#ill answers as honestly as i can
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neteyamyawne · 2 years ago
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Choose your picks, I'm more than happy to answer your questions ☺️🫴🏼
Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask
😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?
🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?
🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
✍ Do you have a beta reader?
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?
🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
🍷 Do you drink and write?
🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?
🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?
💖 What made you start writing?
💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?
❌ What's a trope you will never write?
💲 Would you ever open commissions?
🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?
�� What's your most popular fic?
🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?
🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?
🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?
📈 How many fics do you have?
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!
🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
💞 Who's your comfort character?
🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.
🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?
🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?
😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?
🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?
✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?
📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?
💥 How do you feel about criticism?
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
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xxplastic-cubexx · 3 months ago
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Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
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i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
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#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
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the-knife-consumer · 3 months ago
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Bill is the villain of the series. Not Mabel. Not ford. BILL. oh my god. If I see one more post pinning literally everything on Ford I'm going to lose my mind. And before it was Ford it was Mabel. Mabel was a little girl terrified of growing up who got tricked by BILL pretending to be someone else. She didn't make a deal with him she got tricked (and even if she did?? Literal twelve year old she's just a kid). Also yeah ford did a bunch of horrible shit because BILL fucked with his head. Bill MADE him trust no one and isolate himself. Mabel and ford are not the bad guys the BAD GUY IS THE BAD GUY. SCREAMS AND RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES. COME ONNNNNMN
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emborami · 3 months ago
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Through the years, from popinjay to coxcomb to maccaroni to dandy to dude
#and from dude to gigolo if i have anything to say about it#baby i can the sweet mama to your sad and lonesome#this was so fun to draw my favorite hobby is historical fashion#are ​they accurate? not answering that. i refuse to draw codpieces#at my heart i am unfortunately a coward#i know i gave dandy kayne a short haircut at first but then i remembered all the mullets ive been seeing and i had to give it a try#i hope it looks like he as having fun throughout the eras <3#malevolent#kayne malevolent#but anyays like i as saying theres no ay king is appearing regularly in a three piece suit and not bringing that energy to#every other century#and i almost drew him in like plate armor but if he’s like snapping his fingers and ppl explode bro is not gonna get a suit of armor#that was wishful thinking on my part i remedied it he dresses like a bourgeoise i have to accept it#if i did this with the yellow king it would be like 5 inages of the same dude copied and pasted#i started giving the yellow king a pennanular brooch and even then i as like whoah thats kinda lavish for john#i dunno maybe i should fuck around with his robes and try some stuff out#hmmmmmmm i do like jewelry……….#new project: project runway but with john doe#and then eventually ill help poor arthur out#tho honestly i think he really probably dos have an eye for quality clothing i think he’s probably respectably fashionable but he#cares more abt quality#id love to put my boy in a fishermans sweater tho i feel like he needs something warm and sturdy on his journeys <3
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seiwas · 3 months ago
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HI MY BELOVED ANGEL!!! i am sending u mattsun + campfire as well as kisses n hugs <33
SAINTTT hello 🥺 thank you for sending a prompty!! 🥹 idt i've ever written mattsun fully before so this is something new!
help me get back into the writing groove! send me a character + any word and i'll write a short blurb about it!
contains: exes, stranded-y situation, feelings are complicated, some expletives
mattsun + campfire
"i told you we should've brought the spare—"
"yeah, let me go back in time for a sec and do just that."
"asshole."
lesson #1: nothing good ever happens when you're stuck in a car with your ex on the way to somewhere remote.
you blame iwaizumi for this one. who the fuck chooses to spend their birthday weekend in the fucking wilderness?
(okay, you don't actually think it's so bad. to be fair, he did plan this a year ago. and it did sound like a good idea. then. at the time. anywhere with the boys was always guaranteed fun―at least, until you and matsukawa broke up.)
