#im going to pull a neil perry

[dailytraingirl]

hand on the throttle,

thought i caught lightning in a bottle

oh.

but it’s gone again.

[ace-with--a-mace]

mr neils father pls compliment your son tell him he was amazing pls he was so good

[zer0brainc3lls]

Dps yap session about how Todd’s relationship with Neil and Mr Keating (mainly Neil) grew his character because I’ll never stop thinking about it (spoilers for the book)

In the movie we all know Todd has issues with public speaking but in the book, it’s not just public speaking. It’s speaking to almost anyone in general. He stutters and pauses between sentences, even being unable to finish what he’s trying to say.

“I… would…. Prefer…. Rowing….. sir,” - Todd “rowing? Did he say rowing? But here it says you played soccer at Balincrest?” - Mr Nolan “I…. Did…. But….” - Todd

The dots are not exaggerated if you haven’t read the book. That’s how it’s shown. Now he doesn’t speak to everyone like this, mainly if he’s asked about an opinion or something of that nature, despite this he speaks softly almost all the time in the start of the book.

But as time goes on and he becomes closer to the dead poets + Mr Keating he opens up, he may not speak much in meetings and in classes doing anything publicly still scared him but he opens up more nonetheless.

Towards the halfway/end of the book he watches Neil find his own voice through acting, standing up to his father and watching Neil grow confident in himself he too becomes more confident. Even putting a lamp shade over his head just for fun, in front of people, being silly. (The lamp shade part is never talked about omg.)

When Neil is performing he even mouthes the lines to himself, even though he knows Neil needed no help. And at the end of the play TODD starts the standing ovation (I think? He’s definitely one of the first.) with a smile on his face, no embarrassment, no shame. Just happy for his best friend for standing up and finally being himself.

This was never shown in the movies but after the play he reaches out for Neil, trying to tell him how well he did and when Mr Perry’s car drives off he screams Neil’s name. In front of a crowd of people.

After the car scene they go back to the cave, not just the dead poets, Chris is there to (someone Todd barely knows!!!) and you know what Todd does? He expresses his anger. In full.

“Todd suddenly jumped up and pounded the walls with his fists. ‘Next time I see Neil's father I'm gonna smash him. I don't care what happens to me!’ ” after this, HE RECITES A POEM IN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS, MR KEATING AND CHRIS. (THIS WHOLE CAVE SCENE WAS SUCH A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR TODDS CHARACTER IM SO MAD THEY FUCKING CUT IT)

Todd gained his own voice watching Neil and the dead poets gain theirs.

Then Neil died.

After Neil died? Todd lost his voice. Almost. He almost went back to stumbling his words, he almost went back to speaking softly. But whenever someone tried to speak ill of Neil or Mr Keating? HE WAS ON THEIR CASE.

“You don’t seriously think his father…” -knox “not with the gun! Damn it even if the bastard didn’t pull the trigger he..” - Todd

“ ‘Who else do you think, dumbo? The administration? Mr. Perry? Keating put us up to all this, didn't he? If it wasn't for him, Neil would be cozied up in his room right now, studying his chemistry and dreaming of being called doctor.’ - Cameron ‘That's not true! Mr. Keating tell Neil what to do. Neil loved acting.’ - Todd

And in the books he took a large punishment instead of signing the note to get Mr Keating fired and of course we cannot forget the desk scene at the end of the movie. Todd may never be the same as when Neil was alive and Mr Keating was still his teacher but he grew a confidence from them, even them no longer being apart of his life could take away the impact they had on him.

Idk if this yap session is a “yeah no shit” kind of thing but thanks for coming to my ted talk yall

[freshoutthaslammer]

just saw a mgg with kids edit im actually never leaving my bedroom ever again because i am going to pull a neil perry

[drummah-in-a-rocknroll-band]

dead poets society but it’s my quote book part 3? (or 2 idk anymore)

charlie: “rizzler of oz here we come”

cameron: “no! stop trying to culture me”

charlie: “neil perry is my shawty bae”

nolan: “charlie what happened? do you have a braincell to tell me?”

(after charlie accidentally pulled the fire alarm right before a concert)

neil: “Im about to go be the white girl in a horror movie”

pitts: “why are they touching tips”

meeks(angerly): they’re kissing! What are you? homophobic?”

charlie: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU NEIL?”

neil: “asking what’s right with you might have an easier answer”

charlie (mockingly): “i’m a tenor player! i need a bigger saxophone to compensate!”

neil: "what are those?"

todd: "drugs."

neil: "what kind??"

todd: "the legal kind"

mr. keating: “Im king of the nerds! Im king!”

neil: “i’m getting bullied by the wind”

charlie: “you’re getting wullied”

charlie: “Heyyyy, can I have that”

knox: “It’s in our pit it’s ours.”

charlie: “I’ll give you a kiss.”

knox (Quickly): “You can just have it”

charlie to knox: “you gotta get some bitches”

[smoosnoom]

moon moon moon hello i am opening ao3 for the first time in WEEKS and its because ive come to know you have written an anderperry fic. jaw dropped when i found out because WHAT!!!!!!!! one of my favorite writers n one of my favorite pairings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dps was literally my entire personality at one point and im STILL insane about this film

anyways im here to give u my thoughts as i read because i will be insane about this for the rest of my life. moon anderperry fic moon anderperry fic moon anderperry fic i will never be okay ever again

