#im genuinely okay with it somehow
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Reblog with how affected you're with today's loss
#im genuinely okay with it somehow#im annoyed at how we won EVERY MATCH#but lost the finals#its okay team good job#cwc 2023#cricket world cup 2023#cricket
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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FINALLY got a better job!!!! somehow i will now work in IT. i do not have IT experience but goddammit i have the desire to earn a beautiful paycheck
#hush catríona#my current job is an office worker in a store and im moving up to corporate. i applied just to shoot my shot i didnt think itd work#genuinely convinced i got it thru being an internal hire and thru my overwhelming raw charisma. i interview well i never prepare#saw the corp office today and its cyute its uptown. the commute will be a hike but idc its temporary and its not horrific#they offered me the max of the role too. SOMEHOW. i will finally make 50k again. thank GOD im currently losing money every month#i still have something else ive been trying that may work out thatd be better but we shall see. i have this at the very least. im okay agai#sry ik u guys didnt ask but this has been killing me for 7 months i NEEDED to share
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Twisted Wonderland Novel 2: I had grown tired of thinking… I knew I was just running away from what had pained me, but nonetheless, my heart felt lighter. With enough distance between you and the subject, you’ll lose all desire for it. The warmth of the sun, the smell of new leaves, the damp wind of the rainy season— it’s nothing but a blur when seen from so far away.
#please excuse the translation of the passage i had to do it#Leona Kingscholar#Web weaving#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#!#the quote is from Leona's overblot monologue btw#okay so im always thinking about how Leona describes leaving home and its genuinely a gut punch to me that he's so honest with himself abou#missing it but genuinely feeling like this is for the best. He runs away from what ails him but cant bring himself to truly hate it.#Hes such a romantic person (dramatic? maybe...) in the sense that he's so honor bound and feels like there is this legacy of love to keep#alive that he somehow is missing out on. Like... the things he describes liking are all lovely and small things that are easy to take for#granted. And on top of that he feels so burned and scorned because he's missing out on this love he believes his brother is receiving over#him. to his core he's somebody that loves love#likewise he feels slighted that his brother loves him so much (good) but doesnt stop his suffering (bad) so in turn he makes him hate him#(double bad- leona is sensitive and hates hate)#🦁
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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...
#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS#BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT#AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD#ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE 😭😭😭#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES#WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA#TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU 😭😭#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS#SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED#BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN “Trapped by a body he knew perfectly”#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN 😭😭#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG#Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha#I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi uchiha#pro sasuke#haruno sakura#Pro Sakura#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke did nothing wrong#It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones#Moldy-flowers#Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi 😭😭
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everyone should watch marble hornets, it’s a really good comedy!! where just some guys are makin a movie 😄 and nobody dies! ever! the operator…..who’s that? A transformer?? hahahaha
#GENUINELY THO#IT WAS SO GOOD#WAHHH ☹️#I JUST FINISHED IT TODAY AND IM NOT OKAY ☹️#But yes it was so good and so good and so interesting#slenderman you better be ready to catch these hands#jk#jk he would kill me…………#just like jay…………🤣☹️😦😔#Tim being the only one left too ☹️💥💥💥💥#and Jessica#somehow being alive#and the final#everything is fine#just leaves you with unease.#marble hornets#rahhh i have more sick thoughts#i can’t put into words
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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SO. this is. a lot!! I want to truly genuinely honestly thank everyone who didn't immediately shoot me dead in the street for the side blog, bc yea it is mine LOL. Which,, I was hoping it wasn't that obvious but oh well. I hugely, wildly appreciate everyone who has been chill (and everyone who's actually followed me bc of all this LOL) and I am sooooo so so so sorry to everyone caught in the crossfire :( I hope this all levels out soon bc. blehg.
Also!!!. listen. I hate to be this guy, I really do, but I want to remind y'all that I use it/its pronouns and nothing else. I am seeing a lotta they/them and while I know y'all're likely not being malicious, just keep it in mind pretty pls if I'm talked about at any point forward. love y'all 🙏
#xero says things#im p sure the anon that sent the first ask that spiralled all this was the same anon i got yesterday night#got someone asking about the blog and i just silently deleted it bc. if i dont bring attention to it we can be cool yk?#but uhm. tsk. yea#frankly im very very scared bc the /idea/ of this happening is smth i genuinely have lost sleep over. and its happening!!#but ill be okay!!!#this is petty online shit!! it will not effect my actual life and—while still stressful—the time will pass and itll be whatevsies#important#discourse#< i. feel like i gotta make a blacklisting tag for this somehow. lol.
