#ill do anything to have a chance
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uhhhh ummmm uhmm ermmm
i drew this in a car and in 30 minutes so its pretty bad but i still made him look cute AND he's listening to the cranberries
#h*r#homestar runner#homestar fanart#strong sad#please give me one chance with him#ill do anything to have a chance#god please he's so cute#i cant live without him
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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this joke mightve worked better for dream drop distance in retrospect
#tbh i probably didnt think to do dream drop distance#because i avoid thinking about ddd at all whenever i can#anyways#sorry about the watermark i used tiktok to make it and didnt realize i couldnt save it without it#ig i have a tiktok now#i mean i had one i just didnt post there#but tbh i still forget to post on youtube so#should i make these links accessible? probably#will i? probably not#honestly im not even sure about using tiktok#but i will give it one (1) chance to not suck#but youre not getting anything unique over there#actually youre getting less than my youtube lmao bc i can only really post short videos on tiktok so theres none of my longer stuff#anyways thats it#if this doesnt upload again ill riot#doodles#kingdom hearts#sora#ansem sod#xemnas#xigbar#video#sound on
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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You win some: find out one of the undergrads in lab is into f1
You lose some: find out she's a staniel (and maybe a chirlie) within 30 seconds of speaking 🫠
#i walked up in my mclaren sweatshirt and she goes ''oh you like f1? how are you liking all the drama with lando right now? 🤭''#and i said ''not at all actually because he's my fave and it's made me have to get off social media 😩''#cue to her saying she never liked lando after how he treated daniel. i said ''but he didnt even do anything.''#and shes goes ''we'll have to agree to disagree''#like im sorry what? ma'am what? im not a gate keeper against dts converts (since i am one myself) but maybe we can just this once a little#but also i pulled up wearing a mclaren sweatshirt. you had to know there was at least a 50/50 chance thats who i was for 💀#suffice to say i will not be speaking with her about anything. ill focus my energy on the carlos fan in my class instead#taylor talks
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details bout michael n eins dynamic. 2 me (cw physical/emotional abuse, cannibalism, suicide/suicidal idealizations, ableism, self-harm)
michael only refers to himself as eins father when he wants ein to do something, any other time hes just michael .
lets ein not refer to him as sir to make him feel more "special" .
after eins mom broke up w zack she sorta got a bit. out of it. she started neglecting ein and she became depressed. The First Step in ein distrusting others bc his mother stopped paying attention 2 him. michael used a small amount of his magic to control her and make her drown herself in the kitchen sink and then kidnapped ein, making it look like she had killed herself and ein had ran away. .
just as a small thing of me hcing ein as a transguy, michael named him ein bc the meaning of "ian" (which is what his name is just spelled weird) is "God is Gracious" as a constant reminder that michael "saved" ein. .
ein wasnt tested on w forever potions (in the early stages w the other kids) because michael absolutely could not let Zack know he had his other stupid kid. when ein found out about the testing he was extremely upset bc he wasnt "special enough" for it. picture ein 6 years old begging for medical malpractice to be used on him .
he was tested later but as a teen when michael got out, since he didnt have access to the other children. although he wasn't able to use the full potions since he didnt have access to emeralds at the moment, so he used diluted versions of the potions that weren't as powerful via syringes. ein gets a fear needles from it .
when michael n the other two idiots were locked in the pocket dimension ein went through a brief depressive period bc the One Guy he (thought) cared about him disappeared. when michael did get out he didnt tell ein immediately bc he . doesnt like ein but when he found out ein got arrested he told ein that he should stay in jail for a few months to "learn his lesson" .
slightly unrelated but when michael wanted him out of jail he also wanted ein to disappear off the radar so he faked eins death in jail. originally he wanted ein to die in like a riot but ein, sensing an opportunity, asked for it to say he killed himself instead. the opportunity being aphmau half way into her uni course looking up her old high school bullies to see what theyre up to and just finding out ein is Fucking Dead .
