#im being so vulnerable right now please be kind

[eemcintyre]

The Door is Open (Tom Cruise)

TW- Mentions of harassment. Other than that, just pure fluffy goodness with a dash of hurt/comfort to send us off.

Summary- you are a production assistant on the set of a 90s Tom Cruise movie, and he steps in when one of his costars threatens you (**I created a fictional movie and a fictional costar bc I'm not about to slander some random real-life actor for no reason lol**). Additional note: in this universe, he's only been married to Mimi Rogers.

A warm thank you to anyone who takes the time to read; this is just me having fun and taking the serotonin where I can get it

“Cut!” the director exclaimed as the cast finished filming the last of the scenes they had hoped to do before lunch. Just as crew members began to mill around set and the hum of conversation started up, as Tom Cruise ran a hand through his grown-out hair and did a couple of arm and back stretches, Y/N entered the soundstage balancing two cardboard trays full of drinks.

Although the caterer provided general meals and beverages, some of the cast and crew preferred to order drinks from an artisan café down the street. And, as one of the production assistant/PAs on the set of “Gold Rush,” it was Y/N’s job to run down the aforementioned street, to the aforementioned café, to fetch the aforementioned drinks, as well as do essentially any odd small job that anyone ranked higher than her asked her to do. And pretty much everyone was ranked higher than the PAs.

Although the work could be exhausting and she didn’t get a lot of please-s or thank you-s for what she did, Y/N was really enjoying the experience for the most part. She found it really interesting to see what went into all of the different units’ work, from set construction to costuming to lighting (when she wasn’t running for bottles of water or copies of the script, which was a lot of the time), but one thing she had not hoped to learn, at least so early on in her film career, was how slimy some of the actors could be.

While Tom Cruise, despite being the most well-known and successful actor in Hollywood, seemed from her observations to be the image of class and generosity, one of his co-stars, Bill Waters, was… less so. To be completely accurate, Bill Waters was a conceited asshole who faked affability around those he felt could benefit him and was used to getting anything he wanted at the snap of his fingers. And one of the things he had recently wanted, and was appalled to have not received, was Y/N. The other day, he had approached her alone outside the soundstage building and forcefully propositioned her, to the point that she had to slap him to escape his hold.

Ever since then, despite her rigorous attempts to avoid him, he had criticized, embarrassed, and overworked her at every chance. A couple of days ago, he yelled at her for taking so long to bring him a dish from a restaurant located across town, and yesterday, he’d purposely spilled the coffee she’d just brought him, just so she would have to get another one.

As she quickly made her way through the room, handing each coffee and tea to its recipient, she tried not to make eye contact with the fast-approaching Bill. When she thrusted the paper cup into his hand, he made a point to stroke her fingers when he took it from her. Y/N glanced up, startled, met with a faint smirk that made her sick to her stomach. She decided not to respond, hoping he would lose interest and go away as she moved on to the next set of people across the room, but he pursued her until he matched her speed-walking pace.

“Hey, this isn’t what I ordered,” he said, putting the cup in her face so that she had to narrowly dodge a passing crew member to not get doused.

“You said that you wanted a caramel brulée latte, and that’s what it is.”

“Oh, I must have forgotten to say that I didn’t want whipped cream. Whoops.” His smirk grew wider and more punchable as she kept failing to out-walk him without attracting attention. “Anyway, I’m not drinking this; you’ll have to run back out so you can get me the right thing.”

“Can’t you just skim it off the top?” Y/N protested, preparing to round a tight corner around a large set piece that several people were transporting, when she felt a searing pain across the front of her torso.

Dazed from the pain and the many eyes that were now on her, it took a moment for Y/N to register that the front of her shirt was splattered with Bill’s rejected coffee. A couple of her acquaintances from the hair and makeup department ran to get her some towels, as everyone else continued to stare.

“What is wrong with you?” Bill gasped, anger coloring his face. After a few moments of stunned silence, another voice chimed in.

“What the hell’s going on?” Tom Cruise appeared, confused, from within the assembled crowd. He sighted Y/N, dripping with coffee, and Bill, red in the face with obvious irritation, and his eyebrows furrowed suspiciously.

“She ran into me and made me spill my drink,” Bill complained, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, I saw you throw it at her,” Tom replied sternly. “You threw a hot coffee at Y/N. Why would you do that?” His voice was level and at a calm, low volume, but in his eyes, one could see that he was pissed. Even in the midst of the immense embarrassment, she was surprised and pleased that Tom Cruise, of all people, knew her name.

Y/N’s friends reappeared with handfuls of towels, and as they made their way to help dry her soaked shirt, Tom took one of the towels to hand to her as well.

“Well? What is wrong with you?” he continued to prod Bill. 

“What’s wrong with me?” Bill’s gestures and expressions were becoming more agitated. “She’s the one who can’t figure out how to order the right drinks, or even hold them- I want her fired.”

Y/N paled, feeling even more sick and now slightly dizzy, at the prospect of her film career going down in flames before it could hardly begin.

“Do you think that, just because you’re more famous than she is, that you don’t have to treat her like a person? Is that it?” Tom glared.

“Do you think just because you’re Tom fucking Cruise that you can talk to me that way? Because I won’t stand for it.”

“I won’t stand for that kind of bullshit on my set,” Tom snarled, his temper finally slipping through to the open. “You can be a decent fucking person or you can get out. We’ll find someone else; no one’s irreplaceable.”

“Except you and whoever kisses your ass,” Bill spat, storming out past the crowd.

“You are out of here!” Tom yelled after him, even though he and everyone else knew that he most likely didn’t have the authority to make such a decision, even given his status in the industry.

Taken aback by the scene they had just witnessed, it took a few minutes for the crowd to dissipate. Y/N retreated outside to the parking lot behind the soundstage, dabbing at her stained shirt, her mind reeling with the very real possibility that her time on the “Gold Rush” set was over.

Realizing Tom had followed her out and was gazing at her with concern, she mustered “Mr. Cruise, t-thank you; you didn’t have to do that. I don’t want to cause any problems…”

“Did you throw a hot coffee on him?” Tom asked gently.

“N-no…?”

“Did you just curse everyone out?” The hint of a smile flickered at the corners of his mouth.

“No…”

“Well, unless you start doing that, you have nothing to worry about, as far as I’m concerned.” He paused, studying how she avoided his gaze. “He isn’t any better than you or me.”

They experienced another awkward silence, as no one else was currently in that part of the lot.

“Was that the first time that happened? Because I remember he also spilled his coffee yesterday. Maybe he’s the one who can’t figure out how to hold things.” Tom met Y/N’s surprised look knowingly, and with that, she found herself beginning to lose her composure.

“No, it’s not the first time,” her voice cracked, and she crossed her arms in a self-soothing motion as tears began to fall. “He’s pissed because I wouldn’t sleep with him- oh gosh, Mr. Cruise, I’m so sorry for crying, this is the last thing you need…” She covered her face, utterly mortified to be having a mental breakdown in front of Tom Cruise. She inhaled shakily in an effort to rein it back in. “I’m okay, I’m fine.”

“I want you to take fifteen minutes,” Tom replied softly, reaching for one of her heaving shoulders. “We need to get you a new shirt- I have an extra crew t-shirt from when they were handing them out the other day- and speaking of drinks, have you had anything to drink recently?” Y/N shrugged, not wanting to admit it and seem even more needy. “That’s what I thought,” he shook his head. “You can sit in my trailer where no one will bother you, and then you’ll be ready to get back out there and finish the day on a high note.”

“Mr. Cruise, that’s very nice of you, but I don’t know…”

He realized she might be wary of the idea of his trailer after Bill had made his move on her. “We can keep the door open the whole time. I’ll sit on the opposite side of the trailer,” he grinned, raising his hands in a yielding gesture for emphasis.

“I- I didn’t mean-” she stammered, not wanting to offend another of the cast members.

“It’s alright.” He waved her forward in the direction of his trailer, and she conceded. “Now, we just have to stop this Mr. Cruise business. Y/N, please feel free to call me Tom.”

~

Once they reached his trailer, as promised, Tom left the door open behind them. After rooting through a few boxes and drawers, he located the aforementioned t-shirt.

“It is a men’s medium, and it’s not exactly a fashion statement…” he winced.

“It’ll do just fine; it doesn’t have any coffee on it, and that’s what I’m interested in.” Y/N finally found it in her to smile before quickly getting changed in the small trailer bathroom. She noted the towels, cologne, and other personal items on the sink counter, and it hit her more fully that she was literally in Tom Cruise’s trailer, a place she never could have envisioned visiting.

When she reemerged, she saw Tom leaning against the wall near the opposite end of the trailer, and a bottle of water that had been placed at the table down by her.

“I hope you like that kind; I mentioned I liked it and they sent me a whole case,” Tom chuckled. “Anyway, I can’t finish it all by myself.”

“Thanks.” Y/N slid into one of the bench seats at the table and took a sip. “At least my last day as a PA will end on a good note,” she winced.

��No one is going to fire you,” Tom insisted. “You’re a kind, cheerful person when you’re not getting hot coffee thrown at you, and you’ve got a great work ethic. Both rare things in this industry a lot of the time. You aren’t going anywhere, trust me; you still have a future.”

Y/N took another sip of her water.

“What are you hoping to do in movies? Are you another aspiring actress, or do you want something more niche like makeup, production design, directing?”

“Not sure yet. I’m still trying to see what I like the most. Reading about it and doing it are two very different things, you know.”

Tom nodded, understanding. “You have family nearby?”

Y/N shook her head. “Tennessee.”

“A country girl," he grinned. "What do they think of your career choice?”

“They’re warming up to it.”

“I was lucky, my family was always really supportive.”

“Do you get to see them very often? It seems like you always go, go, go,” Y/N laughed quietly.

“Not as much as I’d like, but… enough,” he nodded again, as if confirming he was satisfied with his own answer.

Y/N suddenly recalled Tom’s recent divorce. Even though he and his ex-wife hadn’t had any children, they had still been together several years, and Y/N was sure it must have been difficult for him. As they were on the topic of family, she made a point not to mention even indirectly anything to do with those matters.

“Well, everyone’s got to take a break once in a while. Maybe after this picture wraps you can spend some time with them.”

“Yeah,” Tom replied, his gaze momentarily drifting into the distance. “But until then, it’s nice to have some company now.”

“I’ll have another mental breakdown just for you, so we can do it again sometime,” Y/N joked, trying to make light of her humiliation. To her relief, Tom laughed in response, diffusing some of her tension. “I should probably be going. They’ll be looking for me once they run out of drinks.” Y/N rose to her feet, grabbing her water and her soiled shirt.

“Well, if you would ever like to drop by again, my door is open- literally.” He gestured to the open trailer door. “And you let me know if Bill ever bothers you again- I’ve learned a lot of fighting moves from working on this movie and I can kick his ass.”

“Okay. I would love to see that,” Y/N replied, making her way to the front of the trailer and toward Tom. “No,” her tone of voice became serious again, “You’ve already done more than I could have asked for.” In the confines of the trailer, she and he came closely face-to-face as she neared the doorway.

“Well, sometimes, all you have to do is ask.” He smiled warmly and they shared an intense moment of eye contact before Y/N shyly looked away. Tom exited the trailer ahead of her, reaching out his hand for her to take from where he stood on the ground, to guide her down the couple of stair steps. “Now, go get ‘em.”

“It’s true, you really are a relentless optimist,” Y/N smiled and shook her head. They waved each other goodbye, and then she headed back in the direction of the soundstage, feeling like she could face the rest of the day again, and maybe even the rest of the production. Even though all of her anxieties didn’t magically go away, she figured that, with Tom Cruise in her corner, she had little to worry about.

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[seung-mong]

everyone adores you (i hate that i do too) - kim seungmin

includes: seungmin x reader, friends to enemies to strangers to friends to lovers?? (kinda academic rivals vibe) college au, soft dom! seungie, everyone knows they r in love except them, kinda slow burn? idk, fluff, angst, quick vanilla smut scene at the end, unprotected sex, possessive seungmin, creampie oopsie woopsie, felix is lowk seungmin's downfall lmao

a/n: the people have chosen, thank u for those who voted on the poll!! i know this is so ridiculously late but ive been in a writer's funk lately and ive just been so unmotivated #rant anyway i hope you guys like this one:') chan x hybrid felix x reader up next?? :00

wc: 12k YAPPING ofc my longest fic is of my husband #seungminlover #myMan

"there's nothing i can do for you, mr. kim. you failed to submit the third reflection essay. i have been considerate with your other late submissions..." the middle aged professor sighs, bringing a hand to his forehead and massaging his temples in frustration.

seungmin's hands wrap tighter around the strap of his bag, nylon almost burning against his palm due to the friction. "mr. park," he almost whines, leaning forward in his chair.

seungmin's desperate. he needs to pass this class, a prerequisite to all of his majors. he'll be damned if he takes his classes later than everyone else. "please, there must be something i can do. anything for extra credit. i really really need to pass this class." his voice slightly breaks, so close to tears. he can feel the red hot embarrassment that washes over him at the thought of having to explain why he cant enlist in the same classes as his friends.

he's never gonna hear the end of it when he tells his parents, always hard on his ass about biting off more than he can chew and he's always shrugged them off. how is everything so different now? in highschool he was juggling acads, being president of the student council, being in choir, dance, band, and the debate team. and now? four classes and a stupid glee club and hes falling behind.

his worst fear.

the older man swallows thickly, obviously uncomfortable at his student's sudden show of vulnerability. "mr. kim, i really want to help you. but im afraid there's no extra work i can give you to help you raise your grade.

seungmin shakes his head, slumping deep in his seat.

"normally i'd offer that you could check some papers and-"

"i'll do it!" seungmin yells, almost jumping out of his seat.

"but another student has already offered to be my teaching assistant for this term for extra credit as well.... unless you could convince them to split the workload... id consider raising your grade."

"sir, anything! who do i have to convince?" seungmin lets out a sigh of relief. and he thought all hope was lost.

"miss y/l/n. do you know her?"

fuck. all hope is lost.

you huff as you push open the heavy metal doors to your apartment building, canvas bag filled to the brim with papers you're supposed to check. the weight is heavy on your shoulder, strap digging uncomfortably into your skin. the sting lingers as you waddle over to your apartment locker, dropping the bag as you dig into your coat pocket for your keys.

"oh, y/n! im glad i caught you." you turn around to see a kind face smiling at you from the foot of the stairs, long blonde hair tied somewhat neatly to keep strands away from his neck. stubborn clumps of hair fall over his forehead, sticking to the skin in a thin sheen of sweat.

"hyunjin?" you squeal, leaving all your bags right there on the floor as you run towards your childhood friend. your arms wrap around his neck as he laughs, arms coming up to wrap around your waist. you nearly knock him off his feet from the force that you throw yourself at him, but he cant blame you. it has been way too long.

"but... what are you doing here? i thought you were still in paris?" you chuckle, breathless as you pull apart from him.

"non!," he teases, but his smile quickly shifts. "due to some, ah- unfortunate circumstances, i had to return home a little earlier than i had planned," he shrugs, grabbing your arm and hooking it with his.

"oh cut the bullshit, hwang." you laugh, pulling him towards your locker. "tell me what happened," you groan, bending down to pick up your bag. hyunjin, ever the gentleman, quickly reacts from beside you, taking it away from you before slinging it over his own shoulder. "tell me what really happened, hm? it's me." you huff, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

he smiles sadly at you, shaking his head. he knows he cant lie to you. "how about we catch up over a cup of coffee, huh? my, ive been looking all over campus for you and when we finally meet after three years you dont even invite me in?" he pouts at you.

you roll your eyes at his dramatics. nice to know he hasnt changed that about himself. dare you say paris has only fed his dramatic flare? "let's go have some coffee somewhere else then, my apartment's kinda messy right now. oh! have you told felix you're back? you guys are... okay now, right?" you're careful to watch his expression at the mention of his past lover.

"no, he doesnt know im home. it kinda defeats the whole purpose of the surprise, you know?" he retorts, watching you with a fond smile as you shove your phone and keys back into your pockets. "and yes. felix and i are alright, thank you for asking."

