#ik its just bc i was out bc of covid. but :( it still makes me sad

[eyefocusing]

this has been the most week

[medicasino]

ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever

[sleepyagent]

Fuck, only imagining kissing you still makes my heart jump a bit🤡

[ridebyldr]

sisters, i need help! so this is not quite a tc related situation but it's a lot of school drama so i figured you'd be invested. unfortunately i got caught right at the centre so i wanted some expert opinions :3

characters -

me - yulia

my ex bsf - peach

my friend no. 1 - milk

my friend no. 2 - bread

the guy - berry (its all around us but idk how to define our relationship)

background -

this whole thing started two years back. first thing you need to know about me- i am well liked (not about my tc lol). but also people are jealous. speaking without biasness, some may have this image of me being a mean/narcissist/heartbreaker but i'm really not and you'll get that by the end of this.

so last to last summer, i.e, 2022, we started offline school after covid for the first time. i was kinda nervous but managed to make a lot of friends easily (picked blair waldorf's persona and gobbled it up). there was this guy- berry. he was popular and kind of cold? but every girl absolutely loved him. still don't know why. i was never ever interested in him but i mentally felt like 'bro ik u want me'?? i had a very good reason to not though. two of my friends - milk and bread had a crush on him.

bread was his childhood friend apparently and milk was just infatuated. however they both worked it out because why'd they fight over a man right? and me and my then bsf peach were all good

Fallout -

the problem started when peach turned into a gigantic pick me in a span of a few weeks. she never gave up a chance to try to humiliate her friends, whom i introduced to her in front of guys which was pathetic. she was completely two faced. and honestly my whole brand is being a girly girl so i cannot tolerate that behaviour. also during this time, my friend group basically ditched her for everything and then she went running to berry. long story short she basically begged berry to just acknowledge her existence because she had no one else to talk to. ig he just pitied her and i can tell because I've been send some screenshots of their chats 💀. this is how she became a desparate one of the guys girl. and she kept trying to sabotage me which obvi didn't work.

plot twist -

that year a lot of things happened. i got confessions from like half the guys in our class and that's how our friend group fell apart. i still hate the fact that teenage guys only see women as potential gfs or nothing at all. anyway so this was 2021 and throughout 2022 we (berry and i) barely talked. however, bread confessed to him and he publicly rejected her. you'd say that's his choice but he literally couldn't look at her. i was in disbelief so i sort of whispered 'say something' to him. and he literally looked at me and said 'i don't want her'. obviously after this i don't talk to him. we haven't texted in like eight months, yeah i counted.

until... a few months ago (2024) when he sent me a follow on ig (i deleted my whole acc bc Tumblr + Pinterest>>). this was a shock as we went completely no contact. so apparently this guy has the audacity to post about me in his stories 😭 (not being sexist but what a girl lol). and how much he misses me and loves me and regrets everything blah blah blah.

plus all this while he's been so mean and distant. he rejected two of my closest friends. he strings along my ex bsf though she said she likes him. and suddenly he says wants me? i mean i knew. but boy have some dignity and don't announce it.

HELP how do i deal with this mess

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.

[twowivestwoknives]

have to put it somewhere but in the last 5 years 3 seperate groups of people have decided im the villain and never told me why just iced me out and isolated me and in 2/3 cases i dont think i actually /did/ anything i think its a mix of antiblackness, ableism, and that ive seen them/know that they hurt other ppl very badly.

group 1 was someone who i used to consider a best friend but who soft cut me off when i disliked a partner of theirs, then, when they decided to hate that now ex, they pushed for their ostricization and 'took me back' without apologizing. they refuse to make eyecontact with me and their partner now flatout ignores my existence, even though i literally was the olive branch for this friend to almost every community theyre successful in now (not that they owe me shit for that), and i think its bc im still close w another Black/mixed friend of mine who they hate now bc they called them out on their antiblackness (which they give excuses for why their nonblack ass can get away with it). this person notoriously throws people out and claims 'villain' when ppl get upset at how they treat others as so cruelly disposable, and ive seen it up close and personal even before it was me and i think that also plays into why they treat me lkke this now.

