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changbinsboobs · 2 days ago

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Changbin as husband is next I'm curious for his and hyunjinss

This is the longest fucking reading I've ever had so i just HAD to split it in 2 parts so bear with me. I love him but i hate him right now😩 (no im not)

Husband Series: Changbin pt. 1

Ugh...that guy🫠 i bet you if i let him use up my whole deck he would. The amount of "ok last card" i had to say...and yet there was still so much gushing put...and ugh, i just can't stress enough how much into details he is and how much he wants to stress on them and make sure they don't go unnoticed or get misunderstood or overlooked. Reminds me so much of my audhd friend😭. Anyways back on track - tho i don't even know where to begin from, i really think he used up half my deck. I just counted 23 cards😳 i do indeed draw a lot for the others too but thats just next level. Not on topic but i think he's a really chatty drunk😂 now i wanna read on them when drunk🙌🏻😂

Ok soooo since i have so many cards ill try to combine them as much as i can and keep the messages as concise as possible so this post doesn't become a novel - the overall energy i noticed here is not so much emphasis on him as a husband but overall him as a partner in a committed relationship. Which leads me to believe he himself doesn't view marriage with such dread as the others did (there wasn't really any dread with felix bust still a certain anxiety around responsibilities, meanwhile that with changbin is absolutely nonexistent). I would say he seems himself as capable and even ready to take on that responsibility and role if the opportunity presents itself and i think he believes he'll do a good job. He's responsible, capable and can take care of it. I actually sense a feeling of pride in him about that.

Another MAJOR theme is him being a "simp" for his partner (he insists on wife). There are many cards that im trying to sum up:

He's very protective over her and doesn't let anyone say shit about her, he's giving me guard dog vibes. Also a big bodyguardy. I can see him when being out with her eyeing people and being on alert and just idk, looking scary as to scare of any weirdos before they even think about trying something. And to clear any misunderstandings up, im really not getting this coming from jealousy (not that its not there, it is😂, but its just 10% reason, out of 100), but rather because he wants the woman he loves to feel safe and protected around him. He wants her to be able to relax and trust that he will always have her back and keep her safe. He wants her pretty little witty head not to be bothered by ANYTHING!

More from the simpy train - looks up to her a lot and kinda puts her a bit on a pedestal. This is not a very debilitating energy but feels rather like something he has made peace with and accepts - which is that she is indeed better than him and he can never be able to reach her, which means he is incredibly lucky and appreciative of the fact a woman like that has chosen him and he tries whatever he can to live up to her standard and continue to give her reasons to stay with him and continue to love him. Although she can never love him as much as he does (thats his thought🥲). But as i said this doesn't feel victimy to me at all but rather just seems realistic to him and he's a big boy and can accept reality for what it is and choose to feel lucky instead of beating himself up for not being good enough and self sabotage. Im actually really shocked looking at his energy because i can really feel the strength of his mind and ughh just how innovative and flexible he is. His will is just astounding and making me really happy, despite him obviously having some issues he doesn't let himself be defined by it and chooses to spin them to him favor. What an amazing guy💗

Back to the reading - so he spends a lot of time in his head, doing A LOT of 2 things. One is being thinking of his girl and what he can do to make her happy, analyzing previous conversations to see if he missed something or if he has remembered everything. Contemplating if she maybe gave him a hint about something, or if she maybe looked hesitant with something. Maybe her body language was off? He notes that. If there was any difference in her behaviour today, if she looked different. He's really putting LOTS of energy thinking about her and analyzing her and her behaviour. Again this doesn't seem to come from distrust (although he thinks of that as well, its just not his motivator, he just considers everything, thats why) but rather for his own feeling of safety. I think he is a very thoughtful and analyzing and sensitive person in nature so this may be something he always does, except when its something very important to him, and a relationship at that - he does it even more intensely. He doesn't only think about and analyze her tho. He does that to him too, to their relationship as well. He just wants to have a good understanding and overview of everything that is happening in the relationship so he has a sense of control and safety. You can always fix something if you know its broken. Or beginning to bend. You can fix the problem before the branch brakes i think is what he wants to say. And he wants things to run as smoothly as possible with them, and once again he has taken on the responsibility to make his girls life as easy and carefree as possible and how can that happen if he leaves the whole relationship in her hands?! He can't, so he doesn't his part very diligently and tries to keep up on the same level as her, emotional-intelligence-wise.

