#im just. rotting. this house kills me and we HAVE TO STAY

[milkteafaeriie]

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[luvsturn1]

7 minutes in heaven

hey y'all.. so this is not the story i was planning on posting. but i wanna post before i go on my vacation. so here it is!! i'll try and post the longgg one soon but i don't wanna finish it rn bc it's at like 15k words so i have no idea weather to finish it or not🙂

warnings: smut! semi public(at a party), underage drinking, cussing (i think that's all)

pairing: matt x fem!reader

word count: 2,150

_________________________________________

You and your sister Madi filipowicz have a lot of similarities, but you guys have more different interests then same, like for example. She loves partying, you don’t. You love spending time alone, she loves hanging out with friends. She’s a morning person and you’re not. But dispute your differences you love her with all your heart and would to anything for her…well maybe not everything.

“ please y/n I don’t wanna go to this party alone, and plus you never get out of the house. So please for the love of god come to the party!!” Your sister says flopping on your bed and turning to you.

“ I don’t want to go out tonight, I went with you last time and I did not enjoy it one bit. Plus aren’t your friends going to come with you anyway so what’s the big deal if I don’t go this one time”

“ because you always say “ I’ll go next time” but you never do, your going to rot away in your bed if you stay cooped up in the house all the time” Madi says sitting up to look at you with her puppy dog eyes that she does all the time and it drives you crazy because she knows that you will give in and say yes to whatever her request is.

“ what!! I don’t say that all the time and for your information, not like it’s any of your business but I’m going out next week to go to a birthday party for one of my friends from work.” You say acting like her joke about you “rotting away in your bed” hurt your feelings. “ plus even if I did want to go I don’t have a dress to wear” you say as you lay back to lean on the head of your bed.

“ pleasee I promise to make it up to you. It will be fun nicks going to be there, your friends with him right?”

“ yea me and Nick are friends I guess, but I always either get lost or left behind at all the parties that I go to with you. It’s not fun going to a party and you only know your sister and her friends.” You say looking at her with a straight face.

Your sister doesn’t say anything, but just leaves your room to go to her room. About 15 minutes pass and she comes back with a dress that you are convinced people would wear at a strip club. “ I am not wearing whatever that is, it’s not even going to cover my ass” you say getting up to go to your closet to grab a pair of sweats and a crop top.

“ no. There is absolutely no way I am letting you wear that to a party. Dress up and it’s fine I’ve worn this before and it covers enough of your ass. So put those away and take this dress and get ready cause we are leaving at 8:30” Madi says walking out of your room to get herself ready.

It was now 8:15 and your sister had been at you for the last 30 minutes to hurry up. You were almost ready you just had to finish putting your dress on. You put the dress on and you realized that your sister had lied to you. It in fact did not cover your ass at all.

“ MADI!! IM GOING TO KILL YOU.” You say running down your stairs to find her friends at the door. It was nick Matt and Chris the triplets. You have seen them before and you really liked Nick probably caused he is gay and you don’t like to hangout with guys. Chris also wasn’t a problem it was Matt Sturniolo. You didn’t like hate hate him just when you were with him he just made you uncomfortable. He always stared at you like he was trying to undress you with his eyes.

“ come on it’s not that bad you look good” Nick says coming up to hug you. You don’t say anything cause you know you look good you just don’t like dressing up. ~Time skip~

When you all got there madi and Nick practically jumped out of the car that was still not fully parked. Chris soon followed after them leaving you with Matt.

“ you look good tonight” Matt says and you can tell he’s smerking without even looking back at him. “save me at least one dance princess” he says as he walks past you leaving you at the front door before you could say yes or no.

The house was nice, it was packed with people and you already didn’t enjoy it. But you brushed off the feeling and made your way to the kitchen where Nick and your sister were downing shots.

“ jeez save some for me” you say moving next to madi to take 3 shots of vodka. “ dose your brother always flirt with girls” you say looking at Nick while pointing at his brother Chris who currently has at least 10 girls by him.

“ um yea he does this when we go to parties all the time he says he finds it funny how every girl comes up to him when he’s at a party.” He says shrugging “ I have to pee hold my drink” Nick says to Madi as he walks down a hallway.

About 3 hours have passed and you, your sister and nick were all pretty drunk. You had found a room with couches and a ping pong table. You all were tired and wanted somewhere to chill so you decided to hang out in there until some people left.

“ yo we’ve been looking for you guys” Chris says as he walks in with Matt and two other people that you don’t care to know “ I’m bored can we play a game like truth or dare” Chris says sitting down across from you and of course Matt had to sit right next to you.

You all agree and Chris goes first and he had picked truth. Then nick who picked dare and had to ask a random guy for there number. Then you.

“ truth or dare y/n” Chris said hoping you would pick dare cause he was bored and wanted to “spice things up”

“ um I guess I’ll pick dare” you said and as soon as you said that you saw Chris’s eyes shoot open and practically scream “ I dare you to spend 7 minutes in heaven with Matt” and as soon and he said that you could feel Matt’s eyes on you watching you until you responded.

you didn’t say anything but “come on” as you got up and went to the closest room/closet. With matt soon following you after with a big smerk on his face.

You and Matt were now in a small room. It was difficult to see and before you could look at Matt. He moved closer to you and you could feel the warmth of him with how close he is. before you could say no or pull away you felt his lips on yours. The kiss was lustfull but sweet at the same time.

You soon kissed him back and it quickly turned into a heated make out. Matt had one of his hands on your ass and the other wrapped around your neck to keep you up against to wall. Matt pushed his hips up against yours so you could feel his growing member, your mouth fell open and you let out a moan. Matt took that opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. You and Matt fought for dominance, him eventually winning.

He broke off the kiss and started to kiss down your neck lightly biting your neck as he moved lower, still holding your neck in place. When he was about halfway down he stopped and looked up at you. “Can i ?” Matt asked pulling up your dress a little. “ y-yes” you said as he began to pull of your dress, you helping him get it off faster.

“ fuck your beautiful. I need to be inside you” Matt said as he kissed your stomach while standing up to take of his jeans. You were in shock with how big it looked through his boxers.

Matt placed his hands on the back of your thigh signaling you to jump. when you jumped he caught you and pushed you up against the wall and started to aggressively kiss you. He was exploring every inch of you making you go insane craving his touch even more.

“ hold on let’s go somewhere else so we aren’t bothered” Matt says putting you down.

You both get dressed and fix your hair as much as you could. Matt took your hand and took you out of the closet.

“ hey hey you both still have 3 minutes left go back in there” Chris says pointing to the closet door that you left open.

“ fuck off we are done playing. we’re going somewhere else for a little bit I’ll find you when we are done playing our own game” Matt says smirking as he walks past everyone leaving them all in shock.

“ don’t get her pregnant Mathew!!” Your sister says knowing what y’all were about to do

You find an empty room upstairs and Matt doesn’t waist any more time and pushes you up against the wall kissing your neck. He breaks off the kiss and takes his shirt and pants off leaving him in his boxers.

Once he finishes getting undressed he returns to kissing your neck. Biting and licking everywhere leaving marks. You love the way he made you feel it was addicting.

“ get undressed and get on the bed on all fours” he said as he stopped kissing you to let you get on the bed.

You got undressed now in nothing, getting on the bed. Getting on all fours you were patiently waiting for Matt and were about to turn around when you felt him behind you.

“ I’m going to fuck you so good you’re going to be begging for more” Matt said as he thrusted into you without any warning.

You let out a loud moan because of how big he was. Matt bent down still thrusting into you at a rapid speed, and began kissing your neck leaving sloppy wet marks all over you.

“ fuck Matt I don’t know how much longer I can last”

you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long as soon as he first pushed himself into you. He didn’t care one bit and kept going. Bringing his right hand up to your waist, and the other down to your clit. Rubbing fast circles bringing you closer to the edge.

Matt stopped thrusting and pulled out. Making you groan due to the lack of him. He flipped you over so you were now looking at him. Matt bent down to kiss you. The kiss was sloppy leaving your lips covered in his saliva.

“ I wanna see your face when I make you cum sweetheart” Matt said as he separated to kiss. Lining himself up with your hole, and began thrusting at a faster pace then before.

You let out a loud pornographic moan. Matt was mesmerized by everything about you. Your eyes, the sounds you make when he’s ruining your insides, how good you look without even trying. He could go on forever.

“ fuck Matty can I cum pleasee” you said needing to release.

“ yes baby your being such a good girl for me” Matt said as he brought his hand up to rub your clit in circles bringing you even closer to the edge.

you felt your climax began and the knot in your stomach release causing you to let out yet another scream. That made Matt go crazy bringing him closer. His thrusts got sloppy as he released his load into you mixing your juices together.

“ fuck that was the best sex I’ve ever had” Matt said as he pulled out making both your juices leak out onto the bed.

“ I agree” you said as you sat up to get your clothes. You stood up almost immediately falling due to how sore your legs were. Matt caught you setting you back on the bed kissing you. He got dressed and cleaned up once he was done he helped you and cleaned you up and got you dressed. Helping you up to go downstairs.

When you got downstairs all eyes were on you and Matt.

“ jeez what did he do to you” Nick said when he saw that Matt was helping you stay upright.

“ Matthew your lucky your my friend or I would kill you right here” your sister said walking over to you and Matt.

“ whatever let’s leave I’m tired” you says flipping them off

“ yea I bet you are” Chris says laughing.

