#im here to talk!!! a few hours from now
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I'm gonna be seeing my best friend for the first time in a year in about 7 hours and I'm so happy I could cryyyyy
#Eli Speaks#its been too long#the longest ive been away from here in the almost 8 years we've been friends#i miss living 20 mins from her#i miss her#even though we talk everyday#its just not the same#but now shes here and will be here til sunday and im gonna attack hug her and cry for an hour straight#ya know normal bff stuff lmao#and! her boy is also here!#its been almost 2 years since ive seen him!#cant wait to hug him too i love that boy#now what would make this perfect is if my uterus would stop acting up#plz just let me be as pain free as possible for the next few days#i say knowing ive been in pain and attached to my heating pad for 3 days#i just really hope i dont have to grin and bear it#not that they dont understand my chronic pain#but i just want to enjoy these next few days#i need this#ive needed this for a while
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I made a bluesky account... I'll slowly roll out reposts from twitter but expect me to start becoming more active over there over the course of a few days lol
#ive been using it for a few hours now and im genuinely shocked at how nice the atmosphere there is#its like a breath of fresh air its crazy#anyways come follow meeeeeeeee if you dont wanna miss my greatest hits#and also. i might finally start consistently posting oc art there#in here and on twitter its super scary fsr but bluesky is like so. art focused as of now that it gives me motivation to share more personal#stuff aside from fanart. no algorithm just vibes and love#rem talks
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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It's been a while since I've been growled at...
#she comes up to me saying 'let me talk to you for a sec'#completely normal#like she would any other day#only to then lean into my ear and tell me how my desires mean nothing#how my wants should be controlled by her#how I should blindly obey what she says#to think just a few hours ago we were having fun laughing in the car#now im sitting here‚ vision blurred by tears‚ as I feel the exact same distrust I did a few years ago#i didn't ask for much#i never do#mainly because I don't want anything but still#it honestly reminds me of when I was a child#granted‚ it doesn't get to me as much anymore#but it still gets me#i swear my mother's voice takes on the body of a wolf when she growls#it's like an instinctive fear to want to hide from it in that state#it's like I've turned into a prey animal#making sure not to make any movements or sounds#hoping that the wolf glaring me down won't bite me#just like when I was a kid#so now I sit here crying a salted gentle rain#subtlety reminded of times I felt even more helpless#at least I'm not there anymore...#bluey's vents#tw vent#cw vent#bluey's mum#abluehappyface
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l e t m e i n ! ! !
#d a m m i t d to the h to the l whyyyyy did you have to increase the shipping cost by 20 bucks the literal day before the preorders shipped—#thanks to that it only shipped today auuuuuuuuuaughdjejdjdjdhd#wdymmmmmmm the package is still in the same place from 4 hours agoooooooo#auauaaaauauaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i want in s o b a d l y#s o bs the only song jp twt is talking about is last stage#i don’t care about last stage (for now) i want m e o t o ! ! !#s. s o b s. unless a surprise mv drops ig im gonna have to wait till 12am for the midnight release… 7 hours to go…#ig i’ll just skip a few hundred times and do some pushups while i wait… im lich rally bouncing off the walls here i cant even auauauauaaaaaa#this. seriously hasn’t been a good couple of weeks for online purchases for me…#first my local shipment for [insert item] was delayed bc of last week’s oddly rainy weather#and t h e n that item was apparently mislabelled and locked in shipment purgatory for the weekend (sadge)#it only arrived yesterday (sadded) though ig i should be glad it even arrived at all#and nowwwwwww. this happens. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#idk there’s so many other things i’ve been meaning to do while i wait for the cd but. i just. can’t#this sucks i wanna be marginally more productive too heyyyyyyyyyy#i wonder how long meoto is though… hopefully between 3-5 minutes…#if the song’s like. m. ilgram t2-length im gonna cry#but ymk said that it’s her favourite song on the album so it should be good!!!! right??!!!!!!!!#ausgshhssh he l p i should really go back to. like. cleaning idol sengen pages instead or sth.#see you in a few hours for meoto tl/if they decide to drop a sudden mv or sth idk
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I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.
