#im a bit worried and sad
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beaulesbian · 1 year ago
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I'ts like there's a rope attached to my chest and it keeps pulling me towards you. And it feels so right. - Red, White and Royal Blue (2023)
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"On purpose. I love him on purpose." - Red, White and Royal Blue, chapter 13, by Casey McQuiston
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ganondoodle · 2 months ago
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(zelda comic rough draft)
im still unable to draw anything ... except for really slowly getting the chapter 2 rough draft further for some reason, another screenshot from page 59
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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shower-phantom-ideas · 1 year ago
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Jazz becoming the next big Gothem villain is such a solid concept. Theres so much to explore.
She targets corrupt mental institutions. Corrupt companies who destroy their workers state of mind so they wont quit. She attacks landlords who make it impossible for people to live comfortably.
She is the staple anti-hero of anyone struggling to get back on their feet. People should have to work three jobs just to afford a crappy one bedroom, no utilities, half bath, in crime alley apartment, with a roommate.
Shelters should be aiming to gain a profit instead of using the donations to support others.
She is tired of these big name heros leaving children to clean up messes. She has watcher her own brother wither away to a shell of his former self trying to make a change and she is sick of it. Hell she herself is a child but if this is what it takes, then this is what it takes.
Enter from the left The Manipulator™️
Feared by all corrupt. People think she has mind control or something. When she targets someone they make almost a full 180 in their ways. “She will do anything to get her way or to make people into what she thinks they should be. And she mist be stopped” cries big business.
In reality she is the worlds best damn psychiatrist ever to be known. She doesn’t force anyone to change but gives them the choice to be better. To see how much more they can be. And it terrifies them. Helps them find themselves again and to move past their troubling pasts. No force and no mind control. No manipulating. No one but those who she has helped know the truth but when they tell the truth it only fuels the fire of her being controlling.
Theres one thing also fuelling the flames of mind control. Thats the fact that every single major hero to go after her can’t. Any who approach her find themselves no long near her. Superman just wants to talk, well she doesn’t, and he is then back in his city?!? Batman is stalking her to figure out how to deal with her but once he gets too close he suddenly finds himself in the batcave?
At first they think it’s teleportation but time is passing? Theres video feed and tracking of no they just went back themselves. No response from them the whole trip. As if possessed. (Lmao it’s just good brother danny pranking his sis a little by making her seem all powerful but also protecting her anyway he can. Or could be Dan instead)
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ywpd-translations · 7 months ago
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Ride 772: A jersey never seen before!!
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Pag 1
1: Those two are accelerating like they're right before the sprint line!!
Ruaaaagh
Ooooogh
3: Just now it was the second stage “shironeri”
4: Are you surprised, San-na? Obviously, once we get before the finish line, I'll pull out the sixth stage
5: “Golden yellow”!!
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Pag 2 / 3
Who will win the title of fastest!?
The black horse Kiji Kyuui!!
Sohoku's Team SS who's aiming to be Japan's number one!!
Or Hakone Academy's Doubashi!!
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Pag 4
2: Woah.... what incredible speed! Those two competing for the lead
You're right
Huh!?
3: It's Hakogaku VS Sohoku, you know, those two have the exact same cards – it's exciting
Of course Sohoku's Kaburagi is fired up for his revenge
Incredible, it's the same as last year
4: Oi, they're still coming!!
Ah?
They're chasing!!
Huh
5: They're chasing!?
What incredible energy!!
The one running in the front is from Sohoku, but there's someone else behind....
That jersey....
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Pag 5
1: It's a jersey I've never seen before!! Who's that!!
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Pag 6
1: It's not Hakogaku, and it's not Kyufushi either
I've never seen them before, is it their first time participating this year!?
2: On his shoulder
3: it says “Gunma”
4: Yon
Gunma!?
5: Yon
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Pag 7
1: Yon
3: He's coming up right behind me!!
4: But I won't let this guy go!!
I thought my part was over, but there's still work left to do!!
5: It's a simple thing
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Pag 8
1: I just have to stop his legs from 30seconds to one minute!!
2: If I do that, then those two will have passed the sprint line!!
As long as the race is completely over!!
3: I'll make Issa have his revenge!!
4: This is the guy who that day
5: When we were practicing on Minegayama
6: Fell from the sky
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Pag 9
1: On a mountain bike
2: The MTB two-times in a row champion!! Gunma Ryosei's Kiji Kyuui!!
