#im a very anxious guy
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im about to go on a plane if i don't say anything within the next 5 hours it's because it crashed and i died
#PLANES GIVE ME SO MUCJ ANXIETY BRO#im a very anxious guy#no wonder my doctor said i have anxiety#sighh#i remember when i was younger i told my mom i think i might have anxiety (+ ocd) and she was like#pshhff everyone relates to that you don't have it#and then im now diagnosed with anxiety (and ocd). and all of a sudden she doesn't remember saying that#smhh#i <3 ranting in tags#also i had a dream last night my state was getting nuked and me and my group of friends were like#yeah that's the date we're committing if the nukes don't get to us first because no way in hell am i dying by bomb#also it was spooky we had like this little device telling us the “glow factor” which meant the glow/radiation of bombs near by#my dreams are always so weird#rambles
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Thoughts on Padmé x Anakin x Rex?
Padmé and Anakin are so mutually obssesed they would first have to check into that before trying to bring another person to their carefully-balanced-kind-of-damage or something it's going to explode.
Honestly it's a fun ship! But I don't have too many thoughts about them because when I consider them is usually in very low-stakes-fun-AU-scenarios.
And I'm actually a bit of a fan of Rexwalker myself! Athough I tend to like them more as very good buddies, the covering-for-you-dynamic it's so funny for them, lol It's also angsty and complicated because, y'know, the power-imbalance and unchecked trauma? Is funny that the clone that's actually a slave for the republic is the most normal if you bring him into the anidala romance circus.
Also shout out to @phoenixyfriend , she has a lot of rexanidala fics and recs for anyone interested reading this!
#I have rexwalker wips somewhere in my endless wips folder although im generally very lazy to draw or care about ships unless i REALLY dig it#which is why you see me mostly drawing anidala despite the fact I do actually have lots of ships i like/consider#anakin is such a strange character he's hard to ship around bc look at him his social circle consists of 4 ppl#and padme's impressive social circle are her coworkers and her decoys#which is impressive bc SW has SO MANY characters lol#also sorry i ramble a lot just to answer 'it's a fun one'#thanks for the ask!#rexanidala#anakin is also such an anxious and intense guy he would need a LOT of talking and reassurance and stuff#bc otherwise he would feel guilty as hell like the three of them could have agreed to it and he probably would feel like he's cheating LOL#the thing with rexanidala which is the most interesting to me to wonder about is how padmé got into rex#she's actually a very closed person and part of the reason she fell for anakin that hard was over mutual trauma bonding#so i wonder i wonderrrr#but also generally the thing with me is that i tend to lean more into non-romantic dynamics and platonic stuff believe it or not#so if you see me doing lots of art for a ship (like anidala) it must be bc i really love them both otherwise i'm more into family or#complicated relationships stuff probably because i'm aroace and a ship must have some incredible complex thing going on for me to care#with rexanidala the biggest brownie points it gets to me is all the AU possibilities the ANGSTY AU possibilities bc it would change A LOT
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do you make enough money from selling prints in etsy to sustain your life? how are you able to afford this beautiful house and time to crochet and go on walks and all of that? i’m not asking for nosiness but because i’m trying to figure out what i would need to do in order to make my life financially sustainable… is art an option… etc
short answer i mooch off my bf <333333333333333
#long answer part 1: i make enough off my etsy to afford my stuff (and i really don't buy much) and help out w th food bills where i can etc#i hvnt been able to do much of that OR save anything for the past couple months bc i hvnt been selling much BUT . things are beginning#to pick up again and i hve new stock to add when i get back from holidays :3#i have a smallish job lined up from my agent which is exciting! but hopefully i will make enough w her doing picture books etc to be able#to pay my keep / save more etc! i hve been anxious abt money this past months but thats just more so money for me to spend on small stuff :#i also dont drive so . i dont rlly hve many outwards expenses . im very lucky to have him hes very kind and lovely !!#if i wasnt w him and he didnt hve a house i would still b living w my mama which i did since i left uni!#long answer part 2: i always make time for goofing off during my work day. always!!!#part of the joys of being a freelancer! i can do what i want!!#i can share my routine in more detail if u guys want but i dont start work until abt 2pm-ish most days bc i dont rlly work well in the#mornings. when i hve more work that might change!! i have enough on to keep me busy but im not rlly hvin 2 manage my time u kno#im very very lucky to be in such a comfortable position :3 i hope one day u can be as comfy !!#oh also. i think once the agency work kicks in i will b fine financially ! and also u can absolutely make a living off etsy when its good#its very good for me ! i was very comfy financially around xmas last year i made a lot#u can do it u can do it !! art will always sell !!
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me and my friends were discussing a dumb personality quiz thing which led to me being told that i'm "the least anxious out of all of us" and "generally very down to earth and relaxed" and that "my version of dangerous thoughts on a bender is just to make TMNT fanart" and im sitting here like
... me?
