#the weight loss continues to worry me

[brokenbarnes]

Convergent

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: memory loss, angst, Bucky hurting people, nightmares

Description: part 2 to Echos. A glimpse into how the reader recovers from getting her memories wiped by Hydra and how Bucky deals with finding those who hurt you.

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading! Echos was my first fic to hit over 1k notes. I appreciate all the love and support you've shown me as I return to writing!

Mornings were the hardest for you.

In your medical notes, it has been found that you were very disoriented, confused, panicked as you struggled to remember where you were. Not only where you were, but that you were safe.

The duvet cover you loved so much had to be traded out. The heavy blanket felt like a dead weight, leaving you gasping for air and fighting against the soft cotton as if it were shackles. Bucky found you did alright with just the top sheet and maybe the knitted throw blanket waded up under your cheek.

Since you lost your memory, he has tried to wake up before you. Hearing your restless movements could stir him out of a dead sleep. Rubbing his own tired eyes, he’d move or smooth out any obstructions around your legs and hope you’d go back to sleep.

Sometimes you’d sit up in a hurry, making him flinch against the headboard. He can almost hear how wild your heart is beating as you look around the room.

“Good morning, Doll,” he whispers, voice deeper from sleep.

You turn around, eyes wild with panic. Your shoulders would slump at the sight of him, tipping your head down to rest against his shoulder. He squeezes your forearm to let you know he’s there.

“Sorry,” you whisper.

“You’re okay,” his hand works its way up your arm, under the sleeve of your shirt to rub your shoulder.

Despite laying down early last night, you look as if you barely slept. Dark shadows under your eyes that have nothing to do with the dim light worry him. How can your brain recover if you can’t rest?

You lay against him for a while, catching your breath and trying to refocus. Although this has been your home for the last few years, your anchor is Bucky. The missing piece in the puzzle that brings it all together.

Breakfast is always the same, a quick bite of protein to try and help your brain recover. Bucky makes your coffee just the way you like it, hoping the caffeine will help the headache you are most likely experiencing.

Today you’re anxious. Maybe because today marks a month since you’d been found, since he got you home. Unsettled, you wander into the living room, picking at the skin around your thumb nail.

Cradling his coffee, he follows but keeps his distance. Leaning against the doorframe, you drift around under his watchful eye.

He gives you time, letting your eyes frantically weave around the room, trying to cling onto something that’s familiar. You stand in front of the window behind the sofa, rolling the fabric of the curtains between your fingers.

“Why can’t I remember the beach?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at the framed picture beside the TV.

“It’ll come back,” Bucky continues reassure you.

“I know I love that picture,” you scrub at your face with your hands. “But it’s so fuzzy.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “Give it time.”

“How much time?!” Jumps from your mouth before you can stop it. Today you’re frustrated and there’s no helping it. “It’s been a month and I barely remember anything from before.”

He takes a step toward you, mostly on instinct. You try to hide your upset expression, though you’ve learned there is little you can hide from Bucky.

“I am in no hurry,” his arm slides around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. You rest your head against his sternum, trying to take a handful of deep breaths but even that feels like a chore at the moment.

After helping him clean up breakfast, you disappear into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. Just as he was sitting down on the couch, his phone lit up with a call from Steve.

He knew what it was about, he picked up quickly. “Hey Steve.”

“We got a lead,” the blonde cut to the chase.

Every free moment of the last month, the team has spent looking for the people that took you. There is no way they just wiped your memory and disappeared without any ulterior motives, Bucky wanted to hunt them down and make them all pay.

“When do we leave?” Bucky stood up, feeling the first signs of adrenaline pump through his heart.

“You sure you want to go, Buck?”

“What do you mean? Of course I’m going.”

“You’re going to leave her?”

He stopped, looking toward the bedroom where he could still hear the shower going. Now he was torn, today was already a hard day, he didn’t know how long he was going to be gone and you two had barely spent any time apart since you got back.

“How long?”

“Wheels up in thirty.”

He hung up the phone, hearing the shower squeak as it turned off, heading down the hall toward the bedroom. He found you wrapped in a towel, leaning against the counter, inspecting the burn scars that were slowly fading as time went on. Purposely making his footsteps heavier, you heard him approach.

“I think they’re going away,” you said, trying to get a good look at the scars in your peripheral.

Bucky nodded in agreement, swallowing hard as he tried make a very hard decision. When he didn’t respond to your comment, you looked at him in the mirror.

“What’s going on?” Turning around, holding the towel against your chest with both hands.

“Steve just called,” he shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweats.

You nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“I’ve gotta go for a little bit,” he cowardly avoided your eye contact. He tried not to notice as your face paled.

“Go? Go where?” Your voice trembled. In the month you’ve been home, Bucky has rarely left your side. You haven’t known this life without him.

“A mission,” he didn’t want to give too many details, he couldn’t bear to watch you spiral anymore.

“Okay,” you murmured, moving past him into the bedroom. He stayed in the doorway as you dropped your towel, pulling on a clean pair of pajamas. He could tell you were anxious because your wet hair was seeping into the back of your shirt, but you weren’t moving it away from your neck.

“I’ll call Nat and see if-“

“No,” you interrupted, sliding your feet into slippers and sitting down on the end of the bed. “I’ll be okay.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t want you to be alone,” he sat down next to you. Despite his announcement, he was still unsure if he was going and had made no move to get ready

You picked at your nails, a tell if he’s ever saw one. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Bucky reached over and covered your hand with his. “I don’t need to go.”

“No, go, it will be good for me to be on my own for a little bit,” you crossed your arms over your chest, almost defensively.

He felt his shoulders slump, uncertain if he made the right decision or not and was confused by your reaction.

“I’ll be fine,” you tried to smile, reading his body language was a skill you were considered fluent in. “My plan was just to hang out and finish my book anyway. I’ve been meaning to cross this off the list.”

Bucky came across a list of your favorite books in a notebook last week, you have made it your mission to read them again as if it were the first time. It has been a joy to watch you re-read the very books that brought a certain sparkle to your eye.

He nodded, taking a minute to will his body to move. You angled your body away from him as you braided your hair over your shoulder.

His go-bag was always ready, packed with all his mission essentials and positioned specifically by the door. The duffle bag used to have a partner, but it’s been long retired to closet until circumstances change.

After zipping up his tac suit, he cast one last look of you, now under the covers and attempting to focus on the book; balanced precariously on your knees. He couldn’t see your eyes, downturned, hiding behind your long lashes.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said, although wondering if he would keep that promise.

“Be safe,” you murmured, not looking up at him as he stood in the doorway.

He shut the bedroom door behind him, taking a deep breath before continuing down the hallway. His heavy boots were loud against the hard wood floor, making it easy for you to track how far the distance has gotten between you two.

On his way down the elevator, he calls Nat to see if she could stop in later to check on you. She’s on her way to a separate mission with some agents in the opposite direction. The Celtic knot of worry tied around his heart is making it hard to focus.

On the jet, he finds Steve, Sam and a handful of agents who can barely look him in the eye.

Both of his best friends have a way of seeing right through him, Steve squeezes his shoulder and gives him a tight lipped smile.

“She’ll be okay.”

Bucky nodded wordlessly, sliding his duffle bag under the jump seat and working on setting up his communication network.

Sam plopped down in the seat beside him, nudging his arm and grinning around something he said earlier. Bucky responded with a half hearted smile and pressed the little comm device into his ear.

When the bird was in the air, Steve gave him the rundown of the information they received. After hacking deep into Hydra’s system, they narrowed it down to a team of men based on some grainy footage than an ATM picked up a few yards away from where you were taken.

Stark’s crazy AI technology had found them on a security camera at a nightclub in Hong Kong. They were most definitely on the run, staying undercover after committing atrocious crimes against the world’s pettiest team of soldiers.

On the Stark tablet, Bucky stared at the faces of your captors. These are the less-than-humans that watched as you screamed, feeling as if your brain was on fire, every muscle in your body seizing, the smell of burning hair and skin penetrating the air.

You never described these things to Bucky; he knew from an unfortunate shared experience.

The rage that filled Bucky was welcomed like an old friend. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time, at least not since he met you. The metal hand that rested on the Kevlar covered knee curled into a tight fist, the plates shifting silently under his sleeve.

Without your anchor, you drifted aimlessly around the apartment, unmoored. You started out in bed, but found the urge to move was crawling under your skin.

You floated from room to room, the feeling of anticipation filling you at the approach to the doorway, disappointment on the way out.

You realized that you were looking for something. Someone.

Back in the bedroom, you got back under the covers and tried to calm your trembling breath. Pulling the covers up to your chin, you press your lips to the soft fabric to try and regain your bearings.

Despite the few crumbling memories your minefield of a subconscious recovered, the current consciousness you have has never been away from Bucky. Maybe an hour here or there while he goes to the gym or a meeting, but never for an extended period of time.

Your hand stretches out and curls into his pillow case, bringing it close to your face reminds you of your love.

The anxiety comes like a sneaker wave, pulling you under quickly. Churning your stomach, tightening your chest, tears wetting Bucky’s soft pillowcase.

The loneliness seems especially prevalent now, as this is not something you have had to face on your own since you woke up that day in the Hydra facility. You tried earlier in the month, to hide your emotions from the one who knows them the best, but Bucky was like a stubborn piece of Velcro. He very rarely left your side.

There, that’s an idea. What would Bucky do for you?

Aside from almost overwhelming physical affection, there was usually a process. Sitting up, you looked around the messy bed and pulled a heavy blanket up from where it had fallen on the ground. Bucky most likely moved it there during the night when everything got so wrapped around your legs you felt like you were strapped to the chair again.

After locating the blanket, you wiped your cheeks and threw your legs over the side of the bed. Sliding your feet into slippers, you stood on weak legs and made yourself stand.

Somehow, your wobbly legs carried you into the kitchen. The electric kettle was put away neatly, where Bucky cleaned it up and put it away like he always does. As the kettle filled with water, resting in the bottom of the sink, you gripped the edge of the counter with white knuckles. Head ducked, willing your lungs to fill with air and not tremor.

The next task was finding a mug, it took you a minute to find the cabinet that housed your mismatched collection of ceramic mugs and the drawer with assorted amounts of tea. Bucky always had some sort of story to go along with the mug, how you’d bought it from a university student when walking through NYU, an Etsy seller that had a sweet deal, an antique store at the coast.

The one you selected this time was a misshapen thrown mug, a pulled handle and a honeycomb pattern stamped around the middle. You could still see the drips of the burnt orange glaze from where it was dipped and fired.

Your fingers traced the indentations of the pattern that had been pressed into the stoneware, a memory pulsing at your temples.

Bucky’s loving smile, a flea market, a young red-headed woman with frizzy orange hair that had wrapped this mug in brown butcher paper.

The kettle was done, you poured the water, made your tea, muttered the memory under your breath until it had a solid place in your mind.

Shuffling back to the bedroom, you settled under the heavy blanket and cup the warm ceramic in your hands and waited for the tea to cool just a bit.

You tried hard to think, what would Bucky do now?

Looking around, you found your book next. It was a dog-eared paper back, the cover fading around the corners and folded in half in a way that told you it got shoved into a bag far too many times. As you read, you found little handwritten annotations that usually made you smile.

Propping your heels up on the mattress, the paper back rested against the tops of your thighs.

You had no interest to read, every few words the aching feeling in your chest returned. Making your gaze drift and go blurry around the edges, your mind returning to the awful feeling in your stomach.

Despite the long flight to Hong Kong, Bucky was wired with anticipation. After setting up shop in their hotel room, he stood at attention by the door, ready to head out.

“Relax, Buck,” Steve said from his spot behind a computer. “We’re going to send the agents to confirm that they are there.”

“Steve-“

“Barnes, trust me on this,” his best friend said in his military voice. “Stay put.”

Instead, Bucky paced. He walked the length of the stupidly luxurious hotel room that Stark had rented.  The rational part of his mind understood why he couldn’t go in yet, but the primal hindbrain was calling for heinous crimes.

“Dude,” Sam complained, pouring a cup of coffee while they waited. “Give it a rest.”

Bucky shot him a look but didn’t respond. He was itching to do something with his hands and there was only one way to scratch it. His thoughts bounced back and forth between committing the ultimate sin and how he left you home alone. Now he’s half way around the world and there’s no going back.

Steve stood up suddenly a while later, looking at both of his best friends with a different look in his eye. “They’ve been located. We gotta move fast.”

Bucky nodded, a determined set to his jaw.

For hours, you lay on your side, weighed down by the heavy blanket, tears wetting the pillow beneath your cheek.

Although some memories are coming back, good ones; like the image of Sam tripping over the leg of the coffee table and popcorn flying out of the bowl in the air almost as if it was straight out of a cartoon. Bucky laughing so hard he can’t breathe, pressing his hand to the spot under his ribs and doubling over.

Bad ones are taking up a larger space in your mind, especially as night starts to approach. The awful constraining feeling of the leather restraints, your wrists tugging relentlessly as the electrodes approach. Your muscles, convulsing painfully, even after the electricity was powered down. The laughing, someone screaming and turns out it was you.

You wonder what you did to deserve it.

Bucky tells you that they took you and left him. You have fuzzy memories of being bound and gagged, laying in darkness, your head aching.

You are aware of who you used to work for, the level of importance your job title used to hold. You were on a mission and they took you. But why you?

That question will forever haunt you. And Bucky. You know he wishes they took him instead, but you wonder how you would have done without him?

Sleep finds you and drags you under. Your head sinks into the pillow, hand outstretched toward the other side of the bed. The other side of the world.

Your screams echoed across the concrete warehouse. They remove the electrodes, your chest is heaving, sweat beading across your forehead.

Eyes blurry, your blink until the florescent lights aren’t in double vision. You realize the whimpering is coming from your own mouth.

“Not so tough now?” A dark voice comes from behind you.

“F…fuck you,” your voice stammers, but the anger you feel remains steady.

“Ah,” it chuckles, pacing behind you, boots clicking on the solid floor. “Still defiant. Disobedient girl.”

The voice now stands in front of you, you spit at his feet. All you could do with the restraints still keeping you stationary.

“Let me ask you this, tough girl,” he crossed his arms, a hint of a smile stretching his ugly face. “What is your name?”

You paused. “What?”

“What is your name?”

The panic got you like a riptide, sweeping your feet from underneath you and pulling you out into the sea. You searched your mind, realizing that you did not know any life outside of the awful concrete walls.

“That’s what I thought,” the voice murmured with a sinister smile. He turned on his heel and headed for the exit. “Keep her here, we’ll need to wipe her again soon.”

You woke with a strangled gasp, the panic flooding your system had you sitting straight up in bed. Your heart was beating painfully up your neck, making it hard you breathe.

The room was dark, the covers were tangled around your legs, your skin was damp with sweat as you pressed your hand to your throat.

Gasping for a breath, you try and orient yourself. Where are you? What time is it? Are you still in the awful concrete and cinderblock facility?

Throwing the covers from your legs, the air in the bedroom turns the sweat cold and you shiver.

Looking at the other side of the bed and finding it empty does nothing to help. There should be someone there. Who should be there?

You blink and try to take a deep breath. Bucky. Bucky should be there.

Twisting around to look at the nightstand, it’s still the waking hours of the morning. The sun hasn’t even thought to rise yet and the glowing letters of the alarm clock tell you she won’t for a few more hours.

The brightness of your phone hurts your eyes, keeping one squinted open, the other closed against the visual assault. You see Bucky has not texted you that he is on his way home yet.

Pressing a hand to your aching head, you toss the phone aside and ease your head back onto the pillow. You want him here. You need him here.

The tears return but you stay silent. Staring up at the ceiling, tears sliding over your cheeks, down your neck and under the collar of your shirt.

You make no move to wipe them away.

Bucky seems to come too with Steve’s hands on both of his shoulders, shoving him away, his back slamming into the wall of the shady nightclub.

He blinks, feeling a smear of warmth on his face. Wiping it with his hand, he see’s red. Is it his blood?

No, it’s theirs.

Four men, laying motionless in the alleyway. A variety of injuries, broken noses, fingers, split lips, facial abrasions and most are covered in so much blood it’s hard to tell.

“You stay down,” Steve hisses with a finger in his face.

He remembers now. The white, hot anger he felt when he saw the quartet of men in the nightclub. They were laughing, drinking, showing each other videos on their phone. He kept his cool until he saw what was on their phones.

Videos and pictures of you. Crying, screaming out in pain as your soul was stripped away from you. And they were laughing at your despair as if you weren’t even human. He knows they don’t think of you that way, hell; they don’t even think of him that way.

Bucky left the group and found them in the alley way. By the time Steve realized that he was gone it had already happened.

Looking down, the black metal was splattered with the crimson gore. His right hand was starting to sting, he found split knuckles that he didn’t want to deal with at the moment.

It was starting to come back to him. How he beat each men into the bricks of the alleyway, the metal hand making a sickening crunch each time it connected with flesh. He saw red.

When he hurt people as the Winter Soldier, it was done without emotion, without remorse and without thought. He was numb to it.

This time, he was blind with rage. He could hear your screams and your pleas with each man he beat into the ground. The anger that shook his hands wasn’t something he felt in a long time.

Sam’s face bobbed into his eye sight, but Bucky had that awful far away look in his eye. The usually unserious man looked back at the agents who were taking the villains into custody and then back at his best friend.

“How does that feel?”

“How does what feel?” Bucky responded, voice low. His eyes were trained on Steve, who was talking into his ear piece, running a hand through his usually tidy hair.

Sam prodded him in the ribs, which got him to wince and stifle a groan. He must have taken some hits and not realized it. His body had started to ache.

“Let’s go home,” Sam clasped his shoulder. Bucky pretended not to notice the concerned look in his friend’s wise eyes.

The plane ride home was silent. The four injured men were held in a separate area where Bucky was not allowed to see them. He sat on the bench seat between Steve and Sam. He knew that they were there to stop him if he decided to lose control again.

He spent most of the flight with his elbows on his knees, bracing his head in his hands. He wondered how he was going to explain this to you. Would this change how you looked at him?

You didn’t know this side of Bucky. You hadn’t seen the flat look in his eyes, how it makes his best friend question his ability to be in the field.

