mountains started last October and i felt more alone than i think i had ever felt before that what i would be forced to confront in the coming months was this exact loneliness, feel the consequence of enforcing artificial scarcity on everything i know

Life is artless

Life is spilling coffee at the cafe and using my shirt to clean it up before anyone notices

And now october was forever ago but i'm forced to be in the same place. And when i leave this place later this year im going somewhere else i'm going to chicago and i'm going to be really alone there too. all of the people i love are in one place but I can't go back there really i just don't want to go back there. There are people here but they arent mine.

Every day i end up accidentally asking myself: 'why does my life feel so empty?'

Because i emptied it.

But that was a long time ago. Now my life isnt so empty, i've figured out how to not feel so alone and get through every day feeling ok. I talk on the phone a lot. Hours a day.I try not to drink too much.

But i look around at my apartment. Im grateful for this apartment. but it isnt beautiful and i don't own very many things that bring me joy--reading poetics of space--all of the urban limitation of space, none of the urban crush, there is no rhythm...there are bears outside...but these problems are things that naturally evaporate as u continue being alive, no? Like i was seeing this girl and even though she just moved here and was leaving really soon she had a car she loved, and people, and clothes, and decorations. she could bring her place around with her as if turtle. she had a family who she loved. and she hadnt destroyed everything.

It's also really weird being 22 and 0 parent contact no people like that anymore. like fasho everyones on their own by this age but like...people bring parents up a lot. i believe this provides some sort of psychic floor.

not new problems--that is the thing. if i made time line in october 2023: 'what will emotional world be for next year'

october-depressed no money

november-really really depressed. Try to set apartment up.

december- i have money, i m more settled. I m alone. i bought lalique encre noire

january-new year. New air. the obsolescence of the forms that developed by the end of the previous year will be made known. i need new clothes all i Do is work: A few uniqlo orders.

february - What am i doing. i'm ok now but what am i doing. I really want a girilfriend. Everyone is having fun here, i just drive the bus and listen to bladee read books kinda work friends but everyone just talks about skiing idk about any of it. Bored it's cold out

march - Ok i got a girlfriend............wwoooaaahhhhhhh ... springtime(?)

April-my new girlfriend is leaving town FUCK!!!! Everyone is leaving town but i'm not because i need more moneyh to move to chicago.

may-ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what am i doing. O yea that's right saving money. however, what else

june-what the FUCK am i doing! If im working allthe time i should buy some clothes.

july-Everyone says june july big summer months in this town. A million times from some: "Nick, we're going to get you outside." like ok fasho sitting on rubber things floating on water drinking beer maybe once. Trying not to be antisocial but damn these bruhs are boring

august-probably still alone...maybe visit Las VEgas and see everyone again.

september--i'm leaving...everything is transparent...every wall is pure white...

any i would have been exactly correct!

it is strange to have nothing to look forward to. i think about moving to chicago, it is abstract but also like i think about it: i get there, i get job figured out , i have some apartment with reddit peo[le. there's money again so i don't need to worry too much. But the feeling is not like how i felt moving to nyc: stomach buzz. Because i was doing that with someone. with number 1. but this is just me. undifferentiated sea of me. but i am 22: a young man. there are many people. does anyone have feeling like having people lifetime connections u know will be with u forever cuz theyve already seen u thru crazy? and then the thought of building new friendships of same gravity seems insane? like not even impossible just like...the .last person who entered my life and became a fundamental part of my world was spring2022. so like i just move to chicago and exist there whateva that means and eventually i meet more people who i cant imagine living without? Do it all over again? Because like more banal friendships low key do not interest very much. LIike its love only. But also im older i have less to figure out. a lot less: gratitude! but like now that im fine most of the time what is the fabric of a friendship if it isnt founded on some very basic fractured element of your respective psyches?

But also solitude has revealed many things. one: thinking, hypothesizing about all life is futile. every form takes another form and impermanence is truth. When things actually happen they never feel anything like you expect them to.

i need to keep this sapphire of social life in my mind: be the realest bruh anyone has ever met and everything else will iron itself out.

