#im glad he can heal because he always needs it LOL

[poicyss]

why does she keep doing this

[cinamun]

Ooou sis! I'm working backwards yet again. I was trying to scroll/pick up where I last left off at but I got distracted at SPOILER ALERT...I REPEAT SPOILER ALERT (for those that are catching up too...please swiftly scroll...because Imma need to park here for a moment...

CAUSE NOT MY MR. BABY DADDY DOCTOR SIR...Nuh uh, her deflecting ass CANNOT be! I was trying to be a law obiding citizen, in theses here tumblr streets but I saw baby boo and got distracted (cause lawd knows his fine "I can fix that" ass is damn fine...you understand meeeee!). Standin in that office looking *bites knuckle* 😩Had to flip it in reverse cause Mercy's yellin ass is here *holds hand above head* and Imma need her to be here *holds hand at knee level*. NOT TODAY!

But also, while we're here...It never ceases to amaze me the way some think that therapy/healing is an overnight fix. GIRL HOW TF CAN YOU HEAL IF YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL YOURSELF THE DAMN TRUTH! Mercy, Ma'am, it took you all that damn time to pack this shit up (go through/deal with/live with/suppress/ignore it), it's gonna take you a good while to unpack. Girlie, that bag is so damn heavy, it's gonna take some years just to flip that MF over on it's back, so you can even begin to unzip it. Out here tryna read every MF body else but when it comes to yourself, it's *crickets*. Mercy, girl, I love you down (and Im giving you grace as I pack my ski mask and book my flight to San Sequoia...because WHOOOOOOO SHE THINK SHE TALKING TOOOOOOOO!?...

No but for real, all jokes aside, I'm looking forward to the day that she is ready and willing to do the work (and I'm looking forward to the twist & turns that you take us on to get there...because if we know anything we know the roads get topsy turvy round here!). Ya'll fasten your seatbelts and prepare for turbulence Lol. Switching gears a bit, I am glad that HoJay decided to put the babies in Daycare. That's a good choice (1) for the kids to be able to mix & mingle with more kiddos (2) for Hope to get reacquainted with "Hope" again & (3) so Mercy can finally give herself the time to serve herself for once too!

I may circle back at a later time when I've had enough rest to process other thoughts that's running in my mind. Til then, Imma be in the back corner pondering how many more lemon peps I can fit on my plate. BECAUSE THIS IS GOOOODT!

As is always the case sis I AM HOLLERIN!!! You said NOT MY DOCTOR GYATDAMMIT

I meannnnnnnnnnnn and I'm glad you brought up daycare. Did you see that flawless pivot Jay did because wtf you mean we don't need you? HOW IS THERAPY GOING MOM!?? Because she really thinks she can just bottle that shit back up like some tabasco sauce (or crystal) and start babysitting grandbabies again. NAWL SIS we got WORK to do first. The babies need social and emotional learning which is definitely not happening in Grandma Mercy's lil playroom.

She done been THROUGH some shit and thinks she can just forget it and hope she doesn't get thrown into a wall again and remember it. One thing the Good Doc™ is not, is stupid. Whether them awards of excellence on the wall are old or not, the brotha knows what he's doing and can probably see right through all that yelling in his expensive black and gold office.

Now the question is, will she take her ass back. Y'all stay tuned pls...

[natelawtism]

pal, Speak more about your love for nate i DARE YOU (/pos) (i genuinely wanna hear about it)

DONT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THIS. but you already have. So I hope you're prepared for an insane rambling. (ALSO IM SO GLAD YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT HELLO?????)

There's so many things I love about Nate Lawson. he's always plaguing my mind and hasn't left for months (as you can see). Currently all I can think about is how he loves, and how he expresses that love! Since he's. It's so unique to him and how he is.

Like I've said before, he literally said "I'll relax when I die". He is such a workaholic and he's so scared of love and affection.

YET! His love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation (stated on his wiki). That's so... sweet to me. He fears anything or anyone getting "too close" but feels safe and secure in an environment where he can be loved and held. He needs someone to tell him they love him, but he's afraid of that fact.

That fact bleeds into how closed-off he is about affection. The fact that he rarely holds the player's hand, the fact that he INSISTS that he will not have his first kiss until it's the absolute "perfect moment". The fact that his ending CG is him giving the player a hug after they graduate!

And even then, the player encourages him to leave his comfort zone without pushing boundaries. Of course that doesn't mean that JB DOESN'T push boundaries, but a lot of the time on dates the mc encourages him to be more open and treat the relationship as what it is. She asks to hold hands and if he says no, she instead pivots to "can I walk closer to you on our way back?" it's something within his boundaries but out of his comfort zone! Something so they can both be close without Nate getting scared and rejecting the situation.

I GENUINELY CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO HOLD HIM. He's my everything. He truly needs someone and somewhere he can relax, no matter how adamant he is about not relaxing or wasting time.

I believe he needs someone just as persistent as him, but also lax as a partner. Someone who can stand their ground and push against how stuck in his ways he is, but knows when to let something go about his boundaries. Not in a way where they argue with him, but in different ways. Someone who can find a loophole to get him to relax, or try and comfort him to convince him.

Someone who won't give up on trying to help him, and tries to help him because of their love for him. They want him to grow because they know how wonderful he is. They want him to heal.

Asking me to talk about my love for Nate is BASICALLY an invite to talk about my yumeship so I'm gonna ramble specifically now.

I think that Rowan gets Nate into the habit of holding hands tbh. It's like a year into their relationship at LEAST but I think they, naturally, have different progress than Nate and JB (because JB is her own diff person lol). I believe that part of the fact Nate and Rowan get into the habit of holding hands is the fact that Nate kind of... finds himself getting comfortable. When he realizes this, he FREAKS THE HELL OUT. But that's kind of a story for another post. The holding hands isn't public (at least for a WHIIIIIIILLEEEE), but it happens in private settings or on dates when no one they know is around. It's VERY SPECIFIC settings, but it's small contact that makes both of them feel loved. The mushy feeling in Nate's heart makes him nervous and scared when he thinks too much about it, but with Rowan he begins to let himself .. Just live. Even if it's small steps of doing so.