He also doesn't to just thinking but planing & organizing. So i think he takes lots of care for other stuff too like planing and booking fun dates. If he cant attend then books fun stuff for her. Provide her with the needed tools/means for her to be able to create, to indulge in her hobbies. He really loves that feminine creator energy and really wants to do his best to encourage and provide an encouraging environment for his wife to get in her feminine creator energy and bring him joy with it. Also thats really random but he's always ready and loves giving her massages😂💗(after her long day of crafting). He just loves hearing about it, seeing the excitement in her voice and face. It charges him.

He also spends lots of time fantasizing about her. Reminiscing wonderful dates, imagining potential future ones, creating scenarios etc. He's just A LOT in his head, his mind is really really active, and its very occupied with his love. Also another random message, commitment and love are tied with him somehow. Im seeing he cant commit if he doesn't love but he also cant love if he can't commit. So i would say he's very extreme-y. Like he's either all in or all out. No middle ground. What i mean is he HAS to be this intense in a relationship because for him thats commitment, THATS expressing love. And if he's not able to do that, then his love and interest and enthusiasm begin to fade away. He HAS to be able to be like that in a relationship and i think often he has been labeled (or was) just WAYYY TOO MUCH for the girls he has been in a relationship with. Im seeing he can get very overwhelming and overbearing if the person he's with just isn't the person to enjoy that kind of commitment and effort. But to go back to the cards, he also fantasizes about physical stuff too, for example he's riding in the car, and for the whole ride he's imagining and giggling and wiggling his feet and twirling his hairs because he plays over and over how that one time while they were still just dating she looked him in the eyes with that wet sexy look, and how his whole body got shivers and his stomach dropped and his heart skipped and his palms got sweaty and he swears some saliva started dripping out the corner of his mouth and his knees got weak and he almost felt like he was gonna black out and by the time he came back to his senses she was already sooo close to his lips and them BAM. Fireworks everywhere. He can never forget how that wonderful kiss felt and how sweet the sexual tension and anticipation before it was. He plays stuff like that OVER AND OVER again the whole damn day.

While being on physical stuff, he is pretty horny ill say. But not in a bunny way,m where he wants to fuck 5 times a day, but rather when around his girl he's always half way up, always ready to rise for the occasion iykwim. I think he gets *excited*👀 very easily and is just really weak when it comes to his girl. He's always ready to deliver whenever she ask, whatever she asks. Als im seeing once again he's a giver (and despite him loving head so much) he's focused on her pleasure and he can off just from watching her enjoy...whatever it is. So yeah thats that😂

Bro im so tired im thinking about doing this in 2 parts😭 im just halfway. Ok yk what im splitting it.

#skz #stray kids #kpop #tarot reading #asks #seo changbin #future spouse #skz tarot #stray kids tarot #kpop tarot #changbin tarot #skz imagines #reaction #skz scenarios #headcanons #stay #skz stay

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instantpansies · 3 days ago

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#I DID NOT SEE THIS REBLOG WITH LOCO × CLARISSA AND OMG SJSJSJ#THIS IS SO COOL OP#YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE#i love the concept of the silver line being created by clarissa as an escape from her (probably) not so fun real life#and then becoming little by little a nightmare that she cant escape#UGHHH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL#“be careful of what you wish for” or something something#i can imagine the first time a child got trapped on the silver line#at first clarissa would be happy to have someone else#and maybe she would think that this child didnt have a happy life at home and Loco kinda save them by making them hope on the silver line#and she wouldn't think more of it#but then the child disappeared and a new wagon was suddenly here#she would ask Loco if he knew where the child went but he wouldnt say anything#hed juste smile ominously#and then more children would materialise only to disappear after some times#and more wagons or staff members would appear#and clarissa would finally accept what she had been thinking all this time deep down#but never wanted to actually believe it#that the silver line was now made of all of these children#and that her turn would soon come#AAAHHHH THIS IS SO COOL#I WOULD WATCH THAT MOVIE#okay im done rambling haha#shoot from the hip#strange noise from the hole in the wall

