#ig im just going to be ugly today

[bluebellhairpin]

Convincing myself today that I won't look ugly bc no one will look at my feet. Or ankles. Or legs. Or waist. Or hair. Or face. Or eyes. Or lips.

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

[newtkive]

shift shenanigans - s1 social media au

note: jus for fun ! may or may not do more parts.

warnings: crude humor, slightly offensive jokes from richie sry

part two

liked by syd_adamu, marcus.brooks11 and 30 others

chefboyardee: my friends! i love my friends! the two on the right more than the left (i’m joking i promise) 😁😁😁😁

see all 8 comments

syd_adamu: brave of you to call him your friend y/n

↳ chefboyardee: boss man carmy save me

↳ syd_adamu: oh.. :///

marcus.brooks11: you did me so dirty, friend.

↳ chefboyardee: love you marcus you look spectacular

↳ marcus.brooks11: don’t start

richietheking: Where am I?

↳ chefboyardee: ya motha

liked by syd_adamu, chefboyardee and 10 others

richietheking: Getting sh$!t done.

see all 8 comments

marcus.brooks11: This is coolllddd.

↳ richietheking: You already know it man.

syd_adamu: this is actually crazy

carmyberzatto: can you show this on instagram? i think you should delete this.

↳ richietheking: Delete your life.

chefboyardee: come down to the beef for a number 6 the occy way 💯 the safest joint on the block 🤑💯we are 🔛🔝

↳ richietheking: Eyyy I know that’s right.

↳ carmyberzatto: please don’t advertise this.

WE HAVE THE BEEF 🥩

[ 8:25 am ]

y/n:

bruh im about to lose it. heads up when you guys get to work.

marcus: that catering order is about to be crazy

DO NOT REPLY: These white boards are stressing me out.

syd: we know, probably giving you ptsd from not finishing high school

DO NOT REPLY: Fuck you I did finish it.

y/n: oh i gotta change ur contact name richie

richie poo: ????? What

y/n: it was ‘DO NOT REPLY’ lols

marcus: valid

syd: real

richie poo: What? Why?! That’s so rude

y/n: cuz you piss me off

and you kept blowing up my phone yesterday

richie poo: You weren’t answering, and we needed help at the cook out.

syd: the one where you poisoned everyone?

richie poo: Fuck off.

y/n: when i’m off work, i’m off work.

marcus: don’t let carmy hear that, y/n

y/n: don’t remind me

syd: he’s trying at least, go easy on him. he really has great ideas

richie poo: You mean you have great ideas in that little notebook

tina: Never trust a broad with a notebook.

syd: hey! i’m just being helpful

y/n: do you guys think my ig post will hurt carmys feelings

marcus: it would make me a little sad if i were him, but i don’t think he cares

y/n: great i’m gonna cry now

syd: i doubt he even saw it y/n it’s fine

richie poo: Check the work chat. Cousin is in a mood.

y/n: oh great

tina: Help us all.

syd: be nice you guys

WORK

[ 9:15 am ]

carmy: Everyone, we have huge catering orders tomorrow to prep for today. Please get here as soon as you can, the earlier you clock in the better. Additionally, please be careful what you post on social media. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression

y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳

syd: ok sounds good

richie poo: Cool it, Cousin. What’s the issue with the social media

tina: I use FaceBook. That not allowed now??

carmy: Tina, you’re fine. I’m talking about those who post work things on public accounts

marcus: facebook is crazy

richie poo: I can’t go private

y/n: he needs the likes

richie poo: No I’m disabled from doing so. Not sure why

y/n: liar

richie poo: 😑I don’t like you

carmy: Then please don’t post pics of yourself posting up with a gun and an air horn outside of my shop anymore.

marcus: that pic was fire can’t lie

carmy: Well, it’s bad for business.

richie poo: Fine, whatever

y/n: carmy

carmy: What, Y/n?

y/n: is this because of my caption on my post i’m sorry i promise i wasn’t being for real

carmy: I don’t care Y/n.