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aroace joy vs aroace loneliness fight
#im saying that as someone who IS aroace if this ends up in discourse territory somehow#sometimes i think it's some form of internalized arophobia and it probably is a little at least#but i just feel so wrong and lonely thinking about the future#because i love the idea of being in love (as one can tell) but i just don't love people like that#and aside from any other self worth and confidence issues involved in obtaining a partner it just seems unfair to them you know#that id never be able to love them in that way#before anyone says qpr i am WELL AWARE!!! but then we go back to the Other Issues#besides its so easy to find other aros online but irl nobody really understands#so its kinda hopeless#ive always wanted to get married and have kids of my own !!! like genuinely i love the idea of it#but i doubt id ever find someone who would like#want to be a secret 3rd thing with me and get platonically married and raise kids or smth#and then theres the whole thing about me probably not being a good parent or being able to even afford to have kids so like. GRGRRARARSRR#cant win#ive accepted the fact im gonna be alone but it doesn't make it any happier. it feels like theres something wrong with me you know#but on the other hand i love being aroace its such an integral part me??#and it makes me so happy to be apart of the community and to know its okay#that there are people who understand the Lack#and even in the specific ways i do!!!#so its like so. aughhghhghh#saying this feels like a betrayal because i know theres nothing wrong with not#finding love. i heavily criticize the idea that people need love in their life to be fulfilled.#i feel like im wrong on both ends. to want it AND not feel it#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent#aethers rants#sorry to be a party pooper i think its getting a bit cloudy and its getting to me
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me pulling out a whiteboard: okay so here's how us sparrow apologists can still win-
#cal rambles#dndads spoilers#OK BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH#at some point Hero's training stopped and they stopped going as hard on her right.#like she would NOT have the time to have a part time pizza job and a NASA internship and be a weeb and a gamer if that was not the case#and i genuinely believe at one point Sparrow realized this was not what she wanted and backed off#leading to the kiddads focusing more on finding a solution themselves instead of involving Hero#OKAY thats my thought process#also think Lark was the main one training her tbh#like Hero's relationship with her three parental figures are all strained#and im not saying what they did was RIGHT or that it makes up for it#but like. Somehow at some point Hero was set free of her duties and someone had to be the one to let her go#and I dont think its Lark 'gets really intense about killing the Doodler' Oak#ALSO SOMETHINGS UP WITH REBECCA
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if you require trans men to put an asterisk on their identity as men for you to accept them you are a terf :)
#trans men shoudnt constantly have to say “but im trans” to be accepted in the lgbt community#i am so tired of it!!!#“i hate all men” “oh what about me” “oh youre trans so its okay”#I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE#yall literally cant keep getting away with saying “oh but youre different than other men because youre trans” DO YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELF#sorry for the rant this just keeps pissing me off so much#ppl genuinely are like “why would you ever want to be a man” and its so fucking vile and blatantly transphobic#and ppl always claim its in the name of feminism somehow? sorry not my feminism !#god im so tired#rant
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jsut cleaned my apartment bathroom
#it was so fucking bad man#i have five roommates and none of them have cleaned at all since ive lived here#maybe theyr going through it idk#its just genuinely worse than living by myself like . its so fuckign nasty. stop leaving puddles of water everywhere and maybe there wouldn#and theres so much hair. fuck man. why do they all have to have such long hair#ive been so tired but i finally had to buckle down an clean it since i kinda been having respiratory issues. an im sure the mold isnt helpi#kind of bad timing though cuz i had some fresh cuts an burns on my hands an arms an i feel like the bleach. wasnt good for that#im in pain an i wanna vomit but at least its clean. i feel better psychologically. my brains lungs are already better#cant tell how many of my respirtory problems are from something phyiscal or from me just freaking out about how gross this house is#i somehow convinced myself completely sober that this house has asbestos and a gas leak and black mold#and i had to take a step back an b like okay. be forreal what r the odds of all three of those being true and no one noticing but u
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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I simply cannot express how much I love the universal ecosystem concept. You do it so so so well it’s beautiful! Of course you can’t just explain one ecological niche without explaining at least three others, that’s how ecosystems work!!! Everything is so interconnected and interdependent on each other to survive!! And your worldbuilding reflects that so well! It’s really feeling like a real ecosystem, which is really impressive, because real ecosystems are complicated!! It’s making the part of my brain that has been taught about this stuff since I was a small child go a little bit insane. I love it.
