#i just still remember the time my dad told me i shouldn’t allow him into my room

[spaceshipkat]

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[fandomsandflyingstingrays]

It took Callum a minute to pinpoint what woke him. The ache in his chest, while acute, was no stronger than it had been when he’d slipped into sleep. The wind rustled the trees outside, but in a way that was gentle and static. A way that made the sharp, shuddering sounds coming from beside him all the more obvious in comparison.

“Rayla? Are you crying?”

He fully expected to push him away, to deny it. 

“Yeah,” she said instead. 

He sat up, and she did too, allowing him to wrap his arms around her from behind and hold her while the sobs wracked her body until her breathing evened and she leaned limply against him.

There was no point in asking why she was crying. But in Callum’s long experience with grief, he’d come to realize that waves were often brought on by different triggers, came to surface in different ways. It wasn’t always a bludgeon that knocked you flat with the overwhelming reality of absence. Too often, it was a million knives, each uniquely sharpened by a different memory or missed experience, all of them ready to cut you in a different way than the last. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“My mom’s moonberry surprise. You can get it at any café in the Silvergrove, and Ethari always made it for my birthday, but no one made it quite like her.” A wet, mirthless laugh tore from her throat. “Isn’t that stupid? She and my dad are gone forever, and I’m thinking about food. I mean— I had years to get over all this after they were banished. I’ve been getting along without them all this time. I don’t know why it’s all hitting me all over again.”

Callum bit his lip, trying to call on the part of him that had been born from a poet, trying to call on the words that would make her feel not only understood but heard. 

“My first memory of my dad is also my last one,” he said softly.

Rayla stiffened in his arms, turning around to look at him.

“It’s actually my first memory ever. Mom told me Dad was holding me, and she was holding him, so we were all together in a knot. It’s really hazy, but I can feel… arms around me, this sense of warmth. This wet breathing— my dad, probably, or maybe my mom crying. And then… stillness.” Callum sighed. “My only memory of my dad was of him dying. I shouldn’t miss him, right? I’ve lived my whole life without him, practically, and I had Harrow to fill in the gaps he left. But there are… times when I want to be held, but no one does it quite right. Foods that my mom says I’ve loved all my life, things he made, that just don’t taste as good as they should. Conversations I have with him when I can’t sleep, even though I have no idea how he’d reply.”

He paused, waiting for Rayla to step on the bridge he’d built between them, to offer her own feelings on the difference between her birth parents and her adoptive ones, the ways grief had crept into her own life. Instead, her response came from an entirely different quarter. 

“Your very first memory,” she rasped, “is of being left.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I told myself I was being so noble, so sacrificing, and I left you. Just like our parents did to us.”

Callum cupped her face and gently brought it to his, pressing a quick, soft kiss against her lips. “No, you didn’t,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “You’re right here.”

Feeling her brow wrinkle in confusion, he pulled back and took her hand, tugging her to her feet. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”

They slipped out of the Nexus’s guest bedroom and into the garden, wrapping their arms around each other as a defense against the chill in the wind. Rayla followed him silently down a stone stairwell, coming to a stop with him when they reached the metal bench at its base. 

“Do you remember this place?” Callum asked.

She nodded. “It’s where we really talked for the first time about what happened to the king.”

“That’s right.” Callum drew her down to sit on the bench, facing him, in the exact position they’d been in two years before. “That day… it was the worst day I’ve ever had, aside from when I found out about my mom. Even worse than the day I read your letter. Because being left by someone is awful, but there’s nothing worse than knowing for certain they’re never coming back. Of course you’re grieving your parents, Rayla. It’s a different kind of loss.

“I was so angry with you when you first came back, because as the years had gone by, I’d begun to believe you were the second kind of gone, and it was almost too much to bear. I thought, if I pushed you away, I wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of pain again. But the day I got the news about Harrow, when I felt like the emptiness inside me was going to eat me alive, do you know the only thing that made me feel better? It was your arms around me. It was knowing that no matter how much pain I was in, I would still have a champion to fall back on, someone brave and kind and devoted who would always be there to help me carry the weight if it got to be too much.” He leaned forwards and kissed her forehead. “And I was right.”

Rayla had started to cry again, and he gently wiped the tears away. “You were always intending to come back, and you did. I never should have pushed you away, and I’m so glad you never let me. I’m so glad you’re still here. And Rayla, I’m going to be here too. Dealing with this, knowing your parents are really gone for good, it’s not going to be easy. It’s always going to hurt. But I’m going to do everything I can to help you bear it, and I’m going to build a life with you around it. As long as we’re together, we’ll find a way through.”

“And we will be together.”

Rayla’s tears had dried, and her voice was fierce. She took his hand tightly in both of hers and pressed a firm kiss against it. 

“No more losses,” she vowed. 

“Been there, done that,” he agreed, and she actually managed a tiny smile.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “I don’t know what comes next. But no matter what it is, I’m going to be right by your side. I promise.”

The corners of Callum’s lips turned up too. “It’s a deal.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he held her tightly, catching her as she’d caught him, as he knew with a glowing certainty they would do for each other as long as they were able. And they stayed there, fortified against the cold, against the ache of lost souls and the terror of distant smoke, until the first rays of a sunrise blanketed them with their warmth.

[bvttoneyes]

My Daddy

Pairing: Sully Family x Sully!Reader, Jake Sully x Daughter!Reader

Requested: no

Summary: After a run in with Avatar’s, your dad says somethings he probably shouldn’t have said and you respond to those things in an unhealthy way

Warnings: Knife mention, talks about slitting throat, 

NOT PROOFREAD

A/N: it was so hard not putting “y’all”. Also tell me why i got butterflies making Jake say “babygirl”/srs.

NOT PROOFREAD, NOT MY GIF CREDS TO WHO MADE IT

You had to be the parent when Neteyam or your parents weren’t there. So when Lo’ak runs off with most the family, you’re the one responsible for anything that happens. So despite you’re protests you have to follow everyone, everyone being: Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, and of course, Tuk. You had Tuk stay closest with you practically the whole time. 

“Bro,” Spider said, “It’s the place where my dad and your dad fought” while they all ran over there.

“No, don’t go ove-” you were cut off by female and male voices from around. 

They were walking up to the tiny building, they looked like Omaticaya, but they were in full camo. 

“Lo’ak contact dad” you said, “Everyone else, Don’t. Move.” 

Lo’ak nodded then after he finished speaking he told us dad said to get out of there. 

So we started going back the way we came. 

“Mom and Dad are going to kill you when we go back you know that right?” Kiri said while we walked. 

“Kiri, not now” you replied Sternly. 

“Guys come on it’s almost Eclipse!” Tuk exclaimed while going far ahead, too far ahead. 

A high-pitched scream is all that's heard before your senses kick back in, those avatar were holding you all. 

You gave the guy with a buzz cut and camo a dirty stare, you knew he was Quaritch. The way he smirked, remembering how your dad described his looks, he was identical. He was just your race now, or at least looked the part. 

He looked at you than your hands. He said with a horrific smirk, “You’re one of his aren’t ya?” 

He then demanded you all to show your hands while each Avatar was holding all of you tight. When he went to Lo’ak and demanded him, you prayed to Eywa he wouldn’t do anything remotely stupid, but of course he did. He flipped the Avatar off. 

“You’re definitely one of his” he mumbled with an annoying chuckle. 

He goes over to Spider, the one that looked human. They had a conversation but you could not concentrate on it. You instead multi-tasked. 

You prayed to Eywa your parents were here and that everyone would get out of here safely, and you watched your siblings. Their body language, what they were saying or doing. Tuk was terrified and upset, most definitely tired as well. Kiri had her eyes closed whispering something, guessing she was praying to Eywa as well. While Lo’ak was giving the Avatar on him absolute attitude, which if your parents didn’t come in that moment you’re sure he would’ve had his throat slit. 

-------

Once you all got “home”, you were prepared to get yelled at. 

Tuk still terrified, walked with your mother to go to sleep. You and Lo’ak standing there ready for your dad to scream at you two. He decided to let Kiri off the hook, knowing she wouldn't have ‘wanted’ to do this, also knowing about what happened to Spider.

“What were you two thinking?! You know that the old battlegrounds are specifically off limit for a reason! Not only that but you brought Tuk?!” He screeched at the both of you. 

“Sir, I take full responsibility of what happened. It was irresponsible of me to do so.” you calmly responded. 

“Yes! It is most of your fault what happened out there! it is your responsibility to watch your younger siblings when no one else is there! Not only that but allowing them to bring Tuk as well?! As well as your siblings put under a knife under your watch?! I’m disappointed in you Y/n. You’re grounded from flying for three months. Go to bed” He yelled at you. 

You headed to bed, repeating what he said in your mind, during this though you heard less angry muffled yelling at Lo’ak. You fell asleep repeating what he said in your mind over and over. 

------- 

In the morning you didn’t remember everything he said. The only thing repeating was “I’m disappointed in you”. You couldn’t get it out of your head. You know what you did was wrong, but you’re father has never said that to you before. It made you feel horrible. You weren’t hungry in the morning. You didn’t sit at the table, not wanting to face your dad again after the events of last night. 

You were lying in bed when you heard footsteps.

 “Go away, I want to be alone.” you groaned.

“Sister, you did the best you could at protecting them. Kiri told me the full story” He calmy told you. 

You turned to face him, tears welling in your eyes. 

“Neteyam, I put my siblings, Tuk especially, at risk! It is my fault they were held under a blade.” You replied with a shaky voice, “Could you please leave me brother..? I would like to be alone”

And he did just that. A couple hours later, you heard footsteps again.

“Neteyam. I still would like to be left alone.” You said slightly annoyed.

“Will you talk to me, baby girl?” Jake responded. 

Your eyes widened, before turning over to your dad, you wiped your leaked tears from your face. You then face your father. 

He takes that as an invitation to come over, “You wanna talk?” 

Your eyes start to well again. “I’m sorry that I’m such a disappointment to you dad” you say apologetically to him. Your tears starting to escape you. 

“oh baby girl, no your not a disappointment. Yesterday, I had some said things I probably shouldn’t have to you and your brother. I was just scared and angry and took out on you.” He explained, “I could never be disappointed in you baby.”

“I love you daddy” you said while hugging him. 

He hugged you back,  “I love you too sweetheart, now come on let’s get you something to eat”. 

[eadanga]

The Royal Romance Chapter 8 Part 3

Hana sighs as she sets down her coco “I can’t believe the things Olivia says sometimes poor Drake”

Maxwells nods “Yeah he usually doesn’t let Olivia get under his skin like that”

“Well I hope he’s alright I saw him go outside but it’s not a good idea to be out there right now I heard there’s a storm brewing tonight what can he be thinking”

Riley looks outside and sees the sky getting dark and the clouds moving He shouldn’t be out there I’m gonna go get him before he freezes to death she stands “There’s only one way to find out”

Hana looks at her shocked “You mean you’re thinking of following him?”

Riley heads towards the door “He shouldn’t be out there alone besides I’m not gonna sleep well if he dies of hypothermia and I didn’t stop him” MC grabs her boots then heads to get her coat

****

Liam walks down the hall as Olivia wraps her arm around his “…So this is piece is over 100 years old my great great great grandfather brought it back from a war he fought and was victorious”

Liam plasters on a grin “Wow fastinating tell me more always love hearing about your history Olivia” Liam looks away as Olivia continues 40th time she’s told me that story Out of the corner of his eye he spots Riley walking down the hall he smiles Damn she’s beautiful even as she walks He notices her lacing up her boots and putting on her coat What’s she doing? There’s blizzard coming why is she getting dressed to walk outside? I really hope she’s gonna be ok then again she’s a strong woman she can handle anything but still

“Liam?”