y/n: is that code for ‘i care a lot and i’m crying in the office right now and that’s why the door is closed’

oh

syd: ? why the oh

y/n: he opened the door and yelled no 🤨 but i think i saw red eyes

carmy: Please get back to work and I’ll comp a meal for you later

y/n: OMG yes chef 😍

richie poo: Inappropriate emojis and you shouldn’t have to incentivize her to work

y/n: shut up acting like HR i’m gonna beat your ass

jealousy is ugly which is why you have that mug on your face

carmy: Stop

y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳

i heard your giggle tho

richie poo: Again with the schizo episode

syd: you can’t say that richie

richie poo: Oh sorry

[qoqurt]

𝜗𝜚 ⋆ BIRTHDAY .ᐟ (ethan’s version)

just a small blurb for mr ethan edwards bc roro ( @wintfleur ) let me know that today was his bday .. so a little commotion for him actually … takes place BEFORE luke moves to jersey and a little after he daisy and ethan get together ok <3

read about daisy, ethan and luke | au masterlist

daisydoodledoo

liked by dreagraves, jackhughes, and others

tagged : lhughes_06 , rutgermcgroarty , entersteller

daisydoodledoo i literally blocked ethan for this bc i wanted to post my gift for him without him knowing ++ it’s literally 11pm im a HUSTLER 😮‍💨 (ft. luke watching — he signed the card dw!!) shoutout to stella and luke and rutger for reassuring me that the gift is good 😭 there’s more but i’ve decided not to add it here :3

view all comments

trevorzegras and tell me why rutger is tied up in slide 2 🤨

daisydoodledoo icl i couldn’t tell you .. i was writing the card one minute and the next my ribbon went missing

entersteller i’m just a girl ok ☹️ he needed some nice ribbon !!

lhughes_06 are you planning to give him to ethan or …

rutgermcgroarty and if she was 😽

dreagraves the build a bear frogs 🥹

daisydoodledoo luke thought it’d be silly if we dressed them up like him and i for ethan actually LOL so i made them clothes

dreagraves you make me sick (that’s so cute shits)

jackhughes shoutout luke for just sitting there

lhughes_06 i just breathed 🙄

davidungh blocking 1/2 boyfriends is actually crazy

daisydoodledoo if you don’t shut the fuck up ur next 🥰

lhughes_06 added to their close friends story .ᐟ

edwards.73 replied to your story ‘where are you guys going without me 💔’

ahndaesee replied to your story ‘BACKSHOTS 😮‍💨’

lhughes_06 who want backshots 😼

ahndaesee replied to your story ‘no but srsly wtf how did i forget the damn cake 😭 can’t believe we had to walk back’

mark.estapa replied to your story with ‘where is she scrambling off to now’

rutgermcgroarty added to their story .ᐟ

ahndaesee replied to your story ‘he hasn’t a single clue does he?’

rutgermcgroarty ‘i almost blabbed but luckily stella changed topics before i could’

ahndaesee ‘good. ur off the hook for now ig 🙄’

ahndaesee

🎵: glue song — beabadoobee

liked by lhughes_06, stellahughes, and others

tagged : edwards.73

ahndaesee ethan on film for ethan day 📸 .. but in all seriousness, happy birthday to one of my favourite guys in the whole world. 🩷 i’ll never stop being thankful for the way you make me smile till my cheeks hurt. love you to the moon and back, ed.

view all comments

📍edwards.73 thank you pretty girl ❤️ i love you

ahndaesee 1/2 of my boys 🩷

edwards.73 speaking of which where is he

ahndaesee 🤫

edwards.73 what does this mean

davidungh cakes and candles ethan 🎂

ahndaesee cakes and candles…

davidungh am i not allowed to wish my brother in law a happy birthday

ahndaesee DONT GIVE THEM IDEAS .

lhughes_06 too late :)

edwards.73 brother in law thank you 🥰

lhughes_06 happy birthday pretty princess ❤️

ahndaesee edwards.73 found him

edwards.73 thanks lucky 🫶🏻 i love you

pshoon2002 happy ethan day !!! 🥳

stellahughes you know the relationship is good when sunghoon approves 😭

ahndaesee EL OH EL ur so right 😭

edwards.73 lhughes_06 we made it 🥹❤️

lhughes_06 feeling real grateful rn 🥲

stellahughes u did him justice daisy 🥰

edwards.73 are you calling me ugly

stellahughes and if i am

ahndaesee you and your bf are really the same

rutgermcgroarty and if we are 🥰

lhughes_06 im gonna be honest im a bit afraid

dylanduke25 is your boyfriend single

_alexturcotte asking for a friend

ahndaesee no.