[phanomenology]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[butterscotch-goat]

Your oc lore, please give it to me, I arrived very late and am rather confused but also incredibly intrigued! (Also side not idk how to explain it but your art is very comforting! Says the man who has seen 2 drawings. But my point still stands lol)

This means so much to me 🥹🥹 Im glad ur interested!!! I'll give u some quick summaries (quick as I can be bc once I start talking about my silly little blorbos it's hard for me to stop-)

IF YOU EVER HAVE QUESTIONS PLS ASK IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT MY GUYS

SO! First group of OCs is a project I'm currently calling "Escapism" which takes place in 1890s England. (Check the #buttersketch-escapism tag for content of em)

Okay so I started typing and realized I included WAYYY TOO MUCH info but I worked hard on it so I'll still include it, bUT

TLDR: Aster (tired, anxious, hopeful) is magic (plant magic) and is being used for experiments and tests by Charles(friendly guy, stubborn, cheery) and Beatrice(joyful, caring, passionate) until Beatrice herself becomes and experiment when Charles wants to find out what would happen if you attached wings to a human being. Also aster and Beatrice are girlfriends. Charles accidentally kidnaps Martha (extroverted, curious, peppy) because her magical(healing magic) girlfriend Grace died and Martha has info about her magic. Eventually Aster kills Charles and is haunted by her guilt, which is manifested in a character I call Ghost!Charles (self-explanatory)

Here's uhhh escapism for ya!! Sorry,, you don't have to read it there's a lot of text I know-

Second story which I haven't posted about as much as one I'm calling "Dawn" which takes place in the modern day, and is about demons & angels, heaven & hell & earth type stuff. Simpler than escapism, thank God- (check the #buttersketch-dawn tag for some content of dawn!!!!!)

Here's the cast!! Refs are somewhat outdated but do the job. (Sorry for the last image I don't have a ref for him yet)

I'll keep this short, for real this time!!

In 2019, Chigs accidentally falls off the edge of heaven and misses earth so they fall straight to hell. They didn't have any evil intent so are still an angel, but they need to find a way back to heaven. They stumble into Dawn's office and Dawn reluctantly agrees to help them. Frappe also barges into Dawn's office to hide, as she's on the run from the police. Gene comes around to check on Dawn and finds an outlaw and an angel. Dawn, Chigs, and Frappe run away to earth. Gene recruits Ronnette to help him track down the trio. The trio accidentally gets separated on their way to earth; Frappe and Chigs find each other but Dawn is left to navigate a modern day earth on her own. HIJINKS ENSUE!

time for some lore that's BARELY plot relevant!

Gene and Lucy used to be boyfriends but Gene broke up with Lucy in the 1920s because Lucy was so drowned in his work and wouldn't care about anything else. They get back together eventually tho :3 I make a lot of Lucy & Abigail content even tho he only shows up in like one flashback scene maybe??? Sorry about that.

Anyway THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT MY GUYSSS I tried to keep it short, also bc it is getting late and I have school tomorrow OFBSHHDHFHDHSJ.

my inbox is ALWAYS open for questions of any kind so hmu if you ever have any!! Sorry again for all the info!!

[tadpolesonalgae]

“You made more than a mistake, Az. Now we’re all hurting because you—”

i am so glad it's finally been said out loud. And that it was Mor who said it because immediately I understood how she was feeling about the entire situation, which made me feel better about her being an asshat at the end of the last chapter. It's strangely therapeutic. As soon as Mor tells Az to shut up though, I couldn't help but start crying a little bit because you really perfected how I thought Mor would've perceived reader going to Eris-

“She could have come to any of us. It’s more than we ever had, and yet she ignored it. Then tries to pretend it away? I’m not immune to that. If she can’t even be bothered to care about my pain why should I give a damn about hers?”

-this line in particular ruined me (not to be too personal n emotional lol), as someone who grew up in a not so great home i can really empathize with Mor here. It's not healthy behavior but I can say that there have been times where I've resented the people in my life who didn't accept help after i had been desperate for it for years. I'm more emotionally aware now and have unpacked those resentments (THANK GOD), but it was such a visceral response to reading that line because it mirrored unhealed me.

The next scene with madja was the perfect balance to mor and azriel's...argument? discussion? idk. You really guide us well through the world which is something I really admire in your writing, it flows very naturally and it always feels like a very natural progression of events. (its just something i've noticed i struggle with in my own wips lol).

compliments aside, it was also really sweet to see reader's peace in this chapter. Madja herself being a very peaceful motherly figure for reader who we know desperately needs that kind of care right now, her sisters are doing great right now but she needs someone who's not family to prove that they do care about her and it will not change over a few mistakes. Which is something that Cassian embodies very well later in the chapter too.

Bas.... sweet guy :( i hope reader gives him the truth. Imo, i think he deserves at least a bit of the truth when she is in a better place to give it (she fr could've said she was at a friend's in autumn. bas doesn't need to know WHO). But Bas held up his own boundaries very well with reader as well and I'm glad that we got a little of his feelings on the situation as well as reader acknowledging she hasn't been a great friend recently. (it's valid tho she's been goin THROUGH IT)

Tabbatha... you keep saying you don't know how to portray cassian but i personally think you do him such a great service ESPECIALLY after some instances of cass's behavior towards nesta's struggles in her own healing journey. I really feel like he actually cares about reader herself compared to rhys who cared about feyre and her only. He makes an effort to get her to relax, which is something acomaf cass would've done and is the version of him i miss the most. And him calling reader out for keeping things to herself? I personally think she needs to be called out and take accountability for her own role in the healing process. He was the perfect person to push her in this scene.

