#ill probably change later
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close to you . .
just like me, they long to be. .
" what the hell are you doing ?"
you look away from your screen to stare at your boyfriend from beneath the mountain of pillows you’re laying under. there are snacks ranging from sweet to salty strewn all around your bed and a spot right next to you saved specifically for him.
you raise a brow " i’m watching my show." you state. katsuki’s eye twitches. he stalks towards you slowly, menacingly, like he’s waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce at you. you shove your chin and nose underneath your blankets.
"you’re watching our show. " he corrects, squinting at you "you’re watching. our show." he reiterates.
"katsu-"
" our show. an’ yer fuckin’ watching it without me." he glares daggers into your fucking soul and with the rage of a thousand suns as he spits the words out like they had somehow caused him harm.
"you said i could start without you last time !" you defend weakly. he rolls his eyes as he stomps over to you and climbs into your bed "yeah, last time, but this ain’t last fuckin’ time, dumbass." he growls. you whine when he lifts up your blankets and the cold air nips at you. "oh shut up, big baby, weren’t whinin’ when ya decided ta watch the one show you know we watch together." his words are mean but he scoots impossibly closer to you
you scoot over to make some extra space for him so he can lay down comfortably before squeezing yourself right next to him again. “you’re the one who said, and i quote ‘ i could give less of a shit about this stupid show, just don’t have anything better to do” he scrunches his nose at your crude impression of him. “ i don’t fuckin’ sound like that.”
“it’s what you sound like to me.” you retort.
he growls, nipping at your ear which causes you to let out a giggle mixed with a little squeal “needa get yer fuckin’ ears checked then.”
“i just started anyway. i can just rewind it” you lean forward to place your mouse back to the beginning and plop back on your pillow with a groan. katsuki snorts. “ i was gonna wait for you, but you were taking too long” you mumble out already invested in the images on screen.
katsuki knocks his forehead against the side of your head softly then also turns his attention to the screen. “ it’s shitty hair’s fault” he gruffs out “fucker kept on yappin’ about whatever the fuck, couldn’t leave.”
you fake gasp in shock. pretending to be hurt you place a hand on your chest and look at him wide eyed. he raises a brow “wow. i can’t believe you like kirishima more than me.” you turn your nose up at him and hold back a laugh when you see his expression morph from confused to straight up insulted.
“where the fuck d’you get that from?!” you can’t keep up the façade when you see his face and burst out laughing, his facial expressions are seriously something else. he relaxes slightly but he still doesn’t look amused. “i’m just joking. i know you just wanted to be nice” you reassure, his face relaxes and his shoulders sag as he releases a frustrated sigh. “you know, since he’s your friend.”
he cracks his head to look at you, wide eyed and brows furrowed he shoves his head against yours so hard he basically headbutts you. you let out a little yelp and laugh “don’t even start with that ! fucker ain’t my friend." he spits the word friend like it tastes gross in his mouth, it makes you laugh even harder. “right~” you sing.
you think things have calmed down after a little bit, your both watching your show, then katsuki suddenly knocks his forehead against your head again.
“hey.” he mumbles. you blink up at him waiting for him to finish. he chews at his lip and looks towards the screen then looks back at you, cheeks turning pink.
"ya know i don’t…like him more than you, right..?"
you tilt your head "who ?" you ask. he grunts like speaking is physically challenging, his face turning redder by the second “shitty hair. don’t like ‘im more than you." his eyes dart away then focus back on yours " don’t like anyone more than you."
you feel your cheeks flush and you suddenly feel extremely warm and giddy. you giggle and his cheeks darken in color "where's this coming from?" you chortled. he scoffs at you and pokes you in the stomach, turning back to the look at the screen to avoid your mushy warm loving gaze. "fuckin'—nowhere ! m'not allowed to…fuckin—!" he fumbles around for what to say. you decide to spare him and place your hands on his scorching cheeks, he struggles a little bit (barely) but let's you turn his head towards you, he pouts at you, trying his best to look intimidating but he just looks like a angry little kicked puppy.
"m'just teasing you , suki" you're rubbing his cheek with your thumb and his eyebrows stay furrowed despite him leaning into your touch "i know you don't like him more than me, if you did, i don't think you'd be here" he rolls his eyes and bites at the palm of your hand. you chuckle "i don't like anyone more than you, either" you're sure there are hearts in your eyes as you speak, you hope he can see them.
