#ill get to u next month
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#codec shenanigans in the LEAD#and i can only pray like 2 more people vote for christmas so old snake can be drssed as santa u_u#also rip laywright#ill get to u next month
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accolade
#WOOOOOO i thought of this quite genuinely uhhhhh 6-7 months ago? ish? then i never drew it. got distracted. thats life babey#silver's the next housewarden. he's gonna get dubbed in and he's going to serve the dorm well and they're all so proud of him#what card was it. azul halloween? the one where hes asking azul for housewarden advice to get ppl to listen to him? its CANON FOLKS#ougugh working in black and white for a change. as a TREAT. different rendering styles keep me fresh keep me happy i love it#i render different ways i draw in different styles but no matter what ill always be drawing silver. static subject. i love him#this composition is also a bit funky for me i kinda dig it. anyways#twst#twstファンアート#twisted wonderland#twst silver#malleus draconia#suntails#if any of u know anything abt harrisburg area PA pls give me tips. just in case
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— a guy asks for your number ft. hoshina, narumi, reno
warnings: mentions dick and profanities in hoshina's
#kaiju no.8 x reader#kaiju no8 x reader#kn8 x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#hoshina x reader#ichikawa reno x reader#reno x reader#reno ichikawa x reader#narumi gen x reader#narumi x reader#i swore to myself that i would never write text fics again bc they get unbearable to look at after texting styles change#but here we are bc i read actually the funniest text fics ever just now by inmaki#i am not nearly funny enough to replicate but i tried#I APOLOGIZE FOR THE VULGARITY OF HOSHINA i do wish to believe he is quite the gentleman but i can also imagine it somehow#so get a man who can do both (COMPROMISE!)#sorry i was going to add more people i really was but i gave up#next time ill write two for each of them🤞 (not a promise bc i will break the promise)#THANK U FOR READING IF U READ THIS ILY#also this has been sitting in my drafts for AGES LIKE SOLID MONTHS NOW but now that the anime is out i think it is time to post
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midoyuzu is canon to me because of you
thank you anon..... im doing my part.... still havent recovered from the dream live interaction they had so heres doodles from last year of that. i cant believe they did that
on a separate note ive been kinda having mixed feelings regarding enst as a whole and while i dont think ill stop like. making/interacting w fanwork and such ill most likely step back a bit as well. even if it isnt new the racist shit that happyele's pulling really does suck ass, the fact im also really fond of akatsuki myself aside im sure its doubly worse for lots of other fans
#asks#anonymous#im still going to go thru w that mdyz week but depending on things go itll be around march or june!! rn though i have finals to prep/work o#for the next week or two so :'] its been hell of a month (it is the 2nd week of the year)#duck scribbles#doodles#midoyuzu#considering how long theyve apparently planned this out i doubt that they'd roll it back or something but until this is dealt w im def#avoiding offi stuff. well not like i was rly following the official accounts in the first place anyways lol ill learn from my friends first#and foremost if anything happens 👍 dont give those assholes the time of day even if valk is finally returning after over a year. screw you#and regardless of if this makes me fall in or out of enst its kind of clear how much these guys have already etched themselves in my very#soul. lol. valk and mdyz especially so#plus ive been kinda into/getting back in a bunch of other stuff as of late anyhow. so maybe a break from enst in general would do me good#thank u to lilac of pigeonedlilac for sending me the video and tl forever also btw. i lost my mind that morning they were rly cute#im going to go back to toiling over art history now#dont become an art/design major guys its torture
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#ksm u r so lovely n charming n stupid handsome n after seeing u irl i suffered for months (is still suffering). hope u have a good bday#stray kids#kim seungmin#seungmin gifs#skz gifs#skz#stray kids gifs#my gifs#next skz bday....i have a few posts planned for idk how many days ahead ill start it depends how many ideas i get#btw coloring this was hell cause he was so so whitewashed pls pat me on the back