^ @marabout2772 PREVVVV YOUR TAGS THANK YOUUUI <333 I CANT PASS UP A CHANCE TO RAMBLE ABOUT MY STRANGE NOISES HCS!!!

aghghg you're so right, that first kid must have been such a shock. she would've been so excited to have some company - who knows how long it had been at that point - but she has to watch them realize they're trapped, or break the news herself (even if she doesn't know they'll become a part of the train, she knows there's no way to get off). and she sees them slowly slip into despair and maybe they start to hate her and loco and someday they just. disappear. and there's a new car on the train. AND AUGHH YOU'RE SO RIGHT SHE WOULD ASK LOCO AND HE WOULD JUST SMILE AND SAY NOTHING BUT SHE'D KNOW SHE'D KNOW!!! and when the next kid comes around she'd hope it was just an anomaly but the same thing happens again and again and finally she has to accept that it's her nightmare that's consuming them, it's her fault they're here, and she isn't even allowed to share their fate,,,,,,she just has to watch, helpless, as these people who start out so friendly and hopeful are made to suffer and then just become another forgotten part of the world. and she can't do a thing about it.

man. augh. what makes it worse is she's a CHILD a child who only wanted to escape from her boring or difficult or scary life. "be careful what you wish for", but she was just a little girl when she wished she could live in a magical world where she was never alone, where she was always making new friends. where the wonderful train ride never had to end. how could she possibly have known she'd end up trapped in that wish? living out countless lifetimes where she couldn't even see her old life change beyond recognition, only learning about the outside by the others who brought tales of unfamiliar machines and strange societies and music she couldn't have imagined. in the end they all disappear. maybe in a year, maybe in a decade, maybe she doesn't even keep track of time anymore. and she's alone again with her doomed dreams - and the being she unknowingly forced into the same world she'd trapped herself in. she was so young when she wished to escape, and now she is unbelievably old and doesn't know how she could ever have been so naive.

RHGHEGRGR AND SHE KNOWS THE SAME FATE WILL COME TO HER EVENTUALLY!!!! but it's arriving so slowly it feels cruel. every few years she wakes up and another joint has locked up. her voice sounds a bit more like a train whistle. her spine begins to curl inward - slowly, slowly, so slowly locomotion always looks confused when she brings it up. she almost believes she's imagining it. but someday loco will be the only one on the train - finally she will join the nightmare and loco will drive her and the hundreds of souls she trapped into that endless nothing. benjamin was supposed to be the last one, shoveling coal for eternity, feeding the silver line until he couldn't remember anything else. it was sheer luck that benjamin wasn't trying to escape his family. that they cared enough to follow him in and pull him out.

clarissa hasn't seen something so kind in thousands of years.

ANYWAYS UMMMM UHHH THANKS IM GLAD U LIKED MY POST!!! back to the corner i go

top sfth couples/ships bc it's 2:49am and im thinking about them again

oopsie daisies (marianne and jacques, oopsie daisy bulge). idk if anyone else calls them that but they're my oopsie daisies and i love them so much. if oopsie daisies have 100 fans im one of them if oopsie daisies have 1 fan it's me if oopsie daisies have 0 fans im dead. they make me ill. handsome butch mayor and her pretty scientist husband.....they love their town and their kraken and ethically dubious transhumanism!!!!! and i am patting them both on the head and tucking them in. i am making this post so i can ramble about them but it felt weird to just do that so i made it a list. they're childhood friends to lovers, marianne definitely got all embarrassed giving jacques flowers after school, they prob graduated and were friends for a while and then decided "wait duh of course we're gonna get married" so they dated for a while and then marianne ran for mayor so they waited on the wedding until after she won and then they honeymooned the next town over bc they couldn't bear to stay away from le bulge for more than two weeks and they bicker and marianne brags about being the mayor and pretends to know what jacques is talking about when he's explaining his genetics work. and they're always working together bc jacques' tech is their main line of defense and she sits on his lap during briefings and all 12 of the other residents are a little annoyed when they enter a room both bc marianne is kind of bossy and needs total focus when she's addressing a room and bc jacques is just staring at her and zoning out and thinking about cell division the whole time. and jacques probably only sustained mild injuries from that gunshot wound so he's fine. he's fine and he definitely didn't die. because that would be silly and pointless. but marianne THINKS he's dead or dying so she harnesses her grief and rage to literally snap the neck of the king of england and tbh i think that's very sexy of her. what am i talking about again