2nd group was my exes friends who only knew me when i was a self destructive alcoholic. i was loud and obnoxious and yeah i had shrapnel (never abusive), but they decided covid, year 3 of my sobriety, that id never changed, ramped up my exes resentment at me for the alcoholic years even after they said theyd forgiven me and were proud of how far id come, and were instrumental in the breakup if that 5 year relationship. even though one of those friends was literally also sober, they just couldnt forgive me for ever having been an alcoholic, i was just worse than all of them i guess.

3rd is a current happening. someone i knew from god 9 years ago, again who i invited into the community when they were new in town (see a pattern?) had their white friend LIE ABOUT NOT ONLY KNOWING ME BUT ME MAKING HER FEEL 'UNSAFE' (IVE NEVER MET THIS WOMAN), to kick me out of a discord all my friends are in, and when ppl challenged that initially, this person had the gall to say that i made them uncomfy, to the point for a while they wouldnt go to POC events i was at. this person who took the side of 2 white boys who isolated me at 19 bc one of them led me on then dated my ex bf (they didnt have to like me, i was FPing the guy, but the isolation and all my friends picking their side still sucked), and then this person went on to be sexually inappropriate and preassurey and crossing boundaries w multiple friends at this point. but i cant hang out where my friends r bc i make this person uncomfy. i think theyre scared id 'out' them as predatory or something (wouldnt w/o permission of vics obvi) and so they paint me as the villain first

and like if i did something wrong let me know so i can leave y alone and fix it (like i did getting sober going to therapy getting on meds ect) im invested in not hurting ppl. but i dont think i ever /actually/ hurt any of these ppl, i think they just benefit from me not being around and are willing to lie and exclude and ostricize to get it. and ik that sounds conspiratory but like. fuck.

[pepprs]

man..

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

night

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

it is 2 in the morning, i have to be a professional at a place before 8 in the morning, then i have a dentist appt in the afternoon, then dance class all evening. so like. i really need to fucking sleep. but. i can't

[munamania]

rlly silly (watermelon) rant in the tags

[permanentreverie]

this is the part where i use ur ask box to talk about my life <3

i took the highway for the first time by myself the other day and i didn't die or take the wrong exit so i'm happy about that

student housing info email didn't tell me my roommate which is dumb so i've been joining every groupchat and discord server i can find but i can't find her (i found my neighbour tho) and with my luck she's gonna be some sort of luddite and i'll actually have to wait until september which is fine but annoying wish me luck

still haven't seen ✨him✨ bc he had covid then my dad had covid then i was super busy its been WEEKS we haven't gone this long without seeing each other since christmas but!! its ok bc i'm just gonna spend the weekend harassing him with my out of context thoughts on breaking bad which ik he enjoys

the most exciting thing i've done recently is buy a mattress topper i hope ur life is more interesting

I'm literally living for this??? I love you keeping me updated on your life I'm glad highway driving went well!! I actually don't mind it, I hate highway driving in the city but when you're just going in the country it's actually pretty chill. I hope your roommate is super fun and you'll become besties and meet lots of new people! are you and -he- going out now?? is this a thing???? please say its a thing I'm rooting for you two <3 and yeah no the most interesting thing in my life is that I haven't cleaned my room in a week, meeting coworkers at work whom I actually like this time around, and avoiding the One Guy that kinda has a thing for me that makes me Super Uncomfortable lol

[kaguraspetsims]

so just a little peek into my personal life rn

my parents have been preparing a divorce for the past month or so. for those of you who havent seen my 7 years of posts re: my family, my dad is a narcissistic abuser. he has been emotionally abusive from the day of my birth to now. he has been this way with me, my brother, and my mom.

my mom is super Christian - tldr she won’t get a divorce on her own terms bc vows and God and all that. my dad tried to divorce her sometime in 2016 or so but there was no word on that again.

until 2020. when i caught covid. and my mom, trying to help ME, told him to stop calling me over and over bc it was stressing me out and making shit worse.

from that day he would VERY OFTEN threaten divorce. it died down *slightly* when my mom said “bring the papers and i’ll sign them.”