Yon
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Pag 10
1: And of course he's riding a road bike today!!
2: Road bikes are nice, you know
They're light, they react quickly, there's less loss of mechanical transmission
3: The thing that's most different from mountain bikes is that the road surface isn't uneven but flat
4: Alright, he's clinging to me!!
From now on it's a race! I'll gain time!! I'll stop him!!
5: And, you know, whenever you want
Freely
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Pag 12
1: You can accelerate at your own timing!! Yon!!
Ugh!!
2: He got me!!
What was that just now!! He definitely turned his body like he was going right!!
3: I reacted thinking he was going to attack from the right
4: A “feint”!!
5: And from a slanted stance like that he moved straight forward?
6: The left side was narrow, there was nothing but the ditch cover
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Pag 13
1: And this guy jumped forward no matter the situation!!
Dammit!!
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Pag 14
1: Immediately after clinging to me from the back!!
2: When road bikes cyclists, after a solo run, approach someone from behind
3: they always take shelter from the wind behind them
4: To rest their legs!! At least for 10-30 seconds
5: That guy did it for less than 3 seconds!!
Higaruaaa
6: Dammit, so there's guys who can have their legs recover in just 3 seconds!?
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Pag 15
2: This time I'll cling to him!!
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Pag 16
1: Three seconds are enough, aren't they?
3: Mountain bike is a sport where you have to continuously produce high output of energy on your own
4: In comparison, in road race, where you can rest behind someone and use them to get ahead, you only need to put out power for a split seconds
5: Really
6: Road racing is full of excitement and learning! It's really....
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Pag 17
1: Fun!! Yon!!
2: He accelerated in the curve!!
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Pag 18
2: He's controlling the bike's frame tilting it just at the right angle to not let the pedals....
3: hitting the road!!
4: The “tires”!!
I heard that in MTB the control of the tires is essential!!
Is he applying that to road racing!? Dammit!!
5: But!!
6: I wasn't in the SS team for nothing!!
7: I can do something like that too
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Pag 19
2: Ruwa-
3: The pedal hit the road!!
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Pag 20
3: Ugh!!
Number 5 lost his balance!
He's losing speed
Ugh!! I'll make Issa have his revenge.....
4: I heard a loud noise, are you okay?
6: Huh
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Pag 21
1: Stay safe
2: …. he worried about me.... and then left.... taking his time... so that's... Kiji Kyuui!!
4: Hahaha, San-na!!
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Pag 22
1: This is the third stage!!
“Pale yellow”!!
2: You're fast..... aren't you strong?
Really, Orange
3: Honestly, when I first heard two of you were coming up, I was disappointed
“This year too, huh”, I thought
4: But turns out it's an equal one-on-one race!!
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Pag 23
1: This is the best, Orange!!
You're the most serious guy!!
Let's do it!! A full throttle battle!!
2: I'll take you on!! But I told you earlier!! You don't know my “golden yellow”, you'll lose!!
3: There are 2km left until the finish line!!
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thickenmyblood · 9 months ago
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hi maca :) do u already know when you can post chapter 20? im so sad about hiuh ending but also so excited for some happiness :( also, will it really only be 20 chapters or will you add one or two more? in any case, thanks so much for all the time and effort you put into this! I loved every second I spent reading this fic <3
hello!!! well, i was supposed to post ch20 on feb 1st . . . but that obviously did not happen. this month is the month though!!!! I'll try to make it happen before march.
about the chapter: yes, it's the last chapter ever. there will be no more. ever. honestly, I don't think you'll want another chapter after this considering the rough draft I'm working with is 250 PAGES
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sanatomis · 6 months ago
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sometimes i think of the absolute tragedy that satoru is, down to his fundamentals. for some people it can be argued that things could have been different, but satoru? he was doomed from the start. born as he was, he was never going to have a normal, happy life and i hate it. because he deserved it. he deserved that happy life.
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worstloki · 1 year ago
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sigyn that married loki like ages ago so when it comes out he's jotun she's like. 'well it's a bit late to do anything about that'
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thedrotter · 3 months ago
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(cw for a gun, mild blood and suicide in the last drawing.)
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Day 1-5 of drawing Re:Kinder daily for a whole month! I'll be doing that all month. ☺️
I did not draw Re:Kinder enough (said both sarcastically and genuinely, because while I know the statement is ridiculous I also do believe it www), so I chose to challenge myself. I will post these every 5 days to not clog the tag too much.