#NOT TAGGING THIS but yeah this would be maybe a few months post?#when katniss and peeta are just starting to be friends again#while peeta is still kind of adjusting to the new person he is and coming to terms with what he's done in that process#which ends up making him come across as a little bitter? but i dont think he means to be. weird situation obviously.#and i think it's particularly hard for katniss considering she's someone who gets so much comfort from physical contact#and for the person from whom she got so much comfort to have snuck up on her and tried to kill her. twice.#because theres no denying that THAT person is closer to who peeta is now than who he was before being tortured in the capitol#so it takes a long time for her to not fear his touch. i think. and i think although he knows better#peeta's still kind of burned by it. like he understands it but it still hurts kind of thing#... IDK sorry i have a lot of thoughts about how their dynamic would have to fundamentally change post-mj#and its kind of weird how that's glossed over i mean its not plot relevant i guess but if theyre....#WHATEVER anyway yeah.#id like to do smth more with this idea of them adjusting to their new relationship so this is rly just a draft :)#sorry can you tell i could talk about peeniss for hours??? can you tell????????#ive really gotta practice drawing burn scars also because at this point theyd both have pretty angry burn scars on their faces and hands#i also think im rambling a lot here bc i dont want ppl to get the wrong idea or anything bc i hold both of them so close to my heart#same kind of thing as mommy katniss i guess i udnerstand it doesnt portray them in the best light but at the same time i really do think.#realistically they just wouldnt.... be well adjusted? sorry. anwyay. diddle out.
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i smacked my stomach in frustration & it reverberated so loud my cats fucking SC ATT E R ED ,,,,,,,,,,,,, i am but a gong. , ,,
#but guess whos finally making their pizza anyways when they should b in a hole decaying#i can barely even remember the past few days#only that they were failures#and im a failure && i am so Dirty#my acid reflux is going crazy i know it must have been bad o(-<#i still feel so disconnected#i think im a bit better#it doesnt feel like someone elses ghost snuck in nd is trying 2 pilot me but didnt know what to do with what they found anymore#i wish going out didnt do that to me#it comes in it sets me up but then i ruin it all . but then it ruins all of what i have back because it doesnt belong here. it doesnt work.#it doesnt fit. and now#im just stuck scared#alone#trying to get back to who i am#i feel so wrong#i am so Wrong#gonna watch jerma and hope it eases me back in but#its like my body thinks it can take from everything and make me fit but it cant its so distorted nd im always left back where we started#it takes from everything i hate#everyone i hate#just to seem like a person#and it makes me harm everything i have#and it feels so wrong the entire time but it has me#and i cant get free and i hate i . its like its supposed to be safe but it isnt#i forgot what it feels like i forgot it existed#it used to happen all the time when i was younger like 13-14 when things got real bad but it feels like the memories exist in a diff world#im deleting spotify again i forgot how music harms me HBJA.. i think it was the mix of going out n then losing myself listening to music#for Hours. it got its claws in me and then boiled me out and dug Deeper & deeper#i remember talking to my therapist about it once but she didnt understand. its like . an overwhelming sense of false clarity#how do i live when this is what happens when i try . do i get a chance to get out . is it just bc im alone. is it just im the same then&now
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#the boy update is that ive calmed down significantly and am once again a Human#i'll see him when i see him. im not gonna stress anymore#hes busy working like crazy anyway and i need to get a job NDNJDDNDNDMDM#like i still really like him but i think my priorities have been Fucked NDNDJDJDJDJDJD#BUT IM BACK ON TRACK. YA.#my other friends also back from her trip so thats exciting. i missed her JDJJDDJDDDD#i just..... its gonna take me awhile to ask to hang out. im just SHY and also I HAVENT FELT LIKE SEEING ANYONE DJDJZJSKSKSKSKSKSKS#but now im better... yeah i think i just needed like to be a hermit for a bit#plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD#like we may even see my cousins from alberta. im like JDJDD OK???#havent seen them in like.... im gonna say 10+ years. and of course its this week that theyre here with my uncle#who ive only met like idk 3 times JDJJDKDKKDJDJD#and of those times... hes been drunk out his mind i think... 2.5/3 NDJDJD#i think hes sober now tho????#idk. we might not even see them. my moms side is really flakey 💀#but hes my moms fav brother and shes his fave sister so i hope they get to see each other NDJDJJDJDJD theyre only a year apart#its so weird bc him and my mom were so close but then like... lets just say Life and he moved away and ya zzjjdjdkdj#they had this like. super long like 4 hour talk on the phone a few minths ago and idk i think it cleared up like the last 30 years. idk man#my moms side is crazy. thats all i'll say#personal
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grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet
#snap chats#i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm.#anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home#i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset#do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking#that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think#i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both#everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it#ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant#im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours#and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule#unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean#ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore#i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe#idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting#maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for..#also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end#wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow#but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die#sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month#ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️
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I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh
It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN
#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents
#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"
#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU
Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE
#once i lost a carton of milk in the fridge and genuinely stood there for like an hour i was later told trying to find it. and then#my roommate walked over and handed it to me in about 4 seconds so i am not surprised i cant find the stable#im gonna go use google now#im mostly posting since i realized i should make semi regular posts on this account for my own sanity even if its not s&m related#since im not really s&m related anymore aside from the occasional art i'll change my pfp to reflect that eventually#i want to start making zelda art but i would want to put ALOT of time learning a more realistic artstyle to be happy with that#and contrasingly im struggling to learn the really cartoony style of aga so uh. shit outta luck with all of my hyperfixations rn#i might make something genuine related to undertale in the meantime? i have some aus ive held incredibly close to my heart#talk talks#hmm okay yeah i should start using fandom tags but i dont want to clutter anything what do i do here#zelda ranch dip#hell if i'll remember that but i'll put it in my searchable tags as a hail mary#would anyone be interested in my wackass theory about how i think link is a witch#i have a giant ass rant in my discord i think as well as a few rants on the fae and the such#oh shit good tag to put in her actually right before i hit post#spoilers#totk spoilers#just in case cause i got spoilered a little bit? but i have really good luck and skill with avoiding spoilers about alot of games and#the only thing i really know is that zelda turns into the dragon..i think ive been told that was wrong but i might be being juked
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being too terminally online on this website has a lot of downsides, but what isn’t one is when you see a joke being pretty funny, and then, at some point, either hours or years later, you see a joke about this joke, and then closely afterward another one, and then it takes like one hour for this joke to suddenly become Tumblr Big Meme, and because you were online the entire time you saw how it went from normal joke to website-wide joke and it’s hysterical. I love it here.
#on twitter the only thing i can find this way is drama it's exhausting#in here? vanilla extract. What's not to like.#vanilla extract took a few hours to take off#but i remember the children hospital and goncharov from when the posts first circulated#and then it's always like. You see someone add to the joke years later#and it's funny for a bit.#but this one joke unlocked everyone to decide to joke about it and next you know this is the only thing on your dash#it's so wild but man#ichatalks#polls are making us speedrun through some new inside jokes and i can't say im mad#TO BE FAIR THOUGH#there has been many jokes about vanilla extract before#i can think of multiple popular posts talking about vanilla extract#like one talking about how it's disgusting on its own but delicious in small dose#and how it reflects how we're better as a group#it's been years this website had conversation with vanilla extract#no wonder when people started to joke about it#it awoke our 'omg yes vanilla extract i know the posts' braincell#and now it's all we joke about#like man.
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S W shop talk and random abt the day stuff below. no details abt the actual vid just filming talk and me whinging abt my joints lmao, but scroll by if this aint ur thing
i just finished an hour and a half of straight filming for the u kno what blog lmao
it'll be my longest one yet, and idk exactly how to go abt it yet (cut it up in davinci and post clips with the offer for the full vid if they m$g me? post the whole thing and comment that it's an example of a vaguely niche ish thing that I'd be happy to do customs for and hope someone wants to set one up????)
but im proud of myself. yesterday into today has been nicely productive counting everything including this, and while this last thing maybe isn't a traditional accomplishment to be proud of, this is a bigger step for me in that direction. My audience is small but bigger than i thought it would ever get and like.
