#im just kinda happy with where im at right now
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buddie fic recs, pt 2
yall i hit 250 posts a few days ago so here's the Updated Version of my first post! aka ive read and posted a fuckton of buddie content since then :)
also i still don't tend to read long novel length fics very often so all are under 100k (most aus being 50-100k), and most oneshots are 5-10k words
best aus
racing with the brakes cut by letmetellyluaboutmyfeels. holy shit holy SHIT this one was good. altered my brain chemistry good. fast and furious au that sounds like it should be unexpected but honestly is more in character than canon
friends don't mean nothing to me (its us) by Kwills91. buddie becomes friends before eddie becomes a firefighter, and its just done ugh so well it was so brilliant. like seriously spamming my friend's texts brilliant keep chortling to myself abt it brilliant just ugh so good
but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down) by diazchristopher. time loop buck pov where he thinks he doesn't love eddie back and its goddamn delightful ok
your fingerprints smeared on my heart (lead my back to you) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels. oh god oh GODS this one WRECKED ME. 1800s buddie soulmate au with modern buddie as well jfc i WENT INSANE. yep ive posted abt this one already and i probably will again jfcccccc
when the universe screams by bucksbelly. omfg girl dad buck au? njwnasjdbvjhlsdfbfjh good lord this one was AMAZING go read it go read it right now
our secret moments in a crowded room (they've got no idea about me and you) by allstarsneptune. jfc im only human ok u give me sports players taylor swift themed au and i EAT THAT SHIT UP this was brilliant and even made me tolerate a few baseball references
canon compliant (ish) feelings realisations/first kiss
to build a nest (to build a home) by Kwills91. (yes ive been slowly working thru this writer's entire ao3 archive and yes theyre all brilliant, so im only putting a few on here. go read them all). this one made me fucking cry (for totally unimportant reasons don't think abt why shush) its so sweet go forth and enjoy
the ebb of your tide by twobirdsonestone. firefighter convention in indeannopolis (how tf do i spell that) = only one bed! super fun super cutesy
call me hot and pretty by anon. honestly conceptually i thought this would be kinda cringe and it fully wasn't i was so along for the ride
short n sweet (can you tell its my favourite kind)
inappropriate use of federal funding by spotsandsocks. this one is so...teehee teehee very fun
last and forever by kwills91, post s8 ep 6 which is super cute
what would you prefer i call you by kwills91 (seriously go look them up already). buddie first fight but its adorable
sounding like the rest of my life by coupe_de_foudre. another fic where everyone knows buddie is married but buddie
friends don't by disasterbuck. so silly so fun so real honestly
an inch away from more than just friends by ummrys. if you too want sapphic buddie smut go forth and enjoy and yes it will make you gayer
anything to make you stay by intellectual_applesauce. teehee bc eddie notices something about green shirts...
angsty and happy ending
stay with me (you're all i need) by accio magic. yep i reread this one and yep im recommending it again they COOKED ok they COOKED
leave the light on (ill be coming home) by HMSlusitania. i could not for the life of me remember if id read this one or not before so i just read it again and it was just as good it was soooo sooo good.
that is by no means all of the wonderful fics ive read but it is the extent im willing to go through my ao3 history. pls also check out the original post which has plenty more! ur all welcome (its a mess of an ao3 history guys this post has taken me ages)
also i should maybe self plug? ive got two random eddie pov oneshots up under the same username but ill do a new post when i start posting my big hiatus fix it fic!
#911 buddie#911 on abc#caitlin a fandom nerd#fic recs#fanfiction#evan buckley#eddie diaz#sorry for the massive long post but ive read a LOT#like this is all ive achieved in 2025 tbh#also @nossumusstella and anyone else who HASN'T watched the whole show - please check tags or dm me if u want spoiler warnings!#but in general#pls feel free to message me on here for more recs#more thoughts#more rambles#i have all of these things#this rlly isn't everything#shout out to every one of these authors#ur all so amazinfg and inspiring and generous and im so grateful to you and also love you all so much
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Practicing what we learned in class
#(and applying it to stuff im interested in)#im happy with my facial structure#normally I'd put a “but” here but#i aint got nothing#I'm at a point where my proportions make sense and that was one of my goals for the year#I'm able to translate that to other drawing styles as well which is a bonus#im just kinda happy with where im at right now#artist is happy with their work; is this a sign of the end times?#no fanart here#but that blue cutie on the right is the girl in my instagram pfp#so theres one original character here#doodles
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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should i accept this job i was offered?