The dinner scene also really resonated with me and my own childhood. As a kid growing up we NEVER ate dinner together, so reader's apprehension to going to dinner is so real, and Mor sitting across from her?

oh myyyy goodness, ik this chapter just came out but im already rereading hehehe im so excited for the next one

-🤠

If I’m honest with you, I wanted Mor to tear into Az a little more than she did? For her to fairly obviously and kind of viciously defend reader but I felt it would be weird for her to go that far, considering Mor is supposed to be feeling very betrayed and hurt by reader? I did have fun with writing Mor telling Az to shut up though 🫣 I even nearly italicised it 🫢😳

‘The next scene with madja was the perfect balance to mor and azriel's...argument? discussion?’

Oh I really liked writing the Madja scene!! I mean, kind of scary obviously, but I enjoy her character and it’s so nice getting to write someone being kind to reader? 😭 Particularly since a fair amount of scenes in cbmthy aren’t particularly lighthearted/high-spirited? I’m hoping to continue dropping scenes with Madja in here and there since it would be weird if reader’s checkups suddenly stopped out of nowhere? Also so she has someone to keep an eye on her who might know a little more about what’s going on with her physically and mentally from experience and studying other people/medicine?

‘(its just something i've noticed i struggle with in my own wips lol).’

This might be totally unsolicited/unhelpful, but usually for me if a scene isn’t working or I’m struggling to write it, I’ll either change the perspective or switch to something else entirely? Like the scene just after reader’s entered the kitchen with Cassian I was struggling with, which is why there’s that snippet from Rhys’ pov to section them up? I don’t know if that’ll work for other people, but it’s something I fall back on quite regularly so it might help you too? 🫂🧡💛

‘but she needs someone who's not family to prove that they do care about her and it will not change over a few mistakes. Which is something that Cassian embodies very well later in the chapter too.’

I’m so glad you feel Cassian read that way!! 😭 I’m kind of of the mind that Nesta’s still protective over her sisters and so that might occasionally stretch across to Cassian at times? Also I just feel like Cassian genuinely cares about people in a more (this might sound strange) innocent way? Like more carefully and tenderly?

I would have loved to write Cassian and reader as being good friends but because Cassian’s friends with Feyre I think reader would still always feel in second place and unfortunately it might hinder her more than help 😭

‘Tabbatha... you keep saying you don't know how to portray cassian but i personally think you do him such a great service’

I’m literally refusing to respond to this because I’m so embarrassed and flustered from the compliment 😶‍🌫️

‘As a kid growing up we NEVER ate dinner together, so reader's apprehension to going to dinner is so real, and Mor sitting across from her?’

Yes! And especially after she’s done something that so obviously puts her in a vulnerable position too? Now they all know that she was in a place like that I can’t imagine reader will feel particularly comfortable over dinner 😭

As for Mor, I think I’m actually going to be writing this scene tonight, so I’ll be interested to see what happens? (Because honestly I don’t 100% know how it’s going to go either 😭🫣)

‘oh myyyy goodness, ik this chapter just came out but im already rereading hehehe im so excited for the next one’

Babes oh my gosh I was struggling to start chapter 18 so did a change 🫢🫣

I had so much fun writing the opening scene to the next part and I’ll be so excited to hear some thoughts on it—if you or anyone has any thoughts on it, of course 🧡💛

[celestie0]

HI ELLIE!!! Omg, I just started reading IHM. I was originally going to hold off until it was done (or mostly done), because I'm a serial monogamist when it comes to a series (RIGHT NOW I AM LOYAL TO KICKOFF lol), but I ended up reading IHM anyways for some reason. I LOVE IT SOOOO MUCH. I know that we're only two chapters in, but I always love and adore how much thought goes into your characters and writing. I found myself giggling the whole way through lul. One thing I noticed after chapter 2 is as much as Gojo annoys reader, he's also strangely attentive to her needs and is a complete foil to Choso. I'm sure this was supposed to be obvious, but I thought it was very sweet how he called her beautiful in the dress (the same dress that Choso didn't acknowledge her in) and how the ring he picked for her was similar to one that she had saved in her wedding mood board. I'm pretty sure it's not exactly intentional on Gojo's part (or maybe it is?? hehe), but I thought it was an interesting detail. Also, I know this is within spoiler territory, so don't feel obligated to answer this, but how angsty will it get between reader and Gojo's relationship? :,) I know that they're both still healing from personal trauma from their past relationships, so will that come into play as they develop feelings for each other? It seems that Gojo is hesitant to talk about his divorce, so would that be a factor or an obstacle that will hinder him from getting too close to reader? Can't wait for future chapters!!! <3 Thank you for spoiling us *__*

OH MY LOVE THIS IS SO SWEET N CUTE N MADE MY ENTIRE DAY!!! PLS???

omg i feel you about the serial monogamy towards one series/show at a time 🤣 except for me it’s probs just hyperfixation 💀 but i’m so happy you decided to give ihm a read 🥺💕 it means sososososo much to me n i’m really excited for the seriesss

