#im cancer and i got
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what saw III did y'all watch
#lynn denlon#amanda young#lynnmanda#shotgunshipping#saw#saw iii#saw 3#sawposting#i love these fucking freaks so much#they started scissoring after this#and johns dying of cancer in the other room or whatever he was doing#also my wip got like corrupted in procreate and i had to delete it so im going to crash out 😋❤️#owl.archives
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telling myself to continue on like normal and write like normal but how am i supposed to do that when i know my world is ending in 24 hours?
tw for tags: i accidentally rambled on and aired out all my grief for my dog
#ive known since the moment we got the cancer diagnosis id be losing him#it doesnt make it easier#tw pet loss#ive experienced a dog dying unexpectedly and now a planned death#i have decided there is no death thats easy. you'll always wish it went the other way.#in 24 hours ill be loading him into my car one last time#ill be joking about how heavy he is as i lift my 'heavy baby' into the backseat#i'll be babytalking him the entire drive and nearly dislocating my arm just to pet him at the red lights for the last time#i bought him reese's peanut butter cups. because he loves peanut butter and deserves to taste chocolate before he goes#i got him all his favorite treats. been feeding him all the meals he'd beg for that id say 'dogs cant have'#i just. this is hard. im losing my baby. my best friend.#the 'aggressive' boy no one wanted for 2 years until i came upon him and said 'hes coming home with me'#people keep telling me i dont have to be in the room when it happens but how could i do that?#how could i leave him alone this last time (arguably the most important time) when the day i brought him home#i made the promise that he'd never be alone again?#how could i do that when every time hes sick he wants me near him? puts his head in my lap?#how could i when during my roughest times he protected me so fiercely?#the only time he's been anything but a gentle giant has always been when he protects me#how could i not protect HIM one last time?#im sorry. im in my feels. this fucking sucks.
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made chicken salad sandwich for first time in my life. caucasian core
#when i work at the cancer hospital they sell em and i fuck with them heavy#and i realized. hey just make it yourself dumbass#not gonna lie stirring mayonnaise makes me want to vomit a bit but i got past that#im fine w mayo as an ingredient i just dont want to see it u dig
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They need to make death reversible so falin touden can smash my skull in and I can thank her
#IM LITERALLY SO ILL ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA I DONT HUAVE COVID I HUAVE CANCER HELP ME#just ask and ill post the screenshots im crying over oh my fucking god she is so beautiful help me help me#im messaging all of my friends none of them understand guys oyu get me right right??#i just got “mhm ok buddy” -ed im livid#falin#chimera falin#falin touden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunme#moss' madness#simping on main or whatever
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oc req i got from a friend on cohost for these two hanging out! which eventually turned into me thinking "what if this is just saiph walking up to ramus unprompted on Guild Beach Day, but ramus fully forgot who he was since they last met" and that concept was funny enough to me that thats what the drawing became
but still, here's an edited (technically original) version under the cut bc i think eventually they start to talk for real anyway lol
#finn's ocs#finn's art#i also for a second thought it would be a little bit funny for ramus's reply to be ''what the fuck happened to your tits'' but#stylized top surgery scars get too much shit so i figured it would be low hanging fruit even if in isolation its funny#also wrt the scars ik some ppl scar darker while some scar paler im not just being inconsistent 😅 i hope that comes across well#but yeah i think its better if they just hang out normally anyway. theyre just two dudes#even if ramus forgor and even if saiph would just walk up to random ppl on the beach and Start Talking#bc he acts like everyone in the world is his best friend. ask levy from the train station#which. is a character ive also only talked abt on cohost i think? whatever that desc tells you everything you need to know#i also have a polaris wip recommended from the same friend but i got carried away here#also theres a secondary joke of the crab getting closer. be careful.#and a third joke of the crab having the same accessories as cancer. his pet perhaps. as all crabs in the ocean are#also all of ramus's stuff is just his guildmates stuff bc theyre there too and they share#i feel like if any guild would just share all their shit its the hippies in the woods right#thats my commentary. this ended up becoming a bigger drawing than i intended bc i kept thinking abt stuff
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there needs to be a study on why bob's burgers fans are so obsessed with writing about the belcher kids dying of a horrific illness or accident and in so much detail. like to an extent I understand wanting to explore darker themes with these characters but there's SO MUCH of it omg I have never been in a fandom this obsessed with angst before
