#im arguing with myself help
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hms-incorrect-quotes · 6 months ago
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Heart: Can you get me mayo?
Mind: But we have mayo.
Heart, meaning ‘It’s going to run out soon’: It’s going to die soon
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sydmarch · 17 days ago
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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hollowfairybabybat · 6 months ago
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lol busted inside of my lip
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pilonciillo · 5 days ago
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷‍♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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I know it would literally never happen, but whenever the speculation of who the next James Bond will be comes up, I can only think about how I would sell my soul to get a butch lesbian James Bond 😣
#cause people are always arguing against having a female 007 bcs it would change too much#okay so why not just swap her gender and change nothing else 😌#i realized when writing this post tho that my one oc is literally my concept for a lesbian james bond 😭#butch lesbian womanizer who wears suits all the time and smokes/drinks too much and loves money and weapons#i think about this every once in a while and i want it so badly but it will literally never happen#please she would be so masc and cool and sexy#i dont know if i necessary like the idea of making a new chara to be 007#but like....female James Bond but nothing else changes 👀#im trying to fall asleep and i can only envision various scenes from casino royale but w my version of james bond#pls she could be jamie bond!!!#sorry this is completely random and probably nonsensical but it haunts me so often#every time i rewatch casino royale im like man...espionage movies are cool! and then start fantasizing about female james bond#the names bond. jamie bond.#maybe i will draw it sometime#just not sure how id design her bcs as i said my brain cant help but be a bit stuck on my oc that fits pretty well#but seriously. they wouldnt even have to change anything!#like they have all the jokey pun names for women...guess what. even more opportunities#but like gahhhhhh i think about a masc woman in the bond movies ive watched and im like wow i would enjoy this movie substantially more!#like the shower scene in casino royale........#i cant even rly bring myself to watch bond movies older than the daniel craig ones bcs the objectification and misogyny bothers me too much#but imagining a masc woman in their place 👀 i am on board!#imagining her with bond girls 😳😳😳😳😳#sorry again: super random but it is late please forgive me#catie.rambling.txt
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bitegore · 2 months ago
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getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now
#red rambles#my psychiatrist wants to put me on anxiety medication to help me sleep because she thinks the issue with me sleeping and stuff is ptsd rela#related and I CANT REALLY ARGUE??? i dont think it is and as far as im concerned i dont feel anxiety at all but like I CANT REALLY ARGUE. i#keep thinking about it because to be completely honest this pisses me off more than i can express in words and ive been gnashing my teeth#about it all afternoon and like i dont think 'i have to play loud and abrasive music at night or else i jerk awake at every sound and can't#convince myself it was nothing and also have auditory hallucina#oh fuck. lmfao i forgot to mention that.#she was even talking about how auditory hallucinations are a lot more significant and i do just kind of have low grade auditory hallucinati#all the fucking time i just dont pay attention to them because i play music and ignore it. hashtag mentally healthy and sound#like im fine the last time i heard a coherent Voice telling me to coherent Do Things i was like 17 lmfao#but i sure do hear footsteps that aren't and breaking glass that isnt and indistinct human voice murmuring sounds that arent all the time#........ fucking i dont feel like emailing her to be like hi i forgot to mention this because i am so good at tuning it all out.#if its that big a deal it'll start mattering for realsies and if its not ill just let it lie until next appointment#ANYWAY THAT DOES KIND OF SOUND LIKE THE BEHAVIORS OF AN ANXIOUS PERSON. A LITTLE.#the jerking awake if there are noises and making up noises to jerk awake to bit. specifically#but also like it doesnt scare me it just makes me wake up and then i am awake and going 'what??? bhuh???' and then im mad im awake but#im not scared very often. it takes a lot. ignore that the last time i got significantly capital s scared was like two weeks ago i thought m#friend's house was on fire and they were about to go to sleep and die. thats a reasonable situation to be freaked out in#ANYWAY THIS PISSES ME OFF REALLY BAD. I DONT LIEK IT.
