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graphx · 1 year ago

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Hiraeth!Keith oneshot (1)

read it all here!

trigger warnings// suicidal ideologies, war, blood, injury etc. (general Blade of Marmora stuff)

“GIVE IT BACK!”

Kolivan effortlessly dodged once again, Keith’s new sword that felt wrong in his hands barely grazing the long braid he wore that hung behind him. He adjusted his grip with a twist of his wrist but Kolivan simply backhanded him away, his strike not even grazing him.

“Emotions are a luxury we can’t afford,” Kolivan warned as he unbalanced Keith with a simple kick to the back of his knees. “You are attached to this blade; it is all you have left of your world. But that planet is gone, nothing but dust and rubble lost to the empty expanse of space. You must accept that if you are to survive here.”

His bones ached and throbbed but he still got to his feet, charging again like it was second nature. Kolivan punched him and he couldn’t tell where, the impact feeling all too similar to the rest of his body which he was sure was becoming a giant bruise.

With every hit he learned to roll with the impact better, getting up faster and faster, not allowing Kolivan a second to breathe. He punched while he deflected Kolivan’s weapon and missed. He kicked before he striked, learning and adapting based on what he saw Kolivan do. Not that it mattered. Keith hadn’t even managed to land one hit.

Keith had been told all his life by his father that he could do anything if he just set his mind to it. His dad had never lied before but Keith was starting to doubt it all the same. He wanted more than anything in the world, no the universe, to beat Kolivan, to get his knife, the only thing he had left, back and he would spill as much blood as he needed to get it back-

He had convinced himself that the reason he was failing was because this knife wasn’t his, it was similar but wrong, it fit into his hand wrong, it set against his belt wrong, it was too heavy and too light and at the same time, and it was all wrong. Kolivan could be beaten, he could escape, he could go back to a home that wasn’t there if he could just win but that was wrong too.

Keith could listen to his dad’s raspy voice again if he could hit harder. He could watch the sky bleed from twilight to dusk again on the porch if he could just move faster. He could feel wind in his hair and the ground rushing past him on his dad’s bike if he could just win.

A daze had taken over him, a delusional obsession deep in his gut that he believed with every fiber of his being that if he just did enough he could go home. He didn’t want to remember the fleets blocking out the sky, his father’s panicked voice, the tremors shaking the ground, the running, the smoke, the fire illuminating the blue glow of two crescents beneath cheeks as blood mixed with ash and his knife gleamed a little duller.

He had run away from it all, taken to a ship he didn’t recognize, pressed against people he didn’t know, drowning on dry land trying to breathe above the crowd towering over him-

And then Kolivan was there, a firm presence at his side that was wrong. It shouldn’t have been claws against his shoulder, it should have been his dad’s calloused hands. It shouldn’t be a pale multicolored face with a scar that ran down the side, it should have been his father’s with a nick above his eyebrow. He wanted to run, to feel sand under his feet, and run away as fast and far as he could because everything was wrong and nothing was going to change that.

More than anything he was angry. More than that he was exhausted and he couldn’t run from that anymore as he sank to his knees, gasping for breath. It was a tiny rebellion, to show emotion when Kolivan had just told him not to. He glared up at him with all the fury his soul could produce, only for the taller Galran to kneel beside him.

“What do you want, Keith?” Kolivan asked indifferently, observing him with golden eyes.

“...I want my knife… back… it’s not… yours!” Keith heaved, scrambling to his knees.

“If you defeat me your weapon will be returned to you. But you must first learn how to defeat me. Knowledge is greater than power.” Kolivan stated so nonchalantly like it was simple. “You are powerful, you have survived through many endeavors, but you still cannot win. But you still must do what needs to be done.”

Keith’s gaze followed Kolivan’s blade as he dropped it, the sound echoing as soon as it hit the floor. He stared up in disbelief but he only waited. Keith watched the Blade lose its glow, no longer in Kolivan’s grasp. The insignia in the crossguard grew dark as he looked on impassively, waiting for the action Keith would take.