#like every other fanfic in the tag is just what if louise DIED?? what if tina got CANCER??? what if gene was hit by a truck and died??#and they're all like 50k words long and go into excruciating detail. and if they dont die they suffer life-altering injuries#not trying to vauge anyone bcuz its like GENUINELY so many different people. like it isnt one person committed to the grind#im sure they're decent fanfics and i dont really care i could filter them if i really needed to#im more fascinated by it than anything#I mean i would write bobs burgers angst i understand the appeal which makes it MORE interesting. maybe it was just one guy#and then everyone else got inspired to write their own angst fics idk#txt#bob's burgers
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at this point i have to assume the ongoing chest pain is from living in this fucking house
#no apparent heart problem. if its somehow a muscle ache that has persisted >6 months#then its also managed to Not be from noticeable muscle damage while still lasting that long#and if its not the stress from being here then idk. cancer does show up in the family 💀#if it is just a muscle ache then i would like it to be over#but my god man. im gonna lose it#the problem with living in ur parents house is that they will make fuck ass decisions abt it#and u cant do anything Esp if ur freeloading lmao#maybe im just prone to stressing myself out like a fucking tarsir#*tarsier. but like goddddd#tfw theres a million unfinished and contributing things to a possible infestation#like. tell me why the bathtub has been unusable for probably a year now#and also theres a HUGE HOLE IN THE WALL WHERE THE EXHAUST GOES THRU!!!!!!#that they probably knew about but apparently didnt think was a concern#and when approached about 'hey i dont think (liquid) fumigation is gonna last if u dont fix this'#the response is 'thats why u fumigate every like 6 months'#NO??? FIX THIS FUCKING HOUSE?#AND THEN LIQUID FUMIGATION TOO???? AURGHHHHHHHH#anyways also have to assume its not like. actual physical environment problem#spent two weeks out of house and it persisted. but i suppose if its bad enough#it would do that...?? but then why is no one else in the house suffering -_-#either its extremely localised to my room or its straight up not that#dad keeps insisting its long covid. near as i can tell ive never caught covid#while its possible it was low/no symptom im relying on the fact that no one else got sick in the house#and when people get sick in the house i do test also. and its always negative. but who knows
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i think im officially done trying to keep in touch with people who dont try ever
#i can understand and handle it a couple of times bc life yno#but when it happens every time or if conversation never starts unless i do its different#im done trying with people who don't appreciate my time and efforts#im lonely but even that won't make me do things for people who don't care#it literally leaves me so despondent i haven't had the energy to keep in touch with those who do try and show me care and respect#idk im tired im burnt out ive given so much of myself for ppl this year to get nothing in exchange#ive had to cut people off because of that even with how much it hurt#and im so tired#absolutely exhausted#this year has been worse than the year i literally got diagnosed and had to go through chemo#its been way worse on my mental health#idk i dont wanna try anymore its always the same and i don't wanna keep going#wish cancer had killed me ngl#i need a drink im getting shitfaced soon#delete later
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god bless sleeping 12hrs nightly
#stream#i hate it so much#like get up & do what ? CLEAN ? AGAIN ? be a PERSON ? AGAIN ?#i was so annoyed yesterday ppl were pissing me off so much then i called my mother & it was lovely & i told her how i scammed a vacuum from#amazon last semester by reporting it stolen bc dpd refused to deliver it TO ME & sent it to a language centre so then i reported it as a#dispute on my credit card got my money back then picked up the vacuum ALSKALSKLKSLAKSLA she said ‘u are ur fathers child’ & honestly ? real#cheap as FUCK like i GET IT FROM SOMEWHERE#but she’s also HER fathers child so i don’t wanna hear it 🙄#by that it’s ‘u gotta make it really reasonable if u want anything w my money’#i’m literally going to try to scam an electric drill or just use & return to make a fucking big room divider to THE HEIGHT I NEED bc it need#to be literally like 150cm even to go w the height of the tv bc that’s mounted & it came w the place so i can’t move it & also it doesn’t#even work ALSKALSKALKSLKSLA HATE KY LANDLORD !!!!! i mean love em they don’t do anything it’s full shithead hours 24/7 here & i love that#but GIRL ….#DID YALL RLY HVE TO PAINT OVER THE BITCHES HAIR ?#WOULD A BROOM HAVE KILLED YALL ? anyway ALSO IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE A CABLE#& U HAVE TO HAVE A TV LICENSE HERE FOR THE FUCKING TV 😭😭😭😭#like ALSKALKSLAKSLSLKSLAK literally … decoration#that’s ugly as fuck and annoying as shit like why is it THERRREEEEEEEE#i’m having my mother bring an amazon fire stick when i meet in north carolina like next week so i can maybe hopefully use it somehow like#just as a SPEAKER EVEN#that would be GREAT bc i’m not paying for cable i don’t even watch netflix as is#like let me get this podcast on the tele ‼️‼️‼️#determined to get dishes done today#running low on weed BUT that 1 drug dealer w cancer & w/o a bladder im talking to he’s so fucking hot hopefully he actually has a connect#for me to get smack ALSKALKSLKSLKSLKSLKALAK