WYM TODD CAN JUST /FEEL/ SOMETHING IS WRONG. FUCK THIS FUCK FUCK FUCK THE FEAR THE AGONY THE FEELINGS I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW

Neil shakes his head. “Don’t you get it, Todd?” He sounds too calm, too resigned, and Todd hates it, he decides, he never wants to see Neil so complicit with something so terrible ever again. “There’s no fighting it. There’s no good way out of this.” He shrugs again. “I’m trapped.” 

fuckkk its like his dad killed his spirit sucked the life out of him broke him or something i cannot fucking do this anymore. AND TODD IS PROTESTING!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED TO NEIL WHAT HAPPENED TO SEIZE THE DAY AND ITS SO HARD TO SEE NEIL MAKE PEACE WITH HIS PASSION TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM. im :( might just pull a neil perry at the end of dead poets society (1989) if u get what im saying

He takes a leap of bravery. He reaches out and rests a hand on Neil’s elbow. He takes a step forward, brings up another hand, and Neil collapses into him, all six feet of him falling onto Todd, who doesn’t stumble when he holds him up. Sorry, he wants to say, even if it’s not his fault, even if he had tried to warn Neil, so many weeks ago, sorry, sorry, sorry. He presses a hand a little more firmly into Neil’s back when his shoulders shake, and his body is cold, and some reckless part of Todd wants to strip off his jacket and throw it over Neil, usher him inside and make him tea like Todd’s mother would do, when he was still a child and not quite Todd. 

HOW DO YOU WRITE THE WAY YOU WRITE IM GOING FUCKING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! watch me sob over when he was still a child and not quite todd what the fuckkkk

AND FOR A SECOND IT FEELS LIKE IT COULD BE. im never recovering im never ever getting over this fic ever this was so :( sorry for the long ask i lost my mind the second i found out u wrote an anderperry fic (and perhaps inspired me to get back to writing dps again)

ivy ronanticized hello !!!! omg im Honored my little dps fic was enough for u to open up ao3 again 😭 i really just wrote it on a whim since tragedies have never settled Peacefully in me

one of ur favorite writers 😭 thank u so much omg i Did write . another anderperry fic which . i hope u like BUTDONT FEEL LIKE U HAVE TO DO ANOTHER ONE OF THESE i just wanted to let u know since . u seemed to enjoy this one LOL

stop im fully falling apart rn ivy i need u to Calm Down before i explode from flattery fr !!!!!

todd can feel something is wrong ... it's the soulmateism 😕

FUCK MR PERRY !!!!!! ALL MY HOMIES HATEEEE MR PERRY FR u know what . i Completely get neil and im glad i could get his defeatedness across 🫡 and todd protesting bc he cannot bear to see him like that . You Get It

might pull a neil perry 😭 ivy NO

HEELPHP 😭 THANK U FOR LIKING IT it means Everything to me .

and for a second it feels like it could be !!!!!!!

never apolgoize Ever again for long asks ok they are very much treasured !!!! im so so so happy u enjoyed it and very very honored that it mightvw inspired u to write more dps !!! id love to read some of it :]

[inahallucination]

no thoughts just neil perry waking up early to go to the store and buy flowers and snacks and drinks and stuff and then later sneaking into the kitchens (he’s like every adults favorite - he totally has ways to get into places at welton that are off limits) and making a lunch 

and then taking todd by the hand (”its a surprise baby”) and leading him into the trees near welton and into a clearing where he tells todd to keep his eyes closed and takes his bag and pulls out the flowers and the picnic blanket and the food and everything else he brought and tells todd to open his eyes

todds awestruck at the sight of his favorites foods and snacks and drinks and everything and his favorite person all in front of him

and that my friends is how todd and neil’s first month anniversary goes 

(”w-wait um youre supposed to celebrate first month anniversaries? im so sorry, oh my god i didn’t know nei-”

“todd i just wanna celebrate you - the one month anniversary is really just an excuse to do that”)

[looneymooney]

a little push

neil perry x fem reader

"he's staring again" charlie shoved todd and tilted his head towards neil. neil was fixated on her. the only girl in their literature class. y/n. he never flat out said the words, but all the poets knew he had feelings for her. she made him act like an idiot even with a simple glance. she turned him into putty.

"its been 2 months since she enrolled, its getting kinda pathetic." knox leaned in, grabbing cards out of the pile on the table.

"we should help him out" todd said, glancing back at neil.

"and how do you suggest we do that?" pitts reached out and grabbed his drink, then handed cameron a card

"we intervene." charlie smirked, dropping his cards. "come here, huddle up. ill explain."

-

it was 6:30 and the boys were gathered in the common room doing their respective activities. todd was studying, bouncing his leg. charlie was drawing a battle scene between aliens and cowboys. meeks and pitts were working on their transmitter. knox was boring cameron by talking about his ploys towards chris. and across the room y/n was reading a book whilst sprawled out across a chair. then in came neil.

charlie looked up at todd and raised his eyebrows.

" hey neil, can you come over here a minute" todd breathed out, he was very noticeably nervous but in a way it was working to his advantage.

"hey bud, whats up? need help with your math?" neil asked, pulling out the chair next to todd.

"well actually, i was hoping i could have your help with something else?" his eyes darted before meeting neils.

"anything, what is it?"

"well theres this girl..."

