#im actually soing really well on the recovery front

[oldmanpuppyplay]

Oops wandered into a thinspo blog by mistake and feeling triggered as hell, time to go play 12 hours of a video game instead so I don't undo months of recovery

[radioroxx]

hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight

[billskeis]

Could you do a smut where bill and the reader are just cuddling skin to skin and its all fluff but then it starts to get a little sexual and heads to smut THANK U

i kinda rushed it but im horny ok

ᡣ𐭩 bill loves thigh jobs

cuddling your back into the flush of bill’s chest, the two of you cuddle under the warm cozy blanket during a cold winter night. the two of you learned that skin to skin contact helps better regulate body temperature and all in all is a very intimate way that you and bill show love to one another.

he snakes an arm around your waist, arm hairs tickling you as he hides his face into the crook of your neck, “s’warm..”

you let out a small giggle, writhing from within his grasp to get even more comfortable. he allows you to adjust your body, moving his alongside yours so that the two of you are now fit together like a puzzle peace. all he does is place small kisses onto your shoulder blades telling you about his day.

that is, until you feel bill’s hard on press into your back. you let out a small shriek, screaming “b-bill! really??” and you turn your neck, cramping almost, to look back at your boyfriend who is now bashful and as red as a tomato as he’s pathetically horny from just cuddling you, “sorry baby..”

“can i just..” as he begins to lift one of your legs up, immediately, you slap at his arm and frown, “‘m still sore..”

a heavy sigh leaves his lips. he needs relief, now. and the only person who could do it was the laying right beside him, you. he rubs your arms up and down, skin akin to one another as he presses his body closer to yours, hard on even closer now than ever before on the bend of your back.

slowly but surely, the head of bill’s cock peeks through from in between your thighs. the small triangle opening, right above where your cunt sits is now filled with his length. “ugh.. can i..?” he’s whiny, needy, and totally impatient as he slightly humps his hips into yours. you can’t bring yourself to say no with how his cock rubs against your folds.

the way it just separates your cunt to rub on your clit nonstop, you can only squirm and writhe from the overwhelming pleasure, sensitive from your previous orgasms from bill hours before he got hard again. “mmh..! b-bill slow down..” a plapping noise filling the room as he pretend fucks you, desperate filthy noises escaping his mouth as he’s practically in ecstasy with the way his cock thrusts against your thighs.

“‘msorryimsorryimsorryims-sosorryschatz.. f-fuck..! i-imsorry..”

whispering those meaningless apologies over and over again like a mantra as if he intends to stop his hips any time soon. but no! he doesn’t actually intend to, and he isn’t actually sorry. bill feels way too good to want to stop. you can only hold onto his arms that are wrapped around your waist so he can better fuck his dick into your thigh as the impact of his pummelling increases.

“doing soooo well f’me schatzi,” you’re doing nothing, you hold onto bill for leverage, and that’s it, “laying there all pretty for me hm? j-just keep still hun..”

his movements become sloppy over time, only needing to release. a still of his hips and cum staining the sheets can indicate he’s finally reached his climax, biting into your shoulder as licks and laps at the bite marks he’s left. breathless, bill lets go of your body to lay on his back. you turn to look at him and place a kiss on his cheek.

“feel better now?” you ask, “mmhm, thank you so much princess—oh!—look a’that :D,” as you open your legs in front of him, fingers spreading to reveal your glistening cunt, welcoming him in to fix the mess that he willingly made.

i fear i suck at writing LMFAOOO

currently sick and all my friends r going clubbing without me :c pray for a speedy recovery

[pascallatte]

Fish and Chips

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader

Summary: some interesting fan interactions and sightings while pubbing around London.

Date: March-April 2021

A/N: aaaa got this out finally!!! sorry for the wait, I'm still sick but finally managed to finish the next two fics, so I tried something different (just added one twot sht, might do it again, let's see). also, I know this isn't much seeing that you've waited but I will post again soon (like very) and like before enjoy and let me know what you think!! To those who wished me a speedy recovery, thank you and I love u guys!!

@/deadrncuzofpedro

The video from this user was rather a mess, to say the least, with the girl having to build up the courage to come up to your table after mumbling to herself for a few seconds. Your voice as well as Pedro’s were heard in the background every step closer she got to your table at the far end of the place.

She takes in a breath as soon as she has stopped at a respectable distance from the two, yet instead of asking for a picture, she seems to have asked for a rather odd one instead.

“Hi! I love the both of you so much and…” she paused for a breath, “- I was wondering what drink you have?”

This earned audible sounds of confusion from the both of you before the girl, herself, gasped and raised her other hand to cover her mouth out of embarrassment and shock at what she had said.

Eyes seen scanning the two of you as she stuttered out multiple apologies, “Im sorr- oh lord I’m really sorry. I just- I wanted to ask another thing but..” She ranted but soon calmed down when you were heard asking if she wanted something to drink.

And even though the video didn’t end up like how she expected it to, she was still able to take a picture with the two of you as soon as she’d calmed down.

@/henryontour

Content creators often post the most unexpected and shocking situations when they’re out to travel. Nothing changed when Henryontour, a famous travel blogger got a chance to bump into Pedro at a pub his fans recommended. And when the video said “I bumped into Pedro Pascal in a pub in London,” it really and quite literally meant he bumped into Pedro.

Entering the establishment, he was in awe of the ambience and the interior design of the place. Having gone to multiple pubs at that point he explained that he really wasn’t expecting anything different than to previous ones, but this place had stunned him. Walking deeper into the place, he situates himself at a table by the window. Placing his bags down he continues to compliment the place.

“Oh look here, they have these vintage records as well as a most probably now customized jukebox. The feel of the table and the front bar is as sleek as it looks. Now let’s take a look at the-“ Henry stopped as soon as he bumped into something and turned around to look and apologize to who or whatever he had bumped into.

Not expecting the person he’s bumped into, he can only stay silent as his expression morphed into something of a shock, which was later identified as starstruck as soon as Pedro was seen in the video.

Composing himself, he clears his throat and lowers his camera, out of respect. “Sir, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t looking.” 

Pedro’s voice was now heard, "It's okay," as well as soft laughing from the side, “No worries dear, it was no one’s fault. You were both doing your own thing no need to fret about anything.” Your voice was heard in the background while Pedro who was now about to sit down just nods and pointed at the camera.

“What’s with the camera?” He asks out of curiosity. Making Henry moves his head to the camera and then back to the two of you.

“It’s- I’m actually a youtuber so I’m currently filming my tour around London. Is it ok if I show you guys on here? I’m sure my fans would love it when they see the two of you on here seeing that you’re both big names in the acting industry.” Respectfully, Henry asks and soon was raising the camera to show the two of you seated side by side on bar stools having drinks of your own.