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how to celebrate ur birthday or other holidays alone as a choice without making everyone concerned and offended
#no cuz i really want to JUST ONCE JUST ONE YEAR#I WOULD PROB FEEL LONELY AS FUCK BUT AT THE SAME TIME I COULD CHOOSE HOW TO CELEBRATE IT MYSELF ALL BY MYSELF AND DO WHATEVER I WANT#ITS WORTH TO DO THOSE HOLIDAYS LIKE NEW YEARS OR UR BIRTHDAY JUST ONCE. I FEEL LIKE#but not the alone because there is actually no one around u to celebrate with. that's different#and my heart goes out to the people that gotta celebrate smty alone. i am with them always spiritually even if they don't know it i am there#celebrating with them#i hope they know that#but anyway it being a choice actually matters#but yeah who knows if ill do that#maybe someday. hopefully. as a choice#this ain't serious or anything ignore this post#im rambling and getting out a thought again#rumaiq rambles#yk what i can do that by for example for my birthday celebrating the age + HALF of the year#so when it has been exactly 6 months since my birthday#and celebrating surviving the first 6 months without dying and now yay gotta survive the next 6#its an idea#i always wanted a summer birthday lowkey anyway not that i dont like mine in winter but summer feels like so much more fun#many more fun ways to celebrate a birthday. yk
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The urge to spend a 100$ on merch before getting my paycheck is so strong. I might not survive soldiers
#Priorities! Next month no food challenge#At least I can eat my vinyls and CDs 🥰#Man fr I could starve but if Id have some albums#Id be happy#eating my own organs and shit#Okay yes I officially lost it but!#ahiajwineidn the voices#I want to spend money#🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛#Tbh i only eat cheap ass bread anyways so maybe we can do it 👻#me tryna convince myself this would be a good idea and i wouldn't die#Mnaiaisns9jwkq but it's motivation? to keep working right?#....... IM ABT TO ORDER STUFF#IDEK WHAT. BUT. THE. VOICES.#like im soo thinking abt buying the mortal vinyl or atsushis vinyll CUZ THEY LOOK SO GOOD.#I DONT HAVE A MF LP PLAYER BUT IMMA BUY ONE AS WELL#aaaaaaaaa🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#HM. HmmMM. i can get an LP player on facebook market place rightttt that wont be expensive righttttt#oh to not have to pay 30$ for. shipping would be so good#Ahhhhhhhhh. 😾#Gimme money#Actually I don't even have the money! idek how much am i gonna get paid! but im just thinking abt ordering stuff and hoping ill have enough#insanity is my middle name tbh#also i hate how i literally. dont keep track of my money and i always act on impulse 😭#like man idc how much u pay me i see i have enough imma spend it all#but i should save up to finally move my mf ass away from this great environment i live in#but dang is it hard next to school#getting paid less than minimum wage as a student lowkey. is not fun#But idk what to do cuz i cant skip school to work 😭 so this is shit#n e ways goodnight ily who reads my 3556th diary entry
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LIFE UPDATE FOR U MY LOVES
my partner handed in their 2 week notice to their fuckhead father
they got a permanent contract offer at a new job WITHOUT taking a pay decrease!
the job is 8 hours away lmao so we will be moving again
however!! we're moving in with my sister temporarily so we'll get to see our nephew and her teenagers more often!
#their job is like#10 minutes away from the uni there so if i do wanna go back it'll make things a bit easier#um but yeah idk if ill be able to be doing much in the next month or so bc we'll be packing pretty much any time we're free#but it means we get to cut off the RAT FUCKKKKKKKKKKK LETS GOOOOO#i hate that man with every fibre of my being and i can't wait for him to be miserable not having his child or knowing anything about them#suck on my asshole u narcissistic fuck#anyway LMAO#「mercury speaks」
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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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i said i wasnt going to do this. i lied.