"well, i'm sure he'd love to see you again. i know where he's working. maybe we could drop by for some drinks?"

hyunjin hums thoughtfully at that, chuckling a bit once you push open the damned metal door. "i guess it wouldnt hurt to say hello? besides. we have been... talking again."

"oh is that so?" you feign disinterest, eyes trained on the leaves that crunch under your feet.

he hums once more, squinting when he looks up, the sun beaming against his face. how he's missed its' warmth. paris was often gloomy. "we discussed possibly trying again." he says calmly, sighing with content.

you falter, "that might be good. ive always known you guys still loved each other! besides, you guys were young and stupid."

"that we were." hyunjin laughs. "well how about you and... ah- he who must not be named?"

you tense a little at that, opting to play it off with a shrug. "havent seen him around much, actually."

"well that's odd. you three were the only ones from our highschool to pass SNU and you guys dont keep in touch?"

"well i dont keep in touch with people from highschool much." you bite back.

"well how about me and felix?" he challenges.

"yea. just you two."

"arent you two in the same major?"

"we have different schedules. never aligns."

"but yuna and lia said-"

"i just dont see seungmin much, alright? that's that!" you groan, shoving your hands into your pockets.

"oh my dear y/n, nothing has changed! have you tried to patch things up with him? after all we were, hm what did you say, ah- young and stupid?"

"well he certainly was." you mumble, and hyunjin bursts out laughing. he throws an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer against his side. "god, i've missed you."

felix absolutely adores his job. he gets to help bake in the kitchens in the morning, and then he gets to make such fun little drinks while listening to music he chooses. he loves his coworkers, and his schedule is flexible, what with the manager knowing how most of his staff are all college students. the one thing he hates though? dealing with rude customers.

"i apologize, sir. our drinks are served in plastic cups as most of our customers dont finish their drink here, it's easier to take out in case you need to leave in a hurry." felix can feel the sweat start to form at his hairline, trickling slowly down his forehead as his cheeks twitch in a forced smile.

"well if i knew you served it in plastic cups, i never would have ordered!" the middle-aged man in front of him yells, eyebrows raised. students in the cafe have started to look over, trying hard to be discreet. some look annoyed, others clearly show how they feel sorry for felix.

felix tries his best to keep his smile, but he can feel anger and annoyance rise in him like hot water boiling deep in his gut.

"what the fuck is the difference??" he wants to scream, grab the stupid plastic cup from his stupid chubby fingers and throw it right in his stupid ugly face.

"im sorry sir, is there some kind of problem here?" a calm voice calls from behind the man, who turns around in surprise.

seungmin stands with his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his lips. he's dressed in nothing fancy, a university hoodie and some sweatpants. he's only supposed to catch up with felix as he busies himself around the cafe after all. his hair is tucked neatly in his cap, the perfect image of your average college student.

felix swears he's an angel sent from the heavens.

"this is none of your business, kid." the man snorts disgustingly, waving a chubby finger in seungmin's face.

"well, actually this is a public space and you're holding up the line. so yea, it kinda is my business. besides, you're on university grounds, i have every right to be here as a student." seungmin says coolly, taking a step towards the counter so he's able to somewhat position himself in between felix and this gross ugly man.

"listen, i'm a paying customer, so-"

"and the staff has the right to refuse service to anyone unless on the basis of race, religion, or ethnicity- isn't that right, felix?"

and its like suddenly felix has found his voice. he stands a little taller, leaning forward to get closer to the man's face. "that's right."

"and you're not refusing to serve this man because hes white or anything, right?" seungmin eggs him on, throwing the man a somewhat bored look.

"no. its because hes an asshole."

"hey-" the man steps forward, hands raised.

"well you heard him!" seungmin cuts the man off before he can continue, fully stepping in front of felix now. "if you dont leave within the next ten seconds, i'm calling security. they take peace and order on school grounds very seriously, you know?"

the man huffs, turning around and slamming the door behind him so hard that the little bell that jingles near the doorframe rattles wildly seconds after he's left.

"i dont know how you deal with assholes like that, felix. id probably lose my mind." seungmin sighs, throwing his friend a tight lipped smile.

"you kinda get used to it. but i've just been so tired this finals week that i dont even have the energy to stand up for myself anymore." felix shakes his head while he wipes the counter down.

seungmin nods understandingly, lunging for the man's untouched drink before felix can throw it. "this is paid, isn't it?"

"well, yes but-"

"alright, felix look. i have a problem." seungmin slides easily into one of the stools by the counter, taking a deep sip of the man's mystery drink.

felix nods in understanding, rearranging trays and cleaning up as much as he can.

"well actually, it's more of a favor? i dont know."

felix only hums, used to seungmin's rambling by now. seungmin's just like that, needs to talk to himself aloud a little before getting straight to the point.

"im actually screwed and there's no one else i can talk to because well, there's no more shame between us, yea? we've seen each other naked and ive seen you at your lowest low and youve been there for me and-"

"wow, this is pretty serious, huh?" felix jokes, pulling up a stool so he can sit in front of his friend.

"i think i'm gonna fail a class." seungmin spits out, holding his breath immediately after as he gauges his friend's reaction.

felix's smile slowly disappears. his mouth opens and closes like a fish as he tries to figure out what to say, in a state of total shock. this goes on for about five minutes before seungmin finally whines, head dropping to his hands.

"will you say something i can actually understand, felix?"

"i'm sorry i just- i dont understand. you're.... failing? you? kim seungmin? the kim seungmin?"

"wow you really know how to comfort a guy, huh?"

"i'm sorry!" felix jumps up to pull seungmin in for a half-hug, awkwardly wrapping his arms around seungmin's chest over the counter. "i just... how? why? what subject? are you sure?"

"yes, im sure. i missed a stupid submission. a major subject. look, thats not the worst part-"

"omigod you're dying. thats the only explanation-"

"no!" seungmin whines, pushing his friend off him. "the professor said he could give me extra credit-"

"but thats good news!"

"-if im able to convince... someone.... to split the task given to them with me."

"o...kay? just turn on your puppydog charm and you're good to go."

seungmin shakes his head, as if he's about to deliver such solemn news to felix that he has to pause for dramatic effect. felix rolls his eyes.

"it's... well the person is y/n."

felix stares at his friend with wide eyes, unblinking. then he tilts his head back and lets out the most obnoxious laugh, losing his breath as his neck turns a deep shade of red, the tint spreading across his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears.

"you're joking! oh this is just too- oh, i cant breathe, ITS KARMA!" he suddenly yells, fighting for his life to breathe in as much air as possible, wiping the tears from his eyes.

seungmin winces, but deep down he knows this reaction is deserved.

his relationship with you is... a little complicated.

you met seungmin in your freshman year of highschool. you'd just moved to seoul, the New Girl. as batch rep, he was tasked with showing you around on your first day, teaching you the ropes and making you feel welcomed.

"well yea, thats basically it!" seungmin finishes, pace slowing down as he directs you to the bench just opposite the school clinic. "do you have any questions for me?" he asks with a slight tilt of his head.

your eyes stay trained on the floor, as they have been the past 30 minutes that this strange boy has toured you around the school. you shake your head. seungmin doesnt fully understand it yet, but somewhere deep down, he feels bad for you. you seem like the shy type, and he knows how hard it is to adjust and make new friends. god knows how he would have survived middle school if it weren't for his friends.

"hey, what do you say you come meet my friends tomorrow during lunch break?" he suddenly asks. for the first time since his homeroom teacher introduced you, you look up at him.

he's taken aback by how pretty your eyes are.

"oh, really?" you ask timidly, voice small.

"i- i mean yea! we're in the same homeroom anyway, right? plus i think it'll help you adjust a little better if you had people you could talk to and hang out with." seungmin shrugs.

"yea. i'd really like that. thank you, seungmin." your voice is so low its almost like you're mumbling.

before you know it, you're spending your lunch breaks laughing along with felix as he embarrasses all of seungmin's friends one by one, wincing away from changbin as he threatens to lunge across the table to shut the younger boy up, hyunjin clinging dramatically onto his boyfriend's side instead of defending him.

you're spending your weekends at seungmin's house as chan makes you all listen to his new demo, han turning red in the face when his verse comes on. you're walking to school with jeongin- arms full of convenience store goodies as you make fun of your grumpy old maths teacher, leeknow following quietly behind you both, scolding you when you get too close to the road.

before you know it, you've found yourself a group of friends who makes highschool just that much bearable.

seungmin's completely enamored by you, coming to learn that you're at the top of every class that you have (except the ones you have with him, of course). you're just as ambitious as he is, joining the debate team and the mock un club, quickly joining the officers despite being a new student.

he's somewhat threatened by you, though he'd never admit it to himself, or to anyone else for that matter. you score higher than him in statistics, and he cant help the ugly feeling that settles in his chest when you show your paper to him, a bright blue 100 circled at the top.

he tries not to let it get to him, changing his mindset into seeing it as a healthy competition, a way for him to challenge himself even more in to doing better than you. it feeds his competitive side, staying longer than you in the library, sleeping later than you, reading more books.

this one sided competition makes him feel conflicted. he's out for your blood, and yet you're the same sweet, shy girl he's always been close to. you spend most of your time with seungmin, studying with him at his house, sleeping over when you've realized its way past ten in the evening, sneaking out of his house for a quick convenience store run.

"min, i'm hungry! lets go down to the store." you'd whine, voice slightly muffled against his soft sheets, tucked nice and warm under his blankets.

"go home, you've finished all the food here." he'd tease, not even bothering to look away from his homework.

"cant. you'd miss me after an hour." you'd retort, reaching blindly behind you for a plushie to throw at the back of his head.

"suppose that's true. can't help but be used to your presence when you're here nearly every day," he'd feign annoyance, exhaling loudly through his nose.

you'd pout at him when he'd finally turn in his chair to look over at you, already so at home, snuggling even deeper into his bed.

you really do have such pretty eyes.

"fine. grab your coat." and he'd try hard to fight his smile at the sound of your delighted squeals.

you found a way to break through his walls, chip away at the cement and reduce it to a fine dust which you've blown away. but he stands unguarded all the same, not even bothering to put up a fight when you wrestle your way into his heart.

he'd like to keep you there, he thinks.

sometimes he'd lie to himself and say that he tried. by your senior year, he managed to ruin the one good thing in his life.

how stupid was he?

amazing, really. how he was able to throw away three years of friendship for fifteen minutes of fame.

"how could you do this to me?" you hiss, dropping your backpack onto the floor of seungmin's bedroom. his back is faced towards you, gently shutting his door before he leans his forehead on it. he takes a deep breath, gathering enough courage to face you.

"y/n, i-"

"you embarrassed me in front of everyone. you told them everything, things i told you in confidence because i fucking trusted you. how could you do this to me, seungmin? how could you fucking do this to me?" your tears are hot, angry against your cheeks as you pace around his room. your voice grows louder with every word, reaching a scream when you stand in front of him.

"i wasn't thinking, y/n. i-"

"and for what? to make me look bad?" you laugh hollowly, hands flying to your hair in disbelief. "to make me look like some poor, fucking loser who's so mentally unstable she can't possibly become president of student council? was that your angle?"

there's a lump in seungmin's throat and no matter how hard he swallows, it just wont go down. he opens his mouth to speak, to defend himself, but his mouth has gone dry and his tongue tastes like sand.

"what the fuck is wrong with you? i thought we were friends? i thought we were best friends, seungmin? how could you air out all my shit like that? for a couple of votes? do you know how pathetic you are? is that how bad you want to be president? you're willing to throw me under the bus to make yourself look good?" you can taste the salty tears pooling in your mouth, snot slowly dripping down and creating a sticky mess on your face.

but you're too angry to care.

your chest hurts, like someone's kicked you to the ground and continuously stomped right in between your ribcage in an attempt to squash your heart. your head hurts from dehydration, and your neck is starting to feel sticky from the sweat that's pooled at the collar of your uniform.

"was this your master plan? you found out i was running against you so you sucked up to me, kept me close so you could get all the dirt? you fucking traitor, i cant believe i actually trusted you." your throat has gone raw from all the yelling, can feel the way your voice starts to come out hoarse.

"y/n, please. i'm so sorry i dont know what i was thinking. i just... when they asked me why they should vote for me my mind blanked and i-" he tries to get everything out as fast as he can, terrified you'll cut him off and start yelling again. but he can't continue because, holy shit, even he doesn't know why the fuck he did what he did.

"and you what? made me look fucking stupid so you rambled on for fifteen minutes about how much of a horrible person i am. god, if thats what you thought of me you shouldve let me know, seungmin! i couldve walked out of your life if i made you that miserable." you're starting to heave, all the air in the room suddenly disappearing.

"no, dont say that y/n. you're the best thing about me, you're my best fr-"

seungmin feels dizzy when your palm lands on his right cheek.

you cant stop sobbing, hands clutching at your chest as you shake your head. "fuck you," you whisper.

seungmin is stunned, frozen in the middle of his room with his mouth slightly open. he says nothing, does nothing as he watches you bend down weakly to grab your bag, sobbing through the motions of slinging it over your shoulders.

but then the panic starts to kick in when you push past him, your fingers reaching for his doorknob. his instincts kick in and hes wrapping his hand around your wrist.

"please don't go, please let's talk about this." his voice cracks. when did he start crying?"

you pause, and for a moment seungmin can feel the weight on his shoulder lift, all hope is not lost.

"its good to know where your priorities lie, seungmin. now i know you'll do anything to get ahead. even if that means hurting me." you tried to sound strong, but your voice comes out broken, a whimper.

"dont speak to me ever again."

you pull your hand away from him.

the weight on his shoulders is suddenly crushing.

and when he gave his acceptance speech in front of the entire student body, he frantically searched for your face. his heart dropped when his eyes locked with yours. eyes that once looked at him with so much warmth, care, and love- stared soullessly back at him.

he knew he fucked up the best thing in his life.

by the time you reach felix's cafe, hyunjin's whining had started to get on your nerves.

"i didn't ask you to carry it," you remind him, reaching for the strap.

he turns his body away from you, clutching your tote tighter against his side. "as if i'd let you carry this!"

yes, he was a gentleman. but a dramatic ass one.

"id honestly rather carry my bag than have to listen to you whine about how heavy it is."

"but it is so heavy! what the fuck did you put in here, rocks?"

you only roll your eyes, pushing open the glass door to the establishment. the tiny bell above the doorframe rings, announcing your arrival to the blonde boy behind the counter.

"oh my god, its soobin." you whisper under your breath, elbowing hyunjin in the ribs. he only looks at you puzzled, an eyebrow raised.

"he's so cute, ohmygod." you roll your eyes, quickly checking your blurry reflection on the glass door.

"not my type," hyunjin shrugs. you ignore him, walking straight to the counter.

"oh, hey soob!" you greet him, quickly shushing hyunjin when he starts to mock your airy tone. "is felix here?" you smile sweetly, trying to tame your hair from the mess caused by the strong winds outside.

"oh yea, he's over there in the booth by the window. he's not alone though," he says, wiping down the counter after spilling a few shaves of ice.

"oh, who's he with?" you ask, already making your way down the counter.

"dunno, the dude looks kinda stressed, to be honest." he shrugs, turning away from you when the bell lets him know he's got another customer to serve.

he's with a guy? he's not on a date is he? no- he wouldve told you. besides, he wouldnt have led hyunjin on either.

hyunjin follows behind you as you make your way towards the booth, heaving dramatically as he swings your tote bag off his shoulders. he crouches behind you, snickering to himself as you both slowly walk to the table, strands of felix's hair peeking out from the opposite bench.

"surprise!" hyunjin jumps from behind you, smile swiftly morphing into a face of shock, his mouth forming a small 'o'.

"holy shit, hyune! what are you doing here?"

your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. that voice-

"s-seungmin, i didnt know you were with felix."

you freeze, jaw dropped as seungmin stands. he clearly hasn't seen you yet, back facing you as he pulls hyunjin in for a hug, squeezing him tightly.

"i thought you were in paris?" felix squeals, sliding out of the booth and joining the three for a big bear hug. he's the one who finally notices you a few feet away, his smile dropping.