lhughes_06 double no.

ynaniu happy birthday ethan!! 🫶🏻

dreagraves RAAAHH ETHAN DAY

_quinnhughes 🥳🎂

luca.fantilli daisy can you be my photographer too

ahndaesee $30 per hour flat rate with $30 service fee:)

edwards.73 added to their story .ᐟ

lhughes_06 replied to your story ‘happy birthday e ❤️ i love you :)’

luca.fantilli replied to your story ‘that cake n pasta look so good.. hope u saved leftovers’

ahndaesee replied to your story ‘love you birthday boy ❤️’

stellahughes replied to your story ‘my gf looks so good here 🥰 tell luke to hop off pls!’

jackhughes replied to your story ‘i hate couples 🙄 happy birthday though 🥳’

note from mei ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ happy ethan day everyone !! i hope everyone likes this .. it’s so long (i’m very sorry)

pookie tags : @lovings4turn @iceflwers @wintfleur ( owner of stella hughes oc )

[jcs-singular-slut-strand]

sleepover weekend from me!!

-> would you rather go to a party with jin guangshan or do coke in a gas station bathroom with wen ruohan/joke (i missed this joke tbh i had to make it)

-> yunmeng jiang sect headcannons! c'mon heap them on me. thoughts on them making, dyeing and exporting silk? i love worldbuilding.

-> choose between chengxuan and chengsu! reasons if you wanna give?

-> tell me three good things that happened to you or around you since the start of may, and also tell me about any random ass thing that irritates so, so much.

-> rec me anything honestly, i'll take it. i know you've got tolkein stuff on your alt, but if have to start lotr/similliarion (did i get that correctly), where do i start?

-> tell me about your first crush (no pressure at all, feel free to skip this)

I would do coke with Wen Rouhan in the bathrooms at Annandale Waters Service Station. They have clean bathrooms and a Burger King, I feel as if Wen Rouhan would enjoy a Whopper

YMJ headcanons

Yunmeng Jiang has the strongest trade relations with Meishan Yu out of the four greatest sects for obvious reasons.

The people of Yunmeng 100% have songs about the amazing Sandu Shengshou, which the Jiang disciples would obviously then sing just to piss Jiang Cheng off (they taught them to Jin Ling when he was merging from babbling toddler to chatty 5 year old).

All new disciples (and the older ones if they're acting in a way Jiang Cheng deems irresponsible and hazardous) are required to sit a Water and Boat Saftey Course. There's a written and a practical at the end, obvs. If you fail well then tough shit, you're resitting the course along with the disciples who have been reckless. This headcanon is inspired by my 90 year old grandpa who has sat the British speeding awareness course 2-3 times

Chengxuan vs Chengsu is actually really hard. However, Chengsu is more realistic I feel, especially during the time skip and after it. I love childhood best friends AU for Chengxuan and also all that Sunshot Campaign Chengxuan and modern AU's. But Chengsu takes the win; a high profile affair, raising a child who isn't yours with someone who isn't your husband, saltiness and self pity over the people you love choosing a Lan over you. Incredible.

On Sunday, my dad felt bad about forcing me to help him put up 2 coat racks, so he bought me jolibee and bubble tea

I went to Jolibee again yesterday

I had pepsi max for breakfast this morning

There are many, many things that truly piss me off but I can't be bothered going into detail right now so to keep things plain and simple, im gonna stick to something that's pissed me off today. Snapchat has this filter where you and a friend put in a photo of yourself and then it uses AI to generate what your child looks like. Me and my best friend, one of my favourite people ever, make ugly children. And I hate that. Why was that little girl so fucking ugly what was the reason snapchat???