#akire draws sometimes#only half of this is aru sekai charas. i WIll get worse i have to#man i starved u people this year i didnt draw shit#actually i think ill end up drawing less next year. unfortunately. realistically. :(#this is going by when i finished them btw it was such a hassle to put together#by i save things by month. but by month i start it in#anf this year i kept back tracking and finishing thing months later
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something#but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller#which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this#and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely#oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart#so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar#i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to#because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of#its probably the resilience though#im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically#this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it#just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear#it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts#this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement#what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again#if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa
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listened to thoroughfare at full volume with the windows down on the highway the way god intended
#it was such nice weather today too i think ive decided october is my fav month <33#it goes by so quick and then the seasonal depression slaps me in the face#cant believe ive avoided country music for so loong i need to make a playlist#sighhh i miss playing the sims i miss streaming!! i may be able to squeeze one in on saturday? i think sunday im going to the movies#friday im gonna try nd finish editing the first ep of my lp(!!) which its done i just need some final touches nd record the next part#i want at least two finished videos so i can get a head start but ya also i might unlist all the yt vids i have up now so i can start fresh#anbbd what else idk i miss the mancusos i gotta get back to that i need to make more sims nd stuff mostly and finish ramons dorm#maybe ill do that this weekend ALSO#i think i wanna stream cyberpunk one of these days i want my channel to be more variety not just sims yk aand i made a night city playlist#idk im in a rambling mood i havent yapped in so long all my thoughts are just pingponging around in my empty ass brain#anyways if u read all this *smooches* good nighhhht <3333#ceru.txt#nonsims
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damn this budget gonna hurt.. .. how do u do commissions and would anyone want them...
#i gotta keep paying on my car while im here and i cant work on a student visa.....#bank account as shes looking is 50 bucks per month for. everything. bcause everything else goes to car#like i dont have bills living in uni housing which is good BUT i still need to buy groceries...#i can do it i think but it will hurt and also im gonna go over this month getting settled in#buying stuff like spices and rice and whatnot that i keep for a long time once i get it#but i need to get it at the beginning. and i am at. the beginning#god and i need like. living stuff too. just like towels and soap and shit#once i get all my beginning stuff i can do 50$ a month methinks. but for this month ill be over which means next month has to be under#blegh. alas#shit and how does healthcare work here. do u pay for appointments???? like i know u still pay for prescriptions but do u....#...pay for the appointment????? im so used to US healthcare i truly do not know what it looks like elsewhere#do i ust have to pay for appointment ME because im not a citizen????? how does anything work trult#i shall find out
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it's a good investment okay
#ill get totty's next week#i feel like im going to look back at this in 2 months#then look at myself. wow u really let urself go huh#dropping $100+ on ososan merch. okay whatever
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ok so. breakdown of todays events. we ordered food and some drinks all real cheap which was awesome. by the time we were all ready to order another round the line had gotten so long it reached outside and around the building so our friend was like ill wait and if i get cold ill just text you and we can switch. while she was outside a MASSIVE FIGHT broke out and it was so wild some poor kids face got slammed against the window RIGHT WHERE WE WERE SITTING multiple times…….. our friend texted us and was like i dont know what to so they wont let anyone in while the fight is still on…. so we grabber her and left and went to another bar which was nice. when she had to leave me and matt went BACK to the first bar, waited outside in line for 45 minutes before the guy was like. so even though theres tables in there the workers are so exhausted we literally cant let anyone in. he seemed so fucking stressed and desperate to all the other people in line and he gave me the job to tell everyone in line so i stood on top of the benches and went “EVERYONE IN LINE!!!!!! ITS CLOSED FOR TODAY SORRY!!!!!!” and i even had to try and talk some sense into some dudes who got real mad because like. the staff consisted of like 5 people and it was SO BUSY and theyd been at it for HOURS while a FIGHT HAD BROKEN OUT????? like i GET IT. they were tired and thats FINE. the guy was very sweet and even told us hed treat us to a free drink if we came back next week. but anyway then we went back to the other bar and now were home. mama mia
#also. err. some guy at the other bar was. well he was polite and didnt do or say ANYTHING rude#but. good grief was he checking me out#its silly bc every time i go out im like If anyone hits on me ill just play along so i can get free booze#then somebody looks at me provocatively and im like. i have to get out of here NAOW#anyway. i did get a drink for significantly cheaper than it shouldve been because im soooo cute and cool#smiles ^__^#also. got a compliment on my yngvie malmsteen shirt. LAWL#phew. n e ways. thats todays events i am WIPED#and i even broke into my at home booze budget…… gonna have 2 survive on just 3 bottles of vodka for the next two ish months or summat. lawl#and now im gonna watch seinfeld and chillax See u all ^____^
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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