"y/n." he breathes, eyes wide.

when seungmin turns around, its almost as if in its slow motion.

he looks almost exactly the same, his hair a little longer, shaggier. his eyes look more tired, little bags under his eyes give away the sleepless nights he's become familiar with. his cheeks slowly turn a light pink, dusting across his nose all the way to the tip of his ears. he's dressed the way you remember him, loose comfy clothes.

he looks good, you think. you shake the thought away.

"oh, y/n." seungmin's voice is small as he locks eyes with you.

fuck, your eyes.

his first time seeing you in three years and he hates how you manage to steal his breath away. you've changed your hair, cut it a little shorter and dyed it lighter. you've pierced your ears, little sunflower earrings peaking from beneath your hair. you look so much more mature, your style has definitely changed.

but your eyes, they shine just as bright as he remembers. good to know his memory hasnt failed him yet.

"i didn't know you were coming, y/n." felix shoots you an apologetic glance, lips pursed and eyes wide.

"but i always come visit you on thursdays." you say flatly.

"yea but-"

"awh look! it's been a while since we've all seen each other, huh?" hyunjin cuts in, trying desperately to ease the tension. seungmin stays standing still, gawking stupidly at you. you try your best to pretend like you cant feel his gaze.

"yea, some of us made that decision on purpose." you mutter under your breath, but you don't miss the way seungmin's eye twitch.

felix smiles, lacing his hand with hyunjin's. "it's really been too long," he whispers, as if only meant for his lover.

"i'd really love if we could all spend some time together." hyunjin's eyes find yours, wide and pleading. "please?"

you offer him a tight lipped smile.

its already so awkward, the way felix and hyunjin slide naturally into the booth, beginning to chatter away. it leaves you and seungmin standing, stubbornly avoiding eye contact.

"do you- do you want to sit near the window, or?" seungmin's voice is small, eyes glued to the floor.

you shrug.

he nods, climbing in anyway. you take a deep breath before you move, reluctantly climbing onto the booth after him. you leave a considerable amount of space between the two of you, and seungmin can't help but roll his eyes.

it's been nearly three years, he thinks. how are you still holding a grudge against him? he clears his throat, about to start some small talk, but something stops him. maybe its the way you deliberately angle your body away from him, or the way you pull your phone out to scroll aimlessly, almost as if you were anticipating his move.

"so, how was paris?" seungmin asks hyunjin instead, shifting his body away from you. fine, be like that. at least hes not immature enough to make things awkward on purpose.

"oh, it was so romantic!" hyunjin exclaims, throwing his arm over felix's shoulder and resting it on the back of their booth. "it was a little depressing, actually. being in such a beautiful place all alone."

"well yea, but it was worth it right? who wouldve thought your one true love was right here all along." you tease, wiggling your eyebrows up and down.

"yea so is yours!" hyunjin teases you back. you only stick your tongue out.

beside you, seungmin tenses. surely, hyunjin isnt implying that he could be your true love, could he? the thought makes chest ache, an odd yearning to move closer to you, to let his fingers "accidentally" brush against yours-

"oh, soobin!" felix giggles, catching on.

seungmin's always hated that guy. from the moment he met soobin thirty minutes ago, he knew something was off. you can't date soobin, he wouldnt know how to take care of you. with his stupid blonde hair, his stupid bunny smile, his stupidly large eyes.

he bets soobin doesnt even know what your favorite type of ramen is, what your go-to snacks are, what your favorite flavor of ice cream is. important things that a lover should know.

things he knows.

oh, where'd that thought come from?

"shut up, you guys!" you hiss, checking to see if soobin is within earshot. you frown at felix, swatting across the table at his chest.

"what do you mean? you guys would look so cute together." hyunjin argues, quickly turning to catch a glimpse of soobin. you hide your face in your hands, profusely shaking your head as you sink deeper into the booth.

seungmin cant help the feeling of jealousy that bubbles deep in his gut. hes half scared hes going to projectile vomit all over the table when you straighten yourself out, sneaking a peek at the blonde boy who busies himself with creating a customer's drink.

"im probably not his type." you mumble.

"you're not." seungmin's shocked at the word that's slipped, hand quickly coming up to cover his mouth in shock.

all eyes are on him, and he can see the way you look at him, with your empty eyes staring right at his face. he hates it when you look at him like that, misses the way your eyes used to shine just for him.

"actually you know what, im getting kinda tired, i think im gonna go home instead." you blurt out, already reaching for your bag.

hyunjin's hand finds yours on the table, and he squeezes gently. "really?"

you swiftly pull your hand away. "yes. really."

"you know what, it doesnt matter. i actually made a reservation for us lixie. wasn't planning on staying long anyways. just wanted to surprise you." hyunjin sings sweetly, brushing away a stand of hair that had fallen on felix's cheek.

"yea, i think i'm gonna head home too." seungmin clears his throat.

just then, the sound of thunder roars outside, clouds a dark grey as they hang low.

fuck. just when you decided not to bring an umbrella.

"yea, i think we better get going. dont wanna get caught in the rain." felix sighs, gathering his stuff and offering hyunjin his hand.

"dont you have spare umbrellas here, lix? maybe we could borrow them. you know, just in case." as if on cue, the rain starts to come down heavily, droplets splattering against the window.

"yea, but there's only two." felix mutters, quickly slipping behind the counter to grab two black umbrellas leaning against the wall. "hyunjin and i can share, and maybe you and y/n-"

"i'm fine." you say stubbornly, arms crossed in front of your chest.

you'd rather die than spend two seconds alone with kim seungmin.

"oh dont say that, you'll get drenched and catch a cold." hyunjin sighs, grabbing one of the umbrellas from felix's hand and offering it to you.

"i'd actually prefer that, thanks." you snap, swatting his hand away.

hyunjin opens his mouth to berate you, but seungmin quickly steps in, reaching for the umbrella. "i'll handle this guys, you go enjoy your dinner."

you fume at that. 'oh he'll handle it? who the fuck does this guy think he is?'

you roll your eyes, pushing past your friends and heading for the door. you stand under the roof, crossing your arms in front of your chest as a cold chill blows past you. hyunjin and felix soon exit as well, wrapped tightly in their coats, hands entwined.

hyunjin steps towards you, pulling you in for a hug despite your protests. "be nice," he whispers, before planting a kiss on your cheek. you make a move to wipe it away, but hesitate when you see hyunjin pout.

"have a nice date." you mumble, watching as the pair huddles close under the umbrella, making their way to felix's car.

you hear the door open, and you hold your breath.

"let me walk you home." seungmin offers, his tone stern. this only ticks you off, wanting nothing more than to defy him despite his offer being in your best interest. your apartment is a good walk away, and the papers in your tote bag risk the chance of getting wet.

"i mean you- you live near my building, right?" he pleads, clicking his umbrella open. he waits patiently for you to respond, standing awkwardly by the sidewalk as you fight with your pride.

you nod, and thats all seungmin needs. he's by your side in an instant, holding the umbrella nearer to your side to ensure that not even an inch of you gets wet from the rain. his left side is already completely soaked, cringing at the feel of his cold hoodie sticking to his skin, but he ignores it. you set a fast pace, and his heart hurts at the though that it's probably because you can't stand to spend more time with him than you need to.

he notices you wince from the weight of your bag, taking a deep breath as you readjust the strap from falling off your shoulder.

"let me carry it," he's being bold, already reaching for the damn thing before you can say anything.

"i dont need any more favors." you snap, the first words you've directly said to him in nearly three years. he's glad you've at least acknowledged his existence now, but your words are sharp.

he lets it go, humming to let you know that he heard you. your pace quickens just a bit, eager to get home, out of the rain, and away from seungmin. your tote swings from the movement, getting caught on a nearby bush and very nearly pulling you back.

you lose your balance and slip, falling flat on your butt on the wet pavement. you try to brake your fall, scratching your palms in the process.

"oh my god, are you okay?" seungmin rushes down, still holding the umbrella over your head. he offers his hand to help you up, but you swat it away.

"i'm fine, alright? god, stop hovering!" you yell, pushing down on your scratched palms to help yourself up. you wince at the pain, brushing off tiny pebbles and bits of gravel from your open wound.

"y/n, you're bleeding." seungmin gawks, hand reaching out to touch yours. you quickly yank it out of his reach, almost as if you were hiding your palm from him.

"yea, thanks for the info." you mumble, trying your best to wipe away the mud that's splattered all over your jeans. seungmin moves quickly while you're preoccupied, crouching down to grab at your tote bag. he ignores your whines of protest, slinging it over his shoulder.

you let out a groan when he refuses to hand it back to you. "fine, whatever. suffer." you grumble, crossing your arms before walking away. seungmin quickly catches up to you, shielding you from the rain.

the walk home is painfully quiet. you're hyperaware of every movement he makes, every time he inhales, the way he clears his throat, as if he's about to say something before he changes his mind. all these emotions swirl angirly inside of you, most of them you cant even begin to comprehend.

because for some reason, you miss him. and it hits you like a truck when the sleeve of his hoodie grazes your elbow, the soft cloth reaching for you. it takes everything in you not to break down and grab for him, to hold him close and strangle him, to wrap your arms around him and hug him so tight he loses breath and dies of suffocation.

he smells the same, like the seungmin you remember who used to walk you home after band practice. the seungmin who held your hand in secret as you walked through the haunted house that one halloween. the seungmin who'd sing to you, alone in his room with his guitar on his lap.

your seungmin.

how could this stranger beside you be your seungmin?

how is it possible that the very same person who knows your deepest darkest secrets, your most embarrassing moments, your dreams and fears- is someone who doesn't know you at all?

seungmin stands stiff beside you as you reach the lobby of your apartment, shaking the little droplets of rain off the umbrella. he opens the door for you, urging you to enter before him.

"i'll have my bag back now, thanks." you say in monotone, eyes not even meeting his.

"let me carry it up." a bold request.

"i'm fine now, you know? im not some damsel in distress in need of saving." you mumble, standing your ground.

seungmin ignores you, already walking towards the elevator. he leaves it on hold, waiting a few seconds before you enter as well, grumbling under your breath.

once you reach your floor, you lead the way to your room, with seungmin trailing slowly behind you. he's shivering a little from the cold, the wet of his jacket only making the draft on the floor feel like ice against his skin. you notice, the little devil on your shoulder pleased at his suffering.

but there's another side of you that softens when you notice the way his teeth chatter, a shudder going down his whole body. god, you're gonna regret even opening your mouth-

"you can come in to warm up a little." you mumble, reaching into your coat pocket to fetch your keys.

seungmin merely blinks at you, unsure if he heard you correctly, or if his imagination was so strong that he managed to picture you saying the thing he so desperately wanted to hear.

but then you walk in, and you leave your door open. for him.

"oh, thanks." seungmin mutters awkwardly, reaching for the cup of tea you offer him. the warmth spreads from his fingertips to his palms, and he's genuinely grateful for the heat it provides. you only hum, grabbing your tote bag from the floor and setting it on the couch.

you pour yourself a cup, sitting directly opposite of the strange boy in your apartment. you blow away some of the steam that rises from the cup, eyes trained on the way the liquid ripples from the force of your breath.

seungmin opens his mouth to speak, but he cant seem to find the words to say what he wants to say. i'm sorry? no thats too lame. i miss you? fuck no, way too forward. how about-

"you're shivering." you point out, staring directly into seungmin's eyes.

his breath hitches. you're looking at him.

actually looking at him.

"oh, i- i didn't even notice." he lies. despite the fact that you turned your heater on, he's fucking freezing. his hoodie is heavy with rain and damp against his skin, sending shivers all the way up his arm and down his spine.

suddenly you stand, retreating into your room without a word. seungmin's confused, unsure if that's his cue that he's overstayed his welcome. but then you come back into the kitchen after a few seconds, holding a large blue hoodie in your arms.

his heart clenches when you unfurl it, revealing the old hoodie he'd given you a month before your graduation. he didnt even know you got it in the mail when he sent it. you werent even talking to him at that point. does that mean you'd gotten his letter too?

"well, i didnt wanna get rid of it, you know? would be a waste." you mumble. you toss it over to him, the cloth landing on his lap with a soft thud. he looks stupidly down at it, brain malfunctioning.

"you should change out of your sweater. you're wet. dripping all over my floor." you grumble, snatching seungmin's empty cup and setting it down on the counter behind him.

"you kept it?" seungmin whispers.

"like i said. didnt want it-"

"you kept it." seungmin turns to look at you.

his deep brown eyes are hopeful, crease in his brows giving away the myriad of emotions swirling deep in his stomach.

you stay silent, back turned towards him. you can feel the tears that pool behind your eyelids, threatening to fall as you hold yourself over the sink, turning your head completely away from seungmin. you hear the sound of fabric rustling, and your cheeks warm at the thought of him undressing in the middle of your kitchen.

the sound of wood scratching against your kitchen tiles is loud, the abruptness of seungmin standing up nearly sending the chair backwards.

"smells like you." he whispers. he cant trust his voice.

he takes a step towards you, your back still towards him.

"i think its time for you to go." you hiccup, a steady stream of tears flowing down your cheeks.

"look at me." seungmin begs, taking another step.

"you should go now, seungmin."

"look me in the eye when you tell me. then i will."

he's getting bold, standing right behind you, his chest pressing the back of your head. you whirl around, ready to yell at him, to scream at him, to slap him, to furl your hands into fists and beat against his chest.

but he's quicker, wrapping both his arms around your shoulders and pressing you close to him, tucking your head under his chin. he holds you like this for so long you figure its been hours. you stain the front of his chest with your tears, hands weakly wrapping around him, fingers curling into the fabric.

he still feels like seungmin.

your seungmin.

"you kept it. you got my letter too, didn't you sweetheart?" he whispers, as if afraid raising his voice would ruin the spell.

you sob violently against his chest, holding him tighter against you.

"i meant every single word," he squeezes you tightly, "i'm so sorry."

"you're an asshole, kim seungmin." you sob, shaking your head.

"i know, i know. i'm so sorry." he shushes you, smoothing down your hair, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head.

"do you know how much it hurts?" you sob, pulling away from him. "i see you almost everyday. you have the face of someone who knows every single thing about me, but you're a complete stranger to me." you sob into your hands, pouring your heart out to him.

"i know," he sniffles, wiping away the snot under your nose with his free hand.

"no, you dont. stop fucking saying that." you pull your face away from him, pushing his hand down. "you were my best friend and you- now its like i dont know you and-" you're hiccuping, heaving, out of breath as you break down.

"i'm sorry, sweetheart, okay? i'm so so sorry. i was so stupid,"

"well yea!" you yell, falling into him when he opens his arms up to you.

he chuckles dryly at that, holding you tightly against him, as if terrified you'd change your mind and kick him out of your home. and he cant bear to see it, the way you look up at him with tears in your eyes, bloodshot red and full of resentment. he wants to fix it so bad, misses the way you'd hold softness in your eyes reserved especially for him.

"i'll make it right," he promises, nuzzling his cheek against the top of your head. "i'll prove it to you, okay? i promise."

you sniffle, shaking your head. "i- i dont know,"

"hey, look at me." seungmin pulls you away from him, bending slightly so you're eye to eye. "i promise, i'll do everything i can to gain back your trust. i just miss you so much, y/n. i- i really fucked up and to this day it remains my greatest regret."

you stay quiet, eyes flickering between either of his. "even more than when you shaved your head that one summer?" you joke weakly.

seungmin can feel his heart pounding at the sight of your small smile. he thinks he sees your eyes twinkle. "yes, sweetheart. even more than that. i just... please. give me another chance. give me a chance to make it right with you, y/n."

you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. seungmin's steadily crying, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand as he looks at you, expectantly. you stay quiet for so long seungmin can hear the blood rushing all the way to his head, going dizzy with anticipation and fear.

"you'll have to buy me lots of gummies, you know?" you mumble, looking up at him.

fuck. he'd buy you all the gummies in the world if it meant you'd keep looking at him with those eyes.

the words on your screen have started to blur altogether, vision hazy as you mindlessly scroll through the hundreds of pages of readings and notes youve been reviewing for the past...... god, was there even a time you weren't studying? even the music playing through your headphones have lost its appeal, sounding more and more like radio static.

you jolt out of your trance at the sound of books slamming against the surface of your table, which shakes under the weight. you quickly pull your headphones off and look up at the intruder, who smiles sheepishly at you.

