#im So normal about her u guys dont understand im so normal

[hysteria-things]

hi! i recently found your account, and i js wanna say omg ur so talented, like ur fr my new fav writer. could u maybe write something about a virgin reader, whos only ever fingered herself, and so when matt (or chris but im a matt girl and im being self indulgent about this), and she squirts, and is super embarrassed about it and he comforts her about it? u dont have to, but idk i js think u could do this idea rlly well:)

FIRST TIME

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: soft dom!matt x virgin!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you and matt have been together for quite sometime, but never had sex. he knows you’re a virgin and he’s so patient with you, but now you think you’re ready

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT but fluff!, making out, mini panic attack, praising, p in v, squirting

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,066

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: for anon and @mattsleftnipple03

these were pretty much the same so i combined them! hope you like :)

thank you and love you guys🫶

the pen in your hand scribbles on the piece of paper in front of you as you ponder. you’re in art class and your best friend sits across from you at the big table.

art class is basically a free period because let’s face it, you guys don’t do anything except gossip and draw for fun.

you’ve been asking your friend a series of questions about what losing your virginity is like since she has experience. the only experience you��ve ever gotten was your fingers, and to be honest, it gets old after a while.

you’re not embarrassed about being a senior in high school and still a virgin, but your boyfriend who graduated last year lost his with his ex a while back. you guys have talked about having sex for the first time for quite some time, but you were never ready.

no words can describe how grateful you are for matt. he’s been super patient and understanding with you.

but now, you think you’re ready.

“is there a reason you are asking me these questions?” your best friend asks, raising a brow.

you shrug, your hand still having a mind of its own with the pen. “i’m thinking about going all the way with matt.”

she smiles, genuinely looking happy for you. “oh my god! when?”

“i told him i plan on this weekend.”

“that’s so exciting!”

“yeah, but,” you pause to take a deep breath. “i feel nervous.”

she reaches over to stop your drawing hand. “it’s totally normal to feel nervous. matt’s such a sweet guy. i’m sure if you feel the slightest bit of discomfort, he’ll stop immediately.”

you smile at the mention of your boyfriend. she’s not wrong. matt will do anything to make you feel comfortable. he’s not one to force anything on someone. “you’re right.”

she gives your hand a light squeeze. “let me know how it goes.” she winks just as the bell rings for dismissal.

the rain outside is pattering on the window, you and matt cuddling comfortably on his bed. you guys just woke up from the best nap of your life.

you nibble on the inside of your mouth. “matt?”

“hm?” he hums, picking up his head that was resting on your chest.

“i want to do it.”

he beams at you. “positive?”

you bite your lip in excitement and nod. matt lifts himself to get more serious. “don’t be afraid to tell me to stop, okay?”

“i know,” you reply. he leans in and kisses you passionately with a hint of hunger. he breaks the kiss to take off his and your shirt but goes back at it to unclip your bra.

the skin-to-skin contact felt warm and comforting, but your anxiety is starting to take over.

you try to brush it off until matt reaches for your pants. yanking his hands away, you cover your top half with the comforter as you feel tears start to form.

matt freezes, a hint of guilt on his face. you try your best to take as many deep breaths as possible. “i’m so sorry, y/n.”

he carefully places his hand on your arm and rubs soothingly to calm you down. “n-no it’s not you.” you take three deep breaths before continuing. “it’s silly. the thought of a penis about to be inside of me freaks me out.”

you chuckle along with him, the humor helping you relax. “we don’t have—”

“i want to.” you say truthfully. “i just need a second.”

he goes through different breathing techniques with you until you calm down from your mini panic attack. he asks if you're okay at least a hundred times before you shut him up by kissing him again.

he hesitates with your pants not wanting to trigger you again, but after a beat, he pulls them down with your underwear.

his pajama pants soon end up on the floor with the rest of your clothes. he comes under the blanket with you and pecks you on the temple, grabbing a condom from the nightstand. “so proud of you.” he starts, making you blush. “you ready?”

you give him the okay, and he slowly starts pushing into you. the stretch makes you cringe and hiss, causing him to halt. “hurts?”

you shake your head. “pressure… keep going.”

dampening your lips by licking them, he continues to move. his eyes are dead set on your face to sense any discomfort. you let out a ‘mmph’ when he’s all the way in.

when he doesn’t see any bad signs, he starts moving his hips. you moan softly, the pain turning into pleasure.

“you can go faster,” you whisper, and he does. your nails leave crescent marks on his shoulders as he peppers kisses on your chest, neck, and face.

you squeeze your eyes closed, the softest of sounds leaving your lips. then, your legs twitch, and a watery liquid squirts out of you. your eyes widen, and matt stops the second he notices. “what’s wrong? need me to stop?”

“no. i think i…” your cheeks burn, too embarrassed to admit what you’re thinking.

“that’s okay. it’s completely natural.” he reassures, grabbing one of your hands to interlock with his above your head. “you’re doing so well, y/n. so fucking proud of you.”

he continues to rock his hips, this time pulling out more and thrusting back in a smidge harder. “oh.” you moan, arching your back when he starts hitting a certain spot. “oh shit, matt. just like that.”

he tries his best not to pick up speed to scare you, so instead he keeps the rhythm you’re comfortable with. he grunts, taking the hand that’s not holding yours and placing it on your hip.

the grip you have on his hand tightens, indicating that you’re close when his tip keeps abusing your g-spot.

you whimper, your legs starting to quiver from pleasure. “i’m close.”

“cum, baby. you’re doing such a good job.”

you sigh of relief when your cum slowly starts to ooze around him. matt’s right there with you with just a few more thrusts before spilling into the condom.

the feeling of him pulling out of you makes you wince, but then you two giggle. “i did it!” you say proudly, holding up your hand to give him a high five.

he laughs. “damn right you did.” he takes your high five, followed by a handhold.

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72

[imprettysureicanhearyou]

okay I had the strangest experience because I watched the first 3 episodes and went "this is great! a little silly but thats to be expected, no where near as bad as season 3" and then the last 3 episodes happened !! anyways

thoughts/take aways :

ty for letting them say fuck

aidan gallagher get out of the writers room and get a girlfriend

baby shark, seriously, that was at least 4 years ago

lila character assasination is CRAZY omg. she would never?? do anything with five 😭 her and five have hated eachother this entire time no matter how many years they were in a train station she would not get w his dusty ass

I dont understand how this happened except somehow aidan got leverage with the plot bc the GREENHOUSE?? SHOTS??? ARE LIKE IDENTICAL?? TO HIS WEIRD INSTAGRAM SELF INSERT FIC?? i hate this boy, get ur hands off my tua

also generally the way they have Lila act abt her family??? idk it feels like such a bland plotline to make her and diego hate being parents

the chubby jokes about diego are also crazy

the fives scene was so cringey 😭 i see what u were going for but it literally just gave citadel of ricks it was not good, and the rain man joke.

