#im a perfectionist so it takes time
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Being a perfectionist is actually the worst thing to have happened to me because why am I chronically all or nothing about everything in my life
#Not even saying this in an omg I’m so quirky way like no this is a PROBLEM#Caught myself thinking that maybe while I’m embarking on an intense study camp I should just like#Neglect doing anything that feeds my soul or just ensures I’ll be mentally well enough by the time I take the national test I wanna take#But it’s not just that like I’m all or nothing w EVERYTHING#All or nothing w friends all or nothing w hobbies etc etc#Someone tell that girl things are a spectrum#I don’t mean to gatekeep this but anyone who’s liek “heehee im such a perfectionist!!” while kicking their feet and giggling doesn’t get it#Sure your work pays off when you’re like that but it’s also unsustainable#I’ve burned out so fast before / fallen off the wagon bc I’m not normal about things I undertake#I actually want to know how it feels like to be normal about things
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i lost the ask because tumblr won't stop randomly eating my posts if i try to save a draft but @thesoftboiledegg requested rick x-216 in this outfit from the linked post!
i'll always be stoked to draw him x216 is probably my favorite fan made rick
#there's a lot im not really happy with about how this turned out and i think that's mostly because it's a mutual requesting her oc so my#standards for myself are higher than usual#it's difficult trying to be a perfectionist about something that you're not especially skilled at lol#i think that's probably why it takes me forever to draw like it's glaringly obvious when something is wrong but i never know how to fix it#so i just erase and redraw the same fucked up bit a million times and never get it quite right#rick and morty#rick sanchez#rnm#r&m#rick & morty#rick and morty fanart#rnm fanart#rick sanchez fanart#rick x216#rick x-216#x216#x-216#my art#my fanart
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sfmposting once more
#left 4 dead#l4d#l4d smoker#l4d hunter#this program is really fun btw#i really wanna figure out animation#but alas#it takes up so much time and energy + im a perfectionist#ig ill have to wait for break to do any of it#sfm poster
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ougghhh next month is gonna be BUSY
finish playing all fnaf games (SL-HW2) on twitch, make (as in like literally sewing) an outfit for a concert, ARTFIGHT which will probably take up most my time, putting together/making several cosplays for a con (one im not excited to cosplay as but im doing it for my partner), plus some other stuff i definitely forgot, all on top of working. wwouughbh
#deadlines deadlines#but we stay silly#just got the idea that i could just get a shit ton of the same red fabric for the two cosplays since both wear all red tho ayyy#not excited to wear a dress but whatevs#me typing this all out right before work aauughghghfdjkkgjfdh#i need to be reminded of my deadlines as a procrastinator#some of these things arent that important but i'd like to finish sooner rather than later so im not stressing about-#several different things at once#ouggghhh i LIKE sewing and making outfits and creating things why do i AVOID IT#(because im a perfectionist and i refuse to waste fabric so i triple quadruple check that everything is right before every single step)#(which takes up a lot of time)#AND I JUST REMEMBERED I PROMISED MY NEPHEW MONTHS AGO THAT ID MAKE HIM A NARUTO PLUSHIE. MY DAD PAID ME TO MAKE IT AND BOUGHT THE FABRIC#I CUT THE FABRIC OUT I JUST HAVENT SEWN IT ALL#BECASUE IM A PERFECTIONIST AND MY BRAIN GOT MAD I WAS TAKING SO LONG SO IT GOT DISINTERESTED IN THE PROJECT#sorry for rambling im not stressed im just really frustrated at myself hhhhhgjgnn
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What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?
How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
thanks for the questions! 🥰
the first one is tough since i only have 3 posted, but probably Glances. it’s different from things i’ve written before (prior to writing everlark fics), and i had fun writing in the vignette style.
for revision, it really depends what i’m writing! i tend to rewrite dialogue a lot because my high school creative writing teacher was a hard ass about dialogue sounding natural, so he made me one, too. if it’s a part that’s more filler, i’ll probably look it over once. if it’s a part i think is important, i probably check it over TOO many times to the point where i am convincing myself it’s all bad lol. but dialogue and big scenes will definitely get checked over a few times.
#im also a perfectionist#and a grammar snob#so it takes me awhile to feel like my works are complete#and i will edit them 45 times after posting when i notice mistakes#but i am trying to be better about this and just post because i like to post#littlemarianah#jess answers
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raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."
people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!
