#im having confidence issues
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bitches love me for my glass
#story time with kiwi#im having confidence issues#im thinkin w h a t t h e h e l l are you doing??? youre n e v e r going to build that thing youre just bringing dirty broken glass into the#house for f u c k i n g n o t h i n g#it does not help that i detailed the plan in excitement to mom and mimi#and now theyve taken my location for VERY EXPENSIVE AND UNREASONABLE home additions that will be put on me to pay#:( idk why they do that it stresses me out#BUT. GLASS. GREENHOUSE. FUCK.
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!!!got a proper tablet!!!
im free from the shackles of drawing with my finger on my phone!!! also click for higher res tumblr hates my textures lmfaoo 😓😓
#mha#bnha#my hero academia#toga himiko#himiko toga#pike art#so much has happened lately!!!!#i have my learners now!#and a tablet!#i felt like i was stuck at a plateau drawing on my phone#no pen pressure#tiny screen#hard to be loose with my strokes and have line confidence#i feel like im gonna start improving a lot more now that i can do this with much less effort than before#anyhow!! youre next was good#not spoiling but it does have some.. dialogue issues but i thought it was funny#love my butch wife giulio
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just started malevolent and arthurs already so much more pathetic than jon and i love him so so much i hope he gets to kill someone about this whole situation honestly
#im not used to faster content like this i dont know how to process so much information#tma didnt feed me any sorta info till like half way through the first season i lvoe both of them so much though#alos did the weird demon guy just get rid of arthurs confidence issues hell yeah#malevolent is so so fun though im having a good time#the magnus archives#tma#malevolent#jonathan sims#arthur lester#eye posting
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I keep seeing fanarts of ppl's OC's being on the ship, so do you think that if there was 6st crewmember (specifically, another woman) Anya would've been more safe? Like, someone to actually call Jimmy's begaviour out, someone Anya might wanna trust? Is there a possibility something might have changed (even if a little) or it would not have mattered at all?
-💀
I feel like the game would make it part of the commentary on where she would believe and help Anya but still be sort of dismissive? Like the whole “don’t waste time crying and being scared keep going and move on, don’t let him win”. It’s supposed to be positive and reinforcing but sometimes it does more damage in those times of mourning and grief, it feels patronizing, like you don’t understand what you’re going through but they do. Even if they did call out his behavior it’s still on Curly to act and while another voice would help, it’s still 4 against 2 on guys that don’t get it until they have to vs women who always have to.
I don’t mind mouthwashing OCs but I do get a bit bored as they tend to be borderline saviors or like Jimmy aligned. They are either more complicit than Curly or just Jimmy haters for no reason, outside of what the creators know about what he did to Anya. I am never irked by OCs but in a story like mouthwashing you really need to think about what your character adds to the commentary, especially if they are there during the crash. It’s nice to have like characters on Anya’s side more whole heartedly and interesting to see characters who placate Jimmy but sometimes it’s one note.
I can’t and don’t want to police peoples OCs it’s never my intention when I comment on trends I notice, but I do feel like the way people make their OCs interact with these two characters and especially Curly, really show a grave misunderstanding of the narrative and these characters as people vs roles in the story. Still, I know people just make up characters for fun and that’s fine. Great even, but I guys I’m focusing more on OCs that are supposed to have those serious dynamics. My favs tend to be pretty-Tulpar or post-Tulpar au OCs.
The inevitably of the crash is on Jimmy. He did that not because he wasn’t stopped but because all his means to kill Anya were taken. The gun, the axe. Even if Curly did strip him of his co-pilot privileges and try to keep him contained there’s only so many people. An extra body helps but they have jobs they have to do, he’s the only one steering the whole ship and Jimmy would likely have an out: food, bathroom, etc. He’s not new and if he couldn’t crash the ship directly, who’s to say he wouldn’t sabotage something else? A clunker like the Tulpar wouldn’t take much. An extra person helps but it’s just another thing that prolongs what a person like Jimmy is willing to do to shirk responsibility.
It’s more than just needing someone to stand up to him and think that’s what is missing when it comes to inserting a character into the mouthwashing setting.