#re:kinder#rekinder#fanart#hiroto yamakawa#rei suzumura#aya hibino#sayaka akatsuki#ryou shimoya#takumi katsuragi#shunsuke takano#yuuichi mizuoka#AND CHIE!!!!!! :3333#now... commentary...#for the first one i tried doing the proportions a bit more realistic than the chibi like ones i usually do !#although it comes with the worry they may seem like teens in contrast of how i generally draw them^^;... i hope they still look their age😢#second drawing is based on an idea from my sister that hiroto’s more responsible attitude comes from taking charge more than he should-#-due to his parents both being depressed. so i tried to express that idea somewhat... its more speculation than anything but still#third one is HORROR MOVIE TIME!!! this one was very funny to me because i dunno whos house theyre in but ryou looks right at home www#certainly not takumi's because that breaks the law children have of “its MY house so if i dont want to watch this movie we wont watch it”#fourth is SHUNSUKE VS THE SCHOOL TESTS!! based on him throwing out his school tests on the trash as mentioned once ingame.#in case it isnt clear the 12 is a 12 out of 100... im afraid i dont know how to make it clearer😓.#chie originally wasnt meant to be there but the compositions i came up with felt boring otherwise. so she was brought in to fill in the voi#final drawing is here to remind you this is a horror game about mentally ill children i am so sorry#im aware it is a bit jarring compared to all the (mostly) fluff but the rng said it was a yuu day he doesnt get any fluff#ah yes sorry spoilers he wont be getting any fluff there will not be a single drawing where he feels joy😭 i am sorry for this#this is because the ideas i never really got to draw (that are here) of him are the sad ones because i feel such a pity drawing him that wa#but i had to get to them eventually because i did want to draw it anyway but i was going to keep stalling them if i didnt do em here#so sorry no happy yuu the whole month😢#anyway i may redraw one of these later down the line (when its no longer august).#i do these with time limitations so i dont get to push them to bigger steps but if i feel one should get one i may redraw it LATERRR
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pois0ncandy · 2 months ago
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no matter how much my life is improving, i still feel empty and alone
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tanicus-caesareth · 7 months ago
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guarana drama, damage control
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tangledinink · 1 year ago
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Once upon a time i worked a job that involved me traveling a lot. Every Monday i'd fly to some other state, and the company would put me up in a hotel and i'd get a company card with a per diem for food, and then on Friday they'd fly me back home. And we got, like, $100 a day for food. Which is crazy, and I would never hit that quota, so by the time I had been doing this for a few months I just had, like, hella cash to burn.
And it was so much fun. Because at some point I just realized that I was fully empowered to give, like... crazy good tips. Any time I ate or ordered anywhere I'd tip at least 100%. It was especially fun when I ate out, like at some of the restaurants in the hotels and stuff, 'cause I'd be this little early-twenty-something dining by myself, doodling in my iPad while I ate, and then at the end of the meal I could just drop a $150 tip and skip off and it felt so fucking good. 'Cause what did I care! It's not my money! It's corporate money, baby. Why not give it to other people???
Anyway, the point is that I miss being able to do that so fucking much.
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 1 year ago
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hiki and geki matching post
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hiki and geki matching post
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gunstellations · 2 years ago
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unreachable
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braintapes · 1 year ago
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The Hotel Podcast Season 3 Analysis: Part 4 - The Hotel Herself
Today, we'll start to wrap up anything left to cover for the Owner's arc, then dig some more into the Hotel Herself, her character, and her relation to the Staff.
I have little in the way of fancy preamble this time, except for that I'll consider this my big treatise on the character of the Hotel Herself and I will be discussing more than just her presence in Season 3. I really can't talk about her without getting into...everywhen and where else.
This is also the longest post in the series, at 8 full pages long. Not that much longer than the other posts, I guess, but it feels long to me. Take breaks if ya gotta. Here's some links to Part I - The Manager, Part II - The Lobby Boy, and Part III - The Owner.
It is a joy for me to write this up and to share it with you. If you read even a little bit, I'm grateful. If you read all of it, I'll be over the moon. So I thank you very kindly for your time :-)
Let's get into it with 3.10 In Which We Burn. This episode is about both of them, all of them really. This is where we start to get into that whole, 'interconnectedness of the self within the Hotel' thing I put a pin in before. Strap in for the ride.