I'm not sure what you mean so I'm just gonna link some of my fave fanfiction but also explain how I feel is the best way to get into the Tolkien fandom

Inexplicably around each other by adasinon = I just think this is sweet. Zhancheng nation ig

The Bounty of Our Days by remiges = Yu Ziyuan x Zhao Zhuliu, God I love them. It's like a character study and a backstory, I think it's really nice and fleshes out the characters

Sappy song on the old radio by Morethancupcake = oh my lord. Chengxian, modern au, childhood something. Past wangxian, past jiang cheng x literally anyone that is remotely bad for him. Couples therapy except Jiang Cheng didn't want to be there and they're not a couple anymore/yet, angst, coming back to each other later in life. I've only read this once but it's just that memorable.

Love you to death by KayllanBreak = Jiang Cheng kills Yu Ziyuan but no one can work out why (police inspector song lan). Wei Wuxian and Jiang cheng rocky relationship, Jin Ling idolising Jiang Cheng (naturally), Jiang Yanli lying her ass off for him, Jin Zixuan being his lawyer. Jiang Fengmian bashing 💗💗💗💗. Lan wangji is barely in this but when he is he's an utter arsehole.

Keep making trouble (till you find what you love) by Silveryogus = I FUCKING LOCE THIS FIC!!!! CHENGXUAN!!! Modern AU road trip to Lanling after the Xuanyu cave. Jin Zixuan has a talent for shoplifting (Jiang Cheng sent him to get clothes and he came back with too small trousers, yellow shirts, and sunglasses). Oh yeah and Jin Zixuan gets shot in a corner shop. Fellas is it gay to get into a high speed police chase whilst the guy you're semi unwillingly travelling with leans out the window and tries to shoot out the police's tires? Especially when said guy mentions smoking once and you spend some of the limited money you have on cigarettes??? Apparently I've visited this 70 times

Stray Dogs Parable by natcat5 = Post burning of Lotus Pier, no golden core debacle, jiang cheng recognising that his parents leadership strategies won't work in his situation/are just plain ineffective, proving his worth as a Sect Leader and earning the loyalty of his incredibly small number of disciples (the ones who survived), also Jiang Cheng sucks poison out of someone's ankle

Anyways, if you're getting into the Tolkien fandom I would recommend watching the hobbit films first, even though they're not entirely book accurate it's still a good way to get a feel of the story and work out if it's something you'd like. Then I would read the book. Same process for Lord of the rings. The silmarillion... God i actually can't say anything, you've just gotta re read the first 3-4 chapters a couple of times and then you should be fine...

My first crush is a dickhead who has progressively gotten worse and worse looking as time has gone on. I genuinely have no idea what I ever saw in him except for the fact that he laughed at my jokes and used to give me the answers in class. It was very embarrassing for all parties involved, I feel 😭

[analogwriting]

ok I feel a bit weird sending in another message today, but the newest chapters put me in such a killer mood I wanted to read more for him

and I must say??? We need more killer writers pls 😔 I love oneshots, hcs, all that stuff, but where are my longfics??? not to complain (i am), but WHERE IS THE SLOWBURN??

ambrose you are a godsend fr fr… I get so picky with this kind of thing because sometimes i’ll say “Oh I don’t like slowburn THAT much” but the moment I find a good slowburn, I will eat that shit up. I will be HOOKED on my phone for hours at a time and let my work pile up because yeah, these fics have me forgetting I need to sleep

Wish I could give you all the kisses in the world because you really just spoil us with ur amazing writing… ive never felt so blessed by an author before cuz the way the slowburn is so agonizing it has me ripping apart my lungs, my heart aching, myself going insane… I live for it.

