#im a little scared to post this but lets go!!!!!!!!
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Only for You
jace x f!twin!reader
anon request
Summary: You and Jacaerys have been secretly meeting in the middle of the night and soon you become pregnant. You’ve been kept in your chambers to avoid prying eyes and it’s caused tension and resentment to rise between the two of you. Jacaerys comes up with a plan that will help all parties.
Warnings: 18+ swearing, cheating, breeding kink, fingering, oral(f), p in v, brief preg!reader, angst for a sec but were good!
Authors Note: i’m actually always scared to write and post for jace! -which may or may not be the reason this took me some time to get to you- also no specific timeline but they’re on dragonstone — a g a i n im so sorry this took me so long thank you for your patience i appreciate you 🥹👉🏻👈🏻
Word Count: 3.1k
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‘This is the last time.’
A phrase you’ve heard almost daily over the past year. You and Jace have always been close but about a year ago something really clicked and settled between the both of you. You both had felt the pull far longer than that but finally decided to act upon it.
Even if he denies it.
Even if half of the nights he insinuates it.
Tonight he has kept you waiting longer than normal so you decide to make your way to his chambers.
“You shouldn’t be in here.” Jace watches as you take small steps with your candle, drawing out the act. “My betrothed is just down the hall.” he sits up a little taller as you approach, allowing himself to have an unobstructed view of you.
“Must you always bring her up before you split me open?” you sigh. “I’m the one here in your chambers.” you set the candle on his night stand. “I’m the one who you fill nightly. The one who will carry your heir.” his will is bending as it always does when you start to climb into his bed with your translucent slip.
“I only bring her up in hopes I’ll learn restraint.” his hands wrap around your waist as he pulls you on top of him. “But how could I when you throw yourself at me?” he hums.
“Throw myself at you?” you chuckle, leaning down allowing your hair to curtain around the both of you. “I wonder if that’s what you call it when you come into my chambers at night? Hm?” your lips ghost over his.
“I don’t come into your chambers at night.” you lift your head up and laugh at his words.
“Then who, pray tell, comes into my chambers at night and ruts into me saying he wants me to carry his-
“No more.” he bucks his hips and flips the both of you. “This is the last time.” the look in his eyes says everything but.
“I’m starting to think that is just an excuse to fuck me as hard as you possibly can.” your eyes are filled with amusement.
“You’ve never had an issue with it.” he feigns like he’s going to kiss you but goes to your neck to mark you. “Gets you soaked every time.” he smiles when he finds you lacking small clothes. “Coming in here and just serving your cunny to me.” he circles your bud and you arch into him.
“Only for you,” you pant. “My King.” he smashes his lips to yours.
You whimper into his mouth when you feel his cock slide through your wetness. He starts to kiss down your neck as he rocks his hips faster. “Tonight,” he whispers in your ear. “I’m going to fill you so thoroughly it’ll still be leaking out of you in a week.” you wrap your arms around his back.
“But you take me every night.” a breathy chuckle falls from your lips. “You leave me-“ you’re cut off by a gasp as he sheathes himself in you.
“I leave you what, sweet sister?” he snaps his hips into you harshly before stopping. “How do I leave you in your chambers every night? Hm?” he smiles watching your breasts bounce when he starts a rough pace.
“Filled and lea-Ah, Jace, yes,” your head falls back to his pillow and he brings his mouth down to your neck as he ruts into you.
“I leave you filled and what else? I didn’t quite catch that.” he taunts you
“Leaking.” you pant. “Jac-“ you let out a small cry when his fingers rub your bud.
“Your little cunny is squeezing my cock so tightly. Begging just as badly for my seed as you do.” he chuckles hearing your broken whines.
“Please, please,” you hold to him tighter.
“What do you want?” he pants, snapping his hips into you. “Tell your King what you want.”
“Fill me, please Jacaerys, please,” you whine as your pleasure topples over the edge. “I-
“Shh,” he slams into you when he feels you fluttering around him. “I’ll fill you up nice and good.” he groans, feeling his stomach tighten. “Fucking love your cunny.” his voice shakes. “Your cunny’s gonna carry my heir.” his thrusts are stealing what little breath you have left.
He listens to you babble incoherently beneath him as he continues to push into you. With one last thrust he fills you as you cling against him. He continues to slowly rock his hips into you as you let out soft whimpers.
