#ignore my dramatic rambles
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it’s so sick and twisted….. why are there no job listings in my city for the job I want…… the universe has it out for me……
#ignore my dramatic rambles#tbf there are job listings for the job I want but none of them entry-level LOL#at this point I’m mainly looking for remote jobs but it’s not looking great on that front either#also thinking about doing a masters degree at my uni because the industry kinda sucks rn#and I applied to a studio in another country today but idkkkk#I used to be okay with moving… I even moved for uni… but things changed and I want to stay here :(#sina’s rambling
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Why, hello there, Virgil. Long time no see!
#drawing#art#digital#comic#sanders sides#roman sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#creativitwins#platonic dukeceit#platonic prinxiety#ts roman#ts remus#ts janus#ts virgil#lbau#okay now that this is done RAMBLE TIME. THIS IS FROM MY HUMAN AU AGAIN :D#long story short‚ the dark sides were friends from ages 7 to 14-15 until virgil up and left without a word and pretended not to know them#i posted a relationship chart a while back with a before and an after. welcome to the before part!#they haven't seen each other in about 4-5 years‚ virgil is terrified of them‚ and roman is about to be very confused.#ignore how bad this looks i started it on MS Paint before i realised i actually wanted to do something good#also: thats more personal but im actually kinda proud of myself for posting something that even i see as a bit cringe#it's a college AU with a very cliché and dramatic re-meeting‚ it's almost embarrassing to post? but oh well#my head's been full of that AU in particular and i do want it to stay a daydream thing only but consider this a little treat for myself#also 1) remus' outfit is a bitch to color so cloak it is; 2) im giving roman Thomas' fashion style; 3) i really like how janus looks here
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happy 11/11 to all who celebrate
#matt rambles#my art#ichiishi#ichigo kurosaki#uryuu ishida#haven’t drawn in forever#lowkey thought i couldn’t anymore (i was being dramatic)#then i banged this out before the day ended#(ignore that it’s literally 11:58)#anyways! pocky day!
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can someone please banish this writer's block for me 😫
it's the worst i've had in such a long time and i've tried to be patient with it but it's been fucking weeks now. i want to write so much but whenever i try they just feel like words on a page. every evening i sit down and rearrange them a little here and there and add some new ones, but they all just feel empty and and shit and my brain feels totally devoid of the creative spark i need to make everything come to life.
i know in large part it's my perfectionism getting in the way, but i don't know how to break through it. i don't know how to feel connected to my writing again. i don't know how to shift this fear of not being good enough that surges up every time i pick up a pen.
it's something that's always been there - but usually it at least comes in waves, or my love of what i'm creating is big enough to muffle it. right now, it's all i can hear. my inspiration has been totally drowned out by it. and i hate it so, so much. the fact that i can't access the one thing that brings me the kind of solace and joy and escapism i can't get anywhere else and is so vital to my soul. that i am blocking myself from engaging in the one thing that makes me feel like me.
i just feel so stuck and so lost and i miss being in that creative headspace so much it’s like a physical pain. it feels like part of me is missing, and it terrifies me that i don't know how to get it back.
#rambling this out in the hopes it might help me shift something#please feel free to ignore#it's incredibly frustrating because i have been SO excited to write these next few chapters of four walls for literal months#and i do have a decent chunk of the next chapter done#and also bits written for later sections too#but i just. i can't get into the headspace#it all just feels so far away and whenever i try and write it's like i'm pushing it even further away#ughhhhhhhhhhhh#i hate this so much#(and don't even get me started on my original stuff or my bang fic 🫠)#also anyone who's reading this and feeling worried about four walls being updated#please don't be#it's 2am and i'm being dramatic#i'll find a way to make it all work again because i love that fic with my whole heart#i just don't know how to shift this right now and i needed somewhere to vent#if anyone has any words of wisdom or writer's block cures please share 🫶#writing stuff#lulu posts
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If I were shivering in the cold, and begged for you warmth, would you keep me outside still? And if I were starving, and you held a bowl of soup, would you throw it down the drain right before my eyes? Will my cries hold of any meaning to you, or are they just another array of background noise you seem to turn a blind eye to?
