#and every single day i wake up and cant change it. i go work the most hours for the least money possible

[triglycercule]

what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo

becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh

and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3

now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞

[masonsbf]

.

[im2tired4usernames]

Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME

[baurbiediv]

Hiii i saw you’re taking requests rn :)

Reade is in the family suit watching the game and suddenly doesnt feel good and coughs blood and then passes out. The other gf and wives (they love reader) trying to help. Maybe she has a cerebral hemorrhage and is rushed to the hospital. They cant get a hold of joey at first amd reader is scared and only sees him after surgery

sweet nothing

PAIRING ➔ joe burrow x gf!reader

WARNINGS ➔ mentions of blood, passing out, fainting & hospitalization (do not read if topic is sensitive to you! i am not forcing you to read this story!)

SYNOPSIS ➔ everything seems to not be going to well with y/n, what happens when joe can’t reach her?

A/N ➔ i had to change some stuff around (sorry anon!!!!) + if this is a triggering topic, please do not read for your own well-being! i also tried to do as much research as i could for this one, so please if there are any mistakes, do not hesitate to let me know!

-

usually you’d been excited for game days, except this time, it felt different.

you’d woke up that morning feeling incredibly groggy and exhausted, but you kept it pushing since you didn’t want make joe nervous.

it was the biggest game of the season, the AFC championship. joe had been pushing himself for this game and you were undoubtedly behind him for every single step.

you observed how hard he worked, even in the times he was so sore he could barely move, he wanted to be out there with his team and make them proud.

the clock read 8:45 am, just barely missing the alarm, you sat up and rubbed the slumber from your eyes and stretched.

looking back, joe, who was comfortably sleeping on his back and you watched the lazy sun just narrowly peeking through the blinds, hit his skin. getting up to get ready, you figured joe could use a little extra sleep so you let him sleep and left him to go to the bathroom.

usually when you got up in the morning, you weren’t sensitive to the lights at all really as they never affected you, but in that moment, you were oddly sensitive to them today.

carrying it with a grain of salt, you left the bathroom, the clock now reading 8:55 am, you approached the bed and ran a hand up and down joe’s back.

you laughed quietly seeing his face smushed into the pillow, before kissing his cheek, “wake up sleepyhead!” you whispered said as his eyes slowly opened.

a smile slowly etched onto his face, regularly he was a heavy sleeper, this time all it took was a kiss from you to wake him up, “good morning” he said, the rasp in voice very prominent.

you both smiled as you leaned back down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

you’d never admit it but you loved his morning voice, although you were almost sure joe knew that.

-

normally you two had never been this late leaving the house, but your body was against you today. you couldn’t pin point what was going on, but you hoped that it would stop soon. nothing like this had ever happened before, so why now?

once you arrived at the stadium, you turned and looked at joe, “now, i know i say this before every game day, but you know i love you. don’t get into your head too much, joey. you’ll do great, i know you will.” you told him as he smiled above you.

“thank you my love, i’ll try not to psych myself out”, he said which made you furrow your eyebrows and look at him, “okay, okay, i was joking! but i got it. i love you.” he said before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead, you smiled and waved goodbye as he left to go practice.

you headed up to the family suite and were immediately met with the other wives and girlfriends of the other players, the first to approach you, was meggi.

you two had known each other for quite some time now and were excited to find out that your boyfriends would be playing on the same team.

you all sat down and caught up with each other, as if you didn’t do that any other day with them. time had passed by and eventually the game had begun and was already in its 2nd quarter.

but that wasn’t before you were hit with the most severe headache you’ve ever before felt something thick, trickling down your nose, blood.

kayla, who wasn’t standing too far from you, noticed you and she made her way towards you, “y/n, what’s going on?” she said, before grabbing a few napkins and helping you hold them towards your nose.

you shook your head as felt like you could barely speak, “i don’t know, one minute i’m perfectly fine, next thing i know my head is killing me and my nose is bleeding.”

you said before putting a hand on the back of your head, trying to relieve the pressure of the headache somehow. you thought you could physically feel your heart beating faster and directly out of your chest right now.

chassidy was helping you stand and at this point everyone was nervous, meggi & iris making calls down to medical assistance and even the team assistant in hopes for them to reach joe, but nothing was working and nobody was answering back.

-

the dimmed lights and cold air felt very foreign to you, somewhat uncomfortable, and making you unreasonably anxious.

the only thing that was even capable were the faint beeping of the monitors around you and the faint voices heard out in the hallway.

you did your best to make out the voices, but there was no luck. heading the door open, you slowly looked over seeing joe’s figure, you smiled, yet, his eyes were nearly bloodshot red and puffy.

you’d never been so confused as to why he was crying.

joe quickly hugged you, yet, he was careful. he wasn’t sure what was going on with the love of his life, he didn’t want to hurt her more than she already was.

“hi my love.” he said as you quickly hugged him back, that feeling of love coming back to you.

“hi joey, did you win the game?” you said, clearly oblivious to the major traumatic event that occurred.

joe softly pulled away from you allowing you to rest, he laughed tenderly as he wiped the few tears from his eyes that seemingly escaped without him noticing, “yes y/n we won.” he said, which made you slightly cheer.

“so what happened?” you asked him, he sighed before he looked down, “you had a cerebral hemorrhage y/n,” you started to remember everything from that entire morning. from the groggy feeling and the sensitivity, to the splitting headache, and finally the nose bleed.

“the doctors don’t know how it happened, they checked family history, they found nothing.” he said, you softly grabbed his hand, “i’m okay now though joey.” you smiled, he nodded in agreement.

