#im just hoping that maybe I can give people a perspective on shit since this community is small enough that my voice makes a difference

[buntress]

Posting here bc i posted a banger on my main and don't wanna derail my sick posting with discourse.

If it's not known, I'm very firmly pro endo right. Like I have good friends who are endo systems, those are my home boys.

So what has me rackin my fuckin brain is like, as a traumagenic system who as constantly been told that I'm not actually a system by too many people, why are we doin that to other people dude. Like look at yourself man, you're a system yourself (or at least I'd hope so) and you've been told your whole damn like that your experiences are invalid, not real, whatever bullshit and you're just like, doing that to other people y'know? You're perpetuating this cycle of systemic abuse on others based on, what, what you think they might be experiencing? The harm they might be doing? Like you're actively dictating what you think is going on in someones head for whatever reason ya might have (I ain't gonna assume, that makes me no better) and for what? Who does it serve?

Like every anti-endo thing I've heard has only really helped people who oppress systems to do that more, to do it almost easier. This rhetoric I constantly see bopping around our community actively harms not only this grand standing enemy you've made endogenic systems out to be but like, it's basically a form of self harm to the system community as a whole. By creating this weird divide between the "real" systems vs those deemed "fake" we are fueling some really bad and bigoted shit towards our community. Is that what you want to do as part of this community? Is weeding out these supposed "fakers" worth the actual harm this stuff is doing?

Sorry to discourse on mogai over here. But 1. this is my biggest account so I think it'll reach the most people and 2. It's been a problem I've had for a while with the mogai community as a whole. I feel like we can do better than this.

[spitinsideme]

As one of the leading minds on women and lesbianism, I would like your perspective on a query that has been lurking in the back of my mind. The question in question is, "Why do we as a society like boobs?" There shouldn't be any instinctive reasons for males to find that specific part instinctively attractive, they are not a reproductive organ, and on that note we lesbians, who defy the general understanding of nature, have no real reason to either. I mean, we got boobs, but it is not the same. Like, is there a scientific reason for society's adoration, of boobs, or is it as simple as neuron activation? I have a couple of theories. One could be something along the lines of being a good candidate as a potential mother, but that only makes sense for men, and I refuse to believe that lesbians are just mimicking the behavior of straight men for no real reason. There is something that connects us all to boobs... Maybe we are drawn to them instinctively as one of the first comforts of life, I'm not sure. That is why I beseech you, the ultimate woman-rizzler and diagnoser of kinks. Your standing in this community speaks volumes. So tell me, oh, wise one... Why do you think society is so fixated on boobs?

going to tell you all now this might he a bit long hecause i get sidrtracked really easily since i get excited taljing ahout kinks, also i willl ve talking ahoit kinks thats obvious enough. another importajt detail ! whikst i havr dobe so much resrarch on this using like full on books by professionals and reading professional scientific shit, there is not much at all of "why we are sexuallly attracted to this" so im basing this off what i have learned and using the information i have to write my own theories alsi i dont know neuron activation shit so maybe thats a reason idonrknow i jsut knoe ahout horny people !!! i hope you enjly my rambling ling ass answrt anyways 👍❤️

going to give you all alittle fun fact that the sexual attraction to boobs is called mazophilia, and it is a type of partialism ! a partialism is type of kink that falld under the category ot sexaul attractooj to body parts tjat arr not the geniitald, likr hands and feet anf legs anr all sorts of stuff ! i love explainining that to people ..

whilst i dont exactly know why liking tits is such like a huge common thing for peoplex because not much information and like reseatch goes into "why people like common body parts" i will use all the things i know to try and find a reason ! its crazy to me how people think that we must like something because of like evolution or because they are part of life or whatever, a foot fetish is literally the most common partialism like its so popular, and ehat donfeet do ???? nothing .. but people go horny over that shit !!! like the look of them, what they can do to them, and like even accessories !!! like painted toenails or toe rings or things of the sorts (tht is called clothes fetishism bytheway, srxual attracion to specific type of clothes and all that stuff basically)

thats ejough ahoit foot fetishes, back to tits ! i think that people simply like tits becaude of many different reasons honestly, most people like the way they look and see them in a sexual way, its really that simple !!! most fetishes start during puberty (and no kinks are NOT hereditary, yes your parents CAN influence your kinks during your childhood like if your parents smoked you are more likely to have capnolagnia, a smoking fetish, but kinkd are absolutely not hereditary and there are severeal reasons they can develop, like your childhood (also another small little fun fact most people who are into abasiophilia, which is sexual attraction to peoplr with impaired mobility, are adults whp were childten or young when there was that thing where polio was extrmely common and led people to wear orthopedic things ans that developed into these people being srxually attracted to it due to frequent exposue to it in their childhood) and also just as you grow up ypu will most likley find more things sexually attractive)

i feel like i keep on gping complly off topic becaude i grt excited to sprinkle in facts avout kinks so now im going to give the reasons why i think a lot of people are into tits

first reason, exposure to it our whole lives. as a society, tits are like shown as sexual and attractive, mosr shows or movies or even games you play have women with tits that are the focus and are mesnt to be sexually attractive. whilst as a child you would not think that because the shows you shpuld he watching would not have that focus point on breasts qs being attractive, as you get older, you would. if you look at any anime that is pg 13, it will have women who have big breasts that jiggle or are in provocatuve outfits that dhow them off on purpose, and even the other people in yhe show see it as attractive and start blushing seeing it. because of this being so common in most things from even such an early age, most peoppe will find tits attractive. to sum it down, a lot of media shows tits as being attractive and makes them the focus of attraction. its the samr way like a leg fetish show would make the legs the focus of sexual attraction, do you understabd ? (another little fun fact, thisbis also how many fetishes and kinks come to be, to bring up again capnolagnia its why many women in the past wete attracted to men that smokd because most peoppe did and it was so fommon and everywhere that it became attractve. compared to now, many less people smoke and its not seen as hot to most people anymore, society and media has a huge influence on fetishes abd kinks)

second reason, ut kind of links on with the first reason. most peopoe like tits, the people who like tits will talk about liking tits, resulting in more shows and stuff that have tits be hot, that soreads even more, more peoppe see that stuff and go yeah thats hot, and becaude its so common and so normal in society by so kany people, that mindwrt thing will go and be like okay ! i gyess that is hot ! its like youre influenced in a way ?

third reason, they literally just look nice, im attracted to womens backs for no other reason then yeah ! theyre nice ! theyre hot to me, and im so sure that goes for so many other people who just look at body parts and go yeah alright that fucks im into that, sometimes it really is as simple as that (also, sone peoppe are attracted to tits in specific clothing or with piercings and stuff, thats back to clothes fetishosm !!!). a lot of women are attracted to hands, why ? because of the defined details, like veins or that theyre rough or maybe even that they have long fingers, which brings me to my next point, imagingig what you can do to them or what tjey can do to you

fourth reason, the image if seeing tits and not liking them on thwir own, but imagoning ehat you fould do to them or what they could do to you. im going to hring up cheirophilia, whoch is the sexual attraction to hands. i think this is a good example because men AND women like hands (althoufh womej usually more, but why ? usually because of the masculinity shown theoifh the arms and hande like arm hair, rough hands, big hands, veins, or some cuts that show they do manuap labour whoch is usually a masculine thing, this is anther reason ill brinf uo for liking tits in my next reason) hands can be used for fingering for women whoch is what msot womej enjoy yhe most as it provides clit stumulation and also feels nicer (for a lotx but nt all peoppe with vaginas as they are all different) whilst for men thwy can see it as oh ! handjobs (whilstt men enjly handjlbs, most peoppe with dicks enjoy penetration which is why i think that men do not have as much srxuak attraction to hands as womej do, differenr erogenous zones that can he touched and stuff) so what do tita have to do with this ? peoplr will see tits and might think "oh, tits have nipples, and i wsnt to suck on nipples", or "i want to cum on those tits" or simply want to feel tuem up. that could also be why peoppe are attracyed to tits because they aant to do things to them and the umage of doing those things to the tits is erotic !

fifth reason, im bringing back the point i made before about women beong peoppe who are more into hands than men because it shows masculinity. tits udually are soemthong that dhows femininity or whatever the fucking word is, tbeyre feminine most commonly and are usully seen that way. people who are attracted to womeh will usually see tits and like rhem because they are feminine ! some people like bigger tits becwuse it means tbwy are more feminine (most commonly men i think who prefer bigger tits, becaude smaller tits are seen as "not feminine enough", but not all men and not al people who orefer bkgger tits think like this) butny yes, i think that peoole who are into women are also into tits because they usually show femininity !!

sixth reason, and this might be specific but its a reason i think more so .. girla would have ? none of this is scientofically prov4n, these arenall just my own theories based on my own resesrch on diffetent topics so youknkw take this as you will ! but, for this, i think women are more likely to he into thos (and also some men) but tits may show dominance. for me, i like bigger titw because they seen to mske peope look bigger, and i likr bigger people becaude they look more dominant to me and in power. its the same aswith height, but insteasnits size. some people may like tits because it shows domincance or something like that. i mean really, think ahout it, most peope who see a woman with big tits go "god i want her to literally smother me until i run out of breath and fie with tyose tits" and i think thts sayibg sometihing and it shows to me that some poppe are attracted to big tits because it shows domincance !!!

that was really long, but i think these are the reasons why a lot of people like tits. no kink or srxual attracyion will ever he as simple as only having ome reason why everyone likes it. also, i think the evplution theory is stupid like i undersand its scientific bit wyo the fuxk sees a womah with big tits and goes "oh she will make a perfecr moter she has chikd bearing breasts !!!" thats fuxjing atupud peppe are just horny and thats okay indomt care if that theory is scientific or whatever the fuck i like pussy and i dont have that inpregnate gene evolved in me i just lke it because its fucking hot !!!!

[starlightandetherealshadows]

How would V react if after they and the MC had their clowning around session, the MC turned to them and teasingly said, “I can’t wait to tell Zero you yelled their name at the end there.”

Hi dearheart,

I liked your prompt so much that I decided it deserved a lil snippet! Might give more insight into V and MC's new dynamic. I wrote this in like 10 min so please excuse the ~writing~

Somehow this turned vulnerable? Oh and in this, MC is at the crush stage with X.

Enjoy MC and V having some pillow talk ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

////

You balance yourself on your side, one hand holding your head. The sweat cooling on your skin feels a bit gross, but you're too comfortable to get up and leave just yet.

"So," You keep your voice light. "You gonna tell Zero that you like 'em?"

V's face morphs into a scowl, but it is quickly replaced with resignation. One of V's hands flicker their lighter on and off, while the other dangles a lit cigarette between two fingers.

"You gonna tell X that you like them?"

It's a testament to how far your friendship has come, that you can talk to V and have them reciprocate your teasing instead of snapping at you.

"Touche, asshole."

V's lip quirks upwards. They take a few pulls of their cig, and you watch as V blows smoke rings into the open air of their bedroom. It's more peaceful between you two than it has been in weeks. Maybe it's because V knows your affection lies elsewhere, or maybe the sex helps you find some common ground. Either way, it's nice to not be antagonizing each other.

"You should tell X."

"Are you just saying that so I don't steal Zero from you?"

V rolls their eyes and huffs out a laugh. "As if you could." They look at you directly. The prolonged eye contact makes you squirm. It's not the look they give someone they're trying to seduce. It's the look V has when they're trying to analyze you.

Whatever V reads on your face, it makes them frown.

"I'm serious. They spend half the day eye-fucking you anyway. You could do the selfless thing and spare us from that."

Another drag of their cigarette. You pluck it from their fingers and bring it to your own mouth.

The turn of this conversation is a bit too vulnerable for pillow talk.

"So what? You tell Zero that you've been in love with them since you were teenagers, I tell X that I can't imagine my life without them, and then what happens? We ride off into the sunset, get our happy ending?"

V gives you a rueful smile.

"People like us don't get happy endings."

///

AGAIN THIS WAS WRITTEN IN A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS FOR 10 MIN WHILE IM AT WORK HEHEHEHE

I hope this gives a bit more perspective into how MC and V's friendship might work. (well in this case, FWB until MC and V decide to get their shit together and tell their crushes that they like them)

Thank you for your ask, love!

All my love,

Cheye

[glowxie]

does yalls therapist give u advice that would NOT fucking fly on here too or is mine just in her 50s

[rant below]

like ok. since the truth abt wilbur dropped it has been a steady topic in therapy (sidenote- i literally do not know why but this is a common thing for me. i often get obsessed w media, run w that for maybe a year, fall out of the fandom but still latch onto a couple characters/creators/whathaveyou. for dsmp it was the sorry boys with HEAVY emphasis on ran and wil)

i also have ocd and have a really hard time with "morality" as i call it. genuinely dont know what else to call it. anyway that translates a lot into completely dropping people/musicians/creators etc when i find out theyve actively hurt people.

it's also me doing genuine hours of research into new people and never being able to just casually like something. if a song plays and ive heard more than 2 songs by the artist and i like both i WILL end up doing a deep dive on the artist to see what they have or havent done.

ive been working on that slowly but surely. but anyway. lovejoy. shit got me through when my mom almost died and it felt like a whole new type of grief than what i was already feeling because i KNEW my ocd wouldnt let me listen to them anymore. it was a very back and forth process that i still struggle a lot with.

in therapy it usually goes like

me: like logically i know solely streaming the music on spotify will not bring them very much revenue spotify hates paying their artists and ive never bought merch ive never promoted them ive never made fanart of wil- but my brain thinks immediately if i listen to one song im a horrible person supporting a man that committed domestive violence and is denying it. he has so much support and die hard fans that are going after the victims. i feel like by listening to lovejoy im as bad as them, both him and the fans

her: so. it sounds like youre punishing yourself over something completely out of your control. you did everything you could, went above and beyond to make sure he was a person worthy of your support, yet even his friends didnt know about the abuse at the time. youre keeping yourself from something that you enjoy, something that brought you comfort. you did not know, they didnt know, it wasnt your fault he committed this crime. why should you be punished?

and like. i get it. i really do. i guess part of it is im afraid of what people will think. i do not support wilbur. i fucking hate him for what hes done and i hope he rots in hell. but some of his music brought me comfort in extremely distressing times. listening to music doesnt make me a bad person. knowing does. knowing everything thats happened and continuing to contribute to his fame- thats what kills me about it.

i also know that ran would be so disappointed in me for continuing to listen. so i havent been.

i dont really know what the point of this post is. i guess ive just not seen a perspective like this other than mine. i guess i just hope if other people are afraid like i am (and this is my ocd medicated btw. i have extreme ocd) they can read this and see that if nothing else they arent alone in feeling this way.