well a month or so ago, she messaged me saying its happening. while im ecstatic he’ll be gone and i no longer have *any reason* to be even slightly cordial with him and i can more easily go NC with this, its also been hella fuckin stressful. idk how to explain why. but it has been eating me alive. maybe its bc ik im not getting closure, maybe its the weird realization we’re almost out. idk. its been rough.

ive been trying to keep in touch with my mom, but bc i cant call her when shes home or at work (fun fact, my dad will literally turn the tv volume all the way down so he can hear me on the phone, i havent spoken to him since august) i dont get a lot of information. so i try to ask her every so often how shits going at home.

today she sent me a message saying there hasnt been screaming and thats the best part.

im asking her if shes still leaving. idk what im gonna do if the answer isnt “yes.” im hesitant to go nc with her too bc 1) she is the last bio family member i have (i have disowned my brother, i have to go nc with my dad, i refuse to deal with his side of the family and my moms side all lives in south africa), and 2) i know what its like.

i feel like im going crazy bc i seem to be the only one who got the hell out of dodge and sees thru the shit.

[1eos]

kendra I have a dilemma and was wondering if you could spare some advice? im sorting clothes to donate but its proving to be more difficult than I originally thought! I used to enjoy dressing up and going out on the town, bars and parties, etc.... but these past two years have killed my interest in the nightlife scene. not only due to covid but im kinda over it in general. however my problem is that I still think a majority of my clothes are super cute and I can imagine wearing them... but I know in my heart of hearts that it will never happen. I have entered a new era of my life. I guess im asking if you have any advice on how to rationalize donating them? unfortunately im the type to get attached to my belongings... I have a cancer moon in the 2nd house. thank you so much!

omg im going thru something similar rn!!!! love that you know your 2nd house lol im jupiter 2nd house so i just like having shit 😭😭😭😭 its hard letting good fits geaux but what i did was:

got rid of anything that didn't fit/anything i really didn't like: if you're anything like me you'll only end up with a few things you're ready to give up but that's fine this is just getting the ball rolling

specially set aside my absolute fave pieces: you never know when you'll need 1-2 cute outfits even if its just to take pics in so i let myself keep my fave pink sequin dress bc why nawt?

now the hard part:

i took the clothes i logically know i'll never wear and put them away to be donated BUT DON'T DONATE YET: this way you can start the process of letting go without taking the dive yet. this almost always work for me bc once the clothes are out of sight ik if i actually miss something it's something i need to keep but if i can forget abt it obvs it's time to let go. usually after a few weeks my mom will take the clothes randomly or you can make a reminder lmao

and another thing that works for me is

for every article of new clothing i acquire that i WILL wear i put away 2-3 things i don't wear: its kinda like getting a baby a new toy to get rid of the old one but shit it works! i always find that the process is easier when i can see that i'm getting new things that i love way more

btwn all of these ive gotten rid of a LOT of stuff nd i'm being so much more mindful abt acquiring new items! hope at least one tip can help you!

[wayward-pendragon]

Rating the anime I’ve watched (and rewatched) during quarantine!

Hi everyone, I hope you are all safe and healthy! I’ve been watching a a few animes while in quarantine so I figured I’d share some of my thoughts about the ones i watched! These are all just personal opinion and taste but I hope you enjoy! If you have any other anime recs for me please comment them, I got some really good ones from my last post here! 

Demon Slayer, Rating 10/10

I really loved this one. Technically I started it before quarantine but I did finish it while in quarantine so I’m adding it to this list. I know this anime has so much hype surrounding it and honestly I think it lives up to its hype. It’s filled with action and intrigue and has a really awesome characters. I’m sad that the movie got put on hold bc of COVID but I’m sure it will also be fantastic. I really recommend this one, a solid 10/10 from me. 

Fruits Basket S2 (2020) On-going, but so far Rating 10/10

I may be a little bias with this one bc I love fruits basket but so far season 2 has far exceed my expectations! I’m really glad that they came back for a season 2. This season has simultaneous made me so freaking happy, but then ready to ball my eyes out, sometimes even in the same episode. If you haven’t watched this anime yet, I high recommend. 