“What a surprise, I bumped into the one only Pedro Pascal along with his muse Y/n L/n,” he introduced the two of you to the camera. Pedro was seen making a peace sign accompanying his dimpled smile while you were seen waving and smiling sweetly before raising your cup to take a sip of your drink of choice.

The video extended for a few more seconds of Henry expressing his huge admiration for Pedro earning him shy chuckles from the man.

@/vicstaria

“There!!! Turn back there, I swear I saw him!” A female voice later on named Victoria was heard. Her phone was aimed towards the sidewalk as the car turned left.

Zooming in her shrieks were heard when two figures are seen walking from afar. Rolling down her window, she zooms out when they get closer. Now seeing a clearer view, a man wearing a quilt jacket as well as a smaller figure in leather are seen walking hand in hand in the streets seemingly having the time of their lives with all the laugh the could be heard.

Passing by the two, Victoria took the chance to shout, “Pedro!!!! I Love you!!!!” her voice rang out making the pair look at her with funny and shocked expressions. 

You, who first found it amusing, raised your joined hands to wave, jumping as you blow her a kiss. A short shout from Victoria was heard before it was followed by continuous shouting, as soon as Pedro joined in on the fun and shouts back, “Hello to you too!!”

At this point, the pair was long gone as the car has now passed the two. What was left however were the gasps for air that were heard as well as the laughs of whoever was with her.

“Oh my lo-“The video ended with the camera turning to Victoria, revealing her current state. Which appears to be red-faced and out of breath.

@Pedy/nupdates: 

Usually, paps are these overly intrusive people who shove their cameras on your face just to write and tell the world something you’ve probably answered a couple of times. While some are people who still respect the celebrities they encounter as well as their space.

Like this one, this pap was just sitting around the corner after having been notified that you were in the area. As soon as they hear the shutter sounds of a camera pop off he stands and focuses on the mob of people just right outside of a pretty well-known pub.

And as always, the notification was correct. There you were in all of your glory, exiting the pub with Pedro in front of you, trying to get the two of you away as much as possible while still being polite.

This particular pap, instead of charging to the horde that was currently mobbing you, decides to wait and follow them from afar before walking with you. Also, in alternative to shoving their camera to your faces, he keeps it at a low angle to which your face was still seen.

Greeting Pedro with a “Good Evening,” obviously since he was leading the two of you to the car.

Pedro greeted back with a small smile and a nod, “Good evening to you too.”

“What were you two up to this fine evening?” He asks as casually as possible.

Sensing that the pap wasn’t going to stop unless they were satisfied, you answered seeing that this was better than those who’ve chosen to intrude.

“We just went out for drinks. That’s all, nothing really to it,” you answered softly as you nudged Pedro to take a turn.

“I see that now. It really is a fine evening to go out for some drinks. What’s your go-to pair with the drink you have while here in London?” He asks once again, walking a few paces ahead of you.

Intrigued by the question, Pedro lets out a laugh followed by, “Ooo that’s a nice one, but I’ll probably go with the classic steak and fries.” He said taking your hand when he sees your car nearing.

“That’s good. How ‘bout you, y/n? Anything you favour?”

“Me? In London?” You thought for quite a bit. Mostly to stall, but also think of a definite answer.

“Hmm, in London? I might get some good old fish and chips. Is that a common pair here? Or not?” You answer laughing at yourself, making Pedro shake his head at your confusion before wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he opens the door to your side of the car.

“I actually don’t know either, but thank you to the both of you and enjoy the rest of your night.” The paps stopped ways away from your car.

Pedro smiled, “You too and thank you.” The pap confused about what he was thanking him for can only wave and record as the pair drives off.

Taglist: @benonlinear @t-stark35 @heyitsme-2 @elleeeee21 @holmesstrange @tagakalat @flyestvenustrap @oldermenaremyreligion @cherryred444 @hobiismyhopeu @ilovehotdadsandshit @djarinsstuff @guacala @avengersheart @pukka-latte @lilvampirina

[littlest-foxx]

lemme vent real quick (tw drugs):

so a couple weeks ago i went to my coworker’s house with some other ppl to drink and hang out. and she fucking pulls out coke and leaves it lined out in the bathroom for anyone who wants it.

this is after ive already told them i will not be around people who have drugs out in front of me or are fucked up cause of my own recovery.

**mind yall i am in recovery from hard drugs that almost killed me. and i have no self control at all once i start using. and ive told them before i will not be around it cause i dont trust myself to be able to say no. and thats just my reality**

anyway — ended up NOT doing it some fucking how. literally like reached for it and had to be like dude get it the fuck together dont you dare. cried a bunch after i left and called my best friends like all upset. and i havent hung out with any of them since…

well then im talking to my friend/coworker yesterday about it and how they just dont seem to get how out of control i can be. and shes telling me that “oh i think you could do a little and be fine. i think you have more self control than you think you do” blahblahblah

and im just. my addiction brain is baffled. i told her my whole issue is everytime i think i can do that i end up fucked up for days/weeks/months and ive fully had to do several rehabs, detoxed, the whole fucking thing. crackhead as fuck.

it just sucks so bad cause i really wanted to be friends with them and be safe in that way but apparently they can’t respect that or dont actual understand what i’m trying to tell them. idk

[wannaeatramyeon]

i have a silly little (very angsty) idea but im not sure if its what you would be comfortable writing so please ignore this if youre not up for it!

im thinking of gun, goo, samuel, vasco, and eli (seperately + remove anyone u want if its too many) with a recovering addict reader who they thought was clean but had actually relapsed awhile ago and they find out (whether its bc reader ODs, they catch reader high, they find readers stash, whatever reason)

sorry if this is a sensitive subject, they j tend to help me a lot, thank you in advance whether you write it or not.

TW: Substance recovery

Hi Anon, I hope you are doing ok. Stay strong, you can do this. Please ping me if you ever want to talk or vent. I really wasn't sure about writing this because my experience is sorta limited. But hopefully this helps.

Lookism Boys helping with Recovery

Gun, Goo, Samuel, Vasco, Eli

You've felt the symptoms of withdrawal before; the cold sweat, the nausea, the shaking. This isn't the first time you tried to quit but you hoped it was the last.

However, all this was caused by your boyfriend standing in front of you. Your body violently registers what is in their hand before your brain can. Your stash, your just-in-case, and you want to throw up.

You slump to the floor, head hanging in shame. Too ashamed and guilty to meet their eyes, to find disappoint and anger at the promises you've broken.