“You’ll be swollen with my child soon.” he rests his weight on top of you and you wrap your arms tightly around him, letting your eyes close. “Even then I’ll still fill you every night. I’ll keep you hidden on this island and no one will be the wiser. I’ll keep filling you until we fill all the chambers in this Keep with heirs.” he feels himself getting worked up again and he lifts his head to look down at you. He chuckles when he sees you sound asleep.
“Rest,” he slowly pulls out and watches as your face softly scrunches before relaxing again.
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6 months later
You’re heavy with child and there are only a handful of people on Dragonstone who know. The maester, the midwife, your personal handmaiden, and your guard. Jace has insisted you stay within your chambers and he’ll have everything brought to you but you’ve been getting stir crazy. You can’t take another minute within these stone walls. You open your doors and your guard blocks your entrance.
“Princess..” he sighs.
“Then go get him. Please, I can’t do this anymore.” your voice cracks and he nods before shutting the door for you.
You go lay back on your chaise and lovingly rub your bump. You blink up at the ceiling hoping your tears will dry by the time he comes. After the first ten minutes your tears start anew and by the time an hour passes you’re storming over to the door and ripping it open.
“He said-
“I don’t care.” you snap, pushing past him. He goes to reach for you and your eyes go wide. “Do not put your hands on me.” you back up and the guard raises his hands alarmed. “I’m just going to walk down the hall.” you shake your head slowly backing up.
“No. You will walk back into your chambers.” Jace's voice comes from behind you.
“No, I won’t.” you shake your head and turn to him. “No one on this rock cares if I’m carrying a child. Let me go outside. Let me see my dragon. I just want to go to the beach and put my toes in the sand. Jace,” you look up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, my King please,” you struggle to get down on your knees and he keeps trying to lift you back up.
“Stand up. The farthest you can travel at this exact moment is to my chambers. Let’s go.” he looks down at you with a set jaw.
“What have I done?” you hiccup and start to cry.
“Besides interrupting my meeting, nothing.” he sighs, leading you into his chambers quickly.
“Why must you hide me away? You never did before.” you sniffle as he helps you sit back in a chair. “Not even at night. I can’t do it. This is the last child I’ll bear if I must be hidden away for months.” you shake your head as you hot tears stream down your face.
“You know what mother endured and-
“Everyone sees Baela is not with child. Where do you think everyone will think this babe came from? No one has seen me in ages. It’s obvious I’m either sick and within the strangers grasp or more logically, carrying a child. Is the goal to brand me as a whore and throw me to the streets?” you can’t help the hot tears that start to pour down your cheeks once more.
“No.” he sighs and pulls you into his arms. “Come sit with me.” he pulls you over to the couch.
“I’m sick of sitting. I’m sick of this stone.” you pace around his chambers. “Jacaerys I can’t.” you shake your head. “I’d soon rather fling myself fro-
“Enough.” he stands and grabs your arms. “My Gods I have good news. I’ve been campaigning the past six months for this.” he shakes his head looking up at the ceiling. “The councilors are well aware of your absence as is the entirety of the people on this rock.” you shift on your feet. “Can you please sit.” he rests his hand on your bump.
“I won’t.” you shake your head.
“It would serve you well to listen to your husband.” you glare at him and pull yourself from his arms.
“If you think I’ll be your second wife you’re out of your fucking mind. I’m worth more. I’ll take your heir and flee.” you shake your head feeling more anger rise than sadness and you welcome the reprieve. “No.” you shake your head and walk to the door.
You clench your fists as you approach the door and ignore his heavy footsteps. He grabs your arm and you try to yank yourself away but he tightens his grip. He turns you towards him and you try to push him back but he wraps both around you.
“Stop being stubborn and listen to me.” he grunts as you continue to try and wiggle out of his arms. “Baela is going back to Driftmark.” he breathes out a sigh of relief when you stop squirming.
“Why?” you pull back and search his eyes.
“She’s been betrothed to Alyn to secure an alliance and ensure Driftmarks continued loyalty. She learned a great deal growing up there with Rhaenys.” you scrunch your brows. “They’re well aware of the situation you and I are in. Everyone is..” his words soft.
“Then why have I been kept locked in my chambers?” you step back. “Gods.. Baela probably hates me now. I am your whore and everyone knows that.” he watches your face crumble and he pulls you against him. “Two bastards having a bastard. How fitting.” you sob into his chest.