[pwnyta]

Apologies for my mistakes in advance.

Ok, so, I have a question for you.

Some time ago (honestly, it might have been kind of a long time ago) you’ve been talking about Genshin and how you prefer when the mc is not the point of view character but just someone who spectates from afar while other characters living their lives/stories. Tbh I’m not entirely sure that it was the exact thing that you said, but at the very least, that’s how I’ve remembered it xD

(Not trying to put words in your mouth btw, again, that’s just how I’ve remembered it)

So, my question is: do you not like MCs, like, in general? Like I know that it’s a strange question and that mc from Genshin feels more like a self-insert (I think they get better as the time goes on, maybe they’ll be their own characters by the end of the game lol), so it’s strange to question whether or not you like MCs just based on this one answer, but I was wondering about it so I decided to ask.

I’m not gonna lie, I am (kind of) a main character truther, they usually end up being my favorite characters, and if I don’t like mc, then I usually drop the work as a whole (because I don’t want to consume something that’s going to anger/annoy me, and bc MCs are usually a huge part of the story, I would rather just not interact with the story as a whole. Kind of unrelated, but my hatred for Bak*go forced me to drop mha bc he started to gain more and more screen time, and even though he is not THE main character, I still think that’s a good example).

Like. I hope you don’t think that I’m looking for troubles or anything, but as a person who likes MCs and as someone who would rather drop the work if I can’t emphasize with them/don’t like them/feel like they are NOT treated or behave like main characters, I’m just interested in the perspective of someone who doesn’t care for those characters/don’t like them in general.

Sorry if my message was confusing, I hope you got my point.

Well honestly I do tend to find MCs significantly less interesting than other characters. MCs tend to be the most generic character so that people can relate to them… thats just not how I read stories so it does nothing for me.

Like Naruto (& honestly the rest of his team) I found him (them) largely annoying and was always more interested in the stories of other characters with weirder powers (like Shino) & because I like more minor characters I Guess Im just more tolerable of their absence so long as the story is fun (Shino was probably THE most neglected of class but I stuck through Naruto until it wasnt fun anymore.)

But yeah especially in something like Genshin where Aether/Lumine are both the MC… and nothing really changes based on the character you pick... they arent a real character and what they do doesnt really matter because its just a stand in.

Like if you made QIQI the main character things would inherently change because she is her own character and the world would have to change based on what she might do. Her options to choose would be SO much different since shes a child and a zombie and w/e the world couldnt possibly be the same…. or CYNO would be interesting because hes got such a different temperament and also struggles with discrimination from being a desert dweller so there would even be more resistance... Hes basically got 2 personalities the quiet professional who keeps his head down and the goofy little meme boy who likes puns and YGO thats closer to who he really is and only shows to his friends (who hate it… OMG WINDBLUME IM STILL DEVASTATED LEARNING CYNO IS QUITE WHILE WORKING BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE RACIST AND HE ONLY JOKES WITH HIS FRIENDS BUT HIS FRIENDS ARE ACTIVELY ANNOYED BY IT AND DONT WANT TO HEAR IT…. IM SICK. …anyway.)

You can interchange Lumine and Aether and nothing changes because theyre not a real characters with their own personality so I just cant give a shit about them. The only thing that makes them tolerable is that its pretty clear Aether is supposed to be the main character canonically.

That said I wouldnt completely dismiss an MC just for being an MC…. some are interesting or serviceable enough to be somewhat likable. I love Luffy from One Piece, I like Tsuna from KHR and I did like Deku from MHA at first though recently he just feels like he doesnt matter at all (which normally I wouldnt mind since I usually prefer side characters stories but cutting screen time of Deku and focusing on characters who genuinely dont fucking matter or are terribly written like Endeavor or the side villains whos stories are forced and/or dont fucking MEAN anything… its frustrating. As much as I cant STAND Bakugo I actually wouldnt mind him having more screen time because he IS important to the story (or should be)… same with Todoroki but Bakugo is just a FLACCID and stagnant character and Todo was fucking wasted as Hori somehow thought itd be a better idea to build his abusive POS father without him present… DONT UNZIP ME NONNY. IM SO MAD…).

UM…. yeah. I didnt take offense or anything to the question… I actually love having an excuse to bitch about silly shit like this. Fandom discourse used to be one of my favorite pastimes before people started pretending it was serious business because theyre too lazy to do any actual social justice.

[vlodimirvoneverec]

4am ramblings! Tw: depression, trauma, that sorta thing.

Man, I’m trying to reconnect with my emotions in therapy and its just so hard. Because after all these years theres just a lot of hurt behind the dam. I think if I start letting some emotions through to process them, Ill get caught up in the deluge and drown. They’re overwhelming. Putting them away behind a wall has helped me survive to get to where I am today and the only reason I’m trying to reintegrate the feeling part of myself is because I know I should, not because I want to or believe that it will help or improve things. In fact, I think that if I start feeling things, I wont be able to stop and the world will feel paralyzing and overwhelming again. I just have hope that I am strong enough now to shoulder it. I used to feel things so deep as a kid and now as an adult I realize I still can feel that deeply, still experience joy and newness and the perfect combination of all those ooey gooey neurochemicals that make life take on color and sound and motion again. But then with that depth the loss of them hurts all the more. Like if a turtle came out of its shell to finally feel the sunlight on its face only to freeze to death once the sun sets. Id rather stay inside my shell. There may be no content heat, no gentle summer breeze or succulent clover inside the shell but at least there’s survival. Survival in the hope that maybe one day, the sun won’t leave and return to the shell will never be necessary. But each time that feels like it might be the case the winter frost scores my nose and leaves me alive just enough to regret doubting the safety of the shell. And alive just enough to begin longing inside for the heat to rise again. My classmate said her therapist said starting a sentence with “I feel” then ending it with an intellectualization doesn’t count. Which is hard, because I’ve been masquerading my intellectualizations as feelings and using what I think I should feel as a reference point. But I dont know what I feel because I dont think I could adequately articulate it linguistically. Its paralyzing. When you have so much to say but can’t get it out in a way people understand. Like trying to scream in a bad dream but theres so much power getting ready to burst through your throat that it dies in there. I guess I think that if I start feeling, I’ll have to catch up from all the time I spent not feeling. And I know thats a lot of shit I’ve just swallowed down and pushed through since I didn’t think there was anything to do for it at the moment. And the thing is is that there wont be anything to do for it in the current moment but feel it. And it seems like a waste to cripple myself like that with nothing to show for it but a sense of despair and defeat. Maybe if I feel things again and get the feelings out I can move on from the thing tearing through my mind most of the time. I’ve talked with so many people, people I’m close with, who I trust to give me their honest advice and opinions. Even with all this I’m nowhere closer to a solution or a plan of action than when I got back. If anything, I’ve less now than when I got back. Of course, when I got back there emerged plenty of other dumpster fires to put out, which is an ongoing fire suppression process. My friends must be sick of me just ruminating over the same thing. Bringing it up in unrelated conversations over and over and over, like a rock in the ocean waves. Well all the edges are smoothed out now, but the rock is still there. I don’t know if it will erode any more. Or quick enough for my purposes. Don’t I owe it to my loved ones to get over this and move on? Because whether I have time to ruminate or not, the world turns on, and the longer I linger the faster I’ll have to run to catch up. Another classmate said humans have discomfort with discomfort. Im a testament to that perspective. Hope can be a pain, when you can no longer see giving up as an answer. It will cycle through again I just know it. I just hope I have the presence of mind to enjoy the suns heat on my scaled head and the soft ground below while it’s there before it recedes...

[snekdood]

whats really unfortunate is im p sure my sister was the catalyst for why people in my town like to just gossip and make shit up about me without asking. like it started with her talking to my middle school bully about me behind my back, probably telling her all kinds of bullshit bc my sisters a compulsive liar, then that bully followed me to highschool for a brief moment before leaving, spreading all the bullshit that started at my old school to my new one before dipping. and then people started making shit up about me at highschool. i was so excited to finally get a fresh start in highschool only for that bitter cunt to come along and sour shit for no fucking reason bc idk she has a weird hate boner for me, who can say (maybe it was some bullshit my sister said 🙃 i wonder!). and since my high school was way bigger and she had a wider range of people, word just spread through the grapevine of whatever dumb shitppl were coming up with mixed with actual events that happened that painted me in an embarrassing light or whatever. and im like. kinda sure that the only reason my ex decided to turn on me so hard, shaming me in every capacity down to just who i am inherently was bc alllll of those stupid rumors came to them after we broke up. like. yall just wont let me escape this NOR EVEN GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHANCE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT IN ANY CAPACITY. why in the FUCK are you SO FUCKING INVESTED IN TRYING TO FUCK UP MY LIFE?? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE??? LEAVE ME THE FRESH FUCK ALONE!!! IF YOU’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT ME AFTER HIGHSCHOOL WITH PEOPLE WE WENT TO HIGHSCHOOL WITH YOU LITERALLY HAVENT MATURED FOR SHIT AND I FEEL BAD FOR YOU ABOUT THAT. LIKE HOLY FUCK. yall are dense self absorbed pieces of shits who think you’re so above whoever you decide to throw under the bus but you’re literally the same staple mediocre mean girl from every other fucking school anyone has ever fucking seen. if you’re not even going to give me a list of my sins. if none of you assholes are even going to approach me to ASK ME DIRECTLY IF WHAT SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID WAS TRUE. INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT WITH ME TO SECRETLY GET INFO AND HOPEFULLY GET INFO ABOUT THAT OUT OF ME. IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO WELCOME ME INTO THE GOSSIP CIRCLE SO I CAN TELL ALL OF YOU **AT THE VERY LEAST** MY PERSPECTIVE, OH, LETS FORGET BELIEVING VICTIMS WHEN IT COMES TO ME, REMEMBER, IM PROBABLY LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING MY FAMILY OR ANYONE WHOS ABUSED ME HAS EVER DONE RIGHT LOL 🤪 KILL YOURSELF. You literally dont deserve anything you could ever benefit from being my friend. i hope all of you selfish drama-vampires, who apparently cant survive without gossiping like its fucking air, rot

[seoafin]

seraaaaaa 😭😭😭😭😭 i finally had a rest day so i can reply to this and answer some asks!!!!

the fact that my writing makes you introspective is like. one of the best compliments that i've gotten ever ever ever. it's so touching to know that somehow my writing has touched you like that ahhhhhh that's actually insane and crazy and wonderful im giving you a million kisses. also you and everyone else who relates to rip!mc. please seek help.

ripmc LITERALLY IS a self flagellating catholic lmfao her ascetic lifestyle and self repression really cinches it all together yk. one day she won't deny herself good things (and she'll be able to tell stsg NO) we'll get there i promise!!!!!! one day. far in the future. it's okay baby girl we're going to get you some semblance of self worth before you are eternally chained to the hell duo. yeah i actually think it's crazy ripmc is laying all the blame on herself like you said geto was very much in control of his actions but ripmc's style is to put all the onus of blame on herself despite stsg being the instigators of every single sexual interaction they've had 😭 they're so insane how are people rooting for them i still think it should be a shoko ending smh especially since shit gets crazier in the later chapters dear lord

also yeahhhh i specifically wanted to put everything into perspective. the curse that ruined ripmc's life in the end was just...a grade 2. a curse gojo could've just. flicked out of existence in a second. i think spending so much time around two overpowered geniuses who are slowly becoming less man and more. Something is enough to forget about how difficult it is for common jujustu sorcerers and normal people. it's terrible and terrifying.

i think and hope wanting to return to a place you can't is feeling that resonates with everyone!!! it's about being unable to properly mourn and having a lot of regrets. and well, that's just life isn't it! i do want to convey something like how moving forward doesn't necessarily mean forgetting the past. even though ripmc forgetting everything was a trauma response. i definitely think she needs some time to herself but stsg probably won't give her that time djfsdnjkfjsd

i think it's a common feeling to not want to be a burden i think ripmc just takes it a tad bit too far. maybe stsg's smothering natures can be good for something. i can't think of anyone who probably needs to be taken care of more. i just think giving them that level of control over anybody is . dangerous. who knows if they'll ever stop. it's in their natures to coddle and smother i can think of a hundred different ways it would just Not Go Well. Bad Ending. Game Over. LMAO

dog days are over | chapter five

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader x geto suguru warnings/tags (for this chapter): mentions of virginity loss, threesomes, depression (the holy trinity lmfao), birth control, full on dissociative panic attack but not in detail, obligatory stsg warning. also cheating mention (but not really gojo is just jealous and geto likes the attention. they gaslight each other for fun btw) word count: ~9.2k

fic masterlist read on ao3

The nightmares start after Nagoya.

You wake up bleary eyed and distinctly worn out, with a heaviness in your chest that you carry with you. It only gets heavier.

The auxiliary manager you worked with promised to share any more relevant information with you about the case. You should have left it at that.

It becomes harder to stay uninvolved in your assignments, you're beginning to find, especially when innocent lives are taken.

You leave a piece of yourself behind every time a child cries.

You sit up from your bed and glance at the clock above the doorway. 11:54 AM. Light streams in from your windows, and you close your eyes in the temporary warmth before it fades, leaving your room cold. Outside, the trees are barren and the overcast is gray in preparation for the upcoming winter. It’s reaching that time of year you feel the most lethargic, where people and time pass by you in a blur. In the spring you’ll wake up fully, and it’ll the cold will have faded like a bad dream. 

