#i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

[hecksupremechips]

Mmmmmm,m,mmmMMMMmm shit

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

still on your Birds of Prey thing i have two(ish) things this time around, though feel free to ramble on other details too even if it wasn't specifically asked or mentioned first off, full permission to do an entire infodump on the ocs you have for this so far, i am very curious about all the details you got collected be it details you've mentioned before, changed, or new ones in general, again full permission for you to go nuts secondly, maybe it could be where only certain weapons allow the potential for breaking when used at advantage in the weapon triangle? like you'd have to buy a more expensive and more bulky weapon that has the benefit of being able to break weapons but again is more expensive and probably harder to wield(either just high in weapon rank or just like absurdly heavy to make it hard for the user to double) idk how well it would work, i'm not exactly known for my "making good Fire Emblem gameplay" expertise so take it with a grain of salt (if i ever dabble in fangames maybe i'll get some experience but today is not that day) (also yeah it be me again, i am also realizing i might have a double standard of wanting to hear about people's ocs in this fandom but then worrying that nobody wants to hear about my own, so i might blab on the ocs i have thus far for my au i'm working on sometime (hopefully) soon, heck i could even include some of the unnamed ones since you've even mentioned some unnamed ones yourself and i still think its cool to hear about!)

BIRDS OF PREY CHARACTER STUFF (not updating this post anymore, if you wanna know more then ask about a specific character or wait for the demo)

Read as much or as little as you'd like! There is a LOT so dont feel like you need to read all of it

Gameplay Character

Aelix

The Main Character of the game. Only has Swords at first but also gains access to staves alongside either light or anima when promoting. Her bases are similar to that of a myrmidon but growths are very balanced. Idk abt the personal skill.

At the start of the game shes pretty normal and well adjusted. A little spoiled and naive but thats how most princesses are in media. Anyway, after her dad and brother die in front of her she starts having a bad time and swears revenge on their assassins, The Flock - a group that claims to be bringing power to the people by enacting a revolution against the Hendeyrn Nobility.

After a while, Aelix's need for revenge dwindles and she begins to notice that the commoners are kinda struggling in Hendeyrn, and in a few other supports, learns that Royumec Commoners are also struggling. Also, The Flock is soon revealed to be a ploy for the Royumec Military to invade Hendeyrn to gain more land and resources without suffering proper retaliation.

Route split occurs and Aelix can choose to 1) defend Hendeyrn and carry on her fathers legacy, 2) Switch over to Royumec out of either naivety or apathy, or 3) Go against both kingdoms and create a people focused movement to improve both kingdoms. 3 leads to the most playable characters leaving/being unrecruited and having to be killed in combat while also having the most maps and being noticably harder.

She should be at the club but now shes gotta avenge her father's death an navigate a whole ass war. RIP girl. Also Very Bi with Mary.

Reinhold ???

Your typical Early Game Crutch. A great knight with high HP and Skill, B in Axes and everything else is bad. Hes only good bc he joins in the prologue. Probably benched by chapter 12. Idk about personal skill. Stays on only Defend route. You fight and kill him on the other 2.

Extremely serious and very intent on preserving the King's Legacy, rather than improving the kingdom or supporting Aelix and Lucille through what is quite literally the worst time of their life. Like yeah hes also not coping well but omg hes actively making it worse for the girls. His perception of the King is also so very incomplete as seen in a certain lategame Rev map. Also directly states in several supports that every knight is conditioned to be a disposable tool for the royal family to use :(

Lenore D'Swigen

Early game flier. Highest res in the game, good speed and decent enough magic to use a levin sword later. Low skill but thats partially offset by the accuracy of swords. Kinda low strength tho. Physical bulk is low enough to take large amounts of damage from archers. Safe from shining bows tho. Can also reclass into anima mage and isnt terrible there. No clue about personal skill. Stays on Defend Route, leaves but comes back on Revolution Route, and becomes an Optional Miniboss on Reinhold's Chapter in Betray Route (You only get a Levin Sword for killing your best friend btw)

Childhood friend of Aelix and heiress to a prominent house of Hendeyrn. Energetic but really clumsy. Also is very intelligent. Plays cards with mary in their support while they gossip.

Kester ???

Really solid Lance fighter. High strength, Def, Skl and Hp. Everything else is low. Can promote into spellspear but only has a 5% Magic growth. Go Halberdier instead. Can also reclass into cav. No clue about personal skill. Stays on all 3 routes. Yay!

Extremely formal at all times, only loosens up with Gareth (Drunk), Kaen (Gets bullied by a teenage girl lmao), Henryk (3h style support chain where they state their issues in case you can't figure out the very obvious subtext) and the Revolution Route A support with Aelix (You're fired btw. wanna be friends now?)

Hal ???

Axe Fighter from Chapter 1. Highest Hp in the game, good Strength, Decent Defence and Luck, Okay Spd and Res, Bad Skl and only 5% Magic. No clue about personal Skill or Reclass options. Stays on All 3 routes! :D

Himbo Malewife who's straight up not having a good time knowing he has killed people. Loves cooking and cleaning and all that.

Niall ???

Most Thief Thief to ever Thief. Highest speed in the game, and also good skill. Okay Luck and Res and everything else sucks. Will chip enemies, steal items and be very evasive late game. Stays on Defend and Revolution Routes. Dissappears entirely on Betray Route.

Very Mischievous and loves pranks. Not much to say tbh. Also has a kill quote where he says hes gonna rob the enemy's corpse ig.

Mary Malheur

The early game healer. Joins Chapter 1 and is always available. C Staves and D Brawling. Has very solid mixed bulk that will only continue to get better, Good Strength and decent Luck. Middling Speed and Skill don't really matter when using an accurate and brave weapon type. Her base magic is enough for early game and you won't start feeling her low growth until midgame.

On top of all that, because she is technically a brawler, meaning she has access to Combat Arts. At Lvl10 unpromoted, she gains access to Defiant Dragon Art, which boosts her Def/Res/Luck by a decent amount until the beginning of next turn (and has a cool interaction with one of her promoted abilities). Upon promotion to War Monk, she gains the Solar Strike art, which restores health. At Max Level, she gains Phoenix Flight art. This is unlimited galeforce for just 12 hp. Like yeah she only gets 1 punch in and will probably be taking additional damage from counterattacks, but even then this is really amazing bc she can use her full 6 movement multiple times a turn.

But if you don't care about all that you can just reclass to wyvern instead.

Indecisive. Sleepy. Likes games. Has several supports that explore the pressure of the expectations placed on her because of her intelligence and potential. Also mentions that healing staves will just prolong and make the death much more excruciating when used on a nearly dead person without explaining where she got that knowledge from in her support with Harsent.

Thank you Mary for keeping the army together throughout the early game Aelix couldn't have done it without u. the midgame probably also. I wish you 2 the best on your wedding <33333333333333

Jaspar ???

