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welcometogrouchland · 1 year

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could u elaborate on darius camila fake dating? ill assume its for convenience's sake but ure so right the complicated feelings this would stir in luz, hunter and even vee are delicious

Okay so, I don't usually write fanfic, but I do have several fanfic scenarios and jumping off boards that I, when inclined, rotate in my mind like a DVD. Most of them are remarkably silly and arbitrary in premise, and the Darius and Camilla fake dating scenario is no exception.

To set the scene, it's post canon, w/ a working portal at Luz's disposal and Hunter flitting between a couple houses atm

The Nocedas and Deamonnes are having family dinner in the human realm. Things are going well! Darius is telling mostly non-morbid stories (bc based on CotH he CAN get morbid when he wants), Camila is impressed by the things he has to say even if he's not so subtly bragging as he goes on (both about himself as a matter of bravado, but also about Camila's kids. They're tough little bastards and he admires them, even if he'd never admit it)

Luz and Vee like to push Darius' buttons bc frankly it's stupidly easy and rewarding to do so (he is an irritable man, Luz is a mischievous lil scoundrel and Vee is, fundamentally, a silly creature. Vee's still nervous around witches (excluding the hexsquad) so Luz takes the lead w/ teasing)

Meanwhile, Hunter's having the time of his life!!! He's getting double the amount of parental praise and affection he normally gets!!! Big win in his eyes!!! He's never realised how much he likes his lives in the human and demon realm intersecting until now.

and, obviously, the stars of this hypothetical show, Darius and Camila. on the surface they seem very different, and they definitely are to an extent! Camila's naturally a sweet woman with a tougher more authoritative side that she reserves for when her loved ones are in trouble. Darius is a naturally cold and sophisticated person who only reveals the softer side of himself to those he's close with. she's very sincere and has been at this whole 'parenting' thing for a while, Darius has a few layers of persona and hard outer-shell on at all times and he's literally only been something close to a parent for like. a few months max.

but fundamentally they both feel massively out of their depth. right now, they both have a bigger support network than ever before, but the fact is that they've both been very lonely people until recently, and they're used to doing things with maybe one person by their side, max. they have all these people eager to help them, but also all this fear of Doing It Wrong and i feel like they're both people who're very conscious of how they're perceived by others. it makes them want to pull away and keep doing things the way they always have. but seeing that same imposter syndrome and concern born out of love in each other is...nice. it's nice to know someone else gets it. that they're not alone.

It's a wonderful time all around, until someone (stealing the idea of it being Camila's coworkers from another anon) unexpectedly calls to the house for a visit (ig Camila forgot abt clinic potluck night)

IMMEDIATE panic breaks out; Vee greets the guests at the door and stalls while Luz and Camila shove Darius and Hunter into another room to quickly try and come up with an exit plan. There's one obvious solution: summon the portal and go.

We could say there's an issue with this somehow (idk maybe stringbean ate the portal key and they're waiting for her to cough it up) OR we could just say that while Luz and Hunter want to be responsible, protect the demon realm and all that, they were also having a really good time. Luz loves talking about her adventures in the demon realm to her mom, Hunter's only now realising how happy having two parents/families makes him, even Darius is coming out of his shell as the night goes on.

And thus, the Boyfriend Suggestion is given

(rest under the cut bc holy fuck this is long)

Which is to say, Hunter says they can excuse Darius' presence by claiming he's Hunter's previous foster parent/social worker/etc (since I think the only way Camila can really justify the 5 extra kids that stayed in her house over summer with 2 of them staying to people in town would be something like foster care)...AND Camilla's new boyfriend, hence why he's here for the night :] <- this is the face Hunter is making @ Camila and Darius btw

Now, this may seem like a lot of mental gymnastics on Hunters part to keep the night going. And it is! But fortunately, hunter has experience with mental gymnastics. Especially if it's for something that he really really wants. It's not entirely selfish on his part, he's perceptive can tell that both Camila and Darius are lonely people deep down. he wants to see the people he cares about being happy and connected and they were just getting along so well!

Maybe the extra connection is an unnecessary detail, but in his eyes, the worst thing that could happen is a slightly awkward evening, while the best thing that could happen is he gets to live like this forever. Hooray! He is not going to investigate his own possible desire to have a more conventional family structure btw. He definitely doesn't have any leftover fears about non-conformity and being neglected left over from the emperor's coven. Absolutely not.

exiting out of hunters inner monologue and returning to the scene- Camila laughs, Immediately and nervously, because really? Darius? her boyfriend??? As if her co-workers are going to buy that the middle aged, nerdy widow with the famously unpopular daughter managed to snag a 6 ft tall, buff-ass Adonis who, while not being able to tell them that he's secretly a beautiful elf man, you still kinda tell. There's a Vibe he's always radiating, even in human disguise mode.

She genuinely means it when she says all this, she thinks she's just being realistic, but it makes Luz, Hunter and Darius sad to hear. Luz and hunter love Camila SO MUCH. Darius has really appreciated her company tonight. they don't want to hear her talk bad abt herself.

And maybe it's Darius' own rebellious nature that spurs him to contradict her. He's the kind of guy who believes in sticking it to ppl and proving that you're not the person they thought you were! And he's not above petty victories either. He looks at Luz and Hunter. They look back at him. He steels himself.

He pretended to be a coven head for years. He's played the role of someone cool, calculating and utterly unattached to the point of nearly convincing himself along with everyone else...

...So surely he can pretend to be his son's mom's boyfriend for a night!

and essentially any amount of shenanigans can spiral out of that premise, lol.

You can have Darius fumbling his way through pretending to be a human!

(He's doing his best. Hunter is guiding him but he's also wrong a lot of the time. Honestly Camila's coworkers look at Luz and think back to Manny and are like. Yeah that checks out this woman's a weirdo magnet)

You can have Camila and Darius!

(2 full grown adults who haven't had significant committed relationships in a while) trying to figure out the Right Amount of fake affection and PDA it takes to be convincing w/o being weird

Darius not knowing how to operate around the Noceda girls now that he's been put in this liminal paternal space for the night. Gives them both these awkward head pats and then internally cringes

You can also have the kids wildly differing emotional responses to this frankly absurd scenario! I genuinely cannot afford to make this any longer than it needs to be so maybe I'll expand on this idea some other time BUT in my mind it's a lot of...

bickering between Luz and Hunter about if this is really necessary (they are both self motivated rn but in ways that are understandable)

Vee not even knowing how to approach the idea of Camila having a boyfriend/her having more than one parent (this is all very new to her). I'm honestly torn about whether she'd warm up to Darius and be happy at the idea of having a bigger family or if her own fears of abandonment would lead to her being possessive/protective of her mom. It could go either way depending on how you characterize her relationship to Darius

Luz knowing that it's fake but still having a visceral reaction to just the idea of her mom dating and finding herself torn between wanting her mom to be happy and not being ready to accept any new father figures in her life after losing her dad

Hunter realising that Luz is uncomfortable and that in his pursuit of his dream family he may have accidentally put the first person to make him feel like family in immense emotional conflict

There'd probably be some family conflict either during the coworkers visit (prompting them to leave) or after they're already gone. Mostly about Darius and Hunter being not totally honest and kinda Weird the whole night, and the Nocedas unprocessed grief that they've both been refusing to deal with for a while.

Then however the hypothetical fic would resolve is up to you! Do Darius and Camila actually get together? Does one catch feelings but the other is still hung up/hesitant? Do they just stay friends and confidants? It's all up to the imagination baby

Anyway, sorry for the terrible wait on this answer anon, I've had several funks/episodes in the interim between starting and finishing this ask, hence why it got delayed lol. It's probably not as polished as it could be, and is really just a functional ramble about things I don't think I'll ever write, but it was definitely a fun ride lol

#ramblings of a lunatic #asks #the owl house #toh #darimila #darius deamonne #camila noceda #hunter toh #luz noceda #vee noceda #I'M SORRY TO MAINTAG I JUST SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS TO NOT POST IT IN TAGS #I'm not an expert on Darius or Camila as characters btw so if anyone wants to add on w/ alternate takes or build on what Ive said feel free #crackships and fans with niche interests keep the world turning #okay. i need to go sleep now. badly

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transmutationisms · 4 months

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This is probably a bit more basic than a lot of asks you get and I'm sorry to bother you with this but I was wondering if you or your followers had any recommendations for online (/otherwise accessible on the computer, like a pdf) resources (courses? webpages? honestly whatever) for learning about um… note-taking, and summarizing information. Not a specific 'style' of note-taking necessarily but honestly just the basics on a high school or even middle school 'level' (whatever that even means). not even for the purpose of making connections or building my own ideas or anything, but just basic notes to aid recall/memory (just for personal use, I'm not in school or anything atm), how to summarize things effectively instead of essentially rewriting the entire text. I didn't get much practice with this in middle/high school (or if I did I don't remember it) because I was able to remember things pretty well without it; I always struggled with like being too detailed (not very good at excluding extraneous information) but never really.. learned how to remedy that. then I got chronically ill and dropped out of high school and now my memory sucks and I don't have most of the skills I used to have, and I'm wanting to relearn how to do 'basic' things I've forgotten how to do.. or learn new things I 'should' have learned a while ago but never did. anyways I just don't really know where to start, there's so much information out there that i become overwhelmed with choices (while also feeling doubt because maybe I'm missing a more 'useful' resource because search engines suck so much these days). any sort of direction that you or your followers might have would be super appreciated! it may well not be something you know many resources for bc it's a 'simple' thing that a lot of people learned earlier on, which is fine, just figured it couldn't hurt to ask. either way thanks so much for your time & have a nice day

well i mean if anyone has specific tips or something for this feel free to drop them but... i don't think there are really rules for note-taking and i've never met two people who do them the exact same way. it really just depends what purposes you're working toward and what you're studying and so on. i don't use the same method for different projects even. i did learn 'cornell notes' as a teenager which you can google but i hated them, never used them, and have just trial-and-errored my way to a few other methods that i find helpful. i guess my only real universal tip would be that if it's possible to do them electronically, it can be really useful to have them be text-searchable when you're trying to remember details down the line