"MY LITTLE TODDY HAS A CRUSH!?" neils eyes lit up, he seemed super energetic and bouncy

"shh!!!" todd pulled neil down and covered his mouth

"well spit it out, who is the lucky girl who caught your eye?" neil playfully shoved todds arm earning a smile from him.

"its the girl from keating's class. y/n. have you met her yet?" todd noticed a slight shift in neils face, but he fixed it in a moments time.

"yeahh yeah, shes really nice. good for you man, what is it exactly you needed my help with?" neil could sense it but he was praying that todd wasnt about to ask him what he though he was.

"well actually i was hoping you could go talk to her for me, yknow get a feel for her. see if shes single, if shes even looking. i dont want to talk to her until i know if its even worth it." annnd, there it is. neil was clenching his fist under the table, he had newly formed crescent moons in his palms.

"id be happy to, next time i see her ill talk to her." neil smiled trying his hardest to keep his cool.

"shes there now. i really appreciate it neil." todd looked to her, giving him an encouraging smile.

"she sure is. ill be right back." he stood up, and turned towards you. his heart was pounding so loud. the world was quiet, his love for you was all he could hear. but he couldn't think about it. todd likes you, so he cant. he kicked himself for not making a move faster.

"well ive gotta say you have amazing taste." he said nodding towards your book

"ah yes, pygmalion. a classic. who doesnt love to read about financial corruption."

'she, shes funny.' he thought, a huge dumbfounded smile on his face.

"im neil perry" and extends his arm to her.

"y/n, its nice to meet you neil." she smiled warmly

'god shes adorable'

"not that im not enjoying your hovering, but would you like to have a seat? we can talk some more if youd like"

his heart sped up, as if it were possible.

"ye yeah id love to." he stumbled over his foot on his way to the couch next to her.

they talked for about an hour, he laughed with her more than he has the rest of the year combined. they worked so well together, the conversation never felt forced or difficult. it was just, easy. he was more in love with her now than he was before, unbeknownst to him she felt the exact same intense emotions for him. before they knew it it was curfew time, so they parted ways, "i look forward to seeing you again, neil." she smiled, leaving him weak at the knees. and with that, she was gone.

he felt like he was floating, he had had the most amazing night. her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and her laugh. god dont get him started. and the way she scrunches her nose when shes embarrassed about something, she was everything.

he swung his dorm door open and threw his bag onto the bed. it was then he was faced with the crushing realization that was todd sitting on his bed. 'my best friend is in love with her. hes in love with her so i cant be.' he felt small.

"hey neil, howd it go?" neil swears hes never todd smile so big.

"it was great. shes hilarious. you two are gonna get along great." neil turned his face away from todd because he couldn't force himself to fake a smile anymore.

todd laughed, moving over to sit at his desk. "neil dude, for someone with such a high gpa you're really taking a long time to figure it out."

"what do you mean?" neil darted his head towards him. "whats there to figure out?"

"it was charlies idea, but we knew you werent gonna talk to her by yourself. not without a little push. so i pushed you" todd was grinning so widely, amused by neils confusion.

when neil finally reached the conclusion, he was a smiling idiot. he spun around and jumped on todds bed, "YOU SNEAKY BASTARD" todd erupted in laughter. "to you, im forever grateful" neil said, bowing, tipping an imaginary hat. "shut up" they laughed.

the next morning neil received pats on the back, and a few on the butt, complements of the dead poets. they all walked in the dining hall for breakfast when they saw you sitting there, reading.

"if you'll excuse me boys," neil smiled heading towards you.

"mind if i?" neil asked smiling, "mm yes! i read those poems you told me about last night. theyre genius." she smiled at him, they began to talk about any and everything. and a few days later they began dating. neil played it off as a joke but he really would always be grateful for what the poets did for him and y/n. they helped him get the girl who would save him.

[cicobuffs]

neil perry relationship headcanons

pairing: neil perry/gn!reader (no y/n)

i have so much to say abt neil y’all i like him so much

words: 412

Neil is very affectionate

like very affectionate

constant hugs and kisses and all that stuff

expect arms around your waist and being pulled into a hug by this man

and swift pecks to the cheek when you guys are studying together in either ones room

constant compliments even if you’re doing the most mundane thing he’d be like “wow you look so..wow” and you’re just writing something down

with that he’s very much an admirer

he likes seeing the things you do and just admire the way you write things or the way you think of things

when ever you go off into a tangent or something of the sort, he sees your thought process just through your actions

sometimes your just like “king you’re staring” while you’re doing your homework and hes just in such a lovestruck state goes “listen im just admiring your work ethic”

literally your number one fan

Neil supports you in anything you do

if you wanna start a new hobby, he’s right there by your side

if you’re into sports, he’s right there in the bleachers cheering the loudest

if you wanna rob a bank, he’s in the getaway car

well maybe not that last one

maybe not who knows

all I know is that Neils your biggest supporter

a very goofy partner

he likes having fun and making you laugh

constant smiling through kisses and giggles in between

he probably says something random and a little dumb when you guys are sitting together in your room and you both burst out in laughing fits for no reason

he is very sentimental

he takes everything you give to him to heart

if you gave him a post it note, i swear he’d be like no i can't throw it away why would i

he has little mementos scattered around like a mug you gave him that he accidentally broke but he can't bare to throw it away because it means so much to him