[chickenkurage]

OKAY OKAY OKAY.... CHAPTER 5 OF ATG... WHAT IN THE WORLD OH MY GOSH HOW MUCH DID DJ HAD TO GO THROUGH- FIRST HIS PARENTS AND NOW THE LOSS OF HIS OWN FOUND FAMILY TO HIS BEST FRIEND LEAVING HIM TO ROT, WHAT THE FRICK-

FIRST OF ALL, THEM TALKING ABOUT THE STARS AND SAYING HOW DJ SAYING HE WANTS TO SEE THE REAL STARS ONE DAY IS JUST.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT SOMEHOW HITS ME- REMINDS ME OF THAT ONE UNDERTALE DIALOGUE: "what's a star? Can you touch it? Can you eat it? Can you kill it?... Are you a star?" IT JUST SUDDENLY REMINDED ME OF THAT!!! ARE THEY REALLY FORESHADOWING THEMSELVES ABOUT LOSING EACH OTHER BECAUSE MY GOSH- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DJ IS STILL TRYING TO REACH ALAN DESPITE HIS WOUND AND WORDS, HE'S TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF SO HE CAN BE SEEN AS A USEFUL PERSON TOWARDS HIM, HOW HE IS STILL WILLING TO HELP HIM EVEN THOUGH HE NEEDS REST TO RECOVER FROM THAT SHOT, BUT I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE THE HORROR ON HIS FACE WHEN HE SAW ALAN WEARING THE WEAPON, THE VERY THING HE WASTED THE REST OF HIS LIFE ON, OH MY GOSH HE MUST'VE BEEN FEELING A LOT OF EMOTIONS THERE- WE GOT SOME POV OF HOW DJ IS DOING NOW!!! SEEMS TO BE SOMEWHAT ALRIGHT BUT ALSO NOT BECAUSE THE WORDS ARE STILL STABBED INTO HIS HEART LIKE A LITERAL BULLET, BUT YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DJ AND VICTIM MEETING!!! I WAS ALREADY THINKING ABOUT IF DJ WILL SAY ANYTHING TO VICTIM AND THE OTHERS ABOUT ALA- NOOGAI, OR MAYBE THEY'LL FOUND OUT AT DJ WAS ACTUALLY ONCE A CLOSE FRIEND OF NOOGAI AND HE HELPED HIM SO LONG AGO, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THESE SCENARIOSSSSSSSSSS!!! I DID NOT EXPECT HIS PARENTS IN THIS TO BE LIKE THIS, HIS MOTHER DISTANCING HERSELF HIM AND HE TOOK IT AS KINDNESS FOR FREEDOM UNTIL THE REALIZATION HITS, HOW HE WAS KNOWN TO REASSEMBLE HIS FATHER BUT HATES THE IDEA OF BECOMING SOMEONE HE DESPISES A LOT, STAYING AT ALAN'S SEEMS LIKE IT'S THE ONLY HOPE FOR HIM TO SPEND HIS LIFE HAPPILY INSTEAD AT HIS FATHERS. DANG I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO PICK A WHOLE GOSH DANG FIGHT IN THAT BAR, THAT ALCOHOL REALLY DID SOMETHING TO HIM WITH THE NUMBNESS AND BLOOD ALL AROUND HIM, NOOOOOOOO HIM AND ALAN GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING AT THE SAME TIME BEFORE AFTER KAORI AND THE CHILDREN HAD PASSED, EXPECT DJ IS WILLING TO HELP ALAN AND MOVE FORWARD SLOWLY BIT BY BIT, WHILE ALAN REFUSES AND LEAVES HIM TO CONTINUE ON WITH HIS OWN PATH OF VENGEANCE, LEAVING SOMEONE WHO WAS THERE FOR YOU THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME, LITERALLY AFTER EVERYTHING, HOW MUCH DOES DJ GO THROUGH IN THIS, INCLUDING ALAN TOO OFC OH MY GOSH- READING VICTIM AND DJ STARGAZING TOGETHER ALREADY GAVE ME PARALLELS, AND DJ SAYING THE STARS AREN'T REAL LIKE HOW ALAN DID BEFORE, AND VICTIM SAYING THOSE FAMILIAR REALLY MUST HAVE HIT DJ SOMEHOW-

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING ALREADY OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SOMEONE GET THIS DJ TO THE AA HOUSE ASP, RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW, AND EVEN LET KOM!DJ HELP OUT TOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMGEY YOU'RE WRITING IS IMPRESSIVE AS HECK AND KILLING ME!!!

DJ has been doomed from the start xDDD.

The stars were indeed a metaphor!! And how DJ loves those "Fake Stars" even if it was fake, he still found beauty in it, like how he did with Alan and his family :'')). The stars can be both a foreshadowing and a metaphor with Alan and DJ, with the stars being both fake and out of reach from DJ, just like he is with Alan (oop)

And the Undertale quote, oh my goodness i agree :000

And ahh DJ backstory, super dope xDDDD. We can see here how much of a family Alan and Kaori really are to DJ, it really shows that DJ really loves them both, and losing them both is just......im sad for him.

Alan is so busy with his own world building that he completely forgot about his best friend DD": It's just not fair, clearly, it's not just Alan who is a bit messed up in the head now XDD.

And yipee ond DJ and Vic friendship XDD, Vic being so playful and DJ is the one that has no energy LMAOO. It's a duo we did not ask for but a duo we need.

And God, DJ and his mother. It's so fucked up that he thought what his mother was doing a form of love and freedom until he realized his mother just wants him gone :'')

And we know how DJ always puts his friends first before himself, that's why when Kaori and the kids died, DJ pushed his grief so far back just so he could help Alan to the point he completely forgot that he too has the right to grieve over them because Kaori was like a sister to him.

And Victim reminding of DJ the memory of when he used to stargaze and Alan would always mention that the stars are fake as a way to tease him. It is a parallel, being the first line in the chapter with DJ saying he wanted to see the real stars and fast forward to Victim saying he too wants to see the real stars. PAIN

DJ does need to meet the AA, those Alans would give him all the love he needs and maybe Snow would help him xDDD. KOM DJ would definitely try to cheer ATG DJ up!!

And oh my goodness, thank you, i want to write the story as a more of character study type. ATG DJ isn't an interesting guy, he has no powers, he has no flashy tricks up his sleeve, he is just him.

His friend left him, his sister Kaori died and his nephew and niece, and he's all alone trying to deal with the pain and hurt that was left. Maybe he gave too much love to other people that he forgot to give himself some as well :((.

The AU may have fooled you guys, thinking it would be all about ATG Alan and his cool and revenge escapades, or even Victim and his brothers goofing around. But in reality, we would just look at the AU in DJ's eyes. There's nothing cool about it, and there is nothing fun about it.

Let's just hope DJ and Alan would finally talk - S

[a-hobit]

Using my tumblr account as a vent space once again!

So for reasons unspecified I’m an adult still living with my parents and grandmother. I’m almost 21 and I’ve lived in a shoebox apartment with my mom (and now stepdad and old lady) for as long as I can remember. I used to live in a house but really I don’t remember it. The fact we were pretty tight with cash didn’t really bother me growing up but as a full adult now with my own money it feels so unfairly good to spend it on the things I want. I try to spoil my mother whenever I can but she’s pretty hard to buy for. She gave up literally everything for me and my sister. She gave up everything she loved to take us away from my biological dad. I have always known that the life she has is not the one she wanted for me, my sister, or herself. She wanted a home she was proud to go back to and that her children could grow up in. She wanted to host family gatherings and have me and my sister invite guests over. She wanted to grow a seed in the backyard and watch It grow into a tree like she watched her children grow.

It really has always killed me to know that while I may not mind where we are it hurts her deeply that I do not remember that house. That I do not remember a complete family or a simple life. And that as much as she gave up for us it still wasn’t enough. I wonder how many people can say that they understand my mother — she always had friends with simple easy lives that she couldn’t seem to cry to and so she held in that grief of a broken family and that lost life by herself for as long as we’ve lived here.

Now like a gift from the greatest tragedy my mother has that opportunity to buy that home. Not the original one, not that one but a different home. Something she’s proud of. I see how stressed it makes her to have this thing she’s wanted. How she’s having such a hard time choosing.

I am definitely making this harder on her. I know that. I do have my own opinions about where I’d like to live and I’ve always kind of dreamed what that first house might look like when we got the money. Upstairs or downstairs? Dibs on which room? Where would you like your bed? Can you please mow the lawn today sweetie? Have you unpacked everything yet? Will you park the cars in the garage — I think there’s hail coming. Will you take the trash? Will you tend the garden? Will you take the dog out? Can you come home soon? How late will you be?

Do you want to see how big you’ve grown? I can mark it on the wall.

I know some of that already happened. Not the exact same but it happened. I guess maybe ive been idolizing that life in my head so much it’s strange that I now get to watch it play out…but it isn’t really how I wanted it either right?

I’m not a child anymore.

Im not going to live in this house for more than a year — maybe some months in between out of college? This is not going to be my home like it is theirs. Im not part of this like I dreamed about.

And isn’t it true? Why would it ever matter what I thought when I didn’t have to look at it for more than a year or two? Why come along to house showings? Why be nervous about my mom loving a house I hate so deeply because I can’t see myself there with her? Why voice that complaint?

Why say anything at all?

