#im just. so stressed out. i hate this
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starting to go insane
#realized i mightve waited too long to apply for EI#if i xant collect that idk what i can do for money for the next 2 months#i cant work my pain is too random and sudden and all at once#like i cant work if randomly thruout the day my entire hip/side starts aching#or my stomach bloats so hard it hurts my entire body#like idk what to do now#i need money#im broke#bf cant keep supporting us both like this#im so stressed out#i can't borrow money from my mom and my dad can only help so much#and i dont feel like its worth e begging i dont think anyones gonna help#im just. so stressed out. i hate this
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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Okay just played the Sigewinne quest and hear me out: mildly more evil Sigewinne AU (cause fuck you fight me she is terrifying) where the only doctor willing to teach a melusine was THE Doctor.
Il Dottore gets accosted by the world's cutest psychopath demanding he teaches her and goes "Oh this is gonna be fucking hilarious".
Cue Dottore's dramatic corvid themed ass striding up to commit the horrors tm while a cutie patootie little melusine skips behind him giggling at everything.
People go from "omg did he kidnaps that girl?!?!" To "dear fucking god she's worse" the second she opens her mouth.
The Harbingers have to go through the mortifying ordeal of anytime they mention their terrifying Doctor, people go "Oh Yes I've heard of Dottore", and they sigh and go no... her and take out a picture of a chubby faced girl with bunny ears.
Her world lore is every horrifying experiment of Dottore's has some adorable little sticker attached.
#genshin impact#genshin impact fatui#dottore#il dottore#sigewinne#melusines#genshin#fatui harbingers#genshin au#listen. listen im not crazy it would be so fucking funny.#he'd do it too you know he would#bitch isnt even a medical doctor sigewinne knows more than him at some point but sticks around for the psychic trauma she inflicts#id like to stress that she is very aware of what she is doing and finds it very funny#they can try to chill her out in the quest but i remember her people underestimating you quote genshin#i know shes a wee murderer at heart#and even then BITCH PLAYING 5D CHESS PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE WHILE THE ENTIRE GUARDE THINKS THEY ARE ABOUT TO DIE WHAT QUEEN?!?#literally no chill i swear#also yes Dottore is very reluctantly her dad in this AU and he hates it just as much as everyone else does
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they dont know what a vegetable is : (
#karkat vantas#dave strider#homestuck#grocery shopping#i hate going grocery shopping. ugh. its so stressful#i think if karkat vantas was in a grocery store he would cry#they are both 13 in this#davekat#not romantic im just tagging it for friendship moment#its them. theyre hanging out#karkat showing off a leadership moment here after surviving the grocery store btw
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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So now i have migraines apparently 😭
#wahh#it started this morning and i had to lay down this afternoon#all the stress of the past 24 hours i guess#it’s like a nightmare#literally having flashbacks to 2016#not as bad the second time lol starting to get used to it#real dark#never ever underestimate how much america hates women#the saddest part is that u can just See It#all of the men / a lot of them / where i live act like him#big fat misogynistic jerks#they’re all such cruel bullies#im trying not to let it get to me but it’s hard#one day at a time#there’s so many good people out there too#kind nice people#idk#kinda feels like drowning rn#but u gotta keep going#sometimes thinking about all the art i want to make is literally the only thing that keeps me going#so that’s good!#make stuff#draw paint write whatever#and fuck trump#notes tag#i couldn’t stand the thought of there being any doubt#so#i hate trump#boooo
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Waitin for this damn plane to take off
#pizza tower#peppino#gustavo#arts#mine#im gonna see my SISTER soon i am so excited#chilling in the airport is my favorite part#only closely followed by takeoff/landing#anyway…#im continuing my old dad peppino agenda#gets comfy; immediately passes out#snores so loud and so angrily#gustavo is playing sudoku on his phone#and brick is in his own seat just chillin#peppino hates flights; hes the Dad Friend ie#stresses so bad about the flight that it becomes a personality trait#get there two hours early#holds everyones passports#buys a pack of gum or mentos to chew onflight to help w ur ears#anxious about missing flights#anxious about DELAYED flights#doesnt eat or drink bc that means he has to use the bathroom at the airport and WHAT if he misses an announcement bc of that????#always has the passes and id in his hands#hes got a huge sweater to hide under during takeoff just in case his meds doesnt kick in and knock him out#<- my mom does this bc she is SO scared of planes and turbulence#shes like an alligator; if shes under a scarf and its dark its sleepytime :)#as soon as they land he is anxious about getting out#and is excited to be outside again :)#theyre prob visiting his family. say hi to his mom and nana and his sisters and aunts#i think it would be cute if he was like the only boy; i say this as someone who has like ONE boy in the last three generations
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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so it’s self portrait day huh?