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idislikefrenchclass · 1 year ago

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doing the thing where my on repeat playlist predicts my 2024!! got the idea from @random-trans-guy

january: 1 trait danger - oh actually (uhh i guess i wanna kick someone’s dad in the balls and don’t have any friends..)

february: the cardigans - starter (starting my life over and and feeling like i might die soon maybe??)

march: jeremias - goldmund (finding myself and my true love but being all confused and feeling alone but happy, someone wants me to come back to them) (inspired by the novel “von narziss und goldmund”)

april: lucy dacus - night shift (BREAK UP??! someone cheated on me and i don’t feel like forgiving them but i do it anyway.. also i wanna punch my ex in the teeth, call them a bitch, and leave…)

may: car seat headrest - unforgiving girl (she’s not an) (i find love but disconnect with the person a lot i suppose?)

june: david bowie (but the csh cover) - golden years (LIVING THE LIFE WOHOOO i have a chance for achieving a lot of the things i want but don’t manage to do it all though)

july: sir chloe - too close (ummm manipulative relationship and drugs)

august: the cardigans - rise & shine (i realise you only live once and what i experience today will already be gone by tomorrow so i decide to say goodbye to my friends and live a happy life with the moon.. sounds great tbh)

september: arctic monkeys - baby im yours (i am so in love with someone i feel like it will last forever… because it will. id do anything for them because i feel like our relationship will last until eternity.)

october: jeremias - der schmerz ist vorbei (“the pain is over”) (someone very important to me left me or died, although our relationship was very toxic and its only good for me that they’re gone, i miss them and it hurts like hell that they’re not there anymore. the pain is gone, but that exact feeling of it not being there anymore hurts me even more.)

november: rio romeo - nothings new (my lover and me fall apart, nothing is new, everything stays the same and it hurts both of us that the world seems to stop turning, they’re about to leave me and i feel like collapsing)

december: will wood - i/me/myself (i feel very disphoric, especially with my body, i feel like everyone would like me better if i were a way that i hate myself and although id be very sad it would be easier for everyone to like me that way. i discover i can only be one person at a time)

bonus for 2025: car seat headrest - kimochi warui (when? when? when? when? when? when? when?) (feeling sad again, wanting to die. comparing myself and my life to other people who are also doing bad, very hopeless, no faith in life is left. i don’t even believe in happiness through death anymore. wow, sounds like a great year)

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corny-ass-shit · 2 months ago

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i think my seasonal depression is during the summer. i have summer depression i guess.

April ends, and its getting warmer and my friends start going out more and theres more school work because of finals. i force myself to go out because of fomo and hate being alone, i burn myself out from draining my social battery every single day. im catching up on homework and schoolwork i didnt do and i stop caring about my grades and know im gonna fail finals. its the 4th quarter at this point, and im not doing any of my work or studying. im done, i dont give a shit. im rude to my friends, barely see my family, dont take care of myself.

school ends. finals are over. some stress taken off the shoulders, right? no. im crying every day. im forcing myself to get out of bed and go outside with my friends. i want to cut, i want someone to beat the shit out of me, i want to get hit by a fucking semi. i hate myself and how im feeling. i hate everything. i hate my friends and i hate the weather and i hate my family and i hate everything about me.

school starts again. i get better. i do all my work, submit everything on time with all my effort put in. i ease up with my friends and family, i enjoy going out again. usually. not this year i guess. i did my homework for the first 3 weeks of school, half assed, and i havent fully completed a night of homework since then and its the middle of november. i havent done my homework at all since october 22nd. im crying every day, still, and i still cant find a valid excuse for me acting like a bitch. i had a screaming crying breakdown in front of my boyfriend. i mean i was sobbing, yelling, trying to speak but couldn’t for a solid 20-25 minutes. it was awful and disgusting and embarrassing and so pathetic. absolutely pathetic. im not getting better. every time i feel bad, it seems my boyfriend starts feeling bad too. i dont want to rub my negativity on him. every time he feels bad, i feel even worse because how can i help him while im desperately trying to make it on my own? now he has seasonal depression, winter is the worst. hes like me, low on energy, cant find coping, doesnt want to hang out. except he deals with it differently. i force myself to go out and burn myself out and cry and shake and wish i was dead for ever leaving my bed. but he rests, and thats good. he takes time to himself and deals with it by talking to me or playing music. i cant make him feel even worse during seasonal depression. not when im acting like this. why am i acting like this? whats my fucking deal? why havent i gone back to normal? why cant i fucking help anyone? why doesnt he want my help?? i know he just doesnt like help from people but i want to be the boyfriend that can help. not like everyone else. i dont wanna be just everyone else. i want to help. because although its selfish, helping him would help me feel better. i hate being this dependent, but i dont know what else to do. break my 2 day streak i guess.