It's almost Satoru's birthday.

It’s cold. You feel goosebumps form on your arms. It occurs to you that you may have forgotten to turn on the heat in your apartment. Central heat. A rare luxury in these types of apartments. But you don’t want to leave the warmth of your bed, so you lie back down and curl into your bed.

Just as you’re about to succumb back to temporary emptiness, the door to your bedroom is thrown open. You wince as the door slams into the wall, raising your head.

“Something happened,” Shoko says plainly, crossing her arms. “I hope you haven’t been hiding from me on purpose.” 

You don’t recall giving Shoko a key. But you must have, if she’s inside of your apartment. Guilt churns in your stomach. You’ve been avoiding not just her, but Satoru and Suguru. You’re unsure of how to act around them anymore. You don’t know how much you can tell her. How much you should.

Then she lightly frowns. “Why is it so cold in here?”

You sit up, worried the cold might be bothering her. “Let me turn on the heat.”

Before you can stand, she waves you off, taking off her coat and lazily throwing it on a nearby chair. “Forget that,” she sighs, walking over to your bed and motioning you over. “Move over.”

You wordlessly comply, scooting to the far end of the bed as she settles next to you, lifting the covers over her body. 

The two of you look at each other, at the opposite ends of your pillow, sharing your comforter. At the warmth of her body, you almost close your eyes. You think if you fell asleep now, no nightmares would come to you.

“Shoko,” you say quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

But you had. Days passed in a blur. You didn’t give much thought to it, devoting all your efforts to routine. Luckily, there were no assignments after Nagoya. This bitter winter is a slow season for curses. You went from your apartment to Tokyo University and back, buried yourself in your studies, and blocked out the world. You hadn’t meant to. You kept on telling yourself you’d reply to that text, that you’d show your face again, that you’d pretend everything was alright even though it wasn’t. Now you’ve caused Shoko undue worry.

She simply looks at you. “Something happened at the party, didn’t it?”

You think of Satoru. Then Suguru. It’s the most you’ve thought about them in weeks. You don’t want to think about them because the longer you do, the more your thoughts stray in ways it shouldn’t.

You pull your covers up to your chin, troubled, and your silence speaking volumes. She softens. 

“Never mind. I’m not here to force you to talk,” she pauses. “But if something happened. Something you didn’t want , then I want you to tell me.” She exhales. “Even if it’s Satoru and Suguru. Especially if it’s those two.”

It wasn’t…They didn’t…They…

You’re conflicted. “They wouldn’t…” you trail off weakly.

She looks at you blankly.

“It…”

You bury your face into your comforter. You don’t have the words to explain. It’s okay, you want to tell her. You’re more worried about Satoru and Suguru’s relationship than anything else. They’re arguing about something, you want to tell her, and engaging in acts with you you know they’ll regret. You’ve never cared much for what they do with you. You’d do anything, give them everything if they asked. If she asked. You lower the blanket.

She eyes you, suspicion lining her face. “Did they—”

“No,” you blurt out before she can finish. “Yes. Maybe.” You hesitate. “It wasn’t…”

Bad.

It feels like an admission of guilt. It felt so good it was horrible. You shouldn’t have enjoyed it. You shouldn’t have succumbed to the pleasure, not when the future of Satoru and Suguru’s relationship hung in the balance. It’s your fault, you think once again. The world is collapsing on top of you, and you can’t help but think it’s punishment for your existence. For taking more than you should have.

“Are you on birth control?”

You stare at her. “What?”

“Birth control,” she repeats, deathly serious. She rises from the bed. “I should get you started now—”

You reach for her delicate wrist, stopping her. “It’s not like that!” Your face warms with embarrassment. “I promise, it’s not like that.”

It's not that serious, you're sure. Even the thought gives you pause, makes you apprehensively embarrassed. It's not...like that. 

Luckily, it’s something you don’t have to worry or think about. 

“...If you say so.” She says, not believing you in the slightest. She retakes her position on the bed. “So,” she says after a pause. “Shirokami visited the infirmary.”

Right. You forgot Hideo had gone and introduced himself to Shoko.

Your stomach flutters, nervous. “Did you like him?”

“I did,” she replies. “He’s…” a thoughtful pause. “Nice. A country boy.” A wry smile. “Nothing like those two. At all. It’s refreshing, actually.”

Relief. You suppose he did grow up in the countryside, so it’s not too far off from the mark. As for being like Satoru or Suguru…

You resolve not to be hurt. The two of them are under no obligation to meet anyone. You won’t be hurt. 

“He made it seem like the two of you are close friends.”

You’re sure he’s just being polite. Hideo is nice like that. Nonetheless, it makes you a bit happy to hear you made an impression on him. That he thinks of you fondly. He considers you a friend. Maybe there’s hope for you after all.

The comforter is warm with the shared heat of your bodies. Sleep calls out to you.

“He…scares me a little,” you say quietly. Hideo reminds you of a part of your life you don’t like to revisit. He makes you feel like a child again, afraid to be alone. “There’s a lot I don’t like to remember…about…back then. But I’m glad I met him again.”

“I see,” she says, smiling. “Then me too. I’m glad the two of you found each other again.”

You blink drowsily, smiling back at her. Shoko’s face is the last thing you see before heaviness drags your eyelids to darkness.

—

When you wake up, you are pleasantly revitalized and a little more alert. Shoko is gone, but there’s takeout on your kitchen counter. You take a bite of the Vietnamese noodles and realize that your taste buds have somewhat returned. You eat the entire meal, full for the first time in what seems like months.

You reply to a text from Hideo about the crowd at Shibuya crossing, smiling at the litany of exclamation points accompanying by his texts. You realize Megumi texted you earlier, about when you’d be coming by again and another pang of guilt hits you. You’ve been neglecting the kids too, lately. You wouldn't survive Mimiko and Nanako's wide eyes, gazing up at you, pleading at you to stay with them.

It’s six now, and the sky is pitch black. You know for a fact that Suguru and Satoru won’t be at the apartment until later. Yaga-sensei had mentioned Gakuganji visiting Tokyo accompanied by several other clan members for some annual conference. You didn’t pay attention to the details.

You…could visit. Suguru would have already fed the kids by now. Maybe you could take Megumi and the girls out for dessert. Or order something to the apartment. You feel lighter at the thought. Spending time with the kids always made you feel better. It’s something you can do, as small as it is. Small things.

Small steps.

You change and you’re out the door shortly. It doesn’t take you long to reach the apartment, greet the doorman, and take the elevator up. You knock. A few minutes later, the door swings opens, revealing Megumi.

“Hi,” you say brightly. “Have you been well?”

“Fine.” He lets you in. “Don’t you have a key?”

You laugh, still a bit breathless from the cold as you hang your coat up. “It doesn’t feel right to use it. I’m still a guest after all.”

Megumi doesn’t respond to that as the two of you enter the living room. It’s unusually quiet. “Where are the girls?”

“Mimiko and Nanako are with their friends. Tsumiki stayed after school for club.”

Just a couple of years ago, the thought of Mimiko and Nanako willingly spending time out of the apartment would have been a surprise. The two of them had been so recalcitrant about attending school. Suguru wanted to keep them homeschooled while Satoru thought putting them in school would be the best way to ease them out of their shell. It had taken time and patience, with several bad days, but eventually the two warmed up to their teachers and fellow classmates, Nanako especially. And where Nanako went, Mimiko always followed.

Mimiko had flowered into a sociable butterfly following her reintegration into society. It makes you happy to know that the two are alright now, so readily available to spend time with their friends.

“Just me and you, huh.” Megumi wouldn’t leave you though. Not yet. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” he states. “Earlier. I was just finishing my homework.”

You glance at the kitchen counter, finding Megumi’s homework spread around. “You don’t usually do your homework outside your room.”

“It’s quiet with everyone gone,” he says bluntly. 

You smile, taking a seat as Megumi slides in next to you. He resumes his homework, and you let him carry on, helping him when he asks, simply content to watch. A few pauses during this science homework which you help him through easily. He glides through his English homework, and you feel unnaturally proud of him as you proofread his work.

It doesn’t take him long to finish. Soon, he’s gathering his homework up and packing it into his backpack.

“I was thinking,” you start. You hear the door open in the distance. It must be the girls. Perfect timing. “That we could all go out for—”

You turn, every hair on your body rising in panic.

“Sato—s’guru,” you blurt out, frozen. “What are you guys doing back so early?” Your question comes out more accusative than you intended. Of course they could come back as early as they wanted. It was their home after all. You were the interloper. 

It’s just..

You thought that you’d have a little longer!

The two of them look at you. You shift uncomfortably, gaze bouncing from them to the floor to the wall behind to anything else. You’re a little more aware of the heat of their gazes on you, pinning you to the spot. Your collar feels warm, nerves jumping beneath your skin.

“The meeting ended early,” Suguru says amicably, smiling at you in a way that would be reassuring at any other given moment. “Satoru didn’t want to stick around.”

Satoru is oddly quiet, gazing at you. Even with his sunglasses on, you feel the weight of it, that prickle that tells you he’s focusing his attention on you. Your bottom lip twinges. You are determined not to meet his gaze. Or hold Suguru’s for too long.

Satoru cocks his head to the side. “You staying over?”

You think it’s Satoru’s way of telling you to leave. That you’ve outstayed your welcome. Suguru is too nice to say it outright.

“No,” you say, voice thin, throat growing thick. “I’m leaving now.”

“Can we talk?” Suguru asks quietly after murmuring your name. He gazes at you.

That’s the last thing you want. To be alone with the two of them. You don’t want to hear what they have to say. You want to imagine things to be okay, just for a little longer. Until you can’t.

“I’m sorry!” You say suddenly, antsy, hit by a sudden need to justify your presence at their home. You hope Megumi forgives you for the lie you’re about to tell. You glance down at him. “I just came over because Megumi needed school supplies!”

There’s a long silence.

A shadow of a twitch of an eyebrow falls over Satoru's face. "Since when does Megumi need school supplies?”

Suguru watches you carefully. 

Your face burns in silent shame. You stare at the floor, feeling horrible. 

“Since today,” Megumi returns testily. “We’ll be going now.”

Satoru looks mortally offended.

Megumi takes your hand and walks you out while you can't bring yourself to lift your head.

Outside, you bury your face into your knees. “Sorry,” you mumble. “Just give me a few…”

You squeeze your eyes shut and take a shuddering breath while your heart races in your ears.

“Are Satoru and Suguru okay?” You suddenly ask Megumi, who stays silent next to you. “Any issues?”

“They’re the same as ever,” Megumi says tonelessly, but his face is softer in its worry.

You smile. “I’m fine,” you tell him reassuringly.

He's right. If anything, at least the two of them don’t seem to be fighting. Not like they were during the wedding. But you still don’t think you can go back in there, and now you’ve forced Megumi out of the apartment.

You feel a mixture of guilt and horrible, horrible dread slowly spreading through you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I shouldn’t have come. You probably don’t want to be out this late—”

“I don’t mind,” Megumi says. “I was going to take a walk anyway.”

That brings a small smile to your face. “It’s a bit late to take a walk, don’t you think?”

He shrugs. You feel a bit better at the fact that he’s not bothered at your impromptu outing. Rising, you take his hand once more. “Then let’s walk.”

You and Megumi walk around the neighborhood. The streets are dark, illuminated by streetlights in the mostly residential area. Other than the occasional dog walking passerby, the two of you walk in comfortable silence. Until the two of you find yourself all the way in Shibuya with its bright lights and noise. It’s easy to get lost in the lights of Tokyo’s busy nightlife. Throngs of people pass you by as you meander, following the crowd, with no particular destination in mind.

The two of you stop by a 7-11 tucked a bit further away from the bustle. You buy yourself a strawberry daifuku and ask Megumi if he wants anything. He isn’t hungry, so you buy him green tea.

More aimless walking takes you to Sakuragaokachō, away from the crowd. Streetlights and dark buildings greet you, but something about the area looks familiar. Nudges at muscle memory, the nerves in your foot. If Megumi notices your pace pick up, he doesn’t say anything.

You make your way down the street and slowly approach.

It’s a small, odd shaped building. With a curved dome of a roof that makes it look like a half moon.

You stare. “I think I used to come here.”

You remember the pitch blackness of a room, the steady hum of the ac that had filled the room, and the slow blinking of the stars coming alight on the ceiling. You remember this building. 

The memory feels distorted. Incomplete. You feel like a clumsy child putting together a 500 piece puzzle, slotting pieces that don’t fit together. Your head hurts. 

There’s a sign taped to the window next to the entrance. You momentarily squint.

Closing for good. All bookings are final. 

Closing…for good…

Megumi calls your name.

“Sorry,” you blink it all away. “It’s nothing.”

“...Do you want to go in?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…”

“It’s still open.”

“That’s okay.” You don’t want to force Megumi along with your whims even more than you already have tonight.

“I want to go in,” Megumi points inside. “We can buy tickets right now. It’s the last show”

He looks serious enough that you consider it, glancing at the building. If it were any other child but Megumi you might have worried that it would be boring. “Alright,” you say slowly, less troubled. “If you really don’t mind…”

He tugs you forward. The two of you enter the carpeted lobby and approach the usher who hands you two tickets without much fanfare and tells you that this is the last showing of the night. To your great relief, nothing looks familiar. It’s all different. It might not even be the planetarium you had regularly been taken to as a child.  

The two of you enter the dark room faintly lit by dim stars dotting the curved ceiling. There are three couples scattered across the room. You let Megumi pick your seats in the corner and slide in next to him on the reclining seats.

The seating is different. It used to be standard seating in rows. You think. You aren’t sure. Maybe you just aren’t remembering it right. You must not be remembering anything right, right now. You’re buffeted by a perturbed feeling that grows stronger with every passing second.

The room is enveloped in darkness. A recorded woman’s voice begins to play. One by one the zodiacs appear above you while the voice drones on about creation myths and history. Amanominakanushi, Takamimusubi, Kamimusubi.