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rereading ingo as zekrom fics after whats happening to me these past 10? 11 months of me not doing anything productive makes it so goofy cuz ingo smells like ozone (in the au) right? yeah so um
the ozone smells like shit, pungent even
#i got cancer and now im in radiotherapy so I found out what the ozone supposedly smells like#submas#subway boss ingo
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Can we see more of Jadekat and their 612 babies...do they have any names besides Jadekat jr jr jr
i dont think theyre that creative to come up with any other names for their kids
though the image is inaccurate! its actually 613 kids (due to the one karkats holding in the photo) that ones name is jadekat jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr jr
#jadekat#argt#though one of the kids name is tibet (as in the rose)#the joke is that one is the one that looks the most like karkat and white roses represent the cancer zodiac... and jade likes gardening....#boom. Genius#i made that up on the spot. not the fact (IT IS TRUE!!!) .. the fanchild#ok if im being honest IM not creative enough to come up with any other names#their 612 ... 613.. kids are very hard to handle and karkat is usually the one dealing with them#imagine being a casual citizen on earth c and you see a troll with more than 612.. 613 kids just being dragged across->#->with those small leashes parents put on their kids to keep them in place. but like it doesnt work for karkat in this situation because->#its more than 100 kids. hes going to be flug across the street if those kids all got interested in one thing at the same time#jade and karkat arent the “girlboss and malewife” dynamic no its the girl who has baby fever and the male who is like a->#overworked cigarette mom#but he wouldnt smoke#they have kids... if he was smoking jade would kill him for that .....#ok but back on the names like the first 2 ones were given original names and by kid 27 they started the 'jadekat jr' shit#“why didnt they stop by kid ..5..” baby fever
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The stress is making me physically ill 💗
#puffer talks#if i seem inactive for a while its because on Tuesday my sweet big baby puppy eko was diagnosed with osteosarcoma#so bone cancer#it is terminal so the choices we have to make are hard because its not about curing it but about how comfortable he is#it's in his front right leg and hes s really big dog so amputation is a hard decision#it is all very hard and terrible and i love him so much#it is so anti his nature#he is a big ball of silly and love#anyways im nauseous all the time and my pots is flaring up bad#i got my first good night of sleep last night#hes doing better on his meds rn but yeah
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#why do i feel guilty about being sad?#like logicaly i know that i should be allowed to be sad about their death#i was their friend and they died that is worthy of being sad#but i just feel like#i didnt know them as well as other people#i feel like im making it like my whole personality right now#like im just turning this into some big fucking pity party for myself when i was nothing but an insignificant speck in their life#when there are so many people more worthy of being sad than me#just#the last thing i ever said to them was a fucking joke about how id get revenge on whoever had cursed them with cancer#i never got to really say goodbye#i should have known#i should have said goodbye#i should tag this a vent post so people can block and ignore me right now shouldnt i#vent post#im sorry
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Katie Schumacher-Cawley first woman to win an NCAA Division I volleyball national championship as a head coach 🥹🤧
#women's volleyball#ncaa wvb#oh i love a happy ending#im 🥹#penn state#Katie Schumacher Cawley#battling cancer and winning a natty oh got im tearing up
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i'll be honest with you. if my cat dies im ending it all
#i cried for about 5 hours yesterday when we brought her to the emergency vet#and this morning they called us with test results and it's either ibd or lymphoma#she is my whole life she means more to me than literally ANYTHING#and im not even exaggerating she is the most important thing in my lofe#i have no idea what im going to do if she has cancer#i was with a friend today so i had to keep it together all day and i just got home and broke down#sorry to vent on here but im actually heartbroken. like i am crushed#jemposting
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are we feeling this ring, everyone????
#isnt it sooooo pretttttyyy oooooohhh heart#i see heart things im like I NEEEEEDDDD ITTT 💖💕💘💝💗💓🩷#man im obsessed w cat eye manis is this my gateway to skin cancer 😬😬😬 well isnt the correlation debated anyhow lol#OMG U KNO WAT the first time i got the gel mani pedi i could tell the gel thickness and shape was kind of off#But i Tipped Good like the full 20% maybe a bit more and i went back to her#and this time she did me REAL GOOD perfect shape even thickness even apex she did me sooo good#its cuz i tip gud huh..... money rly is the answer 😔#i kno some ppl who are nail techs and they said if they have repeat clients who tip shit they rush their sets LOL#.txt
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