The most armoured armour to ever armour. Highest Def in the game, high HP and Strength, Solid Skill and Luck, Terrible Speed and Res. Can also reclass into Archer for some reason. Recruited Chapter 2, Stays on Defend Route, but is an optional miniboss on both Revolution and Betray route. Technically can be rerecruited on rev route but its really hard.

Training obsessed bisexual weirdo(affectionate). Wants to be a really good Knight and be as helpful as possible. Really bad at dealing with the fact that everything will change and nothing is permanent.

Harsent ???

Cavalier. Very balanced stats. So balanced that her growths are somehow within 5% of the average for everything except magic. I didn't even plan this im just as surprised as you are lmao. Can also reclass into Sword Fighter. Stays on Defend Route, can be easily rerecruited on Rev and is an optional miniboss on Betray Route.

Very dedicated to being a knight. Several of her voice lines would imply that she would simply sacrifice herself if Aelix asked. which is. concerning.... Like 70% of the cast needs therapy tbh :(

Ricon ???

Early Mage. Amazing Magic and Res, Good skill, Decent Hp and speed, high base strength but hes a mage and has a low strength growth, also terrible defence and luck. Can reclass into archer (Shining Bow Niche 👀👀👀). Available throughout all 3 routes.

Loves Researching magic and teaching stuff to others. Very intelligent. Overuses magic for mundane things. Sir, a wind spell is gonna blow the clothes away before they dry. Likes sweets and is just a lovable dork who happens to look really intimidating.

Fletcher Holz

Early archer. High strength, speed and skill, low res and everything else is mid. Can reclass into Axe Fighter. Available throughout all 3 routes.

Just some guy tbh. Likes meat. Decent Chef. also hes transmasc.

Gareth ???

Brawler. High health, Decent Defence and everything else is mid. Combat arts include Beastslaying Art (effective against monsters) and Full Force Art (Extremely high might). Also gains Five Star Strike (Astra for 12 HP) at max level. Can reclass into Cavalier. Available for all 3 routes.

Massive Flirt. Takes very little seriously. Accidentally ends up acting like a father to Kaen and Niall.

Alastor von Belleau

This bitch. This asshole. Joins in chapter 4 as a Lvl 5 Troubadour. C Staves and E Rank Anima. Much faster than Ricon but also has lower magic and Anima rank so typically you'll only be seeing 5×2 in combat forecast and cant use any funky spells for a while. Substantially squisher than Mary but has a horse. Personal skill gives 20% extra exp gain to adjacent allies. Suspiciously dissappears a few chapters before route split.

This Royumec Noble enjoys baking and having tea and reading and going on walks and taking care of his horse and is great at taking care of others.

"Oh he sounds nice and helpful" Oh you fool. Thats what he wants you to think. The Royumec Nobility has created The Flock and assassinated Thades and The King. And this bitch is one of them. On the route split, it is straight up revealed that he was a part of the plan and acted as a spy. This asshole then tries to manipulate Aelix into betraying her kingdom.

"We were trying to improve the live of your citizens" (Lie, you were fighting for land and resources), "We actively chose to spare you"(Lie, why were your soldiers attacking Aelix and Co during Chapters 2, 3 and 4), "and your sister" (Ommission of information, you thought that the 16 year old would be easy to manipulate or intimidate into doing what you want), "You trust me, right? We're friends" (Half Lie, Aelix may have seen you as a friend but you certainly didn't see her as one), etc.

Obviously, on Betray Route, he is with you for the rest of the game; However, he actually joins you later on in the other 2 routes because he doesn't want to die (okay thats fair). Joins as a Strategist and can reclass into Trickster or Assassin. Has Great Magic, Res and Speed alongside decent Skill and Luck but terrible HP and Def. 7 personal strength is less terrible than you'd expect but you'll still usually see single digit damage when reclassing him to Assassin or Trickster.

Kaen Karamela

Your second axe fighter. Joins in chapter 5 and is available in all 3 routes. Highest Strength in the game, Good HP, Spd, Skill and Luck, Low Def and Res. Personal skill grants +1 Crit per HP below max. Can also reclass into Lance fighter to grab Vantage.

Kaen is the obligatory minor who really should not be fighting. Girl loves partying and also bullying grown ass men. Her 18th birthday will be a few days after one of the final chapters to specifically have her joke that she has fought in and ended a war before being able to drink alcohol. Canonically Lesbian.

Sarre ???

Early Sword Fighter. Joins Chapter 6 and stays on all 3 routes. Amazing Speed and Great Skill but Underwhelming strength and terrible luck. Can reclass into Axe Fighter.

Not having a great time after her husband left her. Is now in debt bc of his gambling and is trying to pay it off with mercenary work. Left her son at his grandparents so they can raise him while she works. has an arc that changes her for the better. idk how to explain it tho.

Isake ???

Early Light mage. Joins chapter 6 and stays on all routes. Great Defence and magic, Good Hp, Res and Luck, but low speed. Being a Light Mage, Isake gains access to various defensive spells such as Def/Res improving spells, Critical prevention, Draining magic and follow-up prevention. Can reclass into Anima Mage.

Very wise, Kind to all, Patient, Loves giving gifts, very perceptive, etc. Enjoys reading and bird watching.

Klara Varela

A midgame Dark Knight. Only available on Rev route. Only 5% strength and Magic growths but has great bases in those. Best Skl in the game, High speed, everything else is decent. Personal skill grants 1 stack of advantage to Klara if enemy can't counter. This also applies to Dark Magic summons and synergises well with seige tomes. Can reclass into Sorcerer, Halberdier and Spellspear.

Probably has the stongest endgame build (Chaos Style+Vantage+Luna+Ignis+Quixotic as a Spellspear) Ignis and Luna can activate on the same atk btw. High Skill + Personal + Chaos Style + Quixotic leads to her having activation rates in the 70-90% range. Vantage singlehandedly enables this build to work on enemy phase too. Enjoy seeing 50s most hits :). I think plus sized women should be allowed to be op.

(Community mage almost has this build but cant pull it off very well bc no Vantage, lower skill, probably no helpful personal skill for this build, much lower strength and Bulk too low to reliably take multiple hits in case of failure. Sorry!)

Everyone else is in a generally serious war game with political intrigue. Klara is in a comedy. She is a trickster who is constantly playing pranks on people and annoying most by being so deeply unserious. Extremely confident and knows her worth. Has exactly one serious conversation.

Runs the secret shop in all 3 routes but it doesn't have energy drops or spirit dusts because she eated them all. Also straight up drags a guy from the enemy army to fight for you against his will and treats him like her new bestie and drags him everywhere. He hates it. Queen. Love her. Hope she never stops. Tranfem, Aro and Ace.

Adam

Mid game Def and Rev route Wyvern Lord. High Strength, Hp and Def, Decent Skl, Low Res and Luck. Personal skill is a 20% heal after defeating an enemy.