Different constellations are projected onto the ceiling, constantly in motion, forming new shapes, fading in and out.

You used to come here. You were a child then. You aren’t a child anymore. Nothing is the same. You aren’t that naive child that had proclaimed this planetarium your favorite place in the world. You hadn’t cared about the planetarium as much as you loved being pressed against your warm father, and his steady hand on your head. Your mother’s hushed whispers pointing out more stars.

You suddenly can’t breathe. You are keenly aware of Megumi right next to you, the humming of the air condition in the background, the narrator on the speakers, and every single breath trapped in your chest. Your head spins.

You close your eyes, slowly fisting your knuckles until they’re tight, feeling your legs and arms go numb. It’ll pass. It’ll pass. Don’t bother Megumi. It’ll pass. It’ll pass.

“—a’am”

“She’s occupied.”

Megumi’s curt voice.

When you open your eyes, the lights are on and you are on the floor, clutching your knees to your chest. You blink, readjusting to the light.

The attendant looks unsure. She looks barely out of high school. “The show’s over and we have to clean up so…”

“Right,” you say unsteadily, embarrassment slowly creeping in. You stand. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright…” She looks more relieved than bothered. “The exit’s to the right.”

You quickly gather Megumi and make a dash for the outside.

“Sorry,” you tell him breathlessly, once the two of you have made it far away enough that the embarrassment isn’t as painful. You squeeze your eyes shut, press your hands into your eyes, and take a big gulp of air. “Megumi,” you mumble. “I’m really embarrassed right now.”

“It’s okay,” he says quietly.

There’s a horrible, sinking feeling in your stomach. You kneel down, meeting him at eye level, and manage your best smile. “Hey,” you say, cupping his face with your palm to even your gazes. You meet the dark purple of his eyes, the sincerity in their depths, and think that Megumi has all Fushiguro Toji’s roughness and grit, but none of his meanness. He couldn’t be more different than his father. Your Megumi is a good boy. “I’m alright. Thank you for spending the night with me.”

His gaze lowers. “Yeah.”

You stand back up, brushing your pants off. “I should take you back to Satoru and Suguru now…” You take out your phone to call a cab, but Megumi speaks up.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Your first thought, guiltily, is relief. You can’t send Megumi to the apartment himself so you resigned yourself to having to face Suguru and Satoru once more. You have a late morning tomorrow. It’s Saturday so Megumi doesn’t have school either. It’s the perfect opportunity. 

You smile. “Of course you can.”

——

You text Satoru and Suguru that the two of you have arrived home, shut your phone off, and find Megumi already tucked underneath the covers of your bed. Thankfully Megumi had left some of his clothes the last time he had visited. You watch him for another minute, the steady rise and fall of his body, and the smallness of him. For once, he looks his age. Just another sleeping child.

A couple of years and he’d be as tall as you. You doubt the two of you would be able to comfortably share a bed as the two of you do now. You observe him, adjusting his sheets, smoothing out his hair, until you join him in slumber.

——

You wake up with a start, a scream building in your throat. 

Megumi isn’t in bed. It’s still dark out. Fear grips your heart as you look around your room. Maybe your shuffling had woken him up and he had gone into your guest room to sleep. The thought makes you feel marginally better. But you also feel bad. You should’ve delivered him back to the apartment, swallowing down your discomfort in exchange for Megumi’s sleep.

“I got you water.”

You startle. It’s Megumi standing in the darkness of your doorway. You blink, adjusting to how the shadows meld into him, almost swallowing him whole.

Your throat happens to be parched. “Thank you,” you rasp out as Megumi presses the glass into your hand and climbs back into the bed. You drain the glass. “Did I wake you?”

Megumi’s silence tells you everything.

You sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s not usually this…” Bad. You figure it’s all the stress of your life. And then with Nagoya…

Megumi looks at you. “You were…” he trails off, pulling the covers up higher, up to his neck. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.”

You hope you haven’t been talking in your sleep.

Megumi falls asleep easily enough again, while you thread your fingers through his hair.

When sleep claims you once more, you hope for the forgiving light of the morning to come quickly.

You’re about to head home from the campus of jujustu tech when you catch a glimpse of blonde hair in your peripheral, turning the corner to the courtyard.

“Nanami!” You call out, and the figure stops.

Your kouhai turns to you as you approach, a respectful downtilt of his head. “Senpai.” 

It’s been a while since you’ve seen him. He looks as good as you can normally attribute to him. Straight laced and responsible. Nanami’s always had a maturity to him that you’ve always thought highly of. It’s been years since the two of you were in high school, but sometimes you can still see the slight sullen downturn of his lips when Satoru does something particularly annoying. Some things don’t change.

“How have you been?” Judging from the overnight duffel in his grip, he must have just gotten back from an assignment of his own.

“The same as always,” he responds. “Thank you for asking.” A sensible answer you’d expect from him. He pauses, looking you over, the tinted eyepiece over his eyes offering you nothing. His gaze doesn’t pity you. He doesn’t offer you condolences. It’s an understanding that makes every single troubling thought resurface.

Oh, you think.

“I heard,” he says quietly. About Nagoya.

Your smile turns tight. You force it wider. “It’s over now.” You don’t know what else to say.

“The children…”

It’s a rare moment when Nanami is at a loss for words. You hadn’t expected Nanami of all people to bring this up in conversation. You’re not as upset as you could be about it. Talking to Nanami is and always has been…surprisingly easy.

“An aunt volunteered to raise them.” You think of the shell shocked son and the blank eyed older daughter. Your mouth turns sour. You stare at your shoes. Hopefully, they’ll get settled in soon. You will yourself to say the words but nothing comes out. 

Nanami understands. “Ah. I see.”

The two of you stay silent.

“Nanami!” A voice exclaims loudly.

Satoru.

You don’t have time to react before Satoru is there, in front of you, loudly slapping Nanami on the back. You wince, both at the noise and Satoru’s sudden unwanted arrival. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you were ignoring—”

Wordlessly, Nanami inclines his head to you once more, before turning on his heels and walking in the opposite direction of where he had been headed previously.

“He hasn’t changed one bit!” Satoru sighs. “Just when I thought the shared bonds of adulthood brought us closer…”

“...”

You wonder if you can slowly inch away.

He turns to you, as if sensing your intentions. You brace yourself for impact.

Satoru cocks his head to the side, studying you in silence, gaze shielded. You swallow, pulse starting up as you stare back at him.

“Seven tonight,” he finally says, to your great confusion. “Wear that…” he twirls a finger, “dress.”

A slow smile pulls at his lips. His fingers smooth out the collar of your dress shirt, and you swallow nervously when his fingers brush the heat of your neck. “Suguru barely got to see it, you know?”

Oh.

You hadn’t even thought about it since you shoved it back into your closet, hadn’t touched it. It felt wrong to throw it out. Shoko picked it out specially for you. Despite it all, you wanted to hang on to it.

He takes a step forward. You take a step back into the wall. He leans into you.

“Don’t be late!”

–

You hadn’t planned on wearing the dress. Then you looked up the restaurant on Google and nearly dropped your phone at the price range. 

-

After taking your jacket, the hostess brings you to one of the private rooms in the back before leaving with a bow. You hover at the shoji, feeling anxiety grip you tightly, knowing that Satoru and Suguru are already inside. You wonder if you have to. You could lie, make up some excuse about an emergency as (un)well as it would be received.

The door abruptly slides open before you can decide.

“There you are,” Satoru simply says.

You aren’t given time to do anything else but take off your shoes as Satoru takes you by the wrist with an ironclad grip and leads you to the opposite of the table where Suguru is already seated.

He smiles at you as you slowly lower yourself onto the tatami matting floor. Even now, you still find comfort in Suguru’s smiles. It feels wrong.

“Have you eaten?” He asks as Satoru settles down next to him. “The wagyu here is famous.”

“I’m fine,” you say tightly. Hunger is the last thing on your mind as Satoru and Suguru watch you. Suguru with a carefully crafted smile, and Satoru with an unreadable expression. You’re so nervous you might pass out.

You stare down at your lap.

You are saved from the silence when a waitress knocks and enters the room with a tablet in her hands. Satoru begins listing off an obscene amount of food with Suguru occasionally chiming in with one thing or another. Wagyu, house smoked salmon, lobster, a colorful variety of more seafood, and more. They must be hungry.

Satoru goes quiet. You realize the waitress is waiting for your order. You raise your gaze with a small, polite smile. Had there even been a menu? “I’m not hungr—”

“Double everything,” Satoru says.

You stare at him.

“Add hot chrysanthemum tea to that,” Suguru adds.

“And that,” Satoru completes. “Put it all on my card, would you?”

You’re taken aback. You look to the waitress, hoping she hasn’t put in the order yet. “A-Actually—”

“That’ll be all,” Suguru says smoothly. “Thank you.”

The waitress bows and slips out of the room before you have a chance to say anything else. You don’t have time to comprehend her disappearance and you’re left staring at the empty space she had previously occupied, mouth slightly agape. You turn back to them.

“I ate bef—”

“Then you can eat a little more,” Suguru replies easily. A winning smile playing on his lips. “Right?”

You can’t meet Suguru’s gaze, but you feel it travel over you. “...”

When you chance a glimpse up, Satoru’s face is cradled in his palm. His gaze is centered a little lower than your face. You briefly wonder what he’s looking at when your hand automatically comes up to slap the memory of his teeth on your collarbone. The bruise is gone, but with Satoru looking at you like that you can’t be too sure.

The two of them share an infinitely amused glance.

Satoru opens his mouth. You beat him to it.

“I’m sorry!” You blurt out. You feel like it needs to be said before anything else. You clear your throat. “I’m sorry.”

Satoru raises an eyebrow. “Already?”

“What are you apologizing for?” Suguru asks.

Your fists curl, anxious to be speaking everything to existence. You struggled between acknowledgement and the relief of denial. You didn’t want it to be true, but it still happened, hadn’t it? “Everything,” you say plainly. “I didn’t…I don’t want to come between the two of you…I think that the two of you should talk things out more instead of…”

You think of Suguru’s face between your thighs. Satoru’s lips on yours. Your face feels embarrassingly warm. You want to crawl into the nearest closet, shut the door, and burrow into the floor.

There’s a knock on your door. Your waitress places your drinks down and leaves once more. Glad to have something to occupy your hands, your hands circle around the tea mug. It’s hot enough to burn, but the prickling of pain in your hands oddly enough, grounds you.

“It’s okay to be mad,” you say quietly. You should’ve stopped things before they escalated. Instead you let yourself be caught up in everything. “If the two of you want to be mad at each other then I’d rather you be mad at m—”

“Just a second!” Satoru raises his hand.

“Y-yes?”

He proceeds. “We’re not mad at you.”

Satoru meets your wide gaze evenly. Disbelief. You look to Suguru. You need confirmation. 

“I was never mad,” he says, regarding you with concern. “More worried.” A wry smile. “You started avoiding us so suddenly…”

The revelation stuns you. They aren’t…mad? They don’t hate you? The two of them know everything. More disbelief. Relief wars with confusion. You don’t know what to think. You thought the worst, and maybe that was all your fault. You’ve always gotten too caught up in your head. It’s easy to spiral when you’re left alone with your thoughts. You don’t like being alone, the loneliness, but it’s your most familiar friend. 

“I thought the two of you hated me,” you admit, fingers clinging to the warmth of the tea in your hands in lieu of fidgeting. “I thought the two of you would never want to see me again…” It doesn’t feel real. They aren’t mad. They aren’t mad at you. You could cry from the relief.

You eye them warily. “Are you still fighting?”

It’s Suguru who answers you, expression soft. “You could say we’ve come to a compromise.”

You straighten, feeling lighter than you have in what seems to be ages. They’ve called you here to forget about everything. Everything is alright. Everything is going to go back to how it was. Well, not exactly. Satoru and Suguru may get married in the near or far future, and you'll naturally, slowly, take your leave from their everyday lives. But you’ll still be friends. Suguru will still look at you fondly. Satoru will still afford you the same considerations that everybody else thinks he lacks.

“I’m glad,” you say earnestly with a wide smile. “Then I’ll forget about everything. I’ll pretend nothing happened.”

Everything is going to stay the same. You take immense comfort in that fact. Your nerves settle. You take a long sip of your tea.

The two of them share another look.

Suguru reaches out, his fingers brushing one of your hands that you laid palm down on the table sometime after Suguru told you he was never mad at you. His thumb sweeps over your wrist and you startle, pulse spiking. “Did it feel good?”

You blink. You don’t need to guess to know what he’s referring to. You glance from Suguru to Satoru and then back again, wordlessly opening and closing your mouth. You can’t escape from the question, or their combined scrutiny.

You press your legs together. “It…did…” There’s no need for you to have felt as if you shouldn’t have enjoyed it, but you still feel a pang of guilt. Satoru and Suguru aren’t mad at each other, or at you. They still love each other. Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to stay the same.

“That’s good,” Suguru says warmly. “I wanted to make you feel good.”

“Oh,” you reply, breathless and unsure. “Thank you.”

Satoru exhales with a laugh that shakes his shoulders. It’s not derisive like you expected. It’s fond and amused. “How about all three of us feel good?”

You blink.

The implications aren’t lost on you. You open your mouth and then close it. Maybe Satoru and Suguru’s odd actions towards you had nothing to do with their argument in the first place. Maybe you were overthinking it all from the start. It’s just sex.

If you could help them feel good, then you don’t mind. “Okay.”

The two of them stare at you.

You wonder why they look so...surprised. It’s not as if you’ve never seen an occasional third breach their bedroom. A man or woman you've never recognized. It’s just sex. It’s normal. You think that maybe, like you, they want the comfort of something familiar. And if anything, you are familiar. But—

You’ve never had sex before.