“but i’m watching you with my every move y/n, you got that?” he said pointing to you, making a ridiculous face,

“yes sir burrow!” you said laughing.

-

sorry ab the shit ending 🙍🏽‍♀️

[silurisanguine]

Rook Codex Writing Prompts Teleri De Riva: 26. A letter to Rook from a family member or close friend 12. Rook’s daily schedule 10. Note found in Rook’s pocket

OOH these are great!!!! (Note there are spoilers in these responses to story beats in the game.) 26 A Letter to Rook from a family member

Teleri I am writing this on the knowledge that you will find your way out of this Fade prison and read this, rolling your eyes at my every word I’ve written down. For once i will happily join you. But perhaps writing this brings you power where ever you are, as the Fade is a strange thing that listens to the thoughts of us, or so the mages of our House tell me. You have a distinct ability to pull yourself out of any situation. It has always confounded and impressed me in equal measure, so if writing this helps you, then i freely give it. It was Lucanis that brought me the news of your predicament. I know you have become close to him and I know you worry what i might think of such an arrangement. If you’d asked me months ago, i think you’d have known my answer. He is a Dellamorte and you a De Riva. But Teia pointed out not long ago of our own uniting of Houses and how that has only strengthened the Crows as a whole. Perhaps the knowledge that our name sake birds do work better as pairs fits us too. So now, if you were to ask me,I would give you my blessing. As your Talon, as a De Riva and your brother in bond. Just don't tell him that when you see him until i am in the vicinity. I want to see his face when you do. Now, Teleri. Survive and get out, that’s an order from your Talon. Viago.

12 - Rook's daily schedule. A page from Rook’s journal, hastily torn out due to a stain of coffee that has spilt over the bottom of the paper -

Another day in this strange sanctuary that I call home. Asked the Caretaker if my room could be changed to something I want, or at least drapes put over the large aquarium walls. It gave a cryptic answer about a strong presence there and nothing’s changed yet. Will try again when I get back from Nevarra. I'm sure the Lighthouse will provide this Professor Volkarin with a room suitable for them, and bets have been placed with everyone on where it will be. I’m thinking to the left of my room, but Harding is sure one of the unreachable floating buildings will suddenly have a portal to it. Speaking of the rest of the gang, Neve is still in Minrathous. I honestly don't know how long she’ll be away and part of me wonders if she will even return, considering her last words to me ~~wer~~~ the ink fades a little from some clear liquid landing on the paper, that’s been swiftly rubbed at. Lucanis is grateful at least for my choice, but what else could I have done? Treviso is my home. But we both feel the pain of the choice. Lucanis feels things deeply I can tell and I try to help where I can, considering the stress he is under. It’s funny, all this time I'd heard in hushed whispers around the Crows of the fabled Demon of Vyrantium being this cold calculated killer and Lucanis is that when in a fight. But out of it, there is this gentle, funny and rich soul that I have become dearly fond of. If Viago finds out, he’s going to kill me. I need to tell Teia first so she can handle damage control, she has a way of getting through to him that I cant. I’d best leave that thought there before it runs away with me and I go and show some initiative again that I might (not) regret. I have work to do, but first I need a new coffee as this one has gone col~~

10 Note found in Rook's pocket. This note is placed on the table in front of her that she finds when she wakes up. There is a single crow feather on top, black and shimmery purple iridescence against the reflected light of the aquarium -

The ink is purple that no one in the Lighthouse admits to owning, and the words are scratched into the paper by a hand not used to holding a quill. But the letters of the words are carefully laid out and legible. Languid LIGHT Fade and water DANCE over your FACE NOT Your place You SLEEP as he does Fitful and RESTLESS But YOUR cage is OPEN You Choose to Leave. We will protect. Below is a geometric set of lines that match the pattern of the tattoo sleeve on Teleri's arm. They are drawn in loving detail.

[roe-and-memory]

headcanons

hi tumblr ihave like three headcanons to share currently (there will be more soon i just need to see how well theyre taken, do we like headcanons on here??)

(based off of him not having headlights but how i perceive it humanized even though racecars cant have headlights in Real Life) lightning has light sensitivity issues with his vision . he cannot see. the sun is too bright sometimes and if its dark he will trip over one of the floorboards in docs house, no matter how many times hes walked this floor. (hes very prone to tripping Always but it just gets worse when its dark) (he has rips in the knees of every single pair of jeans he owns)

docs old sunglasses have his name lasered into the arm, lightning found them basically untouched in a box in docs garage. he pulls them out and starts using them when its too bright outside and doc has learned to just hand them over whenever lightning shows up like

2. lightning just. doesnt sleep ?? he is 100% an insomniac and his nightmares are to blame. he would rather work himself to exhaustion than willingly sleep at a normal time. cue him spending most nights out in the fields or at the junkyard with mater building things or whatever until mater is the one to be like ok im tired im going to bed and lightning is forced to go back home, climb back through his bedroom window, and stare at the ceiling until he passes out. he hates sleeping because every night, without fail, he has nightmares. vivid nightmares about whatever his brain can think of, and when he does sleep hes basically fighting his sheets for five hours because of these nightmares, and then he wakes up early and goes about his day as if he wasn't at war with literal demons 20 minutes ago.

doc knows about these nightmares, of course he does, he's a light sleeper and lightnings room is just across the hall, he's also completely aware that the kid sneaks out the window every night because, although lightning is quiet around the house, he is not too graceful when hes attempting to climb out the window -- he's fallen into the bush beneath it countless times.

because of this, doc has tried everything to help him with the nightmare issue, from melatonin to getting him to just write down whatever he was dreaming about to show himself it wasnt real, and absolutely none of it worked. in fact, melatonin seemed to make it worse, and doc gave up there.