#i do sometimes take notes by hand tho lol it depends if i want to be able to see it all laid out on the page. otherwise i usually dump #everything into zotero but that's certainly not the only way to get this done 🤷‍♂️

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mingos · 4 months

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♥️ + kiriage

Send ❤️ + a URL and I’ll write something nice about them/their blog!

me accosting @kiriage on all platforms with my love (also in the form of never shutting the fuck up)

seven is my favorite number, so it is absolutely no surprise to me that seven also turned out to be one of my favorite new people to terrorize on here. i was already primed & psychologically conditioned to realize his power and how cool he is, the universe has been preparing me for this moment. chronically ill gang! excluded from p.e. gang!

he is also technically the main reason why i even started this blog in the first place, because of this post i made where, rather than being a positive role model for wayward kids like my cora tries to be, doflamingo is a gremlin who would teach them about stuff like racketeering and tax evasion. so now every once and i while we just say "doflamingo tax evasion" to each other.

but, wow, now that i have this blog i can't imagine not having this blog. it has absolutely cracked my brain open and speedran getting me out of my depressive funk i've been in for literal years, so i guess that means i owe him my life now.

also, i am looking forward to continue being the #3 supporter of his + @enjomo's acelaw agenda on both blogs now. cora, the confused but actually supportive dad, and doffy, the uncle from hell who wants to beat law to death with a brick and will most likely help the two of their muses grow closer together through added trauma & stress. that is how i show my love: through terror.

#kiriage #✨positivity hours✨#‘ 005. ’ (asks)

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iamdarthbader · 3 months

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My Experience with Feminism and Womanhood Growing Up

I was born in 2001. For me as a child, my relationship with womanhood was complicated right out of the gate. I was never drawn to very 'feminine' things as a child, mush to the disdain of my mother who always tried to push pretty dresses on me. As a result, I hated shopping and never really developed a sense of style or even a sense of what looked good on me. Compared to my peers, I was a bit masculine. I struggled with socializing a lot due to unaddressed neurodivergence, so I didn't particularly have a lot of female friends. I was an outcast, and I felt it. I wasn't like them. I was Not Like Other Girls.

At times I was insecure about this, but at other times I took great pride in it. What else could I do? Pretend to be someone else? I couldn't do that if I tried. And believe me, I tried to be a normal girl. It only led me to further isolation and self hatred.

Luckily, there was a light on the horizon for me. In 2012, movies like The Avengers and The Hunger Games were hitting theaters, and they were huge. Fandom spaces were growing online, and I had my first ipod touch, so the internet was mine to explore unabated. I found people like me. People who were weird and outcast. People who shared labels I was ostracized for being: tomboy, queer, atheist, mentally ill. It gave me a home where I was celebrated for who I was. And as the years went on, we only became more mainstream. More understood and respected. The first half of the 2010's felt like a rollercoaster of positive change that only went up.

But around 2016-2018 something shifted. Well, lots of things shifted, but one thing in particular. A new term was introduced to me: internalized misogyny. Because of my experience with women up to that point, I wasn't fond of other girls, especially very feminine ones. They were everything I was expected to be but could not be, and I hated them for it. So I gassed myself up by being proud of being Not Like Other Girls. After all, why shouldn't I ridicule feminine women when they for so long ridiculed me? So the concept of internalized misogyny made me angry at first, but I eventually came around. I used my empathy to see that not every girl who wears makeup isn't the Mean Girl Stereotype and I wasn't making myself better by acting like I was above them by not being feminine.

As I entered young adulthood, I joined in with other people laughing at how ridiculous we were in the past for thinking femininity was evil. We started embracing some of the more feminine things we had been excluded from. I started wearing pink and dresses and I grew out my hair because I wanted to. And it was nice.

But in this current decade, the same thing that happened for nerdiness in 2012. It became the Most Popular Thing. Ads are everywhere saying 'buy our beauty thing because you want to!" Tiktoks making fun of girls who are Not Like Other Girls, saying they just do it for male attention and validation. Bimboification. Girl math. Girl dinner. Hyperfeminine concepts that started ironically that gradually lost their irony and just became girls linking their womanhood with stupidity and vapidness. People acting like no feminine woman has ever put down a nonfeminine woman. People acting like Girls Who Aren't Like Other Girls are Just Pick Me's and aren't being "Girl's girls". Complete invalidation of what I experienced growing up.

Teens today were still learning fractions when I was a teen grappling with the concept of internalized misogyny. They don't have the life experience of the 2000's when it was more ok to punish Girls Who Weren't Like Other Girls. And they are being inundated with all this media saying "it's okay and totally feminist to be feminine" as if feminity was ever seriously under attack or discriminated against. As if women have not been expected to be feminine for all of history. I try not to hold it against these teens. I know they don't know any better. But that's what makes it scary.

Sorry to sound like a crochety old man, but we need early 2010's era feminism back, but without going overboard. Our young girls need it. Our girls not born yet need it. I've touched on this a little bit before. We keep going through these cycles of perscribing what it means to be a woman and to be a feminist woman but we keep pushing so hard in one direction or another that we just end up trapping a new generation into a singular idea of what it means to be a woman instead of actually letting ourselves be free to be who we are with equal respect and dignity. I'm only 22 and I'm already exhausted by this cycle, and I'm afraid of how many more we might live to see.

#ok to like reblog comment #feminism #femininity #not like other girls #womanhood #meta #essay

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katyspersonal · 1 year

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@ Fellow people with BPD: if after a friendship got broken with you (or it even was just a bad interaction) you are told that you are toxic, abusive, have been horribly manipulative, are harmful and other stuff like this - check the facts.

Talk with people that like you and had no drastic problems with you so far, read up into what IS the difference between unhealthy relationship and abusive relationship, if you can - seek a mature and unbiased person to properly reflect on your actions. If you somehow got blessed to have a nice therapist (like I did) - TRUST them when they justify how you aren't a monster. Apparently we are very easily convinced that we are irredeemable harmful abominations that should never be trusted. We get called abusive and we BELIEVE it. Why? Well, for the same reason we fucked up that friendship - because we have 0 clue about emotional boundaries and what defines harm and manipulation. We just can't know better because constantly being disturbed and hurt is our NORMAL state of being, but we are inclined to believe EVERYTHING we are told about how bad we are. We just want to agree because it feels like the only way to not cause any more harm, but it is not.

Odds are, you are not a harmful abusive monster just because you don't take rejection and abandonment very well, or because you sometimes can snap or vent too much, or because you let people know when you hurt yourself or want to die. People who do like you are not "unwitting victims who just can't tell how you are an awful person that better stay away from everyone", they simply have different boundaries and different temperament. Some people might just feel less bothered by your mood swings, some people can't help but feel bad for you rather than creeped out, some people know what you tell them when you spiral is not true, there are people with their own issues, there are people who are immune to strange and erratic behaviors, there are very emotional people who consider frequent fights normal, even.

Don't let anyone convince you that you should just rot in loneliness and that every single negative emotion you display after being put "on the watch" is somehow evidence that you can't heal or be good. The practice of attempting to exclude and throw away a person for being mentally ill in a concerning way will NEVER, EVER be okay. It will also never be okay for some entitled ableist freaks to try and learn every single detail about our personal life to find more "evidence" that we should not be loved or trusted. Mentally ill or not, not a SINGLE human being can permanently get rid of some natural flaw, they can only control and suppress it but it will show up sometimes. People without BPD also might have poor impulse control, they also can get too clingy, they can also go insane from fear of abandonment, they can also cope with pain in unhealthy way, they can also end up manipulative. But they do not buy attempts to be thrown away, they realize they have a flaw and still seek place in society. We unfortunately have many flaws, but we should demand being held by the same standards as other people rather than being written down as "too defective". None of us deserves to be starved off affection and attention just because we play life hard mode and mess up a lot while trying to find love.

Abusers do not seek 'love', they seek CONTROL. That's a huge one.

I hope that people you unfortunately have hurt can find healing and peace, and naturally they have right to leave you without a chance for forgiveness, but they can NOT speak for people that love you no matter what, they can NOT speak for "society" in general, and they can NOT speak for YOU.

#personal #mental health #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #bpd #just been reflecting how much i was brainwashed into thinking how i was treated was 'justified'#it was not #some people just get way too excited about the idea that there is true final evil #and by evil they mean a person with drastically different brain build #like.... thats ableism #call it what it is #there is a difference between placing boundaries / leaving #and between not allowing person to heal and live and be treated as a human being

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moomoomooing · 2 years

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Kyuu’s UM

lmao im ready to struggle to hunt down all my lore posts and compile them later

anyways his unique magic! Halt by the Queen’s decree! -> ig it’d probably get shortened to him yelling halt lmao

this was actually really nice to finally write down- i might do more of these soon (psst ill start tagging formal writing stuff like this with #moomoos writes)

Halt by the Queen’s decree! casts in a radius around Kyuu, taking extra concentration and effort to avoid affecting certain people within his radius (which is subject to change depending on the amount of effort used.) Halt! mutes those affected and seals their magic away, also freezing them in place for a short period of time. The effects fade at different rates, the full body freeze wearing off first in about 10 min, then the muteness in 30 min, and finally the seal on the persons magic after an hour.