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awheats · 1 year ago

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12.31.23

123123- 8pm.

it's been months since last update ko dito.

So far, i think this is the best year for me.

I am proud to say na ang daming nangyaring maganda sakin at sobrang grateful ako na nangyari to lahat. I just hope na magpatuloy pa to sa 2024 para maka-share ako ng blessings sa iba.

I am writing this because gusto ko lang i-update buhay ko.

January, I got my iphone 12 pro. Hahaha di man sya brand new pero at least hindi na laggers at quality na photos ko.

February, I had my last field trip :( and it was fun tho. Abi and I also celebrated valentines sa yatyagat at bulalo. HAHAHA TAKAS MOMINTS.

March, papa/abi bday celeb again. Since wala si papa, nag celebrate ako kela abi. So ayun tinreat nya ako sa NONOs. Also renewed my driver's license. 10 YEARS BRUH. :p i consider this as an achievement kasi kaskasera ako mag drive HAHAHA

April, started my OJT in Microchip. Had a great experience in there and kung magaling lang talaga ako sa programming, ipupursue ko talaga dun. I celebrated my birthday sa bellevue sa alabang. Sarap HAHAHA. Also, sumama ako sa family trip nila Abi with fam nya sa Indang. First time ko mag-ilog na hindi sa ilocos i think? medyo skeri pero sige pwede na.

May, I already passed my thesis. So waiting nalang ako finally sa graduation ko. SOBRANG HELL yung thesis namin kasi composed of software and hardware yung prototype namin at napuyat at nagastusan rin kami ng sobra. Pero thank you G, nairaos namin.

June, so glad na naoperahan si mama. Natanggal na yung mga bukol nya. At sobrang swerte pa kasi sa asian hospital sya na-operahan. And it only costs us 9000 pesos for everthing!! Imagine sobrang mura. Kaya thanks to papa's healthcard. sobrang laking help financially. Then, nag bday si tita jers sa pansol, swimming with fam and with abi.

July, nag 50th si mama. Im happy kasi blinessan siya another year. And 6th year namin ni bigeeh, and we celebrated it in Vivere. Sosyal no HAHAHA first time namin mag hotel sa alabang so its a check sa bucketlist.

August, dumating na si papa. Cinelebrate namin 50th ni mama sa Don Miguels. Masaya akong marami rin kaming napasaya non. Sobrang success ng event, kasi syempre, I organized it. :P HAHAHA pero mainit lang talaga non yawa pero it went well.

September, guess what? SAW TWICE WITH MY VERY OWN EYES. Sobrang saya ko talaga non taena nakita ko si dahyun. It was my very first concert sa buhay ko and TWICE pa nakita ko. I am happy kasi kasama fam and abi. Sayang lang wala si phen pero GAHD. I am beyond happy talaga. HAHAHA sana maulit ulit tong experience na to. Bro, also. I just became a COMPUTER ENGINEER!!! Tagal ko rin tong drineam. I am so blessed na nakatapos nako sa pag-aaral. Feels so surreal na naging grad gift pa yung twice concert <3. Pero I owe my success and gastos sa parents ko. I hope one day, masuklian ko yon.

October, JAPAN!!! Another achievement nanaman. Nakapag-JAPAN with the whole fam literal. Kulang ang 4 na araw sa Japan. Sana sa susunod weeks talaga ang stay para talagang makapag-enjoy at makapag rest at the same time. Naging patient din ako ni Abi, habang vacation ko. I hope one day, magka license na siya para talagang maka-work na siya.