Gun has seen a lot of things in his life so far. A lot of people addicted to a lot of things, and himself is no different. He thinks about the cigarettes in his pocket, and his own unhealthy obsession with fighting - that he is very willing to give his life up for.

With you, he understands the struggle, the pull. The battle everyday.

"Y/N," he says, crouching down next to you and taking your hand in his.

Your name is soft on his lips, and finally you meet his jet-black eyes. To your surprise you see no judgement.

Gun places a tender kiss on your forehead, "What can I do?"

"Princess-" Goo starts, and he can see you flinching. He can be unrelenting with his sharp words but he would never- Never with you, and never when you're so vulnerable.

His voice softens, "Have you been-"

He doesn't need to finish your sentence and you're already vehemently shake your head. You need to let Goo know that it's not what he thinks. You haven't been using, you've just been keeping that around.

And now you think about the words to explain yourself, you realise how stupid that sounds.

The silence stretches.

"Hey," and Goo is next to you, an arm around your shoulder, "I want you around for a long time and a good time, ok?" He wipes the tears from your cheeks. "Your Goo-bear is here for you."

Samuel crouches down next to you, but you still can't bring yourself to look at him.

With careful hands, he tilts your face up to meet him and thumbs away your tears.

"You haven't?" he asks, and you say no, leaning into the comfort of his palm.

Samuel thinks about what he can do, and after a beat, announces that he's going to take some time off work. Your immediate thought is he's trying to keep an eye on you, he needs to babysit you, he doesn't trust-

"Y/N." And that stop your brain from spiralling. He knows you too well. "You're not alone."

Samuel presses a kiss to each of your eyelid, kissing the tears away, "I think we both deserve a break. Why don't we go away somewhere together?"

Old Vasco would react with anger and disbelief. Now, after talking to you, after educating himself, he tries. He really tries.

Something he had to do without Jace, or any of the Burn Knuckles because he wouldn't betray your trust like that.

And the more he reads, the more he understands. Sort of. Vasco still sees the world in black and white, but more and more shades of grey are entering.

"Is there more?" he asks, and you shake your head. "I'm just going to..." he trails off, binning everything he found before he seeks you out again.

It kills him to see you struggling, to struggle everyday. he wants to support you anyway he can.

"I'll never fully understand but. Y/N. I want to help."

Eli has made many mistakes in his life. He thinks about Heather, he thinks about Hostel, he thinks about Olly and his own drug use.

But you and him, that's not a mistake. That's so far from a mistake.

"I didn't know you were still using," and you hear the question in his voice. His desperation to prove him wrong

"I'm not!" You deny, and it's the absolute truth.

Not since Eli and not since Yenna. And with Eli, the unfortunate reality is that his love for you is contingent on this.

That he won't allow anything like this around his daughter, and you can't blame him.

"Y/N," and his eyes soften when you meet them, "I'm really proud of you."

[teddykaczynski]

i dont know what my problem is. well i mean i do actually. but the problem of… being able to speak on a detrans panel at a large lesbian event and mean what i say and also um….

earlier this year i remember making the comparison to a friend about detransitioning being similar to substance abuse recovery specifically in the way of like maybe for life now i just need to fend off the “im a man” kind of thoughts and keep myself rooted in biological reality. and yeah ive slipped on that front again. im getting really tired of thinking and talking about it. and being in my perfect little worlds is never the issue but then the Real Big world is like. its hard obviously. and i do feel ridiculous. at the panel the question was asked like what do you think would have made you not transition like what could have been in place for you as an adolescent so you didnt make this choice and its like. literally nothing unless so much had been drastically different. only if this life had gone a way where i wasnt residing online from age 12 onward.

i hate feeling like im moving backwards. lower case r recovery isnt a straight line its all twisty turvy like those infographics say but im mad realizing the regression. i liked who i was last spring a lot more.

[arsenicflame]

not necessarily a Trope but how do you feel about izzy (or any of the others) being trans in the canon era (because of the historical accuracy of it and all that)? genuinely curious, no wrong answer <3

ha well oh boy, maybe not a specific trope, but oh boy was i thinking about this earlier!

A: Love it. Spend my time combing AO3 for it.

i love love LOVE trans izzy. he is everything to meeeee. but yes! the historical portrayal is important to me too in all of this, im particularly fond of fics where Izzy being trans is acknowledged as part of the plot, not just a thing he is.

i think being trans works for izzy because of his social position (being a pirate & criminal, its easy to shake off a past identity) & we historically know people could disguise their sex on ships! fics sometimes lose me with HRT & top surgery- im personally probably a no top surgery trans izzy truther- i dont see him as willing to risk the downtime for the recovery of an 'unnecessary' surgery in their line of work (also it gives me some time to nerd out over stays as binders which is so interesting to me). the hormones too, i suppose my ideal set up is izzy who already has hormone imbalances, making 'natural' solutions more believable. (my biggest trans izzy turn off is modern hormone methods just, thrown into history. have some fun with it!!!!) socially, i love the potential of trans izzy as a bonding moment with the crew, jim in particular, but any revealing of a secret involves a layer of trust that inherently aligns him with the crew. (on that note, forced outings can be a very touchy subject, but i think they can be done well with izzy- old crews where his secret was known, bringing it up to the revenge expecting them to join in mocking him (after all, they already were) but the crew suddenly turns on them & rally around him, finally breaking conflict between them) just in general, i love the layers it can add to his character, a forced portrayal of masculinity as armour to keep his secret safe- he cant possibly be seen doing anything remotely feminine because it would be a betrayal of who he is.

on the other characters- i generally only have major thoughts on trans ed & stede in canon era (& jim, but obviously thats not HC) with ed, i think he ticks a lot of the same boxes as izzy for me, but i personally much prefer transfem ed! i think theres wonderful potential with her, with the opposite of izzy in the masculinity- Having spent so long portraying perfect masculinity as a front to hide the fact that maybe, maybe, she doesnt actually really want to be a man.

with stede, i do like trans stede buuuut i very rarely see it done in a way i actually like fhfjfbfdfs for trans stede to hit for me personally i need him to have basically just started transitioning as he joins the revenge. i need mary to be a man and have no idea stede felt this way (i think he'd be accepting a la the ed thing, but those two do NOT communicate well enough for stede to have mentioned it before) i think stede would have no idea about most things to do with this, especially not that there were other people out there like him (he def wouldnt know he gravitated to a queer crew) theres a lot of fun there in combination with trans izzy or ed, having him learn from both experienced pirates & experienced trans people. but yeah i dont think in the fics i read ive actually seen a trans stede fic that considers how to play the precanon era in a way that works for me and it just. takes me out of the moment

Give me a fanfiction trope and I’ll grade it

[definitelynotshouting]

Hi! This is the anon that binged your fic a few days ago! I just got the time to read the newest chapter and I am SO sticking around to find out where this story goes. As someone who’s struggled with mental health I’m able to connect with Grian so well and that only doubles the desire I have to see him flourish and overcome these struggles. The way you write description is so inspiring too; I’ve learned several words since reading! I didn’t know anything about the hunger au when I started so some of the world building was a little lost on me at first, but as I continued it made a lot more sense very quickly! Amazing work, I’m very excited to see where it ends up :)

- binge reader

ANONNNN THIS IS SO INSANELY SWEET THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS ASK,,, i was thinking abt this earlier today but i rlly am writing this story primarily for all the recovery girlies out there. My little way of holding everyone's hand and saying its gonna be okay, actually, even if it gets so hard you want to lie down and cry forever. Mental health strugglers rise UP we are OUT HERE we are GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!!!!!!