" 'f course you don’t." he mumbles out the words into your palms fast without missing a beat, it tickles. he smirks into your hand when he sees you roll your eyes at him, he truly is a little shit.
"don't like nobody more than you." he proclaims quietly, closing his eyes, his long lashes brushing against his cheeks.
"yeah" you purr, the hearts in your eyes spread all around your body to the tips of your fingers and toes, it makes you warm and soft, and so fond of him. you don't like anybody more than katsuki, you can't. not when he opens his eyes and gazes at you with burning cheeks but hearts in his eyes and you hope the ones in yours spread all around his body too, because his have started to intermingle with yours, coursing through your veins.
"yeah." you sigh, " yeah me neither."
you can't like anyone more than you do katsuki as you watch your show together.
@slashersl0t i wrote this thanks to you twin <3 !
#..did i do too much#please do not perceive me it was a heat of the moment thing#i jus wanna kiss him#i love him#OU this was inspired by my lovely mutu slasherslot's giant brain thank you slasher ily#not proofread#ill probably change later#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugo fluff#bakugou imagine#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou katuski x reader#i love my boyfriend#katsuki x you#katsuki bakugo fluff#katsuki x y/n#bakugo x reader#bakugou fluff#bakugou drabble
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thank you, darling. — satoru gojo
SCENARIO . . . — when you compliment him.
NOTES ! — i feel like i could also write this scenario for the other characters but idk if im bothered ngl
WARNINGS ! — none tbh, gender-neutral as always.
REQUESTS OPEN !
i think his reaction would be quite unsurprising, he's the strongest, after all— so of course, you'd feel like complimenting him. his reaction would be some teasing remark said in that usual cheerful and amused tone of his, because satoru gojo is nothing if not full of bravado.
he's heard so many compliments before, it's hard for this one to be particularly unique or heart-warming, but that may just be because he's not partial to compliments about his strength at all.
calling him powerful, the strongest, anything like that just feels dull in a way that's difficult to explain. he's heard it so many times before, and those words often just cross over into acknowledging his power, only reminding him of the insurmountable gap he'd tried so hard to bridge.
he'll accept the compliment in that nonchalant, arrogant way of his, but it's not as if it means much to him, honestly. if you want the compliment to actually touch him, to actually have an effect on him, it cannot be a compliment about that.
instead, compliment him about something almost mundane, like how you like it when he does some random thing. notice something that most wouldn't be bothered to pick out against all the usual confidence he exudes, and his other various talents and gifts.
those will be words he hasn't heard often, and you'll notice him still slightly as you say it, a near imperceptible thing that you notice and cherish nonetheless. telling him something like that is much more likely to have an effect on him, and his self-assured grin will widen, albeit with a more genuine look of appreciation in his cerulean blue eyes.
people weren't lying when they said that the eyes were the window to the soul.
as for when it comes to complimenting his looks, again, he's not going to lie and say that nobody's ever bothered to do so (because many have bothered, and it's been a recurring ego boost for him)— but, he will say that those same words feel warmer, more touching when it's you saying them.
like, during your late night conversations, offhandedly mentioning how pretty his eyes are as you curl up next to him, your eyes crinkling along with your gentle smile as your hand traces against the contours of his jaw. the reassuring knowledge that, as you compliment his eyes, it's not out of any calculated consideration for his six eyes ability, but instead simply appreciating it as a feature of his. appreciating it in just the same way as you appreciate his pale, ivory eyelashes, or his soft, pink lips, always seeming glossed.
faint moonlight spills into the room, past the sheer curtains that tremble slightly from the open window and cool night air, and you pull further into him subconsciously.
he should close the window, his mind reminds him, but he's not sure if he's bothered to move.
"so pretty," you murmur again softly, almost entrancing to him— as if it's just necessary that you tell him that again, no matter how much you have before. your hand falls away from tracing his jaw, and instead, you wrap your arms around him entirely, finding a comfortable position to rest properly.
from those two words, satoru can already tell you're becoming sleepier, your words more unabashed than in the day. your earlier conversation with him, always about the most random topics, had ceased for the most part; and, he briefly wonders why you still insist on them if you'll always fall asleep halfway through.
he doesn't mind, though. and, as he lets you embrace him, loosely returning the same gesture, he hopes that you probably won't remember how he's practically preening at your words, putty in your hands.