Why worry? If she loves it? If it’s her dream and it just doesn’t include you for long? You should just keep your mouth shut because of how much you’re hurting her how much you know it’s painful to hear you be excited about a house that isn’t even going to be yours — she knows she knows it.

Now you know it.

But GOD it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. It’s so hard to know now. The reality is so painful you’d rather just stay here. And isn’t that awful? Aren’t you just awful to wish for your loving mother to stay here and rot with you because you can’t handle her being happy without you?

But it feels like rotting already.

[lowtideandhightea]

having some thoughts abt durge/shadowheart romance, spoilers below

to start with i wasnt really expecting this to go well, id heard spoilers that indicated shar was gonna be a little bitch abt it but that kinda worked for the story i wanted to tell - shadowheart and my durge lyss making each other worse, reinforcing their separate indoctrinations, etc etc. women's wrongs power couple would have been nice, but i was also pretty interesting in the slow tragedy of two women who almost escaped their worst impulses, that the love you wished would give them the strength to leave instead gave them the strength to stay and then rotted the happiness out of itself.

i know ive seen other people talk with disappointment about how theres no bonding over your mutual amnesia and that also sucks but man. what really gets me is the dissonance.

like, shadowheart is sooo pissy about lyss killing a selunite cleric, subjecting the harpers to shar's shadowcurse. like, yeah, the bhaalspawn enjoys the feast of death or whatever, but girliepop, that was as much a sharran win as a bhaalist one.

but yk, fine, fine, that is technically before she commits herself to becoming a dark justiciar by killing the nightsong, theres leeway there.

so why is even a dark justiciar shadowheart so judgemental abt killing investigator valeria?? what, babygirl, makes this somehow worse than killing dame aylin??? it is literally the same thing. im just as destined and chosen by bhaal as you are by shar, and we both are spilling celestial blood in an unholy consecration of that destiny. what the fuck.

and like, i get that a huge part of shadowhearts narrative arc comes from her cognitive dissonance, her desire to not be Like That competing with the fact that being Like That is exactly what shar demands. but like. it feels like if shes on the dark justiciar path, there should be more space for her to recognize the parallels. especially when last light was a p prime example that our goals can align.

idk theres such frustrating tonal whiplash constantly, as sharran shadowheart is virtually indistinguishable from selunite shadowheart in how she responds to dark urge accepting bhaal :/

it made the cutscene after house of grief a bit funny. "hope youre not trying to steal shar's favor from me." "of course i am. im much better at wickedness than you." well, thats for damned certain.

[nerves-nebula]

FR FR AND LIKE-

yeah he's a horny teenager but like, does he really have people he can not put up a "mask" around?? Like yeah he's kinda close to Power and Aki but they aren't the sort of people he can take time off a really process all the trauma he's been through too. (I mean Power very nonchallently speaks about him dying and like yeah Aki eventually warms up to him to some degree but they uhhh don't exactly have a process-trauma-help sort of relationship).

He, while now having access to food and human(?) interaction, isn't even in a safe environment! Of course he's going to rely on whatever keeps him going, even moreso when he never was in an environment that taught what society deems common knowledge. We don't know how much he knows about puberty or hormones, like he straight up was killing devils since he was a kid. That's not going to teach you how to not rely on instincts ya know?

Also I love the parallels between Power and Denji like idk I feel like Denji would be a lot more like Power if he hadn't been saddled with so much debt. They have a funky dynamic

arengkajerng you make so many good pointsss. So many people can take for granted having all these things that aren't necessarily a garuntee for many people and look down on those people for not having "basic knowledge", not realizing that they are the privileged ones! Like people not looking into his character just shows off people's privilege.

mannnn not to turn this into a rant but it's so frustrating sometimes to see people flaunt their privilege without even realizing it when it comes to having clean food and water and shelter growing up without the constant threat of something going wrong. (I mean it sucks to see people flaunt their privilege regardless but idk this is one that goes under the radar because a lot of people (fortunately!!) cannot relate).

And oof that hole sounds bad, and hopefully where you are now doesn't have a hole? I know it's not the same but at one of the houses I lived in we had to renovate the windows and in the middle-ish of winter I didn't have a bedroom window for 2 weeks. I'd get snowed on lol (there was another window but the wood was rotting so idk how effective it was lol. It didn't get replaced).

(i basically agree with everything u said and have nothing to add fdsfsdf so im just gonna address the last paragraph)

Our window got stuck open in the winter a few times and it was NOT good so that sucks man. reminds me of that one winter where our boiler died for what feels like forever and I just got super used to wearing multiple socks and layers of shirts/coats at all times. I'd fucgkin go to bed in a thick coat and everything, I think I made a game out of seeing how many socks I could wear at once before it became a hazard.

anyway I'm at college rn so, no ceiling hole! and when we're on break, I stay at my girlfriends place, which ALSO doesn't have a hole in the ceiling!

:D who coulda thunk it, i'm really living it up now huh?

[supportl0v3r]

snow. cold.

‼️TW: implied abuse, violence, self harm, eating disorders, sexual harassment/abuse, suicidal thoughts, alcohol, smoking, maybe others i missed, just pure brutal sadness pain and rage ‼️

something that has been sitting in my notes forever, rotting, needing to get out. and for everyone that might be worried, i'm alright dw 😭

(english isn't my first language bla bla bla sorry for any mistakes)

snow. cold. i have layers over layers of clothing on to protect me from the cold. i am kept warm by them, as i am by my mother's love. she cares for me. or so i think, i cant know better. im instructed to stay dry, as to not catch a cold. i play, i have fun, mess around with the other kids.

as we're all wet and covered in snow from head to toe i struggle to understand why the other mothers aren't hitting their children for this, as mine does. i am barely 3.

voices. school begins. i wonder why my skin is full of purple red yellow and green shapes while the other kids look spotless. i am 7.

i try my best and give my all. i am the best in class. i dont understand why they're yelling to do more and try harder. i dont understand why its not enough. why im not enough. im told im bad and a disappointment. i am 10.

sobs. i cry and i want to disappear. i hear that im the reason mum wants to leave, i hear her complain. i cry on the bathroom floor all night, holding the house key once again, afraid she'll be away in the morning if i go to sleep and leave the door unattented, as it had happened before. i just turned 12

raised voices. we disagree, i try to explain my point of view. she thinks i wish to fight. im threatened to get kicked out. i return from school to an empty house and i sob my heart out. i dont comprehend why expressing my opinions to my own mother gets her to leave me. i blame myself and red starts blooming all over. my skin and limbs would never be the same. i am just 13

butterflies. i have my first date. my first relationship. i keep it a secret, of course. the words ring in my ears, deafening, hearing my mothers voice over and over again together with my beloved's. "you're not good enough". i am left, once again. i am 14.

force. power. for the first time i feel the air leaving my lungs. i feel my throat close up under the pressure of a hand. i see a red face screaming and pure anger in his eyes. i would never be able to see my father the same after this. simply stating my opinion has brought this upon me, and i am still 14

panic. i hide in the bathroom and lock the door behind me as the pounding rings in my ears. she wants me to open it. she wants to kill me. i cant stop crying.

pain. my head hurts and bleeds. my hair is messed up. my neck is sore. ive been grabbed by the hair and shoved in the wall multiple times. how could a mother do this. i cant understand. i am 15

she says my hair is ugly so i cut and dye it. she says my face looks bad and my smile is ugly so i train myself to look different. she says im fat and there's no way someone as hideous as me came from someone like her. so i destroy myself over and over again, my body and my organs suffer for her words. i would never see food the same way ever again for the rest of my life. i am 15 and a half.

bliss. i date a girl, and she tells me she loves me, she opposes everything my mother ever said, and it feels like a breath of fresh air, to be loved. my mother disagrees. she looks at me with disgust and hatred, disappointment. she tells me to end things, because that girl is lying anyway. how could i ever be loved, she says. she knows me best and tells me i am deeply fucked up with too many flaws for anyone to truly love me. my own mother deems me un-loveable and my heart breaks in a million pieces. my mother says it plainly in my face that i will never be good enough for her and that she hates having to put up with me all day. i accept the fact that she doesnt love me. im just 16.

men. boys. they keep whistling after me on the streets. they keep catcalling me. almost every friend ive had sees me as a target and a trophy. my value lays in my curves and my beauty, no matter how smart id be. i barely escape assault almost every week. the friend i had trusted to come over to hang out one day forces me to let him spend the night. he touches me while im asleep and refuses to leave even when i physically try to kick him out. touching me is more important than what i feel. i return from school in the bus. a man. he's drunk he's perverted, he smiles at nudes on his phone wnd he drinks and drinks and drinks again

tou chi ng,

HURT in g,

m e

. .

nobody does a thing except watch. i get home looking for my mother's safety, her arms, her love.

she's mad i was late, not caring about the circumstances and about what happened, and i feel the ground beneath me break apart and swallow me whole. she says i'm to blame for it all, for them all. she takes her anger out on me. i am still 16

stars, i meet a boy. he's smart and kind and considerate. hes there and helps me up every time i fall, his being full of comfort. for once in my life i feel safe and at peace. i try my best to return the feeling to him. we get closer and i know ive fallen deep. perhaps so has he. drunk behaviours are sober thoughts after all, are they not? i'll never know as i start distancing myself from him. he's everything i had ever wanted, and so he deserves someone whole. someone not scarred or hurt or broken in a million pieces. he deserves stability and happiness and i dont believe i could provide that. i KNOW i cant. i cry and cry, my blood boiling with pain at what we could've been, the life i could've had. my throat swells up with unsaid words, unspoken feelings.