“You should have killed me by now,” Kolivan said calmly, like he knew Keith wouldn’t move. It snapped him from his shock, lunging for the hilt and crossing it with his own to rest barely an inch from Kolivan’s neck. Humiliation burned under his skin that he had to bend over to reach his height, but he still didn’t move, eyes not leaving Keith’s.

“You are granting me mercy. That was your first mistake,” Kolivan’s form blurred right in front of him and he didn’t even get the chance to nick him as Kolivan swept his legs out from under him. His stance mirrored the one Keith had taken not seconds ago, both swords hovering over his neck. Keith glared down at the swords, meeting Kolivan’s stare without flinching. It wasn’t like he had anything to lose.

“You are not powerful enough to grant mercy. You must permanently deal with your enemies to ensure they don’t hurt you or anyone else. Power is the ability to choose. The Blade of Marmora doesn’t have that option.” Kolivan lowered his sword. “Neither do you.”

Keith was quiet, no longer meeting his eyes. He only heard Kolivan sheath his own blade before setting down Keith’s own.

“Each blade is unique to every member. It is tied to your life force and bloodline. You should make your own in the forgery. Use the Luxite provided there sparingly, it is hard to gather these days.”

Before exiting Kolivan stopped, turning back to him. “Choose a new name. Your previous title has very obvious origins. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that your species is now very coveted by Alteans and Galrans which are currently the most powerful species in the galaxy. If you are to help the Blade of Marmora avenge your planet you must become one of us. Embrace your new duty to the universe… A purpose is a very important thing here. Don’t lose sight of your own.”

It took Keith a while to realize he had even left. The words and empty warnings floated through the empty space of his mind as he laid, motionless, on the floor. What did he want? What purpose did he even have here? What was even the point of getting off this shiny, cold floor?

Keith could have pondered those questions for the rest of his life. He could give up, right here, and never move again. The others probably wouldn’t even notice, if they even cared enough to. Who could blame him? A kid, alone, literally thrown into an unknown universe. The only planet he had ever known was destroyed before his eyes by a war he couldn’t even hope to understand. What could one helpless kid abandoned by the cosmos itself hope to do?

It was at that moment Keith decided he didn’t need hope. His dad had died helping people, and Keith would die doing the same thing. He wanted to avenge his planet, his dad, his home, his memories, even if he had to give up all of them to do it. Remembering would only tether him to the moment he lost it all. He didn’t have time for that.

He forced himself to move, to crawl, to spite the world itself. The Blade of Marmora wanted to use him? Keith would use them right back to fuel the supernova of rage building in his chest. He would shed all the blood he needed to, enough to drown the stars themselves. He would destroy, maim, shatter and crush anything that got in his way. He would burn the sun itself even if it would only leave him with ashes.

It was enough. It had to be. It wasn’t like he had anything else.

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graphx · 1 year ago

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VLD Hiraeth AU: Blade of Marmora Keith (Part 2)

read it all here!

trigger warnings// suicidal ideologies, war, blood, injury etc. (general Blade of Marmora stuff)

“A name?”

Thace doesn’t look up from where he’s working, the glow of quintessence illuminating the rest of his lab with a warm glow that looks out of place compared to the harsh darkness of the violet metal. The data pad he’s holding gives a low hum, working overdrive analyzing a new substance from one of the more recent intelligence missions. Keith had watched them come back, battered and bruised without a single complaint. Their limping, staggered pace and hard breathing that could be heard through their masks were the only sign it had been a precarious operation at all.

He remembered reporting all of this to Thace, who had nodded in approval. “You’re getting better at recognizing their body language. It took you longer than the others to progress this quickly, although that might be due to your… differences.”

“Why can’t I just tell you what I am?” Keith had asked, fighting the urge to pick at his mask, uncomfortably secured around his face. It gave him a headache, the narrow goggles pressing too tight on his nose and the view screens slightly clouded by his own breath. It made the entire world around him look foggy, his vision slightly tinted blue.