A mercenary hired by Rosahel to help in the war effort. Loves murder a not normal amount. Also the guy that Klara forces into joining your side. That's about it.

Anna von Ernest

Only available in Betray Route. Still has Make a Killing. idk anything else.

You know her.

Henryk ???

This guy is so crazy. Joins in a late paralogue as a Trickster. Extremely Underwhelming stats for a late game unit: Lower strength and magic compared to other units, Middling mixed bulk, Skill and Luck. Only has good speed and Great weapon ranks (A staves, A Daggers). Like a thief but less extreme. Can also reclass into Assassin, Sorcerer and Dark Knight

"So the crazy thing about him is that hes a bad endgame unit who has warp and rescue access" Wrong! His personal skill, Unmask, is the crazy thing about him. He gains 2 stacks of advantage (+15 hit, 10% skill activation, 5 crit and 2 damage dealt per stack) while inflicting enemies with 2 stacks of disadvantage (advantage but reversed) if there are no b support or below allies within 3 spaces. King hides 4 Str/Mag/Def/Res and 10 Spd/Skl/Luck from everyone lmao. Already has an a rank with Thades :)

As i said in the last long FE:BoP post, Henryk managed to raise Thades from the dead somehow. The process was expensive and time intensive as it used dark magic, healing staves, advanced Royumec technology and surgical precision. At first, the dark magic was thought to have taken away some of Thades' agency and given Henryk a substantial amount of control over him and altered his memories, but that was soon discovered to be false.

Henryk likes to appear as unhelpful and incapable as possible to get out of doing work, but is completely fine with putting in effort for those close to him. He enjoys architecture and gardening and in all of his endings, he ends up being a famous architect.

Thades

Joins in a late game Rev route paralogue alongside Henryk. Same Class as Aelix and Lucille. Compared to Aelix, he has much higher Def and Skl and slightly more strength at the cost of much lower Res and Luck and Slightly less speed. Similar Magic and HP. No clue about personal skill. Can reclass into Falcon Knight.

So Unbelievably gay with Henryk. Very emotionally closed off. Hilarious how technically having their father die made him and Aelix get their partners. Anyway, his support with Aelix reveals that they never felt that close to each other bc he was always busy learning how to run things as crown prince while Aelix and Lucille were doted upon and constantly praised by their father.

In the final(?) Rev Route map, Thades has boss dialogue with The King (he came back) where he asks The King if he remembers a simple memory from when Thades was a child. The King says yes, but Thades reveals that the event went completely differently and figures out that The King hasn't been revived like him but instead is The S Rank Dark Magic being used to create a copy of one of noble's perception of him.

In both his Endings, he helps out with managing the restructured nations.

Ill talk about everyone else in later i had to rush this out for today lmao

also feel free to ask more questions, tell me your overall thoughts or even talk about your headcanons for the characters or how you imagine they look

Anyway time for question 2's answer: I figured that break maybe should only be for units with breaker skills (Halberdiers w/ Swordbreaker, Lightbearers w/ Shadowbreaker, etc)

To Do: Summer, Silvester, Yvette, Manon, Jed, Lex, Rosahel, Valstyr, Lucille, The King, Nikita, Siobhan, more characters when i think of them

[fictionfixations]

book 7 part 4

MAJOR SPOILERS

thats the wrong lilia D:<

(from beanfest)

--

dying inside because oh my god how is this gonna be added to the wiki

what?? the rest are empty.. (they loaded in eventually but wtf)

WHAT.

HOW IM SO WEAK IM SOFHJDUFJ FUCk. FUCKING FUCK???? how am i supposed to do this when each battle leaves me with very little Hp. so then i have to heal. but then im not at full hp so then im fucked with the next battle?? HELLO??

CRYING

I WISH it wasnt stuck to just 3 extra characters besides silver and sebek

I didnt even HAVE a single sebek card until tsumderland 2 because you needed sebek as your study partner so i got his school uniform 😭

if i could choose any character then it wouldnt matter because i could go back to using the cards id already strengthened up for tartarus but like. i CANT. so im feusidfh SOBBING i think i understand how it works now but oh my god this. is. so painful i thought tartarus was bad but i had no idea

im WEAK im SORRY (lilia's fight before this where you have to beat him to continue is so HARD i couldnt. i succumbed to using a retry ticket. I WAS USING THE STRONGEST TEAM I HAD and my strongest support buddy guy person i dont remember waht its called but i was still fucked oh my god)

im sorry lilia

oh thank fuck

...yeah.... BECAUSE HP SAVES. and im so weAK

OH MY GOD IT SAVES. (spoiler alert: I DIED. so thats why it says in progress. i healed them up and it fucked me over anyway because it doesnt heal all the way)

(you can go back so i just. used my remaining cards which are weaker. but were strong enough to oneshot it after i took down a huge majority of their health..)

so then is it better to use the weaker cards. let them die but take the enemy down slowly. and then you can get your strongest cards to kill them in one shot after that?? but then you'll eventually run out. but also it doesnt seem like the maps are too big. ..yet. but still...

(i wanna do them all and get the 10 gems so i can pull for general lilia. i just need 19 more pulls sob.)

I GOT CONFUSED AND THEN I REALIZED THEY DIDNT WANT LILIA TO COOK IM DEADD

oh my god silver

oh its canon

is this why lilias cooking is so bad? because they just had to make do with whatever they had (and learned on the go. and figured that shitty food was normal for them, and the really good food was normal for the rich people??)

*flashbacks to sebek's stomach growling during lilia's farewell party*

nOO SEBEK POOR BABY

(i. really dont like his grandfather. OKAY??? he disapproves of candy, he disapproves of SEBEK JUST BEING IN THE KITCHEN? LIKE HELLO??? WHAT?? this is from i think his birthday bloom(?) vignette, the candy thing i mean, i THINK. one of the birthday ones with trey as his interviewer.. and its mentioned in his apparentice chef vignette that baur doesnt like sebek in the kitchen. he gets this look on his face. )

i KNOW that baur doesnt know sebek is related to him. but. i just. dont like him. at all. AND IM BIASED BECAUSE I LIKE SEBEK and i dont want him hurt :(((

and okay. i get. it. that. baur doesnt like humans. and its reasonable because humans were assholes and like drained the resources dry (bro we do the same irl..) so then the direbeasts without their habitat anymore ran into the villages and caused havoc.

so theres a valid reason for them (although i feel like theres a HUGE misunderstanding. because fae see the ironclads as ruffians. but the silver owls see the fae as ruffians. or robbers or something wtf??)

and i get it. youd hate the enemy too if you saw what damage they caused. like how lilia isnt the biggest fan of humans either during his time as a general.

and i get that he's probably haunted by memories and its not that easy to get over it. but sometimes i feel like it needs to be known when its no longer healthy for someone to be around another. like, they can both equally love each other. can both care for each so much that they only want the best. but sometimes being around someone can only prove to be more unproductive and unhelpful.

and i know baur did a lot for sebek. but its also like. sebek shouldnt have to be so against humans, so against part of himself just because baur is, y'know? and i feel like if baur really wants to be there for his grandson, that he should at least try to accept it or something so as to not hurt sebek more. that like 'yeah, he's human (not that theres anything wrong with that ofc), but he's also family'.