the potions michael uses on ein are mainly magic power related (like eins Green Laser) because he likes manipulating ein into doing things rather than using his magic because its "more fun" .
michael subconsciously views ein as his actual son (mcd travis) bc he feels like "this one is a better son" or whatever .
not a specific thing but mother knows best reprise from tangled is a Viewpoint on their dynamic 2 me .
ein is internally scared of michael but he never verbally says that and if anyone asks him if he is he denies it immediately bc he doesnt want pity. you can see it in his eyes though. elizabeth is really the only other person who mentions it but she mostly uses it to make fun of ein because she "doesnt think its that bad" (<- she is unaware) .
bc of michael ein absolutely hates unwarranted physical touch. he reacts violently if anyone grasps his shoulder from behind or touches his upper arms. the only touch he usually allows is people lightly touching his hair/head bc he still registers it as headpats (grabbing his hair usually results in him biting) .
michael usually physically threatens or abuses ein to reprimand him but sometimes he throws ein into the Metaphorical Torture Box for entertainment .
basically most of the things michael does to ein is for his own amusement .
he also heavily dehumanizes ein to convince him to do evil acts, rationalizing it to him as "you arent a person so is it really that bad??" ein does not view himself as an actual person at this point more so as a nameless soldier, a weapon, etc .
i used this for an old fic n stuff too but also michael makes ein commit cannibalism to forcibly dehumanize him more. he wants to make ein feel entirely disconnected from humanity (like michael feels for himself) so ein will basically be a "mini michael" .
ein also consciously copies michaels mannerisms/speech. only really elizabeth n zack notice it however and it just fucking freaks zack the hell out (elizabeth is also freaked out by it but mostly ignores it) .
theres just a general theme of a loss of control for ein in general. he gets a small allowance from michael and hes not allowed out overnight, all his communication is usually internally with the researchers or guardian forces. most of the time ein self isolates from them, viewing them as beneath him and michael. when they try to talk to him its a 50/50 whether he'll tell them to fuck off or he'll hiss at them .
another specific detail is pre s4 ein fucked up a potion and instead of his usual reprimand, michael used pliers to defang ein. in his head its the one thing ein can't rationalize about michaels actions (the one "seed of doubt" he has). he usually makes excuses for michael's actions towards him but being defanged is the only one he struggles with since he knows that michael knows how important his wolf side is to him .
pre s5 and just like at the end of s5 (when ein was seen on the bridge) he was going through another depressive episode bc he missed his ears and tail. he was mainly just going through the motions of his daily life but he was barely holding on. michael repeatedly discouraged ein from committing because the plan would be messed up because of it (michael said that directly to him) and he would imply that ein would be a traitor if he went through with it. .
michael actually flipped between discouraging and encouraging ein to commit to see what he would do. .
he's caught ein self-harming before, w ein attempting to either drown or smother himself. michael doesnt like doing this regularly but most of the time he lets ein hug him so he feels "comforted". other times michael just scolds him and tells him to not do it again. .
i also hc ein as a low empathy autistic (bc # me) and he used to stim very openly and loudly but michael disliked that part of him so he "trained" ein to not stim in public which just results in him being constantly overstimulated, a contributor to Ein being fucking mad all the time. hes like a hair trigger away from a meltdown at all times .
the only method of stimming ein can usually get away w is when he scratches his arms/scabs. unfortunately he doesn't trim his claws and it usually results in ein making himself bleed or reopening scars. michael has attempted to get him to stop doing this but its pretty much a compulsion for ein at this point.