3. doc wears a silver "wedding" band. he's not married, in fact he's never been interested in having a partner or getting married at all (i dub thee aroace) but when he was younger he was certainly eye candy for girls at the racetrack and they fawned over him like nobodies business. he comes up with the great idea to get a silver ring and lie, he makes up some tragic backstory to tell whenever a woman asks him why he has a ring or who the lucky person is, and it makes them back of pretty quickly. in reality, the ring is made from a small wheel bearing, and smokey made it for him when he asked because he thought it was funny as hell and was like yes sure but pls make it sound ridiculous . and dont ever tell the same story twice. confuse them.

word gets around and he's told multiple different stories so everyone is confused, but if someone questions him he just gives them a Look and they shut up about it.

even after his crash and his inevitable leave from the piston cup and thomasville, along with his change of address, he continued to wear the ring just in case he got recognized or something.. (it was for aesthetic reasons, he loves that ring its just his signature thing now)

ok... thats it for now, is this how things get formatted here??? do we Like this???

[doublel27]

That’s so valid about Owen. “I’m gonna go annoy my kids now”

And there was something so squishy about the 3 of them being a lil family unit now 🥹

I'm sure whoever you are, dear sweet nonny, you threw this in here knowing I would likely meta on about it.

And I've been thinking about the end scenes nearly all day.

I'm notoriously interested in Owen as a character. He's a facinating character who, like his son, has had his life scarred by loss. Owen's whole raison d'etre is saving his brother. It's why saving that one little girl from drowning sent him into a life focused on saving others. Then he lost his entire firehouse in 9/11, and slowly lost other survivors of 9/11 to cancer and mental health disorders.

Then, he has to bring his son back from the dead and moves him to Texas in an attempt to save his life and restart, all while diagnosed with cancer. We lose Tim Rosewater which sets Owen into deep levels of depression and guilt, because he'll never be able to keep the promise that everyone who starts a shift goes home at the end of it.

Gwyn is in town, and they're still in love and he's working on making it work. They're gonna have a baby and Owen has a redo. He's got a chance to do it RIGHT this time. Because Owen's fatal flaw is always believing if things had been different, if he had been better, if he'd beena moment sooner: maybe he could have fixed things. He had a whole speech to that effect in last night's episode, where he figured if he'd known about 9/11 ahead of time that he could have prevented his whole team from dying.

Then the baby's not his and Gwyn leaves and whatever Owen managed to cobble together of his mental health for Gwyn and teh baby disipates and there's a lot of very classic PTSD/depressive/anxiety things that come up in Owen.

And then we lose Gwyn which is devestating to everyone but Owen soldiers on for TK, but he's...not doing well, at all. He finally gets his ass to therapy and even though we see him make some progress he's still keeping TK at a distance. Mostly because TK's doing well and Owen CANT be Captain Save a Ho for TK in these moments. He does crop up (usually) when TK's struggling, but only when there's something TO DO.

This episode marked a change.

Owen, in talking with O'Brien, who is giving a speech pretty reminicent of Owen's own speeches, about how he made a promise and he didn't keep it because look at this awful thing that happened, and Owen manages to give solid reasoning to be like "Look, he's alive and his son's alive and that's something."

And then it's like the lightbulb goes off in Owen's brain as O'Brien takes off after his great nephew - that Owen is indeed alive, and his son is also alive, and that's something. He may not have saved everyone but he saved TK.

Then, Owen goes and picks up food (which is really one of Carlos and TK's main love langauges, is feeding people - TK does it with takeout because he shouldn't be in the kitchen) and brings it over. But he doesn't just pick up any take out, he picks up the chinese food that TK introduced Gwyn to that they used to eat as a family.

I take this to be significant in multiple ways:

One, the Gwyneth Morgan of it all. Owen picked something that was a family thing and brought it over. Which is a very significant thing to do.

Two, it's one of the few times that food is involved and Owen doesn't mention the healthy/unhealthy nature of the food. Look, I could probably write a whole disertation on why Owen Strand, who has survived 21 1/2 years post 9/11 is obsessed with his health, but nearly every interaction with food, Owen has a coment about it. He doesn't make a single comment about this round of chinese food. I lied, he doesn't mention it in 3.08 either. But that's in the wake of grief, and maybe here Owen's still living in it.

Three, ordering chinese is very clearly TK's comfort meal. Look, a lot of us who are neurospicy joke about TK being neurospicy. And when you are neurospicy, there are certain foods that are..."safe" or an instant "yes" all the time. And we default to them often. I know when I'm struggling when I'm like "It's a comfort food day." (I have a rotation) but it eliminates decision fatigue and the need to emotionally regulate if it's not exactly what you wanted. Chinese food has a connection to Gwyn, and comfort and it comes up a lot when TK's stressed. (Even in 3.03, when Carlos doesn't come home, TK ordered chinese for them)

And then Owen does something he hasn't done...at all...since TK moved out (maybe they did when they moved into Owen's house and I don't know where they had chinese in 3.08) but Owen shows up at their place to share a meal with them.

And it's significant because TK and Carlos have invited him over for many meals between seasons 2 and 3, and Owen never accepts. Or, in the case of 2.11, Owen accepts and then goes off to catch an arsonist instead, which could be his hero complex but could also be a general avoidance of things that are uncomfortable for Owen, like TK growing up and not needing Owen anymore.