All you know is the one who found you in the Hydra facility. Who only showed you kindness. Who soothed your headaches with a gentle hand, carried you to bed when you fell asleep reading on the couch, helped you start a journal to keep track of your memories when you asked.

He couldn’t even tell you where he was going because he knew that this is how it would end.

He couldn’t wait to see you, so why did he feel dread most prominently in his aching body?

When the front door opened, you were standing in front of the microwave, watching your dinner spin in an agonizingly slow circle. You peaked around the corner to find Bucky toeing off his boots by the overflowing shoe rack.

“Bucky?” Your voice was small.

He kept his head down, duffle bag slung over his shoulder. “Hi Honey.”

You moved closer to him, sensing his unease. Your slippers shuffled on the hard wood floor, twisting your hands together in front of your sternum.

“How was the mission?” You asked, hoovering a few feet away from him.

He swallowed hard, turning to look at you. “It was alright.”

You sucked in a quick breath at the sight of his face. A ring of purple around his eye from where he must have caught someone’s fist, a split lip that was in the processing of healing, blood splattered across his neck and jaw.

“Bucky, w-what happened?” You closed the distance between you two, eyes now checking his entire body for wounds.

“I’m fine, Doll,” he sighed, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder. “Promise.”

“Come here, let me look at you,” you caught his hand, leading him out of the dimly lit foyer.

He set his bag down outside the kitchen, taking a seat at the table you share your meals at. The microwave beeped, but you ignored it, turning on the light that hung above the table.

The overhead light dramatized his bruises, especially the hit he took on his cheek. Your expression was focused, but concerned, you brushed your soft palm over his throbbing cheek bone.

“What happened on the mission?” You asked, stepping away to wet a hand towel at the sink.

Bucky sighed, leaning back in his chair. He didn’t want to lie to you, you didn’t deserve that. You deserved to know the truth.

“It was the people that hurt you.”

Your actions stilled, back stiffening up from where you were wringing out the towel under the stream of warm water. You didn’t turn around.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to worry.”

You shook your head, turning around with the towel in your clenched hands. “Well I’m worried now.”

His eyes closed as you brushed the towel over his stubbly cheek. The blood had been dried for a while now, you wrinkled your nose as you found more in his ear.

“I… I just couldn’t let them get away with it,” he whispered. You moved to stand between his knees, his hands pressed against your hips to ground himself.

“I’m alive,” you whispered, moving the towel down his neck. He swallowed hard.

“And I’m grateful for that,” his eyes opened. “But they tortured you and I can’t let them get away with that.”

Your hand was cupping his cheek, making it hard to focus on answering your question. Your thumb brushed gently over the bruised skin under his beautiful eye.

“Y/N, they had… they had videos,” his voice cracked. “And pictures. And they were laughing, showing each other.”

His hands tightened on your waist, you looked into his eyes and saw how distant they were becoming. The same rage he felt in the dark nightclub was thrumming through his veins.

You wiped under his chin, across his jaw and over his adam’s apple. You didn’t meet his eye.

“And they hurt you,” his voice cracked. “They didn’t hurt me, they hurt you. They did this to you. I-I just saw red. The next thing I knew Steve was shoving me off ‘em and they were on the ground not moving.”

You reached for his metal hand, swiping the damp cloth over his knuckles. He pretended not to see how discolored the towel was turning.

“You mean so much to me, Honey,” his chin wobbled. “I wish I could have saved you from this.”

“I’m alive,” you repeated, focusing cleaning the grime out of the plates of his arm. “I’ll be okay.”

His flesh hand dug into your hip, but you didn’t mind. His mind was buzzing and you knew he needed to talk. You reached up and smoothed over his hair, cupping his cheek.

“They wouldn’t have taken you if it wasn’t for me,” his voice was cautious, brittle, one step away from cracking. “I just keep fighting back this guilt that continues to remind me that you can be taken from me at any moment. This time it was because of me. And-and I can’t lose you.”

You move to his flesh hand, carefully cleaning up his split and bruising knuckles. His gaze is fixed on your face now.

“You mean everything to mean, Sweetheart,” his voice was so quiet, you had to focus to hear him. “You’ve kept me sane from the moment I met you. You didn’t treat me any differently because I was broken. You didn’t expect me to be anyone but myself.”

Your memories of when you first met Bucky are still a little fuzzy, but you have traces of warm feelings, laughing, the crinkles around his eyes when he smiled.

“And when I saw those guys just laughing at your pain… I-I-I fucking lost it. How could they do that to somehow who saved my life? Who made me whole again?”

You stop your motions, looking down into his tearful expression. “Bucky, you were always whole. I just reminded you of that.”

He nodded, swallowing hard.

“And I’m not going anywhere,” you brushed over the tender swelling around his mouth. “I’ll always be here for you to come home to.”

He nodded, swallowing hard. You squeezed his chin, taking a step back out of his space.

“C’mon, you need a shower,” you managed to smile.

He stood up and pulled on your hand as you turned away. You looked back at him, tilting your head.

Leaning down, he put his lips on yours. Since he found you, kisses were often pressed to your forehead, your cheek as you slept, the top of your shoulder as you made your tea.

You gasped softly into his mouth, pressing your hips against his. His warm hand pressed against the nape of your neck, urging you closer.

He loved the feeling of your pliant body pressed against his. How you melted into his body just like you used to, hands sliding over his back to press against his shoulder blades.

Pulling away, he pressed his forehead against yours. Both seemed to have a little bit more light back in their eyes. You bit your lip and smiled up at him. He mirrored your smile, which made you gasp.

“The beach!” Your eyes shone, despite the headache you got when memories reached the surface. “The beach… we stayed in this little cabin in April and it rained the whole time except for one day…”

Tears welled in his eyes again, but not from sadness.

“The last day, we all went down to the water, Sam threw Nat in and she was freezing,” your eyes were unfocused, moving quickly back and forth as you watched it play out in your mind. “He built her a fire to warm her up and we made s’mores.”

He nodded, hands cupping your shoulders.

“And I burned my marshmallow, which made you laugh because you told me the best way to cook it but I ignored you… The sunset was so beautiful, Bucky.”

“It was, Doll,” he nodded with a tender smile.

You were back, smiling up at him in a way that made him forget how awful the last couple days turned out. You pulled on his hand again, sliding your slippers down the hallway.

“You still need to shower before I’ll kiss you again.”

He laughed again, wrapping his arms around you and swinging you up into the air. You squealed, clutching his shoulders to keep your balance. For the first time in a long time, the apartment heard laughter and love.

Despite it feeling like you were swimming against the current, you were making your way back to him. One happy memory at a time.

[rmview]

he still loves his ex, ENHYPEN.

featuring — enhypen members x gn!reader ( masterlist )

summary — a reaction of what happens when the enhypen boys realize and confess that they’re still not over their ex!

contents — angst, mentions of past relationships, break ups.

hee ❋ seung

heeseung is known for his emotional depth, but even that doesn’t prepare him for the storm he’s facing now. at first, he’s convinced he’s ready to move on, putting his all into your relationship. he laughs at your jokes, plans sweet dates, and assures himself that the past is behind him. but over time, the cracks begin to show. a fleeting memory, an old photograph, or a song tied to his ex brings a rush of emotions he thought he’d buried. it feels like betrayal — to both himself and you — but he keeps silent, hoping the feelings will fade on their own.

the guilt eats at him, manifesting in sleepless nights and uncharacteristic silences. you notice the shift and confront him one evening, your voice soft yet filled with concern. heeseung tries to brush it off, but the pressure becomes too much. “i didn’t want it to be like this,” he confesses, his voice trembling as he struggles to meet your gaze. “but i think… i think i still have feelings for her.”

your stunned expression breaks something in him, and tears well up in his eyes. “it’s not fair to you. you don’t deserve this,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion. “i wanted to be enough for you, but i’m not. i thought i could move on from karina, but i’ve just been lying to both of us.” heeseung’s vulnerability is raw, but his words carry a finality that leaves no room for hope.

as you step away from him, his hand twitches as if to reach for you, but he doesn’t. he knows he has no right to ask you to stay, no matter how much he wants to. watching you walk out of his life feels like a punishment he deserves. heeseung is left in the silence of his own making, his heart heavy with regret and the realization that he’s lost something irreplaceable.

even as time passes, heeseung struggles to forgive himself. memories of you linger, a painful reminder of what he ruined. he knows he has a long way to go before he can heal, but the thought of you moving on without him is a wound that never quite fades.

jay ❋

jay prides himself on being in control, but this situation shakes him to his core. when he first starts dating you, he’s confident that he’s left his past behind. he showers you with affection, determined to build something real and lasting. but as time goes on, he realizes that the shadow of his ex is still there, lingering in the corners of his mind. he tries to bury it, pouring all his energy into you, but the weight of his unresolved feelings becomes too much to bear.

the breaking point comes when you ask him what’s wrong during a quiet moment. jay hesitates, the words caught in his throat, but your worried eyes compel him to speak. “i didn’t mean for this to happen,” he says, his voice low and laced with guilt. “but i think i’m still not over her.” the confession feels like a betrayal, and he knows it.

jay’s hands tremble as he continues. “you have to believe me — i never wanted to hurt you. i thought i could move on from ningning, but i was wrong.” his voice cracks, and he looks away, unable to face the pain in your expression. “you deserve someone who’s completely there for you, not someone stuck in the past. i’m so sorry.”

you step back, the distance between you both growing, and jay feels a crushing sense of loss. he wants to ask you to stay, to tell you that he can fix this, but he knows it’s a lie. instead, he lets you leave, his chest tight with regret as the door closes behind you.

in the aftermath, jay is consumed by what-ifs. he replays every moment, wondering where he went wrong, but the answers bring no solace. he’s left to face the emptiness of his own mistakes, knowing that he’s lost you for good.

jake ❋

jake has always been a hopeless romantic, someone who loves deeply and wears his heart on his sleeve. when he starts dating you, he’s certain you’re the one who will help him move on. he invests himself fully in the relationship, but the past has a way of creeping back in. memories of his ex resurface at the most inconvenient times, leaving him torn between what he had and what he’s trying to build with you.

the guilt eats away at him until he can’t hide it anymore. one evening, after another failed attempt to mask his inner turmoil, you finally confront him. jake hesitates, his normally bright demeanor replaced with a somber expression. “i wish i could tell you this isn’t happening,” he begins, his voice thick with emotion. “but i think… part of me still has feelings for her.”

the words hang heavy in the air, and jake’s heart breaks as he sees the hurt flash across your face. “it’s not that i don’t care about you,” he continues, his voice cracking. “i do — so much. but i can’t lie to you anymore. you deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, and i don’t know if i can right now.”

you stand there, silent, and jake can feel the distance growing between you. “i’m sorry,” he whispers, tears streaming down his face. “i never wanted to hurt you.” he doesn’t stop you when you turn to leave, though every fiber of his being screams for him to call you back. he knows he’s already done enough damage.

jake spends the days and weeks that follow drowning in regret. he replays your last conversation over and over, haunted by the pain in your eyes. though he knows he did the right thing by being honest, the loss of you is a wound he doesn’t know how to heal.

sung ❋ hoon

sunghoon is the kind of person who internalizes his emotions, often to a fault. when he starts dating you, he truly believes he’s moved on from his ex. but as time passes, memories of the past creep into his thoughts at the most unexpected moments. he tries to brush it off, convincing himself it’s just nostalgia, but the truth becomes harder to ignore. sunghoon grows quieter around you, his normally playful banter replaced with awkward silences.

the turning point comes when you confront him, noticing his increasing detachment. at first, he denies it, shaking his head and insisting everything is fine. but your persistence forces him to face the truth he’s been avoiding. “i don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “i thought i was over her, but i’m not. and that’s not fair to you.”

sunghoon’s words hit like a dagger to the heart, and you can see the guilt etched across his face. he doesn’t try to justify his feelings or ask for forgiveness. instead, he admits that he’s been selfish in trying to build something new with you while still holding onto the past. “you deserve someone who’s all in,” he continues, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “and i don’t think i can be that person right now.”

you try to process his words, but the weight of the revelation is too much. sunghoon respects your silence, knowing he has no right to ask for understanding or a second chance. as you walk away, his heart shatters, realizing he’s lost someone truly special because of his inability to let go of his past.

even as he regrets his actions, sunghoon knows this is the end. he tells himself it’s for the best, but the thought of you moving on with someone else — someone who can love you the way he couldn’t — haunts him long after you’re gone.

su ❋ noo

sunoo is naturally expressive, and his emotions are often written all over his face. when he first starts dating you, he’s overjoyed, putting his heart and soul into making the relationship special. however, the shadows of his past relationship begin to surface in quiet moments — an old photo, a familiar scent, or a song that takes him back to a time he thought he’d left behind. sunoo tries to push these feelings aside, but they refuse to stay buried.

one day, you notice sunoo looking distant, his usual radiant smile replaced with a melancholic gaze. when you ask him what’s wrong, he hesitates, unsure of how to put his feelings into words. “i didn’t mean for this to happen,” he finally says, his voice breaking. “but i think i’m still holding onto feelings for my ex.”

the admission sends a chill through the room, and you can feel your heart sink. sunoo quickly follows up, apologizing profusely and insisting that he never wanted to hurt you. “you’re amazing, and i hate myself for not being able to give you everything you deserve,” he says, tears streaming down his cheeks. “but i can’t keep pretending everything’s okay.”

his words are filled with genuine regret, but they also carry a finality that’s hard to ignore. sunoo doesn’t ask for forgiveness or a second chance. instead, he lets you decide how to proceed, fully prepared for the possibility that you’ll walk away. and when you do, his heart shatters into a million pieces.

even after the breakup, sunoo struggles to move on, plagued by the knowledge that his unresolved feelings cost him something truly beautiful. he vows to work on himself, but the thought of you being hurt by his mistakes is a pain he carries long after you’re gone.

jung ❋ won

jungwon is known for his emotional maturity, but even he isn’t immune to the complexities of lingering feelings. when he starts dating you, he believes he’s ready to move on from his ex. he genuinely cares for you and puts effort into the relationship, but the unresolved emotions begin to creep in when he least expects it. jungwon tries to suppress them, but his internal conflict starts to show in subtle ways — hesitant smiles, distracted conversations, and an uncharacteristic unease in his demeanor.

when you finally confront him, jungwon doesn’t try to deny it. he takes a deep breath, his usually calm expression clouded with guilt. “i didn’t want it to be like this,” he admits, his voice steady but filled with regret. “you mean so much to me, but i think there’s a part of me that hasn’t let go of the past.”

his honesty stings, but you can see how much it pains him to say it. jungwon doesn’t make excuses or try to downplay the situation. instead, he acknowledges his fault and emphasizes that you deserve someone who’s completely present in the relationship. “i can’t keep dragging you into my mess,” he says, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of sadness and sincerity.

jungwon doesn’t ask for forgiveness or a second chance. he knows he’s not in a place to give you the love and stability you deserve, and he’s not willing to hurt you further by clinging to the relationship. as you walk away, jungwon stays behind, his heart heavy with the weight of his mistakes.

though he regrets losing you, jungwon understands that this is the consequence of his actions. he resolves to work through his emotions and become a better version of himself, even if it’s too late to mend what’s been broken.

ni ❋ ki

ni-ki is still young and learning how to navigate complex emotions, which makes this situation particularly difficult for him. when he starts dating you, he’s excited and eager to make things work, but the lingering feelings for his ex catch him off guard. ni-ki tries to convince himself that it’s just a phase, something that will pass with time. however, the more he tries to ignore it, the more it weighs on him, and his behavior begins to shift.

you notice the change almost immediately — he becomes quieter, less playful, and more reserved. when you finally press him about it, ni-ki hesitates, his usual confidence replaced with uncertainty. “i didn’t want to tell you because i didn’t want to hurt you,” he says, his voice barely audible. “but i think i still have feelings for eunchae, and i don’t know how to handle it.”

his confession feels like a punch to the gut, and ni-ki can see the hurt in your eyes. he quickly follows up, apologizing profusely and insisting that he never meant to lead you on. “you’re incredible, and this isn’t your fault,” he says, his voice cracking. “i just… i wasn’t ready, and that’s on me.”

despite his remorse, ni-ki knows there’s no easy fix for the situation. he doesn’t try to ask for a second chance or make promises he can’t keep. instead, he accepts the reality of the situation, even though it’s breaking his heart. as you walk away, he stays rooted in place, unable to do anything but watch you leave.

ni-ki spends a long time reflecting on his actions, realizing that his inability to let go of the past cost him something truly special. though he wishes things could have been different, he knows he has a lot of growing up to do before he can fully commit to anyone.

notes: i think i'm getting a little too trigger happy with writing sad stuff xD someone pls request some cute shit because i might pop a braincell and start writing dark shit

[livwritessometimes]

Where's the Trophy? He Just Comes Running Over to Me (Part 1)

: Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, and Lewis Hamilton

: Part 2

: Main Masterlist

: Author's Note - Let me know if you guys want a part 2 with other drivers.

...

Lando Norris

Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads

(Miami Grand Prix, 2024)

He did it! Lando finally got his first win. 

Years of doubt, years of criticism it didn't matter now. He finally was able to win for him and McLaren. As soon as he got out of the car, he was greeted by loud cheers from everyone there. On his way back to the team, he saw almost every single driver in the grid waiting there to congratulate him. 

"I'm so happy for you, Lando," said Carlos as he pulled in Lando for a hug. 

"Bout time, huh," said Max bumping into Lando as soon as he was done getting his weight measured. 

"I am so happy for you, mate," said Charles as he passed by Lando.

"You did great, man," said Oscar, who saw Lando enter the area where the team was eagerly waiting for him behind the barricade. 

Upon seeing the entire team waiting for him, Lando could not help it; he immediately took off to where they were standing. As soon as he reached them, Lando dove right in. 

The entire area was filled with the team cheering and chanting 'Let's Go, Lando' while carrying him over their shoulders. During that time, Lando's eyes landed on Y/n.

He immediately started to wiggle out of the team's grip. Everyone was confused as to what he was doing, but as they put him down, they got their answer. Lando sprinted towards Y/n and lifted her off the ground. 

"What are you doing?" Y/n shrieked as she felt Lando's body slam against her.

"Celebrating what else," Lando said as he pulled her even closer. 

