#im going to shoot myself now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

no-eyed-deer · 1 month

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awh.. thank you for the reassurance <33 i’d love to be hurt by your hands and be cut and bruised for you :} *months* without talking ? why would you even bother then—?/nfta/genq/lh

— ☀️

I mean, I don't tend to leave it for more than a few weeks, but I wouldn't be bothered by months in the case it did happen. I actually do not know. I'm arospike, meaning, I feel long periods of zero romantic attraction, and then my romantic attraction spikes. I have realised I tend to message them when I am feeling romantically affectionate, but I cannot tell if it's romantic or platonic anymore. I've always been terrible with identifying and dealing with emotions.

Anyway! Rant over. You've made me realise I might need to chat with them about this.

#twist my words ୭ ˚.#☀️ anon ୭ ˚.#i dont think theyre an exception #i have just realised this #goodness my mind is a mess #there are many people i leave on delivered for weeks at a time #and its never my exeptions.#im going to shoot myself now #aspd will be the desth of me. why cant i simoly care for people. and why dont i care that i dont care. i feel bad about none of this

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cj-isout · 2 months

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danganronpa art? in YOUR 2024? more likely than you think..

please dibt kill me.

#danganronpa #im gonna shoot myself #kazuichi souda #kazuichi soda #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Kuzusouda #i used to THRIVE off of these mfs in 2021 #bmc moots. you dont see this shit #ill go die now #dont block me please #dont unfollow me either #cjs art

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spacedlexi · 1 year

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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but

its hard

#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me #violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe #kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her #saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again #vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts #plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this #you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes #UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there #i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even #if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself #i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive #twdg #violentine #it speaks

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seagull-scribbles · 2 years

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They’re working “together” on a project….

#rottmnt #donatello #leonardo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt Leo #SaveRiseOfTheTMNT #meme redraw #im really struggling to do these guys that by the time i get the sketch right i just want to give up #oh well i gotta keep going #i still like sonic im not lying #its just ive felt the last few months like i was butting a wall and my progression had stopped #and now i have the challenge of drawing these guys who all have very different body types #and its just nice experimenting with sketching and colours and stuff yaknow #not that i actually have the time do keep doing these im really shooting myself i the foot here

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lilaccatholic · 10 months

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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

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lighthouseas · 2 months

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alright guys that's it im never driving again

#literally had a whole ass panic attack + mental breakdown behind the wheel because we did a practice road test and i freaked out #like i did the road test but fucked everything up and then when she was telling me everything i was doing wrong i started to cry and i didnt #-WANT TO FUCKING CRY because i need to IMPROVE but i was so stressed out about the actual road test and fucking it up that i started having #-a fucking panic attack in front of my instructor and it was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life im going to kill myself #im also on my period so like you guys can just take me out back and shoot me now. i fucking hate it here.#bee.txt

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year

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im gonna kms

#ARE YOU KIDDING ME #FUCKING #QOWUDDJ #KILLING MYSELF #19 CHAPTERS OF FUCKING TEEN PINING IVE NEVER AGREED WITH SATO SO MUCH #IM GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF IF THEY DONT GET A HAPPY ENDING #skk #sorry im ill about them im done now

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notyonatto · 11 months

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There was a shooting next to where I live. And it’s so normal in America for there to be gun violence that i’m just expected to go to work as usual like nothing happened. Like there aren’t bullet markings in the buildings I take frequent walks by. I feel extremely out of it and freaked out.

#i had nightmares all night #and keep imagining myself on a walk while a shooting happens now #tw shooting #tw gun #just supposed to go to work like everythings fine #but its really not #this country is so broken #and im genuinely freaked out and scared #:/

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skippingseaglass · 4 months

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the world is kinder than i think it is isn't it?

#i have seen things no one else should in general and im one of the luckier people #but i dont know something about the way every day before i can go to sleep i have the option of shooting my friend a message about -#his funny superhero comics or do shadow puppets with my sun lamp #or the fact i still care so much about this whole thing because i know we have a lot left to lose despite it all #or the fact that so many others do too #i really feel this warmness about it #its so horrible out there but i am still alive and so are my friends and family and at least for now i know they are safe #i would bend anything to my will to keep them safe if i only could but i cant #so im going to have to trust myself and a lot of other people to work together to ever dream of achieving that #and you know that??? i really do think that can happen. and it should. and i think just maybe it will.#i will do what i reasonably can and i hope you will too

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bombshelllblonde · 7 months

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just in case anyone was wondering

i am an outlaw

thank u for ur time and the end <3

#sometimes i can convince myself that im literally just a cowboy #this is such a mood #doing this cowboy photo shoot healed something inside me #i need to do more #i love u forever arthur morgan #im insane #but also who fucking cares im not going to pretend that im not obsessed with this video game #also im allowed to do what i want #in the words of post malone #im still that bitch so what #im rambling now #im so tired #i gotta take my make up off #i dont have any other social media so im just going to continue to ramble in the tags because i literally talk to no one #the end #ok bye

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chocolatmieux · 8 months

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and heres lia and xan. tch. whatever......