they treat me like a child and expect the behaviour of an adult. i am supposed to take my mother's place. cook. clean. dishes. laundry. i am told i am a woman. i am told i must do these in order to prepare myself for my future marriage. my husband would surely want a housewife who would do everything he pleases. my own father complains i dont act alike to my mother. like a wife and like a slave. i struggle to understand: shouldn't he warn me to find someone good and kind? why isn't he? then again, i remember his rage and my throat closes up, burying my words with it, remembering how the hand felt around my neck. ironically i cannot remember my mother's embrace or how "i love you" would sound from her lips. i haven't really thought about it now, i wonder if i ever even experienced either of them. i am 16 and a half

i am 2 months away from 17. my father tells me i make him want to take his life, bash his head on the walls. he hits his head hard on a wardrobe. he starts violently crying and sobbing asking the world "GOD what did i do to deserve this WHAT DID I DO WRONG" he says he'll leave and never return, to never see me, ever again. ive brought him to his breaking point and it makes me wonder how awful i must be. he says i have no heart and no soul. what could make a parent see that in their child? despite my obedience, my attempts to please him, he breaks me once again. being his slave was not enough this time either. i fall to the ground and cry myself empty. my body, my mind, my lungs will have to take the pain for me, since i no longer can. the only reason i do not decide to put an end to it myself is that i would be much more of an inconvenience to those who know me, were i dead, instead of alive. how ironic. by living i can keep myself out of their ways. by dying i disrupt and bother the balance they have built for themselves. i'll keep going, clinging into sanity by my fingernails.

i think i might be loved by the boy, but who will ever know, i promise myself to stay away for his own good. he would change his mind if he knew all of me anyway, its for the better no matter how much it breaks my heart. i dont think this time i can build myself up again. i cant risk letting myself love or be loved again, even if it would help. heal even. but at the expense of others's comfort, and that i cant allow. was my father right? am i with no heart and soul? i must be, but who'll ever know. its for the best even tho it rips me apart.

i see the pictures of all the years above. i look at a toddler, barely 3. i wonder how could anyone raise their hand at a child like this, i could not comprehend even raising my voice at her. i look at all of them, all of me, everything ive been over the years and everything ive hurt and killed because of her. because of them. i cry. i realise it was all in vain. i am 17 and i cant understand why, but i finally see it: my mother probably never loved me to begin with. i have ruined my own life chasing something that could never even be there.

i understand the future is pointless and everything is in vain. i punch the walls and sob whats left of my heart out. there was nothing i could have done to prevent it, others have ruined my life for me before i even realized i was living it. it is unfair but theres nothing to do about it now. i wash my face and accept my fate. i stare into the mirror at the girl im seeing. years from now, when ill have a mediocre job, mediocre life. ill be middle aged and still alone, ill look back to those pictures and apologize to the girl i was, as im doing now with the other versions of myself. i can almost hear it. "im SO sorry" as if the cruelty of my past was my fault, as if i could have done anything to save her from this fate.

snow. cold. bitterness in my heart and in my body brought by the bottle and by the smoke leaving my bloody lips. if only i could let the darkness consume me,

s et

m e

fr e e

. . . .

[stitcheswashere13]

So imagine this... Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Bubba Sawyer, Brahms Heelshire and Freddy Kruguer... But the final girl... Hides from them. Not cause they're afraid, they just haven't interacted with other human beings for a very very very long time

Aw, I like this one lol, The final girl reminds me of me I struggle interacting with human beings in IRL.

On to the imagines!

Warnings: Mentions of blood, murder, slashers being slashers, teeth rotting fluff, not proofread, Female/gn  reader She/her or they/them pronoun reader, a bit of a yandere slasher theme.

Side Note(s): So I made y/n in a few being one to lock themselves in a room to cry after being around people for too long and then be fine after. In some of the stories y/n’s friend is also hiding with them or y/n is trying to avoid the slasher. I added a few aftermath imagines on 3, I put there names in a randomiser and it landed on 3 names. i did that as a small bonous

The total word count:1010

Slashers x a Very non-social final girl.

Jason Vorhees:

You ran into an old closet hiding, throwing your head in your knees from Jason, It wasn't like you were afraid of Jason just not in the meaner of what most people would be, You are afraid of human interaction. You didn't like talking to people or socializing. Hell, you were surprised some random kids invited you on this trip in the first place. You only spoke 2 or 3 times to them, 1 of them being you saw someone outside while you were in your room crying. BAM, You look up from your knees to see Jason standing over you. “Ok, no talking please just kill me and move on,” You say while looking at Jason expecting some whole supervillain story to come out. To your surprise, Jason just threw you over his shoulder and very quietly muttered “mine now”.

Aftermath imagine~

 “Jason! Oh! i see you have them!” Pamela says happy to see you. “so according to Jason you don’t like people, so i thought you could stay here!” she says with a smile. You thought for a minute “am I really going to spend my life here? Away from everyone, with a nice lady and her hot son?” You then made your choice right then and there.  

Micheal Myers:

Your friend decided to drag you along to another Halloween party to get your mind off of things and to hide you from the strange man you keep talking about. You really did not like people, well mostly the socializing part, so your plan was to just stay by them the whole time or go find the family pet to hang out with. But things sadly changed you lost your friend and there was no pet to hang out with. Everything was loud, crowded, and overall overwhelming. You look up to see someone upstairs, you almost had a full-on 10-year long flashback when you realised that the random guy upstairs had been watching you panic the whole time, you noticed him from the mental commercial you saw on tv, some guy named Micheal, but you didn’t. You yell that you are heading upstairs to go to the bathroom hoping your friend heard you. You then book it upstairs, to look for the random guy but you didn’t see him “hm, I’ll just lock myself in the bathroom-” you began to speak as you felt a heavy grip on your shoulder. You shoot your head around already in panic mode to see Micheal. “.... follow.” you slightly heard Micheal speak. You suspiciously followed Micheal out a window outside. The outside was quiet and calming, you then realized you were right about the strange guy you saw because he was wearing a “special bracelet”.  you decided not to say anything because it was nice of him to get you out here, so all you did was stay out, with Micheal. 

Aftermath imagine~

You wake up in a  house, Micheals house. You see a note that reads “Hello. You fell asleep, so I thought Id bring you here. You're about a 10 minute walk from here to your house. I’ll stop by later, you can stay if you want, just be careful- Micheal. You slump back in the bed rolling over 

Bubba Sawyer:

“im kinda glad the car broke then we don't have to go to the party, plus hiding in the woods from that creepy guy is ten times better,” You say with a worried chuckle “yeah y/n but I actually love parties, plus you need to learn to be more social & we are literally stranded in the middle of a fuckin woods.” Your friend says not to seem too happy about this situation. You two soon heard a random chainsaw, soon after Bubba pops out of some bushes, causally tripping up a bit. Your friend then throws you to bubba and runs as fast as they can while saying “GOOD LUCK Y/N, SEE YOU AT THE CAR, REMEMBER SOCAILIZE”. You look up from Bubba’s chest to see him looking at your friend running probably asking himself “damn, Human sacrifice”. He then picks you up and carries you to the house.

Brahms Heelshire:

“Y/n you need to learn how to socialize better, you need a boyfriend” you hear your friend say as they are leaving “I will, the first person to show interest in me im already planning to marry,” you say with a slight giggle as you see them grab there coat getting ready to leave “Well, ok Bye y/n” you hear your friend say. “Bye!” As soon as you hear the door close you feel Brahms grip your side. You have only meant the real-life Brahms 2 days ago when he decided to come out of the walls. You had only spoken to him a few times since then. You've kinda been avoiding him and hiding in the bathroom the whole day. “Pretty... Pretty voice” You hear Brahms say. Scared to speak to the man you practically just met, you just nod in thanks. “Well... It's time for bed” You hear Brahms say as he wraps his arms around you. “Ok, Brahms let's g-” You tried to say let's go but before you could Brahms had picked up and started to carry your bridal style to his room.

Freddy Krueger:

You've been hiding in a closet in your dream from Freddy because he won't stop talking. You then see the door swing open to see Freddy “SUP BITCH, IM HERE TO TALK TO YA  MORE” he says at the top of his lungs, as he threw you over his shoulder and carries you down an ally.

Aftermath imagine~

“Sooooooooo! YOU LIKE SUNSETS?!” Freddy yells “I- yeah” You say trying not to go death from Freddys yelling.  You see Freddy snap his fingers and right then and there you seen a very beautiful sunset. “There we go, a semi- happy y/n” you hear Freddy mutter. “Thank you..”You mutter mainly because Freddy is not yelling at the top of his lungs. “yeah, yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

END NOTE! Helloo! Thank you for your request! Requests are open! check out my pinned post for info! And shout out to everyone giving love to my tumblr you guys are so sweet. Thats all Have a lovely day! Btw! Im working on my 100 followers special so if you guys want drop a few questions in the comments!<3

[allthestuffandeverything]

Here's a ramble of thoughts I'm having

So I have a phobia of bees/wasps/etc. Since I was like 5 or 6. I didn't get stung it just was the noise and the pattern markings that freaked me out. I used to hate them so much and be so terrified.

But I've worked to respect bugs and typically disliked creatures. The first step for me was recognizing their territory vs my territory. If they're inside my house sure kill them. But if they're outdoors, that's their place and I'm in their territory so leave them be/they have right of way.