AWW IM GONNA SOB TYSM i have put quite a bit of thought into the characters in ihm bc i really want it to be like a web? of interactions btwn them all, and i’m so glad you saw that choso is foil to gojo!! yes!! he is very attentive to her, and i think sometimes it’s intentional n other times it’s just bc they’re meant to be honestly 😭💕 we’ll see that reader too is very vigilant too despite everything she’s got going on :”) i LOVED writing the scene where he calls her beautiful in the dress, every girl deserves to be called pretty in a dress she really adores!! and yeah the ring was totally coincidental but 🤣 again i guess they’re meant to be? hahaha

yesss i think there will be quite a bit of angst between the too, mostly surrounding their ex lovers, and just in general their pasts. i kinda wanted it where reader has lived in town her whole life (childhood home) whereas gojo mysteriously moved in next door less than a year ago, so they both don’t know much about each other despite being next door neighbors. but honestly i think a lot of the angst actually comes from secondary plotlines that end up bringing reader n gojo together!! but there will still be angst between them for suuuure 😭😔 yes gojo is very hesitant to speak up ab his divorce, sorry i simply cannot write gojo without avoidant personality bc i feel like he bottles up a lot in the show too so it just felt fitting 💀😞 but for reader too, i think she kinda…doesnt care to learn much about him as of right now bc she finds him annoying lol, and then later on when she has feelings i think it’ll be too painful for her to learn ab certain things too…so yes definitely i can see how they both would avoid their feelings and instead do the thing most adults do and joke about their feelings to lighten tension or completely avoid them all together 😃😃 (or do i just need therapy loool)

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK my love :”) hope you have a wonderful day/evening/night!! much love from me <33

[ssreeder]

omg i don't think you can even begin to imagine how fucking happy i was while reading this chapter. i love happy zukka, they are so !!!! together thank u thank u thank u thank uuuuuuu.

i became fucking insane reading this i swear, i love how you write, all of the characters you write about feel so human and real and full of details and feeling i love it. like, ara is such a complex character i really enjoy reading her. i enjoy reading anybody actually and like, i sometimes forget that some characters are ocs instead of actual alta charters. i love katara and suki being besties and the interactions between toph and sokka. AND ZUKKA AJS2(+#+$IDO!!!!!!2?2(2929. omg just omg. i love how caring they are for eachother and I'm so glad they are more open and touchy with eachother, i now feel like they can actually start to heal together.

OOOO talking again about Ara, i maintain my point about wanting her to have some friends and to heal because she deserves it!!! i support womans rights and woman's wrongs (jk, I'm still a bit angry at her for like everything she did to zuko and i want to se some kind of interaction between them but at the same time i feel bad for her). oh and jet, yey I'm glad he's not dead and he's starting to realize how much of an asshole he was!!!! i also really liked the piandao bit, because it made me remember how much time everyone (hopefully) has to heal, so please don't kill anyone sreeady ☺️☺️

i love love love love love love love love love your ocs and your characterization and your worldbuilding and your writing and how fuckin long your chapters are!!!(god when I saw the wordcount of this one i almost screamed of pure joy). i am your biggest fan sreeady i swear 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

anyways, i am excited about the next chapter, i really want to read the whole family dinner thing because that could either way go akward asf or low-key bad (of hopefully good but i don't want to get my hopes up). i am not really excited about azul, don't get me wrong, i love her, but I'm really scared about what will happen when she finally arrived and stuff happens.

as i always say, i love you, you are the best and i hope you have the best week/month/anything ever because you deserve it (you have no idea how long I been waiting for cuddling zukka 🙏🙏🙏)

MILKYYYYYYYY!!!!

I’m really thrilled you enjoyed the last chapter haha, because honestly sometimes I get so used to writing angsty drama that I get to a soft scene & im like hmmmmmmmmm do i even remember what that is?? Haha.

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU OMG!!!! you seriously have no idea how many times I read this ask and smiled. I am so glad the cuddly soft zukka hit all the right spots haha, they are such dorks in love I just wanna smother them! (I won’t…. I promise haha)

You know you mention Ara and I gotta say I was expecting SO MUCH ARA HATE after last chapter but I was shocked people seem…. Idk…. More understanding? Idk I know she’s complicated & not a ‘good girl’ but when you explore her characters thoughts it really makes her that much more complex. Haha I’m not going to lie I’m not looking forward to her finding out about Shen though ahhh.

Speaking of dead fire benders you’re right it seems like pretty much DYING was the push Jet needed to confront his life choices. He was forced to look at his situation without voicing his excuses and blocking out his thoughts. Now hopefully he accepts those changes and grows form it but ehhhh jets my stubborn boy so we’ll see lol.

Milky milk milk I adore you. Thank you for this wonderful ask & sorry I used it to rant a but. I love reading your thoughts you are adorable :) I hope you enjoy the next chapter too lol. We get some fun moments (& Zuko imploding & exploding a bit haha)

[starjxsung]

hi angel <3 how are you doing? when are you seeing ateez? i’m so excited for you :’)

i still haven’t heard anything back from my practicum so im stressin (: but trying not to die of anxiety bc idgaf if i keep studying in this uni tbh but we persist. i’m so ready for lolla and forgetting my problems for a sec.

thank you for sending love☹️ she passed away post op because she was too weak, it breaks my heart so much </3 they did do the bloodwork beforehand but it wasn’t included in the receipt bc i got all karen when they called us. the vet was still kinda sketchy and def isn’t really good at talking with ppl. but they were nice enough. i just wish they would’ve communicated the risks a little better </3 but im just glad she isn’t in pain anymore.

i don’t have a record player that works either lol. i just love vinyls bc they’re so pretty. i really really want indigo but everywhere ive seen it it’s so expensive😭 i had never seen any shinee ones so now i need one too😭😭 mine is so pretty tho! i don’t have pics of the disc in itself but it’s white and so cool. but i do have my pulls✨ the poster is huge and so cool too. it’s on sale @ amazon super cheap.

manifesting hello kitty woo & hongjoong forever✨ i love you sm bb! i hope everything is going well! and just in case you see ateez b4 you see this message, i hope you have the best time!! yeosan pics are always welcome and appreciated✨

(also how are u feeling after seeing jisung’s fits this weekend? he looked so good😭)

love,

🐈‍⬛

BAEEEEEEE I see Ateez today I’m so excited !! 👼🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 Hongjoong my rockstar bf (Hanji is my other one) it’s been over a year since I’ve been to a proper kpop concert that wasn’t a festival or solo show I am so fucking hyped RAHHHHH I promise to get as many Yeosang pics as physically possible 🙂‍↕️

I’m so sorry you haven’t heard from your practicum site yet :((( I can’t believe these places are able to get away with being this disorganized. My sister hasn’t heard from hers either and they still haven’t sent her new laptop she’s supposed to use in her first training next week so she’s also trying not to stress bc there’s literally nothing she can do ☹️ fuckkkkk these places for wasting time the way that they do

I’m so sorry to hear that she passed :((( I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore but I still can’t help but feel like it was partially their fault this happened in the first place :( how is your boyfriend coping with all of it? Sending you guys all my love and healing vibes and I hope your kitties are comforting you guys during this tough time :( it’s just been such a rough month.