(somehow, you always do).
#jjk fluff#gojo#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#jujutsu gojo#gojo jjk#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#jjk drabbles#gojou satoru x reader#satoru x reader#gojo x you#im liking this rn but probably will hate it later#ill see how long it takes for the change to occur#and measure it
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thinking about mafia shen family au. the system is fucking around with shen qingqius life again and is like yk what if ur not gonna tell your husband anything about yourself then ill force you to. have fun! :D
sqq doesn’t even have the time to think 'wtfff??' before Everything Happens. shen yuan’s soul gets shoved back into his original body just moments before he dies. in this version of the au he was choking on food, so he gets the lovely experience of having his airflow blocked again! lucky for him, the system dragged binghe along for the ride so he is saved before he dies again.
this route for mafia au means that the shen family never had to grieve shen yuan. im not sure how the Family reacts to their a-yuan suddenly having a very strong and intimidating significant other (boyfriend? husband?!??? wdym he got married without telling us!?!?) all of a sudden. does shen yuan come out to his family?? no, but also yes, but also not really. they knew he wasn't straight this entire time, so its more like they are coming out to him instead of the other way around. god knows they have bigger skeletons in their closets, they don't care if a twink is in there too.
there is less angst here, and it mostly centers around the comedic factor of shen yuan showing binghe around his house only for them to "stumble upon" an entire closet filled with guns..!?! shen yuan is just standing there in complete horror as binghe grabs a whole ass ar-15!?!?? hes looking at him with the most innocent eyes asking him what this strange metal object is. jesus fucking christ. his white lotus is holding a gun and now he has to explain gun control policies while his brain is leaking out of his ears. he opens his mouth right before an alarm starts blaring everywhere. he’s saved by the bell! except not really, because now six members of his Family are surrounding them and pointing several guns at binghe!!!!! what the actual fuck is going on here!!!!!! this is not how the 'meet the parents' arc is supposed to go!!
#im gonna name this route#binqiu shen family mafia au#because i want to write the binggeyuan version#and i wanna specify which mafia aus im talking about when i post. i cant make up my mind on where i want to take this lol#shen yuan mafia au#the 'closet' was actually very well hidden with several different mechanisms locking it away#im sure sy also had to do a finger scan to open it#and he didnt think much about it because 'all the other doors in his house have locks like that!' its no big deal if we open this one#he showed binghe around to all of the secret spots in his family home where he would hide. and one of those spots happened to be a safe room#that had a closet full of snacks + warm blankets + and several sets of spare clothes to change into#he never knew that there was another door behind all those coats! wow his house has so many cool features in it!#DA GE WHY DO WE OWN SO MANY GUNS WTF#THIS ISNT AMERICA?????????????#BTW the Family thinks that binghe is probably a spy or smth and preying on sy to get to the Family. that might be important to mention. idk#svsss#svsss au#shen yuan#luo binghe#even tho hes barely mentioned... sorry lbh ill expand on your role here later...#scumbag self saving system#scumbag system#mxtx svsss#svsss luo binghe#bingqiu#its there if u squint#i am the system in this case#i want to put sy into so many Situations™️#svsss shen yuan
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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blah blah blah insert caption here. I really dont know what to put here im just messing around with his design
#Trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#I've seen other artists do that and i think its really cool. Also yes one of those artists are Kbearart#Maybe later ill play around more with the design#change the boots probably to see if blr's ones look nice#maybe change the jacket a bit? depends depends
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My loyal scientists, do you uh, remember this? Which I literally posted this morning? Yeah, I had an art/design idea for a "Whole" (Or soul, I guess? Since this is Chonny Jash HMS inspired?) Jekyll, so I immediately drew it before my mind could try to incinerate the idea.
