#ignore my rambling I need to get this out of my brain
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they make me illllllll
Father by The Front Bottoms from the perspective of Rolan and Rand,,,,
#jrwi#blood in the bayou#jrwi bitb#bitb#rolan deep#timothy rand#keeperschampion#ignore my rambling I need to get this out of my brain
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Mity I doodled (mostly from memory) earlier instead of studying for finals
#Sorry if I've been talking to people less or if I ignored literally anybody I'm trying to focus on stuff#Even if I'm active on Tumblr a bunch reblogging stuff#I'm tryna not to distract myself TOO HARD#I got finals this week dawg....#I feel really bad for it but also I feel better distancing myself a bit from certain activity online#And like tumblr#Bc I've been checking this app endlessly and I need to get out of that habit#I think I did well enough about that today (that I wasn't actively thinking about it) and now I have the feeling og#POST AND SKITTER AWAY back so that feels a bit better but I feel bad for not responding to people oops#IRTS oakey. Have a mity. I will be mental illness rambles in my tags sorry#I am go eepy after posting this#Toontown#Toontown Corporate Clash#(unsure abt main tagging this for reasons stated earlier and bc too many notes can get to my brain but... I likey this one.)#Rainmaker#Guz art
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I need to draw Booigi real soon, the lack of them is making me itchy
#kelperambles#uhhh pic is unrelated but I thought the paper luigi was cute 💖#anyways I just wanted to ramble about how much I love booigi LMAO#but like I need the very specific type of booigi that has been rotting in my brain in order to be satisfied#OKAY OKAY. picture this: Names are such an important thing to Luigi. Many people don’t tend to remember the bare minimum about him#so he really appreciates the few people who take enough time to remember his actual name or small things about him#then when King Boo pulls up he’s literally yelling Luigi’s name and cursing him out#sure while Luigi is still scared of him he can’t help but feel flattered that King Boo subconsciously respects him enough to call him Luigi#not green mario. not the man in green. just him…truly him.#and while Luigi might not want an designated enemy (like what Mario and bowser have)#the fact that king boo believes that Luigi is significant enough to be his enemy is something Luigi cannot ignore#King Boo acknowledges Luigi for his strengths in his weird theater kid way#but I can really see them growing closer together once Luigi discovers that King Boos plays everything up just to be DRAMATIC ✨✨#king boo WANTS luigi to react. and if he doesn’t get that he more or less just lets go of the act#like what’s the point of setting everything up if Luigi’s not even going to match his high energy?#honestly they just need to both RELAX for a second and they would really hit it off#it’s actually embarrassing. they’re so embarrassing.
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Maybe the fog’s here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to come…
-MAG170: Recollection
#furry art#anthro art#fursona#ink markings#vent art#avoiding tagging the show the lines are from bc the art has nothing to do with the podcast lmao#the rest of these tags are rambling you can stop reading now no worries !#it’s just getting gross outta my head and onto paper#I’m so bad at conversations and I know it’s my own fault but it feels isolating#I gotta get better at talking but I’m just afraid to reach out to people#no idea how to talk that isn’t infodumping#I just wanna talk about my OCs or my fandoms or just…. anything but feel like no one wants to hear that shit lmao#sometimes I feel like the people in my life would rather interact with anyone other than me lmao#I feel way better after drawing this out tho#bless the arts#i know i know i need to be the one to reach out more#and i know my anxiety stems from my parents hardcore ridiculing me whenever i talked to much#and my exes ignoring me at the drop of a hat for whatever new thing piqued them#but its hard to know that logically and get my brain to cooperate#and not think that I'm automatically annoying every person i speak to#although maybe it's also better because anyone who gets stuck in a room irl with me knows i don't shut up lmao#maybe its for the best i can never manage to do it in text
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me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time
#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start#I wanna get in his head more ok sue me#Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits#Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts#Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever#That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak#Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it#Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom#I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍#Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue#Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house#Grace post#this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things#Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho#Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain#Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark#Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries#This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts#In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh#Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be#But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc)#So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now#Shrugs#maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno#Ok yapping over byeeeeee
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they shouldn't let me stay up past midnight bc then I start identifying every single problem I've ever had. No solutions found. Net zero personal progress and 0.5 hours of sleep are achieved
#ramblings of a lunatic#ignore me I'm having a moment#actually wait that's one of the problems we (the brain council) identified. is my need to not have problems where ppl can see#oh very problematic of my brain. not a fan#look i just got out on christmas break for college the term is catching up to me#i didn't make any real friends and it's not that I'm surprised..but yeah I'm surprised. i forgot about My Whole Deal somehow#like girl do the math. 7 yrs to make A FRIEND. SINGULAR. came pre packaged w/ 2 friends but took you 4 more years to make another one-#-independtly. straight up did not understand friendship and human relationships until you were at least 16#did we honestly think we were gonna knock it out of the park in terms of socialising this first term???? did we????#wishful thinking ig#oughh. college...bad. or not bad but. strange. and lonely. and yeah kinda bad#existentially horrifying in ways i didn't even realise were possible. i get why so many tma fans were college students/grads now#college just irl cosmic horror#anyway. i think i should try and sleep now lest the brain demons get the better of me#but also I've gotten like. 4 hours of sleep total over the last 6 days- not for lack of trying mind you#so like. I'm anticipating a struggle.