the money is v little. but maybe if i keep trying to improve it will become more, and in the meantime im quite satisfied with the latest few comments from ppl aksndjfnf
that said tho GOD im old and things aren't working well if ever they did and like. my knees ache. we walked the beach earlier yesterday and between that and the Posing for this bit of work, I've aggravated my right knee and ankle especially, and am standing typing this waiting for the radiating pain to stop so i can walk on that leg and take a fucking shower lmao
Worth it tho, for all of it
#text post#im sure this is tmi to some folks but as long as im doing this for even tiny amounts as reward#then it's Work and i will occasionally talk abt it as such on here tho if ever anyone wants it tagged with something unique#to blacklist just lemme know and I'll add a special tag for this particular Work talk and add it to this and any future posts#but yeah aside from me regretting not having bought a cane yet to help with moments like this aksnskdnf#im proud and happy and. a lil nervous bc whenever i get too happy and carefree usually something goes wrong#but going into early monday morning now im going to give myself a few hours to enjoy it#mostly bc regardless of which option above i choose i still gotta do editing of some kind and GOD#it's gonna be a slog bc im still learning the program but it's a weirdly fun slog somehow#...i thought by this tag the pain would have eased up and I'd be done alsjdkff and post this up#apparently not so i guess im literally hopping/limping into the shower bc fuck waiting i wanna go b seepy cosy in bed
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#I'm gonna talk into the void for a second#it's been so weird. like. idk how else to describe it#i drove home from work in a daze bc my best friend called to tell me the news#i ate then i locked myself up in my room and cried#now it's been a few days and that's become routine#i was so....idek yesterday that i cut of 5 inches of my hair#i miss him#and it's complicated bci know what he did to others but i also know what others did to him#he was just a kid when he was thrown into fame and with all the pressure and lack of adult guidance or help he didn't stand a chance#he was gobbled up by something bigger than himself and wrung out for money when he was still a kid wanting to please everyone#idk everything just feels weird#the sadness is really ugly and strange#having to compartmentalize has been tough#i had to let some of my students know that i was a huge fan of 1d so they'd shut up bc they were going on and on about him#they're good kids and immediately stopped talking about it but they were speaking so callously about a person's death#i avoid tumblr unless im home because you all get it#i feel so incredibly alone in this in real life#my best friend has been amazing and listened to everything i have to say but she doesn't get it. how could she? her idols are still alive#so i only come on here when i can completely feel everything#I've spent a couple of hours everyday on here crying with all of you because you all get it#this ugly weird thing. you all feel it too#it's been the way it was when the fandom was at it's most active. all of us discussing and feeling and being *together*#I'm so grateful to you all for always being here or for coming back and for understanding it#idk if i would have had a genuine place to go to for this outside of tumblr#and i think thats a testament to all we've been through and the kind of online spaces the boys cultivated#especially liam who always seemed to be so happy to interact with fans and fanart#im going to stop now or im going to keep rambling forever#rest in peace liam and thanks for everything#lp#❤
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I miss feeling normal so much actually
#batsi speaks#batsi sad hours#cw starving#cw emetophobia#heavy cw because I tihnk its getting genuinely concerning#Ive been getting so stressed lately that Ive gone from 3 meals a day all the way down to maybe one if I can stomach it#I was finally getting better with it too but now I just cant bring myself to eat almost anything#or drink water for that matter#Im not even doing it on purpose I just have no appetite#and whenever I try to ingest something I feel like Im going to puke#I got ice cream and its so good amnd I want to eat it so badly but I justr cant#its so hard to explain#I think I'm gonna be posting here a lot over the next few days because I genuinely just don't know hwo to handle this#and I desperately need to talk to someone but i dont trust myself to talk to anyone about it personally#nightly breakdown#thats about to become a normal tag for this blog at this rate
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talking to him more very much achieved. we just talked for like 4 hours in the kitchen holy shit I need to sleep