#Ignore this I want to be dramatic for a bit#I’m not even hiding this I simply want attention#my eepy ramblings#divine illumination#silly#vent post#personal vent#ahahahahahhaa
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I need to draw Booigi real soon, the lack of them is making me itchy
#kelperambles#uhhh pic is unrelated but I thought the paper luigi was cute 💖#anyways I just wanted to ramble about how much I love booigi LMAO#but like I need the very specific type of booigi that has been rotting in my brain in order to be satisfied#OKAY OKAY. picture this: Names are such an important thing to Luigi. Many people don’t tend to remember the bare minimum about him#so he really appreciates the few people who take enough time to remember his actual name or small things about him#then when King Boo pulls up he’s literally yelling Luigi’s name and cursing him out#sure while Luigi is still scared of him he can’t help but feel flattered that King Boo subconsciously respects him enough to call him Luigi#not green mario. not the man in green. just him…truly him.#and while Luigi might not want an designated enemy (like what Mario and bowser have)#the fact that king boo believes that Luigi is significant enough to be his enemy is something Luigi cannot ignore#King Boo acknowledges Luigi for his strengths in his weird theater kid way#but I can really see them growing closer together once Luigi discovers that King Boos plays everything up just to be DRAMATIC ✨✨#king boo WANTS luigi to react. and if he doesn’t get that he more or less just lets go of the act#like what’s the point of setting everything up if Luigi’s not even going to match his high energy?#honestly they just need to both RELAX for a second and they would really hit it off#it’s actually embarrassing. they’re so embarrassing.
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me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time
#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start#I wanna get in his head more ok sue me#Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits#Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts#Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever#That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak#Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it#Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom#I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍#Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue#Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house#Grace post#this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things#Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho#Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain#Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark#Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries#This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts#In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh#Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be#But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc)#So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now#Shrugs#maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno#Ok yapping over byeeeeee
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#I am losing my gd mind#I don't even know if I am gonna make out of this absolutely crazyness#I want to be happy for my sister and I am but good lords#things really be getting on my nerves#why must I suffer through the madness that is extended family#and relatives that I've never have seen on my life before this#i hate socializing#my social battery is dead#pls ignore I am either being too dramatic or maybe I have just lost my mind as well#sorry for rant posting#I be talking to the void#tag ramblings#for ts
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One thing that is difficult about writing historical fiction is when you’ve set your story up in the same time frame as major historical events, which you KNOW would be on your characters’ radar yet they don’t impact the plot. What is too much? What is too little?
#writing#it’s hard like if I just brush over it completely it’s like huh? did you forget this major event that some of these characters would know#and would almost certainly have feelings about#or if you only mention it in passing it’s doing a disservice to the significance of this event#it’s just not part of the story#in the case I’m working with it’s a bit understandable because it’s still very early into the event but#this shit is going to be on their minds and if they themselves never impacted it will likely impact people they know#some of them could kind of ignore it but they are also in proximity to two characters who I’m certain won’t be able to ignore it#but because it’s so early I can maybe get away with mentioning it only in passing#like they don’t know how bad shit will get because it’s only the beginning and they’re naive early 20-somethings#sometimes it’s easy and seemless to incorporate historical events#my other historical story it’s so easy to mix Word War 2 into the protagonist’s childhood because that’s why her brother is the way he is#because of PTSD from a traumatic event that I’ve literally mapped to real life events that happened because it worked the puzzle pieces fit#they don’t always though#and that’s the issue with this story#also these characters are all dealing with a lot of shit so external events might not really be the biggest thing on their minds#like we need to deal with the pressing shitstorm we’ve chosen to jump headfirst into#tag rambles#none of these characters are the type to stand idly by or at least they aren’t by the end of the story#and it’s also like every one of my 5 protagonists will have shit to say even if it’s not something they personally might have to deal with#because part of being in a small group of the only people who know the full story about something is that it creates a bond#like these are literally their ride or die people#I love them so much#all 5 of them are my pookies#and yes I have also been in a situation where it’s like okay I guess these are my people where we all know too much now lol#and there’s definitely a bonding element to that#like no one else will ever get it in a way some other people do#it’s much less dramatic in my case