:(((((

i dont think im explaining it that well. im just very sad.

OH MY GOD GRIM YOU DIDNT 💀

comannder (typo)

haha...

oh my god i dont understand anything i dont know geography

😭 they're just explaining where everything is and im just like 'wait what???? wait where????' im so lost… also is it briar valley or briarland??? what/ I dont get it at all

OH. wait is that why malleus seems tame in comparison…. ah….

wait a second

MAJOR JP SPOILERS (this is from one lilia render i saw. scroll past this if you dont want to see)

we know malleus watches over dreams. how will he appear? we know he can take the form of himself. and id imagine he'd keep doing that but.... or will he change forms? or. like. baby malleus. would he be baby malleus? and then we have to be like 'LILIA ITS A DREAM MALLEUS OVERBLOTTED' and lilias just holding bby malleus protectively like no??? (ive seen an image of his like character render holding a baby dragon... and i assume that might be malleus... thats JP spoilers btw)

oh... wait. but we know malleus' parents are both dead right? (and only his grandma's alive)

SPOILER ENDS HERE

OOOH. briar land was when fae territory was bigger (but then humans are encroaching n stuff) briar valley is much more smaller.

maybe the drowsy spells are because his body is trying to get silver to sleep so he can dream travel? but whats the point of doing that?? nothing really.. happens. i mean he can sort of interfere but???

WHAT?? i. two teams? HUH?? oh my god… im going to play this as safe as possible and get as many buffs as i can before going into fights. and then im going to try to go as close as i can to the end goal. because nothings stopping me from going back later. ..but i also want to continue the story… but i also wanna see it all……… i mean if i die (as in all my cards die) i can just. restart. i guess.?? but still…. im so happy. i actually have healers on my team now 😭 and buffs make fights easier

ooh the tiles are actually related to where you are in the story

like theres this river. i did this battle to scare some ironclads away from the river. and then theres this blank tile near it which is also about the river. oooh. i see. ayway im out of mystium

i suddenly feel a lot more assured in my ability to fight them with buffs and other characters

[raveneira]

I just don't get why Ikemoto is drawing AND writing at the same time..... Like it would've been better if Kodachi stayed and wrote the story, Or Kishimoto continues it (which btw he wants vacation lol). Kodachi/Kishi wrote the better story and they had the vision, on the other hand, Ike's writing is literally a fanfiction lol.

Btw, do you think we still have hope for KawaSara, cuz it's looking too rough now? Don't get me wrong, I still ship it, but Idk what to expect lol....

Yeah, whats worse is its not even Ikemoto's fanfiction, he's literally taking actual fanfic/fan theories and makin em canon, and you cant even say its impossible because in the interview he literally gets off track from answering a question to address complaints he was seeing online to defend himself 😭 so this man DOES look at fandom feedback, so theres no way you can say its totally a coincidence that so many fan theories became canon EXACTLY as they predicted it, theres just no way.

Once or twice you could say that it was a fluke, but this is way more times than one, and the fact that he pretty much confirmed that regardless of fans justified complaints about certain things he will ignore them because 'he likes it that way' so ppl will just have to deal with it.

Meaning having any hope of him taking any of the valid criticism to improve is gone, whatever he likes is what hes gonna do, even if it goes against what even Kishimoto himself wants/wanted because it is HIS story now and Kishimoto has no intention on intervening since hes happy spending time with his family now and isnt ready to let that time go again yet, which is understandable and I hope he takes as long a break as he wants or needs, I just hate that his legacy is being tarnished in the meantime because greedy higher ups WOULDNT let the series die and Kishimoto get a break like he asked for.

The story really did peak under Kishimoto and Kodachi's writing direction, the second the story shifted entirely in IKEMOTOS direction you saw the quality DROP and the story become a directionless convoluted inconsistent mess.

As for if I still have hope for KawaSara...to be honest I dont know anymore, the reveal that Ikemoto is 100% writing and that Kishimoto himself doesnt even know where the story is headed anymore and is just as much a reader as the rest of us, and even if he does give input, he lets Ikemoto have the final say, has gotten me unsure of what to expect anymore.

Under Kishimoto and Kodachi's writing they were pretty strongly hinting at building more on Kawaki and Sarada's relationship, his bond with team 7, to really drive home his betrayal later so that it'd have some real weight and impact from all their build up. So the potential for KawaSara was very high from what they were setting up.

But Ikemoto? yea I dunno what to expect from him, but if where the story direction changed is anything to go by [which Ikemoto confirms was all his doing and its a completely different direction than the one Kishimoto and Kodachi had planned] its safe to say hes tryna push bsa, either that or troll like a mf just to keep those viewers engaged since this manga is tanking more and more every chapter and the biggest supporters are shippers who just wanna see Boruto and Sarada get together for eugenics.

I wont say KawaSara has lost yet or that its hopeless, the ship hasnt been definitively killed off yet, theres still a possibility this is just another NS situation, teasing what the ppl want just to keep em readin till the very end where he finally says alright now for the real endgame once he no longer has anything to lose by pissing off bsa lol

Even if Im unsure about KawaSara at this point in time, Im still fairly confident in BoruSumi even tho alot of ppl have written her off just cuz she doesnt have a hug scene [NH doesnt either anywhere in the manga but NS does] or a reckless attempt at saving the other [according to KK Sarada and Boruto both would've died if not for the other shinobi arriving when they did so she didnt even save him fr so this argument is invalid]

They also downplay her feelings just because shes more reserved and rational than Sarada, which is kinda the point of opposites attracting and balancing eachother out [Minato being the quiet calm level headed one while Kushina is hot headed and loud] whereas Sarada and Boruto are both portrayed as hotheaded rebels apparently, their kinda the same person atp but thats another topic for another day.

Point is KawaSara is up in the air, but BoruSumi shouldnt be counted out yet, lack of screentime and interaction didnt mean jack shit for NaruHina, SaiIno, or ChoKarui, so lets not pretend its the ship killer for BoruSumi.

Lets also not pretend that SS didnt also go through one hell of a rough patch cuz they did, and they still became canon in the end, so again lets not pretend these things are ship killers alright because they aint, the real meat of the story hasnt happened yet, and Kawaki is supposed to be getting more development soon so lets see how that goes and who its with first and judge further from there.

