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#im feeling it today fellows....
sneezeshame · 10 months
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someone whos spent days battling a horrible head cold, the wettest and heaviest they've had in years, but no matter what they do they just can't sneeze. they huff and snort and sniffle and blow their nose in loud burbles and start to hitch, and hitch, but it just never comes. they feel so full and uncomfortable no matter what they do, and when they come home from work that day they realize they're sick-sick with this thing, and all night its incessant. they keep trying to sneeze, their body is trying so hard to get all the gunk and virus out of their swollen passages, but they just cant. it's waking them up a couple times an hour and their head is pounding with pressure and they're so miserable they want to cry.
around 1am, their partner wakes up and turns the lamp on and offers to help, saying how terrible they sound, and they feel so sick that they agree. the next time they start to hitch, their partner takes two q-tips and slips them up their red, chapped nostrils, then rotates them both at the same time so they tickle every nose hair and chafe against every sore, swollen, cold-ridden membrane.
they sneeze once, but it stifles against the wall of snot. they try it again, and it stifles a second time, but their sniffles sound a little looser, like something is about to break. sure enough, on the third time, the sickie's red nose explodes, and it rockets violently up their sore throat and blasts their overswollen sinuses apart long enough to shoot out both qtips and two ropes of snot onto their partner's hand. before they can stop it, another sneeze causes a second eruption from their cold, this time both shooting snot everywhere and spraying it. a fourth and fifth sneeze disloges even more crammed into the swollen folds of their sinuses, and their face is pounding with the shaking force of it all. their poor nostrils flare again, and another rope of snot connects with their partner's neck and stays in a long string that ends back at their sick nose.
the sickie sniffles, dazed. "Oh doe, Ibb so sorry, uubbb--" then they sneeze again. and again. now the sneezing is incessant and wet and violent and a theme for the rest of the night.
at 6am the next morning when their alarm goes off, they moan and call in sick, then try to fall back asleep breathing through their mouth, clutching an icepack to their throbbing sinuses in the warm dark. their partner coaxes a thermometer in their mouth, and they struggle to breathe around it while its under their tounge, and it comes out with a warming temperature of 100.8. as their partner removes the thermometer, they sneeze again and again, exploding their cold all over their partner for the hundreth time that night, and then they sniffle and sink miserably back down into the pillows as they start to nurse their chills.
"I hobe I didn'd gibe you by code," they rasp. "this ode is really bad-- HETSCHOO! Guuhhh, SNNXT... I really dodd feel well ad all..." it was terrible when they couldn't sneeze at all, but now that they can, it feels like the cold really is in full swing. it feels like the virus has spent the night hitting their sinuses with a baseball bat.
their partner blames their tiredness on having spent half the night tending to the sickie, but the truth is that by the time they say that, their own throat is feeling a little sore, and they aren't sure they're feeling their best, either.
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cyndraws · 9 months
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im such a simp help me. Kaito simps unite!!!!!
pls send help
ft. Kaito and me (thats my sona) squishing his cheeks and being a simp. Cause that's me in real life. yeah
I cracked out the highlighters for this one cause I need colour to express my love properly
(Oh god the compression, anyways feel free to ask me what my depraved handwriting says 👍)
inspired by this:
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ALso, noting that my style looks different? Yeah, I often use round shapes like this depending on the mood im feelings. round... soft...