Neil always knows what to say or do

as much as he is a very silly partner

he definitely knows what moments need to be serious

if something particularly upset you, he’s there to comfort you and do anything to make you feel better

if you need advice, he finds the best ways to help you out

a whole motivational speaker over here i gotta say

Neil genuinely is a very sweet partner and he thinks you’re just so neat wowie

[cupiiid]

hey bestie!! congrats on 500 followers, you deserve it! <3

your "ask game" idea is so cool and obviously i have to pick anderperry as my ship of choice for a drabble. (duh)

ahhh thank you!!

thank you so much!! <333

i had this idea for ages but only remembered it the other day fjdndnn

this is inspired by the song wouldn't it be nice? by the beach boys which reminds me a lot of them.

~~~

It was a typical Sunday afternoon in the Neil-Todd dorm, Neil Perry was brushing up on chemistry homework to get ahead as per his father's orders as Todd Anderson read his weekly letter from his brother, Jeffery, on his bed.

Neil knew that despite their parents' antics, Todd and Jeff were insanely close and that they had a special bond that nothing could break. Todd cherished those letters like they were gold, he kept them in a little box in his closet, away from the prying eyes of anyone who walked in the dorm.

Which is why when Todd made a frustrated noise and threw the letter across the room, Neil knew something was wrong.

"Todd?" He looked up from balancing equations to see Todd with his knees pulled up to his chest, face in his hands. "Hey, hey, hey," Neil got out of his bed and wondered over to his boyfriend. He sat next to Todd and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Todd, what's wrong?" He got no answer, only a groan. "Talk to me, please." Todd eventually relented and looked to him with sad eyes.

"Jeff's getting married." Neil frowned.

"What? I thought you'd be happy. You love Jeff and Betty. You said so yourself." In a very uncharacteristic move, Todd got up off his bed and began pacing around the space between their beds. Neil could only watch helplessly.

"I do. I love Jeff and Betty so, so much but it's just not fair!" He exclaimed.

"Love, what's not fair?" He scooted to the edge of the bed and took Todd's hands in his. Todd looked down at him with a frown and Neil caught a glimpse of tears in his boyfriend's eyes. "What's going on?"

"It's not fair. Why are Jeff and Betty allowed to get married but we aren't? It's- it's complete bullshit!"

Todd wanted to marry him?

Before Neil could clarify, Todd spoke again. "Sometimes it feels like what we're doing is hopeless- is wrong!" Neil's heart broke a little at the sentiment.

"Don't say that Todd. Please don't say that." He felt a lump in his throat and turned away, hoping Todd wouldn't notice. But, as always, he did.

"Neil, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it." Warm arms encircled his waist and Todd pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "I love you, so much. Us not being able get married or love in public will never change that."

Neil turned in his arms so they were face to face. "You mean that?" Todd grinned.

"Every word. I'm sorry to tell you, but you're stuck with me, Perry." He kissed Todd on the cheek.

"I want to be stuck with you."

~~~

it's finally done! im so sorry it took this long but i hope you liked it!! <333

[cressjacquine]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Welcome to Part 7 of the Safaba Miniseries, we’ve all read enough fan fic to know where this is going

WARNINGS: My writing is as mediocre as Sawdust’s gifts, also swearing also the might kiss

“I can’t believe I left,” Taba said for the millionth time, “I just turned on my heel and fled”

She had draped herself dramatically at the foot of Li’s bed absently playing with the piece of string Sawdust had pulled from her hair

She was twisting it round and round until it snapped imagining it was his neck

“You were in shock Taba” Li reminded her, “Moping around won’t turn back time.”

“Besides,” added Ava, “Mr-I-use-banter-as-a-way-to-say-I’m-into-you probably feels a lot worse.”

“Well, the writer of the Levension Press, whoever they are, is having a great time. They’re writing it so Sawdust was cheating on Heather with you and you’ve been dating in secret this who time”

“Well that’s very Victorian” Taba snorted

“Says the girl who had her head buried in her hands for an hour because a boy might like her” Li deadpanned

“Oh shut up,” Taba said, but she was smiling again

Taba had not talked to Sawdust since the incident™ and she had no plan to

Unfortunately, Thursday came around because that’s kinda what they do and with it the detention they had promised until they learned to behave, fat chance of that happening now

Of course when Taba arrived Sawdust had already seated himself at a computer

He was wearing a dark green sweatshirt that brought out his eyes and looked like a fucking daydream

She hated him for it

Taba sat at a computer herself not bothering to acknowledge his presence

He’s just a boy, she thought, just a stupid boy who might have liked you

The only difference was she might have liked him back

_____________________________________________________

It had been twelve minutes and Taba had not said a word

That night at the party when she had walked in on his ex-girlfriend declaring that she was the reason they broke up he had expected at the very least, some yelling, name-calling and either Heather or Himself getting their ass kicked

Instead, she had left without a single word

And it was somehow so much worse.

He looked over at her, pretending to be absorbed in the work, it couldn’t get much worse

Could it?  I mean define worse cress smirked

“So do you want to talk about-”

“Nope.  Didn’t happen.  We’re never speaking about it.”

“But I-”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about Alair.”

“I’m sorry.” Sawdust said turning to her

“For What?” Taba erupted, “Allowing me to get in the way of your relationship with Heather? Humiliating me in front of everyone? Letting me think for a second that you might like me then blowing it up in my face?”

She was twisting her hair now, turned away from him but when she said,

“I can’t believe I liked you”

“Taba?”