Kyuu very rarely casts his unique magic, refusing to cast it if it’s obvious that it’s his UM. The only time he’s casted it at school during his second year, there was a particularly frustrating dorm meeting, where order didn’t seem like it was gonna be recovered for hours. So he did his best to cast it quietly and pretend like he was affected as well to avoid suspicion. The current Dorm Head knew about his UM previously and didn’t bother Kyuu about it, Cater and Trey found out afterwards and confirmed it in passing conversation when Kyuu had just woken up, and Riddle has held onto his suspicions but has yet to approach Kyuu about it.

His magic is most useful in crowd control, especially demanding attention whenever he casts it. After shouting Halt! the full body freeze effect will have already taken place, making the rest of the incantation very attention grabbing. Which is unfortunate for Kyuu, who loathes dragging so much attention to himself. However, as his incantation implies, he uses it for others rather than himself. The few times he has used it on people and not in practice, has always been for the benefit of other, and for his sanity’s sake.

Kyuu’s UM developed before he entered NRC as a first year, his parents encouraging him to pour his time into both studies and their small family store, hand carved wood ornaments, often becoming homages to the Queen of Hearts. He has a quiet voice, even his shouts are easily ignored, resulting in Kyuu sitting off to the side and never bothering to participate in group projects or activities. However, he did have a friend that often sat with him. She was bossy and loud, but incredibly sincere and kind when it counted. As such, during a group project where it was utter chaos and she was unable to command their attention, Kyuu casted his UM for the first time out of pure annoyance. It m pretty quickly captured their attention and the project moved smoothly along afterwards. News of his UM never spread past those kids though, they assumed it came from his friend and not him- he was far to quiet and timid for that.

With his nature, practicing his UM and honing it would’ve been hard. But, after some internal convincing, he sought out Professor Trein for assistance. He built up quite a good relationship with Professor Trein, and now approaches him without fear. Though he’s always sent off to deal with Leona, even before they were dating. With the help of a professor his UM can be cast in a large radius, the size of school auditorium, and he’s able to exclude certain people from the spell- allowing them to take control after his work is done.

#moomoos writes #twisted wonderland #twst oc #oc headcanons #twst wonderland

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turtrose · 2 years

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Masterpost for my account!

Greetings! I'm Harlequin, and you probably just stumbled upon my tumblr account. Nice to meet you (probably)!

Now, let's get some things out of the way: 1) Who am I? 2) genders & other labels 3) DNI & general important stances

1) Now, let's start with who I am. I am Harlequin, a 20 year-old nonbinary boy (by the time of writing this) from Germany, and I go by the pronouns it/he. I have lots more genders, but we're getting to that in point number two. I am also white, neurodivergent and chronically ill.

I do a lot of creative stuff, such as writing poetry, writing music, singing, sometimes drawing/painting/doodling, rarely even pixel art, and even more. Apart from that, I like to write a lot about queer stuff, especially when it comes to queer topics that are important to me.

2) Onto point number 2 - my genders and other labels. First and foremost, I am a queer, nonbinary boy who is bi gay lesbian. As a probably not very short list, here are my other main genders: - genderqueer - glaceboy - nostalgiaboy - femboy - catboy

I am duplisexual! My sexualities are bi, gay and lesbian. As for romantic attraction, it all feels a little messier, as I often struggle to distinguish between the different feelings of attraction. But I am definitely bialterous! :)

3) Now as for the DNI! Please make sure to read this point carefully. (Note: I do not use the suffix "-phobia" for bigotry, as hateful and harmful actions are not a phobia. Instead I will use "-misia".)

I do not wish for you to interact with you if you... - ...are racist or antisemitic - ...are misogynistic - ...are queermisic in any way, including but not limited to: -> homomisia, bimisia, panmisia -> TERFism, transmisia, nonbinarymisia, amisia, intermisia -> exclusionism of any kind (ace/aro exclusion, ANY kind of lesbian exclusion, xenogender exclusion, etc.) -> transmedicalism - ...are hateful towards systems (including being a sysmed)

As for general stances regarding the queer community I wanna get off my chest: - I do not condone the policing of labels and excluding of queer people for never-changing arbitrary reasons (queerness is inclusion, not exclusion). - As part of the previous point: yes, ace and aro lesbians are valid, nonbinary lesbians are valid, he/him lesbians are valid, and mspec lesbians too. All lesbians are, and they don't need your approval!

Now, I may expand this post if needed, and maybe link some of my upcoming more important posts. Happy to have you here! :)

#harlequin #queerness #queer #nonbinary #queer boy #bisexual #gay #lesbian #alterous attraction #bialterous

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thatnarcissisticfeel · 2 years

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hi! so i don’t rlly know how to even phrase this but lately i’ve had a lot of stuff getting worse, none of the “basic” diagnoses i have (like depression and anxiety and stuff) describes it at all. so i’ve started questioning if i maybe have a personality disorder bc it’d all make sense, both the behaviors and how i see the world and why its only getting worse and more noticeable now etc.

i keep finding myself in cluster B PD traits and lately ive been reading more on NPD and i genuinely completely see myself in the description of the covert subtype. i always blame others for everything and am completely unable of accepting or feeling guilt. nothing is ever my fault, its always someone else doing something or provoking me or it’s the way i was raised or it’s because of the system etc. i’m deeply insecure but hate showing any kind of vulnerability. when i’m in a vulnerable position i get ashamed and angry bc i cant stand feeling weak. i often get so angry i do shit that could easily destroy all the relationships i have. i never apologize (unless it’s a situation where i have to in order to save the relationship but still never actually feel sorry) bc that’s showing vulnerability and admitting i’m wrong. i always compare myself with others, i used to think this doesnt apply to me bc i generally don’t care about typical things such as popularity and status as i’ve always been an outcast - and it’s kind of a major part of my identity that i feel different than everyone else (even though its most likely just how i was forced to learn to cope with being excluded), but i’ve come to realize i absolutely do always see myself as “the worst one” in terms of mental health. i can’t stand others talking about their issues bc no you don’t even have it that bad at all, i’m worse. i feel like no one will ever be able to truly understand me bc the majority of people are npcs anyway. no one thinks for themselves, they dont have any self awareness and just do what they’re told. i treat others like shit but still expect them to be nice to me because i deserve it because i’m sick. i deserve more attention from doctors because of how unwell i feel. i should be the one that gets treated first. i obviously never voice these feelings but it makes me so pissed off when i have to wait like i’m never important enough for anyone. like there was this one case when i had to wait longer for my appointment bc some girl came in due to an emergency and all i felt was angry and annoyed and like when is it my turn to get taken seriously?? i completely lack affective empathy and very rarely genuinely care about others. others being sad annoys me and others being happy makes me angry, sometimes even to the point of having homicidal thoughts. i’m envious of pretty much everyone who i consider better off than me. and again i dont mean shit like money or clothes but more like just the ability to be normal, having close friends, being in a relationship, all that stuff i know i’ll never be able to have bc of my mental illnesses. i’ve never been able to form genuine relationships, i do have a few friends but they all mean nothing to me and are just there so i’m not lonely. i’ve never been able to feel love or affection for anyone. and when i think abt it i dont even really want to be like them, i just want to make them suffer. i lie to everyone and only reveal my “true” self when im having a breakdown and basically cant control myself anymore as i have so much suppressed anger inside i sometimes feel like i have to genuinely put effort into stopping myself from physically attacking others; who cares abt words when im that far gone. and even then i later turn it around and make it seem like im just depressed and stuff (which is true, but theres also so much more no one knows about). everyone around me considers me a shy meek polite nice caring person and it just feels so ironic.

idk what to do at this point, genuinely. writing it all down like this makes me sound so fucked up even though i act relatively normal when i’m stable enough. but in reality i feel like on the inside i’m just breaking, i’ve had to turn to drug abuse as its literally the only thing that helps me cope with everything & prevent me from being even more destructive (towards both others and myself) and its making me even more short tempered when im sober and even more paranoid someone’s going to find out and get me in trouble. my therapist knows about it but doesnt do shit. ive been on so many psych meds before but its as if literally nothing ever works on me. like i would never normally seek advice on tumblr out of all places but i thought just maybe i would get understood here as i keep getting just either ignored or insulted on places like reddit (sure jan calling me a psycho is definitely going to help my issues when all i did was fucking ask how to cope with my issues).

sorry abt the wall of text. do you have any advice? ive been going to therapy for years but its all useless. i cant be honest with anyone for pretty obvious reasons. i just really dont feel like living for much longer. but even just acknowledging this ask and not judging me would mean a lot.

I obviously can’t diagnose you, but I will say a LOT of what you said is behaviors that and I other NPDs do, which makes me think that even if you don’t have it, advice and such that is geared towards pwNPD could help you. Unfortunately there isn’t much self-help geared towards pwNPD (I say self-help bc clearly your therapist is not a good therapist for you and I know it would probably be difficult to get a new one), but DBT workbooks are a good place to start. I think they’re technically geared more towards BPD, but they can definitely still help narcissists. Stuff like this is why I hate how much NPD is stigmatized, because we all DO deserve help and we all DON’T deserve to feel like this.

It sounds pretty basic, but are you a part of anything like online NPD/cluster B support groups, ie discord servers? Obviously they’re not a cure-all, but even just being around people who have the same thing and who you don’t have to mask around can help. If you don’t have any I could happily provide some if I can find a public one. Of course, communities like that can be a hit or miss, but it’s definitely at least worth a shot to try to find a group of people who are struggling with the same thing.