“Enough of this.” he tilts your head back so he can look upon your tear stained face. “We’ll marry right now if it pleases you.” he nods.
“Really?” you sniffle. “And I can walk about the halls?” you start to smile as he nods. “Just me, you, and the maester?” he nods again. “Okay.” he cups your cheeks.
“Okay.” he presses his lips to yours and leads you out of his chambers.
He interlaces your fingers and starts to lead you to the door. You have a small smile spread across your features as you lean into him as he opens the door for you. You step into the hall and he’s back at your side and leading you down the stairs. Everything looks the same and different all at once but the sounds of life and others keep driving you forward.
When you both round the corner everyone stops and smiles at you as Jace continues to escort you past them. You spot Baela and your heart drops as she starts to walk up to you. You freeze when she engulfs you in a hug. You start to cry when she whispers that she loves you and that she’s quite happy to marry Alyn. She also expressed how happy she is that Jace has finally released you from your chambers.
Baela walks with you both to the maester to be the witness for your small ceremony and you couldn’t be more content. The words you both exchange are hushed and full of adoration. Jace places his lips softly on yours and kneels down to press his lips to your bump.
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2 months after birth
Jacaerys walks into your shared chambers and is greeted by the crackle of wood burning in the hearth. He finds you asleep and the crib empty. Your son must be with your handmaidens so you can find some sleep. He slowly starts to strip off his clothes from the day and begins to crawl into bed with you. You slowly turn over and blink your eyes open.
“I wanted to be awake when you got back.” you yawn and bury your head into his neck.
“You are.” he chuckles, smoothing your hair.
“No like awake awake.” you shake your head. “I wanted to surprise you.” you press your lips against his neck.
“Surprise me with what?” he tries to pull you on top of him but you’re having none of it.
“Go to the bathing chambers and I’ll call you out when I’m ready.” you start to rise from the bed and he lets his eyes trail over your body. “Jacaerys.” he smiles before stalking off behind the doors.
You run over to your wardrobe and pull out the new silk slip you had made and pull it on. You smooth it over your body and make your way to your vanity to tame your unruly hair. Once you’re satisfied you walk over to the bed and move the blankets before settling yourself in the center of the bed and nibbling your lip as you call out for Jace.
“My Gods.” he groans and he looks at you placed in the center of the bed. “I like this surprise.” he stands at the end of the bed and lets his eyes linger anywhere and everywhere.
“I’d like to have another.” you watch his eyes snap up to yours.
“What do you mean?” he rasps.
“A child.” you slowly start to spread your thighs. “Please.” you whisper. “Please.” you reach out for him.
“You didn’t think I would be content with just one, did you?” he smirks. “I’ll keep you swollen with my seed until we have a whole floor filled with children.” he chuckles at your flush. “I was just waiting for you to tell me you were ready.” he tugs your leg, pulling you to the end of the bed and your slip up in the process.
You squeak as your hips reach the end of the bed and he kneels before you. You look down at the same time he licks up your slit. He smiles watching your head fall back to the bed as he begins to feast upon you. His lips encase your bud and your hand flies to his curls.
“Jace, please,” you whimper, pulling him closer. “Oh Gods,” you gasp, bucking against his face.
He groans into you and your soft noises and licks at you feverishly. Your legs begin to shake and close around his head and when he slips two fingers into you you let out a small scream. His fingers pump into you quickly and he smiles as your pleasure starts to leak out of you. With a couple more swirls of his tongue you're falling apart on his face.
“You’re so perfect, my wife.” he slowly stands up from the ground and watches your chest heave.
He lifts you up the bed and settles between your legs while he smashes his lips to yours. He starts to rock his hips into yours groaning as his cock slips through your wetness before he pulls your slip the rest of the way off. He leans back to line himself up and he watches your face as she slowly pushes in. His forehead rests against yours and he stills his hips.
“Please move.” you gasp, squeezing around him.
“I just wanna be close to you right now.” he presses his lips to your neck as he slowly rolls his hips. “I love you so much.” he mumbles before sucking softly at your neck.
“I love you.” you wrap your arms around him, letting out soft gasps and whines as he starts to move his hips a little faster.
“Are you sure you’re ready to carry another child?” he lifts up and searches your eyes. “If you want more time-
“Yes, please yes,” you nod your head. “Please Jacaerys. Let me give you more children.” you start to jerk your hips up to his. Your words cause him to start pushing into you with more of a purpose. You wrap your legs around his waist as he continues to suckle at your neck. “Jace,” you gasp when he snaps his hips into you.