NOVEMBER, BRO IM EMPLOYED. HAHAHA napaka bilis lang. Tinanggap ko na agad yung offer sakin ng TOHO. Tagal kasi magreply ng Microchip saken eh. Pero no regrets naman. Kahit mababa sweldo at dami tasks. I think I can do it alone naman but, for sure. This is only for experience. I am a SALES DATA ANALYST. Pero probee palang naman ako so di natin alam soon HAHAHA but im glad na may work na ako. About health concerns naman, na diagnosed ako ng hypersensitivity :(( which is ekis nako sa malalansa awit.

DECEMBER, nalaman na ng pamilya ko ang greatest secret ko. I am not saying na proud ako about it. But somehow, nakahinga nako ng maluwag kasi naging honest na ako tapos I feel free na rin. Nagsabi sila na they won't support, but I'm glad na they understand.

ALL OF THESE I OWE IT TO MY FAMILY AND LORD. Thank you so much. Highlights lang lahat ng sinabi ko pero im so glad na maraming nangyaring maganda. I hope next year, mas masaya at marami pa. I love you 2023, more to come <3

Hanggang dito nalang kasi magpuputukan na. THANK YOU G.

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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happy Valentines day, me lovie! you better feel all the love im mentally giving you! we dont really celebrate it but if you do, hope today you fell x1000 loved than usual if its possible. 'you made a tie from scratch' yeah its a gift for a friend. 'I FELT SO BAD THAT MY GRANDMA HAD TO DO THAT' ig she wasnt feeling that bad bc she did it for you and (i hope) she loves you. im sorry for your dressmaking elective( i liked them at school. 'i was really tired cos i was overthinking about my assignments' oooh im so sorry for you poor girl TT im glad its ok. or was ok. hows it? 'there was unfortunately no place to bury' cities suck when it comes to these things. 'BECAUSE IF ST PETERSBURG CAN GET 30 DEGS WTF' 1) its not the north-north so the climat is more continental 2) idk what about you but i feel global warming strongly💀 its literally hotter. while in my childhood the snow in my hometown started to fall in the beginning of october, now its nearly november? its like a BIG thing. 'now you believe in science /:' ?? 'people like veiny hands on men' 1) not only 2) i like your talented hands on you, veiny or not. 'society makes me questions things about myself' our society is VERY questionable itself so? maybe we all need to make IT question itself. it has too much fetishizm about everything. when a mere part of humans body becomes not just an instrument for living but an object for filthy jokes and sexulizing? its awful. i want to talk about how beauty dont exist and all TT guys we wanted to be more open-minded and get rid of stereotypes but weve gone wrong way ig TT 'DO PART TWOS WHEN IM SO AGAINST THEM' i said if you want to! you absolutely dont have to. 'if you knew of my stark' did you forget how i literally requested the part with caraxes TT 'who’s the actor?' danila kozlovsky. you dont get it rn but i cringed SM when i found out TT he used to be a popular young actor, the most handsome. but now he makes pure cringe and acts bad TT 'force myself to be confident enough to share them' omg i didnt even know you can draw??? you totally should share EVERYTHING you want. They keep talkin’, I keep walkin' yk? itzys not lying. ensaymada looks good. im so sorry for what it did to you TT hope today you feel alright? 'I DONT GET IT' i dont know how to help you further TT 'you didnt even say anything!' im sure i did TT but ok if you dont like doctor who im not gonna foce you to watch it. im not cruel yk 'AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE' #aemma and daemon chaotic besties x #vissy and yn mom besties. i believe my truth. im blind to anything else. 'i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being' yk its literally doctor who.... i have a heartbreaking dw idea but i know no authors TT nvm. youre such a precious lovely cutie🥺 thanks for all love you give to me TT im luvluvluv you<з 'rhaenyras a baby' i said BACK then TT like when the first daemon died and all TT was rhae a baby? was aemma alive?... 'theres only one daemon and thats me' HFJJDJ how presumptuously of him esp when the daemon yn loved, was married to and waited for is the old daemon I (was he first? i dont remember). 'aegon would take it worse' no but in this case itll be even worse bc hed be completely alone. hed have noone to share this news and his feelings with... like yn is occupied with daemon, aemonds in disbelief, royal family is another thing so hes alone. alone with his broken heart, with his shock and with his alcoholism( i can imagine one (1) night vissy take daemon to event so yn have a spare night and she go to the bar it all started in to see her pretty boy. and by the end of his shift hes drinking and crying and screaming telling yn how he loved her and needed a couple of words from her but she was too busy with dae. 'if we make it past p5' its already 3 and you had so many plans... 'its like smth you say when you wanna manifest' oh cute. love learning the stories behind some media things. 'im interested' i was supposed to write it here but ive no symbols TT so stay positive! have a good day! be my valentine! take care! luv u<з