#its a move to an expensive area that i will likely have yo live w multiple roommates and idk if im i to that right now in my life :/#its a really good job but it could also be bery corporate#i would be glad to leave my situation BUT that means rent goes up a lot#and i kinda just wanna keep saving up#and idk!! like i would be dumb not to take the job but im kinda leaning that way rn#i know the area i would live jn is literally peoples DREAM but i know how isolating and exhausting the culture can be#like if you havent lived i a place like it you literally cannot understand#but i HAVE#anyways thr job and the interviewers were so fucking nice and everyone seems so happy to have me#and like it WOULD be so good for my career#but i just dont know!!#and im not guaranteed a job where i am right now which is SCARY#SO SCARY#like what if i say no to this and never get another job offer ever in my life#this is my first fullyime job offer jn literally three years what the fuck#how am i even considering sayjng no#and yet...
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i just want sleep
#i feel like im drowning#i miss you so much it feels like i should be buried right along with you#kinda thought it would get easier#i didn’t end up baking this year either#it feels like there’s a hole in my chest where my heart was#and how do i explain that to people who haven’t lost someone like this?#you’d be so happy to know there’s someone that makes me feel almost whole again though#and make fun of me for being so scared#i just miss the kiss on my shoulder and the smell of your soap and the way you could pull stories out of thin air#you’d love my friends here and they would love you#i know we’d go bowling every weekend#i went tonight#i don’t know if there’s a karaoke bar around though#i’d sing if it meant i got to laugh with you again#god i hate christmas so much now
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I've always known that my dad loved us, but nothing's driven that home as much as everything we've found in the After.
Our prominence in his home (pictures, father's day cards, gifts on display, the letter), the way he prioritized us... and a damned good life insurance policy, set up specifically so that if he died early (always a possibility, since driving jobs are more dangerous than many) then we would have enough to get ourselves Set.
He raised us to become as independent as possible as soon as possible. Made sure we knew how to cook, clean, handle our finances (though he was hilariously kind of bad at that, himself), and much more. I've been doing my own laundry since I was about 10 years old, so it's a surprise when I hear about people going off to college still not knowing. Utterly unimaginable to me.
He wanted us to finish college so we could live more comfortable lives than he did. My sister accomplished this in good time. I have not. But with his final gift to us, this life insurance money, it's a very real thing I could do. I could Realistically pay for the rest of my schooling and not even have to work through it. And in not having to work as I take classes, I can dedicate myself to them more thoroughly than ever before, and hopefully Finally finish my degree.
Just as he wanted for me.
I'll always miss him, since having him in my life was worth more than any amount of money I could have. But I'll always be grateful to him for everything he gave to me.
I dont need a mother, however much mine is trying to scrabble for us right now. I haven't had a true mother in a long time (or maybe Ever).
Instead, I had the best father I could've ever asked for. He was the only parent I needed.
#speculation nation#actually not feeling too bad right now. emotional sure. but not as bad as the past few nights.#the revelations of the day just kinda. rocked me a bit.#it's a Damn good life insurance policy.#and coupled with my in-state tuition (aka kind of a lot lower than average US college tuitions) and#yeah. yeah it really could cover The Rest of my schooling.#and ykno. he was an atheist to the end. he didnt believe in an afterlife. so im not gonna think hes watching me or anything#theres no figment of my father hanging out in heaven or w/e that's watching me & who i need to Make Proud#it's more a matter of self satisfaction. wanting to live a life that i know wouldve made him proud.#he's dead now. he doesnt exist anymore. but it would make me happy to live up to what he wanted for me.#so. in his memory. i will. i'll put my nose to the grindstone (as he'd often say) so i can finish my degree.#and as for where i go from there... we'll see.#one step at a time. finish college first. i'll figure out what comes After when i get there.