The Owner begins again in the void. There is nothingness all around him, yet he wanders forward to somewhere, something he can't quite perceive yet with only a vague idea of what he's going to do:
I would know if I was going the wrong way. Returning from somewhere to somewhere. I don't know where I'm going, but I know how to get there. I think there's someone there already. I think I'm going to kill them. No, that's not quite right. That's not it. But it's all I can think of as I walk thru endless endless nothing. "I'm going somewhere. Someone is there. Someone to kill." Over and over I repeat the words, trying to make them make sense. Trying to find the parts that stick out in sharp directions. Like a mountain crag that needs weathered down by time to dust.
...There's that mountain again. This is a version of the Owner reforming after his last death, one that strikes me as prototypal, almost. He exists in the void for what's implied to be a long time and seemingly has no memory yet of the previous episodes events? He has no memory of...anything. Just him and the endless darkness.
I think that the Hotel is forming him slowly here. Experiencing through him. The Owner doesn't fully exist yet, he's still baking in the metaphorical oven. Without any memory or experience besides the void, she seeps through into him as he fumbles for something.
"I'm going somewhere. Someone is there. Someone to kill."
Consider the creature versions of the Staff ala season 2 or 5, how they seem to have foggy memories that slip away until they settle into being whatever monster of the week they're going to be. This feels the same way to me. Compare the above line with the following from early on in 2.3 Mr Heavy Bones:
Something in me, not me, something separate, needs to kill them.
I also want to point out not just the similarity of those two lines, but how said lines could easily refer to the Hotel herself. Hear me out - If I wanted to describe how the Hotel operates in as succinct a way as possible, it'd be something like the above! Someone is there, somewhere. Someone to kill, someone needs to be killed...
He approaches, or perhaps the lobby approaches him as it comes into view. He's disoriented, the ceiling and the floors mixed up and everything is going by too fast, he's completely disconnected from the sense of time and space of the Hotel's shape. In a flash, he remembers and is immediately reset again. The Hotel instructs:
Watch it again. And pay attention this time.
On it boss!
The music has changed to The Hotel Herself's theme, Cosmic Heartbeat, and continues to play as the Owner goes through another run. The perspective is slowly starting to shift - although we're still seeing through the Owner's narrative eyes, understanding is on the horizon. The Owner goes again and looks at the Manager.
THE OWNER: She's already been killed. Is that what was sticking out? Is that what I needed to weather? I don't think so. I don't believe it, but I do as I'm told. Dying isn't easier the second time. THE HOTEL: (Yyyyyyyyou've) You've died much more than that. You've died again, and again, and again and again. Here comes another one, don't miss it or we'll have to start over.
She's responding not just to his words, but to his own internal narration. The line between them gets a tiny bit blurred, line by line ;)
So, then, if it's not the Manager he needs to see, maybe the Manager's murderer? He takes note of the gibbering creature, starts to remember more but the Hotel grows a bit frustrated with him. The Owner's not quite picking up on everything yet.
So we go back again for another round and the Owner grows more harried. With each death he sounds more and more ragged and I have to give huge props to Graham Rowat. Like I said last post, his performance as the Owner is always wonderful but this episode in particular has always stuck out to me as a high point. The Owner sounds so desperate here, so battered. He's lost and in pain and so afraid of dying yet still trying so hard...
He goes through again, makes it past the Manager and the gibbering creature and sees the Lobby Boy cowering in the corner. He's so overcome with disgust at the Lobby Boy he loses sight of what he's supposed to be understanding and the Hotel kills him again. He's getting lost in the details, not paying attention to the bigger picture. He needs to see beyond himself.
THE HOTEL: We have nothing but time here. (here here h e r e) Time (time time time) and pain(pain), if you want it. I already understand (everything)everything(everythgibber) WINGS FLAP THE OWNER: PLEASE! No more! THE HOTEL: But you don't understand yet. (don't don't don't understand yet ) Until you have an understanding you will receive only pain and time. AGAIN!
There's a bit of implication that this goes on for longer than just the exchanges we get in the episode. Now can see that the screams of his that echoed throughout the season, such as at the very very beginning and on the second floor, were the result of him witnessing these events again and again from his own jumbled perspective. I picture the Owner in my mind's eye falling, hurtling upside down through the Hotel, flying through time and space at Her direction.
I also want to talk a bit about the Hotel's part in these exchanges, and on her broader relationship with the Owner. To my understanding, official word on season 3 is that it's the Hotel experiencing her own origin like a memory, but because time, self, etc. aren't separate concepts for Her, it's experienced in this weird distorted kinda way. But nevertheless, she is here, experiencing all of this alongside the Staff and alongside the audience. She's watching and reliving these events and the Owner seems to be a sort of...Dante, almost? Sort of. He's there to watch with her.