“What?” she said angrily

And then he kissed her.

dw its not the end last part coming soon

@saltyfortunes @wafflesandschemingfaces @rrruthless @same-crazy-art-girl34@weirdoismymiddlename @nightshade3465 @neil-perry-the-platypus@bookavert @im-someone-i-guess @wolfnzy01@claremcnt @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @chaos-is-my-king

[sonybees]

me rewatching dead poets society instead of doing my assignments

i’m not sure if anyone would even care about this but i am really bored soo here we go

neil looks so down when he’s with his father stopdjejdkfjnr

poor todd got forced to stand up i would get pissed eujehd

the best preparatory school? lmfao ok.

KEATING YAY

THE PRESSURE THAT TODD HAS TO GO THROUGH I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE DOES NOT WANT THIS WTF

poor kids being forced to go there

LMFAO SPAZ

i still don’t know what a stiff means is that even what he said?

OOPS LMFAO

attractive pieces of sht leaning on a door frame help

“keen.” HA

YESSIR USJSJSJ

why does meeks kind of sound like me when i meet someone new

“he flatters me.” LOLSJNDKSHSJJSKSJDC

“i thought you’d gOne.”

freaking hell stfu tom

i’ve always thought this who calls their father “sir” ???

THE LOOK CHARLIE AND KNOX SHARE HDNEJDJF

“BRAIN DAMAGE” HSMEJD

they all look so confused like same

BRO SPAZ LMFAO

their smiles are so cute awwjdnejsnjd

POOR PITTS SHJWJS

MEEKS SMILE WHEN HE SAID AN UNFORTUNATE NAME

DING

“turn cold and die.” damn that took a turn fast

caaaaaarpeeeee dieeeeeem @siezethedaypoets (sorry! sjjejs)

“that means you daLtoN” the way he says it lfmaosjjd

i thought he was gonna do history he pulled out his chem book dhjshdbd

take a breath knox damn

them just not at all understanding math is a mood

too bad :/

AWW THE WXCITEMENT IN PITTS AND MEEKS EYES

“very funny, dalton.” hehehhehehejjdjdjfjrkdn ccmv mf

AWW MEEKS

CHARLIE WTF YOU DRAWING

RIP SHRED TEAR

RIP RIP RIP

oh shit

ahh one of my fav scenes, charlie basically eating that ball of paper

i hate looking at this it’s so awkward like hello mr. mccallister

what will your verse be?

THE MASHED POTATOS

“no, keating.” LMFAO YES GO KEATING

is that stick? on the end of the table?

“don’t come please.”

“no shIt, sherlock.” HA I LOVE THIS GUY

“pittsie, cmon!” “his grades are hurting, charlie.” i literally just love this conversation

“i’ll try anything once.” “except sex!” “ha ha ha.” HSJWJJSND ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV CONVOS

“WOMEN SWOON HA HA HA” THE EVIL LAUGH WTF SHEJJS

“CHARLIE @tellmewhytheyswoon” SORRY I HAD TO LMFAO

LMFAO SHUT UP WILL YOU

this is so chaotic and messy damn

the treatshsjdj

they’re loud asf

i wonder who’s who while they were running with the hoods

OH CRAP THE SUN IS OUT WHAT that isn’t in the movie sorry

I LOVE MEEKS AND CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SM

i could never take note of the minutes when something happens how will he do that

YESSIR PART TWO

HOW DID PITTS TAKE THE OTHER HALF SO FAST

EVEN TODD KNOWS CAMERONS STORY LMFAO

LMFOA KNOX IS STARING AT THE PICTURE

MEEKS HOOO THEN I SAW THE CONGO CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK

THE LITTLE BOING NOISE LMFAO WHAT IS THAT

“are you a man or an amoeba?” i’m sorry lol what the hell do you mean sjdjiend

TO WOO WOMEN

“why do i stand up here? anybody?” “@tofeeltaller” HA I LOVE DOING THIS IM SORRY

i would cry if i found out that i had to make a poem AND read it aloud in front of everyone

poor todd thougsjwhidfj

i wanna marry todd. lmfao where did that come from

RADIO FREE AMERICA

AWW THEM DANCING STFU THIS IS SO CUTE

i can’t hear the audio hellloooooojdjwksbdken

AWW we got some anderperry content here

lol i wanna wear their sweaters

:/// TODD

“no.” “no? what do you mean no?” “no.” *smirks* HAJDJDJWKNS

DONT BE IMMATURE

IDK WHERE TF THE INSTRUMENTS CAME FROM BUT I LOVE IT

the birds are so pretty

nice outfit knox

STOP STARING DUDE YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO OBVIOUS CMON

“sounds to me like you’re daunted.” JSJS

TO INDEED BE A GOD

MEEKS AND PITTS WOTH THEIR HEADPHONES ON AWW

“PUCK YOU” LMFAOAJSJJDJ

i bet todd’s poem is actually great

“the cat sat on the mat.” DNDIDHJDJDJDHS i love how keating still said it wasn’t all bad though

BRO DAMN DONT CALL TODD AND I OUT LIKE THAT

lmfao todd’s just hating every second of this

“sweaty toothed madman” i can see that too whatsbjdjdjsn

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY POEM I EVER TRIED TO WRITE GREAT JOB TODD