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me meeting someone new and Guz making a point to use my pronouns casually in the conversation so that we don't have to make a big deal of it, and he just gives me the proudest silliest thumbs-up after managing to introduce me using both they and it 😭😭💗💗💗
#dealing w rly uncomfortable unintentional transphobia in a server a potential irl friend invited me to so sdjfkl i'm Coping#its weird bc i can deal w being misgendered irl just fine but online it feels a lot different#i guess bc ppl dont rly know very well irl that i am not a she/her. but online i usually make it Very Clear that i use they/them#(i use they/it technically but it/its only feels right in certain spaces fsdjkl i have to feel safe and comfortable for that set)#so it feels a lot less excusable when it happens online :[ OH WELLLL i live in a conservative small town so i should be used to it lol#still feels bad. also kinda scary to have an irl person know my pronouns without me telling her directly but she's been rly nice abt it :3#im SO glad she's been cool about it. that was a rly big gamble i made to trust her w that fsjkl adding her on discord where it says they/it#like if she had taken it badly then i could've been outed to the whole centre and would've lost that space + that bit of income from there#and like. a huge chunk of my meagre support network. BUT I DIDNT SO ITS OKAY. YAYYYY#and now i may have an irl friend... i could like... do things in town with someone... thats so crazy fdjkl i haven't had that in 5+ yrs#ANYWAYS. i love guz so much and he makes me very happy and he is a trans ally forever and ever amen#dandy.cmd
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hang on are cougars like panthers
#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM#dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires#you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no#i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay#and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself#like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter#actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well#idk how letter grades work tbh#also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check#bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table#but i also think a lot went over my head#even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words#also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too#now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot#like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that#bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh#but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger#just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all#like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they#depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for#centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO#like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much#at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human#in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover#sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho#anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*
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#i wish ppl wouldn’t buy me things and expect me to pay them back without like. telling me or asking me first. like ik she said she isnt lik#worried about when i can pay it back but /i/ am#i hate owing ppl money it stresses me out more than anything else#its why im constantly stressed about paying off my car#even tho I KNOW that i will be able to finish paying it off in time before the cut off#but. its still really stressful and i hate it a lot#cause then its all i can think about till its done#like if someone gets me a gift thats awesome n cool#but if you get me something because they might run out before i can get it and you expect me to pay you back#please like#ask first? before doing it? so i can plan on that kinda thing#or say no if i feel like i need to#even if its not stressful for YOU its stressful for ME#im happy to have what they got me and its not that expensive to repay#but i really didn’t want that pang of stress right now when im already dealing w stuff#little stressors are still stressors and they add up yk#i just. needed to vent where they wouldn’t see cause i dont like venting abut ppl where they can see it i think its rude#so obviously obligatory this is about no one on this platform even a little bit#delete later
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ok very interesting quest in hsr
#theyre getting better at this writing shit#hsr spoilers#tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got#his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho#i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday#also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body#so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . 🧍♀️#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary#hsr#they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars#and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses#robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting#murdered for shock value in 2.0#ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy#hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots#chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex#oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell#and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????
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#uuuuummmmmm hypomania? bitch what? like huh? huh?????????#fucking hello???? like that's fucking like clearing whats happening at this moment#like i mean. im still grounded but like high energy. notably elevated mood. deminished need for sleep. im like fucking on right now#and but like i really really should not b. like hello?#but like its weird bc like what does that mean? like it happens every so often like too much energy that feels unhinged#but like it doesnt really affect my life too much it just feels kinda wild and upsetting to me bc its like not in control#but like i mean right now this is notable with respect to what i normally experience. like energy higher and mood higher than normal#like its midnight and im not even a little tired after having a fucking week like what???#not looking forward to when this breaks and i crash. but like whats the pattern her? how long has this been happening?#im gonna have to start tracking my mood bc idk i feel like im noticing it more now. like i dont remember this happening always cyclically#and like in the past it usually lasts like a day or ill have a few days where im like high energy but also fried and kinda up and down#but like im not going like full on way way high for long periods of time. but its hard to tell bc i have so much emotional dissonance#like ill have this like frantic energy while im standing completely still and i wanna grin in an unhinged way but its black static down#thr middle. so its like am i happy? and i depressed? fucking idk. im usually mostly depressed i think as a product of being so anxious all#the time. i don't usually go super low out of nowhere. i mean. i think its more linked to hormore stuff but i also think this is as well#idk its weird just. thoughts. i should start tracking my mood and ya kno also probably talk to a doctor#but like im about to lose my parents health care as i turn 26 and also fucking atrocious executive function#issues. like. it feels like my brain has holes in it. or i heard my lab mate say she was worried she had a brain tumor#bc its just like. something is not functional in the way its supposrd to be. ya kno? but like its fine#i mean. its not fine but like its fine#sigh. god im gonna forget to track this shit. like im already like my braun is disintegrating in my skull#can i pls be exused from being an adult while i have some sort of episode lol. but like idk#itll b fine. ive got a level head and an analytical brain and big control issues so i can keep myself on the rails#dispite the trashfire haha. ugh wtf do i do tonight tho. lay here abd try to sleep i guess#hope the mood stays up tomorrow so i dont like collapse into a puddle#ay ay ay. interesting. very interesting#im like a commit pinging around. a pinball bounding of those little pin thingys. ill meet with my boss Tuesday like yooooooo#idk if u havent clearly noticed but ive been a bit ya kno emotionally#unstable ✌️ or maybe ill b back to my normal sad sack self by then lol. idk weird vibes. real weird vibes but good 4 now#unrelated
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being happy is scary sometimes
#idk how to describe it#kinda choked up right now because i took a selfie where i just looked so happy#i felt a weird sort of relief and grief all packed into one#im so happy to be alive#goat noises
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God I desperately want a good happy future, with a loving wife/gf/partner, painting and baking and going on picnics and being happy in our own little cottage in the middle of the woods but the horrifying ordeal of staying alive right now is making it almost impossible to even dream of this!!