#damn i really dont tell you guys shit huh#things to talk to my therapist abt ig#i protested to being told that im not an anxious person#and a friend refuted with “oh well the most dangerous thoughts youve ever had while on adderall”#“is making new TMNT AUs”#“as opposed to ME who does X--”#and im like#ok well first of all i take a very low dose of adderall for#you know#adhd#.... which is not the same context as you were always taking it in#also that#its#thats not really#the case#goddamn is this really how you guys view me?#jesus christ#personal#vent
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motivational kogie
#got top surgery in two days and ive been feeling a bit anxious about the recovery#so i drew this to hype myself up#im very excited overall !! do not get me wrong#im just an anxious guy when it comes to medical stuff#anyways#yippeee#enstars#koga oogami#my art#ensemble stars
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hi what if i did a thing
Martyr is what Judge hates most - something they don’t understand and shouldn’t exist. Martyr, on the other hand finds the whole thing very funny.
#hi !!! im very anxious to post this bc idk if thats something anyone wanna see from me#funny guys lore ???#rain world#slugcat#martyr#judge
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have some alastors (ft: unrequited radiostatic)
#very anxious to post hazbin doodles#i really hope people are chill#i know a lot of people hate vivzie but for the record i know very little about her and i dont want to know#i just think its a fun show so like. please be normal about this ok.#sigh i might delete this later actually#my hands are shaking actually maybe this is a bad idea#please be normal guys#doodles#hazbin hotel#alastor#vox#its very hard to figure out how to draw these guys but im trying
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Does anyone remember me from a previous life
#guys remember how the past like 2 days I have been very anxious and posting weird shit in my tags well guess what!!!!!!!!#guess what just started!!!!!#guess what happens every month where I go completely insane for like 2 days and then something happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway im normal now#does anyone remember me from the abbey#in like the year 1500
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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i love towa not in a platonic, romantic or carnal way, but as if he’s the small animal in a tank and I’m the one tapping on the glass trying to desperately get him to look over my way. it’s the joy of watching a tiny reptile wander around while understanding he’s just a silly little guy and I cannot force him to do things but by god i will harass him every step of the way (affectionate). i just want to pick the fleas out of his dirty alley cat (loving) hair and pinch his cheeks and pat the dust off his shoulders (he will stab me and that’s not ok but im fully aware of the risk).
#slow damage#slow damage towa#surodame#im normal#my heart is so full#i cant see any red i only see flags#when youji is hungry and anxious i feel like a very very distressed mother but when towa is going down a mental spiral i just want to#but when towa does it i just watch on like ‘oh towa#not again#you little guy so silly#normal posting about normal things#floofymeow writes
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does it say something about me that the only way i can go out in public not wearing one of my specific comfort outfits that i always wear when i leave the house is if im dressed as early 2000s patrick stump? probably. but thats um. thats not important
#sigh#scribbles says shit#i get super anxious if im not wearing my going outside clothes cuz i know what to expect and generally how im gonna be perceived and it-#helps a little to have one thing that i can control#and like those are my favorite clothes also so obviously i feel better if i can wear those bc i like them a lot#but i have to dress more normal for the supervised visits#so the next best thing is to just dress like the guy from the band that i am very obsessed with#just kinda swapping out my comforts so i dont die from not having one
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Do you mind if I have a message to the Anons? (you can just ignore this ask if you don't wanna post it)

My Dear Anons and everyone here present
Plz Let Kawa Cook and Chill a little
As you could see from the last posts, she didn't had a nice time lately, so she deserves to just sit and enjoy her drawings If she will be ready to show us some of her gorgouse work, she'll show it
Guys plz remember that asking Artists "When will be the next chapter of this and that", "What are you cooking there" isn't always a good thing, there are a lot of us here, it can make the artist tired and it (in my opinon) doesn't really help to get more motivation if everyone is asking these questions
Guys! Some mistery from the Artist side is good! It will hype us more!
(Again Kawa, you can just ignore this Ask if you are not comfortable with answering it, I hope that you feel a little better then before)
Okay, so.
Today was my first day in a new school. Im very anxious about this. New people, new surroundings, new stuff to learn and new responsibilities.
Because of my school year starting, I'll have less time for myself which means less time to draw and write :(
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Im planning on some stuff for you, but I dont wanna tell you what it is. I want you to have a surprise & its much less pressure for me!
& I dont mind asks, comments, dms, requests or questions. I like when you talk to me!
Just please be patient with me, and thank you!

HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT/ANYTHING!!!!!!🩵🩷🩵🩷🩵🩷🩵🩷omg the hearts are so pretty what yhe hell
#ask#ok time for stuff im too embarassed to say out loud#the whole attention and kind feedback makes me feel accepted and important even which i dont feel on daily basis#i do realize its internet and not real life which makes it impossible for me to get attached to but its still very nice#im flustered when you guys get hyperfixated over my stuff or when you create something because i inspired you#its just.#so cool to see you make stuff#also im not joking. asks dont make me feel pressed or anxious at all#btw the thing im working on is smiliar to arcane crossover :)#i hope i will finish it LMFAO my ass just cant focus on finish one thing at a time /hj
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gurh. i dont think ill ever truly get over how nice everyone here is. im so used to people ignoring the things i enjoy and not wanting to hear me speak at all but everyone ive ever talked to here has always been so friendly. im really happy
#i might delete this later because im super paranoid about showing these kinds of feelings on a public account#but i really appreciate all the people ive ever spoken a word to here. mutual or not#ive made friends here and some have been as weird as me. while others mightve been confused about parts of me#but ive never gotten a negative response theyre always very nice or casual about it. and i really appreciate it#when im anxious about stuff. i look back on conversations ive had here and remember#Oh. were all just… some guys on the the internet in the end. were all just people who happen to be in the same park. living our lives#its never as big of a deal as i think it is in my head. they might view me just as intimidating as i see them after all.#sorry if this is an odd post or anything im just nervous but also really happy
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finally finished gomens 2 with my parents and. agh. listen i’m not saying anything new i know this but i need to put the words here instead of my brain ok
so like it’s all down to the fact that they have completely different understandings of what their relationship is built on, yk? like, we saw in s1 where crowley thinks they began- eden. specifically the moment he learns zira gave his sword away because he thought the humans needed it more than he did. the moment crowley sees that zira will make choices that go against the will of heaven if he thinks it’s right. that’s when he decided they were the same, that moment right then.
but we didn’t see where zira thinks they started until now. crowley seems like he barely remembers the nebula scene. he only references it in response to zira bringing it up, and even then he doesn’t say anything specific. we see several times that he doesn’t remember people he knew before the fall, so it’s possible he hears zira talk about knowing him and just throws out a stock response (“that’s not me anymore” which is true enough regardless of context) in the hopes he won’t notice the lapse. it makes sense to me that he would try to hide his lack of recall from zira and not furfur or saraqael because he doesn’t really give a shit what anyone except zira thinks of him, that’s been firmly established. so it’s entirely possible crowley doesn’t even remember meeting zira before eden at all.
but zira does. he’s built his whole understanding of crowley and their partnership and even his own relationship with heaven on that one interaction. he saw that goofball who was so proud of his nebula and fell ass over tits and never looked back. he believes the angels are the good guys, and he knows crowley is a good guy, so obviously crowley should be an angel. there’s been a mixup somewhere! someone got something wrong! he’s so confident that crowley will always do the right thing, the angelic thing, because “i know the angel you were.” he brings up their opposing roles, their sides, as needed, because he has to maintain appearances, but he always trusts crowley. completely. he never wavers. because crowley is good, and angels are good, so crowley is supposed to be an angel.
and now, finally, after 6000 years, he has a chance to make that happen! he can fix what went wrong! he can give that goofball back his nebula! but that isn’t what crowley hears. because crowley counts their partnership from eden, when he thought they both agreed that heaven and hell were bullshit and they should make their own choices. when he thinks they decided together to be on their own side, not the side of angels or demons.
so when zira says “you’ve been good all along, and now i can finally set right the wrong that was done to you and show everyone who you really are, so they’ll understand what i’ve always seen and why i love you,” crowley hears “i was never on our side, i was just waiting for heaven to take me back, and you’ll never be good enough for me as you are,” and listen i’m going to go to neil’s house and hit him with a brick is what i’m saying ok
#good omens#gomens 2#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#there’s more about the nebula scene tbh#like about how zira is clearly anxious that someone might overhear crowley and punish him#and how that plays into his understanding of heaven and the mistakes it makes#angels are the good guys but obviously he knows that things go wrong in heaven#he does actually understand that the institution and the individuals are different he just doesn’t apply that knowledge very well#but i still have covid and my brain is made of cotton balls#im eepy#leamme alone
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i feel like im gonna throw up 👍 of how anxious i am of tomorrow's exam 👍
#like ive been studying n ive been doing pretty well this time#but the idea of making all this effort and still do badly (which. had happened!) is killing me. thats the part im most anxious about#how many times can a guy fail the same class the answer at the very least three different times 😔 really dont wanna add another#tani's personal shit#howling at the moon WHEN will the torment end (<-isnt even on the stupid career itself)
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Speaking of ocs, I have no idea why I deleted this drawing off here. I think I hated it when I finished it, and now I looked back on it and I'm like, this is pretty okay??


#also I hate how you guys have literally sent asks for my oc game(thanks!!!!)#but i still feel this weird 'oh god im being so annoying' ickyness#will i never be freed from the prison which is my own head#im like ah i need to draw ocs more :) its comforting#and then i start drawing them more#and my brain starts clawing itself abt having not drawn any fanart in a bit#tbf i dont really have good ideas for either 😭😭#but thank you guys for supporting my recent endeavors :)#even if i still feel anxious abt it. all your asks have made me feel very soft <3#but yah idk i try to engrain in myself: my blog i do what i want#and then i still get insecure abt being annoying. but you guys dont care :) so i need to stop caring#idk i think people could literally yell at me that im not being annoying and id still have to go lay in the dark +#and have an entire self monolog to myself abt how im a plague upon this world#catie.art.
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