VALENTINES DAY IS A CAPITALISM PLOT BUT HAPPY HEARTS DAY

happy Valentines day, me lovie! you better feel all the love im mentally giving you!

what if i dont

we dont really celebrate it but if you do, hope today you fell x1000 loved than usual if its possible.

i dont celebrate it either but thank you <3 i appreciate it <3

'you made a tie from scratch' yeah its a gift for a friend.

AW THATS SO SWEET

'I FELT SO BAD THAT MY GRANDMA HAD TO DO THAT' ig she wasnt feeling that bad bc she did it for you and (i hope) she loves you.

?????????? SHE NAMED THE CAT PUTOL FOR US?????? HAHAHAHA HELP????

im sorry for your dressmaking elective( i liked them at school.

i remember waiting for that year to end so badly because i HATED every day i had to go there

'i was really tired cos i was overthinking about my assignments' oooh im so sorry for you poor girl TT im glad its ok. or was ok. hows it?

its fine i felt super stupid cause i had no idea what to do and my head hurt and i was ont he brink of tears and i did myself a favor and escaped n wrote a pedro pascal fic to feel better. i didnt i hated it. i thought it was so unfunny and bad so i was SO T_T to touched and happy to wake up to so many people saying that they laughed so hard because of it T_T

'there was unfortunately no place to bury' cities suck when it comes to these things.

cities = L

'BECAUSE IF ST PETERSBURG CAN GET 30 DEGS WTF' 1) its not the north-north so the climat is more continental 2) idk what about you but i feel global warming strongly💀 its literally hotter. while in my childhood the snow in my hometown started to fall in the beginning of october, now its nearly november? its like a BIG thing.

NO UR SO RIGHT it used to be so aesthetically warm #goldenhour during 8am here, you could stay in the sun and get a tan. NOW 7AM SUNLIGHT BURNS ITS FUCKING CANCER ITS HORRIBLE

'now you believe in science /:' ??

HAHAH COS U WERE LIKE 0 deg is fine when i was like ITS SCIENTIFICALLY FREEZING POINT /: HAHHAAH

'people like veiny hands on men' 1) not only 2) i like your talented hands on you, veiny or not. 'society makes me questions things about myself' our society is VERY questionable itself so? maybe we all need to make IT question itself.

it has too much fetishizm about everything. when a mere part of humans body becomes not just an instrument for living but an object for filthy jokes and sexulizing? its awful. i want to talk about how beauty dont exist and all TT guys we wanted to be more open-minded and get rid of stereotypes but weve gone wrong way ig TT

ur so right. but based on this one tiktok i watched where she was a criminology major, she talked about how everything sexualized that isnt sex organs are fetish so and it really made me go, she gotta point cos a child i never understood what it was about boobs or butts? its social conditioning. ig humans just kinky and L

'DO PART TWOS WHEN IM SO AGAINST THEM' i said if you want to! you absolutely dont have to.

but i love you 😡

'if you knew of my stark' did you forget how i literally requested the part with caraxes TT

i did 😗🍵👌 #signs of aging

'who’s the actor?' danila kozlovsky. you dont get it rn but i cringed SM when i found out TT he used to be a popular young actor, the most handsome. but now he makes pure cringe and acts bad TT

WAIT OMG FR I LOVE DANILA HE WAS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I LOVE RUSSIAN NAMES BECAUSE HIS NAME IS LITERALLY 'FEMENINE' AT LEAST TO ME COS AGAIN SPAIN AND FEM SPANISH NAMES END WITH A WAIT WHY IS HE CRINGE NOW T_T i watched him in vampire academy and i LOVEEEEEDDD the film, it was such a shame they never continued and apparently the new series is SO BAD so bad that they changed danila's character who is russian to someone english, and i saw a post talking about how integral him being russian was for his character T_T so HAHAHAHAHA RIP

anyway mayhap you think its cringe but idk i love stuff like that HAHAH brb im gonna go look for vampire academy stuff AHAHA

ok im back its mixed with the tv show so i couldnt find much

'force myself to be confident enough to share them' omg i didnt even know you can draw??? you totally should share EVERYTHING you want.