“Kolivan has ordered that your identity remain a secret even to your fellow Blade members. Your race, whatever it is, must not be revealed for your own safety.”

“So that’s it? Kolivan doesn’t trust you?” Keith snarled in frustration, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Kolivan doesn’t trust anyone. It’s one of the reasons we all respect him so much. It’s not due to his strength, that other Galra value so highly, but his judgment, his decisiveness. He will do what needs to be done and we trust him to make the decisions that will ensure the Blade of Marmora’s survival. Trust is a hard thing to earn and he doesn’t give it to anyone who’s not worthy.”

“So he doesn’t trust the other Blades either? Any of them? They don’t…” Keith had always thought that the other Blades, at the very least, wouldn’t question Kolivan. Even if they settled their disagreements with steel, even if they drew blood with claws and teeth and blades they still listened to Kolivan... Right? There had to be some kind of reason they tolerated Keith here, despite their disdain of his half breed origins, and that was Kolivan. They wouldn’t hurt him if they listened to Kolivan, they had to.

He thinks of Antok, tall and indifferent, impossible to read with a constant stiff posture that didn’t give away anything behind his mask. A mask he always wore, no matter who he was with. A choice he got that Keith didn’t. Sharp words and sharper sword, swiping and slashing and Keith dodges the best he can but the blows he lands sting, the blood dripping down his suit, red sticking to the fabric, between his fingers, between his teeth-

“The Blades are… different from what they once were.” Keith latches onto Thace’s words, noticing the smallest crease in his brow. He had seen the same look of remorse, maybe regret, when he observed the others returning, fighting over what scraps they had left in their supplies to treat their injuries. Maybe Kolivan wasn’t the only Blade member who was thrilled about the sudden lack of standards.

“The traditions of the Marmora must be upheld if we are to survive this new era of war. And, contrary to the ideals of the rest of the Galra, Kolivan knows that wars aren’t won with bloodshed. Victory doesn’t stop death and death doesn’t gain you a victory. Knowledge is the only thing that has power here. Don’t forget that.”

Keith looks down to his feet, gritting his jaw over the lecture he didn’t want.

“It would be wise not to question him,” Thace said casually, pausing to glance over his shoulder, “Unless you want to ask him yourself? You can’t beat him in a Trial.”

Keith turned to glare at him as Thace went back to work.

“I just want a name, is it that hard to give me a straight answer?”

“You know information is sacred here. It doesn’t come without a cost. Were you not listening to how important it is to uphold the Trials?”

“That doesn’t change the fact Kolivan still wants me to choose a name. That doesn’t mean you have to be so vague about everything. Spit it out, are you going to tell me a name I can use or not?”

Thace actually had the audacity to smirk, ears twitching in amusement. “The entire point of this organization is its secrecy. It is an integral part of who we are. To the universe we don’t exist. You can’t defeat something that doesn’t exist… Although,” The amused expression melted off his face, “You should remember that to be a Member of the Blades is to give up your identity. To be unknown to the universe, to leave no trace. You are an extension of the cause, nothing more, nothing less. Our mission requires that we give up everything that we were, change everything that we are to be what the mission needs. We must make this sacrifice for the greater good of not only the Galra, but the universe.”

“…It’s not fair…” Keith grits his teeth and he swears he hears his own jaws creak under the force. The ache keeps him grounded as he tries to think of anything else, but his mind keeps returning to the moment where the only person he had ever loved went back into fire for someone he never knew. His back turned to Keith with one last smile over his shoulder as he willingly walked back into the flames, a Galran knife glowing in his hand, flickering against the light. It was the last he ever saw of him as the smoke made his eyes water so much he couldn’t see, the screams for him to come back clawing their way out of his throat only for more ash to take the place of the words he knew wouldn’t be enough to convince him to come back, to not leave him, to stay-

He jerks at the touch on his shoulder, hand immediately flying to his sheath on his hip until he meets Thace’s eyes. The expression is harder to read, strange, but still close enough that Keith knows pity when he sees it. Even with glowing yellow eyes devoid of pupils he still recognizes the tightness of his brow with a small smile that makes Keith’s blood boil.