AAAAA in better news the Ateez vinyl is SO cute?????? Neeeeeed 😭🫶 indigo was super expensive (I think like $60-70) but I saw it randomly in stock at target and I couldn’t resist 😭 my dad has a working record player I might just steal from him bc I don’t feel like shelling the money out for another but I want to play my vinyl at some point. Ohhh to have parents you can steal from 🫶😋

I love you so so much bby I can’t wait to tell you all about both my Ateez shows !!!!

Also Jisung’s outfits this weekend……. 😦 my sister said if she had one wish in the world it’d be to never hear my horny thoughts about Jisung ever again. And I think that perfectly describes how bad I was thirsting over him all week. I hate children but I would bear a whole CHILD for this man……. 🧎‍♀️‍➡️

ALSO DID YOU HEAR ABOUT TAEMIN TOUR….. genuinely tweaking rn. I can’t ❤️🧍‍♀️

[ishikawayukis]

HI IM BACK IM THE ANON WHO KEEPS TALKING ABOUT OP-

Sorry I disappeared but life has been, well: life 🤡 BUT!! we should just get that 3rd piercing at this point and blame it on zoro LMAO I actually told my mom I’m planning on getting it and she told me that if I did it maybe she would get a second piercing on her ear!! again I would say go get it, but I know healing is horrible when it doesn’t go well so definitely think about it more as to not regret it c:

AND YESSS I’m also so excited!! Especially since I’m now FINALLY on the Alabasta saga when I truly felt like I wouldn’t be able to get there, but I discovered x1.25 speed and made it possible LOL

Iñaki is so so so luffy seriously, the whole cast is great and they seem so passionate about it, I can’t help but watch the bts of the show bc of them, and yes I’m down bad for zoro LMAO like he can be a little dumb but I love him that way, he’s a loyal dumb man<3

Tbh every time sanji appears and does something silly/shocking/pathetic I think of you and I’m like “yeap, I get it, I see the vision” AND YES CHOPPER IS SO CUTE!!! they made me sad for a freaking whale and then they got me weeping with chopper’s past, I thought sanji’s was a pretty strong one but damn, I wanted to get into the screen and hug chopper fr<3 also I wasn’t expecting to see ace so quickly after and well, I’ll just say I said “I’m sorry zoro” when they introduced him on that food place scene LMAO but I’m still a zoro fan I just had to acknowledge ace is definitely built different 😔🙏🏽

don't worry about dissapearing i get it it's all good dear 💕 i think i'm 100% gonna get it next time i go out with a pal that we always end up going to a place with a lot of tattoo/piercing shops and i simply will have no control over myself when they're There you know LMAO also love it that your mom wants to get one too my parents just sigh when they see another piercing

dude 1.25 speed my beloved LMAO i was talking to some friends yesterday that i started watching it and they were like dude do not feel bad about skipping some parts or going faster because these fuckers take Time, and i was liek oh no no no worries i for sure have been doing that LMAO i saw a video the other day that described the whole alabasta saga as "they're in the desert for way way longer that you think they're gonna be" and man if that isn't true

they are all honestly so passionate about it i wish we could see even more behind stuff, not only for the interactions between them because i Live for iñaki and taz together, but to see how everything was made as well

that's my pathetic little man i love him so much glad that you can see the vision as well SDLGKHSL they made chopper's backstory so sad and for What like we were gonna get attached to that little reindeer no matter what why make us suffer as well. if that isn't all of us when ace appears like hey so sorry main crew i need to know everything about luffy's brother immediately can you all leave us for like 30 min. ace is indeed build different i love that guy so much, but zoro will still be there you can enjoy ace in alabasta for a while LSKHDGL

[gpavila]

ugh 10.31.23

I've honestly been feeling so ugh lately. I don't know how to explain it, I feel like i always try my best to put into words how i feel but this time i can't. I used to be good at going to people for help and advice, a part of me still is but i just cant. anymore, at least not like before. I just feel dumb after teliing someone anything or dont feel like i know how to really. Im at the point of my healing journey that im ready to let go of the pass and move on complety. I feel like this is the first time in like forever that i truly really do mea it, i am ready but am i really? I keep asking myself so much and feel like i expect so much from myself that i get so discurage whenver my progress isnt like other. I know and see tha i am far from where i use to be and that makes me so happy and gives me hope. New hope, more hope, healthy hope. I know and can tell that a part of me hasnt moved on completly and i mean that is okay. I keep trying to tell myseld that its okay and im trying to learn to be more patient with myself too. and its fucking hard. I find myself still dreamsing and thinking a lot about this particual person still (my ex) and it gets me so upset. i find myself waking up in the middle of my sleep and thinkin gbaout him and getting upset beecause why am i thinking about him you know, like i dont want to or do i? or what is it thats making my brain think about him still wihtout my control duh its frustuating. I was telling this to one of my friends from work and she told me that what if im under a spell or its wich craf. not going to lie a part of me is start to question it lol but i dont think so. I think if i really sit with my emotions like ive been trying to lern to do and its hard. but ive been wondering and now that im sitting here writing this, it came to me. Maybe the reason that i still think about him a lot and dream about him to the point that it wakes me up, might be simply because of my subconciouse. I feel like i have put so much of the blame on myself and have took all the guilt and kept it. I think a part of me still needs to fprgive myself, not only for the misdtakes that i made in that relastionship but how much i hurt myself in it. All of it, i still think i was a bad gf and but a lot of the blame on me so that might be it and maybe a bug factor too is that he moved on completely and faster than me. i know i haven't moved on and honestly yeah that really does upset me tbh but i know i need to be patient. I hope one day it is al gone for good because i am. as much as i didn't want to and as much as i was scared before now i am not, i want it, i want to completely move on for good, and i know the for good part will never happen, at least not in the way that i would hope for. i know that someone who was a big part of my life, someone who was my whole teenage years will be hard to completely forget, i wont, realistically speaking i wont, but idk the point that i am is good, it's a good sign that i am going in the right direction and i just have to keep doing what i am doing because the results are there and it seems to be working but at a really slow pace lol. I'm slowly starting to feel happy with myself and with who and what i have in my life. trying to make the best out of anything big or small. i look back at things and no longer get sad but glad it happend but something it can still hurt and all i guess is trying to say that i hope one day i can lookk back at everything without feelign one single glimps of hurt. I want to let go completly. im still sad