And then gradually it seeped into the second step: the realization that they don't have a concept of indoors vs outdoors. They don't know that I consider this my kitchen. They just know that they found a warm place (I live in a cold climate) where there's sometimes food. It seemed cruel to punish them for trespassing when they didn't understand the difference.

The third step was realizing that they weren't trespassing at all. It wasn't even that they just didn't understand this wasn't their space. It's that it IS their space. They were here first, IM the trespasser who claimed a territory against creatures of all kinds in defiance of reality and practicality.

I realized I'd overcome my phobia earlier this week when I got stung. I had raked the leaves into a pile and was grabbing handfuls and armfuls of them to put into bags. And a bee/wasp stung me. My first thought after the initial "ouch" was concern and understanding for the bee/wasp. Of course it stung me. I had clumsily startled it when it had found a peaceful pile of leaves to chill in. It must have been so upsettingly sudden for it to experience an arm thrust into its hiding place without warning, disturbing it's footing and refuge. I found myself hoping it was a wasp so that it would be okay after stinging me. I don't know which it was as it only stayed on my arm for a fraction of a second before fleeing, so I only glimpsed a blur of yellow and black.

I know some ppls phobias r more innate and less learned than mine. But it speaks to how negatively bees/wasps r often viewed that by the age of 6 I had a firm hatred and fear of creatures that r no more dangerous than many other bugs that bite or sting in defense, yet r less recognizable or distinctive in colouring to be noticed. I wonder if the same respect were given to all animals, not ignoring their defenses or claiming they r harmless to handle, but to respect their space and autonomy while recognizing their value and interest, would there be less danger from wildlife in urban areas.

Where I live, ppl feed foxes and kill coyotes. The foxes become unable to fend for themselves and malnourished due to improper diet. The coyotes r killed or chased away from the areas.

Where I live, ppl feed birds and shoot at squirrels. The birds gather in too large numbers and spread diseases, and the squirrels r left to rot where they fall.

Idk I'm not some moral high ground on this. But like I've been learning to respect animals regardless of their cuteness maybe that would be better for the biome and balance if we didnt try to divide wildlife into tameable/pests.

[kneeanderthal]

vol 2 spoilers ahead !!

.

.

.

honestly I'm so confused on how bad the season 4 volume 2 ending was, like it was so bad, so bad. They put these shields on the main cast or their favourite og characters, (and I mean you can tell who has plot armour; cough cough nancy, mike, Steve, Erica and most of the main cast, they couldn't even kill of Max).

like the death set up for eddies painful monologue and dustin sobbing over him to Max and lucas as Max cries about not wanting to die. then dying and all of Hawkins falling. WONDERFUL. but then instead of sticking to that they revive Max and now she's just a poorly written plot pusher for season 5 who is nothing but brain dead.

and the time skip? every season the duffers finish of the season with some neat and tidy time skip that pulls at emotions and doesn't leave many loose ends, they hint at what is to come in the following season without letting it feel unfinished.

but season 4, lord it was awful.

2 day time skip, California crew comes back to Hawkins after having little to no screen time and absolutely zero threat to face. they reunite at the wheeler house, but this reunion is like 0.2 seconds long and then there all like "oh boy where's lucas and max".

they show lucas reading a book to what you would assume be alive but blind, and broken Max, because why else would you bring her back to life, but it's her brain dead with all of her limbs broken.

will, mike and eleven all have their reunion with lucas it's short lived because we need 5 minutes of eleven sitting on Max's bed crying, holding her hand and saying im here. she searches in her like black mind magic realm for Max, she can't find her (this is what she does in her room at hoppers cabin as well), ding ding Max is brain dead so eleven pulling her magical reviving powers out of her ass is all for nothing.

then they all hop in the van and go to hoppers house to hide el from the military, which just disappeared for all of chapter 9, and left the California crew as filler and comedy. they clean, there's a moment between nancy and johnathon where he asks if they're okay and nancy is all like "uh yeah tots" after she spent all of season 4 eye fucking Steve.

will and Mike talk about eleven again, shocker. mike is all like "I'm glad one is dead and rotting" and wills like "uh no he's alive, and although I could have become a main character and been used to help defeat vecna no we stayed in Nevada. oh and by the way when I entered Hawkins I felt him again". and he's having his moment which is just as short lived as ever as what you think is going to be the military pops up.

but nahhh it's just Joyce and hopper with no Murray or Russian dude 1 or Russian dude 2. they have these terrible quick little reunions which pull absolutely no tears, then will touches his neck and then again you think he's going to have more than 5 seconds of screen time but nah.

they all walk onto a field touch some flowers, look at the sky which just looks like a red storm nothing to scary scary, then it cuts to black.

and don't even get me started on the like relief station set up for some of the characters, like Dustin's section with eddies uncle IS GREAT. it jerks a few tears, shows a character grieving grieving character that died in that season instead of just being like; "oh yeah nah they're completely fine dont worry about then watching their best friend die brutally".

then there's the whole stupid Steve being sad about not getting it on with nancy after his whole character arc evolves around him finding himself, accepting that he doesn't need a partner to be Steve, and that he likes babysitting the kids. but instead of the duffers biting the bullet and having Steve be killed of and have a reaction of heart break from everyone, they decide that he should throw all his character development away for the same dusty ship.

then robin instead of getting closure in waiting for her right time, they just give her whatever, because like what evs. she gets to talk to vikkie who is now boyfriendless and still not interested, even through whatever nice interaction they had.

I guess I just thought since they said so many things leading up to volume to that it would have some happen.

they pushed on about byler happening or getting more screen time, AND wills sexuality being addressed (which is like me because him having this massive im gay thing after spending 4 seasons hiding it and being this quite kid doesnt really fit his character) but no he's just used to push the plot of mileven further, after spending all of season 3 and most of season 4 working towards them growing apart and not needing eachother.

they said it would be more scary ??? and also 5 people would die, but like 5 people didn't die, and at least not people important to the plot, 1. papa. 2. eddie. 2.5 Max. 3.jason?

anyways I'm starting to understand why some people dislike the duffers poor writing.

[tposeatthedisco]

Tommy, Tubbo and Wilburs best and funniest quotes:

Tommy: 'Im a doctor, I'm not really but I have a gun'

Tubbo: 'Oh no, they had seggs on the crafting table OhHHhhH'

Wilbur: 'YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SUCK IT GREEN BOIIIIIII'

Tommy: 'Just killed a woman, feeling good'

Tubbo: 'I told him I was pregnant, I'm very good at persuading people'

Wilbur: 'Im the dirty crime boy'

Tommy and Wilbur: 'Tubbo in a box what will he do'

Tommy: 'Tubbo like a da bee'

Tubbo: 'I like a da bee'

Wilbur: 'Lmanburg my unfinished symphony, my great unfinished symphony'

Tommy: 'DRUGS'

Tubbo: 'Im just gonna hit him with repeat quantities of chicken'

Wilbur: 'I have more power than you can ever imagine, don't fuck with me'

Tommy: 'WHY DOES TWITTER NOT HAVE A BUTTON TO MUTE ALL MEN?'

Tubbo: 'Tubbo'

Wilbur; 'if bald people don’t stop I’m going to have to intervene'

Tommy: 'Zombies arent real, but ed sheeran is. stay safe.'

Tubbo: 'I PRAISE THE LOOORD'

Wilbur: 'Give them your wife Phil'

Tommy: 'Take a shower?! you mean let my house PISS on me? no thanks.'

Tubbo: 'Im still tubbo'

Wilbur: 'My unfinished symphony, forever unfinished. If I cant have it no one can Phil'

Tommy: 'You're gonna work for us for free and you won't don't tell anyone about this or else we will silence you'

Tubbo: 'People think im dumb when in reality i am just on a diferent brain sauce to them'

Wilbur: 'It was never meant to be'

Tommy: 'We'll pay you in drugs'

Tubbo: 'They're rotting away in the archives, to only be looked at the eyes of ROMAN MEN'

Wilbur: 'Your never going to he president Tommy'

Tommy: 'I'm gonna start stabbin shit'

Tubbo: 'I have a weapon, take me to the archives'

Wilbur: '2 to the 1 to the 1 to the 3 please get Tommyinnit off my screen'

[wincore]

sweet tooth | dong sicheng

pairing: vampire!sicheng x reader

words: 2.8k

summary: out of all the inconveniences a vampire boyfriend could pose, there’s about two tonight: a) him losing it at the next person who compliments his fangs, or b) you losing it at sicheng’s 100% blood alcohol content

genre: vampire!au, boyfriend!au, college!au, (tooth-rotting) fluff, comfort, humour

warning(s): mentions of blood, alcohol consumption, college halloween parties

song rec(s): candy - baekhyun // wish you were sober - conan gray

a/n: let’s pretend it’s halloween pls <3 also im sorry it’s so short and more drabble-ish but i wanted to write something gentle and comforting so!!! yeah ^^ also there is no plot. eep.

It’s two in the morning.

Or rather, it feels like two in the morning. 

A frat party is a horrible substitute for an actual Halloween party. The alcohol content is through the roof and the number of pairs making out is enough to make you feel queasy. You never knew horror themes had the innate ability to make people so flagrantly horny—you’re half glad you’re not, god forbid, single. Most of your friends were too busy, however, to organize the close-knit party you usually have each year—so here you are, with an invitation from a friend of a friend (of a friend). Your boyfriend might be the only one feeling more out of place than you are.

