#im having so much fun with just. LIFE rn
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sc says 6 yrs ago I was doing dabs and drinking margaritas w my ex best friend and my ex partner and now I'm uh. laying here. miss that
#avery.txt#like yuh that was in my smoke weed everyday era so obvs i wasnt exactly putting my heart into my schoolwork#but like. uuuuuuuuuuuugh i miss 1) that ex 🥲 2) having a dab rig 3) not having a lot of responsibilities#now im like. an adult and ive gone thru so much and i am happier now but im also world weary#so im like just. god kid i wish i could go back and tell you how to do it all differently#but also if i did that maybe i wouldnt be here rn#and minus the unemployableness and chronic procrastination im doing pretty great!! i write so much!!#im having so much fun with just. LIFE rn#ppl who follow my spn blog have seen for real how much writing i do + how Excited i get abt Stuff lmao#things are ok! and tbh a lot of stuff sucked back then i was honestly pretty miserable mental health wise#so even tho i miss the lack of responsibilities i do not miss my mental instability
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I can't find it now but there's a post about suspension of disbelief and how it's broken when the story starts trying to excuse it. "character gets knocked unconscious for hours but there's no further issues from this" okay 👍 "and actually this makes perfect sense because of this and that" um no it doesn't why are you lying to me. like i am willing to ignore the holes and the discrepancies!! all you need to do is let me and not bring unnecessary attention to it!!!
and all that is my issue with the whole robin child soldier argument. like i am willing to ignore it i am willing to engage with the fantasy literally all you need to do is NOT try to convince me that Actually It's Fine Because They Want To Do It or whatever. like literally just shut up about it and i can engage with the fantasy!!
#my dc posting#dc#robin#batman#like. if you want to tell a story and not worry abt the child endangerement thing just DONT BRING IT UP ???#all you're doing when you bring it up is telling me this is something i'm allowed to think abt when it comes to the story#and then you tell me Um Actually It's Fine ?? no! what the fuck are you talking about!!#i am tryinggggg to just have fun n read fics your lil “isnt that child endangerement and kinda fucked up?” “no actually they wouldve done i#anyways bla bla bla batman couldnt have stopped them bla bla bla''#is COUNTERPRODUCTIVEEE#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#<- tagging the robins sorry#sorry this just. this topic annoys me so much#...also ''batman couldnt have stopped them/they wouldve done it with or without him'' are literally#just factually incorrect in jason's case. he did not in fact start on his own and the only thing batman wouldve#needed to do to stop him is literally just NOT make him robin BUT- at this point im just beating a dead horse on that topic#w how many times i bring it up lmao#like. in real life you cant just knock a person unconscious for hours with no consequences on them.#but i dont care when it happens in fiction despite being not realistic!! bc its fiction!!!#unless of course the characters out of nowhere do a lil sidequest PSA abt how actually doing that is fine#and completely safe with no risks#yknow??#like if that happened id be annoyed and like no its fucking not fine why are you trying to convince me. just move on and dont bring it up#and I wont bring it up#anyway. yeah these are just some thoughts im having rn sorry its not more coherent and put-together i cant be assed rn lmao
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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
#im talking about griffith btw#guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him#and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me#but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings#like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too#and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon#so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn#he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv#and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities#more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well#also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read#there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom#i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read#also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note#light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into#and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead#and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol#so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well#berserk spoilers#p
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☠️
how are you gonna make all these claims, not even vaguely refer to 1 single example of my behavior to back any of them up, send me multiple anons with zero context, flaunt your ignorance regarding psychopathy (and frankly regarding my entire personality lmao) despite my having repeatedly shared various resources and information on psychopathy... which isn't even a diagnosis... 🤯
I actually am working on holding grudges! I have always had a habit of being too trusting and forgiving (which is literally one of the questions on the TriPM lmao) which has repeatedly harmed me in life. I never shared it on here bc I didn't wanna bum anyone out, but the lesbian couple I gave a room in my home to ended up leaving after a few months without paying a penny in rent OR doing the chores we agreed could substitute for rent. and robbed us, including a firearm -- and I didn't even learn my lesson then. girl I truly WISH I was sadistic and a grudge holder and whatever else. I'd almost definitely be better off in life 🙃
there is one (1) person on radblr who I could possibly see having any remote reason to accuse me of holding a grudge, and if you're her/from her circle, this is ridiculous. it isn't a grudge to not want anything to do with someone who has been genuinely awful. and if you're her/from her circle, the irony of you calling anyone sadistic or a liar is just too damn much. I've consistently offered & provided proof of the things I talk about on here, even repeatedly doxxing myself in the process. if you have a real problem with me - and I mean beyond your ableism and ignorance (ie clearly viewing me as not a full human person & very 2D because you've probably watched too many csi type shows and think you know anything about psychopathy), then either block me or be specific and say it w your chest.