"can you pass me the flashlight?" he points at the backpack behind you. when you hand it over, your fingers brush over his as he takes it away from you.
and you hate it, because―
lesson #2: you should never be alone with your ex when you still have feelings for them.
you'd agreed to take two cars to the camping spot: iwaizumi's with oikawa and hanamaki and matsukawa's with you. there was no way you'd fit in one, and hanamaki ultimately decided to ride with iwaizumi because, "you and mattsun have shit to sort out," he'd said.
with night setting and the two-hour headstart they managed to get ahead of you, the best thing you and matsukawa can do is to set up camp temporarily and wait for them to come back for you come sunrise.
you sigh.
leaves crack underneath your feet as you maneuver around your camping space. the light from matsukawa's flashlight tells you where he is, just a bit deeper in the forestry as he looks for wood to help set up the fire.
you unload the car in the meantime, bringing out some snacks and sleeping bags while waiting.
matsukawa eventually comes back with arms full of wood, and you help in whatever way you can, clearing the space and fetching more twigs when needed.
the entire car ride here had been quiet, so it's not surprising that this entire process has been equally as silent. until―
"did you already pull out your tent?" he asks, half of his body disappearing into the trunk of the car.
"huh?" you go closer, "i only brought out the sleeping bags."
then he sighs, ducking out from the trunk with a hand on his hip, "we only have one tent."
"what?"
"makki must have gotten yours with his when he decided to move cars."
his hand runs through his hair, a habit you know well. it lights up all sorts of weird feelings in your tummy
you don't know how to feel―
"i can sleep in the car."
―but you know that you definitely don't want him to do that. all things considered, you were friends first. and you've both been trying to be friends again since the breakup. you wouldn't want to cause him discomfort like that.
so, with a deep breath, you say, "it's okay, we can just share."
"are you sure?" he stares at you.
you nod.
after setting up the tent, you eat a few energy bars and clean up from the day's events. the campfire provides ample enough heat, but with how fast the flames are burning, you're doubtful it'll last the two of you the entire night.
it’s much later on, past midnight, that your doubts are proven right when you and matsukawa are cramped together in a tent made for one. it started to get cold a few minutes ago, and you've found yourself inching closer and closer to the warmth you’ve gotten used to laying against for the past two years.
he's only pretending to be asleep, you know that much, too. the rise and fall of his chest is hardly there; you can see it, how he's holding his breath being this close to you.
"issei," you whisper.
he opens his eyes, eyelids lifting lazily as he meets your stare. the vibration of his hum reverberates to you.
"it's cold."
for a moment, your stomach drops at the thought that he could ignore you; how it would make perfect sense for him to. you broke up with him after all, and he doesn't owe you anything, much less favors as intimate as this one.
but he closes the already dwindling gap between you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulls you closer. it's near, far too near for exes to be―noses touching and all.
"warmer?" his voice comes out hoarser through the whisper.
you nod, your head shifting up and down—which, truly, is where you ultimately fuck up. you feel it, a little chapped but still pliant against your lips.
in your carelessness, you accidentally brush your lips against his, the sensation alone surprising you enough to inch your head back as you mutter your apologies.
"sorry? really?" he asks, eyes half-lidded still as he chuckles.
his question settles into the small space you're in.
your vision trails from his eyes, down to the slope of his nose, until it lands on his lips again. a little split like you've always known, but still your favorite. still the only lips you want against yours.
when you lean in again, you know you're fucked, because―
lesson #3: the number one rule is that exes shouldn't kiss each other anymore.
#mattsun x reader#matsukawa x reader#hq x reader#shotorus.workbook#WAAAAAH i hope u like this saint !!!#ive never rlly written mattsun in length before so i hope i captured him enough ?????#i feel like he's such a tough balance to write (bc i am not witty at all and i feel like he would be HAHAHA)#anyway !!! some stuff abt the fic: the split was amicable for the most part#but the reason why makki says reader and mattsun have stuff to sort out is because there's like a weird tension~~ that he feels around them#and its kind of like. they bicker? and snap at each other like exes do but also it's just like. why do u care abt what the other does so mu#if you arent together anymore ?? typa thing. its like. they argue but in a way couples normally do if that makes sense#HONESTLY MAKKI WOULDNT HAVE ALSO MINDED STAYING WITH THEM cos he likes to watch HAHA but i think#he joined iwaoi more as a 'ill give u guys time together to fuck it out or wtvr just dont be weird on iwa's bday' typa thing#they were also together for a while! friends first and everything hmmm the reason why reader broke up with him#can be up to you! but my intention was for it to be something fixable and just more fitting for a 'break' typa thing#not necessarily a breakup#also the iwa car went ahead and they have the spare tire so they can go back and help but better in the daylight#i think thats all !!!#i hope you like it !!#ask#rep#saint.🩸#honestly these just keep getting longer hAHAH i should follow my 20 minute cap more#ask rep answered#heartsyougave
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evienyx · 1 month ago
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im not too sure how to ask this, but i'm reading the first book in the fractures series, and really enjoying it, and you said that you started it when you were 14. i'm 14 at the moment and am thinking of writing a fic and was wondering if you had any tips on how to plan a longfic or for writing in general
Oh my god this was asked back in August I'm so sorry anon.