Respect to you and other slowburn authors, cuz it takes a lot of work to write one… I always find other law or killer fics and the relationships always feel so rushed 😔 please, law and killer are such slowburn potential characters and i hate to see them act so impulsive in other works. I love how u write tho. So so so much. everything is so slow and i love it

(one day I’ll get to reading your law fanfic…hopefully this weekend)

anyways, me 🤝 number 1 kese hater, next chapters are rlly gonna get me 😭

-long rants anon

first of all, don't feel weird. I love getting asks, replies, or anything. no matter how many times. I eat that shit UP ✋✋

second, FKSKFKEKOD???? got me ugly crying on main frfr with this ask. i literally called my bsf crying 💀 you're so fucking sweet??? im just a funky little guy that had a few dreams and decided to write em out bc fuck it and to know that people are enjoying it that much is so insane to me 😭😭😭

im a sucker for slowburn and would eat that shit for breakfast lunch and dinner if I could. i just never really found it of my favorite characters so i was like "dammit if i want this shit gonna have to make it myself ig" i always felt like the law stories kinda happened to fast as well and i wanted some PINING. and then when I started my killer fic, there was hardly any killer content in general. there seems to be a surge in content for him tho which I am forever excited about my mans deserves it.

like the last time I wrote fanfiction it was a decade ago when I was first starting off high school. (not counting rps n shit with friends that continued forever)

never in a million years did i know people would enjoy it as much as they are and that shit makes me so unbelievably happy. like y'all have no idea. when i say i be giggling and kicking my feet n shit I MEAN IT

like this is me every time I get y'all's comments n shit. like I be giggling and just glowing all day. (it's partially why I just kept the trend of posting updates at night so I can wake up to them nice messages 💅 start the day off RIGHT)

like my head is reeling from this ask and im on cloud nine frfr. you are so fucking sweet and i just want to tuck you in my pocket and keep you safe. like FJSKDKDKS I'm going to be thinking about this all day and probably the rest of the week if not forever 😭😭😭

but seriously, from the bottom of my soul, thank you for this. shit makes my year frfr. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[mangoposts]

also i actually had the worst day of my entire life today so im gonna share 😻😻 a few weeks ago i went to this st. patrick’s day party and long story short my friend hooked up with a guy and i hooked up with a guy and by the end of the night we ended up finding out they were friends. AND LET ME TELLL UUUUU… the guy who i hooked up with was so sexxxxyyyy. or so my black out drunk brain thought he was. when i opened his snap the day after the party i was in for a quite a shocker 😋😋. it’s not that he’s ugly he just looked better at the party when i was drunk and the lights were low. like he’s cute ig but i could have sworn he looked like a blessing from heaven sent straight for me that night. like idk why but i just remember i was crying in the bathroom to my friend bc of how hot he was. anyways he kept asking for a two man since my friend already hooked up with his friend but i would always come up with an excuse bc i did nawt wanna hook up with that man again. fast foward to tonight, i was driving my friend home at like 9 and she starts screaming so i was like wtf and she goes i just got us a two man. and i immediately knew exactly who she was talking about. i told her there is no way im doing that but she’s already in my car so what can i do yk. so she tells me that he wants us to go to his house but i was like u literally have to be home in 30 minutes and he lives an hour away so how would that even work. so then she was like i’ll ask my mom for more time and her mom was like 10 but she was like 10:30 so they compromised for 10:15. but i was like that still isn’t enough time to do anything and then she goes they’re gonna meet us halfway. so guess where halfway was. the fucking street parking right in front of LMU. so we are literally just sitting in my car parked in front of LMU waiting for them to come. they finally come at 10 but i’m asking my friend wtf she thinks is gonna happen in like 5 minutes bc i still have to get her home by 10:15 and all she says is don’t worry about it and jumps out of my car to go see the guys. they talk for a minute on the corner and then she and the guy she hooked up with start walking in the other direction and the guy i hooked up with starts walking towards my car. he gets in the passenger seat and is just staring at me. and mina oml. it’s so fucking awkward. so finally he’s like should we get in the back and i was just like yea bc i didn’t know where my friend went and how long they would be gone and idk how much more of the silence i could take. we get in the back and start kissing but i keep pulling away like every 2 minutes bc i was just not in the mood for the surprise two man. especially not with this man. also i turned my car off so there’s no music and i quite literally have my body as far away from his as i could possibly have it. after like 20 minutes he’s like do u want me to get out and as much as i wanted to say yes i felt rlly bad for the way i was acting so i just said i was worried where my friend went bc it’s now 10:30 and i was supposed to have her home and her phone is in my car so i can’t call her. he’s just like oh i get it and we just end up talking. when it becomes 11 i was like do u think we should get out and look for them and he’s like yea so we start walking around and we see them making out on the corner. that was actually my final straw. i just walked to my car bc i couldnt deal with any bullshit anymore lmao. my friend finally comes back to my car and she’s all giddy and shit and i’m just like i’m glad ur smiling bc im definitely not. so then she goes to check her phone and she has like 30 missed calls from her parents bc it’s now like 11:30. and so she’s rushing me to get her home now bc her parents are hella pissed. like bitch. ik u aren’t rushing me. anyways now idk what to do bc i feel so bad for acting that way towards the guy but i also don’t know if i should apologize. anyways tell me ur thoughts or whatever 😻😻😻