Hunter x Hunter (2011), Rating: 10000/10

SO as you can see above, I really loved hunter x hunter. It made it’s way onto my favourites list almost immediately with its loveable characters and really interesting storyline. The friendship between Killua and Gon was one of the sweetest things I’ve seen in anime and the rest of the characters were just as entertaining. The only downside of this anime for me was that there wasn’t more episodes.

Naruto, Rating 100/10

This one was a rewatch for me and it was as fantastic as I remember. When I watched Naruto for the first time I never actually finished shippuden for some reason but now I’ve finally seen it all and I loved it. The characters are really what made this show super enjoyable for me (and the fact that its about ninjas bc thats cool af). All in all, I would recommend naruto to anyone willing to commit to over 700 episodes, and trust me its worth it. 

Fire Force, Rating 8/10*

Okay this one has been all over my dashboard and fyp so I knew I had to give it a watch. I really enjoyed the fight scenes in this anime and the storyline was also really intriguing. I’m still watching this one but I wanted to include it anyway!

Hiiro No Kakera, Rating 5/10

Okay so at one point during quarantine, I really just wanted to watch shoujo anime so I decided to give this one a try bc I didn’t really know anything about it. Honestly, I didn’t really love it. The plot was interesting but the fight scenes were kinda subpar and over in like 3 seconds (even tho ik its shoujo and the fight scenes shouldn't really be my main focus). I didn’t really love any of the characters and I think that may have been why I didn’t rank this one very high and the romance was kinda eh. Overall, it was not terrible but definitely did not make it onto my list of favourites. 

Given, Rating 10/10

Another popular anime all over my dash and fyp I knew I had to watch and it did not disappoint. This anime was so sweet and heart breaking. The LGBTQ+ representation in this anime was really nice to see and I genuinely enjoyed watching all of the romances unfold. Also for anyone who watched this, Mafuyu’s song broke me. I watched this anime all in one sitting so if you are looking for a fantastic short anime, I highly recommend. 

Vampire Knight, Rating 7/10

This one was also included in my shoujo binge. Honestly, I enjoyed this one. The plot was generic and kinda predictable but tbh I think I mostly gave this a higher rating for Zero. I am so weak for the grouchy troubled characters who are also hella caring. Yuki and Zero’s relationship was what made me enjoy this anime as much as I did but the rest of it was kinda uninteresting. Cross was also hilarious and I really enjoyed his character. 

[bubbled-clouds]

hey bee! i’m supposed to be sleeping but i just need you to know how happy you make me? (and you’re worth more than what you do for others, like i appreciate you just for being you, but often you being you happens to involve being funny or kind or creative and i appreciate that)

if i had more time i’d go on the full rant of appreciating you and your asks, but since sleep is a thing, i just want you to know that like. your experience with wwda genuinely means to much to me? like i keep almost going to my one irl friend to be like “I wrote about my mess of a gender in my fic and this amazing person read it and it helped them!!” but then im like ‘oh i don’t want to brag’ but it’s just...a lot of things don’t feel so great, with covid and everything, and in a lot of ways i feel like i wasted my 18th year. but knowing that i helped you? even if you were the only person i helped and it only helped you for a single moment, that makes my year more worthwhile, yknow?

sorry this is so sappy and maybe a little sad im in a weird mood but the point is that i really appreciate you and the enthusiasm you’ve shown for the fic (but also!! if you decide tmrw you hate the fic? that’s cool too! don’t feel any pressure to like it or anything, i just think it’s cool that aang’s gender storyline and iroh’s flower metaphor seem to have meant something to you)