maybe I won't have any problem being "called out" if you do it like a grown woman lmao
#you seem pretty fooled to me. just not by me. where'd you even get any of this?#is it like... “information” about psychopaths from cop tv shows or what?#bc this is actually quite funny in how very polar opposite of my personality this is#i think my flaws are pretty damn apparent yet you somehow missed all of them & made a few up#& the ones you made up i pretty much have the exact opposite problem ☠️#this specifically is actually enthralling me rn like im so curious where tf this is coming from#bc not a soul who actually knows me would describe me with any of these traits - and that's including irl haters#the venn diagram of complaints by people who hate me & by this anon is 2 separate circles lmao#otherwise this was kinda fun but too vague to be really interesting#i think you can do better anon 🤷#ima go play life is strange tho#ask#mine
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struggled a lot with tweeks pose unfortunately. love how kenny turned out!! if only it was their week but its NOT!!!
#TweekWeek2024#hohoho!!!! HOHOHO!!!!#it begins!!!!!#tweek tweak#kenny mccormick#south park#sp twenny#twenny#tweek x kenny#when i saw this prompt like 2 months ago i grinned SO WIDE#I SMIRKED AT THE 4TH WALL COMICALLY#got some stuff planned for this week#its kinda not a very cool week for me personal lore wise#but im hoping tweek week can help with that#ofc…. i have some personal art planned……#smirking#lets just say#im forever a crazy ex girlfriend#i LOVE being a crazy ex girlfriend#but this was fun to draw#i was gigglin and shit#mu anatomy is actually visibly improving kinda???#might share some sketchbook doodles ive been doing eventually.. donf count on it#rrying SOOO hard to make this one project work rn#not gonna reveal anything because i dont really want to pressure myself into doin it#itll come natural#but taylor swifts music has been a huge inspo lately#been hyperfixating a LOT on hermitcraft/life lately. thats where ive been. practicing and binging hc#been happy though!!! doing SO much better mentally!!!! <3333#thats the life update i shuppose
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Prism's concept art has been. Deeply on my mind. They had some killer ideas for her and ummm.....sobs in my hands. I love her?
#sometimes i forget i like markers then i draw in markers and im like woah! these are fun!#idk it's the closest i can make my traditional look like digital lmao#ALSO can you tell I LOVE doing line art because. I love doing lineart#im really happy with this.... i have a shitpost idea of the mind rn but i also wanna draw her in the lab coat#she could slay in anything I feel#also! new sketchbook!! im yet to make a sappy post about ny old one but yeah i had to hand it it on thursday of the first day of my art exam#im hyped about this one though i really like it so far auuu <- still on the front pages#best eay to break in a new sketchbook! draw the fictional woman youre head over heels for!!!#[agent moose's art]#i expect you to die#ieytd#roxana prism#robutler#<- ohb big boy tags im happy with her..#i was fighting for ny life trying to figure out what colour to do the trousers though#but it worked out i feel#i also am somewhere in the middle abt the skintone for her because likeeee okay i do have a darker marker HOWEVER it's got too much of -#- a red tint to it and i did a loose doodle with it before for her and it just. didn't look right#so i used a ligher one but built it up#it looks darker in person and tbf i do edit my photos so they're less dull
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wip wednesday
tagged by @rewritetheending @onward--upward and @alyxmastershipper 💓💓💓
i haven’t reeeeally started writing anything other than planning this out broadly because it’s very plot heavy but got a little lost thinkin about the intimacy of shaving the other day so this is from x files au in some shitty shared motel room while they’re cryptid hunting or chasing aliens idk we’ll figure it out