Another piece of advice, which might sound completely neurotypical on the surface, is to start journaling or writing down feelings. It might seem like just a small thing but having a place that only you can access where you can talk about things like vulnerability could be a good starting point, because at least you’re admitting it to yourself and getting it out there in some way. Lying to everyone and not being able to show your true self is really exhausting, so having one space that’s yours and yours only where you can learn to be comfortable with being vulnerable — even if it’s just to yourself — is a tiny thing that can work wonders. It doesn’t have to be some super dramatic “dear diary, woe is me” type thing, it can be something as simple as “Today I fucked up, and I know I fucked up, but I still blame xyz, I hate xyz.” That way you’re getting the vulnerable thoughts AND the angry thoughts out there without 1.) hurting others with the angry thoughts or 2.) having to show vulnerabity which would hurt you.

Of course the end goal might be to “unlearn” the behaviors, so to speak, but that can’t be done overnight, and until it is done, it’s better to have a few places to be open, even if it’s just amongst yourself or other pwNPD.

I hope this helped, lmk if you need more advice — and definitely know that you’re not alone, as cheesy as it sounds.

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frisiunia · 1 year

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Chara's (inner) struggle

I decided to start this year with more... serious topic. Like whole Undermourning wasn't about hard and serious topics. But I'm afraid of talking about depression and self-harm. I can say that a lot of monsters have depression, I can say that Chara self-harmed, but I afraid to show it openly, to show more of it. And It isn't because this topic is hard. I like talk about hard topics, because they are usually very important. I'm afraid because most people show depression, self-harm and other disorders and mental illnesses with no respect. That make me upset but also afraid, because I do not want to do the same thing. I really try to talk about topics like that with respect and get more info about what I'm talking about than some stupid stereotypes. But though this, I know that I surely have more respect than these people. I have enough knowledge and I am enough mature to talk about topics like this. If I'm wrong, the worst thing I can get because of this post is hate. And good for me, cause I listen only to constructive criticism. So, I'm ready!

As you can read from title, It's about Chara. I'm going to finally reveal his before-death life. It wasn't very happy but that is why I'm here for. To talk about characters' inner struggle, something that gives soul to a story.

So let's start talking from the start (I have a very rich vocabulary =w=). Chara was born in a village. Of course, he could get birth in better place but his parents really were decent people. They weren't rich but they were doing well. His father, head of the family was doing everything what society required of him as 19th century man. He worked very hard so his wife and children never go hungry. And because their village was near a city, he wasn't feeding them only by crops and breeding. Every week he took the fruits of their labor to sale it in the city. And because he wasn't the first man in his family which was doing it, some citizens knew his name so he always had some buyers. It was just fine. His wife, Chara's mother also was doing everything what society required of her as 19th century woman. She also worked really hard, making her chores and caring about home and hearth. Of course she looked after and raised her children as well as she could and obeyed her husband. And for "feminists" which disgrace the name of true feminists, I'm not sexist. It's just history which we can't change. Chill -,- His brothers, sister and Chara himself also worked hard and were helping their parents.

But does that mean they were big, happy family? Well... No, I don't think so.

Let's talk about his mother first. As I said, she was obiedent, she looked after her children and all. Sounds good, huh? Well, I'll be honest now. She didn't love any of her children excluding her one and only daughter. She was very good at pretending and making people love her and also manipulating them without their knowledge. She usually used it to keep family good reputation and keep her children in the line. At least her sons. She often was using passive-agressive method. Sometimes even against her husband, but as I said, she obeyed him. She saw in him person which defines her worth. That is why she also was looking for a good husband for her daughter.

With mother like that not only Chara's childhood was bad but also his brothers. But because Chara was more intrested in woman's chores instead of man's ones, his mother often teased him. Sometimes even humiliated. Sure, it would be nice for her to have one pair of hands more, but he was a boy so his work wasn't cooking, knitting or darning. (but actually women who lived at villages in 19th century had a lot more work and more difficult than men .-.)

About Chara's father, he wasn't better. He never listened. He just judged. His children or wife could never explain themselves. And as head of the family he could beat his wife and children when he thought it's right thing to do. But though it was normal in his place and time, we can not say he wasn't impetuous. Cause he was. That is why his children were afraid of him, even though he definietly loved them more than their mother. As I said, he just never listened. And about other villagers, they knew he was irritable, very irritable and that is why he often was doing... impulsive things, but despite that, people liked him.

Actually Chara had quite warm relationships with his brothers. It was just hate and love. It's normal for sibblings. I have sister, so ya just can believe me. But there was something really unright with Chara's brothers. They had a habit to blame Chara or turn attention on Chara and things he does wrong. That's because Chara was black sheep in the family. Their parents treat him like that because of things which he liked and wanted to do. So when parents showed them Chara is worse than them, they felt like they can just blame him for bad things they were doing. And this method usually worked.

About children from village, they were even worse than Chara's brothers. I told ya a lot about this ealier so ya know... About adults, all ya need to know about them is they thought Chara was really, really weird kid. And as I once said children also thought Chara was weird. He was quiet and not intrested in playing with them. He was more intrested in books and learning things what was confusing for other kids. And what most of humans used to do when they think something is weird and they don't understand it? Of course, they treat it bad. And at what age are humans the most cruel? Correct again, when they're children! And do you know where are we going? Obviously, to bulling. As I said ealier he eventually learnt he can arouse pity by tears.

However, Chara didn't have only brothers. He had sister too. Older sister. As I said, Chara's mother truly loved only her daughter. She was spending with her a lot of time and teaching her not only how to be a good wife and mother, but also how to control everything, how to manipulate and use opportunities. However, though Chara's sister always listened to her mother very well, she wasn't very intrested in marriage and making all these chores which mother and wife has to do. She was light-hearted. Or at least that is how we would call her in 19th century. She just did nothing to find a husband. Her mother had to find husband for her, but always when her mother found someone for her, she used what mother teached her but against her. She always was able to avoid getting marry.

But she wasn't light-hearted only for 19th century girl. She was light-hearted in general. So when she realized she can use Chara for avoiding some of her chores, she used him. She saw that he preferred to do things she and mother used to do. So once she offered him, she can teach him how to do these things and even let him do her chores. Chara didn't even realize she was using him. He thought she's just good sister who let him do what he wants to do. But even though he was used by her, it can not be denied he liked doing her chores.

But finally, the most important thing Chara's sister did in her brother's story. She was listening to him. I've already told ya once that Chara after teaching how to read started to recite poems. But no one wanted to listen. No one, despite his sister. She really liked to listen him. Soon, she told parents about how talented Chara is. She told them how smoothly Chara reads and how easy he remembers poems.

Chara's parents got more interested after she said that. They quickly stated that Chara is a genius with great memory. Soon his father decided to spend some money for his education. He had a lot money saved up and hoped someday he would have opportunity to invest and double it. He saw that opportunity in Chara. He planed to spend his saved money for Chara's education, hoping that he'll find good work, move into the city and take there his family. So, though Chara still was doing some of his previous chores, his father wanted him to focus on school. However, Chara's father showed openly that if Chara fail him, he'll regret this. Fortunetly, fear of failing his father didn't stop him from being a good student.

When Chara started going to school, everything has changed. Well, maybe not everything, but his parents treated him much better. His brothers at start were happy because he was happy. But soon they became jealous and felt like it's not fair that they have to work hard and Chara generally just has to read. Chara's sister... well about her nothing changed. She still used him :P Children from village still didn't like him but they respected him more.

Funfact - Chara started trend in his village to send children to school. That's because Chara was great student. He was studying a lot, he even acquired extracurricular knowledge so he could easier get the best grades. He was really good, really determined. He became his parents' apple of the eye and he did not wanted to lose it.

Actually he became not only his parents' apple of the eye, but teachers as well. They quickly realized how talented Chara is. Teachers just loved him. Well, in our times we would name Chara "that annoying kid who always has to show off his knowledge". But wait! Actually his classmates were thinking about him exactly in that way.

Chara's classmates were jealous, especially these who already were great students loved by teachers. Most of them lived in the city of course and saw villagers from Chara's village as hard working people, which are made to work physically, not intellectually. So they were angry that some villager just came and took their place, made teachers loved him and was brazenly showing off his knowledge. For them it was unfair. Just like for Chara's brothers. But his brothers just less nice for him, while his classmates well...

The start in school was really good for Chara. Parents were very proud of him, teachers loved him. But soon, Chara started fighting with his classmates. At the start it was nothing big. Everyone just turned a blind eye on it. It's normal for young boys to hit each other from time to time, right? Well... No, soon Chara and his classmates started fighting regularly. It usually ended only at few bruises, but sometimes there was blood. In extreme cases, it even ended with broken bones. Chara was the one who usually was winning fights because he was strong, ya know, he was working physically ealier. But even though he usually was the winner, his prize was... spanking. Well, he got it as punishment when he was loser anyway.

But why? Why did he fight with them? Well, it was not his fault, but of course his father never wanted to listen. Actually, no one wanted to listen. I mean, okay Chara was not absolutly innocent but his classmates were aggressors. They were so mad at him and they wanted to give him what he deserved (or at least what they thought he deserved). They were provoking him and Chara let them to provoked him. And because Chara was not very gentle in fights, they could easily put all the blame on him. Made him look like the aggressor and then be satisfied, knowing his father will punish him.

He tried to arouse pity by tears again. He even tried to look cuter what seemed to work. But that didn't solve the problem completly.