the plotline of klaus getting kidnapped was genuinely crazy to toss in there and play for jokes, they only acted like it was serious when the guy threatened allison like no he has been sex trafficking the hargreeves on screen for an entire episode

also while klaus being really paranoid of dying without his powers COULD have been a good plot line I feel like they did not do it well and it just ended up feeling like promoting his addiction

that goop ending was really weird, why'd they get gooped, what if they all died normally no goop involved, they window breaking shot was cool just have that massive monster kick their asses why goop

why did they imply Viktor is like treating all the women in town badly in the first episode 😭 viktor has NEVER acted like this. like please let trans men be GOOD men it doesnt men them girly to not treat women like shit

they act like sloan died and then never elaborated on it???

please explore why raymond left allison and fire aidan gallagher

klaus immediately going for the dog tags was actually rlly sweet almost cried

the two seconds of young apocalypse five were the best moments of the whole season

plot holes bc i was gonna be nice but you did this to yourself :

why is everyone calling it marigold like its not just random thing harlan came up with

"power up" THIS IS NOT WHAT ANY OF UR POWERS LOOKED LIKE UNTIL RN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

and fives jumps are purple??? for the reason of ??? ??? why??

and WHY THE HELL DOES LILA HAVE LaZER EYES. ALL THEIR POWERS ARE LIKE THEIRS BUT SLIGHTLY DIF/MORE POWERFUL AND SHES JUST GOT LAZER EYES 😭

why were lila and five living like they were in the apocalypse in that train station when they clearly could pop up and time travel around??? like go up take a shower, time travel to sometime with stores, buy some meat, why are you hunting rats, theres literally a deli in there

also they were in there for SEVEN YEARS and never saw another five until the last episode????

I also really heavily doubt it would take five 7+ years to figure out the train system

also the way allison pours the marigold directly into klaus' wound and it just works 😭 how does it work both by drinking it AND ALSO BY POURING IT DIRECTLY IN A MANS GUNSOHT WOULD

what? was going on w Sy Grossman ?? did we ever figure that out?? did they just kill him off and leave us wondering?? why did he say he was Jennifers dad? was he actually with the Keepers? was he just working for Abigail?? no fucking clue

one of the hargreeves (i think luther) called bens death the jennifer incident in s3,,,, but they did not know the girls name and also allegedly had their memories wiped???? okay,,,

also i thought sparrow ben KNEW jennifer already cuz he had her name in his journal or whatever?? but now he doesn't???

why was she in the squid 😭 ?

honestly im sure theres more ive forgotton but omg, that was not good 😭

[snoopyliker]

thinking about aromanticism in fandom again who couldve guessed im gonna nonsensically ramble dont expect this to make sense

but it really is interesting to experience fandom with a completely different outlook to relationships and seeing how allos react to things

i think one of the more fascinating to watch in terms of fandom was pangili and being like hm. what allos interpret as romantic is interesting. cause for me i’ll see an interaction and im like aww thats so me and (insert friend) and then you’ll go into the fandom its all romantic shipping of the two based off that interaction and ur like hm. and also sidenote i was about to type “Not that i have a problem with the shipping” and like i hate that i have to clarify that all the damn time anytime i talk about this shit. cause u just knoowww someones gonna be like oh so u hate gay ships? u hate? kissing? u hate gays? like no man. its just interesting to witness fandom shipping culture from the standpoint of someone who isnt allo i’d say. so much shit gets said where youre just like thats silly. “that couldnt be platonic” “u dont say that to friends” urrr scope of relationships is so narrow. tell ur friend you’d die for them and adore every detail on their face, it cures all.

even MAN. outside of fandom this is something idk. so fascinating ITS FASCINATING TO SEE HOW ALLOS EXPERIENCE LIFE. i was watching a vlog with a friend today and she randomly went “yeah i get why people think these two are dating” talking about two cc’s in the vlog and i was like huh? cause i just had no clue where that came from and she went “i mean look at how hes joking with her. if i didnt know better i’d assume they were dating too” and to give context these r two cc’s who have been friends for like over a decade and are not dating. stated many times by the ccs themselves. and then i was like oh. the way he joked with her? and then i replayed the interaction and it was like. just how normal friends joke around with each other? and she was like see? and i was like man what the fuck are allos on. obviously thats a scenario with a guy and girl so i feel like naturally people r just more annoying about those friendships and thinking every relationship between men & women is romantic but i was so taken aback. i genuinely could not detect an ounce of anything romantic there…. because it wasnt, it wasnt romantic, theyre friends, it was friends joking around. am i crazy

i think i just dont understand romance or like More specifically amatonormative thinking. its all just so foreign and doesnt make sense in my head. wdymm you cant flirt with ur friends without it being romantic? what planet do u live on?

[cumulo-stratus]

BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

[lovebvni]

tw over sharing 😔😔😔

okay uhm

if u guys DONT know i am QUEER and i dont normally like women (i lean more towards men) BUT I FOUND VIOLET 💯💯💯 HOLY SHIT THAT WOMAN GUYS LEMME JUST

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEE

i’ve also been depressed lately and i’ve… yeah

her bitch mittens can lap me ANY DAY of the week

i apologize for my behavior rn but yall don’t understand

WIFEYEYEYAYAJDNKAS PLS i haven’t even WATCHED arcane yet and i may not have th heart to i just want her so bad i cant even

IM AT WORK THINKING ABOUT HER SHES TAKEN OVER MY MIND

i need to shift is all i’m saying i’m genuienlt abt to cry guys it’s not funny ITS NTO FUCKIGN FUNNY

i haven’t liked a woman in so long and it feels so much more peaceful to like a woman and not a man and not a have to b the one making the first move or anything. i… i just want a break and i want to be held instead of the one holding. i want this so bad

enough being sappy dear god

goodbye

[hydrangeachainsaw]

just answering some asks ^-^

it's been awhile I dont answer asks lol I was going to release this post way earlier but always leave it for later😂sorryy! will tag everyone who asked so they can see <3

Hi! Check if there's any sims 4 package in your mods folder, everytime something like this happens is bc of an incorrect game file. lmk any other issue and have a nice day! :)

@virtualdolls Hii! ^-^ Ofc! it might just take awhile cuz i'm busy with other projects rn but will def make! :D if u find any other creator for caw to do it i'm okay with it too! hope ur doing well too have a great week <3

@sarasccblog heyy :) tysm! I will release another version for that tv next month for advent calendar. I actually should've released the version without antlers in the cozy days set and leave the one with antlers for christmas, cuz it makes more sense but I only noticed that later after posting xD anywayss thank youu!

@bunnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy copypaste ftw lol 🥰😍💗💗i will!! thank youuuuu

you need to set up ur caw framework to be able to see cc there, here's a page explaining https://modthesims.info/showthread.php?t=481967

nope, but I wanna do that eventually :)

@megmeg-chan ty for ur support, i'm glad u like it :3

@marias-assumption 💗

hii! not sure, maybe

sorry i'm not sure what post is that

@pwtti hii! sadly no, i was posting some stuff on cf tho you can find some cc there

hii thanks for letting me know will check it out!

ty already talked to her about it :)

@luyepiaofeng hii it's for both sim 3 and sims 4!