"sorry, did i wake you?" seungmin asks, pulling up a chair beside you.

"no, you saved me." you groan, stretching your whole body until your limbs start to vibrate.

seungmin only laughs, sinking deep into his chair. he takes his cap off and runs his fingers through his hair. he scoots a little closer to you, then bends the other way to retrieve a little brown paper bag.

"i brought you breakfast." he says, rolling his eyes at the way you pout at him.

"seungmin, you didnt!" you gasp, receiving the tall cup of iced coffee with eager hands.

"i did this for myself, actually." he claims, pulling out some warm bread to share with you. "dont want you grumpy all morning. what time did you come in? you look like shit. no offense."

you shrug, taking a long sip of the cold drink.

"wait, weren't you wearing that last night when i left? y/n.. dont- oh my god, dont tell me you spent the whole night here?"

you stare blankly back at him. "our final exam is in three days."

"do you plan on staying awake until then?" seungmin bites sarcastically, and you kick his chair.

"i have to atleast get a 97 on his exam or else i wont finish his class with high honors." you whine, running your fingers through your hair in frustration.

you're so much like him, seungmin thinks. he, too, is familiar with sacrificing his happiness for a perfect grade. except now he has to work just as hard as you just to pass. the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"you have to get some sleep or you wont finish his class at all." he threatens, staring down at you.

you only frown, but you dont need that much convincing, as you're already closing your laptop shut, scooting your chair just that much closer to seungmin's so your arm grazes his.

"wake me up in thirty minutes." you grumble, linking your arm with his and resting your head on his shoulder. he raises it a little to grant you comfort, unbothered by the fact that his arm will inevitably start to tense and ache.

"sweet dreams," he hums, discreetly kissing the top of your head as he pretends to look at the empty chair next to you.

ten minutes pass, and you're already snoring. your fair falls in a mess in front of your face, and seungmin has to hold back from sweeping your hair away in fear that he'd accidentally wake you up. he cant help but feel his chest swell at the feeling of you leaning on him, he feels like a highschooler high with giddiness, trying hard not to vibrate in his seat.

screw the readings, he can barely keep you out of his head. this past month has been an absolute dream to him, spending every waking moment by your side. treating you to almost every single meal, keeping you company as you run your errands, crashing at yours to study and just goof around.

this is how he remembers you- full of life, playful, just a little mischievous. so positively alluring that seungmin feels himself falling in love with you. it hit him like a brick that night you passed out with papers strewn across your bed, your limbs tangling with his. he didnt sleep a wink that night, too busy studying your face. you looked so peaceful, he remembers, burying your face in the crook of his neck and holding him tightly in your sleep.

he looks down at you now, cant stop the smile from spreading across his face. he'll let you sleep for a little longer, he decides. he doesnt care if you get upset with him (you will), you deserve the rest. seungmin's about to finally clear his head of you and actually get some studying done when he locks eyes with a tall blonde from across the room.

god, of all the people.

"oh, hey! seungmin, right? felix's friend?" soobin says in a low voice as he approaches the table.

"yea, soobin right?" stupid fucking name.

"yea. hey- is that y/n?" he nods towards your sleeping figure.

ew. stop looking at her. "oh, yea. she passed out."

"damn, she's really studious, huh? ran into her late last night when she was here all alone." soobin sighs, frowning at you.

seungmin wants to puke at the thought of you spending time alone with soobin. he wants to ask him so many questions like- how long did you talk to her for? what did you guys talk about? how much can i pay you to leave her alone?

"yea, shes hardworking. i admire her for that." seungmin smiles fondly.

"oh... wait- are.. are you guys, like, a thing? or something?" soobin takes a step back and seungmin's breath hitches in his throat.

"cuz if you guys are, i can totally back off, you know?"

seungmin stays silent, weighing his options. he could lie and say you guys were dating, but if you found out, you'd probably hate him and ignore him for the rest of his life and he'd rather die than let that happen. on the other hand, if he tells the truth, soobin would obviously try to pursure you. and he knows you have a little crush on him too.

seungmin bites his lower lip, then shakes his head. "nah, we're just friends." seungmin can feel some bile rise in his throat. not for long, he thinks cockily.

"oh, cool cool. uhm, if you could do me a favor, man? just... i dunno ask her to go to the cafe again this week? maybe i'll work up the courage to ask her out or something." soobin chuckles, cheeks turning a deep red.

seungmin can only nod. finally soobin offers him a small smile and leaves. there's a heavy feeling in seungmin's stomach, almost as if he'd been punched in the gut. he cant even begin to imagine you dating someone else, in fear that he'd just break down right then and there.

its kinda pathetic, really. you're not even his yet and he's already thinking of all the ways he can get soobin to leave you alone. he wants to print a large sign that says "do not approach, angry guard dog will bite" over your head, just to keep everyone else away from you.

god, since when was he this possessive?

he spends the next forty minutes thinking of ways to get you to be his. and when you finally stir awake, the first thing that seungmin says is-

"we should stop going to felix's cafe."

obviously, you dont listen.

you go to felix's cafe anyways, except you're always alone. seungmin doesn't need to know where you go every thursday afternoon while he's in class, anyways. he never told you why he wanted you to stop coming here, but you have a hunch. a tall, blonde, stupidly handsome hunch.

"y/n!" soobin greets you warmly, leaning over the counter to get a better look at your face.

"hey, soob." your cheeks warm.

you know that nothing is going on between you and seungmin, but you can't help but feel guilty doing exactly the opposite of what he asked of you. but something's shifted the past few days you've been spending with seungmin, almost as if you're seeing each other in this new light. you push this thought to the back of your head like you always do, telling soobin your order and waiting for felix at your booth.

by the time soobin brings the food to you, your phone rings.

fuck. its seungmin.

"hello?"

"hey, my classes ended a little early today. where are you?"

"oh, uhm im-"

oh my god lie faster.

"yea?" you can hear him huffing, obviously walking around campus, probably looking for you.

"at the library." you spit, looking outside the window, frozen with paranoia. lying to him feels so so wrong.

"its wednesday, y/n. library's closed."

oh my fucking god, lie better.

"i went to meet felix." you finally admit, shrinking into your seat.

you hear seungmin sigh. "is he out already?"

"no," you mumble.

"so you're alone?"

you hum.

"im on my way."

he hangs up, and you let out a sigh.

finally, felix barges out from the kitchens and quickly clocks out, throwing his apron over his head and hanging it on the hook by the door. he smiles when he sees you, nearly leaping over the counter to get to you.

"hello, my dear y/n." felix hums, kissing you quickly on the cheek and settling on the booth opposite from you.

"hello, my dear lixie." you hum, pushing a plate of waffles in front of him. "for you, your usual."

felix groans with hunger, fixing his plate with a heavy load of syrup and a huge dollop of butter. "so, how are things? any important new updates this week?"

you shrug, taking a sip of your iced coffee. "nothing new, really..... except, i guess...."

felix hums, urging you to continue.

you let out a deep breath, shaking your head. "i think... i think something's going on between seungmin and i."

you bite the inside of your cheek at felix's reaction, mouth agape as he stares blankly at you. it takes him a moment to process before he finally swallows the food in his mouth and he lets out an evil giggle. "oh, this is... oh, hyunjin owes me so much money!"

"you prick!" you gasp, swatting at felix's arm. "you guys bet on us?"

"well, i mean, come on! it was sooo obvious, i mean, it was only a matter of time, you know?" felix shrugs, cutting up another piece of his waffle.

"no, i do not know!" you squeal, piercing the piece with your fork and stuffing it into your mouth, ignoring your friend's whines of protest. "you guys thought seungmin and i would end up together?"

"well yea, everyone with eyes thought so! come on, y/n. he's looked at you like a lovesick puppy since highschool." felix rolls his eyes. "you guys were always together, and he knew you better than all of us combined. not to mention how lifeless you both were the two years you werent talking. i mean seriously, it was like hanging out with a couple of zombies."

your cheeks warm. "but- im still not even sure of how he feels about me."

"wow. love does make you oblivious as fuck, or whatever they say." felix shakes his head, chugging down his vanilla milkshake before he suddenly remembers something.

"does that mean you're gonna let him help you grade the papers for extra credit?"

you freeze. "what?"

"yea, seungmin said he needs to convince you or else he'd fail, or something. you guys talked about it already, or?"

your breath falters, and your brows furrow. "seungmin's failing a class?"

felix swallows. he cant shake off the feeling that he said something he shouldnt have. but he could never keep a secret from you.

"well- yes. his prof said he needed to convince you to help him get extra credit."

"wait, when was this?" you ask, voice stern.

oh, felix is soooo in deep shit. "uhm, like the day you guys started talking again."

your heart drops to your ass. surely, thats not the whole reason why he was so desperate to talk to you again, right? but you cant shake away the feeling, remembering back to highschool when he'd done almost the exact same thing.

but he promised. he promised it'd be different this time, right?

"seungmin told you that he needed to convince me to let him grade some papers?" you clarify.

"yea."

"and what did you say?"

"i uhm- i told him to like, turn on his charm or something along those lines."

you scoff in disbelief.

felix is going to hell. "but, that was my advice before i knew it was you! i just... i know seungmin needed some help and he'd do anything to get a good grade so i figured he was extra desperate because he was borderline failing and i was just so shocked and-"

"felix, just stop talking." you mumble, leaning back against the booth.

felix only nods, wringing his hands in nervousness. he opens his mouth to speak, but you shoot him a glare. he falls silent again, nervously gnawing on his bottom lip.

your mind's racing, going 100 miles an hour as you go through every moment youve had with seungmin this past month. obviously, this favor is not the only reason he tried hard to convince you to talk to him again, right?

but theres a small voice inside of you, the one who remembers the harsh pain seungmin caused that's screaming, telling you to cut him off, shut him out before he can hurt you all over again.

by the time seungmin pulls open the glass door, you've made up your mind.

"he-"

"this is the last time i let you break my heart, kim seungmin." you say firmly, brushing past him.

seungmin can only stand, frozen. his heart drops to his stomach, head going fuzzy as his gaze lands on felix. he opens his mouth to say something, but he cant find the words.

"what did you say?" seungmin asks.

"im sorry, i didnt know, i thought-"

seungmin's rushing out, throwing the door wide open as he runs out into the street. he can feel his heart pumping as he pushes through crowds of people, racing towards you. he can hear his blood rushing, catching sight of your yellow sundress as you're pushing open your apartment building. seungmin's never been a runner, hell, he nearly failed PE in highschool when he was forced to run laps a whole semester. but right now? he feels like the fucking flash.

he yells for you, ignoring the stitch in his side as he manages to somewhat catch up to you. by the time he throws open the heavy metal door to your apartment complex, the elevator doors are closing, your eyes locking with his.

"fuck." seungmin heaves, bending down to rest his hands on his knees. he needs to reach you before you lock him out of your room. he knows how stubborn you can be, you could probably ignore his pleas and incessant knocking for days if you had to.

seungmin gags, shaking his limbs before he bolts up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, pushing his legs to work faster. the backpack on his shoulders is heavy but he could care less. he cant risk losing you again.

sweat flows freely from his forehead by the time he reaches your floor, and by some miracle, he catches you walking down the hall.

"y/n!" he heaves, sliding his bag off his shoulders and leaving it right there in the hall. "please-"

"go away, seungmin." your voice cracks, digging for your keys in your bag.

he shakes his head, jogging up to you before you can close the door in his face. he sticks his shoe in the closing gap, groaning when it gets stuck between your door and the frame.

"what the fuck?" you yell, backing up as seungmin forces his way into your apartment, closing the door behind him.

"no you- you have to hear me out." he's panting, vision going blurry. jesus christ, he was out of shape.

"you want to talk about it?" you challenge, shrugging your coat off and throwing it on the floor.

"yes." he heaves, leaning against the wall.

"okay, lets talk about it. is it true that you wanted to convince me to help you get extra credit?" your hands are crossed in front of you. seungmin's admittedly a little scared.

"yes, but-"

"but what? i wasnt supposed to find out?"

"no! that was before-"

"before what?" you take a step closer, crowding him in.

"before i realized i was in love with you!" seungmin yells, hiding his face in his hands.

you're silent, expression stoic. "you're sick." you whisper, unsure of yourself. your heart is racing, and you take a step back. "dont... dont say that."

"but its the truth!" seungmin's desperate know, tears welling in his eyes. it wasnt supposed to happen like this. he was supposed to take you out, confess his feelings for you properly, but now its all ruined and rushed and- oh, when he gets his hands on lee felix-

"the truth?" you scoff, shaking your head at him. "how am i supposed to believe you? with everything that... that's happened?"

"you're going to have to trust me." seungmin steps forward, hesitant. he can see the doubt in your eyes and it makes him sick. he'd run up 10 flights of stairs if it meant you'd never look at him like that again.

"trust me when i say that i was a fucking fool in highschool for hurting you, and i spend every day thinking about how if i could, i would go back in time to change everything." he takes another step forward, backing you against the door to your bedroom.

"that i wasted two and a half years of my life by not spending them with you, knowing that you were so near me, that i could easily walk up to you but i was too embarrassed, too scared you'd shut me out." seungmin's baring his soul out, but its too late to stop.

"that i thought about you every single day, thought about what could have been if i wasnt so stupid. that ive spent the last few months doing everything i can to prove to you that i would never ever hurt you like that ever again. but with you im just so stupid, i feel like im always doing the wrong things because youre all up in my head taking up all the space and i fucking love that i cant think about anything but you."

you can only stare up at him. you can see the way his gaze flickers away from you, too nervous to maintain eye contact. he reaches out to you, fingers hesitantly brushing against the back of your hand. testing. you pull away from his touch to wipe away the tear that's managed to slip away, clearing your throat. he tilts his head, hands settling firmly on your waist.

"i love you, y/n. please, you have to believe me."

he's waiting for you to say something, anything. he's never poured his heart out like that before, the silence eating away at him as he slowly spirals, overthinking every word he's said.

but then you relax in his hold, pressing your chest subtly against his. and he knows there's hope.

"are you really failing a class?" you whisper, and seungmin can only laugh.

"that's your concern?" he leans down, dragging the tip of his nose against your cheek. he inhales deeply, nuzzling against you.

"well, yes." you gently push him away by the shoulder, looking up at him. "i cant have my boyfriend failing any of his classes."

seungmin smiles, absolutely melting when you wrap your arms around his neck. "oh yea? does that mean you'll let me in on the extra credit?"

"you are on thin, thin ice, seungmin." you warn, reaching up to finally press your lips against his. seungmin absolutely melts, letting out a low groan at your taste. one hand on your waist, seungmin leans into you, reaching behind you to open your bedroom door. you gasp when you lose balance, recovering quickly when seungmin walks you backwards, never once pulling away from you until the back of your knees hit your bed.

you let out a squeal when you fall back, seungmin expertly finding his way in between your legs. "tell me you want me," seungmin commands in between kisses, hands roaming up and down your sides.

"i do. i want you." you breathe, pushing off seungmin's jacket.

"yea?" seungmin hums, pulling back to bunch up your dress until it sits just below your ribcage. he leans back, simply staring down at you with stars in his eyes.

"stop staring at me." you mumble shyly, turning your head to the side.

"dont want to," seungmin hums, quickly throwing his shirt off into a random corner of your room. "ill look at my girl as long as i like." he leans down, capturing your lips with his.

"your girl, hmm?" you hum, smiling as he kisses his way up your stomach, fingers gripping onto the hem of your dress. your breath hitches when his fingers brush against your under boob. he smiles against your skin, looking up at you.

"aren't- arent you going to take my dress off?" you whisper into the air, and seungmin stops his teasing kisses against your hip.

"well, i was going to but then.." he kisses over the fabric, planting a wet kiss in between your breasts before latching onto your neck for a playful bite. "then i thought about how i want to fuck you in it and then take you out to dinner after."

your cheeks grow red, lightly slapping his arm at his vulgarity. "doesnt that sound better, baby?" seungmin hums, playing with the hem of your underwear.

your breath goes shaky as seungmin continues to toy with you, pads of his fingers lightly pressing against your clit from over your underwear, providing the littlest bit of friction, but enough to drive you crazy.