#frabart#art#self portrait#ibispaintx#ibis paint art#iiiii really hate my art recently haha..#im once again having a bad day because things aren’t working again..#and i still haven’t made a post for mischief items :(((#i hate that i just feel like i don’t understand how to make commission posts..#they stress me out so so much i don’t know why
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i learned at a young age that there is no help in society and that asking for help only makes people irritated with you, and that if you tell people things they won't believe you and deny your pain even exists. this is why it is fkn baffling to me that there are adults in this world who walk around thinking that this magical asking for help thing works and that anybody gives a fuck about anyone. like what fkn world do u live in???? if u tell ppl how others hurt you u are a liar, it didnt happen. if u ask for help bc you can barely function, they'll slap your hand away and say that u're fine stop whining. "DaRE tO aSk fOr HeLp" what fkn help are y'all talking abt?
#anyway im so angry and i hate society and people so much when i think about my life#i think of that little girl asking grown ups for help because thats what everyone said you should do#and all they did was to teach me that nobody cares nobody believes you#asking for help only brings more pain as they ignore you#it is better to not even give them a chance and keep it to yourself#also i wake up with rage towards the healthcare system#i HATE them and i HATE everyone who works within it#yesterday i got a fkn bill for smth i dont even know what it is#i think bc this dumb ass bitch with a worthless job there#called me a few times and i didnt pick up#bc i have told this worthless idiot that I DONT WANNA FKN TALK ON THE PHONE MESSAGE ME INSTEAD#and ig they counted that as an appt and gave me a bill for a call i havent even had#i hate hate hate them sm they only give me more stress and anxiety#i hate that im fkn mentally disabled and cant live an function but they wont help me#i dont know what to do and im freaking out and my family is slowly leaving me and imma end up homeless lmao#i just fucking hate everyone and everything so much i cannot even describe. this hatred is so painful too bc it is so so so intense
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everybody that's desperate to dunk on dubas is missing the compelling point of the whole dubas thing.... him actually wanting to be here, but being forced out because of a misstep... watching a team he literally had a hand in building come together for each other like this and add to his own problems... having to logically be in it with the pens but. you can't just turn your feelings off about this team that you raised and that raised you..... like it's devastating and delicious
#leafs lb#like im not reveling in it.. idk how ppl hate him....#he was so sincere when talking abt his family and needing time away#more control prob would make parts of his job less stressful#leafs arent playing the way they are and arent constructed the way they are rn bc of treliving lol. its dubas#all the guys he loved and had faith in and its gotta be the hardest fucking thing to watch#while taking on his own herculean task of trying to give the pens core some final glory days like.#all those emotions dont just go away.......#i think ppl are MISSING OUT. ON THE ANGST AND DEVASTATION AND PAIN AND BEAUTY#kyle dubas#anyway.#my thoghjdfsk on that.#everyones just desperate to show theyve ~ gotten over him and never needed him#like as if it was his own entire fault hes not here.. when its not lol
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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Aa realizing I'm probably just gonna have to be okay with posting sketches more often.
As much as I love pouring my heart into a piece and showing it off, I am simply not in the headspace nor have the energy to juggle big pieces and everything else.
Aa
#text post#just rambling#more like speaking into the void#haha aaa#i hate giving up on my vision but ya kno. stressing myself out for art defeats the purpose for me#a hard thing to be okay with#but im dealing with! a lot rn#so haha art cannot be an added stress or i will die /exag#im doing my best and thats okau#ill be alright btw. dont worry too too much!!!#trying so hard not to need a break#i dont wanna break :(((((#just wanna be okay#augh#anyway pity party over#insert toothless dancing gif now
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went on a break with some distant family of my stepdad and they were so painfully rich old white people they're nice enough for an evening but once you spend some time they're just bad people? they openly brag about being right wing and genuinely seem to believe their incredibly privileged and easy life experience is universal? they also started laying into my brother really cruelly? why are nts so incredibly cruel to autistic people like when someone is 'obviously' autistic then they're coddled and pitied but when someone like my brother is just a bit weird or awkward they're so fucking mean they were questioning him like 'what do you want to do with your life' and then started berating him when he was fumbling with his words cos he was nervous like he struggles to vocalise stuff when nervous and was stuttering a bit and relying on stock phrases and this bitch was mocking him. Being like 'so what do you live for? Lol Do you have ANY passions?' stfuuuuu you cruel boring people trying to force people into boxes you understand and then dismissing and belittling anyone different actually kys. What do you mean passiona just cos y'all rich fucks are all too thick to get a proper education but coasted by on rich people passion projects in life doesn't mean that's life for the rest of us. He had to struggle and get a job and work??? As if he could actually share his interests with you they'd laugh at him??? I can tolerate people being mean to me I've got defenses and can act normie enough to get by but when nts pick of my brother just cos he's gender non confirming and quiet i want to rip their throats out. He's the sweetest kindest person and incredibly interesting and funny if you give him the time how dare you poke and prod at him to try and fit him into your myopic world view i hate you I hate you i hate you
#im the attack dog of the family my god#im trying to defend him less though so couldn't answer for him like unusually or give him outs#so the silence was so uncomfortable and he was so stressed and upset#i hate nts soooo much sometimes#like they preach acceptance but when they're not sure if someone's queer autistic or just weird their true nature comes out like ISOLATE
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