You hesitate, feeling oddly self conscious about it as your gaze drops back to your lap. You’ve entertained some thoughts about it all, but you always figured the ugly scar on your abdomen would be discomfiting to most. And explaining it…

“I’ve never been with anyone before. I hope that’s alright.” You fidget. “I’ll try my…” you reluctantly meet their gazes, ”best.”

There’s a brief silence.

“That was easy,” Satoru remarks, squinting at you as if you’ve been replaced by an identical lookalike. He glances at Suguru. “We should’ve just done this earlier.” His gaze joins yours once more. “That easy?”

Earlier…

You stare at them, almost dumbfounded.

The two of them should’ve just asked earlier, to save you the emotional turmoil if anything! 

It was only ever sex. It only is sex.

You hesitate. You don’t mind. You really don’t. It doesn't need to mean anything, especially with you. You prefer to look at it in simpler terms. Sex can be pleasurable, and with you, that’s all it would ever likely be. You doubt there are any other intentions involved.

Then you say, quietly, meaningfully, “I like…spending time with the two of you…”

A bark of laughter leaves Satoru’s mouth. “Well, we’re not exactly going to be watching movies —”

“You don’t need to,” Suguru suddenly says. “If you don’t want to, then you don’t need to.” He gives you a soft smile despite the sharp jab of his elbow into Satoru’s abdomen. Satoru hisses. Suguru doesn’t miss a beat. “Don’t let this guy pressure you.” There’s a pause. “Everything would stay the same.”

Maybe a part of you had been waiting for those words. Everything would stay the same. Suguru always knows what to say, you think, because his words feel like a confirmation.

“Are you two alright with me?” You ask. “I’m sure there are plenty of other people…” who know what to do.

You are gripped with sudden anxiety and your stomach twists into knots. You don’t know what to do. You wouldn’t know how to make them feel good. You’ll be terrible and they’ll wish they never asked you in the first place. You swallow the knot in your throat. “I’m sure Sasaki-san would love—”

“No,” Suguru’s fingers momentarily tighten over your wrist. “Only you,” he says at the same time Satoru says, “Who the hell is Sasaki?”

You blink. “5’4, brown hair cut into a bob, hazel eyes. She was wearing a silver colored kimono…” You pause thoughtfully, recalling the shapes and patterns. “There was an embroidered crane on it.” Running down the side of her left leg. “She smelled like apple blossoms and had soft hands…” She smelled good. You remember that, along with the heat of her fingers when they brushed your own. You stare down at the hand that had touched her, momentarily lost in thought.

Satoru stares at you blankly while Suguru looks vaguely resigned.

You try again. “The matchmaking ceremony you ditched…?”

Satoru is characteristically unrepentant. “Which one?”

“...”

Suguru looks like he’s trying to stifle laughter.

All those poor girls…

“Masaru Sasaki,” Suguru murmurs. Satoru makes an annoyed face.

“ That girl. She was practically hanging off your arm—” Satoru bites the rest of his sentence off, blue eyes narrowing at Suguru. “You cheatin’ on me?”

Your palms immediately turn sweaty. It could be a joke. It could also not be. Sometimes, with Satoru (and even Suguru at times) it’s hard to tell.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you,” Suguru replies blithely. “Maybe you’ve been neglecting me.”

You busy yourself with your lukewarm cup of tea, unsure of what to do. A second’s glance upwards and you’re met with an amused glint in Suguru’s eyes and a lazy grin curling at his lips.

If Suguru was lonely maybe that was why he sought you out in the first place. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. You’re not one to comment on things that aren’t your business in the first place, but it seems more and more likely.  You knew their boundaries. They knew you’d never push for anything they don’t want. If Satoru doesn’t like Sasaki-san, maybe they compromised on you.

You think back to Suguru’s words. They’ve settled on a compromise. That’s what you are, a compromise. The thought consoles you. In the end, it’s nothing serious. Nothing you should have given more than a second’s consideration. It’s as insignificant as a loose lipped comment. The two of them will have stopped fighting now. You’re glad for it.

Satoru snorts. “Neglecting you right into her open arms,” a derisive twist of his lips, “or should I say le—” 

“She seems very nice!” You exclaim, sweating. “It’s not very nice of you to say things like that, Satoru.” You chide lightly, before you smile brightly at Suguru. “She’s very pretty.” You hope you come off encouragingly so that you can convey to Suguru that you are on his side. “She seems wonderful.” 

Suguru blankly smiles back.

Luckily you’re saved from having to salvage the conversation when there’s a knock at the door. Your waitress returns with a cart of food, quickly laying down platter after platter. It doesn’t stop until almost every open space on the long wooden table has been filled with seafood. You stare at it. The abundance of it all. Maybe Satoru shouldn’t have doubled everything…

Your tea is refilled as Suguru murmurs his thanks. When the waitress takes her leave you’re still staring at all the food, unsure of where to even start when Suguru sets a stacked plate down in front of you.

You stare at the colorful array of sashimi and uni and the perfectly cooked wagyu. Your stomach already hurts at the coming richness of the meal, but now that the load of potentially ending Satoru and Suguru’s relationship has been lifted off of your shoulders you’re a bit hungrier than you were when you arrived.

Satoru keeps on loading your plate with more and more food. You pick up your chopsticks, intent on slowly shaving down the precariously tilting seafood tower on your plate when he conversationally asks, “So how was Nagoya?” as he places a large piece of uni on your plate.

You think of a sobbing, blood stained child clutching his mother’s severed hand in his arms. Then you think of Megumi.

Your appetite dies, stomach curling inwards.

They don’t know, you think as you look at the both of them seated across from you, waiting for your response. It was classified as a grade 2 mission after all. Two worlds shattered, and it hadn’t even merited a full time auxiliary manager. It’s considered beneath them now, eliciting the same mundane response as Suguru asking Satoru to check the week’s weather so that he can put umbrellas in the kids’ backpacks. The other week Suguru captured a curse that could have easily leveled Tokyo with a crushing tsunami. Satoru had been away in Malaysia.

It was just another child alone in the world, another corpse, another casualty.

You stare at your cup of tea. You hear Nanami’s gentle, quiet murmur in your ears. I heard.

You wonder if this is something you should even bother them with. There are always more important things to worry about than one of your bad days. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Not really. You don’t matter. You never have.

“It was fine,” you hear yourself say. It was horrible. You’ve been having nightmares again. It’s been a long time since an assignment hit you this hard. “Just another assignment.”

“Did something happen?” Satoru stares you down.

“Not much.” You reply easily, wondering when it had gotten so easy to lie to them. Just about the small things.

You silently pick at a piece of hamachi. It’s not your place to get involved. You can’t get involved in the tragedy of all the assignments that make you feel as if everything you’ve ever done is redundant, even if you can logically acknowledge you’re unlikely to make a real difference. Not on a real, tangible level. It still makes you feel horrible. 

You are suddenly, very, very tired.

“Are the kids home?” You want to see Megumi, wrap your arms around him, and squeeze him tightly just to reassure yourself he’s okay. You want him to never have to worry about jujustu society or the responsibility of being a jujustu sorcerer. You want him to be able to choose. It’s wishful thinking. It’s already late and the four of them should be getting ready for bed. You wish you could just hold Megumi, Tsumiki, and the twins. The four of them are so young, and already too old.

Suguru’s smile turns affectionate. “The twins are asleep by now. They had a late night yesterday. But Tsumiki’s probably still up doing her homework. I’m not sure about Megumi…”

“Probably sleeping,” you confirm. An early sleeper, and early riser. The boy had his habits.

“You wanna stop by?” Satoru asks casually.

You blink. You must be imagining the suggestion in his voice. 

“I was just wondering about the kids,” you rush out, embarrassed for having even thought it in the first place. Of course not. It’s not as if they were expecting anything from you right now. If anything, you should bring the night to a wrap so the two of them can get back home instead of having to entertain you. “It’s getting pretty late out though, isn’t it? Maybe we should call it a—”

“You haven’t touched your food,” Suguru lightly frowns and although his displeasure isn’t aimed at you, you still feel somewhat chastened. “Still not hungry?”

“A-ah…” You pick your chopsticks once again. “Thank you for the meal,” you murmur, taking a bite of the first thing your chopsticks come into contact with. Octopus. You realize that it might have been rude of you to not eat anything when they’ve so graciously invited you to an expensive restaurant like this. Now that you’ve taken a complimentary swallow, you look up at them expectantly. “I don’t want to keep you two—”

“Maybe we should order some drinks,” Suguru takes a couple of bites out of his own food. “Satoru needs something sugary or he’ll be too restless to sleep tonight.” He sighs forlornly, despite his lips pulling into a teasing smile. “When he gets in a mood, he likes to push me around in bed.”

You blink.

Suguru looks at him, fond. “He’s a horrible sleeper.”

Satoru huffs. “And you love me for it.” A thoughtful pause. “I could use a drink.”

“Great.” Suguru presses the button on the table. It doesn’t take a full minute until your waitress appears in the room. “Your most sugary nonalcoholic drink and a cup of sugar. I’ll take a bottle of your most expensive Junmai Daiginjo. Two cups.”

You open your mouth to object, but Suguru beats you. There’s a concerned look on his face. “Is there something wrong with the food? I thought you would have at least finished your plate…”

Your waitress almost imperceptibly freezes, the smile high on her face. You look to her in a panic. “It’s delicious!” You look to Suguru and say once again, “It’s delicious!”

Satoru looks a few seconds away from breaking into loud laughter. He succumbs, snickering into his elbow.

Suguru breaks into a smile. “I’m glad. You’ll eat some more, won’t you?” Then to the waitress, he says, “Two cups.”

The waitress hightails it out of the room after a bow. You stare at your plate in silence as Suguru and Satoru have a pleasant conversation about how although Satoru hates going to the Zenin compound, he had found something interesting there the last time he visited (two weeks ago). Your ears perk when Suguru says heavenly restriction.  

You take another bite of the food on your plate, intent on finishing half of it before your waitress comes back in an effort to make her feel more comfortable.

This time, your drinks are delivered by a waiter. You feel bad for your waitress who had probably asked to be transferred to a different room. Suguru pours you a cup as Satoru takes a long sip of what looks like a strawberry cream float. It looks like something out of an amusement park cafe, but Satoru looks satisfied.

You’re about to ask about the heavenly restriction, when Satoru eyes you.

“I should feed you,” he announces.

You stare at him. “What?”

He stands up abruptly. You watch as he makes his way to your side of the table in three long steps, and plops down next to you. He takes a large piece of uni and holds it up to your lips. 

“Open up!” He says cheerily.

You do not open up.

He’s making fun of you, you’re sure of it. “You don’t need to feed me,” you say pointedly. You look to Suguru for help, but you only get a grin in response.

“Indulge him,” it almost sounds sympathetic. “He’s in a mood.”

Up close, his eyes are piercingly determined. You relent, opening your mouth as Satoru places the uni in your mouth.

“Now be good and finish your food,” he says smugly. “Or you can finish the rest on my lap.” 

You stare at him in unabashed horror.

"At least try to look somewhat interested," Satoru deadpans.

Suguru snorts.

Under the threat of Satoru’s continued intervention, you slowly make your way through your plate as Suguru refills your cup. Time passes in a blur. Satoru is warm next to you, shoulder pressed to yours, and you resist the urge to lean on his shoulder. It’s almost reflexive, to sink into him. The two of them quietly talk about a child called Zenin Maki. You force your shoulders straight while their voices drift in and out, feeling your eyelids slowly dragging shut.

You blink when Suguru says your name. The two of them are looking at you.

“Sleepy?” Suguru inquires.

You slowly nod. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I should go.” You gather your things, but when you rifle through your bag to find your keys you realize they aren’t there. You pat your pockets, search your bag once more, and still. “My keys…”

Satoru lifts a finger to your face, the ring of your keys looped around his index. You reach out to grab it but Satoru lifts it away. You’re confused. Those are your keys. You reach for them again, but Satoru swiftly moves away. You’re debating on stopping him with your cursed technique. Infinity isn’t on, you can tell.

“Satoru—”

“How about a kiss first?” He murmurs, leaning in, lips hovering close.

Your bottom lip throbs, as if remembering the shape of Satoru’s teeth and the way it had drawn blood.

…

…

…

You’re already putting on your shoes. Satoru must have sneaked a few sips of Suguru’s alcohol. He’s drunk.

“I’ll stay somewhere else tonight,” you say quickly. Shoko would probably still be up. If not, there were always hotels around. In the morning you’d ask your building’s super to open your door. You have a spare key inside.

Satoru sputters. “Hold on!”

Suguru laughs, long and loud. You relish the sound, despite your back being turned against him. He says your name.

You pause, meeting his gaze over your shoulder. To give him the benefit of doubt if anything. Suguru pats the floor next to him.

You eye him. Suguru’s expression is full of innocuous intent.

“At least let me look at you before you leave,” Suguru sighs out. “Before you leave us again.”

Suguru looks sad. It makes you feel…kinda bad. You have been busy lately, haven’t you? (Avoiding the two of them.) You don’t like it either. You’re glad this dinner has resolved most of your worries. You crawl to him, intending to say your goodbyes to his face, but Suguru takes your hand.

You aren’t sure how you end up on his lap. You really aren’t. You were on the floor and now you aren’t, and Suguru’s chest pressed to your back. You open your mouth and then figuring against it, you close your mouth. You opt for staring down at your own lap and trying to stay still enough to rival a statue. 

Suguru’s arms wrap around your waist. “Much better,” he murmurs, playing with the hem of your dress that reaches down to your ankles. “I like this color,” he says conversationally, as if your mind isn’t white blanket quiet in your panic. “Did Shoko get this for you?” His lips brush your ear.

You nearly bolt but Suguru’s arms hold you down.

“Pfft.”

You give Satoru a wide eyed look pleading for help from where he’s made himself comfortable on the floor in front of you, lying on his side, head propped up to the side by a hand. 

…You hadn’t expected Satoru to help.

You really didn’t.

You feel your will to flee slowly drain out of you. Prey resigning itself to be dinner.  

“Shoko…picked it out.”

