#ill probably delete this later but im just so fucking tired

[hobbinch]

I'm turning into the joker over seeing fellow white non-Jewish leftist friends and acquaintances sharing posts scoffing at the idea that Jews are native to the land currently called Israel and Palestine. Israel's gov't is clearly using tactics from the US Genocide playbook to evacuate the land and dominate its residents. That doesn't mean you can paste American dynamics of Who's Indigenous/Native And Who's A Colonizer directly onto the situation.

You can't absolve yourself of the guilt of being a settler in America by taking it out on Israelis. Some people claiming Jews aren't indigenous/native are saying that because their goal is 0 Jews in Palestine or any neighboring countries. At least do a minute of work to make sure you're not fucking platforming those people.

[stuffedsand]

Why do some milgran songs make me so unreasonably sad

[yukinyaminyato]

.

[coffee-keith]

Wowie I wish I could go back to college where I could do a few nights of bad sleep and be fine. But here I am at almost 30 and had insomnia for a few days and didn't sleep much and it put me into the closet I've been to a crisis pretty much ever.

[just-one-ghost]

Minecraft skeleton save me

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[vilelittlecritter]

Someone please just set me on fire already I fucking hate this

I'm having sooooooo much fun not knowing if something is a genuine issue I have or just some dumbass thing I do because I'm a lazy incompetent fucking dumbass who has no fucking chance of getting into college because he can already barely do the fucking work he's given lolololol

Oh and I'm really enjoying the social isolation!!! I fucking love not being able to feel safe or trust the people I used to be good friends with and can't bring myself to try and actually talk to them!

I'm having such a grand time having people tell me I need to start trying because bitch I have tried and I crashed and burned so I fucking give up! And my parents try saying that I can tell them anything like mf how am I supposed to tell you I've lost almost all reason to live and every day is just another reminder how much better things would be if I just never existed looooool

God I'm so fucking tired. I want to go home

[skiniibuniii]

enjoy my sleep-deprived oversharing <3 prob deleting later

back in the day i had a fun aesthetic blog where i complained about this shit but fuck it at this point. keep it all in one blog. its a fun vibe to just tell everyone how mentally ill and fucked up you are. at this point i think for me personally i used making diff blogs for everything as a way to not seem as fucked up. nahhh mfs imma just start listing my diagnoses at this point. bitches i got bpd autism c-ptsd major depressive generalized anxiety im also not diagnosed w: ednos and csa! idk if csa is actually a diagnosis i dont think it is. grew up in a hoarder home with my narcissistic grandmother and my mother who is just like her but refuses to believe it. my brother has crazy adhd and was legit starting cars and jumping out of windows at 6 so i never got attention. my dad left the picture cuz my mom did heroin. had to deal with cys my whole life cuz of them my mom used to teach me to hide everytime the doorbell rang and if i didnt then id get in trouble. so i took care of her and my brother with no support between the ages of 7-12. started smoking weed with her too haha started smoking cigs at 11 aswell,, anyway moved out w my bf at 13 so i got a break but at that time he was a shithead. hes a great person now, he had been living with an abuser til we moved in with my mom and everyone hears "the abused becomes the abuser" yeah so he hit me a bit and raped me 3 diff times while i was 13-14 and he was 16. but daddy issues and someone finally loved me so i didnt leave. glad i didnt now, im being fr hes a different person now. thats my family and my life. daddy went to jail for manslaughter too if that says anything else about me I AM INSANE I AM A LUNITIC I AM A MALE GIRLBOSS GASLIGHT ME BABY GATEKEEP

im very tired ill probably delete this later

what im listening to while typing this:

[sexdrugsrocknroller]

aight im making a post so i can say im using this shit like an actual diary

right now i have a grandeur of disorganization on my phone (laptop too but thats been a piece of junk since forever, fuck acer), between the basically full storage, mostly from the gallery (as of now i have a grand total of 93k photos. yes, 93 000 photos and videos.) plus my socials are fucked between the excessive saved and liked posts on instagram, same goes for tumblr here and twitter (i dont really use twitter, i only have an account to like and bookmark posts) and the youtube playlists and chronology.

plus my room is all messy with my not enough space for clothes and random papers and shit thrown together on any surface

i decided i dont like that and im changing it.

for the storage, i have already started deleting quite a bit, right now i deleted like 2300 elements but theres a lot more. sad part is that a lot of it is porn, wether drawn or short videos. im not gonna go full monk and delete all of it, though it would be easier, cause some of it i like. not to talk about the amount i already had to transfer on the laptop when i was tired of receiving warnings about the full storage in the last 2 years. i was also thinking of doing a backup of the whatsapp chats on the laptop so i can delete all the data on the phone storage. it would save me like 6 gb but its kinda extreme.

for socials, the solution is the same. tumblr: gradually remove liked posts i dont need to keep saved, and post what ive been keeping to post like i should have. last i checked, i had like 35k liked posts, and again, a lot of it porn. im not sure i want to post porn and erotica on this blog so for now im reblogging it on an alt, hoping it doesnt get deleted again. then ill have to unfollow some of the 4k blogs im following. guess what part of them are?

instagram, im not even going to remove all of the saved posts. its the social i used most to scroll at, i dont have the option to see how many posts i have saved but i dont think it would be an exaggeration to say i have at least a million. yea i know. im just going to get to a certain post i remember saving this summer, once im at that i will probably make another account altogether since i would never be able to clean all of it. i started this on around mid to end january, and as of now im just at mid october. after something like 20 non consecutive hours. yea its bad. it wouldnt be worth it to go past a certain point. better to just make a new one at that time and be more careful there.

youtube, i have the same problem of all social, i open a video just to keep it in the chronology so i can check it later and maybe save it. ive done it far too much. at least youtube is much faster to clean, but again i would never be able to check every single video i have left in the chrono to save at a second moment. thankfully once im done i could just go on settings and choose to do a tabula rasa of it, removing it completely.

twitter is probably also not worth the trouble of sitting thru all the posts i liked as a way of saving them. i probably shouldnt even care about it. this one has the least priority.

saved tabs on the browser? the easiest one by far out of all of it.

my room and the house in general, there isnt any second road, i just have to first remove and throw what i clearly dont need, store away whats left with some degree of order and hope i saved some space, and try to keep clean, plus store things with stricter orders so its cleaner. after my room and things, its time for the rest of the house.

all of this will be slow, gradual, and a major pain in the ass, but it has to be done and i intend to do it.

and all of this doesnt even include having to remake and update my cv and linkedin in preparation for when my contract ends, planning what to do for university between tests and papers and documents needed and all that, and this arguably has higher priority than all of above time and importance wise. but yknow. actually you dont know. even i dont know.

[zahraalgernon]

I cannot be stopped-- I am everywhere djdjjsjejs

[theygender]

*deep breath* *screams*

[butchpeabody]

do NOT rb this or start discourse you will be blocked

[bunnyb34r]

When will god give me a fucking break? 😩

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[lycanr0t]

dont rb /// people see my post about joshua being an asshole and think that i dont adore him and love neku/josh as a ship and think that that post is somehow "proof" joshua should be hated or smthn and im like lmfao im blocking you babe byye

[americanphysco]

existing online is so exhausting the best decision I ever made was deleting twitter n not posting on instagram anymore