#liadove #my art #no more couple pics for me lest i shoot myself into the sun #im going to do the dishes now #liaxan

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pillarofna · 1 year

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i am so fucking upset. i didnt even drop my phone or ANYTHING it was literally sitting on the table!!!!! i came back and turned it on and now i have a bright pink line just in the middle of my screen now.

am i seriously going to have to drop several hundred dollars on a new phone screen for an issue that isnt even my fault

where the line is for reference. its much more annoying than these pictures make it seem because the line is very fucking bright and hurts my eyes to look at my phone screen against it 🤣 im going to kill myself

#im still $50 away from meeting my last donation goal so no fucking way is anybody going to send me like $200 for this. i dont even have $200 #in my fucking bank account. im gonna shoot myself in the head now byeeee

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vanyafresita · 8 months

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actually, you know what ? im glad my ex gf ghosted me, i dodged a bullet it seems

#this was two years ago and just a few months ago i started getting over it #on the one hand yeah it fucking SUCKS i wish i had had some type of warning instead of radio silence suddently from one day to the other #on the other i was ready to move to texas (me: poc queer fem presenting nd bitch) and was looking seriously jobs over there #and like- i fucking HATE the usa but she was really scared about leaving the states to come to europe- so i was willingly to travel there to #be with her and not put her through that (ive been traveling since childhood so im used to it- but she has certain mental stuff going on and #taking her away from her family and her childhood city was going to be really tough- of course i'd sacrifice my life for hers)#and like im so sorry to everybody who is stuck in the usa right now bcs ur country is treating yall so poorly i feel genuinely bad #but as someone who was planninh to work over there as a teacher..... IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DONT HAVE TO SET FOOT THERE 😭#every single thing i hear about the education system there seems hellish- as well as the teachers' conditions and wages #like over here its not all rainbows and flowers but at least i dont have to worry about school shootings or getting fired for recommending #books from a banned list 💀#ESPECIALLY as a poc latino queer linguistics and literature teacher- i'd love to talk to students about a big range of things- i cannot #imagine having to censor myself or dance around a subject becs “kids are too dumb to understand queerness” “youre trying to groom them”#“dont brainwash em you commie” like ma'am im trying to help your child develop basic empathy and respect for those who dont look like them #like i hear some serious worrying stuff from teachers over there i hope u guys are holding up somehow 😭😭😭#anyways idk how the phrase in english goes but in spanish we say cuando dios cierra una puerta- abre una ventana #(<- trying to look for the positive in getting ghosted by the girl of their dreams)#its fine guys anyways #yeah that was the first LD relationship ive ever had- never trying that again #also i found out im arospec so im definitely not getting into a romantic relationship lmfaoooooo #only QPRs for me now if anything lol #vanya strawberry flavored

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aroace-poly-show · 1 year

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someone needs to brand "i am cringe but i am free" on my brain maybe then i will truly embrace the cringe

#marlo’s stuff #screaming at myself #all the time #i appreciate the ask about my ocs but i so conveniently forgot the fact i want to explode (/neg) when i think about the lore i came up with #I WILL ANSWER IT BUT I AM GOING INSANE RIGHT NOW #i am cringe but i am free i am cringe but i am free i am cringe but i am free i am cringe but i am free i #I NEED TO SHOOT WHATEVER PART OF MY BRAIN CAUSES ME THIS MUCH SHAME 24/7 #SOMEBODY FUCKING GIVE ME A LOBOTOMY OR SOMETHING #PLEASE #IM LOSING IT

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luminarrow · 2 years

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let me explain my insanity... i think the forgotten lands ost goes so good with each tracks respective environment that they like. need each other. i can listen to alivel mall on its own and be like okay. but the music is so immersive as fun mall music that you gotta be in the fun mall to really feel it.

i think its especially true for wondaria. the amusement park environment is so beautiful and fun and the music fits PERFECTLY. theres that feeling of wonder and excitement i couldnt get listening on youtube staring at the logo, or whatever. i need to go there or ill die.

#theyre going to shoot me out back now for talking stupid ass nonsense sorry #i dont really feel this way for any other kiby game so yeah. im right. factually #im also really bad at explaining myself. lol

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