“She likes dressing you,” Suguru says with a small laugh, releasing your hem and hiking your skirt up high enough for his hand to slide up your thigh in a caressing gesture. “How about you give Satoru and I a turn next?”

You blankly burn a hole into your lap, deathly mortified. “That’s…” a little embarrassing, you think. Why would they ever want to do that? Satoru is looking so intently at you that he could be jealous, and you think you might be sick. After all that talk about Suguru feeling neglected…

“Like…another dress?”

Suguru hums.

“...Shoes?”

Suguru laughs. You can feel his smile. "Among other things."

“S-Suguru,” you start, putting your hand over his arms locked around you. “I should really get going…”

He sighs, and you can feel it in his chest. “Right. Of course.”

You wait for him to loosen his arms, to free you, but he doesn’t move.

“...Suguru—”

“Kiss tax!” Satoru interrupts, suddenly in front of you. He’s insistent, leaning into you once again with a hand on your thigh, except you have nowhere to back away but into Suguru. “Just one and you’ll be on your way!”

This is humiliating. You want to die.

Satoru’s face hovers closer and closer. Without thinking you intercept his lips with a hand, muffling his mouth.

“We shouldn’t,” you blurt out. “Not in public.”

Satoru doesn’t deign you with a response. Instead his gaze exaggeratedly sweeps the room, as if to emphasize the lack of other people. 

Someone could come in. Anyone could see. They don’t want to be accidentally seen with… you. “Nobody can know.” Then for good measure you say it again. “Nobody can know.”

Satoru isn’t happy. You can tell by the press of his lips. Suguru’s gaze bears into the top of your head. But you’re worried about their prospects. About everything they might regret. It’s best to keep this a secret. They’ll thank you for it later, you’re sure.

“Who car—”

“Please.”

Satoru momentarily glances upwards. He’s still unhappy. “Fine. Right Suguru?”

“That’s right,” you hear him say from behind you. His tone is carefully measured. You don’t want to look at him, and you can’t discern his feelings either. “A secret.”

You exhale. “Thank you.”

After a second of agonizing hesitation, you lean forward and press a small, short kiss to Satoru’s waiting lips. When you pull back, you shyly say, “kiss tax paid.”

“That was nothing,” Satoru says immediately. “Ten more.”

You frown.

“You forgot someone.” Suguru’s voice is light, almost chiding.

You didn’t forget. You just hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this. You turn your head to the side and lean in. Suguru meets you halfway, lips soft on your own. Almost immediately, Suguru’s arms go lax, as a hand comes up to cup your face, thumb running along your cheek.

It lasts a second longer than Satoru’s kiss, which is already enough to get him whining about timing the length of your kisses which means more kissing.

All that matters is that you’re finally free. You jump to your feet, swipe your shoes, and run out the door without a second thought.

[ot3]

I'm curious since you seem to understand the series very well, and especially with your takes on AA5/6, how do you think the mainline series will progress from here? I'm pretty convinced AA7 will eventually happen, but with them continuing to milk superficial nonsense out of their characters and not exploring their actual depth at all, as well as their addiction to raising the stakes to a ridiculous degree, it feels somewhat hopeless to expect a good and engaging game out of AA7. Like the DGS duology is amazing and I want it to give me hope, but then I look back at the main series and remember all the flaws it's been developing in the 3D era and I just feel rather sad.

i can not even BEGIN to guess where the series is going because the decisions that make sense from a narrative perspective, or that make sense from a fan perspective, are completely different than the ones that make sense from a corporate perspective, but the corporate perspective is the one that dictates the franchise at the end of the day

the release of the DGS duology in english, which many people never thought would happen, is i think a really good sign. capcom had a survey released after the localization which basically asked fans for input on the future of the dgs and greater ace attorney franchise which makes me hopeful that theyre going to use the DGS duology as a jumping off point conceptually for future games. but that's all speculation

i'm not sure how the reception was for DGS vs AA5 &6, but the games seem to be pretty well liked and popular in japan, based on the character popularity polls that released for the 20th anniversary. dgs characters scored very high

i dont actually know much about the technical aspects of the games like their respective critical reception or sales figures, but i think if you compare the DGS duology and the 3d mainline, whichever one sold better and was higher rated is probably the direction theyll take the series. after all, they want to make money.

grace rivalsforlife would maybe know more about this. it seems like the kind of thing she'd know. i'll have to ask her about it later.

what i HOPE happens is essentially a soft reboot of the mainline where aa7 (which according to leaks is supposedly happening... but im not sure i believe it yet) takes a page out of DGS's book in terms of art, gameplay, and narrative direction and sort of just adds a breath of fresh air to the incredibly stale shit theyve been churning out.

or honestly i wouldnt be opposed to more spinoff games like if they wanted to make dgs3 or a 3d investigations game or do something else entirely and never touch mainline again i dont think itd be a bad move. id play it.

[borathae]

helloooo Sibi baby, first of all woofffff woof. Wet has me dropping me wet 😮‍💨 yeiu went off. Queen with your writing skills master Sibi. I’m just a mere mortal put on this world to experience your writing. 🤲🏻 infact all the first weeks 7 stories have me clenching so hard that I had to ask my dom bf to allow me to let me have a little gentle femdom session with him. Oh Sibi, the things that do to and make me also do. Okay so, I will once again say chefs kiss to your writing and now I would like to ask you something. So I told my boyfriend about you and your yummy stories. We’ve been pretty much dom, him, sub me since the start of our relationship and since I discovered you(6 months back) i mentioned him the idea of domming him. Soooooo, okay tomorrow we’ve booked a little hotel room and are planning to be intimate but finally playing out this fantasy that you’ve ignited inside of me. Now full disclaimer, it’s consensual and my boyfriends wants this to happen and actually also send his love your way for helping me discover gentle femdom because he secretly had this kink but never knew to bring it up because all he ever saw was garbage pornhub videos and he assumed that men as a dom was just a default settling. Anyways I think I’m rambling too much, OKAY SO now I’ve been tossing and turning in my bed because im super nervous about tomorrow and I just wanted your help. I’ve read each and every one of your story but I feel like non of them kind of show how someone new to dom, (girls perspective) should go about it? Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t have to write it and maybe I could’ve missed something who knows. Most your stories if they have a newbie it’s always the male who is new to experience being dommed. My question being, can you please guide me a little? On how to go about it? If it helps, he wants a very gentle dom and he is into edging. In my mind I’m clear that I’ll wear a sexy two piece set but instruct him to be completely naked and laying on the bed before I enter the room and start the scene. I know I don’t want to touch his cock for atleast 30 mins to tease the shit out of him and make him leak on himself but besides that I’m so blank. I’m so so so blank. Like what do I do for that 30 minutes? Sibi I’m so nervous. Please help me. He isn’t into anal stuff yet, we will get into that slowly. One step at a time so everyone is comfortable and having fun and everything is consensual. Oh and you’d be proud, I’m using the green, yellow, red safewords from your stories in our playtime. You’re such a huge influence in my sex life you have no idea. Okay so please help me out. Give me pointers. Give me 5 top just lust worthy dirty tricks to make him a begging mess before I ever touch his dick. Please help me become the best succubus-esque gentle femdom one could be, please queen Sibi. 🤲🏻 also I’m a such a huge fan and I write to you very often so I will start adding an emoji now since I’ve made you so god dame important in my life. You should know how much I worship you.

🔐

(like the matching lockets of hobi and joonie at jack in the box listening party🤍)

hope 2 hear from u soon soon hopefully before tomorrow 5pm BUT NO PRESSURE OF COURSE AAAHHHHHHHH IM DYING THO

Aah I'm so happy my lil stories helped you discover stuff about yourself!! SA!OC definitely didn't have any ideas of how to dom people before she met Yoongs and I think tct!OC didn't really have experience either fjdsfj or the sense of innocence!OC. I guess I just like writing them already kinda nailing it? because being dominant comes so natural to me ahahha

And as far as your night is concerned. Obviously I have no idea what you or your boyfriend enjoy, so this is gonna be very general advice, which you guys may or may not enjoy.

touch him. i feel like men in heteronormative relationships never really get pampered (looking at all the straight girlies i know who went wait you pamper your man?? to me). So lie him down and feel up every inch of his body. Kiss the parts he likes the most, give him goosebumps with soft touches, praise him for being so handsome, play with his hair, whisper against his ears for those shiversss

a little birdie once whispered to me that it feels especially good on the neck and chest :-) also many (not all obvs.) have sensitive nipples so maybe try stimulating them for a little.

inner thigh kisses. so many of them. hickeys, little soft bites, kisses. inner thighs are sensitive for men too, so worship them.

also okay but armpits and their sides? dance your fingertips/nails down those parts and i can guarantee that they will shiver

massages could work wonders too. they are relaxing and sensual and give you guys a great connection & it gives you an opportunity to feel him up

you can also use the time to "use him for your own pleasure". make him finger you, eat you out, use a toy on you, whatever feeds your taste. just make him make you cum as often as you want to because that's what we girlies deserve and i feel like a real man enjoys making his queen cum 💅🏻

sensory play? something with either feathers tracing his skin, brushes swirling over his body or maybe even something like ice cubes for a little temperature play

Honestly my general advice would be lots of touches and pampering with so many praises about how handsome and good he is. Or if he is a service sub/dom offer him an opportunity for pleasing you (cause bro that would get me going sjfdsj) before really pampering him. Just be sensual with him, that shit is so underrated but so hot.

I hope this can help you. Have fun tonight and remember to always follow the SSC rule. Safe, sane and consensual with lots communication in between 💜

[inamagicalhallucination]

i have to get to work so i cant say much but i will argue that i don't think atsushi views dazai as a white character/has a skewed vision of him - i just think he's see the better parts of dazai/has a higher opinion

atsushi is a character who believes that ppl can change and he thinks that dazai is being able to put his past behind him - because he can see that the dazai he knows, the dazai now is a good person - like he saves atsushi <- and we can argue about his real reasons but that doesn't change the fact he's the first person to help atsushi / show him kindness - but, as per recent chapters, we also watch him save/help sigma, we see him, again and again, try and keep yokohama safe/try and be good

i think atsushi does apply that humans aren't black or white w/ dazai and thats what allows him to see through dazai in dead apple and know he was trying to help and hadn't betrayed them

i do think that sometimes atsushi puts him on a pedestal but i dont think thats because he views him as all white/good but rather simply because dazai's the one who brought him to the agency, saved him, supported him through everything, and gave him his new life <- because it's important to note that dazai /is/ actually very kind/nice to atsushi - with aku and lucy he saw/knew them when they were more dark than grey and we saw him get to know them - but by the time atsushi meets dazai he's already steps ahead of both of them in the light - becoming a good person so it makes sense that he doesn't view him with the same eyes that he views lucy and aku

anyway i have to go but users @lnkedmyheart and @bunglegaydogs had great tags

#i agree with this#but i also think Atsushi doesnt believe Dazai was never bad#Atsushi is very much of the view that people deserve to be given another chance#he KNOWS Dazai wasnt a good guy#he KNOWS that Dazai isnt an example of an upstanding person#but he also knows Dazai is trying and he chooses to see the best in him instead of fixating on his past#does he maybe give Dazai too much credit and put him on somewhat of a pedestal? yea probably#but he also doesnt treat him like a God or some kind of saint#if Aku was the mc maybe then Dazai would have been seen from the lens of a bad guy manipulative af and running from his past#we saw him from Oda's perspective and he felt like a mentally unwell child stuck in a bad situation since eternity#we saw him from Kunikida's perspective and he was a morally ambiguous prick who was very jaded about things#i wanna see him properly from Chuuya's and Aku's pov now too.

and

#bro ALL the prev tags holy shit yes#atsushi knows that hes a morally grey character#in dead apple the whole conversation at the end sends me feral#atsushi: “you tried to protect this city”#dazai: “do i look like such a good person?” (rheotrical im guessing)#atsushi: “sure why?”#at this#dazai is lowkey shocked#and literally fucking kyouka is too#then#when atsushi says “i think dazai can put his past behind him again”#he knows that dazais past is not clean#its dark#and not the greatest tbh lmao#but he still chooses to believe in him and hold out hope for him if you get me?#he does put him on a pedestal sometimes#and in 55 minutes when atsushi has the realisation of “oh fuck dazai ISNT perfect”

how different do u think we'd view dazai if atsushi wasnt the main character

[arhvste]

can you maybe do some hcs w kuroo tsukishima and oikawa when their s/o is being bullied by people from school?

love me some savage haikyuu boys 😈

-

KUROO, TSUKISHIMA AND OIKAWA REACTING TO THEIR S/O BEING BULLIED

-

KUROO

kuroo is a perspective little shit 

he analysis’ anything and everything 

he isn’t called the scheming captain for nothing 

so when he notice’s his s/o feeling down or acting different from normal he will find out what’s bothering them

he’ll ask you first

and if you’re not willing to give clear answers he’ll just find out himself

he doesn't want to overstep privacy boundaries

but if you’re being upset by something he feels like it’s his duty as your boyfriend to sort it out

so one day you’re waiting for him after practice

and you both usually meet outside the gym doors to talk home together

however

this time you’ve unfortunately encountered the people who have been making school life unbearable for you

“look its stupid little y/n!”

“why are you still here? waiting for your boyfriend like some sort of lost dog?”