“What do you want?” he smirks against your neck, feeling you squeeze around him.
“I want- Mm,” he leans up and starts pounding into you. “I.. Jace, please.” you cling against him as he repeatedly snaps his hips.
“You have to tell me what you want.” he brings one of his hands between the both of you to circle your bud. You pulse around him and he presses his forehead to yours. “Your cunny knows what it wants.” he chuckles. “It’s begging to be filled. Squeezing my cock so tightly.” he rasps.
“Please,” you whine as your pleasure is never ending. “Fill me, Gods Jacaer-“ a shutter rolls through your body. “Please, please,” he groans, watching your eyes roll back.
“Shh, shh,” he presses you into the mattress. “Gods you feel so fucking good.” he slams into you repeatedly.
He watches you slide against the mattress as starts to hammer into you. He feels his pleasure quickly approaching as you babble beneath him. His lips mold to yours and he swallows down all of your moans and he starts to fill you. He keeps slowly rocking his hips listening to your soft pleas as you hold him closer.
“Stay inside.” you breathe out. “Just- yes.” you hold him as he collapses on top of you. “Like this.” your hands travel up to his hair as he cuddles into you. “Thank you.” you let your eyes flutter shut.
“I’ll fill you again when we wake up.” he mumbles, pressing his lips against your neck.
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masterlist 🔌
i thought abt jace w a breeding kink everyday since i got this anon tbh
taglist ✍️
@ka1afbr @ninihrtss @daintylittlesunflower @primroseluna @alexxavicry @misspendragonsworld @papichulo120627 @ashovertheriver @gabriella-aesthetic @moonymoo1 @faenyra @uwuuness @lizzylovebooks280501 @nostalgiagoth03 @multilover19 @summer-and-sunflowers @eternalwinters @rere10 @sxlsvv @sarahrosw36q @tricksterreaper @somethingsaladsomething
#welcome back jace i missed u#jace velaryon#jacaerys targaryen#prince jacaerys#jacaerys velaryon#jace targaryen#jacaerys strong#my lord strong#jace x reader#jace x reader smut#jacaerys x reader#jacaerys x reader smut#hotd smut#hotd fanfic#hotd jacaerys
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alr to the anons who are back to flooding my inbox now with requests that i commit, or that i shoud joint commit with with a certain someone who has been dealing with antisemitic, transphobic, and misogynistic comments the past few weeks, or any of the other HORRENDOUS and VILE things that have been sent to my inbox about what we should be doing together, ALL BECAUSE I DEFENDED HER AND COMMENTED POSITIVITY ON HER POSTS:
i do NOT know her. we are mutals!!! very recent mutuals. that is it!!! i saw negativity being spread like it was spread to the op of the original ai post, to me, and to so many others, and so i decided to say something positive!!!!!
let me just say this:
you guys are the most putrid, musty, bottom feeding, neonazi, pathetic FILTH to walk this fucking earth. you spread a rhetoric that is so fucking harmful and disastrous to any hope of a forward-moving society. this goes beyond fandom or ai accusations or ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES.
you have been caught relentlessly harassing anyone and everyone who defended the initial ai callout post, both here on tumblr AND on twitter/x. the fact that y'all have set up shop over on x IS TELLING ENOUGH, but double that with the fact you KEEP COMING BACK HERE, AND KEEP SENDING ATROCIOUS ANON MESSAGES (again, you fucking cowards) IS EVEN MORE TELLING.
i don't know what's worse: dragging someone like her into all of this because she simply tried to spread awareness OR going after anyone who is now being supportive and positive to her!!! i'd wager dragging her into the mess in the first place is pretty fucking terrible.
now, i do not know if others are receiving the same kind of messages, or if this is simply the same group of WRETCHED, PUSTULE-BRAINED SIMPLETONS coming BACK to my blog to spread their neonazi ideology, but either way, the people (or person!!!) leaving these asks are nothing more than bootlicking, worm-brained sacks of decaying carcasses who LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR TIME.
i know EXACTLY the group that is leaving these messages. i know EXACTLY why your lives are so fucking empty, and miserable, and rancid that you only get joy from spreading neonazi HATESPEECH and telling other people to kill themselves. i know you all lay awake at night, crying over a fucking PIXELATED CHARACTER WHO WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK, sniveling like little bitches because your favorite AI SLOP got taken down.