He snaps out of his thoughts and sees Olivia looking at him “Yes Olivia”

“Are you ok?”

“Fine just a little tired from all the skiing and skating if you’ll excuse me Olivia” He bows “I think I’m gonna go rest up”

“Oh ok I’ll see you at the ball then”

“Of course” He walks away as he sighs Forgive me for that lie Olivia but I need to know if she’s ok He looks around Now if I remember the room with the best view is here He enters a room and walks to the balcony he pulls out a pair of binoculars and spots her heading towards someone Is that Drake? What’s he doing out in this storm? They could die of the cold I hope they’re not gonna be out there for long

****

Riley trudges through the snow and spots Drake in a clearing in the woods “Hey Drake”

He turns around “What are you doing out here?”

“I saw you going off alone in the dark with a storm coming and I wanted to see what you were doing”

Drake raises an eyebrow “So you’re keeping tabs on me?”

“Even you have to admit it’s a little suspicious to be out here taking care of something right now”

“I want to be mad at this but I really can’t maybe I’m even a little impressed”

“What did you come out here to do exactly?”

“If you really want to know you’ll have to trust me”

“Well ok now tell me”

“Here I’ll make it easier for you” He shoves her down on the ground MC falls back sputtering

“What the hell?! What was” She looks up and sees the most star filled sky with shooting stars flying across the sky “Drake…”

He falls back next to her “Yes my lady?”

“This is amazing but no excuse knocking me over” She light punches him

Drake chuckles “Sorry about that you looked pretty tough thought you could handle it”

Rikey raises an eyebrow “You think I’m tough”

“Pretty tough for a noble girl I mean”

“I’m no real noble you know that”

Drakes sighs “Yeah I do”

Riley smiles “Looks like were just in time to see this before the storm hits”

“Yeah I didn’t want to miss it we grew up around royals my dad used to do security for Liam and his brother and my sister and I were allowed to hang out with them Liam and I ended up being really close even though I didn’t have the lineage to merit it” He sighs “Savannah on the other hand got along with everyone she loved living at the palace when we were kids but it got harder when she got older”

“What happened?”

“She…” Drake trails off “It was hard on her I guess she couldn’t take it after what happened with…” He clenches his jaw “I failed her I couldn’t protect her from this place” He sighs “Sorry I guess I’m not ready to talk about it this is the most I’ve talked about it in a year”

“Really?” Riley grins “Does that mean we’re friends?”

Drake scoffs “Friends? I wouldn’t go that far Brooks”

Riley rolls her eyes “Should we call it non enemies then?”

Drake shrugs “I guess I can’t really stop you”

Riley grins “Nope”

They look at the sky a little bit longer till snowflakes start to come down then Drake sighs

“We should head back it’ll be quite a scandal if I let one of the Prince’s suitors freeze to death on my watch”

Riley stands and brushes herself off “Let’s head back shall we”

Drake stands and brushes himself off “Of course”

****

Liam watches and they both head back to the chateau he smiles Glad they’re heading back but they were out there a long time and the snow was starting I hope they don’t get sick or anything still wonder what they were doing out there in this weather I worry about them especially Riley.

****

As Riley and Drake walk inside they’re met by Hana running up to them

“There you are!”

“You’re up late”

“I couldn’t sleep with you and Drake out there in the storm”

Riley gives her a small smile “I’m sorry we kept you up”

Hana grins “Oh I’m just glad you came in before it really started coming down you must be freezing Drake dressed like that”

Drake nods “Yeah I’m gonna go change goodnight ladies” Drake waves as he heads to his room

Hana turns to Riley “I guess we should get some sleep too the Cordornian Waltz is tomorrow after all and we need a good nights sleep to pull it off successfully”

Riley sighs “I don’t think any amount of sleep is gonna improve my chances”

“What do you mean?”

“As Drake mentioned earlier I can’t waltz”

Hana looks at her shocked “Oh dear it is late but I can’t show you if you wanted to”

Riley nods Please teach me”

Hana grins “Lovely let’s go to my room”

Riley follows Hana up the stairs to her room as Hana pushes the furniture aside for dancing she smiles “I appreciate you helping me with this”

Hana smiles “It’s the least I can do after you cheered me up at the masquerade and sorry I didn’t think to ask if you knew it it’s good you have Drake looking out for you”

MC nods “Yeah” She grins “Alright the Cordornian Waltz how hard is it gonna be”

“Depends do you consider yourself a good dancer”

MC smiles “I dance like an angel did take some dance lessons but it wasn’t ballroom dancing”

Hana grins “Oh then this shouldn’t be a problem if you have a good sense of rhythm you shouldn’t have problems picking it up now the Cordornian Waltz is a choreographed dance with specific steps I’ll put on some music and be the prince and well start” Hana plays some music then turns to MC and bows “Ahem Lady MC”

MC giggles “Prince Liam”

Hana laughs “Now let’s get into position put your left hand on my shoulder” She starts guiding her in the steps “This is the box step it’s the most basic movements” They spend the night learn the moves of the Cordornian waltz “And that’s the Cordornian Waltz”

MC grins “I think I got it now you’re a good teacher ice skating waltzing how are you so good at these things”

“My parents have been pushing me to learn all the courtly and social arts since I was very young”

“You must have had no free time”

“Between school dance music and etiquette lessons my schedule was very full my parents excepted a lot” She sighs “They were devastated when they didn’t have any sons so they put all they’re hopes in me everyday of my life has been grooming me to bring fame and fortune to my family by winning some prince or nobles hand for all the good it’s done me after my last engagement”

“If you don’t mind if I ask what happened with your last engagement?”

“Peter was an English nobleman he was well off had an ancestral title and home all the things my parents wanted for our family we’d spend many long afternoons horseback riding and sailing her was very kind it would have been perfect”

“But?”

Hana sighs “But the simple truth was I didn’t love him so when he proposed I knew I had to accept for my parents I tried my best but he became suspicious at our engagement party a month before our wedding he cornered me he asked me if this is what I wanted even though I told him what he wanted to hear I couldn’t hold back the tears he knew me well he knew I was miserable and he was good enough not to make a big deal of it but ugly rumors started to fly about why we separated especially since he got married to another woman shortly after”

MC places her hand on her shoulder “Well let people talk they have their own opinions only you know the truth”

Hana nods “Yeah and now I’m competing for the Prince but it’s not all bad my parents have been pressuring me to spend time with you”

“Why me?”

“Oh you got a special connection to the prince and if I get close to you I can get closer to the prince”

“You’re parents have strategies”

“Yeah but I want you to know I do like spending time with you MC”

MC smiles “Me too Hana it’s good to have a friend here”

Hana grins “It’s funny even though we’re still technically competing against each other we can be friends” They laugh before being startled by the clock striking midnight Hana sighs “We should head to bed”

MC nods “Yeah I’ll talk to you tomorrow”

Hana smiles “Good night MC”

Tags: @mfackenthal @the-soot-sprite @princess-geek @gkittylove99 @indiacater @twinkleallnight @iaminlovewithtrr

[go-river-flows]

Sweet Visions of a flower

Summary: Syulang (OC), an orphaned girl after the destruction of Hometree. She is constanly reminded of this by her amputated left leg and constantly dreams of her deep trauma. Even when she gets adopted by Toruk Makto and his wife, who she resented for over six years before forgiving him.

Part 7 or ?

I don't know how long I was out. I passed out last night. I had a nightmare, the same nightmare that I had for years. I was ten again, lost in the ashen land. Hometree was burning and had fallen. I looked around, dragging my body, a tight grasp on tufts of grass to pull myself along the ground. A pair of blue feet stopped before me, I looked up to see who it was but it was too hazy to see. I could hear my father’s voice, calling out to me in desperation far off into the distance. The na’vi in front of me bent down over my tiny body, the sun broke through the haze. The figure blocked the light. I couldn't see his face.

“Sempul?” I asked the na’vi, “it hurts sempul. Can you make the pain go away? Please? It hurts so much,” I tell the na’vi, voice rasping.

“Hush little one. I’ll take the pain away,” the na’vi tells me. He reaches out and picks me up. And everything goes white.

Third POV

  Jake wakes up startled by the strange dream. He never had such a dream before, it was like it was someone else's, and he was an intruder. Invading another's mind. He had fallen asleep in the healing tent. Remembering yesterday's events he turned to look at his oldest daughter in the cot over. Her face looked like the little girl in the dream. Was that her? Was this a sign from Eywa? Did Eywa allow him to enter her dream? He asked himself. He reached out to her, but was interrupted by Mo’at entering the healing tent. He watched as Mo’at sat by Syulang, applying a wet cloth on her forehead.

“How is she Tsahik?” Jake asked Mo’at. Who hummed lightly.

“Her fever is worsening,” Mo’at said, “I worry for her health.”

  Jake frowned at the news, he was still angry with himself from the day before. He always thought of his people first, before his family. He regretted the way he spoke to his daughter yesterday, he should have been understanding, should have put himself in her feet (legs?). But he was proud of his daughter's courage, she wouldn't be a warrior without it. He was proud of all his children, but was apprehensive to admit it. Sitting up from the cot, Mo’at came to his side, helping him up.

“I should go. I have duties to carry out,” Jake remembered. He couldn't simply lay in bed as the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya Clan. 

“Here, use this,” Mo’at handed him a crutch, helping him stand. This felt familiar, he looked down at his legs. Remembering his human form, being in a wheelchair. Leaving the healing tent.

Making a quick stop at the family tent, he was met by Neteyam who was just leaving.

“Oh Dad, you’re up. Shouldn’t you be resting?” Neteyam asked his father.

“No, I have things I have to do,” Jake patted his son’s shoulder before entering the tent. Kiri and Tuk looked up from where they were sitting, their eyes widened.

“Dad, don't move around too much,” Kiri was quickly by his side.

“Sweetheart, I'm fine,” he smooched Kiri’s forehead. Jake had an overwhelming urge to hold his family, after what happened the day before, especially after Mo’at told him that she was worried about Syulang’s health, after she started having strange visions. He moved to his metal box amongst the woven baskets, opening it he grabbed a rifle and spare magazine, preparing to meet quaritch on one of the floating mountains away from High Camp, though with protection. He had spent a bit of time interrogating the group of avatars the night before, but today was different. He had a family to think about, not just his people. 

“Dad?” Kiri and Lo’ak stood behind him watching what he was doing.

“What's going on? Why are you grabbing a gun? Is there a fight?” Lo’ak piled on, question after question.

“Kids, just stay here,” Jake said stoically. Not wanting to show that he was breaking, he had to be strong for his wife, for his children.

The two started to protest as Jake stood, leaning his weight on the crutch, hobbling to the entrance when two arms wrapped around his uninjured leg. His head shot down to see Tuk, meeting her eyes. Her big eyes stared up at her father, begging him not to leave. She tightly held his long blue leg, latching on like a baby monkey. If not for the situation, Jake would laugh at the sight, he let out a long sigh. Crouching down to Tuk’s height, his youngest daughter spoke.

“Papa,” Jake’s heart melted a bit form his baby daughter’s voice, “I'm scared. Please don't go.” Tuk only knew a little bit about what was going on, her older siblings didn't tell her the whole situation to shield her from trauma. 