As it is, I can still give a pointer or two, regardless of how late it is.
So, as much as anyone hates to hear it and I hate to say it, the best way to get better at prose (as in sentence-level writing) is just by writing. You gotta train it, develop your own style, figure out what works.
I have a tendency to be very flowy and long-winded, often to my own detriment, which is something I'm working on trimming down in the Fractures Rewrite without sacrificing the emotional weight from the scenes.
When it comes to planning a longfic, generally the most important first step (for me at least) is figuring out where you want to end it. Anyone can write a fic whose plot goes on and on for eternity, but if you want your fic to kinda be a classic, having an idea of where it's going to end up will immediately help you.
After the end, the hardest part for me tends to be the middle. It is just as important as anything, and you want it to stay just as interesting. The middle part of the story is the plot, the beginning and end are just vessels for it.
Oftentimes, the earliest form of my outline is literally just a document with the entire plot written out. I don't care for length or details, I just sit down, write the beginning, and then write how the story gets to the end. From there, I clean the outline up. I figure out what makes sense to use and what needs to be added or taken away. I start separating the stuff into possible chapters and outlining those chapters to figure out what they will include.
As I'm doing this, I also write out (smaller) outlines for the arcs of individual characters. Depending on the size of the fic and what the focus is, I might do this for dozens of characters or only for a handful. Regardless, I need to know where they start, where they end up, and how the plot changes them to get them from point A to point B.
If you're ever struggling with coming up with a plot that flows well with good tension, one that feels like it's building to something satisfying, you can always just use a plot template from online somewhere. Even if it feels rudimentary, Exposition-Rising Action-Climax-Falling Action-Resolution works for a reason. It's often how I outline stories of my own that aren't related to fanfiction.
One more tip: Read. And I don't just mean fanfiction. The best fics are often compared to published novels, with some even being considered better than them. One of the reasons these stories are so good is because they don't flow like many fanfictions do - rather they flow like published novels, with a proper plot, arcs, prose, and a satisfying ending.
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clowningcrows · 2 months ago
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lol i pregamed a tiny bit for agatha but now after finishing im just taking shots for coping reasons
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#i am…… not all that pleased with the ending#/not trying to sound like a complainy bitch#SPOILER WARNING ->#i expected agatha to die tbh#but honestly what i Did not expect was for the ending to feel unfinished#and for me to come out of it feeling so deeply unsatisfied#and it’s not that any of the scenes were bad really!! i loved them#i just feel like a lot of them…. needed some further context or elaboration that we got absolutely none of#like i have So Many questions still that weren’t at all answered by the finale#and also questions that came up BECAUSE of the finale that didn’t get answered lol#idk i’m just.#i’m so proud of kathryn hahn and all of the cast and crew#and i don’t want to seem ungrateful bc i can FEEL that they put their heart and soul into this show#but the writing and contextualization just REALLY really fell flat for me in the last two episodes#also some decisions that felt…weird and last minute#like the reveal of agatha being the one to take jen’s powers?? still makes zero sense to me#idk i just wish we had more time with them i think#also i’m not upset that agatha died again i kinda expected it but the manner in which she died felt abrupt and inauethentic to. e#it just didn’t feel fleshed out at all idkkkkk#ugghhhhhgg#can’t believe i got fucking got by yet another sapphic show#i’m just asking for one good sapphic show with a satisfying ending PLEASE#(read: NOT necessarily a happy ending im not asking for all that i just need it to MAKE FUCKING SENSE!!!!)#anyway. i have more thoughts that ill get into soon im a bit tipsy and prob and not expressing myself right but TLDR love them all but…. 😬#agatha all along#agathario#agatha harkness#billy maximoff#kathryn hahn#joe locke
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katkalis-the-fanartist · 6 months ago
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I wonder if you got age hc for the misers and their fam
I do actually!