AND TO THE AUTHOR OF THAT FUCKING FIC: YOU ARE ALLOWING THESE ASSHOLES TO DEFEND YOU AND YOUR NAME USING DEATH THREATS AND THE MOST ABHORRENT HATESPEECH KNOWN TO THE MODERN WORLD. YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THEM BC I SEE YOU STILL INTERACT WITH THESE FUCKERS. YOU. ARE. NO. BETTER.
so for now: my anon asks are being turned off. not because iM sAd oR sCaReD but because if you have something to fucking say to me, say it with your whole fucking chest. otherwise: go fuck yourself with the thorniest, worst-cast dildos you can fucking find. SMOOCHES.
#fandom critical#social media critical#solavellan critical#cw vent#tw antisemitism#tw homophobia#tw hatespeech#tw literally everything i am fuming at this point#YOU BITCHES ARE SO MISERABLE AND PATHETIC FOR REAL.#FUCK#if i didn't care about these people i would air your shit out for the whole fucking world to see#cunts.#durgeapologist
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OH MY GOD THESE ARE SO DELIGHTFUL. SCREAMING. A+. NEED IT ON MY BLOIG…
AU MASTER POST
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What’s Marzenie?:
Marzenie is my Omori AU which explores the idea of Basil having a headspace and sets the game from his perspective, this masterpost compiles all relevant information on the AU to read below the cut !
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First post/further introduction/Marzenie map:
First post! <- click here!
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Character’s:
Basil/Marze
Sunny/Sol
Polly/Sister Pollene
Kel/Alter boy | Kel/Alter boy ALT
[this is where id put Aubrey, IF ID DRAWN HER! /ref]
Hero/Reflection
Mari/Ziemia
Basil’s mom/The pale maiden
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Mikhael/Maverick
Kim/Bone Collector
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Misc info:
Marze’s wings post
The lantern post
Nephilim (Angel) The Church An Ask reply where I ramble about Sol HIM
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@ask-marzenie , both for in character and ooc questions (although I definitely still take asks here on my main and you’re welcome to send them!)
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Obviously this isn’t everything, it’s just everything I consider important … and it’s nice to have all this information sorted! There’s a myriad of other random Marzenie things and there’s been posts where I offhand mention plans I have for Aubrey, Charlene, Vance and Angel but for now this is well enough
Thank you for reading! I intend on giving this post actual tags, I usually wouldn’t but the small group that’s interacted with this content before have motivated and encouraged me to share it a little more so special thank’s! to all of my kind mutuals! Without you’d I definitely wouldn’t draw as much, teehee :}
#Reflection and alter boy cyber bullying is so funny to me actually#considering their real world counterparts are probably the ones least likely to do it HSJSJSJ#AND NOT POOR SOL INSTANTLY UNCOVERING THE HORRORS… ‘TIS INEVITABLE WIRH HIM IM AFRIAD…#I need to see sol read Jeff the killer. the original one not the remaster#I need him to believe every chain mail creepypasta ever. I need him to spam everyone with smile dog because he is so convinced it’s REAL#also really funny timing I JUST posted JJSSJJSSJ#ough ough I love them.#ALSO I ended up failing quite miserable at drawing my Aubrey so I’ll try again tomorrow#but I will give some tidbits here!!!#I basically based her off of the concept of like. justice in general??#both basil’s interpretation of Aubrey as this strong person who stands by her convictions#and also his subconscious telling him that he deserves the treatment she gives him as some sort of. divine retribution???#so that’s her main theme!!!#I also REALLY wanted to give her a comically large gavel to parallel her nail bat but I think that’d be a little TOO silly HHSSJJ#but design wise shes essentially biblically accurate Angel + judge and law motifs#but yeah!!! that was her in my mind#HSJSJSJ#ough I need to see canon marzenie Aubrey so bad though. AGH#I also need to see sol uncover awful creepypastas and get scared shitless. I’m not letting this go#NAJSJSJ
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤcourtney's rentryㅤㅤㅤㅤmar's white/blacklist
Tagging for promo posts is allowed!
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ✧₊⁺ mar's requests : CLOSED :3
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ(0/3)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ✧₊⁺ courtney's requests : CLOSED :333 !!!!
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ(0/?)