Chara still was good student. He tried to be even better to make up the fight with grades. But one day, after one fight he panicked. Something bad happened in this one fight. He was so afraid of what people will say, what his brothers will say, what his mother will say. And the most important, what his father will do? It was the thing that terrified him the most. Filled with fear, he could do nothing else than escape. Run, far away. No matter where. He had to be as far from all humans as he could. And soon he found Mount Ebott and fell into the Underground.

He fell at hard ground, while he was falling he obviously screamed. Prince Asriel which was in the Ruins at that moment, heard Chara's scream. He found boy, led him to his parents and they gave him good live. They gave him love and care that every child deserve. Monsters were much nicer than humans. No one insulted him nor provoked him. Instead everyone was nice and caring. Sounds perfect, right? But, do you remember what I said? "He had to be as far from all humans as he could.". Being with monsters made him hate humans more and more. So he was terrified when he slowly realized that he's also human and he's no better than rest of his race. He was as selfish, cruel, unjust and false as rest of them. Being with monsters made him belive he is exacly like that. And on what does such a person deserve?

It started from mood swings. One moment he was happy, smiling and laughing, but in one moment he could get mad or sad because of even a small thing. He was overloaded with emotions and wanted them to stop. And they did, soon he started to feel numb. Usually he felt numb, down and tired. Less often angry. There was some moment of happiness, but when it was done... feeling of emptiness came back making him lose sense in anything. He didn't see a reason to take care of himself or even get up from his bed. His appetite was unbalanced. Once he was overeating (usually when he felt sad) thinking that maybe it'll make him feel better. Another time he couldn't take anything to his mouth. He couldn't swallow anything. About his sleep, he usually was sleeping too much. He felt like there's no point to start another day. But he always woke up and eventually got up from his bed. He had no other choice than hide his feelings (or sometimes lack of feelings) and pretend like everything is alright. But actually, if we're talking about Toriel and Asgore, he did not have to try very hard...

Asgore and Toriel never talked with Chara about his mental health. They noticed he had problem with oversleeping or appetite and even that he tends to hurt himself but the only thing they did is hiding things he could do any harm to himself with. That's not because they didn't love him. The thing is they loved him very much but love won't solve every problem. Asgore and Toriel just couldn't accept the fact that their child may have any problem with his mental health. And no one ever have taught Chara that he should talk about his emotions and problems. The fact that Toriel and Asgore did not talk with him about this confirmed him that he shouldn't talk about how he feels.

Maybe I'll suprise ya but ignoring his problems didn't help him.

Okay, I've saved the most interesting for last. Asriel. Chara and Asriel quickly got along. They were like brothers. Everyone saw in them two kids who were always fooling around together. And more important, brothers who loved each other very much. But not everything was so great. Their relationship was problematic. On the one hand we have Chara, depressed but also manipulative person. On the other hand we have Asriel, very sensitive person that think he should "fix" his friend.

It looked like this - Asriel was motivating Chara to get up and do things, trying to make him happy. Chara was forcing himself to get up from bed also trying to make Asriel happy. Asriel noticed that Chara has problems, not only with deppersion but also with anger and aggresion but usually Chara just had to cry a little to make Asriel do not tell anyone about his problems. And mostly Chara was hiding them anyway. Chara was manipulting Asriel, more or less intentionally. It was normal for him. But Asriel mostly did not notice it and told adults nothing. He thought he can "fix" him on his own. Chara also had one bad pattern from his biological father. Not listening. Chara didn't tend to judge people around him without listening unlike his father. No, Chara wasn't listening about others' needs. He thought he knows perfectly what others need to be happy. He thought he know perfectly how to make Asriel happy. That is why he did what he did... he thought that monsters, that Asriel want to broke the barrier no matter what cost. Even when Asriel showed no approval to his plan, Chara was sure he will be happy on the surface, even without him.

Revenge and making monsters happy, that was all Chara wanted.

Well, I'm done. It's very long post isn't it? I tried to talk about every aspect excluding what actually happened in this fight. I want to keep the answer for myself, for now. But I can tell that the answer is much closer you can think.

About depression... though I have never suffered from deppresion I think I am good person to talk about this. I do not know everything, I can not know what people with deppresion think and feel precisely but I can listen. I am aware of the fact I should know something about the thing I am talking about. I have respect and I can admit I made a mistake if I did. So if someone who just read this has or had problem with depression, please tell me if I told something what is wrong. Then, I will post apology and/or explanation.

And remember, no matter if ya have deppresion, other problems or you're alright, please take care of yourself and your mental health.

Bye!

#undertale #undertaleau #undertale au #undermourning #Chara #asgore #toriel #asriel #deppresion #mental illness #stop stereotyping

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animalcrossing-blogg · 1 year

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are any of these your original posts? if not, please stop uploading other people's content.

Well... yeah. I can't lie... a chunk of the photos I've posted are mine or my friends. While I'd rather not have to prove myself to the anon ask, I can point out each individual screenshot from me or someone I know if I needed to.

When they're not mine I never take credit and it says very clearly on my account that I will remove or add credit to photos on request if the owner is unhappy.

If I really wanted to get into the technicality of it (this is where law class finally helps me) all photos I use, excluding art, could be used without any 'credit' due to the content being a screenshot of Nintendo brand products that's free to use (mostly) for us lot. So I don't even owe the courtesy of offering removal... of course, I would never not do that - that would just be ridiculously rude. I will always provide the option of removal, no matter the reason. What Im saying is there's, by technicality, no obligation if you want to be literal about it.

All the photos that I dont take myself are pulled from my Pinterest. My special interest is Animal Crossing and I have (as of rn) 5,924 Animal Crossing pins and by no means the time to hunt down each individual owner. And for many of the photos I use, especially the ones from old games, there is the issue of being unable to track down the original poster.... it's not even like Im bad at this... I edit the Animal Crossing Wiki, so you know I can produce sources. Its just that sometimes that source is beyond your reach. That doesn't mean Im not going to post the pretty Animal Crossing photo from 2015 or the meme that got a chuckle out of me. If I see a meme on Pinterest that originated from Tumblr then I don't save it or use it, Ill just find the original.

Finally, art is something that I respect a lot as an artist, so I hesitate to post any art if I don't have the source available to me. You might notice a distinct lack of art on this blog at a baseline and that's because of this concern.

I gotta be honest here man, unless you're the owner of every post Ive ever made then Im not just gonna stop posting. Im at no point claiming to own all these photos, but a good chunk of them are screenshots from old games, with owners who don't even exist in the ac world anymore. Many new screenshots include a handy-dandy watermark which I never remove and in the worst-case scenario most posts can be, at the least, traced back to my Pinterest.

Im not going to stop posting memes, screenshots and the occasional irl AC craft because Anonymous said it was bad. If you have a personal issue because I used something of yours I encourage you to just contact me directly and I can remove it, but until that point please have a nice day.

TL:DR - No. I dont own everything I post and I don't even claim to own everything but yeah a chunk ARE mine or my friends. I dont post art, memes never come from a direct source please be serious, sometimes posts are so old there is no credit and if nobody ever reshared the photos from 2020 and before I think we would be living in a dark and sad timeline. I want to live in Animal Crossing every day, I have given 15 years of my life to this game and you can either join me in loving the vast recorded history of the game or go about your day enjoying your life in your own way, away from me.

If it really is truly a bother, Im happy to place a link to my Pinterest somewhere obvious on my blog so people can see for themselves where I get all this from, if not my own town.

#askacb #Anonymous #animal crossing #hopefully this doesnt come off as rude #im autistic as hell idk how to talk #but I stand by posting fun screenshots #oneday when im a master blogger with thousands of photos of my own Ill ONLY post MY photos and then you guys wont even be able to escape me #how about that?

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moody-hates-himself · 2 years

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when I made a vent account on Twitter, it was locked. there were at most five people following it. none of them paid any attention to it. i deleted a couple months ago, considering the experiment a failure.

my logic in that account was that I just needed somewhere to jot down the unpleasant thoughts in my head, like a well hidden notebook. I thought that if I simply ascribed my thoughts to a medium that wasn't my brain, that it would be enough, even if nobody else saw what I had written.

it never really helped, though. at most, all it was was a record of my depressive episodes, self-harm sessions, and nights when my feelings wouldn't stay drowned in drink. it was a window into my recent history of mental illness. being able to observe that history wasn't a blessing, but it wasn't a curse, either: it was just what I already knew. thanks, past me, for telling me that I'm depressed, but I was already completely aware. the sky is blue, the sea is wet.

it should not have surprised me that that hidden mental garbage heap didn't help me, because what I was craving was connection and understanding. i let a few close friends into my account, hoping that them having a view into my worst thoughts would bring me closer to some of them, but that didn't happen; they almost never engaged with the account. i also ended up blocking the person with whom i was in a relationship at the time; i didn't want them knowing just how bad I was doing and worrying.

I think what I was missing was community. let's face it: cutting one's self with knives and believing yourself better off dead is some crazy behavior, or at least that's what it feels like to me. I'd like to feel like I'm not totally crazy. I'd like to feel like there are some other people who feel the same way. browsing the self harm tags last night, I did get the sense that I'm not totally alone out here. people post their worst feelings to that tag, vent art that made me feel uncomfortable in a comforting way, and even some pretty funny self harm memes. it gave me catharsis, and it gave me a laugh at this abysmally pathetic situation.

so here, I'm going to take the opposite approach from my locked vent account on Twitter. here, I'm letting everyone in excluding my friends. if attempting to make the people i spend time aware of my suffering with doesn't work, then I may as well spend my time in the mental gutters attempting to connect with people who make me feel like it's alright that I feel like this, that I don't deserve to be dehumanized for my scars and the things that I say late at night.

so, hello, everyone. i hurt myself and i want to die. it's nice to meet you all.