When he emerges, hair towelled dry and in clean clothes, Eddie frowns at him. “What?” he asks. “Promise I didn’t finish all the hot water.” “No, you just look—” Eddie gestures at Buck’s face, “—scruffier than usual.” “Oh,” Buck says, running a hand over his day-four stubble. “I forgot my razor.” “Oh,” Eddie’s face clears, “just use mine.” Buck swallows. “Um. Okay. Thanks.” Eddie nods at him and goes back to squinting at his phone, so Buck about-faces and re-enters the bathroom. It’s not a big deal, he tells himself as he foams up his face. It’s like—like sharing a hairbrush. Intimate, sure, not something you’d tend to do with people you don’t know well, but it’s not a big deal. He wets the razor and brings it to his throat, heart hammering there so violently it feels like his Adam’s apple is trying to get out. If his hand doesn’t stop trembling he’s going to nick himself, and God, he is being absolutely fucking ridiculous. Deep breath. The razor glides over the thin skin of his throat, muscle memory even as he stares at himself in the mirror. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this every morning, using this very razor. Blade edge kissing his jaw the same way it kisses Eddie’s. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this for him, hand holding his chin as he shaves Buck carefully, grip firm when he turns Buck’s face this way and that. Doesn’t think about Eddie kissing where the blade kissed him first. Doesn’t think about any of that when he rinses the razor clean and slots it back into the travel mug, where Buck’s toothbrush rests against Eddie’s with such easy familiarity it’s about to spark a whole new crisis.
tagging @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @housewifebuck @anxieteandbiscuits @forthewolves @zahlibeth @athenagranted @buckactuallys @transboybuckley @icecreampotluck @diazblunt if you have anything to share today or later!
#since starting t the last couple months i've had to start shaving my face and it's quite weird actually! gender is so [waves hand] like idk#but didn't have anyone to teach me. and was just thinking about how it wouldve been a pretty intimate thing if i had#also i think this fic will have switching pov which is very exciting to me#but also. it's a mammoth one even just planning it and i have so much real life shit i've been ignoring#and also writing a shorter silly thing that im having fun with rn so might put this on the backburner#but also x4 my foster puppy just got taken to his new home and im sad and miss him like a goddamn lung#so i need something to distract me every empty minute and eddie diaz as dana scully is going to be that i think#but ALSO there’s so much fic i want to catch up on READING#ain’t enough time in the day. and yet i never seem to do anything#sorry for these endless tags#tag game#wip#x files au
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Close Quarters (Gen/Shin, CynoNari)
Hi um. Me after posting late to my own event. nyways this is for @hachiibun !!!!! thank you So much for your patience i hope you like this. I tried to go insp from some art you've posted so i hope its to ur liking!!!!
Cyno was familiar with Tighnari’s nose. Sensitive and easily set off, it wasn’t uncommon to witness one of his fits if you spent a day with him. His ears would twitch and flick, tail swishing with agitation, nose scrunched up against a wrist until he finally succumbed. His awareness is what led to the sinking feeling in his stomach as he watched the other.
The two were cramped together in a small inlet, waiting for the moment to strike against a large group of enemies. They crouched side-by-side, shoulders pressed together. Cyno quietly observed, watching the furrow in Tighnari's brows, the flick of his tail, watching him scrub a gloved hand against his nose. The two locked eyes, Tighnari’s eyes red-rimmed and watery with unshed allergic tears. He worried his bottom lip against his teeth, sending a message they both knew. Tighnari needed to sneeze, and there was very little he could do to stop it.
The specks of pollen coating every surface was the clear culprit. While neither of them were allergic, it was nearly impossible to not feel itchy with the sheer amount of it. Even Cyno, prideful of his own control, had to resist the urge to rub his irritated eyes. Tighnari, however, was fighting a losing battle. He aggressively pawed at his nose, leaving it red and angry looking. They both knew his sneezes could never go unnoticed- Tighnari’s fits were pitchy and desperate, demanding attention whether he wanted it or not.