"seungmin, please-"

"please, what?" he teases, hips pressing into your thigh. you can feel him through his sweats, hard and aching against you. he begins to grind against you, gentle enough to tease you and get him off at the same time.

"need you to touch me." you huff, frustrated.

"i am, baby." seungmin chuckles, pads of his fingers pressing against you firmly, trailing down until he teases your entrance, soiling the fabric of your underwear with how wet you are.

"you know what i mean," you whine.

seungmin only hums, lowering his sweats just enough to free his cock. he pulls your underwear to the side, exposing your cunt to the cold air of the room, making you shiver.

"you're so wet, baby. bet i could slide right in, huh?" seungmin teases you with his tip, tapping it firmly against your clit and trailing down to coat himself in you.

"god, just put it in, minnie." you sigh, grabbing at his shoulders.

"minnie?" seungmin smirks, nosing against your jaw. "i like that."

he finally presses in, slowly making sure you feel every inch of him. you wince a bit at the pain, and seungmin notices with a coo. he pulls your hands away from his shoulders to hold against your bed, fingers intertwining with yours.

"i'm sorry, does it hurt?" he coos, slowly pulling out to thrust back in.

"a little, its okay. kiss me."

seungmin obeys, leaning down to kiss you sweetly as he starts at an even pace. he's slow with it, stroking so deep you can feel him in your throat. it feels intimate this way, with his hands in yours, his chest pressed firmly against you. he pants into your mouth, kissing you when you start to moan too loudly.

"tell me you love me." seungmin sighs, resting his forehead against yours.

you nod, "i love you. love you minnie."

seungmin lets out a groan at that, pulling one hand away to sneak in between your bodies, tips of his fingers finding your clit. he starts to move them in circles, your high fast approaching.

"i'm gonna cum," you whine, squeezing his hand.

"cum with me, baby. please," he begs, holding you so tight against him you feel the air knocked out of you with every thrust. you cum with a whine of his name, fingers digging into the back of his hand. his hips stutter before he presses as deep as he can into you, groaning loudly as he mouths at your neck.

you're both sweaty and sticky, but seungmin pays no mind as he collapses completely on top of you, wrapping his limbs around you. he looks up at you when his breathing starts to even, a cheeky grin on his face.

"what," you laugh, pushing him away by the shoulder when he leans in to kiss you.

he loves the sound of your happiness, basking in it as he shifts closer to pull you into his side. you happily comply, ignoring the mess in between your legs in favor of cuddling up to your lover.

"i really do love you." seungmin reassures, and you roll your eyes.

"i love you too. really." you hum, kissing his shoulder. "now clean me up, and dont even think about falling asleep."

seungmin groans, rolling off your bed to reach for a towel to wet. "but we have plenty of time before dinner. we can nap!"

"no, i will nap." seungmin frowns, walking into your bathroom and turning the faucet on.

"and what do you expect me to do?" seungmin says once he returns to the room, eyebrows raised.

"you, will check all the papers left in my bag." seungmin only laughs, leaning down to wipe in between your thighs, careful to get every drop.

"then can we get dinner?" he asks, pout on his lips.

"yes. your treat."

"well, duh."

as you close your eyes and start to drift off to sleep, seungmin only watches, hunched over on your bedroom floor, hundreds of papers scattered in front of him. he prays he'll be able to get it together and pry his eyes away from you to actually get some work done.

he seriously doubts it.

taglist: comment if you want to be added or removed!

@pochamin22 @bee123sthings @ohnocent @hyunchannie017 @r1n4 @heluvschibi @kpop-obsessed-all-the-time @elizalabs3 @uknowme-not @bee123sthings @n034sy

[mostlysignssomeportents]

AI is a WMD

I'm in TARTU, ESTONIA! AI, copyright and creative workers' labor rights (TOMORROW, May 10, 8AM: Science Fiction Research Association talk, Institute of Foreign Languages and Cultures building, Lossi 3, lobby). A talk for hackers on seizing the means of computation (TOMORROW, May 10, 3PM, University of Tartu Delta Centre, Narva 18, room 1037).

Fun fact: "The Tragedy Of the Commons" is a hoax created by the white nationalist Garrett Hardin to justify stealing land from colonized people and moving it from collective ownership, "rescuing" it from the inevitable tragedy by putting it in the hands of a private owner, who will care for it properly, thanks to "rational self-interest":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/04/analytical-democratic-theory/#epistocratic-delusions

Get that? If control over a key resource is diffused among the people who rely on it, then (Garrett claims) those people will all behave like selfish assholes, overusing and undermaintaining the commons. It's only when we let someone own that commons and charge rent for its use that (Hardin says) we will get sound management.

By that logic, Google should be the internet's most competent and reliable manager. After all, the company used its access to the capital markets to buy control over the internet, spending billions every year to make sure that you never try a search-engine other than its own, thus guaranteeing it a 90% market share:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Google seems to think it's got the problem of deciding what we see on the internet licked. Otherwise, why would the company flush $80b down the toilet with a giant stock-buyback, and then do multiple waves of mass layoffs, from last year's 12,000 person bloodbath to this year's deep cuts to the company's "core teams"?

https://qz.com/google-is-laying-off-hundreds-as-it-moves-core-jobs-abr-1851449528

And yet, Google is overrun with scams and spam, which find their way to the very top of the first page of its search results:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

The entire internet is shaped by Google's decisions about what shows up on that first page of listings. When Google decided to prioritize shopping site results over informative discussions and other possible matches, the entire internet shifted its focus to producing affiliate-link-strewn "reviews" that would show up on Google's front door:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan

This was catnip to the kind of sociopath who a) owns a hedge-fund and b) hates journalists for being pain-in-the-ass, stick-in-the-mud sticklers for "truth" and "facts" and other impediments to the care and maintenance of a functional reality-distortion field. These dickheads started buying up beloved news sites and converting them to spam-farms, filled with garbage "reviews" and other Google-pleasing, affiliate-fee-generating nonsense.

(These news-sites were vulnerable to acquisition in large part thanks to Google, whose dominance of ad-tech lets it cream 51 cents off every ad dollar and whose mobile OS monopoly lets it steal 30 cents off every in-app subscriber dollar):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/saving-news-big-tech

Now, the spam on these sites didn't write itself. Much to the chagrin of the tech/finance bros who bought up Sports Illustrated and other venerable news sites, they still needed to pay actual human writers to produce plausible word-salads. This was a waste of money that could be better spent on reverse-engineering Google's ranking algorithm and getting pride-of-place on search results pages:

https://housefresh.com/david-vs-digital-goliaths/

That's where AI comes in. Spicy autocomplete absolutely can't replace journalists. The planet-destroying, next-word-guessing programs from Openai and its competitors are incorrigible liars that require so much "supervision" that they cost more than they save in a newsroom:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/29/what-part-of-no/#dont-you-understand

But while a chatbot can't produce truthful and informative articles, it can produce bullshit – at unimaginable scale. Chatbots are the workers that hedge-fund wreckers dream of: tireless, uncomplaining, compliant and obedient producers of nonsense on demand.

That's why the capital class is so insatiably horny for chatbots. Chatbots aren't going to write Hollywood movies, but studio bosses hyperventilated at the prospect of a "writer" that would accept your brilliant idea and diligently turned it into a movie. You prompt an LLM in exactly the same way a studio exec gives writers notes. The difference is that the LLM won't roll its eyes and make sarcastic remarks about your brainwaves like "ET, but starring a dog, with a love plot in the second act and a big car-chase at the end":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/01/how-the-writers-guild-sunk-ais-ship/

Similarly, chatbots are a dream come true for a hedge fundie who ends up running a beloved news site, only to have to fight with their own writers to get the profitable nonsense produced at a scale and velocity that will guarantee a high Google ranking and millions in "passive income" from affiliate links.

One of the premier profitable nonsense companies is Advon, which helped usher in an era in which sites from Forbes to Money to USA Today create semi-secret "review" sites that are stuffed full of badly researched top-ten lists for products from air purifiers to cat beds:

https://housefresh.com/how-google-decimated-housefresh/

Advon swears that it only uses living humans to produce nonsense, and not AI. This isn't just wildly implausible, it's also belied by easily uncovered evidence, like its own employees' Linkedin profiles, which boast of using AI to create "content":

https://housefresh.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Advon-AI-LinkedIn.jpg

It's not true. Advon uses AI to produce its nonsense, at scale. In an excellent, deeply reported piece for Futurism, Maggie Harrison Dupré brings proof that Advon replaced its miserable human nonsense-writers with tireless chatbots:

https://futurism.com/advon-ai-content

Dupré describes how Advon's ability to create botshit at scale contributed to the enshittification of clients from Yoga Journal to the LA Times, "Us Weekly" to the Miami Herald.

All of this is very timely, because this is the week that Google finally bestirred itself to commence downranking publishers who engage in "site reputation abuse" – creating these SEO-stuffed fake reviews with the help of third parties like Advon:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/03/keyword-swarming/#site-reputation-abuse

(Google's policy only forbids site reputation abuse with the help of third parties; if these publishers take their nonsense production in-house, Google may allow them to continue to dominate its search listings):

https://developers.google.com/search/blog/2024/03/core-update-spam-policies#site-reputation

There's a reason so many people believed Hardin's racist "Tragedy of the Commons" hoax. We have an intuitive understanding that commons are fragile. All it takes is one monster to start shitting in the well where the rest of us get our drinking water and we're all poisoned.

The financial markets love these monsters. Mark Zuckerberg's key insight was that he could make billions by assembling vast dossiers of compromising, sensitive personal information on half the world's population without their consent, but only if he kept his costs down by failing to safeguard that data and the systems for exploiting it. He's like a guy who figures out that if he accumulates enough oily rags, he can extract so much low-grade oil from them that he can grow rich, but only if he doesn't waste money on fire-suppression:

https://locusmag.com/2018/07/cory-doctorow-zucks-empire-of-oily-rags/

Now Zuckerberg and the wealthy, powerful monsters who seized control over our commons are getting a comeuppance. The weak countermeasures they created to maintain the minimum levels of quality to keep their platforms as viable, going concerns are being overwhelmed by AI. This was a totally foreseeable outcome: the history of the internet is a story of bad actors who upended the assumptions built into our security systems by automating their attacks, transforming an assault that wouldn't be economically viable into a global, high-speed crime wave:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/24/automation-is-magic/

But it is possible for a community to maintain a commons. This is something Hardin could have discovered by studying actual commons, instead of inventing imaginary histories in which commons turned tragic. As it happens, someone else did exactly that: Nobel Laureate Elinor Ostrom:

https://www.onthecommons.org/magazine/elinor-ostroms-8-principles-managing-commmons/

Ostrom described how commons can be wisely managed, over very long timescales, by communities that self-governed. Part of her work concerns how users of a commons must have the ability to exclude bad actors from their shared resources.

When that breaks down, commons can fail – because there's always someone who thinks it's fine to shit in the well rather than walk 100 yards to the outhouse.

Enshittification is the process by which control over the internet moved from self-governance by members of the commons to acts of wanton destruction committed by despicable, greedy assholes who shit in the well over and over again.

It's not just the spammers who take advantage of Google's lazy incompetence, either. Take "copyleft trolls," who post images using outdated Creative Commons licenses that allow them to terminate the CC license if a user makes minor errors in attributing the images they use:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/01/24/a-bug-in-early-creative-commons-licenses-has-enabled-a-new-breed-of-superpredator/

The first copyleft trolls were individuals, but these days, the racket is dominated by a company called Pixsy, which pretends to be a "rights protection" agency that helps photographers track down copyright infringers. In reality, the company is committed to helping copyleft trolls entrap innocent Creative Commons users into paying hundreds or even thousands of dollars to use images that are licensed for free use. Just as Advon upends the economics of spam and deception through automation, Pixsy has figured out how to send legal threats at scale, robolawyering demand letters that aren't signed by lawyers; the company refuses to say whether any lawyer ever reviews these threats:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/13/an-open-letter-to-pixsy-ceo-kain-jones-who-keeps-sending-me-legal-threats/

This is shitting in the well, at scale. It's an online WMD, designed to wipe out the commons. Creative Commons has allowed millions of creators to produce a commons with billions of works in it, and Pixsy exploits a minor error in the early versions of CC licenses to indiscriminately manufacture legal land-mines, wantonly blowing off innocent commons-users' legs and laughing all the way to the bank:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/02/commafuckers-versus-the-commons/

We can have an online commons, but only if it's run by and for its users. Google has shown us that any "benevolent dictator" who amasses power in the name of defending the open internet will eventually grow too big to care, and will allow our commons to be demolished by well-shitters:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/09/shitting-in-the-well/#advon

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

--

Catherine Poh Huay Tan (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/68166820@N08/49729911222/

Laia Balagueró (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/lbalaguero/6551235503/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hey! I hope you’re doing good in ur exams!!

Can I request a Tomura x Male reader?

Before the whole war…please, I’m grieving a lot for way too many reasons. ☹️

Tomura Shigaraki x male reader

Headcanons

Big sucker for gamer Shigaraki, why did people stop writing it. So im basing this off earlier season Shiggy, but you can imagine him how you want.

Reader has a quirk vaguely based off Yaga from JJK, cuz I love JJK, and I love Yaga.

Dating Shigaraki was an… experience to say the least. He could be quite bratty or childish at times, but you couldn’t really blame him, especially after hearing about his relationship with that sensei of his.

You weren’t a villain. But you just… didn’t respect the system and thought the hero system was corrupt beyond redemption. You didn’t think Shigaraki’s Sensei had the right idea either. But you had been ignored more than once by the so-called heroes meant to save you.

You had what most would call a “villain” quirk, having the ability to make something akin to dolls or golems, some even being so complex they could think and feel on their own. You had even created more than one that didn’t know it was a doll.

Being raised by golems was an experience, as your parents had been so offput by your quirk and interest in how everything and everyone worked. They’d fed you and clothed you, but that was it. and when your younger siblings developed more “appropriate” quirks, the gap became massive.

It had led to you leaving home as a teen, having finished and graduated online school earlier than most.

You had left a small unnoticeable golem in your home, just to see how long it took your family to realize you were gone. The answer was three months, and it was only because your rich grandpa who had a string quirk, who had always supported your love for puppets, came back from abroad to visit.

The gratification of hearing and seeing your loving but serious grandpa rip your family apart verbally, and then take away all the monetary support he had been given them, was almost enough to cover up the pain of your empty stomach and warm you where you were huddled in an alley.

Meeting Shigaraki had been an accident in the beginning. Your golems had only gotten more and more complex, meaning you suddenly had an income that was more than enough to get your own place, with one of the golems as the “owner” of course.

After that you started selling information and different kinds of “defense” work. That meaning, you helped people hide from the hero commission, and get information other people couldn’t. what was better for that situation other than an army of people that just didn’t exist.

You were picked up by Giran, who had taken notice of your large net of people, whom he didn’t know were your puppets and golems. He, or rather All for one, paid much more than you really needed. But all these years had taught you more than most knew about the inner workings of hero society, so you didn’t turn it away.

You did have a slight feeling that All for one wanted to eat you after he learned about your quirk. But the whole having to build the skill and mental capacity seemed to stop him, for now, since he apparently didn’t have time to perfect it in time for what he had planned.

You were the first outsider in the league of villains, way before anybody else joined, which was how you and Shigaraki started spending time together.

In the beginning hed been his dry snappy bratty self, and he just reminded you of the dirty street cats that you used to feed when you still lived in alleyways. They’d hiss and spit, trying to puff up and look tough, but they always just looked so frail and vulnerable.

Neither of you could tell when your relationship became more than just coworkers. Maybe it was when Shigaraki had Kurogiri warp him to your penthouse since your tv “was bigger and better” than the one he had in his room.

Or when you started bringing him designer clothes that would fit him better than the rags he wore, or had your golems break into different shops to get him some ointment that would help with his scratching.

You even caught yourself once or twice trying to play his games, but you figured out your usual strategic and put together mind lost all its footing playing LOL. Never before had your age quit, and you were too shamed to try again after that.