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mc-park · 2 years

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xiao fanfic idea (based on the 2.7 chasm quest)

REQUESTING FOR ANY BORED GENSHIN WRITERS TO WRITE THIS!!!

hello i dont have any energy to rewrite all my fanfiction ideas for this quest bc i made this long ass post abt it in detail but it didnt save and now i feel so hollow and numb. im going through every stage of grief right now, currently at stage 4, depressed.

all i ask is for xiao chasm content. please. i beg. SOMEONE, LITERALLY ANYONE PLEASE MAKE XIAO FOUND FAMILY CONTENT

and then put him through an indescribable amount of pain and turmoil as he fails to accept his yaksha friends are dead and faces the slow realization he has no family, other than zhongli, left.

please help me relieve some of this pain by reblogging or tagging your favorite writers in the comments and writing down your xiao x reader chasm ideas (also in the comments) for their inspiration ...ill join too once im done crying over all of my work disappearing

for now i'll just share a few of my daydreams at its most basic level and hope to god somewhere in the world a genshin writer will take this idea and bring it to life

(2.7 spoilers utc)

yaksha found family + reader witnessing all of it, being an outsider as another weaker yaksha.

where you, unaware of the suffering and pain that comes with the responsibility of being one of the five yakshas, hope to get an ounce of understanding for them like they do with one another, hoping to be part of what seems like a "family."

yearning to gain even a bit of that familial warmth, you glance over to observe them on the sidelines and smile at the sounds of their contagious laughter directed at xiao's now fully-painted face.

as years pass by, you watch in horror as each yaksha slowly succumbs to the darkness of their karma one by one, never returning to that bright family dynamic they forgot about.

finally, when xiao, the youngest of all of them, the only one remaining, tries to recover from the loss of valiant warriors he considered his siblings, you console him, experiencing a pain similar to his. both of you support one another awaiting the day you can reunite with the rest of the yakshas again.

this can really extend as much as it wants to starting off w wholesome shenanigans and then angst to possible hurt comfort or just you and xiao wailing in pain together. i love a good slow burn so thats my personal request, like each paragraph written above can be extended to a whole post and split up into a whole series, but really its up to whoever wants to take up my challenge to make it however they want.

xiao and reader dynamic:

in this case i feel like xiao bonds with reader where they feel this mutual emptiness but in different kinds of ways.

you feel alone in the world, you feel excluded from the rest of the yakshas, you long for something you don't have and haven't had in a long time, for that bond that effortlessly ties the five yakshas together. despite being surrounded by so many people you constantly feel like not one of them understands.

you want to be with anyone as long as it's someone. but you have no one. there are so many thoughts, feelings and emotions but there's no one to share them with no one who cares enough to listen. you wish for what the yaksha's have, the family they built on their mutual suffering and joys, where they all understand each others pain because they all share the same experiences.

you feel like no matter how kind or nice or strong and heroic you are or can train to be nobody thinks to call or ask anything of you, its this numbing feeling that prods in your chest at the loneliest and quietest of days, it's not like they're outwardly avoiding you, quite the opposite. they tell you to join, but however close you are to them you still feel distant, and when you part for your more meagre duties compared to their wider scale dangerous tasks, the rift between you and the family increases.

you don't feel upset, nor do you feel hurt, if anything you feel acceptance. it's normal. at times you feel gratitude; a warm feeling bubbling inside whenever they come to talk to you. happiness; whenever you see their doting towards one another, their dumb pranks and stupid jokes.

as an outsider, a weaker yaksha, you watch the adepti you've looked up to for so long from a distance and internally relish in the joy of their shared happiness.

whereas xiao is longing for something he's had before but can't do anything to get back, its this feeling of hopelessness and this agonizing need to go back to how things were, how he was before. he's distraught with the frustration and regret of not being able to get back what was lost and never being able to experience anything similar to it again. its sporadic. sudden. when the yaksha's slowly disappear, after years of investing in them from afar you end up feeling this way too, this same hole in your chest, this unshakable itch at the back of your mind that won't go away. the bond that you hoped to join, the joy you've observed for so long and the happiness you secretly chewed off of no longer exists.

now that you and xiao are the last yaksha left, perhaps you can form a new bond over your losses together.

THIS IS JUST FOR INSPO ON HOW TO WRITE THEM BTW!! do it literally however u want i just thought this would be really cool and emotional to write cuz like theres readers loneliness built up over the years and then theres xiaos mourning and that sudden period of grief and then the awkward sort of mutual sadness they feel in the end

family dynamic inspo:

xiao being the temperamental, more self centered youngest and bosacius acting as the more protective self-sacrificing eldest brother. followed by indarius (pyro yaksha) the second oldest almost mom-like, bubbly and loud friend, the walmart zhongli as the mediator, calm middle child and bonanus (hydro yaksha) as the second youngest, possessing a more timid, polite and shy aura.

a sample of how he may feel:

and when xiao is left alone, he tries to remember all his happiest memories with each of his friends. he longs for them, he longs for the past so much that it hurts. he wants to be his old self, to get rid of this aching loneliness but as each happy memory flashes by, he spirals into a deeper pit of sadness and activates this haunting feeling in his heart that feels like something is missing. recounting the memories of his loved ones, he swears that this will never happen to anyone close to him again. even at the cost of his own life. in the midst of his vulnerability, he unknowingly engrains that very same savior complex his leader, no, his brother bosacius once had.

---

im sorry if there are grammar mistakes and stuff i rushed this really short idea bc i was busy trying to remember what i wrote before tumblr decided to reload and DELETE all of my work just bc it was in a silly goofy mood

ANYWAY SOMEONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE A FIC ABT THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANT SOME OF THAT JUICY JUICY JUICY DELICIOUS LORE

STARVED XIAO LOVERS UNITE! PLEASE TAG ALL OF THE GENSHIN WRITERS YOU LOVE AND BOUNCE OFF OTHER IDEAS, NOT JUST THIS ONE, IN THE COMMENTS!!

or reblog if you want to see someone make this themselves.

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

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Prompt - Nie Mingjue's temper is already not great at the Phoenix hunt, so when they haul out men and women, some who look a great deal more like frightened peasants than cultivators he snaps, this is not how you treat POWs, it turns into a riot/battle and Jiang Cheng has had enough of kowtowing to the Jin and he and the new Jiang sect members and Wei Wuxian all rally to Nie Mingjue, does anyone else? Where to the Lan fall? Was nie mingjue's snap directly at jgy or more in general?

ao3

Nie Mingjue was, probably for the first time in his life, tired of fighting.

He’d fought in secret against the Wen sect for years, thanklessly defending the other sects that had refused to even acknowledge Wen Ruohan’s actions for years on end, and yet it had not prepared him for the brutality that was open warfare, for the difficulty of being the general of the entire Sunshot Campaign, for the burden of knowing that so many lives depended on him and him alone. He’d fought battle after battle, won tremendous victories, and yet the last hope had seemed out of reach – he’d eventually resorted to a desperate stratagem that had gone wrong – he had been tortured, mocked, his men killed – and at the moment of when all seemed lost, he was saved.

Saved…only to realize that it was Meng Yao being credited with it, with being their spy, and Lan Xichen had not told him.

He’d limped back to his camp, but they’d chased after him, and the news of what Meng Yao had done got out – not really a surprise; given the man’s ambitions, if someone else hadn’t spread it he would have done it himself – and in the end, politics had meant that there really hadn’t been much of a choice about swearing sworn brotherhood with the two of them, binding them together in life and death, not unless he wanted to risk another war.

Nie Mingjue very, very much did not want another war.

He had still not fully recovered from his injuries by the time the Jin sect had set up a celebration in the Nightless City, with Jin Guangshan using Nie Mingjue’s refusal to take on any of Wen Ruohan’s ridiculous trappings as an excuse to all but name himself Chief Cultivator in the man’s place. Nie Mingjue knew he should have protested then, but he was tired, his sect in need of rebuilding – they had been the ones bearing the brunt of the war, as they always had, and the only reason they were not the worst off of the Great Sects was because of what the Wens had done to the Cloud Recesses and the Lotus Pier – and he’d never really wanted personal advancement, anyway.

After what had happened with his father, he’d had a lifetime’s worth of being promoted.

Besides, as part and parcel of their self-granted promotion, the Jin sect had promised to take care of the worst of the clean-up, including dealing with the prisoners of war, and that had seemed fine, even a good result. After spending half his life doing things for other people, Nie Mingjue would return home to focus on that which matter most to him, and for once someone else would take the lead in caring for the rest of the world.

It wasn’t like the Jin sect couldn’t afford a few more mouths to feed.

It wasn’t like their coffers were anywhere near empty, or that they needed to rebuild; it wasn’t as though they’d ever stopped trade with Qishan or actually led in a major battle or - he should stop thinking about it before he became angry.

He’d been angry for so long. It would be nice to stop for a while.

Of course, it felt as though he’d barely settled in back at home before he was being summoned for yet another celebration hosted by the Jin sect, this time at Phoenix Mountain. A hunt, no less, and it was so pointedly designed as the sort of thing that the Nie sect favored that it would have been impossible to turn down the invitation. Not to mention, the invitation had oh-so-casually mentioned that Jin Guangyao, his sworn brother, would be the one in charge of setting up the hunt, meaning that any disruption or failure cause damage not only to his own reputation but to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen’s, for having sworn with him.

Jin Guangshan would either have his day in the sun or a reason to tear everyone else down - a win-win situation for him, lose-lose for everyone else.

Fucking politics.