💜💜💜💜💜have an amazing day bee, remember you’re amazing and valid and beautiful

FIRST OF ALL WATCH YOUR APOLOGIES BOOM THERES NOTHING AT ALL TO APOLOGIZE FOR *ESPECIALLY* YOUR FEELINGS ANYWAYS 💜💜💜

*me in tears * *sniffle* i- idek what to say in literally crying rn b o o m - i’m sure you helped So many other people aside from me i just tend to rant to Everyone about things i love i just go bat shit crazy with that stuff hfsjb

i wont up and decide i hate the fic suddenly dw i genuinely don’t think i could Ever hate it (honestly i think telling your irl wouldn’t be bragging you just want to express something you’re happy/proud about yk? but do whatever youre comfy with 💜)

if there’s something you should be proud of doing for your eighteenth year Definitely take credit for helping me (and others!!!!!!!) bc holy shit i can reread wwda and tell you how Every little thing helped me (honestly 👀 i’m not opposed to the idea ,,) wait i need to figure out how to put this in paragraphs um okey anyways just yeah

covid really fucked things up ik but you!!! wrote this amazing fic based on your experience and hm you’ve helped ***so*** many people you say you’re thankful for my experience with wwda but know that im just ‘!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love i love i love’ about it im just. a h h just it helped a lot hfdjf (once again i Can write how/why smthg helped for literally everything but would that be too much? if you’re still reading then lmk)

and!!!! wwda Wont help me for just a moment HONESTLY just know that it has Very much affected me in a way that like ill remember for the rest of my life? that made sense right??? there’s just So much like there’s a lot that i relate with and seeing the characters work through it themselves and seeing That outside perspective on it i’m just like ‘*i* can do that’ soo it’s just really Neat. ooh six paragraphs oops. but i wont apologize bc i would gladly write 1000000 paragraphs for you boom 😌 mwah mwah mwah ily!!!!! you mean So much to me too!!!! i hope today treats you with the Utmost kindest you’re amazing and attractive and soo very valid too!!! (also its literally a given for how happy you’ve made (and will make!!!!!! *screams* hfdh excited) me but !!! just know okay idk how to express it but envision a tiny human (omg also youre basically the same height as me we’re like the same person by default) jumping around everywhere and that’s how happy you make me feel!!!) 💜💜💜💜🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

wait oops i forgot to tell you to try and sleep more tonight 💜 MWAH MWAH ILYSM 💜💜💜💜💜

[banghwa]

fully agree with what you said abt ptd and stuff,, like the song is nice and cute but i just found it a bit,, idk how to say it, “rushed” in the sense that “oh! it’s the end blablabla no worries” kinda vibe because it actually isn’t,, the end,,, idk i guess i found it a bit too “american-pov”-ish if that makes sense,,,,

but yeah bumping off the tour announcement again lol idk why hybe didn’t just wait until next year for a world tour?? like ik a concert would be fun n everything, the guys really want it, fans do too lmao but like,, we got livestreamed concerts without people in the stadiums, they could’ve done that instead (ik there’s one in october but still) we’re still in the middle of this fucking crisis that isn’t anywhere near ending,, like only bad shit is gonna come out of this: cases are gonna rise, it’s inevitable, and the media is gonna eat that up and twist it into a whole xenophobic and racist thing imo,, idk but thoughts on this?

i’m rambling but the whole hung is giving me mixed feelings after having mulled it over :/

((ps you’re so cool n your thoughts are always interesting to read <33333 hope you’re doing well apart from that lol i’ve been barely on tumblr because of school but yeah <3333333))

yes exactly 😓 thats what threw me off the most abt ptd, just the way u could tell they had nothing to do with the production, how it was very For The American Charts from the sound to the production quality, the the english, to the music video. like it WAS very ironic how ptd was released at the same time that sk went back into lockdown bcs of cases spiking (obvs that wasnt intentional. just ironic and eye-opening ig).

idk, i really dont know what they're thinking honestly. i know the fans want it and i know its what other artists are doing rn too, but it feels so counterproductive? the idea of people flying in is so scary honestly, the last thing we need is a case spike and then those cases to be brought around the world again... and it sucks bcs i KNOW this is not the priority when ppl are gonna be at risk but im just dreading the news, all the racism thats gonna come along with it, ppl who have been comparing bts and other asians to covid for the last two years are gonna eat this up and its gonna be so bad. and i keep saying this but like. whats the pr gonna be like when ppl do get sick, how are they going to pretend its okay? or that they didnt expect it? idk idk idk?

im just so torn over it too tbh bcs it sounds scary but i know people are excited, and i know if it were me id be excited and trying to find good in it too.. ://

((ghfkh thank u angel, i hope ur doing great too and that school is going well!! <333))