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hyuck-xix · 5 months
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do you ever feel
like a plastic bag
like you're the world's biggest loser and even when you accomplish things you never thought you could do, it still doesn't make you feel any prouder of yourself because you know you're still more of a loser than everyone else you know and then when someone from your past reaches out and asks how you've been you just want to run and hide and scream "dont perceive me i'm hideous and pathetic"
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koskela-knights · 9 months
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😳⛓
art ref 18+
Companion piece to Ilmo
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lupismaris · 8 months
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Didn't get to smoke before work this morning (also not at all confident I took my meds) and while I'm managing the immense stress of the day (hello three new projects) rather well I'm reminded that the ritual of a spliff and a cup of coffee does in fact help keep my teeth dull and my temper subdued
#asked my fellow hiring committee members one of whom is my supervisor if i was really the only person who liked one candidate#and was blatantly honest that I think the issue at hand is the ego/insecurities of the man who oversees this role/department#and we have to toe the line of choosing someone good for the job and who wont be bullied by him/clash with him 24/7#and id been shocked that i was the only one who saw potential in one or two candidates and ultimately i think it's due#to the fact im less willing to let the supervisors insecurities/ego play a role in this. and i said as much#and the response was a laugh and 'well shit everyone duck for cover he might hear us james is getting nasty '#and I'm not really im just tired of pretending like that isnt the core of the issue here. his ego has been wounded for the whole o last yeat#*year and now he's continuously making it everyone else's problem and whomever gets this role with be the Andy to his Miranda#except he has so little to offer in terms of real guidance i feel. hes going to bully and boast and be petty to whomever gets chosen#but any attempt to say that to leadership will get waved away ultimately because he's leadership and he's fought to get his own admin#so rather than get someone with a diverse and varied skill set who can match him in work and intensity#we'll end up with some kid who probably cant set boundaries and will get steamrolled completely#so yeah im irritated by the whole process. and my lack of meds today is making it hard to play nice about it
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orcelito · 10 months
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I love....... community 🥺
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sydmarch · 1 year
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spent months like I need prescription for my mental health give me prescription please please & now that I have it I'm like hm. do I want to have to take meds, actually
#part of it i think is just that typical anxiety that comes before any life change like s new job or whatever but also like#despite never having TRIED stimulants im familar w them i know people w adhd who are on them i had an idea of what to expect & thats what i#i figured id be getting but shes having me try this non stimulant option first bcus 1 apparently its good for people who also have anxiety#and 2 easier to get w the like Adderall shortages & shit rn#& im like ok i have NEVER heard of this drug before and didn't even know there WERE non stimulant options options.#like im doing all my research TODAY for the first time then pick it up tomorrow?#like me heslth anxiety girl just has to be like ok sure i guess. i had mentally prepared myself for stimulants & thats it!!!#i mean worst case i just try it & see if it works or if i have side effects but like. ugh. & i dont like that i dont like my np LOL like id#probably feel less uncertain about trying something i was previously unfamiliar with if she was someone i liked & trusted more#if i knew there were unfamilar drugs they might recommend to me i probably wouldve started over & found someone new to work with. AGHHH & i#didnt discuss any of this w her bcus it took me a couple hours after our session to think abt it & do my own reading & process my emotions#to really come to thia conclusion. & also i wouldnt have wanted to talk to hwt abt this anyway bcus i dont like her & have not felt at all#like cool w opening up to her beyond the minimum i had to do for the assessment#& my therapist is sick this week so im not gonna get to talk to her tomorrow!@#texticles#anyway i know ive got fellow adhd bitches following me. anyone try guanfacine did you like it or nah
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purplemoonabove · 5 months
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this may be my first birthday where it is depressingly draining.
what I’ll do when home, waiting for this day to end:
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missingn000 · 1 year
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crescentfool · 1 year
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i cant believe i forgot that im a fire emblem enjoyer 🙄 i was reading some of my notifs/tags from that one post about the video game series you've played the longest and oh my god.