You glance at Sicheng from the pool table, the cup frozen against his lips while his eyes scan the room from corner to corner. You don’t do crowds and neither does he; though he does have the unwitting ability to charm any crowd he’s in. You’re not quite sure if he’s still unaware of that.

You watch as a girl you can easily recognize from your campus approach him, all smiles and giggles. She says something and you scoff, almost completely certain about what it is she said.

Sicheng might be unaware of it—but you are, and painfully so.

She looks at him starry-eyed and the scent of rum wafting around her. A part of her jacket is off her shoulder, a faint blush covering her cheeks that you can spot even under the dim lights. She’s definitely flirting—you know that because rumours go around faster than assignments in this university. Choi Joohee has a very public, very open crush on your boyfriend.

It’s not like it bothers you. Not at all.

Just a little bit.

Jealousy has never been your thing and you’re half certain what you’re feeling isn’t even jealousy—just a taste of alcohol and the proximity of a Halloween house party.

Speaking of which, the only thing harrowing about this place is the amount of alcohol everyone seems to be consuming—including your boyfriend. Ten dragged Yukhei home a while ago and a part of you is still not confident enough to handle a boyfriend with very pointy fangs and midnight cravings for blood (or juice, as Ten disgustingly phrases it). 

Sicheng nods along to something Joohee asks, an eyebrow raised quizzically on her and you assume he’s been zoning out the whole time. The urge to laugh surfaces and you swallow it whole. He’s so cute, even in this state. The lights dance across his face; candy blue, rich purple, saccharine red. The colours don’t help him stand any straighter, or slur his words any less.

You think it’s time to help your boyfriend out. However, the moment you walk through the swarms over to them, Joohee’s face sours. Of course, as the only competition (is it a competition if you’ve already won?) to the object of her affections, you don’t rank too high in her books. It made you a little upset at first, but you got used to it. (“She’ll get over it,” Sicheng had reassured several times. “Don’t worry.”)

People grow, and with that thought, you let it be.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Joohee tells Sicheng and walks away, like he’s supposed to follow her.

You roll your eyes and turn to Sicheng, who’s had a very delayed response to Joohee’s departure. His head is tilted to the side, eyes half-lidded and you’re almost afraid he’s going to drop to the floor right there and then. This is bad. The thing about vampires is that they absolutely should not, under any circumstance, have alcohol. Calling your boyfriend a lightweight is beyond an understatement.

“Sicheng,” you call softly. 

He turns to you, taking a moment to process, before pulling his lips into a wide smile. His fangs poke out even when he presses his lips back together, a contemplatory look over him.

“I thought you left me here.” He forces a sardonic smile.

Drunk off his ass and Sicheng still manages to be annoyingly sarcastic.

You open your mouth and close it again. It’s not like you can chide him without letting your fondness show. The Adonis features that grace his face don’t help. Flushed all the way to the neck, a drunk Dong Sicheng is very rare. The last time this happened must have been at least two years ago (and though you weren’t there then, the way Ten and Kun freeze up at the slightest mention, you decided to not ask).

“Why did you drink?” you ask, huffing. “You can’t even smell alcohol.”

There’s a short pause.

“Because you were ignoring me,” he replies, leaning in.

Heat washes into your cheeks. You forgot how unrestrained he gets with alcohol in his system.

Sicheng seems to have enough consciousness left in him to feel somewhat embarrassed, standing up straight and fiddling with his thumbs. You slip your hand into his without delay and pull, trying your best to navigate through the crowd. Is an ordinary Halloween party too much to ask for? Just when you can finally spot the front door, Sicheng stops abruptly, making you stumble backwards into his chest. He smells like the old deodorant he’s been using for a year underneath the smell of beer and… is that blood?

“Where are we going?” he asks sharply.

“Home, Sicheng,” you whine. “You can stay in my bed.”

He stays rooted in place stubbornly, and you wonder what it is now. This is the time you have to wonder if you’re dating a (potentially) immortal creature or a recently birthed baby.

“We should enjoy more. You’ve hardly smiled the past few weeks,” he mutters.

Your heartbeat spikes for a moment, when he brushes the hair from your face. All this time and he hasn’t changed the words he offers to you in private, the care on his lips and fingertips. A room full of people who aren’t listening is the best place to talk.

The first time you saw Sicheng was in the middle of the night, in the dark hallway of your shared apartment building, blood staining his jaw from a bag he’d acquired from med student Wong Kunhang. (You’re very sure that’s illegal.)

Needless to say, you’d fainted immediately after. When you came to, you were met with a man with pretty eyes and fangs poking out his mouth and in a bed that wasn’t yours. There was no blood this time but you screamed anyway, cut off by the man’s hand over your mouth.

“Calm down,” he said, voice surprisingly deep. “It’s not like I’m going to kill you.”

“You were planning to kill me?” you asked, panicking.

“I just said I wouldn’t,” he replied quietly, eyes wide and almost as stressed as you are.

Sicheng heaves a sigh, massaging his forehead. You shake yourself off the memories, tugging at his shirt so you can sit somewhere at least. The alcohol must have numbed his ears too. The low R&B tunes make no sense on Halloween night; even less when they’re played a few bars above the acceptable volume. If you’re not out of here soon, you might lose your hearing altogether.

The couch is slightly less stinky than you would have expected. (You grimace as you think to the last time you were at a frat party and in particular, the vomit.) Beside you, Sicheng mumbles about something you’re not quite sure of, a quiet rant with one-track emotions. It makes you giggle and for a moment, you forget the predicament of being stuck with a drunk vampire boyfriend who has just finished teething.

“Hey, guys.”

You look up to see Jihoon, the very friend of a friend (of a friend) who had invited you to this mess. It’s not like you harbour ill feelings towards him; but the guy has approximately zero ability to read the room. It’s mostly funny.

Sicheng makes a vague gesture that you assume means ‘hello’, sitting up straight so he doesn't look noticeably tipsy. You make light conversation with Jihoon, Sicheng’s arm around your waist tightening reflexively. You don’t plan on party-hopping, no matter how much Jihoon urges the two of you—seriously, does he not see the look on Sicheng’s face? He looks more zombie than vampire.

“You know, you don’t actually have to wear costumes for this, right? We didn’t set a theme,” Jihoon remarks, tilting his head to face your boyfriend. “The fangs are really cool, though. Holy shit. Dude, they look so real.”

Sicheng’s lips twitch but he forces them into a smile, trying to move as far away from Jihoon as possible. The fangs are usually not out and about in the open, slightly retracted during the day. The night, however, keeps him on edge. Sicheng hates the spotlight that only ever shows up for the wrong reasons, and he’d much rather graduate without having to deal with horny vampire-lovers. (It’s not that sexy; and you know from experience.) 

The way Sicheng looks makes you wonder how many people have pointed out the fangs tonight. You purse your lips to keep yourself from laughing.

“Thanks,” he responds, voice his usual deep baritone. 

Jihoon leaves after being unable to draw any more conversation out of Sicheng, some peace gracing you despite everything.

If you ever write a book on how to deal with vampire boyfriends, the first rule would be to never kiss him at night. The fangs are not as withdrawn then and they hurt. (The second is, of course, to never let them get a whiff of alcohol.)

When Sicheng first kissed you, it was midnight and you were at the convenience store to buy a few lunchboxes and instant coffee mix. You’d yelped when his fang had pricked your lower lip, alarming the worker and around fifteen minutes of (dishonest) explanation later, the two of you had left without buying what you came for.

After fretting for a while, Sicheng had kissed you once more with careful consideration—till the damn fangs got in the way again. It was sweet for a moment—like candy—though, the metallic taste of blood had invaded it afterwards. No matter how awkward or painful it was, your elation outweighed the rest. 

Kisses weren’t the only thing interrupted by fangs.

The turtlenecks and scarves certainly raised an eyebrow in your circle of friends. There was concern at first, then teasing and then a whole lot of inside jokes which made you want to smack each and every one of them. (“They’re hickeys, I swear, not vampire bites,” you had informed Ten. “Ew. I did not need to know that.” “Shut up.”)

Even so, Sicheng is warm—always has been, and not on the skin.  

You feel pressure on your shoulder, his hair tickling your neck and you adjust yourself so it’s more comfortable. 

“Tired?” you ask.

“Not at all.”

You shake your head at his lie. Gently pushing his head away, you get up from your seat and pull him up with all of your strength. Linking your arm through his, you smile at him when he raises an eyebrow. It’s time to get home, you’ve decided and these are times when one vote is enough. 

When you reach the front door, stumbling out with your suddenly talkative boyfriend, the autumn breeze hits you. Under the moonlight, the rosy hue over his cheeks is clearer and even more so when he smiles.

“It’s like our first date,” he says. 

You smile back at him.

“You were so embarrassing,” he adds.

Your smile drops and you smack his arm, eliciting a soft complaint from him.

Your first date was the only normal thing in this relationship—a date at the amusement park on Halloween, a bunch of kids mistaking your now boyfriend for Count Dracula and caramel popcorn smeared over your fingers. 

Sicheng sighs, lowering his head to rest his forehead against your shoulder. The two of you stay like that for a moment or two, the party music finally fading and Sicheng’s warmth seeping into you. You fix the lapels of his jacket absentmindedly, fingers tracing over the material. His hands rest lightly against your back yet still secure. 