What is the Owner's role through most of the series? His very title the Owner is superfluous because he very obviously doesn't own anything. He has no authority whatsoever, only the costume of it. He holds the threat of replacement over the heads of the Manager and Lobby Boy, but he can't actually do anything to them. The only time he tries to do something during season 4, he gets his ass handed to him just as much as he beats the Lobby Boy. He has no real authority over the guests – he certainly scares them, but he doesn't build the rooms or check them in.
What is he tasked with doing, then? He is to observe the proceedings of the Hotel, observe the guests and the Staff, and file reports to the Hotel. Again, he has no meaningful authority. His reports are meaningless in terms of running the Hotel. She can and does do whatever she wants regardless of what he has to say or think about the matter. So what purpose does he serve to her? This is what drives the Owner fucking bonkers in a 'constant accumulating dosage of radiation over time' type of way. It's the main reason he has such a hangup about not being insignificant, it fuels his hatred (read: JEALOUSY) of the Lobby Boy, it's why he makes it his business to shout at everybody else for not doing their jobs right, it's why he breaks down in season 4, I could go on.
For her, his reports may not have a purpose vis-a-vis hotel operations, but that's not the point. He's her confidant, her right hand. To him, that's an ideal he must constantly strive to live up to and fulfill. To her, she enjoys the company. Someone to watch it all with her. The Owner is so different from her in temperament that in his unique position, I think he gives her fresh perspective, a way of seeing things from different angles. I'd offer this excerpt from 4.8 AJ, Taylor, and Wayne:
I know he wants to understand though, the Owner, for me. He's such a sweetie. Always thinking of me. He wants to do a good job on his "reports". I like his reports, I like hearing about his day, and hearing about the staff, and how they like it, and how he likes it, and if I can do anything to make it better for everyone. I can, of course. Heh, I can do anything.
In 4.11 The Owner - V she tells him:
Now wait just a damn minute. I know you don't like my Lobby Boy, but you have got to get it together. The floor staff are absolutely necessary to running the day to day, but you and I are supposed to support them, drive them forward to new fantastic heights!
The Owner responds, then the Hotel responds:
They were! They are! But it's you and me, kid. I really thought you and I were gonna be able to work together more closely on this. And it's supposed to be fun! You may be like them, one of them but when you come here you're on my level. I elevate you to singular significance, even if it is just to chat.
I know those are long excerpts, but I feel they're necessary here. The Manager and the Lobby Boy have each other. They improve each other and work well together. I strongly feel that their interactions fuel their character growths. The Hotel sees the Owner as the Lobby Boy to her Manager. It's the two of them, working together! He's beneath her, of course, everyone is, that's just how it goes. But they're a team!
The Owner very much doesn't see it this way. He conceptualizes himself entirely from his place in the hierarchy, his title as The Owner. He is above the other Staff and exists to further Her will. He's so god damned worried about running everything that he cannot see past this through to what the Hotel actually wants - his company. The Owner ties himself up in knots partly due to his internally and externally imposed isolation from the Staff. I wouldn't say it made the Owner the way he is, he did just kinda come out of the box like that, but it absolutely exacerbates his issues in a feedback loop. It drives the Hotel mad because she can't understand this. For all she says she understands everything, she struggles to get why the Owner gets so wound up. Something something divorce core or what have you.
...That, um. Got away from me a little bit.
Anyway.
Aaaall of that is to say, if the Owner isn't there to actively affect things, then he must be there to watch. That's been his role, to me, from all of his season 1 episodes to now. His role here, in season 3 specifically, is to watch and learn. And She watches through him, watches him watch, and he is the vehicle through which she makes meaning of Herself all over again through new eyes. Ties it all together.
[More could be said on this about this being the Owner's on-boarding - the exact word he uses to describe this later on in 4.11. But if I start up again I don't know where I'll stop so I need to move on for now.]
The Owner's arc is pretty much done here anyhow. He goes around again and eventually he starts to understand. Starts to! He sees himself in the Manager's place, dead on the floor. He sees himself as the Lobby Boy, cowering in the corner. He sees himself as the gibbering creature.
You're so close to understanding.