Still, there wasn’t anything for it. They had to go, so they went.

Nie Mingjue felt himself drifting back into that disconnected state that had allowed him to survive years of discussion conferences hosted by his father’s murderer. It was a strange sort of state, that allowed him to do the things he had to do to support his sect while feeling as though the world was separated from him by a window through which he watched everything happen. Anything that occurred beyond that window – all sounds and sights and even emotional reactions – was dulled or even muted; he could look Wen Ruohan right in the eye and think to himself of how much he longed to slaughter the man where he stood for his crimes, look at Jiang Fengmian smiling quite sincerely at Wen Ruohan and Lan Qiren bowing to him as if he was a man worthy of respect, as if they weren’t hypocrites that took Wen Ruohan’s money in trade and said apologetically that there wasn’t anything anyone could prove about Nie Mingjue’s father’s death, and yet, no matter how much he hated them all, his body would do nothing.

He would drink tea, and nod, and he would not breach etiquette, he would not bring war down on his sect’s head, he would do nothing.

Sitting in a place of honor at Phoenix Mountain felt much the same: yet another burden to bear, a torment that he could only hope passed quickly.

(It wasn’t healthy, but then again, what was? His entire life was grist for the mill that was his sect’s well-being, shortened by excessive cultivation and stress and endless rage, and knowing it didn’t change anything.)

He saw in the corner of his eye the way his little brother’s eyes flickered to him and then frown – he’d never liked it when Nie Mingjue went quiet and passive, knowing how alien the feeling was to him, knowing through fellow-feeling what it felt like, though perhaps he was wondering why the state had come upon him now again when Wen Ruohan was already dead and gone, even though it had never really just been about Wen Ruohan.

Perhaps because of that fellow-feeling, Nie Huaisang found a conversational interlude hat allowed him to slide over a little closer than politeness dictated, casually putting a hand on Nie Mingjue’s arm as if to beg for something. He knew that Nie Mingjue took comfort in the touch, in the reminder that with his saber at his side and his brother within arms’ reach, Nie Mingjue felt as thought he had everything he valued most in this rotten world close enough that he could try to protect it.

And then the Jin sect – using Jin Guangyao as their mouthpiece, though whether it was because of his skillful silver tongue or simply because they didn’t think he was worth anything more than that, only he would know – announced that they would kick off the hunt with some entertainment.

Nie Mingjue lifted his cup of tea to his lips, feeling pained, and his eyes briefly met with Lan Qiren’s across the hall, no longer in the place of the sect leader but slightly behind, his expression making clear that the same thought was on both their minds – anything but the prostitutes again.

(Surely Jin Guangyao had a bit more self-respect than that…?)

When a bunch of people in chains were marched out, Nie Mingjue had only enough presence of mind to be briefly relieved that the presence of mixed genders meant that they were probably not prostitutes – Lanling Jin abided by rules relating to birth gender and sexuality that seemed nearly as strict as the rules they were always criticizing Gusu Lan over, and according to them no one ever switched or was misaligned or deviated at all, which frankly seemed more than a little bizarre and unbelievable – and then uncomfortable because, well, they were in chains. Weren’t they supposed to be done with war?

And then Jin Guangyao started announcing the rules of some sort of ridiculous archery contest that the younger generation would engage in, and for a moment that seemed almost a relief as well – as a sect leader, Nie Mingjue was excluded from the younger generation despite being only a few years older than the rest of them, and of course there was no point in expecting his brother to participate in any competition of martial skill, and so for a moment it seemed as though this could be another part of this torturous endless experience that he could just tune out.

Indeed, that he was obligated to tune out. No matter how idiotic it was, whatever it was, whatever he thought about it (and he wouldn’t like it, he knew he wouldn’t like it, he’d never liked anything Wen Ruohan – no, that Jin Guangshan, insofar as there was that much of a difference – he’d never liked anything Jin Guangshan had set up in nearly ten years of working together, and odds were good that he wouldn’t like this), Nie Mingjue still had to think first of his sect and the consequences of making a fuss, and that meant he didn’t. He didn’t want a war, and so he had to be polite, restrained, quiet, no matter what he thought.

It wasn’t that hard to simply pull back even further. Nie Mingjue had been suppressing righteousness in favor of etiquette at these horrible conferences for such a long time that it came naturally to him, the way all bad habits did.

Only this time he’d brought Nie Huaisang with him, which he’d always resisted before, and his brother’s hand tightened on his arm to the point of pain.

Nie Mingjue’s first thought, stupidly enough, was to be pleased by the discovery that Nie Huaisang actually had some arm muscle underneath all those prissy frills he favored. His second was concern that Nie Huaisang had suddenly taken ill – with admittedly a bit of hopefulness that perhaps it would be something they could use as an excuse to leave early, as long as it wasn’t that serious – but when he turned to look at him his brother didn’t seem sick.

He seemed – angry?

Not Huaisang, Nie Mingjue thought, heart abruptly seized with an ancient fear. He knew perfectly well what he’d gotten himself into when it came to the saber spirits, had accepted years ago that he would die young, die early, die horribly and alone with nothing but his rage, but that was not going to be Nie Huaisang’s fate, not if he had anything to say about it.

The fear curdled in his chest, and it felt as though a crack appeared on the window that shielded him from all sensation, all pain and desperation forced far away.

No one was talking, other than Jin Guangyao droning on and on about whatever the new entertainment was – Nie Mingjue had stopped paying attention long ago – and so he couldn’t ask Nie Huaisang what was wrong, but he looked at him and furrowed his brow, trying to convey the question silence.

Nie Huaisang caught the glance and understood, and his mouth moved, shaping silent sounds – it’s an execution, they’re going to kill them –

What?

Baxia, lying by his side as she always did during these meetings, shifted a little, her rage nudging against Nie Mingjue’s mind as it always did – sometimes he thought she hated these meetings as much as he did, other times he was sure of it – and the crack in the window got a little wider, let in a little more light and color and sound, and Nie Mingjue found a thread of willpower to force himself to listen to what the entertainment Jin Guangyao was proposing actually was.

He replayed the words in his mind, turned to look at the people in chains – Wen sect, apparently, and though he couldn’t tell on sight whether they were civilians or cultivators, that didn’t matter. Not even criminals were executed like this, by standing at a distance and waiting to die, not even able to hope for an expert aiming to kill quickly and cleanly, but through a misplaced arrow that could strike them anywhere, cause them a lingering and painful death…this was supposed to be a game?

This was meant to be their entertainment?

The window between Nie Mingjue and the world shattered.

And suddenly all he felt was rage.

“What,” Nie Mingjue said, even as Jin Zixuan got up with a set expression on his face to accept a bow from his servant, “are you doing?”

Jin Zixuan paused, looking puzzled – and no surprise, since Nie Mingjue hadn’t said anything beyond the most mundane greetings when he first arrived. “Sect Leader Nie..?”

Nie Mingjue rose to his feet, his brother’s hand falling off of his arm as if he’d shaken him off like a dog. “What are you doing?” he demanded, louder this time. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Da-ge –” Jin Guangyao said, an obvious hint, a reminder of their relationship – Nie Mingjue was the one bound by it, the older brother responsible for setting a good example, and for all that Jin Guangyao was supposed to listen to him and follow his lead Nie Mingjue had never seen a hint that he’d ever planned to do so – but Nie Mingjue didn’t listen to him.

He was angry.

It felt good to be angry – a clean anger, a righteous anger, anger at injustice being perpetrated right before his eyes.

(Something so poisonous as rage shouldn’t feel this good.)

“This is an abomination,” he said, a touch of the battlefield in his voice so that it would be audible throughout the hall, would spread far and wide for all to hear. “Those are people you’re putting on the line.”

There was a moment of awkward silence.

Jin Zixun, Jin Guangshan’s nephew, broke it with an abrupt laugh. “Sect Leader Nie,” he said, pretending to smile, “surely you don’t think so little of us to suggest that my cousin would miss –”

“I don’t care even if he does strike true,” Nie Mingjue snapped. “You do not play with the lives of men.”

“Hardly men,” a minor sect leader, closely affiliated with the Jin sect, said. Sect Leader Qin, if Nie Mingjue placed him right. “Perhaps you did not hear, Chifeng-zun –” It was always his title they used when they wanted to avoid calling him sect leader, when they were trying to make a point about how young and angry and foolish they thought he was. “– but those are Wen-dogs.”

“I don’t care who or what they are,” Nie Mingjue shouted, and now he had fallen back into his body, back into the battlefield, because this was a battlefield; it was only that he had allowed himself – through tiredness or shock or a desire for peace – to forget it for a moment. “Is this not a celebration of peace, the end of war? If they are criminals, sentence them; if they are condemned, execute them with a sword. Even a rabid beast deserves to be put down cleanly, not to be used as target practice by children for the entertainment of others!”

There was movement in the crowd, multiple people shifting from one side to the other, the audience abruptly uncomfortable when faced not only with a gory spectacle but their own complicity in it.

“Sect Leader Nie, calm yourself,” Jin Guangshan said. His voice was stern, irritatingly condescending – as if he thought that styling himself as Chief Cultivator gave him the right to act as if he were Nie Mingjue’s father. “You go too far for proper etiquette; will you not give any face to me, as your host? Naturally, if you have a complaint, I will hear it –”

“I don’t recall the moment I yielded to your authority in matters of ethics, Sect Leader Jin,” Nie Mingjue snapped. “Please, feel free to remind me – the last I recall it, you were the one begging me for assistance.”

“Sect Leader Nie!” Jin Guangshan shouted, rising to his feet with his face starting to purple.