Im really flattered you enjoy my descriptions, its something i think im most proud of in my writing :] smth about finding the perfect word to help paint an incredibly vivid picture really appeals to the autism in my brain, although i do frequently worry i might be going a bit,,,, overboard kdsbkdnekdk

and yeah, this is admittedly a rough draft of the story-- its missing quite a bit of connective tissue at the start, which is mostly bc i genuinely assumed only a handful of people already familiar with the world would pick it up and see it. In the hypothetical future polished version of this fic, i'd want to make the worldbuilding a bit more concrete right from the start-- i think its very easy to tell that im still sorta worldbuilding as i go, and there are definitely details i'd want to put front and center right away :] nonetheless, im pretty proud of how its shaping up, considering when i posted the first two chapters i had NO CLUE where it was going 😂😂😂😂

Im very, very happy so many people have gotten into the fic and its worldbuilding. Its a truly indescribable feeling when yall come into my inbox and tell me stuff like this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i hope you continue to enjoy the fic, and im really happy you feel seen by it-- that means a lot for me to hear :]

[detectivegoldstein]

You Used to Call Me

Summary: James confronts Bruno when the other man doesn't visit him during his recovery and avoids his calls. James admits that he's starting to develop feelings for both Bruno and Emi and feels lost. It's Bruno who suggests that when James is ready for a relationship, he would be okay dating James while James also dates Emi. James says he will ask Emi what she thinks, and he'll go from there.

ft. @ghostsbrokenbyfairytales

It had taken a while for James to feel well enough to leave the house for an extended period of time, and during that recovery he hardly saw or heard from Bruno. It certainly hurt and he was at a loss for why. He'd tried calling the man, but would either get no answer or very brief, stilted conversations. Finally enough was enough. Putting out his upteenth cigarette while waiting in front of the retirement home, he perked up as he saw Bruno exit the building. "Why're you avoidin' me?" No point in beating around the bush.

bruno hadn’t meant to purposely avoid james, well, not to the extent he actually had been. he wasn’t sure where they stood and he wanted to give him space during his recovery while figuring out his own feelings. when he was finally heading out for the day the last person he expected to see was james. “oh i- uh hi.” he stuttered out first before sighing. “it wasn’t on purpose i just.. didn’t want to be a distraction while you were recovering.”

He put his hands in his pockets, scowling. "Most people like to visit their friends while they're recoverin'. What? Are ya ashamed of me or somethin'?" Not that James would blame him.

“what?” bruno looked shocked for a moment at his words before frowning. “no im not, why would i be?” it wasn’t a question asked to really get an answer more just a general statement. “truth is i wasn’t sure if you’d want me around or not.. and i wasn’t sure where we stood friendship wise so i.. panicked i guess.”

James sighed and glanced down at himself. He could think of a dozen reasons why Bruno would be ashamed of him. He glanced back up at the other man, shoulders dropping as he felt the hurt dissipate some. "Of course I wanted ya around. Why do ya think I kept callin' ya dumbass?"

bruno could only shrug. “i don’t know.. was being nice or something?” he sighed and looked at his watch to see what time it was then shoved his hands in his pockets, looking over at james. “you wanna.. come over then? and we can talk about.. everything?”

He raised a brow at the other. "Do I strike ya as the kinda guy that makes phone calls just to be nice?" After a moment he nodded. Might as well go somewhere more private to really talk. "Lead the way."

“well..” bruno chuckled a little, “yeah kinda.” at least from what he knew about james it seemed like he would’ve. guess he was finding out that he was wrong. nodding he started walking towards his place keeping a steady pace next to james. “i didn’t want to not come around by the way… i did want to. i met a friend of yours at the ball and that’s kind of what made me keep some distance.” he finally admitted.

"Yeah, well, now ya know I ain't," he grumbled. At Bruno's admission James came to a stop, brows furrowed as he regarded him. "What friend?" Did someone say something?

bruno quickly stopped with him, thinking back as he tried to remember her name. “emi i believe was her name.” he’d go into more depth if he was asked but truthfully he felt a little silly about the entire situation.

That only furthered James' mixed feelings of confusion and concern. "What…what did she say?" Was this before or after he admitted he was starting to have feelings for Bruno?

“well we talked about you.” that part was probably obvious but then he continued, “nothing bad it was about how we uh.. i guess both have feelings for you and,” bruno stopped himself because he was embarrassed about his thought process during that entire conversation, “you two have known each other longer i didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes so i took a step back instead.”

The hurt came back as he started walking again. James needed the movement as a distraction. "An' you didn' stop to consider how I felt?"

bruno sighed as he continued walking with him but kept what he felt like a respectable distance between the two. “i did but i also didn’t want to assume james. you were and are still going through a lot, figuring out if you like my old ass or not shouldnt be a priority right now and i didn’t want to make it seem like it was.”

"Ain't you avoidin' me already assumin' shit?" he pointed out with a frown. "Also, I'm older than you dipshit. An' yeah, I might not be in a good place for a relationship right now, but I sure as hell would have liked to see you while I was at the clinic on fuckin' seizure watch. Yer my friend, or I assumed we were friends. An'….I've accepted I'm startin' to like you like that. So yeah, you not assumin' shit meant you still assumed shit."

"well when you put it that way." bruno mumbled since he hadn't actually thought of it like that before. he did let out a chuckle though at being called a dipshit, it felt deserved. "we-" he stopped himself to let james finish and had to try to not let himself actually stop walking when james admitted that, looking over at him with a half smile. "we are friends and.. i'm sorry. for both assuming and not showing up.. will you least let me make it up to you? can be my turn to do an apology dinner." he teased, gently nudging the other with his elbow.