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When the funniest and most intriguing crack pairing bursts into life in your brain but it’s so niche you’re probably the only one who can appreciate it. 🥺
Firstly, it’d help a good deal if you’re a Crowbarrow fan to begin with.💗
Secondly, you’d need to have seen both Kin and Ackley Bridge to fully appreciate why the thought of Michael Kinsella (Charlie Cox) and Martin Evershed (Robert James-Collier) meeting is just sending me right now. 🤣❤️
Martin and Michael seem like such perfect opposites on the surface (one is a frequently surly yet comedic high school teacher and the other is an unexpectedly soft-spoken and sad Irish mobster) that I have a sudden perverse urge to see them forced to interact regularly. 😅
(But if you haven’t seen both shows, a gif’s worth a 1000 words...)
And how are we getting these two in the same place?
Anna, Michael’s daughter - whom he loves more than anyone - decides she wants to live with her dad even though he doesn’t have legal custody of her, and never will, thanks to his past. Though he tries to dissuade her, Anna is stubbornly resolved and eventually Michael gives in though it means having to leave his criminal family and Ireland behind to start a life somewhere else.
They end up in the small Yorkshire mill town of Ackley Bridge, hoping to avoid too much notice since Anna was reported as having been abducted to the Irish authorities. Anna enrolls in the local high school, and, naturally, who should one of her new teachers be but Mr. Martin Evershed?
Anna begins settling in but Michael is still hyper-vigilant about either of them being recognized, not only because Michael would be arrested for “abducting” Anna but because he knows the Kinsella family have enemies who’d like nothing more than to take Michael out now that he’s alone. He insists on escorting Anna to and from school every day, even though she keeps telling him he needs to chill out because he’s just making himself more conspicuous.
Her words prove prophetic as one day Martin notices Michael following Anna at a distance and confronts him, thinking he’s a creep. Michael thankfully refrains from pulling a gun on him or just beating the shit out of him, though he’d been solely tempted at first, and explains that he’s Anna’s father - which she confirms and introduces Martin as her teacher. Michael is impressed by his willingness to protect his students and tells him so. The subject of an upcoming school dance is raised and Martin asks if he’s interested in attending, because they’re still short of chaperones. Michael agrees, much to Anna’s consternation.
As they’re leaving Anna suggests Michael let her give him a bit of a makeover, because he still looks like an Irish mobster and they’re not in Dublin anymore. Michael reluctantly agrees, asking her not to go overboard with it.