[ajahahahah]

Im gonna be 17 in four days i dont know if i should kill myself or not i have tried to find love for years but my mom was in the military and i dated did everything you should but once you move they are gone specially when you only know em for two years now i barely have any friends i just moved here because my mom wanted to be closer to family and i have no one i really wanna kill myself but i know if i do either i wont exist anymore i wont even comprehend existence i will go to hell cause i know im shitty person or the other ending where you exist but dont i hate myself i hate who ive become i hate what ive done i wanna die for it but no one know anything of what ive done how ive acted how i am who i am im just a husk a lier a non empathetic bastard i hate myself i hate everything i am id take pretty much anyone to date anyone to help me have a single reason not to die but that isnt happening because people who are easy to date quick to break even easier so im here alone in my room unable to sleep permanently thinking wanting to die unable to pick up the rope unable to pick up my knifes unable to change what i did in the past i wanna die because of that i dont know how long im gonna last maybe ill get past college realize my dream job was a sham work as a firewatch realize i cant be alone work as some stripper just for money realize im ugly fat a loser work my quote un quote dream job and wish i was dead everyday unable to find someone to love someone to care for someone who i can hug kiss anything and ill commit truly finally free from the stresses of life i wish i could do that now but i cant im unable to i cant risk it i have two more good years then im dead because after that ill be throw out like my brother hated silently people worried about but not caring enough to check until its too late i know I’m an idiot for writing this but im screaming into a relentless void which no one will ever see so i will use this to post pone my demise a day a year a decade who know next time i write one of these thats how you'll know after im privileged i got hit by two cars can walk im alive my mom is well off so i shouldnt be depressed why should on the surface i have great parents not many family members have died not many direct family have died either so why am i sad i dont know im unable to say when insay i wanna die i dont know why its a mixture my body my social life my hatred towards me not studying and playings game that help short term but long term no i hate that i waste my time doing this i hate my self because all im doing is screaming and accusing and being stupid and annoying angry all i do is complain while i should just accept my death or just keep going till i do

[thenixkat]

good golly the art in this issue

whent full extreame 90s

superman's back and he has a mullet

Guy did get a haircut. Man's ot rocking that hideous bowl cut anymore Wonder Woman lost her ability to fly off screen Ice, I get you miss home, but if all that melts while yer away on a mission that would fuck up the whole building

Ice gained superstrength and the ability to fly after fighting her brother and absorbing some of the magic from the staff that his benefactors gave him

this paneling is overly dynamic for what's going on right now

ah teh casual ableism in comics. Ted getting called a head case for becoming withdrawn after his coma and more easily stressed out by shit this level of detailing is excessive

ALso why is Oberon lean now? He used to be stockier

RIP to this dude Everett becoming aware that destiny is gonna force him to become a superhero, something that destroyed two generations of his family, and reacting to it with the appropriate horror of his situation

also some big cosmic fuckshit is heading to Earth giving fuckers prothetic dreams and premonitions that Dreamslayer guy that once possessed Max and tried to seduce Bloodwynd is involved with shit

I'm currently on issue 87 of 113

so Skeets and Ted have been collaborating offscreen working on Booster's fugly new suit. I would have loved to have seen them working together, b/c I wanna see Ted be friends with Skeets

I'm actually surprised that Ted hasn't been having issues managing his weight post coma given its been implied that he's a stress eater and he most certainly has reduced his exercise between lingering chronic pains and being unmotivated granted that would mean Ted's weight issues existing outside of being a gag and the series has taken a more serious bend with the past few writers

also man, Skeets has been underutilized since he got out of that box

of course using Darkseid's cred to make the new threat sound more dangerous

the fuck is going on with Bloodwynd's cape? that much fabric would be a hindrance

also Bloodwynd is still teh only recurring Black superhero here. And we've gotten a either join the villain or die ultimatum presented to him so I'm getting the JLA is gonna be all white again soon

against this series isnt beating the racism allegations that started with the Brownface Fire's powers come back while a villain is trying to murder her Captain Atom is a Christian and tries to lecture this cultist on false idols when he should fucking know that other gods exist in this universe

why does Vandal Savage have blue eyes if he's older than the fucking blue eye mutation? Hell, why is he so pale if he's older than any of the mutations that lead to lightskinned people?

like I'm pretty sure even if he's a Neanderthal that they probably weren't that lightskined or had blue eyes (but scientists reconstruct-- scientists have racial biases all the damn time)

also we have so many big name villains coming out of the woodwork to sell the new threat as being teh end of times again there's actual gods on Earth and personified concepts why dont those fuckers do shit? ok Bloodwynd didn't die of get kicked off the team yet granted several characters are still immensely distrustful of the only Black heroes that's been around for the past few dozen issues which is yikes. Everett, the new Amazing Man seems to be set to join soon so we're up to two Black people. Hopefully folks are dicks to him also since when did Oberon get such a tucked waist, he used to be stocky

also Fire, why are yer titties all up on Max's back like that (yes I know its been implied before that she's fucked an employer to get favors nut like) yall about have a meeting oh hey Dr. Light, that's like 3 nonwhite people here

oh hey Booster Gold finally remembered something useful from his history classes

also, if we go with the stable time loop shit (which i dont personally by) Booster's continued existence means this shit didn't end humanity did they retcon the nuclear war being the reason most of this eras' records didn't survive into the future?

Captain Atom who's also been thrown through time thinks they should trust Booster's story

Power Girl's pregnant? I'm gonna assume she lost the baby since I've not heard of her having kids

Ted accuses Booster of knowing shit that would have been helpful and is angry about it

is this what the big bad looks like? That is not hype worthy this generic ass looking motherfucker

Ice got possessed and flipped sides

i just realized that knowledge of teh future records are crucial to this fight but instead of asking Skeets, who has a perfict machine memory, they're relying on whatever Booster remembers from his history classes

once again Skeets being under utilized if I'm remembering right this shit probably killed Booster, who only kept living due to the big bad suspending all death and birth on the planet

yeah that fucking Booster up majorly

[tiredcrystal]

dont mind me, I’ll respond later <3

(I'm gonna respond to this in case you don't want the others to be public)

GOD pls don't read anymore or I might just die from embarrassment

I do remember having the habit of liking the response of any blog to my asks just so I could keep them within reach lol. It did cross my mind that you might suspect me but I just never payed it much attention and thought "nahh any random dude could like an ask right? It doesn't mean anything" I was dumb ok. But I still knew it was a possibility and didn't care because to begin with, my blog didn't have much and it was bound to happen one day or another. It's true I never told you in the end but it was never out of embarrassment or being uncomfortable, I just genuinely liked being an anon and the fun that came with it.

I could've also possibly sent an ask off anon, the phone I used at the time had like a virus that would like tap the top right corner randomly and repeatedly (I used to call my teachers and friends accidentally like A LOT on messenger💀) so it might've sent an ask before I could finish writing it or turning the anon but I don't remember it ever happening. Trust me, I would remember. I would've been the one disappearing from the earth.

(Btw I do not think this was creepy at all, I would've done so too if I were you but it's good you got it right lol we don't want you disappearing from shame either. Again, I'm grateful so be thankful for your detective skills!)