-🐒

WOWWWWWWW UR FRIEND IS A DAWWWWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i would literally buy her an uber and drive home myself i cannot believe that Lmaoooooo but i meannnn if you don’t like the guy you can’t force it, there’s really no need to apologize nothing went wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️ You could just tell him you couldn’t focus because you were worried and ghost him after that like he doesn’t seem that serious

Ur friend is so strange though if i was responsible for her whereabouts id straight up call her mother myself and be like heyyyy yes i have ur kid but im going HOME❤️ I do not play like that

[n0-1r]

Reign of the Supermen reaction

hey guys welcome back today we're watching the Reign of Supermen after i was terribly catfished by the first movie so anyways lets get started

ok yeah its part of a series and im gonna have to watch all the movies but still

OH MY GOD ITS MY SON

MY CHILD

who tf are you sinestro lookin ass

g gordon lowkey ate with that poeticism

clark reborn? its more likely than you think

aeugh wonder women please shut up

it's giving ex who can't move on

ah the retro super transformation

bring magical girl transformations back

is he gonna unveil superboy

PLS BE GOOFY PLEASE

slay kinggg

hes such a silly goober

and so little

just a little guy

noooo why are the girls fightingggg

wait i just realised kon can fly in this

omg hey king

yeah one superman, not you tho

ok but theres also jli but lets not get into that

huh?!?!1?1?

luthor lowkey giving tired dad vibes rn

SEE NOT A CLONE A TEST TUBE BABY

in gotham? bats is not going to like that

oh nvm

oh meyan its the superman luthor love child

oh the others... match...

darkseid...

OFC HE WAS FISHY I KNEW IT

ugly ass robot

if i see this guy get bodied for the third time today I'm going to laugh

yum brainwashing

ADOPTION TIME

ah pooh

why is lex genuinely so zesty tho

why does he speak so fruity he reminds me for someone but i forgor

also love kons suit

how is a hologram that tangible

omega darkseid

wait if hes a superman rouge than does that mean superman is his-

yeah don't answer that i don't read superman

is that mal

wait why are they up there

idk ive been half paying attention

THATS WHAT I JUST SAID

aeugh why does he look like that

damn luthors got a crush

fortress of solitude

yeah where was he when the planet exploded

HEYYYY BOOKIEEEEE

YES DAD KAL

NO MORE BROTHER BULLSHIT

I FUCKING HATE BROTHERLY SUPERMAN AND SUPERBOY RELATIONSHIPS

why is his suit so emo

can't believe it got worse

oh i forgot to say, kon sounds fruity

i think he gets that from lex

bizarro...

bro kon is quite the opposite of muscle

bro chillax its giving parasocial relationship

yk at least darkseid cant come

couldve been worse

holy dramatic ass entrance batman!

lois can totally squeeze her hand through that

lex luthor the ipad kid

uuugh how are they not suffocating

oh wow how convenient a switch specifically for sun shielding right near them

oh it's glass

poo

what is that bro

UH HELLO CATCH THEM IDIOTS

whatever ig

ooooh they dead

worlds colliding, its more likely than you think

it's a bird it's a plane it's superman

isn't there a third movie or something

ugh get out of here lex

oh the next movie is jl dark, cute

ok thanks guys

[otgwbgyu]

i always wonder how my friends would react if i died, particularly by suicide

like would they grieve? how? if i wanna be edgy ig i can even ask why lmao…….. but fr how would they respond

i’d like to think they’d be sad, but i don’t think they’d dwell on it too much. and even if they do it’s all bs bc ik damn well if one of them doesn’t like me they all turn against me, i mean that’s what they did when bungee was mercilessly kicking ppl out, and im ashamed. it’s just ik the ppl in my life r quick to hold grudges or only be bothered by the smallest things when someone screws up majorly once. u screw up then all of a sudden ur a supervillain. (bungee’s different, he actually was an ongoing problem)

forgiveness is a foreign concept in society today. ppl only see the bad in others and it’s sad bc robbing ppl of second changes removes the opportunity for them to change. sure, they still can without forgiveness, but it’s a little motivation to send them off to the right place. i love forgiving, it’s something i do often. i just wish i could trust others to be the same way for me

anyways back to the suicide talk lmao. i just want them to wonder why. bc it’s not their fault, like at all. i may be hurt by them sometimes but most of the time it’s all in my head. i’m hurt by the false narratives my brain created to tell me they’re pushing but it’s all a hoax my mind made up to torture me bc what else is a brain good for

like i want to die. i’ve never been less scared of death in my entire life. im fat ugly selfish lazy mediocre and stupid. i’m incompetent and a pain in the ass to deal with. why should i go on? aren’t i just a waste of space nonetheless a burden or weight in others’ lives? if i only hurt or inconvenience ppl i just shouldn’t be alive. im not helping anyone/anything. so like yeah. but i can’t bc ik deep down that everyone still loves me. ik despite my mistakes and differences, im loved, even if it’s just by one person ill always be loved. i may be hurt and confused on the shallow inside, but deep down on the inside i still know, even if i don’t feel it explicitly it’s there

[momiamtired]

i think this world just plays sick jokes with me. i really dont think i will be able to survive if ill continue to live like this. its not that bad i mean i have water, food, house, im studying. its just that i know what i could have. its unfair. i cant believe how unfair this world is. i know some people struggle much more but tbh i cant give a shit ab other people right now. my mental health was awful even before going to this country but right now i just cant believe how awful this all idea with abroad education could be. i had so much hope of going to see my family this summer, to see my cat, my friends, my friends who are able to come to my country only this summer. i just want to be a kid again. i just want to be free again. i just want to be happy again. im tired of all of this im tired so so so much. i have my finals soon. i guess i wont be able to even smile at that period. i miss my previous life. i never thought this all could become like this, my mind is going crazy too. my dad had ocd and it inherited to me ig so i always struggled with anxiety. now my mind tries to explain everythhing that happens to me with some logic or pattern and it feels like im going crazy. i pray every night even tho i dont believe in god. its just my mind trying to tell me that this world can not be that cruel and 100% there is some explanation to what is happening to me. i remember last time i experienced something like this when i was 15 and war only started and i would sit all day in my phone constantly and i cried a lot. i hated my life there bc i didnt do anything except sitting in the phone all time and i lived like this for 2 month i believe? i guess the situation rn is not that bad. i play games with my friends, i have money and tasty food and i dont feel like a failure like i lfelt back there. it just for some reason when things start to get a tiny little bit better to me for some reason everything is ruining and things get so bad that i literraly want to kill myself. i may be too confidant saying this but i believe that if i get some more pressure on my life i will do it. i just cant keep living like this. i met a boy recently and everything was so good. it was one of little to no good moments i experienced here. then he started ignoring me. i have an awful self esteem, i never had a bf or been ignored by guys. i guess i see myself as absolute trash ugly cow and then for some reason be surprised seeing boys not paying me that much attention. then i got a letter that i need to do my biometrics. basically it means that i cant go home anymore. fuck there is car in front of my house i swear to god is this is my roommate i would believe that god is real and he is a fucking satan. i want to pee really bad too and my other roommate washing rn. with her bestfriend waiting for her in her room. i want friends too. she is listening to some pop music. i hate americans i wish they all could die. why some peopel experience what i experience and some of them live like this. i will never believe that she had troubles at least as bad as i had. i know it sounds like im some kind of a slave and pity myself but this is true. and i pity myself. i guess its normal to pity myself when the whole world is just fucking ur ass like a monster. anyways, i cant go back to my country(my only chanse of being happy in this year and the reason why i keep wking up), i hate myself, i hate my appearence, i hate all people around me, im jealous of all of them even when its something small, im failing all of my classes, i dont have friends, the only boy i thopught i was good enough for and we had a good time and i genuanly liked him just ignored me and i decided to give him another chance and we are supposed to meet tomorrow but he said he will tell me when yesterday at the evening or today in the morning and he didnt tell me anything so i guess i lost him too, i have severe anxiety, i have money anxiety?, i dont know english and every time i speak with someone i feel so embarresed bc i always thinks i did something wrong or said something so they think

[jnqher]

Everything is going great now im happy i got back to 90 well its 90,5 but i believe thats just water

It was worth it waiting for the star that my teacher previously forgot to give me (basically smth written from the teacher to you) and ppl in my class had like „nice that you are in the class“ and mine read “dear ——, stay the way you are! I think it's great that you're in the class.”

I know my points and other things are good and i try to justify everyone and not side, but i feel like i can always better myself anf thats a never ending experience.

Life has been a roller coaster. Im more motivated, i dont listen to sad songs anymore which helps me feeling like i am monday felt like shit but now im back.

I do my skin care hair care manifest and other things that kept me being productive. I found out i like dancing maybe that will help me lose more weight but ig time is the thing i need right now.

My weight has been weird but i can handle it if i lose 30 kg in 3months i will be amazed. Again im thinking of water fasting maybe ill start today idk yet. But everytime i do it the second day just fucks me cus i cant stand migraines and yea i binge eat when im stressed and things.

I look good imo but i want to look good for everyone to be that “hallway crush” as silly as it sounds i do want that i want people to look at me for my beauty and understanding some day i will achieve that dream.

Ive never been called ugly on purpose it was more like what do i look like most answears were hamsters or oder rodents and a guy thats ironic most of the time he said ugly but still i look average. A guy said that im ugly but cute still a compliment from a christian homophobic person.

[seokmatthewz]

life is so cruel i just want someone hot to teach me how to skateboard

[luckilyiambrave]

i'm so tired why can't i do anything

[othercrossee]

So obsessed with feeling ugly, worthless just awful and then u add boots and suddenly all is well in life I am sexy and I am hot, everyone loves me

[mollificen]

THIS REMINDS ME:

When I was about 15 years old (this was like December 2020)

I was very pissy and hungry and hormonal and I was making a toastie

And my dad came up behind me, and put his hands on my waist and hugged me by the waist

And I didn’t like that so I was pissy and I snapped at him

I told him I didn’t like it and how I didn’t want him to do that and he got upset

Apparently I was making him feel like he was gross (I really can’t remember this clearly but I think he was implying I was making him feel like he was a pedophile?)

He was basically offended he couldn’t touch my waist

So I got even angrier at his reaction and told him to stop gaslighting me (cringe inducing I know)

He didn’t know what that meant so my mum explained from the other room and he got upset and stroppy

So then he made a point of walking to the opposite side of the kitchen whenever I walked anywhere (for example he was by the fridge, I went to put the butter away, so he made a big show of walking away to the other side of the room)

So my sister (13) asked what was going on and he said he was “making sure he didn’t violate my boundaries” or some bullshit (I’m struggling to remember)

He was doing this maliciously I think, to punish me for being mad

And I just

Started sobbing

I bawled and bawled and bawled until my mum was hugging me and screaming at him about how it was teaching me to let boys assault me (he listened then)

And it’s so messy because. I hate him for that. The memory still hurts when I remember it but at the same time I love him because he’s my dad

I love him and I hate him and I really don’t like him but at the same time I’m desperate to make him happy

I’m constantly feeling like I’m contradicting myself when it comes to him, and i don’t even know what to do anymore

I feel really guilty about this but a lot of the time when people get super happy, jokey or show a lot of love randomly I assume they’re drunk

Or if someone I don’t talk to that much talks to me over text I assume they’re drunk

And it’s rude right? Of me to assume that

Why do i assume that people only want / like time when they’re drunk

Why am instantly assuming that’s the only time people will be truly happy with me

[winking]