HALLO!!! MOD EMU HERE!!! WELCOME TO @rotinconfetti !! PLEASE READ THE LINKS WE PREVIOUSLY PROVIDED B4 REQUESTING ANYTHING ^.^ !!!!!! Mar (mod dazai) doesnt have a rentry at the moment :((( but please, meanwhile, read his whitelist / blacklist / rules / etc! and please read my rentry, as it contains the aforementioned too! pls note that we are both new at this! (as of may 23 2024)
as i mentioned before, Mar doesnt have a rentry yet! so here's some info about us! :
Mar or Bennett !
he/they/she
minor !
eng/esp
Courtney or River! (courtney prefered, nicknames are great!)
Any pronouns!!!!
Minor!!!!!!!!
eng/esp!!!!!!!!!
when using Mod Emu's stuff, :
credits, likes & reblogs are appreciated but i have no requirements!!!! just dont claim as your own and youre fine!!!! (on the other hand, please do credit this account when reposting!)
when using Mod Dazai's stuff, :
Credit not necessary but apreciated ! no claiming as own
NOTES :
if you want a specific mod to make your request, please say so in your ask!
just because something ISNT on our whitelist doesnt mean we wont do it, whitelist is just our priorities! so dont be afraid to ask!
as mentioned before, we are both minors!!!
we are siblings!!! so pls dont say anything weird!! :3
plx read our blacklist & rules before requesting!!!
if we reject your request, respect that please!!!!!
pls be patient when requesting, and if possible be specific!!!!! if not then its fine!!
CREDITS:
psd
#˙ . ꒷ 📬 . ˙— mail#𓏵 denied requests#・┆uploads!#⊹˚. ♡ asks#mod emu🍰#mod dazai☕#im a little scared to post this but lets go!!!!!!!!#if i made any spelling mistakes or anything like that lmk!!! english is not my first language SDKSFNKASF
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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oopsie...
#I DREW THAT WITHOUT A REFFERENCE LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!!#im so proud of myself#is that egocentric?#idk but I love this#it's been so long since I drew rob's head in a different angle#don't ask what Cartoon Network i mad about#because idk#but you can have your own interpretations if you want!#i also did cn's logo without a refference for the shape#but that isn't that hard compared to rob's head#it's basic geometry apparently#the amazing world of gumball#tawog#tawog rob#my art#(idk why but i feel a little scared to post this for some reason)
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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I see you self insert with Papyrus, and you've been making TF stuff so... do you self insert with any transformers?
HELL YEAH I DO!!!
i... im not sure if you were asking if there's any bot in particular but uhhh. generally? yes!! i wanna kiss SO MANY bots!!
but my rate of writing and drawing is extremely variable so i havent posted much self insert stuff for tf as of yet ( ._.)... i'd really like to though!!!!! i guess i dunno where to start with it because i dont have One (or a few) Specific character/s i'm obsessed with, and instead have a constantly rotating list of characters (and ships) i enjoy, so im kinda like a kid in a candy shop hrjdhfksnfk,,,
im also under the twin curses of "too anxious to share ideas unprompted half the time" and "lacking enough motivation to get people invested by making art/writing my ideas" so...
ANYWAY. I GOT KINDA OFF TOPIC.
TLDR: YES I WANNA KISS MANY TRANSFORMERS. NO I HAVENT MADE STUFF IN THAT VEIN YET. YES, ID LIKE TO.
#anon#inbox#velwy.txt#anyway. did you know i have a tf reader insert rec list.#because if you didn't. you should go check it ouuuuut!#im also a little scared of posting stuff because im struck by the (kinds silly) fear of mischaracterisation#because like. the wild variance of takes on characters is what i enjoy about fanfic BUT ALSO WHAT IF I FUCK IT UPPP#also i tend to roll in polys because i. also love bot/bot ships and im like BUT I WANT THEM TO BE TOGETHER TOO...#so my solution is just 'ship..... PLUS ME'#my heart is forever with that one wavewave/reader fic. i love polys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i also love solo bots/reader but yknow.#anyway uh. if you DID want to know some specific bots then do let me know rhjfhdkd my list is Too Long but like. yknow.#i can always try give a loose idea at least#anyway im rambling too much! posting now
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Supernatural is about love and loss and the scars it leaves and the walls you build around yourself so it never happens again the agonizing loosening of individual bricks, wiggled back and forth by someone who loves you whether you want them to or not, and the way you find yourself helping with a couple of those bricks, all the while telling yourself this is going to get you hurt again, but you can't help but want to love again, want to be loved again
#okay im sorry i know i dont post a lot of like original thoughts but im sick and watching the first episode of supernatureal again and oh my#the way there is always someone who will want to love you and the way you cant help but throw the worst of yourself at them#like a scared dog who cant help but bite an outstretched hand#....the way some people will clean and wrap the wound; put on a glove and reach out again#until maybe you think it might be okay#just to let them touch just your face#the way youll growl instead of bite when they try something different#give them a warning so they know youre still dangerous#make them go through the whole dance again each time#and sometimes#some people will#and you start removing some steps becauze this is crazy isnt it you know this person#and little by little you let them in#muscles tensed and teeth bared#anyways#supernatural
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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i think I've said it before but it bears repeating probably fhdksl - I do not know Anything about many many popular media franchises. i know basically Nothing about popular anime, gacha games, tv shows, etc.