[starlightkun]

omg omg omg okay so im like in the middle of my final exams before im done with highschool but i need to tell you all about the fics that you have been releasing because wOW.

okay BUZZER BEATER

GOD THOSE TWO ARE SO FLUFFY. i dont have chronic illness but the way you described it just reminds me of starting adhd meds where i had to take so many pills at random intervals during the day and felt awful 24/7 and how im afraid that going into uni, people are going to ask for my meds for recreational purposes (which makes me so mad btw cause like i need meds to live dont ask for medication that is in limited supply so you can get lit but anyways). But yeah i didn't know that much about migraines other than the fact that its terrible but yeah the way you wrote mc was so beautiful and relatable and im just so sorry that you have to be burdened by these migraines and spend so much time and energy managing it. The way you wrote sungchan though was beautiful. his character is absolutely the most pure and loving guy (whilst also being a loserboy) and the fact that he did not question or judge or put pressure on mc ever was so healing. just watching him be so open with his affection and just blatantly pine for mc without any reservations about it makes me really want a sungchan of my own now. I just want a cute, sweet, uncomplicated, loserboy so i can just live my life in both sickness and health and not be judged by what hurdles my body choses to throw at me today (my psychiatrist was saying my stomach is just really sensitive so thats why ive been going through hell which is sucky but at least i have answers and know what to avoid lmao). But yeah thank you for writing something so beautiful about an experience that i felt so alone in having, because now i feel less guilty about struggling with my own health and most importantly less alone.

now onto Dr Magic!

dear lord jesus if i felt seen by buzzer beater, ive never felt more out of my depths by Dr Magic. Its such a hilarious fic and renjun and mc are both so insane and crazy but in a way thats realistic (i go to one of the top high schools in australia and there are people here who are so dedicated to school the same way renjun and mc). The way renjun just wants mc to spit in his mouth, I swear ive met boys like that too. also the steamy makeout sesh?! soft renjunnie with caring and dominant reader who asks for consent?! mc is so sexy for that, i love her. Also! your description of renjun wearing a yellow hoodie, jeans and a red cap was so scrumptious that i embodied mc in that moment and wanted to eat him whole also. the scene where renjun owns up to the mean things he said to mc whilst mc talks about spitting in his mouth in front of TEN?! shes so confident and strong despite being hurt and i love that for her. i really love how in your fics, you mix humor with maturity to create such well rounded works that really celebrate being wild and having fun whilst also being a grown and mature person. just like you, i could never be renjun and mc but im happy for them and what they have.

side note: thank you for being pro palestine, i know being pro palestine is a simple thing and a low bar to set for myself in finding good people in the world, but with all the people in power and celebrities (cough eric nam cough) publicly supporting the genocide that is happening, im very glad to find others who see the horrors for what it is.

-✨anon

yeah i will always be anti-genocide and anti-apartheid ethnostates, and it truly does boggle my mind to see people support that??? somehow???? but seeing all the pro palestine demonstrations and protests and posts all over does give me hope to hold onto

rest of my response to ur lovely feedback under the cut to not make this post any longer lol <33

BUZZER BEATER!!!!

i also want my own loserboy sungchan so bad 🤧🤧 he was just so perfect in that one ugh. im glad that u were still able to see urself in some of the mc (tho im NOT glad that ur having side effect trouble w ur meds, sending out my love as a fellow tummy trouble side effect haver 🫶). and yeah i rlly wanted my bb sungchan to be not necessarily a himbo per se (bc imo u have to be like BUFF and stupid and sweet, i.e, kronk from emperor's new groove, and alas, sungchan is not built like wonho im not that delusional) but he is at least a big (read: tall), sweet, not quite dumb but not as academically rigorous in the same way as mc, jock who is used to kind of following the same script when in that college "talking phase" with a girl (a little bit of flirting, parties, inviting her to a game maybe, buying her a drink, etc.) bc it's safe and he rlly likes reader so he doesn't want to mess it up but then he realizes that he has to throw it all out bc reader can't actually do like most of that and is like ok. new plan. and ends up just fully embracing his pining, soft loserboy self and how down bad he is for reader. ugh i love him 💗💗💗

dr_magic2303!!!!