#I went into the kitchen to wash up wanting it to be a few minutes to get back to my parents by he came home at the same time#unsure what just happened honestly! as in I’m not sure what is going on from his end of the interaction#because I have never met anyone who would just do that before. like four hours straight when before we’d talked for periods of idk 10minutes#and he WAS engaged the whole time#granted he spent a significant amount of time talking. he talked far more than I did which is often the case but Im not sure how I felt here#I think he gets excited abt individual topics and. gets carried away is the wrong word but he gets absorbed in it#he spent a while talking me through the very complex maths he’s been doing recently#(he studies maths. also abt to start masters.) and was assuming a much stronger mathematical background than I have but I understood a bunch#he IS very good at explaining things and I was interested to a point but unfortunately I was not going to ask about individual theorems and#shit like that at 11pm. it was still super interesting I’m not downplaying that but I didn’t know half of what he brought up#there was basically no way I was going to understand much more than the vague concept anyway#anyway! also extremely into food. especially into traditional chinese cooking which is cool as fuck and I now know so much more abt food#I have never personally cared much at all about food. I enjoy when taste good and I enjoy cooking. he’s into the precision cooking#that he told me apparently Chinese and French food is the best in the world at. meant to be amazing at going for specific effects#oh he came back from a musical! apparently abt a woman with bipolar that was on in London I might check what that was. next to normal#cried 7 times. apparently he’s super into stories with that kinda emotional payoff. started telling me later abt tokyo animation#priest if you’re already seeing this I WILL be asking you abt it later but pls tell me whatever. he likes clannad and sound euphorium#bunch of others but those are the ones he talked most abt and started tearing up when he played me a song from clannad where the baby’s born#so I think biggest things I’ve learned are that he’s impressively in touch w his emotions (further damaging the straight guy case)#regardless it’s just nice to talk to a guy who talks abt stuff so openly it’s very refreshing#unsure how cultural differences factor in here. I would’ve expected it to go the other way but possible this is a degree more normal#and he’s very very academically minded. he learned Japanese bc was bored after high school and is doing a WHOLE lot of extra maths for fun#socially definitely very competent he’s very good at talking but a little more focused inward.#definitely did not notice the (admittedly extremely gentle) flirting throughout like when I complimented his bracelet#(this cute gold year of the rat thing his mum got him)#so yeah. was very fun talking to him. will process this for a while#I think this has definitely established that we could be friends if either of us pursue that after summer which is very cool!! will see#luke.txt
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its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on
Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit
#ive been fucking sobbing on the phone for 20 minutes calling the phone number over and over again#im about to mcfucking lose it and im sad and confused and scared because my foot is still so swollen even though it doesnt hurt very much#and google says if swelling on an injury like this persists after 48 hours to go get it looked at#all the walkin clinics near me dont have any xray techs til monday & quoted me anywhere from $130-$300 if i dont have insurance which i can#provide proof of nor am i even sure i actually have at this point and im ngl my guys i only have like $180 to my name until next friday#but then basically my entire next paycheck is going to Geico#and overall im just having a really really really bad time rn and im scared that if my foot is actually fractured im gonna fuck it up worse#by walking around on it without a boot/cast. yeah ive been sitting at work the last few days#but its front desk at a hotel so at least for the first hour of my shift and last 1.5 hours i HAVE to be standing#my foot was so swollen after work today it hurt to get my shoe off#im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can#call just to vent and cry it out with#cant call my mom cause i busted my foot leaving her place after her husband got in my face & screamed at me for saying you cant hit people#cant call my siblings cause none of them can help/we dont talk often enough that i feel like i can burden them with this#i have a few casual friends but same sitch im not close enough with them that i feel comfortable venting while sobbing to them#i could call my ex but shes got a new boo now/its not her problem/we rarely talk anymore/she cant help so no point in calling#only other person who knows/is worried about me is my ex's mom but she wont be home from work for break til 2pm & its 11:30am rn#not close enough to any of my coworkers either#its times like this that i realize how truly alone i am these days with no one that can physically comfort me#which of course is only making me more upset#thats what i get for being depressed and reclusive the last 2 years and only letting people get an arms length reach from me emotionally#there is a medical clinic i can go to that is a 50 minute drive from me and without insurance you just pay a $20 sliding fee plus a little#extra for the care services but again theyre not open until monday and also its a 50 minute drive from me#so all im learning is i shouldve gone some place thursday morning after it happened and im fucked at least til monday#FUCK my STUPID BAKA life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#whatever. guess imma keep icing it try to keep it elevated and just endure it and hope it doesnt get worse#emma rambles#vent tag#DONT REBLOG
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