A kitten lick at your neck jolts you back to reality. You gently push him by the shoulders, finding his fangs bared already. He stays unmoving for a few seconds before closing his mouth and going back to leaning against you, breath falling in waves against your neck.

“I’m not your juicebox, Sicheng,” you snap, frown deepening.

“But you have so much blood,” he mumbles, his forehead hot against your shoulder.

“Sicheng.”

He sobers up a little, pulling back with a stream of pouting apologies. You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Despite everything, your boyfriend is such a child sometimes. There’s a short pause.

“But wait, don’t go biting someone else’s neck,” you quickly add, flustered.

Sicheng suppresses a smile.  

“So I can have a little—”

“No.”

Sicheng pouts but agrees enough to follow you, the two of you moving soundlessly over the sidewalk. Being alone with him has always been easing; you don’t need a crowd for comfort. 

With fingers interlaced, you walk alone with him as the orange street lights cast shadows on the buildings lined up. A few more blocks and you’ll reach your apartment, get to push Sicheng into bed and pray he doesn’t throw up at your front door—and yet still, you walk as slow as you can as if the autumn wind will be gone as quick as it arrived.

The number of people shrink the further you get from the party, and you heave a sigh of relief, glad to be away from, what you and your friends call, the rich neighbourhood. The familiar path to your apartment, no matter the pricing, has much better air to breathe in. It’s past midnight and yet, you can see the city lights in the distance, the ones that never sleep—for the living or the dead.

Something runs into your legs and you jump onto Sicheng, who in turn flinches away with a strangled yelp. 

You look down to see a giant golden retriever in a white blanket which you assume is meant to be a ghost outfit. It wags its tail, sniffing around your boyfriend’s legs, making him giggle as he crouches down to pet the creature.

“I’m so sorry!” 

You look up to find a young girl holding a pumpkin almost as large as her head, an apologetic look over her head. Some part of you is happy to see a costume, considering you were robbed of yours. (Sometimes you dream of matching costumes but again, the damn fangs.)

“Piri loves people, I’m so sorry if he bothered—oh hey dude, cool fangs.”

Sicheng offers the fakest smile ever, accompanied with a thumbs up gesture. You sigh, apologizing to the girl before parting ways. 

“That’s the eighth time tonight,” Sicheng says, scowling almost. “I counted.”

You laugh, squeezing his hand. Calm, relaxed Dong Sicheng tends to lose it at repetitive comments with only three sips of beer.

When you reach the apartment building, clouds cover the moon and you draw your jacket closer to yourself. You think for a moment about the inevitability of time and whether you’re even allowed to fall in love this way. You push the thoughts aside almost inevitably. When the time comes, you will have a decision to make—and after everything, it is love which turns people. 

For now, you can enjoy this Halloween night with your (literally) one-of-a-kind boyfriend.

You fumble around with the keys, Sicheng looking at you with sleepy eyes as he leans against the wall. He must be worn out from the alcohol by now.

“Hey,” he calls, the words more muffled than usual. 

You raise an eyebrow, tugging him inside all the while maintaining your balance.

“You know my favourite blood type?” he continues.

You shake your head. “If you’re thinking of feeding, I’ll get some blood bags from Kunhang.”

Sicheng pouts. “You ruined the line.”

“Huh?”

“Yours. Yours is my favourite blood type.”

Despite the terrible execution of his so-called pick-up line, you find yourself shaking with laughter. You’re not sure if it’s the late night or the October air—the two of you share the silliest of laughter at the doorway to your apartment.

Within the moment itself, Sicheng leans in to kiss you and your hands move to run through his hair out of habit. The taste of beer and the prick of his fangs makes you pull away. You look at each other for a moment before you give in anyway and kiss him against the doorframe.

October ends with memories—your first date, Sicheng’s cooking disaster, and now this. It’s blissful for the few moments the two of you let it be. That is, until Sicheng opens his mouth.

“Oh, by the way, can you apologize to Ten for me? I think I bit him thinking it was you.”

“Sicheng, what the fuck?”

October ends with proximity, sweet as candy and warm as toast—stumbling into bed with all that and more.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 4 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I know I haven't been able to update as fast as you'd want me to but I'll try to fix that. Your comments and feedbacks are very much appreciated. Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: None really

1652words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to do something they liked. That was the only way Cassian kept from spiraling. Since sending the woman to her own house, Cassian had more than a few moments when he wanted to repeatedly slam his head against a wall. That’s why he spent most of his time sparring with Azriel. He won’t admit he was simping for that woman in his free time too. Or maybe that was always.

Now, sprawled on a couch in front of the TV, with nothing to do but stare at a blank screen, Cassian led his thoughts to the box he kept all unwanted thoughts locked in. He thought about Tomas, her ex-boyfriend. Funny, he thought. I know her ex's name but not hers.

It took him a little too long the other day to realise they didn't exchange names. Again. He once thought that maybe she was purposely not giving him her name. That maybe, for her, he was just a random stranger who happened to save her life. He snorted. Surely anyone would know the name of the person they saved or was saved by— stranger or not. He supposed he'll have to make do with pronouns for now.

After she left his home, it took every scrap of self-restraint not to beat this Tomas dude to pulp and let him rot in the same alley he had the misfortune of meeting him in. He may or may not have been the cause for some extra injuries. Cassian appreciated the woman’s attempt at mercy. He, however, didn’t trust Tomas at all. He was dubious about just handing him over to the police. Who’s to know he won’t frame him and the woman for absurd things? Anyway, he left a note in Tomas’s house saying something like “Step out of line, lose your favourite part of anatomy. Name it and have it for your meal.” He made sure he printed so that no one would recognise his writing. Yet, all this didn’t calm his nerves one bit. He presumed he’ll have to stay on guard for some time now.

Now, back to the girl. He sighed. He didn’t dare change the sheets in his guest bedroom. He didn’t even let Mor use the room when she came over last weekend— which he could bet created suspicion. No, that room was only open when he craved her scent. He even realised one of his shirts was missing. He shrugged it off thinking he would've left it somewhere and just couldn't find it. Once she came to his house, he was constantly thinking about her. So much that now he started pinching himself often. It was the only way he could stop thinking about her— by creating physical pain.

Cassian glanced at the clock on the wall. 2.30 in the afternoon. He walked to the refrigerator and checked his freezer compartment. Huh. No ice-cream. He sighed, grabbed his jacket and keys and headed to the mall to get an ice-cream with a pout. He’ll have to leave for Rhys and Feyre’s first anniversary only around 5.30 to prepare everything. He has enough time to get an ice-cream and probably hang out for some time. Good enough to stop thinking about her. Or so he thought.

***

Nesta wasn’t sore anymore. Her headache was gone almost a week after the incident. Her nose didn’t hurt anymore. Okay, maybe a little bit. It didn’t hurt unless she bumped her nose against something. Today, her nose was dully throbbing because she hit her nose against a pillow yesterday. A very, very soft pillow and yet it hurt this much.

The man’s first-aid and medicines were really helpful.

It really wasn’t fair that he excelled at basic first aid too. It wasn’t fair that he looked so good. With black tattoos swirling over generously muscled arms and shoulder-length dark hair curling at the edges and gloriously tanned skin and hazel eyes with minute flecks of green and brown when taken a closer look at and dimples and—

A quiet “Who is it?” snapped Nesta out of her moping. She looked up to see Gwyn walking to her.

“Who is what?” she asked, feigning nonchalance. Gwyn's pursed lips and glare conveyed that her act wasn't enough.

“Who are you thinking about?” Gwyn clarified.

“What makes you think I'm thinking about someone?” Nesta retorted.

Gwyn sat on the chair next to her and started assisting with classifying the unceremonious heap of books on the table to be kept back in its correct positions on its own rack.

“Nesta,” Gwyn sighed, “Clotho assigned you this stack almost an hour ago. And you've barely finished a third of the stack. Normally, you'd finish stacks bigger than this in an hour. So there's clearly something.”

“It wasn't anyone,” Nesta mumbled.

As usual, Gwyn saw through her lie. “You were twirling your hair,” she said flatly.

Heat inched up her neck. “I was not!”

Gwyn murmured a “uh-huh” and they lapsed into an easy silence till they were almost over.

Gwyn's eyes lit up as it normally did whenever she got an idea. “Is it him? The guy you came with that day?”

Nesta scowled, “How do you know…” she broke off when she realised which 'that day' Gwyn was talking about. Nesta fought back a blush. “No, no, this isn't about him. We don't know each other. Much. Like, we've seen each other a number of times? That's it. Nothing else.” Cauldron, the first part was a complete lie. But at least the rest are true. Will Gwyn happen to know his name? Maybe I ought to ask her. Or maybe I shouldn't.

She should, she decided. She cleared her throat. “Uh, Gwyn? Do you happen to know his name?”

Gwyn frowned and asked, “He hasn't told you yet?”

Nesta shook her head and answered, “No, we, uh, forgot. I guess. We haven't really exchanged names.”

Gwyn nodded and smiled. “Well, he is—”

“Gwyn!” a voice called. “You can't expect me to come over to you and beg for you to help me. Help me only if you want to or don't work under me.”

Gwyn’s eyes widened. She abruptly stood up and mouthed, “Merrill. I gotta go. I’m so sorry.” She all but ran to Merrill, the very strict librarian Gwyn was working under.

Nesta sighed and continued her work. There wasn’t much left so she was able to finish fast. She picked her things and left the library with a word to Clotho, heading to the mall.