The makeover the night of the school dance:
I did mention this was a crack fic, right? 😂😂😂
#my weird Crowbarrow shipper brain: party of one#yep so I just needed to hopefully get that out of my system 😅🤭😂#kindly ignore the insanity that is this post lol#my random ramblings#crack fics I'm too lazy to write#charlie cox#robert james collier#michael kinsella#martin evershed#anna areoye#duke of crowborough#philip villiers#thomas barrow#crowbarrow#kin amc#ackley bridge#long post
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hm
#ramble tag#more like vent tag but i refuse to have one of those you can just ignore me you are smart#like seriously dont read this unless you really wanna and are snooping#i think there's something wrong with my brain#the executives have really refused to function#or some such nonsense i don't know i am just saying things#if i blame it on a vaguely medical sounding problem i feel less personally responsible about it#its been roughly 4 days#the hours are slipping away like sand through fingers#and i cant Do Anything#its infuriating#i can only Think about all the work i need to do but i Can't Do it#i only have 6 days left probably less i dont know the exact deadline and i have made No progress and i know i just have to Start#but like every time there is a slightest huccup i just get pulled away from the task and oops its dark out now!#and its like i dont even care#i am not sad or scared or angry except i know i should be so its like a ghost of a feeling#i dont want to die and dont want to live if i could i would just sit and read or even just think alone with my mind for a week straight#after i post this i will open the document pull out the tablet and start again i need to Start#aughhhh#how am i even an adult human person#this cant be how real human people live nothing would ever get done and we would starve to death#people here like to say that ooh 20 is not an adult that doesn't count but like#if i was less of a dumbass i would be living if not on my own then not with my parents#and i cant imagine surviving like that#that might be part of why that didn't happen#i am straight up just not an independent person right now#i have been avoiding booking an appointment to cut my hair for half a month#and avoiding scheduling to pick up the piercings I Wanted for 2! maybe 3! i dont know anymore!#okay this ends here#not the moping the tags
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:( both of my phone chargers hardly work, please charger how do i need to hold you to start the charging up
#this is a post i made#need a normal post to put my actual thoughts under lol dont know why but my thoughts sure all observational rn#well… a lot of my thoughts come from my surroundings have you seen the types of questions I come up with hehe#was gonna ramble about this in the other post but they got blipped out of existence so I didn’t#and apparently I will not yap anymore in this post#hmmm yeah the problem are emotions are just missing rn cause thoughts are all observational and its all physical reactions to music rn#brain wants to only talk things out in my head but then when i try to is like hmmm no.#ive also been writing one thing and then staring off into space for ages and not in the way i do when im excited about something#fall air would fix me maybe but also oh cant move to even open the window now#yall ever get in a position and youre like okay im staying perfectly like this i dont want to release the pressure on my hand and reset it#or something i dont know how to explain it#entropy apparently im all for it#^tags im gonna (am already) be like yeah ignore those idk what im talking about
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ayyyyyyy I set up an appointment for medication this Friday (telemedicine but whatever) and I get to see my former therapist again later this month. I’m kind of excited. More than kind of. Little sad, but I’m lonely and want to talk to someone. He’s a real cool dude. I’m a little worried to trauma dump the last 6 months on him, but whatever, it beats sitting there for an hour feeling like I’m wasting his time and struggling to think of things to say. dang dang dang, I’m excited.
#I’m excited to tell him about my mom’s transplant. less so to mention all my dark moments since we last spoke.#ok so I gotta wait a week for antidepressants and then a couple of weeks for them to take effect#that’s a lot of waiting#especially with how rough I’ve been these last couple of weeks#I probably have more appointments I should schedule but we’ll see#I’ve only been able to sleep sitting up#like the dang elephantman#something about laying down freaks me out#it’s uncomfortable and not very restful and just thinking about sleep gives me anxiety#brains are fucky#oof… now it’s setting in. I’ve got an appointment but it’s 5 days away#5 days of… this. anxiety and distraction and my sick brain#this is my fault#well… no. yes. I don’t want to COMPLETELY beat myself up for it#I should have been managing my mental health better instead of waiting until I spiraled out#I should have been managing my health better in general!#this isn’t sexy to say but I hate my body. I’ve run it down. and it’s going to be so much harder getting back to something semi healthy#but I’m trying now 😕 so maybe that’ll count for something#I’ve been realizing that I really really miss going to the gym late at night#that’s what I need now. been doing these little drives at night to distract myself but having an actual place to go would be much better#BUT! too expensive. need to work and make some money. not excited for that but I needs it. I neeeeeeds money. for burgers. and distractions#this is too rambly. I’m sorry. I thought about counseling and got too excited to talk and talk#I talk too much#you can ignore this#text