For as much as Owen has been an absent father for various parts of TK's life, because of his PTSD and trauma and general *waves hands* Owenness, Owen is a loving dad who would do just about anything for his son. We know this, we've watched him do it. But Carlos is also a competent control freak who Owen trusts implicitly with TK's life on numerous occasions. I do believe there's a big part of Owen's psyche that doesn't know what to do if he's not NEEDED.

But at the end of 4.06, he shows up, with chinese food, which is not needed because TK and Carlos already made a beautiful dinner and are looking very handsome, but he comes in and tells TK that he's proud of him, again. And you know, not trying to blow people up is a very low bar, but you know, TK clears it. And then they stay and have dinner, and Owen inserts himself in his son's life, not because TK needs him, but because Owen WANTS to be there, and that's such a drastic change for these two.

I love that Carlos and TK bring him in. Look, we could punish Owen for his mistakes and transgressions, but that's never been who TK is and this is his last living biological parent (Enzo forever) and TK loves him. And Carlos loves TK and respects Owen and wants them to have a good relationship.

And I cannot wait for Owen to "do what he does best" (owen's words) and be a pain in their asses about this wedding.

[livsspecialinterests]

hi lads quick question are there any coping strategies for when it's too warm at night and the sound of the fan you use sometimes dowsnt bother you but sometimes cant be drowned out, and your partner snores (sometimes right fucking next to your head!!) and every single strategy people try to suggest is already something you do?? if one more person tries to "just use earplugs, they really work!" me I'm going to lose it.

basically it's 4:50 AM I've been awake since 3 and have to be up anyway in less than an hour so I've just got up to do my skincare stuff and might try to write for half an hour.

I've been on the whole sleeping better since starting ADHD meds, maybe that's why I react so strongly to having a shit nights sleep now. Like I work weird hours and have a decent number of days off between shifts for the next few weeks but just because I can sleep in some days doesn't mean its okay that I spend half of the night awake??

and my husband doesn't mean to snore, obviously, and he sleeps downstairs on the sofa if it's been a few nights where he's been snoring badly so I'm not even directly complaining about him but I know the shit effect that long term sleep deprivation has on people's health, let alone how fucking annoying it is in general to lie there listening to someone REALLY LOUDLY sleeping for hours on end and then needing to get up at 5:45 AM for work

I know it's partially an issue of my mood regulation but jesus fucking christ if lying awake for hours/drifting in and out of sleep/dragging myself downstairs to sleep on the sofa doesnt make me want to kill myself literally nothing does (and don't get me fucking STARTED on the process I have to follow in getting changed, moving my pillows downstairs etc because the sofa is "dirty" and my pillows are supposed to be "clean", yes I probably have OCD but I've never managed to get anyone to take it seriously so I just deal with it)

like my poor husband if he wakes up while I'm on my way downstairs says I'm really mean and like... yeah? my tone is a mixture of being pissed off that I've not slept AGAIN, trying to not cry because insomnia is something I've been dealing with since I've been a literal child, and also trying to not just flat out tell him that I want to die because I know he knows its hyperbole/something that I say in the moment to try to express my distress but I know it worries him when I talk like that so I don't want to do that

(though he will now check with me before saying he's had a bad night's sleep, since for him a bad night means he maybe woke up a few times before going right back to sleep ie he slept for like 7 hours but it wasn't great quality sleep, whereas for me a bad night is getting maybe an hour or two, interspersed with rage/sadness/loneliness/anxiety)

[chososcamgirl]

this one’s a long one.. heh… 😈 hope ur ready to hear me yap abt (mainly) toge 🤤‼️

HEYHEYHEY SIGMA ALPHA IYA OH MY GYATTT THE NEW CHAPTER WAS SO 🫣😍😩 HAD ME BARKING N SHIT.. THE SUKUNA PART??? HELLO??? I fear we may have fumbled… OK BUT LIKE IM SO HOOKED CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER CUS I CAN ALREADY SMELLLLL THE TENSION3&33$3!3?3 THE TOGE PART… LITERALLY ON THE FLOOR. ALL 4.. ARR RT HTJRSTSHDTJJTDDTJDTJJDTTDJYDTJDTDJ WAKING UP RO A NEW CHALTER IS ALWAYS YHE BESTTTT I LIT JUST GOT UP SO NO DAILY YAP 😣😣 UGHHH UR PLAYLISTS ALWAYS FUCKING HIT IM LITERALLLY HAVING AN EARGASM RN 😩‼️🐺😈🔥 LIKE I SWEARRRRR IF SOUNDMATES WERE REAL WE WOULD B MATCHED 😈🔥‼️CUS I WONT ALLOW A STEPCEST INDULGER SLIDE IN MY DMS… UGHEBEBEJEBBE IM LITERALLY DROOLING 🤤 UR FEEEDING US GOOOOODDDD MGMTMMFPPHHHHH 😣🤤‼️😈 IM SO 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 FOR TOGE PLEASEEEEEE MATCH MY FREAAKKKKK MEOWOOOWWWWWWW… oh and uh… megumi’s there too ig… 😒😒 UGHH ANYWAY IM LITERALLLY FEINING RNNNN 🤤😩‼️🔥 I NEEEEEEEDDDDDDD A NEW CHAPTER ASAPPPPPEEKEJNENR ILY IYA THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING US WITH A FEASSSSSTTTTTTT IM LITERALLY IN FUCKING HEATTTT AURGHHHHHH ILYSM IYAAA ILL KILL U IF U DIE 👿👿 SUKUNA AS YNs EX IS SO PERFECT LIKE UGHHHH I LOVE HOW UR BRAIN WORKS WERE LITERALLY TELEPATHIC LIEK STOP MATCHING MY FREAKK SO WELLL UGHHH IM ALMOST THEREEE 😩 AND THE SOMF YOU CHOSE FOR THE TITLE?? UGHHHH ILYSMMMM SHES MY COLLAR IS LITERALLY MYYYY SHITTTTT OMGGGGG U MATCH MY 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 SOOO WELLL IM SO DOWN BAD FOR TOGE PLEASEEEEEE… FOAMING AT THE MOUTH FOR HIMMMM ARGHHHH EVERYTHING ABT THE CHAPTER WAS BEYOND PERFECTION 🤤🙂‍↕️ARBRBRRBHRHRJSIEJE IM BARKINGGGGGGG FOR TOGE PLEASEEEEEE UGHHH THE COMPLIMENT AND THE HUG… DONT stop I’m SOOOOO CLOSEEEEE 😖😩🤤‼️… GIVE ME ONE CHANCE ILL LITERALLY START PRAYING AND SPIRITUALLY CONNECTING MYSELF SO HE NOTICES ME.. 😼😼