To answer your questions, I unfortunately do not speak 8 languages and I also do not live in Asia or any Middle Eastern country, that was all amazing sho lol. It's unfortunate you didn't find him but there's still hope, maybe one day we could reunite!

I think you had like 1k maybe 2k followers? I never really thought about it before so these are my guesses now but I'd assume that number since you were creating content and writers are like the backbone of Tumblr dot com.

It's true, your new blog, it's not a subject I've ever particularly sought out but if it's an experience my friend is going through?? Count me in. (If you're thinking but you didn't know it was me? Yes that's true but I trust in the words of mystery man, he said it's gonna be good so it must be. I wouldn't have followed the account out of my own volition if it showed up to me randomly but thanks to your ask, I took the time to skim through it and when I did, I thought it could be interesting after all) I know it's something else entirely but I never became your friend just to read your works. I knew you because of them but I stayed because I wanted to. (And because you're literally so fun to talk to) So, no matter what your blog will ever be about even when we're like 40 and you're showing like your pets or kids (if u want any) or your opinion on this or that or anything really, I'd wanna be there and see even if we drift apart along the way.

Annnd, you're not annoying, in soda's wise wise words "annoy me forever"

I'm glad you liked the nickname! I couldn't find the account but great move. What I meant was that when switching blogs, you never sticked to a specific name, even now on the newest blog (although I think Eti as a nickname of Etiènne is so cute) I'll definitely keep the tag for you! I invite you to come by my asks too, anytime!

As for me, ofc I'll be there, you think I'll waste all your effort for nothing?? No way. I'll spawn before you even realize it.

[samncolbyjj]

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

Jakw Webber

Warnings: angst

A/n: so there's a reference of a song hidden in this chapter, its not bubblegum (the song of the chapter) there's another one, try and Find out what song is it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

|Y/N's Pov|

I was dating Jake for some months, and i do know that him and Tara are just friends. But he seems to like her and not me, i feel like hes using me sometimes... And he doesn't even notice, i feel likw he thinks its love but it's actually just a band-aid for his bruises.

Tara was my best friend so it was 100x worse because you can't vent about it to her, she will say that its fine and he loves me not her. But i don't want that, i want someone to listen and help me solve it, i knew she won't do it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We are filming a video in my house. We are testing pool toys and answering some questions the chat sent to one of Jake's posts. Johnnie was streaming so it was just me, Jake and Tara. They were filming like i wasn't there, i just grabbed some stuff and tried it by myself while they were trying stuff together. It felt like she was his girlfriend not me.

"Y/n this one is for you!" I looked at Jake as he began to read the question. "Is there anything you'd change about Jake?" I got nervous, of course there was, I wanted him to love me. But saying that now? I wasn't even ready to tell Tara about it imagine telling him with millions of people watching.

I couldn't tell anything else because i wouldn't change anything else in him. "Yes, I would. I would change the way he sees me." Jake and Tara got confused, they looked at eachother to see if either of them knew anything but both didn't know

"What do you mean babe?" Jake asked me and i just turned around and grabbed another toy to try out. He kept trying things, but he was more silent now, Tara was also silent since he was not talking much with her.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We kept asking questions and trying stuff, but it wasn't that fun anymore, so Jake just stopped recording. As soon as he turned the camera off i walked inside and went to our room. Jake noticed and followed me there.

He opened the door and saw me in the bed with my laptop watching cartoons. "Hey babe can we talk" i got a little nervous, but I just sighed "yeah i guess we can" he sat down next to me.

"What did you mean with you'd change the way i see you" i closed my laptop and looked at him, i wasn't mad, but i was exhausted so i was being kinda rude. "You really want to know?" He looked at me in the eyes and nodded. "I want you to see me how you see Tara, she's your ex and sometimes it seems like you prefer her, she's got you mesmerized, while i die! I cant hate her, she's my best friend, she's an angel, but then again kinda wish she was dead... Or not maybe its a strong word but gone at least in your life... Jake... i wish i was Tara..."

He looked at me concerned, i looked like i was crying but nothing was coming out of my eyes. I wanted to cry but i couldn't, my stomach is spinning and I feel sick. He wraps his arm around me and pulled me close, my head resting in his chest.

"Look im sorry for making you feel like that, but i don't love her, im over her i promise you! Me and her are just friends, we're close but just close friends who like to do shit, im sorry for not giving you attention. I promise to give you more attention from now on, i really love you Y/n... I really do..."

His hand running up and down my arm. He kissed my forehead and grabbed my chin making me face him. I looked In his eyes and gave him a gentle peck. "Sorry for overthinking... I just really... I dont wanna lose you, especially not to her, she's my best friend and I'd had to see that every day..."

"You won't i promise you... Now... Wanna go to some 711 to get smth" he said smiling at me and getting up. "Again? Okay why not." I laughed and hugged him.

I love him. Im glad he loves me too.

✰~------------------------------~✰

A/n: seriously, i loved writing this one, btw leave requests please!!!

Questions: -Did you find the reference to that song? If you did what song do you think is it? -Have tou read my other one shots? Opinions? -Favourite artist?

✰~------------------------------~✰

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

[confessions-official]

Tw ed and possible depression?

I feel sick when I think about if I'm depressed or not. I dont like using that word, I havent earned it. I have a loving family and the best girlfriend in the world. I dont wanna die, I just dont wanna exist. I dont wanna do anything except smoke weed, Which helps things not seem so dim. It makes me feel less. Bored I guess. I sont wanna do anything. I dont wanna game, I dont wanna talk to my family, I dont wanna talk to my friends, I dont wanna talk to my girlfriend, I dont wanna draw, I dont wanna do my work, I dont wanna get out of bed. But I do. I know people who are depressed who cant make themself gwt out of bed.

I feel like a faker. I cant tell anyone I feel this way because it'd be unnecessary burden to them, And their lives are already hard enough without me adding to it. I don't want to tell anyone the bad stuff because then they'd think the same way, But mt life isnt even that bad. Its hard to say or send anything because my body just. Doesnt let me. I'll be trying to post a silent cry for help and automatically exit out and cancel the post. I'll write it all up and instead of hitting send I delete it all.

I dont even eat half the time anymore. I wait until its unbearable and affecting me to eat. I used to tell my gf because when she tells me to eat I do, But I stopped. I dont wanna bother her. Nobody notices either, Since in our house we usually only eat dinner together, And that's if my dad doesnt have to work. He leaves at 3 o'clock every day so its not like he can see if I'm eating or not.

Im doing better in school now, I was trying but. Now I'm not. It doesnt matter though. I dont even remember what grade I'm in. Being homeschooled means I never have to see or speak to anyone. Its what I wanted anyways. Less work. Less hours. Less effort lower goals yet higher outcomes. I had 3 F's almost constantly in school, Now I only have one, And the rest are A's and B's.