i do not want to be afraid of ppl freaking out at me for accidentally interacting w someone who ships w an irredeemable character (incestual, rapists, pedophiles, or participated in/led genocides). for this reason, i tend to stick to only interacting w original posts from ppl i follow and somewhat trust, but if i rb from someone who ships w a character who's truly disgusting, pleaaaase let me know lol
i promise i just Do Not Know about the character. i am simply unaware of most pop culture :')
#i have very narrow interests and very little energy and focus to expend on things i dont find Really Interesting#i am tired of feeling like im walking on eggshells all the time around here idk fhdkdl like its probably just me being unwell but. shrug.#it is like. 99% me being paranoid and anxious and 1% some of the behaviour of the general community at large#if u have an issue w smth i have said or rbed - let me know! i am very happy to hear ppl out!#i am very willing to delete posts/change my mind/rethink things/look into smth - whatever the situation calls for!#none of this is said angrily btw fhfkdl it is said with a thumbs up and a tired and ''wants things to be better'' energy#i get scared so often that im going to wake up and check tumblr and see I've been blocked by like. everyone.#and i just Won't Know the reason for it fjdkdl (this has not happened to me before so idk why i worry abt it honestly)#genuinely though if anyone ever has any issue or discomfort w smth I've said feel free to bring it up w me#i very much want to always improve and expand my perspective and learn and grow#and im very willing to look into things myself! i just occasionally need it pointed out to me so i see it and have a direction to go in#dandy.cmd
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.
#horrible awful no good very bad day#apparently last night the apartment below ours caught fire and we were out of town#and we didnt find out til several hours later from our neighbor who had to track me down on facebook- we didnt hear a thing#from the apartment in any official capacity until like? 10 hours after the fire?#anyway we rushed home supremely early from a friend trip that was like#meant to be very good and fun#anyway so we rush home because no one can tell us if our cats are okay#and they were but our whole apartment is supremely smoky and all of our possessions are extremely smoky#and we cant stay there or let the cats stay there because of the smoke and soot and particles it just doesnt feel safe#so now im in my partners familys house which is like#fine but its full of people and i dont feel fully comfortable and i cant fully relax and and and and and etc etc etc etc#and tomorrow i have to wake up early and go over there and find out what if anything the complex plans to do about it and how long its gonna#be until we can come back safely. or more likely get more noncommittal answers and be unsure#and i dont know how long i can stay here and be normal#AND to top it all off i paid like 60$ to go to an aquarium i didnt even get to go to . but yknow. all of my friends got to !#and like im happy for them but no one was excited as i was and now i get to ruminate on how everyone got to do the fun thing i love#while i was stuck doing 17 loads of laundry and bathing the soot out of my cats fur in someone elses house#certainly it could be worse and im glad my cats are fine and im glad its just smoke damage and not yknow. Burn damage#but im having a sad little pity party anyway because i was supposed to have an amazing beautiful day ending in a relaxing evening#in my own home#and now i have to cope with all of this instead. all i want to do is cry#and also like. im scared we will have to move#but im also scared we wont... because like#i think it was a gas issue. and knowing that that happened in my building? and also knowing how much landlords love to halfass#repairs and everything else#i just dont know how safe i will feel there#even if they tell me its fine#anyway sorry for the tag vent post again my old ways will never die#ghost posts
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ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no
#purrs#i don’t have the spoons to type much let alone reply to anybody ESPECIALLY not him bc this fucking pissed me off so bad i have been too#angry to reply. like what the fuck is this. im going through a hard time right now so why are you judging me for wanting us to talk about#that instead of me doing your stupid little homework assignment. i just feel so judged by him all the time and i can’t work up the courage#to tell him or end things. but i am actually dreading talking abt this new development / topic w him anyways bc the last time we talked abt#it he judged and pushed me so hard and i got SOOOOO angry but also maybe he was right and just saying thigns i didn’t want to hear and then#his supervisor got sick and he said he had this plan for us to do the erikson thing and we’ve barely started it and i feel so bad bc i#genuinely think it could work but i just don’t mesh well with him. but it’s like i should give it a try and stick it out bc there’s only a f#few months left and what if things get better. and also ihavent given him any indication of how unhappy ive been w him as my counselor and i#don’t want to spring it on him out of nowhere. but no we’ve been working together since October and i don’t feel seen or supported by him at#all an di know i have to leave bc i deserve better but things are so bad rn and my brain has been broken all weekend and i just don’t have t#the strength and idk what to reply or if i should but i think everyone is probably gonna say i need to leave him and i think you’d be right.#delete later#i truly do not have the mental capacity to rn but if u go thru my other purrs posts i talk abt some of the shit he’s done that has just been#building and building and i know i need to do smth about it bc it’s not okay. but im so scared.