ANYWAYYS… HOW ARE YOU IYAAAAAA??? HOPE U ATE WELL AFTER FEEDING US SO GOOODDDDD ARBRBRBRBRJJEBE I LOVEEEE U SM I WANT TO CRAWL IN YOUR SKIN AND THRIVE IN YOUR BRAIN SO I GET EVERY SINGLE IDEA YOU HQVE FOR SJAPPPP I WAS WAITING FOR THE CHAPYET I FELL ASLEEP IN MY MAKEUP BUt ITS OKAY CUS I WOKE UP TO A NEW CHAPTERRR UGHHH I LIT LOVE U AND TOGE SMMMM FEINNINGGGG 🤤🤤🤤🤤 VRO MY RECENTLY USED EMOJIS ARE SOOO FREAKY BECAUSE OF THE NEW CHAPTER UGHH IDECCC IM SO CLOSEEEEEE.. OK IM GONNA GO TAKE OFF MY MAKEUP NOW 😣😔😭 BYE IYA SIGMAAA ILYSMMM IM GONNA FLY TO AUSTRALIA AND GIVE YOU THE WETEST KISSESSSS 🤤😩😍

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!! 🐺🐺🐺

i just finished work!!! i was saving this to answer after incase i had a bad day at work (i didn’t) so DOUBLE YAY. let’s begin😈 LMFAOO im glad you like it! i was STRUGGLING to excecute my vision like it took a lot out of me to finish that chapter HELP but i’m happy with it and im glad it’s out now!! the tension was THICK let me tell u that. i loved the cliffhanger at the end bc i love edging yall 😏😏 LOL toge seems like a fan favourite along with sukuna now surprisingly. I WILL NOT DIE!! unless panda’s bounty changes to me… i’m WEAK😭 u r so funny alpha pls never die or ill have to kill off toge in honour of u💔

it’s always goddamn hot in there idk if that’s just me but i’m always HOT😭 work was okay i was just covering the lunch breaks and then i get to go home :3 i am eating rn actually! rice paper rolls mmmm. i will let u live in my brain🙂‍↕️ NOT U FALLUNG ASLEEP IN UR MAKEUP OMF THATS THW WORST FOR ME😭 LMFAO it’s bc UR freaky 🫵 yes i will greet u at the airport with balloons and a big sign saying “welcome home alpha”😏 i hope ur day was good alpha! lmk!! also did u end up finding ur airpods… also the teacher! tell meeee!! <3333 iya out !!!

[silkmothh]

Servitude journal: habitual burnout

The official 'diagnosis' was occupational burnout... up until this last week. I've been upgraded to habitual burnout. It's like the basic shit except my body is reacting now too. Stress headaches that trigger migraine episodes if i cant recover, tummy aches, chills, panic attacks...

Anyway, TW depression/SI/self harm

TDLR sub space and burnout do not mix xoxoxo

I've been burnt out since January, and I've been trying to work with my job to get some much needed time off. I got my schedule changed, so I work 3 days/off 4 days. It took 3 months for anything to change bc of the fucking bureaucracy plague. This month, my new schedule started, but it's too late, I've upgraded to habitual burnout! (<- sarcasm, this is hell) and I've never, honestly, been closer to su!cide. not even through all the trauma of my upbringing. Back then, I had escapes or distractions, I could stay with friends or family, I would go to school, I could find little glimmers of silver linings and keep going. But now? This? Everything PHYSICALLY hurts. If I'm not actively resting, it feels like my body is shutting down. I can't think, act, eat, drive, clean, shop, play a mildly challenging game, read, write, cook YOU NAME IT I will be sick and couch-bound for at least an hour after, MINIMUM. Sir is making me sleep in (ei, not waking me up when I miss my alarms every single fckn time) and sleep isn't even sleeping! I don't dream, but i don't see the darkness of sleep or feel the passage of time, nope! I close my eyes, slow my breathing, and then wake up 2 hours later. All night. Every 2 hours. Over and over again. How do I tell my brain this is not helping????

Aaaaanyway, on to the sex shit.

Submitting and serving is not fun right now. It fucking hurts. Every action that brings exhaustion also applies to everything I want to do for Sir. I was just riding in the car yesterday for errands and I still ended up bed bound when we were done.