Outfits a combination of Jekyll and Hyde's mind clothes. His hair is a bit lighter than Jekyll's and he's got green eyes with a red glint. Red and green strings "tether" him to each half. My boy has seen the horrors. He holds permanent residence deeper in the mind scape and only occasionally talks with mind Lanyon and Frankenstein, otherwise spending his time running/hiding from the nightmares and trying to bring his split halves back together (which never seems to work, but he refuses to give up). He gets glimpses of the real world through both Jekyll and Hyde's eyes very often, but can't seem to take control of the body, take residence of mirrors/shadows, or make himself heard by the other two. But yeah, he's basically the closest to pre-potion Jekyll but, ya know, going through it.
Anyway yeah, accidental new OC ig 💀 AND 2 ART POSTS IN A DAY 🗣️🗣️ gaining a vague fic idea for this but also I REALLY shouldn't lmao
More versions below the cut
#oc: “whole” jekyll#idk ill probably change the name later 💀#tgs#jekyll and hyde#the glass scientists#henry jekyll
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🔥 adult rats update 🔥
#rugrats#susie carmichael#phil deville#lil deville#kimi watanabe finster#chuckie finster#angelica pickles#tommy pickles#dil pickles#iloart#im trying to line n colour but im kinda hating it djfhdjfh so yea if i dont post the wip ill never post this#changed some stuff.. will probably change stuff again later who knows#also excuse the awkward poses i was trying to take inspo from the official art so they werent all just hands on hips lol#but yeahhh still thinking abt thiiis.. ive got all my toes dipped in fandoms but no time ugh#also been meaning to answer asks (sorry) but then i just. cant😭 augh (so sorry)
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made a new icon!!
I saw this design in daydream hour 2 and thought it was so cute
reference below the cut
from Daydream Hour 2 by Ryoko Kui
#falin#falin touden#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#ill probably change back to a cass icon later but this is fun for now :3
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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Finally knitted Halloween socks that I've been meaning to knit since I bought this yarn last year!
The yarn is from "SavannahRoseHandmade" from the 90s Halloween Collection (sold out now UGH [understandable, but UGH]) and is visually inspired by the movie Scream (1996). I saw the colour pooling effect on their sample swatch when they shared the yarn collection images on Reddit last year, and was immediately like, 'Holy shit it's just like CRT TV static!!' And I had to get it. (And then life happened and I didn't get around to knitting them until now lol).
And unfortunately, I'm SO IN LOVE WITH IT!! THE EFFECT DID TRANSLATE TO SOCKS AND NOW IT'S LIKE, AHHH I NEED MORE. I don't know if I have enough yarn left to make an additional pair, so I'll have to figure out how to weigh it and the socks and see if the weight compares (really don't wanna end up with 3 socks and not enough for the 4th lol). But yeah. I'm so glad I got to do this. The yarn colouration was SO fun to work with, and the yarn was a nice and smooth 1-ply which was a huge relief from the fluffy yarn on the socks I'd been working on just before this. And yes, I did intentionally take this photo in front of those books because of the spiral-ish pooling.
Can I just also... like... holy fuck, man. I LOVE when yarn pools into unique patterns. It's the best phenomenon ever. And especially like for this one being black and white? That subtle grey transition from stark white to pitch black is EVERYTHING. Like I never would have thought one could create yarn that would pool EXACTLY like TV static rolling down the screen when knit. Major nostalgia vibes. I can feel the forcefield.
Also, started these babies September 27 and finished the second sock today October 3rd, which may be a new record for me knitting socks, I was so fucking excited. I even have a big ole 'writers bump' on my finger from the way I hold my knitting needles lmao (was also knitting a different pair of socks before this, too), and my arthritis is Not happy, but screw you, arthritis! I'M HAPPY.
Side note: it would be cool to pair this yarn with like a red addition somehow. Get a Saw vibe going bc of the TV static pooling effect. (I do love Scream though.) Or you could even probably take it a The Ring route with like a fly applique or something. So many horror movie staples with TV static effect, and not enough Scream yarn to test them out!!
Bonus image when the socks were a WIP:
I had my new tooth and doll eye stitch markers going. I DO have bloody murder weapon stitch markers, but none of them are a buck knife (Ghostface's weapon), so I went for general Halloween vibes instead (even tho I use stitch markers like this year-round lol).