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THIS IS SO SWEET LIKE GENUINELYYYYY THANK YOU SO MUCH,,,, im really glad its feeling as interconnected as i wanted it to??? Its been so interesting to breathe life into this worldbuilding and then have people become so interested in it!!!!
Also straight up i made a flowchart yesterday to explain this to my friend Crow and get their input and idk why its making me crack up but smth abt the manic energy in this screenshot is killing me
Its like u can see me connecting the red strings. Sometimes u get shower inspo and have to go feral abt it
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#compliments#OKAY I KNOW I KEEP SAYING IT BUT#GENUINELY IM SO SHOCKED AT THE RECEPTION AND PPL FINDING THIS IMPRESSIVE#bc like for the LONGEST time i felt like my worldbuilding skills were really lacking#so i sorta took this as an opportunity to hone them right#and then immediately got ppl in my inbox like ''👁️👁️ say more rn'' WKDNWNDWKDJWKK#absolutely shocking to me /pos#idk if i say it enough but im incredibly grateful for the amount of attention hunger au somehow keeps getting#its really affirming and validating augh#txt
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genuinely so scared about the hurricane about to hit Florida <3 the west coast was devastated beyond recognition in Helene and now getting hit with ANOTHER cat 3 not even a full 2 weeks later? I'm going to kill myself .
and like . I'm from central Florida which generally speaking is one of the safest parts of FL to be in during a hurricane . but after what happened to the south in Helene I keep having this horrible sinking feeling that I'm going to get home and everything's going to be ruined . I love having an anxiety disorder !!!!!!!!
#its somehow worse that im not there#like even if this is a BAD hurricane im going fo be okay#im not at risk#but if i WAS at home i would feel like i would have more control#/#surrender myself ro the LACK of control that comes with a fucking hurricane like i normally do#ive genuinely never in my life felt this scared about a hurricane#ive lived through cat 5s . i will be okay#my family and friends will be okay#but im having such horrific anxiety about this one for aome reason#and i think it's because of how bad helene was in such an unexpected way#vent
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.
#do you ever see someone get delivered a devastating line and they. just keep fucking going#like what im certain is a straight guy made a account just to go like 'actually harley quinn is the abusive rapist (and joker is innocent)'#and he keeps adding to it#a big thing hes upset about is how 'dc pandered to the gays'#bc apparently bisexuality is nonexistent#and someone pointed out how 'everything is meant to pander to something you just consider this one bad bc its gay'#this guy made a whole list of it and seems to think his smol boi joker was raped by his psychiatrist#(conveniently forgetting everything that led up to such a event)#hes also a 'barbie super fan' whos critique of the movie was 'it was too feminist and wokey'#its like listening to ratm and being surprised theyre theyre not raging against the washing machine#i think my main thing is theyre Are adaptations where she Is abusive#(telltale had a good spin on it imo)#but you pick the animated series? the lego movies? the suicide squads? her fucking Show???????? okay#all of the above showcasing how joker is Not some victim that harley abused?#okay...#idk man#its weird how something can literally look you in the eye and say 'this is a abusive relationship where the man is abusing the woman'#and Somehow you take it as '*nodding* she was a abuser because he was her client before#(and yes i am going to completely disregard anything that he did)'#.....tbh considering its coming from someone that literally said he doesnt think sexism and systematic oppression is real#im. not surprised#thinking on it i think the only reason he thinks shes abusive isnt whatever the hell he comes up with#but rather. the fact shes decidedly not straight.#like i genuinely think if she stayed being abused by the joker this guy wouldnt have had a problem with it.
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