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it is 7:39am and i'm already having a fucking terrible day and am in tears so 🙃 love this for me
#the heat in my house isn't working AGAIN#and i woke up to it being 15°C in my house#my throat is sore and my head hurts#and dan and phil have a limited edition sweater that i desperately want but can't afford#and i'm annoyed bc i have so much shit to do#today is Bad Day#and the stress is making my head hurt more#but i can't afford to not go into work today so that's fun#i'm just#so fucking over today already#can i please go back to bed#please#can today be cancelled#😭😭😭😭😭#personal rambles#ignore this#not important#stick is being dramatic#again#not stargate
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so anyway, thanks for reading my little dissertations on byan's gender. sorry for not writing again today, i'm just. i'm fuckin goin through it rn man
#'it' being... *gestures vaguely*#i stumbled across this series of yt shorts yesterday (all by the same creator) that really fuckin resonated with me#and i mean that in the most serious way like. it spoke to me. never have i related to someone talking about their experiences more.#talking about their life growing up undiagnosed autistic & adhd... being in treatment for anxiety & depression for decades...#i can't really explain it but good god it's most exactly my same experience and i just. i have never felt that before.#it was so... idk. it sounds so dramatic bc it's literally a comedy short but holy shit#they verbalized things that I haven't been able to and#fuck. I felt seen and I felt like I wasn't alone in this miserable weird non-functioning barely even a human place I'm in rn#and just. idk. I'm still kinda processing some of it.#once again I am thinking back over my life and realizing things and it's. heavy. and tiring.#but like. in an ultimately positive way bc it's gonna help me change things & get to a better place.#I'm rambling IGNORE ME writing it out helps me process ig and for whatever reason posting on my dumb writing blog is easier than journaling#just. once again thank u all sfm for ur patience with me. it means SO much to me. genuinely.#you have no idea how much and I can't put it into words but. slow as I am... writing here with all of you is one of the few reasons#that I'm still kicking. and I'm just. so very grateful to every last one of you.#ok I'm gonna shut up before I get even more sappy and emotional lmfajdkgksg#love you guys. hope you're taking care of yourselves. 💜💜💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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#𓆟#chvm bvcket#ignore this im literally just rambling and being dramatic#in an incredibly odd mental space rn#feeling very discouraged and overall uninspired#and like maybe i might not be im the right place to persue my dreams despite how far chasing them has taken me over the last six months#yk how they say right person wrong time when talking about a relationship or whatever#rn everything is feeling very right dream#but wrong place and time#i Know that the career i’ve been building over this past year is the right path for me#and that if i stopped chasing it now i woulf regret it for the rest of my life#but it’s becoming increasingly hard not to feel like no matter how hard i try#the place where i’m at and the people i’m working under will not be able to facilitate my growth#or have any interest in attempting to do so#i dont wanna leave#i dont want to quit#what i want is to learn#ugh
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i cant i cant
#im not allowed to say anything because its just gonna be push off as 'you're just a teenager stop being dramatic'#ignore my rambling#mee's silly silly
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bold of you to assume that Dean Winchester would confess his love in anything other than a life or death situation. that man is so dramatic he'd be hanging off the edge of a cliff and suddenly decide that Now is the time to tell Cas he's been planning out their forever home since 6 years ago. essentially, Dean's goal is to be as inconvenient as possible and boy is he good at it.
#supernatural#dean winchester#listen I found this in my notes app from oct last year?#and thought it needed to be said#idk he's so dramatic and I think that the only time he'd willingly confess would be if he was about to die. or at least thought he was#destiel#spn#they're so ridiculous#but dean is worse#in the sense of cas would just be like 'yes i love u'#and dean would#'look ik we're dying here but i just needed to tell you that earlier when you handed me cheese i was picturing very dramatically how i woul#rather kiss u than do chores right now and i felt it was important to note ignore the blood dripping from my side thats unimportant hahah'#yknow#dean rambles.
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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did you seeee jes jespipat bl series announcement 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
omg i've seen the rumors about jes and bible being a pair in 4 minutes for a while, so at least ive had some time to prepare myself for the announcement sfdjgfdkfgkrtf
but jes joining BOC came as a shock to me honestly. does this mean he will no longer work with the one enterprise??? that would be a huge loss imo. the one enterprise produces SO MANY lakorns/dramas with one31, gmmtv, and change2561. he had the ability to jump from production to production easily.... WHY
#im not saying just because he's now under BOC he will never work with other production companies again#i don't really know the industry works really. maybe he's not bound to only BOC#BUT it's my observation that BOC artists tend to.... only star in BOC shows...#and they produce like what.. 1 or 2 dramas a year? and a movie if they have the budget and man power that year 😭😭😭#whereas change2561 and one31 churn out dramas like there's no tomorrow please 😭😭😭#ok why am i rambling i literally know nothing LMAO maybe he will announce another drama with the one enterprise tomorrow#and im just being dramatic IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE#clairedaring#claire#answered
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