Sex is whatever, if I just lay there it's not too bad. But we have found out sub space is not a greeeeat place.

I don't experience sub drop, per say, but instead a rapid plummet into the pits of despair. I have a panic attack before I'm back up. Puts me out of commission for the rest of the day. 2 days in a row now :/ we've figured it out at this point, but that does not make the recovery any quicker.

Dr's tell me to do something low energy I enjoy, but what do I do if not turn my brain off and serve my lord? My everything?

Burnout does not stop the overwhelming ache to submit.

And I don't get a lot of time with Sir, truly, so it's not like he can dote on me.

What do I do when he doesn't have the time or energy to wait on me? I'm trying to recover by myself, but even breathing feels like a monstrous chore.

[mojaves]

know, meet strange, and loss for sebastian 👀

it feels like you reached into his brain and picked out the perfect questions for him. i am going insane already thank you

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

as much as he likes to think he knows himself, he really doesnt - outright refuses to acknowledge that he's mentally and physically exhausted most of the time, ignores his body when it's in pain, and on the off chance he decides to pay attention to it, he won't do anything about it. and it's entirely because of 1] how he was brought up, with his father convincing him from a VERY young age that expressing discomfort, or really any emotion, and getting injured was a sign of Failure and a Weakness. so he basically grew up terrified of trying to get to know himself in any capacity. and 2] arasaka taking advantage of all of that, because they knew he would completely ignore any injuries he may get in a fight and just keep going until his whole body falls apart, which is. absolutely terrifying for anyone having to witness that. to say the least. to sum all of That up, he's pretty much been on autopilot for most of his life, not once stopping along the way to make sure he's alright. but when he gets divorced, and later nearly killed + leaves arasaka, things finally start changing for him. VERY small steps of course. but it finally happens. eventually. one day.

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

basically every single time he encountered the assassin arasaka hired to kill him. which happened a lot more often than you'd expect. from an assassin. whose sole purpose. is to kill seb. and while it wasn't a good experience by any stretch. it wasn't Bad?? either?? because. for starters, gets him out of the base he works at so he's not just doing paperwork 24/7, more exercise, every day he wakes up alive is a fun surprise, and whatever happens after that is a bonus. plus he gets to occasionally encounter a pretty guy who wants to kill him. the bad [multiple very bad injuries for both parties, sleepless nights worrying he's going to die, emotional, mental, physical exhaustion. to name a few] far outweighs the good. but. the prettyboy part of it makes it juuuust a little more bearable. so. to answer the first bit. good. bad. AND weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you'll never guess what happens next [you cant] [many years later they end up getting married] [if you can believe it]

Loss: Is there anyone important to your OC who has passed away? How did they handle the loss?

oueriughrasfkujghagdghdsgdsghg this one is killing me dead on the ground. kieran, one of the gang's netrunners, died while on the job and seb did NOT handle it well. even a little bit. big breakdown followed by barely talking/moving for an entire week. bc kieran was like a son to him, like a younger brother, who reminded him SO much of his own brother, which explains why seb was always so protective of him. he's not home anymore to keep his own brother safe. and then he couldn't keep this kid safe either, in the end. am i going to chew live wires now?? you bet i am!!!!!

[rigil-kentauris]

thinking about the forbidden FEH man, are we? (´• ω •`)

*sighs* YES, THERES MORE THAN ONE CLOWN ON THE DASH TODAY

its HIS FAULT ^^^^^^^^^^ i wake up every day and look at my zsumzsum its a CONSTANT reminder of the BETTER PAST i once beheld... i cant bring my self to get rid of him because he took me forever to make. i really ought to, but cest la vie.

also i heard that laegjarn the undead is now canonically runnig things in muspell which, i am vulnerable to thinking about my modern AU, and you cant just tell me laegjarns not just back but BACK and that laevateinn has a chance to be a proper child again and NOT make me go hmm... you could make a narrative out of that. the younger generation (laevateinn, ylgr) getting back the siblings theyve lost to war, getting to step back from the resposibility for a nation (not a queen, not the only niflian princess carrying the legacy of her two dead older sisters and mother). the younger generations PERHAPS getting to bond and become friends and share their experiences as the heal from the shared trauma.

in fact its almost like. theres another child, who is a younger sister. with a dead sibling. and responsibility for a nation. and a crippling sense of isolationary lonliness who.

this could also apply to.

ANYWAY THEY HAD SOME AUDACITY. to make a whole book worth of narrative that said. no matter how hopeless it seems, you still have hope. your friends can help you. you may want to die, but death is not the answer. if that god troubles you we'll kill that god. and then. make death the answer and kill the HIM instead. i was hopelessly biased but i still think that was a shit thing to do to your narrative. especially when the meta of that narrative is Let's Collect Friends And Become Stronger

what a waste of a quote, too. i know i just said it but WHAT A MOMENT. ''you cant fight the gods'' ''NOT TRUE i can and will find and kill if that god is bothering you king'' and then you dont even give your MC a win? what a MISS. what a miss.

not a single person in the story for whom i think that story beat worked and i will never understand it.

but at least it freed me from feh. largely anyway. sometimes i see a post like ''what if my love for you changed the narrative'' and i think. sigh. we could have had anything but what we got. anything at all

[cooganbegs-blog]

Of Ups and Downs.

It was a rollercoaster day today. I’m tired and emotional.

Down - every time I look at SBO and see how frail and skinny he is, how he only eats what I offer him by hand, no chicken anymore just the best raw steak I can find (I’ve never eaten steak like he is being served up on a daily basis! I’ve finally found something to burn my useless salary on!), the constant sobs initiated by his usual head pushed against me waiting for stokes.