After a bit of consideration he nodded, allowing a small smile to replace the scowl. "Yeah, alright. Least ya can do," he teased back. "But I uh, had somethin' else I wanted to talk to ya about. Emi, the woman ya met. I....kinda got feelings for her too. I'm...tryin' to work everythin' out still. Dunno if anyone told ya but hit my head pretty hard the day I went to the clinic so, that ain't helpin' much."

bruno's smile grew for a second before his face fell back to neutral. "i know you said you're starting to accept you've got feelings for me but i'd understand if you want to focus on her. seems like you two have known each other for a while now." he frowned a bit when james mentioned hitting his head. "i know we joked about me playing nurse but i do remember asking for no real injuries." he teased again trying to lighten the mood.

He raised a brow at the other man. "An' what if I wanna focus on you? Or fuck, I dunno." James had dated two people before, though it was an already established couple that left him feeling like bit of a third wheel. No surprise that relationship hadn't lasted long. Though he preferred direct communication, he found this particular topic was hard to broach. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind next time," he quipped, although he held a small smile.

“why?” well that slipped out before he could stop himself. “sorry i meant.. no i guess i really did mean why.” he sighed once again until he looked up, realizing they were already almost to his place. “sorry i’m doing that assuming shit again, been a while since anyone’s wanted me at all.”

James kept his gaze forward as they walked. He hated talking about things like this. "Cuz yer kind hearted? Make me laugh? Why the fuck do you like me?"

"could say the same thing about you." bruno chuckled but shrugged, walking a little closer to james now. "honestly? the fact that you didn't just up and tell me to fuck off after you broke my nose won you some bonus points, showed me you give a shit about people who aren't just yourself."

He glanced over to Bruno, the small smile returning. "An' you didn' flip yer shit at the guy that accidently broke yer nose, though you woulda been in yer right to." After a moment James sighed. "So stop bein' so fuckin' stubborn. I like ya dude. The issue is I also like Emi, an' I'm still in recovery, so I don' know what the fuck I'm doin'. It's hard enough dealin' with everythin' right now without tryin' to sort out my mess of a love life."

he chuckled again. "alright i deserve that, i'll try not to be so stubborn from now on." he smiled back at james. "look, i've never dated anyone who's dating someone else at the same time before and i'm not saying that we will date anytime soon because i want you to focus on you and not a possible relationship but… i do want you to know i'm willing to wait."

Once more James stopped in his tracks to stare at Bruno, trying to process what the other said. "Wait. You'd….be willin' to date me if I also dated Emi?" Well shit. Maybe he didn't need to broach the subject after all. And it honestly warmed his heart, to know Bruno was willing to wait for him to sort his life out.

bruno stopped as well, thinking about what he said and how he meant it. "well.. yeah actually. like i said it'd be something new for me but it wouldn't kill me to try right?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he slowly nodded his head. "It'd….be like ya said. I gotta sort my shit out first but. O-okay. Yeah. I'd…I'd like that. Obviously I'd need to talk to her too, see if that'd be something she's okay with."

he'd almost forgotten about that part completely and realized how just cause he might be okay with it didn't mean emi might. "shit right, well," he scratched the back of his neck, "if she's not then just.. follow what feels right. rather you not be stressed about hurting whoevers feelings, we're all adults here we can accept whatever the outcome may be."

With a long exhale he nodded again, expression softening as he closed the gap between them to take Bruno's hand in his free one. "Thanks. For bein' so...open 'bout all this. I ain't great at relationships an' may royally fuck all this up but. I wanna at least give it a try. When I'm ready."

bruno looked down at their hands for a moment before looking back up with a smile, giving his hand a soft squeeze. “james i’m divorced, im not exactly mr perfect with relationships either but i figured if you’re willing to communicate with me about your feelings then the least i can do is be open. plus one of my kids has two partners, feel like if they can do it then i can do it too.” he chuckled softly and nodded. “when you’re ready.”

[doomsdayradio]

!! THIS POST IS ABOUT CDD SYSTEMS WHEN I SAY SYSTEM I MEAN CDD SYSTEMS ENDOS IM BEGGING FOR MY LIFE RN😭😭😭 !! /lh

i feel like we should eventually talk about how the culture around dating in online system spaces is kinda weird?

like i'll be honest, the idea of like dating applications is weird to me in general personally as someone who's on the aromantic spectrum, but i can't help but feel extra weirded out when i see those kind of partner system applications.

i feel like maybe looking for random people on the internet to date with the first and foremost thing you're mentioning being that you have a severe trauma disorder is kind of. dangerous? and? not a good idea? and i have to emphasize that if you do this kind of thing and someone does end up hurting you, that is in no way at all your fault, that is completely on them and you did not deserve that, i just think we should be talking about the safety precautions of this kind of thing.

abuse survivors are very likely to be abused again later in life and just because someone else is a fellow system/trauma survivor doesn't automatically mean they're a safe person who has your best interest at heart. like it feels like a situation where it's very easy to be taken advantage of. i also feel like this kind of partner system applications thing is more common among younger systems who most likely haven't gone through recovery and might still have a skewed view on how healthy relationships and connections work.

and at the heart of this, i feel like that is a big thing, that the system community is by default made up of extremely traumatized individuals. i'll be the first to admit that making connections isn't easy, our biggest social issues consist of a fear of/inherent feeling of embarrassment so intense we literally feel embarrassment by just existing in front of other people, but i don't feel like this whole applications thing is the best way to go about it?

i also feel like this sometimes can go hand in hand with like. fictive dating and source calls? i feel like some introjects specifically go out of their way to find another introject of the person their source dated and, again, that can be dangerous and not work out well because at the end of the day, you don't actually know that person that well? introjects aren't their source and source seperation needs to be made to a certain degree during recovery and healing, this kind of thing feels like it's encouraging introjects to not view themselves as seperate from their source.

and this isn't to say that it's wrong like if an introject meets another introject who just so happens to be from their source and they click as individuals and they date i mean hell we have parts in our sys like that, i'm specifically talking about introjects who only date other introjects because they share a source.

im not really sure how to close this out and this is mainly a ramble just to get my thoughts out because i've been thinking about it over the last couple days feel free to add on or ignore or wtv lol

btw this isn't meant to be judgemental towards anyone and im genuinely sorry if it comes off that way, i just wanted to throw out my thoughts on some parts of the system community i've seen that seem like. off.

[mouthsfullofsharpteeth]

literally share the headcanons! dont tease!

HAHAHAHAH but i love teasing!! cant help it!!! okay well the ones im thinking of the most right now are about the characters and the kind of pets they have, animals they like, etc.