“You should distance yourself from that mindset if you want to survive here. The last thing I want is for you to hurt needlessly. Everything you were before doesn’t exist. You can’t hurt someone who doesn’t exist. Please,” his grip tightens around Keith’s shoulders and he wonders how many others have repeated the same phrase like it gives them some sick sense of security. “Accept this. You will learn eventually. Struggling will only hurt yourself- that benefits no one.”

Keith knows this is the reality of his life now and nothing is going to change it. Maybe he was always meant to be here in a place where bloodshed was second nature. Maybe violence did run in his veins, given to him by someone he had never known. Maybe it would be easier to forget dark eyes and deep laughs and rough, calloused hands in his hair tucking him in after falling asleep watching the stars. But it’s all he has left other than the scar on a face that looks too much like his father’s.

But Keith has never been one to take the easy way out and he’s not going to start now.

He can’t read the expression Thace makes as Keith slaps his hand away, and he doesn’t try. Thace’s footsteps don’t try to follow him as he storms off down the halls, high and sharp above his head like guillotine blades that could fall at any moment. He doesn’t hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears, his vision only becoming more blurry as he continues to stomp down the hall like a child. He doesn’t care, a storm of fire brewing in his gut with so much fury that he doesn’t know what to do with-

Keith is jared from his thoughts, colliding with a taller figure he didn’t even see, much less hear. He recognizes Ulaz a second later, the half breed Galra steadying him with a firm hand on his shoulder. Ulaz isn’t like Thace; he doesn’t try to pick him apart, analyze every expression he makes to figure out the root of the problem. He simply takes nods for Keith to follow him, and he does. It’s not like he has anything better to do and all the other Blades know he’ll pick a fight he can’t win if he is left alone with his thoughts for too long with nothing to do.

“Did Thace tell you to come get me?” Keith asks with his eyes still rooted to the floor. It strains his neck to look up to meet Ulaz’s eyes.

“No,” He responded simply. “Thace informed me he had completed his research and that it required my expertise. You will assist me since Thace has dismissed you.”

Keith followed him silently to his lab, cleaner than Thace’s but no less polished. Ulaz disregarded the information before leading Keith to the training area, a square pit that didn’t hurt as much as the metal when you fell on it. But not by much. Everything hurt the same after being thrown across the room by someone three times your size, but strangely enough, that had never bothered him too much.

What Keith found strange was their movements, the way they fought was unlike anything he had ever seen before. It still unnerved him to see Ulaz’s stance, but Keith mirrored it with his own without question. He was grateful for the excuse to finally hit something. It was still odd to him how most Blade members towered above him and yet they didn’t make a single sound wherever they went. No echo of footsteps on metal, like they weren’t even there, just ghosts haunting the base at the edge of the universe.

He had thought Ulaz looked a bit like a ghost before, not that he would admit it out loud. The white fur, angular features and golden eyes would be off putting for any human child that saw him. Any other seven year old would have been frightened, but Keith had stood his ground. Maybe that was why he had decided to train him.

Ulaz had never gone easy on him, and today was no different. No matter how many times he dodged, pivoted, skidded to the side, the blows all landed. Enough to bruise him, but not much else. The rhythm was the perfect way to quell the lava under his skin, bubbling the surface with every movement. This was what he excelled at, the bend of the knees indicating Ulaz was about to kick, the brush of his feet against the floor as he distributed his weight for another blow. The exhilaration in Keith’s blood was enough to make him forget about Thace’s warning, however temporary.

In the end Keith hadn’t even managed to land a single blow, but he still buzzed in excitement all the same, still shifting his weight from foot to foot as Ulaz handed him a pouch of water. They could have been that way for hours and the only indication of time passing would be the adrenaline fading from his system. Ulaz had always been the one to end their sessions. It was a little victory that Keith had never yielded before and Ulaz was always the one to draw his limits. It probably didn’t mean much to Ulaz who had seen hundreds of young fools with potential, but it was a sign Keith wouldn’t quit when others did and he was proud of it.