  But she knows her oldest sister has gone into a deep sleep. She happened to open her eyes a little last night when she was resting in her grandmother’s tent seeing her mother, father and Neteyam carrying her older sister to the healers tent. She snuck to the healers tent, peeking through a small gap she saw her big sister laying in the cot, her expression was twisted in discomfort as her father collapsed in the cot next to her sister. When her grandmother and a healer rushed in, she silently watched as they began to work on them. She waited until they were done and had left before sneaking into the tent. Silently approaching her sister's side, she looked at her sister’s pained face. Silently praying to Eywa for her sister. She turned to her father, looking at his sleeping face, she reached out when her mother entered the tent again, catching little Tuk in the act. She was carried out and taken back to the family tent, where Kiri was pacing around. Their mother handed Tuk to Kiri and told the both of them to sleep.

  Jake reluctantly stayed. His children removed the weapons from their father. Guiding him to the woven mat, helping him lie down, before piling themselves on top of him so that he doesn't move or get up. To be honest Jake fell asleep almost immediately, his childrens warm bodies calmed him down, though he worried for his oldest daughter, who was currently lying in the healing tent, unsure if anyone was by her side. 

  He was in that dream again, it played on repeat like a broken record. 

  He looked around, he was at Hometree again. The eerie silence as he walked through falling ash, like he was back there again when Hometree was struck by the humans. He walked aimlessly when he heard movement. Looking in the direction of the sound, he saw a little girl dragging her legs. One of them broken, with the bone protruding out the flesh at an abnormal angle. He hurried to the girl’s side. He could hear the girl’s whimpering and pained moans. When a pair of hurried footsteps stopped to his left, he looked to see who it was. Coming face to face with Eytukan.

The little girl sobbed out in pain, panting as a distant voice called out in desperation.

“Syulang! Syulang! Where are you?! Syulang?” the pain evident in their voice. Jake looked around through the smouldering fog, eyes darting around to find the source of the male voice.

“Sempul,” the little girl moaned in pain. Jake looked down to see Syulang’s now older form, her head never raised as she crawled forward calling out again. “Sempul. Help me,” her raspy voice croaked out.

Jake wanted to reach out but Eytukan stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“You cannot help her,” Eytukan said dejectedly, “She has lost herself.”

“What? Why?” Jake questioned Eytukan.

“Eywa is only allowing you to see,” Eytukan said cryptically. Another pair of footsteps came into his view, and he looked to his right, his eyes met Tsu’tey.

“Brother,” Jake whispered out.

“I see you, Jake Sooley,” Tsu’tey greeted.

“I see you Tsu’tey. What is this? Is this a dream?” Jake asked them both, standing up.

They didn't respond, but Tsu’tey looked up to the sky. Jake followed his gaze. His expression shifted into disbelief. There in the sky was an eye.

“The eye of Eywa,” Eytukan affirmed. 

Eytukan, Tsu’tey and Jake could only watch and follow Sylang’s dragging form as she slowly and painfully crawled on the ground, eventually coming to a stop a few metres from where she crawled. Jake’s heart ached for his oldest daughter, wanting desperately to help but Eytukan and Tsu’tey stopped him every time he did, holding him back. The voice in the distance continued calling out. They explained to him that if he were to help Syulang that she would suffer more. The weight of her dream world would grow heavier and more frequent, they fear that her soul would not reach Eywa if and when she dies. They told him that they too have tried helping before, her dream would end, waking up in the real world but whenever she returned to this dream, her pain would grow more intense. She would experience ghost pains in the real world, getting more and more agonising. They don't know why this happens, only the Tsahik would have answers. They came to a hypothesis that if the Tsahik, Mo’at can visit this dream, she might be able to save her. Syulang must be healed from here for her to get better in the real world.

“She has suffered for too long,” Tsu’tey confirmed, their ears perked as Syulang gasped then coughed out. 

“How long has she had this dream?” Jake pressed.

“On and off…” Tsu’tey started to say.

“For over fourteen years,” Eytukan affirmed. 

“Fourteen years?!” Jake yelled out in shock.

“Ever since Hometree fell. Her great trauma was sown from it, deeply rooted into her core. I am merely a part of my soul, attached to her when she dragged my body to the Tree of Souls,” Eytukan explained.

“What about you Tsu’tey? Why are you here?”

“I am not so sure. I think maybe because I was partly responsible for the fall of Hometree–”

“No! That is the sky demon’s fault,” Jake interrupted, “That was my fault.”

Tsu’tey pat Jake’s shoulder assuringly. Syulang started crawling again, but she stopped short before using her right arm to turn herself over. Jake could finally see his daughter’s face. He slipped between Eytukan and Tsu’tey, kneeling beside his Syulang.

“Don't touch her, if you touch her you will wake up. She will wake up,” Eytukan finally said. Jake remembered his words ‘her dream would end, waking up in the real world but whenever she returns to this dream her pain would grow more intense’ and ‘fourteen years’. He wanted to do something, he wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright, but was scared that if he did he would be adding more pain to his daughter. His sweet flower. Syulang was right there, looking at him with reddened begging eyes.

“Sempul, it hurts. It hurts so much,” she whispered out to Jake, her tears never ending. He couldn't hold back his tears, his lips quivering. 

“I know baby, I know,” he was scared to touch her.

“Sempul, don't cry,” before Jake realised, Syulang touched her fathers wet cheek, reeling him into a panic.

Jake woke up at the start, eyes shooting wide open, his eyes met Kiri who was trying so hard to shake him awake.

“–Dad!” Kiri yelled at him. Lo’ak calmed her down, as she panted with sweat dripping down her forehead.

“Dad! We’ve been trying to wake you for twenty minutes!” Lo’ak exclaimed, confusion laced through Jake’s brows. 

“Dad, you talk in your sleep,” Tuk added with slight concern for her father.

His body ached, but he pushed through sitting up and reached for his crutch.

“I need to see Mo’at. Kiri, help me up.”

“Grandmother? Why?” Kiri questioned. The three children helped Jake up.

“It's about your tsumuke,” Jake confessed. The sound of rushed footsteps entered the Sully tent. Neteyam burst through the tent’s flap. 

“Syulang is awake!” was the first thing he said.

As Jake, Kiri, Lo’ak, Neteyam and Tuk approached the healing tent, they could hear distressed wailing and a tender singing voice trying to calm her. 

Neytiri was at Syulang’s side, humming a comforting tune as she applied a cold wet cloth to her forehead. Unaware of Syulang’s nightmare. Neteyam and Spider were sitting nearby with their sister’s prosthetic leg in front of them. Quietly talking amongst themselves. Spider was telling Neteyam about one of the machines in the scientists lab, in the back of High Camp, how it works as explained by Norm and what he saw in the “dream simulation”. He was still spooked by Syulang’s howling pain and the dream simulation that was recorded, when Syulang suddenly woke and started wailing, pulling her left amputated leg to her chest, her tail thrashing around violently. Neytiri recoiled with fear before jumping into action, yelling for Neteyam to get his father.

<–Previous Chapter | Next Chapter –>

[seoll3miwrites]

Doing Time | Criminal Minds S.R

Chapter 7. Gossip

Back to Masterlist

In which Spencer gets roped into watching Twilight Chapter Title: Gossip by Maneskin

Hotch had forced her to go leave for two weeks after her shoulder injury, something she found completely unnecessary. She’s remembers how her protests fell on the deaf.

“I’m telling you sir I’m fine, it’s basically a surface wound.” She’d tried to downplay, hiding her wince when the stitchings pulled slightly.

“Federov it was a clean gun shot through your right shoulder, the EMTs said you were lucky I didn’t hit a major artery.”

“But-“ Hana began to argue before the unit chief cut her off.

“Go home and get some rest that’s an order.”

“Okay Dad.” She’d had meant to mutter it under her breath but it was still loud enough for Hotch to hear.

“Fedorov”

“Right sorry I’m leaving.” 

Now the young agent found herself lying on her apartment couch watching some trashy reality tv, while numb on pain medication. She was in the middle of laughing was an argument started between the main cast on screen when there was a knock on the door.

She grimaced as she slowly stood up and made her way over to the door and opened it find a familiar face.

“Lila!” She exclaimed to her friend, “What are you doing here?”

Her friend smiled brightly before stepping into the apartment holding a large bag. “I’m here to keep you company, what didn’t you tell me you got shot.”

“Im sorry I just didn’t want anyone to worry about me.” She answered as she moved back to the couch.

“You mean you didn’t want any pity?” Lila replied, leaving Hana speechless. “I know it’s how you were raised but you need to understand that it’s okay for you get help from people.”

“I know.” Hana begrudgingly accepted, “What did you bring?” 

“Well usually I’d bring drinks from the club but I don’t know what kinda meds they’ve got you on, so I hope you like herbal teas and shitty snacks.” 

“Aww what would I do without you?” Hana smiled brightly as she sat back down on the couch, “Oh and I forgot to say thank you for those shots the other night, the team was very happy.”

“Of course I always take care of my favourite patrons.” Lila said causing Hana to laugh as she shuffled to side to allow her friend to join her on the couch. 

The two friends sat next to each for most of the day, eating the snacks and had decided to binge a movie Lila had also told Hana to watch. She thought it was okay but was getting frustrated at the inaccuracy when it came to vampire mythology; causing a friendly debate between the pair. 

“You’re thinking about things too carefully!”

“No I’m not,” Hana argued back to her friend, “there’s not practical reason for vampires to sparkle, also why can they see their reflection. At this point they’re more like superhuman cannibals than vampires.”

“It’s a cheesy romance movie, it’s meant to be accurate.”

“Well why direct it so seriously.”

“Shut up and watch the movie.” Her friend responded, followed swiftly by her smacking Hana in the face with a couch cushion.

They watch the rest of the movie with minimal jibes from Hana about the inaccuracies, and were about the watch the second one until there was another knock on the door. The agent was about to rise from the couch but was swiftly stopped by Lila.

“Stop right there, you are injured and shouldn’t move, I’ll get the door.” She chastised as she walked towards the apartment door. 

“It’s my arm not my leg.” Hana responded, “I can move, I just hurts.”

“Yeah sure.” Hana’s friend laughed before swinging the door open. “Who are you?”

The man at the door seemed surprised to see Lila, he cleared his throat before answering, “Hi, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid with the BAU is Hana in?”

“She is.” Lila smirked before opening the door wider to let him in, “Hana you have a guest.”

“Who?” The dark brunette asked and lifting her head up to see who’s there; her smile instantly widened. “Spencer! What are you doing here?”

“I was sent to give some information,” he started, “but I also wanted to check on you.”

“Awww how sweet.” Lila spoke suggestively to her friend. In response Hana waved her hand to shoe her away to the kitchen, her friend put her hands up in surrender but still did as she’d asked.

Once her friend had left the room, she turned back to Spencer and gestured him to set next her on the couch. Surprisingly comfortable in an unfamiliar place, he walked in and swiftly took a seat next to the young agent.

“What do you need to tell me?” She’d asked once he was comfortable.

Spencer took a deep breath before continuing, “Giuseppe Montolo is dead.”

“What?”

“It was during Morgan’s interview today, he uh.” He stopped and swallowed hard, suddenly uncomfortable, causing Hana to reach out with her good hand.

“It’s okay you can tell me.” She soothed, unconsciously stroking his hand. 

Spencer nodded, “He started choking and died in the interview room, they think it was poison.”

“Did he mention anything useful beforehand?”

“Apparently the dirty dozen isn’t a group of people on a hit-list, it’s just one thing.”

She hummed in understanding, “But we don’t know what that thing is?”

“Yeah.” He answered, and hesitated again before continuing, “Do you know what it is?”

“No, it wasn’t a thing when I was active.”  

“Just thought I check.”

“Sorry I was a dead end.”, She joked.