Shigaraki would admit later that he had tried to get into your hobbies too, with a big blush on his face and a sour expression, like he didn’t want to admit that he had feelings. He couldn’t really get into the art that was doll and golem making, and just how detailed it got for you had his head spinning.

Neither of you ever outright asked the other to date, it just kinda progressed to that point. Shigaraki spent more time at your place than at the “villain hideout”, even after the rest of the league joined.

You started going on dates, which were you booking an entire arcade or restaurant, and having your golems serve you. Or letting Shigaraki lean against you playing his handheld as you planned stocks or different businesses you had your fingers in.

In front of others, you two just seemed like allies, maybe friends on a good day. And it only came out after Magne and Toga had been teasing Shigaraki about having no experience, where he snapped at them that he had a boyfriend, you.

The rest of the league were shocked to say the least, since you two didn’t act anything like a couple around them. But both you and Shigaraki just raise a brow going “why would we be all lovey at work”.

It didn’t surprise you that Shigaraki was touch starved and loved to cuddle. In the beginning he would almost act like it pained him to be touched and cradled. but so many years with no normal human contact always had that effect.

You weren’t used to it yourself, having gone so long with only the touch and comfort of your dolls and golems, but none of it was the same as when it was another person.

The two of you were pretty much dating in your shared opinion, before you ever really got physical. And by that, I mean, you started out by just sitting close or you wrapping your arms around Shigaraki.

Your lover was understandably scared of touching you with his hands, even when he wore gloves to stop his quirk from working. So, it was a major breakthrough when he did return the hugs, or would hold your hand.

But when the floodgates for affection opened, Shigaraki would always find himself clinging to you like a cat searching for warmth. It was pretty damn cute in your eyes, and whenever he would shuffle into the room, you just life an arm and let him melt into your side.

Most days you could keep working, answering the phone, checking your laptop, and what else. But there were also days where Shigaraki would grumble about dusting your stuff if you didn’t cuddle him right.

Part of you had a feeling it was Shigaraki wanting you to take a break, and the other part was sure it was just cuz he liked to be squeezed tight and snuggled. But who were you to complain.

[yuurei20]

Translation from Twisted Wonderland the 2nd novel: Cheka (pt3)

"'Perhaps realizing that he is being laughed at, Cheka looks around the room with a curious look.

‘Why’s everybody laughing? Are you Unca’s friends?’

The fearsome Leona, the boss of Savanaclaw, called ‘Unca’ so affectionately by a child like this.

Possibly emboldened by the laughter, Ace bursts out with ‘I can’t take it anymore!,’ speaking freely to Leona. ‘You bet, that’s us—Unca’s friends! Isn’t that right, Unca Leona?’

‘Knock it off…!’

In a panic Yuuya tries to call off Ace in response to Leona’s menacing growl, but none of them can restrain themselves now. Ace, Ruggie, Grim and Deuce all burst out laughing.

Jack bites down on his own lower lip, doing all he can to not join in.

Yuuya glances fearfully to his side to be met with the fierce look in Leona’s eyes.

‘You bastards. I’ll remember this…!’

In response to Leona’s terrifying expression, Yuuya feels a strange sense of relief, which surprises him. Faced with the rage that emanates from Leona, Yuuya realizes that he, himself, has been tense for quite some time.

For how long? And why?

Yuuya smiles without even realizing he does it, and Leona gives him a menacing look. ‘Even you—you’ve got some nerve.’

It is as though Leona may grab him by the collar and lift him into the air at any moment. Yuuya does his best to manage a neutral expression in an attempt to prove that it was not Leona that he was smiling about.

‘Unca Leona…ahaha—ow!’ Ruggie furrows his brows, chuckling all the while. ‘Uhg, laughing hurts.’

‘I’m going to make sure that not a single one of you can ever open your mouths again…!’

‘Hey now—please rest, both of you,’ Jack says, hurriedly pressing down against Leona’s shoulder as Leona attempts to push himself upright in bed.

It is not the kind of commotion that one would expect to walk in upon in an infirmary.

Soon, people identified as Cheka’s guards come to retrieve him, and Yuuya heaves a heavy sigh, sinking back into his bed."

(from the following scene ↓)

“They had to carry Leona to the nurse’s office an’ he was wreckin’ havoc, sayin’ 'I'm fine!’ the whole time.’

‘Oh…that sounds really scary. It might have been for the best that I was unconscious for it.’

Grim gives a deep sigh. It must have been quite a scene.

’They were wrappin’ 'im up in bandages an’ the whole time he was all mad about it, about bein’ treated like he was hurt. But just lookin’ at ‘im—anyone could tell he was, y’know? He wouldn’t listen to a thing anyone had to say, so in the end Vargas and them scolded ‘im and had to force ‘im to lie down.’

‘He was really that upset?’

‘Yeah. He was shoutin’ over an’ over that he’ll beat Malleus the next time. The guy never learns.’

'That’s good—' Yuuya says, and he suddenly realizes the source of his lingering unease. How quiet Leona had been--that's what had frightened him.

Once Leona had accepted his defeat, had abandoned the tournament, his calm demeanor had seemed to be on the verge of resignation. The sight of his blank expression had made Yuuya think that maybe he truly had given up on everything.

His eyes, so gentle, had been filled with loneliness.

His voice had held neither joy nor sadness.

Though Yuuya dislikes confrontation, Leona's silence had seemed to warn of a vulnerability that could lead to something even more terrifying.

With the banishing of that silence it seems Yuuya feels, quite simply, relieved.

Leona had been akin to a piece of art, listless and unmoving. Yuuya finds it strange to realize that he is more at ease with a Leona who shouts and contorts his face in rage."

[jeonginsdiary]

Hey so for tktober can I please request prompts 3, 19, 27 with Lee Seungmin with a ler of your choice? I'm kinda in a ler mood rn and really wanna see him get super wrecked.🥺🥺😚😚 It's totally fine if that's too many prompts or you don't wanna write it. Love your work so so much!! Have a great day!!💖💖💖

- tickletober day 17

- interrogation

- lee! seungmin | ler! minho

- (please watch this video before reading to get an idea of how seungmin was pinned!)

—————

“aww, does this tickle?” minho cooed like it was some kind of interrogation, seungmin thrashing violently in his grip. he currently had the younger under him, arms pinned with one hand while the other clawed at his vulnerable tummy. the vocalist tried kicking out but found it nearly impossible considering lee know’s legs which wrapped around his own.

“YEHEHEHEHEHEHEHES!!” the boy managed to cackle out in response, trying to bring his arms down but finding his attempts fruitless.

he managed to lower his pinned wrists just a bit, but the dancer pulled them right back up. “so tell me, do you think it’s funny to nearly kill me!?”

to set things clear, all seungmin had done was made a tiny sacrifice. chan was in one of his moods. one where he would tickle any member in sight to pieces. now, seungmin knew he was the next victim and he couldn’t help but call an unsuspecting minho to take his place. well, it’s obvious what the outcome was…

but nonetheless, seungmin arched his back weakly and dug his feet into the sofa “NOHOHOHOHOHO I’M SAHAHAHAHAHARRY!” he cried, desperate to get away from the older’s tickling fingers which were now wiggling into his exposed armpits.

lee know grinned. “don’t you think this deserves a little punishment?” he asked the vocalist in a sweet tone, cocking a brow after receiving a giggly “no!” in return. he moved his hand back down, and clawed at the boy’s belly again, knowing how desperate it made the younger. “there’s no escape min, why don’t you tell me your worst spot~” he cooed in a singsong voice, halting his attack as he waited for an answer.

“nooo! you already know it, don’t play dumb hyu—AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAH STAHAHAHAHAP!!” he was thrown into another round of hysterics when lee know vibrated his fingers back into his stomach “OH MY GAHAHAHAHAHAD! STAP DOING THAHAHAT!” seungmin threw his head back with a giggly scream.

“then why don’t you tell me your spot, huh?” the dancer stretched the boy’s hands up higher and dug back into his pits.

the vocalist shrieked. “STAHAHAHAHAHAP TOUCHING MY AHAHAHAHARMPITS!!” seungmin whined, trying to twist around but finding himself stuck in lee know’s grip.

“oh?” the older hummed. “would you rather i tickled your feet?” he questioned, loving seungmin’s panicked eyes and high pitched laughter.

the younger blushed at the thought. “NOHOHOHO PLEASE DOHOHOHOHON’T—AAAGHHHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!” he let out the most deafening shriek he could muster when minho poked into his navel, using his index finger to wiggle around mercilessly. “IM SAHAHAHARRY!!” seungmin managed to choke out before he shook with silent laughter, trying his best to pull his arms down but being way too weak to do so.

the older noticed this and giggled at his efforts. “keep your arms up! you know you won’t be able to get them down anyways~”

all seungmin could do was arch his back, dig his socked feet into the cushions, and throw his head back crazily, mouth wide open but no sound coming out.

“you’re cute.” the older couldn’t help but tease, letting the boy go and pushing a hand through seungmin’s messy hair.

“i hate you…” the vocalist groaned, leaning into minho’s side and dozing off. he was getting a serious wrecking for that later…

—————

should i make another fic when chan gets minho??

[kylejsugarman]

hey I lurk for your Breaking Bad content. please give me all of your Jesse in Alaska/recovery headcanons. I need it like I need air.

jesse in alaska.......where do i even begin 😔 im going to avoid lingering too much on my alaska oc's and that little world (tldr for newcomers: jesse gets to haines, starts working at a repair/custom shop called carvings owned by sheila, and befriends and falls in love with the local vet demi who is raising her niece baby) just because there are Plenty of those posts and i want to focus more on jesse himself

this is one ive talked about before, but its just so precious to me, and thats jesse getting into cooking. at first, him learning how to do it is out of pure necessity. the canned food that ed left him only lasts for a few weeks and the prepackaged stuff at the store is all queasily redolent of the "treats" (<- meager sustenance) that were dropped into his cage, so he picks up a box of dry pasta and looks at the recipe for chicken penne printed on the box. it has all the steps, the ingredients. he was always good at following a recipe. jesse dutifully buys the stuff and what begins as him robotically following the text later on in his small, dim kitchen starts to feel. Good. there's no harsh fumes or chemical burns. he doesnt have to measure the garlic down to a hundredth of a gram. he has a recipe to follow—something to guide him—but nothing awful is going to happen if he experiments a little. if he deviates. and he isn't making poison. he's making something Good. for so, so long, jesse only Destroyed and when he did create, it was poison. now he gets to do what he wants. he gets to make good. that chicken penne is the first thing he eats in weeks that actually has flavor—or maybe he's letting himself Taste again. jesse starts cooking more and more, using those supermarket recipes and eventually recipes that he prints off from the public library computers, and even once it becomes a part of his daily routine, he never loses that weird excitement for it. there's the satisfaction of successfully executing a task even with his memory issues and adhd, but also the excitement of realizing over and over that he can do what he wants.

jesse thinks he's "done" with drugs when he gets to alaska purely because he hasn't been able to use and doesnt have immediate access to anything stronger than alcohol or tobacco, but he quickly realizes that he does not have any other kind of coping mechanism ready to deploy or way to sufficiently distract himself once he's physically and mentally well enough to Be Aware. alcohol doesnt seem to "work" fast enough. he thinks over and over about hiring a sex worker or finding a bar somewhere so he can have sex with and fall asleep next to a warm, living body. he drives for hours and sometimes hits the brakes hard on the icy road when theres no one else out there, letting himself skid uncontrollably and hoping he crashes. he wants to start a fight with a stranger. he wants to hug a stranger. and he does end up using drugs again, several times. i mean he's a severely traumatized addict arriving in a new location with zero support. it's not a failure, it's not irreversible backsliding: it's just the reality of what being in this terrifying, vulnerable situation would be like for jesse. for a long time, he sees these relapses as signs of weakness and that Certain People were right about him being a pathetic junkie with no will or value, but as he starts meeting people and finding new ways to be happy and getting the right treatment for his various issues and sometimes even sitting in NA church basement meetings because he just needs to be Understood, jesse comes around to the idea that addiction is not a moral failing and sees his life as worthy enough to safely and healthily preserve.

lightning round!! jesse decides once he arrives to grow his hair and facial hair out some to look less like his old mugshot, but also because as soon as the cold winter air touches his shaved head, he basically reverts to spongebob and patrick duct-taping fur off of sandy to survive in her dome during winter. he stops to stare in awe at eagles and whales and moose even after years and years of living in alaska. his sense of smell is nearly totally destroyed from cooking without protection, but he still always buys lemon scented soap and cleaning stuff because lemon was his aunt ginny's favorite scent. he reads up on a lot of first-aid on the public library computers, sometimes out of a sense of frantic compulsion or guilt, sometimes out of legitimate curiosity. when he drives home from doctors appointments or NA meetings, he plays the music in his car so loud that his seat shakes. the people of haines know that mr driscoll can be a little cagey and will flinch at the sound of his own laugh, but they also know that he brakes for animals and carves beautiful gadrooning and buys ten of whatever the kids are selling to raise money for the band or their scout troop. and they like him quite a bit :)

[afro-hispwriter]

My Everything(Kai Anderson)

Kai Anderson x black!reader(no heavy descriptions)

Summary- You're Kai's everything but you don't know it until he says it

Warnings- brief fear of s/o,  slight housewife!y/n, slapping, meadow being a bitch, slight vulnerable kai

Wc- 1.9k

-

Being the mother of the children of a cult leader was surprisingly better than expected.

Kai always treated you well, ever since the day you met he always seemed to have a sweet spot for you. And it always shocked you because you've heard so much of him from Winter who introduced you two in the first place. 

And with how sweet he treated you it wasn't long until you fell in love with him. 

But everything changed when you got pregnant, and it was also around the time the cult started forming. You wanted to join, be a part of something but Kai said you weren't allowed to. 

You ended up having twins, a boy, and a girl. Peter and Paradyce. Kai at first wanted to name Peter, Charles, or Charlie but you convinced him to Peter. 

-

"We should consider sending them to school, let them get a taste of hanging out with other kids."  You say as you watched Kai read through the pre-k brochures. 

"Women have always taught their kids at home and they always turn out fine." You hated when he turned all misogynistic.

"Kai, please it's already hard enough for me to take care of the twins and the house at the same time. With them, at school, this would give me time and peace of mind to stalk up on groceries and any other errands I need." He set the brochure down and rubbed his chin.

"Okay, doll." You were shocked by how compliant he was. 

"Really? Okay, I'll call the school tomorrow." You stand up with a smile and as you walked past him he grabbed your hand making you stop.

"Anything for you." Your heart swelled at his words and you swear you could've melted when his lips met the back of your hand. 

-

"So you're telling me these past 3-4 years you and Kai haven't talked about what you are? At all?" Beverly asks you.

"Im just the mother of his children." You say as you turn the stove on.

"Please, you're basically his housewife," Meadow says, bitterly you should say. You frowned and put the pot on the stove. 

"She's kind of right, you're his housewife that he has sex with almost every day," Beverly says and you sighed.

Were you really just the housewife?

"Don't listen to them Y/n," Winter says and swings an arm around your shoulders. "You should hear the way Kai talks about you, he loves you and the kids so much." Ivy walked in and threw some packages on the table.

"Are we shit-talking Kai? Because he's been a real dick lately, but whats knew?" They all laughed besides you and Meadow. 

"Kai is nice to me." They all look at you. 

"I guess, he probably just has a sweet spot for you which is very hard to believe." 

"I guess." You respond and pressed your lips together. Meadow scoffed again and rolled her eyes before walking out. You never knew why Meadow never liked you, you've always tried to be nice to her. 

"Don't worry about her, she's just angry that Kai is in love with you and not her." You couldn't deny it made you jealous knowing another woman loved Kai like you do. But now you know why she doesn't like you. 

-

You questioned yourself the whole night.

Were you really just someone who made his life easier? 

You just dropped the kids off at school and a meeting was just ending. As the members started walking up the stairs and leaving the house one by one. You stood just outside the basement entrance, trying to gain the confidence to talk to Kai about a serious matter. 

When nobody came up you took in a deep breath. And leaned against the wall. 