Its easy when you can search anything and everything up. If I have an essay I read the wiki page for whatever its about and I've only gotten 100%'s in english so far. My overall grade is a 100% for english actually

I just dont understand. I dont hate myself do I? I thought i finally loved myself. I thought i finally fixed it i fixed myself i was finally better i was normal. Theres no reaskn i should be feeling so desprately lost and so alone nd so. Sad

I'm sorry. I know this isnt the blog for this, I know this is for confessions but this is the only place I can say any of this. I couldnt tell anyone in my life that I dont wanna exist, Or that I think my brain snapped, Or that I have serious problems. I hate this. I just want someone to know and care. I just want someone to notice something is wrong. Itd make it so much fucking easier if I coulrnt jide behind the lie of 'im okay'

 

[caluski]

i think everything else couldve been much worse. i couldve been unemployed for far longer, i couldve ran out of money way sooner, i couldve became homeless and spiraled into addictions and such. all that stuff. but with loneliness........ in the end, its strangely comforting to think that it was really all there could be. i thought about it during my walk... and you know, while im not much better yet - i still only really talk to people at work about work things - at least i can open my mouth and hear my own voice, speaking. because having like.. no one, absolutely no one to talk to, being completely silent for days, its so horrifying.

at some point, i think it must have been december, maybe late november, i couldnt even bring myself to talk without breaking down in tears. it all feels a little foggy, now, blurred into one, but talking to myself, trying to sing on my own, anything, it felt like nothing, except for maybe trying to not let my throat go rusty. i cant even tell anymore whether i went insane or not, whether my family really couldnt tell just how desperate i was to talk to someone, to speak, like about anything, anything at all. and other than blaming myself for most of how it ended up being, i think the resentment for everyone choosing to leave me on my own will linger over my heart for a very long time. i literally openly begged people to talk to me, to see me, whenever, wherever, and yet... i cant blame anyone for not wanting to be around someone whos constantly suicidal, but i still thought that there would be at least one person who'd choose to stay and wait it out with me. i wish things were different. i know i shouldnt be surprised that no one waited for me, as life goes on and people move past you, especially if their feelings for you were never really strong to begin with... but man. i cant even really count posting on tumblr as talking - after all, most of the time, i am just here talking about myself, to myself, and im aware of that. just screaming out a million times i wanna die, i wanna die, i wanna die, doesnt exactly count as conversation. it only really felt like writing out messages on the walls of an abandoned building, where you kinda hope someone will come across it and read it... but also, its not like they'll seek you out to save you, no matter how desperate you get. more likely is that they'll nod at it and go, "oh, big mood" and keep walking.

i wish it was already over. i wish i could find.. maybe not even "new friends" or whatever, but something to ease my mind with, to help me shift focus on something useful. its really hard to motivate yourself to do anything, when youre depressed. even now, i feel like work is really draining me... i can only pray that i will find motivation in me sometime soon, or this wont end well either. sorry this isnt very optimistic of me. i dont know where i was going with this one either. i think i should just go back to work now

[thesundrop]

I‘m afraid you need to face the truth. Without a clique of popular blogs promoting you, your writing is doomed not to be noticed. It‘s the exact same for me. I see fics getting hundreds, sometimes thousands of notes though the writing or storytelling is often only subpar (not always tho, many great writers out there too) just because the muns are super active on the dash all the time and thus, have a huge following. (Or don’t reblog other writers’ stuff out of principle bc they don’t wanna share the spotlight.) Sucking it up to them might work, but it’s just so exhausting to fake, isn’t it? I wish I could tell you better news my friend. I’m sorry. It’s always the same for us small writing blogs. Hugs.

I've had this in my inbox for a while and I kept forgetting about answering. Genuinely though you are so right. It feels like if you're not consistently putting out stuff you don't even have to start because people will not give you the time of day. But it's hard when you're working a full time job.

Then when I do have the time to sit down and write quite honestly all the passion and love I have for it evaporates when I think about the fact that more likely than not it will not get more than 10 notes (2 of which are from me timezone reblogging and one is @lovelylittlebarnes pitty reblogging to help me out cause shes my ride or die).

It's so hard getting into a fandom writing space now and It didnt used to be. Everyone used to be so welcoming and now it's all so competitive and quick. If you're not hitting that one fic at the right time earning a base following and putting you on the radar then you can pretty much forget about it.

And the whole "you write for yourself" stuff is absolute bullshit too. Stories are meant to be shared and interacted with. If I did it for myself only, I wouldnt need to be on tumblr. Stories are a social thing.

I also feel like people just dont browse the tags anymore. They find one or two big blogs to follow and then rely on those to churn out content or reccomend them (their friends blogs) stories.

You are so right though, sucking up to big blogs sounds exhausting and quite frankly I dont have the time either. It's hard enough holding up my actual friendships 😅

I'm just grieving how it used to be a community instead of a popularity contest.

Hey if you wanna come of anon and talk to me feel free to do so, I'd love to read your works and support you in any way possible. ❤

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Which brushes do you use for CSP 😳??

oh i always dreaded this question lmao-

ill be honest and clear cut with yall~

✨I have no idea✨

//wHEEze-

ok lemme explain, [tho if you dont wanna read all this just skip to the images in the end that i posted of my dumb self made and modified brushes] i have always used different mediums in my art~ ive used SAI, Gimp 2, CSP and occasionally Photoshop for the effects, filters and some brushes~ and i almost never remember where i downloaded them from because, first off, they were free anyway and i also almost always change them to fit my style beyond recognition to how they originally looked by default XDDD

MOST of my work is usually with SAI with almost the only brush i use in general for everything [ Inking, Coloring the edges, Shading, Lighting, and most other hand drawn shapes and hatching and etc ] is used with these settings. i never change it because i had years of experimenting to finally be comfortable with these and i will die a painful death if anything happens to my laptop before i could save these settings so i keep it in my art files just in case lmao~ [i do NOT like change and trying new stuff is2g i need therapy-]

HOWEVER when it comes to CSP i have had..... very depressing progress yay :D ... SAI in my experience has been a bit sucky in being able to handle large sizes and layers or anything else and having the possibility of crashing but the way it makes some things easy has been a MIRACLE for my lazy ass, i might have given up art before i ever even started if SAI didn't exist, but as how all EASY things usually are they start lacking in variety after a while, and i realized since one of my friends had bought me a CSP a long time ago, heck i might as well use it and oh my GOD the anxiety it induced ended me up with an IV and several trips to the hospital for injections to calm me down [and potentially temporarily blinding me] im not even joking. i mean yeah i was going through stuff back then that did NOT help my situation in general but the fact that CSP doubled my anxiety cuz i just couldn't draw with it made me have several existential breakdowns where i thought i will never be able to improve my art as a self proclaimed artist anymore because i had gotten so used to only working with what i found PERFECTLY comfortable to my own tastes that im just useless at getting used to anything else... so what happened was that i went on the most violent weekly spree of downloading any brush i could that even resembled REMOTELY to what i wanted- i also searched for brushes on tumblr or google or anywhere else- i watched so many CSP transition videos on youtube my brain was spinning and i was on a rout of self destructive agony to make this WORK. so now i have a bajillion downloaded brushes and all of them have spawned 20 other copies that i have aggressively modified beyond any sort of resemblance to what they used to be- it doesn't help that the file names and the brush names are different so i cant search for them either 😑

but if the brush names could help you in finding them uhhh, heres like.... 1/10th of the brushes i downloaded and modified that i actually did NOT go back and delete because they are fun to have around XD

have fun, //goes to cry in a corner-

[solongm8]

my swan song 4 u. - do not read this if you do not care. (skip to ***)

this is going to be the worst thing I have done in a while but I am doing it because this is my page and I need to.

my chest hurts. my shoulders hurt and my heart hurts. sometimes.

mental. I wanted to pre write this to make it good but I literally cba because I am in dick mode and I dont get that a lot now I'm chill so I gotta role with it.

apologies aside I'm so fucking mad.