At Hana’s word he straightened on the couch and turned his body to face her, “No, you’re not a dead end at all, I didn’t come to only get information from you. I figured you should be told in person, I mean you did know him.”

“Spencer it’s fine I was only joking.” She soothed him, stroking his hand against in small circles, “Do wanna stay and watch a weird vampire movie?”

“Actually, I’m on leave to for little bit,”

“Oh why?” She asked with minor head tilt.

“Well I’m flying to Vegas on Friday to visit my mom for the week.”

“Oh really? I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”

At Hana’s words Spencer seemed to withdraw slightly and had a small unsure smile on his face, “I hope so.”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” She then realised that question was probably a bit to personal and quickly backtracked with a quiet, “I mean if you feel comfortable tolling about it.”

“No, I mean I don’t mind,” He reassured before continuing, “My Mom has Schizophrenia and she currently in a care facility but the doctor’s say she’s not doing too well, so I’ve took a sabbatical for a few days to go see her.”

“Well that’s very good of you,” she smiled warmly at him, “and I know she doesn’t know me but send her my love when you go.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.” He laughed slightly before chasing the topic, “So what’s the movie called?”

“Well you’ve missed the first one but we’re gonna watch second one which is called…” Hana trailed off, she turned her head towards to shout at her friend, “Lila what’s this movie called?”

In response, Lila made her way back into the living room carrying two bowls of popcorn, “New Moon, is the good doctor joining us?” She asked winking at Hana.

Hana glared at her friend to stop her from speaking, Lila simply smirked back at Hana in teasing. She’d told all her friends about the drunken kiss that her and Spencer had shared, but she’d also sworn them to secrecy; especially when it came to Spencer.

The man himself spoke causing the two friends to look away from their silent conversation, “I hope you don’t mind, Hana asked if I wanted to stay and I’ve actually been given the day off.” 

“Yeah don’t worry it’s fine.” Lila replied as she sat down the armchair to let Hana and Spencer share the couch. “Have you ever seen Twilight?”

“Honestly no, although it has been recommended in the past so I know the general premise.’

Pleased with his answer Lila pressed play and the movie started. The three watched the movie quietly until they got a scene in the meadow where the main characters were lying in the sunlight, at this point Spencer spoke up.

“I thought he was vampire,” he began, “He shouldn’t be able to be in the sunlight.”

This caused Lila to groan, “Not you too, both of you just watch the movie.”

Spencer apologised quietly, and Hana shuffled closer to whisper in his ear. “Sorry about that Lila doesn’t like commentary with movies, if you want you can just tell me if you have something to say.”

And so as they watch the movie, she enjoyed how every now and then he leaned in to whisper a random fact. At one point he whispered a fact so unbelievable  Hana couldn’t help but laugh during a very serious scene, causing Lila to shush them as she watched the TV in interest. 

Each time Spencer would lean over Hana would shuffle just a little bit closer, but after doing this so many times, once the movie had finished and the third one had started Hana was casually leaning into Spencer’s arm that had wrapped around her shoulders.

She turned to Spencer suddenly aware of their close proximity, “You sure you’re good to stay so late?”

“Well it’s only four right now so, yeah I’m okay for another few hours.”

“Good” She smiled at him, before passing him the bowl of popcorn. In return, Spencer took a handful of popcorn from the bowl while smiling back at her. The pair turned back to the screen and chuckled softly as something funny happened in the movie. 

As the film continued, Hana felt her head grow heavy and out of reflex titled her head down so it rested on the good doctor’s shoulder, “Is this okay?”

Jerking slightly at her question, the doctor looked at her before replying, “Oh yeah, it’s okay.” He then relaxed further by fully wrapping his arm around her and pulling her sightly closer.

Hana stayed comfortably in the same position through the remaining movies left in the series, enjoying each time Spencer continuously whispered in her ear. Out the corner of her eye she noticed Lila glancing over towards the two and smirking before looking back at the T.V. Opting to simply ignore her friend’s teasing glances, she missed how every now and then Spencer would glance down at Hana to make sure she was still comfortable, smiling softly and then look back to the screen.

Hana also failed to notice that every time she laughed at something on screen, Spencer would follow suit with a fond chuckle. It was strange how close the pair had become despite only knowing each other for two months but they seemed to just click, and were already so comfortable with each other’s presence.

By the time they’d finished the entire movie series with small breaks in between, it was already half eleven at night and Hana was exhausted. Lila was packing up her stuff and heading to the door.

“Hey are you going to be okay by yourself tonight,” She’d asked her friend before she left, “I know Sasha’s out of town and I don’t think I’m comfortable leaving you alone.”

“I can stay if you want?” Spencer spoke up looking between the two women, causing Lila to smirk again. “Make sure you’re not in pain through the night?”

Hana stop still in surprise at how willing Spencer was to stay over for her; to make sure she was okay. “Yeah,” She spoke once she gotten over her shock, “You can stay as long as you want, I can see if I’ve got anything for you to wear.”

“If the good doctor’s staying then I’m gonna head out,” Lila moved to hug her friend, “Love you Hana and take care.”

“Thanks, Lila Love you too.” And with that she closed her apartment door behind her friend and turned back towards Spencer who was clearing the living room for her. 

“You have to do this you know?” She spoke up causing Spencer to turn to her.

“Do what?” 

“You know…” She paused before continuing, “Look after me, I’m not completely inept.”

“I know but you are injured,” He began “Just going to make sure you’re not in too much pain through the night.”

She was about to reply in thanks but she was cut off when a yawn was forced through her body, “God, I am so fucking tired.”

“Yeah? I can finish up if you want to go rest.”

“Thanks, but lemme grab something for you to wear.” With that she moved into her room, and opened to her bottom drawers where her most recent ex had left some lounge clothes. Pulling a set out she nodded in assurance that they should fit Spencer before gathering them in her arms and heading back out her room. While she found the living room empty she moved towards the kitchen where she found Spencer washing the glasses and bowl the three had used. 

“Hey,” She called to gain his attention, which she did when he turned towards her while still rinsing the last bowl. “I found some clothes you can use.”

“Really? Thanks.” He actually sounded appreciative when he took the small clothes pile.

“I do have another room but it’s my roommate’s and it be weird you sleeping there without me asking, would you be fine taking the couch, it’s pretty comfy.”

“Don’t worry I’m sure I’ll be fine, thank you though.” Spencer replied giving her a small smile.

“Well I’m gonna head to bed,” Hana spoke as she made her way to her room, “Goodnight and thanks  again.”

“Goodnight and you’re welcome.” She smiled widely at him before shutting her door, she then rushed to the bathroom and splashed cold water on herself. She need to get a hold of herself.

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Taglist: @stillhere197

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[loyal04]

Actually offense. The Percy Jackson Tv show had no suspense. Everything was stated out right we never got to wonder or be suspicious/surprised because everything was stated. Some Examples Medusa, The fates, Furies, EVEN CRUSTY FOR GODS SAKES. There was no build up, even the Summer solstice failed. It was supposed to be a DEADLINE but they went passed it and brushed that off in one convo with Zeus. Hades complete mood switch???? Why was Athena so petty?? Like yes Athena is most likely petty but she wouldn’t take a risk like that its, NOT smart.

Dont get me started on the last episode Traitor reveal. NO SUSPENSE No dramatic drop just. “Your the lightning thief..” LIKE BRO WHAT WHERES MY 60 SECONDS.

Im sorry to say this but I wasn’t content or happy with the tv show. Even the Cgi was weird and the fighting was terrible. The sparing they did with Luke and Percy was the best fight scene in that while show… and that is just sad. Even the fight with ARES was underwhelming. Im hoping they’ll take this criticism and really change that for season two I want dramatic drops, build up, TIME TO BREATH. MAYBE EVEN A LONG FIGHT? They drop so much lore and so fast you don’t have time to digest.

Im pissed about the May lore drop WE DIDNT KNOW ABOUT HER UNTIL BOOK 5. ANNABETH WASN’T EVEN ALLOWED INSIDE (or it was just the kitchen I believe) BUT STILL. Annabeth was almost as clueless as Percy if I remember correctly. Even if she wasnt she doesn’t have the right to spill that secret of Lukes like girl what?? Luke shouldn’t have told about Thalia but still at least she was his friend as well but his trauma about his mom was not yours to share also guilt tripping Hermes??

May’s fate wasn’t even really Hermes fault. He tried to talk her out of it and it was Hades who cursed the oracle in the first place. Im just so upset about all the secrets that were revealed early.

The acting didn’t have much emotion or I felt they portrayed it wrong. For instance Percy reacted to almost everything with the same face. The show was way to dry for my liking. Percy jackson is supposed to be funny. Sally kind of seemed like a mean mom iykwim. I mean she just had no patience for Percy at all and it constantly felt like she was guilt tripping him… no just me??? I get that shes a struggling and single parent but Whattt???? She’s supposed to be supportive, kind and loving. If I met that sally I wouldn’t expect her to sit me down in her kitchen offering us a blanket and cookies.

THEY DID GABE FOWL. They did him so poorly that man did not deserve to die sure he was a dead beat but seriously?? Tartarus would not smell like him. They should have just let him get divorced it would have made sense but turning him to stone?? For what being a lazy, grouchy stepdad??

Gabe in the book was abusive manipulated just a straight up Piece of sewer gunk. He HIT them he abused them and manipulated them into staying quiet. The entire scene with the cops and everything. The guy in the show tho?? He looks like he’d fall over from the raise of a hand bro wouldn’t even be able to throw a punch. He doesn’t even have a job?? He looks like the worst he would do is yell and make fun of you because he’s probably projecting because he’s completely useless but deserving death?? He was more of a nuisance he didn’t deserve to die being divorced and alone forever I can’t understand but seriously??

Also the Percabeth slow burn… they’re pushing it they were just friends in the first book maybe in the second we start getting into it. But seriously the first season? She just started opening up to him in the first book. WE DIDN’T EVEN GET THEIR TALK LIKE UGH WHAT I wanted the Annabeth backstory about her dad but they didn’t have the convo about her going home for the summer we didn’t get into it. They’re overcooking my 5 book long slow burn.

They stuffed to much into too short of episodes that we didn’t get time to breath or get to know our characters. It was just a one minute battles here and there, a few conversations about impending doom and Percy being sad about his mom like. I know I’m being Petty but they should have split most of those episodes into two so we had more time to learn about our characters or digest the info dumps. The first episodes had me reeling I swear my head was swirling. The characters themselves didn’t have time to breath “Oh your claimed by poseidon now you have to go on a deadly quest to find the master bolt everyone thinks you stole but we think hades stole it also he probably has your mom.” Why are they shoving everything in our face. Percy in the books had 3 DAYS to come to terms with his parentage but show percy had like a day AT MOST.

I don’t know, they just could have done so well but they didn’t. I swear Mikey mouse must have tied Rick to a chair no way he said yeah this is amazing or a good script decision. THERE WERE SO MANY PLOT HOLES or decisions that didn’t make any sense.

[graphx]

Hiraeth!Keith oneshot (1)

read it all here!

trigger warnings// suicidal ideologies, war, blood, injury etc. (general Blade of Marmora stuff)

“GIVE IT BACK!”

Kolivan effortlessly dodged once again, Keith’s new sword that felt wrong in his hands barely grazing the long braid he wore that hung behind him. He adjusted his grip with a twist of his wrist but Kolivan simply backhanded him away, his strike not even grazing him.

“Emotions are a luxury we can’t afford,” Kolivan warned as he unbalanced Keith with a simple kick to the back of his knees. “You are attached to this blade; it is all you have left of your world. But that planet is gone, nothing but dust and rubble lost to the empty expanse of space. You must accept that if you are to survive here.”