@suteflower Hii Sute! hope ur doing well! yep i'm from brazil, she/her! :) grl you have good memory i don't even remember mentioning that publicly before xD

yep!

@cutebich hii thank u! ofc! will do it eventually there's some more other suggestions i need to make but will def do! thanks!

hii! that's the same tutorial i've watched, it's a bit complicated but give it another try i'm sure you can do it :) also im too shy to make videos sorryyy xD

tysm makes my day to know u guys like it <3

@thesims4babe hii! there's a bottle override for sims 3 too

im not converting anymore ever since i started making my own cc, i only ever convert things for halloween or christmas that i like and that's it (and commissions too) hope u understand! <3

@joshiifox hii sorry for late reply, hopefully you got it working by now. it's working normally here

@francesweyr hii! it's no problem don't worry! petit trianon is a felix conversion, it's been son long i don't even remember how i did that 😭😂 I think I just used the game's walls to support it or used cfe cheat, not sure. but nowadays you can use omedapixel mod to do that easily

@bebefege 😁💗

np! it's my fave <3

@chxm1calkid hii! this ask is so old i already made it but haven't posted it yet xD anyway will post it asap, probably after all the christmas cc

@usermitsuri hi! i advise using the latest blender version, but its okay if ur already using older. I used 2.79 for many years and recently changed to newest version and i prefer it nowadays. anyway, there's ton of tutorials on youtube that's how i learned, just choose something you'd like to make and start. I began doing very simple forms like a teacup, so i'd advise doing something similar. you can do basically anything just searching blender + whatever object you wanna make + tutorial on google/youtube. hope that helps lmk if you have more questions

@aiikrstn iirc there is! tnx glad u like

that's it, will post part2 next:)

[pumpkinsy0]

In honor of me being the first person in my family to stand up to a toxic family member a few days ago can I get some hcs for curly standing up to a toxic family member? Possibly to defend Tim pretty pretty please? Maybe like the complex emotions that come with that as well??

i hope ur ok!!! i was in the same position and bc of my age i felt like they just see me as the more problematic child but WHATEVVVERRRRR the arguing was worth it idc idc im respecting myself and i hope ur doing the same and feeling great!!!! if ur not, i hope u feel so in the future<333 i am rooting in ur corner🗣️🗣️🗣️

ALSO IM SOOOOO GLAD U ASKED THIS BC I NEEDED TO RANT ABOUT A PART OF THIS AT SOME POINT IN TIME🙏🏽🙏🏽

to start off i rlly do think curlys theeeee biggest family man out of the whole shepard family for the simple fact that he doesnt rlly understand that u can have boundaries when it comes to family. not to say that tim and angela DONT value family, ofc they do, but only a small portion of it and thats not something curlys totally down w. out of the shepards hes the MOST hopeful to have one big happy family, hes the only one who deeply loves their mom and while he doesnt love his current stepdad and doesnt love his bio dad, hes still hopeful that at some point his mom WILL find that guy, she will find love and their family will b happy and everything in fall in place!! no matter how many times angela and tim tell him thats never gonna happen and that they should focus on themselves, focus on what theyve got goin on. tim and angela=small family accepters, curly=bigger family wanter basically

personally, i dont think curly will ever stop being a mamas boy completely, its just never gonna happen never ever in a million years, maybe he takes a step back from her and doesnt look up to her as much, but she will still occupy space in his head. so while yea technically he stands up to her when hes older, it wasnt that confrontational, more like a years long battle of acceptance he had w himself, and something tells me thats notttt what u r here to listen to so this will be about curly andddd father figures (minus tim). SO curlys just as suspicious as tim and angela r when their mom gets into a new relationship bc she seems to hop from one guy to another pretty quick, thing about curly tho is hes more open to them!! maybe hes finally “the one”. hes still protective of his family but willing to open up, always telling angela “he could be different”.

wellll for this one guy, he started off pretty well, took care what needed to b taken cared of, payed bills, seemed to care about curly, didnt hit his mom, bare minimum things. he even got along w angela (BARELY, but honestly plus everything else it was a milestone no other older guy has done so hey big bonus points for this guy). the one main problem??? he did notttt get along w tim at ALL, they r always at odds w each other, sizing each other up, talking badly about each other behind their backs (sometimes not, just acting like they werent there) things of that nature. the guy lets call him, idk john (no normal guy is named john, NOT johnny) is hostile towards tim cause HE wants to b seen as “the man of the house” like how tim is, but tim just wonttt give it up!!! tim is just tim, hes not doing anything wrong in this instance, he is genuinely just defending himself which john dont like at all. THATTTT is what makes curly hesitant to fully accept him, curly wants a happy family but he still puts angela and tim over that want at the end of the day, theyre the only thing curly has ALL guaranteed for himself.

everytime john tries to get curly to go against tim it leaves a bad taste in curlys mouth, so he “disobeys” him. tim appreciates it but i dont think he would put it against curly to go w john, he doesnt like it and doesnt agree, he would prefer if curly kept listening to him instead, but he gets curlys just a desperate kid looking to belong, as stupid as he thinks he can b. curlys gonna come back running to him in the end no matter what, thats what hes always done. ANYWAYS it would all boil over at some point when he tries to kick out tim out and it gets a lilllll physical, dishes r thrown, someones thrown outside, and then jacob threatens to kick tim out (like its HIS house mannn😭😭), which sets curly AWF. curlys like a lil guard dog for tim, so as soon as jacob lost all his “control” amongst those kids, he just dipped.

and their mom was sooooo pissed and NOOOBBOODDYYYY took it harder than curly, his mom was going off on him especially bc he was the easiest target to hurt. curly spent weeks looking down on himself for it, for destroying “what couldve been” even though he knew its what he felt like was right!! hes not gonna go on a full blown depressive episode, but he cant look his mom in the eyes and doesnt even come home half the time, at LEAST to sleep. tim and angela have stood uo to their moms shitty bfs numerous times before but this is the first time HES specifically done it, so dare i say, i dont think tim and angela help curly much days after the fight!!! when they do it they move on quickly, but curlys not like them and they dont know what to do, they think hes overreacting and tell him to just move on from it already, whats done is done and hes gone, wallowing wont get him anywhere. they dont mostly feel bad for what curly feels, they feel bad that he feels bad for THIS long

[gallivich]

15 jan

2025 #2

hiii guyyssss just home from schl and i literally dont even have much on my mind so likeeee ill just give u a rundown of my day 😭 im still learninng how to use this stupid app because why did it take me a solid like 7 minutes to find my drafts. im a LITTLE bit stupid!