T_T im trying. i have drawings on my instagram so if you want to see them theyre there

They keep talkin’, I keep walkin' yk? itzys not lying.

queens

ensaymada looks good. im so sorry for what it did to you TT hope today you feel alright?

ngl im thinking about eating one right now and my body said NO now i feel like puking T_T

'I DONT GET IT' i dont know how to help you further TT

it be like that

'you didnt even say anything!' im sure i did TT but ok if you dont like doctor who im not gonna foce you to watch it. im not cruel yk

T_T GIVE ME AN EPISODE AN EPISODE NUMBER GIVE ME IT AND ILL WATCH IT YOU WHINY BABY

'AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE' #aemma and daemon chaotic besties x #vissy and yn mom besties. i believe my truth. im blind to anything else.

YOUR TRUTH IS SO CANON

'i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being' yk its literally doctor who.... i have a heartbreaking dw idea but i know no authors TT nvm.

you can tell me. i know the doctor well enough to write it if i wanted. all i need is those 3 episodes [crack knuckles]

youre such a precious lovely cutie🥺 thanks for all love you give to me TT im luvluvluv you<з

'rhaenyras a baby' i said BACK then TT like when the first daemon died and all TT was rhae a baby? was aemma alive?...

ah ok HAHAH. idk we'll see how everyone reacts. nah yn is her second wife. daemon karate chopped rhea like the rat he is cos hes a man bOOO ok NVM NVM I WANT READER TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH AEMMA SO NO SHE IS DAEMONS FIRST WIFE THE ONE AND THE ONLY <3

'theres only one daemon and thats me' HFJJDJ how presumptuously of him esp when the daemon yn loved, was married to and waited for is the old daemon I (was he first? i dont remember).

i made him the first. i did breath research and i think he actually is the first and if he wasnt stfu he was. and YES this man is as audacious as it can get. he got it twisted. though to be fair, he IS the daemon I reincarnated so he's technically also not wrong he IS the only one that matters

'aegon would take it worse' no but in this case itll be even worse bc hed be completely alone. hed have noone to share this news and his feelings with...

brb going to change my mind about who yn ends up with

like yn is occupied with daemon, aemonds in disbelief, royal family is another thing so hes alone. alone with his broken heart, with his shock and with his alcoholism

watch me make the yn and the aegon pipelines real

( i can imagine one (1) night vissy take daemon to event so yn have a spare night and she go to the bar it all started in to see her pretty boy. and by the end of his shift hes drinking and crying and screaming telling yn how he loved her and needed a couple of words from her but she was too busy with dae.

HELP. ok. im going to add that.

if we make it past p5' its already 3 and you had so many plans...

SHUT UP. let me finish this fic in 5 parts dammit T_T

'its like smth you say when you wanna manifest' oh cute. love learning the stories behind some media things.

HAHAHAHAH you know that married member in BigBang? Taeyang? apparent his wife did that too so the more you know. a lot posters in the ph used those two things in posts haha

'im interested' i was supposed to write it here but ive no symbols TT

HAAAHA ok

so stay positive! have a good day! be my valentine! take care! luv u<з

im hungry. i hope you also have and will continue to have a good day <3 i love you take care of yourself

xxx

#slavyanskiyahui cutie #anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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autism-disco · 1 year ago

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oh this is a dangerous game ok ok

fuck ok so i did this wrong so i’m gonna redo it because it did not make sense. but in case it now doesn’t come up go listen to concerto de aranjeuz performed by joanne childs for brassed off. anyway here we go round two

January - Jumping Someone Else's Train (The Cure)

i think i can extract genuine meaning out of this actually. definietly something to consider

February - You Should All Be Murdered (Another Sunny Day)

right ok so february sounds fun (btw these folks are pretty fun they sound pretty much exactly like the smiths but they don't have morrissey!!) (man this song is so tanya tavistock core <- everyone understands this reference i'm sure)

March - Old Yellow Bricks (Arctic Monkeys)