Nie Mingjue saw the furious glance he sent at a frantic Jin Guangyao – control him already! – and it makes his own rage surge even higher. It was not that he didn’t know that his sworn brother was being used as leverage against him, but to have it shoved right into his face like that, to think that they thought that etiquette and brotherhood would be sufficient to make him complaisant – to allow Jin Guangyao to run roughshod over his morality – to think that it had nearly worked –

“Sect Leaders, please.” That was Lan Xichen, standing up as well, his hands outstretched. “Is this not meant to be a celebration of peace?”

For a moment, Nie Mingjue thought he was standing up for his sake, supporting him in decrying what was happening in front of them – something he despised as much as Nie Mingjue did, that much was obvious from his stance – but then his eyes flicked from Nie Mingjue to Jin Guangyao as well, silently beseeching Nie Mingjue to remember how his actions could hurt Jin Guangyao’s standing, and Nie Mingjue felt cold.

So much for brotherhood, it seemed. How much was he supposed to bear on behalf of Jin Guangyao without receiving anything in return?

He turned his face away.

If the Nie sect had to make this stand alone, so be it. Even if it meant war, war against the rest of the cultivation world, war that would be ruinous to his sect...

There was no choice. The Nie sect stood for refusing to tolerate evil; to do any less would be to throw off the traditions of his ancestors more wholly than Nie Huaisang’s refusal to train the saber had ever been. Even on a personal level, he had long criticized others who stood quiet when evil was happening, and he would not let himself become the hypocrite that so many others had been.

Nie Mingjue had never before willingly backed away from doing the right thing, the righteous thing, simply because it was hard to do – he would not start now.

“It seems strange that a celebration of peace would begin with death.” That was Jiang Cheng standing up as well, the fourth of the Great Sects. His sister had once been engaged to Jin Zixuan, and she had been invited to the hunt as Madame Jin’s special guest – popular thought had it that the Jin sect would snap her up soon enough, allying with the last remaining sect, and leaving anyone who opposed them to stand alone. But even if that was the plan, it hadn’t happened yet, and Jiang Cheng was putting his voice on Nie Mingjue’s side – Nie Mingjue would have to find a way to repay him for his support later. “Weren’t the Wen sect supposed to be resettled somewhere peaceful? Or was the news I received incorrect?”

“The innocent branch members and civilians were of course resettled,” Jin Guangyao said, and his smile was strained – or was it? Was it actual concern, or some sort of show? Nie Mingjue could never tell with him, not now that he knew how easily the snake changed its skin. “These however are war criminals, sentenced to execution in the manner of our choosing. I hope you all understand: their deaths are in no way comparable to their crimes –”

You would know, having participated in so many of them, Nie Mingjue thought, and levelled a glare at his youngest sworn brother to remind him of that fact. It briefly interrupted the smooth flow of words, making them catch in Jin Guangyao’s throat; at least he had that much shame.

“Can I see?” Nie Huaisang asked in the brief interval, his high voice just as carrying as Nie Mingjue’s shouting – all those music and singing lessons had clearly been worth something.

“See what?” Jin Zixun sneered, stepping forward – and interesting that it was him that did so, while Jin Zixuan, the heir, remained still and silent. His expression was frosty, but he hadn’t yet spoken up in his own father’s defense; hardly filial, but given such a father it was difficult to see what else he could do. “See their crimes? Do you want a list, or for us to drag out their victims to testify? Is this how little your Nie sect thinks of our Jin sect?”

A strong effort on Jin Zixun’s part – it put the burden on them to prove that these were not evildoers and criminals who deserved what was coming to them, made the issue their rudeness and lack of etiquette, made it seem as if they were the ones looking down on everyone.

But for all that Nie Mingjue despaired of Nie Huaisang’s skill at arms, he had never doubted his skill with words.

“You misunderstand me,” Nie Huaisang laughed nervously, hiding his face behind his fan in a gesture of shyness – he made it look as though he were being bullied by Jin Zixun, rather than debating him. “I just meant, well, they’re criminals, right? They must be truly impressive cultivators to fight against the brave soldiers of our Sunshot Campaign…could we see their strength?”

Nie Mingjue knew a cue when he heard one. “Such strength must be considerable to deserve such a fate,” he said scornfully. “Even Wen Ruohan, who killed hundreds, was merely cut down, rather than tormented in the same manner he tortured so many of our cultivators…Or do you think to emulate him in this manner as well?”

“How dare you?!” Jin Guangshan was florid with rage – as if rage would ever stop a Nie. “You come to my home and accuse me with no basis –”

“I do accuse you!” Nie Mingjue shouted, letting his voice trample down Jin Guangshan’s. “But by your own acts you are condemned, by your own callousness and indifference. So much Nie blood was shed to stop Wen Ruohan from running rampant over us all – I would die rather than have spent that blood to buy us nothing more than the same dominion in a different color!”

And then everyone was talking at once, shouting, yelling, and Nie Mingjue took the opportunity to turn on his heel and stride over to Lan Xichen, standing there looking lost. Lan Wangji was beside him, only a step behind, and he caught Nie Mingjue’s eyes as he came over and nodded – he, at least, was with Nie Mingjue in this, and his support gave Nie Mingjue more confidence in what he was about to do. What he had to do.

“Will you abide by your Lan sect’s values and stand with me in this?” he asked Lan Xichen in a low, clipped tone. “Or was my oath of brotherhood only worth the benefits it could get for Meng Yao?”

“Da-ge!” Lan Xichen exclaimed, looking horrified. “Don’t think that, please. Of course I stand with you in this – what they were planning for the Wen sect members goes beyond bad taste and into the horrific.”

He hadn’t meant it the way Nie Mingjue had taken it, then. It must have only been Jin Guangyao’s pleading looks that had led him to take a stand the wrong way, seeking peace and friendship over justice.

“One should not look away from righteousness simply because it would be easier,” Lan Wangji added smoothly, sounding almost as though he were agreeing with his brother and not subtly scolding him. He saluted Nie Mingjue. “You have our full support, regardless of who is on the other side.”

Nie Mingjue continued to look at Lan Xichen who hesitated – no doubt thinking of the tough position they’d just put Jin Guangyao into – but in the end he nodded.

That was fine. Okay, no, it wasn’t fine, but right now he needed Lan Xichen’s support, regardless of his level of enthusiasm; the rest could be dealt with later.

He turned again and went to Jiang Cheng – Wei Wuxian was there as well, having appeared at some point, and he was vociferously yelling at some minor sect leaders. In Nie Mingjue’s favor, at least.

“Sect Leader Nie,” Wei Wuxian said, turning to him before Nie Mingjue could say anything to Jiang Cheng – not that he really need to confirm his support, given the public display from earlier, but it was only polite to come convey his thanks. “There’s something else you should know. I’ve heard some things about the innocent members Wen sect that were supposedly ‘resettled’ – and what’s been happening to them…”

Nie Mingjue glanced at Jin Guangshan, still shouting, and did a quick calculation. “Take Lan Wangji and go check it out at once,” he ordered. “They were supposed to be resettled by the Qiongqi Path. If Sect Leader Jin has been treating these ones so cruelly as this…I’m willing to believe anything right now. But whatever it is, make sure it’s both of you that see it with your own eyes, to make it harder to doubt your words.”

Wei Wuxian saluted him and headed towards Lan Wangji without even seeking approval from his sect leader. Nie Mingjue abruptly felt awkward and looked at Jiang Cheng, but the other man nodded his agreement before he could apologize for commandeering Wei Wuxian as if the other man was still his subordinate.

“At least he listens to you,” Jiang Cheng said, a rueful smile on this face. “Can I convince you to talk some sense into him when all this is done..? I must admit I wasn’t expecting another war so soon.”

“I had hoped we wouldn’t see one for another generation,” Nie Mingjue admitted. “I still hope we can avoid it – it depends on how the smaller sects fall out, and how determined the Jin sect is to dominate the rest, rather than willing to accept equality. But no matter how it goes, we can’t turn our faces away from injustice.”

“Agreed,” Jiang Cheng said with a sigh. “I think we have the better of the argument, and hopefully it sways the rest of them. But have you considered what happens if we win?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sect Leader Jin has been setting himself up as Chief Cultivator. After something like this, even if there’s no actual fighting, that’ll be impossible. You need respect to lead. So who will it be?”

Nie Mingjue experienced a brief moment of horror at the thought of having to take it himself – but no. It was a reasonable solution, of course, but it would also taint the whole thing. It would make his decision to stand up into a tawdry political play, designed to increase his power, rather than a genuine outburst of offended principle.

He might have proposed Lan Xichen as a compromise – he would have, even a shichen earlier. But after that display of weakness from earlier, however brief, he feared that it would somehow end up with Jin Guangyao (and Jin Guangshan behind him) pulling the strings from behind the scenes, using Lan virtue as a cover for their iniquity…no, that wouldn’t do at all.

The only other option was –

Well.

Nie Mingjue had thought to himself that he needed to do something to pay Jiang Cheng back for his support earlier, hadn’t he?

(And at worst, he’d owe him yet another favor.)

Nie Mingjue put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. “You have my full support,” he said solemnly, and ignored the sudden look of panic on Jiang Cheng’s face. “Think it over before you say no.”

Being Chief Cultivator would do more to restore the Jiang sect to prosperity than anything else Jiang Cheng might do, and he’d put that together himself sooner or later even if the idea of that much responsibility had to be fairly terrible. But before they could decide things like that, they needed to win.

One more fight.

He could do that much.

#mdzs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #lan xichen #jin guangshan #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #my fic #my fics #roseunspindle #spectacle

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