"What about the team?" Y/n asked as she let her hands run through his hair.

"They can wait! I wanna celebrate it with you first," Lando said.

"You've been there through all my podiums, all my losses; you bet your ass you'll be there right front and centre through my wins too," he finished as he set her down on the ground.

"You truly are amazing; you know that, Mr. Norris, Grand Prix Winner," Y/n said, smiling up at Lando.

...

Max Verstappen

Cause the sign on your heart Said it's still reserved for me

(Dutch Grand Prix, 2024)

Y/n was nervously waiting as she watched the race.

4 more laps. 3 more laps. 2 more laps.

That's what she kept telling herself as she watched the bull maintain the lead.

*flashback*

Max and Y/n had spent the majority of their day lying on the couch with Jimmy and Sassy. It was the last day before the race season began for the year.

"I love this," Max stated.

"Love what?" Y/n asked.

"These days," he said. "Where we spend all our time together," he continued.

"And why is that?" Y/n asked as she looked at Max from her spot, careful not to disturb the cat sleeping on her chest.

"It's nice; we are together, and I don't have to worry about anything," Max said. He continued, "I always feel like when I am away for so long, you'll realize that I'm just a loser who is not worth being with, and you'd break up with me."

The sincerity with which Max had said that made her feel bad. Reaching out to caress his cheek, Y/n said, "I'll never leave you, Maxie. No matter what." She added, "Even if we break up, I'd never leave your side. I'll always be the one that cheers the loudest for all your wins."

*present*

True to her words, Y/n was there at every race. Even though Max and her had broken up, Y/n just couldn't break the promise she had made.

The distance this time had really tested their relationship. All the stupid fights finally built up to something that the both of them could no longer ignore.

The past few races had not been good for Max. No matter what he did, he was not winning, and Y/n knew it was getting to him.

Despite the breakup, the two still remained friends; she constantly checked up on him, and she knew that he needed that win. He needed to win.

Finally, as the final lap began, everyone in the Red Bull garage was holding each other's hands for support. It was Max and Lando battling for first place. With each corner they passed, the team grew more and more anxious. Nearing the final corner, Max gave all that he had left to cover the few meters that were left. The car had not been the best; the team knew that; Y/n knew that; Max knew that. So it truly was Max that was making the car special, and he wanted to prove that he still could do it.

With a final push, Max crossed the finish line. Everyone in the garage went crazy. They all started running towards the barricade, waiting for Max.

The moment the car stopped, Max ran. He ran like he had never before. He didn't even bother taking off his helmet. All he could think of was one thing and one thing only.

As soon as the team saw Max running towards them, they started to cheer even louder. Ignoring them, Max ran straight towards Y/n, who was standing amongst the team, and pulled her in for a hug.

"I hate it," he said.

"I hate not being able to spend my time with you. I hate that we fought. And what I hate the most is the fact that no matter what happened, you're still here, and I can't call you mine," he finished.

"Max," Y/n said as she felt her eyes tearing up.

"It was a stupid decision to break up. I want you. Please give me a chance to make things right again," Max said as he pulled away.

"I hated the way things ended, and I want nothing more than getting back together, Maxie," Y/n said, smiling as she kissed Max's helmet.

...

Lewis Hamilton

I haven't come around in so long But I'm making a comeback to where I belong

(British Grand Prix, 2024)

Lewis could not contain his happiness. It was his first win of the season. It was his home race, and man did it feel amazing.

Looking at the crowd gathered around, he could not help but get emotional. Ever since 2021, Lewis has not been the same. He no longer was leading every race, he no longer won, and he no longer was the world champion. He was happy for Max, but it still burdened him. 

These few years had been a tough journey for Lewis. Everywhere he looked, he felt like it was a reminder to him that maybe it's time he quit racing. And usually he doesn't let this get to him; he has Y/n there to always pull him out of his thoughts. But as of late, no matter what she did or what his friends did, Lewis couldn't help but think that his age has finally caught up to him.

This seed of self-doubt had blossomed into a full-grown tree of trust issues and self-criticism. Lewis kept on thinking about how if he can't even keep winning, something he has known for almost half his life, then how can he even be called a husband to Y/n? 

At night when the two would be cuddling, Lewis' mind often drifted to a world where he was still winning, where he could have won his 10th championship by now. Where he and Y/n would have a really happy life—not that it isn't now, but somehow it is better. Where he was a better father to his son.

All those doubts were now forgotten, for a while at least.

"OH MY GOD! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!" Y/n screamed as she ran up to Lewis and tackled him. 

The two fell over laughing as Y/n peppered Lewis' face with kisses. "I am so glad you were here to witness this," Lewis said as he wrapped his hand around Y/n.

"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss it for the world. I am so happy for you, Lew," Y/n said. "I know, no matter how much you try and hide it, I can see this has been troubling you. My love, promise me no matter what, you never let these doubts consume you," Y/n continued.

Lewis nodded at her, smiling softly. Of course she noticed; she always knew what he was thinking about.

"I mean it. I am always, ALWAYS here for you. So don't you dare lock yourself up in there every again," she said while pointing towards Lewis' temple.

Suddenly a new weight was added on top of them, and as the two turned, they saw their son had decided to join them on the ground. He wrapped his arms around Lewis and Y/n, "I'm so proud of you, dad," your little 6-year-old said as he pulled you both closer.

It was finally time for the national anthem. Lewis was standing at the top of the podium, looking down at his team and loved ones. He made eye contact with Y/n and his son and sent a flying kiss towards them. He smiled when he saw his son trying to catch the kiss. 

It felt right; standing at the top felt good, and Lewis swore to himself that this wouldn't be the last time.

...

Tags: @wobblymug | @evasmlp

[ddejavvu]

Hi, i hope youre doing well ☺️

Could i request another part to animagus cat reader where reader cuddles with Remus during winter instead of Sirius because its cold and he runs warmer?? Like he'll be in the common room reading in an arm chair while reader catnaps on his lap while being pet and Sirius tells him to stop stealing his gf and James is jealous/whiny that he doesnt get to have cat snuggles.

part 1 / part 2

--

Despite the two blankets layered in an inviting nest on Sirius's lap, Remus is the warmest person in the room. The fire crackes on its logs, offering scorching heat, but what you seek is gentle warmth, and you've found it between Remus's sweater and his undershirt. You're splayed over his chest much like a baby would be, your paws stretched out against his shoulders and your head pressed face-first into his chest. His sweater is tight enough that it holds you in place, and you don't have to worry about falling. It means that you're able to fully relax, and Sirius can hear your rampant purring from where he sits on the couch with a sour scowl on his face.

"If you just wore warmer clothes, you wouldn't be pissy right now," Remus muses, not bothering to grace the man with a glance away from his novel, "She only likes me 'cause my sweater is warm."

That's not entirely true. While Remus does tend to dress for comfort, and Sirius for style, Remus runs naturally hotter than your boyfriend. You don't have the heart to tell him that, though, so you mewl in agreement to Remus's statement.

"Sweaters are dumb," Sirius spits, and no one bothers to mention that he has a small collection of them for the snowy days on the grounds, "I look better in leather."

"Your loss," Remus shrugs, and to add insult to injury, reaches up to scratch a spot behind your ears that only makes your purring louder.

"This is bullshit," Sirius finally huffs, breaking his facade of gloomy indifference, "Prongs, get over here."

James, all too eager to help out his friend and soak up affection to boot, has no problem tipping over sideways to lay in Sirius's lap.

But the man lifts James's head out of his lap by his curls, "No, no, no, not James. Prongs."

"You want me to-?" James asks, but doesn't dare finish, because the prospect of transforming right in the common room sends a shiver of mischief down his spine that he'd be a fool to question, "On it."

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah," Sirius nods, sneering haughtily at Remus, "You're not the only one that's good for a cuddle, Moony. Look at this," He gushes, as James begins his transformation, skin giving way to tight, short fur and enormous antlers that nearly grate against the stone walls around you.

"Oh, he's a perfect fit." Remus nods resignedly, content to continue rubbing at your ears rather than chastise his friends for trying to fit a stag on a loveseat, "Yeah, that'll work nicely- ooh, careful Sirius, almost got stabbed there."

Sirius dodges a prong off of James's antlers, taking them in his hands and holding James's head steady as the oversized buck folds his knobbly knees into Sirius's lap. The back two can't make it, but James fits them clumsily onto the cushion, maintaining his balance out of dramatic willpower rather than the laws of physics.

You decide once they settle that they're no longer in need of your attention, so you turn your head back towards Remus and burrow your face back into his warm chest. You feel it shake with mirth beneath you, presumably at an overdramatized reaction from the two boys opposite you, but you can't bring yourself to care; sleep is at the forefront of your brain in this form.

"Yeah, get real cozy!" Sirius insists, calling so that you can hear him through Remus's thick sweater and beneath the weight of his hand on your ears, "Whatever! We're cozy over here, too, 'never been more comfortable- ah! Prongs, watch the hooves!"

[archangeldyke-all]

can’t stop thinking abt sevika and her protective gf that starts walking on sevika’s left side after her arm gets ripped off (the second time) as their way of looking out for her more “vulnerable” side :(((

this is SO fucking cute oh my god. UGH i'm crying a little this is so cuteeee

men and minors dni

even without her arm, most people in zaun respect sevika enough (and have seen her kill enough people) to continue to give her a wide berth when she's walking down the streets.

and while she feels a little unbalanced without the arm she just got used to... it is nice to be free of the excessive weight of jinx's arm.

plus, she's sure she'll be able to get her hands-- or, hand, right now-- on another one soon enough.

so, all in all, sevika's not too worried about the loss.

you are, though.

you try not to make it obvious-- you don't want sevika to feel like you think she's incapable of protecting herself without a prosthetic-- but you do worry. both her arms in the past have had the added benefit of being weapons. and to the average shimmered up bozo, a one armed woman walking home at night is the perfect target to try to rob.

sevika would be fine if that happened. you know that, logically. but your heart doesn't.

so, you've been buying sevika more knives, under the guise of treating her, but really because you want to make sure she's got at least three blades on her at all times.

you've been sure to do all the things that require two hands at home before sevika can even realize they need to be done. opening jars, sweeping the floors, chopping veggies-- stuff like that.

and, whenever you guys go out, you're always walking on her left side, just in case.

you're under the impression that you're being subtle, until sevika calls you out on it one night as the two of you walk home.

"okay, what the fuck." she huffs as she stops in the middle of the street. you pause your stride to look over at your wife.

"what?" you ask.

"what do you mean what?! you've been avoiding holding my hand for a month now!" sevika says. "what, is it clammy? sticky?" she asks, looking down at her hand like it's betrayed her.

your heart shatters, and you immediately dart forward to pull sevika in for a hug. "sev, no!" you coo, laughing just a little at the way she pouts at you. "nothing like that baby, i promise."

"well, then what is it?" she asks.

you sigh, leaning forward to bump your forehead against sevika's. "i just wanna be on your left side in case you need an arm, or two." you whisper. "don't want someone to jump you on that side or... for you to trip or somethin'." you admit. "s-sorry i didn't tell you i just-- didn't wanna make you feel w--" sevika cuts you off with a kiss, a sweet, shaky sigh escaping her as she wraps her arm around your waist.

"oh, fuck." she gasps when she pulls apart from you. "baby, i thought you were contemplating divorce, whole time you were being sweet." sevika sighs.

you laugh. "you did not think i was contemplating divorce, sevika, don't be dramatic. i've been very consistent in my affections for you. both of the public and private variety."

"i'm just saying! 's a relief. 's hot too-- you bein' on the look out for me." she teases.

you snort and roll your eyes, then return to sevika's left side, being certain to wrap your arm around her waist this time. "better?" you ask.

sevika shrugs and kisses your head. "fine. but you're holdin' my hand once we get home."

"alright, honey." you agree happily, tugging sevika toward home.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@lavandasz @strawberrykidneystone

[faestunna]

stack x reader with newborn baby girl

baby girl

PAIRING: elias (stack) moore x reader

WC: 836

WARNINGS: mentions of pregnancy, sibling loss, angst if you squint, otherwise fluff!

A/N: this is like a combo of modern!stack and he’s still a vampire but it’s not mentioned? @hatethysinner recently posted a papa!remmick fic that put me in my feels and sorta inspired this, go check it out!!

masterlist

You wake to a gentle humming.

It’s still pitch-black. So late that not even the crickets chirp in the bushes outside your window. The night sky will fade into a pleasant mirage of orange and pink in a few hours, but for now, the world sleeps.

Except for you. And the sound coming from the corner of your room. Your eyes tiredly blink open, but your body doesn’t stir underneath the sheets. Even in the dark, you can see the outline of Elias swaying in the rocking chair. And in his big arms lies the most precious thing in your life.

He doesn’t notice that he’d woken you up; you make no attempt to reveal yourself. Instead, a warm smile appears on your face at the sight of him holding your sweet girl.

You liked to think she had your eyes, maybe even your nose or hair, but the truth was that she was her daddy’s spitting image.

“She’s gon’ be beautiful, just like her mama,” Elias had told you almost every day of your pregnancy. It’d only been two days since he took you home from the hospital and insisted that you stay in bed.

It was almost unreal to have her bundled in your arms. He’d kiss her nose, then yours, and say how he loved both his girls more than anything in the world.

He wears the sweater you got him for Christmas years ago; you remember it like it was yesterday. You’d dreamed of having this life with him, but never had you though it’d come true.

And now, it was right in front of you.

“Mornin’, babygirl,” he pauses his singing once she stirs and her eyes peek open. Elias rubs the soft curve of her head with his thumb.

“Gave your mama some trouble, didn’t you?” He gently bounces her and continues rocking almost rhythmically. A small chuckle comes deep from his chest. “Seeing her cry when she had you—God, I don’t think there’s anything worse. But we waited a long time for you, sweetpea. You remember when I would sing to you?”

The memory of him with his palms placed softly on your bump, caressing the skin and singing every tune he knew with the smallest bit of hope that your baby would hear it, was enough to relieve you of the pain that very much continued to rock through your lower body.

“I’ll sing for you always.”

The deepest corners of your heart lightened at the sight of Elias—your husband, your man, your dream—cradling the joy you’d made together.

You remain still in bed, worried that even the slightest move could disturb the moment. For now, you watched.

“My daddy,” Elias thickly gulped before steadying his voice. “He, uh…Well, he was a bad man. And I lost my mama before I could even hear her voice.” You’d heard the story only twice and never asked to again. Every time Elias mentioned it, a distant, heavy weight returned itself upon his shoulders. But now, as he whispered to your baby girl, he seemed eased. “But I was lucky. I had-”

He chokes on his words, and even from the bed, you can see the gleam of tears in his eyes against the moonlight.

“I had a brother. And he protected me from our daddy. Looked just like me too. In a way, I s’pose he looked like you.” A pit grows in his stomach, but Elias continues. “He woulda loved you, sweetheart, and your mama, too.

“And I know he’s somewhere better now. With his baby and his woman. I think he’d happy,” he leans in so his nose nuzzles against hers. “That I got my own.”

On Elias’ bedside table sits a framed photograph, faded from the sun and time. Two of the same face look back at you as you glance at it, and you can only imagine what the SmokeStack Twins were like in their glory days. You look back in the corner when the sound of Elias’ voice cuts through the silence again.

“And it’s important you should know the woman you’re named after. She, uh…” he chuckles. “Well, she and I didn’t get along much, at first, but there’s a reason why Elijah loved her.” You wonder if he’s still speaking to your daughter or to himself now.

He closes his eyes contently, lips curved into a soft smile as if lost in a memory. “She was one of the strongest women I know—apart from your mama, of course.

“See, babygirl, my brother protected me. And she protected him.” Unaware that you’re awake, Elias up at you, but he isn’t surprised to see your eyes open. “And I’m gon’ protect you.”

The eyes he fell head over heels with so many years ago. The ones that grounded him when the memory of his brother infested his dreams. The ones that he swore he couldn’t live without.

The eyes he sees when he looks at your baby girl.

Instead, his smile widens.

“The both of you.”

© faestunna 2025.

[crushpunky]

actress!reader is worried about drew

masterlist | actress!reader masterlist

warning: mentions of disordered eating/extreme weight loss, proceed with caution and remember that food is fuel !!! 

Y/n sat out on the covered porch, a book in her lap and Charleston curled at her feet. The sunlight of the early morning peaked through the windows, the aroma of coffee filling the air. Drew sat opposite her, sprawled out on the sofa, his long legs dangling off the edge. His glasses perched on his nose in a way that always made y/n’s head spin as he flipped through a script. This quiet comfort was the usual way they began their day, climbing out of bed and making coffee before soaking in the tranquility of the morning.

“I’m gonna grab some breakfast, what do you want?” Y/n asked, closing her book and getting up with a groan. Drew looked up from his script, his sunken eyes raking over the way the light shone off y/n’s skin.

“I’ve got coffee, I’m alright.” Drew said, flashing a small grin before returning back to his script. Y/n sighed, placing her hands on her hips. He had been preparing for his new project, a Luca Guadagnino picture alongside Daniel Craig that supposedly “required” him to slim down. Drew was already a naturally lanky guy, often building on muscle for OBX, so the idea of losing even more weight seemed insane to y/n, but Drew insisted. She appreciated his commitment and ability to go “all in”, but as he began to lose more and more weight it seemed to be overkill.

“Drew.” Y/n said sharply, glaring harshly at Drew.

“Y/n.” Drew said back, mocking her tone playfully as he looked back up at her.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Y/n repeated, quirking one of her eyebrows. Drew sighed, placing the script down before sitting up and moving to face her. Y/n took a step forward, standing between Drew’s legs and grabbing onto his hands.

“I’m alright, baby. I promise.” Drew whispered, placing a kiss to y/n’s knuckles. As y/n looked down at him, she felt her stomach swirl at his sunken features and the way he was practically swimming in clothes that used to fit him like a glove.

“Drew, please.” Y/n said quietly, her eyes beginning to prickle with tears. As much as she tried to mask her fear as worry, she could feel herself begin to slip. The fact of the matter was that she was utterly terrified. Terrified of the way Drew was pushing himself, going so far just for some stupid, goddamn project. The boy she had fallen in love with, the curves and angles she knew like the back of her hand sinking into something almost unrecognizable as Drew lost more and more weight.