i would like to apologize to fire emblem for forgetting that i've played it even though it's probably one of the longest standing series in my life next to pokemon and xenoblade... 💀 (<- they have 565 hours in fire emblem, 170 in awakening, 45 for fates, 75 for sov, and 275 for three houses and perhaps a few hours from feh but we don't talk about that)
anyway. did you know i like fire emblem. and that i like reading tags. i hope you all have swag times with whatever game series makes you happy! 💙
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nonhuman struggle of being put off by certain physical traits and feeling guilty about it even though it’s just because of an instinctive aversion to the human body and its characteristics
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iron-bubble · 2 years
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💜
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#tomorrow is the day the measurements start. the start of my 40+ days of torment. but idk im glad its finally here#i dont have to dread it anymore. hopefully its the last time i have to do these type of measurements#i was talking to my boss yesterday and she was like: oh last timr we were out i realized this might be ur last time doing lpi for thr rest#of ur life. and i was like god i hope so. bc thats a process where i crawl across the ground for 50m per transect and identify all the#plants and soil cover and for the life of me i cant fucking remember plant codes. i hate it bc i basically have to talk for like 3hrs and#have someone standing over my shoulder recording me and all the while my brain is screaminf at me bc field work doesnt count as real work#in my stupid brain. so yea ill do lpi and soil stability as benign torment in purgatory#but anyway. im hesitantly optimistic abt the measurements i have to take bc im going to try my best to make it ok bc i have school#interviews looming and i have to pretend im hanging on by more than a single thread ya kno#so we r going to b careful abt it. well at least well see how long it lasts. i also have tk find the time to read a bunch before interviews#while my brain is completely fried idk how. and do other lab stuff. sigh...#idk im probably going to take measurements all the way thru sunday and then monday see if i can fill out patent intake info with a psy#psychiatrist. and hope they take my insurance. i called and checked for providers and they were the only one in the area so shoulf b ok but#ya kno. god im barely a functional person. like the fact that i have to drive 8min down the road is very nearly enough for me to say fuck#it. id rather suffer forever. i just hate driving so much :-P#i just wish i could focus enough to make words make sense and justify the time i spend to learn things. agh#lmao im such an anxious person. a lab mate had a birthday today and my boss and a fellow lab member surprised her with a cake#and im v worried abt when my birthday happens. it wasnt so bad last time bc another birthday was also that week so the focus was off me a#lil but with my boss leaving this school i was like. yes. i escape the surprise gathering. but probably not. same for when i leave#genuinely i do not want a gathering. i just feel like im waiting for them to end. not that i dont like my lab mates but idk it feels so#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me#like turn their head to see my reaction to something and i just like fundamentally do not understand that impulse#whatever. what i want for my birthday or going away is to not attend the gathering. make it more like a wake lol#but i kno that wont happen. last year my boss asked whst i wanted and i said nothing and she said that wasnt allowed#im just so neurotic that if u try to do anything for me itll prob just upset me. but idk ppl like to give presents and stuff#and sometimes things arent all abt me. so i just gotta accept it and go cry abt it later#but thats like 3 months away so i dont kno why im so stressed abt it now. I've got more pressing things to stress abt#unrelated
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lupismaris · 6 months
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My therapists keep telling me to stop othering myself and I'm trying but it's really fuckin hard when I'm being othered
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toastsnaffler · 2 years
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another wellbeing appt this morning can't wait to have to lie through the skin of my teeth + play down how mentally ill I am once again bc despite how desperate I am for help I'm equally desperately scared of losing my autonomy
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tkbrokkoli · 2 months
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:O
#aaaaaaaahhh i missed sm on tumblr i just quickly checked some blogs and it made me sad and happy at the same time#but i rly gotta focus on studying for my exams ugh. even tho i was away on the weekend w some of my friends lol. it was so fun#i haven't had sleepovers w friends since i went to highschool which is over a decade ago#it was so good and fun even tho i didn't get a lot of sleep. but i caught up on sleep on the days since and yesterday and today ive been#feeling p energized c: today i. registered? or maybe declared is a more fitting word. that i wanna change my name and gender marker#and now i have to wait until the end of the year to actually change them. but it's in motion!#i also made an appointment for a chest ultrasound so now i just need a psychiatrist to be able to get top surgery w the surgeon i picked#i recently had a job interview for a student job as a mentor! it won't pay a lot but a bit money is more than nothing#and i enjoy being a mentor so i hope ill get the job. haven't heard back yet#also i found out that all the fellow students that i have become friends w are queer. i am friends w almost all my fellow students that#are queer except w one person. it's funny bc when we all started becoming friends we didn't know that the others were queer.#well i outed myself in front of professors and the class multiple times bc I didn't pass back then so it was obvious that im queer#but i didn't know abt the others. we all just gravitated to each other which is nice. one of them isn't even out to family or friends#at home and another one told me I'm the first person they've come out to so i feel p honored that we can be open and ourselves w each other#we watched so many queer movies and shows on the weekend i loved it#i never would've thought i'd come this far. look at me being mostly mental-illness-free medically transitioning and having a social life#being more comfortable w myself than ever#now i just gotta get a nice degree and a well paying fun job (i've had a shitty fun job before) and tackle all those medical issues i have#like exhaustion. but one step at at a time. i truly feel so good rn!! :D hope you guys are doing good as well#personal log stardate
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