NEIL IS AMAZED

when keating pushed their foreheads together wtf aww father son love typa thing that’s so cutejjedujsidj

LMFOA NO KNOX TRIPPED

YAYY GOAL

wtf this seems so fun

“your parents collect pipes? oh that’s really interesting.” LFMAOOAJSJD I LOVE PITTS

poetrusic by charlie dalton

laughing crying mumbling tumbling

DAMN HES GOOD

the little kind of aggressive hair ruffle awwjendn

OOO VOCABULARY

LMFAO THE LITTLE CHUCKLE KNOX DOES

AWW THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY FOR KNOX

THE SCARFSJJD

“exercising my right not to walk.” smartass

it’s todd’s birthday and no one greeted him excpet neil stfukqbxqbcdbkrw

the first unmanned flying desk set yes yes

THEY ALL JUST STOOD UP LMFAO

merlin knox you are DRUNK

PLEASE DONT ISTG KNOX

THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT BY CARPE DIEM

well you’re in deep trouble now

“it’s God. he says we should have girls at welton.” as much as i love this scene what the hell were you thinking my man

i don’t get how this was legal back then. wtf is it gonna do? you’re just hurting the kids bro

the pain in his eyes stop

“@dangitneil the name’s nuwanda.” pain brokqdb jdjf

CRAP CRAP CRAP MR PERRY GET OUT

the pic of keating’s wife/gf aww

neil you’re gonna make me cry stop

that is so odd why are their lockers like connected from the left side isn’t it usually from the right?

JSKSIJDEIUWKDRUEJSJX CHRIS IS SO DONE NODKDMD

that piece of bread

THIS GUY JUST SHOVED A KID CMON KNOX

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?”

AWW WHEN TODD MESSED UO CAMERONS HAIR

CHARLIE LMFAO I MENA NUWANDA

KNOX IS DONE W THEM TOO

chris is gorgeous omg

the snow in her hair stop marry me

“you are SO infuriating”

i hate how i’m just completely forgetting what’s gonna happen in like 10 minutes

PUCK

LMFAOTHEM HOLDING DOWN CHARLIE

“he’s really good.” AW YES HE IS FUCSHWMDMD

wait the holding hands is kinda cute thoughsjdnd

bro mr perry is making me want to kill someone maybe him

NEIL’S SMILE IMMEDIATELY WENT AWAY IHATE YOU TOM

damnit you idiot i hate you sm let your son live you bastard

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sobs sobs sobs

merlin neil

IM JUST NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THIS YK

HA HA HA NOT CRYING

SIGHS AGAIN

DEAR LORD

NO TODD IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO STOP

THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THEYRE IN SHOCK NO

damn everything

SIGH WHY DIDNT I STOP WATCHING? IDFK

“it’s beautiful.” NOFNEJWGHSGEMWGE NEED WH

KEATING NO

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

charlie just sitting down not singing i hate this

i probably should’ve just stopped watching yk but i didn’t but that’s okay i think

i got so pissed the first time they said that they were gonna ask questions like??? did mr perry did no at all realize that it was his fault?

sigh cameron you aren’t always that bad but in this scene i loathe you

NO RICHARD

DAMNIT YOU MADE TODD SNAP

AND CHARLIE SNAPPED TOO YOU JUST MESSED UP TOO MUCH MAN

i hate how it went from a happy dark academia movie to this cmon

todd’s dad is so mean shut up he was just asking a question

it feels so sad in the room i hate it

the empty chairs pls no

keating’s little chuckle man i miss their smiles

BRO SROP THEY LOOK SO SAD TODD ISTG

*GASP OF HAPPINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING* HUHUHUH

TODD MEEKS STICK SPAZ PITTS KNOX GEORGE? HA I LOVE YALL

and we’re done. damn okay

thanks for reading ig fjdbshsbjwhdjsj

anyways i’m tired goodnight or morning or wtvr thanks! and sorry <3

[freckledcameron]

Dead Poets Society

1. where did you hear about it?

one of my friends made a neil edit a few years ago and i planned on watching it then but then i completely forgot about it until late last year

2. have you ever watched it with someone?

i’ve basically forced everyone in my life to watch it with me except for my mom

3. how many times have you watched it?

at least 10 times idk i lost count

4. favorite character?

richard cameron😌

5. least favorite character?

mr. perry

6. favorite quote?

“come, my friends,

tis not too late to seek a newer world.

for my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset.

and though, we are not now that strength

which in old days moved Earth and Heaven...

that which we are, we are:

one equal temper of heroic hearts made weak by time and fate, but strong in will...

to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

7. in what ways has the movie inspired you?

oh man. ima be honest but i don’t really know what to put for this one. ig if anything it’s to be able to break out of my shell the way that todd was able to.

8. did the movie make you cry at all?

oh absolutely. i’m an absolute clown and i thought neil pulled out a pipe (because of the pipe collection talk in the cave) so when mr. perry started screaming i was very confused. once i realized what happened i had to replay the scene and i just started crying.

9. favorite actor(s) from dps?

robert sean leonard

10. what have you learned from dps?

to not choke on the bone.

11. have you copied any phrases, mannerisms, personality traits from the movie?

any time i hear something remotely similar to a line from the movie i just have to say the actual line out loud. (most common line is “what did she say!?”)

12. have you ever had a teacher like mr. keating?

she wasn’t an english teacher but my child development/guidance teacher and i had her for three years in high school. she basically adopted us as her children but at the same time never actually babied us if that makes sense.