#this is why i get defensive when ppl make all sorts of reasons why rhinedottir did what she did#if she killed dorian for being imperfect then whatever!! i hate her for that but you dont have to#not only does it go with her little mental break that she 100% had lets be honest#it also fits the “Perfectionist” thing that the sinners were trying so hard to achieve#it MAKES SENSE#even if its nuanced that doesnt make it ok!!! but at the same time i dont think shes 100% stuck to being a terrible person nor do i think++#shes always been a bad mother#i think she was a great mother before everything went downhill and honestly if she gained a sense of apathy towards her kids itd MAKE SENSE#ofc im not saying this is true. im just saying its possible and it doesnt take away from her as a character#elynas is just as reliable a source as albedo dare i say!!! he was not in a strange mindset bc he wasnt corrupt like durin#the way he described her was valid. so was albedos when he said she threatened to leave him.#if the trauma from the cataclysm is what caused everything#that makes sense#but its not an excuse and it doenst mean she had some extra hidden reason for what she did. sometimes people are bad people!!! clearly she+#did SOMETHING right with albedo because he has a sense of morality. but even so you can TELL shes not a good mom EVEN TO HIM#i dont know where im going with this im getting turned around UHM#TLDR; shes a terrible mother. and a pretty bad person. but that doesnt mean im saying shes evil without nuance#it just means what it sounds like#plenty of parents fucking SUCK without meaning to. whether she cared or not she was still a pretty bad mother. thats all im saying#im willing ot talk about her but im NOT willing to have people argue that any of her children deserved what they got.#not albedo and NOT dorian.#elynas to dorian to albedo is a great pipeline for her as a character. which is why i like to believe elynas came first;#alfisol and dorian came close to last#and then albedo came last long after the others#every character has nuance however i am allowed to dislike them despite that#tzu rambles#that said i understand how it comes off as biased when i only talk about her children but unfortunately her children are the only reason i+#know about her at all. thye are my favorites and my content centers around them </3
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
#witchblr#taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted#still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while#and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice#like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to#like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break?#and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask.#and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it#and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points#idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao#you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee#anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience#its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it#ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY#i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life#just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on
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i hate writing personal statements ... cover letters... girl i'll tell you everything you want to know and more in an interview
#p#9/10 times when i need to prove something i would so much rather talk#interviews presentations etc I WILL DO THEM!!!!!!!! IN A HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just dont make me put it in writing ill go insane over it#im too much of a perfectionist i keep turning it over in my head whereas if i talk about it i cant take it back and my god can this guy tal#and its always more impressive and more commendable in an employers eyes when ur a good speaker esp abt ur experience and skills#i need that without the personal statement. fuck that
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buried under academic shit and tssm obsession. why?
#im not even doing all my homework 😭😭#composition takes everything from me#like i spent a whole weekend doing only composition and im STILL not even half ready for tomorrows class bc i want to get it Perfectly Righ#my fishbowl genius bestie deserves only the best and im half dissociating from the Vibe in the process 😔#anyway. yeah. i aint gon show up much because i have so much shit due every week i barely get to rest. also have chronic no energy illness#not even a burnout bc i fucking love my speciality but just. yeah. wish i could fucking stop the time#(also the basic subjects are shit and i despise them except for english and it classes bc im fucking nailing it and want to learn more)#ALSO yeah tssm.i have So many thoughts on norman but i cant post them because i didnt rewatch season 2 yet. and theres no time for that now#also ALSO i have an analysis of mysterios themes and i want to look into ottos themes but i have to extract#both of those first which idek how to do properly and trying will take ages and im chronically perfectionist so.
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Ok there r some pretty big things I wanna fix with the first chapter of ITNL, but I don't rly have the brain for that. Putting it on the backburner.
Might fuck around with chapter 2 tho. Just maybe.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#desperately need a revamp for chapter 1 bc it's good at its core but it was also written and posted all in one day#and U can tell. a lot of early itnl was like that.#man at this rate im treating the fic as a whole like a WIP chapter#aka im going to be going thru it all and doing incremental changes and touch ups#all in this separate doc. current version of itnl will remain until i have it all smoothed out#ill let u guys know when i actually get around to doing the mass edit changes#again im not changing the overall structure of the story. just addressing some internal inconsistencies#and canon innacuracies#so like itnl is good as it is but im going to make it Better.#the perfectionist in me is showing its colors lol. but 75k isnt that big of a deal to edit tbh#especially since everything's already passed the general grammar and wording edits#taking things from passable to Great#yes this is making itnl 15 take longer than otherwise. but i think itll be worth it.#given that ive recently reread trimax in its entirety#there are a lot of things i remember better. so a lot of things to fix with itnl.#plus im in a better state of mind to dig my fingers into the grit of it and write things Well#getting back into the ITNL story by improving it so that it's the best it can be.#which will get me back into the groove of it. so when it comes time to write itnl 15#im going to be a well-oiled machine. and i can churn out something that does the chapter justice.#this is a major turning point of the story. i Have to do it justice.#all i ask is that readers be patient. xoxoxo love y'all
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🦋
#so im putting together the details of a table top game#(im cheating lmao im yanking shit from several animes so locations monsters valuable items even npcs#are all up for grabs lmao even the campaigns can just be actual story arcs or episodes depending on length/difficulty#so like all i really have to do is the minor details like piecing the actual map together deciding on rules of play#&monster/experience levels ect. its only taking any sort of time bc im a perfectionist but also i suck so it makes things tedious lmao.)#anyway im keeping the alignments from dnd bc i love the alignment details lmao so i always rip the idea off. :')#bc im doing this i decided to take a dnd alignment quiz-- something ive done sporadically over the years bc again alignment stuff is fun#lmao&also bc i have always gotten the exact same result no matter the test.#ever since i started messing around w dnd i have always checked out as a solid chaotic good&sometimes its just nice to get the morale boost#LMAO.