THE OWNER: No. No! As the lobby passes I see my own reflection at my feet. The Hotel begins pulsing rhythmically. THE MANAGER (echoing): I see her standing here in the void, fear carved into her face. THE LOBBY BOY (echoing): I see him, and the fear turns into awful understanding. THE OWNER (echoing): Killer and killed. Predator and predated. Ashes to ashes.
The Owner becomes them all one by one, and they, in death, become each other. Cycle through being each other, it seems. Here is the moment of understanding. They are all one in the same. None of them are separate from or above death. They are not separate from the Hotel – they are the Hotel, split into distinct parts which are separate yes, but inextricable from Her. A long silence passes before:
THE HOTEL: The mountain has been weathered. Do you see? MANAGER/LOBBY BOY/OWNER: Yes. THE HOTEL: My will. My purpose. You kill for me. MANAGER/LOBBY BOY/OWNER: Yes. THE HOTEL: You die for me. MANAGER/LOBBY BOY/OWNER: Yes. THE HOTEL: Darkness is the universes natural state. MANAGER/LOBBY BOY/OWNER: We are the light, one and separate, existing briefly, extinguished and anguished. THE HOTEL: Now, at the end, our work can begin. Front desk bell DINGS.
AaaaaAAAAA!!!!! AAAAAH!!! THIS. THIS IS MY TOP FAVORITE SEQUENCE IN THE PODCAST EVER. This is what got me. I already liked the series since I'd made it up to this point, but this is what made it feel special to me. The timewarp end-beginning stuff, the interconnected self, the cosmic nature and presence of the Hotel Herself, all of it resonated somewhere deep in me. This contextualizes the entire thing for me in one line I think about Frequently:
Darkness is the universe's natural state.
That is why I honed in so hard on the light/dark fire/death imagery. The implication that darkness, void, nothingness, death - that all of that is a resting point. The light is an aberration, something new and anomalous which exists for a time before resetting back to default.
The way I picture the Hotel is as a cosmic entity of, well. Cosmic proportions. Too vast to comprehend on a meaningful level. She's not the representation of death in general, she's simply a part of the universe that embodies some of the void. The space between.
After all, a hotel is a place between where you started and where you want to go, isn't it? You go there, you stay there, you leave there. A candle is lit, it burns, it dies. Leaving only cold, empty darkness behind.
It's the inherent contradiction that makes the Hotel Herself in my mind. She exists as an entity, yet is as a void. Symbolically representative of death, yet she contains life and light within her in the form of the guests and the Staff. From her void, she Becomes in infinite fractalling, spiralling shapes. Hotels and lobbies and rooms and doors. Something from an underlying nothing.
Note, I don't mean the terms 'empty' 'void' and 'nothing' as derogatory. She is not hollow (though she does contain hollows). In terms of symbolism, 'nothing' is as much Something as 'something' is. It's like...In art, you have negative space. It's defined by being the absence of something. The interplay of negative and positive space creates the artwork. That's what I'm getting at with the light/dark stuff here.
Another food for thought: How about 'light' in terms of seeing, or perception? Not only does the Hotel take on infinitely many forms in shape, but she also influences and manipulates how she is perceived. The guests, Staff, and New Crew all perceive the Hotel differently - I made a post about this subject a while ago that you can read, even! [That post is outdated now re: the New Crew stuff at the end, but I thought it worth including anyway.]
Incidentally, I think the Hotel does have trouble seeing back at the Staff. She knows them inside and out, don't get me wrong, and she can twist them any way she chooses. But they have gotten out of her grasp before. Her tensions with the Manager and the Owner in season 4 come to mind, she has trouble seeing things from their perspective and vice versa. The Hotel is above them, and that is its own position with its own perspective. The limitless is, ironically, limited.
Now let's talk about the Mountain.
The mountain has been weathered. Do you see?
It's the most predominant recurring motif of the season alongside the fire. I consider it complementary and even entwined with the fire. Firstly, on its own, I consider it to represent structure. The mountain is at once something to be scaled and something to be weathered. In both (contradictory) cases, it is playing within space. The painting process, as opposed to the proverbial color palette.
It directly represents the structure of the Hotel as, like, a hotel - the Staff's roles each represent a floor. The Manager is the lobby, the entryway, the ground/first floor. This is why she has to be the one to search for the place the Hotel will be in the forest, why she has to introduce the season and the series (she opens season 1, too!) while the Lobby Boy is already just kinda...there when his turn comes up.