#basically this all boils down to “how horrible can i make eins life before it gets too much”#the answer is never#cw physical abuse#cw emotional abuse#cw cannibalism#cw sui mention#cw sui ideation#.... do i put this in the main mystreet tag#vinny's evil mystreet thoughts#mystreet#ill do both iguess#aphmau#aphverse#mystreet ein#mystreet michael#mystreet demon warlock#mcd demon warlock#idk if i want a tag for michael n ein too.... but itd be fun. i guess#i cant think of one rn if i think of one ill edit the tags n put it here#cw ableism#cw sh mention#just as a mention: i do still think ein is responsible for his actions. he still did all those things#i just think that with The Real Devil as a guardian he probably didn't have much of a chance at being anything else#also eins fears: the ocean. needles. loneliness. abandonment. medical things in general. authority figures yelling at him
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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper
#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose#why is that thang genuinely V#<#>#^#every direction sniffin#i want to bury my face in things and not impale them#i hate the way it looks when i smile#somehow it gets even bigger#and more downturned#and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change#im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed#its like it being a secret keeps me safe#even though everyone can see my body anyway#if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me#what if the number makes them see me differently#what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine#what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me#i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified#i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday#every time i look at myself im different#n im worse#and no matter how much i suffer its never happy#im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating#i just want to be different i want to be anything else#i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world#ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that#i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on#im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am#ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked
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we may have lost another one to the bisexual hotgirl and straight loserboy agenda but trust i am fighting it comrades 🫡
#IM TRYINGGGGG. the fuck of it all is that we've been going on dates on and off for WEEKS now#and i said to him at the start im not looking for anything serious and there's a chance he might be mugging himself off#bc i am just NOT emotionally available and low and behold we were at the pub the other night and wound up having a pretty#serious talk about how ive really liked getting closer to him and i genuinely enjoy our time together but i just cant see anything#serious coming of it NOT BC OF HIM BC GENUINELY I FEEL LIKE IVE MET MY MATCH WITH THIS BOY#NO ONE IRL CAN BANTER WITH ME LIKE HE CAN AND THAT IS SUCHHH A CRUCIAL BOX TO TICK WITH ME#but i just dont think im mentally or emotionally in the place for a relationship and i dont like him ENOUGH to fight for it#like it's been v illuminating v much that 'you never realise just how mentally ill you are until you try persuing a romantic relationship'#bc DAMN. i feel insane like why cant i just be normal about things and enjoy nice things and people in my life#BUT despite me saying all this to him and TRYING NOT TO BE THE ASSHOLE he has fully admitted that he likes me SO MUCH#that he'd like to keep going on dates and stuff regardless of the end result. like he genuinely just likes my company#and will take it in any capacity he can get he literally SAID that he's whipped for me 😭#and im like HOW DO I WIN HERE. IF I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT IM AN ASSHOLE BUT CUTTING HIM OFF ISNT FAIR EITHER#AND I LIKE OUR LITTLE DATES AND BEING SPOILED AND HAVING SOMEONE BE A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH ME#SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME A BAD GUY. GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING#ughhhhhhh. so yeah we're going on another date tonight. shoot me i dont care!!!!#hella goes to uni
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thinking about esfir.....
#— sidus gelida.#do you think she remembers crucabena's harsh and punishing hands?#do you think she remembers how their heart sank the day they realized that she wasn't going to tolerate their nonsense insolence anymore?#do you think she recalls learning the hard way that she could not disobey dottore the same way she did crucabena +#+ because his punishments were so so *so* much worse than hers ever were?#do you think esfir recalls crucabena sauntering into dottore's lab and looking at them with all the false pity in the world?#do you think they recall the previous knave's cold fingers caressing her cheek with something sinisterly satisfied dancing in her eyes +#+ when esfir was too tired from the god remains experiments to even say something nasty back to her? when she was too helpless +#+ to do anything to wipe that look off of “mother's” face?#do you think esfir remembers crucabena's cruelty.#do you think that even if dottore's *punishments* were worse... esfir still feels like crucabena was more *cruel overall?*#DO YOU THINK THAT ESFIR GETS SCARED WHEN BAIZHU TOUCHES HER FACE WHEN SHE'S ILL AND TOO WEAK TO PULL AWAY.#DO YOU THINK ESFIR DARES NOT LOOK AT HIS FACE FEARING THAT THEY WILL SEE CRUELTY.#DO YOU THINK THAT ESFIR CRIES WHEN SHE DOES LOOK AT HIM AS SHE REALIZES THAT HIS FACE IS GENTLE.#DO YOU THINK SHE SOBS INTO HIS PALM TOO OVERCOME WITH FEVERISH DELIRIUM AND TRAUMA TO EVEN HAVE A CHANCE AT STOPPING IT.
