#cant win
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people are always so fucking weird about trans men's chests its always "why would you want to mutilate yourself/remove healthy breasts/look more like what i consider a gross unacceptable man" until a man wants to keep his tits because he likes them then its all "youre not really trans/youre a sex pest/misgendering yourself/weaponizing your agab"
#transandrophobia#transphobia#i see so fucking much of it.#damned if you hate em damned if you love em#damned if you want them off damned if you want them on#cant win
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So i finally played disco elysium
#true story#i was worried about accidentally becoming a fascist cop since i didnt understand the subtext for it and kept picking those options#accidentally ended up as a communist😅#cant win#i love this game though its truly an unforgettable experience#might make more fanart of it#artists on tumblr#my art#digital art#ibispaintx#disco elysium#harry disco elysium#harry du bois#disco elysium fanart
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aroace joy vs aroace loneliness fight
#im saying that as someone who IS aroace if this ends up in discourse territory somehow#sometimes i think it's some form of internalized arophobia and it probably is a little at least#but i just feel so wrong and lonely thinking about the future#because i love the idea of being in love (as one can tell) but i just don't love people like that#and aside from any other self worth and confidence issues involved in obtaining a partner it just seems unfair to them you know#that id never be able to love them in that way#before anyone says qpr i am WELL AWARE!!! but then we go back to the Other Issues#besides its so easy to find other aros online but irl nobody really understands#so its kinda hopeless#ive always wanted to get married and have kids of my own !!! like genuinely i love the idea of it#but i doubt id ever find someone who would like#want to be a secret 3rd thing with me and get platonically married and raise kids or smth#and then theres the whole thing about me probably not being a good parent or being able to even afford to have kids so like. GRGRRARARSRR#cant win#ive accepted the fact im gonna be alone but it doesn't make it any happier. it feels like theres something wrong with me you know#but on the other hand i love being aroace its such an integral part me??#and it makes me so happy to be apart of the community and to know its okay#that there are people who understand the Lack#and even in the specific ways i do!!!#so its like so. aughhghhghh#saying this feels like a betrayal because i know theres nothing wrong with not#finding love. i heavily criticize the idea that people need love in their life to be fulfilled.#i feel like im wrong on both ends. to want it AND not feel it#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent#aethers rants#sorry to be a party pooper i think its getting a bit cloudy and its getting to me
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I dont eat I feel sick, I eat I feel mentally sick
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inside me there are two wolves and they are called antihistamine sleeping pill that leaves me groggy for 24 hours vs caffeinated beverage to make me capable of doing work
#when u need to sleep and take the pill#but then you can barely stay on your feet the next day#cant win#it seems
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Why is it that its such a fucking issue if i sleep…. Why is it it pisses you off and apparently thats all i do and i dont interact with you…????? And yet you play video games ALL day. Not interacting with me either… make it make sense. I become bored or i wake up early as hell while you sleep. And so when you dont interact of course im going to sleep there is NOTHING else for me to do and im tired as hell… would you rather me be out and about doing god knows what or… sleep because im bored… i need to be STIMULATED… and when im not i cope with sleep but thats apparently not okay. So my fucking bad wont happen again…
#painful#depressing shit#anxitey#unalive#please help#sewer slide#im pathetic#mentally unstable#fucking ouch#actually bpd#im just upset#this is depressing#i dont understand#what am i doing wrong#make this make sense#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#sadnnes#im losing it#im lost#this is not fair#cant win#im over this#this is painful#im dying#stop doing this#why are you like this#im hurtin
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WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE MATT SO MUCH
#until dawn#playing until dawn#im at my LIMIT last playthrough everyone hated him and now emily likes him but everyone else hates him even more somehow...#cant win
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why is my 12 year old sister prettier than me tf
#blue posts#ignore everything i say after this and forgive me for overanalysing everything#shes got such good bone structure and stuff#literally is going to be a headturner#not that im uglyor anything but im more 'approachable girl next door' vibe#im 'cute' and maybe 'pretty' but im not gorgeous or stunning or beautiful yk#which is fine its fine#im just complaining lol#and shes so skinny omg but in like a tall statuesque strong looking way#whereas im skinny in a weird way where im skinny but also soft looking :/#cant win
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speaking of the tales of festival
it's literally happening while I'm here in Japan but 1) literally don't think I could get tickets if I tried and 2) I will be like 1hr+ away by train and busy......
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when ur trying to sleep cause its the first night without qsmp late night streamers but ur sister is laughing at foolish playing fortnite
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Roomate who I have to cook for: *smells burnt* "What burnt?"
Me: *forgetting he doesn't have any context* "Oh... nothing burnt, it caught fire."
Him: *still no context* "Okay. Don't be upset if I don't eat it."
Me: "Then I'll be pretty pissed off." I spent 40 minutes fighting this shit and it costs money I don't have.
One clothes change later
Me: "how is it?"
Him: "it's fine. I thought you burnt the food and that's why I was like, 'I might not like it'."
Me: "Oh... no... okay. No, something about the size of a popcorn was under the burner, and it caught fire. It's just carbon now. No trace."
#i threw away a spoon for that food#to be fair tho#the spoon has a thin metal handle that dug into my dainty hands#so i had to swap it out for the world's flimsyest metal spatula in order to prevent sticking#because i had to use an inconvenient pot#THE FUCKING TRASH HASNT RUN IN 3 DAYS#the roads are fine#have been for 5 days#i live down a back road and its clear af#im tired#i havent been able to get out and pick up my meds and Walgreens canceled them#so ive been 2 weeks without vitamin D#i still have citalopram because i dont take it correctly (i forget)#im pretty sure i have audhd but ill never get evaluated because i am afab and it opens the door to misery#i forget to do a lot of things if i dont immediately see them#like cleaning the burners#the coil is hot when the food falls in#i walk away and forget about it as the coil cools#next time im reminded.... coils hot#cant win#let it become carbon
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having chronic pain during the holidays is so fun bc i can literally all day be like "oh im getting sore" "oh i feel dizzy rn imma sit" etc all day and then as soon as i dont wanna engage in something everyone is like WHAT WHY
bro i been telling you all day that my stamina is decreasing and my pain is increasing its kind of like, my life
#me#personal#chronic illness#chronic pain#holidays#it be like that#i am actually really lucky tho#just ugh#sometimes i feel like no one listens#cant win#fibromyalgia#fibro problems
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current doc situation is blister plasters with foam padded plasters on top. gauze on top of that. then layers of sports tape on top of it all
#i only had gauze and sports tape on hand so they had to do#cant use the sports tape elsewhere bc i’m hashtag allergic#my fucking TOE HURTS NOW THOUGH#CANT WIN#personal
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every day i wake up missing every single unnatural hair color i've ever been
#i go purple and i miss orange#i go orange and miss pink#i go pink and miss blue#cant win#dyed hair#purple#pastelgoth#purple hair#goth#alt aesthetic#altfashion#alternative#twitchgamer#twitchstreamer#gamer#smallstreamer#alt girl#supportsmallstreamers#girls that game
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a customer could unload their full bladder of piss on my face and if i said anything like erm could u perhaps aim a little lower out of my open mouth maybe my manager would still get mad at me and tell me to take my disputes to them off the floor
#this ogre of a customer threw a pile of clothes at my face after i asked to scan them so they could buy them#she was mad at me because i told to stop her toddler from yknow running out the door into the busy road to get hit hy a car and die#youre right i shouldnt tell you how to parent your children fuck that baby die#then right after that i called them to report a shoplifter he showed up asked what happened i told him he got mad at me for talking about#it on the floor and told me to call them next time. I DID. YOU ASKED.#cant win
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