“Baby, hey, don’t do that.” Drew went to stand, his footing stumbling and body swaying for a moment before y/n forced him back onto the couch with a sob. It had become a more and more common occurrence, the bouts of dizziness or shortness of breath that made y/n’s heart break each time.

“Hey, I just got up too fast I’m—” Drew rambled.

“No, Drew, goddamnit!” Y/n shouted, ripping her hands out of Drew’s grip and wiping her eyes harshly. Drew’s eyes widened before hesitantly wrapping his hands around y/n’s torso, his touch featherlight. Y/n wasn’t one to raise her voice often, especially not at him, but the anger in her voice was glaringly apparent.

“I’m fucking tired of this, Drew! It’s ridiculous and—” y/n sobbed, “you’re scaring me. You look sick, Drew.”

Drew sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head on y/n’s stomach. She continued to cry, her body shaking as tears streamed down her cheeks in a way that made Drew feel nauseous. He smoothed his hands along her back, gently tracing the contours of her hips.

“This isn’t healthy.” Y/n whispered. Drew lifted his head to meet her glassy eyes, the fear and worry staining her face. He hated seeing her like this, the hurt on her features acting like a stab to the heart.

“Ok, ok.” Drew muttered, taking y/n’s hands gently as he nodded to himself. Sure, he had been in touch with a nutritionist and maybe he had been… neglecting some of their warnings and recommendations, but he knew this role was going to be big. He wanted to do this right. He wanted to prove to himself and others that he could do it, but was it worth the risks? Hell, was it worth the pain he was causing y/n? Certainly not. Nothing could ever excuse the anguish he was causing her, anguish he would kill anyone else if they were causing her.

“I’ll… slow down, okay?” Drew said, his thumb tracing along y/n’s knuckles gently. Y/n closed her eyes before pressing a kiss to the top of Drew’s head.

“Thank you.” She whispered, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Drew’s arms snaked around her, pulling her flush to his chest as he stood again. He inhaled deeply, his hands curling into the t-shirt of his that hung off y/n’s body. He never thought he’d feel this way about someone else. Feeling so fiercely protective of and willing to do anything to avoid seeing them in pain. Feeling so in love that he’d do anything, anything, to see them happy… but here he was on the porch of their shared home, holding onto y/n so tightly as if he could lose her at any second.

“I love you, baby. I’m sorry I scared you.” Drew said gently, his fingers tracing lightly along the curve of y/n’s back.

“I love you, Drew. Please don’t scare me like that again.” Y/n said into the front of Drew’s shirt, her grip on his torso tightening. The two of them stood in the soft morning light for a moment, holding onto each other so tightly it was impossible to discern where y/n ended and Drew began.

“How about Claire’s, hm?” Drew said into y/n’s hair. Her grip on him loosened slightly, allowing her space to look up at him, her lips curling into a wide grin.

“That sounds good.” Y/n whispered, reaching up onto her tiptoes to press a kiss to the curve of Drew’s jaw.

[akiranzee]

Hi! Is there any chance you’d write a Muzan x wife!reader? The demon slayer corp found out about her and kidnap her to lure Muzan out. You can choose how the rest goes, whatever you want! Thank you so much if you do write it 😊

❦ • ° ` — \\ “DOING IT ALL FOR LOVE”

╰┈➤ PAIRINGS: muzan x y/n ╰┈➤ W/C: 2.3k+ ╰┈➤ CONTAINS: gore, blood, swearing, violence, death, killing, kidnapping, & muzan is 1,000 while reader is 25. ╰┈➤ A/N: this is prolly the gori-est i can last😭😭😭.

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------------Complete!------------

it was not long ago that you and muzan got married, following your human customs.

specifically, it was merely two weeks. and yet, word had already gotten out, despite the marriage held in the infinity castle.

soon, it reached the prying ears of the hashiras. and then, they came up with a “brilliant” plan.

“but.. isn’t this kind of evil..? i mean — we’re doing things just as demons do!” mitsuri exclaimed, in a desperate tone, begging everyone around her to get their minds on the right track.

“there’s no choice, kanroji.. i have to agree with shinazugawa-sama over here.” shinobu agreed with what the white-haired man stated just a mere while ago.

“but it’s too-!!”

“shut up, kanroji.” sanemi immediately cut her off. “i don’t fucking care if you all act like saints, if himejima or oyakata-sama disagrees.. i’m going to make sure that fucking demon suffers the same as us. hell, his wife won’t even be able to make up for all our losses.” through clenched teeth and fist, sanemi growled.

“we’ll just go through the first plan. leave his wife alone, and just use her to kill him. that’s better.” tengen, not in his usual cheery state, had a voice of solemn, a seriousness not everyone was used to seeing.

“you all... rengoku-sama won’t like this! his wife is innocent! why can’t we just—” misturi continued, and sanemi ended.

“fuck it! why are you even here!? you think we’d live longer if we won’t act!? you wanna lose everyone ‘round here like how you lost rengoku!?” sanemi lost it. he was by far gone insane, and everyone had witnessed it. but it was an insanity that was necessary in this world.

“hey.” obanai inserted himself. “me and kanroji will stay out of this.” he said, leaving the room with mitsuri willingly following.

“are you sure we would be able to execute the plan, shinazugawa-san? just the three of us?” shinobu asked, worry and concern was not apparent in her voice, even if that was a question of one.

“we’ll tough it out. those two are acting like pussies.” sanemi bitterly spat. everyone looked at each other in silence, all of them understood the weight and risk of what they were about to do.

silence. that was the best cure.

minutes passed, and two people entered the room once again. it was mitsuri and obanai.

“i’m sorry... obanai-san helped me understand... but can we all agree with one thing?” everyone looked at mitsuri with curiosity.

“that... we don’t.. hurt his wife, no matter what?” mitsuri hesitantly said, fearing that everyone would look at her in mockery.

everyone didn’t, only sanemi did. “hah! his wife may be human, but even considering marrying a demon just makes her all the more a traitor!” sanemi violently lashed back, just wondering what goes on in your mind, that made you marry a cruel being, even more the demon king.

“b-but what if she doesn’t know...!” mitsuri’s tone was soft, despite the desperation and need to lure her comrades out of the evil mindset.

“doesn’t know!? are you kidding me!? they literally married in the infinity castle!” sanemi’s veins started popping out of his forehead, causing obanai to move a step closer in between them.

“oh.. right..” mitsuri bit her bottom lip in humiliation, wanting the earth to simply swallow her whole.

“but.. what if she was just brainwashed?” mitsuri spoke again, this time, with sureness in her voice.

“...that could be a possibility.” shinobu agreed with her, then glanced at sanemi who seemed to think the same as her.

“...whatever it is, we’ll get to ask her.” it was a conclusion, for sanemi, and everyone.

“but.. even if she tries to fight back, can we still not hurt her...?” it would not take a fool to hear the desperation in mitsuri’s voice, all she perhaps ever wanted was her friends to get back on their right minds. to her, this was not so far as what demons do.

“look, can you just plant it in that pretty little head of yours that no matter what — kindness will do you no fucking good? you’d be a fool to believe she’s a saint to start with. she married a murderer. a monster. what else is there to pity on her? go on, show kindness and i’ll watch you get taken advantage of.” sanemi sauntered menacingly towards mitsuri, “don‘t come crying if your head gets cut off or whatever.” he says at last, before leaving the room.

obanai glanced at mitsuri and gently patted her back, he wanted to be angry at sanemi, but he knew where he came from. after all, to trust in this world means you are willing to be fooled.

~~~~~

“that’s... her?” tengen asked, bewildered would be the right word, mixed along with shocked.

“she looks... normal.” and by normal, obanai means average. they looked you up and down once more, everything about you just seemed so plain that even tengen wasn’t that interested.

“normal or not, she’s something that not your average girls can compare to.” sanemi said, in a sinister tone.

“so? do we carry it out now?” obanai suggested impatiently.

“no, not... yet.” sanemi stood up and sauntered towards the busy street, eyeing you from afar.

“let’s see if that demon comes.” sanemi crossed his arms in patience, his fellow hashiras tagging along in hiding while you walked.

and, for who knows how many minutes had passed, sanemi concluded that it was time to conduct it.

“uh... hello, may i ask where the famous dango store is? i heard it’s really good!” mitsuri walked towards you, asking in a friendly smile.

“oh... it is right around the corner, near the public bathroom.” you pointed towards wherever you knew it was, but mitsuri insisted,

“oh, um.. can you please come with me? i’m really afraid to go alone... i’ve heard lots of creepy stories there.” feigning with fear, the other hashiras would commend her for an act well done.

and sure enough, that act was enough to convince you. “oh, from woman to woman, i also don’t feel safe around there. come.” you started to walk towards the location, looking back once in a while to see if mitsuri was still following you.

as you arrived, it became a secluded spot. the once lively red light district, grew unusually quiet in a certain corner you are in.

“oh, hmm.. the dango seller isn’t here... where could he be?” you mused, looking behind his stall to check, but sure enough, no one was around.

“ahh.. it’s really a shame, also the fact that they have to sell dango in this secluded area..” mitsuri feigned disappointment, all the while you looked at her with genuineness.

“shall we return?” you asked. perhaps this woman amused you.

“yes, please!” but as soon as she did, the light went out of you.

~~~~~

“well, that wasn’t so hard!” tengen whistled successfully, his hands behind his head.

“i would have thought it would need us to exert force.” shinobu said with nonchalance, her empty gaze never fazing.

“see? this is where kindness gets you.” sanemi sauntered towards your unconscious self, his sentence referring to mitsuri, who was now drowning in guilt.