His bones ached and throbbed but he still got to his feet, charging again like it was second nature. Kolivan punched him and he couldn’t tell where, the impact feeling all too similar to the rest of his body which he was sure was becoming a giant bruise.

With every hit he learned to roll with the impact better, getting up faster and faster, not allowing Kolivan a second to breathe. He punched while he deflected Kolivan’s weapon and missed. He kicked before he striked, learning and adapting based on what he saw Kolivan do. Not that it mattered. Keith hadn’t even managed to land one hit.

Keith had been told all his life by his father that he could do anything if he just set his mind to it. His dad had never lied before but Keith was starting to doubt it all the same. He wanted more than anything in the world, no the universe, to beat Kolivan, to get his knife, the only thing he had left, back and he would spill as much blood as he needed to get it back-

He had convinced himself that the reason he was failing was because this knife wasn’t his, it was similar but wrong, it fit into his hand wrong, it set against his belt wrong, it was too heavy and too light and at the same time, and it was all wrong. Kolivan could be beaten, he could escape, he could go back to a home that wasn’t there if he could just win but that was wrong too.

Keith could listen to his dad’s raspy voice again if he could hit harder. He could watch the sky bleed from twilight to dusk again on the porch if he could just move faster. He could feel wind in his hair and the ground rushing past him on his dad’s bike if he could just win.

A daze had taken over him, a delusional obsession deep in his gut that he believed with every fiber of his being that if he just did enough he could go home. He didn’t want to remember the fleets blocking out the sky, his father’s panicked voice, the tremors shaking the ground, the running, the smoke, the fire illuminating the blue glow of two crescents beneath cheeks as blood mixed with ash and his knife gleamed a little duller.

He had run away from it all, taken to a ship he didn’t recognize, pressed against people he didn’t know, drowning on dry land trying to breathe above the crowd towering over him-

And then Kolivan was there, a firm presence at his side that was wrong. It shouldn’t have been claws against his shoulder, it should have been his dad’s calloused hands. It shouldn’t be a pale multicolored face with a scar that ran down the side, it should have been his father’s with a nick above his eyebrow. He wanted to run, to feel sand under his feet, and run away as fast and far as he could because everything was wrong and nothing was going to change that. 

More than anything he was angry. More than that he was exhausted and he couldn’t run from that anymore as he sank to his knees, gasping for breath. It was a tiny rebellion, to show emotion when Kolivan had just told him not to. He glared up at him with all the fury his soul could produce, only for the taller Galran to kneel beside him.

“What do you want, Keith?” Kolivan asked indifferently, observing him with golden eyes.

“...I want my knife… back… it’s not… yours!” Keith heaved, scrambling to his knees.

“If you defeat me your weapon will be returned to you. But you must first learn how to defeat me. Knowledge is greater than power.” Kolivan stated so nonchalantly like it was simple. “You are powerful, you have survived through many endeavors, but you still cannot win. But you still must do what needs to be done.”

Keith’s gaze followed Kolivan’s blade as he dropped it, the sound echoing as soon as it hit the floor. He stared up in disbelief but he only waited. Keith watched the Blade lose its glow, no longer in Kolivan’s grasp. The insignia in the crossguard grew dark as he looked on impassively, waiting for the action Keith would take.

“You should have killed me by now,” Kolivan said calmly, like he knew Keith wouldn’t move. It snapped him from his shock, lunging for the hilt and crossing it with his own to rest barely an inch from Kolivan’s neck. Humiliation burned under his skin that he had to bend over to reach his height, but he still didn’t move, eyes not leaving Keith’s.

“You are granting me mercy. That was your first mistake,” Kolivan’s form blurred right in front of him and he didn’t even get the chance to nick him as Kolivan swept his legs out from under him. His stance mirrored the one Keith had taken not seconds ago, both swords hovering over his neck. Keith glared down at the swords, meeting Kolivan’s stare without flinching. It wasn’t like he had anything to lose.

“You are not powerful enough to grant mercy. You must permanently deal with your enemies to ensure they don’t hurt you or anyone else. Power is the ability to choose. The Blade of Marmora doesn’t have that option.” Kolivan lowered his sword. “Neither do you.”

Keith was quiet, no longer meeting his eyes. He only heard Kolivan sheath his own blade before setting down Keith’s own.

“Each blade is unique to every member. It is tied to your life force and bloodline. You should make your own in the forgery. Use the Luxite provided there sparingly, it is hard to gather these days.”

Before exiting Kolivan stopped, turning back to him. “Choose a new name. Your previous title has very obvious origins. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that your species is now very coveted by Alteans and Galrans which are currently the most powerful species in the galaxy. If you are to help the Blade of Marmora avenge your planet you must become one of us. Embrace your new duty to the universe… A purpose is a very important thing here. Don’t lose sight of your own.”

It took Keith a while to realize he had even left. The words and empty warnings floated through the empty space of his mind as he laid, motionless, on the floor. What did he want? What purpose did he even have here? What was even the point of getting off this shiny, cold floor?

Keith could have pondered those questions for the rest of his life. He could give up, right here, and never move again. The others probably wouldn’t even notice, if they even cared enough to. Who could blame him? A kid, alone, literally thrown into an unknown universe. The only planet he had ever known was destroyed before his eyes by a war he couldn’t even hope to understand. What could one helpless kid abandoned by the cosmos itself hope to do?

It was at that moment Keith decided he didn’t need hope. His dad had died helping people, and Keith would die doing the same thing. He wanted to avenge his planet, his dad, his home, his memories, even if he had to give up all of them to do it. Remembering would only tether him to the moment he lost it all. He didn’t have time for that. 

He forced himself to move, to crawl, to spite the world itself. The Blade of Marmora wanted to use him? Keith would use them right back to fuel the supernova of rage building in his chest. He would shed all the blood he needed to, enough to drown the stars themselves. He would destroy, maim, shatter and crush anything that got in his way. He would burn the sun itself even if it would only leave him with ashes.

It was enough. It had to be. It wasn’t like he had anything else.

[mezmer]

Does anyone remember the mezmer mom divorce saga?

In 2020 I conceived my daughter in July. Outdoors lol. A month and a half later I took the test and expected it to be negative. Well it was positive, and Johnny and my mom were home at the time. I walked to the top of the basement stairs where my mom was doing some laundry and I told her it was positive. She said, WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

At the time that year she’d been playing World of Warcraft with some friends she met online, which she had done off and on since the game came out. She did voice chat, was in a guild, etc. the night after I got the positive test, she was on voice chat playing WoW, and her voice seemed to be higher pitched than usual talking to a man in her guild. My stepdad, who she had been married to for ten years, just got off of work and he thought nothing of it. I thought it was strange and I had a mysterious and vague premonition. Over the week, she continued playing with the guy and even mentioned him to me in a way I also thought was strange. By the end of that month, divorce was on the table. I held my stepdad while he cried. He thought she was having an affair with her boss and I tried to tell him it was a guy on WoW and he did not believe me. I was very close to my stepdad and he had kept a roof over my head for years; he was a great man. One day, maybe a couple months later after many arguments, my mom jumped in front of my stepdad’s car as he was attempting to drive away from the house. She hung on to the hood and he slammed on the breaks. I was not present but this is what I’d gathered from the situation. She called the cops and he was arrested for DV. Everything after that changed fast. He wasn’t allowed in his childhood home we lived in and my mom took over the house. She took weeks off of work to fly to California to meet the guy she met playing WoW. She took my 10 year old half brother with her. She was terrified of flying, so it was huge that she’d chose to do this. Of course there was a restraining order in place with my stepdad. My mom asked me to watch her three dogs while she was on vacation, so I did. She sent me pictures and went on and on about this guy. Something really embarrassing happened I shouldn’t say. She sent me a video on accident, and this to me showed her brain was experiencing side effects of long term amphetamine use. She has been taking ADHD meds constantly since she was a young child. Her behavior was erratic. Nothing substantial was happening in my own life aside from my progressing pregnancy. Months still passed, and I kept asking her when Brandon was getting the house back. The answer was different but the same every time : I don’t know.

I knew this was going to be bad. I didn’t plan on moving in with Johnny’s family because I didn’t really know them. In the final months of my pregnancy, they told me they were renovating to make a nursery for our child and that was that. I started nesting as you would say, and I started having Johnny and his dad slowly move things out of the house. Keepsakes clothes etc. My mom was reassuring me I’d have time to get those things. I wasn’t in contact with my stepdad who was staying with his father. The divorce was progressing quickly. I was worried and kept taking totes of my grandma’s belongings out of the basement. Oh and, that guy she met? He left her and ghosted her one day. This was probably 75% of the way through my pregnancy. She thought she was gonna marry this guy. Well immediately after she started going on tinder dates with strangers and having me watch my little brother. By now I had moved in with Johnny totally and was about to give birth.

Until finally, my mom was evicted. Cops came with Brandon and told her she had minutes to leave. She called me hysterically crying that they’d kicked her out. I know in my heart of hearts she was aware of an eviction date and I still have no idea why she didn’t tell me what it was. I also still had important things there. Then I give birth, I have my seizures, she continues dating people from tinder, and didn’t spend much time at all with me and my newborn daughter. I don’t know where she stayed, but quickly she found a man to move in with who she is still with now, and she drinks more heavily than she ever had.

The point of this is the remnants of my relationship with my stepfather. He was destroyed by the divorce (they married when he was 24 and she was 34) and he found it difficult to speak to me at all. I was also a fentanyl addict before this all happened and as a substance abuser, our relationship was difficult even then, though we both loved each other and were close family. Well I’d gotten sober and had my baby, and I did reach out and begged him to give any extra belongings of me, mom, and brothers to me so I could keep them safe here. He allowed me to come get two loads of stuff at first. I came and we hugged and talked for a short period of time. One of the loads was mostly literal garbage he’d found in his bedroom that my mom had compiled over that time. He was a busy worker and had little time to go through things, so he stuffed it all in boxes and brought it to the driveway. We lost contact after that.

Until two days ago, my mom called and said Brandon is moving out and he has a few boxes for me if I’d come get it. She gave me his number, I texted him, and I said I can come today, and I did. This time, I brought my daughter and we tearfully talked and hugged each other. He gave me more sentimental items this time. We told each other we loved each other and he met my daughter. He told me he will keep in contact with me now, and that the divorce was really hard on him. I gave him a letter I wrote to make amends for my substance abuse. That was that. It was incredibly intense and I’ve been thinking of it nonstop since then.