Kai told you that you weren't allowed in the basement, it was his house so he had the right. But you've been living in that house for the past 4 years, you've cleaned that house multiple times and kept it up to date. It's just as much as your house as it is Kai's, so you were going down into the basement. 

You walked down the steps quietly, just encase there was someone still down there. And there was. You peered down so you could see but was still hidden from anyone's eyes. Kai and Meadow sat across each other with their pinkies linked. 

Anxiety, jealousy, and insecurity surged through your veins. But you had to see what they were doing. They talked lowly but from what you heard Meadow said something about 'Housewives' and 'Alcoholics'. You thought it was no big deal but it seemed to anger Kai because he suddenly raised his hand and smacked Maedow across the face, hard. Making her fall and hit the ground. 

You gasped and slapped a hand over your mouth. 

"ARE YOU GOING TO WASTE MY TIME!?" His screaming startled you so you slowly started to back out, shutting the basement door behind you softly. Your heart was racing and you felt a little lightheaded so you sat down on the couch with your head in your hands. 

You've never seen him act that way. That wasn't your Kai right there. But what if that was his true self and he just used this fake version of himself around you?

It wasn't long before Meadow came up the stairs, trying to make everything okay. She didn't even say goodbye as she closed the front door behind her. Kai came up next and your heart started racing. His fists were clenched and he had a scowl on his face. You stayed quiet waiting for him to make a move and he did.

He slowly started walking to the couch and flopped down next to you making you bounce with it. He groaned and rubbed his forehead. 

"Kids at school?" He asks not looking at you. 

"Mhm." 

"Good, that means we're alone." He says and suddenly wraps his arms around you and roughly tried to pull you into his lap. You gasped and shoved him away, almost falling off the couch. Kai looked at you in confusion, more like as if you went crazy. 

"I-I have to go get groceries for lunch and dinner." You said shakily and walked away. Kai frowned and his eyes followed you to watch you grab your bag. He stood up and leaned against a support, he then dig into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. 

"Go get everything and pay with this." He says and holds out his debit card. "Get yourself something nice too." You hesitantly grabbed the card and tossed it into your bag. 

"Thank you." You walked past him but he grabbed your arm and dragged you back.

“You can’t leave without giving me a kiss from those perfect lips.” He started to lean in and you let out a small sigh. You didn’t want him to get angry so you complied and pecked his lips. “Hey-.” You cut him off.

“Gotta go.” You left quickly before he could say or do anything, leaving him standing there in confusion. 

-

You came back home and unloaded everything, all by yourself. While Kai typed away on his computer, not even sparing you a glance. 

You’ve never been scared to talk to Kai because you always believed he was a good man with some issues. You reorganized the fridge and pantry and put all the food in its place. And as you did so you didn’t notice Kai start to walk up behind you. He peered over your shoulder and his chin dug into your shoulder. The slight pain and ticking made you tense up. 

“Why do you keep tensing? Relax doll.” 

“I-I can’t.” You didn’t turn around just kept pulling things from the bags. Kai chuckled and put both of his hands on either side of you and rested them on the counter, trapping you. 

“Come on, you’ve been acting weird and denied me your sweet perfect pussy this morning.” He cooed in your ear and reached down to grab your cunt through your leggings. You whimpered and grabbed his wrist. 

“Stop.” Once again, another rejection but this time Kai let out a low rumble. He flipped you around and shoved you into the counter.

“Why do you keep saying no?” He pushed himself flush against you and you stared up at him in fear. 

“I-I-.”

“SPEAK!”

“I SAW YOU HIT MEADOW!” You say and squeeze your eyes shut. “I went down there to talk to you about something, and I saw you smack her.” He stayed quiet and backed up.

“I thought I told you too never go down there.” 

“I know.”

“THEN WHY DID YOU!?” He swung his arm at you and you instantly cowered down and shielded your face. You didn’t see but Kai’s shoulders fell and he pulled his hair slightly.

“Please don’t.” You whimpered and suddenly there was a thud. You opened your eyes and searched for Kai but he wasn’t there, so you looked down. 

He was on his knees in front of you looking down. 

“Kai?” He looked up and raised himself on his knees. He grabbed your waist and pulled you close to him so he could bury his face into your stomach. 

“I'd never hurt you or the kids, you just saw me disciplining Meadow.” 

“Why?” Tears started to brim in your eyes. 

“She wasn’t being respectful of my time baby.” He grabbed your hands and kissed them. You swallowed bard and tears started falling. 

“What am I to you Kai? Your housewife, mother of your children, what?” Kai took in a deep breath and started to sit back and pulled you down gently with him. You were hesitating clearly.

“Shhh it’s okay, I won't hurt you.” You softly landed on the floor and he pulled you to straddle him. “You baby are my person, the person I can come home to and be vulnerable. And everyone knows I hate that. You’re my everything baby.” You let out a shuddering cry and Kai pressed your foreheads together. “I'm sorry I scared you.” 

You didn’t respond, just pushed yourself into his body. He kissed the side of your head before grabbing your hair and gently pulling your head back. There was a small moment of just staring into each other's eyes until Kai slammed his lips on yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he started to push you down to the floor. 

“Not on the floor.” You mumbled against his lips. 

“Yes on the floor.” He pulled away and buried his hands up your shirt. “I'm going to marry you, you’ll be officially the queen.” 

“Aren’t I already, your followers all fucking respect me.” You say and he pinches your skin making you gasp and buck your hips. 

“I love when you talk like that.” He started to take his shirt off and you stopped him by placing a hand over his chest.

“I forgive you, Kai.” You reached up and stoked his cheek. He turned his head and kissed the palm. You pushed your crotch against him to make his bulge rub your clothed clit slightly. 

“So needy.” You look back and looked at the clock on the stove from an upside-down angle.

“We’ll send Winter to get the kids.”

-

A/n- hope you guys liked this:) I'm thinking of writing a series of one-shots set in this fics storyline

[asterkyo]

OMG?! The sekido one was AMAZING! ..would you mind if I request another 1 maybe? If not please ignore this! 😭 big buff male reader who absolutely MANHANDLES sekido? Like pinning him down and restricinting his movements easily with his hands,rough palms = rough spanking (esp bending him iver his thighs), rough hair pulling and biting? (neck and inner thighs). Easily spreading sekidos legs and forcing him into vulnerable positions he didn't know his body could even flex to accommodate (thighs up to his chest, side fucking w one leg over shoulder, etc) which has sekido a crying and drooling mess at the end, despite his angry nature?

Warnings: spanking, nipple play, Dom!reader, sub!Sekido, gn!reader, reader is a human

Such A Brat

Sekido has been annoying you all day, especially whenever he yells at the other clone. Hie lectures went on more longer and you got sick of it.

It all came down to when you failed to help them kill a few demon slayers. To say Sekido was pissed would be an understatement. “Your so useless! YOU RUINED THE WHOLE PLAN!!!” Sekido was shouting in your face, it even made Karaku, who is mostly yelled at by Sekido feel sorry for you.

You tried to ignore his yelling, but something inside you snapped and you slapped him across the face “Are you done being an asshole now?” Sekido shut right up as soon as he felt the burning sensation on his cheek, but other than pain he felt pleasure. He didn't want to admit that he kinda liked it. “We'll be going now” You said to the other clones before dragging Sekido off with you back to the house you all stayed in.

You dragged Sekido inside your room, locking the door and throwing him on the bed. “W-what are you doing!?” Sekido was kind of panicking since he knew he got on your nerves and he's getting punished for it. You held him over your lap and stripped him of his kimono.

“This will be over soon m'kay?” Sekido squirms and tries to get out of your grasp and shivers when you grip the plush of his ass before delivering a heavy slap. “A-ACK!!” Sekido could have sworn he almost came you spanked him, the pleasure from the tied his hands to the headboard and admired his figure while doing so. “Just shut up and spread your legs slut” Sekido's face flushed out of embarrassment, but he obliged to what you said and shakily spread his legs.

You left a few bites marks on his inner thigh, avoiding his neglected dick. You finally gave him the benefit of the doubt and started eating him out before inserting two fingers and took your time to prep him, knowing he hates it when you do things gently.

“H-hurry up!” Sekido let out a small whine when your fingers pulled out. It was quickly replaced by a gasp when you slammed your length/strap inside his sopping hole, his plush velvet walks clenched on to your length/strap. “Relax. Loosen up a little” You brought his thighs up to chest then started pounding him into oblivion.

Sekido tried to keep quiet by covering his mouth with the pillo, but you were having not of that and grabbed his hair harshly, not letting up the brutal pace you set for him. “I- I-its too deep!!~♡” Tears welled up in his eyes as he let out his partially loud pornographic moans that sent you over the edge.

“Let me hear your sweet noises, baby” You flung one of his legs over your shoulder and your pace sped the up, getting sloppy as you were chasing your orgasm. “I- I-IM GONNA-!!!♡~~”Sekido let out a loud cry as he tumbled over the edge and came hard from the stimulation. Your orgasm came shortly after and you pulled out.

“Next time, don't be a brat” You say before you went to get something to clean him up. But who's to say Sekido won't try to be a brat again just to have you pound into him as you please? He's definitely going to do that next time♡

[oddinary4bts]

im guessing your 25 from your bio? but what the actual fuck is this story? where do you want us to give his flowers when he constantly lies, disrespects, uses her, plays with her feelings, acts like a fucking child, never once opens up and sure ass fuck isn’t mature enough to have a conversation with her about their so called „feelings“ ? so hes rich and doesn’t want to be associated with that life because he doesn’t want his parents to control his decisions yada yada bohoo and we give a fuck? what does this have anything to do with her? or why should she go through the disrespect his family brings upon her when she’s being USED to pretend something she isn’t or him not having the fucking balls to stand up for a HUMAN mind you not girlfriend but just a HUMAN BEING for getting talked down. he never once apologized for his actions always brush’s them aside and then wants validation for his fuck ass behavior? don’t get me started on your main character too cause what the hell is she about? why would she constantly let herself be played with as if there isn’t a better option ew why would anyone want a person like him? dawg you’re 25 and you’re writing a story that’s based on 16 years old people grow tf up. there’s no purpose in this storyline

HEY I GOT HATE AGAIN😎😎😎

Okay so what the actual fuck is the story? Do you have eyes or did you not read it yourself? Did you not pass your high school english analysis classes?? Like do you need me to give you a summary or something?😂 bc I can summarize it if you want! It’s about 2 people that are incredibly vulnerable and scared of being in love realizing that they are falling in love. It’s about a boy who’s always been bullied and hated by his whole family, so much so that he hates himself and doesn’t think he deserves anything good, OC included. Does that push him to be a “dick” to her to a certain extent? Maybe. Is he scared of standing up to his family? Totally, yes. All he’s ever wanted was their approval but they’ve always just hated him. Also please remember that these characters are 20 and 22 they aren’t going to be super mature either😂

Now about OC, as we just found out, her father was absent all her life so hello daddy issues. The only guy she ever really got close to was Sam Hwang, and we know how much of a dick he was so that doesn’t help either. She’s also the kind of person that just wants to be there for the people she cares about, as we’ll get to see more in the upcoming chapters with her friends. Furthermore, please let me know when Jungkook played her bc he’s never actually played her at all😂 homie is a huge ass simp that is just afraid to confess it like how can you miss the point so badly??

Last but not least dawg, I don’t think I’m the one that needs to grow up. You’re literally sending hate on anon bc you’re too childish to say it right to my face😂 so go take a look in the mirror, you desperately need it

Oh and before I forget, here’s some grass bc you definitely need to touch some grass

[haeryna]

OH MY GOD BAEEEE

i literally love your satosugu fic so much IM SCREAMING LIKE UGHH ITS SO GOOD AJDJWJS

like im not over exaggerating it hurts so good like i swear you know how to hit us hard 😭

i love your writing style and the way that we can feel the characters emotions (or maybe thats just me being sensitive..? IM JOKING BAE) like i can imagine how hurt reader is by satosugu leaving her and how mad satosugu are at themselves for leaving her too LIKE UGHHHH

and readers thoughts are completely valid because satosugu left without explanation, basically deserting her and then suddenly they come back?? like i’d be so hurt and mad that they’re back BUT ALSOO when she got called princess? i feel like part of her just wanted to cave especially when she was being held like that but then the other part of her was fighting, reminding herself how badly she was hurt LIKE OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS I LOVE YOUR WRITING AAAA

and for satosugu their reason for leaving and not contacting was also completely valid !! i love that we get to see how much they miss reader and how upset they were that they left but also their reason for leaving? literally GUT WRENCHING. Yes they love reader as much as they love each other but they had to get out of there for their own safety and it just hurts so good 😭 AND THE WAY THAT THEY STILL LOVE HER TOO IT HURTS SO GOOD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT WRITING IT MAKES ME SOB— okay but really the way that they never stopped loving her shows how much they truly loved her in the first place because even though reader thinks she means nothing to them she was the only person that they could ever love the way they love each other, oh my god and when they find out she never left and how she’s been alone for the past 5 years i can’t even imagine the guilt and hurt they felt. i can’t even when Suguru finds her letters like the pain he must’ve felt? The way he slowly saw through the letters as the girl they left behind changed, BUT THE WAY THAT THEY WILL NEVER LOVE HER ANY LESS. Also when Satoru notices how reader has changed physically like i just KNOW he wanted to burst into tears, seeing the people you love so frail and vulnerable is a pain that you can never forget so imagining how Satoru felt coming back after years only to find her looking like that must’ve been so painful for him. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PART WHERE HE SAYS HOW HE FORGOT WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE WITH HER LIKE OH MY GOD STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Like even though reader doesn’t even want to be in the same room as him he can’t help but feel alive because she’s just always had that affect on him like oh my god i literally want to bawl. Okay but also Suguru writing all of his songs for her 😭 I can’t help but wonder if he still has the guitar she thrifted for him? Also the part about Satoru’s makeup artist? “She’ll never do it like you” IM ACTUALLY SOBBING.

I love the way you write so much, it’s so real and has so much emotion. As a theater kid this entire fic is so good for character analysis like I LOVE analyzing characters and the way you write them just makes it even more fun ! I love the way that each character is actually complex and how their emotions feel real LIEK OH YMGNDODQJDHJWNS

(omg i didn’t realize how like jumbled up this all is im so sorry 😭)

I can’t wait for more to be revealed about their relationship! take your time writing the next chapter 💗

ANON PLEASE I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A LITTLE JAR WITH A BOW AND KEEP YOU SAFE YOU'RE SO SWEET AND KIND AND I LOVE YOU !! let's get married. rn. but PLEASE i was sitting here squealing and kicking my feet and looking at this ask every five minutes...i'm so glad you love it :') it makes me feel so happy that you feel like i've written them to a depth that you feel like you can analyze them!!

just for you bae, some little snippets that may or may not get woven into the main story: (suggestive but not explicit!!)

suguru keeps the old guitar you thrifted him. he actually bought a special case for it, so that even with all the damage, it'll still remain strong. there's a metaphor in that, he thinks, in the way that he'll only bring it out when he's writing a song that's meant for you. they're all meant for you, so he finds himself bringing it out constantly. he refuses to try the demos that the studio sends over, of metal and rock, because it feels cheap and artificial.

satoru keeps you and his lockscreen. it's a photo of you and suguru standing together, backs towards the camera. suguru is mid-laugh, and your eyes are shining. sukuna used to give him shit for it, until choso stepped in, recognizing the wistful love in satoru's eyes every time he'd see it.

the first time they were intimate together in their shitty apartment somewhere in seoul, suguru calls out your name. satoru says nothing of it. in turn, suguru pretends not to notice when satoru calls for you in his sleep.

kenji is dissatisfied. in a small town like yours, classmates have paired up left and right. you were meant for him, he believed. but now that satoru and suguru are back, and you're about to leave, he'd rather clip your wings than let them have you. if he can't have you, then he'd rather let you take the fall.

shoko is bemused, in a sad sort of way. she knows she can't interfere. that, and her girlfriend hates satoru with a burning passion, so she doesn't want to start any fires there.