Second floor is the guest floor, a horizontally infinite maze of hotel rooms, hallways and doors. This is the midpoint, the journey from life to death. Of course, the deaths don't have to happen here, but many do. This floor is a role of its own. It exists dedicated to this purpose. Then, there's the third floor. A dark office that is at once a void yet also filled with paperwork, desks, computers, so on. As I write this, I realize I said all this in the last post so I won't drag this out.
Point is, as we ascend, we zoom out more. The lobby is only ever the lobby. It's a personal, one-on-one entryway. The second floor is broader – there are many rooms for many guests. Only one may check in on a given night, but since time works differently here, all the guests are already there and already dying and already dead etc etc. The third office overlooks the floors beneath it, overseeing not just the guests but the Staff, too. What's above the third floor? Darkness.
These correspond directly to the Staff's roles and we've had PLENTY going on across this season that makes those connections as well. The Manager in 3.2 Hammering Bones experiencing the building of the Hotel first-person style or the Lobby Boy's whole thing kind of tying him to the burning rooms, for example.
[Stray thought: If I wanted to get real artsy with it I could talk about the hierarchy here not just a physical building structure and corporate structure, but also as structure of the human body - Starting from the ground, standing firm as the Manager does, going up to the hands which build, to eyes that watch, to the brain that is. well. everything. But thaaaaaat's leaning a bit too into my own personal projections as I see barely any canon basis for this so. Take or leave at your discretion. I just adore symbolic trios.]
Form and light. Mass and shape. The Hotel as a tiered yet deeply interconnected structure containing fire and light that exists in service of snuffing out the fires that enter her. Do you see my vision here?
Weathering the mountain is grinding down 'something' into 'nothing.'
When the Staff have all been weathered, they are Her again.
There's a little bit more to the ending of this episode, echoes of the old Managers, Lobby Boys, Owners, ending with:
THE HOTEL: …We hope you enjoyed your stay with us. Your Hotel for the night. We hope you'll enjoy all your nights with us. THE MANAGER/LOBBY BOY/OWNER/HOTEL: WELCOME! The Hotel theme plays over credits.
This is a lovely ending to the season and I like it very much. I apologize that I don't have much to say about it beyond that, I just got so lost in the symbolism sauce back there.
I still have more to talk about, actually, while I'm still here. Before I spoil and rot in this text post. It's been 7 long pages now but there's still work to be done before the skin sloughs off my bones. Because in all my talking about the Hotel as she exists, her how and her form and all that, I never really talked about the Hotel Herself, did I?
Maybe I did a little, here and there, but that's just not enough for me. The Hotel Herself is such a character and while she's always been here in this season, yes, we don't get a lot of her directly. And there are still questions that might arise from the whole 'the Hotel is also the Staff and they are all each other' thing that need answering.
Namely, why would she do this in the first place?
[Well, aside from the whole 'well there wouldn't be a story at all otherwise' thing]
The Hotel exists as. ah. the Hotel. Like I said earlier, she chooses that form for Herself, that's who and what she is! A hotel is that positive space 'something' and it has a structure, a prescription just like the archetypes of the Owner, the Manager, and the Lobby Boy do. She has many variations, from a cabin to a rental home, to a dingy roadside motel to the fanciest most elaborate 5 star resort, but these are all her own kind of instancing as defined in my previous post. The only difference is that she, at the highest level, exists simultaneously as all of these instances at once and thus has an eternal awareness of Herself that the Staff do not.
I draw a distinction between the Hotel Herself and Madam Hotel because of this. To me they are NOT interchangeable. Madam Hotel is a specific instance, a specific form that is her, but not all of her. Not fully. She seems more...cloudy, I suppose, as Madam Hotel. Everything is all new to her. Existing in a human body is new to her, seeing things from this perspective is new to her, and she lacks the cosmic clarity of the Hotel Herself in her vast endless entirety.
Still, she retains the same personality. And I really, really want to talk about the Hotel's personality. She's so fun!
She is endlessly curious, always excited for novelty. She likes watching the lights inside her twinkle and interact just as much as she likes putting them out. ALL of it is wonderful fun to her. There's an infectious enthusiasm about her in her season 4 narrations, where we see her fully in her element as Herself. Some excerpts:
[Stretching noise] MMMMMMMM-MM! Sometimes you just have to stretch out and take up some space, am I right? And we have THREE guests tonight! THREE! They aren't getting a room though, so I thought it would be okay to to relax a little, let it all hang out. Well, let some of it hang out, anyway. Really explore the notion of unwinding. My lobby is still rooted firmly, I mean we do have to meet the guests halfway you know. But tonight I just let myself unspool up and up and up and up up up up [giggles] ohhh it's really almost just like doodling. Filling in the fiddly-bits with scrabbly brick and twisted metal and I'm even experimenting with the windows tonight. Kind of greasy and yellow, I don't know, stained with nicotine or some other poison. Just one of those little subtle touches that's more for me than the guests. They don't notice almost anything. Sillies. They just see me as a normal old building, red carpet under an awning.