#like again most people treat Jimmy like a misanthrope and he’s not and the way he’s just evil/rude to everyone all the time just isn’t real#like he’s snarky and rude but it can’t be 100% of the time like hes not going out his way to instigate#he’s the type to say shit and hope it stirs the pot like Daisuke likes him at first#thinks he’s a bit of a jerk but he likes him like unless you specifically make a character he’s dislike he’s not just gonna be#readily antagonistic to strangers or at the get go#not to mention it’s not just about Anya needing a friend but someone with the power to do something#a point in why she confides in Curly is he’s the captain she’s not just gonna tell the only other woman just because it’s still personal#not every girl tells their friend or another woman especially if they are new and they don’t know how they react not all girls are#girls girls some can be just as toxic as the men they are being confided in about#the nuance of the situation is not solved by having more people who actively hate jimmmy if anything it would make him escalate further as#clearly has issues with how people perceive him and being liked like another woman who hates him that’s gonna do something crazy in his mind#I think it’s interesting when OCs explore another side of the pre established dynamics as Jimmy uses each remaining crew member to fill a#something Curly provided for him and represent his dynamic with Anya and being an abuser I just feel like a lot is being missed out on#and it’s mainly cause people don’t want to make OCs that aren’t great people like it’s okay to have a grey mediocre OCs in situations like#this its realistic and helps you write more grounded characters like idk i like the ocs but eh im not like a super fan#I really should make an analysis on Jimmy cause people hate discussing him and his character is being really misunderstood#like not saying she’s innocent or an excuse but just not getting how he is supposed to work like he’s no dick fucking dasteredly#he’s a shitty guy who gets shittier like he ain’t start out an avengers level threat#mouthwashing#💀 anon#mouthwashing game#ask#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing oc#now I gotta make an oc just to prove myself but I can’t draw#so maybe not cuz what’s the point if I can’t explain the fly drip
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I promise you body positivity can exist outside of bringing down the other end of the spectrum of the body you're praising. You are, in fact, capable of saying you enjoy ass without calling no ass ugly. I promise you it's possible to enjoy hairy bodies without absolutely shitting on hairless ones. You can call someone's straight, black hair pretty without shitting on curls and dye in the same sentence. Heal 🤍🗣
#rambles#im not enjoying how often i see disgust towards body types that#the majority of my disabled friends have#we dont need new body standards we need to tear ALL those standards down#like congrats now youre creating body image issues for a new crowd of people.#youve completely nulled the confidence you were trying to give by#shitting on the existence of the other side of the spectrum
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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more polls
*in my reworked weapons system (fuse isnt a thing) you can craft weapons via new smith shops or zelda (each offer different advantages- zelda, as your companion, can craft on the go but needs all materials, shops, which are dotted around the landscape and not restricted to populated areas, can provide materials you dont have but cost money- BOTH need the recipe for it though) both also REPAIR weapons (once a weapon loses its power/goes dull you can still use it but its stats are cut in half or more, but they wont break fully, repairing costs less material or money than crafting new)
in this system new types of weapons or specific, special recipes, can be rewards for quests or in the (reworked) mini dungeons, there are weapons recipes you can craft after you find one out in the wild (as in, the actual weapon) as well; part of the reward for helping out the regions is adding alot of new recipes
you have a (sortable! and with favorites!) collection of recipes to craft weapons from that you can select and then choose what material to use (higher quality material results in extra strength and durability, meaning theres less weapons that are default less good and it mostly depends on how far your progress is !weapons can be repaired with differing material from which they were crafted! so if you made your fav weapon with lesser material you can repair it with better ones and make it stronger and more usable for the late game- you can sell weapons at smith shops or store them at your home)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rewrites totk#totk rewritten#i dont remember my tags for it oh dear#ANYWAY#i really like this system bc i feel like its a good balance between breakable and non breakable#like its an evolution of botws system and feels fresh without getting fully rid of one or the other?#ALSO new rewards!!! i hate how useless all rewards are in totk- i dont care for glider fabrics!!!!#at least not enough to see that as the ultimative reward :I#ALSO adds intersting new things in the overworld via the shops#and kinda just .. makes sense??? for the world??#and unlike totks system its not doubling down on its issues- wasting weapon and material and weapons being always shit when found#also weapons looking like utter shit#yeah its funny to fight with a mushroom on a stick but ???? is that one laugh worth it dealing with this system??#not in my eyes#anyway#point is im pretty confident this reworked system of mine is pretty good and i also have design ideas#but idk if its intersting enough to actually .. draw out#i mean i do want to make a full proper breakdown of the system with sketches so its easier to visualize#but is weapon design itself intersting?
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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Thinking abt trolls 3 and why it picked up so much traction compared 2 the other 2 movies. Like technological advancements aside I think the main thing is just the character lineup.