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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ik nilbog and the scarce resources is probably meant as like. loose reference to the entities and how their existence was dwindling or whagever but cmon man cmon. do none of these greatures understand farming. or the first law of thermodynamics 😔 did those creatures not shit. was there no waste product. WHERE did that energy go. was it into the weird world-transferring thing. why was that niche not filled by a weird lil guy. shakes worm the fundamentals of any environment are the weird little guys!!!
#w#worm spoilers#its interesting because this is a p glaring blind spot in a story that usually tries to think itself thru#but i respect the ‘dw about it just enjoy. no rly dont worry about it because im not’ approach to Any writing problem#so ill accept it#and dreamily think about weird little guys#nilbog couldve made solarpowered little freaks#cows. turn that grass and plant matter into more food#probably couldve found a way to make lil guys that ate dirt and transform that into food the otjers could eat#wind powered freaks…..#<- thays aweskme sctuslly i should think about that more#supposedly theres a salmon out tjere that just doesnt create atp#and gets enough from its prey that it forsnt need to worry???#i didnt end up gettijg the chance to look into it and if i do now i will go down a RABBIT HOLE#but tjats an option too. make lil freaks who are batteries and then feed them to other guys#use the byproduct to make more battery freaks#im just saying that taylor wouldnt have had those same problems okay#i believe in her figuring out weird ways to harness energy snd not stsrve to death if she had nilbogs powers#but nilbog would probably be like aw man :/ bugs. i can do anything w this shit
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guy who is so bad at writing letters voice hey maybe i should write this person a letter
#i can write messages in holiday/birthday cards. i could send letters to friends#but vaguely professional letters to someone i do not know at all???? cant do it!!#its like. euighg not only do i feel like such an imposition but i am also like. nobody. no one. what right do i have to send a letter#and even IF somethinggggg came about because of it. which is an INCREDIBLY slim chance#what do i do. lets say this person was like youre absolutely right go make a documentary#i dont know how to make a documentary!!!! ive never done anything!!! im booboo the fool and all im trained to do is customer service#maybe i could like. get a rough outline . ish. for the hypothetical documentary#i don't know. for some reason my brain thinks this is a good idea to pursue#is it???? would anyone care?????? AGH#i dont know . i have no idea if ill actually even do this but this is my latest creative crisis
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hey, what happened to the left believing in second chances? what happened to the belief that if somebody's tangibly doing better, they deserve that chance? you guys realise how common problematic beliefs were when the internet was younger? like, when gamergate was a thing? not that long ago? you guys realise most people on the internet are not from the same moral background as you? you guys realise keeping people out who have changed their beliefs, is only going to discourage more people from doing better? are you guys crazy? why are y'all bringing moral purity into this? it's a powerful thing to recognise things you've been taught were wrong & to then move away from it, especially when you're in a community around it either irl or online. being in a community is such a powerful force in most people's lives. not everyone had the perfect background & not everyone had access to being as educated on social issues as you did. it's fine to personally not forgive someone's problematic history & not interact with them, but to actively exclude them from the cause? get off your high horse, you're harming the movement by gatekeeping it to those with a perfect moral background.