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#letting go. rather. been doing things in a day lately.#if it goes past 2 days im not allowing it. bc i need to stop obsessing over everything.#so ofc i took the time to have my daily doodle be bullshit as always.#i do need a break tho. pain bad. very bad. need to charge up bc this month is fucking busy. need to stop drawing .#ghost stories quote popped up in my head with this one. it is what it is.#irony of this one. forced myself to draw something about trying to quell the Perfectionist demon in a single day.#acceptable.#fk#m fk#c-c fk#i honestly cant remember the last time my pain was at a 6 or lower. its just been. 7-9 range for months now. im miserable. its whatever. i#kind of doubt i'll ever be that low again at this rate. its like. 2020 all over again. i cant. take it.#kinda hopeless but still here unfortunately#future isnt scary. its terrifying. its petrifying. dont want to live in this much pain anymore#sigh.#thats why doodles done in one day are good. less stress on drawn-out things.#hard for me tho.#ngl tho i found it unreasonably funny drawing this. i was quite physically cracking up imagining like. ok. youre quite literally choking to#death. and your face is all red. but only one half on account of the Syndromes. idk. idk why i found that so comical. i couldnt contain#my shit. so much so that i almost became the very picture i was drawing. bc i began to choke on the pizza i was eating. only for a#fleeting second. but still. saw my life flash b4 my eyes.#also a firm believer that pretentious artists are fucking stupid and annoying and at times quite ableist. and i personally revel in how i#literally am just like.oh. my anatomy i drew looks fucked up? botched hands? flat collar? asymmetrical eyes? like jokes on you. those thing#in my irl LEGIT are like that so technically my 'wrong/bad' anatomy is correct. suck it. however me drawing the brachial region vs me#drawing anything else is silly.#bc the amount of knowledge i have for the anatomy there specifically in comparison is so much more vast. so like i hyper render collars#and necks. meanwhile whenever i try and draw anything else im crying bc its such a struggle due to the fact that i dont fucking understand#how these other places work.
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i take back any criticism i might have made towards viktor arcane about the glorious evolution. i too wish to become a perfect being.
#IM A PERFECTIONIST [RIPS ALL THE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD]#on the one hand whenever i watched it and he went on about that my initial reaction was ugh what a basic corruption arc motivation#but then afterwards i was like well. he's not just becoming evil he's lived a rough life so it makes sense#that he would want to become perfect and make others perfect in the vein of 'taking away all suffering'#and then unfortunately i looked inward and i was like sigh. i too often wish for perfection and many many times#over my life have had the thought that emotions are useless and i wish i could be a robot#so you know what ive come around. i still think you gotta get your head up and LOOK and TRY to find the beauty#of imperfection in yourself and the world and learn to accept shit#but this is just a story and at the end of the day. yeah 😔 me too man me too 😔#I WISH I WASNT A PERFECTIONIST THOUGH RAHHHHHHHHHH#lowkey sometimes i think i might have light ocd#i probably don't because There's Nothing Wrong With Me™️ but oh well#bluebird.txt
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oh this is going to take me forever
#peaches & screams | ooc. |#ahhhhhh this is why i don't do icons anymore#they take so long and im a perfectionist at heart#i'll get to some drafts in the mean time
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#bored work ramble :]#i forgot how much lovehate i have for audio editing. everytime i try it i get so simultaneously impatient and perfectionist#when its Supposed to be chill fun personal project i can take my time on B| but the desire to keep clicking pieces together and get#the final cut is So Tempting. just want the serotonin NOW fuck scrolling all the sound clips#with that said im kinda happy with how the most recent attempt has gone considering i know fuck all about what im doin#just gotta get a couple things synced to the songs beat but i think thats gonna be the most tedious last step#really hoping this desire to create carries into a storyboard for it#at this point idec if its just scribbled barely fleshed out stickmen. i need Something man#anyway. no clue if i had a ramble tag. oops#rambling#now i do :]
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I got back late, Ethan (dog) made me walk him late even though I left him for two hours, I had to put clothes in the wash and dryer late because I have no clean clothes and take a shower late. It's late. And I have a morning shift tomorrow. -3-'
#im realizing that there are probably so many inconsistencies in my book since its taking me so long to write it#this is why its so hard not to start over again aaaaaa#IM FORCING MYSELF TO KEEP CHUGGING ALONG BUT THE PERFECTIONIST IN ME WANTS TO SCRAP THE WHOLE THING AND MAKE IT PERFECT THE FIRST TIME#HELP#outofcakes [ooc]#gn i guess haha
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