Also this ended up super long so.

trigger warning for animal/pet death. O_O

Alex loves all kinds of animals. He thinks they're all really cool and cute and sweet, rodents, dogs cats, reptiles. Mostly, I think he is definitely a cat person, but he also loves dogs. He had Rocky of course, and I don't really have a set breed for her, she's probably just a really mixed up mutt lol. Medium sized somewhat patterned brown dog with big ol sweet puppy eyes. I think during the summer of marble hornets, Rocky ... "ran away".. Alex doesn't know what happened to his sweet puppy, but he's just glad she wasn't one of the animals that turned up dead in his front yard. After he lost Rocky, he really didn't think he would ever have another pet. But because I love my little revival/nobody dies au's, I think as he's slowly recovering alongside the others, he starts getting really into the idea of owning a ferret. He probably saw some cute video of one, and it kinda became a little hyper-fixation since he had no hobbies or interests anymore. He still likes movies, but he doesn't ever want to make one again. He likes writing scripts, but would die before filming anything for it. He has nothing else he likes to do anymore, so he just gets really into ferrets. Ferrets are big thing to take care of, but Alex is very confident he can do it. So he gets one. And I think he is really successful at caring for it. He really loves that thing. And he takes the stupidest little up close pictures of its face. I think he would get the chocolate coloration, or maybe a sable mitt. I also think he would really enjoy owning cats. In the many little au's I have, he's owned several, but in a high school AU, I have him owning two little cats, a tabby boy named Neo and a black kitten girl named Trinity, after the Matrix characters lol. I don't think he ever gets a dog for himself aside from Rocky, though.

Tim also likes animals, but has never really had a pet of his own. When he was a kid, he had a hamster, but killed it during a Masky episode. His parents tried letting him have a dog, but again, during those Masky episodes he would just get too violent with it, and they had to give it away. I think, on that note, about his Masky episodes- when he was an unmedicated kid going in and out of psychiatric hospitals all the time, they would happen when he felt scared or threatened. Which is why later in life, when Alex Kralie attempts to kill him in college, thats the trigger for Masky coming back. I think there was probably a long period of time before that where he had grown out of Masky, and the episodes would have stopped. So, Tim has this sort of idealized dream where he really does want a dog, or honestly any kind of pet, but has told himself he's not allowed to have one. I think at some point, in that same recovery au, he ends up getting a seizure alerting/PTSD and anxiety service dog. I think it's a saint bernhard and german shepherd mix, one of those massive strong saint shepherds. It would be big and strong enough to give Tim good pressure during seizures and not be hurt, and it would actually pose enough of a threat to Masky that he wouldn't be able to hurt it. Just a big sweet gentle giant that adored Tim and isn't scared of Masky. Masky would manage to get past his scary little pet killer instincts and would be obsessed with this dog.

I don't really have anything to say about Jay or Brian, BUT I do have a lot to say about mr side background character Seth Wilson. Hes so real to me.

So much of this is based off of @drowsybugs portrayel of him in our shared AU's lol, but basically I feel like Seth has really severe asthma, and so he's got a service dog for that. And Seth isn't exactly very good at naming things, so his dog (you brought your dog) is just named. Seth Jr. Seth Jr is a sweet little chocolate lab, just adorable and so friendly. I adore this puppy. I love him.

But yes. This is what lives in my brain ty for asking

[hzrnvm]

this is your opportunity to infodump about sb. also I'm a glados and chell are vacillating quadrants truther but that's unrelated

ok first of all nice job sneaking that in there lol. i was definitely gonna keep forgetting to answer that one im sorry. anyways heres the smash infodump

So the other day while scrolling through Reddit I saw a post in which someone had designed hypothetical card designs for ssbu characters, which got me thinking about what a hypothetical Smash Bros card game would be like. Now to clarify, I never really knew fighting card games. I'm "designing" this mostly from scratch and guesses on how things work. (I learned recently that apparently the guy on Reddit was actually designing a game from this idea. Also apparently there's a game called Yomi that's like this exact idea too. But im gonna keep designing this bc like it's fine.)

The game would be based around the fundamentals of strategy in competitive play. It would be played with turn-based combat between two people. There would be a card for each of the about 86 fighters in the game (maybe there'd be color variants for skins or something I don't know). When two players decide to start a game, first they choose their fighters. The fighter card is placed directly in front of the player, or in the middle or something. The fighter you play as affects many things, such as your mobility, your recovery, and, most importantly, your moves! Your moves are, essentially, your main options at any given point in the game. Each character comes with a base set of 26 moves [this number is subject to change depending on the definition of "move"], but some characters have extra (e.g Samus and Luigi's z-air, Kazuya's back tilt, Donkey Kong's cargo throw, etc). These moves come as cards in packs for each character, with cool-looking designs that look really cool.

Now, I said the game would be based around competitive strategy. What does that mean, exactly? Well, when discussing games, most people look at it through a lens of states: neutral state, disadvantage state, and advantage state. They were not hardcoded into the game, however: they simply arise from the properties of the game itself: namely that it is a platform fighter that rewards air-play and punishes being closer to the edges of the screen. The states are used to look at the game in terms of stage positioning. The states' meanings are as such:

"Neutral" refers to the state in which neither player has a significant positioning advantage over the other, such as when the game starts, or in most cases of someone coming back after a death. This state is notoriously hard to master in a competitive environment, as unlike the other two there isn't a clear goal. "Disadvantage" refers to the state where the opponent has a positioning advantage over you, such as when you're getting combo'd, or when you're off-stage and the opponent is not, or when you're above your opponent. In these cases, your goal is to get out of disadvantage and into neutral or even advantage (e.g. DI-ing out of the combo, getting back on stage successfully, getting back on the ground). "Advantage" refers to the state where you have a positioning advantage over the opponent, such as all the disadvantage examples but you and the opponent are swapped. In advantage, your goal is to keep your opponent in disadvantage, deal damage, and kill if you can.

In the SSBACG (Super Smash Bros Awesome Card Game. Just came up with it), the concept of states are codified into the gameplay itself. Some examples of states include ledge, pure neutral, corner, and off-stage (low). Let's take ledge as an example for how the states form gameplay. Let's say you're playing Samus, and you're hanging on the ledge against ROB.

Now in SSBU, it would probably go something like this: you're hanging on ledge at about 65% damage. Because of your knowledge of basic ROB ledgetrapping, you understand that they're going to want to side-b, so you wait for them to use the move to capitalize on its end lag. You subconsciously consider your options, and since you want something aggressive, you decide to go for a jump and fair. Unfortunately, they manage to dodge before your hit connects, but since they dodged towards ledge (so as to avoid the following hits), you have taken center stage: that means stage control for you!