ughh i have a new teacher for home ec and my old one was one of my faves coz it was practically a free period because shes never made us do work before LOL and i thought id hate the new one cause hes lowkey scary af but hes actually so chill and fun and no seating plan and he actually teaches us BUT IN A FUN WAY TOO. idk is it bad i lowkey prefer him. Dont tell anyone thats a hot take AND HES A PE TEACHER SO WE CAN LITERALLY HAVE NORMAL CLASSES IN THE PE CENTRE like thats so fucking fun liek the big room yess plsss we were learning like cpr too and there were volunteersand it was soooo fucking funny yes why do i actually love this !!!!!!

then in chemistry my fuckign laptop wasnt working so i didjt have the right to do any work :,( so i got like nothing.done AND NOT EVEN BY CHOICE!!! just felt likementjoning i got the most busted one omfg

THEN in pe it was just 1 period so i jsut got to walklaps with my friends and it was so fun i love it. like it was so sunny out and u dont even understand i get so depressed in winter like i cant and the sun hasnt shined in absolutelt ages and i was out walking in the sun and i was WARM. Guys no joke almost started crying like jesus i hate winter so muchhhh anyway pe was good inlove walking with my friends and staring at our crushes together and being physically attacked with balls on purpose by boys. Ya

THEN we had mysic which i also love coz i csn fuck around with a keyboard with my friend anddd ya . Dame class as my crhs aswell so . He was lowkey so antisocial today tho. God word antiscoial makew me laugh honestly YA SO I HAD ITHER CLASSES TOO JUST TOO IRRELEVANT and omfg i lvoe my frineds but my friends friends are SOOO fucking annoying im sorry lkke stop following me around u freakkkkk sorry im so mean omg im just so picky with my friends and i do NOT like them. No actually what am i yapping about im picky THEYRE ACTIVE RACISTS byt my tohr friends is only friends withbthem befause of her stupod boyfriend. So ya

Then i got maccies on the way home and god it tastes so good but feels so bad i feel so fcuking fat after a good maccies ljke i jsut wanna throw it up to feel like clean again ??? Thags weird me acting like i dont shovel shit into my body everyday anyway NOW I WANNA WATCH A MOVIE AND EAT POPCORN BUT IM TORN ON WHAT MOVIR so i might just keep wwthcing glee,,? Ljke obv i love shameless vut i havent ewtched ANYTHING else in like. Way too long. Magbe rewatch little miss sunshine or ermmm bones and all IDKK IDKDIDK OK BYE ill talk tommoz today wasbboring as shit but im not about to stop the grind on the second day so like yeah ! "U shouldnt be trusted with the books u cant read" "What I read" "PFFTTT" Also go buy from free prints its fuckign amazing SOMEONE BUY ME MORE BURTS BEES LIP BALM THE AUTUMN COLLECTION PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLSSSS S goodnight hope tmrs more intresting. So jealous of people whohave like 40 streaks like fuck urself actually (sorry) BYE

natural - shelly

[daenystheedreamer]

OH for the ship grid: i had time on my day off and wanted to see what the most popular gay ships on asoiaf ao3 are (so what is popular when you exclude m/f tags and ships) so the following ten for the meme: aemond/lucerys, alicent/rhaenyra, theon/robb, sansa/margaery, theon/ramsay, renly/loras, jon/robb, aegon ii/jacaerys, tormund/jon, sansa/daenerys can’t wait to see where u place these, peace&love 🫶

HERE MY FRIEND again the makes sense axis is a combo of 'does it make sense in canon' and 'do i understand why people ship it' so if it looks a bit weird thats why 🫶 ship discussions udner the cut mwah

aemond lucerys.... look i get it. i do get it. 1) urge for yaoi 2) there are crumbs you can bake 3) cute actors. i understand. im deep in the yaoi trenches i understand seme uke i get it i get it. but also the idea its like Canon or an accurate reading of either character is soo...... lucerys is not a femme fatale or an ingenue. he is a plot device. and aemond.... aemond's 'obsession' with lucerys is more one bred from insecurity as opposed to yaoi lust. but i do get it. one love to the lucemond people. wish u guys would be normal about the UNDERAGE luke actor. he's an adult now but can we not do countdown shit. weird as hell...

rhaenicent #1 its literally canon. its subtext its textual its openly a part of the narrative. the complex web of sexuality, womanhood and patriarchy that seeps rhaenicent is so compelling. alicent as a lesbian and rhaenyra as a butch/lesbian/bisexual/trans/dragongender are genuinely compelling analyses of the characters. #1 foreva

im normal about throbb now<3 i think in canon the theon bisexual analysis is interesting but not super vital to his character. his sexuality and manhood certainly, but i like throbb more cos i like theon rather than on its own merits.

sansaery ❤️ i enjoy sansaery as a way to explore sansa's character and specifically her as a lesbian. both characters are fun and interesting but its high up cos it has a special place in my heart<3

im not really into thramsay i have no thoughts on it. one love to the thramsays though u guys are warriors. i think it has wayyy more sub/textual basis in canon than throbb

renloras is just canon so i dont have much thoughts on it. its sweet! make me sad. rip babes loras you would have loved gymbro culture.

jonrobb is meh to me idk 🤷‍♀️ theyre fine as brothers and there's not much analysis to be had of their relationship beyond that. one love to the brocons ig. cousincons

aegon x jace is beyond nothing to me sorry 😭 but thats mostly cos im not super into the dance or hotd beyond rhaenicent. i get why it exists but there's little to no basis in canon to bake nor does it have much analysis. one love to the jacegons of course

JONMUND... okay book jonmund is meh whatever but show jonmund is real to me. jon post canon is operating a cozy bed and breakfast with tormund in alaska beyond the wall. one of my fave crackships. he's kissed by fire!

daensa🍋❤️ i love u daensa. very important to my bi!dany and lezzo!sansa thoughts. song of ice and fire 🫶

[aropride]

thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

[cuddlycryptid]

top 25 most unhinged things my roommate did without realizing they were the problem

When i first met Roommate, they complained constantly about their Housemate at the time. Housemate’s two sins were: 1. they left mountains of dishes in the sink for so long, they grew mold, 2. and they refused to communicate at all. 

Roommate tells Housemate gtfo, and gives the empty room to me 

turns out, Roommate leaves mountains of dishes in the sink for so long, they grow mold

uh oh

Roommate constantly refused to communicate at all 

to the point where Roommate’s Boyfriend took it upon himself to start getting the rest of the friend group together like every week to be like “hey guys, so sorry but Roommates having feelings and doesnt want to reach out to yall… but they DO also expect u to fix it  <3” 

rip to us all when BF moved out 💀 doomed

Roommate’s Boyfriend tell Roommate that he experiences polyamorous attraction. Roommate said no u dont !  not while ur dating me :)

it probably didnt help how much BF and the rest of our friend group joked about essentially being in a polycule. oops

like. there was one time when Roommate’s BF didnt text them for a whole day and Roommate started threatening to kill themself. so. they were perhaps a touch codependent

around this time, Roommate and my Best Friend both helped me realize that my GF ignoring my boundaries was toxic- and i needed to leave so i could figure out my own shit*. They both helped me to gather the courage to end things, and talked me through how i would explain it to her. we all hoped Ex-GF would be understanding and we could all stay friends. Ex-GF didn’t take it well.  Roommate then immediately accepts my Ex’s untrue version of events* without asking me a single question- or letting on that they had heard any concerning details that didn’t line up with the version of events that they were literally present for 

*shit i was sorting: i was deeply MentallyUnwell! and realizing i was aro-ace !! and more!