I have loved you since I was 17, I have never stopped. I do not know how to. this year it was like I accepted it as a fact, it's always going to be so fuck it I've gotta go next step. and I don't know why I always felt you were still here. because you're not. you haven't been and I've tried and maybe it's shit in your head but it shouldn't be this hard to just have a conversation.

why I always gotta look soft as fuck. I dunno half time what I was thinking when I wasn't cause it's weak as fuck begging after a bird.

but you ain't a bird are you, well you wasn't but if i'm getting anywhere in my one stupid life I've gotta make you such.

and I'd feel more restraint if you hadn't said yes. if you'd hadn't hey'd me after ages. I get the hook and bait game but I always rate you higher than that shit, I never thought it was necessary.

and it's okay if you changed your mind, but you leave it open without any real desire and that is cruel. audacity! nah man you ain't in my head daily (you are but not in this sense) used to be a pleasure cause it didn't consume me like now, I guess there didn't feel hope for ages. I said I'd never try until I felt like me again and that took longer than I expected and then i do sort of so i thought yes or no and you didn't say no. I don't know what I was expecting if it happened that's the mad thing. I would've 100% rolled with it and either died or died. but that's expected and then you push past.

this character roulette is mad fun, I thought I could snap out of most of it but apparently it is just me.

there's all this mad psychology around now that really helps you understand shit and I still stand there at the door, sword in hand, like 'nah not this one' that's stupid kid shit but I will die by this sword.

it is and was what it is for me. it was the greatest journey I have ever experienced, I feel very full circle now we have the round numbers and new decades and it all feels kinda okay.

I'm still mad as fuck. because we should've been. I don't care, I would've made it. I know that now but this is just one of those stories for me.

and my life is full of them I just forget to look cause I dedicated myself literally with my mouldy brain to you and my word is stupidly strong.

you think fucking hypocrite aye, maybe you no read anymore but I doubt that.

there is so much sense that's never been said

I wanna tell you about the bird at work because it's a madness and it's really opened my eyes to whatever reality I was in. but we are not friends. I am a bit slow now cause my brain foggy as fuck (but it's funny) and I get that now, a few day late.

I really wanted to be by the way. I understand a lot of this neuro shit now, favorite people, and you were always my first real one. I could've been your friend, probably really shit but I'd have done that to have you again. oh how noble. no but you know how I mean. or maybe you don't. and this is the point.

what was that connection. is your brain funny too. or your brain no longer understands my brain. I don't really wanna pop that one.

im real sad you won't let me back in, that is my honest feeling but I cannot begrudge you for that.

I think I've gotten to that stage in my head where I can make everything happen how I want it I thought this would just fall in how it should too. even tho it never has it still felt on the table

you'd let me be whatever you needed me to be and I'll spend the rest of that time knowing it's better than ten year without.

time is supposed to heal old wounds or so someone said so we say it but I think it just helps the scab and I'm a prick so I'll just keep ripping it off for the pleasure of the pain.

***I asked my work friend how do you stop and she said you have to block on everything but I am not strong enough to do that because I know I will unblock like I have done time and time again. and there are nearly 19,000 post on here and I want to get to 20,000 for the shits n gigz but I need to do that without thinking what do you think.

and I already said, I simply cannot unlove you.

I remember how sweet you always was (you know you are), your voice kills me when I hear it, I don't get it. I hate how much it cuts me, I wanna pretend it don't but I know it all does. but I could get over it if I faced it.

I just really wanted it all to mean something. I know I got so much twisted and it's deep mental shit but it was still so real and magical and I don't think that has to be a bad thing. I get to keep that and it gets to mean a lot and I'll tell the boys someday and it'll help me so much when it comes to their first loves and that is a blessing. because it is real life for me. I have confronted it now, I have made lots of sense.

I don't care by the way, I'll cross it all out and jump back in anyday and that is the problem because that is also the truth because for me it's the best place I ever been. but that's not where this has headed this year and like I said I ain't no soft lad. this life has made me hard and ill melt for you anytime but I just can't. I like facts. it makes it easier cause I got seriously stupid or I play stupid or I am stupid or I just don't give a fuck. nothing is real. mental I've got two kids and shit don't seem real. I think it's this world and that I want to be here and I'd merge but I really should be focusing on them. don't think I can really do both cause my head's in the clouds too much. and favourite people and all that shit.

this is my swan song and it's straight to type. imagine this on messenger lol nah that's why it's here so I can blag it's indirect but it ain't. we know it ain't.

I'm just mad tired - bit of both but I'm trying I think and if I am then I gotta respect that

If you've read this far then you've gotta do me the worst solid and do what I cannot do. (I don't want you to) but I'm always gonna come here when I need something and I can put it down for a bit and time will pass but I'll come back because I will always want you. It's just a fact. maybe that's what doesn't make it real. I just know me now.

you definitely captivated me in ways that no one else has ever seemed to do. I tell myself it's the limerence and how it works but I dunno it felt so real back then I think it's just what it was. it was you, my favourite personality to reflect, your way of thinking, your wit, your pedestal for yourself, I have been married for 8 year and it still feels like it's in brackets. and I've concluded it to timelines and unfairness and classic bullshit but it's probably not right and I don't wanna talk about both here but i am actually quite a decent person with morals and shit or i think I'm roleplaying well enough.

I dunno it's very stretchy and I turned 30 and shit just changed in my head lifewise and I just started questioning and standing up and it got interesting and you're my last obstacle I must tackle from these old hooks to really be free to be this version of myself.

'i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you'

I wanna know your life, I want you to want to be happy. I just wanna frigging look at you one more time. and then probably another time after that and it doesn't even have to be deep. Id calm down eventually, I've been practicing.

anyway that again has headed in the wrong direction and this will continue to do so because I am a bellend so that's it. my swan song.

either or

I really do hope you had a lovely day and this life is what you deserve because I am pretty special and I think you are really special.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx