#because part of being in a small group of the only people who know the full story about something is that it creates a bond
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fiahtheteaaddict · 3 days ago
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The Overthinker and the Overexplainer
This is for the people who overthink everything and feel like they will never truly be loved. Trust me I feel the same, more times than I care to admit. Also mentions of anxiety, which is something I struggle a lot with. This was very self indulgent. Not super proud of this but I hope you enjoy regardless!! 🫶🏽
F!Reader x Xaden Riorson
Content warning: mentions of anxiety and overthinking (js a quick note. This is only how part of my issue with overthinking and how my anxiety is. It’s part of MY experience with both). Insecurities and being self conscious (ig those are warnings too idk?) do lmk if there are any others that you see that I have missed!!
Word count: 1636
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He does love you, you know. Says your dragon Gealach.
I know he does, trust me. You reply.
Do you? Should I?
I do and you should. You say, confidence slightly wavering. Gealach caught on instantly, she always does.
She snorts. Sure.
Although you and Xaden have been together for a while now, you still feel like some part of you is unlovable. You feel insane because you know that the man practically worships you. But you really can’t help yourself. 
You feel like you are too much to handle. Both personality wise and emotionally. You feel like you constantly need reassurance and that it must be driving Xaden away. You feel like you’re too loud and just overall too much. No matter how much he reassures you that he loves every fibre of your being with no end, you still feel like you are lacking. It’s like a pit in your stomach that nothing can fix. Xaden doesn’t fail to make you feel loved, he doesn’t do anything to make you doubt his love for you, you just feel… like you’re too much to handle. And you’re scared that it will soon drive him away. That he will get sick of you, albeit he doesn’t know you feel this way exactly. He does know something is up, and is constantly reassuring you, but your scared that one day he’ll get tired of it and it’ll have been your fault for driving him away
You are not driving him away little star
I feel like I am
Well you’re not
You let out a small huff at your dragon's insistence as you turn to look back to look at Xaden and make eye contact. He gives you a small smile. You wouldn't notice it if you didn't know him, if you didn’t truly know him. But you did. You could read him like an open book, even if he denies it with all his being. You give him a small smile before turning back around.
I'm not good enough for him.
He is not good enough for you, my little star. 
You say that all the time.
Because it is true, you are perfect… and he is, well, him.
You let out a small laugh before focusing on your meal once again.
“Gealach?” Violet asks. “Yeah. She’s talking shit about Xaden, as always.” You giggle. Violet lets out a laugh before shaking her head. “Does she like anyone that isn't you?” “I don't think so to be honest.” You both continue to laugh. “What’s so funny?” Rhiannon asks as she sits down next to Violet, Ridoc taking his usual seat next to you as he nods “Having fun without us I see, Rhi they hate us. I’m being replaced by Vi and you're being replaced by ___.” 
Ever the dramatic one.
“Dramatic much Ridoc?” You laugh at his antics, echoing your dragon's thoughts. “I'm heart broken, I have been replaced.” “Don’t worry, I still love you.” 
“She loves me, guys!” he exclaims loudly, an instant shift in his demeanor. Heads turn at how loud he shouted, and you put your head down on the table in embarrassment as he shakes your shoulders. “I am loved! Oh I have never been this happy.”
You can feel Xadens eyes on you as you turn ever so slightly to make eye contact with him. He has a small grin on his face as he watches you and Ridoc. If anyone knows your dynamic with Ridoc it’s Xaden. Ridoc is like your little brother, he’s as annoying as one and also happens to be shorter than you, which you never let him live down. 
You turn around and continue to talk to your group, feeling Xaden watchful eye on you the whole time. 
And you doubt his love for you. Gealach says as she lets out a huff. 
You know why I have all these doubts. 
I know my little star. I know. And I will be here to reassure you that you deserve every bit of love that comes your way. Even though the brooding one may not be my first choice for you. His undying love for you is as clear as day. 
Your heart swells at your dragons words. Warmth filling every crevice of your body. 
You are loved. Wanted. Cared about. Needed. 
Ridoc voice pulls you out of your thoughts as he calls your name “Everything okay?” “Yeah… just got lost in my thoughts is all.”
The whole group looked skeptical in regards to what you had said but continued on with the conversation anyways. But you still felt Xadens eyes on the back of your head.
He heard Ridoc. You know he did. He could tell something was up, he always knew when something was up, one of your least favourite things about him. 
Xadens POV:
I can tell by the look on her face that something is wrong. And I know she knows that I can tell. What is it that’s bothering her? Did someone say something? Do something? Is she hurt? Did I do something?
Thoughts swirl through and around my head like a tornado. 
“What’s wrong with you?” Garricks voice interrupts my thoughts. “Huh? Nothing. Just thinking.” “About? You're practically eyeing down ___. Did you guys fight or something?” “No no. Just some things off with her. I just don’t know what.” “Talk to her. Your shit when it comes to communication, but somehow she’s even worse.” “It’s her anxiety. She overthinks too much.” “Reminds me of someone.” Garrick says as he lets out a huff. I simply ignore him and think about my girl and what could possibly be wrong.
Sgaeyl
Let me guess, talk to Gealach?
Please?
For that girl, anything
If there is one thing that has shocked me to my core it is that Sgaeyl actually likes __. She hates everyone, only tolerates people, but her… gods, she actually likes her.
She is good for you, just as you are for her.
Update from Gealach?
It would be best for you to talk to her.
Is something wrong?
She has been… thinking too much again. 
Your POV:
You had made your way back to your room once you felt your anxiety start sparking up again. Thoughts started to flood into your mind. Not just thoughts about whether you were good enough for Xaden, but if you were even a good person. If you were annoying, too loud, too emotional. 
Gods what is wrong with me
Breath little star
It hurts
I know, and I am here, I always will be. I will never leave your side, no matter what. I am here to stay. Now breathe. In and out, slow breaths.
And breathe you do. If there is anyone who can calm you down it is your dragon. The one who is constantly in your head. The one who knows you better than anyone else. Nobody gets you like she does. Not one soul. Unfortunately not even Xaden. You would never let him know about these thoughts. You knew that he had an inkling towards your overthinking, but he didn't know what it was about. Your dragon would never betray your trust like that. You were one in the same, almost. Minus the fact that you weren't a fire breathing dragon who didn't have the bad habit of overthinking and terrible anxiety. 
*Knock Knock*
You knew who it was, you had told Vi, Rhi, Ridoc, and Sawyer who eventually joined you guys that you were going to take a nap, that your head was hurting, it wasn't like you had any classes today. It was one of those rare days where you were all off. Which were some of the worst for you. You didn't have anything to distract you from overthinking and going into an anxious frenzy. Each of them knew however that there was more to it then you were letting on. But they also knew that you wouldn't budge if they were to pry. They tried that once and it simply ended in you ignoring them for a week till they all cornered you and told you they were sorry and didn't mean to invade, they were simply worried. Although you were pissed you talked it all out and managed to set boundaries. Clear and well respected boundaries. You would go to them when you were ready, when forced to speak about your emotions you shut down. When you are being pushed while you are going through something you snap, but you don't lash out, you step back and shut down. You simply need a minute to calm down and collect your thoughts, then you make the decision to go to people. 
They didn’t know that, and you don’t blame them. But you set the boundaries and luckily they have been very well respected. Once you feel like you can talk without having a full breakdown you will go to them, it just isn’t now. 
You make your way to the door slowly, knowing the conversation you were about to have with Xaden was going to be… something.
You open the door slowly. “Hey love, you left early. You okay?” Xaden says as he takes a step forward and you move to the side to allow him into your room. “Yeah I'm uh… okay.” “Talk to me, I know you’ve been overthinking again, so let me overexplain. Talk to me, love.”
Want a part 2?
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thebatdadnomad · 22 hours ago
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𝕄𝕠𝕟 𝔸𝕞𝕚
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Pairing: Dick Grayson x GN! Reader Summary: That time that Dick fell in (seemingly) unrequited love with his informant friend. A/N: Hey, wonderful ppl of tumblr <3333 This is my first time posting a series on here, so lemme know what you think and if there are any issues with navigating the parts (once they're all up ofc)!! Parts: Part 1
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Dick Grayson had many friends, but he recalled meeting you with remarkable clarity.
He had been proudly donning his Nightwing costume, ready, alert and interested in the group of civilians being led around the Watchtower’s Zeta Tubes he had just arrived at by staff.
"Who’re they?" Dick muttered to himself, politely smiling at the civilians who saw him and instantly scurried out of his way.
"Oh, them?" Wally replied out of nowhere, scaring the bejesus out of him much to Wally’s absolute delight. "Haha, got you."
Dick laughed. "Shut up. I just didn’t expect you’d be here on time that’s all."
“Uh-huh.”
“So?”
“Right,” Wally begun to drag Dick towards the meeting rooms. "They’re here because of the war we’re trying to stop, you know? The new recruits wanted to make them more comfortable by giving them a tour, and said so at the bottom of the email thread you told one of them to write. Didn’t you read it, Mr I Think I'm Better Than Everyone Else?"
"Of course I did, dumbass," Dick just hadn't finished reading yet, considering the fact that the newbies forgot to CC him in until 3 minutes ago – which he might mention during their monthly review. But his best friend simply stuck his tongue out at Dick’s explanation and changed the subject.
The case they were here to discuss wasn't anything special, but a lot of it was riding on eyewitness testimony because of the devastating lack of surveillance in the war-torn area they were trying to bring peace to.
Most of the informants weren't natives to the area, but holidaygoers on their way home who had been caught in the crossfire and were useful contacts desiring protection. So, after giving their consent, they were brought up to the tower for their own safety and were provided residency as an additional incentive.
You were just one among them. The pretty one, sure, but Dick saw pretty people all the time. He hadn't noticed you then. Nor had he taken note of your interview transcript when the meeting room read it all over. But, once the small discussion about people’s availability was over and two hours had passed…well, that was a different story.
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"Good work, everyone. We'll solve this in no time," Dick ended the meeting at the same time any other meetings in the Watchtower would’ve ended. 9 PM.
They had a calendar booking system, and given that most heroes began readying themselves for their respective patrols around this time, no meeting was to end later than this unless there was an emergency. Dick, despite being nicknamed a risk taker by all of his closest friends, adhered to these rules. But that didn’t mean he would always left straight away.
As the host, Dick had been willing to join half of them – the new recruit he had scolded who went by the name Captain Fission and some more experienced Titans – in staying behind for a short chat. But then he noticed Wally had abandoned him there, and all his professional thoughts fled his mind.
That snake!
Mind changed, Dick promptly made his way out to catch his superspeed ass among the heroes now littering the hallway, only to bump directly into the pretty informant wandering a little off course from your temporary living space. You.
Dick blinked, slightly taken aback by how slowly you straightened yourself out while keeping your head down. He was quick to apologise, though his eyes did use the time you gave him to linger on your body in a way he usually wouldn’t. You had a nice figure, and he was only human, sue him.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to get in your way. Are you alright?”
Your head whipped up at the words as if you had suddenly woken up, and all the apprehension he initially expected from you appeared behind the first pair of unmasked eyes Dick had seen in the past two hours. The slight discolouring beneath those eyes did nothing to dim how your irises gleamed in the light. Nor did it do anything to blemish the beauty of your neat smile when you recognised him.
“You don’t need to apologise, Nightwing,” you eventually soothed.
But Dick shook his head. “I am sorry, though.”
"Please,” you emphasised, eyes wide and respectful. “You're the reason we're able to stay here in the first place instead of sitting ducks in a shelter and waiting to be attacked,” you vaguely gestured all around yourself and to the steadily growing number of heroes leaving their own respective meetings. “I should be thanking you instead."
"Maybe,” Dick briefly placed a hand on your clothed arm as a gesture of goodwill and removed it just as easily, pointedly ignoring the shockingly pleasant tingle that ran through his hand where he touched you because...because he was Nightwing now. A professional vigilante who had a loser friend to find. He didn’t need to think about whatever that was. “But don’t forget that your intel is priceless, too. We’d be nowhere without you guys. Have a good night."
A nod. "You too."
You stepped left and Dick remained still so you could smoothly walk past him. But the moment you were out of his direct line of sight, something deep, deep inside of him protested it. Maybe it was the way your eyes dazzled under the overhead lights or the lethargy in your features that did nothing to dull your allure, but soon Dick found himself leaning to the left as well. Just so he could look for one more second.
There was just something about you.
It could also be the fact that your attitude towards Dick was unlike how the other nervous informants treated him. Tiredness made you overly relaxed despite your lively courtesy, and he couldn’t stop noticing the dichotomy and how closed off your limp limbs made you appear. Something in his subconscious mind was latching onto you, and with a job like the one he had, following his instincts was crucial. It often meant life or death. You could be a threat.
"Is there something wrong?" You asked, looking at him through your eyelashes, when he got in your way.
But, no, you weren’t. One look told Dick you weren’t carrying anything sharp or dangerous beneath your clothes. Another told him you weren’t seriously unwell besides what must be simple sleep deprivation and fatigue from a long night touring the Watchtower. Thinking back to your file and the photograph on it, your background raised no flags about whether your true intention in coming here was anything but innocent.
And yet Dick still felt inexplicably drawn to you, some random pretty civilian.
Why?
“Are you lost?” Dick settled on.
You stared at him. “...Was it that obvious?”
He chuckled. “Not exactly, but I can help you out. I know this place like the back of my hand.”
“Yeah, and how well do you know the back of your hand exactly?” You rolled your eyes with a tilted smile.
Dick’s heart fluttered, momentarily taken aback by your wit before puffing out his chest with a playful grin. “I’ll have you know my hand and I are very familiar with each other. I see it every day and trail the veins whenever I'm bored. Trust me. If I know this place as well as I know the back of my hand, I'll be able to get you where you need to go.”
Your slanted lips morphed into something polite again as if you hadn’t meant to let that question slip. “I know, I do trust you, I'm just teasing. I would really appreciate it if you could show me where the dorms are from here, though.”
“Sure, let's go,” but you didn’t follow and instead took to waving your hands around at a concerning fast speed, eyes widening once more in surprise.
“Oh no, no, directions are fine, Nightwing. You're busy and—”
“It’s not far from here,” Dick lightly interrupted, insistent despite the fact that this detour would likely make finding Wally much harder. “And even if it was, I’m not too busy to get you where it's safe,”
You paused. “…Safe?”
“You don't want to know the dangers of the pre-patrol rush on the tower. You really don't,” Dick solemnly shook his head, then smiled something reassuring, unwilling to leave you just yet. “Let’s go.”
“…Alright.”
Until he figured this out.
Until it made sense.
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It was only once Dick took you to the dorms the informants were currently residing that he succeeded. Only when you followed him – or intended to – and a hero bumped into you, making you trip into his arms, that he understood this feeling.
Dick dutifully held your falling body steady against his then, his skin tingling underneath the black and blue Kevlar suit you wrapped your arms around, his ears listening to you crack some dry joke about superheroes being super blind until you moved away. And the emptiness Dick felt when you were out of his arms was the answer to the nature of his mysterious interest. It clicked into place like the first piece of a puzzle he hadn't known he was solving yet.
It had been so long, Dick had almost forgotten what it felt like to have this, to have a crush. Because that’s what this was, a crush. He didn’t know why or how it happened, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he didn’t just think you were objectively pretty, he was attracted to your pretty and cheeky and good-natured self. He was intrigued by you, and he had never been good at resisting temptations.
So, Dick let himself reach out for your arm amid the rush and drew you out of the crowd before you could make another protest.
But the thing was, he soon found out, you weren’t interested.
Dick brightly laughed at your complaints and subtle jokes as you dragged a hand down your scrunched-up face once you arrived at a quieter hallway. He made sure to show off his pearly whites when he did so, but your only response was a polite smile.
As the both of you entered the lift that would bring you to the residential wing he knew all the informants were staying in, Dick casually leaned on one of the lift walls to show off his lean body, but you didn't react to that either as you made small talk. He noted that move to be a failure, too.
Dick jokingly poked the tip of your perfect nose with his finger when you graciously pointed out that you could tell he was obviously stalling the closer you got to your abode. But you batted him away without a second thought. Physical touch was another no, it seemed.
“After I helped you come all this way?” Dick playfully asked in response to the accusation that was 100% correct. He was stalling, he didn’t want to give up just yet. “I braved so much for a cute thing like you, and this is how you repay me? With accusations?”
“…With honesty. I feel like that’s a pretty good return,” your lips twitched at the compliment, but that was it. Maybe you saw it as platonic because of his tone, or maybe words just didn’t do it for you either. Dick was unsure, but as lift doors opened and you walked down the hall to door number 24, Dick realised that he would have to pull out all the stops. Time was almost up.
“It’s not a good return, no.”
You tiredly rolled your eyes again at Dick’s devilish grin as you leaned on the door he assumed you were staying in. “Well then, how would you like me to repay you for your oh so brave and gallant acts of kindness?”
“You can repay me…” Dick stepped up to you until all you could see was each other. He placed an arm by your head and stared down at you with intent burning behind his sapphire eyes, lowering his voice to a saccharine whisper, just hoping you would finally see him. “By telling me your name.”
Neither of you said anything as you assessed him, searching for a sign of a lie in his expression. But instead of giggling or looking away or even leaning in like many had before in and out of costume, you simply maintained the same weary politeness you always had and respectfully smiled when you didn’t find a sign of falsehood in his request. “Oh, that's easy. I’m Y/N L/N. It's nice to meet you.”
Damn.
“…It's nice to meet you, too.”
With that, you pushed up off the door and swung it open, seemingly not bothered by the fact that Dick had been crowding you moments ago at all. “So, as long as my debts have been repaid, I can go in?”
Dick felt...admittedly...a little put out. He had tried everything and anything to get a reaction out of you. To see if there was any chance that you were interested in him. Yet all Dick had received since the moment you met to now was a dreary, indifferent gaze staring back at him as though he were a stranger on the train. Someone you were willing to converse with while you were travelling, but unwilling to get to know once you had reached your station.
All Dick could do now was smile, wave and lock his heart up.
“Yep, of course.”
“Bye, Nightwing," you said, friendly as you went in, but the sound of you shutting the door behind you was deafening.
So much for his new crush.
Dick swallowed his disappointment down and brushed that whole interaction off of his already weighed down shoulders. He decided right then and there that he would never see you again. Not as Nightwing or the man he was during the day. For the sake of his sanity, his integrity and professionalism. He would take a page from your book and think of you like a passing dream, a fantasy he imagined being with until he realised how impractical it was. He would forget about you.
It was too bad, Dick would later realise, that the hero community were just as charmed by you as he was.
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maidragoste · 2 days ago
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I. Frank
I'm excited and nervous to post this because I really want the people who supported the concept like it.
I remind you that interactions (likes, comments, reblogs) are highly appreciated because they motivate me to keep writing. So if you enjoy this first chapter, please comment 🥺🥰💖
My inbox is always open to read your questions, headcanons, and thoughts 🤗💖
Taglist: @pocket-of-possibilities @foolishseven @starsdustofyesterday
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.
I hope you have a good reading!
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The hallway is empty except for Frank. There are five minutes left until the meeting starts, but he doesn't rush to enter. He prefers to stay in the hallway as long as possible because once inside, he'll have to interact with all these strangers and tell them his story. These groups aren't supposed to judge you, but he's sure they will.
You're doing it for your wife and the kids, he reminds himself when the involuntary thought of leaving crosses his mind as the minutes tick by on his phone screen. But the thought won't go away. Maybe he could try it next week? Would his wife be furious if he came home now?
“First time, right?” Frank jumps when he suddenly hears a female voice next to him. His eyes instantly snap from his phone to meet a young woman in her twenties with a medium skin tone, dark hair, and warm brown eyes. How could he not hear her moving? “First times always make you nervous, it’s normal to want to run away.”
“I was going to come in,” Frank says, instantly getting defensive. If he hadn't only picked up on the last part of what she said, he would have realized she'd just admitted between the lines that this wasn't her first time being clean.
“Of course,” she says and opens the door. She looks at him, clearly expecting him to go in first. Frank wasn’t about to look like a coward in front of a stranger, so he goes in. He doesn’t miss the small smile that appears on her face, and he realizes she did it on purpose. “I don’t recommend the coffee; it’s horrible.” She goes to the table in the corner, and Frank follows her out of inertia; after all, she’s the only person he “knows.” He watches her pour water into a plastic cup. “Do you want water? By the way, I’m Charlie.”
“Yes, thank you,” he accepts the cup. “Frank.”
“Please, everyone, take a seat,” asks a redheaded woman in her late forties.
If Dana and Collins were here, Frank is sure they’d laugh at him for the way he seemed to follow Charlie around like a lost puppy. He literally ran to avoid another guy stealing the spot next to her. God, he hoped she didn’t think he was a weirdo. He wouldn’t blame her if she did.
“Good afternoon. How are you?” the woman greets.
There were some murmurs of “fine,” but Frank was sure he heard someone say “like shit,” and he also noticed a couple of people, like himself and Charlie, who remained silent.
“I see a couple of new faces, so I'll introduce myself. I'm Maureen, and I've been clean for twenty years.” She smiles, clearly proud of herself, and Frank hopes he can look as confident as she does in the future. “We're all here to listen and help each other. No one is here to judge you; we know better than anyone what addiction can do to us,” she says in a calm voice. “Does anyone want to introduce themselves first?”
Frank thinks, why not just rip the band-aid off?
“Hi, I'm Frank, and I've been clean for a month and a week,” he begins, looking around the room, not wanting to look at anyone directly so they can't see he's nervous. “My addiction started after I hurt my back helping my parents move. I was prescribed pain medications and muscle relaxers, but my prescription ran out and I still hurt, so I started stealing medicine from the hospital where I work.”
“Wow,” says the guy sitting across from Charlie, earning her to stomp on his foot. “I'm sorry,” he apologizes instantly, looking at Frank.
“Do you regret doing that, Frank?” Maureen asks, as if she hadn't heard the guy.
“Of course,” she answers instantly, not because it's the right thing to do, but because it's the truth. “I can see now that I handled everything wrong instead of asking for help. I let a lot of people down, my coworkers.”
“And were you able to apologize to them?”
“Not to all of them,” he admits ruefully, thinking of Robby. His mentor didn’t want anything to do with him.
“We can work on that later,” the redhead says, and Frank nods. Maureen seems to see he’s not going to say anything else, so she invites someone else to continue.
Frank spends his time fiddling with the bracelet Tanner made him while listening to the others’ stories. It’s not that he wasn’t interested, but he was anxiously waiting for it to be over with.
Some stories seem like something out of a movie, like that of Joe, a man in his late forties who started using drugs in his teens after surviving a car accident in which his sister died and who is trying to stay clean this time because he just found out he had a daughter with his teenage girlfriend and wants to meet her. Others aren’t as dramatic, like Peter—the boy next to Charlie—who started using drugs trying to fit in with his group of friends and then became addicted.
At the end of it all, there is Charlie.
“Most of you already know me, but I’m Charlie,” she introduces herself. Frank notices that she seems anxious by the way she keeps touching the heart-shaped pendant on her necklace. “I started using drugs five years ago after my mom died. I still mourn her,” Charlie's voice becomes a little shaky, “and the anniversary of her death is coming up, and I’m scared of relapsing.” Her eyes drop to the floor, as if she’s embarrassed.
“It's normal to be scared, Charlie. It's a tough day for you,” Maureen says softly, causing Charlie to look at her. “Why don't you ask someone to join you that day? You could call Jack.”
“Who's Jack?” asks Joe, who, like Frank, is new to the group.
Charlie opens his mouth and closes it again. She was about to say something but thought better of it.
“Jack was my mom's husband. He practically raised me with her,” she finally answers, gripping the pendant tighter. Frank thinks that if the necklace were made of a weaker material, she probably would have broken it by now.
“So he's your dad,” Frank concludes, making Charlie's brown eyes focus on him. Frank regrets speaking when he sees how she seems to be holding back tears.
“Will you call Jack? I think it would do you both good to be together on that day,” Maureen insists.
“No, I can't call him,” she denies, her voice trembling. “I can't just reappear in his life. I haven't spoken to him in years. What am I going to say when he asks me why I disappeared?”
“Addiction isn't something to be ashamed of. Besides, from everything you've told us about Jack, he doesn't seem like someone who's going to judge you,” the older woman tries to reassure her.
“Yes, I'm sure he'll welcome you with open arms. A father doesn't stop loving his daughter just because she doesn't speak to him anymore,” adds Rick, a blond man with light eyes in his forties who has been clean for ten years.
“Exactly, fathers never stop loving their children,” agrees Linda, a woman with brown hair and brown eyes in her thirties who has been clean for three years.
But Frank can see that Charlie doesn't seem to fully believe what they're saying. Maybe because she's afraid, or because she hasn't had her own children yet.
He's certain that no matter what happens in the future, he knows he'll always love his children. Tanner and Luke are the best things that ever happened to him. God, he hoped his children never went through what he was going through, and if they did, that they'd have the confidence to talk to him, that they wouldn't disappear from his life out of fear or shame.
“If you don't feel ready to talk to him, then you could ask a friend to spend the day with you. The important thing is that you're not alone,” Joe suggests, and Frank gets the feeling the rest of the group isn't happy with his input. Maybe they've been trying for a long time to get Charlie to talk to his dad again?
“I think I'll do that, thanks.”
After that, the meeting quickly ends. Charlie seems a little calmer, but Frank feels that everyone ends up bitter.
Frank picks up the plastic cups they both used from the floor and throws them in the trash. He waits patiently for her to finish putting on her coat before they both walk out into the hallway.
"I see you next week?" she asks.
“Yes, you don’t have to worry about me running away anymore,” he replies. "And will you come next week?"
“Let's hope so. Pray for me,” she says with a smile, but it's different from the smile she gave him before entering; this one isn't as bright, she looks tired, and her eyes are dull.
Frank doesn't know if she's serious or joking. He only met her today, but for some reason, he's already worried about her. Has rehab made him more empathetic?
“You can tell me to fuck off if you want,” he says as he opens the door for them to leave the establishment. “But I really think you should call Jack,” he says, looking into her eyes. “No one will understand your pain of losing her better than him.”
“I'm not ready,” she repeats.
“Just think about it, okay?” he asks, and when she doesn't nod, he adds, “If you need company, you can call me.”
Maybe he'd regret giving her his number later. But Frank wasn't going to risk this girl relapsing because she had no one with her.
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maoisarap · 2 days ago
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hey. enstarries? more so specifically: enstarries who are selfshippers/yume's/riako's/ficto's/oc×canon/etcetera? i have something if you like creating things. i think we deserve this, in this fandom right now. <3
please spread the word to other enstarries who selfships and co.!
(sorry non-enstarries. sjsjs my mind can only think of stuff to do with this franchise because it has such a tight hold on me (blame mao)!)
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(#) Enstars Selfship Week 2025
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YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CREATE:
art!
edits!
short stories/oneshots/drabbles!
headcanons!
moodboards/stimboards!
collages (like the messy sticker ones)!
ETCETERA!
go hecking wild with your creativity, you beautiful people!! we need this week of love!
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RULES:
– the dates are from the 15th of june to the 22nd of june! (yes, upto subaru's birthday because he is the literal face of this franchise.)
– this is for any and all f/o's as long as they're a part of the ensemble stars!! cast! romantic, platonic, familial and etcetera! ~including polyam and groups~!
– please don't stress yourselves with any of these ideas if you are struggling. you're allowed to skip a day and come back to the said day you're struggling with at any time.
– if you feel as though you can't follow the days that the week is set in, then take your time!! your health matters more!
– no sending negativity towards other selfshippers and co. in this! we support each other no matter the creation we come up with and who we ship with! (please, support more than just fanart. i mean it...) if you're a double, then block and ignore!
– you can make these for yourself and/or for other enstarries you know who selfship and co.!
– JUST HAVE FUN, YOU DUMDUMS!! (i love you. you are not a dummy. <3)
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HERE'S THE WEEK:
Day 1 | Uniform Steals! – you steal your enstars f/o('s) outfit! can be the ordinary unit outfit, the es idol outfit, an exclusive outfit, or even the series (on globalstars) or anniversary outfits, as long as your guy(s/girlie) owns it, you take it! or~ you can do vice versa: have your f/o steal YOUR outfit!
Day 2 | Shine on the Stage! – doesn't matter if you're a producer or just an ordinary person around ensemble square, you're being invited onto the stage with your enstars f/o's to sing! or~ if not a stage, then you're singing with your f/o's in the dorms common area with whoever you like to be in the crowd!
Day 3 | Tour Day! – this one is a bit~ of a wild card. what are you and your f/o's like when going on tour for their or your song lives/"concerts" either around the country or across the globe? are you exploring new foods? tirelessly getting ready for a live? perhaps you're both/all trying to figure out what it's like to be in a tour bus for a certain amount of days, how small or big is the bus and who gets which bunk of the bunk beds?
Day 4 | Dorm Situations! – what is life like in the dorms for you both/all? are you chaotic and loud? or quiet and peaceful? has something gone wrong in the dorms and it's upto you two/lot to fix it? let's find out!
Day 5 | 「Focus!」 | it's photoshoot time! are you taking it in the usual room where these photos are taken, or are you out and about with your f/o's having it all done? what outfits are either of you wearing? or are you or your f/o's the one taking the photos~! and is there a reason behind the photos, or is it just the usual idol work business?
Day 6 | BREAKTHROUGH! | it's time for a break away from ensemble square, and you're both/all taking a day or few off from work and getting away from the area for a while. where are you going? home? to a park? anywhere! show what life is like outside of the idol/producer and etcetera area!
Day 7 | Nui Noon! – what if in ensemble square, there's a shop in the town area where you can go and request the people who own the shop to make nuis/teddies of anyone you like, and you and your f/o's go in there to ask for a nui of each other/all one another to each of your fittings? make it as silly or as adorable as you like~
note: you don't need to use those titles, i just put them there so i personally can remember which is what due to my own bad memory~!
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liass-21 · 2 days ago
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for the m:i ask meme! 2, 10, 14, 17 💛
2. What is your favorite mi stunt/action sequence?
ohh man. i think out of the Stunts TM my favorite one has to be the burj khalifa climb. it's too iconic. seeing that on my tv genuinely kick-started the obsession. honorable mention to the dead reckoning train climb because i'm a sucker for anything with fucky gravity and it really is funny how he has to basically talk grace out of killing herself between train cars. for the action sequences my favorite is easily the part of the opera sequence in rogue nation when he fights that guy on the moving theater boom things. i don't know what they're called. when i saw rn for the first time and he got knocked down and was like wait ☝️ im tired hold on... died laughing. bring back gp/rn humor.
10. If you could add any actor into the Mission franchise, who would you add and what type of character would you want to see them play?
it's difficult to say because i really love all of the actors who've been casted already, i think the casting did a terrific job and i wouldn't necessarily replace any of them. it's also hard because fr is a very clear "end" at least for ethan and i can't see him just going back to doing more missions on film after that. that being said if a mission impossible 4.5 was created through the beautiful power of time travel i would love to see nicholas hoult as a scrappy weak little civilian they save that turns out to be the villain. i also think it would just be funny to have michael cera be there. also i want florence pugh to be a woman who reluctantly joins the team and relentessly flirts with jane (who is still there bc i love u jane 💜)
14. Do you have any mi headcanons?
well of course. first of all i think everyone including all the villains and all of the imf guys in suits have a small to medium sexual fixation on ethan. it's not reciprocated because number two i think ethan is asexual. also i like to think the only people who have ever been on ethan's team and also been straight are grace, claire, and august. i also loove to believe behind the facade of "big strong guy do big stunt" that the IMF puts on there's actually a very robust HR department as well as a department dedicated to damage control after ethan crashes six cars into buildings overseas again.
17. If there was another mi movie, what would you want to happen in it?
again going back to previously i don't see much of an opening for a mission movie after final reckoning HOWEVER if they were gonna make mission impossible 4.5 i think it would truly be excellent to have nicholas hoult be the guy who accidentally gets swept along in their group and everyone is like don't let him get killed he's a civilian (maybe the mission takes place on a boat so he can't leave or something) but it turns out he was secretly observing & plotting against them. also i want to see benji get critically injured and ethan actually know about it for a change. it might be too much to also ask that they kiss. im asking anyway
ask game linked here
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arcticmist0324 · 6 months ago
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One thing that is difficult about writing historical fiction is when you’ve set your story up in the same time frame as major historical events, which you KNOW would be on your characters’ radar yet they don’t impact the plot. What is too much? What is too little?
#writing#it’s hard like if I just brush over it completely it’s like huh? did you forget this major event that some of these characters would know#and would almost certainly have feelings about#or if you only mention it in passing it’s doing a disservice to the significance of this event#it’s just not part of the story#in the case I’m working with it’s a bit understandable because it’s still very early into the event but#this shit is going to be on their minds and if they themselves never impacted it will likely impact people they know#some of them could kind of ignore it but they are also in proximity to two characters who I’m certain won’t be able to ignore it#but because it’s so early I can maybe get away with mentioning it only in passing#like they don’t know how bad shit will get because it’s only the beginning and they’re naive early 20-somethings#sometimes it’s easy and seemless to incorporate historical events#my other historical story it’s so easy to mix Word War 2 into the protagonist’s childhood because that’s why her brother is the way he is#because of PTSD from a traumatic event that I’ve literally mapped to real life events that happened because it worked the puzzle pieces fit#they don’t always though#and that’s the issue with this story#also these characters are all dealing with a lot of shit so external events might not really be the biggest thing on their minds#like we need to deal with the pressing shitstorm we’ve chosen to jump headfirst into#tag rambles#none of these characters are the type to stand idly by or at least they aren’t by the end of the story#and it’s also like every one of my 5 protagonists will have shit to say even if it’s not something they personally might have to deal with#because part of being in a small group of the only people who know the full story about something is that it creates a bond#like these are literally their ride or die people#I love them so much#all 5 of them are my pookies#and yes I have also been in a situation where it’s like okay I guess these are my people where we all know too much now lol#and there’s definitely a bonding element to that#like no one else will ever get it in a way some other people do#it’s much less dramatic in my case
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elodieunderglass · 16 days ago
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Hi! As someone who grew up in (I think?) New England and now lives in the UK, is living outside the US all it's made out to be? I know you moved a while ago and didn't go to "escape the US", but I imagine you can offer some insight. I'm sorry to be projecting some envy on to you, but the life you describe seems so lovely and livable. Your neighbors, your chickens, your gardens--it seems like you have some actual community. I (probably incorrectly) picture you living in the stereotypical British cottage that all of the British chicken-keeping companies seem to use to advertise their products. When I picture life in Europe, I picture the small fragments of life that we get from you and other bloggers, like the one with the escapist pet llama in France. I know that the UK has plenty of problems, and that we are only seeing slivers of your actual life, but do you think there's a different sense of community and livability over there that we don't have here? New England is also so standoffish that it might just be negatively skewing my perception of the US, too. Thanks for your thoughts, if you want to give them!
I’m sorry it took so long to reply!
I'm going to write a personal response about the impact of material conditions on parenting, because I think that's the most useful response and outcome. However, this response will be missing a lot of the political framing that it ought to have. I believe that describing the policies and infrastructure that the UK has, and how they impact on myself, explains a lot about how I am able to parent, what my life looks like, and in turn how that impacts a society. I think it is useful to outline SPECIFIC POLICIES and show what they do, because understanding specific material changes is a necessary part of any shift, let alone revolution. So this is not about escaping anywhere, or anywhere being better than anywhere else; it's about frameworks that I use which are (essentially) nonexistent in the USA, and how they contribute to a liveable society. It might seem like "why does a question about your life sounding nice, with chickens, start with 'maternity leave'?" but... this is the answer.
1. Parental Leave In the UK, parental leave is a minimum 6 months. After the first 6 weeks of full pay, the government pays you a very small stipend every week (currently £188/week) plus a very small child benefit. Some jobs offer better-paid leave as a benefit. You accrue your fully paid vacation time (6+ weeks) while on leave, and therefore most people use it at the end of their leave to pad it out. Parental leave can usually be split between parents. A perfectly normal thing is for a mother to take the first 6 months, then hand the baby to Dad for his three months off with it. Impacts of parental leave on my personal life: - I had time and space to adjust to being a parent. - I was able to pay my bills while not working. - Our children went to nursery (daycare) when they were over the age of 1. - I was able to return to work in the exact same job, back into the benefits of working (which, for me, include intellectual exercise and making a positive impact on the world.) Impacts of parental leave on society: - "it takes a village to raise a child" - well, here's the bloody village. - You spend time attentively raising a baby, in a stage of life where that returns a lot of dividends. - You have a year to make "parenting friends," forming networks and not being isolated. Everyone else with a baby the same age is doing exactly the same thing too. - Babies grow up in social circles with friends pre-installed. - Parents develop support networks. - "Toddler group" culture is normalised. On parental leave you are supported to build and structure a social life. - There is daily foot traffic and people moving around towns during the day, because Not Everyone is At Work. Some number of mothers are in coffee shops with babies every day of the week. Some number of parents are always drifting through libraries on a Thursday morning. In any town there will be adults in their 30s engaging with local resources, shops, events, classes, museums, culture, and friendships during the weekday - because they are having a year off with their baby. This is hard to articulate, but has huge knock-on effects. - after all, things like shops and museums and libraries are expected to be Always Open (staffed by workers) but workers are also expected to be Always Working (at places that are open) so when are working people going to use these resources? - people can be friendly and know the people in their community if they have had some time, space and reason to meet them.
Culture of part-time working In the UK it's very normal for kids to have two working parents, with one - or both - parents working part-time. That's what my husband and I do. Impacts of part-time working on my family: - My partner and I each spend one day a week with our nursery-age child while the other two are in school, allowing us to have a relationship with the youngest that isn't a constant four-way tug-of-war. - We meet our friends in a regular, routine heartbeat of connection, social expression, and support. It is extremely good to see your good friends once a week, and maintaining friendships over years is extremely good for you. - it's very good for the kids. not only do they have a lot of parental attention (which improves behaviour, teaches them skills, makes them good citizens, etc) but they see their own best friends all the time, building their own relationships and connecting THEM to the networks of "village." - we have adults during the week who can do things like go to the bank, pick up prescriptions, or do other capacity-balancing things within work hours. - we can collect our schoolchildren from school and they don't need afterschool care 2 days out of 5, saving money and letting us see our kids. - working part time means that we need to take less time off work over school half-terms and holidays. Impacts of part time working on society: - more working adults are available during the week to do things like the PTA, local committees, local volunteering, local mutual aid, local classes and groups. More working adults can do things like walk their dogs, have allotments, and take their kids swimming. Working adults can run toddler groups for new parents, who then return to work part-time, to come and help run the toddler group. - I feel like this is obvious, but if you want a society with amenities, then you have to staff and use the amenities. - If you don't have part-time workers, you're relying on retired and nonworking people to run your communities during the week - and they do a brilliant job! - but a balanced society should have people of different ages and abilities working together. - again, you have people in coffee shops in the week; you have people USING things and DOING things in the week. - you are NOT forcing one parent into Permanent Babycarer Role and one parent into Permanent Worker Role! This is threaded through all of these points, but you do NOT have to set up a permanent Stay At Home Parent / Working Parent dynamic when your society offers infrastructure for flexibility and supportive policies.
More Holiday (and different school holidays) Okay, so you're a working parent in the USA. You get 2 weeks of vacation time a year... and your kids are off school for 10-12 weeks of summer. how do you work and also raise your kids? well, usually through some unholy feats of juggling, expensive summer camps, and relying HEAVILY on family. This isn't sensible or necessary. (It's also incredibly hard on American teachers.) but it DOES mean that parents are in a vulnerable state in America. In many American families, the three-month childcare gap in summer makes it really hard for women in particular to work, widening inequality. In the UK, workers usually have 6 weeks of holiday. School summer holidays are only 6 weeks long. There are lots of other holidays - every six weeks, kids get a week off for Half Term - but with two parents and a culture of part-time working, you can just about cover it every year, and still have a bit of vacation time for yourself, Christmas, and travel. What this means for my family: - We can have three kids and two nearly-full-time jobs. - We see a reasonable amount of our children. What this means for society: - you've possibly picked up on the recurring theme that the USA requires a Designated Parent to be removed from the workforce/society and turned into a permanent caretaker, because otherwise the family couldn't manage the admin. The knock-on effects (resentful caretaker, resentful breadwinner, stressed out children, family with less economic/emotional resilience, caretaker expected to do all domestic chores and admin, breadwinner expected to exhaust themselves to provide resources, children do not interact/engage with breadwinner) form the backbone of the American family unit, which is not a great (or default) way of actually raising kids. - another huge expectation in America is that Family and the Church will step in to provide this missing material support - i.e. church summer camps. or grandparents taking the kids. Which - what do you do if you're not Christian? if you're estranged? if you're queer? if you moved away from the small town where that would have worked? if your parents are harmful or unsafe? again, policy changes and infrastructure are making family life workable.
Better Nursery Options (and nursery support) The UK has some of the worst nursery options and highest bills in Europe, I think? (citation needed) but it's still cheaper and higher-quality than the USA. My mother in the USA is always ranting about "don't you want to raise your OWN children?" and "they will be harmed by their carers, or made to watch TV!" but on the contrary - I LIKE my kids having multiple caretakers and a qualified professional care team. they are NOT watching TV. their nursery staff take them to do LOVELY THINGS and I can work an ENTIRE DAY without being CLIMBED ON. There is SOME financial support available for sending kids to nursery. From the age of 3, or younger if the parents are low-income, kids receive 30 hours a week free childcare from the government. (in practice they've just changed this and it isn't as great as it sounds but it's a slight savings). What this meant for my family: - I could afford three kids. And they are EXACTLY three years apart (lol). this means that as each child turned 3 and got cheaper childcare, the next one started, so we were never paying 2x nursery bills. - This allowed us to have children, a nice number and a nice age gap, who would therefore grow up together as a nice sibling set, but we could afford it and afford their childcare. - this literally shaped my family. size, age gap, and choices. everything about their dynamics, their relationships, and their future as siblings was shaped by this random scrap of policy. What this means for society: - EVEN STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERS IN BRITAIN SEND THEIR THREE-YEAR-OLD KIDS TO NURSERY. - EVEN CHILDMINDERS (people who run in-home childcare facilities alongside raising their own kids) PUT THEIR KIDS IN OTHER NURSERIES! - that's right - stay-at-home mothers DESERVE breaks. it's an EXHAUSTING job, with no recharge time or holiday, and tremendous pressure to be perfect all the time. - it is so, so normal to use nursery. it's not a bad choice, or a place to "park" your children, or something Bad Parents do, or something you Must Become A Stay At Home Parent to Avoid Using. there are no terrors of satanists or people being hurt or kids being locked in closets, as many Americans do worry about. having help with childcare is just a wider village, a care team, another aspect of your kids' lives. - seriously, if you speak to American parents on the internet, it isn't just a financial thing - daycare is perceived as being BAD for children, something a good mom should break herself to avoid using. - in the UK it's... nursery. Kids go to nursery. you pick the days. they go and pick daisies. - it's okay to have a break from parenting and being Touched all the time. - it's very good for kids to start making friends and having other carers.
Decent schooling In England, free public schooling starts at aged 4. children wear uniforms from age 4. hot meals are about £3 a day and are free for the first few years. there are no metal detectors or shootings. kids learn phonics, cursive, maths, tech, cooking, art, sports, etc. at a reasonable standard, not dependent on local property taxes - okay, so, background: in the USA schools budgets are state-set, but are ALSO often linked to local property taxes and local funding pots. so schools in "poor" areas generally have less resources, while schools in areas with nice houses and Good School Districts have a completely different experience. In some USA schools, teachers have to use food banks and buy pencils for their own students. It's all pretty wild and inconsistent. This is somewhat true in the UK (better schools tend to be in 'better' areas) but the funding is more consistently given and there is a national-level monitoring and regulation program. (it isn't left up to 50 insane separate states who all want to strip school budgets and cut their funding to do this according to Personal Vibes.) this means that you can just... send your kids to school. they learn things. and then come home. It's fine. you can just send your kids to school. everyone else is too. Many communities are walkable, and "driving kids to school" is not the default. Kids are expected to become independent earlier, and society is expected to be safer. at the age of 11 they usually walk to school with their friends. What this means for my family: - my kids are pleasant, the older two can read, they have opportunities and are supported. I don't feel like school is damaging them. On the contrary. - it isn't on me as (Femme Parent) to be their entire cultural and intellectual education. they're exposed to diverse viewpoints, people, and teachers. their mental landscapes are broader and more resilient than if it had just been me. - (I was homeschooled, you see.) What this means for society: - children are mildly educated. - children are fairly safe when they're Away From You. - teachers are a reasonable profession that's normal to go into. and teachers live fairly normal lives. - social inequality is reduced through equity introduced in education. - educational opportunities are more consistent and less stratified. - children can safely get out of family homes (and parents can work).
walkable communities, but you got that.
public transport, but you know about that.
socialised healthcare, but you get that. As a result of all these things, raising a family is materially different in the UK, with effects that knock on throughout. With one or two tweaks - now you have present and engaged fathers. Now women can be working parents without breaking themselves in half. Now babies make friends they'll keep their whole lives. Now you CAN be distant from toxic family because you don't need family support to raise kids. But all of those things could be put into policy. They are not something British people invented. ANY SOCIETY THAT LAYS THINGS OUT COULD ACHIEVE THIS. And I think that's worth saying and laying out. Livable communities can be made livable with livable infrastructure. infrastructure is something we can make.
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c0s-lettuce · 2 months ago
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your orbit
steve harrington x reader
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synopsis: amidst a night of board games, junk food and extraordinary company, the only thing steve can think about is you.
→ or the deterioration of steve harrington's mind over the course of an evening.
word count: 4.1k
warnings/tags: fem!reader, set around s4 but no upside down, eddie and robin aren't subtle, steve just really loves you, childhood best friends to strangers to friends, one bed but not really ;)
a/n: i love ex bestie steve! i've been wanting to write for him for a while, so hope i did him justice. joe keery favourite white boy frrr. pls forgive any inaccuracies and thanks for reading <3
part two coming soon!
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5 PM
Steve decided to take advantage of having the house to himself. His parents are gone for the week, as they so often are. So, he sent out a few invitations to some of his closest friends. A small get-together, he told them, nothing fancy.
Robin accepted, of course. And Nancy and Jonathan, too. Steve only told Dustin about the party, but he already knew that word would spread to all the other kids.
But Steve has a mini panic attack when he finds out you're coming. He isn't too sure where he stands with you these days. Your friendship has all but rekindled, but Steve is still wary around you, terrified of messing up again. You accepted the invitation, though. That's a good thing. Right?
As Steve waits for people to arrive, he takes out his only activities, a deck of cards and a single board game he received as a gift but never opened. He's relying on his friends with siblings and/or a healthier relationship with their parents to bring more things to do.
He sets out the snacks he bought. Chips and candy are laid out over the island counter in the kitchen, and soda is stacked in the fridge. Steve even sets aside a little stash of what he hopes are still your favourites. He also managed to get his hands on some beer, and there's money set aside for pizza later.
Soon enough, people start showing up. Robin arrives first, followed by Dustin, Lucas and Max. Then Nancy and Jonathan arrive with Mike, Will and El. Then you. And finally, Eddie.
The gaggle of children quickly bee-line for the snacks and games. Steve watches with disdain, knowing there'll be a mess to clean up after. But at least his other guests appear happy to see their gracious host, with you among them.
Steve pretty much shortcircuits when you arrive. You're dressed nicely, and your hair is all pretty. You lean in to give him a quick hug, greeting him fondly. He may as well have cancelled the night then because he's sure his heart stopped for a second.
He only snaps out of it when Eddie arrives, slapping him so hard on the back that it could've been an alternative to the Heimlich maneuver. Suddenly, the population of the house has gone from one to a dozen, and noise and energy immediately replace the prior peace.
Steve quickly realises that he's in for a long night.
6 PM
"So, what's the story between the two of you?" Eddie asks.
Steve blinks, caught off guard by the question. He turns to the other boy, who awaits his answer with a half-curious, half-smug expression.
"Nothing, man," Steve mutters, taking a sip of his beer.
"Nothing, huh?" Eddie smirks. "Is that why you're staring at her like she's the love of your life?"
Steve glares at Eddie, wondering who even invited him. Eddie is the newest addition to the larger friend group. Dustin is very fond of him. And from what Steve has heard, so are you. He's in a few of the same classes as you, and there's a rumour among the kids that you used to be in Hellfire for a semester in your sophomore year.
The thought of you being close to Eddie bothers Steve. He chases the feeling away with another sip.
"Come on, big boy," Eddie nudges him. "We're friends now. You can tell me."
He looks back at you. You're sat around the coffee table with the kids in the middle of a round of Uno. And you look so lovely. You always do. Even the way you're holding the cards is pretty. You're the perfect culmination of everything sweet. No wonder the kids are hogging you.
He looks back at Eddie, who's still regarding Steve with inquisitive and mischievous eyes. Steve considers acquiescing, especially since Eddie is willing to listen. At the very least, it'll give Robin a break from dealing with his usual sulking.
"We were really close in middle school," Steve begins. "Best friends, even. But then I started high school, and... well, you can probably guess the rest."
"Ah," Eddie nods, understanding immediately. "I see."
Steve continues. "We only spent a year apart. And she was so excited to join me. But then-"
"Then King Steve emerged, and you left her in the dirt," Eddie remarks.
Steve cringes at the wording but doesn't refute it. It's an accurate recount of what happened. He knew he was horrible, not just to you but to everyone. He regrets nothing more than abandoning you and letting his so-called friends pick on you. Meanwhile, he stood by, telling himself worthless excuses to justify how things turned out.
You and Steve remained strangers after he left his throne behind. And it probably would've stayed that way if he didn't become coworkers with one Robin Buckley, who had become your new best friend in his absence.
He remembers the days you would visit Scoops Ahoy, mostly to distract Robin and make his job harder. You would often give him quick glances and polite smiles, never going out of your way to talk to him. However, he would occasionally catch your eyes lingering on him.
Robin would tell him you were checking him out, insisting she knew how her best friend thinks. But he was convinced you were judging him for his dumb hat and sailor outfit. Nothing ever made him wish he could crawl into a hole and die more than that.
But suddenly, he was back in your orbit again. And he's never left since.
Turning his attention back to you, Steve watches you play your last card, earning a groan from a few of the other players. You stand up victorious, stepping away from the table to grab another drink from the kitchen.
Steve recognises this as the perfect time to approach you and say something other than the "hey" he offered when you arrived. But just as he's about to muster up the courage, the doorbell rings, indicating the arrival of pizza.
With a sigh and another slap on the back from Eddie, he turns away to retrieve the food.
7 PM
You fit in well with the others. Not that it's a bad thing. It's great, actually. It just reminds Steve how much time has passed and how things have changed. It makes him think of what could've been.
You being best friends with Robin makes more sense than hot chocolate on a rainy day. You're like two peas in a pod. You match each other's energy, and both have a sort of charming madness about you.
The kids obviously like you. Not that their criteria are that high. But it helps that you used to work at the arcade and would give them your spare quarters. Plus, the rumour that you used to be in Hellfire makes you seem like a legend in their eyes.
Even Max likes you. He could tell because you were the one she approached earlier, asking if she could have a beer. You laughed and told her no. She just pouted and accepted it. Steve knew if he told her no, he would've been left with an insult.
You aren't particularly close to Nancy or Jonathan. Still, Steve knew they respected you, which means a lot, especially from someone like Nancy. And, of course, Eddie is... Eddie.
Steve comes to the realisation that he's jealous of everyone at the party. They all have a place in your life, in your heart. He wonders if there's even room left for him. There was a time when he occupied all that space. And it's his own fault that changed. Still, he can't help but hope.
The pizza disperses and disappears quickly. As the others chase their dinner with more snacks and set up another game, Steve remains leaning against the wall. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't notice someone approaching him.
"Steve?"
He flinches at the voice. It's you.
"H-hey," he stutters.
"Hey," you reply. "You okay? You seem a bit... distraught."
Steve takes a second to respond but nods. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good, just thinking."
You tilt your head, sensing more to the story but not wanting to pry. "Alright. Just don't hurt yourself."
Steve chuckles nervously, both relieved and terrified that you're making jokes with him.
You point back towards the coffee table. "The others are about to start a game of Monopoly. Did you want to join?"
He looks towards the group, at Dustin micromanaging how Will sets up the board. At Max and El scheming their game plan, having already picked the token they want to use. And at Mike dragging over his reluctant-looking sister, an amused-looking boyfriend following behind.
Steve knew he ought to join in, having just been standing around all night. But the idea of playing a game about capitalism with a group of kids who took board games way too seriously doesn't appeal to him right now.
So, he shakes his head. "No thanks. You go ahead."
You glance at the others before turning back. "Nah, I'm good. I need a break from getting lectured by Dustin."
Steve snorts. "Yeah, that kid's got a mouth on him. You wouldn't believe how often he tries to give me dating advice."
"He gives you dating advice?" you ask, amused.
"Yeah," Steve answers. "Now that he has a girlfriend, he thinks he's unstoppable. A girlfriend he wouldn't even have if it weren't for me, by the way. I taught him everything he knows."
You laugh and shrug. "Well, maybe you could learn something, Steve. You know, the whole 'student becomes the master' thing?"
Steve lets out a huff. "No, no way. Besides, I don't need a girlfriend when I've got-"
You, he almost says. But he clears his throat and corrects himself.
"Uh, all of you," he states, vaguely gesturing to the party. "My friends, you know?"
His words make you grin. "Aww, Steve-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he mumbles. "Just don't tell anyone I said that."
He averts his gaze. His cheeks flush a bit, but he's holding back a smile. He's glad to have gotten that reaction from you.
You're about to tease him some more when Robin's voice interrupts, calling for your help from upstairs.
You sigh, looking back at Steve. "Duty calls. I'll leave you to your thinking."
You give him a cheeky smile before you leave, a smile that makes it seem like you somehow read his mind and found his thoughts amusing. He can only watch as you walk away again.
8 PM
Steve isn't sure how he got here, sitting next to you on the carpet. The Monopoly game was cut short after Lucas and Mike got into a heated argument. And now they've switched to The Game of Life, which hopefully won't cause any fights.
Not only did Steve get roped into playing, he got teamed up with you. You had been calling most of the shots during the game, but when you reached the marriage space, stuck a little pink peg next to the blue one and murmured, "That's us," to Steve... well, it all got a bit confronting for the poor boy.
He felt like a fool, sitting there overthinking two words that likely were said as a joke. Steve had realised a while ago that he loved you. A part of him thinks he always has, ever since the early days of middle school.
But being friends with you again after everything is more than he felt he deserved, so he doesn't expect you to return those feelings just yet. But then you go ahead and say something like that. So casually, too. "That's us." Married. Yeah, right. Either you're cruel, or there's hope for him yet.
Steve manages to calm his emotions a few moments later. But as the game progresses, he continues comparing his life to the little blue peg that was supposedly him.
Steve, in the game, has a college degree, a decently-paying job, a pretty pink peg for a wife (which you've claimed to be you), three peg children and his own house, all while avoiding any mid-life crises.
Steve, in real life, at the ripe age of nineteen, has no idea what he's doing. He's been through at least two quarter-life crises. College is definitely not happening. And he's working a retail job Robin got for him through bribery. At least it came with a better uniform. One which would probably help with picking up girls if the girl he actually wanted wasn't the one currently sitting next to him.
At least now, when you visit Robin at work, you also come to see him. You make eye contact, give him bright smiles, and actually talk to him. And he has to do everything in his god-given power to not lose his mind each time.
But it's not all for nothing. After all, you're a loyal customer of Family Video, and Steve always looks after his patrons (as long as it's you). If he knows you'll be visiting, he'll put on one of your favourite movies on the TV in the store.
He'll also research movies he thinks you'll like, lie and say they're unavailable if someone tries to rent them before he can get them to you. It earns judgment from Robin, but he doesn't care. As long as it makes you happy.
Soon, Steve vows, he'll take you out to see a movie on the big screen. It'll be just the two of you at the back of the theatre with a big bucket of popcorn. He'll pull some cheesy move on you. You'll laugh at him or roll your eyes. Or maybe you'll fall for it. Either way, it'll be perfect.
Steve only checks back into the present when The Game of Life ends. He glances around the table, relieved no one has noticed him daydreaming. Everyone's cars are in the retired space, and Steve catches a glimpse of you and him and your three kids again. But he looks back at the real you as you turn to face him.
Steve is no help as you sort out how much money you ended up with, too busy admiring you instead. You're focused, doing maths in your head and using his lap as a surface to lay out the notes and cards. And somehow, he falls even more in love with you in this moment.
9 PM
The party has diminished, with Nancy and Jonathan having gone home with the kids. Now, just Steve, Robin, Eddie, and you remain. Outside, dark clouds have gathered, showering Hawkins in light rain.
The four of you are finishing the night off with one last card game. You had won, of course. And now Eddie has recruited your help. He has his arm around you, his head pressed against yours, his deck hiding your faces as you conspired his next move.
If Steve didn't know any better, he'd assume you two were a thing. But he does know better. Eddie must be doing this on purpose, trying to make him jealous or something. And it was working. Steve supposed that's what he deserves for trusting Eddie with his deepest, darkest regret.
The card game turns into a one-sided glaring contest, with Robin having to nudge Steve whenever it's his turn. With your help, Eddie finishes second. Robin comes third, and Steve loses the game. But at this point, he isn't even upset about it because it means his suffering is over.
Eddie finally lets go of you, letting out a contented sigh as he stretches his arms above his head.
"Alright," he announces. "I'm calling it a night. You ready to go, Buckley?"
Robin nods. "Yeah, let's head."
The two stand and begin gathering their things.
Eddie looks at you as he puts on his jacket. "You sure you don't want a ride home?"
You shake your head. "I'm good, Eds. You take Robin. My dad should be here soon."
Eddie accepts your answer with a nod, and you catch the slightest hint of a smirk. But you ignore it as you and Steve walk him and Robin to the door. You give them each a hug before they leave.
Robin has an expression you don't fully comprehend as she hugs you back, somewhere between smug and amused. "See you later, nerd. Make good choices, okay?"
You furrow your brow, but she heads out the door before you can ask what she means by that.
As Eddie steps out after her, he looks back at Steve. "Hey, Harrington. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
He sends Steve a wink, who frowns at the implication of his words. You notice Robin is still giving you that look. You send her a raised eyebrow in return. But no more words are exchanged as the two go their merry way.
"God, they're weird," Steve mutters as he closes the door.
His comment elicits a chuckle from you, which elicits a flutter in his chest. He turns to face you, unable to help the smile that graces his features just by looking at you. But a mildly awkward silence follows as Steve racks his brain on how to proceed now that it's just the two of you.
"You, uh- you want another drink?" he asks.
You smile and nod. "Yeah, sure."
His own smile widens. "Alright. You sit back down, and I'll get us some."
Steve heads into the now almost empty kitchen, grabbing two bottles before finding you again in the living room. You're sitting on the couch, packing up the deck of cards. Steve is momentarily distracted by the way your hands move.
But as he approaches and hands you your drink, he decides to be bold and sits close to you, throwing an arm over the back of the couch. He doesn't even have a millisecond to regret it because he feels you lean into his touch.
Steve revels in the satisfaction.
10 PM
Eddie and Robin seem to have left just in time because the storm picks up only a few minutes after they leave. You and Steve sit and chat for a while as you finish your drinks, and you help Steve clear up the empty cans and scattered wrappers despite him ordering you not to.
But even after everything is cleaned, your father still hasn't arrived. Steve watches as you wait, looking at the time again.
"You're welcome to stay over if that's easier for you," he tells you.
You look over at him, considering his offer. "You don't mind?"
Steve shakes his head. "No, of course not."
He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all. In fact, he would prefer it. He's used to being alone for days at a time. But it's a bit harrowing going from twelve people to just one, especially in a big empty house during a storm. Yes, he definitely wants you to stay.
"Okay," you say, "I'll just call my parents and ask what's happening."
Steve nods as you walk over to the phone and call home. It rings for a bit before someone picks up.
"Hello?" your mother's voice greets you.
"Hey, mom," you reply. "It's me."
The pitch of her voice changes immediately upon hearing your voice. "Hi, darling! Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to check if dad was still coming to pick me up?" you ask.
There's a pause before your mom groans. "Oh, I'm so sorry. We completely forgot. We had a lot of wine for dinner. I can go get him now."
"It's no big deal, mom," you interject. "The storm's getting pretty bad anyway. Steve said I could stay over."
Again, your mother's cadence changes, but you don't need to question why. You know she's always been a fan of Steve.
"Okay, darling," she responds. "That sounds like a good idea. You two take care, alright?"
You resist rolling your eyes, even though she's not around to see it. "Yeah, you too, mom. Bye."
Your mom bids you farewell, and you hang up the phone.
Steve, who waits patiently nearby, takes this as his cue to speak up. "You staying?"
You look over at him and nod. "I'm staying."
"Okay, great," Steve smiles. "You can take my room. I'll go in the guest bedroom."
"What? Steve, no," you say. "You don't have to do that. I'll take the guest bedroom."
"No, really," he insists. "It's cold and uncomfortable in there. Trust me."
"I'm the guest, Steve. I'll go in the guest bedroom," you respond.
"No, not happening," he states.
You frown. "I'm not letting you give up your room."
Steve crosses his arms. "Well, I'm not letting you stay in the guest bedroom."
There's a pause in the conversation as the two of you stare each other down, hoping the other will fold.
When neither of you do, you make another suggestion. "Alright. How about we just share your bed?"
Steve raises his eyebrows. "Uh, you- really? Are you sure?"
You shrug. "Yeah, I mean... we used to do it all the time as kids, right?"
It's true. You did. There were countless nights when you would pass out in bed together, having stayed up watching movies or spent the entire day in the pool.
"Okay," Steve agrees. "Let's do that then."
"Great," you say.
"Great," he replies.
Yeah... great.
11 PM
Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
That's all Steve could repeat in his head. He's lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling while you're beside him. He forgot to factor in how the both of you have grown considerably since middle school, meaning there's less space between you now.
Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't fr-
"You know," you break the silence. "I forgot how weird your plaid wallpaper was."
Steve furrows his brow, his distress momentarily forgotten as he turns to look at you.
"It's not weird," he says defensively.
"It's pretty weird," you reply before looking at him. "But it's cool."
As your gaze meets his, he feels his nervousness rushing back. You look so soft and cozy in his bed, wearing his shirt. And you're smiling at him as if you knew the funniest joke in the world and you were about to tell it to him.
He lets a beat of silence pass before clearing his throat. "Did you have fun today?"
"Yeah, I did," you answer genuinely. "You?"
"Yeah," Steve replies. "It's nice having people around."
You nod in response, remembering how his parents would send him over to live with your family whenever they would go away. As much as he loved being able to spend time with you, you knew he hated being left behind.
"How long are your parents gone for this time?" you ask.
"Just until the end of the week," he tells you.
You nod again. "You've been faring up by yourself?"
He shrugs. "I don't mind it. They've been on my back a lot recently. Honestly, I needed the break."
"Right," you reply. "So not much has changed."
Steve lets out a humourless laugh. "Nope. It's been hell since I graduated last year."
You frown at his words. "I guess that's not surprising."
"Yeah, I don't know," he pauses for a second before continuing, his voice quieter. "Sometimes, I think they have a point."
You pause as well, trying to gauge what he's thinking. "You shouldn't let them get to you, Steve."
He sighs. "I know. But what if they're right, you know, about me?"
"They're not. I promise you," you reassure him.
Steve turns to look at you again, almost like he's searching for your sincerity.
You give him a smile. "You'll be alright, Steve. I know it."
Steve can't help but smile back. You sound so earnest that he's inclined to believe you. Besides, you're here with him right now. So, he must be doing something right.
You fall into a comfortable silence. There's barely any noise this late at night to disrupt it. After a few moments, you let out a yawn.
"Ugh, man. I'm so sleepy," you mumble.
"You should get some rest," he responds. "I still remember how grumpy you get in the morning."
You give him a deadpan look. "Gee, thanks."
Steve chuckles. "Just telling the truth."
Your feigned expression breaks as you laugh along, too. Steve cherishes every second of the moment before it fades away.
You yawn again. "Alright then. Goodnight, Steve."
"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replies.
The room falls silent again. Steve lets out a deep breath and closes his eyes. Despite the uncertainty, a smile still lingers on his lips. A million things could change tomorrow. But for now, at least, you're still by his side.
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thebubblesareevil · 3 months ago
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The Return of the First Hero
Danny was the first superhero. He started when he was 14 and there were no other heroes around.
He did what he could during natural disasters and global threats but he was only one kid.
Sure things got a bit easier when he leaned how to make clones but he never felt like he was doing enough.
Because of his status as a ghost he never got worldwide recognition but he didn’t care, that wasn’t why he did it.
Danny was getting ready to go to college when clockwork approached him with devastating news.
With Pariah being defeated and him taking the throne, unrest had spread throughout the different dimensions.
Danny would have to help stop the destruction of reality and protect and maintain the stability of the realms.
So Danny left. He left knowing he was doing what he had to do to protect everyone, but knew he was leaving his world without protection and knew there would be consequences.
When Danny left, life moved on. Disasters happened and people died. There were no heroes to save the day.
Until there was.
Slowly but surely they came out of the woodwork. The Batman in Gotham. A man of steel in metropolis. The scarlet speedster in central city.
But they never truly left their cities. They never took responsibility of the earth.
And then they had to. Aliens invaded and a team formed bringing even more heroes into the light.
There was controversy the world over whether or not they should trust these heroes.
All except from a small town in Illinois.
Not much happened in amity park. There was hardly any crime. There hadn’t been any recorded natural disasters in years. There was not a single supervillain to be seen nor any hero. There were no corrupt cops and the wealthy not only paid their taxes but were actively involved in the community and charity.
No one understood the adamant support of these heroes. You could always find a few at any anti hero protest yelling their screams of support.
Eventually the cries of invaders and aliens died down and the voices of support outweighed the cries of hate.
One day a large green portal appeared above amity park and the heroes of the world took immediate notice. The Justice league immediately deployed to come to the aid of the little town that had stood beside them for so long.
The energy levels were off the charts. No one knew what was going on but they did their best to do what they could. Try as they might though, none of them could persuade the civilians to leave the area.
No one was panicked as the crowd grew larger, though it parted like the Red Sea when a large van pulled up.
Five adults exited the vehicle (if it could be called that) 2 appeared to be in their late 60s while the young woman with them looked to be in her mid forties with the two others not much younger than her.
They didn’t say anything. They just approached the portal, ignoring any hero that tried to protest.
Suddenly the portal grew brighter as a figure emerged from the green abyss.
A boy, no, a young man exited the portal. He couldn’t be more than 18-19 by the leagues guess.
Not a moment later did he charge at the group immediately being wrapped into a group hug as the portal vanished behind him leaving behind only a single bag.
When they finally let the man go they turned to face the crowd with a smile and he simply said.
I’m home.
The crowd went wild shouting cheers of joy and welcome homes.
The heroes were well and truly confused.
It was flash that approached a man at the edge of the crowd.
“What’s going on? Who is that?”
The man smiled.
“That’s Danny Fenton. The greatest hero this world will ever know and after 30 years he’s finally come home.
Flash immediately rushed over to relay what he was told to the rest of the team and they started to discuss the implications. It wasn’t long though before they were interrupted by the man of the hour.
“Is it true?” He asked, his expression torn and his eyes wet with unshed tears “are you the ones that have been protecting earth?”
The league was silent until superman stepped forward “we are members of the Justice league and we have done everything we can to protect this planet for the last 10 years”
The man grinned as the tears fell down his face.
“All this time, after everything I’ve done, I was terrified there would be nothing left when I came home.”
“Thank you”
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finelinevogue · 4 months ago
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pretty boy
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summary - the team is out for drinks and people can’t stop hitting on your boyfriend
pairing - spencer reid x bau!gf
word count - +1k
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“He’s so hot.”
“Ugh that hair!”
“He is so kissable.”
You had only been at the bar for an hour and you’d already hit your limit for the amount of women that have hit on your boyfriend.
The worst thing about it, is that Spencer is so oblivious to it that you feel silly for being even a little bit jealous.
You were currently at the bar ordering some drinks and were listening to a group of girls lust after your boyfriend, who was currently sitting with the rest of the team in a booth.
“I mean seriously… he looks like he’d know how to please a woman.” One of them said.
You gave the girls a brief look to make sure you weren’t making things up in your head and to your dismay they were all looking Spencer’s way. Curse him for sitting at the end of the booth.
You then looked back to Spencer who was listening intensely to something Rossi was saying.
He did look good. Like, really good.
He’d recently had a haircut that made him look that little bit older, whilst also keeping that youth. Hotch had told him he looked like he was part of a boy-band, which in a way he did. The hot one, if he was.
You loved his new hair. It was so fluffy and soft. Perfect to run your hands through.
It just irked you that other people were thinking the same thing. And so openly.
He was even extra handsome tonight with his work clothes on. It was hot so he had taken off his waistcoat, so it was just his shirt - which he had rolled the sleeves up on - his loose tie and his fitted trousers.
“I’m going to go talk to him.” One of them said, making you tense up.
You wished the bartender would hurry up so you could go back and sit next to Spencer already. You trust Spencer more than anything - but it was these girls you didn’t trust.
“Oh my God. Never mind. He’s coming over here. How’s my hair?”
You thanked the bartender as he placed the drinks on a circular tray in front of you.
The girls were all nervously excited next to you.
Until they weren’t.
Because you felt Spencer slide up behind you, resting one of his hands at the bottom of your spine and the other placed on the bar edge.
“You okay?” He asked, leaning down to kiss the top of your head as you swayed your body into his.
Spencer was standing perpendicular to you so it gave you the opportunity to rest the side of your head on his chest. It allowed you to just breathe him in as if it were just you and him in the room.
You nodded slowly, not really knowing how else to answer.
“Need help with these?” He asked, tapping the tray.
“Please.”
“M’kay. I’ll get these. You grab some straws.”
You were sad when his hand left your back to reach for the tray of drinks. You also really wanted to take Spencer away from these girls though.
Before you could both go back, one of the girls touched Spencer on his forearm and questioned him.
“Excuse me, are you two together?” She asked, only looking at Spencer for the answer. It was almost as if you were invisible.
“Uh, yeah. We are.” Spencer gave a polite smile.
“Oh.” She said, surprised.
Spencer didn’t respond and neither did you. He just smiled before nudging you to keep walking.
Once you were out of their earshot he asked, “That was weird right?”
“Yeah.” It was your turn to give him a small smile this time, keeping your head down as you returned to the booth.
<.><.><.>
The atmosphere had changed.
You had felt good at the start of the night - an hour ago - but now everything felt a little different.
It no doubt had everything to do with the girls that had been surprised that Spencer was dating you. Also it didn’t help that Spencer still looked great and was gaining more and more hungry eyes.
You sipped your drink even though you weren’t interested in having a good time any more. You wanted to be alert in case you needed to be for Spencer’s sake.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” Spencer said.
He was still sat on the end of the booth, but he had one arm tucker over the back of the booth and down around your shoulder to keep you pressed close to him. For someone who was okay with not fully understanding social interactions, he had always done a perfect job of being with you.
The rest of the team were talking and laughing over drinks.
“It’s okay.” You shook your head.
“It’s not if it’s bothering you.” Spencer argued.
“It’s silly.”
You looked from the team to the rest of the bar where people were still looking Spencer’s way.
Damn, why did he have to be so attractive?
You weren’t sure how to approach the subject with Spencer though. He was too sweet to take his gaze off you for even a second to notice how many gazes were on him. It wasn’t even a him problem. Good for him for looking so pretty, but it was just difficult trying to be okay with the extra attention that him being pretty came with.
It sounded so stupid and it didn’t even make sense to you, so it was impossible trying to think of how to bring it up to Spencer.
“Is it the case?” Spencer asked.
You sighed, “No.”
“Did I do something? I feel like that’s quite likely.”
You shook your head, feeling yourself getting worked up about this.
Spencer’s arm pulled you further into his body and his other arm detached from his drink so he could rest his palm on your thigh.
“I’m sorry for ruining your night.”
“You’re not ruining my night. I just don’t like seeing you upset.”
“I know.”
“Well, you tell me when you want to leave and we’ll go okay?”
“Okay.”
<.><.><.>
Spencer was brushing his teeth when you blurted out those three words.
“Sorry if I was weird tonight.” You apologised, finishing off your nighttime routine in Spencer’s apartment.
He mumbled something along the lines of ‘it doesn’t matter’, but it was hard to tell when he had a mouth full of toothpaste.
Your chest heaved heavy breaths as you watched him with adoration.
He looked so soft and homely standing in his bathroom, brushing his teeth in his pyjamas with you. He was just so damn perfect and it was because of that that you had to tell him.
“It was your hair!” You blurted out before you could control yourself.
“Huh?” He questioned with a mouthful of toothpaste still. He took a brief glance to the mirror to check his hair before turning back to you.
“Your hair! I think it’s made you really hot. N-not that you weren’t hot before Spence but- oh my god, what am I saying?” You let out a shaky breath before continuing, “I was jealous okay? Really jealous because everyone at that bar was staring at you like they wanted you and I-I know you and me are— and you would never— and I — but I just…
Spencer spat out his toothpaste.
“Y/N…”
“I couldn’t stop thinking that like you’re mine and what right did they have to chat you up, let alone look at you that way? I mean—.”
“Babe…”
“I love you, okay?!” You proclaimed. You stood there in shock for a moment, not knowing where to take this now that you’d announced that.
“Y/N…”
“I do.” You nodded rapidly, “I do, I really do love you a-and I think it really hit me tonight when I saw you being loved on by all those other women.”
Spencer dropped his toothbrush and took a step towards you.
“All of that tonight was because you love me?” He questioned, trying to wrap his head around this.
“I think so, yeah.”
You pulled the sleeves of your jumper down over your hands as something to fidget with. You were growing nervous now for Spencer to say something.
“Well that makes sense.” He nodded, “I.. I think that means I love you too.”
“Really?” You asked, eyes wide as you watched him figure things out for himself.
“Yeah. I mean… I was frustrated as you sounded at all those men looking at you all night. It was driving me crazy.”
“People looking at me?” You frowned.
“You were the prettiest person in the room.”
“Spence…” You pouted, feeling your eyes tear with happy emotions.
You can’t believe that he had been feeling the exact same as you all this time. All it would have taken was a conversation earlier to talk things through and you both wouldn’t have been feeling so vulnerable.
“I love you, Y/N, even though I’m telling you in the most un-romantic setting.”
“You’re wrong. This is like the most romantic it could be for me.” You smiled and looped your arms around his neck. You felt his come around your waist.
“This?”
“Yeah. You, me and a little bit of toothpaste. That’s all I need to know that I love you.”
“And my hair.”
“Huh?”
“I distinctly remember you talking about how hot my hair was before…” He chuckled and you thumped your forehead down on his chest to escape the embarrassment.
“Stop.”
“No, never. Just like I’m never getting another haircut.”
You lifted your head at that, resting your chin on his chest as you looked up at him with heart eyes.
“I could live with that.” You smiled.
Spencer stayed looking at you for a few moments.
You could tell he was taking a minute to process everything as well as continue to study every little feature on your face. You prompted him to say something when he stared a little too long though.
“Just like seeing you smile. That’s all.” He said.
It was as simple as that.
You both loved each other. You both loved seeing each other smile. To keep that a forever kind of thing you would have to promise communication and accept there’ll be moments of jealousy. Those moments will be made better though when you remind each other that it’s each other you’re going home to.
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ttjisung · 5 months ago
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POISON p. jisung
idol!park jisung x fan!reader
in which you were convinced ndas were simply a made up concept for fangirls to get off to, that was until you you were asked to go backstage at jisung's request.
cw: mdni! smut, fem!reader, fingering, oral (f receiving), spit, p in v, protected sex :3, slight angst, jisung is down bad, overstimulation, everything is consented to!!! ^_^ i think that's all... for now. wc: (3.4k)
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You were in a lucid dream. You were sure that was it – a very realistic dream in which the concert staff approached you with a request to wait until after the encore, and then follow them backstage.
Being honest, you weren’t even aware that NDA’s truly existed, labeling them as a made-up fangirl fantasy; yet here you were, in your light green and quite revealing outfit, waiting for further instruction from the two security guards that found you when you took a small bathroom break between the group’s wardrobe changes. 
Had it not been for the way your hands slightly trembled, you might’ve been able to appear confident. You wanted to look brave, because a small part of your brain told you that if you showed any anxiety, you’d be denied. The thought faded as your heartbeat quickened, recognizing Poison playing in the background. Strangely enough, NCT Dream decided to end their concert with that song, although they had already performed it once before already. Any other time, you’d be grateful considering Poison was your favorite, yet observing the members dance sensually in the black and red outfits only worsened your state, as the reality kicked in that one of them requested for you to join them backstage to do only God knows what. 
Several questions ran through your mind, the main one being who? Who of the seven had spotted you jumping along in your floor seat and decided they wanted to see you after they finished up. Truthfully – and maybe embarrassingly – you wouldn’t mind any of them. Had it been any other band, you’re sure you would’ve only desired your favorite member, yet that was what made Dream so unique: all of them were perfect. That being said, your mind immediately jumped to members like Jaemin and Haechan, who were known for being flirts. It would only make sense that the more extroverted ones would be the type to do such a thing. 
Lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized the concert had ended until the venue’s lights turned on and the loud buzz of the fans slowly faded out. You flinched as someone tapped your shoulder, looking around and coming face to face with one of the security guards you had met earlier, who nodded his head in the direction of the stage. “They’re back there. Let’s go.” Although your eyes were wide with shock and your skin had goosebumps, you simply followed closely behind. It wasn’t until you were led to a changing room door that the reality kicked in – you were about to meet one of your idols, and by the sound of the guards’ words, meeting wouldn’t be all you’d be doing. 
“Alright, I’ll leave now. Just knock when you’re ready, he’s already in there.” Your curiosity mixed with your anxiety at the mention of a certain ‘him’, and once the guard was gone and your nerves calmed down, you lifted your hand to knock. 
Not even three seconds later, the door opened, revealing the member who you had never expected. “Um… Hi… Come on in.” Jisung’s voice stumbled, awkwardly stepping aside to make space for you. This was weird – he truly never even crossed your mind. It’s not like you thought any of the members were innocent, they were all attractive, famous grown men. You weren’t delusional enough to believe they were inexperienced, but for some reason this seemed completely out of character for the tall male who nervously observed you as you stepped inside the room. 
“I’m not sure if they told you why I asked for you.” You shook your head, too dazed by the shock of meeting one of your favorite celebrities, alongside the reveal that Park Jisung of all people was sending NDAs to lucky fans – the realization that you were one of said fans hadn’t even kicked in yet. 
“I-I assume it’s because of… you know.” Hearing your voice grounded Jisung, who was relieved that you were nervous as well, and it wasn’t just him. Although not public knowledge, his fellow members were notorious for sleeping with fans, making him the only one who hadn’t yet. He didn’t think it was his style, too awkward to bravely invite someone like that, yet his mind changed when he saw you. 
You looked so pretty, singing along to his parts, dancing like no one else was there but you and him. You were alone, not accompanied by any friend or relative, making it even easier to avoid suspicion when the guards would approach you. There were doubts in his mind up until mid-concert, yet they faded quickly when he saw you recording him and him only during the first performance of Poison. That had to mean something, right? Surely you wouldn’t mind meeting him after, if you were so focused on him during one of the most inappropriate songs on the setlist. 
Jisung snapped out of it as you shifted tensely, looking away from him with a red face as you waited for him to answer. He found it endearing – you were so shy, even shier than him. He was glad, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of you had you been bold and initiated contact immediately. 
“We don’t have to, if you don’t want- I just… You’re really, ummm…” He cursed himself mentally for stumbling, shaking his head and breathing heavily before looking you straight in your eyes with a renowned confidence. If you weren’t, then he’d have to take control of the situation. Picking himself back up, he took a step closer to you, “You’re so pretty, and I couldn’t let you leave.”
You were shocked to hear his change of tone, looking up at him as you processed the words he let out. He thought you were pretty. Your manual breathing now matched the slight tremble of your hands, and you still felt like you were dreaming. Naturally, him inviting you back here was more than enough of an implication to his attraction, yet to hear it up front and coming out of Jisung’s mouth felt different – it felt good. 
“Thank you… I’m a really big fan.” Jisung smiled at your words; obviously you were or you wouldn’t be here, but he chose not to tease you, just nodding and looking at your eyes. “What’s your name?” “It’s Y/n.” He hummed in acknowledgement, moving slightly closer once more, furthering the height difference between you two as he looked down at you in admiration.
You’re not sure if you missed when he was being shy or not. On one hand, he probably wouldn’t make many moves if he stayed reserved, yet with his new self-assured act, you felt immensely overwhelmed by every action of his. 
It wasn’t until Jisung’s hand lightly grazed against yours that you let out a small gasp, shocked by the physical contact, his skin on yours making it all too real. “I…” His words stumbled like before, yet he shook his head, regathering his thoughts and restating what he had said before. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to do anything– I like meeting fans regardless… But I really want you.” The whispered confession at the end that slipped from his mouth was enough motivation for you to finally make your first move, shocking both him and yourself as you moved closer, leaning in and placing your lips on his. 
Not leaving any time for doubt or hesitance, Jisung quickly reciprocated, placing a large hand of his on the back of your neck to push you even closer if possible. The kiss grew heavy as his other hand slipped behind your back and slightly up your mesh shirt, holding your bare waist. If there was a word to describe the scene, it’d be desperate, as his breathing became winded.
You moved your arms that laid limp on your side awkwardly to rest on his shoulders. One of your hands threaded through his hair, pulling it experimentally, and the light groan he let out at the feeling had your arousal growing, encouraging you to pull harder. The kiss became sloppy as he moved his tongue against yours, a small mix of spit falling down your lower lip, towards your chin. 
You pulled away first to catch your breath, yet Jisung chased after you, not wanting to stop. Choosing not to land his lips on yours this time, he opened his mouth, tongue coming out to lick the saliva from your face instead. The gasp that came out of you was interrupted as he moved North, once again engulfing your lips with his. The arm that was placed behind you gripped your waist, moving you alongside him as he moved both your bodies closer to a stray couch that laid in a corner of the small room. 
Jisung pulled his arms away from you for a second, sitting down first before pulling you on top of him. The new position had a heat pooling inside of you as you felt how hard he was, only growing harder as he shifted you so you’d be directly on top of his clothed dick. 
His knuckles were a harsh red color, raw from the strength he placed on your hips once he held you again. This time, instead of simply laying there, he put his hands to use, moving you against him. The friction made both of you release a soft moan, the sounds increasing from you as Jisung grew eager once more, this time leaning into your neck and sucking harshly. 
Out of instinct, your hands moved towards his hair, once again pulling it. Jisung faltered, letting out a sound that vibrated against your neck. His hands stilled for a second before continuing his actions. “Need you so bad, baby. ‘Been looking at you since the show started.” His desperate words clung to your mind, rambling as he grinded you against him, one particular tug against his covered erection causing you to shut your eyes closed in pleasure and anticipation. 
He felt and looked big, the fact that his dick was contained meaning it could only get bigger. Matching his desire, the image of it made you restless, needing to feel it in you. Your whines shifted slightly, sounding more needy, and Jisung took it upon himself to lift you off of him. He held your body with ease before placing you on the couch next to him. 
He was standing in front of your sitting figure now, appearing taller than ever, and the image slightly intimidated you, yet excited you as you saw him take his jacket off, throwing it on the floor. Your green skirt was next, tossed somewhere irrelevant as he kneeled in front of you, each hand on one of your thighs. He looked up at your face, admiring how pretty you looked – lips swollen, your hair a bit messy, and your cheeks flushed red. Returning his attention to your thighs, he looked back down, spreading them and moving closer. 
Jisung’s face matched your red one as he breathed over your clothed core, feeling as though he was in heaven. Feeling restless with desire, he finally moved his mouth over your panties. It was sloppier than the kiss, the arousal that soaked through the fabric meeting his spit, surely leaving a wet spot. Although his actions were eager, they were calculated, soon enough having you whimper as he attached himself to your clothed clit, moving his hands softly up and down your inner thighs – a contrast to his hips that were harshly bucking against the bottom of the couch, desperate for release. You tasted so good, the thought of how you’d taste with no barrier overwhelming Jisung’s mind until he finally pulled your panties down, being met with the view of your pussy. 
Almost in awe, he leaned in until both his nose and mouth were against you. The feeling of his direct touch caused you to move, instinctively shifting away from him, yet you weren’t able to get far before Jisung’s grip on your thighs grew, pulling you even closer back into him than you were originally. 
He was right – you did taste better. Feeling you twitch in his hold encouraged him, and he dove in, finding your clit almost immediately once again. One of his hands let go, yet moved back to hold you as you tried to wriggle away, overwhelmed with the pleasure. 
Jisung looked up at you, staring with an anguished expression until you maintained his eye contact. “Please… Don’t move, please.” You honestly weren’t trying to, you just weren’t used to the attention you were receiving; nonetheless, you nodded. Taking that as a signal to continue, he moved his head down, grazing his tongue against your folds as he attempted to move his hand away again, this time met with your compliance. 
The stray hand moved towards your core, using two of his long fingers to spread you open, gaining more access before moving against your hole. The wince that you released didn’t go unheard by Jisung, as he put more pressure on your clit to distract you from the slightly painful stretch of one of his fingers moving inside you, reaching knuckle-deep as he began to thrust in and out.
Blinded by all of the stimulation, you didn’t notice him adding a second finger until he began to stretch you out even further, mirroring a scissoring-motion. Jisung felt like he could cum simply from the feeling of your walls clenching around him. 
The feeling was overwhelming, and you could tell you were close. “W-Wait… Jisung… I’m gonna…” Your words were ragged, slightly panicked as you tried to move away once more. He moved his arm from your thigh to your stomach, pressing you down into the couch as he continued. “Ji… I’m gonna-” “It’s okay, baby. You can give me more than one, right?” His words sparked something in you, and before you knew it, you released. He kept thrusting his fingers inside of you, helping you ride out your high before you finally came down. Your breathing was uneven, and you looked at him through half-lidded eyes, basking in the feeling until he interrupted, standing up and taking his shirt off. His pants were unbuckled, pushed off of his legs with haste as he moved to hold you again.
Apparently self-conscious about the fact that you had come and Jisung hadn’t, you looked at his discarded pants before speaking up. “I can do the same… If you want.” He quickly shook his head, placing you on his lap again. “I just want to feel you, please.” You nodded, moving your hand down towards the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head – the tank top you had worn instead of a bra getting stuck with the mesh fabric and coming off as well. 
A whimper escaped Jisung as you revealed yourself to him, your tits right in front of his face, so full and inviting once you straddled him again. Not even bothering to hesitate, he quickly attached his mouth to your nipple, both hands stroking your lower back in soothing movements. You were growing needier and needier as he continued, desperately needing to feel him. You bucked against him, and his mouth released you to let out a whimper at the sensation. 
One hand let go of your back, pulling off his boxers until he was finally bare against you. You could feel him against your stomach, standing tall. A part of you was too nervous to look down and perceive it, yet the other, stronger part took over. His dick was prettier than any other you had seen, the tip slightly red from the blood rushing. 
The hand that remained on your back squeezed you in place as Jisung leaned over to grab a stray condom, probably one that fell out of the pocket of his pants. He moved the package up to your mouth, eyes intently looking at your lips, and you took the signal to bite the plastic, ripping it open for him. His fingers lingered on your lips for a bit, dazed and turned on by the sight, yet he quickly snapped out of it, moving the condom down and rolling it on himself. 
Once his hand became free of the rubber, Jisung’s arms lifted you up until you were hovering on top of him. Although you were on top, he felt a need to be in control, so he took it upon himself to move you, sinking you onto his dick which pulsed inside of you. The stretch was too much, and your mouth opened as a choked gasp came out, feeling every vein that ran up his shaft. You fell forward onto him, face landing on the crevice of his neck. It was clear you were a bit unprepared, shaking at the feeling of him, and Jisung grew concerned. He didn’t want this to end already, so he racked through his brain for another solution before finding one. “Go ahead, baby. Bite me.” One of his arms moved up to wrap around your neck like he did earlier, pushing you even further into his. 
You were scared you’d hurt him, clearly showing your hesitance, yet he continued to push you into him, so you caved. Your teeth grazed his neck until you were fully biting into him. Expecting Jisung to groan in pain or move away, you were shocked to hear the unholy moan that came from his mouth. He thrusted up into you unconsciously, unable to hold himself back any longer as you clenched around him, biting down on his neck harder every time his dick hit deeper. Reluctantly, you moved your mouth away from his neck, now blinded by the shifting pleasure as your stomach flipped. Both your moans echoed through the room as he bounced you on top of him.
His hand moved down from your neck to your clit, rolling circles to push you further over – succeeding as you came for the second time, collapsing onto him. Your head fell on his chest, and he held you there gently as he continued chasing his high, cumming with one last dragged out whine. 
You’re not sure if it was post-nut clarity, but after a minute of catching both of your breaths while he cradled your body you began to overthink. Jisung was a celebrity – no matter how good the sex might’ve been (and by the looks of him, it was good) he was on tour, leaving your city the day after.
Shaking your head, you ignored all the thoughts running through your head, choosing to enjoy the little time you had left with him instead of worrying. After another minute of weirdly romantic ‘cuddling’, Jisung lifted you up, placing you on the couch. He left for a bit, returning semi-clothed with a shirt of his in his hand. You recognized it as the shirt he was wearing at the encore when they said their goodbyes to the crowd. His other hand held a towel which he used to clean you up, movements exceptionally soft as you winced when he dipped the cloth lower. Once he finished, Jisung put the shirt on you. It was baggy, covering you until mid thigh.
“That was… It was really nice.” His timid voice came back as he stared at you, sitting on the floor next to the couch. You nodded, sitting up on the couch and facing him as well. “I’m sorry I can’t walk you out. The guards said I’m not allowed, but you can borrow my jacket if it’s cold.” 
You fought the disappointment rattling in your head as you nodded again, taking it from him as well as your own bundled up clothes, and thanking him. Your skirt was quickly slipped on, the protective shorts that came attached hopefully being enough to cover you. Jisung led you to the door, walking with you until you reached the exit of the building. He looked sad, and somehow the expression calmed you down – it wasn’t just you who appeared upset with the anti-climatic situation.
He waved goodbye, and you waved back quickly before stepping out. He was right, it was cold so you slipped his jacket on, fitting you big as well. It wasn’t until you walked towards your car in the venue’s parking lot that you realized an article of yours was missing - your panties to be specific. You scoffed, imagining Jisung sneaking them away before giving his clothes to you. 
Once you got home, you warmed up quickly with your AC, deciding to take his jacket off. As you shook the fabric off, a small note fell out of the pocket, and you swore once again that you were in a dream as you read the words written on it.
‘I think I’m going to miss you so here’s my number. Please message me when you see this. - Ji.'
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a/n: i'm seeing jisung live again at smtown soon so my brain is running... thinking thoughts... he was so fine irl i can't wait to see my man again i'm going to run on stage and you will NOT be able to drag me off of him. anyway here are some of the thoughts i'm thinking ^_^ i hope you guys like
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pockystickupyour · 21 days ago
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unfiltered, 18+
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nerd!armin x reader, modern college au!
part 1 part 2
Inspired by current fanart circulating on tt (yes he has a tongue piercing).
Warnings: Vaginal sex, f!receiving oral, blow job, perversion, slight praise kink, fingering, cervix kissing, dry humping
—————————————————————————
What a bummer.
You’d probably spent 20 minutes looking for him amongst the heaps of people and strobes of light, unable to find a trace. Maybe it was your fault for accepting an invite to someone’s party with the intention of meeting someone else. But, now you were stuck wandering around like a ghost, unable to find either of them.
Being here with Mina would’ve guaranteed you a good time and the urge to call her was growing like the bitter cherry flavouring in your mouth. The sting of regret was settling in your system with each passing minute, that or the effects of whatever drink you had. 
While loosening and tightening the grip around your phone and contemplating whether to actually do something or not, a purple strobe hit you right in the eye, which ironically enough was all you needed to land in a decision. 
You were here after all.
The vibes were decent and you hadn’t been out doing something fun for weeks. Besides, it could be an opportunity to find some new eye candy. So you made your way out to the dance floor, looking to see who was out tonight. 
Your eyes traveled across the room and quickly found who you’d been looking for. You told yourself that downing a shot seemed like an easy way to get some courage, but truthfully? Everything tasted bland and like non-carbonated soda. 
”Jean! I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Did you sound too excited?
He turned around, mullet grazing the nape of his leather jacket as he looked over his shoulder. His eyes turned small as he tried to pick you out in the dim lighting, forming a grimace as he did. 
“Oh. Hey,”
“Uhh Hi? You busy or something?” You didn’t deem yourself the most confident, though you were well aware of the fact that you were a catch, and were kind of underwhelmed by his reaction. 
“Can I help you with anything?” When he finally turned his full body, a tall yet smaller frame revealed beside him. A black haired girl, pretty with a scar on the side of her cheek. 
Oh. 
“No, just wanted to say hi. Hey,” You waved at the girl and she smiled warmly. “Hi, I’m Mikasa.”
”Nice to meet you Mikasa. Well, I’m not gonna bother you any longer.” Jean didn’t answer, only returned his attention back to the girl. 
You brushed his indifference off and continued advancing towards the other side of the vast space that enclosed the party area. Despite the amount of people, many whose shadows very well could be mistaken for another person in the dark, one person stuck out. 
Perhaps it was their green graphic tee that reminded you of a Minecraft creeper, or the thin black frames that covered half of their face. Possibly their timid demeanour that contrasted the white light blaring blindingly behind their silhouette. Or the silver gleam that flashed whenever they lipsynced to the music in the back.
Mostly, it was that you couldn’t shake the familiarity that somehow drew you to them. 
With nothing to lose, or gain for that matter, you made your way to strike up conversation with the mysterious person. 
“I didn’t come with any of my friends either,” 
“Pardon?” Initially, you thought you had approached a girl, but the deep undertone of the single word spoken made you second-guess yourself. The visuals didn’t help either, so you took a step closer.
”Oh sorry, I just kind of assumed that you came alone.” You expressed, and hoped your sincerity was felt through what you said. 
“Feels like it,” he spoke and readjusted his glasses with his pointer. ”Hey, I know you.”
You’d always found it hard to distinguish him from a crowd or in a group because of how little he enjoys taking up space. But, certain gestures and mannerisms made him stand out, like tonight. 
He laughed, no, scoffed. Tauntingly, like you’d said something ridiculous. “Bet you do,”
”Armin?” 
“In the flesh,” you internally cringed when he said that, just as much as you found it funny. 
“Arlert. Majoring in marine biology, minoring in engineering. Likes anime and manga, and PC games,” you started listing off things you’d remembered over the few years you’d known him, which was more than you expected. You had never really spoken to him, but up close he was really cute, and you wondered how you hadn’t noticed before. 
“Didn’t take you for a stalker to be honest,” he was more candid than you thought, and his venomous sarcasm made you laugh. 
“We’ve taken 4 courses together?” 
“Yeah, I know. Haven’t spoken to me during any of them so why now? Did Mikasa ask you to? I saw you two talking,”
Amusement tugged at your lips, apparently he’d been taking notes of things other than whatever your professors were saying. “Didn’t take you for a stalker either,”
”Ha-Ha. Seriously though, I appreciate your concern but I don’t need a babysitter. If anything I was hoping Mikasa or Eren would,” 
You both kept your gazes straight ahead, walls coated purple and watching people eat away each other's faces or getting messed up and stumbling over. Not really either of your scenes, and the music was only getting louder. 
“Armin, no one’s told me to come talk to you. I literally spoke to Mikasa for the first time tonight when I was—“ 
“Looking for Jean? I was wondering how long it would take you to realise,” His voice was soft and mellow, like a pillow dipped in honey or a marshmallow coated in silk. It could distract anyone from the things he was actually getting at. 
“Realise what exactly?” 
His glasses had slid down along his flat nose bridge once again, prompting him to push them up, before he said “Come on, you're smart. You don’t need me to spell it out.”
You sighed, he was right. Jean had only entertained trivial flirting instead of genuine conversations. It was obvious that he was pining for someone else. “If I was him I’d also like Mikasa,”
”I was more so referring to the fact the he’s an ass. In spite of his horse-face,” 
“That too,” He was right again. 
“Hey,” For the first time that night, Armin looked up at you and seemed interested in whatever was about to exit your mouth next. “Do you know somewhere quieter we can go?”
”I think so,” 
You were happy that he showed no aversion to your suggestion. 
”You’ve been living with Eren this whole time?” You asked, dissecting the intricacies of his room as you landed on his bed. 
”Yes, no offense but you’re not really a good stalker.” He smirked and rested his back against his desk, removing his frames and placing them neatly into a maroon casing.
”Clearly not since I didn’t know you were one of those fake-glasses wearers.” The posters around his room were aesthetic, and his shelves were adorned with non-fiction and mangas alike. ”Shojou?” 
He pushed out his desk chair, eyeing his shelves as you spoke. ”Nothing wrong with a little romance, and other things.” 
”Other things?” Everything he said sounded like an inside joke with himself that you had no part of. For all you knew, you could be the joke. 
”That’s what I said yeah,” 
”I understand why Jean liked to beat the shit out of you now, with that smart mouth of yours.” Teasing was your way of testing the waters, and you perceived him to have teased you all night. You just hoped he didn’t take it the wrong way. 
Luckily, he didn’t. He took it surprisingly well. He cackled in a way you’d only seen when he’s been looking on his phone shadily in a corner or talking to Marco. 
It also hinted at another surprise, a metallic one. 
”You have a tongue piercing?!”
He suddenly closed his mouth and was from what you understood, a little embarrassed. 
”You don’t have to get shy,” You tried your best to give an assuring smile, though his ears only burned brighter.
”It was an impulsive decision,” 
He spun around his chair, avoiding your gaze, and you seized the opportunity to take in the rest of his room. ”Is it uncomfortable?”
”Not really. Fun to play around with when I’m bored.” He had a whiteboard and schedule mounted on his wall, with small stickers adorning both. 
”Have you tried kissing with it?” 
He halted his spinning to choke out a ”Sorry?”
”You don’t have to answer, I'm just curious. Bet your romance books don't give tips on that.” 
He got up from his chair and moved towards you on the bed, steady and appearing firmer from above as he approached. 
”I wouldn’t say that it gives tips but,” He pulled down a manga with a male lead full of facial piercings. ”They have sex and they seem happy,” 
”If my boyfriend looked like this I’d be happy too,” you appreciated the panels showcasing the male lead’s feminine beauty yet masculine aura. Similar to Armin.
”You mean like a girl?” He snickered and slumped down next to you by the bed.
”What’s wrong with that? Besides, you and Historia could easily be mistaken for one another.” 
He rested his head against the wall and looked up at the ceiling, brown lashes hitting the high points of his brow bone. ”All blue eyed blonde people look alike,” 
”Is that why you and Annie didn’t work out? Felt like dating your sister?” 
You made Armin laugh again, and it felt like you were collecting metaphorical golden stars each time. ”More like my twin. And I realised I wasn’t getting what I was looking for,” 
Your face took on the look of a pensive one, making Armin wonder what’s gotten you in such puzzlement. ”What’s that?”
”For starters she has no time or energy for relationship related things. I get that she doesn’t like dates and girly stuff but she wouldn’t even do movie nights with me,” 
Armin made himself more comfortable and stretched out his body while leaving enough space for you. ”And she never wanted me to hold her hand or touch her,”
”Not even a kiss?” You asked. 
”Not even a peck.” He breathed out. ”She’s already not an expressive person so you could imagine how many problems that created too,”
”And that’s why you haven’t had a chance to try the piercing out,” 
”I mean, I got it afterwards. Not that it would make a difference, but I’m pretty confident she hates it.” The latter words came out like a whisper, but were just as clear if not clearer than the rest.
”What do you feel like you want from a partner instead then?” Your curiosity was getting the better of you, and the candid questions were fighting their way out. 
”Someone who is reassuring, affectionate. Someone who isn’t afraid of talking or touching or just being normal. Someone who is open to try new things and wouldn’t be disgusted by a stupid tongue piercing,” 
”Sounds like you want someone who’s just a decent person.” You said, thinking about what you’d want as well.
”Sounds like I want you now that I think about it,” He sat up for a moment, though appearing occupied with his thoughts rather than present in his bed with you. 
”Sorry I didn’t—” He closed his eyes tightly, trying to formulate a smart way to undo what he’d previously said. ”I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want to make things weird, I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you. Not because of that, sorry,”
You put your hand on his knee and rubbed it lightly for a second, ”Don’t worry Armin. I don’t find it weird. I think you’re cute for what it’s worth,”
He laid back down, feeling the warmth of your palm as a marking on his leg still, before saying ”I think you’re pretty too.”
”Really?”
”Ever since you sat in front of me freshman year because you didn’t want Mr Smith to see me on Crunchyroll instead of doing his assignments,” He blurted out.
”I thought you didn’t notice that,” you smiled to yourself, glad he remembered something you’d suppressed deep within your memories.
Armin made a sound of relief, ”’Course I did! The one time you didn’t he caught me and made me write an essay by hand.” 
”Well I’m happy to have been of service,” 
”You know,” He sat up once again, this time to get out of the bed and head towards his wardrobe. ”If you really wanna be of service you should,” 
He made a motion with his hand, folded in a fist and moving it back and forth, as his tongue repeatedly poked the inside of his cheek. 
At first you didn’t understand what he was doing and wondered if it was some anime thing, but the moment you realised you wanted to bury your face in his blanket. Given what he was signaling, you didn’t know if you could trust the cleanliness of it though.
”Relax, I’m just messing with you.” He pulled off his green tee and the black long sleeve underneath, to reveal an impressively toned body, especially his abs.
He folded them neatly before putting on a loosely fitted white tshirt. Classy and simple. ”Armin,”
He eyed you suspiciously, then made his way to the bed and made sure to keep a safe distance. ”I’ve always wonder what it’s like to kiss someone with a tongue piercing,” 
His face flushed pink, probably three different shades. Just like he deserved. ”I’m messing with you,”
He covered his face briefly before rubbing his eyes and chuckling dryly. ”Yeah? I think you do.”
”What?”
”I think you do wonder what it’s like.” He said flatly, like the most serious thing in the world. ”In fact, I think you noticed it before and made a whole plan to end up here in my bed.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, you could’ve been in your own bed by now. Talking to Armin was a mere chance.
”Don’t act surprised, you even started asking me about my relationship to gage my availability, my wants,” 
He took up more space, entrapping you in his presence, then proceeded to say. ”My needs.”
You stared at each other, intensely, like you were playing a mind game of some kind. Throwing darts at each other on a psychological play field.
”Armin, what are you talking about?”
”I don’t know. But I saw the way you were undressing me with your eyes just now. And I know I’m not crazy,”
So what if you’d given him some eyes? He was already undressing. ”There was nothing to undress, Armin. You were already half naked.”
”Bet you wish it was more than half. I say, ¾? You seem like you like boxers,” 
”I do.” 
”Calvin Klein?” 
”Anything nice and neat really. Regardless, that has nothing to do with you.” His waistband had been peeking the whole time, why did he have to point it out?
”Isn’t that a double standard?” Armin spoke, soft and sharp, infiltrating your thoughts like a corrupt file. 
”I see what you’re doing.” You called him out, earning you another conniving and half-hearted smile from the one and only. 
”Enlighten me. What am I doing?” 
”You’re trying to make me seem like a pervert.” 
”Don’t really have to try, do I?” It was easy, a witty comeback was like bread and butter for Armin. 
You rolled your eyes, unable to tell if you were enjoying or feeling patronized by the way he was talking to you. ”See?”
”Maybe I am. Or, maybe I’m just trying to convince you to want me as much as I want you right now.” The indifference in his tone made it seem like he was being sarcastic, but the softness in his eyes told a different story.
”You don’t have to convince me,” You said, the most honest thing you felt you’d said all night.
”It’s the boxers, isn’t it? Either way I want you to say it,” He was making it harder for you. Harder to speak, harder to think.
”How about,” You put a hand on his chest lightly pushing him back and steadied yourself on the bed. ”I show you instead?”
”I’ve always been more or a visual learner,” 
The second you lowered yourself to place your lips on his, Armin tilted his head up to meet you halfway. He tasted like cherries, real cherries, not the artificial flavouring that polluted the punch downstairs, and a hint of chapstick.
His lips were soft, plush and warm, and it felt like two polar ends met when the cold metal ball swiped across your lip as you kissed. You almost had to suppress the urge to bite it or hold it between your teeth. 
You placed your legs on either side of him and his hands automatically landed on your hips, ready to hold you down as he bucked his hips up. 
It was easy to get overstimulated by the pressure from below and the sensory experience you’d gotten a taste of. 
You broke your kiss and hovered above his mouth as you grinded down on him, feeling him grown beneath you, through thin layers of fabric.
The sounds that were leaving him were, treacherous and lewd, and you loved it. Sweet and sinful sounds and mantras of your name followed by, ”I need to put it in, can I please put it in? ” 
In the neediest and softest yet most demanding cadences you’ve ever heard. 
”Armin you feel so good,” He smiled against your skin, and swept the metal ball across your neck as he pressed kisses and nips along the landscape of your throat and chest. 
”Can I take this off?” He asked, but was too eager to wait for your answer as he rid your shirt up. 
”No bra? Can’t tell if you cared so little about Jean’s attention or were too excited to let me see them on full display like this.”
A hand snaked its way up your waist to your chest, while the other ran a deft finger along the lining of your underwear. Your skin flexed as a response to the tickling sensation.
In response you ran your hands further down towards his stomach and pants, alternating between palming him and grinding.
”Wanted me to put my mouth to use?” You panted out, unimpressed by how low your stamina had gotten. 
”Only if I can return the favor.”
You took that as a yes and placed yourself by the foot of the bed. You pulled down his sweatpants and were greeted with how tight his boxers were hugging him. 
You looked up at his flushed face, lips bright pink, as you pulled them down. It didn’t take much for you to get to work, holding him and stroking as you took as much as you could in your mouth. 
Your hands grabbed his thighs which flexed and were more well-trained than you’d anticipated. He caressed your hair, stroking your cheek with the light of his fingers and tried to tell you how good it felt in between moans and bitten-back whimpers. 
”You feel so good, just want you to take all of me—”
Whenever you licked or sucked a little extra you could feel him struggle and his legs become wobbly next to you. He came close to finishing but immediately pulled you off of him.
”Sorry I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I just want to return the favor first,”
You felt comfortable with Armin, even though your first real conversation was a few hours ago. But you didn’t feel that comfortable.
”You don’t have to be scared. I’ll take good care of you, I promise. Just relax,”
You switched places and he placed a pillow near the small of your back to get you into a more eased position. ”Trust me,”
He moved himself to kneel in between your legs, most intimate parts still covered. He ran his warm fingers up your calves and along your thighs. Teasing the inner parts of your skin with trails of wet kisses.
He lifted your skirt up, and looked to you for a moment. “Is something wrong?”
“No, just wasn’t expecting you to be this wet already. All for me?” 
He pulled your underwear down and moved your legs apart, warm breath fanning you like feathers. He started slow, just kissing and petting. 
Then, swiftly motioned with his fingers that knew exactly where and how to touch. It already felt amazing, like you could reach over the edge like this. 
However, once he pushed a finger inside, a whole new world opened up. If he hadn’t done anything with Annie, you really wondered where he’d learned all like this.
His tongue and piercing were the cherries on top. Like when you kissed, the heat of his mouth paired with the cold steel that pressed and powered against you made your knees weak and your voice collapse. 
Armin didn’t have to ask because he already felt it could by the way you were squeezing around his fingers and gripping his hair and bed sheets. 
It nearly pushed him over the edge too and he had to remove a hand from you to stroke himself. 
What really set you over the edge was when he started moaning into you. Deep into you, so much so that you could feel the vibrations in your walls more than you could hear them in your ears.
You could only muster an “Armin!” before the moment crescendoed. 
“I’d love to do this again but I really need to be inside you right now,”
He got up from the bed and in your hazy state there was little you could do but allow him to adjust the pillows again. 
He wasted little time putting it in, only rubbed himself with little friction against you before sliding it in. 
You were a perfect fit, and for a moment Armin wondered if you were meant to be together since he could practically feel himself melt into you. 
His strokes were deep and slow, at first, hitting your hidden spots that your own fingers could only dream of. 
His whimpers didn’t make it easier, but his groans just forced you to wrap around his waist and try to push him in more.
“You look so pretty like this,” He leaned down to kiss you, and it got intense the moment your lips brushed. “I would do this all night and all day with you if I could,”
He picked up his pace, still able to manage to speak between the strokes. “I’d kiss you all over,” He pecked your cheek and jawline. 
“And I’d touch you just like this,” His hand found its way to your chest once again and pressed down and moulded, sadistically playing with your sensitivity.
“And”, he almost pulled entirely out before thrusting in you so deep and hard that you felt it in your soul. “I’d be the only to to make you feel this good,” 
He pressed down on your lower stomach, which evidently caused you to spasm around him before you reached another high. Barely able to make out a word. 
“Fuck,” You both said it, you loudly and him under his breath. Mantras of swear words and borderline love confessions kept spilling out of both of you.
“I’m gonna coat you all over,” he pulled out, just in time to release a load over your stomach and chest. 
“Sorry for messing up your top. You can wear one of mine but I can’t say I’d prefer it.” 
He collapsed beside you for a moment, kissing you on the forehead and spooning you to the best of his abilities, then moved up to get a towel. 
“I’ll clean you up real nice. Should I get you some food?”
Your legs still felt highly unstable so you didn’t trust yourself to do anything except put on one of Armin’s shirts, which you think he chose on purpose for being 90% see-through. 
“Do you have popcorn? I’d love to watch a movie.”
Armin smiled, genuine and without any sign of patronage or sarcasm. “I’ll be right back,” 
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enderlovez · 6 months ago
Text
No Germs Found
Spencer Reid x Female BAU Reader WORD COUNT: 1000+
Summary: You and the team are back in Arizona on another case, and when an amazing unfortunate mishap takes place at the front desk, everyone is forced to share rooms with each other.
Content Warning: non-sexual nudity, strong language in reference to the temperature, blushy Spence, mentions of heat stroke, pain from the heat, mentions of murder, slightly NSFW at the end, Spencer likes boobs- I MEAN WHO SAID THAT?
A/N This is kind of a continuation of another one of my works called Germs, but they don't necessarily need to be read side by side. There's only one mention of something that happened in the first part, and it's not really that important to the story, so...
────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ──────
None of you really anticipated being on another case so soon, at least not in the same place you'd just gotten home from a few days before, and the place you all seemed to... strongly dislike.
Maybe 'dislike' isn't the right word, but one thing is for sure — the moment you step foot off the jet, you feel like you're covered from head to toe in sweat, and your throat dried up like a fish in a desert.
Not to mention how you' were all stuck in a stuffy room all day, with crappy air conditioning that did absolutely nothing for anyone. So far you had practically nothing on the unsub, they were slippery as soap, and that stress — the stress of not knowing who they are, who they are going to kill next — has you in a very grumpy mood.
And despite the inconveniences, the day still somehow finds a way to get worse.
That much is clear as Hotch strolls up to our group of people with an annoyed look on his face — granted he almost always looks like that when we're having a hard time finding anything on the unsub.
"There was a malfunction in their system, and they overbooked their rooms," he says simply, only earning a choir of groans from us, "so we're going to have to double up tonight."
You throw your head back, a heavy sigh escaping your mouth. It's been a long day, and all you want is to lay around without your clothes on and go to sleep — but you can't exactly do that with someone else in there with you.
"You're free to pick your roommate yourself, but please, for the love of God, keep it professional," he finishes as he drops a small pile of numbered keys onto the little table in the reception.
Everyone immediately splits off into pairs, while you make no move to do anything, laying back on the armchair with your neck bent over the top, eyes closed against the white fluorescent lights.
"You know, frequent hyperextension of the neck can have negative effects on its structure and function," a familiar voice says from above you. "Around fifteen to twenty-five percent of North Americans experience lasting effects, such as chronic pain and nerve issues."
You peel your eyes open to find none other than the brilliant Spencer Reid standing over your head, dangling a key over your face, and just like that, all your apprehension melts away.
"Stop flirting with me, Spencer, it's incredibly unprofessional," you joke lightheartedly, a vibrant smile overtaking your face as you pluck the key from his fingers.
He doesn't seem to realize you're joking, though, because he immediately goes to defend himself, stuttering adorably and blushing firetruck red. "No, um, I wasn't — I would never flirt with you!" he tries to defend himself, only realizing a second later how it might've come off. "I-I mean I would, but that's not what I was trying to do."
You shake your head and laugh, standing from the armchair and threading your arm through his so you can lead him down the hallway towards the room you both would be staying in.
The room that was, technically, booked for only one person.
The room that only has one bed.
It's not like you don't want to share a bed with him, you're more worried that he might not want it, with his whole 'germ' thing. Not that he really seemed to care about that the other day, when he drank straight from your water bottle without a care in the world, then proceeded to ask you out on a date.
"I can sleep on the floor, if you'd like," he offers quietly as he shuts the door behind him.
You immediately dismiss that idea, shaking your head before the words are even fully out of his mouth. "You're not sleeping on the floor, Spencer, that's not fair," you say quickly, a sly smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. "That is, as long as you're alright with me sleeping in my underwear, because I will be doing that."
Of course you're half-joking — if there's any indication that he's uncomfortable with that idea you'll just sleep in a t-shirt and shorts, it's just that you'd much rather not in this heat.
"N-no, no," he says, his voice pitched just a little too high. He's blushing from head to toe, you know that without even looking at him. "You can s-sleep in whatever you want to, I don't mind."
It's entirely unprofessional, you know that, but you really can't help it as you instantly begin tearing your sweat-drenched clothes from your body, tossing them around haphazardly until you're left in only your bra and underwear. You don't waste another second, flopping onto the bed, briefly stretching your limbs out, then rolling to one side.
It's a relief to be out of those clothes...
Only now do you realize that Spencer has not moved an inch from were he was standing when you initially asked the question, face bright red, breathing uneven as he tries desperately to keep his eyes from dipping from your face.
"Come on, I don't bite," you say quietly, patting the empty space on the other side of the bed, meanly deciding it would be funny to tease him, "not unless you ask very nicely."
Nervously, he drops his stuff beside the door and makes his way towards the bed, siting on the edge of his side. You're sure you can see him sneaking glances down at your chest every now and then, when he thinks you're not paying attention.
Who is he kidding? You're always paying attention to him, clinging onto every word he says like you'll die if you forget a single one.
"Come on, Spencer," you urge, "you've literally shared spit with me, don't get all shy now."
You're phrasing it that way as a joke, and you're sure he knows that.
But the next words that come out of his mouth leave you stunned, mouth dropped open and butterflies stampeding through your stomach, heart beating a million miles an hour.
You're not expecting something like this to come out of his mouth, really, but after his strange confidence the other day in drinking all your water and asking you out, you're not sure what to expect now.
"Can you please bite me, then?"
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beloveds-embrace · 7 months ago
Note
dukedom!AU but they realize she’s quickly become a type of ‘peoples princess’ outside the duchy
The timeline for this one is before reader tells john her request! I got this ask before part two dropped and already had some of it written. Hope you enjoy, anon! <3
Dukedome au masterlist
I can imagine them realizing it not from seeing it, but from hearing it, maybe during a gala hosted by John and uou. The evening is alive with music and laughter, the grand ballroom brimming with nobles and dignitaries. Yet the chatter revolve around one figure: you.
“She’s truly remarkable, isn’t she?” one elderly countess says, her voice carrying across the marble floors and gleaming ceilings. “Always so graceful, so kind. I am quite glad she is Duchess Price, now.”
John stands near the refreshments table with Simon, and overhears the conversation. His hand tightens slightly around his glass, though his face betrays nothing. Nothing new to be talked about, it was natural. And yet-
“Graceful?” a younger lady chimes in, voice calm and polite. “She’s more than that. Did you hear she personally visited the orphanage last week? Brought food and clothing, spoke to every child. And not for show- she refused to let any journalists near. That’s a true duchess.”
Simon’s brows furrows slightly, his jaw tightening. He exchanges a glance with John, the unspoken thought between them clear: she hadn’t told either of them about that visit. It wasn’t because John didn’t trust you, or that you need his permission; he just wanted to be aware of where you go and which guards you’ll take. For your own safety.
“She’s so approachable too,” a lord adds, gesturing with his wine glass. John knows this lord, he always ends up drinking too much and being too handsy. Why would you need to speak to him? “I spoke to her briefly earlier- she didn’t just listen, she cared. You can see it in her eyes. It’s no wonder the people adore her.”
Adore is putting it way too lightly.
From the other side of the room, Kyle watches as a small group of maids gossip near the staircase. He wasn’t one for eavesdropping, but their excitement is hard to ignore.
“I heard she gave her own jewelry to the head maid’s daughter to help her pay for her dowry.” One of them whispers, clutching her tray.
“That’s not all,” another group are speaking, talking about her as well. “The market vendors say she always pays more than is needed, even when they insist she doesn’t do. Such a lovely woman.”
“Wish the other nobles were like her,” the first maid says with a wistful sigh. “She’s the only one who treats us like people.”
Kyle’s lips press into a thin line as he adjusts his gloves. He prides himself on protecting you, but hearing how far your kindness extends fills him with a quiet sense of urgency. What if someone takes advantage of you and your tender heart?
It’s not just in the main hall that these words are said; down in the kitchens, Johnny is busy ensuring there’s enough food with the rest of the chefs. But still, he can hear two others talking while they work, trying not to sound too snappy or angry while he listens in on them.
As the night continues, the men find themselves more and more aware of how often your name arises in conversation. They hear nobles discussing your fashion choices (Simon secretly preens), others whispering about your visits to the poorer parts of town and the funds that have been allocated into revitalizing the areas, and even rival duchesses grudgingly admitting that you’ve set quite the high standard.
“I heard she stopped Lord Clinton from evicting his tenants,” one man says near the dance floor, though not quite close enough to be drawn into the dancing bodies. He is within John and Simon’s earshots.
“Not only that,” someone else “whispers”. “She made sure they had food and shelter through the winter. commoners love her, and she truly embodies what it means to be a noble. A true people’s princess, I say.”
John’s gaze flickers toward you, standing across the room and laughing softly with a group of nobles. You’re glowing tonight, the light catching in your hair and your smile as warm as ever, adorned in a beautiful dress.
“They don’t deserve her,” Kyle mutters, sidling up to him while holding a plate of finger foods.
John doesn’t respond, but his grip on his glass tightens again. It’s a wonder the glass hasn’t broken et.
Simon’s voice is quiet when he speaks. “The people see her as theirs.” He pauses, his gaze hardening. “But she’s ours first.”
“I cannot blame them.” John sighs. “She is the perfect duchess. But she is also my duchess, and they seem to have forgotten that.”
John means his words, and he knows his men agree with him. The world may love you, but they know the truth: no one else can have you- not the people, not the nobles, no one but them.
The ballroom continues to buzz with conversation, and John focuses back on the two men near the edge of the dance floor.
“She’s wasted on a duchy,” one of them says, swirling his wine with a smirk, more than just a little drunk. “With her charm, she could outshine the Queen herself.”
“Not just charm,” the other adds in, just as drunk. “But Influence.”
Simon stiffens, his fingers flexing at his sides. “Influence” isn’t something he takes lightly when it comes to you. It’s a dangerous thing in the wrong hands- or with the wrong admirers.
“Careful,” John mutters to him. “They’re complimenting her, not threatening her.”
Simon’s glare softens ever so slightly. “Yet.”
Johnny slowly makes his way towards a hidden corner of the ballroom, gnawing on his lips as he listens to the whispers of you.
Did you see the way she stopped to speak with the gardeners?” one of them asks. “She even complimented the hedges I trimmed last week!”
Johnny’s grin fades, his fingers drumming against his thigh. He enjoys seeing people appreciate you, but this feels different. They speak of you with reverence, as if you’re some untouchable figure. But Johnny knows better. You’re no untouchable goddess- you’re his. Theirs. That’s what matters most.
It’s when you step onto the dance floor that the tension truly rises. A duke- one who’s been eyeing you all evening- approaches you with a bow, extending his hand for a dance. You hesitate, glancing toward John out of instinct. He doesn’t move, but his eyes darken, his jaw clenched as he watches you take the duke’s hand.
The music swells and you move across the floor, laughter bubbles from your lips at something your dance partner says. The men see it for what it is: polite, nothing more. But it doesn’t stop the knot of irritation tightening even further.
“She’s a vision,” someone murmurs nearby, unaware they’re being overheard.
“Who wouldn’t fall for her?” another replies.
The words hang in the air, heavy with implication.
Kyle’s gaze sharpens. Johnny’s grin vanishes completely. Simon’s fists clench at his sides. And John, ever composed, finishes his wine in one long swallow, his eyes never leaving you.
He can’t allow this to go on for any longer.
The dance ends, and as you return to the edge of the ballroom, you’re immediately surrounded by more admirers- ladies complimenting your gown, lords vying for your attention. Or would have been, if John hadn’t started making his way towards you, presence larger than life.
“Your Grace,” he says smoothly, and extends his hand to you, his expression unreadable. “Dance with me.”
The request- or rather, the command- is met with stunned silence. The nobles exchange glances, but a single glance from John keeps them all silent.
You blink up at him, momentarily caught off guard, before placing your hand in his. “Of course.” you murmur softly.
John’s grip is firm but gentle as he leads you to the dance floor, his other hand resting lightly at your waist. The orchestra begins a soft waltz, and he pulls you into the first step, his movements confident and assured.
Around you, the crowd watches, whispers starting anew, though you barely notice. All you can focus on is the intensity in John’s eyes as he looks down at you.
“You’ve been busy tonight.” he says after a moment, his voice low enough that only you can hear. It sends a shiver up your spine- his voice always so nice to hear.
“It’s my role,” you reply, offering him a small smile. “Everyone has been so kind.”
He hums, his eyes flicking briefly to the onlookers before returning to you. “Too kind, perhaps.”
You raise an eyebrow at his tone but say nothing, letting him guide you across the floor. His hand tightens slightly at your waist, and he pulls you even more closer.
“You’ve done well tonight,” he says after a moment, his voice softer now. “Better than I expected, if I’m honest. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. You always seem to surprise me, my dear.”
Your cheeks warm at the unexpected praise, and you smile up at him. “Thank you, John. That means a great deal.”
He leans in just slightly, his breath ghosting over your ear. “The way they look at you,” he murmurs, his voice dropping even lower. “They can’t take their eyes off you. And I don’t blame them.”
You glance up at him, startled, but his expression is unreadable once again. He continues to lead you effortlessly through the dance, his movements precise.
“But,” he continues, his gaze locking onto yours, “they’ll have to remember who you belong to.”
Your heart skips at his words, and for a moment, you forget where you are, the world narrowing to just the two of you. His eyes soften, his grip steady as he twirls you into the final steps of the dance.
As the music fades, he leans in again, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re exquisite tonight, wife. Don’t let them forget it.”
With that, he leads you off the dance floor, his hand never leaving yours. The crowd parts for the both of you, their gazes following you both as John guides you back to the edge of the room, where the others wait.
You’re still breathless, his words replaying in your mind as he steps aside, positioning himself at your shoulder. Whatever protests the nobles might’ve had about your absence dissolve under his watchful glare.
And though John doesn’t say another word for the rest of the evening, his presence alone is enough to ensure no one dares to crowd you again, and no one comes between you and them. Simon and Kyle keep you busy, chatting happily with them, and Johnny joins later when the guests begin to trickle out and no one would question why a chef is there.
People’s princess you maybe, you are still theirs. John simply had to show and remind everyone of that fact.
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Text
Yandere Fantasy Villain
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Imagine you’ve been transported to a DnD-Fantasy-like world. Quests, adventurers, and mystical beasts are everything you could dream of. You’ve already established your little troupe; becoming an important cornerstone of the group. Whatever your class, you’re excelling at they really rely on which is why things go badly when you meet him—-the recurring villain of this world.
“Oh my–oh my Zoth.”
“What? Do I horrify the little hero!?”
“No, you’re–”
“Worse than you imagined?”
“No, you’re–”
“(Y/n) stop freezing up!”
“You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever met!”
The group is horrified as they plan a tactical retreat, finding it easier to thwart the Fantasy Villain’s attacks which are suddenly less frequent.  The group just assumes you’ve been enchanted because since you’ve locked eyes with him you’ve been unable to stand on your feet. Wide-eyed and breathing heavy you just can’t stop the heat climbing over your face and ears as you replay the moment you met over and over. 
“You realize he’s a part of the ugliest most horrible race known to all of Azarothan.”
“If that’s ugly then I’m dead!”
“M-maybe he did enchant them?”
Meanwhile, the Villain’s returned to home base, shedding his armor and dismissing his entourage. Sat on his throne he replays the words you’ve said to him…over and over���.and over again. His ears are turning a deep blue and he can’t help the involuntary reaction of the volcano attached to his castle bubbling with excitement.
“They-they think I’m beautiful?!”
He’s reeling with an overflow of energy and unknown vigor when he recalls your awestruck face as you fell to your knees clutching your enchanted tool. He can’t stop the thought of you in that same position but in a different setting. Cursing his lacking imagination he concocts his usual magic to spy on the troupe with his crystal ball but this time he’s focused solely on you. 
“Surely they’ll brag about the enchantment they left on me…..and maybe talk about their own infatuation again.”
It strokes a different kind of pride when he hears you deny being cursed. The feelings are mutual. He’s over the moon all four of them. You have to understand the Fantasy Villain has never been told something so flattering. 
“From another world….figures. This world could never make such…a perfect soul.”
Since their upbringing, they’ve been met with nothing but scorn and hatred. Vowing to rule and change the world that did that to him. If others did express interest it was because he had power or was literally about to kill them. Your reaction, your unadulterated feelings for him, the tug at his soul is the only sign he needs before his objective changes. 
“I wanted to rule the world so I could change the world for me. But now I’m going to change the world so I can rule with them.”
He means it. The troops are given new orders, the deadly nightmarish beasts are given new tasks, and he’s already concocting a million different plans to attain you. He watches the crystal ball relentlessly trying to hear and see as much as he can to learn more about you. He realizes very quickly that he really hates those adventurers of yours.
“C’mon (Y/n)! Just because you’re attracted to the enemy doesn’t mean he isn’t trying to destroy the world!”
“Yeah (Y/n), you’ve got to get your head in the game. We need you!”
“I–your right…sorry guys…I just don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who fits my preferences so perfectly.”
“You don’t even know him!”
“But one look in his galaxy-like eyes and it felt like I did.”
He really hates them. Listening to them talk you out of your feelings for him. Before you arrived they were minor pests. Simply a small roadblock that he would eventually crush to shatter the hopes of the people when they needed them most. Now they were just obstacles in the way of his goal–you.
“Sire those adventurers you told us to keep an eye on are on the move. Should I give the order to attack?”
“No…summon the siren I’d like to take a different approach.”
He gets incredibly crafty, despite only meeting you once he can tell you aren’t heartless like he. He’s certain should you find him to be responsible for the death of anyone you’ve met you’d reject his love. So he’ll make it his plan to slowly break your little troupe, such spunky and erratic individuals may be just the only tool he needs.
“My orders, My Ruler?”
“Join their group. Do what you like with whoever you wish. 
“?”
“Bring discord how you see fit.”
“Yes, My Ruler!”
His plan is perfect and the group isn’t nearly suspicious enough to reject his double agent. Who’s presence triggers the cracks that this group had always had. When the group splits apart needing to cool off you’re left alone, a perfect chance for a moment with you. 
“Hello, little hero.”
“Whoa, what are you doing here? My troupe’s not too far! A-a-a-nd I–I’m willing to fight this time!”
“That’s a shame because I came to speak to you.”
“Really! Ahem, I mean about what?”
“About those words, you said to me….I wonder did you know what they’ve ignited.”
Taking advantage of your easily lowered guard, he speaks the truth. Coming in close enough to feel the heat escaping from your armor, he’ll share the tale of his past. Which as he predicted makes you so sympathetic and just as willing to sing his praises as the moment you met. 
“But you’re not ugly or horrid like they all say.”
“No?”
“I think you’re beyond handsome. One of the most ethereal beings I’ve ever met.”
“Do you truly think so?”
“I know so… I’m just sorry no one else has told you that.”
“I’m happy it was you.”
When you let him dive in for a kiss, naturally you accept it. Returning his vigor in kind if not with sympathy or just your attraction, you miss how he places a magical mark on your neck. Or how he casually enchants your armor to protect you better. Or how he influences the flora and fauna of the forest to curve in the direction you came from essentially blocking the path back to your camp. When he reluctantly releases you he further promises he’s never letting you leave his grasp. Promising to one day have you on the throne beside him.
“I must return and so must you. Your friends will worry.”
“Oh…you’re right.”
“Don’t sound so sad, we’ll meet again.”
“Not just in my dreams.”
“Not just in your dreams.”
He leaves not only giddy with love but with a new plan in mind. He prepared to be faced with a struggle, to have to fight for your affection as the enemy you’d be fighting. But he wasn’t prepared for your heart to be swayed so easily. Licking your remnants on his lips, he knows that you can be deceived, and conveniently so can the rest of the world.
Fantasy Villain devises that if the history of his race’s banishment and exile were portrayed in a certain light. You could defect to his side without guilt and if some of the more stubborn adventurers were to also agree that’d make things so much easier. Pretending to be persuaded to sign some peace treaty after being gifted enough land to rule over with you beside him didn’t sound too bad.
Even if that didn’t work the Fantasy Villain has decided you will rule beside him whether he has to trick, drug, or force you to be his. Though he adores the honest love in your eyes when he looks at you and he’s going to do whatever he needs to have it. 
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neptuneiris · 4 months ago
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Back To You | (One-shot)
pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader (friend with benefits)
summary: you're always there, hoping for more. to be more. to mean more and something real. but that's not what he wants, always drawing the line. until… you just can't take it anymore.
words: 19k
sorry for the delay and also sorry this is too long. i won't promise anything next time 😅 and please comment, i want to hear your opinions, a reblog is also appreciated guys.
my masterlist • next part
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warnings: angst, sex content, heartbreak.
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The first time you met Aemond, it was in the same way everyone else did and in his main way of making himself known to people: quiet, calm and reserved.
If you didn't have friends in common, you know you would never have been able to get close to him. But it was your small group of friends in college that brought you together with him; Alysanne, Sara, Cregan and Jason.
From the beginning, Aemond seemed to exist in his own orbit.
While the others fill the spaces with laughter and conversation, he preferred silence. He is like a constant shadow in the group, always present but not fully integrated.
He usually didn't speak much in topics of conversation, but when he did, his voice is quiet, soft and even soothing that it was almost hypnotic.
And maybe that was what first caught your attention. Something about the way he was, that unwavering distance and tranquility that wasn't arrogant, but almost… carefree.
You understand that he befriended Cregan in one of the classes they shared together. And it was Cregan who gradually included him in the group, at the same time that Sara was also including you.
You soon noticed that, although he was present at meetings and outings, there was a pattern in his behavior.
He talked more with Cregan and Jason, not with the same ease with which they talked to each other, but with a ease that he didn't have with Alysanne, Sara or you.
It's not that he was rude, when you addressed him a few times, he responded politely, but his tone was always restrained, measured.
And not only that, you also notice that as soon as someone tries to get too close, invisible walls rise around him, high and impenetrable. And his selectivity with the people he surrounds himself with, or talks to, becomes all too noticeable.
Even in the group chat Alysanne had created, he doesn't say much. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all.
He never initiated conversations or left casual comments compared to the others. And when he did write, it was only when someone asked him a question. Sometimes days or weeks would go by without his name coming up in conversation.
And, at least, at first… you didn't think much of him.
Aemond was just another presence in the group, someone with whom you shared moments but not necessarily a connection, let alone a friendship, at all. You just kept in mind that his reserved and carefree attitude made him different.
Although over time, you began to notice certain things about him that began to catch your attention.
The way he kept his distance even when surrounded by people. The ease with which he glided through life without worrying about fitting in or pleasing anyone. And the way he showed no interest in being heard or belonging.
He didn't show his emotions and it was hard to read. As well as it was hard to tell what he was thinking about, if he was thinking about anything at all.
That made him even more intriguing and that was the way he inevitably began to draw your interest.
Not because you hoped to change him or because you wanted to discover some secret hidden behind his distant attitude, but because, without even trying, he stood out from everyone else.
While the others sought validation in shared laughter and endless conversation, Aemond didn't care about any of that. And worst of all, no matter how hard you tried to ignore him, every time you saw him, every time you suddenly heard his voice, you felt something twisting inside you.
At first, you justified it as simple curiosity. But curiosity doesn't explain the way your attention kept coming back to him.
How you found yourself looking for him at every meeting, how you waited for him to speak, even if it was just to answer a simple question, and how, despite his indifference, you began to realize that you wanted him closer.
It also didn't help with how incredibly attractive he is.
Despite the scar down the middle of his face and the eye he doesn't have, actually being a prosthetic, he is beautiful.
An accident, Cregan told you, when you asked him, to get a little more information about him. But that was all he told you and with a tone that made it clear to you that he didn't even know that much. So you didn't press the subject.
Not because you weren't curious, but because you knew that Aemond is the kind of person who doesn't talk about certain things with just anyone. And over time, that distance between the two of you began to bother you.
You wanted to get to know him beyond the few words he shared with the group, beyond the occasional comments he made. So, one day, you decided to try to get closer to him.
Try to break down his walls with you.
A difficult thing to do, considering everyone knows what he's like. But not impossible. Or at least that's what you told yourself.
You have an advantage, considering you both belong to the same group of friends. But you know that won't make it any less difficult, still, it's something in your favor. The problem was that you needed an excuse.
You couldn't just show up and talk to him for no reason. You needed something that would get his attention so he would talk back to you to keep him. But there was nothing. There was no specific topic, no common theme or shared class, nothing.
But you would find it. You had to.
Until one day, you saw a change in him. So slight and so small it could barely be noticed. Anyone else wouldn't have even noticed, but you did.
A change in his cold and disinterested attitude, which was suddenly colder and more disinterested. He was more serious than usual. He didn't speak at all unless the guys asked him something.
And his look… serious and even annoyed, with slumped shoulders and as if he was more lost in thought than usual. From the morning, when he arrives on campus with his usual air of indifference, you notice that change in him.
And on a Friday, as the day goes by normally, you can't take your eyes off him.
At lunch, the group gathers in the gardens for lunch, as usual, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Jason and Cregan talk about their usual anecdotes, Alysanne and Sara laugh and tease them and he… completely silent.
Sitting at the end of the table, he has only a bottle of water in front of him, which he sips from time to time. He does not join in the conversation and gazes off into the horizon, lost in thought.
But his tense posture, hard stare and clenched jaw, you notice all that. You want to talk to him. Ask him if he's okay. But you don't want to bother him. However, Jason notices it too and thankfully asks him.
“What's wrong, dude? Aren't you going to eat?”
You immediately watch them intently.
“I'm not hungry,” he replies simply and without emotion.
“And why is that? Everything okay with you?”
Aemond nods without saying anything else. He doesn't explain, and Jason doesn't insist. Neither do the others. They simply continue the conversation as if nothing had happened.
To them, Aemond has always been like that; reserved, quiet and indifferent. But you know there's more to it.
The minutes pass and you don't know what to do. You think about what would be the most ideal way to approach him. But nothing comes to mind.
Then he suddenly stands up and tells Cregan quietly that he will be leaving for his next class. He doesn't say goodbye to the others, just hangs his backpack over his shoulder and leaves.
And it's in that instant that you make a decision.
You don't know if it's a good idea. You don't know if it will work. And you hesitate, as you watch him walk off into the distance.
You could approach him, ask him if he's okay. But you know he'll most likely pull your back out before you can even try. So instead, you pull out your phone, unlock the screen, open the messaging app and start typing.
'Hey, are you okay?'
Simple. Subtle. Polite. You don't look at it the wrong way. In fact, it might work. Still, nerves wash over you, actually not so sure. But you finally take a deep breath and press send.
Honestly, you don't know why you thought he'd respond right away. Or that at the very least, his response would come in maybe ten or fifteen minutes.
By the time night falls and you're lying in your bed, rolling through your social media and no new messages, you begin to accept that he won't reply. And that he probably just ignored the message because he's not the least bit interested.
You sigh and put your phone aside, trying to push the topic out of your mind. But just as sleep begins to grip you, the vibration of your phone startles you.
You pick up the device quickly, a spark of hope lighting up your chest, only to have it shut off abruptly when you read his reply.
'Who are you?'
Embarrassment hits you so hard you feel heat rise to your face.
Disillusion and disappointment that he doesn't even have you in his contacts. You mean… you both belong to the same group of friends and you're both in the same group chat. And he doesn't have your number?
You bite the inside of your cheek, seriously considering not saying anything else to him and pretending this never happened.
But after staring at the message for a few long minutes, you let go of the humiliation and reply in the hope that he'll get back to you in a few minutes and not until tomorrow.
'I'm Y/N.'
A few minutes pass, at most three, but you feel them eternal. All is silence, until his next message comes through.
'Why do you ask that?'
You press your lips together, rereading the screen. It could be genuine curiosity… or it could be his way of making you feel even more out of place. But you don't take it back. Not this time and not anymore.
So you sigh, settle better in bed and decide to be honest.
'Well, I saw you really off today and I just wanted to make sure you're okay.'
The 'read' indicator almost to the second, makes your heart skip a beat. And you watch, expecting to see the 'typing' later.
But seconds pass and nothing. And you watch your screen more intently, as if that will magically make him decide to write you when you want him to. And when you see that he has left you on read, again the embarrassment invades you.
When suddenly, the ´typing´ appears and your heart skips a beat. And finally, his reply.
'I'm fine.'
Two words. Nothing more.
You bite your lip, reading the message over and over, not entirely what you expected and increasingly convinced that this is going to be harder than you thought.
It's not a closed response, but it's not an invitation to continue the conversation either. You could leave it at that. Decide that you did your part and that, if he doesn't want to talk, you can't force him.
But something in you is resisting. You don't want to leave it at that even though you know you're going to be disappointed and that this, his attitude, won't change overnight.
But at least you can be honest. So you write and send the message before you regret it.
'If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.'
And again, you wait.
Surprisingly, he reads your message within a second. However, disappointment again overcomes you when you read his immediate, curt reply.
'Thanks.'
All hope, anticipation and excitement evaporates from your body. You stand there for a moment doing nothing, thinking about what else to write him, wanting to be more sincere and show him that he's counting on you.
'I mean it. I'm here for you, Aemond.'
That's something you'd like to hear if you're not feeling at your best. Knowing that there's someone who cares about you and your well-being, too, would help a lot.
However, the minutes tick by and this time Aemond's reply never comes. Nor does it come all weekend.
You're hoping that at college maybe he'll reach out after the brief text exchange, even… thank you personally for caring about him, text him or something, you don't even know but you're hoping for something, anything.
But you had to know that he would remain just as distant and cold as always.
Disillusioned, you keep noticing that slight pain he seems to be stuck in but is trying to ignore every time you all get together, without anyone else noticing.
You watch him from a distance, attentive and hopeful, but disappointed that you are unsuccessful in every approach to him to initiate a conversation.
Even after the two of you spoke by message, he has no interest in talking to you in person. And he barely notices your presence, as if you weren't even there.
That hurt you, but you understood that it was about what's going on in his mind and whatever it is that has him so depressed, not because you were really the problem.
So during a meeting on campus waiting for the next class to start, everyone discusses their weekend plans.
“There's a party tonight at the Martell frat house,” Cregan announces excitedly, “It's going to be great, they always know how to make a good scandal.”
Everyone begins to agree to attend, sharing laughs and jokes about the last time they went to a Martell party, even Alysanne and Sara, already planning their outfits for the night, except for you and Aemond.
Parties aren't your favorite place, though you've been to several before and always manage to have a good time with help from the girls. And Aemond being quiet catches Jason's attention.
“You'll come, won't you?” he asks him as he gives him a friendly tap on the shoulder.
He shrugs, starting to take a cigarette from his pocket along with the lighter, not caring at all about the subject of the party.
“I don't know.”
Jason frowns, watching him blankly.
“You don't know?”
“Who doesn't know?” inquires Cregan instantly, listening intently and confused.
Jason points it out but Aemond nonchalantly lights his cigarette, while you watch the interaction of the three of them, but always focus entirely on him.
“But you always come over,” Cregan tells him just as confused as Jason.
“It'll be fun,” Jason continues, ”Besides, it's Friday night. What else could you be doing?”
“I don't really feel like going to a party,” he says, just as nonchalant as before.
“Oh, come on,” Jason urges, “We deserve it, you especially after the hell of projects we've had to submit. We need to de-stress.”
“And besides you'll be with us, what can go wrong?” says Cregan to him with his tone full of optimism, trying to convince him.
“Everything,” he tells him in his equally soft and low tone of voice as always, causing a chuckle between both boys.
“But it'll be fun, come on.”
He focuses his gaze on an unimportant point and you, listening to the conversation intently, feel that little spark in your chest lingering, watching him hopefully for him to say yes.
Then you decide to add your voice to convince him.
“You should come,” you say, catching the attention of the three of them, with your shy but firm look and voice, ”It might be a good distraction and it will help you clear your mind.”
Not exactly the best words but you try and feel your heart start to beat fast in your chest from nerves as you watch his eye meet yours.
But it doesn't last too long as Cregan speaks again.
“Yeah, dude. Let's all go together. I don't think you'll get bored but if you do, we can always leave early or switch parties, whichever is better.”
The three of them watch him expectantly for his response, to which he is a little overwhelmed by the attention. But he finally lets out a resigned sigh, feeling the weight of his friends' expectations, and nods slowly, lowering his gaze and refocusing on his cigarette.
“Fine,” he says in a low but determined voice. “But don't expect me to stay all night.”
The answer sparks a small celebration between Cregan and Jason, who pat him on the back and you avoid smiling big, pursing your lips.
“Great! That's all we asked for, mate.”
“It'll be fun, you'll see.”
Everyone else speaks again, except for him and you, as you stare at him for a brief moment, feeling the spark of hope grow bigger inside you.
Tonight may be the opportunity you need to reach out and create connection with him. Besides, it's a party, everyone will be relaxed and surely he will be too, so you can't miss the opportunity.
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The night arrives and with it, the anticipation of the party at the Martell fraternity house.
As you approach the imposing house you notice the pulsating lights and vibrant music that can be heard from yards away, promising a fun and energetic night. With Alysanne and Sara, you see the groups of people talking and laughing at every corner, drinking and smoking.
And as you enter the house, the party is in full bloom, with everyone dancing and having a good time, with the smell of beer, cigarettes and even weed lingering in the air, causing Alysanne and Sara to quickly immerse themselves in the atmosphere, pulling you along with them very excitedly to where everyone is dancing.
The energy around you is contagious and as the minutes pass, you catch yourself laughing and dancing, where your worries momentarily fade away amidst the bright lights and pulsating rhythms, enjoying the moment.
Yet there is still that anticipation in you, that excitement as you look out the front door and in all directions, waiting to see him.
And in the middle of dancing with your friends, singing the songs of the moment at the top of your lungs and enjoying the energy of the whole party, just as your gaze briefly focuses on your surroundings, you finally spot a figure with silver hair moving through the crowd.
With a jolt in your heart, you focus your gaze and recognize Aemond.
He moves with a quiet grace, but his expression is a mixture of discomfort and determination. He weaves his way through the people, his gaze scanning the entire place, as if seeking a refuge or maybe a familiar face.
His posture and energy is oblivious to the frenetic energy of the party with his deliberate movements and nonchalant attitude.
And you continue to watch him, with the hustle and bustle of the party fading around you and focusing entirely on him.
You feel a mixture of relief and happiness at seeing him, relief that he has come and happiness that tonight you will finally be able to get close to him.
Aemond continues to approach the epicenter of the party, when on his way he finally meets Cregan and Jason, who greet him enthusiastically and hand him a drink almost instantly, integrating him into the atmosphere and enveloping him in their conversation.
Over drinks and cigarettes, as well as after some banter and laughter, Aemond finally begins to relax, though his movements are more restrained than the others. He would prefer less noise, but it is a party after all.
And you watch from a distance, seeing how the guys entertain him and integrate him into the party, noticing how his posture relaxes more and his expression softens, holding a bottle of beer in his hand and a cigarette in the other.
You know that now is not the time to get close, you want to let him find his own pace without pressure, so you stay in your place, enjoying the company of your friends and also the whole party.
Afterwards you join your friends for more drinks, they insist on taking pictures and videos together, you dance some more, go to get some fresh air because of how suffocated it is and when you look back towards the guys, Aemond is not there.
Cregan and Jason are there with some girls, but he especially is nowhere to be seen. You begin to feel a twinge of unease and start to move slyly through the crowd, looking for his familiar figure.
Until you decide to approach and ask for him or else you'll never be able to find him among all the people already at the party and the people still still entering the house.
“Hey,” you approach towards them, with a relaxed attitude, trying to look casual, ”Where's Aemond? I saw him arrive earlier.”
Cregan turns to you, smiling, while Jason blinks several times as if trying to remember.
“Oh, yeah, he went out a few minutes ago.”
“I think that way,” Cregan points to the backyard with a nod, ”Maybe he needed air or something, he said he'd be back soon.”
You decide to look for him discreetly, making your way through all the students, but the house is full, even more so than it was a few moments ago, with the heat and bustle starting to make you feel overwhelmed.
You think to yourself that he probably went to the bathroom, but minutes pass and being with the girls, you keep looking for him but he's nowhere to be seen.
And that's when you think about the possibility that he has decided to leave.
This leaves you with an empty feeling in your chest and you look around, letting out a long breath and inevitably already starting to feel disappointed.
You continue to scan the place in hope, but minutes pass and there is no sign of him at all.
“Hey,” Alysanne calls out to you, “What's up?” she watches you intently and with a soft smile on her lips.
“Oh… n-nothing,” you act casual, “I just need to go to the bathroom,” you point out, “I'll be right back, okay?”
“You want me to come with you?”
“No, no, don't worry, it's fine,” you assure her instantly.
Again you make your way through the students and head towards the stairs, hoping to find an empty room or a space with fewer people, since you don't really need to go to the bathroom.
At this point you already feel too overwhelmed with the music and all the people that keep arriving, making it impossible to walk. So you just want to breathe and have some peace and quiet.
Fortunately the corridors on the second floor are not so crowded, there are people, yes, but nothing like down there and you try to open the doors, cautious of course, afraid of interrupting some compromising scene.
Until finally the last door opens and it's an empty room, clearly decorated with the personal touch of one of the frat boys.
You sigh and close the door behind you, stepping inside, barely hearing the sound of music up to here and all the chaos. You plop down on the edge of the bed, trying to calm your mind and feeling the tension in your feet give way after all that dancing.
The minutes pass and although you try to distract yourself with anything on your phone, again the disappointment invades you and so does the thought, without being able to help it.
You have failed to keep in touch with Aemond and at this rate, it seems you will never succeed.
He is quite an enigma, very reserved, indifferent to the attentions that many girls in college would long to receive from him and that is what confuses you.
You think of his brother Aegon, whose behavior is the complete opposite.
Aegon adores the attention of girls, his adventures are scattered all over campus and yet, Aemond is a mystery, so secretive that even a simple friendship with him seems out of reach.
And these differences between the two brothers only add another layer of confusion to your feelings for Aemond. You can't help but wonder why someone like him, so aloof and closed off, appeals to you so much.
He won't even give you the time of day, he barely acknowledges your existence when you're in a group with the guys, his gaze barely rests on you, and whenever you try to talk to him, he barely responds and then brushes you aside with an indifference that leaves you feeling completely invisible.
Then why? Why do you keep trying?
You don't even know.
You get up and start walking slowly around the room, trying to calm your thoughts, not really knowing what to do.
You think maybe you should go back to your dorm, since you really don't want to go back down there with all the people and the commotion. But you know that Alysanne and Sara are still enjoying themselves and you leave alone.
You sit back down on the bed and run a hand across your forehead, letting out a sigh, when suddenly, the bedroom door opens and you look up almost instantly.
And then your heart leaps with anticipation and surprise.
Aemond appears under the threshold, his eye meeting yours and you both stand for a moment motionless, saying nothing.
He scans your face and the room as well, while you continue to stare at him in surprise, definitely not expecting him to appear here at all. And there's something particularly in his gaze that tells you he's also looking for shelter from the party. When again his gaze focuses on you.
"I'm sorry," he says to you, in a low, unconcerned voice, "I didn't know anyone was here."
You say nothing for a few seconds, but force yourself to react.
"It's okay," you say quickly, trying to sound calm, "Don't worry."
Again the anticipation grows inside you, this time stronger, mingling with unexpected joy.
He is not gone.
He is here.
And that rekindles the spark of hope in you, which makes you strive to keep your expression relaxed and less surprised, trying to look completely casual and act normal.
A silence settles between you, one that is both awkward and full of potential, to which you try to speak but Aemond speaks first, taking a step back and with his hand still on the knob.
"Am I bothering you?" he asks, his gaze studying you.
"No, not at all," you reply immediately, your words coming out a little more hastily than you intended.
This instantly embarrasses you and you lower your gaze for a moment, clearing your throat.
"I mean, no," you say more relaxed and in a soft tone, "It's okay if you stay. You're not bothering me," you offer him a small, tight-lipped smile, "I guess you want to hide for a while."
He looks out into the hallway, seeming to consider your words for a moment, then lets out a sigh, again watching you and finally enters the room with soft steps, closing the door behind him.
"From Cregan and Jason specifically."
You let out a small chuckle under your breath, wanting to create that light and easy atmosphere between the two of you by being open and relaxed with him so as to get him to loosen up a bit more with you.
You remain seated on the bed, as he walks over to the window and begins to pull his pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket along with his lighter.
With a deft movement, he lights the cigarette, where the small flame briefly illuminates his features before a ball of smoke dissipates into the room.
He opens the window and all the commotion outside is heard more clearly, but not enough for both of you to feel annoyed with it, feeling the night air come in to envelop you.
And you continue to sit, trying not to watch him too much, though it's impossible, he is Aemond Targaryen after all.
Still you search for something to say as he stands in a casual pose by the window, smoking and watching the night sky.
"Are you all right?" you ask finally, breaking the silence, your tone soft and gentle, not wanting to seem intrusive.
He nods, not watching you, with the smoke from the cigarette wafting around his face.
"Yeah," he replies in a distant tone, but you notice how thoughts keep running through his mind, "I'm fine."
You omit to let out a long sigh as you gently bite the inside of your cheek and watch him silently for a moment, thinking of something else to say.
Even he doesn't feel your gaze on him, where you silently admire his straight profile, his set jaw, the high cheekbones, the line of his nose, his lips... all his completely beautiful features and so ethereal.
And yet, all those beautiful features have a weight of sadness and tension, where you can see how a tide of thoughts cross his mind that seemingly only you can notice.
You see his barely-there frown and the tension in his jaw, lost in thought, with the cigarette slowly burning away between his long fingers.
You are torn between remaining silent or trying to break the ice surrounding it. You know that your words must be carefully chosen, not pushing but showing your genuine concern.
So you think your words through very carefully and finally decide to take a chance, hoping that your sincerity might do something, anything.
"I've noticed you've been... distant lately," you say, in a soft voice, "More than usual."
He doesn't respond right away, but you notice a slight tension in his shoulders. He takes a deep drag from his cigarette before exhaling slowly, his gaze still fixed on some point beyond the window, as if he's searching for answers in the dark.
Finally, he shakes his head and again responds without looking at you.
"It's nothing, just..." he is quiet for a moment, "Nothing that really matters to anyone."
Your eyebrows furrow slightly and you feel compelled to speak without thinking too much.
"It matters to me," you say in a soft tone, your gaze fixed on him, trying to let him see the sincerity in your eyes.
He slowly turns to you, finally watching you, his expression suddenly alert. There is a mixture of curiosity and anticipation on his face.
"And why would that be?" he asks you, his tone serious and slightly defensive, his frown showing his confusion, clearly not believing your words, "You don't even know me, nor I you."
The words that have come out of you so spontaneously now leave you vulnerable, but you can't back down. You feel a slight blush creep up your cheeks, but you try to stand firm even in your words.
"We're part of the same group of friends," you reply softly, your gaze fixed on him, trying to keep your composure, "We don't talk much, it's true, but I still care about you. Just like I care about everyone else."
He doesn't say anything to you right away. From a distance, he just stands there, watching you. The dim light in the room outlines the lines of his face in soft shadows.
You try not to look away from him, despite how overly intimidated and nervous you feel. And then, as if he is evaluating your words, he looks away and you see a small but visible smile curving his lips, to again raise the cigarette towards them.
"Is that so?" he murmurs and then takes a drag.
You find the scene hypnotic. The way he smokes. A simple action making him look so sexy.
And realizing you're making progress here, when you hadn't even seen him smile the way he just did, you decide to continue to be honest.
"I'm here for you Aemond, I mean it," you murmur, without hesitation, feeling the warmth of your own words. "Either way."
You watch him stare out the window for a few moments, taking another drag on his cigarette and then, he turns fully towards you.
His eye watches you with intensity and you see how there is an indecipherable glint. He tilts his head slightly, watching as he slowly sweeps his gaze over you, igniting all your alerts in you.
Still, you hold his gaze, despite the way he seems to evaluate you and make you feel exposed. He searches for the truth in your every word, as if he's waiting for you to take it back, to hesitate and consider what you're telling him.
But you don't.
Then, with the cigarette slowly burning between his fingers, with a nonchalant movement, he stubs it out against a piece of furniture in the room. And then, he moves slowly and precisely, towards you.
One step. Another step. And another. Each one filling the space between you until the distance is minimal. Until you feel his proximity and your skin bristles, before he even touches you.
Enraptured, you slowly raise your gaze to him as he steps in front of you. His knees brush lightly against yours and his fragrance envelops you, a faint mixture of cigarettes and his cologne that smells too good and intoxicating.
Your heart begins to beat quite hard and fast in your chest, not understanding what is going on. But you don't want it to end.
And being like this, in this way, makes everything even more interesting. You continue to sit on the edge of the bed, while he stands in front of you, looking at your face more closely.
The silence stretches and you see the curve of his lips lift slightly as he sees no hesitation in you. And when he speaks, his voice is low, deep and soft, infused with something that sends a shiver down your spine.
"Either way?"
His words aren't just a question. They are a challenge. A provocation.
And you don't look away, as you watch him with your big eyes, not backing down. And then, you nod.
The blue of his eye seems to darken with your response, as if you've ignited something inside him. Then, he lifts a hand and with exasperating slowness, directs it to your face and his long fingers brush your cheek.
Holding your breath, you watch him curiously and attentively, as he tests the ground, your reaction. And then his caress becomes firmer. His fingers run along the line of your jaw, slowly ascending to tangle at the base of your hair.
His thumb slides to the corner of your lips, tracing the contour with a softness that contrasts with the intensity of his gaze, while you have to remind yourself how to breathe.
"Then say it," he murmurs, leaning in just barely.
Your throat feels dry. Your lips part, watching him completely mesmerized and unable to believe this is really happening. Your words get stuck, because in this moment, with Aemond so close, with his touch igniting every part of your body, you realize there's no turning back.
"Either way," you assure him in a soft, slightly trembling voice.
"And how far does either way go?"
He holds your gaze, that blue eye burning and as if he can see right through you, something dangerous and exciting.
His hand on your face is firm, but his thumb keeps tracing slow circles at the corner of your lips, almost in a distracted, shuddering caress. He is waiting, testing you.
"As far as you need," you murmur, without hesitation.
He tilts his head and suddenly, his free hand takes your arm, making you rise from the bed as his hand on your cheek is firmer, keeping you right where he wants you.
"So any way I need?" he murmurs, a barely raspy, enveloping whisper that seems to filter through your skin.
He leans in, until you feel his nose brush against yours. And you close your eyes for a moment, trying to contain the whirlwind of emotions he's nothing short of unleashing in you.
"Yes," you say in a whisper, trying to stand on your own two feet.
Suddenly his hand on your waist grips you firmly and tightly, holding you in his orbit with an ease that takes your breath away. There is no pressure, no urgency, just a silent possession that feels more dangerous than any words.
He leans closer to you, his face descending in a movement so slow it almost seems deliberate, as if he wants to lengthen the moment, as if he's enjoying the way your breath hitches, in how your lips barely part, in the way your pupils dilate as the space between you disappears.
His breath, warm with the faint trace of cigarette and mint, mingles with yours. Until his lips brush yours in a touch so ephemeral that it seems like an illusion.
A silent provocation. It's not an immediate kiss. No. He takes his time, brushing his mouth over yours torturously slow, as if giving you a chance to pull away, to stop him.
But you don't. Because you don't want to. Because you want him, so badly.
And when your body leans slightly into him, a sigh escapes your mouth before you can avoid it, needing him. And that seems to be all he needs, because then, you feel it.
His lips slide over yours with devastating precision, trapping you in a kiss that leaves no room to breathe. His hand on your cheek holds you by the back of your neck, while the hand on your waist pulls you closer to him.
He closes in a little more, tilting your face towards him as his other hand slowly slides down your waist, drawing you closer, eliminating any chink of space between your bodies.
The kiss intensifies as his tongue brushes against yours, soft, teasing, exploring with a patience and assurance that makes you shiver. Aemond does not rush. There is no desperation in his touch, just something darker, deeper, as if he wants to memorize your every reaction, every tremor of your body beneath his.
Then it's deeper and more demanding.
You have to cling to his shirt, to the folds of fabric between your fingers, because suddenly you're not sure you can stand without him.
And when he finally pulls away, just a little, just enough to look at you with that fiery blue eye, lips parted and breath hitching, you know nothing will ever be the same again.
"Tell me again," he murmurs against your lips, his forehead touching yours.
With your heart racing, you manage to hold his gaze and find the words to speak, when all you want to do is keep kissing him.
"I'm here for you, Aemond," you say, your tone soft, but confident, "Either way," you complete, without a hint of hesitation.
His gaze darkens. And then, he kisses you again.
And from that moment, that's when it all began. But only when you were alone.
There were no words about it, no questions, no explanations. The next day, Aemond behaved the same as always: serious, distant, impenetrable when you were surrounded by people.
There were no glances, no brushes, no hint that anything had happened the night before. But at some point in the night, he showed up. A short message.
A silent signal that gave way to the change in your relationship with him.
The first time you went to his apartment, there was no doubt or hesitation. He opened the door without a word and you walked in, feeling the warmth of his gaze following you closely. There were no words other than cordial ones and then there was no more preamble.
His way of touching you was firm, decisive, as if he had known you forever, as if he knew exactly what to do to make everything else disappear.
And in those moments, with his breath brushing against your skin and his hands roaming your body, you understood what this was.
It was just sex. But, surprisingly, there was something more.
Something that wasn't said out loud, but it was there, in the way his fingers lingered on your skin after it was all over. He wasn't asking you to stay, but he wasn't asking you to leave either. And somehow, that was enough.
That's how the dynamic between you began.
There were no explicit rules, but the boundaries were clear. The relationship was not based solely on desire, though.
When the two of you were alone, Aemond wasn't his usual self. He wasn't the cold, serious man everyone knew. With you, when the door closed and the world was outside, his expression changed. His barriers would crumble, if only for a moment.
There were nights when, after all, he would simply lie beside you, tangling his fingers in your hair in silence. He would tell you things he never told anyone, fragments of his mind that he rarely shared. And so did you with him.
It wasn't that he was affectionate, for Aemond is not that kind of person. But in the quiet of the night, when you were alone, he allowed himself to be something more than the impenetrable man everyone thought they knew.
In public, however, nothing changed.
He didn't ignore you, but he didn't treat you differently either. If you shared a room with others, he was the same old Aemond: observant, reserved, with an expression no one could read.
There were no signs of what went on when you were alone. It wasn't that he was ashamed of what you had, but he wasn't interested in letting the world know either.
And there were times when you wondered if this was enough for you. If you could go through with this, whatever it was, that existed only in the shadows. The doubt kept you up most of the night and distracted in your classes.
But then, there came the moments that made you forget those doubts.
When he had you against the wall or under his body, his mouth claiming yours with deep, electrifying movements, demanding and possessive.
There was tenderness in the small gestures, in the way he ran his fingers down your back after all, in the way he tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear before kissing you again.
But all that only existed when it was just the two of you.
A delicate balance between what was allowed and what was not. A secret kept within four walls, where Aemond allowed himself to be more than just the man everyone knew. Where you are one of the few people he allows to see him as he really is.
And that, for now, is enough for you.
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“Gods, Aemond.”
The sensation of his wet tongue exploring your pussy takes over every part of your mind and body. Your fingers grip his hair as your hips begin to roll into his face, unable to contain yourself and unable to stop the moans that escape your lips.
You let your head fall back against his pillow, closing your eyes and furrowing your brows in pleasure as you feel his lips suck and lick your clit.
Your thighs rest against his shoulders, as his arms spread you even wider for him, letting him see all of you. He feasts, tasting his saliva and your juices, unable to get enough of you.
Your whole body writhes, having no escape from his grip, as your moans and the sound of his tongue working on you fill his room. When a suck on your clit especially makes you shudder, feeling the reach of your orgasm sooner than you expected.
“Oh my—fuck, I'm gonna come,” you gasp, warning quickly.
“Yeah?” he asks you, pulling slightly away from your pussy, “Are you close, baby?”
You can't speak, just nod.
Then you throw your head back hard, moaning as his tongue finds its way through all your wetness again and one of his fingers enters you, further stimulating the arrival of your orgasm.
“Oh, fuck! Yes, Aem—
He watches you from where he is, still eating you, delighting in your expression and the way you squirm.
You bring both of your hands up to hold your breasts tightly, biting your lips and moaning loudly, feeling the heated pleasure hit you with intensity. He keeps sucking you, prolonging your orgasm, while you moan and see stars behind your eyes.
The perfect scene to make his cock harder.
He gives you one last kiss on your clit as you calm down and he moves up your body, bringing one of his hands to one of your breasts, cupping it and kneading it firmly.
His face leans toward you and he kisses you, letting you taste your flavor as he has so many times before. You feel dizzy, exhausted and overheated. But you know none of this ends here.
So you open your arms, embracing him as he makes room between your legs, never stopping kissing you.
“So pretty. So good for me,” he whispers against your lips with desire.
Hot and heavy, Aemond presses his cock against you, pressing it deliciously against your clit. You furrow your brows and gasp, still feeling the weight of your earlier, intense orgasm.
But you want more, more of him.
“Please,” you moan, rolling your hips against him, ”I want you to fuck me.”
“Yeah? You want that?”
Everything about him is intoxicating, enthralling, dazzling and hypnotic. You don't think clearly. Much less in sex. So you just nod, needing more of him. Your pussy clenches around nothing and it frustrates you, so you grind your hips harder against his cock.
“Don't worry. I'm going to fuck you just right,” he tells you then leaves a soft kiss on your cheek.
Agitated, you watch as he removes his boxers and his hard cock slams against his lower abdomen. Big, pale and hot.
He reaches over to his nightstand drawer, grabbing a condom. He puts it on quickly and brings the tip to your folds, wetting it with your juices and slowly opening you for him.
The contact makes you shudder and you cling to his shoulders as he slowly begins to open you up. The sensation invades you almost instantly, intoxicating you, as he fills you to the hilt.
You watch him with your mouth open, as his eye bores into yours and he drops down for a moment to watch perfectly as the two of you join, hissing, staying still afterwards to give you time to adjust.
You've felt it many times before, it's not new, you can take it in completely. Yet it feels like the first time, every time.
And then, he begins his gentle back and forth, moving in and out of you slowly, at the same time burying his face in your neck, sighing as he feels your perfect pussy squeeze him.
“Oh fuck,” he gasps in your ear, sending shivers through your body, “Squeezing me so fucking tight. Feels so good. So deep in your pretty pussy.”
“Feels good. So good, Aemond.”
Then, he begins to penetrate you with steadier movements, deep and hard.
The air leaves your lungs, as you cling to his shoulders and hug him against you as you feel his warm breath against your neck each time he thrusts inside you again.
You whimper, feeling him keep up the steady rhythm, making you bite your lip at the delicious sensation that soothes the need you feel deep inside you.
“Oh Gods,” you moan, ”Oh yes.”
His onslaught is faster and more energetic, penetrating you harder.
“That's it, baby. Wrap your legs around my torso,” he commands you in a soft, but firm, deep voice, full of lust.
And you do, desperate to feel him deeper inside you. The sound of skin against skin along with moans and gasps are all you hear in the room.
“Yeah, just like that,” he croons in your ear, ”Good girl. Just for me.”
All he gets from you is that you squeeze his cock harder. And he speeds up his movements, as he steals your breath with each thrust.
Aemond grunts and leans in a little, raising one hand to grab the edge of the bed's backrest for support to hit your exact spot with more precision and you whimper, arching your back at the delicious sensation.
He watches your every expression pleased, digging his fingers even deeper into the wood and with his other hand your skin, enjoying your pretty sounds that you make only for him.
“Aemond,” you moan.
Resting your head on the pillow and moaning without caring about anything else, you collapse. You tremble beneath him, your eyes roll back in your head, and you explode with an intensity stronger than your previous orgasm.
Feeling the way you squeeze him, he speeds up his movements, his thrusts faster and harder, reaching his own orgasm. He grunts and buries his face in your neck, grabbing one of your breasts hard as he cums inside you.
He curses, as he drops his body on top of you, breathing hard and his pulse too fast.
Then, complete silence.
Neither of you say or do anything. You both try to regulate your breathing and calm down from the high. Then, he leaves a soft kiss on your cheek, with his hand holding your face to then begin a brief trail of kisses to your lips. He kisses you deeply and finally leaves a last kiss on your forehead.
It feels like heaven and everything about him completely consumes you. It drugs you and floods you in the way you don't want it to stop. And you deeply wish time would stop so you can enjoy the moment forever.
But then, he gets off of you and lies down next to you letting out a sigh. And suddenly, coldness. There is no more affection or the warmth he used to give you.
You cover yourself with the sheets and watch him almost out of the corner of your eye. You want to get close to him, to hug him and have him make you feel safe and well cared for after the act of intimacy, like before.
But before you even try anything, he reaches over and takes from his nightstand a cigarette, lighting it. He makes himself comfortable in his own way and takes drags while staring at the ceiling or a spot in the room.
You bite your lips and look away from him, having no idea what to say.
The smoke reaches your nostrils and you both stay like that, existing, saying and doing nothing for a few long minutes. Then you see the time and it's late.
It's dangerous for you to go home by yourself, even in an Uber. And by his behavior, you doubt that he will tell you that you can stay or that he will drive you home.
You don't want to be later so you let out a long breath and without looking at him, you sit up with the sheets on your chest and start looking for your clothes.
"Where are you going?"
His question surprises you and catches you off guard instantly, so you turn to look at him a little uncertainly as you tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.
"It's late. I should be going."
He checks the time too and watches you with a frown.
"Don't you want to stay?"
"Hum... I don't know," you shrug, "You want me to?"
"Yeah," he says nonchalantly, "You've stayed many times before."
"Yeah, I know, but... I don't know. I thought you didn't want me to stay this time."
He holds his frown as you watch him exhale smoke from between his parted lips, making a confused gesture with his head.
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I just thought about it," you shake your head, averting your gaze from him.
You feel his gaze on you as you bend over and pull on your shirt so you don't sleep completely naked. And he doesn't even tell you to wear his, like he used to a time ago.
He used to tell you that he loved seeing how his shirts looked on you and now... nothing.
"I'll drive you home in the morning. Don't worry," he tells you in that again nonchalant and... distant tone.
"Yeah," you murmur, turning to lie down next to him.
He lasts a few more minutes smoking his cigarette staring at the ceiling and nothing else, while you silently watch the features of his handsome face and the movements he makes with his hand and cigarette.
Finally he stubs out and throws what little is left of it in the trash, then turns off the lamp and begins to settle in next to you. He leans towards you, puts an arm behind your head and pulls your body towards him to sleep together, as before.
You place your head between his chest and neck as he wraps both arms around you and rests his head on yours, releasing a long breath to finally fall asleep.
For a moment, the action and the way you both are comforts you. His closeness and the way he holds you, makes you feel safe, comfortable, warm and makes those butterflies flutter in your stomach.
But you notice the little differences.
His touch is different, his nonchalant and distant attitude is transmitted through his movements and this... it felt like a mechanical movement, a movement caused by habit and almost forced.
It's like he has to, not because he really wants to. There are no little kisses or little caresses before bedtime while he holds you. Nothing. He doesn't make you feel the way he used to.
But at least he holds you.
And you settle for that, still with sadness in your heart and with the feeling that something has changed and you don't know what it is but, it gives you a bad feeling.
At least he's still doing these little things that used to make you happy. But... again, it's not like before.
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You prepare breakfast for Aemond and yourself.
You woke up earlier than usual just so you could prepare a decent breakfast for him so he wouldn't go to class on an empty stomach.
You know that his classes start earlier in the day compared to yours and you have been listening to him take a shower for a while and now he is probably finishing getting ready to leave.
A few minutes ago you received messages from Sara asking you where you will celebrate your birthday tomorrow. You just had to tell her a place and she and the guys will take care of the rest.
You feel visibly excited about it. Although Aemond hasn't talked to you about any of that but... you are hopeful.
At that moment he appears down the hallway, ready to go to class, heading quickly towards the living room where his backpack is, shooting you a brief glance.
"What are you doing?"
"I made breakfast," you tell him, making him coffee the way he likes it.
"I don't have time," he tells you hurriedly, not even looking at you.
That makes you stop and look at him confused.
You shouldn't either, in fact, they are little things that anyone would tell you are unimportant but... you notice them and it sets off another alarm in you.
"Aren't you going to have breakfast?" you ask him confused.
"No."
"But you always eat breakfast even if you're late."
"I can't now, Y/N. My first class is important," he tells you again with that coldness and almost... annoyance.
You watch him for a few seconds without saying anything. And then you watch all the breakfast ready in front of you as you bite the inside of your cheek, again feeling that bad feeling and discomfort running inside your body.
"Go get changed so I can drop you off at the dorm in passing," he tells you, "I don't have much time. We have to go now."
Surprisingly you don't want to.
Normally you would have accepted without even hesitating but now...you feel like you're annoying him and you don't want to do that with this too. Besides, he looks very rushed.
"Don't worry. I'll take the bus," you say without emotion, leaving everything on the table and heading towards his room to change.
"As you wish," he says behind you, unconcerned.
A sharp pain settles in your chest and you try to control yourself, not wanting to overthink things, even though you are already doing so.
With the sadness inside you, taking your time, you change and improve your appearance just a little. Normally you would have taken a shower here too but now you don't want to do any of that. You just want to go home.
You're barely finishing putting on your pants when you see him appear under the door frame with his backpack on his shoulder.
"Hey," he says to you in a surprisingly soft tone compared to a few seconds ago, "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"
"Huh?" you look at him confused and attentive.
"Do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?"
You think about it for a moment, not expecting his question.
"Hum... no, not yet. In the night it's just the hanging out with the guys."
"Yeah, I know. But I thought we could do something the two of us before we go meet them."
And then, again that little hope appears and every ugly feeling from before is replaced.
My birthday.
You think instantly, feeling hopeful and excited. Surely he has a surprise for you and everything you were thinking before about his attitude and behavior, surely it's just because he has a lot to do regarding his classes and it really has nothing to do with you.
"Like what?"
He puts on a small half smile.
"Just be ready at six. I'll call you and pick you up."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, sure," you nod, smiling softly.
"Okay," he murmurs, "I'll see you later, then."
"Yeah. Drive safe."
He leaves and eventually so do you, it being a common routine where you know how to secure the door to his apartment when you're the last to leave.
Despite attending to your classes and work, you couldn't help but think of a thousand ways and things to do where Aemond will probably surprise you.
You didn't talk to him for the rest of the day. You texted him once you got to your residence and your day was almost over but he didn't respond.
Then you took a shower, finished some chores and watched a new episode of the show you are currently watching. Every once in a while you couldn't help but check your phone to see if you got a message from him or if he called you, but nothing.
Until eventually you fell asleep.
And the next morning, when you wake up, it's your birthday.
You get lots of messages and congratulations from your friends. Sara tags you on many Instagram stories wishing you a happy birthday. Other of your classmates also congratulate you and you spend part of the morning smiling and replying messages.
You FaceTime with your parents and family members you haven't seen in months. Even though the vacations are fast approaching, you've already made plans with Aemond to stay with him.
You receive more congratulations from cousins, aunts and uncles, you also talk to your grandparents and answer more messages from your friends.
Until you look for a specific person, there is nothing. Aemond hasn't texted or called you. The message you sent him yesterday he hasn't even seen it and that seems weird to you.
But the day is just starting so there is still plenty of time.
You also remember that he has something prepared for you this afternoon, so you look forward to whatever it will be. You know he will text or call you later.
You get ready and choose an outfit that makes it clear that this is your special day. You do waves in your hair and make your makeup a little more bold. Finally you apply lip gloss and head to campus.
You meet your classmates, they give you their best wishes, your professors also congratulate you on your birthday and your day is potentially going great.
Still, the hours pass and Aemond still hasn't contacted you.
That seems weird to you. But it's still early. So you follow the corresponding schedule of your classes and keep your mind busy for a couple more hours.
You finally get an hour's break and take a seat at one of the tables outside in one of the many gardens on campus. You pick up your phone and frown when you see that Aemond still hasn't texted you.
Confused, and just to put your mind at ease, you decide to text him yourself, asking if he's okay. But the messages don't reach him, confusing you and drawing your attention even more.
Either he has no signal wherever he is or his phone is turned off, which is very weird.
You tell yourself that surely he must be busy and will call you soon. You mean... he has to, right? It's your birthday and he has a plan for the two of you in a few more hours.
At that moment, you run into Jason, Cregan and Sara, who lock you in a tight group hug, congratulating you on your birthday and making a bit of a fuss.
"How's the birthday girl doing?" Jason asks you, smiling.
"Great," you assure him.
"Did you get any presents?" asks Sara.
"Mmm… yes, from some classmates," you reply with a small soft smile, "My mom also send a video with my little brothers. We promised to celebrate when I see them on vacation," you pause for a moment, hesitating if you should ask what's really on your mind.
But finally, you decide to do it in the most casual way possible.
"Oh and... have either of you seen Aemond?"
"I haven't," says Sara.
"I called him but sent me straight to mailbox," says Cregan.
"I think I saw him heading toward that building," Jason points out, "About two hours ago."
So he did come to class.
That's what your mind immediately thinks. But you don't understand what's going on with his phone.
"Yet he said he's going to the pub later," Cregan says.
"Yeah, that's where the whole group will finally be together," agrees Sara cheerfully.
Well, at least you know he's okay. And if he doesn't text or call you, you're sure he'll pick you up at your dorm like he said he would.
You linger for a few more moments chatting with the guys until eventually everyone heads off to their next class, hours pass and you finally finish your classes.
You quickly head to your residence to touch up your makeup and put on another outfit. You have exactly half an hour until six o'clock and Aemond arrives.
You put on your playlist of the moment and undecidedly start looking at all the outfits that are for the whole occasion. You don't know where Aemond will take you so you want to be prepared in case of anything.
You also make sure of your lingerie.
You recently bought a couple of new outfits and now seems like the time to break in a new one.
With Aemond it's almost a law that you'll both find the time wherever it is to obviously do... that. He's insatiable and goes crazy over every new outfit you put on and you really want to surprise him.
You finally finish getting ready and look at the time on your phone, it's exactly six o'clock. And excited, you wait for him.
Usually Aemond is very punctual. The time he says he will arrive, he arrives exactly at that time. But ten long, eternal minutes go by and he doesn't show up. And that really seems very weird to you.
Then fifteen, twenty minutes and he still doesn't show up.
If something got in his way, he would usually let you know. But you don't get a text or a call from him. So you decide to call him yourself.
Finally the call comes in and you wait for him to answer, relieved that his phone has a signal or is on, whatever happened. But he doesn't answer.
You call again, nothing. And again, nothing. Bewildered, you text him, telling him you're waiting for him. But nothing, he doesn't answer, doesn't tell you anything, doesn't even read them.
You start anxiously moving your foot up and down and call him a couple more times, but he doesn't answer. And that's what happens for over an hour, waiting for him to call you or say something, anything, but nothing.
Feelings of disappointment, sadness and anger wash over you. You plop down on your bed and continue to stare at your phone waiting for something, anything, with a bitter look on your face. But, again and as lately, nothing.
He hasn't even said happy birthday. He hasn't said anything at all. And the plan for both of you, completely forgotten.
When then, a terrible realization begins to dawn on you.
He maybe...?
No.
You immediately say to yourself, in denial.
He hasn't forgotten your birthday. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that to you. He couldn't.
Frustrated, you let out a long breath as the thought begins to creep deeper and deeper into your mind. Not leaving you alone and wanting to convince you that's exactly what happened. Or else he would have responded to your message from this morning and you both would be together right now.
But you tell yourself that maybe something happened. Something he didn't plan for. Maybe something important and he can't communicate it now, but eventually he will.
You're sure he wouldn't do something like this to you, so it must be something unexpected and important.
You chase away all the negative things you're thinking and think about Cregan saying he's going to the pub anyway. You know that right there he'll give you an explanation and make it up to you, you're pretty sure.
So you wait for the time you agreed to show up at the pub with Sara, all the time still hoping to hear something from Aemond, anything. But nothing.
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Finally he arrives.
His arrival completely steals your attention. You watch as he enters the pub with a completely disinterested and... resigned look on his face. As if he doesn't really want to be here.
This gets your attention even more but in front of the others, you hide it and don't immediately approach him, as if you haven't been waiting for him all this time.
Jason and Cregan literally rush towards him, while you sit there talking to Sara and your other classmates continue to talk and drink.
Sara is talking but you're not really listening to her, as out of the corner of your eye you watch him, talking to the guys with a tense posture and a somewhat irritated look on his face.
And after a few minutes, the guys practically drag him over to the table where you are, cheering him on.
The three of them take a seat, he specifically in front of you and all he does is give you and Sara a slight nod of his head in greeting and... that's it.
And that's the point where you finally don't understand anything.
He hasn't even said happy birthday to you. Nor does he give you the signal to both speak privately. He doesn't even seem to have your numerous missed calls and messages you left him in mind.
What's wrong with him?
He's looking all around, until the moment comes when, of course, he takes his lighter and his cigarette and doesn't even glance at you. He doesn't join in the conversation either. He doesn't really do anything.
And you start looking for the perfect opportunity to approach him and ask him to explain himself.
And you think it finally comes when he gets up and says he's going to get a drink, heading with dispassionate movements towards the bar.
But the bar is in plain sight and your drink is still full. So you start taking quick sips to finish it without drawing attention to yourself. Still, you watch him and are more confused when you see him with his back to you typing on his phone, waiting for his drink.
There's no way he hasn't noticed the numerous messages you've left him.
You don't understand why he hasn't spoken to you all day and why he seems to be ignoring you. You just don't understand anything.
And just as you're about to get up to go with him, he returns with drink in hand and a seriousness in his eyes that you haven't seen for a long time. So you last a long time at the table, talking to the guys, waiting for the opportunity that keeps not coming as time goes by.
You also talk to your classmates at the other table and from time to time you watch him, if not all the time, wanting him to look back at you but nothing.
He seems distracted, serious and irritated. Everything about him you can see and notice.
When suddenly he stands up without a word and you watch intently as he heads for the restroom.
The perfect opportunity.
From the tables where everyone is sitting, they can't see the small hallway leading to the restrooms. So you let a few small seconds pass, act all normal and casual, and finally get up and tell Sara that you will go to the restroom and will be back in a moment.
You do everything normal, although you don't really do anything inside the restroom, except stand at the entrance and listen attentively for the moment when the men's restrooms door opens so you can go out and bump into him.
And that's what you do the moment you hear the door open, hoping it's him and not someone else.
And to your good fortune, it's him. And he watches you the instant your figure appears in front of him, both of you stopping your steps.
"Hey," you say a little uncertainly, looking at him slightly confused and with nervousness creeping over you.
And he speaks to you with the most disinterested and cold tone he has ever addressed you with. His gaze cold and distant.
"Hey."
This confuses you even more and you decide to get to the point directly, needing to know what's wrong with him.
"Are you okay?"
He frowns, as if your question is absurd.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well... I haven't heard from you all day. I called you many times and left you several messages, but you didn't get back to me."
Aemond raises an eyebrow, as if he doesn't understand what you're saying and starts pulling his phone out of his pocket, seemingly unconcerned.
"You did?"
"Yes," you say, feeling more lost than ever, "I wait for you."
"For what?"
You stare at him incredulously and with all the bewilderment in your gaze, parting your lips.
"For what?" you repeat, not understanding, "Yesterday you said you'd pick me up at six. You didn't tell me where we were going and so I kept calling and texting you but you never answered. You didn't even let me know you weren't coming," you say looking at him confused, "Something happened or... you forgot?"
The change in his gaze is subtle, but you can see it. Something inside him softens, watching you silently, with realization. And upon seeing your gaze, he averts his gaze full of resignation as he takes a deep breath and runs a hand over his face.
"Fuck," he mutters.
And you watch him the whole time, clearly waiting for an explanation.
"Sorry," he finally says, watching you and his voice deepens, "I forgot. I was busy."
You blink, watching him sadly and uncomprehendingly, frowning at him.
"You forgot?" you repeat in a mumble, shaking your head and shrugging.
"It wasn't intentional," he tells you in a more serious tone, "I was busy and I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you later, okay?"
But something in his words doesn't convince you, and you continue to stare at him with that look that begs for deeper answers.
"But why would you forget? Where were you?"
"I already told you I was busy."
"Yes but you were the one who told me that—
"I know," he cuts you off sharply, "And I forgot because, for the fourth time, I was busy. Now stop making a big deal out of it and stop whining like a little girl."
Pain flashes across your face as you take a step back, bewildered and surprised.
He has never spoken to you this way before. Nor has he ever behaved with you the way he is behaving now. You just don't understand. But then... again that thought comes to your mind as you watch him with your parted lips.
The realization comes and hits you to make you see the reality. And you watch it sadder and more confused than before.
"You don't even know what today is? Did you forget too?" you ask him with your voice cracking in disappointment and disbelief, "I-I... I just... I just wanted to know if you were okay and where you were. And I don't think it's fair that—
"Look," he says, interrupting you with a coldness and a look full of annoyance, "Just because we slept together doesn't mean you're my girlfriend Y/N, because you're not. Let's make it fucking clear to you once and for all and stop thinking you have the right to demand explanations from me that I don't have to give you. You're just a convenient fuck and that's all, do you understand?"
His words fall like a weight on your chest and everything around you seems to stop. Your breath catches and your throat closes as you stand there, not knowing what to do and unable to believe what you just heard.
You can't believe he, he, said that.
Not the Aemond who looked at you with that intensity that seemed to promise more, who always found a way to make you feel special, even if it was in the privacy of bed or in the shadows of your moments together.
But here he is, looking at you coldly and honestly, also with some annoyance, as if you were just another problem he doesn't need to solve, but to get rid of. And really meaning every word he says.
You don't say anything. You just can't. The lump in your throat makes it impossible for you to speak and tears burn in your eyes, threatening to fall.
You try to stand firm, but every second that passes is a struggle not to break down in front of him. When then, you hear Sara's voice.
"There you are!"
She exclaims, approaching with a huge smile.
"What are you doing? We're waiting for you. It's time to sing happy birthday."
You don't see it but the confusion in Aemond's eye appears when Sara mentions the word birthday.
And you nod, biting the inside of your cheek, instantly pretending that everything is perfectly fine and you weren't heartbroken just a few seconds ago.
You swallow hard, controlling yourself.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."
She takes your arm and leads you along with her towards the table with the candle-decorated cake that all your friends together have bought for you.
Sara also makes sure to place your gifts around for pictures while you take a seat in the middle in full view of everyone and continue to hold your ground.
Aemond eventually approaches the table as well, you feel his closeness without even looking him, at the same time as everyone starts singing for you.
The room is filled with laughter and voices, with the hubbub of your friends singing a rousing and somewhat off-key version of 'happy birthday'. Sara is at your side, smiling radiantly, as the others raise their glasses, animated and happy.
And you... you smile too.
A wide, almost perfect smile that seems to fit the scene. But inside, you feel how every second that passes is like a knife pressing against your heart. An uncomfortable knot forms in your chest as you struggle to keep your composure.
Don't cry. Don't cry now.
You repeat yourself over and over, forcing yourself to keep up the facade. You know your friends are here for you, that they really want to see you happy, but all you can think about are Aemond's words and how he reduced you to something insignificant.
Your hands are tense, clenching the edges of the table as if that will keep you on your feet.
Your jaw aches from pretending so much, from holding back the tears that burn in your eyes. But, fortunately, you're doing a good job and no one notices.
However, you don't know it either but Aemond does.
He has come close enough to see your face. And although at first glance you look radiant, he knows you too well and something in your smile, in your eyes, tells him the truth and that smile is not real.
You don't see it, but you feel his gaze on you, so intense. As he purses his lips and continues to watch the scene, remorse hitting him with a force he didn't expect.
The last chords of the song echo as everyone applauds, cheering and encouraging you to blow out the candles. You take a breath, blinking rapidly to clear any sign of your emotions.
"Go on, make a wish, birthday girl," Sara tells you excitedly.
You lean into the cake, closing your eyes.
Your mind, treacherously, can't help but return to Aemond's words, again feeling the urge to cry. And yet, you make an effort to push those thoughts to the back of your mind, at least for now.
And finally, you blow out the candles.
Applause fills the space again, and you smile as everyone begins to surround you, offering hugs and warm words. When your gaze inevitably meets his.
He's still there, standing a little apart, watching you with a mixture of guilt and something else you can't quite decipher. He doesn't even try to come closer and you're grateful for that, because it's the smartest thing he can do now.
You look away from him and continue to thank them, doing the best thing you know how to do: pretend.
You laugh lightly at a comment from Sara, accept another hug, and even allow someone to smear a bit of frosting from the cake on your nose.
It all seems so normal, so perfect, but you know it's not.
Aemond is still there, motionless, watching you. And even though you try to ignore him, you can feel his gaze burning into you. He knows he has crossed a boundary tonight. He knows he's hurt you and you're like this because of him.
"Happy birthday, Y/N."
One of your classmates says to you as he hugs you. Then someone else hugs you and says the same thing, then another person and another.
But the voice you most longed to hear saying those words to you is absent and the emptiness it leaves weighs heavier than you'd like to admit.
But one thing is guaranteed and that is that you're fucking done.
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After your birthday celebration, you went home earlier than you normally would have stayed to celebrate. But you just couldn't pretend anymore.
Aemond is the one who always takes people who live near him with him in his car. But this time it was Sara who did you the favor after telling her that you appreciated everyone's great gesture for celebrating your day but you weren't feeling well.
You received a couple of texts from him during the ride. Messages you decided not to read or you would end up crying with Sara in her car. So you stood your ground and made a promise to yourself that you wouldn't cry for him once you got to your dorm.
Obviously, you failed.
As soon as you finished taking off your clothes to put on your pajamas and started removing your makeup, inevitably the first tears started to fall. And then, you were a complete mess.
You weren't helped by the fact that his texts kept coming. And you had an idea what they were saying, so the very pain and bitterness deep inside you made you strong enough to not read anything, turn off your phone and go to bed to sleep.
But clearly nothing ended there.
You expected that he would later try to talk to you, no matter what.
So you did what you had never done before when it was about him and what he sometimes did when it was about you; you sent him straight to voicemail and didn't respond to any of his texts for days.
Y/N, please.
I didn't fucking mean it.
I'm sorry.
Can I talk to you?
Call me as soon as you can.
I know you're mad at me but I needed to talk to you, please.
That and more similar texts is what you've been getting these past few days. Days in which you have fortunately managed to avoid him on campus. And not just him, your other friends too or else he'll intercept you with them and you won't have a subtle escape.
And you don't want that.
You don't want to be weak enough in front of him to listen to his justifications and forgive him so easily. What he did to you, what he said to you… is not worthy of forgiveness.
You never realized before how insignificant you are to him and how he truly sees you. You are not even a little bit special than you considered him to you.
But that what happened, it broke your heart but it has also opened your eyes. You know you won't be able to hide forever. You also know that eventually meeting Aemond either alone or with people would be inevitable.
Besides, your friends were already starting to notice it weird that they didn't see you around, so you meet up with them in the usual campus gardens and act completely normal.
When Aemond also joins shortly after.
Everyone greets him as normal when he arrives and he greets them back with his usual nonchalant and serious attitude. However, you don't greet him. You don't even look at him.
You take the opportunity to do one of your homework right there, participating in the conversation from time to time but without being involved, just accompanying them and nothing more.
He takes a seat in front of you, where you instantly feel his piercing, burning gaze. You feel him silently begging you to look at him, to give him a chance to talk, to not ignore him anymore. But that's what you do, you ignore him.
“And how are your vacation plans going?” asks Cregan.
Inevitably, you tense up at the question. And the memories come back.
“Come with me.”
“Where to?”
“To Dragonstone.”
You press your lips together and more purposefully pretend to be completely immersed in your homework, when the truth is you hear the entire conversation.
“Where are you going?” he asks Jason.
“Sunspear, with my whole family.”
“And you?”
“I'm going home, Winterfell,” Sara replies.
“Winterfell?” repeats Cregan confused, “ You didn't say you were going to the beach?”
“Nope. I'll relax in the cabins with hot tubs,” she says with a smug grin, “How about you?”
“I'll go to the beach, definitely. I'm thinking Runestone.”
They go on to talk about their plans, places and so on. When they ask Aemond and you particularly pay more attention to that.
“You haven't changed your plans? You're going to Dragonstone?”
And his quiet, soft, nonchalant voice is not long in coming.
“Yes.”
And you continue to pretend. Pretending that you're not listening, that it's not a big deal, and that you secretly didn't have the same plan to go with him. And you're so immersed in it, you didn't think about the fact that eventually you'd also be asked the same question.
“What about you, Y/N? You said you had plans too.”
Shit.
You try to look like the question hasn't caught you off guard. And you quickly compose yourself. You raise your gaze to them, all but him, and speak with a nonchalant attitude and tone.
“Actually… no,” you place a soft smile, ”I'm going to stay here.”
“Oh really?”
“And why is that?”
Everyone looks at you in surprise and bewilderment. But, specifically, a burning, piercing eye watches you with more intensity than before and with a annoyance you can feel through your skin. Betrayal and pain, even. And honestly, it bothers you, too.
What was he expecting after what happened?
You try not to let it affect you, pretend he's not even here. And you deliberately ignore him.
“Maybe I'll visit my mom for a week or two,” you explain calmly, “But I'll stay most of the time here. And that's okay. It's no big deal.”
The guys give you their opinion and invite you to spend the vacations with them, somehow not wanting to leave you behind. But you turn them down politely, thanking them for their concern and saying that what you want is some time to yourself. And they understand.
And then, Aegon appears.
His entrance is, as always, loud and carefree. He wears a wide grin and a mocking twinkle in his eye as he greets everyone.
“Ah, look at this boring group alone,” he says, plopping his body down next to you on the grass.
Everyone waves at him, even you.
“What are you guys talking about?”
“The vacations.”
“Oh yeah, I can't wait. I need a break from all this,” he says as he lets out an exaggerated sigh and everyone in the group watches him with raised eyebrows.
“You? A break?” Sara asks him.
“Sure,” he shrugs, ”I'm a student too.”
“You've been drinking and going to parties every day,” Jason tells him amused, “What break are you talking about exactly?”
Everyone in the group laughs, even you, except him.
Aegon tries to justify himself, but even he knows he's a mess. When suddenly, his gaze fixes on you, raising an eyebrow and placing a smirk as if something has suddenly crossed his mind.
“Hey, Y/N,” he nudges you lightly with his shoulder, ”it was your birthday, right?”
You bite the inside of your cheek and nod with a small smile, trying to keep your composure.
“Why didn't you invite me?” he asks, feigning indignation.
Cregan scoffs.
“I invited you, you idiot.”
“Oh, right, right,” Aegon replies with a carefree laugh, ”I'm sorry I didn't go. I had another little party. Aemond was there too, wasn't he, little brother?”
Aemond's silence is immediate and deafening. He says nothing, and that makes the atmosphere suddenly heavy, for you.
And something inside you twists. And you look down at your notebook, trying to control your emotions and everything you're thinking. But you can't.
A party. He was at a party, on your birthday.
“And how was that party?” asks Cregan.
“Oh, fun, as always,” Aegon replies with a light tone. “They were our childhood friends, the Baratheons, the Tyrells, the Martells, and the Lannisters.”
Your heart stops for an instant.
Lannister.
That last name weighs on your mind like a rock.
“Yeah, it was really fun,” Aegon continues with a smile, “Even Aemond had a good time.”
The sound of his scandalous laughter fills the air, but is suddenly interrupted by Aemond's cold, cutting voice.
“Shut the fuck up.”
The elder only shrugs with a smirk and raises both hands in surrender.
“Oh, fucking spare me. You know how it is with him,” he says while at the same time starting to get up, ”First he's fine and then suddenly he turns into fucking Maleficent, like at that party.”
He waves a lazy goodbye as the guys wave goodbye to him. And you get caught up in his words.
Even Aemond had a good time.
Now you understand. He forgot your birthday because he was with them, with Cerelle.
A pang of pain runs through your chest at the thought of what that implies, of what probably happened between the two of them.
And whatever it was, it didn't end well, because afterwards he went to the pub and he was so distant, so quiet, so cold and so upset that that's why he said those ugly words to you and treated you the way he treated you.
Otherwise, he would have stayed with her and you wouldn't have seen him on your birthday.
Still, the betrayal in your chest is palpable and growing bigger. He still showed up, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't forgotten you on your fucking birthday.
You press your lips together, trying to hold back the tears. You won't give him the pleasure of seeing you break. Not now, not here. Least of all when you feel his gaze on you, his gaze intent, fixed and more insistently on you now that you know.
With a new bitterness settling in your chest, you refuse to give him what he seeks. You keep your eyes anywhere but on him, resisting the storm of emotions that threatens to overflow inside you.
A few long minutes pass with the guys making any topic of conversation and that stare starts to bother you more and more, so you decide you've had enough and start putting away all your books and notebooks.
“I have to go now. I can't be late for my next class,” you let them know as you get up with all your stuff, ”I'll see you guys later, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Sure.”
“See ya.”
You settle your backpack on your shoulder and with your phone in hand, you start walking away from them towards your corresponding building.
And as you walk away, a notification comes to your phone, followed by another. You stare at the screen and your breath catches for a moment, reading the texts, from him.
Are you fucking serious?
How long are you going to keep this shit up?
You scoff, shaking your head slightly. You don't even open the chat to let him know you've read it. And in fact, with a bitter look on your face and a new hurt feeling, you block him.
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The first week of vacation, you went to visit your Mom in Highgarden.
It wasn't a difficult decision because you knew a few days away from Kings Landing would do you good. And being with your Mom and younger brothers you knew it would be just enough to keep you busy and spend time with all of them.
Sara sent you pictures and videos of her time in the mountains of Winterfell, enjoying big cozy cabins and fancy hot tubs.
For a moment you regretted turning down her invitation, but as you laughed and played with your brothers, you were happy to be with them after so many months without seeing them.
You also sent him pictures of your home, the lake in the garden, flowers and the big woods, as well as selfies of you and your brothers. Through the group chat, Cregan and Jason also sent pictures of their vacations, both of them at the beach and tanning.
One thing you noticed, inevitably, was the absence of Aemond.
He usually doesn't send messages or pictures of what he's doing. But you assumed he would when he was in Dragonstone, maybe even a picture or two. But nothing. Complete silence. Just like you.
You blocked him from social media too. He has no way of knowing what you're doing and where, just as you have no way of knowing about him. And it was a kind of relief you hadn't experienced about him before. It was good to breathe and not be on the lookout to recognize red hair near him.
And the more it made you realize how much better off you are without getting involved with him.
In fact, you stayed home for more than two weeks. You couldn't help it after your brothers asked you to stay with them longer. Until you finally let Sara know you were going back to Kings Landing the next day.
It wasn't a hard goodbye, but your Mom and brothers were sad. You promised to come back, like you do every year on the next vacation. And finally you get on that plane.
It's not a long trip, thankfully. And when you land, surprisingly it's raining. The weather is cloudy, cold and perfect for welcoming you in to watch movies curled up in your bed.
So you order an Uber and soon you're on your way to your residence, letting Sara know of your movements at all times, just as she keeps bragging to you about her days in those comfy cabins.
As you arrive, the rain is still pouring down and you run towards the doors with your suitcase in one hand and the other protecting your head, even though you are already partially wet.
You enter the building, shaking off the water, and climb to the second floor. With your keys already in hand, you start thinking about what you're going to have for dinner and what movie will be the first of your marathon.
But then, you notice something.
Or rather, someone.
In front of your door, sitting on the floor with his head slightly tilted down, there is someone. Surprise forces you to slow your steps and your breathing quickens slightly as you recognize him, even before he looks up.
Aemond.
He turns his head towards you and his one visible eye meets yours. His expression is a strange mix between seriousness and something else… something softer, more vulnerable.
His lips are pressed together and the raindrops that surely reached him glisten on the ends of his hair. For a moment, you stand frozen in the hallway, not knowing what to say or do, with the sound of the rain out there filling the silence between the two of you.
You don't know exactly how long it takes, that you swallow hard and finally speak, taking a couple of cautious steps towards him.
“Aemond?”
He doesn't say anything. He makes what appears to be a defeated gesture and rises from the ground, letting you see his profile straight ahead. He has the same look as before, with his hoddie's cap pulled up over his hair and he leans against the hallway wall behind him, looking at you and nothing else.
You shake your head, not understanding.
“What are you doing here?”
You ask him in surprise and confusion. And inevitably, seeing his state, you shouldn't but begin to worry about him. Has something bad happened to him?
“You didn't go to Dragonstone?” you ask him later as you remember, feeling more confused than before.
What is he doing here instead of enjoying his vacation at his family's huge, luxurious beachside mansion?
And he finally speaks in his low, soft tone.
“No.”
You frown, only with his answer creating more questions in your mind.
“And what are you doing here? How did you know I was coming back today?”
“I asked Sara.”
You part your lips, confused.
“Why would she tell you that?”
“You blocked me from everywhere, Y/N,” he tells you in a low, obvious tone, as if he had no choice.
Confusion and anger slowly begins to creep up on you. But you know you can't be upset with Sara, not with her. None of the boys know what you had with Aemond, they didn't even suspect it then and they certainly won't now.
Surely she saw it as a casual question, something insignificant, as if he had asked her about anyone else. So you can't be bothered. However, you begin to feel the awkwardness, as well as the slight sense of betrayal in your chest. And the bitterness.
“You haven't told me what you're doing here.”
“I need to talk to you,” he says, taking a step toward you.
“About what?” you ask him instantly, confused and with a defensive tone, clearly annoyed.
Everything you have done regarding him, blocking him, not speaking to him anymore and walking away, is more than enough to make him understand that you no longer want to have anything to do with him.
And you know he understands that, so why is his need to keep doing this? Asking for you and looking for you?
You are sick of this situation.
And Aemond, noticing this, your look, which you've never given him before, before your birthday, is not something he's used to. Neither is your tone of voice and the distance you keep from him, when before you always wanted to be near him, almost all the time.
He feels more guilty and like an idiot than ever.
He lowers his gaze, trying to find a way not to keep fucking this up, to be able to talk to you, to let him into your life again. Then, just like he used to be with you when it was just the two of you, he drops his strong walls and for the first time, he comes across in the most honest and sincere way to you.
“I miss you.”
Your body immediately tenses as you hear those two words come out of his mouth. His voice, lower and laden with a sincerity you didn't expect, cuts your breath for a moment.
Your first impulse is to want to laugh, not out of amusement, but as a bitter, incredulous reaction.
And without saying anything, you watch him seriously, waiting for him to say something else, something that would make sense of his presence here, in the rain, in front of your door. But he doesn't.
He just watches you, his shoulders slightly down, and that vulnerability that he rarely lets show in him.
And seeing that you don't react, that you're still watching him even in that way, in that way he's not used to, when before it was a tender and loving look, now there's none of that… he hates it.
So he hurries to speak again, to explain himself, to make you understand.
“I know I fucked up. I didn't mean to tell you all that on your birthday. You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. I was an idiot,” he says, ”But I miss you and that's why I'm here.”
You shake your head slightly, watching him earnestly and attentively, while at the same time folding your arms, in an attempt to protect yourself from the wave of emotions that threatens to attack you.
He looks at you pleadingly and you look at him serious, disinterested, with the distance marked and the bitterness still inside you.
“That's it?”
His face contracts slightly in frustration.
“Y/N—
“If that's all, you can go,” you interrupt him, quickly pushing past him with your suitcase in hand and trying to get into your dorm room as fast as you can to leave him behind.
But you knew you wouldn't make it.
His hand immediately takes you gently but firmly by your arm, stopping you and turning you back to him so he can see your face and speak to you.
“No, that's not all,” he tells you instantly, “I-I… I want things to go back to the way they used to be.”
“And how were things between the two of us before exactly?” you inquire, taking a decisive step toward him, “You want to go back to the whole ‘no strings attached’ thing? To seeing each other in secret and me still just being your convenient fuck and nothing else? That's what you want?”
Your tone is a poison dart, and you see him recoil, as if your every word burns him. His jaw tenses, but he doesn't say anything right away.
“Say it, “you challenge him, taking a step closer, your eyes boring into his, ”Tell me it wasn't just that. Tell me it wasn't just… that I wasn't just—
Your voice cracks, and you hate that it does. Because even though you're upset, even though you want to stay strong, it's too much. He still affects you even more intensely than he did before.
He looks at you, his lips parted, as the rain continues to fall outside.
“That's what I thought,” you whisper at last, releasing yourself from his grip.
You hold the keys more firmly in your hand, avoiding shaking, to insert it into the lock of your door. But he, not wanting it to end like this, stops you.
“You never said anything. You seemed fine with all of it. Now why the sudden change?”
You close your eyes tightly, no longer able to hold back the tears in your eyes. The bitterness, the sadness, the pain, the betrayal, everything stirs inside you. It hurts you and there seems to be no end to it, because again you turn to face him.
And seeing the tears threatening to run down your cheeks, something in his gaze softens, not expecting to see you like this.
“Are you fucking serious?” you say to him almost in a whisper in a shaky, bitter voice, “After what you did, what you said, how do you expect me to be okay to keep being with you?”
He lets out a long breath.
“Y/N… you weren't just that. You never were. And I… I was upset that day. And I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I know that. But I promise you weren't just that to me.”
You shake your head, not believing his words for a second. Not anymore.
“The thing here is, your words don't mean anything to me anymore.”
He takes a step toward you.
“I didn't mean to… I didn't think that—
“That's the problem, Aemond, you never think of anyone but yourself,” you interrupt him in a harsh, annoyed voice, ”Everything is always about what you want, what's convenient for you.”
He shakes his head.
“That's not true—
“Of course it is,” you take a shaky breath and your words coming out softer, but no less sharp, “ And even now, after all, you don't understand how much you meant to me. Because I didn't matter to you, ever.”
No matter how many times he tells you that it was not so, you will not believe him, because he did not necessarily prove to you before something that can prove his words. There are no facts, there is nothing.
And that same bitterness, makes you finally be brave, speak up, get it off your chest. So you don't let him talk so you can get it over with once and for all.
“You know what happened?” you ask, ”I got feelings. That's what happened.”
And there it is. You've said it.
Those words you never said long ago so as not to scare him away from you, how you knew it would happen, without putting you and what you felt first. But still, without having said it before, you ended up with a broken heart.
The weight of your words falls between the two of you like an invisible wall, so palpable you can almost touch it. Aemond seems to freeze, his eyes anchored on yours.
“That's why things can't go back to the way they were, because, of course, that's not what you want. What you want is an idiot who is at your beck and call whenever and however you want her to be.”
Your words hit him unexpectedly.
And the change in his expression is immediate. All the vulnerability he had shown disappears from his face.
And once again you are in front of the Aemond everyone knows; the cold, distant, serious and inexpressive Aemond. His gaze, once pleading and remorseful, becomes hard and distant.
His jaw visibly tenses and you notice how his shoulders square, adopting that defensive posture you know so well.
“Don't say that,” his voice comes out low, strained. “It wasn't like that.”
“It wasn't?” you inquire, pursing your lips, ”You said I was just a convenient fuck. I'm sure you can find someone else, then.”
Every word comes like poison from your lips, and though it pains you to say them, you know they're true. You see it in the way his face contorts slightly, as if your words have hit him where it hurts the most.
But he maintains that typical attitude of his, that mask of indifference he has perfected over the years.
You wait for him to contradict you, to deny it, to try to justify it. But nothing. He says nothing. He just stands there, staring at you seriously, jaw clenched and looking like he's having an internal fight, struggling against his thoughts, not knowing what to do or what to say.
And you again press your lips together, having enough of this.
”Get out.”
And he finally reacts, lowering his gaze and letting out a deep sigh, pursing his lips and looking at you again with a serious look.
“I can't give you what you want, Y/N.”
“But you do want me to give you what you want,” you say firmly and curtly, “Because Cerelle didn't, right?”
The words are out of your mouth before you can think about what you're going to say. But there it is, you've said it too.
His lips part, his whole body tenses, watching you in surprise and mild confusion, definitely not expecting that from you. And there, you leave him speechless, trying to understand how it is that you know about her.
And although for a second you look unsure about what you've said and regretful, you also decide that you're not going to keep quiet about it any longer. And you continue, with bitterness in your eyes and in your tone of voice.
“You forgot my birthday, because of her,” you say, each word like a dagger, ”You were late because you were with her.”
“How do you know about her?” he asks you instantly, his voice like ice.
You swallow hard softly, holding his gaze despite the pain it causes you.
Of course he would ask you that.
“I noticed something between you, when she went to the same parties as us,” you reply, “The way you looked at her, how your mood changed when she appeared and when you both disappeared,” you say with those moments replaying in your mind, still so present, “And then Aegon, drunk as usual, told me a few things.”
“What did he tell you?” he again asks you instantly, serious and thoughtful.
The rigidity in his body, the tension, is more evident now, as is the vulnerability and sadness in you as you talk about her. And you avert your gaze, with every word coming out of your mouth aching, but needing to say it all.
“That the two of you had a thing. That you're in love with her, but she's not in love with you.”
The muscle in his jaw tenses so tight you fear he'll break his teeth, his breathing grows heavier, and for a moment, you see a flash of raw pain in his eyes before the mask of coldness falls back into place.
“The worst part is that I've known that for a while now,” you continue, your voice cracking slightly despite your best efforts, ”I kept hoping I meant more to you than just your way of filling that void.”
For a moment, your mask of coldness cracks. But only for a moment. And you see a glimmer, of something deeper in her gaze. Guilt? Remorse?
But just as it appears, it vanishes. You notice how his hands open and close at his sides, a nervous gesture he rarely displays. His gaze again seems to search for something on the floor, before meeting your gaze again.
And when he finally speaks, his voice comes out lower, more controlled, as if each word is carefully measured.
“That was never my intention.”
It's almost as if the words hurt as they come out, as if a part of him wants to say more but doesn't know how. And you scoff, incredulous.
“Sure, you didn't mean to treat me as your second option and break my heart with every cold, disinterested attitude every time she came back to break yours?”
The silence that follows is heavy, laden with all the unsaid things between you.
“I can't give you what you want,” he repeats resignedly, watching you seriously.
“Then leave.”
“Y/N—
“No,” you interrupt him instantly, stepping back instinctively, ”I'm done here. I'm done with you. So leave. Don't come looking for me, ever again, do you understand? I don't want anything to do with you anymore.”
You are clear in your words. You're not playing games. You're not hesitating for a second. And you're being terribly honest.
Something snaps inside you, but there's also something starting to break free. There's no turning back now and you both know it, because this time, finally, you chose to put yourself first.
So you walk into your dorm room, while he stands in the middle of the hallway, not saying or doing anything else. And then you close the door.
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AEMOND POV
There is something off… in the way you are no longer around.
It shows in the small details, the way you slowly disappeared from his life. In the way a message with your name no longer appears on his phone, nor a call.
In the way he was unconsciously so used to visiting you in your dorm or your going to his apartment. The way you used to fall asleep next to him in his big bed. The way you would make breakfast for the two of you before you went to class.
The way you both exchanged subtle glances when you were in a group with the guys or at parties. The way in secret encounters, stolen kisses in the shadows and passionate moments in his bedroom.
But there was also the way you always waited for him.
That's a thought that hits him with the force of a delayed revelation, something his own selfishness kept him from seeing before.
When he would ignore your texts or calls, when he wouldn't meet you, when he would cancel plans at the last minute, when he would disappear for days and barely be around, for her… for Cerelle.
Even on his bad days, after every fight with her, he would come back and there you were, without protest or asking for explanations. And then it was back to the usual routine; all secret. And casual.
He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath. He looks at the clock on his nightstand; midnight. He can't sleep. His mind keeps him awake, because all he can think about, is you.
Since the day of your birthday, specifically, you've tormented his mind. Ever since he knew he fucked up, ever since you stopped answering his texts, calls, to ignoring him even when he was in front of you and leaving him behind, you haven't stopped rolling around in his mind.
He was supposed to be right now in Dragonstone, enjoying his vacation, like everyone else before the new semester crushes him with new difficulties, responsibilities and pressures.
But he decided not to go, because he couldn't. Because you were supposed to go with him.
He doesn't even want to admit how much that idea excited him. The two of you had made the plan, you were supposed to go with him. But when you canceled, without even telling him directly, it disappointed him in a way he didn't expect.
But he doesn't blame you. He can't. Not after what he did.
He's too proud though, too stubborn to accept it ending like this. He refuses to let you go, even when you've made it perfectly clear that you want nothing more to do with him. He can't help but seek you out, pursue you, unaware of the damage he continues to cause.
That's why he went looking for you. But he had already lost you, for a while now.
And he misses you. By the Gods, how he misses you.
He took you for granted, thinking you would always be there for him, even with his bad moods and his habit of taking it out on others, like he did on your birthday.
A growl of frustration escapes his throat as he brings a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes tightly.
The memory of that day haunts him like a curse. Not only did he ruin everything between you two, but he did it on your birthday. Your damn birthday that he forgot.
Guilt and regret flood him inside as he lies in his bed. And every memory, every mental image is a reminder of what he has lost because of his own stupidity.
How could he have been so blind? So selfish?
The silence of the night is deafening, interrupted only by the soft ticking of the clock and his own breathing. His eyes burn with exhaustion, but sleep refuses to take him.
Not when your voice echoes in his mind, repeating those words, “I kept waiting to mean more to you than just your way of filling that void.”
Suddenly, the silence is broken by the ringing of his phone. His heart violently flips in his chest, and for a moment, he thinks it might be you. His hands move with almost desperate speed to reach for his phone.
But hope dies quickly when he sees the name on the screen; Cerelle.
He stands completely still, watching the screen light up again and again with her call. And for the first time, something changes inside him. Instead of the usual anxious fluttering in his stomach when he sees her name, instead of that compulsive need to answer immediately, he feels… nothing.
Or maybe not nothing. He feels tiredness. A deep, overwhelming tiredness.
He knows exactly why she's calling. He can picture it perfectly, another fight with Aegon, tears in her voice, needing someone to listen to her, to comfort her. Needing him, not because she really wants him, but because it's convenient.
Because she knows he is always there, waiting like an idiot, ready to pick up the pieces his brother leaves behind.
“It wasn't your intention to treat me like your second choice? To break my heart with every cold, disinterested attitude every time she came back to break yours?”
The irony is not lost on him, he did to you exactly what Cerelle does to him. He used you to fill a void, to not feel so alone, so unloved.
The phone stops ringing, only to start again almost immediately. This time, however, he feels no hesitation. With a decisive move, he turns it off completely, cutting off the call and any chance of further messages.
He drops back onto the bed, his mind inevitably drifting back to you. It's as if he can't help himself, as if all his thoughts have a direct path to your memory.
He sees your face with a clarity that hurts him, the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed, how your nose crinkled slightly when something bothered you, the softness of your cheeks when you blushed, the way your hair fell over your face when you concentrated on something.
Your lips… the way they curved into a smile, how they felt against his, the taste of your kisses. Every detail of you is burned into his memory.
The silence of the night seems to taunt him, reminding him of all the times he could have done things differently, all the opportunities he had to value you as you deserved and wasted thinking of someone else.
He lost you because of his own stupidity, because of his inability to see what was in front of him until it was no longer there. For chasing an illusion with Cerelle while he had something real with you.
And now, it's too late.
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thank you for reading!
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