***

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to also eat something they liked. So, ice-cream it was. After having his ice-cream, Cassian was aimlessly walking around the mall. Here, not more than a month ago, he met her for the first time. Almost a month ago. He huffed out a breath. The fact that he was pining for her this long blew his mind off. He—

“This is your fault— not mine. I’m not taking the blame for this,” he told her. They bumped into each other. Again.

Her lips quirked up. “It is kind of my fault. But blame this—,” she poked his chest, “— for making my nose hurt again.”

Just like that, his mood sobered. “How are you?” he asked.

She pointed at the cafe to her left. “Coffee?”

He nodded. Who was he to say no to her?

So they ordered coffee and talked about everything and nothing. He grinned and she laughed. He laughed and she smirked. He wouldn’t say he knew her well but he’d never seen her so carefree. Her laugh was like nectar for a starving man. Her eyes bright and welling up with tears from laughing.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed this much,” she said.

Cassian put a hand on his heart dramatically and said, “I know, I know. I’m very funny.”

Her lips kicked up a notch. She straightened as if she just realised something. He was about to ask when she drawled, “So I just realised that we still haven’t exchanged names.”

Oh. Right. Of course. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Usually, when people meet, they start with introductions but in our case we’ve literally bumped into each other three times and still we don’t know each other.” He shook his head and extended his hand. “Well, hello there. I’m—”

His phone rang in his pocket. Fuck. He was going to kill whoever was calling him now. He was so close to knowing her name. He pulled out his phone to see an incoming call from Azriel. He apologetically looked up at her and said, “I’m sorry. I wish I could choose not to take this call and instead kill this idiot but I can’t. Just give me a moment, okay?”

She nodded and he picked up his call.

“What do you want?” he hissed.

“It’s 5.30 already, you idiot. We’ve got to get the things ready for the party. Mor already went to get the cake and you’re not even at home. Where on all earth and hell are you?” came Az’s faint voice.

“15 minutes only? Mother above, I’m coming.” he said.

Az’s “make it fast” was the last thing he heard before hanging up. “I wish we could stay here and talk forever,” he said to her, “but I have something up in a short while and I totally didn’t realise time was passing this fast. I’m so sorry. It was nice talking to you. Really. And I wish we could meet again. Though without the bumping part.”

He grinned when she smiled and said, “Bye. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” he called back. He didn’t want to think he imagined the subtle look of disappointment on her face because hell, he was a walking epitome of disappointment right now.

taglist:

@shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

[bioodorange]

||Holiday Special: Homicidal Liu||

Welcome to day one of my holiday special thing! Please leave requests, theres still a few days open!!

This is a gendernuetal reader story!

TW!! Angst, Slight Mention Of  A Dead Body

This is 1k words!

This one isn’t the BEST way to start but anyway, please enjoy!

It was rather warm for winter, it was mid December and it had barely snowed at all. The most recent storm had left the grown covered in powdery snow- but by the afternoon it was a melted, muddy slush. 

Despite that, you had gotten yourself ready to go outside. Thick sweatpants, A puffy jacket and a scarf you’d taken from your boyfriend.

“You know you’re not going to need all that, right..?” Liu said with a soft chuckle. He’d been watching you strugle to tie up your boots with all of that bulky clothing on for about five minutes.

“I mean maybe it would go faster if you helped!” you said, trying to keep a stern face but laughing a bit, you did look pretty silly.

“I did help- I leant you my scarf..” “Well its mine now, you’re not getting it back!” you declared, finally lacing up your shoe and standing up “Its payment for not helping me out, now lets go!” you cheered, holding out a gloved hand to him.

With a soft smile and shake of his head, Liu took your hand and walked outside with you. Cold hair immediately hit you both, causing him to shiver a bit. “Who’s the dumb one now huh!” you joked “I never said you were dumb” “yeah but you were thinking it!” “Thinking and saying are different!” “Yeah, yeah.”

The two of you stayed in realative silence, walking through the woods and taking in the scenery. The trees were bare but beatutiful, covered in frost and letting the light shine in, making the ground shine.

“We should probably head back, its strarting to get all slippery..” “Hmm yeah we should, wouldn’t want you to freeze out here,you’re old bones can’t take it.” Liu laughed a bit at you’re comment and started walking back to the house “Yeah? Well my ‘old bones’ are-” 

WHAM

While trying to catch up to him, you’d slipped on the ice and landed face first on the ground. 

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, running over to you anc crouching down. Reaching out to pull you up, he expected you to start crying. Looking up at him with a bump on your forehead and a bloody nose, your face wet and red from the snow- you began laughing.

A smile spread across your face and confusion across his. “Are you alright..?” he asked worriedly, tucking your hair back a bit and gently holding yout face. “Why wouldn’t I be! Did you see that? I like went sledding but with my feet-!” “You’re nose is bleeding..” “Oh wait really..?” reaching out to touch your face, your hand was covered in blood. Looking down, you noticed there was a crimson stain in the snow.

“Oh wow, I guess I am..” you said with a small laugh. “We should really get you wrapped up.” he sighed, running his sleeve over your cheek to try and dry it off. “Coud you carry me back? Im wounded!” you said dramatically, feigning a depressive sigh. “I dunno, you seemed perfetcly fine a minute ago..” “no, noit was the shock, I’m in a lot of pain! Like so much, look im bleeding!” You explained, holding out your bloodied glove in attempt to plead your case.

Liu simply chuckled and scooped you up in his arms “Ah yes, of course- just be sure to keep that on your nose.” he advised, carrying you back to the small cabin you both shared.

That was the last winter you had together

The summer after you had died, going for a walk outside. Hours had went by, then days and yet you weren’t home yet

He didn’t have to go far to find you, or parts of you that is.

Half hidden by thick shrubs, your body was mangled and torn open from the stomach. Your face screwed shut in fear. He could barely recognize you- he wish he couldn’t of...

It killed him every second of every day that you were dead and he didn’t even know what happened...

It killed him that he’d left you there, to rot, to be picked apart by animals

Once he’d taken you home, laying your cold body in a deep grave he had cried. Cried until his throat hurt and his face was pale, cry until he couldn’t anymore.

The first winter had been easy, he’d stayed locked up in his room, barely talking to anyone. Sure, it was a sad way to spend thr holidays, but it worked for him. 

This year was much harder. It was warm, warm until mid Demember when it snowed, snowed so much it came up to his knees, atleast in the morning,

By the afternoon the snow had left, leaving cold and muddy earth in its wake.

Seeing it made him think of you, think of how you laughed at the littlest things, how you put others before yourself.

It made him think of the smal things like how you chewed on the ends of your pens, or would always leave some milk in the cartin- a little bit, not good enought for anything really..

Small little things that made his heart hurt

Your nose had never quite healed from that day, it was always a little bit crooked. And whenever someone took notice, you’d grin and go on a speel about some detailed, adventurous story about how it happened. You always made things seem more amazing than they were..

He missed you so much..

He missed you when he woke up in the morning, and rolled over to an empty bed

He missed you when he made food, always making too much in hopes you’d walk in and sit down to eat with him

He missed you when he had to take your things, wrap them up with care and set them away..

And he missed you in the winter, when you’d laugh at squierlls scurring for the last of their food, and when you’d try and catch snowflakes on your tounge..

It hurt to much to let you go..

[clearlyshyobservation]

Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)

TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough

i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)

(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)

(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).

USERNAMES:

(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)

TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst

Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG

Space Monkey: i-

Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-

Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him

Gremlin: yall mean for what?

Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i- 

Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch

Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then

Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe

Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good

Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi

Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one

Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding

Gremlin: kay sexy

Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT

Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT

Antman: who was that for???

Gremlin: NO ONE,,, 

Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey

Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet 

Detective pikachu: i feel excluded

Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass

Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii

be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,

be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you

Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV

Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?

mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?

Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much. 

Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one

Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind

Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4

Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!

Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(

Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies

Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.

Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything

Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch

Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :( 

Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all

Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...

Antman: maybe i do need help?

Antman: im not sure anymore:((((

Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD

Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep

Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH

Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest. 

Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??

Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive

Gremlin: your personality, basically?

Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend

Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy 

Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe

Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT

Gremlin: Yeah yeah

Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact

Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?

Detective pikachu: you're nosy

Gremlin: says the literal detective 

Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk

Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"

Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him 

Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~

Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY

Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE 

Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU

Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)

Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before

Bread roll: NO

Bread roll: BODY

Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D 

Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta

Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)

Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS

Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE

Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT 

Space monkey: I DONT

Gremlin:  BUT GUESS WHAT

Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS

Detective pikachu: He smokes?

Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao

Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve

Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????

Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine

Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE

Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE

Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE

Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad

Gremlin: say that when you catch it again

Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho

Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years! 

Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me

Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???

Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines

Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(

Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)

Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now

Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu

emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD

cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE

Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??

cum dumpster: i-

cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this

cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul

emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad

Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do

Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P

Bread roll has left the chat

Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???

Space monkey: now im nervous lmao

Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~

Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie

Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect

Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now

Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better

Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you 

Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU

Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling

Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you

Gremlin: good <3

Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS

Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT

Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE

Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi

Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in  that tet, 

Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?

Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE 

Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath

Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10 

Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST

be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house

Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!

Space monkey: OKAY

Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this

Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE

Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer

Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???

Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty. 

cum dumpster: oof thats new

emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it

Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.

be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...

emoboi: impossible.

cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.

Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS

Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help

Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P

Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!

Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN! 

Detective pikachu: On it!

be-boop: Ready for look out!

Space monkey: I love you guys :)

AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it