[4.8 AJ, Taylor, and Wayne]
I lay down, lounging on the side of a very green and bushy highway by an airport. I'm the kinda place people go when they don't have anywhere else to go. Or don't want anyone to know where they went. I fill my dull yellow paint with cracks, for character. The staff barely even have uniforms here, and they look pretty rough themselves. Gotta look the part, right? I put the Lobby Boy's Supply Closet around back this time. The lobby is pretty small, but the fresh air will do him good.
[4.11 The Owner - V]
Look at how much FUN she's having being herself!!!!!! I love her so much!!!! Each instance is an experiment and exploration in self-creation. Okay, hang on, let me have one more. I know the bonus episodes aren't canon, but The Garden has stuck in my interpretation of the Hotel Herself since it aired, let me have this.
My hands shoved knuckle deep into the cool, dark soil of the universe. I flex my digits and churn it into a place something could grow. I plant seeds there and nurture them best I can with water and food and little lights. There are things that live down there that suck up mud and chew on slime and help it all flourish. It's an entire ecosystem. Carefully balanced and tended too. I don't know anything about plants or gardening so I have to make up the rules as I'm figuring them out.
I won't rehash the whole episode but the whole thing really gets across that she is at once the garden and the gardener, every single part. The metaphor of the garden, of growing plants and flowers and hoping for the best, figuring it out as you go, feels SO in-line with what we see of her in the main episodes.
Back to my point, the Staff are integral parts of the Hotel. How could you have a Hotel without Staff to run it? They are instruments whose tones and timbres affect the sound of the night's composition.
They are her, but they are also themselves, too. The reason they can individuate is to allow for new variations, new shapes and forms, a new angle to look from or new idea to explore. I realize this paragraph runs the risk of getting meta very very quickly but I don't know how else to explain my thoughts here. In-universe, the Hotel Herself made these constructs, but if they were all the same, they'd be only darkness!
It at once excites and frustrates her when their tensions come to a head. She tries to bond with the Manager and the two ABSOLUTELY DO NOT see eye to...eye...The Owner goes completely off the rails in his breakdown. Even the Lobby Boy sides with the Manager and is starting to show signs now of getting a backbone.
The Hotel takes on her own roles, then, in responding to them. Becomes at once the workplace and the workplace CEO who is so obscenely rich they are effectively disconnected from reality and consequently the people working at the company. She is the matriarch of the family, for all of the good and bad that entails in her dynamic with the Manager. [This is why I kinda took the punishment angle in the first post of this analysis series. I don't view it that way anymore, not fully, but I feel this is an important part of their relationship as it currently stands.]
Through it all, even then, the constant push and pull is part of the fun! The contradictions, the interplay of something and nothing...I feel like I'm starting to repeat myself. On the one hand, I feel like I have so, so much more to say that I didn't even scratch the surface of yet. On the other...I feel like I've said the same things three times over.
Fitting, sure. But I'll have to end this post at some point. I'm getting tired. My vision is blurring. And on the metaphorical side, something something turning into a pile of rotten flesh on the floor something something.
One last, laaaast thing for now: I've gone over the cycle, the endless loop, the endlessness, all that good stuff. But the Hotel Herself also has linearity of her own. She goes from an it, from the Powers That Be, distant and impossible to understand, to the Hotel Herself, present and full of verve and energy and personality. She revisits her origin, but from a perspective of herself in time in which she already understands everything.
She's always been here, and all that. I just find that really poignant and I wanted to get into it more but couldn't find alllll the words I wanted.
I'd love to keep writing more stuff like this, it's been an absolute blast for me. Reading the transcripts, listening to the episodes, getting my little snippets in the word doc and writing about them...I hope you've enjoyed reading my work just as much. Like I said at the top, it means a lot even if you just, like, skimmed through. Thank you so much for your time and have a good one :-)
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sunshineram · 2 months ago
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it looks so polite. such a sweet little smile :)
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