(utahime will never forgive how satoru had made fun of her when she'd taken a particularly nasty fall during a dance practice. they weren't even in the same industry for god's sake. utahime does not care.)

you're exhausted. money is thin. you've given up on your dreams of a musical career. the notebooks of sheet music and lyrics lay aimlessly on your floor. you pretend like you realize the bleakness of your life. in reality, when you can't sleep, you find yourself scribbling words and melodies.

satoru and suguru tried, once. to replace you. to find someone else. they couldn't even seriously stomach the idea before they gave up and went back to pathetically looking at old photos of you. one of the first things they got when they made it big was a professional album done of all the photos they had of you.

(shoko laughed until she cried when she heard about it, before smacking satosugu and telling them to "go talk to her and do something about it, dumbasses.")

ALSO DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLE!! i adored it and i hope to see you around nonnie, take care of yourself <33 i hope my other fics will be able to allow you to analyze the characters as well; the next chapter will be a doozy considering how badly i want to make it realistic but there's a lot of thought that goes into that hnghh. i hope you have a lovely day/night bby!!

[suneeater]

leviathan + kinks

✎a/n: im gonna be so real i majorly blanked on these bc im not big on levi, but i hope you’ll enjoy them anon !!! my apologies that this isn’t as long as the others

✰warnings: MAJOR NSFW. MINORS DNI. overstimulation, submissive levi, teacher play

✉: Can you do the kinks thing for Leviathan?? I love him

Levi isn’t necessarily the most kinky. Of all the brothers, he’s the most inexperienced due to being so heavily introverted, and is incredibly sensitive as a direct result of his lack of sexual experience. If anything, it’s probably you that gets off the most from ruining him. It’s so easy to make him come completely undone and grovel and beg for you, shaking, trembling, maybe even crying a little for you to please him

Honestly though, he probably has an overstimulation kink, but on the receiving end. Nobody has ever made him feel nearly as good as you do, and every time you touch him he loses touch with reality and all of his dignity, becoming a dirty, whining mess. For someone like you to come along and worship his cock until he’s sobbing from pain and pleasure – it’s better than any twisted fantasy he could possibly muster

Hot take but I do not think that Levi would get much out of cosplay sex. It’s definitely something that he would be interested in trying, but truth be told he can’t really get over the embarrassment of the whole act and it kind of takes him out of the mood. He’s spent a lifetime engrossed in media and fictional characters, but now the real thing is right in front of him. He prefers just plain old you, in your most natural form before him and staying true

I don’t think it’s any surprise that Levi would be submissive; he’s not really a pillow prince, but he’s more than okay with letting you take the lead. He likes to explore with his hands and feel you up while you use his body, leaving soft and trailing touches in the areas he’s learned to be the most sensitive. He enjoys being dominated, having you tell him what to do, how to do it, and most importantly where to touch you

It’s probably through your own experimentation together that he discovers his love for a teacher/student dynamic, and would even be willing to get more into it and role play with you. Being told what to do by you gets him off, and he falls into the role naturally. You’re so tender in the way you tease his body, so thoughtful with every touch, teasing him until his cock is throbbing and he needs to speak up, “use your words” you tell him, smiling deviously with your eyes locked on him, his own tearing up

Body worship is so big with him. God, he’s insecure, but to have you before him giving him validation and praise when he’s his most vulnerable – it gets him off, and that’s an understatement. It’s overstimulating fast with the way you worship his cock with your mouth in more ways than one, his hands weaving into your hair, shaking as he tries not to pull you down any further

find the same scenario for:

mammon, solomon | satan

[fictionfixations]

wasnt planning on making a post but im doing it now so uh

helluva boss the full moon episode (i dont remember which one it was. s2 ep8?? i think? idk)

(i just realized i said 'hazbin hotel' my bad. if i make a mistake like that uhh oops)

and yall are stolas defenders so im gonna talk about blitz (dont get me wrong i love both of them)

let me talk about it

(i dont know if i make any sense so oops)

notice how during stolas' proposal basically (cant help but see the gem as like a wedding ring ngl) blitz's eyes are shining because he cant help but hope

and then when he goes 'ohh youre just fucking with me right? this is some roleplay shit right?'

because its so incomprehensible in his mind that this is what he truly thinks it is.

anyway people have explained before about how stolas then proceeds to shut him out like being faced with blitz being in denial about it and taking it as a rejection

meanwhile blitz is like 'wait a second you were SERIOUS?'

and then hes like 'wAIT' because hes trying to understand. to comprehend that stolas was being real about it. that someone wants him. but then he doesnt have the time to think about it because stolas is leaving and he doesnt want stolas to leave

and yknow how blitz is hes kind of an asshole so then he defaults to being angry and frustrated. (i wonder if he feels like he'll only be heard by being angry and yelling. or if by being angry, by shutting people out and being the one to break it off makes blitz feel more in control. anyway-)

no but listen before this hes like 'what the fuck?' stolas leaves, blitz follows him in silence still in that confused and hella surprised state because it was so unexpected while stolas' talking about stuff

hes silent for awhile (probably trying to make sense of it while half-listening)

and then stolas is like 'thats enough to know what this is' and THEN blitz gets all angry and yelling

and inside hes just like. ..thats it? but its like. stolas is going to leave. and he doesnt want him to go. but he also doesnt know how to express that (especially with stolas having completely shut him out at this point in his own feeling, so set in the rejection without realizing that blitz hadnt actually rejected it. had been in disbelief instead of an actual no. and i get why he didnt stay to continue the conversation it just. sucks. so bad.)

("Can I get a fucking minute to think" got stuck in my head) and then blitz gets angry and blames stolas because thats whose infront of him. someone he can yell at and get angry which is so much easier then trying to decipher his feelings, or stolas' feelings. to try to understand. to be vulnerable especially in front of someone who he may like but its also complicated considering the power imbalance, or how all royals are asses so surely stolas cant be different, how its just a transactional relationship and nothing serious.

hes also saying things he doesnt necessarily mean meanwhile stolas is taking it to heart like 'this is how he really feels about me' when that isnt true (blitz is kind of just making excuses. and instead of being 'set free' as it might seem to stolas, it seems to him like stolas is just. throwing him away. getting bored of him. hes ignoring the love confession stolas just says 'i want you' PLEASE be more blunt about it oh my god theres so many wordings that i have an issue with from stolas im going to be honest.

like LISTEn he goes 'i want you'. blitz is in denial. stolas then starts to acceptance/resignment and blitz is like 'wait a fucking second'

so blitz who thought they were going to have a sexy time. suddenly gets hit with feelings out of the blue. and he doesnt do good with those. and its so incomprehensible that he doesnt believe it. and then basically stolas rejects him right after with blitz realizing 'wait you were serious?' and then gets angry like 'what? no, it can't be over. ..well fuck YOU then!' like. he kind of feels betrayed? like 'how dare you spring this feelings bullshit on me (and then LEAVE)'

also is he projecting? has he experienced something??? and i really dont think hes had the chance to properly process so he's just shoving it aside and focusing on the then and now. which is stolas leaving and dismissing him which blitz takes offence to and accuses him of being like all the other royal assholes. because he doesnt know how else to communicate. this is not to say that he isnt an asshole because he is, but id like to say that theres reasons to all of it.

ALSO ALSO. i think its less that blitz believes stolas to be like that but (besides reasoning to himself that stolas is just like all the others so he can distance himself and cut ties even if it hurts) that its because thats the position stolas has and so its what he turns to for insults. i had more to say about this part but i already forgot, oops.

and ive seen people talk about this too but stolas conversing through words while blitz converses through feelings. so its like for blitz youre not meant to listen to what hes saying but to listen to the feeling? meanwhile stolas being through words (thus probably feeling like 'i want you' is explanation enough while blitz needs more clarification then that)

and potentially with stolas being all horny around him cause haha my crush is here and hes hot and i love him and aaah making blitz think stolas just wants him because of what he can offer? (and maybe if hes never faced love that its unrecognizable? especially towards him?) a thought to go onto another time

also another thought to go down. you think after blitz realizes hes serious that hes trying to coomunicate. with the 'can i get a FUCKING moment to think'

and then his mouth goes on autopilot and starts insulting him trying to stall trying to get him to stay even if its with hurtful words because thats what hes used to thats what he does (also defaulting to anger)

just like yelling at him trying to get stolas to just stop walking. to stop turning his back on him.

and hes just running on anger at that point because he didnt get too long to process that stolas was serious so a part of him still thinks that its just. not real? and hes running off of that because again its so much easier than being vulnerable with someone

blitz has. probably been very trustful of someone, only for them to betray him and hurt him and use him so ahdishfu

also probably blitz's attempt at trying to get them to actually communicate

to get him to stop. stand still. stop leaving. stop moving. just turn around, face him, and talk. to get all their feelings out and explain. to clarify.

maybe he even wants stolas to get angry because that's what he's used to. wants him to get angry so they can get it all out there. maybe wants a part of him to feel vindicated of 'he was right, stolas was an asshole', the part of him that doesnt want to be close to anyone in fear of being hurt

..and then stolas doesn't react how blitz expects him to. (because they DONT understand each other at all! they don't interact all that much outside of sex, and stolas offering it to blitz is rejected)

blitz realizing 'wait... shit...' to wheres hes immediately brought out of his anger by stolas' words

'goodbye'

also it almost sounds like blitz is saying 'Stolas, wait I'm s-' as in 'im sorry'

realizing it wasnt going as he expected it to. that stolas really was serious. that stolas was hurt. that stolas was going to actually leave and blitz. doesnt. want that to happen. so then he. tries.

and then goes 'what the fuck' when he appears outside

and honestly sometimes a lot of relationships need space from each other to realize who they are without them. and also to realize how much they care about the other, yknow? to understand their feelings without anything else complicated thrown into the mix.

listen: blitz could go back into complete denial like 'no fuck stolas actually-'. realize he misses stolas, actually.

cause i feel like he really did try at the end only to get shut out (its a really complicated situation because ive also seen people talk about how blitz yelling could remind stolas of stella(?) i think the person he divorced)

and it could be seen as rejection of him trying to do feelings talk. which he could double down on his 'no one can love you, itll only bring you hurt' idea, or bringing other people hurt (as in his mother's death or fizz getting hurt)

but i feel like he also needs time to just realize things. to think things through instead of being faced with immediately having to respond because theyre talking face to face. immediately having to respond because stolas is leaving and if he doesnt say anything then that'll be it.

its complicated. honestly, though. i feel like its for the better for them to have this break. to rebuild their life without the transactional relationship. i just wonder how they'll get back together (daughter plotting time? maybe?)

i wonder if hell has therapy. (...but also. what if the therapists were corrupt and didnt hold any form of patient privacy???)

hh

anyway i dont know if i made sense. ive just had these thoughts stuck in my head so ive just been spewing out all the ones related to this so i could stop thinking about it

a;sp a;sp o hjavej oirhfrj

holyfuck ok

also also i have more to add

okay so you know stolas' line of 'you have no obligation to touch me or to bed me'

you know what that sounded like with loona having told blitz 'hes getting tired of you'

it sounded like stolas didnt want blitz to basically touch him anymore. which is probably blitz' interpretation of it and thus his anger of 'you think you can do this shit just because im an imp and youre a royal?' or whatever (hes not even touching the fact of the gem. its 'am i not good enough? i can do better!' because the book was the only reason in his mind why he could interact with stolas. and just. aghhh)

any more thoughts im shoving here in the future before i get more brainrot over this

[melodyofthevoid]

Hello! I just finish reading the "Ocean Idiots for Idiots" i need to know more about the conflict with the two churches worshipping the sea. (Meaugism and Nortumbic, right?)

Im so invested in this universe omg

(AND its not just you who loves the ideia of mariza being haunted by her own ghost! I really need to draw this!)

I never came up with a better name for those churches huh? Damn.

In any case, I don't have any further thoughts abt this presently, but please enjoy some old notes of mine:

The head of the Kitonese Empire and the Head Priestess of Saumaces are locked in some sort of hella toxic Yuri obsession with each other that started as a religious conflict and power grab and has since escalated into an eternal Cold War/proxy religious battle that’s consumed the both of them for years.

The head priestess is hella in denial about her reasoning but once told Priya to hold her desires in check, lest they control her (you know, like a massive hypocrite). Not like she hasn't been single handedly orchestrating an elaborate gambit to prove to this one woman that her belief is true and that

Kiton’s empress (or maybe head general? Unsure) is a strict woman whose main goal is to acquire power and build a nation that can outlast any storm, conquer any foe. However, given Saumaces’ status as Indra’s favored, they can’t outright attack them.

Saumaces was spared from Indra’s Great Storm (her lashing out post The Incident™), and this led to a lot of resentment towards them as they didn’t have to basically rebuild from scratch. Weird that. Church of Indra the wrathful more about both appeasing her, and ensuring that humanity is strong enough to endure her violence(?).

With Mariza thrown into the mix, Saumaces’ status is called into question and now they’re vulnerable to attack by their enemies, eager to get their hands on the most built up nation (second if you count Kiton, they’re also pretty good but had something of a head start rebuilding)

Kiton’s Lesbian:

Early 40s, Long ponytail or some kind of elaborate hair-do, no in between. She’s a military savant, having risen up the ranks from a young age and establishing herself as an authority not to be questioned or trifled with. Her drive comes from a need to survive, to outlast and endure. She’s heard stories (or was there?) for the aftermath of Indra’s storm (debatable, idk how long ago it actually was) and thinks that Kiton, and the world at large, must rebuild and strengthen. (Might be the universe's equivalent of an atheist? At the very least doesn't really respect the gods. Appease them maybe but those motherfuckers are on thin ice)

Saumaces Lesbian:

Mid 50s, Short cropped hair (curly?) and a sun-worn face. She’s served the church of Indra her entire life, and is heavily devoted to Indra (not like Priya tho lmao), believes deeply in the generosity of the sea and that those the sea does not favor have… maybe earned her ire. Is aware of others’ negative feelings towards the nation but believes that in time, they’ll come to see that Indra’s will remains. Is very aware of the power that belief in Indra grants, both in the literal sense, and in the "I'd rather not deal with an all out war" sense.

[whataboutthefish]

can we PLEASE have more of the long distance a/b/o au its driven me insane even if its just like. what Steve's heat was like triggered by Eddie's scent or like what Eddie said when he called Steve for the first time or like even just how they flirted before the scene exchange LITERALLY ANYTHINF IM DYING IVE BEEN DICKMATIZED

OK Nonny you've got it. Also I didn't realise how short the original post was, I have so much back story for it in my head that I was like "Is that it?"

Continuation from this post

Steddie a/b/o Pen Pal au.

Steve never planned on falling in love, he certainly wasn't ready to find his truemate, well, Steve might have panicked a little. He knew that Eddie was cool, and kind, and he really wanted to visit him, but until the moment he opened that package with Eddie’s shirt it still all felt like something unreal, something he could talk himself out of at the last minute. 

It wasn’t ghosting if you’d never met right?

The way his heat had ripped through him, how it had ignored the fact he was taking heavy duty suppressants, left Steve shaken. The heat was hard on him, his body craved it’s mate and even fucking himself on his favourite knotting dildo with his weighted blanket slung over his shoulder, still left him feeling desperately alone.

He’d never wanted to need someone like he needed Eddie; he felt vulnerable and raw. But now it was so much bigger than Steve, it was cosmic alignment and fates and the universe being a dick because he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready. 

Except 

Except

When Eddie called, when Steve heard his voice for the first time it was like every anxiety he had melted away, this Alpha was different from all the others, this was his alpha. 

“Hello, Sweetheart.” Eddie’s voice sounded like nectar to Steve’s ears. 

Steve felt terribly shy, his face flaming as he replied, “Hi, uh, may I call you Alpha?” Steve didn’t know what made him ask, the tendrils of his heat still wrapped him in a warmth he wasn’t used to. 

Steve felt himself smile when Eddie groaned, it sounded as if Eddie had dropped the phone and Steve could hear the alpha’s heavy breathing and muttered curses. 

“Oh sweetheart, you need to warn a guy before you drop something like that on him.” Eddie sounded like he was smiling and it warmed Steve’s heart. 

“Sorry, Alpha,” He paused, started to purr when Eddie coughed, his breath caught in his throat. 

“So, truemates.” Eddie replied. “That’s a thing.”