Fitting you asked this because I remember you in particular asking me to doodle a teenage heat miser, but...it stumped me. Not only because hes supposedly teen-ish in the movie but also idk how to do a proper edgy teen and also...my personal hcs dont have any of the mother nature fam being teens at all. Ever.
So, I headcanon the "children" of Mother Nature to have never even started as infants at all. They were never born naturally. No no no, Mother Nature created them in ways unbeknownst to mankind. This all goes along with my hcs of the nature fam being otherworldly beings with indescribable power. Think about it: exactly how crazy it is to control even just the weather.
She created her progeny when whatever god or what have you created life itself. Father Time was there as well, created by this god of sorts, but never crossed with Mother Nature in any way. (Hes more powerful than she is by far btw, I should do something with him)
The family can also have different forms. Forms of the natural phenomenons themselves, humanoid forms, their true incomprehensible forms. Some believe they use humanoid forms to easily interact with humans while other theorize that they simply find amusement living out their existence as a humanoid would.
Then also the stuff I talked about where they have infinite physical bodies on infinite planets of many weathers. All that lovely insane stuff.
I'm sure you were probably expecting cute baby, preteen, or teen stuff, but alas, that is not what I have. Unless ofc you want me to SPECIFICALLY think like that!
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schizopositivity · 2 years ago
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Hello hello– someone on the schizophrenic-spec here– I've been struggling a lot / flogging myself for struggling with basic hygiene.
My question / ask is primarily; is this struggle.. common? I suppose is the word? Like is it something others on this spectrum deal with? And if so– why? ( Knowing the why's often helps me figure things out and work through them is all )
And additionally; a positivity post in regards to bad hygiene and not being "lesser" for it? Perhaps?
( Apologies if this is accidentally a vent btw. )
The struggle is common, and is often seen as a result of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.
Usually it's thought to be caused by our avolition (lack of motivation to complete basic tasks like taking care of hygiene). It could also be that executive dysfunction (trouble organizing thoughts and actions, and getting distracted) is common amongst schizo-spec people. Also since depression is common in schizo-spec people that could also contribute to lack of hygiene maintenance (like not thinking you are worth it or not seeing a point in it, or again lack of motivation). And for me and my schizophrenia, I have trouble reading ques from my body when it tells me to do things, so sometimes I need to be reminded by others when to eat, brush my teeth, use the bathroom, wash my clothes, etc. Also for hygiene things like the dentist, it could be because the reasons I listed in my post about how it can be hard for schizophrenic people to go to the Dr. for treating their physical health.
It could be any of these reasons or a combination of them, either way it is very common for people on the schizo-spec to struggle with hygiene. It's okay to struggle with this and it shouldn't be seen as a flaw of the person with it. It's just another part of their disorder.
Although I do think working on improving hygiene for schizo-spec people is very important. A lot of routine hygiene is to prevent problems in the future like tooth decay, infections, fungus, and plenty of others. I'd never blame the individual for these eventual problems, but I do think it's important to be aware of the possible repercussions and if possible, work on avoiding them. Maybe by googling "how often should I _" and then setting reminders in your phone. Or doing what you can at the moment like "I don't feel like showering today but maybe I can wash my feet and face and armpits in the sink" or "I can't brush my teeth but I think I can use some mouthwash".
It's not something anyone should see as "gross" or a moral flaw, it's just another symptom in a disorder that you can't control and didn't choose. The mentality that unhygienic people are less than comes from centuries of classism, racism and ableism. It's never the judged individual's fault, it reflects more on the person with the prejudice to judge. It doesn't matter if you can't afford hygiene products, are seen as inherently unhygienic, can't maintain hygiene because of physical or mental disability, it's never your fault for being judged for it. Even if it does lead to health issues in the future, that's still not worthy of being judged. And also no one is better than you for being hygienic, that comes more from privilege than from hard work or moral righteousness.