Cyno adjusts, freeing a hand, prepared to help if needed. Sure enough, Tighnari’s slow, controlled breath snagged, entering a desperate cresendo as he fought against the itch, battle quickly lost. Cyno watches as he crushes the release against his glove, knowing the control will not last. Tighnari’s nose is never satisfied with just one, and a wet sniffle and the crinkle in his nose confirms his theory. He gives cyno a watery look, warning him of what he already knows.
He slowly manevours around so that he's facing tighnari, ignoring his quiet hiss of “what are you doing?!” then, he brings up his hands, gently presses tighnari against his body, and locks eyes with him. Tighnari nods, breath already stuttering. Cyno can almost feel the tickle, watching his nose wrinkle as he brings up another glove to scrub at it. His breath takes on an almost desperate whine, and he buries himself into Cyno’s shoulder
As it came to a peak, Cynos hands wrapped around hjs head, pressing him further into him. The fabric against his nose set him over the edge, as he tries desperately to silence the much-needed release.
“h’NGT! h-N’’gXT-h’NdT’iew-! hhI- hN’GT-hH’NDGT-ieww!” Tighnari panted against the rapid releases, and Cyno felt a dampness in his shoulder. “Done?” he whispered, knowing Tighnari’s sensitive ears would pick it up. Tighnari lets out another whine-like breath, hitching and stuttering. “I don’Hht-! Don’t know how many more I.. nGHT-! snF! Can hold back..” he mutters, congestion clear in his voice.
Cyno presses his hands against the back of Tighnari’s head and presses him further against him. “Let them out. It’ll be okay.”
Tighnari opens his mouth to object, but with his loss of focus, the need for release overcomes him. He buries himself in the crook of Cyno’s neck, each sneeze more desperate and itchy sounding than the last.
“hIH-iSHhiew-iShh-i’tSCh’iew-! hAh.. hiDT’sCHh’u! a’TSCHh-sCHh’ieww-! n’GTCh-! iSCHh’u!” Tighnari gasps for breath against Cyno as he watches their targets warily pack up their camp and leave, made nervous by the sudden activity. He releases a deep breath, but there’s no use in being angry. It was an unavoidable outcome. He releases his grip on his companion, trying to plan a next move as he listens to Tighnari’s wet sniffles as he attempts to clean himself up.
“I’m sorry, Cyno.” He says after a few moments, voice thick and raspy from strain. Cyno shakes his head in response. “It was bound to happen. I’m sure they’ll return.” He stands, dusting the dirt from his clothes, and offers a hand to Tighnari, who takes it after another itchy sneeze aimed into his shoulder. “You need to go home and wash the pollen off.”
#snz stuff#snz#ive had this done for a few days but ive been forgetting to post it sobbing#ok so i'm really sorry this is so late life has genuinelly been SO hetic lately. its a little better rn but not much#i want to post more fics but im so busy and when i have time its just. relaxing for once alas#anyways i hope you like this!!! i had fun writing it lol ive never done a scenario like this even though its a snzblr classic LOL#posting this and then running off for a while because i am in the middle of getting stuff done#dont like that getting this posted was more of crossing smth else off my checklist tonight than being like omgg im gonna post this bc i thi#k its good but alas..... tis life
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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this is how this scene went right
[id in alt]
#transatlantic#varian fry#transatlantic varian fry#mary jayne gold#thomas lovegrove#i mean yeah u could get hanged for treason but like. is that worse than disappointing varian? no#im meant to be resting my hand and/or studying but i couldnt help myself#also dont usually do this format so it was Fun#just a quick little thing bcs if i tried doing this more srsly id never finish it#hello to my 4 fellow transatlantic fans *waves*#hope u enjoy this silly snippet#i tried doing a study of that candle scene but trying to paint digitally just makes me want to do it trad but like. exam season lol#i simply mustnt commit hours and hours rn. maybe later??? i have painted One (1) thing srsly in my life but this would be so much fun#or maybe ill paint that first kiss hmmm so many options!!! id be excellent values practice bcs ppl who did the lighting for ta are geniuses
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i enjoyed high school! i had a lot of friends! some of them were even close! but holy SHIT . i can say, with full confidence now. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS SHIT and im GLAD I DON'T GO THERE!!!