#its like#god i really want now to be over#and get to the future where i imagine mysekf happy#but its just my imagination#and i dont know if that will ever happen#i dont know if it will ever come true and that makes staying alive right now a very difficult thing to do#what's the point if the future might not hold anything better yk#ugh#im just kinda sad rn
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#i need some time off work and i qualify for certain leave but i cant bring nyself to tell anyone work or not about the situation bc i feel#like im handling everything wrong bc i dont process things like that properly and it feels inappropriate to take leave to relax and play#games and maybe spend time with my partner when its leave for people who should be struggling with the thing amd aughhhh#i almost wish i had a normal human reaction to the situation but i just dont its not like i didnt care about/have a bond im just like#shes dead and i cant grieve im just not capable of it im not happy but like i dont feel miserable. i dont feel anything at all about it all#if anything im glad she died/was dying where and when she did it was a good environment and i know everyone did their best there and i think#its helpful to all of them that they were there with her and not far away but i know they probably dont feel that right now and im dreading#the funeral because ill feel the pressure that im not more upset when everyone around me will be but i just dont have it in me to be#aouhhhhhhhgggghh like logically its handy i have a limited response to this kind of thing but it has all these issues of i seem like a robot#or an unfeeling creep#crouch speaks#its sad yes but i just feel only kinda bad about it i just dont have the emotions people do about these things i pretty much never have#(* ive had moments where ive grieved much later for someone where something triggered it or there was some other underlying reason to. idk)
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Yooo csm movie announced just some days after i finished the manga!!! Lets gooooo!!
#🪐.txt#kinda conflicted with the change in direction btw i really liked season 1 and how movie-like it was#it also wasn't as fast paced as the manga and that is something i appreciate a LOT#also a hot take here. ik ppl are happy that now it is manga accurate but hear me out: adaptions doesn't need to be accurate and completely#loyal to the original source#not to say that it should be something completely different but adaptions are adaptions because someone else puts their artistic vision on#it to make something greater. and i think s1 succeed more in making me enjoy the story and get attached to the characters than the manga#(the manga is really good but it felt too fast paced to i really care for the characters' deaths)#and also it feels so weird to change the artstyle midway. at least finish part 1 and *then* change directors#but it would be better if s1 was more vibrant and had s2 director and *then* part 2 has s1 director with its toned down colors#and cinematography. gosh that would be the best art direction they could've have taken#bc not only it shows the tonal shift but also it fits so much part 2 be more like a movie bc it would be taken after the movie date from the#movie and that would make the date stick out more + part 2 had a bigger focous on tv n propaganda n shit so like. the anime being cinematic#could do so much with those stuff#so yeah i dont like the art change bc not only i like the og but bc the overarching art direction would be the opposite of what it should've#been#ok the movie part was really confusing lemme change that- what i meant was like#that chapter of the date between makima and denji is really good. right? it sticks out a lot#and that date will happen in the raze arc i.e. CSM movie#and so will have the vibrant and anime-like style. but then when after reze arc comes the assination arc if im remembering right#that arc could be in a transitional state between the two direction styles to show that shit is getting real. then BAM full s1 style either#in the final scene where denji is eating Makima or the intro to Asa. and look im not expressing myself well here but it would be so well#connected if after Makima's death the anime gets cinematic just like a movie. kinda drawing back to that date between her and denji#gosh they should just let me direct csm. id do a great job fr#csm spoilers
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#so im at my familys house#and im just sort of like okay i actually miss them so much#and like#idk !#for a long time is was kinda rough and i was seen as a failure and like i wasnt able to communicate at all#but like now im here and my aunt is like#we are so happy you are here and we need to do this more often#and i fully want to do it more often#for so long it felt like my family has completed abandoned me#some of them actually did lol but idk im older now and actually able to talk to them#it feels different#it feels like i want to be here#i will say some stuff is definitely coming up. Like earlier i started to feel some trauma feelings#the worst one i feel tbh#but like i just took a second and sat down and breathed#and it seemed like it passed ??#i definitely still feel weird and like i am on drugs even though i am stone cold sober right now#but i just am happy that i can be here with them right now#i wish my sister was here also#i miss her very much#but she heard who was coming this weekend and was like absolutely not lmao#i also talked to my family also about how i dont love my living situation right now#and they are all like please move near us#i dont know if thats an actual thing that i would for sure want right now#because one ive found a therapist finally that i ahsolutely adore and shes keeping me going lol#also even though im struggling to live where i live now#because of the 1 million events that have happened there and that have left me totally alone#i remembering loving where i live now#i remember thinking it was the only place on earth that i wanted to live#but without my best friends these days it just feels pretty isolating and lonely
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