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literally why does leaving people that cause you literally so much harm hurt so much
#finally wrote back to [redacted] after a full month after he reached out and asked to reconnect and catch up#we havent talked in years#he says he is 52 months sober now#which is. impressive#thats like#over 4 years#but still like. aah#listening to his playlist on spotify rn#i said i wanted to reconnect but i literally shouldnt#he knows where i go to college and im scared he might come find me next year if we talk too much#he was always there for me. even if he wasnt ever what i needed or deserved to have to put up with#im so ashamed of him and the situation that i cant even talk about in therapy i dont know why im tyoing all of this in a tumblr post that m#friends can see#sometimes u gotta#idk let these things out. i guess#remember to delete this later#we talked a little bit today. he said hes impressed with me that i made it to college#he said hes proud of me#no one says they are proud of me#he sent me a picture of him before and after gettign sober. he looks like ten years younger#its kind of insane#he said hes studying the bible now. what the fuck#“Remember me when you're big n famous. Well. Remember the good parts of me”#<- actual quote from him#fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this#i dont even know if there are any good parts#man who i love so much and who was the only one there for me but who i am so scared of#actually looking back at messages we have talked a little bit in the last few years i have just blocked it out or something#last time i got a message from him that i remember i started shaking in the dining hall and had to make a friend come get me#🦷
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Boys were invented for me to chase around the nightmare woods with a big knife and blunderbuss
#Yakzua loveblog#oh kiryu ... really want to see how fast a guy can run in the darkness and how many scrapes he will accumulate just from being scared#lets roleplay bloodborne youll go crazy and lose your humanity and i spray your flesh everywhere with a hacksaw till you die#i was gonna be like guess who this post is about then i took a sip of diet coke and realised how good it was. like i wish i had a lemon at#my mercy so i can cut a slice and drop it into my coke ... this would taste so good with a lemon#literally want someone to run and i chase them like a serial killer it would be so good for the both of us if i let him get a little furthe#and then when he thinks hes safe he crouches behind a rock and then i blow a hole into the stone beside his head and he feels the shot#explode over his face and he reels back blind and in pain and crawls away and i grab another fistful of gravel to reload#i chase him till he doesnt want to run anymore he collapses on his stomach wheezing and then i come out into the clearing and aim my gun at#him and he grabs it by the barrel and wrenches it out of my hand and it overbalances me and i fall hard on my side and he gets on top of me#but i whip my knife out and stick it in his flank and he yowls and we roll again and when im on top i twist it as i pull it out and then#slam it down on his face and he redirects my strike with the back of his fist and my knife lands in the dirt beside his head and he#attempts to throw me off while im pinning his shoulder to the ground and i use the motion to pull my blade out the soft dirt and#drive it into his ear but he kicks me away and the knife misses and swipes under his chin instead barely an inch from his throat and hes#taking the opportunity to roll to his feet while im on the ground disoriented and he gets on top of me again and i take another swipe at#his chest but he grabs my hand and twists it and im forced to drop the knife and we're both panting like hell and hes holding my wrists#above my head and we're really close breathing on each others faces then we start making out sloppy style and on the train ride back i tell#him that a small blunderbuss is called a dragon and he says hm ... pretty cool
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