#my school was actually pretty nice for a high school#my teachers were cool#im actual friends w one of em#but like. Omfg#if you as a high school student have ever felt annoyed about being treated like a baby or feel like you're just getting pushed around#like you're not treated as a real person. even by the staff who are nice. like all the clique stuff is stupid bullshit and you just want to#be an adult already#don't listen to anyone who tells you to treasure your high school years they can be fun but BEING AN ADULT IS SO MUCH BETTER#i got excited to VACUUM the other day!!! because my space in the dorms is MINE#and oh my god i love my parents and my family and their house is nice. BUT WOW LIVING IN A DORM RULES#not just bc its a nice dorm (That helps) but bc . like . so much is up to ME and im part of every decision#by default#and i get to Decide everything#a good part of this is just starting w a blank slate yk. i dont have to clean anything up and get rid of old stuff and rearrange#to decorate the new room in a way i want (in a way thats designed for me to keep it clean‚ rather than just the way that Happened)#and its like. i can really take pride in my space yk?#like i share it w 3 roommates but my part is Mine#and its not just where i sleep its like... i decorate it i clean it i like it i hang out in it#augh. college good.#if you're in high school no matter how much you like life rn: IT GETS BETTER
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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going to keep this vague on purpose but playing reload has reactivated brain chemicals in me that i forgot i had.
i think i'd want to make a more thought out post later, but i think my favorite thing about reload (aside from seeing minato in full HD glory) is how much it's made me think about video games as a storytelling medium- specifically with what mechanics and game design imply for characters.
there's a lot of quality of life features added to reload that help players easily enter a flow state and get immersed in the gameplay (most notable with tartarus)! which is so dope! reload has been such a nice blend of the mechanics from both FES and portable and it feels like a love letter to persona 3 fans.
there are definitely mechanics i miss from FES (minato's ability to wield multiple weapons being one of them). i can't deny that FES has some dated mechanics that don't necessarily feel fun for the player experience... but!
i think i mostly miss things from FES because i feel like so much of minato's characterization (for me) was informed by the gameplay experience and mechanics (e.g. fatigue system). obviously there's still other ways you can put together his personality (his dialogue responses), but i think game mechanics are a bit part of it, for me.
but in spite of that, i think reload is a really nice introduction to persona 3, it's so much more accessible and has a bunch of things to help make it more fun :) so far i think i'd recommend it to people :D
#persona 3#persona 3 reload#i don't even really talk about mechanics from reload specifically here but just in case haha#lizzy speaks#im really enjoying this game. i dont want to get into specific details abt reload in a text post atm#and if i do in the future it'll be under the cut#but my god this game is giving me big brainrot#i know i tend to mostly just be like 'hehe fanart reblogging time and here is me talking about the two guys i like'#but playing reload again reminded me of how much i loved playing FES because it was so fun for me to see how FES was designed#like... every time i finished FES i'd think about how much modernsona evolved the gameplay formula and built upon it#and now every time i finish reload i think 'goddamn they've really nailed the formula this experience is so fun'#but also it's fun for me to think about the different experiences curated by both FES and reload#i don't really know if anyone would play FES anymore with reload being out but i still really like the takeaways from FES#FES mechanics may not be the most convenient for the player but they definitely help sell the narrative in ways that only a video game can#like sometimes i just think about the movies and while its a good summary of the events it feels more like supplementary material#like p3 is 80+ hours and in order to have that 6 hour movie experience there's so much that has to be condensed/removed. they hit different#sometime after i finish reload im going to make a text post about my favorite mechanics from FES and how you can read into minato's-#character from it (i don't feel like it's very original but GUYS I LOVE GAME DESIGN GAME DESIGN IS SO COOL AND INTERESTING)#anyways. i needed 2 get my feelings out there. im on august 4th rn. this game is so awesome i love experiencing minato's day to day life#and i fucking LOVE TARTARUS!!!!!! (this tower is my beloved i can just live here forever).#i love having no expectations for video games ever because then i get knocked out of my seat im having so much fun. ok bye. back to the voi