#seriously tho im gonna have to weigh the leftovers bc i want more of these socks#just feeling by hand it MAY be enough. but if i knit 1.5 more socks and run out im gonna fucking eat them in rage lol#would hate to have to frog 1.5 socks#halloween#horror#scream 1996#90s#savannahrosehandmade#knitting#nostalgia#horror movies#vhs aesthetic#merino wool#yarn#90s horror#90s kid#fashion#Cori.exe#Image.exe#Create.exe#tbh like i can PROBABLY ask the yarn dyer for a custom order of more of this but i dont have the money to buy it in bulk#so. if i had the money to spend id at least ask but i dont wanna waste their time when id only want like 1 or 2 more#would be awesome if i could afford a whole sweaters worth of yarn in this but i dont think it would pool the same on a sweater#i mean maybe it would idk ive never actually knit a whole sweater before idk how long the colour changes need to be#i forgot to take pics of the yarn when it was a hank still lol but the dyer has pics on their site still#ill try n post my socks elsewhere later bc this is seriously so cool like im so glad they turned out#i was iffy as i was knitting the cuffs like 'oh no its gonna spiral too close together and just look heathered'#but once i started doing the heel i was like 'oh thank god its doing the pooling now' lol. side note: watched uzumaki today as i finished#...and also i saw the tv glow since that was also a fitting topic for knitting socks like this
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Finally done with my dnd character!! ill probably upgrade this along the way but for now its finally fucking finished.
#notion#ill probably release the template later#and make some minor changes later#butfor now#its fucking finished.#monday i gotta go to school#YIPEEE#dnd#dungeons and dragons#oc: nora vayarus
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sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents
first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!
what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)
i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....
i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?
which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!
all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.
#maybe ill delete this later idk but i just felt like i needed to say something#as i constantly see these things being spoken of yet never do these people actually reach out to femstarries#and ask Hey why are you doing this?#so instead they make bad faith assumptions and it really sucks.#and while im here;#trans hcs count as genderbends. Because you have changed the characters gender#*IF the org chara is a cisman and you make them a trans woman i should add#once again Stop treating trans and cis people as two separate things#if it was a cisbend itd be CALLED CISBEND#and the reason i tag genderbend is because i know some people dont like it#and thats valid!!! no one is forced to like this kind of stuff!!!#and some people who dont like genderbends might be new to enstars and dont know what femstars is#so should it not still be tagged for those people too?#should we not look out for the trans people who dont wish to see their favs be a different gender???#i dont get it. i really dont#this post probably wont even reach the right audience but wtv#nat rambles#nats enst posting
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what if i make this yume my pfp.............
#huge change. ive been hajime for two years#well ill probably go back to hajime sooner or later#mar's midnight rambles
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"Sometimes in the middle of the killing, I don't see his face in my head. White eyes involved in, is he proud? We used to do everything together, kill, hunt, revenge and he said me "hello" and used bars to contain to my potential, I want believers {...} to do opinions(?) totally calm and they have to come with me again, together we will end with this like the old times."
#qsmp#qsmp bagi#qsmp cellbit#badboyhalo#I just quoted it from Bagi or at least tried too#this just makes me sad < /3#I don't know if Bagi changes it later - she probably does#ill try to draw it later if I have time ;-;#hopefully
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#at some point i just need to accept my brother has essentially taken my dog#and maybe if i accept it ill get over it#im clinging to that dog with my fingernails and as per usual i have to be the eldest daughter#and just let my things be taken#im just. this isn’t worded well. im just. very tired of this.#i do EVERYTHING for that dog—feed him take him to the vet groom him bathe him#and just.#sigh.#ignore me.#delete later#i just still remember the time my dad told me i shouldn’t allow him into my room#so he’d be encouraged to go into my brother’s room#bc my brother was really depressed and refusing to take his antidepressants (which he STILL doesn’t take#THIS MAN IS 33 FUCKING YEARS OLD)#and i wish i had just said something like ‘do you realize how unfair that is to me?’#but ofc he wouldn’t bc im the eldest daughter. and no matter how many times i point out how unfair that is to my parents#nothing changes. it just. im expected to just deal with it.#with shit like my dog—MY. FUCKING. DOG.—becoming my brother’s#as if my mental health doesn’t matter#and listen im on antidepressants and they make a helluva difference#but that dog is mine. my one thing. and now he’s not.#sorry im also probably gonna start my period any day now so im hella fucking emotional#i just miss my dog.
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