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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...staring at my drafts and realizing i should perhaps consider pausing on answering ask prompts to start getting caught back up on those instead bc the number is back in the 40s & i just found a starter i completely forgot about bc it got lost on the second page :x
#a few weeks of mentally struggling & being out of it has really done a number on all that hard work i did getting (almost) caught up l-lmao#tbf everything except like. 2 threads (& a few unprompted asks that're in there) are all from march & april but. hhhh.#i was doing sm better at staying on top of stuff and then suddenly that all went to hell lmakjfakjs#really tho i suppose i should just keep doing whatever i'm feeling/enjoying the most right?#i'm here to have fun not stress over deadlines that don't exist for replies#need to get better at remembering that. need to..... idk. stop feeling overwhelmed over a hobby lmao#i just!!!! feel so bad leaving things for so long!!! i worry it makes people think i don't want to write w them#or i've lost interest or smth which!!! is not at all the case!!!! my brain just sucks so bad!!!!!#i'm rambling to myself ignore me ajsfksd i'll see what i feel like tackling tomorrow#hopefully?? i'll have some better focus??? bc my writing has still felt v disjointed today and i don't. like that. at all.#but my usual routine around the house is still kinda disrupted & off-kilter until monday which i think is playing a big part in my struggle#so. idk. we'll see. i'm still rambling i'm sorry pls continue ignoring me askjfsd#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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Sometimes, when seasonal depression has its fucking claws in u, u just need to sit urself in a tub of hot water and just boil the bad vibes out
#amber rambles#ignore#wanted to low key just stop existing for a min lads so i went down to my buildings hottub and just sat#get that internal body temperature up and u can trick the brain into not hating itself#had a bad day at work#got snappy with a coworker and the kids which is never good#might offer to paint some rocks with her as an apology#the kids kinda deserved it though they were being unhinged qnd so loud i had to kick them out of my class#just tired and need a break#i might take one friday
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#ngl i feel like im spiraling a little bit#like i feel out of control and like everything is out of control#my sleep schedule is fucked#i feel like i'm floundering at work#and you know what usually fixes this stuff? trips to the dungeon#but you know who can't go this weekend? my gf and i :(#so now we have to wait until the first week of feb and idk how i'm gonna hold my shit together that long#i like don't know how to fully explain that i actually really /need/ this dynamic#it helps me soooo much#and not being able to do it makes me feel like the seams in my brain are unraveling#its such a fucking strange experience how much getting whipped and choked in a room full of strangers really quiets my brain#but GOD do i fucking need it :(#like sexually yes yeah its fun and good#but i also need it mentally#ugh im rambling oops#i have nowhere else to vent so feel free to ignore <3#i just had to get this out of my head
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remind me not to stay up until midnight
#logging off for the day because the LAST thing my brain needs right now is to STIR this green goop cauldron (chuckle)#in my defense my adoptive uncle was over for game night and I always find it hard to wind down after getting hyped up for game night#but..... I should've gone to bed EARLIER. and then maybe got UP earlier. given myself a buffer time in the Morning instead of at Night#feel free to ignore me btw this is basically me talking to myself. strategizing. in the hopes of finding a solution#and reinforcing positive behavior (for myself AND for whoever's reading this. hopefully this is helpful not stressful <3)#Robin speaks#Robin processes emotions on main#even though the emotion is just t i r e d#I'm working on healthy behaviors! and I'm getting better at it!#if you take only two things from my personal mental health tag rambles I would like them to be:#A) it often takes time (YEARS) and a lot of intentional hard work for people to find out what works for their brain#and B) you can abide in God even in the midst of bad brain times.#anyway! goodbye!#got to go eat lunch!
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PIZZA
#me shuffling around sad and grumpy because im hungry but my brain said i dont want any of the food we have#and then remembering theres leftover pizza !!!!!!!#i do want that...#this is your reminder to get something to eat/drink if you need 👍#i promise im not ignoring anyone and ill reply to messages soon#my brain has been an unruly animal im trying to coax to the vet (do things that are good for me) the past few days but im gettin there 👏#my partner and i keep copying that video of the cockatiel whos under the table and doesnt want to go to the vet#because it really does perfectly capture the current emotion of the silly tantrum my mind is throwing asdfasdf#work has slowed down a bit for the afternoon and blorbo thoughts were already helping to ease some of my crazy brain earlier today#so maybe i do some writing/blogging...#i will crawl out from under my rock and say hi soon ;--;#in the meantime PIZZA WIN#rose rambles
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