Up - I finally feel I added some value to my team! God, I now have three people in my team and my fellow gal pal (marketing manager) gave some some tips and a spreadsheet to help setup my teams individual priorities for next quarter. I emailed it round this morning with direction on how I want us to priorities our work:

- a learning priority: they can chose something they want to learn (a compulsory 10% of their bonus) to encourage curiosity and a growth mindset (an essential trait of a product person)

- a product priority set by me: there is some shit that just needs to get done, that pushes the team forward, advances the product or our processes. Willing to negotiate on the success metrics

- a personal priority - each person can chose a priority they want to work towards, it cants be BAU, it must be something that is a stretch. I will need to approve or negotiate and key results are also negotiable.

All my peeps were happy and I had a light build moment that the single most valuable thing I can do for them is provide what begged all my useless CPO’s for in my previous roles. Give them direction and the why, and they will solve the how! I finally came away after several hours relieved instead of berating myself for being useless! I did have to get tough and negotiate with my PO (new to this role but an excellent BA), she just won’t prioritise learning how to think like a product person. She’s in danger of losing some of her bonus because she just didn’t make time. Will see if she delivers on the compromise I suggested! My new PO/PM is so delightful (if confident!), he talks my language and I don’t have to change his nappy or tell him how to do his job!! So refreshing!

Down - I kind of lost my shit in a meeting! Not hugely but I did let my frustrations show. Explaining that the meeting we were in (and several others I had to sit through) were quite frankly a fucking waste of time until the exec team makes a call on how we segment a customer base. I am not prepared to (its well above my pay grade!) and have provided the necessary data for them to battle it out. The project manager agreed, the meeting was cut short. I immediately regretted my outburst and sent a message to her apologising for letting my frustrations get the better of me. I also owned I probably should have escalated a week or so ago but have been snowed under with a thousand other priorities (roadmaps, product relates plans and annual planning). Gulp. Note to Self: bite my tongue next time and go to her direct not in front of 7 other people.

Up - my work trip to the US was cancelled so I can stay home with Loki!

Down - I haven’t been for a run or been to the gym since I got back. I forgot how fucking brutal the dark, icy morning are here and what a disincentive it is to running. I hate it.

Up - finally got booked in to have my shoulder injected, although I’m absolutely shitting myself.

Down - did I mention just how dark and cold it is.

Up - winter solstice is imminent. Which means the long slow downhill slide into summer….and by summer I mean January next year!!

Down - hearing Loki licking incessantly all night and not knowing what he was doing. Waking this morning and discovering his bed was absolutely saturated with pee and him so distraught and mortified. So much cortisone equals so much extra water drinking equals so much peeing. Only he didn’t get up at all. Im setting my alarm for 3 hour intervals tonight to get him up. He’s definitely an old, old dog now and it breaks my fucking heart. A matter of weeks ago he was shiny, lithe, well muscled and a bundle of cheek. Now he’s gaunt, slow and smells of old dog and urine. Fuck it’s so unfair. I don’t want anything to change, I want to go backwards in time and freeze when he’s young and active and full of beans. The end is closing in faster and faster and there’s no way to stop it. And foolishly I just keep wishing and wishing I could turn back time.

Up - I found a packet on M&M’s in my luggage which I completely forgot about and discovered just when I needed them around 3pm this afternoon!

[winniethegoblin]

Why am I surprised I'm falling over when I'm always looking backwards?

I am paralysed with fear of time wasted. As young as I can remember I have always been looking backwards, even as a teenager, even if it was just wanting to go back a single year. The idea of lost time scares me into submission time and time again. I fear the choices I made were wrong. I fear im too late to make a change.

This fear has stifled personal growth, its stopped me from pursuing interests and hobbies, and its staggeringly damaged relationships. For example I've always called myself a creative, I've always been the artsy type, but after dabbling in a bit of this and that and touching just about every artform I could think of I never doubled down on any of them, aside from film & TV. And for a while that felt like a legitimate path, a real future. I graduated university and worked in the industry for several years. I always say that it was due to my lack of connections and money to self-fund, along with difficulty networking, that led to me failing out of the industry. But if im entirely honest with myself I just dont think I had the bite. It's an incredibly competitive industry people will sell their souls to find success in, and maybe ultimately I just didnt have the drive.

That was the most I ever committed to any craft, 3yrs of university and 4/5yrs of being a Runner. I cant remember the last time I actually created anything - aside from drunken, uninspired attempts at poetry in my notes app. At a certain point, I mean, how long does it take for me to be a liar when I tell someone I write or draw or im a photographer etc. how long does it have to have been since I last did those things? Organically, I might add, and intentionally too! Not just by happenstance took a nice picture while on a walk but I mean properly dedicating some time some conscious intention into a creative endeavour.

You know what the real bastard is though? I always say I'll get to it, when I've got more time, or money, or I'm in a better place! "When I finally have my life together" I tell myself knowing full well that that is a day that will never come because of the type of person I am. For the same reason I haven't picked up an instrument in years, for the same reason I crashed out of the industry I 'dreamed of' for so long, for the same things I've listed above.

I am paralysed with fear.

I have been since I can remember, and waiting for a day, waiting for that opportune moment to make a change? Well that's the most insane choice I ever made. And I make it on a daily basis.

Every day I wake up and decide that today is not the day.

I realised the other day I'm coming up to the middle of the 2/4th of my life, and it would just be really nice if I could actually start living it.