#this is in response to a post i saw on here a while ago#“how do u even fall into those beliefs to begin with!!!” some people are raised by very shitty people next#yknow grifters who spread misinfo arent just talking into the void. they target a demographic that is ill-informed#idk i grew up in a household that never quite grew out of the cold war & when i was introduced to the internet when i was little#i was groomed by someone on the right & though i didn't hold any explicitly racist or homophobic beliefs or anything (mixed family household#& queer myself)#i was still problematic & stupid!#i know my Capitalist Era™ ended when i was 13-14 & that's Young but idk a lotta people believe the wrong things bcs they're stupid#or never questioned influences growing up before it spirals out of control#if someone shows genuine change they deserve a chance. the very system we live in is one that tries to convince ppl it works & to keep ppl#from knowing its crimes. so yea if it's working as intended a lotta people aren't gonna have Flawless beliefs i'm sorry#i feel like a lotta people who'll just exclude anyone from the left if they have a problematic history they've grown from are younger & need#to work thru their own special kind of puritanism#you don't have to like someone but you're helping Nobody by excluding those who've changed & tryna rile up ppl against them
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Please try to find some sort of therapy or something because you have So so much more potential and worth than you think you do and its earnestly so saddening to see you resigning yourself to a fate you don't deserve
its ok because its my own fault honestly :[ im going to try to stop complaining now that it's just becoming more and more evident that im just choosing not to take da reins of my own life
#anonymous#skunk mail#im trying to get myself back to optimism#bc there Is a rare potential opportunity for me#but i dont think im going to take it or the other help offered#the stuff i have going on with my family is far too complicated#on top of now thinking my life would be worse if i moved im going to be honest and say i literally dont want to waste 8 hrs of the day if i#can help it.#ill be struggling to keep myself alive much less draw and if my art improvement stagnates even MORE i#dont know whats the point of sticking around#im literally just useless member of society and actively deciding to do so#so obviously im not going to get anything i want nor do i deserve it. im not willing to put#the work in. its too difficult. i dont want anything that much.#its my own fault#idk how ill feel in a few months once ive missed my only chance but its how i feel now#i was so determined and resolved for a few months and was even planning but all it took was one conversation#to bring me back to reality so how would i even survive on my own if im this weak and naïve lol#i dont know.#delete later
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please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3
Thank you very much
Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...
It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!
Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...
This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.
But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!
#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3#but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety#that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc#i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting#and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually#and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again...#so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working!#i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again...#and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it.#even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset!#my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time#and i still ran out of episodes...#i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but.#yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now#i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else#and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break#ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional#asks#anon#vent#delete later#and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people#(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly)#(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more#(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do)#(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)
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caught up finallyyyy. that shit was FIRE
#ninjago spoilers#im loving the overarching plot even if some of the moment to moment stuff is losing me#in particular the dialogue felt rlly clunky to me a lot of the time w characters justttt. expositing at every chance#but i rlly like sora and arins arcs so far. really really good#arin is maybeeeee leaning a little too Evilllllll for my tastes BUT i do think it makes sense at least#finalllyyyy a good fucking corruption arc#found the kinda... prodigy sora on the stage at the end alone very powerful#it nice to see them growing at different rates and the conflict it might cause#still not sure what wfs deal is yet but i did rlly like her relationship w roby. super cute. they matched each others freak#i miss jayyyyy still but nice that its being built up to#hopefully it pays off nicely bc the 2 secs of it we got to see was... umm. not the bestttt#altho interesting to see now that jays been shattered.#also i assume it just went back to the administration? seemed that ras was done w it#i wonder if jay wld be able to find anything out abt itself if thats the case.....?#i mean youd assume it tried already. butttt u cld say maybe it was under the agency as jay gordon which wld have come up w nothing#UM ANYWAY i do rlly like where the story is going it feels rlly cool and different to have everything developing over time like this#compared to the more contained seasons from before#also just saying. if i was lloyd id straight up kill myself#rlly funny imagining llpyd getting back to the monastery and sighing and replacing kais photo w arins#yes yes. very good. zane saying cringe made my jaw drop#actually ill say i do hate how they r writing zane. but thats been an issue for forever now so wtfeverrrr
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