pergephone (persephone and geoff, wild wet and worrisome). i love their dynamic so much, the pining is both silly and very earnest, and i have a bunch of headcanons about what happens when geoff leaves but feels like there's something missing....i like them very much. especially if persephone has some monstrous stuff going on, like huge sea beast or fanged and clawed siren. that's the shit.

ditch (derek and titch, the unrelenting aubergine). derek i love you so much, never stop being yourself. it's requited unrequited, it's got drama and pacing, it's sweet and hits home. what more could u want (except maybe a half mime half giant octopus)? they're the most popular ship in this fandom for a reason. and i concur. titch struggling with his feelings, derek setting boundaries and giving titch time to work out his shit on his own, margaery doing her best to sort out their drama. wonderful

#clarissa......clarissa why are you so compelling you're driving me wild #i will always have things to say about her !!!!!!#toasty talks #blorboposting #sfth #sfth clarissa #analysis

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dawnthefluffyduck · 1 year ago

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Practicing what we learned in class

#(and applying it to stuff im interested in)#im happy with my facial structure #normally I'd put a “but” here but #i aint got nothing #I'm at a point where my proportions make sense and that was one of my goals for the year #I'm able to translate that to other drawing styles as well which is a bonus #im just kinda happy with where im at right now #artist is happy with their work; is this a sign of the end times?#no fanart here #but that blue cutie on the right is the girl in my instagram pfp #so theres one original character here #doodles

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deoidesign · 3 months ago

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My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two #which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4 #so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn #the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely #its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time #cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that #52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me #i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me #where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work #thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension #me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again #ttawebcomic #comic panels #hiatus stuff #adam and steve

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deansawthetvglow · 29 days ago

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should i accept this job i was offered?

#its a move to an expensive area that i will likely have yo live w multiple roommates and idk if im i to that right now in my life :/#its a really good job but it could also be bery corporate #i would be glad to leave my situation BUT that means rent goes up a lot #and i kinda just wanna keep saving up #and idk!! like i would be dumb not to take the job but im kinda leaning that way rn #i know the area i would live jn is literally peoples DREAM but i know how isolating and exhausting the culture can be #like if you havent lived i a place like it you literally cannot understand #but i HAVE #anyways thr job and the interviewers were so fucking nice and everyone seems so happy to have me #and like it WOULD be so good for my career #but i just dont know!!#and im not guaranteed a job where i am right now which is SCARY #SO SCARY #like what if i say no to this and never get another job offer ever in my life #this is my first fullyime job offer jn literally three years what the fuck #how am i even considering sayjng no #and yet...

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orcelito · 9 months ago

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I've always known that my dad loved us, but nothing's driven that home as much as everything we've found in the After.

Our prominence in his home (pictures, father's day cards, gifts on display, the letter), the way he prioritized us... and a damned good life insurance policy, set up specifically so that if he died early (always a possibility, since driving jobs are more dangerous than many) then we would have enough to get ourselves Set.

He raised us to become as independent as possible as soon as possible. Made sure we knew how to cook, clean, handle our finances (though he was hilariously kind of bad at that, himself), and much more. I've been doing my own laundry since I was about 10 years old, so it's a surprise when I hear about people going off to college still not knowing. Utterly unimaginable to me.

He wanted us to finish college so we could live more comfortable lives than he did. My sister accomplished this in good time. I have not. But with his final gift to us, this life insurance money, it's a very real thing I could do. I could Realistically pay for the rest of my schooling and not even have to work through it. And in not having to work as I take classes, I can dedicate myself to them more thoroughly than ever before, and hopefully Finally finish my degree.