Movie one was mostly branch and poppy. All the kidnapped trolls operated as One entity really so it’s not like u could particularly??? Care about them too much. Bridget and Gristle were really really fun but the villain wasn’t anything particularly special or noteworthy judging by just how little people. Talk about her. OH and also creek was there (literally forgor im rereading this for typos and adding this now) but like. Oh no the guy who showed up for like 5 minutes is a Bad guy and im supposed to care about the quest to save him mostly just because theyre telling the audience they should care because Poppy cares . But theres just not a lot of setup (and Creeks just not that. Interesting?)
Second movie had considerably More bangers and was definitely going in the right direction character wise. But it had the Opposite problem with wayyy too many guys that were really interesting and not a lot of time to do anything with them. You get King Trollex’s intro, Biggie, Cooper and Prince D and their parents, Delta Dawn, and Allll the bounty hunter trolls, PLUS Barb and the rock trolls. Barb was definitely a prime example of a major upgrade from the movies, having a villain that the audience actually vibed with and u could Tell by fan reactions I think. (Parb sweep) But there was just. Sooo so much, on top of the lore dump and a plot that you really had to get cool with really quick to get invested in. theres a bunch of new trolls and these strings that are definitely super important promise (lie)
The third one feels like they finally like. Know what theyre doing. With their own universe. No big lore dumps, theres not even any Explanation for what Mount Rageous is, they just introduce you to it and the Rageons with confidence thru Velvet and Veneer and expect you to get it. Plus, theres still a lot of characters, but theyre much more tangibly connected now. All the brozone brothers are well established and have preestablished relationships with each Other so even if we dont get much time with them it doesn’t feel like theyre that out of place. It still requires some suspension of disbelief vis a vis “Branch had Four super secret brothers hes Never mentioned,” but they make it work and frankly, the set-up is a lot more easier to get invested in than “secret magical strings that Invented Magic I Guess.”
And with Brozone and Viva theres a connection To the main characters rather than just being tag-alongs for tag-alongs sake. They’ve all got their own niches to make them individually compelling but theres a connecting thread here so they still feel like they’re a part of the story. And they’re all there to do something!! And then Velvet and Veneer of course continue the vibe that Barb had of being villains with enough screen time and personality that you like them As characters and arent just viewing them as The Plot Obstacle. Which is cool i think. Overall i just think the third movie felt a Lot more confident to do what the fuck ever and thats Really good.
#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#me when I’m saying so many words.#like obviously i think trolls 3 still has its issues with a crowded character lineup and flying by the seat of its pants plot wise.#but at this point the writers are so confident in their setup and they make things work so Well that i dont Care that much.#if im having a good time and you sell me on it then hell yeah branch used to be in a successful boy band.#and now his gay brother is being absorbed of his. troll magic? like sure why not.#text posts :0]
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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im actually really good at admitting when i dont know things its just that people keep talking to me about things that i know a lot about and am objectively correct on
#this is a cartoony exaduration of a very real sentiment#whoch is that im often told that i come off like i 'need to be right about everything'#but i have achived a place in my life where i recognize when i dont have all the info or perspective nessesary need to Listen#and that i dont have to have a strong opinon abt everything#and that admitting that i lack knowledge or opinion rather than masking that with false confidence is better in the long run#bc it dosent put you on defense - makes you more receptive to new information + perspectives + corrections#its just that people will try to tell me their opinions about lawn mowers and im not going to pretend like i dont know more than them#when i do. which happens to be all the time#never met a person whos done as much reaserch on lawns + lawn care industry and related issues such as sore machines#(small off road engines)#i know theyre out there but the chances of me finding them is small and i have yet to do so#and then people try and give me their opinions abt this subject and if THEY dont shut up and listen i go rabid#like i know when its my turn to shut up and listen but sometimes im right and OTHER people need to be shutting up and listening#but also even outside of that i tend to come off as harsh/agressive/judgmental even when relaying info that im not obsessive abt like lawns#its the autism. i just word things blunt and talk with flat affect and dont know how to soften the blow well when correcting people#or even just adding my own perspective + ideas to convo without intent of 'correcting' anyone#such is life i suppose#just so long as nobody tries to tell me lawns are ethical ill be fine#<- remembers when i made a post that accidently got attention abt this subject and melted down#bc the strangers on the internet dont understand that this is my WHOLE THINF#if you knew me in real life youd understand. its my passion#text#im putting this is the lawn tag actually#lawn posting
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you aren't the biggest kid person(also shout out to the sneeb cameo
At least we're consistent
#the top three images are all for a scene in c2 ive been writing#sneeb cameo real#dca fandom#time still stands tag#fnaf#fnaf dca#dca au#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun and moon#sun fnaf#moon fnaf#raaaagh you and moon have self confidence issues totally not based off anything im familiar w
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!
Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!
In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.
The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.
Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.
We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.
I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.
She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!
#dogblr#rory borealis#my face#bird dog training#steadiness training#retrieve training#at the very beginning of the video you can see her 'opt in' (tell me she's ready to start) by looking at the bumpers on the counter#it's a subtle communication from rory but important because it would have been more frustrating if i started when she wasnt ready#i had just woken her up from a nap because i wanted to work on this while i was waiting for my coffee to brew#i like how she is really understanding steadiness (dont move your feet)#and i was super happy with how well she committed (didnt glance away) once i lined her up#i shouldnt have rewarded her looking up at me before i lined her up because i dont want that#but i thought i was rewarding her standing still#ill time that better on the next rep#one minor issue im having is i always tap her head to release her from heel#and i cant do that if im using my left hand to line her up#im not sure if the correct direction is to fade my line or fade my tap#i think once i figure out which one to do itll build her confidence on the release#i think i want to keep the tap so i might practice lining her up and then moving my hand while she keeps commitment to the line#another piece to work on!#it's cool to see it broken down in tiny pieces tbh#this is an unrelated but adjacent rant:#yesterday on dogbook i saw a post that was asking for recs for high value treats because their dog lost interest#if they couldnt figure out the activity in 30 seconds#and it irks me because if your dog cant figure out what youre asking in 30 seconds#i think your activity is too hard and needs to be broken into smaller pieces#ESPECIALLY with an indepent thinker#sure some dogs will power through uncertainty and frustration but why are you asking them to#look inward and see how you can break it into smaller pieces#(it irks me because it is the exact problem and response i had with mav - live and learn and look back and all that)
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A pic of my human whirl design and holomatter avatar whirl hanging out together! Cuz I thought that’d be cute! And I was right… it is!
#transformers#mtmte#whirl#tf whirl#humanformers#mtmte whirl#doodles#Srry it’s been so long since uploading anything. I got a job! last month#and! it’s been going good… but also I do not have as much free time…#also… I’m.. it’s at a daycare… and I got a 102 degree fever last LAST Tuesday#2 Tuesdays ago. and I’m still fucking coughing. every time I start feeling better I go back to work and the sickness like resets itself.#also one of the kids gave me pinkeye!!!#im… thinking about looking for a diff job lol#im rlly proud of how well I’ve been handling this one. and its def boosted my confidence!#but.. like… i live with old ppl. who have there own serious issues. also I have my own issues!#espec w the eye thing like i had to go to an eye doctor ever month for like 2 years cuz my eyes were screwed up#and finally last year i got the ok that my eyes were doing good! and they weren’t screwed up anymore. and then i get fucking pink eye!#that freaks me out!!!! and Ive been sick for 2 weeks straight! that sucks!!!#like.. ive just realized… this level of exposure to illness and bacteria.. is not worth it lol#ive still got to do like 2 weeks notice tho so hopefully im not fucking sick for 2 more weeks#I feel like that’s a possibility ghgh#anyway yeah I got a job that’s why arts been scarce. gonna get a new job after this one so art will probably still be scarce lol#it’s ok that just means it’ll be more of a treat when I do post! like u guys’ll cherish it more right? lol#absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that#maccadam
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Vent in the tags....
#dont read if you dont want to know a bit too much about my issues#ok#i dont know how to feel self confidence as an academic#i dont know if it is a female academic thing or just grad school#but i really struggle with knowing if im good enough to do what i want to do#and i dont want to put anything on my advisor#he's very nice and very knowledgeable and well-respected in my field#and ive heard way worse from other people in my cohort about their advising relationship#but....his confidence in me comes in the form of being quietly sure I'll do well#like apparently i wrote one of the best exam answers he's ever seen for my qualifying exams#but he didnt tell me this#the department admin person told me this#my advisor was just like “good job you passed”#or him just saying repeatedly that i WILL get a prestigious fellowship#even long before i knew i did#i dont know what else to ask from this relationship or if it even is a him problem#but i don't know how to build my own confidence#i have no doubts in my project just whether im the person to do it
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