[pxmun]

With the help of the boy brothers Tex and Rex, Cleo, Thomas, Holly, and Spencer set out to look for the original house of Sir Topham Hatt's family. During their excursion Gordon, Flying Scotsman, along with Romeo and Darius joined the group, curious about the Hatt family's origin. Both Tex and Rex sat upon Cleo's shoulders, helping the girl and Thomas's crew navigate through the old branch lines. When the bothers couldn't agree on which track to take, Cleo would step in and bring out the map to guide them through the paths. "How much longer is this going to take? Surely finding one house shouldn't take this long." Spencer snottily commented as he puffed behind Thomas. "Spencer, don't be rude! Everyone is working together to find Mr. Hatt's family house as fast as they can." Holly scolded. Spencer felt bad for making Holly cross. The silver engine wanted to have a fun adventure with his friend, but it felt like an impossibility do to how well hidden the old Hatt house was. Harold the helicopter had tried to help out the group earlier, but the trees made it impossible for him to see the house from above. With the sun about to set in an hour, the gang was starting to lose hope and was about to call it quits for the day. Cleo gently rolling up the map to place it back into her bag, when Rex suddenly shouted out. "That's it! Those there are Wendell's tracks that lead to his shed back to the house"! Rex stated. All the engines came to a halt. The boy brothers immediately hoped out of Thomas's cab and rushed over to said railroad tracks. Time had nearly completely hidden the path with trees, grass, bushes, and roots, but there had been just enough to let those with keen eyes know that it was still there. Both Darius and Romeo rushed over to pull away at the covering foliage in an attempt to clear the line, but it was too much. "Great, how are we supposed to get to the house now with the tracks blocked"? Gordon asked frustrated. The group discussed among themselves about what to do. Thomas had suggested bringing Terrence the tractor since his caterpillar wheels wouldn't have difficulty moving through the terrain. Darius thought about getting Trevor the traction engine and seeing if he could help clear the path. As the group continued chatting about what to do, Holly took the time to observe the tracks. It looked rough, no engine would be able to make it by on rails and even on going by foot would be difficult as the landscape wasn't even. With the passage of time the once smooth land had been changed by landslides and weather. While most of the changes looked normal, some parts of the land looked like it had been scarred by something unnatural. Nevertheless, to Holly their surroundings didn't look that different from the trails her and her dads would ride horseback on. That is when an idea had lit up in Holly's head. The girl wheeled herself over to Spencer. "I figured out how we can get through the line to the Hatt house, but I'll need your help." Holly told Spencer. "Certainly, my dear Holly! Just tell me how I can be of service." Spencer responded. Holly took out her whistle, she was remembering how Romeo had used his to change Gordon's size. "I hope this works." Holly said unsure. With a deep breath, Holly blew into the whistle. With a huff and a puff, steam flew out of Spencer's funnel and enveloped the silver engine. The steam had blinded Spencer, he was unable to see what was going on and it began to make Spencer feel uneasy. Luckily, the magic steam began to fade away, allowing Spencer to see once more. The first thing Spencer noticed was all the weird looks the others were giving him. "Why are all of you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face"? Spencer asked a bit concerned. There was stunned silence for a moment, then Thomas broke out into a laughing fit, followed by Romeo and then Gordon. Both Darius and Flying Scotsman were fighting the urge to laugh, their faces blushing bright. "What's so funny"? Spencer asked as he started to get annoyed by the other's antics. Cleo still looked shocked by what she was seeing, nevertheless she spoke up. "Um Spencer, you might want to look down at your buffers." Cleo advised. Spencer took the girl's advice and looked down, only to see a set of shiny black hooves instead of his polished silver buffers. Surprised, the silver engine tried to let out a terrified scream, but instead a loud whinny escaped his lips. Spencer had been turned into a horse! His mane and tail were sparkling silver like his paintwork, while Spencer's body was white as new snow. "Incredible! From what I've read I didn't think engines besides Lady and Wendell had the capability to transform in such a manner! I need to document this for the Earl's archives"! Cleo said awe struck as she brought out her cell phone to record Spencer. Spencer was still in shock, but finally did manage to speak. “Why”? Spencer asked Holly, very confused and upset. “Taking the path by foot would take too long. I thought if we had a horse, it would be a better choice to handle the bumps and quicker.” Holly explained. Spencer could see his friend’s logic, but he was still very uncomfortable with being something else than a steam engine. “How do horses even move with these things”? Spencer asked looking back down at his hooves. “Just move one hoof after the other. I know it's not like your wheels, rods, and pistons, but it’s just as easy. My dads and I would help newborn foals take their first steps back at the ranch.” Holly assured. Holly helped Spencer move his first leg, then the other. Spencer was very shaky at first and nearly fell over, but thankfully Darius stepped in and helped keep the engine turned equine upright. It took a bit of time, but Spencer eventually managed to move on his own. “Alright, let’s get you off the rails.” Holly said. Spencer felt nervous, he had only ever known life on the rails and only ever left them when he was either being repaired or had gotten derailed. Nevertheless, he moved a shacky hoof over. Finding Dinah’s house would mean a lot to Holly and the big silver engine wanted to show her and the others how useful he was. Spencer clenched his eyes shut as he brought his hoof down on the other side of the track and onto the grass. It felt amazing! Spencer never felt something so soft. He opened his eyes to look at the path ahead, from this new angle the view looked like someplace new, and it was breathtaking. Spencer then fully removed himself off the track and took a few steps forward towards the path, feeling much better about his situation. Romeo could see Spencer smiling and decided to add the cherry on top. With her permission, Romeo picked up Holly out of her wheelchair and placed her on Spencer’s back. The silver engine was used to having is crew ride in his cab but having Holly on his back felt very different. It didn’t hurt, in fact Spencer was liking having one person guiding him rather than both the fireman and driver. “Ready to go Spencer”? Holly asked. Spencer looked ahead in confidence. “Ready as I’ll ever be dear Holly, let’s go”! Spencer said enthusiastically. Darius decided to stay and look after the engines while Holly, Cleo, and the guys headed for Dinah’s. The brother and sister climbed up onto Spencer’s back while Tex and Rex rested on Romeo’s shoulders. Once everyone was on Spencer dashed forward into the great unknown.

[klausinamarink]

Conjoined

day 6: Powers

Chapter 1 (also on ao3)

“So how are we feeling tonight?” Dad asked through a bite of his karaage. 

Mom swatted his arm playfully. “I’m feeling a bit disgusted by your behavior, Clovis.”

“But how am I supposed to enjoy this lovely fried chicken you’ve always perfected?” Dad chewed even louder and closer to her face, coupled with chipmunk noises. Mom snorted and pushed his face away. 

“Dis-gusting.” Robin scrunched her nose up.

“Dad, you’re really gross!” Thorn agreed even though half of his face was covered in ketchup.

Instead of joining in, Steve answered the nearly-forgotten question, “Feeling a little nervous, I guess. But not scared.”

“Me too,” sighed Robin.

Dad hummed thoughtfully as he always did, “Well, it’s normal to feel like that especially when you’re both starting school tomorrow.”

“That neither of you will skip or pretend you’re starting next month.” Mom pointed her chopsticks at them with a stern voice. “I still have mini-heart attacks just thinking about what you two did back in Minnesota.” 

“We were terrified freshman newbies!” Robin protested, eyes suddenly wide in mortification. 

“And you’re both starting your senior year. Don’t even try it, honey. Remember the golden rule.”

“I would rather sleep than study for another eight and half months.” Steve frowned, studying his now-empty plate. 

Thorn started stabbing his chopsticks into his karaage so the utensils would stand up like a pair of tiny skinny towers. “I would rather go to my bat cave than go to school tomorrow.”

“Maybe after school if you don’t get homework.” Dad told him.

Their little brother opened his mouth, closed it, and shrugged, “Okay, but if I get homework, I’m gonna get myself rabies and turn into a bat.” 

“Maybe you can find some little bat friends and you will never bother us again.” Robin drawled, to which Thorn responded with an ‘ as if’ sound that every ten year old was naturally gifted in.

“Steve, could you get your brother’s chopsticks off?” Dad asked. 

Steve’s head made a quick jerk to the side. The chopsticks clattered back next to Thorn’s plate like they were never stabbed into the fried chicken. Thorn just rolled his eyes like Steve was showing off again. 

Another normal dinner for the Buckleys. 

—

Seven picked up the board without using his hands. The helmet over his head made a beep-beep . The little metal door over the table opened and another snack slid out. Another chocolate piece, a bigger one this time. Seven took it and chewed it slowly. He loved how it melted in his mouth so he could still taste it even when he was done.

“Now keep the board in the air.” Papa’s voice said from the dark glass wall. 

Seven picked up the board again and held it as he was told. He felt a pinch between his eyes but he ignored it. 

The board hovered and started to tilt down. No, no! Seven kept his hands flat on the table because Papa said he shouldn’t remove his hands. Seven’s eyes welled up, but only with more con-cent-ation.

The board suddenly clattered to the ground. 

Seven slumped, automatically wiping his nose. “I’m sorry, Papa.”

“No need to apologize, Seven. Do I have to repeat myself?” Papa sighed, “But you did very well.” 

Without being told to, Seven picked up the board. Papa said it was made of iron and it was a very strong metal. Seven folded it in half like it was paper. Then he folded it again because he really liked trying ori-ga-mi Papa had taught them last time. But Papa told him to stop and so Seven stopped. After the doctors took the helmet off, Seven was given a small muffin ( a muffin! ) and was allowed to the Rainbow Room.

Nobody was there, not even the nice orderly man. Seven felt relieved because he never was the first one in the room. He sat at one of the tables and ate his muffin. But when he was half-done, the doors opened. Seven froze as Nine came in, walked all the way to the corner, and hugged herself. 

Nine was crying. 

Seven wasn’t sure why he felt bad. He had seen his siblings cry before, even Two. But they were always together when it happened. Seven never seen any of them cry alone before.

He slowly walked over to Nine. She turned to him with a glare. She gulped and said in Seven’s voice, “Go away.” Then she coughed and spat into her hand, wiping the blood off on her gown.

Seven offered Nine his muffin. It was half eaten but it would be enough for her. Nine glared at it but she took it. She sniffed it and took a bite. 

“It’s good.” Nine whispered. Then she cried again, “Go away.”

Seven didn’t go away. He stayed with her. 

—

Steve woke up too early. He was sweating and his head hurt like it usually does whenever he had a dream he couldn’t remember. He slipped out of bed, ignoring the cold pangs when Robin’s arms were no longer around him. They’ve always slept in the same bed since Mom and Dad took them in. Their parents once bought a bunk bed but Steve and Robin refused to sleep separately.

He went over to his desk and pulled out several thick sheets of paper. He turned the lamp on and started folding. 

By the time he finished the fourth butterfly, Robin stirred awake. She said nothing until Steve used the last sheet and had seven paper butterflies on the desk. “Go to sleep, dingus.”

Steve looked out the window. The new house was a little farther from town where there were more trees than houses. Even in the dark, Steve still wasn’t scared of the woods.

But he was scared of something else.

He shut the lamp and hopped back into bed. He offered one of the butterflies to Robin. “I made a butterfly for you.”

She took it and laid it next to her head on the pillow, “Thank you.”

They both fell asleep at the same time.

—

Dad offered to drive them all to school but Steve insisted he would drive himself with Robin and Thorn. Thorn argued that he can bike by himself, but their parents told him that would happen next week.

Steve wasn’t nervous anymore but his fingers still tapped along the steering wheel. He stopped when Robin silently hooked her pinkie around his. 

When they arrived at the school buildings, there was already a great crowd of students flooding in or loitering at the entrance. 

“Woah.” Thorn said, pressing his face against the window. Steve hit a bump and Thorn smacked his face against the glass. 

“Owie, my nose broke!” Robin cried in perfect imitation of their brother, even cupping her nose the same way Thorn does it.

“Screw you!” Thorn kicked her seat to which Robin responded by smacking a hand over his head.

“And now, we are here.” Steve said nonchalantly as he managed to find a good parking spot. If he turned his head, he could see where the middle school building connected with the high school. He casually grabbed both Robin and Thorn’s wrists, stopping their play-fight. “Remember we have to pick you up too, Thorn. So don’t try walking back-” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know!” Thorn escaped Steve’s grasp, grabbed his backpack, and ran out towards the middle school.

“Is it weird to think that this looks bigger than in Elba?” Robin asked as she stepped out of the car. 

“No, you’re right,” Steve agreed, staring at their new high school. He was still getting used to everything new in Hawkins. The new house with their new rooms, the new school, the new roads and stores, and the new faces. 