Just as he wanted for me.

I'll always miss him, since having him in my life was worth more than any amount of money I could have. But I'll always be grateful to him for everything he gave to me.

I dont need a mother, however much mine is trying to scrabble for us right now. I haven't had a true mother in a long time (or maybe Ever).

Instead, I had the best father I could've ever asked for. He was the only parent I needed.

#speculation nation #actually not feeling too bad right now. emotional sure. but not as bad as the past few nights.#the revelations of the day just kinda. rocked me a bit.#it's a Damn good life insurance policy.#and coupled with my in-state tuition (aka kind of a lot lower than average US college tuitions) and #yeah. yeah it really could cover The Rest of my schooling.#and ykno. he was an atheist to the end. he didnt believe in an afterlife. so im not gonna think hes watching me or anything #theres no figment of my father hanging out in heaven or w/e that's watching me & who i need to Make Proud #it's more a matter of self satisfaction. wanting to live a life that i know wouldve made him proud.#he's dead now. he doesnt exist anymore. but it would make me happy to live up to what he wanted for me.#so. in his memory. i will. i'll put my nose to the grindstone (as he'd often say) so i can finish my degree.#and as for where i go from there... we'll see.#one step at a time. finish college first. i'll figure out what comes After when i get there.

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dandyshucks · 2 months ago

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me meeting someone new and Guz making a point to use my pronouns casually in the conversation so that we don't have to make a big deal of it, and he just gives me the proudest silliest thumbs-up after managing to introduce me using both they and it 😭😭💗💗💗

#dealing w rly uncomfortable unintentional transphobia in a server a potential irl friend invited me to so sdjfkl i'm Coping #its weird bc i can deal w being misgendered irl just fine but online it feels a lot different #i guess bc ppl dont rly know very well irl that i am not a she/her. but online i usually make it Very Clear that i use they/them #(i use they/it technically but it/its only feels right in certain spaces fsdjkl i have to feel safe and comfortable for that set)#so it feels a lot less excusable when it happens online :[ OH WELLLL i live in a conservative small town so i should be used to it lol #still feels bad. also kinda scary to have an irl person know my pronouns without me telling her directly but she's been rly nice abt it :3 #im SO glad she's been cool about it. that was a rly big gamble i made to trust her w that fsjkl adding her on discord where it says they/it #like if she had taken it badly then i could've been outed to the whole centre and would've lost that space + that bit of income from there #and like. a huge chunk of my meagre support network. BUT I DIDNT SO ITS OKAY. YAYYYY #and now i may have an irl friend... i could like... do things in town with someone... thats so crazy fdjkl i haven't had that in 5+ yrs #ANYWAYS. i love guz so much and he makes me very happy and he is a trans ally forever and ever amen #dandy.cmd

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 4 months ago

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hang on are cougars like panthers

#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM #dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires #you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no #i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay #and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself #like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter #actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well #idk how letter grades work tbh #also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check #bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table #but i also think a lot went over my head #even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words #also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too #now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot #like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that #bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh #but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger #just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all #like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they #depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for #centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO #like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much #at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human #in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover #sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho #anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*

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heroictoonz · 6 months ago

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#i wish ppl wouldn’t buy me things and expect me to pay them back without like. telling me or asking me first. like ik she said she isnt lik #worried about when i can pay it back but /i/ am #i hate owing ppl money it stresses me out more than anything else #its why im constantly stressed about paying off my car #even tho I KNOW that i will be able to finish paying it off in time before the cut off #but. its still really stressful and i hate it a lot #cause then its all i can think about till its done #like if someone gets me a gift thats awesome n cool #but if you get me something because they might run out before i can get it and you expect me to pay you back #please like #ask first? before doing it? so i can plan on that kinda thing #or say no if i feel like i need to #even if its not stressful for YOU its stressful for ME #im happy to have what they got me and its not that expensive to repay #but i really didn’t want that pang of stress right now when im already dealing w stuff #little stressors are still stressors and they add up yk #i just. needed to vent where they wouldn’t see cause i dont like venting abut ppl where they can see it i think its rude #so obviously obligatory this is about no one on this platform even a little bit #delete later