This has been a struggle for me, especially mentally to not see myself as gross for not being able to maintain hygiene. It's been a long journey of unlearning bias, and seeing what is best for me, and not best for other people. I try to balance it out like being really proud of myself for flossing and brushing my teeth one day, yet not being mad at myself when I don't have the energy to floss and brush my teeth another day. It's just another thing I have to think about, that others might not have to.
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tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r · 2 months ago
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I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.
#every waking moment of my life for three years was spent making sure other people had a person to vent to#but i can't vent to anyone#well ive got one person who wont even read my fucking text messages so i could say anything but i need someone to know#i need someone to say ill be okay. i need someone to be the person i was.#and nobody does that for me#ive got one person who cant even answer a ask on tumblr. honestly fuck you. i hope youre reading this. i spent so many nights awake making#sure you felt seen and you were okay. i gave up so much of my time to always be there for you. but you cant even respond “haha” to a stupid#joke? i get social interaction is hard. i get it. but this isnt. all you have to fucking do is open an ask. skim it for an idea of the vibe#and type haha or aw im sorry or smthing. its so easy. you know i have crippling anxiety. shit like this brings back trauma. it sends me into#a really bad panic attack. you suck. i hate to say that. cause you dont. you are genuinely a good person but you hate yourself so much that#youre actually trying to be a bad person#nothing you ever do will make me hate you but i sure am mad. me and A spent a few hours talking about how much we were worried about you#he doesn't have tumblr. when he found out you havent been messaging me he thought you killed yourself. for him its complete radio silence#just say something. like one of my posts. you dont have to do much. just do the bare minimum so i know you dont hate me.#cause if you dont hate me right now you really suck. really do. and if you do hate me please communicate that with me so i can fix myself
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recreationaldivorce · 1 year ago
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oh my fucking god idk if this is an autistic thing or what but i feel like it is. why do people keep insisting on what i meant after i repeatedly explicitly clarify what i meant by something and then they continue to insist no, it had some secret hidden meaning, and then they continue to take issue with that secret hidden meaning they have assigned to my words. fucking exhausting. need to walk around with a sticker saying "PLEASE TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY COMPLETELY LITERALLY. THERE IS NO SUBTEXT TO MY WORDS. IF I MEANT TO SAY SOMETHING I WOULD SAY IT EXPLICITLY." plastered to my forehead
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themissingnumbers · 3 months ago
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I know your stories don't seem to revolve around Gold/Ethan and / or Blake, but I'm wondering what they would look like in one of those ref sheets you make. Would we have a sorta timeline for them? Or how you believe they end up dying? Your art is incredible, and remember to take breaks!
-Choccy Anon
((Don't assume so fast dear friend. Considering that I managed to pump out a timeline and a ref up to the lineart for one of the other relevant guys i got, I'm sure I'll be cooking up stuff for that rotting corpse real soon!
The way Gold had died has actually been implied in a handful of canon asks before, Hmm. I wonder what that easter egg was called. smthn smthn mount whatza
But, despite not having much to show for it right now, there is a significant amount of different (cough and similar if not same) characters important to missing numbers, justttt not a lot of them have been found out properly just yet. but im sure once canon story asks start up again all will be revealed in due time.
but trust me, youll prolly be getting that poor boys reference(s)(((who knows maybe ill go crazy w/ it))) soon, probably with a few handful of others
oh yeah i also wanna say i like your little anon nickname choccy))
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amu-brain-dump · 9 months ago
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from the weird asks post: #1 who is/are your comfort characters?
As of right now, Keqing from Genshin Impact. And up to certain extend also Ganyu but only when she's with Keqing
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She is the picture of perfection in my eyes. I love reading fanfic of her all the time: when I'm sad, when I'm anxious, when I'm happy, when I'm bored.... Literally all the time 🤣
Also this lil cute gremlin: Dom from Animal Crossing
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I thought I had a picture myself of his shenanigans, guess not 😅 he's just cute, he's always talking about doing exercise and having big muscles and he is the only villager who gifts me stylish clothes consistently 🤣 an his facial expressions are so adorable!!