i would greatly admire, respect, and fear in equal measure anybody who feels seen by dr_magic2303 lmao. like good for u but COULDN'T BE ME!!! like some of the bits of mc's hyperfixation on her personal projects and that raw hunger for knowledge (as opposed to being the best) was modeled after my own hyperfixations and kind of manic flow states that i get with my adhd (i've yet to put up a conspiracy board in my apartment but i do routinely feel like the pepe silvia meme from it's always sunny) but i have not been a neurotic overachieving academic since jr yr of high school thank god! 4 years of cognitive behavioral therapy and a lot of anti-depressants cured me of that. this is coming from a former gifted kid lmao.

when i knew that i wanted this fic to take the this route (renjun getting consensually dosed up w siren venom) i knew i wanted there to be some form of a convo like that. like consent is sexy!!! and making sure ppl r being taken care of when they're consensually giving up and transferring power for a limited time (with or without the use of magical aphrodisiacs) is sexy!!! aftercare is sexy!!! (even tho renjun threw reader out before they could rlly finish that part but u know) and i rlly hope that came across in that scene

reader talking about spitting in renjun's mouth in front of ten isn't THAT weird for sirens (reader and ten were JUST talking about ten's nipple rings and their lack of sex lives like five seconds earlier in that same convo so like yknow) but ten could obviously tell that there was something a lot deeper going on than just some casual saliva swapping between pals so that's why he left lmao

as always thank you sm for your ask and your feedback on my fics 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 good luck with the end of school you got this b 💗💗💗💗

[blackvail22]

im glad we're just friends now, but i miss so many things about being with him. ill still flirt with him, and he'll slip up and say something romantic. its just going to happen. i wish things could be different between us,i do. he realized today that he really didnt ever text me first (once a month) and he agreed that i was right. i told him everything that was on my chest about our breakup because our friend leaked their messages to me again (my ex said that i never really cared when our friend didnt show the part where i said i did care lol)

i do miss him a lot. i dont know if that feeling will ever go away. when he laughs, i'll still smile wide like always. i'll still playfully banter with him, but itll be more playful than before. ill still always be supportive and helpful towards him. ill always miss him even if he's just a text away.

he's someone ill always want to talk to and love.

i don't think my love for him will ever fade.

theres a part of me that wants him to see this. my heart is screaming at him "its me!! im right here! see! i love you, and i always will! please, i mean it!" but my mind is saying to my heart "you know that he lied to you and will continue to do so. you know that he may never fulfill your most important needs. move on...." but i cant. i cant move on. i didnt before, nd i dont think i will now.

"you can send people off with love. you will love them and you always will, but you always have to put yourself first"

i try to remind myself the things my counselor said about moving on and healing. its so hard. its sosos hard healing from him.

at least he's my friend

at least we're friends

[raccoonfallsharder]

i hope you don’t mind me dropping by your ask box so frequently, but im the anon who asked those fic writer questions (4, 13, 15) and also the same person who asked about the whole critique/advice thing. ive genuinely never thought about it that way and what you said stuck to me, especially the last two lines, don’t stop making plums, people need plums, it’s so oddly motivational and im completely in awe at how you were able to come up with that which brings me to my next question uh

how do you write so vividly?

you’re the author i wanted critique from, surprise, hehe.

it’s just that the way you phrase certain things makes what should have been a vague but known feeling not so vague, if that makes sense? i feel like im speaking out of my ass right now but you have a way with words is what im saying, and i see that especially in the ninth visit and blackmail material chapter 2, and i cant stop thinking about how you can come up with such profound ways of writing mundane things.

im gonna sign off because the last two asks ive sent in tells me this may not be the last time im anonymously hitting up your ask box again.

— reddie anon

reddie-sweetheart. butterfly. my little love. firstly you are so kind and i’m honestly so fuckin honored. this legit made my heart hurt ♡ thank you. i’m so glad that my writing has resonated with you in these ways.

i was thinking about this all day since i saw your ask. i’m not completely sure i know which parts of my writing felt really vivid to you personally and i am not completely sure i can tell you how my brain works (‘cause mostly it’s just fucked in there) but there are two things i do when I’m trying to evoke a specific emotion or vibe and I can try to share those??

1. i think about how an emotion feels physically in my body.

most people don’t know what emotions they’re experiencing when they’re experiencing them. emotions are hard and it’s often not till later that we can reflect on them && say “oh i was heartbroken,” “i felt betrayed,” “i was in amazement.” so when a character is having a reaction, I think about where I feel those responses in my own body (hunching shoulders? falling stomach? a sudden release of tension in the neck?), and those are the reactions I try to describe. (especially when you’ve got a character like fuckin rocket who wouldn’t recognize an emotion if someone pointed to to it on a goddamn chart)

2. i think about what other things are that evoke the same feeling for me.

so like when i say that you, reddie-nonnie, are a warm cup of honey-tea on a foggy morning, you probably know what i mean. i mean : your words offered me great comfort and healing. i mean: your kindness soothed my heart/soul/mind. i mean - you are sweet and hydrating and good. i mean that you are a little bit of brightness and i am grateful you exist.

and when i say your stories are plums, you probably also know what i mean. you’ve probably seen plums. there’s a good chance you’ve eaten some. but even if you haven’t, you can probably figure out that they’re juicy. sweet. nourishing. and that there’s nothing else quite like them.

so. IN PRACTICE. sometimes i write all this in a rough draft and have to go back and edit these weird-ass descriptions down because i get too deep in my head/too far out in space and i stop making sense lol. other times i write my drafts very plainly and it isn’t till revision that i say, okay - how can i make people really understand that when i say he was awestruck what i mean is, like, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and his heart was on the floor?

i REALLY hope this was helpful for you. I don’t know how much of it, if any, made sense, but i will always be flattered by any questions you ask and i will do my best to answer thoughtfully, thoroughly, honestly, and as well as i can. have a lovely night (day??) reddie-nonnie and thank you for trusting me with this question - I hope the answer was what you were looking for ♡♡♡

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Just read your post about the stunning lack of Caleb/Nott/Yeza content out there and I get you friend!!! I am so wild about the whole dynamic going on between them. I'm on ep 62 right now and I am losing my mind over Beau asking Caleb if he's in love with Nott... Caleb standing quietly outside Nott's bedroom door... The longing, the complex feelings between the three of them... Idk where this was going I just!!! Am so glad I'm not alone with these feelings.