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welcometoteyvat · 7 months ago

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ok very interesting quest in hsr

#theyre getting better at this writing shit #hsr spoilers #tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got #his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho #i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday #also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body #so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . 🧍‍♀️#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary #hsr #they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars #and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses #robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting #murdered for shock value in 2.0 #ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy #hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots #chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex #oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell #and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#uuuuummmmmm hypomania? bitch what? like huh? huh?????????#fucking hello???? like that's fucking like clearing whats happening at this moment #like i mean. im still grounded but like high energy. notably elevated mood. deminished need for sleep. im like fucking on right now #and but like i really really should not b. like hello?#but like its weird bc like what does that mean? like it happens every so often like too much energy that feels unhinged #but like it doesnt really affect my life too much it just feels kinda wild and upsetting to me bc its like not in control #but like i mean right now this is notable with respect to what i normally experience. like energy higher and mood higher than normal #like its midnight and im not even a little tired after having a fucking week like what???#not looking forward to when this breaks and i crash. but like whats the pattern her? how long has this been happening?#im gonna have to start tracking my mood bc idk i feel like im noticing it more now. like i dont remember this happening always cyclically #and like in the past it usually lasts like a day or ill have a few days where im like high energy but also fried and kinda up and down #but like im not going like full on way way high for long periods of time. but its hard to tell bc i have so much emotional dissonance #like ill have this like frantic energy while im standing completely still and i wanna grin in an unhinged way but its black static down #thr middle. so its like am i happy? and i depressed? fucking idk. im usually mostly depressed i think as a product of being so anxious all #the time. i don't usually go super low out of nowhere. i mean. i think its more linked to hormore stuff but i also think this is as well #idk its weird just. thoughts. i should start tracking my mood and ya kno also probably talk to a doctor #but like im about to lose my parents health care as i turn 26 and also fucking atrocious executive function #issues. like. it feels like my brain has holes in it. or i heard my lab mate say she was worried she had a brain tumor #bc its just like. something is not functional in the way its supposrd to be. ya kno? but like its fine #i mean. its not fine but like its fine #sigh. god im gonna forget to track this shit. like im already like my braun is disintegrating in my skull #can i pls be exused from being an adult while i have some sort of episode lol. but like idk #itll b fine. ive got a level head and an analytical brain and big control issues so i can keep myself on the rails #dispite the trashfire haha. ugh wtf do i do tonight tho. lay here abd try to sleep i guess #hope the mood stays up tomorrow so i dont like collapse into a puddle #ay ay ay. interesting. very interesting #im like a commit pinging around. a pinball bounding of those little pin thingys. ill meet with my boss Tuesday like yooooooo #idk if u havent clearly noticed but ive been a bit ya kno emotionally #unstable ✌️ or maybe ill b back to my normal sad sack self by then lol. idk weird vibes. real weird vibes but good 4 now #unrelated

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goatalicious · 1 year ago

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being happy is scary sometimes

#idk how to describe it #kinda choked up right now because i took a selfie where i just looked so happy #i felt a weird sort of relief and grief all packed into one #im so happy to be alive #goat noises

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oh-mother-i-cannot-weave · 2 years ago

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God I desperately want a good happy future, with a loving wife/gf/partner, painting and baking and going on picnics and being happy in our own little cottage in the middle of the woods but the horrifying ordeal of staying alive right now is making it almost impossible to even dream of this!!

#its like #god i really want now to be over #and get to the future where i imagine mysekf happy #but its just my imagination #and i dont know if that will ever happen #i dont know if it will ever come true and that makes staying alive right now a very difficult thing to do #what's the point if the future might not hold anything better yk #ugh #im just kinda sad rn

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grandtheftpoptart · 2 years ago

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Babysat a 5, 3, 2 year-old and 10 month old for 6 hours. That's 1 kid per age group. I got a hot chocolate and 5$ for it