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hardrockshrimp · 5 months ago
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Snake age progression thing <3
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treemice · 15 days ago
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I know teen girls are stereotyped to self diagnose with all kinds of personality disorders ("OMG I'm so bipolar" kind of vibe) but do they actually do that? And when they do do they actually believe that they have it? I'm asking this AS a teen kind-of-girl
Because on one hand if they actually believe it I'd understand because idk estrogen makes me gen feel like I'm going fucking insane sometimes. I'm not really a mentally healthy person, I'm prone to depressive episodes and I've been passively suicidal for most of my life, I've had OCD since I was like 7 and I've struggled with SH, so maybe it's just my autism brain thinking that everyone's being literal about that. But idk I've felt like... like a danger to myself before just on the basis of "I'm not normally in this good of a mood, my blood feels like it's dancing, if I jumped off the school balcony i bet I'd survive" and while I know that that's not true and I'd DIE i feel like i have 2 brains, the irrational emotional one, and the logical "you will die don't be a dumbass"/"you're being paranoid relax" one. And when I'm feeling irrational I get scared because I dont feel like i can trust myself to not do something dangerous.
But on the other if they don't mean it its caused me to think a lot of "phases" is normal. Like I was actively suicidal when I was 12 and when i watched a movie about a 12 year old girl that was depressed and a doctor said "being 12 is just one of those ages" I assumed it meant that being suicidal was a normal part of growing up and it'd go away in time.
#tw sh related#tw sh destructive behaviour#tw sh implied#tw sh#tw self h4rm#theres so many tags omg#autism#teenage suffering ig#I'm very angsty but i never know if its a regular amount? im quick to dismiss my shit as normal but I'm normally wrong#i dont want to someday leap off a bridge because i believed id survive the fall#Im scared I'll lose the ALREADY WEAK grip on myself that i have and do something really stupid#i dont want to worry my mom because shes constantly asking “youre sure youre not depressed?” but i never answer honestly#my life is phases of boring -> real bad ocd -> AMAZING -> sad and depressed#and idk I'm growing tired of it#when i want to hurt myself i feel it in my arms and idk the feeling doesnt go away until i do somethings about it#i relapsed this year but I've been clean for like 4 months i think#when my ocd is relaly bad i can convince myself that I'm hallucinating and i worry ill scare myself so much ill kill myself to get away#im not suicidal im just irrational and paranoid. at least im LOGICAL. I can 'no youre not hearing carnival music thats the fridge' myself#out of it most of the time. and i have friends i can call to ground me when i feel like a scared animal lmao#love them#but uh fellow teenage girls please hmu#i go on reddit to ask if stuff is normal but then my posts get flagged 😭 I'm not in danger i just want to know if i should be concerned#I'm not even sure if i have trauma that would cause me to think the way i do like wtf your parents loved you why are you like that
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loser-jpg · 10 months ago
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hate teacher.
so angry.
he told me my 6 months worth of work has to be scrapped and entirely redone in 2 weeks. thats literally impossible. i am the tiniest inconvenience away from having an entire meeting with him to read him a 5 page essay on how he has been of no help this entire semester and last and how he has done nothing but inconvenience me all year.
hes seen the work many times before but only brought up the issue now. 2 weeks before a progress report. He told me the thing hes been having me work on for an entire month cant be part of my progress report because its not specific enough.
IF THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN AND HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE I WAS 6 MONTHS IN.
he blatantly holds favoritism as every other student (they all happen to be cis men) get all the help in the world yet i get no help at all and when he tells me i have to scrap all my work he doesnt even point me in the right direction just says redo it you have 2 weeks.
this is a group project but every other group is doing one project with all people working together yet mine is doing one project each person meaning i cant even get assistance. two of the people in my group HAVE NOT SPOKEN A WORD TO ME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.
he is also needlessly rude. instead of just politely saying there might be an issue he feels the need to make me feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I am half convinced this man finds joy in publicly humiliating and shaming me in any way possible. You are a grown ass man what the actual fuck. You are in your god damn 50s.
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