(this is giving a really skewed perspective of my taste in music) sounds pretty march-like yeah. i can be a fugitive but i don't know what i'm running from

April - Venetian Blind Man (Will Wood)

so either i lose my vision or whatever the plot relevance of this is in camp here & there (i should listen to more of that at some point)

May - Your Day Will Come (Son Lux (Everything Everywhere All At Once soundtrack))

honestly that's an optimistic feeling for when i have exams although i'm slightly concerned it implies that at that time it isn't my day and i fail? but there's definitely worse things i'll take some everthing everywhere all at once its how i'll be feeling

June - Friday I'm In Love (The Cure)

yippee!! hooray!! lookin forward to that. there will be a good friday at some point in june i think

July - The Deal (Mitski)

oh that's. that's a turn for the worse. uhm. maybe i just avoid walking alone at midnight i dunno. was kinda planning on hanging onto my soul it's doing alright yknow? we'll see i suppose

August - Terfs Can Suck My Dick (Ewy)

(banger tune) yeah that could be a lotta months .

September - Everything Bagel (Son Lux (Everything Everywhere All At Once soundtrack))

oh shit i'm gonna get bageled guys! im leaving for the eternal cosmos and existence within everything! i will see everything and be everything and the entirety of existence will consume me! (man the violin is good in this)

October - Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally (Will Wood)

well that's a hell of a month . if i'm unbageled then its probably survivable ignoring the nuclear apocolypse(?)/vampires/etc. could be fun

November - I'm Breaking Down (Stephanie J. Block (2016 Falsettos Broadway Cast))

oh . yeah fair enough after the past four months and also given that it's november

December - jazz is for ordinary people (berlioz)

..interesting end? maybe i join a jazz band? or more jazz christmas carols actually that'd be great i'd do that.

well ok even when shuffling the right music 2024 is still incomprehensible and sounds pretty challenging given the going blind, losing my soul, getting bageled (i don't think they call it that but that's what i'm doing now)

tagging: @lonely-little-astronaut @vioflet @ginkgo-a-go-go and anyone else you can do this or you can not do this. (uou should listen to concerto de aranjeuz though and also cornet carillon)

i wanna start a tag game so: let your spotify predict your 2024!

shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

january- guns and ships- hamilton (idek what this could represent but okay)

february- we fell in love in october- girl in red (PLEASE)

march- say no to this- hamilton (…i have nothing to say about this)

april- castles crumbling- taylor swift ft hayley williams (damnit sad month then?)

may- you’re losing me- taylor swift (FUCK TWO SAD MONTHS?? breakup songs are even worse now that im actually in a relationship. please. better not be accurate)

june- astronomy- conan gray (please stop why am i having so many sad songs)

july- stoned- ed sheeran (oh fuck this)

august- new year’s day- taylor swift (hm okay. idk what to say about this)

september- heather- conan gray (i consider heather to be a happy song AND it’s mine and my partners song so i’m taking this as a good one)

october- 18- one direction (yessss we’re going okay now)

november- king of my heart- taylor swift (YESSS)

december- all too well (ten minute version)- taylor swift (i take it back ugh)

no pressure tags!!- @autumnleavesforwinter @weeping-in-the-willows @swiftieannah @felizusnavidad @jittyjames @anixknowsnothin (please help me get this off the ground, but also if this flops you saw nothing)

#i am normal and can be trusted to participate in music related tag games #i have definitely not spent definitely over half an hour if not longer on this #ezra’s real life rambles #ezra likes music #tag game #yeah i did this shuffling my whole library at first and it was even more incomprehensible than this #i'm surprised by the repeat of eeaao (is that how it's abbreviated??) but i'll take it #hhhhhhhhhhh music i love music i'm so normal about music #yeah i mean honestly on this i can look forward to june and december and that's about it but this was fun i enjoyed this #i think i still didn't actually do this right cause i'm not spotify so i didn't use on repeat i just did my shuffle playlist #realistically this should have more car seat headrest and maybe some english teacher if we're feeling fancy?#i've been listening to all sorts recently though #also ignore the typos i'm on the laptop because i want to seem like i haven't been on my phone for as long as i have been today #in my defence i've read like a whole arc of orv #anwyway right happy new year!! wooo

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