[abiamantha]

Wait ive just realized that im probably never gonna eat pizza at home again. Sure, if my couisin visits, or classmates are over for a project we might order some. But I'm never gonna get pizza on a random tuesday night again- my dad used to come home from work with a pizza box, and we knew he would because he'd send us a picture of the drive in so we knew in advance and didnt prepare something else for dinner. But now my dad has heart problems and other things that he's taking care of his eating for, and now he sounds just like my mom when he says he cant eat something or we shouldnt have it or we shouldnt buy it because everything is bad and he Has To Take Care of His Eating Now. Which I know is true. He's doing a magnificent job at it, and he's working out a lot and has amazing discipline with it. It just hurts to be sitting at the kitchen table and try slightly roasted aubergine (because even olive and vegetable oil are Bad and we shouldnt have them) (it tasted horrible, it was coated salted in the crumb bread thing i abhor, and my sensory-whatever made me want to spit everything out anyway) and realize that I cant escape it, because the things my mom has been saying for years now have an echo. They're discussing how even oats are Bad because even if they have fiber they're really bad for god knows what and too much sugar and something else that i cant quite remember, while i feel self conscious because im reaching for another tortilla when i know i had carbs already for lunch. Maybe i wouldnt feel so bad about craving a piece of the chocolates they've given me at school if i had the Discipline to work out. Which is something i did for a while and it was fun but i havent worked out since like september last year. And i cant bear it because every single fucking day my mom tells me i should work out. I used to tell her i did. I know i should especially to strengthen the operated foot and i really want to but i dont want to be seen. Ever since last august I do 25 squats before i brush my teeth and before i shower, which is not enough for anything but ibe done it snd i. She doesnt believe me. Truth is i hate the thought of her seeing me work out, so when i did i closed my bedroom door a bit more tha usual (her room is almost across from mine) (i never close my door so it'd be weirder) but it is not enough. Last summer i worked out every day and had loads of fun and felt like i was accomplishing something. I knew i wasnt doing it for myself fully, but the pride i felt was completely and unabashedly my own. I just couldnt balance that with school and doing homework until 11 pm and waking up and being told i need to exercise (It has changed from "you could get abs if you just worked out and look at this im ugly I'll never get rid of these rolls i got when i gave birth that make me look Bad and Horrible and You Should Avoid it because youll end up like me anyway" since 8 to "maybe you wont look so bad in those clothes if you slim down" at 16). But working out was fun. Just me, and the trainer o youtbe whose videos i liked because they were fun and easy and challenging and she was so sweet and encouraging and i wish i could go back to a time when my Stomach or my Eyebrows or my Glasses or my Lips or my Mustache or my Leg hair werent the most important thing for my mother to tell me about (because all of those are Bad, am i blind?). I just want to eat pizza with my family and feel like im going to be okay

[solardick]

One of the biggest problems with the tarot’s depiction of strength is the lion. Not speaking of Waite’s version. The marseilles or italiano versions are the correct one’s in the current context. The lion isn’t an adequate symbol. For what it has come to represent in popular fiction. This includes it’s role in the zodiac showcase for leo. Or the warner brother’s films. Disney’s the lion king is a prime example also. For the lion here in tarot is supposed to mean the wild. The wild in man. To contrast it against the woman. And this is why she’s wrestling it. To added context here is the lion and his pride. Which is an interesting group of concepts to think about. Considering they are all interconnected in this way by association. Many animals will work as a replacement for the lion. All excluding pets or domesticated animals. Including house cats.

In russian lion and forest only have a single letter change that distinguishes on from the other. And most of these other animals, gender cannot be easily distinguished. There’s one animal in particular that bridges continental differences. And that’s the bear. Bears can be found almost everywhere. Save for africa i beleive. Maybe im wrong and Australia. But, austrailia doesnt really count when it comes to tarot anyway. The southern hemisphere doesn’t match most od the “esoteric” symbol the rest of the world has.

Christmas for them isn’t the darkest day of the year. And alit of “christmass magic” is stunted by this fact. It’s not as powerful.

Remove the lion. Remove the association to the emperor and the “holy roman empire”. Removes the basic infant needs, habits, or the “internal feminine” attacking the “patriarchy”. Replace her with a man and the scene changes significantly. Same message less bs. But the tarot sucks no matter how you look at it. A one side game. And uou can only only loss at it. And its like teying to read a lnaguge wth t any vowels in it. Not possible.

Some minor alterations to my hogh priestess card and it makes a fitting Bv card.

Yeah…. Think im broken now. No longer care. Only took 39 years of being fucked by the world. Ar every step. Dont think his goi g to try talking anymore. To anyone. Or trying to accomplish anything. Or trying to develop. There’s nothign to talk about or anything to say really.

Like oh great its a member of the oppositiee sex. Hows the rest if the community going to yse her to fuck with me?

Sorry ass rot pain is back. Not to be confused with the railbone pain or the sphincter hardons.

But. Back on the begative note. I have a hard enough time explaining sensitive issues in english never mind a foreign doctor that cant speak english woth a heavy foreign accent on his french. Or to a “gardian” that flips shit on you and starts beating on you ir throwing a spycotic fit whenever your person is involved. Oh well. Bred to be abused. All those years od heavy chaos. Ans all i needed was a pretty face. Not prine to violence and abuse. But, oh well. That time os gone now. Theres no hope in connecting to anyone. It seems that after all these years of abuse have left me with a disease.

I dont think thos is the real world at all. Cant wait to die so i can wake up to reality.