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sludgeguzzler · 11 months ago
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therapy is going to be a struggle bc i just know that as soon as i mention The Divorce the therapist will try to trace all my problems back to The Divorce and to be completely honest with you, i dont think ive ever had a specific problem with my parents not being together anymore (i kinda knew itd happen eventually) and i feel like my issues come more from the aftermath than from the event itself
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fudge24-7 · 11 months ago
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Wondering if tumblr is really good for me
#fudge does a talky talk#idk im just thinking#i keep on going to reply sections (bad idea)#and find myself getting into arguments#but what im most concerned about is how#idk harsh i feel im becoming?#like i try my best to somewhat be polite even in repkies but I find myself failing#and i feel like the hostility in tumblr reply sections in general might be a part of that#idk i probably just need to stay away from replies#i geuss whats concerning as well is that i usually tried to avoid arguments in the past#it felt like a pointless waste of energy that wouldn't change the other oersons mind anyway and woukd juetclead to anger on both sides#maybe in some ways its better that I'm more open to the idea people won't always be closed minded but#idk if thats worth the amount of aggression that usually comes with using tumblr reoky sections#or if replying and argueing at all is really worth it#or maybe I'm just blaming tumblr for a me problem idk#because I'll admit deep down kindness is not my first instinct#it is unfortunately to insult and attack perceived threats#i try to manage that but i don't always succeed#maybe tumblr doesn't help but idk#I know I don't usually make posts like these but#i geuss i should in case this leads to me not using tumblr as much? idk if thats going to haooen honestly but I'm thinking#In case it does i felt i should post this so people would udnerstand whats going on#i geuss i don't exactly owe anyone that but#I also wanted to get this off my chest#the more i think about it i think this is more of a 'tumblr bringing out the worst in me' then 'tumblr making me act a way i usually wouldn#idk what haplened with the reoly sections though i really used to not do that#geuss I've been desperate for human interaction? and getting into arguments is easier then starting a freindly conversation with someone#and idk maybe I've been feeling frusterated and like I can't really express my feelings to the people around me#so I've also been craving being able to actually say I don't agree with something#vent post
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snekdood · 3 months ago
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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kaeyapilled · 2 years ago
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what do you think about the kaeya = caribert theory? i saw some people use it as an 'explanation why his skin is dark' like. oh he used to be a Monster and the skin is a remnant of it :) and it pissed me off so bad. i need to know what other people think about it
its honestly not a theory im super fond of i think its a little stupid no offense. i dont think it makes a lot of sense? to go super in depth i'd have to take another look at the caribert quest (and maybe read up on the khaenri'ah lore we have so far again) but i kinda feel like it establishes pretty firmly that kaeya couldnt be caribert. descended from that branch of the family maybe (though im more fond of the theory that kaeya is descended from the branch of alberichs that were actually being regents, something that chlothar wasnt involved in because he distanced himself from the rest of the family to look after his son) (makes sense that kaeya would know more about the alberichs being the regents in khaenri'ah than he knows about an alberich being the founder of the abyss order) (theres a post about it i reblogged it some time ago and it hasn't left my mind since) but like.. him actively being caribert? sounds.. honestly really dumb to me.. don't ask me how kaeya isnt (or at least doesn't seem to be) affected by any curse, be it monsterification or immortality, but i just feel like that isnt the explanation. the actual explanation could be related to the events in caribert though.. cant wait for them to tell us what it actually is lol. on the off chance that this fucking theory is true then ill just bite my tongue i guess but i know im right. ok now moving on to the elephant in the room. what kind of take even is thatttttt "thats why his skin is dark"what is bro talking about🔥🔥‼️ if i read that with my own two eyes id block a person SO fast. why would you say that and treat it as serious evidence and backing for your theory. thats just. racism basically. what. anyways kaeya whos half from sumeru supremacy
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br1ghtestlight · 8 months ago
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people on twitter being like "if your anxiety is so bad that you cant cook for yourself you should probably be institutionalized" would absolutely HATE to see how my life was in like 2019 lmao
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slimeciclecock · 1 year ago
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ah fuck off I'm going thru juanaflippa feelings now
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drysauce · 1 year ago
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i feel like withing next few months i might completely fall out with my best friend help
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bibleofficial · 1 year ago
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so ive accidentally stayed up WAY TOO FUCKIN LATE w my ethiopian KING - i went to take pics for this class & baked & we ran into each other on the stairwell & then we went to his place to drop his bags & for ciggys (where we grabbed LI & GOT HIM TO SMOKE TOO before he went upstairs again) & the 2 of us sent on a walk so i could take pics for this one clase & boy howdy did i learn SO much, also btw ethiopia is currently, still, in a civil war
#stream#hes absolutely fascinating like girl we both chat SO much & hes also on topic bc i derail SO fucking much & then we’ll go on tangent then#subtangetn then he’ll get us back to what we were talking abt but i literally Cannot Do That im juts like oh um… what we were taling abt#anyway#yea its 3am & i need to be up at 10am#ALSO i had tea w the chinese flatmates bc i saw arthur & i got to learn so much & also yen je explained different parts of chinese grammar#etc & it turns out that he is INTERESTED IN LEARNIGN SPANISH SO WERK IM GOING TO HELP & ALSO I MET THE OTHER FLATMATE TODAY TOO#girl ive been playing the sims w myself i’ll be talking to someone then do the little like person+ (green bar) like frendshop increased#persuasion increase d#so albert(o) is from mexico city bc i also was like is ur name albert ? sick um yea is it like actually alberto just curious xx so hes#alberto now#& arthur told me his real mame but i forgot bc literally im still running on the 4hrs sleep i got last night like yall i was like wow i#pigged out last night haha - literally bc i ate an entire bag of baby carrots - so i thought im not hungry ? no girl ur colon just full so i#just havent eaten bc then i was going to after my irst class today but i saw the chinese & harassed them until it was like 15mins until i#had to haul ass to get to the japanese class & girl … i know i was such a bitch i was losing my mind it was 2hrs & she was like ‘we will#only use an hour !’ BUT NO WE USED THE WHOLE HOUR I NEED THESE WEEABOO AS MFS TO SLOW DOWN#i FULLY dont know what im doing & these bitches r soeaking sentences & also 1 guy was arguing w the professor like girl .. shes literally#japanese ur going to have to take this L like ur british thru & thru baby#so anyway#im going to go make french fries in the baking sheet that might give me cancer#ive also never used a baking sheet to make french fries im sry i just dont get to eat these in the states bc i love hating myself ?#ive been eating so much mayo i love peri peri omg … kewpie mayo …… im squatting
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mrfoox · 1 year ago
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Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha
#miranda talking shit#I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact#I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like 👍 life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see#Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day#But here i am just.... Like...living?#I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage#I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse#Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i...#I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while#You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad#I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more#I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone#Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah.#I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days#Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just#Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today#I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable#That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days#Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind...#Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like#Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it#So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again#Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3#Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that#Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt#It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...
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kissingwookiees · 1 year ago
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oh i see… yeah im not going to make it through the evening without the strong desire to ram my head into a wall repeatedly…
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