*ex-GF accusations: that i mustve been secretly cheating on her for months with my (also aroace-spec) Best Friend (?)

the next month i hit like rock bottom mental health, fighting to stay alive shit. i told Roommate “hey i isolate when im struggling like this bc i dont have energy to hang out with people, but i love you sm and ill be back! please be patient and dont take it personally if im not around rn !!” and then they took it super personally 

Roommate decided to start Secretly Testing the friend group. Normal and Healthy

(the game was a cycle: Roommate isolates, we reach out, they cancel plans, we check on them, they say theyre fine, they isolate, etc. u know it)

we didn’t know it was a game. we respected boundaries and thus didn’t ~penetrate their walls~ enough

so, despite all the concern and love we sent to Roommate, Roommate decides the group must all be collectively faking our friendship 

the house is now under Guerilla Warfare

Roommate thought they were rlly good at lying, so they thought Bestie and I wouldn't be able to notice that they were mad 

(they are not good at lying)

no matter how affectionate i was, they never returned any warmth. i would asked them if they were ok, if i could do anything for them, and they said they would let me know

The Vibe™ made me rlly anxious around them, but my therapist reminded me i cant assume ppls Upset is Abt Me, and its the other person’s responsibility to communicate that if it is. so. i decided that i would trust my friend to do that 🤡

whenever i lose something, i make jokes about fairies taking it. we were an ADHD house, so we all lost stuff a LOT. Roommate thought the fairy jokes were proof that i was gaslighting everyone 😈

Roommate started keeping my ESA cat Goose locked in their room for hours when i got home, for days at a time. Then Goose got sick.

Roomate kept an endless bowl of my kibble in their room. Goose’s tummy is sensitive, so i asked them to stop feeding her so i could monitor her diet. they agreed

Bestie and I start to find cheap wet cat food in the trash- and it was a brands that Goose had reacted poorly to before. Roommate denies this

we also established that it’s vv bad to smoke weed in the same room as a cat

Roommate would have Ex-GF over multiple times a week for (indoor) smoke seshes, with Goose locked in the room. 

Roommate also denies this, even tho we could all smell it

Roommate took advantage of the fact that I genuinely wanted Roommate and Ex-Gf to still be friends post-breakup

so multiple times Roommate took my weed supplies and lied to me about where they were going 

Roommate knew i wanted the vibe in the house to be mature and neutral, so they figured that was clearance to start bringing Ex-Gf over constantly…to shit talk the other ppl in the house and hotbox the room with my cat

Roommate’s immediate response to being challenged abt anything, was always to try and intimidate the other people- by getting mad, sometimes by slamming things, uk... shit u get from years of mentorship under a toxic parent 

(tbh it was kinda silly bc Roommate’s like 5’1”)

but also all Roommate’s friends are traumatized ppl! so Roommate can successfully bully anyone who is confrontation-avoidant enough

Roommate would boast about how they were fucked up and unhealthy, while refusing to actually go to therapy or take the meds (that they knew helped)

many such cases (ie all the worst ppl u know)

instead, Roommate held one member of our found Family hostage as a free therapist 

Roommate constantly isolated Fam from the rest of the people who loved her by repeating lies and vitriolically shit-talking the rest of us 

Fam asked Roommate to stop, because it was bc it was emotionally destroying her, and Roommate agreed…then immediately ignored her boundaries and continued to make her life a living hell

(Fam is doing better now, but after the War she started to go to therapy (yay therapy!) and Roommate just. never gave a shit about the way that their behavior affected her, or checked in ooh  it makes me so fckin mad)

Fam begged Roommate to communicate to the rest of the friend group. Eventually, Roommate talked to my Bestie- mostly complaining abt how much Roommate resented me, and then asked Bestie to communicate to ME what Roommate was feeling

Bestie told Roommate that they wouldnt do that bc Roommate needed to talk to me themself 

Roommate later was upset because they said they still expected that message to be passed along anyways

so Roommate was sitting there resenting me, thinking that i knew what they wanted me to do, and i was just ignoring it… when i had literally no idea any of this was going on 🙃

8 months post-breakup, after countless hours of self-healing, and many conversations with Bestie about how Bestie understands their own aroace feelings... i started to understand the v aromantic (!) way that i experience love and devotion! …i also realized that i love my Bestie a lot. after talking about it for a while, Bestie and I decide we could be aroace together in a Queer-Platonic Relationship :D !!!              anyways Roommate accused us of lying to everyone, claiming Bestie and I werent actually in a QPR

bc Roommate knew what all QPRs looked like (bc Roommate and their Boyfriend had tried out a QPR for a few months before they started dating romantically). so.  theyre qualified to be the qpr police obv

STILL without communicating to me, Roommate tells a Mutual Friend that if “things dont get better” in the next two weeks, Roommate would evict me and Bestie, making us homeless

Roommate was already planning on moving out in 3 months. theyd rather pay the last 3 months of rent solo than use their words

(also Roommate was lying to us that we were subleasing from them, when we were actually all renting equally, but that’s another story)

Roommate explains to Mutual Friend that, yeah, they hadnt actually TALKED to me, but only bc Bestie and I REFUSED to allow Roommate to communicate

at 2 points earlier that week i had sent them long, desperate texts, begging Roommate to tell me if something was wrong, and that id do anything to fix it. and every time i saw Roommate i automatically checked in. and i frequently reminded them they could always talk to us. but other than that, not at all 🙂‍↔️

in response to this conversation with Roommate, Mutual Friend decides its time for an Intervention

The Intervention 

Mutual Friend said it’d be a Friend Group therapy session- we’d have mature, calm communication, and if anything got heated/emotional at all, Mutual Friend would intervene and break us up

Roommate asked to go first- and jumped into this unhinged monologue 

Roommate was clearly so angry that Mutual Friend was just too scared to reign them in at all, the whole time

everyone in the group just stared at each other in disbelief as Roommate went OFF for 25 min

the speech was full of my ex-gf’s selfish pop-psych therapy talk, too, which made it hard to take seriously… but it was so clear Roommate and Ex-Gf had together fully rationalized all their behavior 👍

via monologue, Roommate explained how, 6 months ago, we had all failed their Secret Test, so they knew we were all Fake 

i was devastated that they felt that way. i  explained it wasnt a lack of love for them- its just that the same month Roommate was Secretly Tested us, was also my Hell Month

aka the month that my ptsd made me nonfunctional , and i tried to kms, and i spent like all my time catatonic from the onslaught of mental angst. so. i wasnt like hanging out w my friends a lot uk