The two of them stood together, shoulder to shoulder, just watching. Technically, they had about twenty minutes before they had to go inside, but neither of them cared. They could have all the time in the world or even try to freeze time and they would still need to step inside the school. 

Robin held Steve’s hand, rubbing her thumb over the thick leather bracelet covering his wrist. Steve mirrored her, though his fingertips brushed bare skin instead of the smooth leather from her opposite side.

“Do you still have the bad feeling?” Robin asked quietly.

“The one that never went away since we came here?” Steve asked back.

“Stomach in knots.”

“Another nightmare too.”

They were silent for a moment. Then Steve gave out a small whoosh and patted Robin on the chest. 

“Let’s get this over with.” He said, tugging her along. 

They walked into the school, pressed close to each other as not to lose each other in the crowd of loud students.

Another new adventure for the Buckley twins.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

attempting to propose during christmas … and failing with 40!bucky(uou can make it angst Or carter

 pairing: bucky barnes x reader

12 days of Christmas - day 8

Bucky had met her when both of them were 6. She had just moved in and to this day he could remember the red bow that had been wrapped around the ends of her braids, he’d been smitten almost that exact moment. Yet, she couldn’t have been more unbothered by his displays of bravado that seemed to work for his dad. Instead, she just continued to carry around her Alice in Wonderland book under her arm, which looked comically large compared to her small size. He’d spent the majority of his childhood trying to impress her, however, he could never be more than her annoying neighbour. It was during their teenage years that he finally got something, somewhere when he sheepishly managed to steal a kiss from her during a rainy day. Ever since, he’d never thought of any dame or anyone else to be by his side. She was his rock, his favourite person in the whole world.

      - Steve, I don’t think you should continue with this. - she told Steve off as he yet again told them of a failed attempt at getting enlisted. - You shouldn’t go. You could get seriously injured!

      - You don’t understand, Y/N. I want to fight like everybody else. 

      - I’ve heard that speech a thousand times. - she crossed her arms. - It is still a ridiculous speech when you have every illness under the sun.

      - And you think your boyfriend is any better? He’s the one who can’t distinguish a clementine from a tangerine. 

      - They’re both mandarines. - Y/N added. - And this isn’t about Bucky. I worry about you, Steve. 

      - You won’t tell him? - he opened the door to the diner, allowing Y/N to go in ahead. - He will just get up on my business again.

Truth was Y/N didn’t want Steve to go. Not only did she think it was the most irresponsible thing considering he had all the illnesses discovered and probably yet another one but also because she knew how he’d get treated. However, if she listened to her selfish part, she also didn’t want to be alone. It was already hard enough to know at any point Bucky was gonna be shipped off for god knows how long, but knowing she wouldn’t have Steve to console her or remind her Bucky would come back, made her heart twist. 

     - Do my eyes trick me or is that the most beautiful doll in all of Brooklyn? - Bucky sat next to her, his arm immediately wrapping around her shoulder. - How are you, beautiful? Steve buggering you too much? 

      - He could never. - Y/N smiled at her boyfriend. - I’m glad you’re here because I need to go back.

      - Already? Spent all your time with Steve and not with good old me? 

      - You’re already coming by the house tonight. Don’t be greedy. 

      - Alright. Have fun with those brats, doll. I’ll come pick you up after you’re done. 

      - They’re not brats, Bucky. They’re my students. 

Bucky looked at the door, waiting for her to exit the store. Once she was out of sight, he placed the red box on the table. Steve looked at him with amazement before looking down at the box again. If someone had told him his friend, the girl magnet had just placed that offer on the table, he would not believe it. 

     - Is that a really good red velvet box or is it what I think it is?

     - Gonna propose tonight. I’ve had this since Valentines’ Day.

     - And you didn’t propose on the most romantic day of the year? Instead you chose cold, cold December? 

     - Christmas is her thing, Steve. It’s the perfect way. 

     - Did you speak to her folks? I seriously doubt her dad gave you their blessing considering they’re still mad about you breaking their window. 

     - I was being romantic and her folks don’t need to know until she makes a decision. 

     - Bucky Barnes, a married man. Who would’ve thought. 

Bucky was stressed the rest of the day. He’d rehearsed it time and time again and it still didn’t sound right. He needed to do it, he had to do it before something happened, before he was shipped off. He didn’t know when it was gonna happen but he knew it was going to happen and ... he just needed her to know he’d be coming back, he’d be coming back for her. As he walked to her house like he’d done many times, he found himself messing with his tie enough for it to come undone. He’d done everything right, he had the ring, he had the flowers ... how come he felt more nervous than when he actually first got to kiss her? It was a request, a request which she could deny and absolutely shatter him. He knocked on her door, balancing on the balls of his feet.

    - Are those for me? - she smiled as she opened the door. - You shouldn’t have. 

    - Wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. - he handed the flowers to her. - Listen ... uhm ... can you come outside for a second? I want to talk. 

    - Is something wrong?

    - No, no. I ... fuck, I think you’re great and you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever met. 

    - Are you breaking up with me?

    - No. God, I rehearsed this and it’s not coming out well. 

    - BUCKY! - he turned around to see Rebecca running their way. This was not going as expected. - Bucky, there’s a letter for you.

    - Not now, Becca. 

    - It’s important. - she handed it to her older brother. Y/N gave him an understanding smile as he opened the letter.

The moment he opened that letter, he immediately wish he didn’t. His worse fear came true and as he read that letter again, there was no doubt. It didn’t take long for Y/N to realise what was going and it didn’t take long for him to be on that ship taking him away from her. She didn’t say it back then, after all she had to support him and make him calm - however, she could not deny the sick feeling of her stomach twisting as she saw him leave. That feeling only intensified one rainy afternoon to see Steve and a strange man holding a folded flag. 

    - No ... - she shook her head, hoping it was all a bad dream. - No, no. Steve, please. 

    - I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am.

Present Day

This was a terrible idea; he knew it was a terrible idea when he suggested it to Steve. He just needed to see her, he needed to see her one more time before her face eventually faded from his memory, just like that red box which still sat in his dresser. He knew what had happened to her, when he first found her it was too late. She’d been gone for a year when he finally found her and it broke his heart to see that headstone, the photo of her although a bit older. He just needed to see her, he needed to see her. 

    - This is it. - Steve said. - You’ll be ok, Buck?

    - Can’t be any worse than the first time I left. 

He stood there, on the other side of the street where the school she taught at stand. There she was, just like clockwork, exiting the school, smiling at some of the 5 year olds that still followed her out. It would be too cliché to admit the world stopped spinning, but it did. There she was, the love of his life and all he could do was watch. He couldn’t stay, he wasn’t her Bucky anymore. 

   - I’ll give you some time. - Steve mumbled, abandoning his friend in the middle of the street to stare at the only woman he loved. 

He thought about staying, of course he did. He knew Steve was going back to Peggy but Steve hadn’t changed, Steve hadn’t been a monster. He couldn’t stay, it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to love him. Not how he was now. 

   - Buck? - he refused to turn around, instead he heard the sounds of her heels clicking until she stood in front of him. She rose her hand to cup his face, a touch so warm which could break through the ice he’d been feeling since he fell. - You’re not the Bucky I know, are you?

   - Yes, I am. - he muttered. - Just not ... a few years into the future. I, I can’t explain. 

    - What happened?

    - I can’t stay. I ... Things happened, it’s not fair to ask you ...

    - You’re my Bucky. - she cupped his face. - That’s more than enough. That’ll always be more than enough. 

    - I can’t ... I ... - he rose his arm to show her but she merely kissed his hand, giving him a small smile. - You’d be with half a man.

    - I’ll never be with half a man when I’m with you, James Barnes. My Bucky.

[blairwaldcrf]

my words shoot to kill when I'm mad (fic drabble)

Summary:  or, 2x08 if Jenny had overheard her brother Dan yell at Nate.

read/comment on ao3 here

Brought to you by this post of @terrainofheartfelt’s I couldn’t help but add onto awhile back after @strideofpride shared this very haunting, well-written Nate-centered fic. ily both and i’m sorry that i’m not sorry <3

given the rather serious topics, please be warned of the (canon) past-assault mentions

 “How dare you,” Jenny all but screams at him, pure rage as she comes up and shoves him not dissimilar to the way he’d shoved Nate not three minutes ago. “How dare you! You think--,” she pauses to get closer to him so the other people in the hallway won’t overhear, voice still firm despite the lowering. “You think because he’s a hot guy that he was fine? After Vanessa got Blair involved you still thought, what? Everything was consensual? That because he showed interest first he’s not allowed to change his mind?”

 “Jenny--,” he tries.

 “Is that what you think about me and Chuck?” she asks, voice breaking.

 He can’t feel the floor underneath him anymore.

 “No, of course not. I--,”

 “Go to hell, Dan,” she spits back at him with venom. “At least there you can’t inflict yourself on others.”

 Because even before she was Blair’s pupil, she still knew exactly how to hurt him the most.

 He leaves before Vanessa can find him, which he knows is selfish given how she must be hurting over the kiss, but the idea of her finding out exactly what he had said to Nate is too hard to bear. Jenny was right-- Vanessa had told him. She had actually listened to Dan’s suggestion and gotten Blair involved, which he should have seen as a red flag, but their entire world was filled with red flags, fields of them even. His cheeks flush with shame and embarrassment as he remembers his words to Vanessa-- something gigolo something-- and he wants to throw up. Surely vomiting at this point would feel better than the encompassing nausea, but his stomach doesn’t acquiesce.

 Blind ignorance doesn’t excuse his actions, especially when he wasn’t even blind, not completely. He had seen the empty brownstone with no furniture or electricity, had known Anne Archibald was off at some vacation home without her barely eighteen-year-old son. Known that money was needed. Dan simply hadn’t wanted to think about the reality because it was just too fucking dark and depressing.

    When Dan arrives back at the loft, there’s a small mercy in the fact that his dad and Jenny aren’t there. Only Nate, packing the few things he even had to bring over, back into a duffel bag. The dirty blonde doesn’t look up all the way at the entrance, only enough to see it’s Dan, and continues back to the task at hand.

 “It’s fine, Dan,” the other boy says with a weary sigh, but he won’t meet his eyes as he continues. “I’ll figure something out.”

 “Nate,” he tries, voice breaking under the weight of his regret. “Don’t go.”

 “I shouldn’t have--,”

 Nate looks up then, blue eyes still striking despite their resignation. “You think you’re the first to say it? Could have come up with something more original as a writer though.”

 “I wasn’t going after her,” Nate defends again ruefully instead of acknowledging the apology over Catherine. “Jenny. She was just-- she was someone who actually understood.”

 Dan doesn’t find the morbid humor funny. “I was wrong.”

 It’s not meant to be an accusation, but it still hangs in the air between them.

  Is that what you think about me and Chuck?  

“I know. I’m sorry.” Dan says genuinely, and he does know now that his anger is out of the way and he knows Jenny is safe. Nate had been the first to come to him about his little sister last year, concerned about a request for four grand, not trying to play white knight without letting her family know. Dan had been grateful, at the time, even if he hadn’t thought to say so. “I’m over protective and I have a temper, but you know why.”

 “I’m not Chuck,” Nate argues roughly, only now with narrowed eyes and grit in his voice.

 Dan isn’t sure how to word things properly-- he’s done a fucked up job so far tonight-- but he tries to tread lightly as he explains, “Of course not. But the first time you and I ever really spoke ended with you defending him the night after he assaulted her. Telling him not to fight me because I ‘wasn’t worth it’.”

 “So whether it’s fair or not, whether you’re even friends right now or not, I think I still subconsciously associated you with him when I saw you kissing her.”