“i don’t know how he puts up with you”

“so clingy and desperate for support i feel so bad for him”

they have you cornered and you’re outnumbered by far 

kuroo has been waiting outside the gym doors for 5 minutes now and is confused 

you’re never ever late 

so he wanders around looking for you since you aren't answering your phone 

now kuroo is annoying but he isn’t stupid

he’s had a hunch about what’s been bothering you lately

he’s noticed a few kids often hang behind class until you leave and they seem to surround you when you’re trying to leave your classroom

he never intervened because he didn’t want to wrongly accuse them of harassing you in case you were friends with them

but you still didn’t look particularly thrilled when you got away from them

so kuroo hears some familiar voices and he heads straight over to them

“don’t cry y/n you don't want to look even more ugly than you already do”

“oh look y/n’s crying they can't even handle a few jokes”

“your boyfriend might even dump you when he sees you”

“the only ones who need dumping are all of you into a pit of fire 🥰”

there stands the 6′2, muscular built, powerhouse school national level volleyball captain with the coldest look he’s ever had

the kids surrounding you are dead silent

“what? nobodies got anything to say now? i thought we were all just laughing and joking with each other so why’d we stop now?”

kuroos eyes soften as soon as they meet yours 

he’s grabbed your hand and pulled you tightly into his chest

“i don't think much of a warning needs to be made but let me make this clear just this once because i don't like having to remind people things, come near her, approach, talk about or to her again and you’re going to have a personal problem with me and my team. got it?”

lmfao the little bitches nod trembling and run 🏃🏽‍♀️

kuroo is such a science nerd who makes awful jokes and has the worlds most obnoxious laugh 

but he’s also a man and a captain and sometimes it’s easy to forget that

he can pick and choose when and what he wants to be perceived as

and right then he has chosen to show you who he really can be 

“why didn’t you tell me angel?”

“i didn’t want to have to bother you”

“oh baby you’re never ever a bother to me. im sorry i couldn't help sooner please never hesitate to tell me if anything like this happens again”

kuroo’s warning sticks with your bullies and they don't bother you anymore

the volleyball team and coach nekomata are throwing dirty ass looks at them too nfjdsbfjs

all in all, kuroo just wants you to know he is there to support you

and he’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and comfortable 

-

TSUKISHIMA

lmao all i’ve got to say to your bullies is good luck

because if tuski finds out you’ve been bullying his s/o

you’re done for 

this boy has no mercy

he doesn't even need to physically fight

his words can cut deeper than any knife and he knows it 

so when he notices you've been feeling more anxious around school and clinging to him a little more

he grows sus

he’s immediately closing in on who is bothering you and what insults he wants to throw at them

tuski has an exam and it runs a little into lunch 

he told you that if it runs over than you can just wait by your classroom and he’d come and get you 

however while you’re waiting you have a run in with the students who have been giving you a hard time 

just like tuski you’re a student who thrives in academics 

so a few of your classmates aren't particularly fond of your constant reign of lead in your class

“ew y/n you gross weirdo why are you here?”

“they’re probably waiting for their boyfriend to come and pick them up”

“such an entitled little shit, waiting to be collected who do you think you are”

so far you’d done pretty well ignoring them 

but that was in an environment with many other students who’d call your bullies out if they were to step out of line in class

right now you’re an easy target though

nobody to protect you

well that’s what you thought anyway

you feel your bag get snatched from your hands and thrown to the ground 

the bullies are kicking your stuff around laughing while you have no choice but to watch is despair 

that's until one of them is tripped up and lands face flat onto the ground

“you think i should kick them around and see if they can take it?”

tuski is standing there with a dark smile on his face

“so brave of you to pick on my y/n when you all have the audacity to look the way you do and don't even get me started on your academics”

“if i were you'd just apologise to your parents now because realistically what are you all going to do in your lives? success doesn't really look like it fits any of you to be honest”

the other students don't even know what to say

they can't exactly say anything

tsukishima is known to have a sharp tongue with an endless flow of direct insults 

“it’d be a shame if a teacher were to find out about this wouldn't it. im thinking suspension maybe? perhaps you should all call your parents up right now and apologise for your inevitable suspension”

the bullies look at each other nervously

he couldn’t be serious right

“im waiting”

these kids whip out their phones and are calling their confused parents trying to explain about how they could be suspended

“now off you all go, get out of my sight and don't you dare come near her again”

they be sprinting out the hallways 

“you weren’t actually gonna get them suspended were you?”

“it was depending on how fast they called their parents really”

tsukishima is on the floor helping you gather you trashed things

“im annoyed you didn't tell me. don't keep things like this from me yeah? cause not only am i here for you but, i get a kick out of it to. besides, im the only one who gets to be playfully mean to you.”

and he’ll make sure to keep a closer eye on you and keep you around him for a little longer just till he’s certain you’ve been left alone

OIKAWA

fangirls 

the absolute bane of his existence 

oikawa appreciated the support but it was overbearing sometimes 

especially when he just wants to spend time with his precious y/n-chan

in front of him, his fangirls would be so polite and supportive 

“you and y/n look so good together”

“i hope you’re treating them well”

“oikawa is is lucky”

but behind his back these girls were nothing but vicious and spiteful towards you 

you knew you’d have to deal with his fangirls at some point 

you’d decided to keep your relationship hidden for the first few months until oikawa suggested going public and you felt like you couldn’t say no

you’d hear comments as you walked through the halls

classes would’ve been a nightmare if iwaizumi wasn’t in your class

he knew you were struggling with oikawa’s fangirls but you pleaded him not to say anything to his best friend 

iwaizumi didn't exactly want to keep this from oikawa but he also didn't want to go against your wishes 

you compromised instead and told iwaizumi about everything the fangirls put you through and sometimes he’d even take it lightly into his own hand 

despite the fact you had oikawa’s best friend looking out for you, this was also a reason the bullying got worse

“you think you can get iwaizumi to back you up now? you want the whole team or what?”

yes

“stop being so overdramatic oikawa shouldn’t have to put up with someone as fragile as you”

“he can do so much better did you manifest or do witchcraft to get him to date you?”

the comments had become so common to you they started to have no effect

you slowly became more and more emotionally unavailable and this was something oikawa had started to pick up on

“y/n-chan you’ve stopped smiling at me so much. have i upset you?”

at first he’d think he did something wrong and he’d desperatly rack his brain for anything he could’ve done to offend you

“no you haven’t tooru i’ve just been tired lately”

you’d lie and give him a small fake smile 

but oikawa has given enough fake smiles in his life and is more than capable of being able to tell a real smile to a fake one

like kuroo though, he wouldn’t want to push any privacy boundaries and can only hope you’d open up to him soon

it doesn’t mean he’s not going to be watching you even closer now

he’ll ask iwaizumi whether he’s seen a change in your behaviour 

iwaizumi has finally decided this has gone too far

“idiot do you not see it’s your shitty fangirls that are making them miserable?”

“my fangirls?”

“yes your fangirls. y/n can’t catch a break with them around they’re really nasty to her and i don’t know how it’s taken you so long to see”

now that oikawa thinks about it you do cling to him a little tighter when they’re around

you don’t thank them for their ‘compliments’ about your relationship with the setter

you go extremely quiet and anxious when they’re around

oikawa had just thought it was nerves from sudden attention

he didn’t realise they had been secretly harassing you 

so oikawa goes to wait outside your locker when the day ends

“tooru shouldn't you be at practice?”

“come with me” he says sternly but he’s giving you a reassuring look as he grips your hand securely in his larger one

he walks you quickly through the halls and round to the entrance of the gym where his fangirls are usually waiting for practice to start

“oikawa-san! why aren’t you in uniform? is practice cancelled?”

“oh y/n is here... that's cute”

oikawa is beyond livid just from their presence alone

they even had the nerve to say your name?

“you know what isn’t fucking cute though? your disgusting behaviour”

the fangirls are look between each other innocently

“what do you mean oikawa-san?”

“don’t play oblivious with me you bitches! what was going through your heads when you all thought it was okay to harass MY y/n-chan?!”

the girls are silent now

oikawa is usually so charming and relaxed 

nobody sees him worked up outside the court

“there’s a reason none of you have even been allowed to be considered to have the chance to get to know me, you’re all fake. every single one of you. i hate fake people more than anything. this behaviour is gross i want none of you associated with me get out of here and if i hear one more thing about anyone upsetting y/n hell will be broken loose and that won’t just be from me.”

oikawa did not stutter 😌

king

the girls leave immediately 

“i think you’ve just lost yourself your whole fan club”

“oh y/n they were never fans if they have the nerve to upset someone they know i love. why didn’t you tell me i would’ve said something sooner”

“i just didn't want to upset you about your fans”

“you’re always going to be the first priority to me always if they or anyone else ever bothers you again, promise you’ll tell me straight away?”

“promise.”

after that he’ll take you to sit on the bench on the side of the court so you can watch him play and he can keep an eye on you

yeah oikawa may seem like a carefree people pleaser

but if you’re upsetting his s/o, you’ll be experiencing the side he tries to keep under control and he won’t be afraid to let loose.

-

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

[syubub]

Rae I was hoping you could do a reading (nothing grand, it can be small) on BTS’ (each member’s individual) current post-Grammy energy? The past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I noticed a lot in their demeanors on both their vlive, and reaction to the loss they posted on Twitter. I have my own analysis and observations, but all that mostly comes from a psychological/logical pov. I want your take on the spiritual side and most importantly your thoughts on what the cameras won’t show us and what the members would probably never vocally/publicaly express (since bless their hearts, they’re such humble people). — 💼

That's such a great ask 💼 anon! I love the idea and I have to do it right now bc I need to know lol

bts post-grammy energy reading

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact. This is only my personal interpretation!

So first off we have the energy of the group.

The 6 of coins, the magician, ten of wands reversed.

Starting with the 6 of coins

This to me feels like they are happy to have preformed and likely feel very loved.

Like they're happy to have shown their talents to the world and spread some joy and love

The card itself Is a lot about give and take and sharing and I think they feel that with army

The kind of solidarity and appreciation of eachother

With the magician (this came up in pre grammy read too) it feels like the determination and drive to succeed. They probably are feeling motivated to come back again stronger.

I see this too as bts not holding back and doing what they feel they have to do (I'm excited for what it could be)

Then we have 10 of wands reversed

This talks about feeling relief about being able to release a burden

This makes a lot of sense

In a way they were kinda carrying A LOT on their backs with this grammy nom

And for it to be over I think now they can catch their breaths

Seokjin

Knight of wands.

This is so very him.

Passion, inspired action, energy.

It's the "pushing foward bc I have a thing that I'm going to do" energy

I see this as him being fired up and like "Okay so this is how we can do this and next time this will happen and we can do this as well"

Very much no time to dwell

It's the confidence and belief in himself and the group and their goals

Like he took his time to be be angry, sad, mad and whatever but I don't think it was at not winning. It was all the other stuff

And now hes ready to continue and push through

He could have a million ideas in his head rn

The knight of wands is one of my absolute favorite cards

It's also associated with sagittarius so maybe I'm just a bit biased lol

Renewed energy and passion

Love it

Yoongi

YOONGI

It's in caps bc im yelling

Ace of cups

You absolute pain

Yes this card can be about love

In this context though I see it as creativity

Ace is always the start of things.

The ace of cups is an emotional beginning

The beginning of a new creative project fuled by emotions and your emotions about your experiences

Yall

Yoongi is writing and making stuff and this might just be the new project that takes them to the grammys and win them the trophies

Yoongi had a planned we should always listen carefully to his words.

He technically said a 2021 grammy preformance and 2022 grammy win...

Ugh

Essentially I think that whatever project comes from the emotions of this time will be extremely significant for them

Maybe we'll get a song or album that talks about the shit they go through with interlude: FUCK YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT

I hope we get swearing...

Probably not bc in true bangtan fashion they can form their emotions and experience into beautiful metaphors.

To sum up I think yoobi kinda knew what would happen so he sees it as an opportunity to take the emotions/creativity and create a very special thing(again, is he consciously aware of this shit??)

Hoseok

Wheel of fortune reverse

Hobi :(

Dissapointment and misfortune

It's that "the whole world is against me" feeling

I bet he was extremely excited and it was just an emotional blow to him

I think he probably can't help but be hard on himself

Like, "if we did this better" or "we should have done this"

But he knows that it's not his fault. It's just hard not to question yourself

It's feeling like they just can't catch a break

With this card though I feel like there's also an energy of no longer feeling like they have to "play the game"

Breaking the cycle

I think dynamite served 2 purposes

1. To bring joy and some sense of normality to a mid pandemic world

And 2. To play the game by its rules. Everything according to the book

Kinda an experiment

And to see that even doing everything right and excelling at the game didn't really change the scammys mind

Theirs freedom there

They did it the grammys way

And now they'll do it the bangtan way

Bc they've learned

Maybe they'll try another English song but it will be more them

Namjoon

Seven of cups

This card...

The first thing I want to talk about is illusion

The idea that an option you pick has a whole lot of things hiding behind the surface and it's not what it first looked to be

Being hyped up by the grammys and having a bunch of interviews and stuff only to be used

I think namjoon is dealing with that extra hard because as a leader I think he has this idea that he's ment to protect his members

I think he feels a bit like, "I should have seen this coming and been more careful"

Stuff like that.

When joon said "I told you" after they announced the winner

I feel like he told them that it was un likely bc the closer and closer it got he kinda started to see things for what they really were

I think too that joon is trying to decide where to go from here

Do they try a new English song?

Do they say fuck it and make a metal album?

Do they make an album focusing on the positives?

Do they make an album talking about the negatives?

Do they mix a bunch of ideas together?

Do they go back to their roots?

Very many options and namjoon is trying to choose the best one

However.

Everything has an upside and a downside

Jimin

Chim chim

The hermit

Soul searching and introspection

Listening to yourself

I think jimin might feel a bit down

Like, he needs time to re evaluate

I think jimin tends to base his worth on some external factors and he might have put a lot of his own worth on this situation

So now he has to go back and remind himself that this doesn't define him and that his value has nothing to do with the grammys or how others view him

Like hobi he might be bit hard on himself rn

But the hermit is such a powerful card bc you find yourself in the soul searching and you can asses how to move foward

I think also the hermit might also symbolize feeling shut out of the music industry and maybe too a bit of shame about not winning

JIMIM :'(

Taehyung

Ha

The high priestess

This whole situation did not pass his vibe check in the first place

I think he probably knew

Maybe his angel told him or he subconsciously knew

Very much trusting his intuition and will probably be using that to guide him going foward in what he will do with this situation

Creating and being vulnerable and open is important

Anything that has to do with intuition and creativity and empathy

He's probably also comforting jimin in preticular rn

He's also probably thinking about how to comfort us

(Maybe he's working extra hard to push the mixtape foward in order to comfort us)

(( we are trying to comfort YOU. You don't need to comfort us!!))