soon enough, when you showed no signs of waking up, all the other hashiras left, leaving sanemi and shinobu, the ones who are so desperate for revenge.

~~~~~

a cough has been knocked out of you, followed then by a series of them.

“finally awake.” sanemi stood up, and sauntered towards you, stopping only when you were inches away.

he knelt down to your poor height, “say.. how can we enter the infinity castle?” the sudden question caught you off guard.

“look.. i don’t know how you demon slayers found out, but i will warn you. once he finds all of us, it will be the end.” you warned, but to them, it sounded like a threat.

sanemi merely chuckled, with a crazed laughter. “oh? and by the time he finds us, you’ve already faded to oblivion!” you winced at the loud voice, booming in your eardrum.

“shinazugawa-san.. perhaps it would be best if you took a fresh air. i have always suspected once your veins appear, you are about to lose control.” shinobu said calmly again, perhaps something about that voice makes him irk, but still, he obeyed.

after sanemi had left the room that’s seemingly a tent, it was now shinobu’s turn to kneel down to your crouching height.

“such pure innocence.. yet you choose to be tainted by impurity. why?” she held your chin gently, as if to gaze on your face, and stare in your eyes.

“he is a demon, yes. but he is not a monster.” you gritted your teeth.

“but do you know all of his deeds?” shinobu tilted her head to the right.

“yes,” you bit your lip, “but he also has kindness within. however would i have loved him if he was full of evil?”

shinobu was confused, but as usual, it wouldn’t be visible in her face. “then where is it? the so-called kindness?”

“he wouldn’t be called a demon if he showed them.”

“then how can you say so?”

“because i have no bruises, no wounds, no nothing.”

“...not yet.”

“there is no yet. for he has already laid his finger on me, but it would not be filled with violence, but instead of warmth and gentleness.”

“that is kindness?”

“no, that is affection. his kindness lies from deep within. he has the power to wipe down the earth, but he did not, and will not, because he only wishes for one thing. and if he has his hands on that one thing, then he will be at peace, and every deed will end.”

shinobu paused for a moment, but continued, “for every affection and kindness he had shown you, every single person dies. do you not feel pity?”

but, you merely chuckled. “you ask that of a killer’s wife.”

shinobu squinted her eyes and sighed, “such pride you put in that shameful title. i am losing patience.”

“let me go, and he will not harm anyone here.”

shinobu’s gaze darkened, “there is no one here. it is merely you and I, and that man from before. why would you have thought we would have brought a ticking danger in our homes?”

“that is a good point. but will you let me go?”

“no. we will wait for your dear husband to come. after all, you are the bait.” shinobu then, left, whooshing the curtain of the tent with a cold breeze.

and as all three of you waited, along with the other hashiras that had arrived, night finally fell, and still, no signs of muzan.

but, as soon as midnight did fall, horror started to arise. in a swift motion, tengen, who had been guarding a few meters away, was knocked out.

next, then, came for mitsuri who did not miss to scream and alert everyone, then, next was obanai, who, in turn took a hit for mitsuri, and the wind was knocked out of him.

perhaps it was not only madness and fear, but the shrill horror and terror that muzan brought was overwhelming.

he sauntered towards the very tent you were in, not missing the chance to bash sanemi’s head on a nearby tree, and grip shinobu’s neck in the air.

but, instead of fear, you felt safe as soon as you saw him enter the tent, with shinobu in tow.

but, of course, you did not feel too happy that he would be willing to commit a massacre for you.

“...muzan, let her go and untie me, please?” you pleaded in a soft voice, one that would always lull muzan.

but, he gritted his teeth and gripped shinobu’s neck much tighter. “and why should i? when they have caused you pain!?” he was angry now.

he threw shinobu to the side, and was about to untie you, until sanemi and mitsuri were quick to their feet and slashed muzan.

but, unfortunately, it was merely his back and he had easily healed in less than a second. his crimson eyes glowed in the dark. it was as if a ravenous beast was starving, and is willing to tear and eat every single thing it sees.

his long nails lunged towards mitsuri, but sanemi sliced his wrist, in which — quickly regenerated and still reached for mitsuri’s throat, but also which she luckily dodged.

then, another series of slash and slices, in which he finally used 30% of his strength, slicing sanemi’s body diagonally, that blood rushed out from him, leaving him in the ground, in pain.

mitsuri watched in horror, her fellow hashira dying all because of hunger, and this too — was the cause of her death, her inability to act and think led to her own demise, and was slashed savagely by the throat, in which he so grotesquely ravaged.

but, just when muzan thought it had been over, sanemi lunged in action again. with... a few modifications of his body.

something — something. ignited in muzan, as if seeing someone so determined, despite the low chances — it just fuels his cruel desire to break that determined soul.

seeing sanemi — the scarred white-haired man that he slashed almost in half, now with steel bars in between his body, perhaps to keep it from splitting, his skin covering the gruesome bloodshed of his own, each end of the four steel bars plunged into his skin to keep it from opening. you almost felt like puking, had you looked longer.

seeing mitsuri, a death of a hashira did not waver sanemi though, even if deep inside, he truly cared. he lunged again at muzan, only for muzan to move twice faster than him, and slashed half his face only — in which that because sanemi managed to dodge in a mere second.

had he dodged in two seconds, it would be the end. you yelled, “muzan!! don’t hurt them, please? they didn’t hurt me!!” this was the first time muzan ever killed someone in front of you, also in a brutal way you’d never think was possible.

“they were about to!!” sanemi took your small banter with muzan as an advantage, and kept lunging, along with shinobu that finally stood with a broken right leg, and continuously attacked.

but, even so that muzan was outnumbered, he still managed to lunge both of them towards the darkness of the forest, and disappeared in the night.

he finally sauntered towards you, concern glimmered in your eyes as sweat dripped from your forehead to your chin, as you panted in the cold air.

he expected fear was instilled in your eyes, but no — it was merely the same eyes that had ever looked at him since the day you first met.

your eyes never showed anger, hatred, and especially, fear.

he caressed your cheek with his now calloused hand, in which you so lovingly nuzzled against, as he untied you.

“...let us return home, my dear.” he said with pure gentleness, one that no one had ever heard of. he softly placed a kiss on your forehead as he helped you stand, and walked towards the darkness of the forest.

perhaps, kindness is what saved desperate people in madness.

★ • ° ` — BONUS:

“but — muzan-” for the thirty-third time, you were cut off again.

“no buts. i am going if you are going. i am not letting you leave alone ever again, not after what happened a few weeks ago.” muzan simply crossed his arms stubbornly.

“but... i am fine, i swear. not only have i healed, but i have also put my guard up now!! really, really high.” you tried to convince him, but again, to no avail.

“you are too kind to put your guard up high. i just know the same thing would happen again, if they used different tactics. and that is why i am going with you.” you simply sighed as he started walking, leaving you standing there until you finally followed along.

your hands reached and intertwined with his, as he tightly gripped your hand, with of course, such care before continuing, “from now on, i will not lose sight of you. and no, that is not a request.”

firmly, you finally sighed in defeat and nodded.

perhaps, unkind and kind people could be together.

───────────── ☆ ─────────────

© akiranzee || do not steal, plagiarize, or repost my works without my permission.

[utahimeow]

cw — reader and gojo have a daughter, established marriage, gojo is sad but reader comforts him

satoru gojo is not a man of many fears. heights, spiders, needles, death—fearing these is alien to a man who’s looked death itself in the eye and refused to let it touch him. however the words that his five-almost-six year-old daughter just uttered send shivers down his spine.

he’s frozen, eyes wide, face pale. he thinks his lungs stop working and his heart stops beating.

big, blue eyes round as a bug’s stare up at him, oblivious to the implications of it all.

the sentence echoes in his head like a taunt. he thinks he’ll hear it in his nightmares tonight.

then, her little hand as she tugs on his pant leg yanks him back to reality.

“daddy, i said my tooth fell out!”

satoru gulps, gaze falling to the crumb of bone in her hand, then to the tiny gap that’s now in the front of her mouth.

he didn’t think it would happen so soon.

you’re home from work not long later and the girl rushes to greet you at the door, screeching with delight to announce the loss of her tooth to you.

you’re gasping dramatically, gathering her up in your arms as she gives you a gummy smile so wide her eyes scrunch shut. staring at her is like looking in a mirror, a perpetually perfect reflection of you and your love combined into one small being.

“it didn’t hurt, did it?” you ask her.

“nope! i didn’t even cry,” she tells you, beaming with pride.

“oh, how brave you are,” you tell her, kissing her soft cheeks, grinning as her giggles bubble throughout the entire foyer.

she wriggles out of your grasp and then she’s off again, bounding back upstairs to her room to the pile of plushies upon her bed so she can continue to brew up tales and backstories for each of them. now that both her mother and father have heard her big news, she’s satisfied enough for it to no longer need to be on her mind.

you’re not surprised to find satoru in the kitchen, rummaging through the snack cupboard. you are surprised at the fact that he doesn’t turn to greet you like he always does. with a pout, you stride over to his towering frame and snake your arms around his slender waist, pressing yourself flush to him.

“hi, lover,” you hum.

in your embrace, satoru becomes lighter. the tension in his hard muscles lifts, his shoulders dropping, his back shedding the weight of the world.

“hi, pretty,” he replies, uncharacteristically quiet, yet somehow his voice still drips with affection for you.

“what’s the matter?” you ask him. you’re well aware of your husband’s melodramatic nature, and it’s because of that that you don’t find yourself worrying over his state of despair. still, you’re rather filled with a curiosity—what minuscule nonsensical issue has him down today? did they discontinue his favourite kitkat flavour?

hands migrating up his torso and finding his chest, you squeeze your fingers into the fat of his pectorals. in the blink of an eye, satoru is facing you and his cold hands have grabbed hold of your wrists. he grins down at you softly, amused by your antics as always, but you blink again and his face drops, growing almost grave.

“talk to me,” you urge, prying. his soft grasp leaves your wrists, moving to envelop your hands which drown in his. he brings them to his lips, kissing at your fingertips, making your heart beat in your ears and your face grow hot. it’s strange to think he once shrivelled away from your affection, convinced he was not worthy of it.

“how was work?” he asks.

“fine. good. same as always,” you tell him. “but you’re avoiding my question. and your feelings.”

he shakes his head, a child through and through. “tell me about your day.”

“satoru,” you say, stern, and it feels like you’re scolding your daughter for not listening to you. “i hate it when you’re… off like this.”

his eyes pierce through yours then, filled with unspoken apology. then, he exhales, long and hard, a sigh that’s heavy with weariness. for you, he’s learned to surrender.

“our daughter losing her tooth today made me realise that she’s getting older and i can’t stop it,” he admits.

you sigh along with him, half relieved that your conscience had been right in believing that it wasn’t anything serious. well, in the sense that no one had died. the rest of you knows he’s not being irrational. since becoming a father, and even before that, when having children was just a distant fantasy for him, an anxiety had lived inside of him. an anxiety of fucking up, of being inherently unsuited to fatherhood, of the idea that she may suffer the consequences of him being her father.

and now, a new anxiety sprouts.

“true, but we get to watch her grow, satoru. don’t you think that’s amazing?”

he stays silent, mouth forming an absentminded pout.

“i just keep thinking about when she was a baby… how tiny she was, how she would waddle around, and drool on my chest. soon she won’t be my little girl anymore, you know?”

“satoru,” you say firmly. your hands curl around the back of his neck, scratching at the snowy hairs of his undercut. “she’ll always be your little girl. i know that because she’s your whole world, and you’re hers. she may never be that little baby again, but she’ll never be as little as she is now either, so love and cherish her now instead of moping about the inevitable passage of time.”

satoru smiles a dopey smile at you, the same one his daughter has.

“i’m so glad i married you,” he says. his hands are warm now as they settle on your lower back, dipping down, down, down.

you roll your eyes at him, opening your mouth to reply with something witty, but he beats you to it.

“i’m being serious now, baby. you always know what to say when i’m being stupid.”

“when you’re being overdramatic, you mean,” you say, grinning playfully.

“hey, it just shows that i care, doesn’t it?”

you pull him down to your face by his neck and kiss him, moulding your lips against his, tender and warm and home. it’s not just his thoughts that melt away when he kisses you, it’s his entire head, until all that’s left is a man with nothing but his wife on his mind, heart beating for no reason other than to keep him alive so that he can keep thinking about you.

briefly, you pull away, in spite of how he chases your lips with his, because he could kiss you until the end of time and you could do the very same, but there’s something weighing on your mind suddenly.

“if you want a second baby i can make that happen, by the way,” you tell him, your hips pressing against his.

“oh, now you want another one? but every time i ask for one i get an earful? heh,” he says, quirking a brow, but unfortunately for him he’s hard in his pants in an instant.

“yeah, but now i feel bad for you.”

“babe, i don’t want a kid out of pity!”

[the-oblivious-writer]

With Her I Die |3|

Past J.T to Eventual S.S x Female Reader

Chapter Three: Skinning Survival

warnings: hunting/animal death, blood and gore (animal butchering), suicidal ideation (subtle), survivor's guilt, past death, and grief/loss

taglist: @morganismspam23

masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

The woods are different in winter. Everything feels closer, more compressed without the buffer of foliage. Sound travels strangely—sometimes swallowed completely by snow, other times carrying with startling clarity. You feel exposed and hidden simultaneously, a contradiction that suits your fractured state of mind.

Natalie moves ahead of you, her steps purposeful yet silent. She holds the rifle with a casual confidence that you've come to recognize as part of her armor. You follow behind, knife strapped to your thigh, the weight of it both reassuring and terrifying.

"Travis usually spots while I shoot," Nat says without looking back. "You good with that arrangement, or you wanna switch it up?"

You just nod, then remember she can't see you. "Spotting's fine."

Your voice sounds wrong in your ears—brittle, unused. You've barely spoken to anyone except Shauna in weeks. Even then, your conversations are more silence than words, an unspoken language of grief that only the two of you understand.

"Cool. Your eyes are probably better anyway. Mine are fucked from the pills."

Natalie doesn't sugarcoat things. It's why you agreed to come with her today when Shauna suggested it. No pitying looks. No careful dancing around Jackie's name. No suffocating concern.

The rabbit is small—too small, really—but it's the first thing you've seen in hours. You point, a quick gesture that Nat catches immediately. She raises the rifle, breathes once, twice, then pulls the trigger.

The crack echoes through the trees, and somewhere far away a flock of birds takes flight. The rabbit doesn't move again.

"Nice shot," you say, and mean it.

Nat's mouth quirks up. "Don't sound so surprised."

You retrieve the animal, its body still warm through your gloves. Something shifts in your chest—not quite pain, not quite relief.

"We should keep moving," Nat says. "Daylight's burning."

By mid-afternoon, you've added two more rabbits and a scrawny squirrel to your collection. Not the bounty you'd hoped for, but better than returning empty-handed. Food has become precious, portions smaller with each passing day.

"Let's head back," Nat suggests. "Before it gets too dark."

The walk back is mostly silent. You're both conserving energy, saving breath in the cold air. But as the outline of the cabin appears through the trees, Nat stops suddenly.

"I didn't say it before, but... I'm glad you came today." She doesn't look at you directly. "Travis gets too in his head sometimes. Makes too much noise."

You understand what she's not saying: You know how to be quiet. You know how to disappear.

"Thanks for asking me," you reply, the words feeling strange on your tongue.

Nat gives a quick nod. "Yeah, well. Someone's gotta make sure you don't sleepwalk into a fucking ravine."

You stiffen at the mention of your nighttime wanderings. "Shauna talk to you about that?"

"She's worried. We all are."

"I'm fine."

Nat snorts. "Yeah, sure. We're all fine." She pronounces the word like it's poisonous. "That's why we're starving in the middle of nowhere. That's why we've already lost almost half our team. That's why we wake up screaming. That's why you're digging up graves in the middle of the night."

Her bluntness hits like a slap. You feel your defenses rising, that familiar anger bubbling up. "Fuck you."

"No, fuck you," Nat says, but there's no real heat in it. "You think you're the only one who lost someone out here? You think you're the only one who feels guilty?"

You start walking again, faster now, wanting to escape this conversation.

"Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch," Nat continues, keeping pace. "I'm just saying... we're all fucked up. But at least some of us are trying."

"And I'm not?" The words come out sharper than intended.

"Are you?" Nat's question hangs in the cold air between you.

------

In the cabin, you don't wait for anyone to ask. You take the animals outside to the makeshift table—a flat rock Shauna normally uses for butchering—and pull out your knife. Your hands are steady as you begin to work, stripping fur from flesh with methodical precision.

You feel Shauna's eyes on you from the cabin doorway, but she doesn't approach. This is something you need to do alone.

The work is gruesome but straightforward. There's a simplicity to it that calms your racing thoughts. Blood stains the snow at your feet, vibrant against the white. You remember other blood, other snow—Jackie's blue lips, her still chest. You push the memory down, focusing on the task at hand.

I can do this for us. I can provide this.

It's the least you can do, after everything. After the things you said. After failing to bring her inside that night.

By the time you finish, your fingers are numb despite your gloves, and the light has faded to a dusky gray. You gather the meat—pathetically little when laid out—and bring it inside.

The cabin falls quiet as you enter. You feel their eyes on you—Taissa's curiosity, Van's surprise, Shauna's cautious hope. You hand the meat to Misty without meeting anyone's gaze.

"Protein," you say simply. "Not much, but it's something."

Later, as the meager stew simmers, Shauna sits beside you, her shoulder touching yours. She doesn't speak, but her hand finds yours under the blanket you're sharing, fingers intertwining with quiet understanding.

"Nat said you did good out there," she finally murmurs. "Said you have a steady hand."

You don't respond, but you don't pull away either. It's the closest thing to peace you've felt in weeks.

That night, you dream of Jackie again. But this time, she isn't walking away. She's sitting beside you, those perfect fingers tracing patterns on your skin.

"You've got blood under your nails," she says.

"I know. I can't get it out."

"Did you kill something?" There's no judgment in her voice, just curiosity.

"To survive," you tell her. "We have to eat."

She nods, as if this makes perfect sense. "Are you angry with me still?"

"Yes," you admit. "I'm so fucking angry. And sad. And lost."

"I know." Jackie's smile is gentle. "You were always so good at feeling everything all at once. I envied that about you."

"I thought you hated it."

"I never hated anything about you," she says. "Even when I said I did."

You reach for her, but your hands pass through her like smoke. "I miss you so much it's killing me."

"Don't let it," Jackie whispers. "Please don't let it."

You wake with tears freezing on your cheeks, Shauna's arm around your waist anchoring you to the present. Outside, the wind howls through the trees, carrying secrets and sorrow in equal measure. But for the first time in weeks, you don't feel the pull to follow it, to dig your hands into the frozen earth where Jackie lies.

Instead, you turn into Shauna's warmth and close your eyes, allowing yourself to drift back toward sleep. Tomorrow, you think, you'll ask Nat if you can go hunting again. Tomorrow, you'll try to stay among the living for a little while longer.

[thorfemmes]

A Gourmet Meal

in which you and Eddie are starving for each other

a/n: I love going mia for months and months and then just dropping a fic like nothing happened lmao. but um I've had this idea rattling around in my noggin since before March of last year, but I just never had the time/energy/motivation to finish it. it is very much inspired by a p*rn video I saw that completely altered my brain chemistry 💀 anyways I hope you enjoy, and as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! <333

Rated 18+ ONLY: it's literally all smut, porn w/ no plot, fem!reader, mentions of periods and ovulation, Eddie "the munch" Munson, he's horny, I'm horny, we're all horny, squirting if you squint, overstimulation, unprotected p in v sex, Eddie finishes on you and makes you eat it😌, lmk if I missed anything please !!!

Word Count: 1,200 even :•)

You’re not entirely sure what had come over you, but you were so fucking needy. Like, embarrassingly so. It’s possible that it was because you were almost done ovulating and dangerously close to your period, but nevertheless you were so fucking horny that you felt like you were going to explode.

Eddie must have been just as pent up as you because he all but tackled you when you got home from work, dragging you into your apartment and slamming the door shut behind you. His mouth smeared against yours with desperate, heavy kisses as he pushed you back towards your bedroom, stopping against a wall on the way.

“Fuck baby, what’s gotten into you?” You asked, nearly out of breath from the onslaught of attention.

“I missed you,” He mumbled, briefly pulling away before diving right back in.

His hands dropped to the hem of your dress, waiting until you nodded to pull it off of you. More layers followed as you continued your journey to the bedroom, leaving you both in only your underwear.

You quickly fell into bed, welcoming the warmth of his almost naked body onto yours. He continued to kiss you, tongue exploring your mouth and grazing the seam of your upper lip. He pulled away with a sharp inhale.