Now in the SSBACG, that sequence of events would go something like this: the state is Ledge, to the opponent's advantage. You have a good prediction of the move your opponent is planning to make on this turn, and with this knowledge, you decide to wait at ledge for this turn. Upon seeing your choice, they start putting the pieces together on what you're planning, and decide to dodge towards ledge on the next turn, so as to avoid the jump + fair he predicts of you completely. You, meanwhile, are looking at your ledge options (physical items) and deciding which you want (consciously). Since your hope is to capitalize on their side-b endlag, you can ignore any non-aggressive options, so stall, neutral getup, roll, neutral jump, and drop are off the table. That leaves you with getup attack and jump+aerial (This would be using two cards: the jump card and the card of the aerial attack you use with it. You don't lose cards when you use them by the way.), which would probably end up being a bread-and-butter jump+fair. You opt for that, as its longer-lasting hit box will have a higher likelihood of hitting them, and its best-case damage output is much better than the alternative's. Now that you have both selected your moves, the turn takes place. Their dodge successfully bypasses your jump+fair, but it's okay, because now the state changed and you are out of disadvantage. The state is now Corner, to your advantage. Now I just realized that's long as hell actually.

Let's make a slimmed-down, bare-bones version of that, without the thought processes, so you can see the structure of the game more clearly.

The state is Ledge, your disadvantage. Your move for the next turn is stall, and theirs is side-b. The turn passes, and no one takes any damage. The state remains Ledge. Your move for the next turn is jump+fair, and theirs is dodge towards corner. The turn passes, and no one takes any damage. The state is now Corner, your advantage.

As you can see, the game takes place in a system that incentivizes and prioritizes "reading": predicting your opponent's next move. A successful read can take you out of disadvantage, like in the example. A failed read, however, can knock you right into it.

Now let's talk about killing.

Killing is the goal, on the big scale. Your goal is to level up the opponent's damage, and kill them. Damage in the SSBACG is a simplified version of its SSBU counterpart. While in SSBU damage is measured in "percentage" (basically just numbers rounded to the nearest tenth), in the SSBACG damage is measured in larger chunks, or "Damage Levels" (often abbreviated as DL). Each move's damage depends on which move it is, and of which fighter. For example, Mario's nair does 8, while Luigi's does 12. The Damage Levels are used for determining knockback and death, not for attack damage output.

DL0 (White) is 0-20 DL1 (Yellow) is 20-40 DL2 (Orange) is 40-60 DL3 (Vermilion) is 60-80 DL4 (Red) is 80-100 DL5 (Crimson) is 100-120 DL6 (Maroon) is 140-160 DL7 (Danger Zone) is 160 and onwards.

Death happens when you are killed. It's easier to kill you the more damage you have, and the closer to the blast zone that you were launched (this is determined by your state: for example, being launched when you're at center stage is less likely to kill than being launched when you're offstage). When you die, you lose a stock and recover. Games are usually played with 3 stocks apiece. When you come back to the stage after dying, you come from the top, are placed directly into Neutral state, and are invulnerable for one turn.

Now that's all I have time for today. I didn't get into shielding and shield damage, grabbing, mashing and luck, combos, or even what the types of attacks are! Rest assured though, I will talk about this again someday later. For now, thank you for sending this ask. It turns out i had a lot more to say about it than i thought i would about. anything.

[system-of-a-feather]

You seem like you’re going through a lot of good things lately and I’m so happy for you. I wish you only the best and I hope you see even more good things, even if you have to fight for it. You’re doing amazing

Hell yeah honestly. We're currently in a life transition place and so I was really occupied sorting out and processing A through L of life and the transitions, while XIV's been dealing with T-Z and the both of us have been passing notes and counsel back and forth when we have the bandwidth and only now that I got in my hometown and am DONE with school that I had bandwidth to look over at XIV's recovery projects / problems and just double take like "okay dumb hoe wait you have such a wrong perspective on this" *smacks with folded fan*

Cause honestly at this point I genuinely don't think there is anything that between him and I - with the support of the rest of the system - that we COULDNT figure out and dude was like "I honestly do not have any inspiration or clue of a plan on how to tactically address this that I haven't tried or genuinely believe on an intuitive level as working"

And I was just like "........ YEAH DUMB BITCH CAUSE TRAUMAS KEPT ME OFF THE CHESS BOARD UNTIL LIKE A WEEK AGO WHAT THE FUCK SIR OF COURSE WE HAVENT GOT MUCH OF ANYWHERE WE NEVER GET MUCH OF ANYWHERE INDEPENDENTLY OTHER THAN BUILDING PERSPECTIVE YOU DUMB HOE IM ON THE CHESS BOARD NOW AND THATS THE HUGE FUCKING DIFFERENCE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT GOD SMH SMH SMH MOVE OVER AND TRUST ME YOU LOOSER ASSHOLE I GOTCHU IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS IN THE SIDE FOR MONTHS STFU STFU STFU AND LET ME DO MY SHIT GOD FUCK YOU MAN"

Ahem.

Honestly though our lifes actually pretty good at this point. It's really weird cause I always hated hearing it earlier in my recovery and I always went "God fuck that" but in a weird way, I've kind of come to realize that a lot of my life / trauma was very "front loaded". Cause the way we grew up had us chronically fighting both mentally, physically and intellectually just to get by and living one bare bones while "studying the system" and how to survive in the capitalistic world and all that just to solely maintain a sense of hope and direction out of the hell we were in and that carried into college where we sacrificed So Fucking Much to maintain everything to the near perfect check point hittings and all and like, ALL of that was hell ALL of that was miserable and NO one should have to do that because it was REALLY bad

But now that I'm like almost actually genuinely out of most realms of trauma environments including the passive ones, I'm realizing that compared to a lot of people my age, I'm very very very well equipt to deal with the capitalistic nightmare of adulthood on both a survival / budgetting manner, a work endurance level, and on a psychological level of like... defense against getting dragged into it - at least certain parts are XD I'm still really bad with the 3rd in exchange for being extremely good at the 2nd

-Riku

[tears-exe]

cw choking, throwing up, disordered eating, some talk on bulimia, parents

Well this was fun. Far too often I eat to fast and end up struggling to actually swallow my food, which often leads to me having to spit it back up. Typically it happens when I haven't eaten in a long time but also when Im distracted. In this case I was hungry and my parents were in the kitchen and I honestly just wanted to get the eating over with because a: eating is a chore and b: mom has a bad history of constantly judgemental about my eating (Which is where most of my ed stems from lol)

I end up spiting some out in front of them, and so now mom is all worried. I end up going to the bathroom to handle the rest. Mom is worried cause she just had a friend go to the hospital for choking on food. And then she asks about my teeth (which aren't great but that's cause lack of dental insurance and fear of the dentist) And like my brain is like "Welp she thinks we got bulimia now" I've mentioned the ARFID to her and how I just try to simply eat. but I doubt she can remember that other than "eating disorder"

but also this episode really did trigger that ed high of when you think you can cheat the system. "Well hey maybe I could just keep doing this, lose weight and trick my brain" which is technically bulimia lol ugh I feel so gross and empty right now. and like I know set backs happen but ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh anyways posting this to vent and maybe help someone feel less alone. Recovery is so fucking rough, but we can do it.