One of us! One of us! Yessss!!! I wish I had something eloquent to say about them but most of it is just incoherant screaming.

I went FERAL over that scene between Beau and Caleb. I think if she had asked if Caleb loved Nott it would have been an entirely different story. I still think he was just denying it though just a little bit. He loves her in all the ways its hard to be just in love with her, you know?

And Caleb standing outside her door. It still hurts my heart. I think about that at least 10 times a day. What was going through his mind? How exactly is he feeling? There are so many moments around all of that I would LOVE to talk to you about!!!

I still cannot believe that the entire fandom slept on them??? And Caleb and Nott in general??? It is mind boggling to me. They are individually and together some of the most interesting characters and dynamic in the nein imo. Im biased but hey. But there is so much POTENTIAL. The longing. The changing relationships and displacement. The healing and trauma. The co-dependency. Nott needing Caleb to change her back. Caleb relying on Nott early on.

And Yeza. Oh Yeza. The sweet halfling who is head over heels for Nott no matter form or her name. I can't with him!!! And I so wish we would get to see a conversation between him and Nott about Caleb and how everything is different. I don't think Nott would ever do that but it's nice to dream. But he has to know how close they are. And how does he feel about it? Is he jealous of Caleb? Does he feel bad for him? Is he understanding? I have questions!!!! In the end, I think he would do anything to make her happy, including inviting Caleb into their lives in whatever capacity she wanted.

Also ngl, I will sort of die on the hill that Nott's feelings toward Caleb are definitely changing, leaning more toward romance and the like than they were at the beginning of the campaign. I definitely won't spoil you. But like c'mon. And i have no idea how much what people said in the replies to that post actually happened, etc. But I hope Sam and Liam didn't drastically change anything about the story they wanted to tell because of people's reactions.

I also don't think its a coincidence that Nott's feelings are evolving as she rescues Yeza and reunites with him and Luc. I think Caleb and Yeza are beginning to represent much more to her than just her loves. They represent different ways of life, different values, different personalities. They have facets of her in both of them, and I think she's putting pressure on herself to choose. Neither Yeza nor Caleb seem too concerned about that or maybe aware of it? I just think there's meaning behind her shifting feelings and the fact she is being faced with this choice (as she sees it) now. Whether intentional on the part of Sam, no idea, and frankly, i don't really care lol.

But please always feel free to come scream at me about these two!! I'm always willing to listen!!! And I love hearing others thoughts about them!!!!

To sort of maybe hopefully quell this void in the fandom, I highly recommend you read this fic my lovely friend @gelatinouscute wrote for me. (If the link doesn't work, I can definitely message it to you). But it's very good!!!!

[fairycosmos]

i think the problem w society is that it's still seen like having kids is just what you do and the ultimate goal and purpose in life and you just do your best and thats it and when kids are a bit older they just have to have empathy and understand that parents are humans too and bla fucking bla this is all fine and dandy with parents that are generally fine but some parents are physically or emotionally abusive and can just fuck a person's life up so tremendously and definitively that they just shouldn't be awarded forgiveness like there's just absolutely no reason to!!!! and yes i can understand ur upbringing and why ur this fucked up that you did those things to me but you should have simply not had children!!! it's just that easy!!!!! it is absolutely not my fucking problem to forgive you you just fucked up and you could have just not done that and i simply refuse to show these people any empathy, like i will simply just not have children bc i know what i'm like and i couldn't imagine justifying my behavior to a human being that has to face a messed up existence just bc i wanted them to????? FOR WHAT OH MY GODDDDD

soooo real. u said it. i want to eat this ask and store it in my brain forever. like my dad has literally told me the only reason he and my mam had kids was because "that's what you were supposed to do after marriage." absolutely no forethought or consideration for the human person they were going to produce at the end of it - me and my siblings were a footnote on THEIR lives, nothing more. and he says this very matter-of-factly, as if it shouldn't upset me because they tried their best and did what they could.

i think parents collectively need to realize that by and large - their best is not good enough at all LOL. their best would've been making the conscious choice not to take on responsibility they were not equipped to handle! i genuinely don't think they cognitively realize that they they are not entitled to understanding, gratitude and forgiveness for raising (i.e damaging) a kid just because it was hard for them; when they fkn committed to that level of difficulty the moment they decided to get pregnant.

i'm sympathetic to my parents and their upbringing, i understand why they are the way they are and why they think the way they think (to an extent) but like u put it - it's also not my problem. and it doesn't change how fucked my life is because they made shitty decisions. you know? you definitely don't owe ur parents forgiveness or empathy or even the time of the day after a certain point either, if they really put you through some shit. i totally get it. also exactly! like it always baffles me to think about how EASY it is to not have kids (not for everyone, i know this is a tenuous conversation w a lot of moving variables, just generally speaking in the context of my own life.)

how EASY it is to not ruin somebody's existence just by choosing not to engage with the idea in the first place if ur current circumstances don't support the reality of parenthood. there's so much power in that, in having the self awareness to know you need to do the right thing and ppl just seem to bypass it completely bc they want a cute baby. that thing you said about having to justify ur harmful behaviour to a messed up child, who is only going through that pain because you wanted them here (yet can't provide them what they need!) really struck a chord with me. 

that really is the bones of it huh. that's what most ppl have to live with during childhood, through no fault of their own too, and so the world is the way it is. run by the end result of that - emotionally stunted adults, at best. it's sad. anyway it feels like solace knowing other ppl feel this way too and im glad ur out there making smart choices and actually thinking things through lol. wishing you healing and peace x