The only sound between them was Keith’s exhausted breathing as Ulaz continued his work.

“Kolivan says I need a name,” Keith says into the silence. The only indication that Ulaz had heard him was the shift in his white fur. “He says the one I have now…had… is too odd, and it gives away too much about where I’m from.”

“I have heard of similar situations for other members. Why do you ask this?”

“...I don’t know much about… All this stuff. Sure, you and Thace have been teaching me to recognize patterns in battle, preparations and protocols for missions and training but not much else. I don’t know anything about the Galra other than how they think, how they fight, how they kill. I don’t… know what name Kolivan would accept.”

Keith didn’t like admitting that much. Thace had always told him to be wary of what information he gave away, especially regarding his own weaknesses. Still, it wasn’t like he was going to get an answer otherwise. Ulaz would probably react like Thace had and there weren’t many other members he could ask. Yeah, it was probably a lost cause, but Keith was frustrated enough that even half-assed answers didn’t piss him off as much anymore.

“You are aware your name does not have to be of Galran origin? My own is not.” Keith turned to face him, curious, but Ulaz was still intently focused on his work.

“Galran half breeds have been victims of purebloods for generations. Our history is one of honor on the battlefield where blood is spilled and lives are lost. Blood is precious to Galrans. The idea that a being would disgrace their heritage by soiling their bloodline with other weaker species has always been insulting to purebloods. It always will be.”

Keith’s eyes widened in surprise, not that it mattered since Ulaz couldn’t see behind his mask, but something else must have given away his shock at the answer. Ulaz turned to face him now, expression still as stone.

“There are some Galrans, even here in the Blade of Marmora, who will always hate us because of what we are. What they do not understand is that we possess a strength that they do not. Galrans have been the same for generations, set in their ways, their ideals, their bloodlust but half breeds have the capability to change. While the universe moves on around us they will still be stuck in their hunger for violence, they cannot move past it; it is a fact they cannot escape.”

Keith… didn’t know how to react to this. It was the most someone had willingly given him without a duel of some kind, or a Trial to justify the knowledge he had gained. But Ulaz had just willingly explained his own story, his own history that he shared with Keith, and asked nothing in return. Maybe they were different compared to the other Blades. Keith still didn’t know how to feel about that either.

“I implore you to seek your own identity, to become something else entirely, something neither Galran nor any other kind of being. But know it will be a difficult path, to change while everything around you stays the same, to walk the line between what you are and what others feel you should be… It is a struggle only those of mixed blood will ever know. Do not change simply to adapt or you will lose yourself. Never apologize for something you are not, someone you can not and will not change. That is the only advice I can give you.”

“…Thank you.” Keith said, almost smiling as Ulaz tilted his head in confusion.

“…Thank…you?” The pronunciation was off, probably due to the fact most of the translators didn’t pick up languages from dead planets. Only then did he realize how odd it was to hear Ulaz speaking English.

“Yes,” Keith repeated. “Thank you for teaching me. It’s a phrase used from… Where I was before here. It shows appreciation or gratitude.”

Ulaz nodded and turned away once again, the room filled with the click of his claws on the hologram. Somehow it seemed less hollow than before, the echoes not quite reaching as far as they once did. The silence wasn’t so loud and Keith found that for the first time in a while that wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Hiraeth!Keith oneshot (1)

read it all here!

trigger warnings// suicidal ideologies, war, blood, injury etc. (general Blade of Marmora stuff)

“GIVE IT BACK!”

He had run away from it all, taken to a ship he didn’t recognize, pressed against people he didn’t know, drowning on dry land trying to breathe above the crowd towering over him-

“What do you want, Keith?” Kolivan asked indifferently, observing him with golden eyes.

“...I want my knife… back… it’s not… yours!” Keith heaved, scrambling to his knees.

Keith was quiet, no longer meeting his eyes. He only heard Kolivan sheath his own blade before setting down Keith’s own.

It was enough. It had to be. It wasn’t like he had anything else.

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