[rainbowgothdisaster]

okay okay okay SO- i have an extremely similar trauma response to Persephone, and sort of similar trauma. (i also dont read fastpass, so dw bout that)

also idk if i talk in circles so TL:DR- her overconfidence was a coping mechanism, well see how much actual progress she made in the upcoming episodes i guess.

this is 100% her having this nebulous option. where if everything was how she wanted it, shed theoretically be able to say yes and have sex. theres someone who she is sure wants her and she is sure she wants him. when shes distracted by pulling her life back together, she gets to pretend that this 10 yr separation is the only thing in between her and a normal sex life with someone she loves.

working from her upbringing first bcuz its simple, many ppl have this "outburst" moment when in control of their life for the first time. kids of conservative parents dye their hair, get piercings, sometimes do drugs, sometimes seemingly innocuous things like who they date; Amish during Rumspringa are known for breaking all the church rules; even ppl well into adulthood have this after cults and bad relationships even if they were in control when they were younger. its her "acting out", in quotes bc its not bad. thats all her upbringing is contributing. i have a bad memory so correct me if im wrong, but sex wasnt necessarily something she saw shame around, her mother just infantilized her and treated her like an object she owned, like a piece of glass and if she wasnt careful Persephone would shatter. this doesnt go directly into "im five years late for my dick appointment", its mostly been shown in her clothing and her confidence while flirting.

onto her trauma, she was absolutely being all assertive and cocky and such as a coping mechanism. she wasnt going out and dating anyone in the mortal realm, and Apollo wasnt there, and shes seemingly far enough along in her recovery (or at least enough in control of her environment) that little things arent reminding her of her assault. so she got to be all confident and bold and not think about it.

shes compartmentalizing her trauma, shes not connecting what shes saying and wanting with what happened to her. which is kind of fine and kind of not. its good that shes able to talk and think about sex in theory without having a negative reaction. the not good side comes from how if her and Hades hadnt stopped something couldve triggered her during. which would turn out fine bc Hades is an attentive partner, but would add to her anxiety about the whole thing.

shes in this place in recovery where shes far enough past to want sex, and its been long enough since she came to that realization, that shes feeling pent up. like shes probably feeling like shes not in control of her sex life, between what Apollo did and then being separated from the only person she has ever wanted to have sex with, and shes right shes basically not in control here. and being all unabashedly horny is a way to claim control. yknow without going out and sleeping with someone.

i doubt shes actually thinking thru what shes saying. like not that shes not thinking about how it would go, but that shes probably not thinking thru her feelings all the way. like how we can all be like "oh if [bad thing] was happening, id totally swoop in and save the day" in our minds when for most of us thats probably not true. shes starting and stopping at "i want to have sex with Hades"

if i had to guess shes at this point where she knows she wants sex and desperately wants a positive experience, but doesnt know if shed have a nice time or cry on the spot, and thats whats stopping her. but in her mind, when shes not physically there with Hades in front of her, she doesnt have to think about that. in the mortal realm she was so far removed from it being a reality that her feelings dont really matter to her, and as she gets closer to being able to actually have sex she has this anxiety thats building up.

its hard to tell if she made a lot of progress healing, i mean obviously 10 yrs is a long time but it wasnt exactly her only (or most important) problem. she obviously was acting like it wasnt a problem while in the mortal realm, but her feelings still seem the same. which i guess is why they suggest she go back to therapy.

Help me understand Persephone’s sexuality

Please don’t spoil fastpass chapters!! Or at least warn me it’s a spoiler at the top of your comment!!

So, I need to start by saying I’m a hardcore asexual and sometimes have trouble understanding how allos experience sexuality. I’m making this post so that you guys can help me out. Forgive my ignorance and naïveté.

Persephone’s views towards sex in the latest chapter seemed rather contrary to how I understood them before. The lines I put above honestly seemed very out of character for her to me. (But I think it’s more likely I’m just not understanding her sexuality).

I think this post I made quite a while back explains well how I saw her view of sex in the past.

I was under the impression that she was absolutely sexually attracted to Hades, yes, and wanted to have sex with him, yes…but there were a lot of mental issues standing in her way—and affecting her view of sex in general. Her sheltered upbringing, her status as a member of TGOEM, and of course…what Apollo did to her…

Having sexual arousal and attraction doesn’t automatically equal “I’m going to die if I don’t have sex soon.” …Does it?

For someone with no shame around sex in their upbringing, and with no sexual trauma, it certainly might equal those things, yeah…but it sounds very strange to me to hear those things coming so blatantly out of Persephone’s mouth.

From my understanding, sex is still in essence a new and unexplored thing for her. The only other sexual encounter she’s had left her thinking (something along the lines of) “Is this how it’s supposed to feel? …This just hurts.” That to me doesn’t equal someone (who hasn’t had a good sexual encounter since) proceeding to go on and on about how much they want sex—even if it’s been 10 years. That equals “I’d very much like to have sex with this man I love. But I’m scared. Will it be like before? Or will it be as amazing as everyone says it is?” That feels more in-character for Persephone to me.

I understand that it’s been 10 years. But is 10 years with no (as far as I know) positive sexual experiences enough to go from “I’m sexually attracted to him, I want to have sex...but I’m scared” to “I’m going to die if I don’t have sex soon”? Maybe it is…but to me personally it felt out of character to read. Her words just seemed so extreme. Maybe it’s just that I feel like I wasn’t taken on that 10 year journey, so I’m still viewing her like her old self, when she’s changed.

I know she said it was bravado, but I don’t think that means her words were untrue. It felt like her words were true, but that she’s also not completely over the trauma too. (Basically that I’m thinking her trauma would affect her view of sex more than it does—in canon it still affects her, but not as much anymore). Am I misunderstanding? Was she just saying that to mask her real feelings completely? Why would she do that?

It seems like the coming chapters might discuss her trauma in more depth, and that might answer my questions. Which is great. But…still. That doesn’t change that she said these things.

I don’t understand how she became, not just unafraid of sex, but desperately wanting it and shamelessly talking about it in public. Her wanting it is in character, yes, but her level of—not just positivity towards the subject, but—desperation and shamelessness seems contrary to how I understood her character, and how she viewed sex, previously.

Please help me understand what I’m missing