“I've been thinking about your pussy all day baby. I miss her, can I taste her?” He started to make his way down your neck, biting at the curve before laving his tongue over the sting.

You nodded again, too absorbed in the constant stimulation coming from him. You'd been home for maybe fifteen minutes tops and all your brain could think about was Eddie Eddie Eddie. His hands desperately touched anywhere he could, squeezing the plush of your hips, pulling on your nipples, teasing your clit over your underwear. You could feel the loss of his heat and body weight as he crawled to the edge of the bed, hooking his arms under your knees and pulling you with him. You let out a squeal as you dragged across the sheets, grabbing a pillow to lay on and to shove under your hips.

Carefully draping your legs over his shoulders, he leans forward and nestles his nose right above your clit. He takes a deep breath and kitten licks you through your underwear.

“Fuck baby. You're so selfish for keeping her from me. You smell so good and I know you'll taste even better.”

He pulls back and moves to take off your last layer, leaving you squirming and missing the warmth of his breath on you.

“Oh don't worry baby. I'm not going anywhere,” He chuckles before diving in.

Your first orgasm comes embarrassingly quickly. He was fucking voracious with it, pulling you so close that you were worried about his ability to breathe. He pulled away after your first, but only briefly to kiss up your thighs and lick up the mess he had made.

He dove right back in as soon as your breathing evened out, pulling a deep, guttural moan from you. He teased in a single finger, meeting little resistance. He then slid in a second finger and curled up, causing your hips to cant up in surprise.

“Nuh-uh, don't run away sweets. Let me make you feel good. I know you can take it.”

He threw an arm around your hips, forcing you still. He continued to lick and suck and thrust, pulling moans and noises out of you as you gushed around his fingers. Truly, it probably sounded disgusting to outside ears, but with the way Eddie was so ravenous, so fucking filthy with it, you really couldn't bring yourself to care.

He started to grind into the bed below him as he continued to wring you out, pulling pure pleasure out of you. His briefs were sticky and so suffocating at this point, but who was he to care when he had a Michelin star meal in front of him? He thrust his fingers faster and gave a harsh suck on your clit, causing another orgasm to rip through you.

“Fuck baby, yes just like that. Drench me.” His fingers sped up as your juices flowed out of you. “Baby I know you're so sensitive, but can I feel you? Please, I need to be inside of you.”

You groaned at his pleading and furiously nodded at the idea of his cock filling you. He carefully stood up and rested your legs back on the bed. Eddie shed his briefs, letting his swollen, sticky cock bounce back up to his stomach. He smeared the pre-cum trickling from the head of his cock down and stroked himself, his head thrown back from how sensitive he was.

“There's no way I'm lasting long sweetheart, my apologies in advance.”

“It's okay baby, please, I just need to feel you,” you cried to him. “Please, please, plea- oh fuck.”

He slid in slowly and carefully despite the overwhelming amount of foreplay. He let out a loud moan, all but collapsing on you to bury his face in your neck. He gave two pathetic, experimental thrusts, whining after each pass. He could feel how needy and swollen your cunt was, fluttering and sucking him back in with each thrust.

“Yeah sweetheart, I'm definitely not lasting.”

You let out a laugh, gently pulling his head back to look him in the eyes. “It's okay honey, take what you need.”

He looked at you with big wet eyes and sloppily laid a filthy, open-mouthed kiss on your lips. He stood up and rested a knee on the bed, grasping your hips like you might float away if he didn't hold on tightly. He continued to thrust quickly, letting out short moans that matched the uh uh uh's he was punching out of you.

You could tell he was getting close when his breathing stuttered and his hold on your hips got impossibly tighter.

“Come on baby, please come for me,” you gasped out. “I need it so bad Eddie, please.” He let out a desperate whine in response as he sped up even faster.

“Fuck fuck FUCK" He pulls out and starts stroking himself, just on the precipice of coming. Eddie let out a heady groan and leans down to place a final open-mouthed kiss on your clit before his cum spills out onto your tits and stomach. Rope after rope continued to spill out of him, his pent-up lust finally coming to an end.

“Did I taste that good?” You let out a breathy laugh as the hand on his cock finally slowed down.

“Yeah baby, I just needed one last taste,” He groans, flicking the last bit of seed towards your waiting face and mouth. “My compliments to the chef.”

You started to laugh, eyes scrunched up with cum staining your cheeks. “Shut up Eddie, oh my God.”

He grinned down at you before collapsing next to you on the bed. He reached over and gently collected the drops of cum off your face, bringing his fingers to your mouth to clean them.

“You love it when I make you laugh, baby. Especially after making you cum hard enough to scramble your brains.”

•

taglist: @alexxavicry @marvelous-musicals @kbakery @hazydespair @munsonology @pastelbabygirl19

[jubshead]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬' 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭

Paring: Lithario (Lilia x Agatha x Rio) x Reader

Summary: It was common knowledge among the villages that circled this woodland that the place was haunted, owned by witches and their perverted magic. No one had ventured into it for years and all the men who tried had not returned to tell the tale of what lay behind these trees.

Warnings: Loss of virginity, Foursome, Cunnilingus, (Implied) Oral fixation, (Accidental) Wrong use of magic, Aphrodisiacs

Date: Dec 04, 2024

Comments are always welcome and if you don’t wish to be identified, my ask is open!

Masterlist | Taglist

Tag list: @crescendoofstars @diorrxckstar @crazyhatz @oh-rickel @thoroughly--confused @greek-freak101 @frostytherubyrider @alittlewitchyone @gilmoresliarss @lanadelreyaesthic @aggieharkness @filmedbyharkness @nightmare-of-homophobes @confuseuniverse @delusionalforolderwomen @sunshine-makes-flowers-grow @greencurlyhair @emilynissangtr @seaoflittlefires @ofgoldandbraid @czl4t @tremordusk @astrophiliaxx @me-47-47-47 @walkethisway @goforgreat @amethyst-bitch @women-4life @thegoddamnfeels @yourbasicqueerie

─────── ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ───────

Winter is always the hardest time of the year. The soil turns to slippery mud, staining dry leaves and sticking to the boots. The cold makes people sluggish, work is harder when your fingers are numb or your cough hasn’t gone away for a month. Supplies rarely come from outside and, more times than not, the village relies on the merchandise.

A bucket full of water is carried to a small hutt, your arm burns with the effort, the fingerless gloves don’t help with the chill and your palm is freezing. Your body weight is thrown entirely onto your left side, balancing the metal container with your shoulder. Around you whispers run free, the villagers comment on the lack of food, how this has been the worst temperature in years and that the sick people won’t last the season. A few glances are cast in your direction. 

Taking a deep breath and putting on a fake smile, you open the wooden door. The place is almost as cold as it is outside, in the few minutes you have spent out, the fire has died down. A furrow of worry forms between your eyebrows and you almost drop the bucket in favor of throwing more wood into the fireplace. 

➙ continue

A/N: I decided to post it only on ao3, because of the word count!

[sevsprincess]

Mirrors

Sevika x reader

Contains: smut /MDNI

Standing infront of your mirror, poking at your tummy and sighing wasn’t how you usually spent your nights. But at times there were and you hated it, you hated how thought of your weight would consume your mind and take over for a bit. Until Sevika came. She always made sure to make you know she loved every part of you including your chubbyness.

So when Sevika walked in the door frame and saw you standing there, she

Was irritated. Irritated with the fact you were doubting your beauty once again. Sevika walked up behind you bringing one hand to tenderly wrap around you throat while the other rested on your lower hip.

“When are you going to stop doubting your beauty hm? Don’t you know how fucking sexy you are baby?” Sevika rasped. “Do I have to fuck these thoughts of you?”

That certainly snapped you of your thoughts.

Without turning around quickly tilted your head back looking up at her. “Maybe you do.” Smirking up at her.

“Strip. And don’t move stay right here in front of the mirror.” She left to go retrieve the strap most likely. Your thighs rubbing together just at the mere thought of it.

When she came back with the purple strap on, you had no idea what she was planning but you were absolutely ready to pounce on her.

“Kneel for me baby, and face the mirror.” You didn’t waste not a single second to obey her. “Play with yourself for me..”

Your hand reaching down to your folds spreading around your slick before finally lightly circling your clit. You could see your chest arise quicker with every stroke of your finger against your clit, and god did you look delectable right now.

After a couple of minutes of watching you squirm and play with yourself, Sevika kneeled down behind you. Her breath against your ear. “You see how fucking sexy you look baby? What you see right now, is what I see every second looking at you..so fucking delicious looking I get horny like a dog in heat just by watching you.”

Her hands grabs you by the wrist forcing you stop. A whine coming from your mouth at the loss of your own touch. Sevika tsks behind you. “Don’t worry baby I got something for you.”

Her strong hands lifted you up by underneath your thighs. “You ready baby?” Your head shamelessly nodding wanting her to hurry up and sink you down on her strap.

She aligned the tip with your entrance rubbing it along your slit to get it wet before sliding you down onto it. You softly moaned at first when just the head was in waiting for her to continue. Instead she slammed the rest up into you. Your hips bucking and mouth agape at the surprise.

“Aw baby look at you..all full of my cock.” You looked forward in the mirror your hair was coming undone, there was already a bit of sweat forming at your hair line, and Sevika had the most shit-eating grin in her face ever.

Sevika still held your thighs open, and in this new position it felt like she was deeper than ever with each thrust. Her mouth on your neck sucking and biting while she rhythmically pounded into you.

“Oh god sev please ple-mm” you couldn’t even get your sentence out before you were moaning. Your hand came up to play with your breast, pulling and tweaking your nipple. You moaned out and closed your eyes at the sensations.

“What did I say. Watch yourself, open your eyes.” She said with a slap to your clit.

You jerked your eyes open letting out a loud moan. Your eyes immediately training on the way how her strap slipped in and out of you. Everytime her hips slammed up into you, you let out one of the most dirtiest little moan ever.

“Look at you.. my sexy little angel. You’re taking me so good aren’t you?” Sev chuckled. Her free hand going down to rub tight circles on your twitchy clit.

“Sev please oh god please I’m so c-close I can’t take it.” You were blabbering at this point and you were so close, the familiar feeling in your stomach. You looked up to Sevika following her eyes to your stuffed pussy.

“Look at how cute you look angel..your pussy is taking me so well aren’t you?” Sevika laughed and thrusted up harder making you scream her name as you came hard. She slowly lifted and pulled the strap out of you watching as it all came creaming out.

“You took me so well baby and you looked absolutely beautiful while doing so.”

She picked you up to take you to the bathroom and clean you off, massaging your thighs while doing so. “Next time I see you in the mirror like that I’m not stopping only after you come once, remember that angel face.” You ducked your head down, your cheeks flushed knowing Sevika loved you regardless of how you looked now.

Sdt: @abbylvr69

[asumofwords]

Watercress - Chapter 5

Warnings: She/her pronouns, graphic descriptions of blood and gore, grief, loss, depression, suicidal ideation, pining, fighting, yearning.

Pairings: Aemond x She/Her

Summary: Raised in the Riverlands, near the shadow of Harrenhal, her life was one of endless toil and quiet resilience. Every day was the same—scraping together food, tending to the ill, and surviving the harsh realities of a land marked by struggle. But when war came, it brought horrors beyond anything she could have imagined. The skies blazed with fury, the waters of the Gods Eye churned with the echoes of battle, and then—just as suddenly as it began—the world grew eerily quiet. She believed the worst was over. That was, until a fateful discovery in the woods shattered her fragile peace and set her on a path she never could have foreseen.

Words Count: 9k oops

Notes: Hello my angels, it's me again, your resident yearner. Thanks again for all your kind words, I'm so glad you're all enjoying this! <3

The energy in the cottage had changed. Shifted into something thicker, more palpable. And although Aemond hadn’t stopped his snarky comments, they had become fewer and farther between. He no longer snapped at her when she checked his dressings, or handed him food. It was almost as if he had grown accustomed to their new and strange routine, and Gods was she thankful for it.

It was exhausting to constantly be on guard around him, be ready for his sharp words and narrowed eye. Add to this that she still slept on the floor and tended to those coming to her, her resolve was growing so thin that she genuinely considered slipping him milk of the poppy to quiet and subdue him. But she had ruled that it would be more hassle than it’s worth. 

The cottage was small, but no longer suffocating. Aemond had long since grown used to the tight space, the walls no longer feeling like they were closing in on him. It made him bitter to think of his ease and compliance to his situation, but begrudgingly had to admit that it was much better than being dead. 

Sometimes. 

The home was built of sturdy wood and stone, the scent of earth and dried herbs clinging to the air. It smelled of damp soil after the rain, of pine and firewood, of bitter medicine and dried fish and freshly cut cloth. Aemond had learnt its sounds—the soft creak of the door, the steady bubbling of a simmering pot, the occasional rustle of wind through the trees just outside the door, and the ever constant grind of her mortar and pestle. Over and over again.

He hated it.

Hated the way time slowed in this place, the way his limbs ached uselessly beneath the weight of his own body. Hated the quiet routine of his days, the endless monotony of waking, eating, and watching her move about her work.

And he hated her most of all.

Or at least that’s what he continued to tell himself. 

The healer had made it clear from the beginning that she did not fear him. At first, he had tried to tear through her with words, with biting threats and promises of vengeance. Had even attempted to take her life with his sword, but he could barely stand on his own. Could barely bathe himself, could only just feed himself and could barely stand up unassisted.

He knew that the only way to divert his attention from his failures was to focus on hers.

He had lashed out at her again as she tried to give him a herbal tea to help with his pain, but in a lazier drawl than usual, as though his insults were becoming tiresome to even him.

And they were.

She had only blinked at him, unimpressed, holding the tea out to him to take.

He had knocked the cup from her grasp. The tea, boiling hot, had spilled across the floor, and to his surprised worry, her hand. She had hissed and drawn her hand back away from him, shaking it quickly to flick the hot liquid from her skin. 

It was the first time he had felt true guilt for his actions. 

Aemond had to physically stop himself from leaning forward and grabbing her to see the injury, to grasp her hand and inspect her in the way she had done to him many times before, but the look she had given him was scathing. Worse than any other time she had ever looked at him before, and it made him shrink back into the furs, averting his gaze elsewhere as if bored.

He wouldn’t admit it, but that look made him nervous. 

It was familiar, and it was not. 

It was familiar in the way his mother had looked at him. The way his half-sister had looked at him. His sister.

It was a look of anger, disappointment, and hate. 

It was a look he had never seen from her. And it was a look he never wished to see again. 

The wound on his side healed slowly, a cruel reminder of how far he had fallen. His leg however, would always be wrong. Aemond was used to pain, had lived with it for many years, but this was something else entirely.

This was helplessness.

But even despite the burn on her hand, despite the way he treated her, she still helped him each day to stand. Fed him that evening despite what he had done. Helped pull him from the bed, no matter how exhausted she seemed to be after nights of caring for people or days of toil, and held his weight up to help him gain his strength. It was agony, but each day, each time he stood, it got easier, just as she said it would 

But it didn’t change the real issue.

The world had moved on without him.

And now, he was here. Trapped in this small, suffocating life, reduced to nothing more than a broken man in a stranger’s home. He hated it. Hated her. Told himself he did every day like a mantra.

And yet…

He could not stop watching her.

Not because he had softened, not because he had lost the fire in his blood—but because it was exhausting. His anger, his threats, his endless attempts to assert himself in this wretched place… they had no effect. She would not break. He didn’t think she even had a breaking point.

So instead, he watched.

He watched her as she gathered herbs from the small wooden shelves, grinding them down with practiced ease. He watched as she greeted the villagers who came to her door—no longer bothering to hide him away, having some sort of unspoken agreement with them all—old women with aching joints, hunters with deep gashes, mothers with sick children.

She took what coin they could offer. More often than not, she took nothing at all or the goods they could offer. Clothes, or food, or cloth, or bowl. They came to her and she would do what she did best, and they would give the best that they could back.

One morning, after watching a hunched old man shuffle away with a bundle of herbs he had not paid for, Aemond exhaled sharply.

“You’re too giving." He muttered from his place on the bed.

The healer only laughed, the sound light but knowing, “I’m a woman."

"You ask for nothing. Take nothing. Have nothing.” He always voiced this, as though her generosity grieved him, offended him, ”Do you truly have no sense? Do you know how much gold would you have if you took your dues?" Aemond looked around her home in disgust.

“I don’t need anything but this.” There was something softer in her voice this time, something that unsettled him. 

She always unsettled him.

Said and did things that had no rhyme or reason to him. That made no sense to him. Had no logic. It was not weakness—no, he had seen her sharpened edges too many times to mistake it for that. 

It was something else.

And Aemond Targaryen did not understand it.

-

The water was cold, and she reflected on how strange it was to be in the same place she had been when she first found Aemond again. The net was slowly dragged back into shore towards her, her dress rolled up as much as possible, sleeves pulled up her arms to stave away the cold chill. 

What would have happened if she never went fishing that day? Would she have found his corpse instead? Would someone else have found him? 

There was so many ‘what ifs’ that it made her head spin. In some ways she wished that she hadn’t found him. So far he had been much more hassle than what he was worth, but she could empathise with him. He had lost everything, including his ability to care for himself. Yet despite this, she didn’t want to think too hard about what would happen when he healed, where he would go. What he would do. The havoc he may reap. She only hoped that no innocents would be affected by him. That they would not face the anger she pushed him to daily. 

The blame could quite easily then be shifted towards her.

She returned just before dusk, her boots and dress damp with water and a net slung over her shoulder. The scent of fresh fish clung to her clothes, mingling with the crisp evening air as she pushed open the cottage door.

Aemond barely spared her a glance at first. He had been sleeping—or pretending to—but the second the unmistakable sound of fish slapping against wood reached his ears, his eye flicked up sharply.

His stomach twisted in immediate, visceral irritation.

"Fish again.”

She ignored him, untying the net with practiced ease before dumping her catch onto the worn wooden table. Silver scales gleamed under the candlelight, the fish still slick with water. She reached for a knife, humming under her breath as she began to gut them, utterly unconcerned by Aemond’s growing displeasure.

He watched her, expression tight with irritation, "Do you ever get tired of eating the same thing over and over?”

She didn’t pause, quick as a whip, ”Do you ever get tired of complaining?”

His lips pressed into a thin line, "It reeks, no matter how well you cook it.”

She huffed a quiet laugh, “Reeks, you say?”

“Like the fish mongers and whores at docks." He wrinkled his nose, "It’s unbearable. The monotony of it. Picking through the bones, chewing it, swallowing.”

She snorted, “That’s usually how people eat food.”

He shot back, “Don’t be obtuse.”

"I’m sure you had fish in the Red Keep." She lifted an eyebrow at him before gutting the next fish with a swift, practiced movement. 

Aemond didn’t answer, because he had. 

Of course he had.

She continued, ”If you’d prefer to not eat, I’m amenable to that. Saves me the trouble. Unless of course you'd like to start hunting for yourself?”

Aemond exhaled sharply, looking away. He knew she had him cornered.

She smirked at his silence, "I’ll get you a bow and some arrows and you can kill us a nice, large deer. I don’t mind venison, though it’s more tedious to prepare than fish. Fish are small, easy to clean.” She cut the head off of one for show, “Have you ever tried to prepare a whole deer? Skin it, gut it, clean it.”

After a long pause, he leaned back against the wall, arms crossing over his chest, "I’ve been on hunts.”

Unspoken words lingered in the air.

I’ve killed men too.

“Sure. But have you prepped them? Cooked them? Stored what was left?”

Aemond blinked, then quickly, “Why don’t you just buy the meat? Surely you can afford it. Definitely could if you took payment.”

The healer hummed noncommittally, "Good meats hard to come by these days, too expensive for what little there is. So until then, you’ll eat what I put in front of you.”

Aemond scowled, watching as she continued cleaning the fish. “Surely your traps can collect more rabbits, a badger even. Or at least do something to make it taste like food instead of Flea Bottom slop.”

Her voice became higher, "Would you like me to roast it over the fire, m’lord? Is spiced wine from Dorne with your meal tonight good, m’lord? Oh, please, m’lord, I live to serve you and only you.”

Aemond sighed, glancing at the fish again with poorly concealed distaste, "You truly enjoy this, don’t you?”

She shrugged, a small smirk on her lips, “It is a pleasure to watch you suffer, forcing you to eat Flea Bottom slop and all other things you’ve accused me of.”

He sneered, “I’m surprised I haven’t been poisoned by it.”

“I’m still deliberating on that.” She smiled.

Aemond’s eye narrowed.

She shrugged, "Cook your own meals then.”

With a reluctant sigh, he muttered, almost relived for the grace she had permitted him, "Like it's hard. I’ll learn.”

She grinned, victorious, "Now that, I'd like to see.”

His eye flicked up to her, the soft glow of the fire catching the curve of her smirk, the teasing glint in her eye. It sent something hot curling in his gut, something he didn’t want to name.

He looked away, jaw tightening.

He had spoken without thinking. 

He had let himself slip—had let her glimpse something he had no right to feel. The unspoken thought that he would still be here, long after he had healed. That he would choose to stay.

The realisation made his stomach twist, and suddenly, the warmth of their exchange soured into something bitter.

His fingers curled into a fist against his knee.

"I won't be here forever." He said sharply, the words coming out harsher than he intended, "Don't get used to this.”

She stilled for a fraction of a second, her knife poised over the fish, before she resumed her work, cold mask slipping into place.

"I never do."

Her voice was unreadable, but something in it made his irritation flare hotter.

He didn’t know what he wanted from her. A retort, a fight, some sharp-edged remark to push him further into the anger that felt safer than whatever had passed between them just moments ago. 

But she gave him nothing.

Just the steady, rhythmic sound of her knife scraping away scales and intestines, as if his words meant nothing at all.

And Aemond hated that most of all.

-

The pounding of hooves shattered the evenings quiet.

The healer had been asleep on her makeshift cot in front of the fire when she heard it—hoofbeats and the shrill call of her name, fast and urgent, tearing through the trees like a storm. Her eyes blinked away the sleep rapidly as she sat up, looking over to Aemond who too began to wake. She had worried for a brief moment that he had been the one to call for her.

She could tell just from the sound that whoever was coming was desperate.

Outside the cottage the hooves scuffed at the forest floor and a horse whinnied. The voice called out her name again, over and over as it came closer, metal jangling and footsteps racing towards her home.

She was already rising when the rider bashed against her door rapidly, fist beating against it as her heart raced in her chest, the wood thunking and rattling at its joints. The man outside called her name in a panic again, and as she swiftly moved towards the door in her chemise she glanced over to Aemond. 

to her utter surprise, Aemond looked ready to rise. Ready to act. Ready to protect her from whatever danger he perceived lurking at the door.

But she recognised the voice. Had known it for many years.

Erik. 

One of the farmers' sons from the village.

The door swung open as she brushed her long unbraided hair away from her cheeks. His face was pale, sweat beading at his temple. She let her eyes drift lower, looking him over for sign of injury. Upon his clothes, large dark patches of blood.

"You have to come. Now." His voice was raw, breathless, eyes glancing behind her to look at the man who now stood beside her bed, furs clutched against his waist.

Aemond was poised and ready. For what, he did not know.

Her heart kicked against her ribs, "What happened?”

"Ana," He gasped, "She was attacked.”

Her heart clenched.

Ana.

She didn’t hesitate.

"Help me.” She ordered, rushing to snatch her supplies as she threw them into a soft leather pouch hidden by the door. 

Erik stepped inside, wary of Aemond who watched him with a narrowed eye, and began to help her collect her things. She didn’t even spare Aemond a second glance as she raced out the door, pulling on a cloak atop her chemise, hurling herself atop the horse as she waited for Erik to mount behind her. The large chestnut shuffled impatiently as she swayed atop it, securing the leather pouch against her chest for the ride, reins already in hand.

Erik slammed the door shut, and Aemond’s view of the healer and the man was ended. Hooves pounded outside, and Aemond listened to the sound of it until it slowly faded from existence. He was still standing when the cottage became silent again, the longest he had stood by himself so far, furs tightly clutched against him, heart racing in his chest.

It was eerily quiet without her.

He didn’t even have a chance to see if she was going to be safe.

-

The ride into town was brutal. The saddle was hard beneath her hips, Erik pressed tightly against her back, trying to fill her in on what had happened as they went. The wind bit at her face as the horse tore down the narrow forest path, its hooves drumming against the frozen ground, puffs of breath dissipating from before her. 

The trees blurred, branches whipping past, but all she could think about was Ana—bleeding, unconscious, slipping away with every passing second. This was a woman she had known for years. Had helped through her first and second births. 

A friend. 

Her mind was already racing ahead, cataloging what she had in her satchel, what she might need when she arrived. Hot water. More cloth. Dried fish skin. 

By the time they reached the village, a small crowd had gathered, their faces drawn and anxious. Three men stood by the cottage, all sporting small wounds that were being tended to by the people around them. Hands wiping away blood and inspecting the damage. 

They parted quickly as she slid down from the horse, barely catching her breath before pushing through the door of the house.

The moment she saw Ana, her stomach clenched.

She raced to her side.The young woman lay on the bed, her dress soaked through with blood. Her skin had an ashen tint to it that the healer had never seen on her, not even during her two births, lips slightly parted as she took in slow, ragged breaths.

“Ana," The healer whispered, pulling off the satchel as she looked over her, “I’m here.”

Ana’s mother, an older woman with grey hair stood nearby, wringing her hands, "She’s barely awake since we found her. Please. Please. Fix her.”

The healer didn’t waste time responding.

She moved quickly, pulling her satchel open and looking down at Ana’s body. Along her stomach and base of her hip blood bloomed beneath the sun bleached lilac dress. She could feel Erik’s presence behind her and looked sideways at him, “Help me undress her.”

Erik faltered, and behind him the shuffling of curious towns people watched on by the door. 

“Get them away.”

Pulling a blade from the satchel as she slipped it down the centre of Ana’s dress ripping it apart, revealing the two deep wounds that continued to bleed profusely. From behind her came the bark of Ana’s brother, and the slam of the door, leaving her inside with Erik, her mother, and Ana’s older brother, who sported an injury of his own to his upper arm. 

“I need water.” Her hands moved to grab some strips of clean linen from her satchel to one of the wounds, and then the other, gradually stuffing them with her fingertips inside to staunch the bleeding. 

Ana moaned weakly, which to the healer was a good sign. 

She was still alive.

But then she looked at the damage, over Ana’s bare torso, shredded dress pushed to the sides and felt fear rise inside of her. The gash was deep, stretching across Ana’s stomach. 

Too deep.

“Erik, the water.” She snapped, and finally he sprung into action behind her, gathering the pail from beside the fireplace.

It wasn’t boiled, but she didn’t have time.

She dipped her hands inside and scrubbed viciously at her fingers, head turning towards Ana’s brother, “D'you have ale?”

The bloodied man nodded, and rummaged by the bench, coming over to uncork a flagon. She took it from him and poured it over her hands, and then atop the wounds. 

Ana screamed, eyes shooting open as she looked up at the healer.

“Shh, it will be over soon.” The healer tried to console her, wiping the back of her hand across the top of Ana’s scalp, trying to soothe the woman. 

“You’re here.” Ana breathed, voice quiet and broken, the edges of her lips tinged red with her own blood. 

“I am.”

“I’m going to die, aren’t I? Like your father.” Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, a small hum of a laugh passing through her nose as she smiled dreamily.

The healer blanched, blinking at Ana. Her skin was so grey that she already looked dead, dark circles beneath her eyes and the tell tale sign of delirium sinking in that came with too much blood loss. When the body was at the end of its tether and began to slip.

She grasped strips of clean cloth and leant over her body, pressing them down into the wounds to staunch the bleeding. 

Ana cried out in pain.

“No. You’re going to live.” She tried to assure her friend, but it felt hollow. 

Felt emptier still as she began to press the cloth into the open wounds tightly, stuffing it inside, trying to stem the bleeding. Ana wailed and cringed as the healers fingers pushed more and more cloth into the wound trying to stem the bleeding. It slowed, but not enough, the cloths immediately soaking through.

“Stop.” The woman wheezed, hands trying to push away the healers.

“Be brave f'me. Let me do what I do best.”

Hands in her satchel again she rummaged until she found the needle and thread, her hands shaking as she tried to thread it to begin. Erik stood beside her watching as Ana’s mother and brother stood at the end of the bed, the mothers eyes full of tears as the brother held her. 

Each time she tried to thread the thread through the needle, it wouldn’t go, slipping just to the side avoiding it.

“Give it t'me.” Erik held his hand out. 

Frustration boiled over her, “I can do it.” The healer snapped, she tried thrice more until finally she was able to thread it, hands covered in blood, leaning forward towards Ana, “Hold her.” 

The farmers son jerked forth and pressed two gentle hands against Ana’s shoulders, one covered in blood briefly coming up to brush the hair away from her face. 

“Where are the children?” Ana wheezed, blinking languidly up at her partner.

Erik cleared his throat, as his hands moved to her shoulders again, stroking gently back and forth with his calloused fingers, watching in his periphery as the healer moved towards the larger of the wounds, “With Myra. They’ll come see you when you’re cleaned up.”

Her tongue brushed against her bottom lip again, smearing fresh blood against it, “Good.” She said weakly, “Don’t let 'em see. They shouldn’t see.”

The healer swallowed the panic that continued to rise steadily in her throat, willing a cool calm to wash over her. She looked up at Erik and whispered a ‘ready?’ at him, watching his worried nod, and with swift and almost uncaring hands, she pulled the cloth from within the largest wound, fresh blood spilling over her hands making it hard for her to see what she was doing. 

Ana cried out beneath her writhing, her head thrown back as the healer tried to squeeze the wound together, held down only by Erik who cooed at her to stay still, and that it would be over soon. 

Her hands were so wet with the blood that continued to ooze that she could scarcely hold the needle steady in her grip, it slipped and shifted unsteadily in her hand as she made the first stitch. And then the second, closing the wound in her friend as quickly as she could, looking at the way Ana’s diaphragm weakened as she went. 

But the wound was too big.

She knew it was too big.

She worked in silence, listening as Erik continued to talk to Ana, tried to reassure her and comfort her the best that he could, the mothers soft sobs being equally consoled by her son.

The healer pushed it all away, her hands becoming steadier even as her chest tightened. 

But the bleeding wouldn’t stop. It was so deep, so much deeper than a flesh wound. It had hurt her organs. Important organs. And as she worked she tried to press the cloth down to stop the bleeding of the other wound with her arm, making it harder to work as she went, and knowing that someone else would only get in the way. But no matter how much she pressed down atop it, no matter how tightly she stitched her body, it just kept seeping through.

“Ana, stay awake.” Erik’s voice wavered, “Look at me. Keep your eyes open.”

The healer didn’t have the strength to look up, to watch what was happening. Didn’t think that she would be able to hold her resolve if she could. But she could tell it was happening. 

It was happening right before their eyes and there was nothing she could do.

Nothing they could do.

Nothing.

Ana’s chest barely rose anymore, stunted, weak and inconsistent breaths beneath her as the healer hurriedly worked to save her friend. But it was never ending, happening so quickly yet so agonisingly slow that it felt that it would never be done. Her hands were soaked with blood and she could scarcely see or discern a thing anymore, her hands constantly trying to wipe away the blood as it came to see what she was doing. To see what needed to be done.

“We’re almost there.” She urged regardless, her voice quiet, "Just a little longer, Ana.”

“Good.” Was all that Ana could say.

She knew it was coming. 

She could feel it.

She had seen it before.

Felt it before.

Had seen it with her father.

Felt it with her father.

The way that Ana’s body cooled beneath her hands. The way her breath came slower. Shallower. Her light eyes kept fluttering shut, the hand that had been weakly holding Erik’s loosened, and the telltale rattle of her lungs signalled the end. 

Erik’s reassuring words became more and more panicked. More and more desperate as he watched his wife slowly slip away. So she tried to worked faster, her heart hammering, her movements almost frantic now, her work was not as precise. She was working to get it closed. To stop the bleeding. 

She had saved people from worse. 

She had seen men survive wounds that should have killed them.

She could save her still.

She had to.

The healer swallowed, her throat tight.

The first wound was finally sewn shut, and she moved to the second, blood soaked rags lost to the floor beneath her and the sheets that Ana lay upon.

Erik whispered Ana’s name in question from beside her.

The healer didn’t look up, didn’t register what was happening as she continued. 

The gasping sob of Ana’s mother was ignored, the sorrowful whispers of Ana’s name that came from Erik growing louder beside her, and yet she didn’t stop. Her hands kept moving, the blood no longer pulsing beneath her. 

She kept on.

And on.

And on.

Her hands beginning to shake again as the world crashed atop her, the needle slipping more than once into her own skin, though she couldn’t feel it. She ignored the hollowed cry of the older woman as she collapsed beside the bed, beside where the healer continued, her hands grasping her daughter tightly as she wept.

She didn’t stop.

Couldn't.

Wouldn’t. 

She would save her.

She would live.

She would-

The healers name was whispered beside her, two large hands reaching to grasp her own hands. She shook them off, needle still poised as she moved to the next stitch. 

Her name was spoken again, this time, her shoulders were grasped and pulled back, and she struggled against it, stitch being pulled free.

“Stop. I need to-“

“Enough.” The voice was deep, crackled with exhaustion, “She’s gone.”

The sounds that followed were unbearable.

The healer sat back slowly, her bloodstained hands falling to her lap. As she finally let herself gaze upon her friend. She felt the weight of it press down on her—failure, grief, exhaustion. Ana’s mother let out another choked sob, as Erik sunk to his knees beside Ana, bloodied hands brushing against her hair as he looked down at her. 

Her eyes were open. 

She did not blink.

Did not breathe. 

She was gone.

The healer stared, hands shaking slightly as she wiped them against her skirts. The blood was thick, clinging to her skin. It made her feel sick. Made her want to claw at her skin. To tear it away violently with a blade. She had seen death before. She had watched men gasp their last breath, had pressed her hands to open wounds she could not close, had listened to the quiet, rattling end of those too sick to save.

But Ana’s death—this felt different.

She had known her. Been with her before. Shared smiles and wine with her. Meals.

But it hadn’t been enough.

It was too late.

She had been too late.

And then the wailing started.

It was the kind of sound that cracked through bone, that settled into the skin like frostbite, that would haunt the healer for days to come.

The mother had reached for Ana’s body again, pulling her closer as if she could shake her back to life. Eriks hands kept brushing against Ana's face, eyes wide with shock, face streaked with silent tears.

And the healer could do nothing.

Say nothing.

She knelt there, blood soaking her hands, her skirts, her arms, her chest—her own breath coming in shallow gasps. The smell was suffocating, the irony stench that lingered upon skin like fish. Her fingers trembled. She wanted to say something. Anything.

But there were no words.

Nothing could fix this.

She felt the brothers gaze on her then. When she finally lifted her eyes away from Ana, his expression was hollow, empty in a way she had seen before.

“Go." He said, voice flat, distant.

She hated it.

She had failed.

She didn’t move.

“Go.” He gruffed, “Take the horse, he knows his way home.”

So she did.

She stood, and she moved, and she took her satchel with her. She took the blood covering her with her.

The grief with her.

The loss with her.

The sorrow.

The failure. 

The ride home was slow, the exit from the home unbearable as she emerged to find the townsfolk waiting, watching as she exited covered in blood, the wails and sobs of grief behind her. She said nothing as they watched her. Said nothing as she mounted their horse and guided it away from the home.

The horse’s hooves crunched against the forest floor, she did not trot, did not canter, she simply trailed towards her home, deeper and further away from everyone. Back into solitude. The solitude that she knew and loved, and lived and breathed. The cold bit at her blood-soaked clothes, but she barely felt it. Didn’t want to let herself feel.

Didn’t want to come to terms with what had just happened.

With Ana.

Ana.

Her fingers ached from gripping the reins too tightly, the blood beginning to dry against her skin. Grief settled deep in her gut, an unrelenting weight. She had lost people before. She had told  herself she would lose them again. Had known that she would.

But this time—this time it had been someone she knew. Someone she cared for. 

A friend.

And for the first time in a long time, she wondered if she could bear it.

-

It had been hours since she had left, and Aemond had sat rod straight at the side of the bed, watching the door, listening for the sound of hooves, the sound of anything that wasn’t the howling wind outside. He waited, and waited, and waited for her, a million thoughts racing through his head. He wondered what had happened. He wondered if she was in danger.

He wondered if she would come back.

And for the first time in a long time, Aemond Targaryen let himself care.

-

The wind whipped through the trees as she approached the cottage, her limbs heavy with exhaustion, her breath visible in the cold night air. Snow would come soon. It flowered before her lips, briefly warming her face before the cold would nip at her again. Ana’s blood had dried in thick, stiff patches across her clothes and body, crusting beneath her fingernails, streaking up her arms where she had pushed so hard, pressed so desperately, tried so hopelessly to hold life inside a body that could no longer contain it.

She stumbled as she dismounted the horse, legs numb beneath her feet. She let the reins go, and turned away from the horse, leaving it where it was. Her fingers barely worked as she fumbled with the door, the weight of it unfamiliar, as though she had forgotten how to move through her own home. When she stepped inside, the warmth of the fire did nothing to touch the ice lodged beneath her skin.

She did not look at Aemond.

Did not acknowledge his presence where he sat, his head lifting to attention the moment she entered.

She felt his eye on her, sharp and searching as she moved towards the washbasin in the corner of the room. Her hands shook as she poured the water, dark red swirling and staining the surface. She unclasped her cloak and placed it upon a hook. 

There was so much of it. 

So much blood. 

She began to scrub.

And Aemond watched silently.

She scrubbed harder.

And harder.

But the blood would not leave.

Would not wash away from her skin.

The rag in her grip was soaked, and still, she scrubbed, the motion mechanical, hollow. She could not feel the temperature of the water, could not register the rawness of her skin beneath it.

Aemond uttered her name.

She had lost people before.

He called her name again.

She had held the dying before.

So why—why did it feel like this?

The bed creaked behind her. A soft, uneven step followed.

Why was the blood not coming off?

Why was it so thick?

The water in the basin was so dark with it, it looked like it had been filled with it. The thick acrid smelling life force that she had seen so often. That she had touched so often. But it was too much.

Why was there so much of it?

Surely there hasn’t been this much.

Behind her, her name again, and the uneven steps of an injured man, followed by a shifting of a chair by the table, like weight had been leant against it.

But why wasn’t it coming off? 

She would need to go down to the lake, to collect some more water. 

Perhaps she could dive beneath the murky depths and bathe in its iciness. Let the numb of the cold take over from the numbness of grief that she felt now.

More shuffling behind her, more utterance of her name, more concerned questions. But she didn’t register it. Didn’t answer it.

Didn’t turn towards him despite knowing that he was up.

She did not want to see him.

Did not want to see pity.

Or anger. Or disgust. Or a sneer. 

Did not want to see the look of disappointment at her failure. 

How had she been able to save him, but not Ana?

How was he still living?

His limp was more pronounced now, but she could hear him moving closer. She did not stop washing her hands. Over and over she scrubbed, becoming more erratic with the cloth that merely smeared the red across her skin.

“Stop.” His voice was low, rough, edged with something unnameable.

She didn’t.

She kept scrubbing.

His hand came to her wrist—not forceful, not cruel, just enough to still her. The healer’s breath hitched at the contact. It was the first time in so long that someone had touched her, not out of desperation, not out of grief or sickness, but simply to stop her from falling apart.

Her fists tightened beneath his grip, hand still clutching the cloth as she stared down at the water.

His eye flickered over her, lingering on the blood, the way it had seeped through the fabric of her sleeves, dark and clotted and the front of her chemise. How it streaked up her arms and was smeared on her face. 

Could feel how the muscles in her hands tightened, coiled, ready to move again, to continue the incessant scrubbing which didn’t work. His own responded by tightening just slightly around her wrist, as if he could tether her back to herself. To signal that he could feel her. Predict her. 

Knew her.

“What happened?” His voice was quieter now, careful.

Had never been so careful.

She did not speak, eyes still trained to the water. With a jerky move, she attempted to pull her hand away from his, but his grip was unrelenting.

“Are you hurt?”

She swallowed, forcing herself to speak past the lump in her throat, “She’s dead.”

Aemond’s gaze did not waver, nor did his grip. He did not offer her empty condolences. Did not tell her she had done all she could.

Instead, he asked, “Who was she?”

Her throat tightened, “A friend.”

Aemond’s jaw clenched.

She had never looked so small before.

She had always been a force—unyielding in her stubbornness, sharp-tongued, quick-witted, infuriatingly kind despite his cruelty. But now… now she looked lost.

And Aemond hated it.

He shifted his grip, his thumb pressing just slightly against the inside of her wrist. Not a comfort. Not really. But an anchor. A piece of pressure she could focus on.

The healer closed her eyes, forcing her breath to steady. Her exhaustion clawed at her, dragging her downward, threatening to pull her beneath the weight of everything she could not fix.

“Sit.” Aemond said, quieter now, but insistent.

It was ironic really.

The pain in his side and leg had begun to creep into his senses, and he should really sit with her, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

She shook her head, finally looking at him, “I—”

“You’ll collapse if you don’t.”

A pause. 

Such a long pause.

It seemed to stretch on forever.

Then, with a broken kind of reluctance, she let him guide her to the chair by the fire. It was a slow guidance, and he couldn’t help but notice as her eyes roamed over him, inspecting him for injury, watching as he struggled. But she did not argue. Did not resist. Did not do anything but sit herself down as Aemond still held her, limping by her side. Pushing through the agony. The furs that he had wrapped around his body tucked in tightly.

Aemond watched as she sank down, her body curling inward as if she could fold herself away from the grief.

He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what he could do. But he felt an urge to do something. To repay her in some way. He wasn’t like the others that came to her home. He wouldn’t take, and take, and take from her without giving back. He would repay her. 

He would. 

He just didn’t know how.

Once he was certain she wouldn’t move, he limped back to the wash basin. It took him some time, hand seeking out furniture for support—the chairs, the bed, the table, the edges of the cabin as he shuffled forward, pausing to catch his breath. It took him more time than he would care to admit to empty the basin out the window and refill it with clean water from a bucket. He didn’t even want to think about how he looked, pale and agonised as he moved towards her, his balance impeded by his now lack of hands.

By the time he made it back to her, tears had begun to fall from her eyes as she stared into the flames. She didn’t look up at him as he came to her side, not even when he slowly dragged the other chair beside her.

The fire crackled softly, filling the heavy silence between them. She sat slumped, her body rigid with exhaustion, her hands curled in her lap as if she no longer knew what to do with them. Her skin was cold beneath the dried blood, dark circles shadowing her eyes, but still—still, she tried to hold herself together.

Aemond could see it, the way she clenched her jaw, the way her fingers twitched as though she might force herself to stand and keep moving, as if sheer willpower alone could push away the weight of her grief.

“Go back to bed.” She said finally, her voice barely above a whisper, “You need to rest.”

Aemond scoffed, shifting his weight onto his uninjured leg. His body ached with the effort, but he refused to let himself falter, refused to let her push him away the way he had done to her.

“I think you forget,” He said dryly, “That I am not so weak anymore.”

“You’ll only injure yourself—”

“I am perfectly capable of standing in this moment.” He cut in, stepping closer, “Besides, a healer told me that I should stand to gain my strength.”

Her eyes lifted to his, sharp despite her exhaustion.

Aemond’s lips curled into something between amusement and frustration, “You are covered in blood.”

It was the wrong thing to say. 

She looked away, and back into the fire, “It isn’t mine.”

“As if that makes a difference.”

“It makes all the difference.”

Aemond exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face before leaning toward the washbasin he had placed on the chair. He picked up a clean cloth, dipping it into the cool water before grasping her hand from her lap. She protested at first, attempted to grasp the cloth from his hands, pulling away from him.

“I can do it.” She murmured, “Go to bed.”

His eye narrowed.

“I’m not a child.”

She was watching him now, tired but wary.

“Let me.” He said, as cooly as she had once spoken to him a she tended to his side.

“I can wash myself.”

His jaw tightened. Was this how she felt when she tended to him?

“Quiet.”

Aemond sighed, and then grunted, the pulse of his blood through his leg making his teeth clench, and what little patience he had dwindled. He lowered himself onto the seat beside her, the firelight casting sharp shadows across his face, washbasin in his lap. He lifted the cloth, reaching for her hand again.

This time, she did not stop him.

His fingers brushed against her wrist, gentle despite their roughness. He pressed the damp cloth against her skin, wiping away the dried streaks of blood, revealing the flesh beneath, watching as the liquid darkened with the remnants of her failed attempt to scrub herself clean.

The silence between them shifted—not tense, not uncomfortable, just… something different.

Something unfamiliar.

It had been building for days. Weeks.

She watched him carefully as he worked, his movements steady, methodical. Aemond had always been methodical. Always been calculative and precise. He did not speak, did not offer any words to fill the quiet. He simply cleaned her hands, her arms, her face, wiping away the remnants of a battle she could not win with detached coolness. 

Methodical.

By the time he was finished, the cloth was stained deep red. Aemond set it aside, his gaze flicking over her, taking in the way her shoulders had finally begun to droop, the exhaustion settling heavier now that she had allowed herself to stop. Let someone else take care of her the way that she tirelessly took care of others.

It was the first time Aemond had witnessed her stop. The first time Aemond had witness her be still. 

He leaned back slightly, his eye grazing over her. She was still covered in blood, her clothes having dried with it. Her unbraided hair needed to be brushed, knotted and tangled from the wind, but he doubted she would allow him to do that, let alone herself. She looked so empty, so hollow that he worried she may collapse then and there. 

Aemond’s chest tightened.

He had never seen her like this.

She was always sharp, always biting, always moving with purpose—whether it was to tend to him, to fetch herbs, to argue with him. But now… now she was something else entirely. Something fractured.

He hated it.

Hated that he did not know what to do to fix it.

Aemond grit his teeth.

Why did he care?

She was nothing to him.

Nothing.

And yet, when he dropped the cloth he had been holding, when her breath hitched as though she might shatter, he found himself moving without thought, pushing himself up again despite the pain in his ribs and leg, moving the wash basin to the seat.

“You need to rest.” He said, his voice lower than he intended, rough with something he did not understand.

“You did your best. Now you must rest.”

She looked up into his gaze.

And Aemond wished she hadn’t.

Because her eyes—gods, her eyes—were filled with something he could not bear to see.

Grief.

Failure.

A hollowness that made his stomach twist, made his pulse quicken with something close to panic.

He had not thought her capable of breaking.

And yet, here she was—cracked open before him, bleeding out in a way that had nothing to do with wounds or war.

Aemond swallowed hard, his fingers reaching and flexing around her wrist again. He did not know what to say, did not know how to drag her back from whatever abyss she was teetering on the edge of.

And that infuriated him.

He should not care.

He should not care.

And yet, the thought of her fading into that emptiness, of her never coming back to the infuriating, sharp-witted woman who had forced him to live when all he had wanted was to die—he could not stand it.

His jaw clenched. His grip did not loosen.

She was not allowed to fall apart.

Not like this.

Not in front of him.

“Sleep.” He tried to pull her hand towards him, to get her to stand, but even with this new found strength his wound would not allow it.

She blinked at him, as if he had just spoken a language she did not understand.

“I will.” She muttered, glancing toward the mound of blankets and fur on the floor beside the fireplace, though they both knew it was a poor excuse for a place to rest.

Aemond’s expression darkened, “You are not sleeping on the floor.”

“I’ve done it before.”

“No.”

There was something final in the way he said it, something that left little room for argument.

Her mouth opened, then closed. For a moment, she simply stared at him, tired and frayed, but still stubborn.

Aemond clenched his jaw, leaning forward slightly, “You saved my life,” He said, voice quiet but firm, “Let me return the favour, if only for one night.”

Something in her gaze wavered.

For a long moment, she did not move.

“I’m not going to die.”

He ignored her, voice gruff, “Get up.”

She blinked again up at him, emotion flickering across her eyes. But he could tell she was tired. 

Gods she was so so tired. She just wanted to sleep. To forget what had happened. To not be present in that moment. 

Aemond spoke her name, and in a strange way it grounded her. It was rough, and commanding, and demanding in its tone. It was every inch the man she had known these past weeks. Stubborn, sharp, quick-witted. But this time it wasn’t to poke and prod at her. 

This time was different, and she found she didn’t have the energy to argue.

Slowly—reluctantly—she stood.

She moved toward the bed as though unsure of her own steps, pausing just before it, her back to him. 

Aemond watched as she numbly pulled the bloodied chemise over her head and onto the floor, leaving herself bare before him. 

Aemond blanched.

Not once in his time here had he seen her in the way she had seen him. His eye roamed over her body, even though he knew that it shouldn’t. Aemond knew that he shouldn’t gaze upon her now at her most vulnerable. At her most broken. But he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t tear his eye away from the soft slope of her hips of the curve of her breasts from the side. Couldn’t tear his gaze away from the roundness of her ass, or the soft skin of her back and legs. 

She didn’t seem to notice his gaze, or didn’t care as she pulled back the furs of the bed and crawled inside, sliding to the opposite side, her back facing him as she pulled the blankets up to her shoulders. 

If Aemond was anything like his brother he would have sought this moment to take advantage of her. To hurt her. It was a naked woman, in a bed he would be sharing. But instead of any urge to roll her onto her back or stomach, he felt a nervousness he hadn’t felt before. A nervousness to be around her that he had never felt.

His heart raced in his chest as he looked at her, gazed at her with a new intrigue,

She was beautiful.

She was perfect. 

She was—her.

So very her.

The bed was small. Too small.

He limped and shifted and struggled to lay back down but managed it all the same, the bed dipping beneath him. It took him some time to get his broken leg beneath the furs comfortably as he lay on his back. She was close enough that he could feel the faint warmth of her body, but far enough that she might as well have been a world away.

Aemond stared at the ceiling, his eye adjusting to the dim flicker of firelight. He had not thought this through. Had not considered what it would mean to share a bed with her. Not just the physical proximity, but the weight of it—of allowing her into his space, of stepping into hers. 

Of her within his.

It was different from when she had tended to him, different from when she had pressed cool hands against fevered skin, from when she had helped him stand, from when she had argued with him over fish.

This was something else entirely.

She was fragile now. And he hated it.

He hated so many things, but most of all, he hated this.

He hated the way it made something inside him tighten uncomfortably, the way it made his chest ache. He was not meant to feel this way. Not for her. Not for anyone.

And yet, she had looked so small when she finally climbed into the bed. So lost.

He exhaled slowly, willing the unfamiliar sensation away.

She did not speak.

And neither did he.

For a long time, there was only silence, punctuated by the occasional flicker of the fire and the slow, unsteady rhythm of her breath.

She smelled like the thick scent of iron and something uniquely her. He wondered if the scent of blood was just in his mind or if it still lingered on her skin, or perhaps it was on his now. He had tried to scrub it away with a cloth, had watched as the water in the basin turned red. But some things did not wash off so easily.

He, more than anyone, knew that.

She shifted slightly, the movement small, hesitant. He felt the way her muscles tensed, as if she were fighting the instinct to move closer. Trying to escape the ever haunting feeling that crashed over her.

Aemond knew what it was to be haunted.

He knew what it was to lie awake with ghosts pressed into his skin, to feel the weight of failure like chains around his throat. He had felt it after losing his eye. After the war. After his fall. His time spent in this very bed.

But he had not expected to recognise it in her.

He had not expected to care.

And yet, as he lay there, listening to the sound of her breathing, feeling the slight tremor in her limbs, something dark and unbidden curled inside him.

He turned his head slightly, his eye tracing the outline of her in the dim light. Over the slope of her shoulder, her tangled hair that lay messily upon the pillow. The curves of her body beneath the furs.

“Sleep.” He murmured, his voice quieter than he meant it to be.

She did not answer right away. But when she did, her voice was raw, as if she had spent all of it on grief.

“I can’t.”

Aemond hesitated. He was not good at comfort. He was good at pain, at rage, at control. He was good at killing, and fighting, and burning. At threatening those around him when needed. At the training yard with his sword. At politics, and history and philosophy. He was good at war. He was good at taking. But this was something else.

This he did not know how to do.

Still, before he could stop himself, his hand moved—slow, deliberate—until his fingers brushed against her shoulder. Just barely. Just enough to remind her that she was not alone. She tensed beneath his touch at first, stiffening as she held her breath, but as the warmth of his hand seeped into her skin, she relaxed.

Did not pull away.

And neither did he.

He did not sleep that night.

Not because of pain.

Not because of nightmares.

But because of her.

He would not say it aloud, but he knew.

Tonight, she needed this.

And for some reason he could not quite name—so did he.

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[songsofadelaide]

"Hey, Platoon Leader, are you guys trying to be the next Shinomiyas?"

You looked up from your plate of food and gave Kafka an incredulous look from across your shared table. "...What?"

The older officer raised his hands in defence when he caught the strange look on your face. "O-Oh, you know! The Director General and his wife, the former Captain of the Second Division. They were a power couple. I just thought you guys were similar is all..."

"Kafka-san, you better clarify whatever it is you're saying," you chuckled at his statement. "Though I definitely do not mind being compared to the Second Division Captain Shinomiya Hikari, the gods rest her soul. She was brilliant, after all! A shining example to so many young women, myself included. We could have stood to learn a thing or two from her..."

It was a tragedy, you thought. The Director General had always been a serious man, but the unexpected death of his wife made him all the more. And now that Kafka mentioned it, the weight of the idea rested even heavier on your mind. The higher you two rise in the ranks, the more will be expected of you. The more numbered Kaiju appear, the more you will have to set out in their field.

The higher the danger risk, the more skilled personnel will have to be deployed. And seeing how the top brass acknowledged your fiancé's most recent accomplishment— subduing and neutralising Kaiju No. 10— the likelihood of him being assigned even more dangerous missions will only increase—

"You think the Vice Captain would consider growing out a beard too when he becomes Director General? Like Director General Shinomiya. I mean you did mention once that his old man was grizzled and all..." Kafka asked aloud as he helped himself to his lunch.

???

His question was so left-field that you couldn't help the laughter that escaped your stomach. "Pfft— What?! Kafka-san, wh— Hahaha!"

"I-I'm serious, though, Platoon Leader?! A beard would make him even more menacing!"

"Haha! N-No, okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for bursting out laughing like that! I-It's just— Soshiro grows stubbles at an alarming rate and he always shaves because he hates being told he'd look like his father with a beard," you said, nearly breathless and tears prickling your eyes. You continued to speak as you calmed down, the seriousness of your expression prompting your lunchmate to pause his meal. "I might not be able to achieve Captain Shinomiya's legendary level of coolness or renown, but I think as long as I continue accomplishing orders, that's good enough for me."

Arriving at your table not long after your fit of laughter were the Vice Captain and another recruit— one who happened to hear your conversation right from the start.

"I—" Kikoru started, her plate slightly trembling in her hands as you met her earnest gaze. "I think you're just as cool as Captain Shinomiya, Platoon Leader! More importantly, I'd like f-for you and Vice Captain Hoshina to always be safe while in the battlefield so you can both live long and fulfilling lives! Th..."

The kind her mother never got to live.

Soshiro took his place next to you as Kafka gestured for them to sit at your shared table.

"Thank you, Kikoru-chan. I am honoured you think so highly of me. If there's anyone feels the loss our amazing Captain Shinomiya the most, that would be you," you said as you reached for the younger girl's shaking fist from across the table, giving her a gentle yet reassuring squeeze. "If Soshiro and I ever do become the Defense Force's next power couple, I can only hope we have a child as talented and dedicated as you are."

"That's assumin' we're actually still a couple," Soshiro quipped. "I could hear you laughin' at Kafka's joke from across the building. Whatever did he tell you that was so funny, sweetness?"

"Kafka-san here was just saying how cool you would look grizzled with a beard all over your handsome, handsome mug," you shot back at him as you gently gripped his chin to force him to face you. "But don't worry, sweetness, I like you just the way you are now."

Kikoru's hands flew to her mouth as her face suddenly flushed. H-How lovey-dovey of them!

"You're already plenty menacing with that sly look of yours," you continued, before slapping the table so hard that it surprised both Kafka and Kikoru, who were staring in awe at just how affectionate their superiors were being. "Now eat, eat, eat up, our little fledgelings! Eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising are key to living long! Let's not miss out on even one of those!"

Soshiro smiled as you ate your fill along with your favourite new recruits, though he'd never hear you say that out loud. Being a power couple never appealed to him because all that mattered to him were saving lives and staying alive— to be able to live in the future you were all so earnestly fighting for.

I suppose having someone to proudly stand next to isn't such a bad idea.

[scoupsakakitty]

Beautiful | idol!Hoshi x idolxReader | angst, fluff

Tw: weight loss, not feeling enough

The rain poured relentlessly, blurring the neon lights of Seoul into streaks of color as Hoshi stood outside the apartment building. His fingers clenched around the umbrella handle, though he wasn’t sure why he had bothered bringing it. He was already soaked, and something about the cold seemed fitting.

He hesitated before pressing the buzzer.

Silence.

Then, a static-laced voice: "Who is it?"

Hearing her voice after all this time nearly broke him. "It’s me."

A long pause. Too long.

"Go home, Soonyoung."

He swallowed. "I just want to see you. Please."

"Don’t you have something better to do? Like catching a flight to Japan?" she said bitterly.

"I’ll take the next flight," he replied without hesitation. "You’re more important."

More silence, then a click. The door unlocked. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and stepped inside.

Y/N was thinner than he remembered. The weight loss was noticeable even under the oversized hoodie she wore, sleeves pulled over trembling fingers. Her once-bright eyes were dull, lips slightly chapped, the kind of exhaustion that no amount of sleep could fix settled deep in her features.

Seeing her like this made his chest tighten. This wasn’t the Y/N he knew.

"You shouldn’t be here," she said, voice barely above a whisper.

Hoshi ignored the warning, stepping inside fully. "I had to see you. I had to know if you were okay."

She let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through her tangled hair. "Do I look okay to you?"

No. She looked like she had been barely holding on, like she had been drowning in something she couldn’t escape from. And the worst part? He hadn’t been there to pull her out.

"I’ve been watching you… on stage, in interviews, award shows. You’re disappearing, Y/N. You’re hurting," he admitted, voice raw. "Your friend reached out to me. She’s worried. And she thought maybe… maybe I could help."

Her eyes flashed. "And what? You think you can just come back and fix me? That your presence will magically make things better?"

"No," he whispered. "But I can be here. I can hold you up if you let me."

She scoffed. "You left, Soonyoung. And now you want to be my savior?"

"I never stopped caring," he said, his voice shaking. "I never stopped loving you."

That was the breaking point. Her lips trembled, and before she could stop herself, she collapsed into his arms.

"It’s so hard, Soonyoung," she sobbed into his chest. "No matter what I do, there’s always something wrong with me. I’m never pretty enough, never talented enough. Always too much or too little. They find every flaw, every mistake. The pressure is… it’s crushing me."

He held her tightly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Y/N, listen to me. You are the most beautiful person in the world. And not because of how you look. You are beautiful for the way you think, for the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about something you love, for your ability to make people smile without trying."

She clung to him, her breathing ragged.

"I am proud of you," he continued. "I am proud of you for trying, even when it hurts. I wish I could tell you when you’ll finally feel okay again, when your head will be above water, but healing isn’t something you can time. It isn’t something you can measure. But things will get lighter, little by little, as you break through the weight on your shoulders. Keep facing what you need to face. You are getting closer every single day, even if it doesn’t feel that way. And I hope you start to believe that you are worthy of everything you want in this life. You deserve to be adored and cared for in every way your mind, body, and heart long for. You are effortlessly beautiful. You are the embodiment of beauty. Don’t let anyone tell you differently."

She sniffled, pulling back slightly to look at him. "Why do you still love me? After everything?"

He smiled sadly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "The only feeling stronger than my love for you is the ache that comes with missing you. I love everything about you. Maybe too much. But how could I not love that smile, that laughter, those eyes, that passion?"

Her breath hitched, fresh tears pooling in her eyes.

"I hate you," she whispered, voice trembling.

"I know," he said softly, pressing his forehead against hers. "Hate me all you want. Just let me stay."

She let out a shuddering breath and, after what felt like an eternity, nodded against his chest.

Soonyoung held her, his arms tightening around her fragile frame, and for the first time in months, she let herself lean into the warmth she had been missing.

Outside, the rain kept falling, washing away the past, making room for something new.