13. have you ever had friends that are similar to the dead poets?

my best friend is basically todd

14. favorite ship?

meeks and pitts <3

15. least favorite ship?

charlie and knox

16. how do you feel about the scene where charlie got paddled by nolan?

made me a little uncomfortable ngl

17. do you blame mr. perry or mr. keating?

mr. perry.

18. do you think cameron deserved to get punched by charlie?

cam telling the boys to “let keating fry” definitely deserved a little punch in the face. however i think that charlie just wanted a reason to punch cameron and used this moment to do so.

19. would you ever want to go to a school like welton and have a secret poetry group like the one shown in the movie (without the drama ofc)?

i think the concept of a boarding school sounds fun but idk. the closest thing i’ll get to that experience is when i’m finally allowed to dorm at my college. i also like the idea of a little secret club but i think im too dumb for one about poetry.

20. the message of dps is about how education can go beyond what is taught in textbooks, and that education should be taught in a way to enlighten people about the realities of life and how they shouldn’t look at things with a singular perspective. do you agree and believe that?

i 100% agree with this. i also find the message pretty ironic as most people tend to view the movie through the romanticized lenses mr. keating put on the boys.

ty to those who tagged me in this :) i don’t know who to tag so i’ll just tag those who want to participate in this!

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

[writersmacchiato]

that smile {neil perry x reader} (modern! AU)

hey so remember how i said i had a neil perry in my drafts? this is it. also uh i know i said im on hiatus but i found a lil time to write this

——

He notices you the first time you came into the diner he worked at. It was open 24/7 and he often worked the night shift because of college. It was 10:59 pm and you walked in wearing sweats, hair out of your face and looking absolutely ticked off. Despite that, he greets you warmly and hands you what will eventually be many more cups of coffee.

He watches from behind the counter, pausing in his wiping down the equipment, as you type away at your laptop with a frightening fast speed. It’s quiet. Only the hum of the machine and your typing fill the space. It becomes background noise as he settles about getting things ready for the morning shift and so he almost has a heart attack when you close your laptop with a noise of triumph.

“Finished?” He calls to you, smiling softly at how much more relaxed - albeit tired - you look.

“Yes,” you sigh, rubbing your eyes.

Neil places a plate with a small pastry on it in front of you, “on the house for doing exceptional work in so little time.”

It’s then you actually look up and stare at him. His eyes are bright and shining under the florescent lights, his smile kind. He’s handsome.

When he is working another night shift, he can’t help but perk up at the sight of you walking through the door. You look more put together than the previous encounter, less stress pulling at your face.

“Back again?”

“Couldn’t stay away,” you say, “and maybe my roommate was driving me insane.”

He smiles, eyes a light with understanding. “Roommates are the worst. May I offer you a milkshake to ease your troubles?”

“Only if it’s topped with whipped cream.”

“Of course.“

You type away at your laptop, pace less frenzied. Sipping the shake every now and then until it’s gone and you’re yawning.

“Hey, I’m heading out...” You call out to him, racking your memory to recall his name tag. “See ya.”

“Oh,” his head pops up from behind the counter, “yeah, see you. Good luck with the roommate.”

You smile at that, taking a lingering look at his washed out features under the neon lights. “Thanks...”

“I’m Neil, by the way.” He offers up with that smile you’re beginning to associate him with, “but, uh, you probably already knew that.”

His sheepish expression is followed by a glance to his name tag. You tell him your name, saying goodbye once more, before finally leaving.

You don’t interact with Neil much after that. School picks up and suddenly it’s all you can do to even stay afloat amid assignments. It’s a Wednesday night and you find yourself craving a milkshake.

He’s wiping down tables when you walk in, the bell ‘dinging’ as you do. His eyes find yours and he seems genuinely pleased to see you.

“Hey,” he says your name and it surprises you. “Back again?”

“Had a craving for a milkshake,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter instead of a booth.

He walks behind it, washing his hands before looking up at you. “How’s the roommate?”

“We had a very serious discussion about how she’s being a dick and then she yelled at me. Now we’re cool.”

Neil’s eyebrows quirk up as he works about making up the milkshake. “Sounds...like I should take a page out of your book.”

You look at him, noticing his jaw clenching before it returns to normal and he’s fixing you with that smile. “Roommate trouble?”

“It’s...” he sighs, sliding the perfect-looking milkshake over to you. “Not necessarily a trouble, but he just has a blatant disregard for living with others. I let him get away with it, because we’ve been friends for ever.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“Yeah.”

You sit in silence, swirling your straw around before glancing up at him. He’s staring past you, out the window and to the cars that whiz past.

“What’s your story?”

He draws his attention back to you, seemingly trying to decipher the look in your eyes. It’s curious. Warm.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not every day that you meet someone named Neil working night shifts in a run-down diner.”

“It pays tuition,” he has a bittersweet smile, “my parents were willing to pay for college, until I told them that I didn’t want to go to medical school.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to be an actor.”

“And they don’t want you to.”

“My mom doesn’t care, she supports me. But, my dad...he kicked me out.”

“Well, when you’re on broadway and making thousands of dollars for every show, I think he might regret that.”

He smiles, red spreading up his cheeks. “You think so?”

“You have this...aura about you. You’re going to do great things,” you say.