 Nate looks back down.

 Dan doesn’t nod, just looks away as well, uncertain of how many emotions he’s supposed to show around male friends after a litany of female figures in his life and a musician for a father. “I still shouldn’t have said what I did.”

 “Yeah, I guess when you put it like that I’d be mad at me too.” Nate has chosen to find the organization of his shirts more interesting than it really is.

 “I am trying, Dan,” Nate sounds less deprecating or guarded now. “I don’t want to be that guy anymore.”

---------

"I don't think you were that guy to begin with," he tries to say, knowing he won't be believed. "Fuck, I'm definitely not any better."

[somewhat-sanguine]

and your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking, and dad would dream of all the different ways to die (alienation of affection)

My view of what a “healthy” relationship looks like is… twisted, at best. Non-existent at worst. I could never really tell which one of my parents was in the wrong, and who was in the right. Truth be told, before my father’s stroke in 2013, it did appear to be my mother who was the instigator and the “problem”.

I vividly remember my father, who worked long hours while my mother lied about at home to drink and smoke cigarettes, coming home to try to just give her a kiss on the cheek. It was rejected. She would accuse him of cheating. My father started sleeping on the couch when I was around eight years old, and although my parents tried to say it was because of his bad back, I knew what the real reason was. Alienation of affection. Not from him, from her.

My parents met each other in a newspaper ad, of all places. Both were fast approaching their forties, and I suppose they thought time was running out. My mother was, and still is, a devout Christian. My father is agnostic. My mother, according to her drunken ramblings that I unwillingly paid witness to as a pre-teen, did not believe in any sex that wasn’t for the explicit purpose of procreation. She got her two kids, and he was left in a loveless, passionless marriage. I’m not sure what the game-plan for sustaining a loving marriage and raising well-rounded children was, but clearly it didn’t pan out well. My mother would get obscenely drunk, pass out, and my father would always carry her to bed. His kindness was not returned, not even with so much as a "thank you."

Seeing my mother drink away his money and contribute nothing to the household coloured my view of what a relationship shouldn’t be. Was my father an alcoholic as well? Yes, he was…however he went outside the home and contributed to it. He worked full time while mowing the lawn and doing husbandly duties during the weekends. My mother’s largest contribution was buying McDonald’s with my father’s money for my brother and I. If we were lucky, she would toss some frozen pizza into the oven and call it a night. There were some nights that she would drink herself into such a state that she was incapable of even feeding us. My father was also too drunk at this point to care, as well. I developed a taste for cold, still-in-the-can ravioli that I still crave to this day. 

I have no problem with women who choose to go outside the home and work, I have no problem with women who choose to be proper home-makers and full time child-rearers…but what does seem unfair is when a spouse is allowed to drain their partner of finances while just indulging in their addiction. I’m an addict and alcoholic as well, I get it, to a point. But how could someone look into their hungry child’s eyes, hungry not just for food but for love and support and guidance, and choose to look away from their eyes just to continue to stare down into the bottom of the bottle? How could you reject the man you’ve married innocent advances, especially after he’s just slaved away all day at work for you? When I was with my ex-fiance, I had dinner waiting for him when he came home. I greeted him with a hug and a kiss, I helped him take his shoes off and had the house cleaned and his sleep clothes ready for him. I’m not saying this is how all women should be, or even strive to be. Perhaps seeing how my mother treated my father made me want to go in the extreme opposite direction of how she was. 

I want to be a mother and a wife. It’s one of my greatest goals in life. I find myself to be so very different from my mother, and sometimes I wonder if it’s just my nature or if my upbringing caused me to be so resentful of her, that I try as hard as I can to be her opposite…and that makes me even more ashamed to share the traits of alcoholic and schizophrenic with her. 

I know I am not her. I know I am my own person. I know alcoholism is common amongst schizophrenics, and it doesn’t mean that I am becoming my mother or that I will ever become my mother. But I would be a liar if I said that I wasn’t fearful of it.

[itsfuckinganne]

a better update

it is December 28, 2022 n my year has been a big learning lesson. a lot of it, most of it, really hurt.  I chose myself a lot this year and completed my year’s resolution which is to set boundaries. I honestly dont understand why I took this long to act upon the things I want 4 myself but im not surprised. im a very stubborn person and all I do is deflect by creating a different scenario in my brain. das why ive been in this continuous cycle of getting played by the game and I jus..let it happen. I craved things that were not ready 4 me and it made me realize how I keep repeating it LMAOOO but this year I broke some serious habits and reenforced the comfortability of my space. therapy helped a lot (shout out Tina Merced, you are a very kind woman. u are one of the only people who has figured me out..) and having a positive feedback ab my decisions and how I think helps me understand myself. it felt (past tense/explain later) really good to just focus on what I plan 2 do next year. last year I just really wanted to show up 4 everyone more so I ended up acting upon emotion rather than balancing it out w/ what’s realistic. *I forgot what word 2 use in the last sentence so I went on my phone to change the song and then I remembered. I'm listening 2 defibrillator by smino* 

anyways, yeah this year I showed up for myself even if it hurt a lot to let go and I feel a lil lighter. im guilty of a lot, especially how present I am in my rlsps, and I am still for a bit more, but im doing better and those close 2 me see it. I said this all in past tense because Im a lil hurt right now, but it's just an owie. I allowed myself 2 give someone a benefit of the doubt and I feel as if they abused it a little. I know when I reread this in the future 2 reflect, I'll know exactly what im talking about. rather than feeling sad, im SO disappointed. i was feeling a lil better and I thought that would be okay, but I shouldn't disregard my accomplishments cus they're worthy of celebrating. allowing myself to forgive but just being proven right is horrible. it was a real wake up call to continue my self love journey cus I was getting some where and it was somewhere good. my best friend told me that “I know youre a good person and you do too so u dont have to give people multiple chances to prove that” and it struck hard (but 4 the better). I appreciate the transparency that I have w/ my friendships cus w/o it, I probably wouldn't b able to keep myself accountable, but I have been recently and thats why 2023 is going to be a good year. I wonder what karmic situations im going 2 be in. im not anticipating bad, but I can handle some lessons. im allowing myself 2 learn and thats my true end goal. at the end of the day, im just figuring it out. I dont think im doing that bad, but some reassurance would b amazing. I know I am worthy of everything I desire. to have, to feel, to experience. Im going 2 move forward so I can live better 4 myself. by doing that, taking this time, I can show up better. I want 2 do better, b better, all the things ive imagined myself to b. I cant believe I spent so much time settling 4 what I have cus Im constantly validated. the issues r real. I need 2 tell Tina ab this bcuz it makes so much sense. people pleasing cus nothing I ever did pleased my dad. that shit hurtsss, not gonna lie. but thats what I mean, im learning more and applying what I have 2 in my life and its working. by realizing that the pattern exists bcuz I dont rly speak or ever knew that was an issue. it hurts a bit 2 realize that someone who was a part of my life is now booted out of the next year. in pain bcuz I sat through conversations of him telling me how much he loves me, and how I cld b his polly pocket so he could take me everywhere, and how his family loves me, and all these other things and he STILL ran w/ what he wanted. honesty is the best policy and this lil set up pushed me to let go and let live. I wish I cld cry more, im purging the fuck outta this because I cannot let it repeat anymore. I also learned that some people only last so long in your life bcuz of how you coexist together. cutting ties w/ ppl you used to b family with takes a piece of you that dissipates like the rlsps thats gone. sounds dramatic, but that breakup was horrible. also, my dating life was quite the shit show. had my hinge phase, coworkers phase, toxic situation ship (two of those..at the same time but in my defense I was nvr asked 2 b a gf.), & my celibate phase. I nvr intended 2 dissect but it was rough 4 everyone I know and myself. im blessed enough 2 be surrounded by people who want whats best 4 me cus the goal is something we all agree on. 2022 you helped me show up 4 myself better. 2023 were going 2 show up better for ourselves and those around us. ive realized so much (1:11am , im sry in advance) & Ima share w/ some privacy of course. high school situationships r finally cut and I jus cant believe it but im happy 4 everyone whos living in love. realizing im the problem , speaks for itself. im officially tired. thats an update 4 ya

my fit 2day

goodnight

happy new year

[sammywammybits]

(Long rant/vent) I’m so much like my mother. They comment how much I look like her especially when I put my glasses on. They say I sound like her when I yell…

I yell I yell I yell cuz she yells she gets mad I get mad she forgets I forget. But I’m always in the wrong. I’m always in the wrong. She’s only really apologized once for assuming I took something which I didn’t. No matter what I do good or bad we all get punished cuz we are family. Then my mom turns to us and say “get mad with *siblings name” not me” like… what are you doing you’re the one punishing us for their actions. Do you want us to fight with eachother do you want us to shout and fight do you like yelling at us. Do you really want to slap me like you say you would. Yeah I’m mouthy. I have ODD what do you expect. And no im not taking more drugs to deal with it when I can probably do it… I don’t do pills cuz you say it’s expensive so I feel guilty and don’t take them even if they help. They don’t I just don’t crave food anymore. I turn into a picky eater I couldn’t even eat popcorn cuz it seemed gross I love popcorn but every day I wanted to take the pills hoping that I’d lose weight. But I take after you. I take after you I take after you I take after you I take after you I take after you. My throat is closing up. I want to sob but you taught me to shut it or you’ll give me something to cry about. I haven’t had a proper hug in 3-4 years after my dad died. I want to hang out with you but due to everything you have to focus on the younger twins. And sometimes I feel like you care about the dog more then us… more then me. I failed in life I’m held back cuz of you. You never encouraged me to drive. I’m scared of cars and of driving. You never showed me or allowed me to get a job. You never helped me. I’m a failure. I’ve already failed life and it’s not even close to being finished. I can’t even love cuz of you. I fear people. I fear of some men cuz of the guys you have been with after my father… abusive guy who is still in our life… it’s not the twins fault. I love them… then that other ex who would take us out to the side of the high way in the cold of winter cuz he was hiding that he was rolling his own cigarettes. He would smoke in his car with a fucking pod cast while me and my two siblings would stand outside and knock on the window asking when he was done. I told you a little bit ago that he had done that when we was kids but you didn’t really believe me… that same ex made me eat food that I didn’t like or made me eat food that was from the floor… he swept it up and put it in my mouth as I cried. Or how he was laughing at us cuz he was “giving out electronics a bath”. Or how he hit my little sisters bare ass multiple times. I can’t even remember why. But he was not our father he had no right to do that. That night I woke up a he was crying for you to help him. I’m glad you told him to leave… cuz those years I Remembered. Glad you have a good boyfriend tho you guys sometimes have problems… I don’t want what you had. I am afraid of love to the point I can’t feel it other then a strong friendly type of love. And no I don’t go to you when I have a problem cuz all you’ll say is “what do you want me to do about it” like i don’t know I’m just stuck…. I want to talk to you about my problems but I don’t want to feel ashamed after you say that you can’t help me or say I’m attention seeking. Yes I’m attention seeking cuz I don’t get enough and I want help but I’m to ashamed… and yeah I know you’re depressed aswell. I feel guilty for how I feel. Im not even a kid anymore. Im grown but still act like a child… was I supposed to guide myself to adulthood? Do parents help you with that or are you supposed to find that path? I’m lost… I love my mom but she kinda fucked me up… or I’m just stupid and overreacting of this… is this even normal…. And yeah I get it. I’m the second Oldest so I should have sucked it up. I’m sorry… I know. Shouldn’t have bugged you a lot with useless stuff so that’s why I’m writing it here so you can’t find it. Im so sorry mom.