But i apologized profusely, tearfully, genuinely… that i didn’t have the strength at that time to be more focused on my loved ones’ wellbeing, that i didnt realize what Roommate needed, and that i wasnt there for them

Roommate said they refused to accept my apologies

bc Roommate’s mental health was bad too, and they would’ve liked it if we hung out more :(

At the end of the Conversation, Roommate didn’t notice that they had gotten to go on a 25-minute verbal rampage, and everyone else in this “mutual” communication session was too scared to bring up any of the topics that we had prepared

Roommate was always unbelievably defensive, esp when already riled…so everyone else in the group collectively agreed to stay quiet

and we now realized that literally anything we did, no matter how well-intentioned, could be interpreted as a personal attack

we talked it over after and agreed, that trying to share our issues was pointless. itd just add to Roommate’s resentments and undo all the good we just did by letting Roommate let off some anger on us

we had realized that literally anything we did, no matter how well-intentioned, could be interpreted as a personal attack

THAT conversation was what it took for me to realize oooh, i think Roommate isnt my friend lol

After that, when the dish pile started to smell again, Bestie decides they’re not going to keep doing Roommate’s chores. 

In the past when asked about dishes, Roommate would just deny that they used any of the dishes that were sitting in the sink 

(Roommate had their own dishware and pots- Bestie and I were very careful to ONLY use our (red) pots so we knew which ones were ours. and the dishes in the sink were always gray)

this time, Bestie dared to push back on Roommate’s “theyre not mine”, pointing out the color

Roommate got incredibly defensive and denied ever using any dishes or pots, at all, before storming away

(the dish mountain happened to move out when Roommate did)

Roommate starts prepping to move. stuff that belongs to me or Bestie begins to disappear from the common spaces. the suspect list is short

at one point in the move, Roommate showed me their boxes- and i saw my favorite towels on top of one of the boxes. i went and grabbed my towels later and they did NOT like that lmao

Roommate was irate and very aggressive, terrifying Bestie to the point of a total meltdown (which is very unlike Bestie btw)

Roommate accused me of stealing their stuff. i would never, but Roommate insisted that they knew i took something 

when asked what was missing, Roommate admitted that there wasnt anything that they could think of

as i gave my therapist that weekly update, she decided Roommate’s unstable behavior was getting concerning enough that we miiiiiight want to start making plans to escape if we need to, since we couldn’t keep assuming that Roommate would be able to be reasoned with

therapist offered to take my cat Goose for a bit if we needed to move before we found a place for her

then one day Roomate just. left without saying anything. Lol

they didn’t say anything to any of their other friends either, they just. left the state. ppl were coming up to us for weeks following like “wait did u hear Roommate moved??”

Roommate had previously tried to get us to buy all their broken down furniture for like $3k. i had said i didnt want it, so when they left, Roommate just. lugged it all out to the curb jksdfhkjsd

we just brought the good stuff back inside obv, but it was so funny that they put in that much effort

Roommate left behind a polaroid of on old group pic, with Bestie and I’s faces burned out 👍 truly a hallmark of mental stability

the craziest thing is, i genuinely think Roommate always felt justified just doing just the most overtly hurtful behaviors, near constantly...yall should see the list that didnt make it to the internet lmao

so the moral of the story is... idek. if u think communicating is impossible for you, try practicing more. go to therapy. something

[milfygerard]

I too was totally team Travis and dating against type is fun and that's what she wants and it's fun seeing them all the time and a new thing to get into but between him Flippin out openly every six months at his job and seeing em together way too much to the degree her fans relate to her through him (& his team) and the thirst for her to marry this guy just because she's 35 and 'her time is running out' (a fan said that). Not so into it anymore and I hope he doesn't bring his rage while doing his sport home. It feels off. Maybe I'm being a party pooper and excluding myself for no reason but I don't have a good feeling about it.

I hesitate to speculate on any possible actual abusive behavior that could happen. We have no prior allegations of that behavior and while its understandable to think of it considering the track record of NFL players as partners (esp w the issues of long term brain damage from concussions leading to the development of violent personalities) and I dont particularly like his extreme reactions during games either, it is a pretty normal part of competitive sports especially ones as intense and as bro-y as football.

I always find swifties fixation on her partner of the moment a little disappointing though expected bc of how rpfandoms in general and swiftiedom specifically functions on a line between the worlds of celebrity gossip and artistic obsession. I still cant help but resent it a little especially as a lesbian who connects to her art and music in a very different way and so would struggle with this side of it either way. I recognize it really isnt that big a deal but on a personal, emotional level I really do hate the marriage and babies speculation, the centering of marriage like it would be the natural next step or an inevitability for her is deeply exhausting and is why im so disconnected from wider discussions and dont follow some major blogs (though i do have respect for them, especially bloggers like cbhf who do a ton of work logging and updating info during her tours shout out to u girl) to keep my swiftie discussion circle close. The baby stuff especially feels just drenched in misogynistic expectations that i have complained abt in the past just in How its talked abt and especially how travis is placed in that.

And yeah anon it does in fact make me feel a little like a party pooper whose maybe just not used to being around heterosexual relationships in general. I don't date much and most of my friends are also gay so I recognize my view is kind of limited here but also like heterosexual relationships are everywhere all the time forever and i am deeply sick of them and the way women are treated within them both by their partners and by the wider world and taylor swift is like the perfect microcosm to discuss the treatment of women in heterosexual relationships shes like a long term case study.

[joemama-2]

idk whats with all these people coming into your asks telling you they dont like your reader?? all of you do realise that SHE does NOT know satorus pov like YOU do right??? you know the reader is not aware of the full story RIGHT??? have you all forgotten this is a story with multiple characters who all bring their OWN perspective and lived experiences into the situation???

i think reader is very legitimate in her feelings EVEN THOUGH SHE CHOSE TO KEEP KOJI FROM SATORU. yes, that was fucked up. yes, satoru IS condescending towards her EVEN IF HE DOES NOT MEAN TO BE. he IS from HER perspective!! yall need to get off your high horses and understand readers whole life got turned upside down within the span of a WEEK, with everyone circling around her like vultures. which was ONE OF THE REASONS she did not want koji in this type of life!! you are all acting like she is soooo unreasonable for wanting to give her son a normal life, one she was certain satoru would/could not give them. lets not forget that he let reader drown in her own grief over her past miscarriage, and did not fight for her when they fell apart. satoru is no saint either in this story, so im gonna need yall to stop acting like he is mr sunshine and mr perfect who can do no wrong against reader. this is a story about classism, and reader is DIRT POOR and DOING THE BEST SHE CAN and satorus actions are highlighting that what she is doing will NEVER BE ENOUGH whether he INTENDS to or NOT. and reader is ALLOWED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! what dont you understand??

also STOP coming into an authors askbox and keep telling them what you dislike about HER fucking story!!!! what is wrong with you!!!!!

sorry i got heated but its like you are all legitimately only trying to find fault within reader, pretending satoru is just a wittle bittle beby who i just twying to hewp why is weadew madddd 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 stupid poor person being ungrateful right 🥺🥺🥺 towards the man who rearranged HER whole fucking house like he had any right to. would you not be mad someone came into your room and changed all your furniture bc it was not "on par" with their fucking style??? are you kidding me??? THAT IS NOT HIS HOUSE AND NOT HIS BELONGINGS. i would have ripped his head off, personally. reader is much stronger than me for letting that slide. anyway love your story and please dont let anyone tell you how to write it ❤️, sorry about the rant believe it or not i tried to hold back 😔

it’s totally okay! i love your guys’ rants haha. i think the decorations argument was another added on thing that ticked reader off more about satoru. and like u said, it is her home and at the end of the day, satoru had no reason doing that without her permission

a lot of what reader feared for was proved right within just a simple week, hence why she’s even more annoyed by things in her life right now.

i think that bc it still is pretty early on in the story, some people aren’t totally agreeing with what i’m having reader think/say and that’s okay. but i hope that as things progress, everyone likes her as much as they would a friend 😊

and yes!! that’s a big thing too, we’re seeing both sides of the story and perspectives while reader only knows hers. so i do see why it does make some of us more inclined to favor one side over the other.

thank you and i heart u 🫶

[skyteller143]

TILL DEATH DO US PART (3) • C.STURNIOLO

parts: 1 / 2

warnings: swearing, panic attack

authors note: okay guys i’m actually back this time (probably not icl) buttt enjoy this chapter and if there’s anything u think i can improve comment ❤️

____________________________________

after the party the next few days were awkward, every morning me and chris would sit in silence not daring to even glance at ecahother. it was hell. i couldnt even go to my locker without feeling his presence around me, before it was tolerable, now i couldnt handle it.

Ivy didnt remeber what happened at the party because she was so drunk that she ended up throwing all night. the next morning i didnt say anything about what had happened between me and chris because it was nothing, just a stupid dare. he probably doesnt even remember it and im just being weird about it. everytime i see him i want to pounce on his lips and finish what we started rushing to the bathroom and he...

"hellooo earth to y/n" ivy said snapping me out of my thoughts, "are you okay youve been zoning out alot recently."

no. "yeah im fine ive just been really tired"

"well you better get some energy in you, the big hockey games tonight and since you decided to become cheer captain you have to be there" she said rolling her eyes. "i mean its not too bad most of the players are hot and i can just sit back and watch" "i dont understand why the cheerleaders have to go, its not like we're gonna put on some skates and cheer on the ice, its so stupid" i groan rubbing my hand over my face.

we talked for a bit longer before the bell went and then began heading to class. ivy was in a different class so i was walking by myself when some girl bumps into me and as she does she whispers "slut". i turned around to see who it was but it was too crowded. i decided to just ignore it and keep walking, some people smiling at me and some looking and whispering. this was normal to me but today it felt like there was less smiling and more whispering.

my chest began to hurt as i got more and more anxious. what were they saying? why was everyone looking at me? all of a sudden i was aware of every small noise and how many people were around me. i rushed to the double doors at the end off the hallway, they seemed so far away but i knew they were closer than they looked, i pushed the doors open and rushed around the corner. i felt the sting at the back of my eyes and squeezed them tight. most of the time when this happens i could just do some deep breathes and be fine but this time it wasnt working. i leaned agaisnt the wall as my chest kept getting tighter and tighter. as much as i tried to hold the tears back they began to fall and my legs began to shake, i leaned against the wall sliding down it and placing my knees up to my chest. your so pathetic, why am i like this? so many thoughts zoomed throught my mind i couldnt focus on anything. at this point i could barely breathe, my crying not helping in any way shape or form.

i heard footsteps and assumed it was a teacher going on their lunch, i put my head down to embarrased to even see who it was.

just fucking breathe. i tried to tell myself getting more frustrated. ive had anxiety since i was a kid i should be able to help myself in these situations but every doctor or therapist ive seen tells me the same thing, "count your fingers and take deep breaths." clearly they dont understand that its not that easy.

the footsteps got louder as they came round the corner, getting closer to me.

this is so fucking embarrassing i think to myself, pulling my legs closer to me praying that the person walking doesn’t see me. my breathing getting worse as i feel my chest get so tight it feels like someone is squeezing my lungs.

my mind is racing as i try to calm myself down but it isn’t working.

your pathetic.

just give up and let yourself suffocate.

you deserve it.

“are you okay?” someone says holding onto my arm. even tho there close to me it feels as though they are a mile away. i try to swat them off me, lifting my head up to see who it was but my tears are blocking my vision. i try to speak but no word come out, i put my head back down but they lift it back up holding my chin grabbing my hand and putting it on their chest.

“copy my breaths, your okay” their chest starts rising and falling and i try and copy their movements but it isn’t working “it-it’s not working” i stutter out squeezing my eyes shut as if it would make me disappear.

“it is just keep copying me, your fine i’m here it’s just me okay no one else” i nod slowly calming down.

my breathing goes back to almost normal and i don’t feel like i’m going to die anymore. “thank you” i say barely above a whisper.

“it’s okay you don’t have to thank me” they say moving to sit next to me. “my friend has panic attacks all the time so i know what to do, i’ve never had one myself but they always look scary.” they explain just looking down at me as i look at the floor embarrassed.

i look up and see a boy with blonde hair and green eyes, i recognise him but i don’t know him. “you don’t even know me and you helped me i think i can thank you” i say staring at him trying to remeber where i’ve seen him before.

he stands up. “you really don’t have to” he begins starting to walk away “your gonna be late for class”

“wait what’s your name?” i ask him watching him walk away

“gabe”

“bye gabe i’ll see you around.”

————————————————————

i don’t know how i feel about this part but it’s kinda a filler it’ll make sense later

————————————————————

taglist (if you wanna be added js comment and i’ll add you):

@lvr444life

————————————————————

[qualityrain]

ur right and im going to complain abt this for a sec because ppl dont get that the yandere trope is actually very broad. the requirement to be a yandere is very simple actually. its just a character who is obsessively attached to someone which makes them do extreme behaviour. like yeah theres a list of traits commonly found in the trope but u dont need to hit all of them yk. which is the problem. that people see the character and go oh yandere so they will def have [common yandere trait] right??? and disregard canon. anyway im going to rant abt terrible shinpei takes on twitter because im normal about media

the idea!!!! that hes an asshole or mean to people who are not satoko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this makes me wish that the extras are more easily accessible because theres more shinpei interactions with side characters when satoko isnt there. but even then with what we have in the manga hes so normal?????? people r constantly calling him a psycopath and like broo just because he has low empathy doesnt mean he doesnt care. he struggles a lot in like. socialising? with people? in general? and he doesnt care abt ppls lives because of his job and he doesnt care about his either. i think its worse with the contrast of how we see satoko engage with people and shes very nice and kind and it makes shinpei seem worse? either way he isnt mean!!!! hes blunt and very detached but he cares in a weird way!!! he wants people to be happy and to be happy he does what they want!! which leads to things like him saying oh if aoi is sure she wants to kill herself so be it ig. which isnt him being mean its just how he understands things and hes very blunt!!!!

also the way people keep trying to pass hny off as like GIRLBOSS innocent girl x WORST GUY EVER she has to fix!!!! is so annoying. its so annoying. i saw somebody say that satoko puts shinpei in his place and gives 24 as an example like that is the worst example u could use why cant u use 8. 24 is them communicating, coming to an understanding and finding a solution that is not satoko putting him in his place!!! the idea that shinpei is just Bad and satoko has to make him have good qualities is just so bad. i think it completely undermines shinpei saying he likes satoko because she accepted him like she doesnt fix him she doesnt give him good qualities because IT WAS ALREADY THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. shinpeis good qualities are also his bad ones!! hes blunt which makes him seem rude but satoko thinks hes honest!!! hes extreme in doing things which includes violence and willing to drop everything and go fishing if satoko says so!!! he wants people to be happy so he copies and lies to people and also keeps trying to find out what makes satoko happy!!! every change shinpei does is a conscious decision made because he chose to himself!! he wants satoko to like him so he will be better for her!!

NOT TO MENTION THE FUCKIJG. SAYING SHINPEI IS LIKE KIRISHIMA FROM YAKUZA FIANCE. tearing my hair out. hny and yakuza fiance have the same tropes but the core is different!! yakuza fiance is yoshino (fl) and kirishima (ml) trying to destroy each other hny isnt that. when ppl compare shinpei asking satoko to be a prositute to kirishima asking yoshino being a prositute and i start throwing up because kirishima literally tells yoshino to sell her body to make money if not she isnt worth anything. also kirishima wasnt committed from the start!!! shinpei was committed since day 1!!!! he literally says he’ll do his best to be satokos perfect husband!! dont even put shinpei and kirishima in the same sentence dont do my boy shinpei like this he actually respects women

[mithliya]

“HUH??? theres even straight women out there who arent finding sex with men pleasurable, why would a lesbian want to be with a man sexually to begin with? why would any lesbian have "no preference in sexual partners when they're horny" like ur basically saying lesbian boundaries fall apart once we're horny and that just.. doesnt make sense.... if u get horny for men and enjoy sex with men then thats a very blatant sign ur not a lesbian. when im horny i dont suddenly want to have sex with men bc men as a whole are entirely sexually undesirable to me. its not even a neutral act bc its directly me going against my desires & sexuality to do sth like that.”

I think you’ve maybe misunderstood my ask, because I’m on the same page as you on this topic. I do not see why lesbians (of all people!) would want to sleep with men, and I definitely do not think there’s a lot of lesbians having casual sex with men without any sort of pressure involved (like internalized homophobia or forced marriages/rape). My ask was kind of a response to the anon who talked about this topic (it was about her self proclaimed lesbian friend and things she’d read from lesbians online), and I was more or less contemplating the improbability.

I was being hypothetical and just thinking about whether or not it’s even possible to disregard sexuality without any feeling of unease. When I said there’s probably lesbians who do have willing sex with men, it was meant like “describe something, anything, you think is impossible, and there’s at least one person out there in the world who fits the bill”, and I did not mean at all that this is normal for lesbians, hence the “if we’re being hypothetical” that I wrote first thing in that paragraph. (I probably should have swapped out “lesbians out there” with “a lesbian out there” to make my point clearer…)

Also I did not intend to come off as saying that lesbians’ boundaries fall apart when horny — I do not think this at all. I wrote that because I was referencing the previous anon, who mentioned a lesbian friend sleeping with men when horny (paraphrasing: “not chasing it, but not minding it either”), and my point was “is that even possible? to sleep with someone you can never be sexually attracted to just bc you’re horny/they’re easily available/etc.? to not have boundaries in regards to sexual partners’ sex despite your sexuality? that can’t possibly be right?” — the same reaction as you — thus me mentioning various factors that can make lesbians “want to” sleep with men. That’s also why I mentioned early off that maybe there’s a lot more bi people than we think — because I think it sound very irrational to say that there’s lesbians who would sleep with men.

I probably should have worded my previous ask better, so I’m really sorry about that. What I wanted to get across was “it’s not possible for lesbians to sleep with men without there being some sort of internal/external pressure involved, but even if there is a lesbian (who may not even be lesbian) out in the world somewhere who does fit that bill, she will very much be an extreme outlier, and it would still be right to say that lesbians=don’t sleep with men willingly.”

ah thank you for clarifying, i thought you were perhaps debating that it’s possible and saying it could make sense but i wasn’t understanding how what u were saying would indicate that. honestly i cant even imagine that this 1 hypothetical extreme outlier lesbian even exists— like, what would even differentiate her from a bi woman? countless bi women strongly prefer women but don’t mind sex with men and can find men sexually pleasurable or consider men as sexual partners when horny enough. maybe a bad example but i used to watch this show called bad girls club & there’s this one woman who strongly proclaimed to being a lesbian. in one episode they’re in another country on some sort of vacation and she didn’t find a woman to hook up with so she finds a guy and hooks up with him in the bathroom and she says after “oh yup i’m totally a lesbian” (bear in mind this wasn’t even her first time with a man, she made it very clear she was just very horny and wanted to get laid) … anyways.. that woman ended up having a husband and kids and coming out as bi after a couple of years. like i just don’t see why any lesbian in the entire world would suddenly be horny for a man. like men themselves do nothing for us and we aren’t just like… neutral about men and could take it or leave it, we are actively totally unattracted to them. the only cases i can imagine are cases in which the lesbian in question has some serious mental issues or sth of the sort bc it absolutely is not normal nor logical to seek out sex with men when you’re not even attracted to them. when we’re horny, none of our desires will include men. it won’t suddenly make us find men attractive. we won’t suddenly desire penises or heterosexual sex. it’s just completely antithetical to our lesbianism. frankly i even find it hard to believe that any lesbian would be actually neutral about having sex with a man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ very often the lesbians u talk to who claim they were neutral end up expressing visible disgust and discomfort and sometimes trauma symptoms like dissociation.

i think the far more likely scenario is there’s bi women with strong preferences who think bc their preferences for women are strong enough, bc they find men generally unappealing for some reason altho they obviously have exceptions to that (ie there’s some men they’d seek out and feel horny over) they think that this doesn’t count as opposite sex attraction & therefore they’re lesbians. and also the way i look at it on top of that is like.. if the term lesbian refers to women with certain qualities and traits, and you do not fit into that definition, then how can u even be an extreme outlier of the group? perhaps ur not a lesbian to begin with is all.

so, basically, i just don’t think it’s possible whatsoever even if we consider this as an extreme outlier.. that can only be an outlier if we take at face value this person claiming to be a lesbian while actively seeking out men and desiring men. but she’s not an outlier whatsoever when u consider the many bisexual women who are similar or have similar histories