When you leave, you leave with his number. He texts you occasionally, but it’s about mundane things. Until one weekend, early in November, he invites you to a play he’s starring in. The enthusiasm behind the text and his usage of emojis are more than enough for you to accept.

The night of the show, it’s dismal out. Wind is blowing through the streets, cold and unforgiving. Leaves fluttering to the wet sidewalk. Cars trickle by, the smell of emissions following them. Despite expecting him to be backstage preparing for the show, he’s waiting out front of the theatre house. He has a red scarf wrapped around his neck, hands stuffed in his pockets. You feel a surprising tug at your heart when his face lights up in a smile when he sees you. He’s in front of you, hand on your arm as he leads you inside.

“I didn’t want you to feel out of place,” he explains the unasked question, handing you a bulletin, “but, I do need to get backstage. I’ll see you after.”

With one last of his smiles sent your way, he’s off and you lose sight of him in the crowd of people milling about. You venture in to find a seat and find one near the front, settling in before the play starts.

Neil doesn’t appear at first, but you find yourself getting lost in the story being told. When his opening scene begins, you’re awestruck by how he takes up the stage. Commanding, but not overbearing. His dialogue is delivered strongly and so smoothly, as if he were truly the character. As he moves across the stage, you think back to the conversation you had with him. How he would be a star one day.

You knew now, with absolute certainty, that you were right.

—————

Taglist:

@moongazer13

Everything Tag: @venusstarlight108 @knivestheresnothingtoit @yajairayellow @awesomefaith14 @ardentmuse @salladwinston @maddieb97222 @anchy-bananchy @staygoldponebone

Dead Poets Society: @gclden80s @woolfhrd @mmeeerrrllliii

[looneymooney]

headcannon of your finding out about neil

TW: angst, mentions of death

it was the night you guys had talked about for over a month, all of the lines youve ran with neil were finally paying off. you and all the dead poets were sitting in the audience completely captivated by neil portrayal of puck. he was good, he was really good.

as soon as the curtains closed you and your friends erupted in applause. people were throwing flowers and cheering, it in itself was a beautiful sight. though you were enjoying the moment, you wasted no more time getting out of the isle and making your way to the stage.

you and neil had been flirting quite a bit lately, so you took tonight as your opportunity to go for it. you had a small bouquet and a crumbled up piece of notebook paper containing a subpar poem. you werent the poetry type but neil loved poetry so you were willing to showcase your lack of talent if it meant possibly bringing a smile to his face.

as soon as you saw neil he locked eyes with you and smiled the goofiest smile youd ever seen. he excused himself from the conversation he was embraced in and ran towards you. with your arms out he lifted you and spun you around, "ahhh im so happy youre here." based on the excited way he spoke you could tell he was about to start rambling, but lucky for you that was the cutest thing ever. "being up there y/n, it made me feel alive. the best feeling ive ever felt. but it also made me realize that being with you gave me that same feeling. alive. awake. happy. you make me so happy," there was really no end to his words in sight so instead you pulled him in and rested your heads together. he always did that when you needed help grounding yourself, he noticed thats why you did it and he couldnt help but smile.

"im in love with you y/n, i love you"

"i love you too neil perry"

his hand found its way into yours. his thumb caressed your hand and it sent chills through your body. you brought your eyes up to meet his, his smirk very evident.

"can i kiss you?" he asked. he barely got his words out before his dad walked in. he looked angry as ever. your heart sped up as he talked down to neil, practically dragging him away from you.

you stand there stunned for a minute. after feeling your heart sink you run after him, but just miss him as his father's car pulls out of the lot. you and charlie run after it down the block but then he notices your ragged breathing and takes you back to your dorm.

charlie tried to get you to come with the poets to the cave but due to your panic you declined. after parting ways with him your mind continued to race. you keep replaying what happened before things got bad. his gentle smile, his soft hands intertwining with yours, him resting his forehead against yours.

you went over your conversation over and over again, clinging to the way he made you feel. "hes okay," you mumbled to yourself. "everythings gonna be okay. you'll see him tomorrow."

"hes okay."

"hes okay."

you whispered it on loop until you finally fell asleep, clinging to your sheets.

only about 3 or so hours went by before you were awoken. it was charlie. you laugh, "god you scared me char"

he didnt laugh back. he didnt even smile.

"okay okay who died" you say trying to lighten the mood.

it was then you saw through the moonlight from your window that a tear rolled down his cheek.

it all came rushing back to you.

neil left

he wasnt in your bed which meant he never came back

god it couldnt be neil

"oh my god charlie.."

"y/n im so sorry..." he sniffled, inching closer to your bed.

"please no.. please dont say hes-"

"hes gone y/n.. neils dead."

you went numb

your heart was either pouning out of your chest or it had completely stopped beating, you couldnt tell. your head felt tight and hazy and full of pressure. things went blurry through the tears in your eyes.

at this point charlie had his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his chest.

you two stayed there for a long time, crying together over the loss of your favorite person.

"i-" you were muffled against his chest, still sobbing, "i could've stopped him. if i wasnt so late following him out i couldve gotten him to stay. its my fault charlie, its all my fault. now hes dead. hes dead and ill never get to be with him. hes never coming back.."

a string of comforting words left charlies mouth in a desperate attempt to calm you down. he knew that you probably felt way worse than him. neil was his best friend, but at least he got time to be with him. to know him. you, however, werent so lucky