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#anyways hahahahaha#i know i literally just got to meet phil#after a LIFETIME fixation#and have so much fun at the show#and i know it was HUGE and so wonderful and im so grateful that i got to be there at all muchless meet them#and everyone was so nice to me even tho i didnt have much energy to give them#and i know it sounds stupid and whiny#but god#i am so FUCKING BURNT OUT#ive been riding on fumes for weeks#really for years but im at an exceptionally thin spot rn#and i cant get thru an hour without crying for no reason#im shaking with exhaustion no matter how much i sleep#and lord i sleep a lot lately#all of my hobbies and interests are just kinda there peripherally#nothing interests me and the things that do interest me exhaust me to even think about doing#its been work home work home work home in an increasingly agonizing cycle for the last little bit#and hey man idk if i can keep doing it#ive been working fulltime for 13 years#the longest ive been unemployed was 5 months (?) and not even consecutively#and i was still doing side jobs then#everything is passing in a haze because I have no energy to extend to it#its everything i can do to get myself up in the morning and drag through my work day#i was at the show last night. that ive been wanting to go to since i was 8#i got to meet phil after 16 years#i got to hug them both#and see a lovely show#and the entire time i just felt numb and exhausted and was aching to just go home and sleep so i could shut off#not to kink post on main#but i used to heavily lean on dom/sub dynamics so that i could have someone else be in charge for at least ONE aspect of my fucking life
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very busy babysitting a duo of kittens (only two months old) the last few days but i shall be drawing when i return home (this includes requests)
and also if anyone wants to see the babies send an ask and i can post them in response hehe i have taken SO many photos
#yew branch#also i just missed a step on the stairs going down and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#i am now trapped on the couch until my back stops exploding at least a bit#upside tho is that the kittens are playing together on the couch#sometimes right on my lap!! theyre so so so so cute#i adore them#BUT YEAH i shall be drawing when i return home provided my back allows me to sit upright by that time#bc it sure isnt rn GDJSGJS#im sad ill have to go home tho.. these kittens are some of the cutest beasts alive#life is worth living because every day kittens are playing and having fun#i miiiiiiight be able to indirectly take one#one of my best friends might possibly be able/willing to take one and keep her with her own cat for me#until i move out of my parents house mid next year#so i might get to have... kitten that ive watched grow up from newborns...#the story behind these kittens is that one of my other best friends took in a stray and she turned out to be pregnant#and had these two!!#im also watching the three adult cats in this house but theyre not nearly as much of a handful#as can be imagined this friend is very tired of having 5 cats in the house regardless of how small two of them are GDJSVSN#which is very very understandable#i dont think i would want five cats unless i had a fairly large house. if i had a large house and plenty of free time most of each day#to give them play time and tons of affection#as well as the physical ability to keep up with them all#then id gladly have five cats#who knows maybe someday ill have a nice big house and plenty of spare time and my ddd will be under control#but that doesnt seem likely#aside from ddd being managed! because i have a pain relieving steroid injection tomorrow and then ill be starting physical therapy!!#im excited and i have a lot of hope for at least the physical therapy to help#PLUS THEY HAVE A POOL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SWIMMING ESPECIALLY AS A GENTLE WORKOUT#and low impact things are very important for my body specifically i cant do high impact exercise or itll hurt me#plus i just love being in water i swear i was meant to be an aquatic elf from dnd
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#have been so down lately and just thought about subnautica. specifically peepers and got happy :)#something something little thingsin life#ive told myself i will visit my grandma today. will report back if that happens#trying to be easy on myself while also not doing something ill regret is hard#i am. so not ready to see my grandma. im mentally so not there and ive been so shakey mentally for months and i just. idk#it would be easier on me if i didnt see her. but im not sure thats fair to my future self let alone my grandma herself#i just. i dont know. i hate being in survival mode like who fucking doesnt want to see their grandma when shes dying. whar the fuck#fun fact i get an anxiety attack everytime i receive text messages now because im convinced its my dad telling me she died#its. probably a good thing i have a psychiastrist appointment tomorrow#anyways. hi#im just. popping in idk if i will like. come back#lifw rn is. so much#im literally driving 10hrs in less than a week from now
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