Regardless

It's a very intresting energy and it makes sense lol

Jungkook

The hanged man

Koo

A pause to re evaluate

Similar to jimin in that this is a time to reflect and to do some soul searching

Taking the time to see things from a new perspective that is desperately needed for him

Some new and important thing might be on the horizon (see yoongis reading) and he will be able to see it and see its potential because he's taking time to just

Exist

Gather his thoughts so that he can know what he's feeling and take that

Morph it into something beautiful

And use that to move foward with a new perspective.

I think also this could indicate feeling like this is a hurdle they can't get over.

Stuck where they are bc the obstacles are insurmountable.

Another interpretation is being made an example of publicly?

Like he might feel like they failed publicly and that it hurt rather than helped south Korea as a whole?

But overall feeling like he needs that new perspective and taking this as an opertunity to find that!

I hope this kinda makes sense! I only pulled one card bc I think they're all feeling A LOT of things and I wanted to focus on the main theme.

It's a lot more positive than I thought but that's bts for you, always looking to grow and learn and create. I'm really interested to see what kind of songs come from this emotional influx! I think it definitely differs some from what they've shown so I'm curious how this energy manifests for them!

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[konaizumi]

A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 8 thoughts/reaction

did i watch this episode secretly on my phone while i was in class bc i couldn’t stand waiting a whole hour to watch the new ep? maybe

tian visiting torfun’s memorial to leave flowers and tell her that he’s going to pha pun dao was sweet

also him and phupha missing each other again was just a really nice scene and phupha wondering who left her flowers

i have decided to forgive dr nam for last episode (the snooping not the flirting thing) bc i know he was just concerned about his friend and he didn’t intend for phupha to have that kind of reaction, but he still should’ve confronted tian directly before telling phupha

the way tian is looking at longtae in the beginning, seeing how supportive he’s being and knowing that he’s probably about to lose longtae as well

god this scene was so painful to watch, just knowing what was coming

but the editing that combines tian’s speech with phupha reading through the notebook

also, thank you to the writers for confirming that the tian/torfun similarities are bc he’s been reading the notebook and not because torfun’s spirit is possessing him, i didn’t think they would do that but nice to have confirmation

poor tian really did go there with the best intentions

oof, when the music goes silent when phupha interrupts his speech

also, i said this last week, but it should’ve been the rangers responsibility to tell everyone torfun had died and the fact that they didn’t only added to tian’s burden and the animosity aimed at him, and it annoyed me the way the rangers (perhaps unintentionally) let tian take on the full blame and didn’t admit that they had known about torfun’s death from the start

god and the way tian’s heart break is visible on his face as soon as phupha interrupts/confronts him and he realizes that phupha won’t be on his side

and mix’s acting in this scene (and the entire episode) is just so good, you can see the way he’s desperately trying to keep in together and not completely break down, and his heartbreak when he realizes he’s all alone

also, i made a longer post about how i understand phupha’s reaction, I think it’s pretty natural and that he’s not overreacting, however, i do wish he hadn’t confronted tian so publicly like that 

just everything about this scene is just so good in the most painful way, especially the sad orchestral version of the theme song

now i think this ep is too sad for me to say it’s my favorite, but from a narrative/cinematography perspective it is my favorite, it was just really well done

i was really hoping the kids would have a bigger role this ep and begin the forgiveness process for the rest of the village, so i was excited when Meejoo came but then p’aof decided to stab me directly in the heart when she asked what death is

(also im sorry but how old are these kids that she doesn’t know what the word death is?)

(also given that everything that happens in this ep happens within like a 30 hour period, i still hold hope for the kids forgiving next ep once they have some time to process)

at least they didn’t make me watch the scene where tian had to explain what death was, that would’ve killed me

i understand the villager’s reactions too, and i do kind of wish tian would just stay home and give them some time to grieve and process before trying to interact with them–i don’t blame tian for keeping the truth from them this long, but he does need to respect the pain they’re going through

also this scene with phupha really fucked me up, the way phupha remains stone faced even though he’s clearly in a lot of pain

“i wish i could return it to her” one of the things about this story that really fucks me up is that you can’t have both torfun and tian--torfun had to die for tian to live, and if torfun had lived then tian would have died and all the characters are in a way stuck with this moral dilemma of “choosing” between tian and torfun, even if the decision was already made for them, and tian has had to deal with this problem since the beginning and made his choice a long time ago that he would have preferred that torfun had lived instead of him bc he feels like she had more to live for and left behind more than he would’ve

also the scene is so much more painful knowing that just that morning phupha had finally said out loud that he wanted tian to stay

and i was really ton this scene between understanding phupha’s reaction and where he’s coming from but also being like “please stop talking to my son like that, he feels bad enough as is”

i have often had the emotion of “i want to walk through the screen so i can give this character a hug” and i have literally never felt it stronger than this episode of atots

also thank you to dr nam who told phupha not that he was wrong for his actions, but that he should’ve confronted tian differently, also for figuring out that tian wasn’t the driver

the fact that tian just walked through the tea field so he knows that either khama was lying to him or that longtae saw him in the field and hid from him

poor longtae tho, thought he knew what was coming then was hit with “im responsible for her death”

you know what? i didn’t realize khama would have such a recurring role from the first episode, but i really like him--he’s trying to do his best for the village and that isn’t always easy and he’s the first to try to think about tian’s perspective even when it’s clearly difficult for him

also i love khaotung, he does a really good job as longtae, and as much as i loved him as chonlatee, i prefer him in more mature roles like longtae or fong

did dr nam really think phupha would keep letting tian stay in his room?

it came as a surprise to likely no one but i am glad to have definitve confirmation that tian was in fact not driving the car

against my wishes, tul did not show up this episode to give tian a hug so i hope he’s in the next ep to provide some much needed emotional support

tian’s involvement in torfun’s death is also complicated because to say he had no responsibility in it would be wrong but to say he had full responsibility wouldn’t be right either, there was so much of the situation that was just due to chance, as it the case in any accident, so i appreciate the nuance of the narrative in that tian does take responsibility (even if he takes too much) but other characters like longtae argue that it’s not his fault, bc it’s easy from an outside perspective to say it’s not tian’s fault but it would be much harder to be in tian’s position and not feel responsible that his actions lead to torfun’s death

longtae is truly best boi

tian saying he’s okay with just longtae understanding him is so sad but at the same time it’s good that he’s not trying to force other people to understand or forgive him

now i really want to know what torfun’s wish is bc you know it’s going to be all meaningful and thematically relevant

istg if i had a fucking nickel for every time tian has tried to give me a heart attack

i spent the entirety of part 4 yelling at tian to just stop being stupid

like i get it, you don’t feel like you have the time to waste to go find phupha, but still

also im worried that maybe the reason he was so adamant about doing it himself and not finding phupha was because he didn’t feel like he could go to phupha or that phupha might not believe him

tian please just listen to longtae being the voice of reason

or at least send longtae back to the village to go get phupha if you’re this determined

as soon as he pulled out his phone i fucking knew the flash would go off bc tian can’t be smart without also being dumb

pls don’t hit my son he has a weak heart

longtae running away like “i didn’t sign up for this shit”

pls stop hitting my son

i was wondering how tian’s dad would become involved in the story again and tian name dropping him to escape being killed by poachers was not it

but sakda was clearly scared when tian first said the name so obvi they’re connected and i’m assuming the person who called tian’s dad was either sakda or one of the other men there which means that tian’s dad is doing illegal shit (surprise surprise)

tian i know you’re stressed but pls let rang provide first aid

that montage at the end tho really hit me

also the parallels between this scene and the one when tian fainted in the field, it’s literally the exact same scene but the roles are reversed

also the fucking post credits scene, the emotional whiplash, the pain from knowing phupha said this stuff literally hours before everything went wrong

the way i squealed when phupha said i do (and throught the rest of the scene), it was literally the sweetest thing, it might be my favorite phutian moment so far

so for the last two episodes, im assuming that tian’s dad coming to get him and the dad being involved in illegal stuff will be the main external conflict, i wouldn’t be surprised if next ep ended with the dad showing up and demanding to take tian back

also the next ep preview, khama telling tian to forgive himself, im weak

this episode just made me feel so much, the story is just so complex and nuanced, and the characters are real and messy, and pls more bl in the future that aren’t afraid to tell more serious stories (as much as i love the romcom style of most bls i would love some more variety)

[yakuzacasual]

I look forward to your updates a little too much lol would you be down to write about daigo encountering a person who he was interested in when he was in his little fuckboy phase that didn't really give him much attention. They don't have to end up together, I just think it would be funny if he felt embarrassed of any advances he made now that he's chairman and realizes his phase was not the best haha (I hope im being clear if not you can ignore<3)

PREFACE

How does it feel to be living with a brain as big and powerful as yours, dear? Because this request is just.......... *smashes little fist against a wall* This is the true perfection. I don’t think I’ve ever heard an idea as maginificent as this one and I can imagine nothing that may top it anytime soon. Getting to write from the perspective of Daigo, especially the emo one, especially with a bit of retrospect, DAMN I AM LIVIN LIVES RN THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR.

Did I just impulse write the whole thing despite the fact that I was planning to go to bed early? Maybe. Do I regret my choice? *satisfied ape noises* Am I proud of it? Fuck yes.

Now, back to being serious. I sincerely love you for this one. Please, I beg thee, do come back and leave anot!her one some time. For now I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and have a fantastic day!

BABY BOSS DAIGO FACING HIS SHAMEFUL PAST

Back in the days of his brazen youth, Daigo used to catch the eyes of many sorts of people. His broody demeanor attracted mainly women, but he could also recall quite a few men from these times as well. Many of such memories are just a blur for him nowadays, replaced by forever vivid scenes of companions dying for his cause and the Tojo clan slowly but surely crumbling in his hands with each passing year. There is but one recollection that stayed forever clear throughout the years, safely tucked away in the depths of his mind.

It was a rainy night, one of those that he remembers happened way too many times that month, when he found himself piss drunk and mindlessly staggering through the many alleyways of Kamurocho. Bruised knuckles tucked away in the warmth of his absolutely ridiculous, puffy jacket, eyes barely focused on the road ahead of him. He tried to escape the flashing neon lights and unbearable buzz of the entertainment district, seeking solace within the dirty streets forgotten by the normal citizens and gods alike. It’s where the dark deeds take place and maybe that’s what he was looking for. Another fix to keep him amused, something that would wake him up inside again for however fleeting a moment he could get. 

The details of how he ran into you are slightly fuzzy, albeit he likes to think that this slightly bloody visage of himself he still remembers seeing in the puddle was him kicking some asses. Not getting his own handed to him. In this state, he somehow finds you with his blurry eyesight. You sit on a park bench in what feels like the edge of the world, but is just a place slightly farther away from the ever beating heart of Kamurocho, covered by the shade of grandiose buildings falling apart at the seams. Maybe it’s a cig in your hand, maybe a bottle of whisky or maybe nothing at all - whatever it was that drove him to approach you was a suffocating feeling that you’re both somehow in deep shit. The features of your face are so detailed still. The shape of your lower lip, the frown of your brow and the way you looked at him as he took a place on the other side of the bench. He still remembers it all, somehow.

Surprisingly enough, there is not much to this story from that point onwards. Or so he has been trying to convince himself until that one fateful day, a very weird day. It’s just him running the usual Tojo errands when outside of the window of his limo he spots a face so familiar it causes him to instantly get a splitting headache right where he sits. You seem to even lock eyes with him through the darkened glass, as you calmly sip your beverage, enjoying the nice weather in the outside seat of a decent looking cafe. Under the guise of getting himself some well deserved coffee, Daigo slips away from his attendants and right into the other seat right opposite your own. The movement is not quite as smooth though. Just looking at his nervous stare you could tell he is out of his element.

Of course, you recognize him instantly. It would be hard not to, really. He may look better in a suit and the opinions on his slicked back hair may vary, but this is still most certainly him. The same square chin, the same tired lines visible on his face. Daigo Dojima has graced you with his presence. The clothes may make the man, but they won’t change who he was. And you? You know way too well who he was.

For him it does take a longer way to recognize you but he definitely does and, by gods, he immediately regrets it. That’s it. That’s the lost part of the puzzle he never wanted finished. The memories of days long gone, when he used to hit on you mercilessly after that one night in the park, when you showed him nothing beyond what would be expected from human compassion and yet he latched onto that like a poor puppy seeking validation in places, that could never offer what he needed. In retrospect he clearly sees in your eyes, both current and the ones he remembers, what his younger self did not understand at the time. Absolute and complete lack of interest. Which, considering who he is now, is quite impressive of you. Then again if he knew a chairman of a renowned yakuza family back when they were young and relentlessly pestering him for affection he did not have for them? Well, he can kind of guess he’d be much like yourself in this situation.

His blood may run cold, but his cheeks are flaring red as he remembers the god awful pickup lines he tried on you back then and how darn angry he was that not even his award-winning emo style that made ladies swoon at his feet had next to no effect on your, how he used to think about it, stone cold heart. In reality it was just you being reasonable and him being an absolute dumbass. He can even recall Kiryu giving him the biggest tonguelashing ever for how he used his influence in the Tojo clan to keep tabs on you for like a week. Now, he wishes Kiryu would be here to beat his sorry ass right back to the hospital, maybe cause a proper concussion to make him forget all this downright embarrassing stuff he has done as the most shameful person to ever exist on earth.

Daigo Dojima’s redemption arc starts now. He will make absolutely sure to somehow make it up to you, whatever you want of him. He is dead set on showing you the tremendous amount of growth he’s done since the last time you saw him. If it’s a restraining order you want, so be it. But if, by any chance, you do wish to get to know him better and let him redeem himself as the man he is now… Well, who knows. You may just gain the most powerful ally, a trusted friend or maybe even more.